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1
00:00:22,041 --> 00:00:23,916
Fucking holidays.
2
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,125
Hmm.
3
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,458
Merry Christmas.
4
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,916
Ah! This is what you wear
to Christmas dinner?
5
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,000
Don't you even own a dress?
6
00:00:46,083 --> 00:00:47,666
I'm great, Mom. Thanks.
7
00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:49,500
House looks beautiful.
8
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,416
Well, your Aunt Susan
brought at-the-mall-Santa home.
9
00:00:53,416 --> 00:00:55,541
And your nephew just pooped in the manger.
10
00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:57,375
Ugh. It was a tiny poop,
11
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,416
and he moved the baby Jesus first.
12
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:00,750
- Hi.
- Hi.
13
00:01:00,833 --> 00:01:02,125
Merry Christmas.
14
00:01:02,208 --> 00:01:03,833
- Gingerbread elf?
- Oh!
15
00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:05,541
- Wow.
- Hey.
16
00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:08,083
Um, Rodney said you didn't call him.
17
00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:10,750
I'm sorry,
but I cannot date a professional clown.
18
00:01:10,833 --> 00:01:11,666
I'd never sleep.
19
00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:14,916
Jesus, Sloane, it's been six months.
You gotta get back out there.
20
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,666
How does she expect to meet anybody
21
00:01:16,750 --> 00:01:19,166
when she sits around the house
wearing pajamas?
22
00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:20,958
It's called working remote, Mother.
23
00:01:21,041 --> 00:01:24,250
My boss doesn't care what I wear
as long as I meet my quota.
24
00:01:24,333 --> 00:01:27,875
He does, however, request that my mother
stop FaceTiming me during business hours.
25
00:01:27,958 --> 00:01:29,916
You're not still smoking, are you?
26
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,416
Uh... No, Mom. I'm not still smoking.
27
00:01:32,833 --> 00:01:34,458
I had a smoky Uber.
28
00:01:34,541 --> 00:01:37,000
Well, I know the holidays
can be stressful,
29
00:01:37,083 --> 00:01:39,750
but no man wants to marry a smoker...
30
00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:42,791
who lies.
31
00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:47,208
Well, no man wants a bitchy mother-in-law.
32
00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:49,041
So, I guess that's three strikes.
33
00:01:51,125 --> 00:01:52,458
Woo-hoo hoo-hoo!
34
00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:55,125
You know it's a holiday
when my sister shows up alone.
35
00:01:55,208 --> 00:01:57,458
- Don't rub it in. She's obviously sad.
- Stop it.
36
00:01:57,541 --> 00:01:58,750
I'm not sad.
37
00:01:58,833 --> 00:02:00,541
Are you sure? You look really sad.
38
00:02:00,625 --> 00:02:01,458
Uh-uh.
39
00:02:01,666 --> 00:02:02,666
I'm not sad.
40
00:02:02,750 --> 00:02:06,291
Boom! One sanitized manger.
41
00:02:06,375 --> 00:02:08,250
Aw, Sloane.
42
00:02:09,291 --> 00:02:10,458
You didn't call Rodney?
43
00:02:13,458 --> 00:02:14,541
Isn't he great?
44
00:02:14,625 --> 00:02:16,541
- Hmm.
- I met him at the mall.
45
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:20,250
You'd be surprised at the quality of men
you can meet at the mall.
46
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:23,000
I don't think I would actually.
47
00:02:23,083 --> 00:02:23,916
Relax.
48
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,333
It's not like I'm going to marry him.
49
00:02:26,958 --> 00:02:28,333
He's just my holidate.
50
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:29,958
A "holidate"?
51
00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:32,291
You know, a date solely for the holiday.
52
00:02:32,625 --> 00:02:33,458
No commitment.
53
00:02:34,708 --> 00:02:36,416
Want me to see if he has a friend?
54
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:49,125
Don't be nervous.
They'll love you.
55
00:02:49,208 --> 00:02:52,125
Your parents know
this is only our third date, right?
56
00:02:52,208 --> 00:02:53,583
Oh, my God. It's not a big deal.
57
00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:55,583
Actually,
I don't think they know you're coming.
58
00:02:55,666 --> 00:02:58,958
- Hi! Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!
59
00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:03,125
Oh, and you must be Jackson.
60
00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:05,875
You're even more handsome
than in the pictures.
61
00:03:07,458 --> 00:03:08,375
Pictures?
62
00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:13,625
Oh, and her first time on Santa's lap.
63
00:03:13,708 --> 00:03:17,708
She peed right through to Santa's leg.
64
00:03:18,125 --> 00:03:21,625
Ah, first ballet recital and...
65
00:03:21,708 --> 00:03:22,583
Oh!
66
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,333
This is the day she got her first period.
67
00:03:26,125 --> 00:03:27,125
Charming.
68
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,166
Oh, and this one...
69
00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:32,916
was for Little Miss Evanston.
70
00:03:36,833 --> 00:03:37,916
You should know,
71
00:03:40,083 --> 00:03:42,750
Carly's father and I
are perfectly comfortable
72
00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:44,916
with you two sleeping together in here.
73
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:47,916
Oh, no. It's fine.
74
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,625
I won't be staying over.
75
00:03:49,708 --> 00:03:51,333
Nonsense.
76
00:03:51,416 --> 00:03:53,125
You're practically family.
77
00:04:01,625 --> 00:04:02,625
Fuck am I?
78
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,291
- Sloane.
- Yeah?
79
00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:13,666
Stop being a baby. We can put the leaf in.
80
00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:16,208
No, thank you.
I prefer the singles table.
81
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:21,166
All right, kids, let's check on presents.
Come on. Let's go.
82
00:04:22,041 --> 00:04:22,875
So...
83
00:04:23,583 --> 00:04:26,500
Aunt Sloane, why didn't you call Rodney?
84
00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:29,041
Why didn't you call Rodney?
85
00:04:29,125 --> 00:04:30,916
Because I already have a boyfriend.
86
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,458
His name is Levi,
87
00:04:32,541 --> 00:04:35,666
and he shares his juice box with me
every day at recess.
88
00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:38,250
Good for you, Daisy.
89
00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:40,208
You enjoy it while you can,
90
00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:42,791
because one day you are gonna
walk outside,
91
00:04:42,875 --> 00:04:45,416
and you're gonna catch Levi
sharing his juice box
92
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,583
with a Starbucks barista named "Rainbow."
93
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,291
Yeah, it's not a good day, Daisy.
94
00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:51,500
It hurts.
95
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:52,625
It hardens you.
96
00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:54,750
And the next thing you know,
97
00:04:54,833 --> 00:04:56,083
you're just south of 30,
98
00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:59,083
sitting at the kids table,
numbing the pain with a vodka.
99
00:05:00,666 --> 00:05:02,541
God, my parents love you!
100
00:05:02,625 --> 00:05:04,583
What the hell is wrong with you?
You told them...
101
00:05:04,666 --> 00:05:07,250
- You told your parents we're a couple?
- Oh, come on.
102
00:05:07,958 --> 00:05:09,500
You know you like me.
103
00:05:09,583 --> 00:05:12,083
You wouldn't be here on a major holiday
104
00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:14,416
- if you didn't like me.
- I...
105
00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,958
A Clapper?
106
00:05:17,041 --> 00:05:18,958
Look, I told you
my parents are in Australia.
107
00:05:19,041 --> 00:05:20,791
I didn't have any other...
108
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:23,833
...plans.
109
00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:28,833
Ooh!
110
00:05:29,125 --> 00:05:31,041
- Hey!
- Ah!
111
00:05:31,375 --> 00:05:32,708
- Pajamas.
- Yes!
112
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:37,166
I thought they were so cute and cozy
for, like, a girl's night in.
113
00:05:40,875 --> 00:05:42,083
Hey!
114
00:05:43,791 --> 00:05:46,000
- Pants.
- They're khakis!
115
00:05:46,916 --> 00:05:49,083
Because golfers love khakis, right?
116
00:05:49,166 --> 00:05:51,958
I didn't know the size so I got three,
but you can exchange them.
117
00:05:52,708 --> 00:05:53,625
Pants...
118
00:05:54,083 --> 00:05:56,041
and a project.
119
00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:57,208
Thanks!
120
00:06:05,166 --> 00:06:06,916
I'm sorry. I really didn't...
121
00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:09,666
think we're doing the whole present thing.
122
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:11,666
Why would you think that?
123
00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:16,083
Because you said we're not doing
the whole present thing.
124
00:06:17,208 --> 00:06:18,041
Oh!
125
00:06:19,791 --> 00:06:22,875
I see. So, you know me well enough
to cum in my mouth,
126
00:06:22,958 --> 00:06:25,583
but you don't know me well enough
to get me a Christmas present?
127
00:06:25,916 --> 00:06:27,125
I...
128
00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:30,875
I could give you some cash.
I've got, what...
129
00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:33,583
What have I got left? Forty bucks?
130
00:06:34,083 --> 00:06:35,166
Forty bucks?
131
00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:37,750
What am I, a prostitute?
132
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:39,916
No! God, no!
133
00:06:40,041 --> 00:06:41,625
Absolutely not. What the...
134
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:43,416
I'll take 80.
135
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,333
I'm not giving you $80.
136
00:06:47,833 --> 00:06:50,291
But we had sex, Jackson! Twice!
137
00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:54,208
I cannot believe that you didn't
get me a Christmas present!
138
00:06:54,291 --> 00:06:55,583
I can't believe
139
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:58,500
that you'd ambush me like this
in front of your parents!
140
00:06:58,583 --> 00:07:01,166
Actually, you know what? I can.
141
00:07:01,666 --> 00:07:04,208
'Cause chicks go mental on the holidays.
142
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,500
Lovely evening, guys. Beautiful dinner.
Have a merry Christmas.
143
00:07:18,166 --> 00:07:19,166
Cheers.
144
00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:23,333
Could I have everyone's attention?
145
00:07:24,291 --> 00:07:26,166
There's something that I need to say.
146
00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:27,500
Who wants dessert?
147
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:29,708
Oh!
148
00:07:30,875 --> 00:07:31,708
Oh!
149
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:34,166
Elizabeth Kimberly Chen...
150
00:07:35,125 --> 00:07:36,375
Fuck no.
151
00:07:36,833 --> 00:07:38,833
I know it's been only been three months
152
00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:40,333
and six heavenly days,
153
00:07:40,916 --> 00:07:43,250
but I feel like I've known you
my entire life.
154
00:07:43,875 --> 00:07:46,125
Will you make me
the happiest man in the world
155
00:07:46,625 --> 00:07:47,541
and marry me?
156
00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:49,250
Oh, my gosh!
157
00:07:49,708 --> 00:07:50,541
Yes!
158
00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:51,708
Yes, I'll marry you!
159
00:07:51,791 --> 00:07:54,166
- Two down, one to go!
- Congratulations.
160
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:56,375
- Best Christmas ever!
- Yes!
161
00:07:58,750 --> 00:08:01,500
Wow, this is... awesome.
162
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:04,166
My little brother getting married.
163
00:08:06,958 --> 00:08:08,000
Wow! I just...
164
00:08:09,250 --> 00:08:10,875
love these pajamas.
165
00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:17,083
- What's the hold up?
- This is ridiculous.
166
00:08:17,208 --> 00:08:19,958
I've been in line
over half an hour. Please...
167
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:23,125
I'm sorry, without a gift receipt
I can only offer you a store credit.
168
00:08:23,541 --> 00:08:25,333
I don't want a store credit.
169
00:08:25,791 --> 00:08:28,166
I want to never have to return
to this store.
170
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:31,833
We have some really cute stuff.
Have you tried our authentic skinny jeans?
171
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:33,333
Excuse me!
172
00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:34,666
Come on, dude!
173
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:35,916
Crocodile Dundee,
174
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,708
some of us have jobs.
175
00:08:37,791 --> 00:08:39,041
Dundee. Original.
176
00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:42,291
Hang on. What makes you think
I don't have a job?
177
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:45,125
You're at the mall on a Wednesday
178
00:08:45,208 --> 00:08:46,708
returning slacker pants.
179
00:08:46,791 --> 00:08:49,541
Uh... These happen to be khakis.
180
00:08:49,625 --> 00:08:52,500
Lots of employed people wear khaki pants.
181
00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:55,250
Hopefully, you mean khakis
and still don't care.
182
00:08:55,708 --> 00:08:57,833
Hi, there. I just have a quick return.
183
00:08:57,916 --> 00:08:58,750
Hey!
184
00:08:58,833 --> 00:09:01,125
- Receipt?
- They didn't come with a receipt.
185
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,666
Just the assumption
that I would be alone forever
186
00:09:03,750 --> 00:09:07,416
and, apparently, gorge myself
into the size of a lumberjack.
187
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,958
Nailed it.
188
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:13,375
You know what?
My Christmas already sucked.
189
00:09:13,458 --> 00:09:16,125
So, you can go "nail it" somewhere else.
190
00:09:16,208 --> 00:09:17,833
Uh, I need to go check on these.
191
00:09:21,208 --> 00:09:24,916
I'll give you 40 bucks for those khakis,
and a Fresh Pretzel, two-for-one.
192
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,666
This is like 80 bucks worth of pants.
193
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:28,583
No deal.
194
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,750
Hey, if it's any consolation,
195
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:38,291
I spent my holiday
in an ugly Christmas sweater,
196
00:09:38,791 --> 00:09:42,375
sipping mocktails with a room
full of people who I think were in a cult.
197
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,500
I'll see your ugly Christmas sweater,
198
00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:48,125
and raise you a seat at the kids table,
199
00:09:48,208 --> 00:09:49,958
my little brother getting engaged,
200
00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:52,958
and catching my aunt
getting her cookie licked by a mall Santa.
201
00:09:53,041 --> 00:09:55,625
That's a... festive visual.
202
00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:58,125
Seared into my brain like a bad tattoo.
203
00:09:58,208 --> 00:09:59,541
I got a bad tattoo once.
204
00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:06,208
Is that... Matt Lauer?
205
00:10:06,791 --> 00:10:08,916
I was a really big fan of the Today Show.
206
00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:12,875
Sorry, these are from two seasons ago.
207
00:10:12,958 --> 00:10:15,375
I can offer you a store credit
208
00:10:15,458 --> 00:10:17,333
at the current sales price of...
209
00:10:17,916 --> 00:10:20,000
$4.99!
210
00:10:22,291 --> 00:10:23,375
$4.99?
211
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:26,333
Four dollars and ninety-nine cents.
212
00:10:26,416 --> 00:10:28,791
My sister has become so cheap
since having kids.
213
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:32,083
It'd be really cute if you
cut off the legs, like capri pants.
214
00:10:34,458 --> 00:10:35,875
Fifty bucks for everything.
215
00:10:35,958 --> 00:10:37,708
- Hey!
- Like you're making capri pants.
216
00:10:37,791 --> 00:10:38,958
I might.
217
00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:40,250
I have a crafty side.
218
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:41,416
Okay.
219
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:42,333
Forty.
220
00:10:42,791 --> 00:10:43,791
Forty-five!
221
00:10:44,375 --> 00:10:45,875
And the pretzels, two-for-one.
222
00:10:47,291 --> 00:10:49,291
- You don't want any?
- I don't eat that crap.
223
00:10:49,375 --> 00:10:51,833
- Do you know what that does to your body?
- Yeah.
224
00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:54,333
It fills me with warm,
delicious happiness.
225
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,166
Like Christmas used to,
before I realized Santa was a big scam.
226
00:10:58,250 --> 00:10:59,083
Yeah.
227
00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:01,375
Christmas peaked for me at about ten.
228
00:11:01,458 --> 00:11:04,708
I got a surfboard
and my first complete set of golf clubs.
229
00:11:04,791 --> 00:11:05,708
Hmm.
230
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,458
- It was good.
- My best Christmas...
231
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,958
was a Barbie Dream House, preassembled,
232
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:14,416
and a ventriloquist puppet named Lester.
233
00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:16,791
He looked like Jaleel White.
234
00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:17,708
Hmm?
235
00:11:18,208 --> 00:11:19,875
I sort of had a thing for Urkel.
236
00:11:19,958 --> 00:11:22,250
I spent months learning to throw my voice.
237
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:24,291
- Well, come on, let's hear it.
- No.
238
00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:26,916
Excuse me. I bought you a free pretzel.
239
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,250
So, you owe me an Urkel.
240
00:11:29,666 --> 00:11:30,500
Come on.
241
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:32,291
Come on.
242
00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:35,833
Did I do that?
243
00:11:37,375 --> 00:11:39,125
Did I do that?
244
00:11:39,208 --> 00:11:40,250
Nice.
245
00:11:40,958 --> 00:11:43,875
- What happened to Lester?
- Oh, he sleeps with me every night.
246
00:11:43,958 --> 00:11:44,958
What?
247
00:11:45,583 --> 00:11:47,166
Hey, Sloane!
248
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,291
Oh, God! Oh, God!
249
00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:52,750
Is that an ex-boyfriend of yours
or something?
250
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:55,958
No! That is the guy my aunt
brought home for Christmas.
251
00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:58,083
That's the cookie licker?
252
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,250
Tell your Aunt Susan to call me!
253
00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:02,000
He was her holidate.
254
00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:03,458
Wait. What's a holidate?
255
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:06,333
Just some guy she picked up at the mall
to spend Christmas with.
256
00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:09,958
Wait, just Christmas or all holidays?
257
00:12:10,041 --> 00:12:11,416
Easter, New Year's...
258
00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:14,000
She's an equal opportunity holi-dater.
259
00:12:14,416 --> 00:12:16,458
That's what I need for New Year's Eve.
260
00:12:16,541 --> 00:12:19,125
You can try, but this late in the game,
he's probably booked.
261
00:12:19,208 --> 00:12:23,125
No. Seriously, I am done
casually dating on the holidays.
262
00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:25,083
There's way too much pressure.
It's ridiculous.
263
00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:27,750
I always end up being the asshole
at the end of the day, anyway.
264
00:12:27,833 --> 00:12:31,083
Yeah? Well, try being the only
single person left in your family.
265
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,500
Every time I walk into a room,
266
00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:35,583
I'm showered in a sea of pity
and sad glances.
267
00:12:35,666 --> 00:12:38,791
I mean, why is everyone so suspicious
of a happy, single woman?
268
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:40,750
Because you're obviously not happy.
269
00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:42,625
Yes, I am.
270
00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:44,083
Hmm... Happy.
271
00:12:44,708 --> 00:12:45,541
No, you're not.
272
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:49,208
Human beings aren't meant to be alone
on the holidays.
273
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:51,166
We actually need
274
00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:52,666
warmth,
275
00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:54,333
companionship,
276
00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:57,750
and someone
to drunk-mock strangers with at parties.
277
00:12:58,666 --> 00:13:01,541
I do enjoy
drunk-mocking strangers at parties.
278
00:13:02,125 --> 00:13:05,500
Well, then, this is perfect! We can be
each other's holidate for New Year's Eve.
279
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:07,333
I don't even know you, so...
280
00:13:07,416 --> 00:13:09,750
Yeah, well, that's what makes it perfect.
281
00:13:09,833 --> 00:13:12,791
'Cause there's no pressure.
There's no expectations.
282
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:16,000
I mean... I don't even think
I find you that attractive.
283
00:13:17,041 --> 00:13:18,416
Wow! Calm down with the flattery.
284
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:21,166
Not that you're not attractive.
It's just that maybe...
285
00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:22,916
you're not that attractive to me.
286
00:13:24,583 --> 00:13:25,416
Goodbye!
287
00:13:26,833 --> 00:13:32,208
Okay, wait a second. You just said
that you're tired of all the sad glances
288
00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:34,625
- and looking pathetic.
- "Pity," not "pathetic."
289
00:13:34,708 --> 00:13:36,208
Okay, tomato, tomato.
290
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,958
I've got tickets to the Skyfall party.
291
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:40,250
- Wait, really?
- Yeah.
292
00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:41,666
That's such a fun party.
293
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:43,833
- Oh, come on, then say yes.
- Ugh!
294
00:13:43,916 --> 00:13:45,291
I just wanna go.
295
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,625
I wanna relax, have a few drinks.
296
00:13:47,708 --> 00:13:49,416
Not worry about my date
297
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:52,500
going batshit
if I don't drop a knee at midnight.
298
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,083
What makes you sure I'm not batshit?
299
00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:58,125
You had me at Lester.
300
00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:01,416
I'm Jackson, by the way.
301
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,000
Sloane.
302
00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:04,833
Nice to meet you, Sloane.
303
00:14:04,916 --> 00:14:06,625
Here are my details.
304
00:14:07,625 --> 00:14:08,500
"Golf pro?"
305
00:14:09,541 --> 00:14:10,666
What's your real job?
306
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,375
Just think about it and text me.
307
00:14:13,916 --> 00:14:15,541
Not texting you, Tiger Woods.
308
00:14:16,041 --> 00:14:18,125
- Think about it.
- Not texting you!
309
00:14:18,208 --> 00:14:19,458
Just send me a text.
310
00:14:20,208 --> 00:14:21,958
Uh... I'm almost finished.
311
00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:25,708
We are right on target
for queue three, and...
312
00:14:28,125 --> 00:14:31,291
I'll have those numbers
teed up first thing in the morning.
313
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,083
I'm sorry. Can I...
314
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:35,833
call you back?
315
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:37,166
Yeah.
316
00:14:37,958 --> 00:14:39,375
Mom, I'm working!
317
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:41,208
That's what you wear to work?
318
00:14:41,625 --> 00:14:43,541
You could at least put on a nice top.
319
00:14:44,041 --> 00:14:46,083
Honey, I want you to meet someone.
320
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,750
This my new neighbor, Faarooq.
321
00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:52,833
- Hello.- Faarooq is a doctor,
322
00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:53,833
and he's single.
323
00:14:54,958 --> 00:14:57,083
She's much prettier with makeup.
324
00:14:57,166 --> 00:14:58,333
I'm wearing makeup!
325
00:14:58,708 --> 00:15:01,958
- Faarooq is free on New Year's...
- Goodbye, Mother.
326
00:15:02,041 --> 00:15:03,666
And so, I thought that...
327
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,458
Almost got me
on that one. No.
328
00:15:19,541 --> 00:15:21,041
Nope! Okay.
329
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:22,541
Eh... nope.
330
00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:24,333
Maybe!
331
00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:25,416
No.
332
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:27,041
Uh-uh. Mm.
333
00:15:27,541 --> 00:15:29,291
How do you say "no" in Italian?
334
00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:30,541
"No, grazie."
335
00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:34,041
Nah. Oh. Oh!
336
00:15:34,125 --> 00:15:35,916
She is fine!
337
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,708
And she got a little baby goat!
338
00:15:37,791 --> 00:15:40,166
Didn't you hook up with her
last month at the pro-am?
339
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:42,208
Didn't you?
340
00:15:45,666 --> 00:15:47,958
Oh, I did!
341
00:15:48,041 --> 00:15:49,958
She must've left the goat at home.
342
00:15:50,041 --> 00:15:53,250
- I should give her a call...
- Why are you using my account anyway?
343
00:15:53,416 --> 00:15:54,458
Because I told you,
344
00:15:54,541 --> 00:15:57,708
I have some obsessive exes
that just can't get rid of this.
345
00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:00,166
- Okay?
- Know what the problem is with girls?
346
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,250
They got these crazy eyes, right?
347
00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:05,500
They're real,
and... I don't need a real girl.
348
00:16:06,583 --> 00:16:08,750
- I need a holidate.
- You said a what-a-date?
349
00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:12,500
Hello?
350
00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:18,750
I thought I said text me, not call me.
351
00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:20,750
What's "holidate"?
352
00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:22,750
Is that a new app I need to download?
353
00:16:23,125 --> 00:16:24,333
I cannot keep up.
354
00:16:31,375 --> 00:16:33,375
I think the leather-vest-mate's up now.
355
00:16:33,458 --> 00:16:35,375
Oh, okay, he's an options trader.
356
00:16:35,458 --> 00:16:37,458
Divorced. Two kids at Northwestern.
357
00:16:37,958 --> 00:16:41,541
She was his decorator on the new condo,
358
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:44,625
- hoping to be wife number three.
- Very good. Very good.
359
00:16:46,083 --> 00:16:48,083
Ooh, uh, white satin ruffles.
360
00:16:48,166 --> 00:16:49,250
Rented tuxedo.
361
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,500
He's just drenched in sweat.
362
00:16:51,583 --> 00:16:54,041
They are definitely getting engaged
at midnight.
363
00:16:55,791 --> 00:16:56,875
Wow.
364
00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,666
- You're good.
- It's a gift.
365
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:04,916
By the way, your tits
look exceptional in that dress.
366
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,791
Thanks. That's why I bought it.
367
00:17:06,875 --> 00:17:09,041
Love the way it hugs
your ass, too.
368
00:17:09,541 --> 00:17:11,166
That's really sweet of you to notice.
369
00:17:11,250 --> 00:17:12,791
This is great.
370
00:17:12,875 --> 00:17:14,708
I love it. I just can say whatever I want
371
00:17:14,791 --> 00:17:17,000
'cause I don't care
if you think I'm a classy guy or not.
372
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:20,500
And I can wear a slutty dress
and not worry about being slut-shamed.
373
00:17:20,583 --> 00:17:21,541
What a holidate bonus.
374
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:22,458
Hmm.
375
00:17:24,458 --> 00:17:25,416
Ooh.
376
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:28,750
Okay, so he is
a sexually confused art student
377
00:17:29,208 --> 00:17:30,458
with mommy issues.
378
00:17:30,541 --> 00:17:31,833
And she's a wealthy widow
379
00:17:31,916 --> 00:17:34,083
with a taste for bondage.
380
00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:35,166
Aunt Susan?
381
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:36,833
Sloane!
382
00:17:36,916 --> 00:17:38,666
- Hi.
- Hi.
383
00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:40,791
- Oh, baby.
- Wow.
384
00:17:40,875 --> 00:17:43,666
Your tits look great in that dress.
385
00:17:43,750 --> 00:17:44,916
That's what I said.
386
00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:46,916
This is... Ronnie.
387
00:17:47,958 --> 00:17:48,791
Robert.
388
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:50,416
- Hello.
- Hi.
389
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:51,916
We met at the Art Institute.
390
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,041
I was a nude model
for his figure sculpting class.
391
00:17:55,458 --> 00:17:57,875
He made me the most perfect clay clitoris.
392
00:17:58,416 --> 00:18:00,583
Like a butterfly taking flight.
393
00:18:01,583 --> 00:18:03,000
You have to see it.
394
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,375
Pass. Thanks.
395
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:05,833
I'd love to see that.
396
00:18:06,291 --> 00:18:07,416
That can be arranged.
397
00:18:08,333 --> 00:18:10,666
Well, Happy New Year, you kids. Have fun.
398
00:18:12,166 --> 00:18:13,375
Come on, Francois.
399
00:18:13,916 --> 00:18:15,083
Your aunt seems nice.
400
00:18:15,375 --> 00:18:17,458
I need a drink.
401
00:18:20,375 --> 00:18:22,791
There's just no way in hell
her character would ever do that.
402
00:18:22,875 --> 00:18:24,125
Who cares? It was funny.
403
00:18:24,208 --> 00:18:26,000
Uh-uh.
It was cockamamie.
404
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:29,125
I'm sorry,
no one uses that word anymore.
405
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:31,083
Well, it's the only word I know
406
00:18:31,166 --> 00:18:34,083
that accurately describes
every romantic comedy in history.
407
00:18:34,166 --> 00:18:37,250
There's always some fake reason
the stars can't be together
408
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:39,833
when you know they're gonna be together
from the poster.
409
00:18:40,291 --> 00:18:42,041
It's like, "Oh, boo-hoo.
410
00:18:42,125 --> 00:18:43,750
I'm so heartbroken.
411
00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:45,541
Even though you're perfect for me,
412
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,791
I'm taking a break from dating."
413
00:18:47,875 --> 00:18:49,458
I mean, no one is ever...
414
00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:51,916
taking a break from dating!
415
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,083
And let me tell you,
416
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,875
if Ryan Gosling waltzed in here,
417
00:18:54,958 --> 00:18:58,166
picked me up, floated me around
to the theme of Dirty Dancing,
418
00:18:58,250 --> 00:18:59,416
I'm not gonna be like,
419
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:03,000
"Oh, hey, Ryan, buddy, bad timing.
I'm taking a break from dating."
420
00:19:03,083 --> 00:19:05,916
I am jumping on that train.
421
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,625
The Ryan Gosling train.
422
00:19:07,708 --> 00:19:09,500
I'd jump on the Ryan Gosling train.
423
00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:14,041
So, who was this dickhead
that ruined romantic comedies for you?
424
00:19:14,541 --> 00:19:17,583
- I'd rather not go there.
- We're already here.
425
00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:20,666
What's his name? Bill?
426
00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:22,166
Fred?
427
00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:23,708
Carlos?
428
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:26,000
- Juan?
- What?
429
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:27,791
Bob? What?
430
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,166
Luc.
431
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,083
Luc?
432
00:19:32,166 --> 00:19:33,291
Luc.
433
00:19:33,375 --> 00:19:35,125
Oh, he sounds like a wanker.
434
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,083
No.
435
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:38,083
He was handsome,
436
00:19:38,166 --> 00:19:39,416
smart,
437
00:19:39,791 --> 00:19:41,375
French.
438
00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:44,500
He wore these sexy,
little John Lennon glasses.
439
00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:46,750
- Ugh...
- Did triathlons.
440
00:19:47,625 --> 00:19:49,000
Man, he had stamina.
441
00:19:49,375 --> 00:19:51,166
So, what happened?
442
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:52,541
Hmm.
443
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,875
Nothing much.
We just wanted different things.
444
00:19:55,458 --> 00:19:57,791
I wanted someone
to take home for the holidays,
445
00:19:57,875 --> 00:19:59,958
and he wanted to text photos of his cock
446
00:20:00,041 --> 00:20:02,916
to the girl that made
his double macchiato, so... Ha!
447
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:03,958
Ouch.
448
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,500
Well, it was my fault.
449
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,291
He was too hot to be trustworthy.
450
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:12,041
"Always date down."
That's what my sister says.
451
00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:13,833
I didn't listen.
452
00:20:14,583 --> 00:20:15,416
Hmm.
453
00:20:15,958 --> 00:20:17,000
I gotta pee.
454
00:20:22,416 --> 00:20:25,541
Oh, my God.
It looks like I got stabbed.
455
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:26,666
It's just wine.
456
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:30,250
- I can't get engaged wearing this dress!
- It's okay. It's not that bad.
457
00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:32,875
- Yeah. It kind of looks like a flower.
- Right.
458
00:20:33,541 --> 00:20:35,166
A flower of blood.
459
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:36,125
Oh...
460
00:20:37,291 --> 00:20:38,458
I'll trade with you.
461
00:20:40,125 --> 00:20:41,750
Oh, my God.
462
00:20:42,916 --> 00:20:43,791
I'm Carrie.
463
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:46,583
Listen, he loves you.
464
00:20:46,666 --> 00:20:48,833
Okay? He's still gonna propose.
465
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:52,458
All my life, I wanted to be proposed to
on New Year's Eve.
466
00:20:53,125 --> 00:20:54,833
And now it's ruined.
467
00:20:54,916 --> 00:20:56,416
Let's just go.
468
00:20:59,041 --> 00:21:00,000
Hi.
469
00:21:00,083 --> 00:21:01,375
Oh, my God.
470
00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:04,166
You look so beautiful.
471
00:21:13,083 --> 00:21:14,333
Don't ask.
472
00:21:15,458 --> 00:21:16,541
Come on.
473
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:38,750
Woo-hoo!
474
00:21:40,083 --> 00:21:42,083
Oh!
475
00:21:59,166 --> 00:22:00,625
- What?
- Thank you!
476
00:22:00,708 --> 00:22:03,666
[" The time of my life" playing"
477
00:22:08,333 --> 00:22:09,791
No!
478
00:22:11,083 --> 00:22:13,291
Nobody puts Baby in a corner.
479
00:22:21,125 --> 00:22:23,208
All right, everyone, move back.
480
00:22:31,708 --> 00:22:32,958
Yes! Do it!
481
00:22:44,583 --> 00:22:48,333
Go! Go! Go!
482
00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:57,375
Oh, shit!
483
00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:07,166
Whoa...
484
00:23:07,875 --> 00:23:09,250
Boobs! Boobs!
485
00:23:20,166 --> 00:23:22,583
Nobody drops Baby on her head.
486
00:23:25,333 --> 00:23:26,625
I'm gonna take a piss.
487
00:23:31,458 --> 00:23:33,041
All right, y'all!
488
00:23:33,125 --> 00:23:35,458
Are y'all ready for a new year, Chicago?
489
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:38,250
Yeah!
490
00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:41,708
All right. Grab your sweethearts,
and let's do this thing, baby!
491
00:23:41,791 --> 00:23:42,958
Come on, y'all! And...
492
00:23:43,041 --> 00:23:44,791
Nine, eight,
493
00:23:44,875 --> 00:23:46,250
seven, six,
494
00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:48,250
five, four,
495
00:23:48,333 --> 00:23:49,916
three, two,
496
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:50,916
one!
497
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:55,125
Happy New Year, Chicago!
498
00:24:13,875 --> 00:24:15,083
Will you marry me?
499
00:24:15,166 --> 00:24:17,500
Oh, my God. Yes! Yes! Yes!
500
00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:19,958
I love you! I love you! I love you!
501
00:24:32,291 --> 00:24:33,250
Shit.
502
00:24:33,541 --> 00:24:34,583
Sorry.
503
00:24:36,541 --> 00:24:38,291
- Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
504
00:25:03,708 --> 00:25:05,208
You know, tonight didn't suck.
505
00:25:05,583 --> 00:25:07,583
I actually had a fairly decent time.
506
00:25:07,666 --> 00:25:08,500
Yeah.
507
00:25:08,583 --> 00:25:11,000
I mean, not the worst night of my life.
508
00:25:11,708 --> 00:25:13,208
What are you doing for Valentine's?
509
00:25:13,875 --> 00:25:15,666
That's in two months.
510
00:25:15,750 --> 00:25:17,833
Yeah, I know, but if I lock in plans now,
511
00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:20,041
then maybe I won't end up
doing anything stupid.
512
00:25:20,458 --> 00:25:23,125
Hmm. Flattered, but two months
is a long time.
513
00:25:23,208 --> 00:25:25,708
You know, a lot could happen before then.
514
00:25:26,333 --> 00:25:27,166
Sure.
515
00:25:28,375 --> 00:25:31,000
And if not, I have a standing date
at a candy store.
516
00:25:31,083 --> 00:25:32,458
So, I'm good.
517
00:25:33,708 --> 00:25:35,416
Hmm, okay.
518
00:25:35,583 --> 00:25:36,416
Sure.
519
00:25:37,125 --> 00:25:38,250
Good night then.
520
00:25:38,833 --> 00:25:39,666
Happy New Year.
521
00:25:40,458 --> 00:25:41,416
Happy New Year.
522
00:25:52,416 --> 00:25:55,500
{\an8}What do you mean,
you don't have a date for Valentine's Day?
523
00:25:55,583 --> 00:25:57,958
Don't say it like I just told you
I have cancer.
524
00:25:58,750 --> 00:26:00,000
But it's Valentine's Day.
525
00:26:00,083 --> 00:26:02,166
No, it's Thursday.
526
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:04,875
And I'm gonna take a long, hot bath,
527
00:26:05,250 --> 00:26:06,666
pop a bottle of pinot,
528
00:26:06,750 --> 00:26:09,791
treat myself to a few pounds of chocolate,
and who knows,
529
00:26:09,875 --> 00:26:11,583
might even watch a little porn.
530
00:26:11,666 --> 00:26:14,291
You can't watch porn
on Valentine's Day!
531
00:26:14,375 --> 00:26:17,208
You should especially watch porn
on Valentine's Day.
532
00:26:17,625 --> 00:26:20,791
Ugh! So, what is that cute doctor?
What's his name, Faarooq?
533
00:26:21,208 --> 00:26:23,416
- You should call him.
- Forget it.
534
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:26,250
I'm not dating someone
my mother sets me up with.
535
00:26:26,333 --> 00:26:28,916
What about the mall guy?
You had fun on New Year's.
536
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,791
Yeah, but it was a one-time thing.
537
00:26:31,083 --> 00:26:32,625
He wasn't attracted to me.
538
00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:34,208
- He said that?
- Yep.
539
00:26:34,875 --> 00:26:35,750
Ick.
540
00:26:36,083 --> 00:26:37,500
Were you attracted to him?
541
00:26:37,583 --> 00:26:38,958
Uh, No.
542
00:26:39,041 --> 00:26:40,500
He can't even speak English.
543
00:26:40,583 --> 00:26:42,541
You should hear him say "khaki."
544
00:26:42,625 --> 00:26:44,708
He says it like, "khakis."
545
00:26:47,541 --> 00:26:49,666
Look, I'm perfectly happy being single.
546
00:26:49,750 --> 00:26:51,750
I get to do what I want when I want,
547
00:26:51,833 --> 00:26:54,333
and I don't have to deal
with the stress of shaving
548
00:26:54,416 --> 00:26:56,916
and plucking and waxing.
549
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,083
Ugh, best thing about marriage,
no more waxing.
550
00:26:59,541 --> 00:27:02,458
Okay. Well, what about the wedding?
You can't be alone at the wedding.
551
00:27:02,541 --> 00:27:04,541
The wedding's in eight months.
552
00:27:04,625 --> 00:27:06,583
And you're already letting yourself go.
553
00:27:07,541 --> 00:27:09,708
Everyone needs to mind their own business.
554
00:27:09,791 --> 00:27:12,291
My romantic status and personal hygiene
555
00:27:12,375 --> 00:27:14,000
are completely under control.
556
00:27:14,083 --> 00:27:15,416
Now, if you'll excuse me,
557
00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:17,791
I have an obscene amount of candy to buy.
558
00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:22,416
I bet Rodney's still available.
559
00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:24,166
- Oh, God. Please text him.
- Okay.
560
00:27:26,333 --> 00:27:29,458
Ooh. Mmm.
561
00:27:33,375 --> 00:27:34,291
Sloane?
562
00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:37,333
Luc?
563
00:27:39,625 --> 00:27:40,875
My God.
564
00:27:40,958 --> 00:27:42,416
How are you?
565
00:27:43,250 --> 00:27:44,083
What is...
566
00:27:44,583 --> 00:27:45,916
Baby, taste this.
567
00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:50,791
- How amazing.
- Hmm. Yeah.
568
00:27:50,875 --> 00:27:53,458
My tongue is having
a major orgasm right now.
569
00:27:55,875 --> 00:27:57,625
Do these come in any other flavors?
570
00:27:58,208 --> 00:27:59,875
Oh, I... I don't work here.
571
00:27:59,958 --> 00:28:03,041
Sorry. I thought you were
stocking the shelves or something.
572
00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:05,375
No.
573
00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:07,166
- I'm not.
- Oh, no. No.
574
00:28:07,625 --> 00:28:09,000
Darling, this is Sloane.
575
00:28:09,416 --> 00:28:11,958
We were lovers for a few months.
576
00:28:12,875 --> 00:28:15,708
Oh, lucky you.
577
00:28:15,791 --> 00:28:17,583
Isn't he amazing in bed?
578
00:28:17,666 --> 00:28:21,041
He's like the Terminator,
only I'm the one who never stops coming.
579
00:28:21,375 --> 00:28:22,208
Um...
580
00:28:23,041 --> 00:28:23,958
Hey, love muffin!
581
00:28:24,041 --> 00:28:27,750
I thought you were gonna meet me
in Brookstone and try out those massagers.
582
00:28:27,833 --> 00:28:29,166
Good day, I'm Jackson.
583
00:28:29,250 --> 00:28:32,500
I'm Sloane's little boy toy of the moment,
you know?
584
00:28:32,583 --> 00:28:34,750
I'm just trying
to nail her down long-term,
585
00:28:34,833 --> 00:28:37,583
but you know, she's such a strong
and independent woman.
586
00:28:38,041 --> 00:28:40,916
- Stop this. Stop. Stop. it.
- Fingers crossed.
587
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,291
I'm Luc, and, uh...
588
00:28:43,041 --> 00:28:44,166
this is Felicity.
589
00:28:44,625 --> 00:28:45,458
Wow.
590
00:28:45,750 --> 00:28:48,250
So, you two are just beautiful.
591
00:28:48,333 --> 00:28:49,791
- Mm-hmm.
- I mean...
592
00:28:49,875 --> 00:28:50,708
Wow.
593
00:28:50,791 --> 00:28:52,166
Thank you.
594
00:28:54,666 --> 00:28:55,833
Are we done here, babe?
595
00:28:55,916 --> 00:28:59,750
Because I had some big plans for you
596
00:28:59,833 --> 00:29:02,416
in Victoria's Secret.
597
00:29:04,083 --> 00:29:05,916
- Shall we go? Gonna get the thing.
- Yeah.
598
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:07,333
- Yeah.
- Perfect. Okay.
599
00:29:07,416 --> 00:29:09,625
Lovely to meet you.
Seriously, all the best.
600
00:29:09,708 --> 00:29:11,500
- Thank you. Bye, Felicia.
- Good to see you.
601
00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:12,791
It's Felicity.
602
00:29:13,125 --> 00:29:15,416
- I'm gonna be sick.
- Just breathe.
603
00:29:17,958 --> 00:29:19,666
Hey, here. Some tissues.
604
00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:22,250
Now drink this.
605
00:29:25,166 --> 00:29:27,125
Ugh, now I'm for sure gonna be sick.
606
00:29:27,416 --> 00:29:29,750
It's green juice. It's good for you.
607
00:29:30,083 --> 00:29:33,541
You know, the human body is capable
of living to about 120 years
608
00:29:33,625 --> 00:29:35,083
if you take care of it.
609
00:29:35,166 --> 00:29:36,541
Who cares?
610
00:29:36,625 --> 00:29:38,375
It's all downhill after 40.
611
00:29:38,458 --> 00:29:41,000
Who wants an extra 80 years
of the worst part of life?
612
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,125
Well, if you got
a Felicity in your life...
613
00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:47,125
Sorry, that was a low blow.
614
00:29:47,958 --> 00:29:51,375
Why does the next girlfriend
always have to be younger and hotter?
615
00:29:51,458 --> 00:29:53,375
Is it like some kind of unwritten law?
616
00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:56,333
Well, you know, normally,
the younger and hotter the girl,
617
00:29:56,416 --> 00:29:58,458
the less chance of commitment, so...
618
00:29:59,125 --> 00:30:01,000
in a way, it's actually a compliment.
619
00:30:03,041 --> 00:30:04,250
Wait, that's it.
620
00:30:04,541 --> 00:30:07,458
He's afraid.
Dating Felicity is a cry for help.
621
00:30:08,166 --> 00:30:09,208
What, are you drunk?
622
00:30:09,291 --> 00:30:10,958
Maybe a little.
623
00:30:11,041 --> 00:30:13,500
Those bourbon truffles
are stronger than I thou...
624
00:30:15,166 --> 00:30:16,041
I took this.
625
00:30:16,458 --> 00:30:17,458
I stole it!
626
00:30:17,541 --> 00:30:19,458
Well, I'm not going back there, so...
627
00:30:19,875 --> 00:30:21,708
we may as well destroy the evidence.
628
00:30:22,708 --> 00:30:25,791
Uh... no, I don't eat that crap.
I'm a professional athlete.
629
00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:28,166
Seriously?
630
00:30:28,458 --> 00:30:30,833
Golf is the least athletic sport
on the planet.
631
00:30:30,916 --> 00:30:34,333
I'll have you know that golf requires
more precise muscle control
632
00:30:34,416 --> 00:30:36,125
and hand-eye coordination
633
00:30:36,208 --> 00:30:38,500
than football and basketball combined.
634
00:30:38,958 --> 00:30:39,875
Maybe.
635
00:30:39,958 --> 00:30:43,291
But LeBron doesn't need a tiny car
to take him up and down the court.
636
00:30:44,791 --> 00:30:46,875
Come on. Don't be such a pussy.
637
00:30:46,958 --> 00:30:48,750
It's weird when girls say "pussy."
638
00:30:49,208 --> 00:30:51,791
Oh, my God, you really are a pussy.
639
00:30:52,291 --> 00:30:54,375
Well, if I wasn't such a pussy,
640
00:30:54,458 --> 00:30:56,208
you'd be stuck in a candy store
641
00:30:56,291 --> 00:30:59,458
talking to your ex-boyfriend
and his smoking hot new girlfriend.
642
00:31:00,125 --> 00:31:02,541
So, you're welcome, by the way.
643
00:31:05,750 --> 00:31:06,708
You're right.
644
00:31:07,083 --> 00:31:08,500
- Thank you.
- Hmm.
645
00:31:10,458 --> 00:31:11,291
I owe you.
646
00:31:11,375 --> 00:31:12,458
That's better.
647
00:31:13,458 --> 00:31:16,875
Now, I'll take my hand job
in the parking lot. Thank you.
648
00:31:17,291 --> 00:31:19,541
Oh, a hand job.
649
00:31:20,791 --> 00:31:21,958
What are you, like, 12?
650
00:31:22,250 --> 00:31:23,500
You gave hand jobs at 12?
651
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:25,125
I developed early.
652
00:31:25,875 --> 00:31:27,625
Oh, my God, it's so good.
653
00:31:27,708 --> 00:31:29,541
Is that enough
or do you want more?
654
00:31:29,625 --> 00:31:30,458
More.
655
00:31:30,541 --> 00:31:33,375
- Stop moving. I'm almost done.
- This chocolate is good.
656
00:31:33,458 --> 00:31:35,125
Oh, my God, you were not kidding.
657
00:31:35,208 --> 00:31:36,750
- Hold on, hold on.
- Shit!
658
00:31:37,083 --> 00:31:39,750
- Shit, it's all over my pants.
- You have baby wipes?
659
00:31:39,833 --> 00:31:42,458
Um, yeah, in my glove box
next to the diapers.
660
00:31:42,541 --> 00:31:44,625
Oh, my God,
you're a bad influence.
661
00:31:44,708 --> 00:31:45,666
No, I'm not.
662
00:31:47,083 --> 00:31:49,333
- Do you want a cigarette?
- You smoke?
663
00:31:50,750 --> 00:31:51,833
No.
664
00:31:51,916 --> 00:31:53,958
Not really, just, like, sometimes.
665
00:31:54,541 --> 00:31:56,458
A little tobacco never killed anybody.
666
00:31:56,541 --> 00:31:57,833
Mm, pretty sure it has.
667
00:31:59,583 --> 00:32:02,791
Look, I get it, okay?
It sucks running into your boyfriend
668
00:32:02,875 --> 00:32:05,458
on Valentine's Day, in a candy store,
wearing pajamas.
669
00:32:05,541 --> 00:32:07,958
Ex-boyfriend, and these are not pajamas.
670
00:32:08,041 --> 00:32:09,458
They're lounge pants.
671
00:32:09,541 --> 00:32:10,458
Hmm.
672
00:32:11,375 --> 00:32:14,250
Believe it or not, this isn't
the worst Valentine's Day of my life.
673
00:32:15,041 --> 00:32:16,583
Why didn't you just call me?
674
00:32:16,666 --> 00:32:18,041
I don't know.
675
00:32:18,125 --> 00:32:20,166
I guess I was just embarrassed to admit
676
00:32:20,250 --> 00:32:22,375
that nothing had changed since New Year's.
677
00:32:22,458 --> 00:32:24,625
Isn't that the point
of this holidate thing
678
00:32:24,708 --> 00:32:28,125
that we get to avoid
this stupid pressure and all the judgment?
679
00:32:28,208 --> 00:32:30,250
Look, whatever.
At least the biggies are behind us.
680
00:32:30,666 --> 00:32:33,041
I mean, Christmas, New Year's,
Valentine's Day.
681
00:32:33,125 --> 00:32:35,666
Yeah, but I'm telling you,
the small ones are just as risky.
682
00:32:35,750 --> 00:32:37,166
I once spent an Earth Day
683
00:32:37,250 --> 00:32:39,666
chained to a tree
with a chick from Greenpeace.
684
00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:42,125
It was the longest ten days of my life.
685
00:32:44,875 --> 00:32:47,250
It would be nice
to bring someone home for Easter.
686
00:32:47,958 --> 00:32:49,333
So, let's make it official.
687
00:32:49,416 --> 00:32:51,125
Holidates until further notice?
688
00:32:52,041 --> 00:32:52,958
What about sex?
689
00:32:53,041 --> 00:32:54,708
Will Lester be joining us?
690
00:32:54,791 --> 00:32:57,333
No, I'm serious.
Friends with benefits never works.
691
00:32:57,416 --> 00:32:59,875
Yeah, but that's only because
you girls get clingy
692
00:32:59,958 --> 00:33:01,291
and always want more.
693
00:33:01,750 --> 00:33:03,208
- Us?
- Well, yeah.
694
00:33:03,291 --> 00:33:04,416
It's not your fault.
695
00:33:04,500 --> 00:33:07,583
Women are hardwired
to attach and procreate.
696
00:33:07,666 --> 00:33:09,833
And men are hardwired to panic and flee.
697
00:33:09,916 --> 00:33:11,458
Okay, fine. So, we agree.
698
00:33:11,791 --> 00:33:13,791
Non-sexual holidates from now on.
699
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:19,833
Now...
700
00:33:20,416 --> 00:33:21,458
coconut cluster.
701
00:33:21,791 --> 00:33:23,750
- Hmm? Now...
- Oh!
702
00:33:30,625 --> 00:33:32,250
Slainte! Slainte!
703
00:33:36,458 --> 00:33:39,416
I can't. I can't. I'm sorry.
704
00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:41,000
I can! I can, I can!
705
00:33:41,083 --> 00:33:42,708
All right. Here we go.
706
00:33:46,291 --> 00:33:49,375
Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy!
707
00:33:53,916 --> 00:33:54,833
York?
708
00:33:55,500 --> 00:33:57,041
Holy shit! No way.
709
00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,583
Dude! What the fuck?
710
00:33:59,666 --> 00:34:01,291
- How are you, mate? Hello!
- Hello!
711
00:34:01,375 --> 00:34:03,291
Wait, you guys know each other?
712
00:34:03,375 --> 00:34:05,208
Wait, you guys know each other?
713
00:34:05,708 --> 00:34:07,291
Yeah, that's my little brother.
714
00:34:07,375 --> 00:34:10,250
Jack's been giving me golf lessons
for over a year now.
715
00:34:10,333 --> 00:34:11,208
You play golf?
716
00:34:11,291 --> 00:34:13,750
Only since you've known me.
717
00:34:13,875 --> 00:34:16,208
All right. Jackson, meet my fiance Liz.
718
00:34:16,291 --> 00:34:17,916
- Hi.
- It's still Liz, right?
719
00:34:18,375 --> 00:34:20,208
- And my sister, Abby.
- Hi.
720
00:34:20,291 --> 00:34:22,166
- Her invisible husband, Peter.
- Hi. Hi.
721
00:34:22,250 --> 00:34:24,000
- Where is Peter?
- Nice to meet you.
722
00:34:24,083 --> 00:34:27,416
He doesn't trust the kids with a sitter.
I keep saying it's fine.
723
00:34:27,500 --> 00:34:29,291
A two-year-old can dial 911.
724
00:34:29,875 --> 00:34:31,458
- Uh...
- I'm joking.
725
00:34:32,625 --> 00:34:34,708
But the six-year-old is more than capable.
726
00:34:34,791 --> 00:34:36,916
Ignore my sister. She has four kids.
727
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:37,833
- Oh!
- Ah!
728
00:34:37,916 --> 00:34:39,875
Oh, God, I have four kids. Jesus!
729
00:34:39,958 --> 00:34:41,583
It sounds like you need a drink.
730
00:34:41,666 --> 00:34:43,750
- Many.
- That is a two-man job.
731
00:34:43,833 --> 00:34:45,291
And me. Drink.
732
00:34:46,291 --> 00:34:47,458
Ooh...
733
00:34:48,375 --> 00:34:49,958
Is that the guy from the mall?
734
00:34:50,041 --> 00:34:51,250
- Yeah.
- 'Cause he's cute.
735
00:34:51,333 --> 00:34:53,125
- Really?
- So, wait. What's the deal?
736
00:34:53,208 --> 00:34:55,333
It's like friends with benefits?
737
00:34:55,416 --> 00:34:56,541
No. No benefits.
738
00:34:56,625 --> 00:34:58,000
We're hardly even friends.
739
00:34:58,083 --> 00:35:00,208
We never talk. It's strictly holidays.
740
00:35:00,291 --> 00:35:01,500
So, what's the point?
741
00:35:01,916 --> 00:35:05,041
Uh... the point is that
I'm here with someone.
742
00:35:05,125 --> 00:35:06,416
I'm having fun.
743
00:35:06,875 --> 00:35:08,791
You're not parading me around the bar
744
00:35:08,875 --> 00:35:11,458
and forcing my number
on anything with a Y chromosome.
745
00:35:11,541 --> 00:35:12,833
Speaking of that...
746
00:35:13,166 --> 00:35:14,958
uh, if you get a strange text,
747
00:35:15,041 --> 00:35:16,625
- his name is Leroy.
- Oh, please.
748
00:35:16,708 --> 00:35:17,750
He's a bouncer.
749
00:35:18,291 --> 00:35:19,875
Did you guys know York golfed?
750
00:35:20,791 --> 00:35:21,625
Yes.
751
00:35:43,333 --> 00:35:44,708
In honor of Easter,
752
00:35:44,791 --> 00:35:46,500
Jackson will enjoy his first taste
753
00:35:46,583 --> 00:35:49,833
- of blue dye number seven.
- No! They've done experiments on those.
754
00:35:49,916 --> 00:35:52,333
They don't decompose
after ten years in the sun.
755
00:35:52,416 --> 00:35:53,583
- Really?
- Yeah.
756
00:35:53,666 --> 00:35:55,166
So, it's like anti-aging.
757
00:35:55,250 --> 00:35:56,083
Hmm.
758
00:35:56,625 --> 00:35:58,375
Hoppy Easter, my little bunnies.
759
00:35:59,291 --> 00:36:00,375
This is Jesús.
760
00:36:00,458 --> 00:36:03,708
- I see what you did there.
- What in God's name are you wearing?
761
00:36:04,333 --> 00:36:05,208
Bunny ears.
762
00:36:05,291 --> 00:36:09,208
This is an Easter brunch.
This is not the time for a silly costume.
763
00:36:09,291 --> 00:36:11,458
Hop-hop-hop...
764
00:36:12,083 --> 00:36:14,125
Looks like someone else
didn't get the memo.
765
00:36:17,041 --> 00:36:18,750
Oh, Faarooq.
766
00:36:19,166 --> 00:36:21,000
I'm so glad you could make it.
767
00:36:21,083 --> 00:36:22,583
Thank you. I'm sorry I'm late.
768
00:36:22,666 --> 00:36:23,916
I was doing rounds
769
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,666
for the kids in the cancer ward.
770
00:36:25,750 --> 00:36:26,833
Aw!
771
00:36:26,916 --> 00:36:28,500
I like a man in fur.
772
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:29,875
Thank you.
773
00:36:30,250 --> 00:36:32,875
You remember my daughter, Sloane?
774
00:36:33,416 --> 00:36:34,458
Hi, of course.
775
00:36:34,833 --> 00:36:36,333
You're even prettier in person.
776
00:36:36,416 --> 00:36:38,125
Oh, thank you.
777
00:36:38,208 --> 00:36:40,583
- Hey, I'm Jackson. Nice to meet you.
- Hey.
778
00:36:40,666 --> 00:36:42,750
- Dig the bunny suit.
- I'm sorry, Faarooq.
779
00:36:43,291 --> 00:36:45,583
We weren't expecting
Sloane to bring a guest.
780
00:36:45,666 --> 00:36:46,791
Really?
781
00:36:46,875 --> 00:36:48,625
Because I explicitly said
782
00:36:48,708 --> 00:36:49,958
I was bringing a guest.
783
00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:51,666
What is wrong with you?
784
00:36:52,791 --> 00:36:54,000
What are you...
785
00:36:55,750 --> 00:36:57,625
- I'll just go say hi to the kids.
- Hmm.
786
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,083
You see what you did?
787
00:37:01,166 --> 00:37:04,083
- Now, he thinks you're not interested.
- I'm not interested.
788
00:37:04,166 --> 00:37:07,458
I can't believe you're trying
to set me up on Easter with a bunny.
789
00:37:07,541 --> 00:37:09,500
That's because I care about you.
790
00:37:09,583 --> 00:37:12,333
I want you to find someone
who has real potential.
791
00:37:13,375 --> 00:37:16,916
Not this holidate crap like your aunt.
792
00:37:17,916 --> 00:37:19,833
She seems like she's having fun.
793
00:37:22,041 --> 00:37:24,166
- Score!
- She's gonna die alone
794
00:37:24,250 --> 00:37:26,250
in a wheelchair and a diaper.
795
00:37:26,333 --> 00:37:28,250
Is that what you want?
796
00:37:29,833 --> 00:37:31,708
Do I get a male nurse?
797
00:37:35,125 --> 00:37:38,125
So, Daisy, how are things with Levi,
the juice box king?
798
00:37:38,458 --> 00:37:39,500
We broke up.
799
00:37:39,833 --> 00:37:41,458
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
800
00:37:41,541 --> 00:37:42,583
It's okay.
801
00:37:42,666 --> 00:37:45,041
He wasn't ready for a real relationship.
802
00:37:45,125 --> 00:37:47,333
I need someone
who's going to put me first.
803
00:37:47,916 --> 00:37:48,750
Gotta go.
804
00:37:50,583 --> 00:37:51,500
Wow.
805
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,291
- She is in such great shape.
- Hmm.
806
00:37:57,458 --> 00:37:58,375
You know...
807
00:37:59,041 --> 00:38:00,333
the bunny doctor
808
00:38:00,416 --> 00:38:01,458
seems nice.
809
00:38:02,375 --> 00:38:04,375
- Maybe you should go for it?
- Really?
810
00:38:04,875 --> 00:38:05,833
Full head of hair.
811
00:38:06,666 --> 00:38:08,375
Doctor.
812
00:38:08,458 --> 00:38:10,708
Obviously, great
with kids. It's...
813
00:38:11,458 --> 00:38:12,833
every girl's dream, right?
814
00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:14,875
I don't know.
815
00:38:14,958 --> 00:38:15,833
Maybe?
816
00:38:17,083 --> 00:38:18,083
Plus, I'm...
817
00:38:18,750 --> 00:38:20,375
- I'm not ready.
- What's it been?
818
00:38:20,958 --> 00:38:22,208
Almost a year?
819
00:38:22,291 --> 00:38:23,250
So?
820
00:38:23,333 --> 00:38:26,541
Women process heartbreak differently.
We need time.
821
00:38:26,625 --> 00:38:28,166
You just dump us and move on.
822
00:38:28,250 --> 00:38:29,916
Hey, women can be just as brutal.
823
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:30,833
Trust me.
824
00:38:30,916 --> 00:38:32,125
I know plenty of blokes
825
00:38:32,208 --> 00:38:35,583
who've had their hearts crushed by some
chick who pretended to care about him.
826
00:38:36,166 --> 00:38:37,916
Pretended she liked his friends
827
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,041
and was into his hobbies,
828
00:38:40,125 --> 00:38:41,458
like cricket
829
00:38:41,541 --> 00:38:44,041
and... backgammon.
830
00:38:44,791 --> 00:38:46,208
And even went so far
831
00:38:46,291 --> 00:38:48,708
as to put all this girlie stuff
in his bathroom,
832
00:38:48,791 --> 00:38:51,000
and hide bobby pins
in the strangest places.
833
00:38:51,666 --> 00:38:53,833
You know, maybe they even
started exploring
834
00:38:53,916 --> 00:38:55,458
couple of certain sexual doors
835
00:38:55,541 --> 00:38:57,458
that they've never explored before.
836
00:38:59,250 --> 00:39:02,000
And then one day, without warning,
837
00:39:02,708 --> 00:39:05,958
the bathroom's cleared out,
and she's changed her phone number,
838
00:39:06,041 --> 00:39:08,791
and she snuck out of my place
with a panini maker.
839
00:39:11,250 --> 00:39:12,583
A fucking panini maker.
840
00:39:14,041 --> 00:39:14,875
Well...
841
00:39:16,083 --> 00:39:17,541
panini makers are expensive.
842
00:39:17,625 --> 00:39:18,458
Oh, I know.
843
00:39:19,041 --> 00:39:20,250
I paid for it.
844
00:39:25,125 --> 00:39:26,500
So, uh...
845
00:39:27,250 --> 00:39:29,541
what kind of sexual doors are we talking?
846
00:39:29,625 --> 00:39:31,333
- Really?
- What? You brought it up.
847
00:39:31,416 --> 00:39:32,666
Now, I'm curious.
848
00:39:33,833 --> 00:39:36,500
- Are we talking, like, backdoor?
- Uh...
849
00:39:38,583 --> 00:39:40,958
Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!
850
00:39:46,166 --> 00:39:47,833
You never answered my door question.
851
00:39:48,708 --> 00:39:50,333
Because it's none of your business.
852
00:39:50,916 --> 00:39:52,250
Come on.
853
00:39:52,333 --> 00:39:53,833
Were there props involved?
854
00:39:53,916 --> 00:39:55,125
Costumes?
855
00:39:55,916 --> 00:39:57,000
An invited guest?
856
00:39:57,083 --> 00:39:58,208
Stop, please.
857
00:39:58,500 --> 00:40:01,375
Just because you don't have
a sex life of your own,
858
00:40:01,458 --> 00:40:03,666
it doesn't mean
you can pilfer through mine.
859
00:40:04,208 --> 00:40:05,875
I have a sex life.
860
00:40:06,333 --> 00:40:07,166
Really?
861
00:40:07,583 --> 00:40:09,083
When was the last time you had sex?
862
00:40:09,583 --> 00:40:10,666
When did you?
863
00:40:11,666 --> 00:40:12,625
Thursday.
864
00:40:13,041 --> 00:40:14,291
Thursday?
865
00:40:14,375 --> 00:40:15,250
With who?
866
00:40:15,708 --> 00:40:18,791
Uh... that cocktail waitress
on Saint Patrick's Day.
867
00:40:19,333 --> 00:40:20,583
You met a cocktail waitress
868
00:40:20,666 --> 00:40:21,958
- on Saint Patrick's Day?
- Yeah.
869
00:40:22,041 --> 00:40:24,375
- You were with me.
- Yeah, but she just hopped in my Uber.
870
00:40:24,458 --> 00:40:27,666
Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!
871
00:40:30,458 --> 00:40:34,166
What happened to holidate rule number one,
which was, "No judgments?"
872
00:40:34,250 --> 00:40:36,208
Yes, you're right. I'm sorry.
873
00:40:36,291 --> 00:40:38,750
Your lack of a sex life
is none of my business.
874
00:40:38,833 --> 00:40:41,250
I just feel bad for you, that's all.
875
00:40:41,333 --> 00:40:43,458
Oh, you feel bad for me?
876
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:46,791
Hmm.
877
00:40:46,875 --> 00:40:48,500
I see what you're trying to do.
878
00:40:48,583 --> 00:40:49,750
What am I trying to do?
879
00:40:50,125 --> 00:40:53,625
You're trying to get in my head
and freak me out so we end up having sex.
880
00:40:53,708 --> 00:40:56,291
- I don't wanna have sex with you.
- Oh, right. How could I forget?
881
00:40:56,375 --> 00:40:59,583
- You don't find me attractive.
- That's not what I said.
882
00:41:00,208 --> 00:41:01,041
Whatever.
883
00:41:01,625 --> 00:41:03,375
- It's your loss.
- Sure it is.
884
00:41:03,791 --> 00:41:06,416
Seriously. I am fantastic in bed.
885
00:41:06,500 --> 00:41:08,708
Yeah, right. You developed early
886
00:41:08,791 --> 00:41:10,166
and hand jobs at 12.
887
00:41:10,250 --> 00:41:11,208
Yada yada yada.
888
00:41:11,291 --> 00:41:14,791
Okay. Well, it doesn't mean
I was a slut or anything.
889
00:41:14,875 --> 00:41:17,541
But some people are just naturally gifted.
890
00:41:18,458 --> 00:41:20,250
I happen to be one of those people.
891
00:41:21,500 --> 00:41:22,916
I guess we'll never know.
892
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:24,125
I guess we won't.
893
00:41:24,708 --> 00:41:28,291
Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!
894
00:42:06,083 --> 00:42:06,916
Hello.
895
00:42:07,458 --> 00:42:08,416
Hi.
896
00:42:10,458 --> 00:42:11,833
You're on the floor.
897
00:42:12,291 --> 00:42:13,916
Yes, I...
898
00:42:15,333 --> 00:42:17,500
remember falling off the couch,
899
00:42:17,583 --> 00:42:19,250
and it just seemed like...
900
00:42:19,750 --> 00:42:22,083
Seemed like a lot of work to get back up.
901
00:42:23,083 --> 00:42:25,166
So, I guess we might've...
902
00:42:26,416 --> 00:42:27,375
No.
903
00:42:27,666 --> 00:42:28,833
We didn't.
904
00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:33,916
You're wearing my underwear.
905
00:42:36,916 --> 00:42:38,833
Well, that doesn't mean anything.
906
00:42:38,916 --> 00:42:41,625
I probably got cold in the night,
907
00:42:42,125 --> 00:42:44,833
after my panties fell off.
908
00:42:45,375 --> 00:42:47,458
Come on, you must be able to tell somehow.
909
00:42:47,541 --> 00:42:50,750
- Tell how?
- I don't know. I don't have a vagina.
910
00:42:52,708 --> 00:42:55,500
Well, there's no forensic evidence.
911
00:42:55,750 --> 00:42:57,083
Nothing's dried on my leg.
912
00:42:57,166 --> 00:42:59,625
There's no wrapper on the floor,
913
00:42:59,708 --> 00:43:01,375
if that's what you're wondering.
914
00:43:03,166 --> 00:43:04,458
Can't you tell?
915
00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:08,208
I mean, he looks a little tired, but...
916
00:43:09,041 --> 00:43:10,958
I don't think he's really satisfied.
917
00:43:11,041 --> 00:43:12,125
I'm telling you.
918
00:43:12,208 --> 00:43:13,375
We didn't do it.
919
00:43:13,458 --> 00:43:15,541
One of us would for sure be able to tell.
920
00:43:16,250 --> 00:43:17,833
Sweet. Let's go with that.
921
00:43:18,083 --> 00:43:20,125
Good. Coffee?
922
00:43:20,208 --> 00:43:21,708
- Please.
- Cream?
923
00:43:21,791 --> 00:43:23,208
- No, thank you, black.
- Yeah?
924
00:43:23,833 --> 00:43:24,833
Okay.
925
00:43:24,916 --> 00:43:25,791
Cheers.
926
00:43:31,958 --> 00:43:35,791
It's Mother's Day, can we not talk
about my personal life for a change?
927
00:43:35,875 --> 00:43:39,750
It's my day and I have a right to know
what my only child is doing with her life.
928
00:43:39,833 --> 00:43:43,666
- You have two other children.
- Not single. You're the one I worry about.
929
00:43:43,750 --> 00:43:47,208
And I don't understand why
you're wasting my daughter's time
930
00:43:47,291 --> 00:43:49,791
- with this meaningless stuff.
- It's not meaningless.
931
00:43:49,875 --> 00:43:51,208
We're... friends.
932
00:43:51,458 --> 00:43:54,041
She doesn't need another friend.
She needs a husband.
933
00:43:54,125 --> 00:43:55,083
A partner.
934
00:43:55,166 --> 00:43:57,833
Someone legally bound to be there
during the chemo.
935
00:43:58,500 --> 00:44:00,458
- What chemo?
- Oh, honey.
936
00:44:00,541 --> 00:44:01,708
Don't kid yourself.
937
00:44:01,791 --> 00:44:03,291
You have bad genes.
938
00:44:03,666 --> 00:44:06,916
And bald women
don't really get a lot of dates.
939
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:08,750
You have nothing to worry about.
940
00:44:08,833 --> 00:44:10,291
Sloane is a great girl.
941
00:44:10,375 --> 00:44:11,458
Even bald.
942
00:44:11,541 --> 00:44:13,416
Then why aren't you sleeping with her?
943
00:44:14,125 --> 00:44:15,041
Mom!
944
00:44:15,125 --> 00:44:15,958
Jesus!
945
00:44:16,041 --> 00:44:18,458
I'm just saying it's not gonna
kill you to try.
946
00:44:18,541 --> 00:44:20,833
It's like escargot.
947
00:44:20,916 --> 00:44:22,458
It may sound unappealing.
948
00:44:22,541 --> 00:44:23,750
It may look unappealing.
949
00:44:23,833 --> 00:44:26,750
Once you put it in your mouth,
it'll knock your socks off.
950
00:44:26,833 --> 00:44:28,916
So, maybe this holidate thing
951
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,416
will turn into something.
952
00:44:33,291 --> 00:44:35,041
Did you just compare
953
00:44:35,125 --> 00:44:37,458
sex with me to eating slugs?
954
00:44:38,250 --> 00:44:39,166
Well...
955
00:44:40,166 --> 00:44:41,375
she has a point.
956
00:44:41,458 --> 00:44:43,291
I'm just saying.
957
00:44:43,375 --> 00:44:46,333
I mean, I hear the bathrooms here
are really nice.
958
00:44:48,708 --> 00:44:49,666
Oh...
959
00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:50,708
is this...
960
00:44:51,416 --> 00:44:54,083
Is this the place
with the Egyptian cotton towels?
961
00:44:54,166 --> 00:44:55,083
Easy cleanup.
962
00:44:56,375 --> 00:44:58,416
Excuse me. Where are the ladies rooms?
963
00:44:58,500 --> 00:45:00,333
- Over there to the left.
- Thank you.
964
00:45:02,958 --> 00:45:03,833
Shall we?
965
00:45:03,916 --> 00:45:04,750
We shall.
966
00:45:04,833 --> 00:45:06,833
You guys are hilarious.
967
00:45:06,916 --> 00:45:08,750
Happy Mother's Day, Mom.
968
00:45:08,833 --> 00:45:09,958
This one's for you.
969
00:45:13,083 --> 00:45:14,166
I think we got her.
970
00:45:14,250 --> 00:45:15,250
Oh, yeah.
971
00:45:15,791 --> 00:45:17,458
You're not funny.
972
00:45:23,583 --> 00:45:25,208
{\an8}Think this is gonna be enough?
973
00:45:25,291 --> 00:45:26,458
I think it's a start.
974
00:45:29,708 --> 00:45:31,291
Bye, honey. Drive safely.
975
00:45:31,375 --> 00:45:33,291
Bye. Love you. You got it.
976
00:45:33,375 --> 00:45:35,666
Bye, Mom!
977
00:45:36,625 --> 00:45:38,750
Let's get this party started.
978
00:45:39,166 --> 00:45:41,416
- Shotgun.
- You can't call shotgun!
979
00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:45,208
- Really? 'Cause it sounded like I did.
- No. I am not getting back there with him.
980
00:45:45,291 --> 00:45:47,208
Uncle Sam? He's harmless.
981
00:45:47,916 --> 00:45:49,750
But we said it was a girls' trip.
982
00:45:49,833 --> 00:45:51,583
He can't drive with his glaucoma.
983
00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:53,416
Liz, come on, get in the car!
984
00:45:53,833 --> 00:45:55,833
Ooh...
985
00:45:58,583 --> 00:45:59,916
Oh, that smell.
986
00:46:00,791 --> 00:46:01,958
Is that pot?
987
00:46:02,416 --> 00:46:03,541
It's medicinal.
988
00:46:03,625 --> 00:46:05,250
For my sciatica.
989
00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:06,208
Ooh!
990
00:46:06,291 --> 00:46:08,041
I love pot. Can you pass it over?
991
00:46:08,125 --> 00:46:09,791
We're going to Peter's family reunion.
992
00:46:09,875 --> 00:46:11,541
Let's be respectful.
993
00:46:11,625 --> 00:46:14,041
Liz, these are your last days
as a single woman.
994
00:46:14,125 --> 00:46:15,791
You need to loosen up.
995
00:46:15,875 --> 00:46:17,041
Sam, give her a hit.
996
00:46:17,125 --> 00:46:20,250
Oh, I'm not putting my lips
on that thing. I'm a bride.
997
00:46:20,333 --> 00:46:21,583
A little hit won't kill you.
998
00:46:21,666 --> 00:46:23,916
Grandmothers and cancer patients
smoke pot, Liz.
999
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,000
Yeah.
1000
00:46:25,083 --> 00:46:27,166
- Do it for the kids.
- Aw, the kids.
1001
00:46:27,250 --> 00:46:28,875
- Hmm...
- Okay
1002
00:46:31,416 --> 00:46:33,250
I don't feel anything.
1003
00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:34,958
You didn't inhale. Try again.
1004
00:46:35,375 --> 00:46:36,375
Oh, okay.
1005
00:46:44,625 --> 00:46:45,625
Nope.
1006
00:46:45,875 --> 00:46:47,375
Still don't feel a thing.
1007
00:46:48,791 --> 00:46:49,708
Bummer.
1008
00:46:50,250 --> 00:46:51,250
- Woo-hoo
-Hey!
1009
00:46:52,166 --> 00:46:53,875
Hey, guys! Stop it!
1010
00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:01,416
- God bless America!
- Yeah!
1011
00:47:05,375 --> 00:47:06,375
Hmm.
1012
00:47:08,458 --> 00:47:11,291
I guess I'm one of those people
that drugs don't affect.
1013
00:47:11,833 --> 00:47:13,125
Yeah, that's you.
1014
00:47:13,208 --> 00:47:15,500
- Unaffected, all right.
- Hmm.
1015
00:47:16,500 --> 00:47:17,833
- Ready?
- Gotta throw it.
1016
00:47:17,916 --> 00:47:19,541
- Right till the end.
- Throw it.
1017
00:47:23,125 --> 00:47:26,458
- That's how you blow shit up!
- Love the smell of napalm, man.
1018
00:47:26,541 --> 00:47:29,000
What is it about men and explosives?
1019
00:47:30,291 --> 00:47:31,791
All about the cock.
1020
00:47:31,875 --> 00:47:35,791
What do fireworks have to do
with a man's... anatomy?
1021
00:47:36,208 --> 00:47:38,125
It's like jacking off.
1022
00:47:38,208 --> 00:47:41,208
Men live for the orgasm.
1023
00:47:41,291 --> 00:47:44,583
If they're not fucking,
they're dreaming about fucking,
1024
00:47:44,666 --> 00:47:46,083
or blowing stuff up.
1025
00:47:46,583 --> 00:47:48,333
Next best thing to fucking.
1026
00:47:50,125 --> 00:47:53,500
So, they're all down there right now
thinking about...
1027
00:47:55,041 --> 00:47:55,958
Fucking.
1028
00:47:57,625 --> 00:48:00,291
- You can say it, Liz.
- I don't need to say it.
1029
00:48:01,125 --> 00:48:02,291
I think you do.
1030
00:48:02,375 --> 00:48:04,083
Just leave her alone.
1031
00:48:04,166 --> 00:48:06,750
No! She's getting married soon.
1032
00:48:06,833 --> 00:48:08,666
She needs to learn to express herself
1033
00:48:08,750 --> 00:48:11,208
and not be so bunched up and repressed.
1034
00:48:11,708 --> 00:48:13,125
Come on, say it.
1035
00:48:13,208 --> 00:48:14,250
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
1036
00:48:14,333 --> 00:48:15,375
No!
1037
00:48:16,583 --> 00:48:18,041
Come on. "Fuck."
1038
00:48:18,125 --> 00:48:19,166
No!
1039
00:48:19,916 --> 00:48:20,875
Fuck!
1040
00:48:20,958 --> 00:48:22,041
No!
1041
00:48:22,458 --> 00:48:23,375
Fuck!
1042
00:48:24,875 --> 00:48:26,208
Fuck!
1043
00:48:26,541 --> 00:48:28,250
Are you all happy now?
1044
00:48:31,458 --> 00:48:33,083
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
1045
00:48:33,166 --> 00:48:34,875
Fuckity-fuck!
1046
00:48:35,291 --> 00:48:36,250
Hey.
1047
00:48:36,416 --> 00:48:39,000
Um... do we have
a first aid kit by chance?
1048
00:48:39,083 --> 00:48:40,666
Maybe Band-Aids. Why?
1049
00:48:40,750 --> 00:48:42,083
Jackson, he...
1050
00:48:43,166 --> 00:48:45,291
He just blew off his finger, a little bit.
1051
00:48:45,375 --> 00:48:46,666
Oh, my God!
1052
00:48:48,875 --> 00:48:51,541
Okay, everybody, remain calm.
1053
00:48:51,625 --> 00:48:54,416
Liz, go get some ice and a baggie.
1054
00:48:54,500 --> 00:48:56,750
York, find something to make a tourniquet.
1055
00:48:57,416 --> 00:48:58,833
Do we have the finger?
1056
00:48:59,833 --> 00:49:01,750
Okay, gang, a little hustle, please.
1057
00:49:01,833 --> 00:49:03,541
We gotta find that finger.
1058
00:49:03,625 --> 00:49:04,541
Got it! Got it!
1059
00:49:04,625 --> 00:49:05,625
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1060
00:49:05,708 --> 00:49:07,125
Yes!
1061
00:49:07,208 --> 00:49:08,500
Booyah! Good eye!
1062
00:49:09,708 --> 00:49:10,750
Ew!
1063
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:12,125
Are you sure that's mine?
1064
00:49:12,208 --> 00:49:14,250
He's in shock. Get him to the hospital.
1065
00:49:14,333 --> 00:49:16,583
- I'll take him.
- No! You're drunk. I'll take him.
1066
00:49:16,666 --> 00:49:18,166
Hit a Burger King on the way.
1067
00:49:18,250 --> 00:49:19,958
- Are you stoned?
- No. Why, are you?
1068
00:49:20,041 --> 00:49:21,916
Okay. Peter's sober. You can drive him.
1069
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,333
- We'll watch the kids.
- Cool.
1070
00:49:24,416 --> 00:49:26,000
- You kids can tread water?
- Yeah!
1071
00:49:26,083 --> 00:49:26,916
Uh...
1072
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:29,375
Nope. No way I'm leaving my children
with these degenerates.
1073
00:49:29,458 --> 00:49:30,750
Good call. Oh, God!
1074
00:49:30,833 --> 00:49:32,708
- Okay. All right.
- Please, no. Not me.
1075
00:49:32,791 --> 00:49:35,541
I'm not good with blood. You know this.
Or cars. Or blood.
1076
00:49:35,625 --> 00:49:36,791
Yes. Yes.
1077
00:49:36,875 --> 00:49:38,416
- No!
- You got this.
1078
00:49:38,500 --> 00:49:40,375
Go, go, go, go! Breathe! Breathe!
1079
00:49:41,583 --> 00:49:43,041
You're gonna be okay, buddy.
1080
00:49:44,291 --> 00:49:46,666
It's my fuck-you finger!
1081
00:49:46,750 --> 00:49:49,000
- I can't lose my fuck-you finger.
- Sloane, good luck.
1082
00:49:49,083 --> 00:49:51,666
- His fuck-you finger is in your hands.
- Don't say that!
1083
00:49:53,083 --> 00:49:54,958
Oh!
1084
00:49:56,250 --> 00:49:59,833
Oh! Jesus H. Christ!
1085
00:49:59,916 --> 00:50:01,958
I'm sorry. Does it hurt really bad?
1086
00:50:02,041 --> 00:50:03,833
- No, it's like a paper cut.
- Really?
1087
00:50:03,916 --> 00:50:05,333
No, not really!
1088
00:50:05,416 --> 00:50:06,583
Don't yell at me!
1089
00:50:06,666 --> 00:50:09,708
I'm a nervous driver,
technically unlicensed.
1090
00:50:09,791 --> 00:50:12,041
- You don't have a license?
- I mean, I had one.
1091
00:50:12,125 --> 00:50:14,166
It just expired a while back.
1092
00:50:14,250 --> 00:50:17,125
Jesus Christ!
My finger is in a fucking Ziploc bag!
1093
00:50:17,208 --> 00:50:20,333
I know, and it's really freaking me out.
Can you put it in the glove box?
1094
00:50:20,416 --> 00:50:22,416
We wouldn't want you to be freaked out,
would we?
1095
00:50:24,041 --> 00:50:26,583
- Your sister smokes weed?
- There's a lighter in my purse.
1096
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:28,125
I... I don't do drugs.
1097
00:50:28,208 --> 00:50:30,166
And you call yourself
a professional athlete?
1098
00:50:30,250 --> 00:50:32,083
- Watch out!
- Oh, God!
1099
00:50:32,166 --> 00:50:34,166
Slow down! Right, right, right!
1100
00:50:34,708 --> 00:50:35,708
Shrubbery!
1101
00:50:36,208 --> 00:50:38,000
Sloane, seriously!
1102
00:50:38,083 --> 00:50:39,208
Car!
1103
00:50:42,458 --> 00:50:44,500
Why couldn't they just call an Uber?
1104
00:50:45,583 --> 00:50:48,166
Dr. Lambert to the OR, stat.
1105
00:50:54,041 --> 00:50:55,208
Oh, my God.
1106
00:50:57,041 --> 00:50:58,625
Just relax.
1107
00:50:58,708 --> 00:51:00,958
I've got it all under control.
1108
00:51:01,458 --> 00:51:03,625
You don't have to lift a finger.
1109
00:51:05,166 --> 00:51:06,416
Seriously?
1110
00:51:11,833 --> 00:51:13,416
I'm too tired to report you.
1111
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:17,000
- Thanks, mate.
- I'm sorry.
1112
00:51:18,333 --> 00:51:20,916
Honestly, I know you from somewhere.
1113
00:51:22,583 --> 00:51:23,458
I just...
1114
00:51:23,833 --> 00:51:27,000
I just can't put my finger on it.
1115
00:51:31,250 --> 00:51:33,791
The doctor will be with you shortly.
He's reattaching a toe.
1116
00:51:33,875 --> 00:51:34,750
Toe?
1117
00:51:35,250 --> 00:51:36,208
Hold on a second.
1118
00:51:36,291 --> 00:51:38,916
A finger must take priority over a toe.
1119
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:40,333
Sorry.
1120
00:51:40,416 --> 00:51:43,250
If only you'd been a jackass
a little earlier in the day.
1121
00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:47,166
Wow.
1122
00:51:47,791 --> 00:51:49,416
You've really got her
1123
00:51:49,500 --> 00:51:51,750
wrapped around your finger.
1124
00:51:55,291 --> 00:51:56,833
All right.
1125
00:51:57,291 --> 00:51:58,125
Faarooq?
1126
00:51:59,708 --> 00:52:00,541
Sloane.
1127
00:52:00,625 --> 00:52:01,958
Are you hurt?
1128
00:52:02,041 --> 00:52:03,500
- Are you okay?
- Hi.
1129
00:52:03,583 --> 00:52:04,416
Hey.
1130
00:52:05,125 --> 00:52:08,125
No, I'm fine. I didn't know you worked
all the way out here.
1131
00:52:08,208 --> 00:52:10,833
I don't, normally.
They called me to reattach a pinkie toe.
1132
00:52:12,041 --> 00:52:13,416
That's so amazing.
1133
00:52:14,041 --> 00:52:16,041
It's a crucial phalange.
1134
00:52:16,125 --> 00:52:17,791
Stop.
1135
00:52:19,541 --> 00:52:21,833
Wow, you're doing such amazing work.
1136
00:52:21,916 --> 00:52:23,250
It's like wow.
1137
00:52:25,500 --> 00:52:26,833
I'm just doing my part.
1138
00:52:26,916 --> 00:52:27,916
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1139
00:52:28,541 --> 00:52:29,375
Aw...
1140
00:52:30,416 --> 00:52:33,791
I was a little disappointed
I didn't hear back from you.
1141
00:52:33,875 --> 00:52:37,625
And I'm disappointed that
I don't get to see my favorite bunny suit.
1142
00:52:37,708 --> 00:52:39,666
Ah! Yes, Jackson.
1143
00:52:39,750 --> 00:52:40,750
From Easter.
1144
00:52:41,333 --> 00:52:43,083
Sparkler got away from you, did it?
1145
00:52:43,166 --> 00:52:45,333
Uh, It was an M-80, actually.
1146
00:52:46,166 --> 00:52:47,333
Ah... ooh!
1147
00:52:47,875 --> 00:52:48,958
That's gonna hurt.
1148
00:52:49,708 --> 00:52:50,833
Skin's a little crispy...
1149
00:52:52,458 --> 00:52:55,083
But it looks like the bone didn't shatter.
1150
00:52:55,166 --> 00:52:56,250
Oh, yes.
1151
00:52:56,333 --> 00:52:57,666
All right. Hang tight.
1152
00:52:58,166 --> 00:52:59,875
We'll get you prepped for surgery, okay?
1153
00:52:59,958 --> 00:53:03,000
- You can fix it! He can fix it!
- Well... we'll see.
1154
00:53:03,666 --> 00:53:04,625
Fingers crossed.
1155
00:53:06,791 --> 00:53:08,000
Tough crowd.
1156
00:53:10,958 --> 00:53:12,166
All right.
1157
00:53:12,250 --> 00:53:13,375
Here we go.
1158
00:53:13,458 --> 00:53:14,291
You good?
1159
00:53:14,375 --> 00:53:16,875
Oh, okay. Is this a shoeless apartment?
1160
00:53:17,208 --> 00:53:18,333
All right.
1161
00:53:18,416 --> 00:53:20,250
I got your prescriptions right here.
1162
00:53:20,333 --> 00:53:21,333
Thank you.
1163
00:53:21,916 --> 00:53:24,666
The deli down the block
will be delivering your soup.
1164
00:53:24,750 --> 00:53:25,958
Mm-hmm.
1165
00:53:26,500 --> 00:53:27,458
And...
1166
00:53:28,583 --> 00:53:30,458
- I called your mother.
- Really? What...
1167
00:53:30,875 --> 00:53:31,916
What did she say?
1168
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,166
She didn't answer.
I just left a message.
1169
00:53:34,625 --> 00:53:35,541
Oh, yeah.
1170
00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:38,750
Told her you had a little accident
and should probably give you a call.
1171
00:53:39,291 --> 00:53:40,250
Thanks.
1172
00:53:40,958 --> 00:53:41,791
Uh...
1173
00:53:42,666 --> 00:53:45,666
I'm really sorry that I ruined
your Fourth of July.
1174
00:53:47,041 --> 00:53:48,500
Holidate rule number three,
1175
00:53:48,708 --> 00:53:50,375
"Leave no holidate behind."
1176
00:53:51,083 --> 00:53:52,791
Or their appendages.
1177
00:54:07,083 --> 00:54:09,416
You should...
You should probably get some rest.
1178
00:54:09,500 --> 00:54:11,625
Yeah. Yeah, I should.
1179
00:54:13,583 --> 00:54:14,708
Unless...
1180
00:54:15,375 --> 00:54:16,791
you need anything else?
1181
00:54:19,958 --> 00:54:21,458
No, I think I'm good.
1182
00:54:23,333 --> 00:54:24,708
Look, I... I think I'm fine.
1183
00:54:27,750 --> 00:54:29,041
I'm really tired.
1184
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:30,958
Okay.
1185
00:54:31,666 --> 00:54:33,958
I guess I'll just go then.
1186
00:54:35,125 --> 00:54:36,541
Okay. Yeah, sure.
1187
00:54:41,833 --> 00:54:43,166
See you later.
1188
00:55:13,666 --> 00:55:14,791
Our hands touched.
1189
00:55:16,458 --> 00:55:17,458
Holy shit.
1190
00:55:19,750 --> 00:55:20,791
You use protection?
1191
00:55:20,875 --> 00:55:23,333
I'm telling you,
there was a vibe.
1192
00:55:23,416 --> 00:55:24,541
Vibes are hot.
1193
00:55:25,291 --> 00:55:27,166
God, I miss vibes.
1194
00:55:27,250 --> 00:55:28,666
Yeah, but now it's weird.
1195
00:55:28,750 --> 00:55:32,583
Weirder than not knowing whether or not
his penis was actually inside of you?
1196
00:55:32,666 --> 00:55:36,083
Yes, actually,
because vibes could be real feelings.
1197
00:55:36,166 --> 00:55:38,333
I'm trying to tell you
there was a serious shift.
1198
00:55:38,416 --> 00:55:40,583
It is... not platonic anymore.
1199
00:55:40,666 --> 00:55:43,083
You're in trouble. You gotta get out.
1200
00:55:43,166 --> 00:55:45,375
I can't.
It's her brother's wedding on Labor Day.
1201
00:55:45,458 --> 00:55:47,333
I'm so confused.
1202
00:55:47,666 --> 00:55:50,500
You like him. He likes you.
These are not real problems.
1203
00:55:50,583 --> 00:55:51,625
Yes, they are.
1204
00:55:51,708 --> 00:55:55,375
I can't "like him" like him until
I know for sure he "likes me" likes me.
1205
00:55:55,458 --> 00:55:58,708
You cannot go to a wedding with a girl
who has actual feelings for you.
1206
00:55:58,791 --> 00:56:00,375
They start to get ideas and shit.
1207
00:56:00,458 --> 00:56:03,041
Listen to me, brother, as a black man,
I'm speaking to this.
1208
00:56:03,125 --> 00:56:05,708
Don't do it. No. No.
1209
00:56:05,791 --> 00:56:07,750
Labor Day is technically a holiday.
1210
00:56:07,833 --> 00:56:09,291
We have the holidate deal.
1211
00:56:09,375 --> 00:56:10,791
A wedding trumps a holiday.
1212
00:56:10,875 --> 00:56:12,125
You understand that, right?
1213
00:56:12,791 --> 00:56:15,958
Men loathe weddings,
even if it's a holiday, right?
1214
00:56:16,041 --> 00:56:18,416
So, if he's not trying to get out of it,
1215
00:56:18,791 --> 00:56:19,958
there's your answer.
1216
00:56:20,833 --> 00:56:22,541
I'm gonna ask him about the wedding.
1217
00:56:22,625 --> 00:56:25,708
Tell her to go with someone else.
Someone who has actual potential.
1218
00:56:26,125 --> 00:56:27,583
Like you're doing her a favor.
1219
00:56:28,250 --> 00:56:30,291
Well, then who do I bring?
1220
00:56:31,750 --> 00:56:34,250
Someone who doesn't
give a shit about weddings.
1221
00:56:34,708 --> 00:56:36,958
I'm booked.
1222
00:56:41,083 --> 00:56:43,250
It's not a holiday.
Why are you calling me?
1223
00:56:43,333 --> 00:56:45,333
It's an emergency. If you don't help me,
1224
00:56:45,416 --> 00:56:48,000
York and Liz are gonna get
a gift card for their wedding present.
1225
00:56:48,333 --> 00:56:49,333
What about this?
1226
00:56:52,166 --> 00:56:54,000
Hideous and wrong.
1227
00:56:54,083 --> 00:56:56,625
The Pottery Barn pillow sham
are still available...
1228
00:56:56,708 --> 00:56:58,791
Guys don't get other guys shams.
1229
00:56:59,083 --> 00:57:00,666
It's mostly for Liz.
1230
00:57:01,291 --> 00:57:02,458
I suppose you're right.
1231
00:57:02,958 --> 00:57:05,708
I... look, you know, I was thinking, and,
1232
00:57:05,791 --> 00:57:08,625
honestly, I was not expecting
to be invited.
1233
00:57:09,291 --> 00:57:12,333
So, I don't really know the protocol here.
1234
00:57:12,416 --> 00:57:14,208
You know, it's a wedding, but...
1235
00:57:14,291 --> 00:57:15,625
But also a holiday.
1236
00:57:15,708 --> 00:57:18,041
Yeah, I... had the same thought.
1237
00:57:18,125 --> 00:57:19,125
Oh!
1238
00:57:19,541 --> 00:57:20,375
You did?
1239
00:57:20,958 --> 00:57:21,833
That's great.
1240
00:57:21,916 --> 00:57:22,875
It is?
1241
00:57:23,333 --> 00:57:24,375
Oh, well.
1242
00:57:24,458 --> 00:57:25,750
I'm so relieved.
1243
00:57:25,833 --> 00:57:27,000
Me too.
1244
00:57:27,208 --> 00:57:29,208
- So, we'll just...
- So, we'll bring dates.
1245
00:57:30,583 --> 00:57:31,666
Uh, dates?
1246
00:57:32,375 --> 00:57:34,000
Well... yeah.
1247
00:57:34,458 --> 00:57:35,458
Dates, right?
1248
00:57:36,750 --> 00:57:38,458
Yeah. Dates.
1249
00:57:39,291 --> 00:57:40,958
- Other... people.
- Perfect.
1250
00:57:49,916 --> 00:57:51,666
Attention! Attention! Gather around.
1251
00:57:51,750 --> 00:57:53,250
I got something I need to say.
1252
00:57:53,500 --> 00:57:54,416
All right?
1253
00:57:54,500 --> 00:57:57,500
First off, Liz's parents,
or should I say, "Mom and Dad"?
1254
00:57:57,583 --> 00:57:59,791
Thank you for this
freaking awesome wedding.
1255
00:58:01,125 --> 00:58:03,458
Most importantly, to my beautiful bride,
1256
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:05,166
and lady fate.
1257
00:58:05,791 --> 00:58:09,291
If I hadn't taken the wrong I train
that day, we never would've met.
1258
00:58:10,333 --> 00:58:11,833
But we met at a party.
1259
00:58:11,916 --> 00:58:13,083
I love you, baby!
1260
00:58:13,166 --> 00:58:15,041
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
1261
00:58:16,666 --> 00:58:17,791
To us.
1262
00:58:18,208 --> 00:58:19,375
We did it.
1263
00:58:24,291 --> 00:58:26,250
I cannot believe he brought her
to the wedding.
1264
00:58:26,333 --> 00:58:28,166
I mean, they hardly know each other.
1265
00:58:28,875 --> 00:58:30,500
I mean, admit it. It's weird.
1266
00:58:30,583 --> 00:58:32,208
- You have to admit it.
- I don't...
1267
00:58:32,291 --> 00:58:35,125
But they're both single and sexy.
It's not that weird.
1268
00:58:35,208 --> 00:58:37,458
She's family, and he's a friend.
1269
00:58:42,583 --> 00:58:44,500
- Stop!
- What?
1270
00:58:46,541 --> 00:58:47,541
It's really weird,
1271
00:58:47,625 --> 00:58:51,208
because Sloane gets queasy at the sight
of blood, and now she's with a doctor.
1272
00:58:52,208 --> 00:58:55,000
- He sure scrubs up nice.
- You think he's handsome?
1273
00:58:55,083 --> 00:58:57,416
Oh, face: eight, hands: ten.
1274
00:59:01,166 --> 00:59:02,833
- For a woman...
- Stop!
1275
00:59:02,916 --> 00:59:04,875
...it's all about the hands.
1276
00:59:04,958 --> 00:59:05,833
Hey.
1277
00:59:08,333 --> 00:59:09,708
- Yeah. Look.
- What?
1278
00:59:11,833 --> 00:59:12,750
Hmm.
1279
00:59:13,250 --> 00:59:14,666
Yeah, I know. I know. Hey!
1280
00:59:15,291 --> 00:59:18,208
They're probably just friends.
She's being friendly, right?
1281
00:59:21,541 --> 00:59:22,625
Nothing?
1282
00:59:23,583 --> 00:59:25,750
Whatever. You know what?
I don't even care.
1283
00:59:30,708 --> 00:59:31,541
What...
1284
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:35,833
Nope.
1285
00:59:36,208 --> 00:59:37,416
I don't feel a thing.
1286
00:59:39,875 --> 00:59:41,416
Completely numb.
1287
00:59:42,833 --> 00:59:44,416
I'm gonna get us another drink.
1288
00:59:45,416 --> 00:59:46,458
Oh, Elaine!
1289
00:59:46,541 --> 00:59:48,541
- Congratulations.
- Oh, thank you.
1290
00:59:48,625 --> 00:59:51,291
Finally, you can get yourself
another holidate.
1291
00:59:51,375 --> 00:59:52,875
My daughter's taken...
1292
00:59:53,458 --> 00:59:54,708
by a doctor.
1293
00:59:57,083 --> 00:59:58,166
Ow!
1294
00:59:59,708 --> 01:00:00,541
Thank you.
1295
01:00:04,875 --> 01:00:05,708
Champagne.
1296
01:00:08,250 --> 01:00:09,291
Nice wedding.
1297
01:00:10,166 --> 01:00:11,250
Beautiful.
1298
01:00:14,833 --> 01:00:15,791
Have fun.
1299
01:00:16,125 --> 01:00:17,333
Are you gonna sleep with her?
1300
01:00:18,833 --> 01:00:19,791
I don't know.
1301
01:00:19,875 --> 01:00:21,791
Thought we might
get through desserts first.
1302
01:00:22,500 --> 01:00:23,833
So, you might?
1303
01:00:24,125 --> 01:00:25,625
That's none of your business.
1304
01:00:25,708 --> 01:00:27,333
We're related. It's my business.
1305
01:00:27,416 --> 01:00:28,708
Are you gonna sleep with the doc?
1306
01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:32,041
Hmm. The man saved your finger.
It's the least I could do.
1307
01:00:32,125 --> 01:00:33,333
He botched the job.
1308
01:00:33,416 --> 01:00:35,208
I still can't flip a full bird.
1309
01:00:35,291 --> 01:00:38,333
Lucky for you, Aunt Susan's eyes
aren't what they used to be.
1310
01:00:38,416 --> 01:00:39,791
You said it wasn't so bad.
1311
01:00:39,875 --> 01:00:41,500
I was being nice.
1312
01:00:41,583 --> 01:00:43,458
Oh, well, don't do me any favors.
1313
01:00:43,541 --> 01:00:45,291
You know what, ditto!
1314
01:00:45,375 --> 01:00:48,125
In fact, maybe we should
just rethink this whole holidate thing.
1315
01:00:48,208 --> 01:00:49,208
Maybe we should.
1316
01:00:49,291 --> 01:00:50,750
- Great.
- Great.
1317
01:00:51,125 --> 01:00:53,208
- Awesome.
- Fantastic.
1318
01:00:53,416 --> 01:00:56,916
And now, for the moment
we've all been waiting for.
1319
01:01:01,333 --> 01:01:03,000
The father-daughter dance.
1320
01:01:03,125 --> 01:01:05,583
[speaking Mandarin}
1321
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:10,541
What is going on?
1322
01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:13,333
- Do they know what this song is about?
- No.
1323
01:01:15,208 --> 01:01:16,916
Wait, isn't that her dad?
1324
01:01:17,625 --> 01:01:19,625
This is so inappropriate.
1325
01:01:24,375 --> 01:01:25,625
Are they serious?
1326
01:01:26,208 --> 01:01:28,333
That is not gonna look good on the video.
1327
01:01:28,416 --> 01:01:30,333
Yeah, someone needs to tell them.
1328
01:01:30,416 --> 01:01:31,833
So weird, her daddy.
1329
01:01:32,541 --> 01:01:33,375
Seriously.
1330
01:01:34,291 --> 01:01:35,916
- No, not us!
- Come on. We got this.
1331
01:01:39,333 --> 01:01:41,000
- Excuse me.
- Beautiful wedding, sir.
1332
01:01:42,375 --> 01:01:43,708
Hey!
1333
01:01:44,750 --> 01:01:45,666
York.
1334
01:01:48,583 --> 01:01:49,583
Yeah.
1335
01:02:27,875 --> 01:02:28,708
Oh, shit.
1336
01:02:29,875 --> 01:02:31,083
My niece.
1337
01:02:37,666 --> 01:02:38,625
Hi.
1338
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:00,125
Are you okay?
1339
01:03:00,500 --> 01:03:01,416
I am now.
1340
01:03:07,166 --> 01:03:08,666
That needs to be iced.
1341
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:16,416
Any ideas for Halloween?
1342
01:03:16,500 --> 01:03:17,625
Already on it.
1343
01:03:19,291 --> 01:03:21,375
Trick or treat!
1344
01:03:29,541 --> 01:03:31,583
Sloane, stop eating
all the chocolate.
1345
01:03:31,666 --> 01:03:33,208
You're gonna be sick.
1346
01:03:35,125 --> 01:03:36,625
Okay, ready? And suck.
1347
01:03:36,708 --> 01:03:38,375
Okay. There, there, there.
1348
01:03:39,125 --> 01:03:40,625
Oh, my God.
1349
01:03:40,708 --> 01:03:44,000
I am so excited. This is my first
adult party since the kids.
1350
01:03:44,083 --> 01:03:45,500
Are you sad Peter's not coming?
1351
01:03:45,583 --> 01:03:47,916
Well, why should it be different tonight?
1352
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,333
- Okay, ready? Suck! Suck!
- Oh! Jesus!
1353
01:03:51,208 --> 01:03:52,041
Ah!
1354
01:03:52,458 --> 01:03:55,583
When did Halloween go from dressing up
like a princess to a whore?
1355
01:03:55,666 --> 01:03:57,000
I don't know, sixth grade?
1356
01:03:57,500 --> 01:03:58,375
What's a whore?
1357
01:03:59,291 --> 01:04:02,083
Um, somebody who gets paid
to play with boys.
1358
01:04:02,166 --> 01:04:03,666
I wanna be a whore.
1359
01:04:04,041 --> 01:04:04,916
Me too!
1360
01:04:05,750 --> 01:04:08,666
Okay, but just remember
that the house gets 50 percent.
1361
01:04:09,083 --> 01:04:10,625
Hmm?
1362
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:15,583
Well, this is what I get for
putting Jackson in charge of costumes.
1363
01:04:16,750 --> 01:04:17,583
Here.
1364
01:04:17,666 --> 01:04:19,875
- What is that?
- It is a preemptive antacid.
1365
01:04:19,958 --> 01:04:21,250
Just pretend it's candy.
1366
01:04:26,625 --> 01:04:28,833
I have the flyest costume
in this joint.
1367
01:04:28,916 --> 01:04:31,416
Look at it. Oh, this suit is fabulous.
1368
01:04:31,500 --> 01:04:32,583
I look good, don't I?
1369
01:04:32,666 --> 01:04:34,458
I look good. Tell me I look good.
1370
01:04:34,541 --> 01:04:35,791
You look ridiculous.
1371
01:04:35,875 --> 01:04:38,416
And you're scaring people
and not in a good way.
1372
01:04:38,500 --> 01:04:40,125
You judging me, Jack Sparrow?
1373
01:04:40,208 --> 01:04:42,875
I'm the Black Panther. Wakanda forever!
1374
01:04:42,958 --> 01:04:46,333
- You look nothing like the Black Panther.
- I'm unique. This is my interpretation.
1375
01:04:46,416 --> 01:04:47,916
Look, I've been practicing the accent.
1376
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:50,000
Hello. How are you today?
1377
01:04:50,083 --> 01:04:52,083
- That's actually really good.
- Good, right?
1378
01:04:52,166 --> 01:04:54,333
- Ahoy, mateys!
- Oh, hey.
1379
01:04:54,416 --> 01:04:55,916
Good... it fits.
1380
01:04:57,166 --> 01:04:58,166
Perfectly.
1381
01:05:00,708 --> 01:05:03,541
- Uh, Neil, this is my sister, Abby.
- Hi.
1382
01:05:07,250 --> 01:05:11,208
Hello. How are you
today, my fine German pussycat?
1383
01:05:13,125 --> 01:05:15,083
No. Thank you.
1384
01:05:16,916 --> 01:05:19,250
Panther on the prowl.
1385
01:05:20,291 --> 01:05:21,958
Where'd you go, baby girl?
1386
01:05:22,291 --> 01:05:23,125
Drink?
1387
01:05:23,208 --> 01:05:24,916
- Immediately.
- Two, please.
1388
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:26,166
- Oh!
- Oh, my...
1389
01:05:26,250 --> 01:05:27,916
Hey! What's up?
1390
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:29,708
I see. You're playing hard to get.
1391
01:05:29,791 --> 01:05:31,791
She's playing hard to get.
Wakanda forever.
1392
01:05:31,875 --> 01:05:33,583
Let me go get her.
1393
01:05:34,708 --> 01:05:37,708
Hey, baby, come back.
Chill right here. I don't bite.
1394
01:05:40,500 --> 01:05:42,750
Liz, great party. Congrats.
1395
01:05:42,833 --> 01:05:46,250
It's a complete disaster.
Who fills a place with this much dry ice?
1396
01:05:46,333 --> 01:05:49,083
But that's fun. And you know, scary and...
1397
01:05:49,625 --> 01:05:51,333
I love the costume.
1398
01:05:51,416 --> 01:05:54,583
I'm so embarrassed. We're supposed to be
Cleopatra and Mark Antony.
1399
01:05:54,666 --> 01:05:56,458
Trick or treat, party people!
1400
01:05:56,916 --> 01:05:58,500
Who are you supposed to be?
1401
01:05:58,583 --> 01:06:00,375
Marc Anthony. Whoo!
1402
01:06:01,708 --> 01:06:03,083
The little Latin singer?
1403
01:06:04,791 --> 01:06:06,000
JLo's husband?
1404
01:06:06,083 --> 01:06:07,625
They're not even together anymore.
1405
01:06:07,708 --> 01:06:09,208
She's with Alex Rodriguez now.
1406
01:06:12,833 --> 01:06:14,500
You invited Luc?
1407
01:06:14,583 --> 01:06:15,791
Hello, everyone.
1408
01:06:16,833 --> 01:06:19,500
- Happy Halloween.
- I love the slut costume.
1409
01:06:20,333 --> 01:06:21,666
Thank you.
1410
01:06:21,750 --> 01:06:24,166
Yours too.
I mean, that big belly's incredible.
1411
01:06:24,250 --> 01:06:26,541
You look really, really pregnant.
1412
01:06:26,625 --> 01:06:28,625
- Not fake!
- Not fake?
1413
01:06:28,708 --> 01:06:30,416
Not fake.
1414
01:06:30,833 --> 01:06:32,083
Uh... due in two days.
1415
01:06:32,500 --> 01:06:34,166
I couldn't keep her at home.
1416
01:06:34,250 --> 01:06:37,166
I told you, baby,
this baby's not gonna change our lives.
1417
01:06:41,708 --> 01:06:43,000
That's adorable.
1418
01:06:43,083 --> 01:06:44,041
Thank you.
1419
01:06:44,125 --> 01:06:45,208
Wow.
1420
01:06:45,708 --> 01:06:46,541
Pregnant!
1421
01:06:46,958 --> 01:06:48,500
Oh!
1422
01:06:48,583 --> 01:06:50,250
- She's pregnant.
- I know.
1423
01:06:50,333 --> 01:06:51,833
She's adorable.
1424
01:06:51,916 --> 01:06:54,458
- Wanna get a drink? Let's get a drink.
- Congrats.
1425
01:06:54,541 --> 01:06:57,416
- Thank you.
- Congratulations.
1426
01:06:57,500 --> 01:06:58,875
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
1427
01:06:58,958 --> 01:07:01,333
I'm so happy for you. Wow!
1428
01:07:02,041 --> 01:07:04,375
Pregnant? She's fucking pregnant?
1429
01:07:04,458 --> 01:07:07,541
How's this even possible?
She's barely out of puberty.
1430
01:07:07,625 --> 01:07:08,750
Oh, God!
1431
01:07:08,833 --> 01:07:11,458
- I don't feel well.
- All right, listen. You need a drink.
1432
01:07:11,541 --> 01:07:14,416
No, I really don't feel well.
1433
01:07:14,500 --> 01:07:18,500
I've had about 50 mini-size candy bars.
I've had a bucket of candy corn,
1434
01:07:18,583 --> 01:07:21,291
and my ex-boyfriend has impregnated
a teenage girl.
1435
01:07:21,375 --> 01:07:23,208
Sweetie, here have another antacid.
1436
01:07:23,291 --> 01:07:24,791
Are you all right?
1437
01:07:25,083 --> 01:07:25,916
No.
1438
01:07:26,708 --> 01:07:27,958
No! Okay?
1439
01:07:28,041 --> 01:07:31,291
This is what I get for letting you
trap me in this torture device!
1440
01:07:32,958 --> 01:07:35,458
- Do you want me to take you home?
- Yeah.
1441
01:07:36,250 --> 01:07:38,250
- Oh.
- It's all right. I can take her.
1442
01:07:38,333 --> 01:07:41,041
No. I can. I mean, it's just that...
1443
01:07:41,125 --> 01:07:43,083
- If you're volunteering...
- It's fine.
1444
01:07:43,166 --> 01:07:46,083
- You don't have to do this.
- Holidate rule number three:
1445
01:07:46,166 --> 01:07:48,166
Leave no holidate behind. Come on.
1446
01:07:56,833 --> 01:07:57,833
Okay.
1447
01:07:58,666 --> 01:08:02,125
All right. Come on, dear.
Let's go. Let's go.
1448
01:08:02,208 --> 01:08:05,208
You know what,
just leave me. Ouch!
1449
01:08:05,333 --> 01:08:08,125
- Yeah, okay, no. We're gonna go. Ready?
- Leave me, please.
1450
01:08:08,208 --> 01:08:10,208
- One, two, three!
- No, no, no! No!
1451
01:08:11,333 --> 01:08:12,333
Okay.
1452
01:08:12,416 --> 01:08:13,500
Come on.
1453
01:08:13,583 --> 01:08:14,750
We're almost there.
1454
01:08:17,583 --> 01:08:18,583
Oh, my God.
1455
01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:21,416
- It's Halloween!
- Yeah, hence the costumes.
1456
01:08:21,500 --> 01:08:24,750
February, March, April, May, June,
July, August, September, October.
1457
01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:26,041
They did it
1458
01:08:26,125 --> 01:08:27,916
on Valentine's Day.
1459
01:08:28,500 --> 01:08:30,375
Everyone did it on Valentine's Day.
1460
01:08:30,458 --> 01:08:33,125
I didn't do it on Valentine's Day!
1461
01:08:33,208 --> 01:08:34,208
Neither did I!
1462
01:08:34,291 --> 01:08:37,625
They hardly even know each other,
and they're already procreating.
1463
01:08:37,708 --> 01:08:39,291
It's a mess. Let's go. Come on.
1464
01:08:39,375 --> 01:08:41,708
Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing.
1465
01:08:41,791 --> 01:08:44,708
- Trust me, I've seen much worse.
- How could this get worse?
1466
01:08:44,791 --> 01:08:46,333
- Yeah.
- My tummy hurts.
1467
01:08:46,416 --> 01:08:48,125
- Can I have one more pill?
- Yeah.
1468
01:08:51,500 --> 01:08:52,333
Oh, shit!
1469
01:09:01,041 --> 01:09:02,125
Untie me.
1470
01:09:02,833 --> 01:09:04,791
- What?
- Just... don't question!
1471
01:09:04,875 --> 01:09:06,000
Just untie me!
1472
01:09:06,083 --> 01:09:07,083
Come on.
1473
01:09:08,041 --> 01:09:11,458
- The laces! Hurry!
- What the hell is all this?
1474
01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:13,458
I'm trying, okay? I'm trying!
1475
01:09:15,458 --> 01:09:16,291
Just rip it.
1476
01:09:16,750 --> 01:09:17,750
Okay, just...
1477
01:09:17,833 --> 01:09:20,166
You know what? Just rip it.
1478
01:09:20,250 --> 01:09:22,875
Just rip my fucking pants off!
1479
01:09:31,583 --> 01:09:33,666
You're locked up like
Houdini in this!
1480
01:09:33,750 --> 01:09:35,916
This is your fault!
1481
01:09:36,000 --> 01:09:38,166
Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!
1482
01:09:38,250 --> 01:09:40,416
Please don't let this happen to me.
1483
01:09:40,500 --> 01:09:41,458
Fuck!
1484
01:09:42,833 --> 01:09:45,375
Don't let me be
the girl who shits her pants.
1485
01:09:45,458 --> 01:09:48,125
Come on, almost there!
I'm almost there.
1486
01:09:49,000 --> 01:09:51,250
Get it off.
1487
01:09:51,333 --> 01:09:53,291
- Shit. Come on.
- The door.
1488
01:09:53,375 --> 01:09:55,583
- You got it. Come on. We got it.
- Shit!
1489
01:09:56,875 --> 01:09:59,083
- Come on. You're all right. Close!
- Let me go!
1490
01:09:59,166 --> 01:10:01,291
- Wait, wait, wait!
- I can't! I can't!
1491
01:10:03,208 --> 01:10:04,625
Got it!
1492
01:10:04,708 --> 01:10:06,458
Oh, no!
1493
01:10:08,666 --> 01:10:09,916
Did you make it?
1494
01:10:10,625 --> 01:10:12,250
Go away!
1495
01:10:13,583 --> 01:10:14,500
Go away!
1496
01:10:28,083 --> 01:10:29,125
Don't look at me.
1497
01:10:29,208 --> 01:10:30,541
I'm not looking.
1498
01:10:59,333 --> 01:11:00,666
Peppermint tea.
1499
01:11:01,250 --> 01:11:02,375
Helps with the nausea.
1500
01:11:03,666 --> 01:11:05,125
I have peppermint tea?
1501
01:11:05,833 --> 01:11:07,000
Uh, sort of.
1502
01:11:07,083 --> 01:11:10,250
I mean, it's just crushed Altoids
in boiling water.
1503
01:11:11,333 --> 01:11:12,166
Hmm.
1504
01:11:15,875 --> 01:11:16,791
So, I guess...
1505
01:11:17,416 --> 01:11:20,208
I'll be an anecdote
you tell at parties now?
1506
01:11:21,166 --> 01:11:22,416
The girl who...
1507
01:11:24,125 --> 01:11:25,958
The girl who...
1508
01:11:28,875 --> 01:11:30,958
The girl who shit her pants on Halloween?
1509
01:11:31,458 --> 01:11:32,916
Oh, God.
1510
01:11:37,083 --> 01:11:38,000
You know,
1511
01:11:38,583 --> 01:11:39,458
technically...
1512
01:11:40,625 --> 01:11:43,333
we've all been shitting our pants
since we were born.
1513
01:11:49,458 --> 01:11:51,666
Don't worry, okay?
I'm not gonna tell anyone.
1514
01:11:52,708 --> 01:11:53,666
I promise.
1515
01:12:00,958 --> 01:12:01,791
Thank you.
1516
01:13:11,416 --> 01:13:14,625
I hate, in movies,
when people kiss in the morning.
1517
01:13:15,833 --> 01:13:17,375
I think it's gross.
1518
01:14:47,625 --> 01:14:48,458
Wow.
1519
01:14:49,875 --> 01:14:50,708
Yeah.
1520
01:14:53,125 --> 01:14:54,625
So, I guess we should...
1521
01:14:56,041 --> 01:14:58,041
You can go if you want.
1522
01:15:00,375 --> 01:15:01,416
You want me to leave?
1523
01:15:05,916 --> 01:15:08,916
I... I mean, if... if... if you want. I...
1524
01:15:09,666 --> 01:15:10,500
Don't feel
1525
01:15:11,250 --> 01:15:12,625
obligated to stay.
1526
01:15:13,708 --> 01:15:14,791
Obligated?
1527
01:15:16,750 --> 01:15:18,958
Halloween's over, right?
1528
01:15:21,458 --> 01:15:22,291
Right.
1529
01:15:23,166 --> 01:15:24,375
Halloween's over.
1530
01:15:44,916 --> 01:15:46,666
All right, coming!
1531
01:15:49,375 --> 01:15:50,916
I kissed the Black Panther.
1532
01:15:51,000 --> 01:15:52,666
- What?
- The Black Panther!
1533
01:15:53,208 --> 01:15:54,291
I kissed him!
1534
01:15:54,375 --> 01:15:56,000
We were standing in line,
1535
01:15:56,375 --> 01:15:59,500
you know, waiting for the bathroom,
and then it suddenly happened.
1536
01:15:59,583 --> 01:16:00,458
We kissed.
1537
01:16:00,541 --> 01:16:02,000
Ew! With tongue?
1538
01:16:03,041 --> 01:16:06,458
Oh, my God. I'm a horrible person.
I'm going to hell a thousand times.
1539
01:16:06,541 --> 01:16:10,208
- You're not a horrible person...
- Oh, my God! Yes, I am! Yes, I am!
1540
01:16:10,291 --> 01:16:12,916
I am a horrible wife and mother,
1541
01:16:13,000 --> 01:16:15,666
and I am married to a freaking saint.
1542
01:16:15,750 --> 01:16:18,291
Peter is, like,
the best man in the whole world,
1543
01:16:18,375 --> 01:16:20,000
and this is how I treat him?
1544
01:16:20,625 --> 01:16:22,083
I hate myself.
1545
01:16:22,416 --> 01:16:24,500
- No...
- I can't fucking believe
1546
01:16:24,583 --> 01:16:29,041
that I kissed the Black Panther!
1547
01:16:32,541 --> 01:16:33,541
Morning, Abby.
1548
01:16:39,791 --> 01:16:40,708
Oh, hi.
1549
01:16:41,208 --> 01:16:42,250
Hey, um...
1550
01:16:43,208 --> 01:16:45,958
I was just telling Sloane
about this dream I had last night.
1551
01:16:46,041 --> 01:16:47,041
Cool.
1552
01:16:48,583 --> 01:16:49,875
Well, I was just leaving.
1553
01:16:52,250 --> 01:16:53,083
Wait.
1554
01:16:56,500 --> 01:16:57,625
You guys had sex.
1555
01:16:58,916 --> 01:17:00,000
No, we didn't.
1556
01:17:00,416 --> 01:17:01,333
We didn't?
1557
01:17:04,708 --> 01:17:06,000
Oh, I should go. Okay.
1558
01:17:06,083 --> 01:17:07,500
No, no, no! You should stay.
1559
01:17:07,583 --> 01:17:09,791
You seem... you seem really upset
1560
01:17:09,875 --> 01:17:11,375
about your dream.
1561
01:17:12,375 --> 01:17:14,291
Yeah. You stay. I'll go.
1562
01:17:19,666 --> 01:17:20,583
Okay?
1563
01:17:25,875 --> 01:17:26,708
Okay.
1564
01:17:28,333 --> 01:17:29,208
Bye.
1565
01:17:30,250 --> 01:17:32,333
Okay, bye! See you at Thanksgiving!
1566
01:17:36,333 --> 01:17:37,583
What the hell was that?
1567
01:17:38,666 --> 01:17:39,958
What?
1568
01:17:40,375 --> 01:17:41,500
Nothing.
1569
01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:43,041
I'm gonna make coffee.
1570
01:17:43,125 --> 01:17:45,000
She practically shoved me out the door.
1571
01:17:45,833 --> 01:17:47,875
- She didn't even want to snuggle?
- Uh-uh.
1572
01:17:47,958 --> 01:17:49,583
- Cuddle?
- No.
1573
01:17:49,666 --> 01:17:50,791
Go to brunch?
1574
01:17:52,250 --> 01:17:53,708
I didn't get a cup of coffee.
1575
01:17:54,125 --> 01:17:56,208
Damn, man. That hurts.
1576
01:17:56,291 --> 01:17:57,125
Hmm.
1577
01:17:57,458 --> 01:17:59,041
You know, I've never been asked to leave.
1578
01:17:59,125 --> 01:18:00,541
Yeah, bro. I feel you, okay?
1579
01:18:00,666 --> 01:18:03,750
Me and Abby had a real connection,
and she hasn't even called.
1580
01:18:05,125 --> 01:18:07,416
Do you know what the last thing
she said to me was?
1581
01:18:07,875 --> 01:18:09,416
"See you at Thanksgiving."
1582
01:18:09,958 --> 01:18:12,750
Like, it was completely
meaningless to her.
1583
01:18:12,833 --> 01:18:14,541
That is cold, man.
1584
01:18:15,541 --> 01:18:17,625
But you still got your holidate, right?
1585
01:18:18,166 --> 01:18:21,833
- I don't think I can do it anymore.
- This is what I'm thinking, okay?
1586
01:18:22,416 --> 01:18:25,250
You go to Thanksgiving,
and act like nothing has changed.
1587
01:18:25,333 --> 01:18:26,166
Okay.
1588
01:18:26,250 --> 01:18:28,333
If it makes you feel better,
I'll go with you.
1589
01:18:29,166 --> 01:18:30,500
- Why?
- "Why?"
1590
01:18:31,583 --> 01:18:33,750
Me and Abby made a connection, remember?
1591
01:18:35,083 --> 01:18:36,208
- Really?
- Yeah.
1592
01:18:36,666 --> 01:18:38,125
You made a connection
1593
01:18:38,208 --> 01:18:40,333
with a married mother of four?
1594
01:18:40,833 --> 01:18:43,208
Oh, it sounded bad
when you said it like that.
1595
01:18:44,083 --> 01:18:46,416
- But if she asks about me...
- She won't.
1596
01:18:46,500 --> 01:18:47,625
Yeah. Okay.
1597
01:18:48,041 --> 01:18:49,750
- But if she does...
- She will not.
1598
01:18:49,833 --> 01:18:50,958
Whoa.
1599
01:18:51,041 --> 01:18:51,958
Okay.
1600
01:18:52,458 --> 01:18:54,375
- Let it go.
- I'm trying to let it go.
1601
01:18:55,000 --> 01:18:57,625
You don't wanna close one door
'cause it'll open another.
1602
01:18:57,708 --> 01:19:00,833
Yes, you do.
Shut it tight. Lock it.
1603
01:19:00,916 --> 01:19:02,333
- If she does...
- She will not.
1604
01:19:02,416 --> 01:19:03,333
I'm here.
1605
01:19:04,750 --> 01:19:06,666
Oh, hello!
1606
01:19:06,750 --> 01:19:09,375
Happy Thanksgiving.
1607
01:19:09,458 --> 01:19:11,333
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Kisses.
1608
01:19:11,583 --> 01:19:13,208
Mwah! Mwah!
1609
01:19:13,333 --> 01:19:15,500
Now, meet my new friend, Warren.
1610
01:19:15,916 --> 01:19:17,583
- Wally.
- That's what I said.
1611
01:19:17,666 --> 01:19:19,083
Hi, I'm Abby.
1612
01:19:19,166 --> 01:19:20,500
- Wally. Yeah.
- Sloane.
1613
01:19:20,583 --> 01:19:21,625
Sloane, pleasure...
1614
01:19:22,416 --> 01:19:26,750
Ooh! Howdy-ho! Something smells great
coming from this kitchen.
1615
01:19:26,833 --> 01:19:28,416
May I take a sample?
1616
01:19:28,500 --> 01:19:29,375
No.
1617
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:30,875
Maybe later.
1618
01:19:31,458 --> 01:19:33,416
I told you, my sister burns everything.
1619
01:19:33,500 --> 01:19:35,541
It's not burnt. It's well-done.
1620
01:19:36,583 --> 01:19:38,166
That's what basting is for.
1621
01:19:38,541 --> 01:19:39,708
It's okay with me.
1622
01:19:39,791 --> 01:19:41,791
Kind of like my meat a little crispy.
1623
01:19:47,875 --> 01:19:49,208
You didn't invite Faarooq?
1624
01:19:49,291 --> 01:19:50,791
Oh, that? Oh, no.
1625
01:19:51,750 --> 01:19:53,083
You know me.
1626
01:19:53,166 --> 01:19:54,833
One holidate per customer.
1627
01:19:54,916 --> 01:19:57,125
But you guys seemed so happy together.
1628
01:19:57,208 --> 01:20:00,083
Short and sweet, honey.
Everything ends eventually.
1629
01:20:00,750 --> 01:20:03,083
So, why sit around
waiting for it to happen?
1630
01:20:08,708 --> 01:20:12,083
Liz, York. Abby, Peter, me,
1631
01:20:12,166 --> 01:20:14,625
Susan, Susan's latest.
1632
01:20:14,708 --> 01:20:16,375
Me and Jackson.
1633
01:20:16,458 --> 01:20:18,333
Are you sure he's coming?
1634
01:20:18,416 --> 01:20:20,083
I don't want to put the leaf in.
1635
01:20:20,166 --> 01:20:21,000
Yes.
1636
01:20:21,083 --> 01:20:21,916
He's coming.
1637
01:20:22,333 --> 01:20:23,875
And he's coming alone, right?
1638
01:20:24,291 --> 01:20:25,333
Okay, all right.
1639
01:20:25,583 --> 01:20:27,875
- Just put the leaf in.
- It's in the basement.
1640
01:20:27,958 --> 01:20:30,208
- Mom.
- We can use the piano bench.
1641
01:20:30,291 --> 01:20:32,208
Just put the goddamn leaf in!
1642
01:20:34,083 --> 01:20:35,208
Is everything okay?
1643
01:20:35,291 --> 01:20:37,291
Oh! Oh!
1644
01:20:37,750 --> 01:20:40,208
Is dinner burning?
1645
01:20:40,291 --> 01:20:41,500
I'll call 911.
1646
01:20:41,583 --> 01:20:43,208
No. No. It's okay, honey.
1647
01:20:43,291 --> 01:20:45,333
Nana just burnt the turkey and stuffing
1648
01:20:45,416 --> 01:20:47,291
and hopefully a pie.
1649
01:20:49,000 --> 01:20:51,541
- Yams. Not sweet potatoes.
- Yeah, I got it.
1650
01:20:51,625 --> 01:20:52,791
And cranberry sauce.
1651
01:20:52,875 --> 01:20:54,250
Not that hoity-toity crap
1652
01:20:54,333 --> 01:20:56,333
- claiming to be whole cranberries.
- Yes.
1653
01:20:56,416 --> 01:20:57,333
And a pie!
1654
01:21:02,625 --> 01:21:03,500
Hi.
1655
01:21:03,583 --> 01:21:04,416
Hey.
1656
01:21:05,166 --> 01:21:06,083
Hello.
1657
01:21:07,750 --> 01:21:08,791
Oh!
1658
01:21:08,875 --> 01:21:10,375
We're covered for dessert,
1659
01:21:10,458 --> 01:21:12,750
but maybe the neighbors can use it.
1660
01:21:15,625 --> 01:21:17,750
I have to go to the store. So, you can...
1661
01:21:19,041 --> 01:21:19,916
I'll drive.
1662
01:21:21,833 --> 01:21:22,791
Okay.
1663
01:21:37,291 --> 01:21:38,208
So...
1664
01:21:39,041 --> 01:21:39,958
how have you been?
1665
01:21:40,750 --> 01:21:41,666
Good.
1666
01:21:42,125 --> 01:21:42,958
Busy.
1667
01:21:43,625 --> 01:21:44,500
You?
1668
01:21:45,000 --> 01:21:45,833
Good.
1669
01:21:46,083 --> 01:21:47,000
Busy.
1670
01:21:48,625 --> 01:21:50,791
- Chip?
- You know I don't eat that shit.
1671
01:21:50,875 --> 01:21:52,625
It's not shit. It's organic.
1672
01:21:53,041 --> 01:21:55,750
Are we gonna pretend
like what happened didn't happen?
1673
01:21:55,833 --> 01:21:56,875
Works for me.
1674
01:21:59,875 --> 01:22:02,791
Okay, but for the record, I'm not the one
that wanted to leave that morning.
1675
01:22:02,875 --> 01:22:04,791
Oh, I didn't hear you asking to stay.
1676
01:22:04,875 --> 01:22:06,833
Well, you didn't give me a chance.
1677
01:22:06,916 --> 01:22:08,041
Oh, please.
1678
01:22:08,125 --> 01:22:10,833
You didn't want to have sex with me
in the first place.
1679
01:22:13,166 --> 01:22:16,041
Hmm. Come on. Let's go.
1680
01:22:16,958 --> 01:22:19,166
You're not even that attracted to me,
right?
1681
01:22:19,666 --> 01:22:21,125
Why can't you let that go?
1682
01:22:22,083 --> 01:22:24,000
Because when a guy basically opens
1683
01:22:24,083 --> 01:22:26,500
with the fact
he doesn't find a girl attractive,
1684
01:22:26,583 --> 01:22:29,041
it kinda sets the tone
for the rest of the relationship.
1685
01:22:31,125 --> 01:22:33,833
I was some random bloke at the mall.
1686
01:22:33,916 --> 01:22:36,250
Honestly, what do you think
would have happened
1687
01:22:36,333 --> 01:22:38,916
if I'd said,
"Hey, I think you're incredibly beautiful!
1688
01:22:40,625 --> 01:22:42,083
With these lips that...
1689
01:22:43,833 --> 01:22:45,208
beg to be kissed.
1690
01:22:47,916 --> 01:22:48,916
These eyes that are...
1691
01:22:50,916 --> 01:22:53,541
Honestly, I don't know what they are.
They make me forget my name.
1692
01:22:57,916 --> 01:23:00,000
There's just no way
you would've gone out with me.
1693
01:23:00,500 --> 01:23:02,375
Especially, not on New Year's Eve.
1694
01:23:05,500 --> 01:23:06,500
So...
1695
01:23:09,291 --> 01:23:10,625
does that change anything?
1696
01:23:14,666 --> 01:23:15,625
No.
1697
01:23:16,125 --> 01:23:17,208
Nothing has changed.
1698
01:23:18,083 --> 01:23:19,833
In fact, you can relax
1699
01:23:19,916 --> 01:23:23,625
and continue to bang all the cocktail
waitresses you want between holidays.
1700
01:23:23,708 --> 01:23:26,625
No one is expecting you
to drop a knee at Thanksgiving.
1701
01:23:31,375 --> 01:23:32,583
Thanks for the update.
1702
01:23:32,666 --> 01:23:34,625
At least I'm not the asshole this time.
1703
01:23:34,708 --> 01:23:37,791
What is that supposed to mean?
You think I'm being an asshole?
1704
01:23:37,875 --> 01:23:38,708
Yeah.
1705
01:23:39,125 --> 01:23:40,666
- Me?
- Yes!
1706
01:23:40,750 --> 01:23:44,166
You're trying so hard
not to feel anything.
1707
01:23:44,250 --> 01:23:47,083
That means you're lying to both of us.
And that makes you an asshole.
1708
01:23:48,125 --> 01:23:50,166
Well, I'd rather be an asshole
1709
01:23:50,250 --> 01:23:53,875
than so desperate for companionship
that I troll the mall for a holidate.
1710
01:23:53,958 --> 01:23:54,958
No.
1711
01:23:55,041 --> 01:23:57,416
You were desperate enough
to take me up on the offer.
1712
01:23:59,708 --> 01:24:01,666
- Where are you going?
- I'm going away.
1713
01:24:01,750 --> 01:24:04,041
Fine. Go.
1714
01:24:04,583 --> 01:24:07,333
I see another ugly Christmas sweater
in your future!
1715
01:24:12,708 --> 01:24:13,875
Maybe there is.
1716
01:24:15,000 --> 01:24:17,291
But at least I won't be alone,
1717
01:24:17,500 --> 01:24:20,958
sitting at the kids table,
blaming everyone else for my problems.
1718
01:24:22,916 --> 01:24:24,166
And you know what?
1719
01:24:25,083 --> 01:24:26,500
I bet you money,
1720
01:24:26,583 --> 01:24:29,083
that if Ryan Gosling
waltzed down this frozen food aisle,
1721
01:24:29,166 --> 01:24:33,458
and offered to take you on the ride
of your life, you would still say no.
1722
01:24:36,708 --> 01:24:39,083
'Cause you'd be too afraid
to get on that train.
1723
01:24:39,916 --> 01:24:41,500
The Ryan Gosling train.
1724
01:24:46,125 --> 01:24:48,000
You are so wrong!
1725
01:24:49,916 --> 01:24:53,083
Ryan Gosling would never
do his own shopping!
1726
01:24:55,666 --> 01:24:57,416
He's way too cool for that.
1727
01:25:01,125 --> 01:25:04,125
Well, I think you should stop
being so cheap and buy a new table.
1728
01:25:04,208 --> 01:25:05,625
This is Mother's table!
1729
01:25:05,708 --> 01:25:08,125
You're just jealous
because she left it to me.
1730
01:25:08,750 --> 01:25:10,208
Because I didn't want it.
1731
01:25:10,291 --> 01:25:12,000
I think it's a beautiful table.
1732
01:25:12,083 --> 01:25:13,583
Oh, shut up, Warren.
1733
01:25:13,666 --> 01:25:14,875
- Wally.
- Wally.
1734
01:25:18,125 --> 01:25:19,750
Hey. Where's Jackson?
1735
01:25:19,833 --> 01:25:21,625
Uh... don't know. Don't care.
1736
01:25:21,708 --> 01:25:23,625
I knew it! No leaf!
1737
01:25:23,958 --> 01:25:25,875
Jesus, Sloane, what did you do?
1738
01:25:26,333 --> 01:25:28,708
I didn't do anything.
What makes you think it was me?
1739
01:25:29,375 --> 01:25:31,958
Well, honey, you don't have
the best track record.
1740
01:25:32,041 --> 01:25:33,666
Maybe you can still apologize?
1741
01:25:33,750 --> 01:25:36,458
- Yeah, Sloane. Jack's a good guy.
- Whoa. Wait a second.
1742
01:25:37,000 --> 01:25:38,625
What makes you think this was my fault?
1743
01:25:38,708 --> 01:25:42,125
- If you would be honest with him.
- Oh, you want me to be honest?
1744
01:25:42,416 --> 01:25:44,000
Yes. Yes. And then maybe, for once,
1745
01:25:44,083 --> 01:25:47,166
we could get through a holiday
without your personal life ruining dinner.
1746
01:25:47,250 --> 01:25:48,625
My personal life?
1747
01:25:48,708 --> 01:25:49,875
It's a mess!
1748
01:25:49,958 --> 01:25:51,916
It's always a mess!
1749
01:25:52,000 --> 01:25:53,583
Okay, well, my "personal life"
1750
01:25:53,666 --> 01:25:56,916
might be a mess, but at least
I didn't kiss the Black Panther!
1751
01:25:57,000 --> 01:25:58,041
You bitch.
1752
01:25:58,416 --> 01:26:00,875
- What's the black panther?
- Jackson's friend at Halloween?
1753
01:26:00,958 --> 01:26:02,791
He was dressed as Black Panther.
It was legit.
1754
01:26:02,875 --> 01:26:05,583
Wait, what?
You kissed the Black Panther?
1755
01:26:07,750 --> 01:26:09,666
Barely. It was an accident.
1756
01:26:09,750 --> 01:26:12,750
- I didn't see any tongue.
- You saw them kiss and didn't tell me?
1757
01:26:12,833 --> 01:26:14,916
- You can't keep secrets.
- How do you know?
1758
01:26:15,000 --> 01:26:17,250
- You know nothing about me!
- I was trick-or-treating.
1759
01:26:17,333 --> 01:26:20,541
I trusted you.
I let you go to a party without me!
1760
01:26:21,541 --> 01:26:23,458
I go everywhere without you.
1761
01:26:23,791 --> 01:26:25,833
And you never have time for me.
1762
01:26:25,916 --> 01:26:28,041
- All you care about is the kids!
- One of us has to!
1763
01:26:28,125 --> 01:26:30,291
Wally!
1764
01:26:30,375 --> 01:26:32,291
- Oh, my God! He's choking!
- York, do the Heimlich!
1765
01:26:32,375 --> 01:26:34,208
- I don't know the Heimlich.
- How can you not?
1766
01:26:34,291 --> 01:26:36,041
Step aside! I know the Heimlich!
1767
01:26:36,125 --> 01:26:38,791
Stop it! He's not choking!
He's having a heart attack.
1768
01:26:38,875 --> 01:26:40,166
Somebody call 911.
1769
01:26:40,250 --> 01:26:42,458
I'm on it!
1770
01:26:47,833 --> 01:26:50,458
- You can ride with us, ma'am.
- What? No. We're not together.
1771
01:26:50,541 --> 01:26:53,416
- Aunt Susan, go!
- You have to come with me.
1772
01:26:53,500 --> 01:26:54,458
- No. No, no.
- Yes.
1773
01:26:54,541 --> 01:26:55,583
You're coming.
1774
01:26:55,666 --> 01:26:56,500
Go! Go!
1775
01:27:01,625 --> 01:27:04,375
- He's in good hands now. Let's go.
- No.
1776
01:27:04,458 --> 01:27:07,625
We can't go.
Your date just had a heart attack.
1777
01:27:07,708 --> 01:27:08,958
I barely know him.
1778
01:27:09,041 --> 01:27:10,750
I had to write his name on my arm.
1779
01:27:11,166 --> 01:27:12,041
Look.
1780
01:27:14,333 --> 01:27:15,166
Hmm.
1781
01:27:15,916 --> 01:27:17,375
It's all my fault, you know.
1782
01:27:18,583 --> 01:27:21,000
I've had so many opportunities.
1783
01:27:21,083 --> 01:27:24,041
I've had so many men that loved me.
1784
01:27:26,083 --> 01:27:28,541
Once they got too close, I backed off.
1785
01:27:29,625 --> 01:27:31,041
So, here I am at...
1786
01:27:32,750 --> 01:27:34,916
age 49.
1787
01:27:36,416 --> 01:27:37,541
It's too late now.
1788
01:27:37,625 --> 01:27:38,916
Wallace Lupinski?
1789
01:27:39,333 --> 01:27:41,375
Is anyone here for Mr. Lupinski?
1790
01:27:44,250 --> 01:27:45,125
Faarooq?
1791
01:27:47,666 --> 01:27:48,500
Susan.
1792
01:27:51,041 --> 01:27:52,625
You're working on Thanksgiving.
1793
01:27:55,041 --> 01:27:56,041
Are you here for...
1794
01:27:56,875 --> 01:27:57,833
Wallace Lupinski?
1795
01:27:58,750 --> 01:27:59,583
Uh...
1796
01:28:00,083 --> 01:28:00,916
No.
1797
01:28:02,875 --> 01:28:03,958
You sure, 'cause...
1798
01:28:04,875 --> 01:28:06,375
Oh, he's a family friend.
1799
01:28:06,458 --> 01:28:07,833
How's he doing, by the way?
1800
01:28:09,708 --> 01:28:10,625
Mild heart attack,
1801
01:28:11,125 --> 01:28:12,291
but he's gonna be fine.
1802
01:28:16,041 --> 01:28:17,250
It was nice to see you.
1803
01:28:27,958 --> 01:28:30,208
- Say something.
- I can't. Let's just go.
1804
01:28:30,916 --> 01:28:33,666
No. You have to say something.
Say anything, just...
1805
01:28:34,416 --> 01:28:35,250
I fucked up!
1806
01:28:37,916 --> 01:28:39,625
You're the most amazing man I've ever met.
1807
01:28:40,291 --> 01:28:41,583
So, you broke up with me.
1808
01:28:44,958 --> 01:28:46,875
I got scared. It's what I do.
1809
01:28:48,500 --> 01:28:50,750
Losing you was the dumbest mistake
of my life.
1810
01:28:52,916 --> 01:28:55,041
Please tell me we can have another chance?
1811
01:28:58,750 --> 01:28:59,750
I can't...
1812
01:29:02,250 --> 01:29:03,416
imagine...
1813
01:29:04,583 --> 01:29:06,291
being happy without you.
1814
01:29:08,541 --> 01:29:10,041
- Susan.
- Yeah.
1815
01:29:10,500 --> 01:29:11,541
I love you.
1816
01:29:12,083 --> 01:29:13,541
I love you.
1817
01:30:12,125 --> 01:30:13,333
See you, mate.
1818
01:30:40,708 --> 01:30:43,708
So, you're stalking him
but not actually speaking to him?
1819
01:30:43,791 --> 01:30:49,083
Well, I wouldn't call showing up outside
his door and hiding "stalking," but okay.
1820
01:30:49,166 --> 01:30:50,625
Well, I recommend therapy.
1821
01:30:50,708 --> 01:30:54,041
York and I are finally taking off
our masks and getting to know each other.
1822
01:30:54,125 --> 01:30:55,000
No, thanks.
1823
01:30:55,083 --> 01:30:56,375
I like my masks.
1824
01:31:10,791 --> 01:31:12,708
It's fate. Go after him.
1825
01:31:12,791 --> 01:31:13,958
It's not fate.
1826
01:31:14,041 --> 01:31:16,291
The guy practically lives at the mall.
1827
01:31:16,958 --> 01:31:18,875
All right! Let's get presents!
1828
01:31:19,583 --> 01:31:20,666
Aunt Sloane.
1829
01:31:20,750 --> 01:31:22,333
Life is giving you a moment.
1830
01:31:24,958 --> 01:31:26,125
Don't fuck it up.
1831
01:31:32,500 --> 01:31:33,625
Jackson!
1832
01:31:34,416 --> 01:31:37,208
Excuse me, sir. Excuse me.
Coming through. Jackson!
1833
01:31:38,125 --> 01:31:39,375
Jackson! Coming through.
1834
01:31:41,333 --> 01:31:44,416
Excuse me, sorry. I have to talk
to that guy over there. Excuse me!
1835
01:31:45,208 --> 01:31:46,083
Jackson!
1836
01:31:47,750 --> 01:31:48,833
Jackson!
1837
01:31:50,791 --> 01:31:51,708
Jackson!
1838
01:31:56,708 --> 01:31:57,958
Jackson!
1839
01:31:59,750 --> 01:32:00,750
Sorry.
1840
01:32:01,666 --> 01:32:02,958
Excuse me.
1841
01:32:03,041 --> 01:32:05,041
Excuse me. Pardon me. Jackson!
1842
01:32:10,125 --> 01:32:11,250
Excuse me. Pardon me.
1843
01:32:11,333 --> 01:32:12,666
- Jackson!
- Ma'am.
1844
01:32:13,875 --> 01:32:16,291
Jackson!
1845
01:32:18,708 --> 01:32:20,708
- Jackson!
- Jackson!
1846
01:32:20,791 --> 01:32:22,708
- Jackson!
- Jackson!
1847
01:32:22,791 --> 01:32:25,250
Jackson
1848
01:32:30,958 --> 01:32:31,791
Hi.
1849
01:32:35,166 --> 01:32:36,166
I just...
1850
01:32:37,791 --> 01:32:38,625
Oh!
1851
01:32:39,208 --> 01:32:40,208
Thank you.
1852
01:32:43,500 --> 01:32:44,875
I just wanna say I fucked up.
1853
01:32:46,500 --> 01:32:47,791
Oh, God.
1854
01:32:47,875 --> 01:32:49,958
Um, sorry, kids.
1855
01:32:50,291 --> 01:32:52,000
Don't say that at home.
1856
01:32:53,000 --> 01:32:53,875
Um...
1857
01:32:56,125 --> 01:32:57,125
Okay.
1858
01:32:58,458 --> 01:32:59,625
What I wanna say is...
1859
01:33:00,583 --> 01:33:01,625
Is, um...
1860
01:33:02,041 --> 01:33:03,750
It's really, really hot in here.
1861
01:33:03,833 --> 01:33:04,750
Huh!
1862
01:33:05,208 --> 01:33:06,250
Hot.
1863
01:33:07,125 --> 01:33:08,250
Okay.
1864
01:33:08,333 --> 01:33:10,541
Look, what I'm trying to say...
1865
01:33:11,750 --> 01:33:14,791
Is I've had more fun
with you in the last year
1866
01:33:14,875 --> 01:33:17,416
than I've had with my loser
ex-boyfriends combined.
1867
01:33:21,416 --> 01:33:22,458
You were right.
1868
01:33:24,208 --> 01:33:25,708
I do have feelings for you.
1869
01:33:32,083 --> 01:33:32,916
And I fuck...
1870
01:33:35,250 --> 01:33:36,750
...messed it up...
1871
01:33:39,375 --> 01:33:40,875
because I was scared.
1872
01:33:40,958 --> 01:33:42,083
Aw!
1873
01:33:43,166 --> 01:33:44,541
Letting you go
1874
01:33:44,875 --> 01:33:47,416
has been one of the biggest mistakes
of my life.
1875
01:33:52,041 --> 01:33:54,041
I miss you so much.
1876
01:33:58,041 --> 01:34:00,875
I miss you so much
that I totally quit smoking.
1877
01:34:01,458 --> 01:34:04,500
And candy is only mildly comforting.
1878
01:34:05,958 --> 01:34:09,083
- You've ruined all my vices for me.
- Hmm.
1879
01:34:14,708 --> 01:34:17,083
I thought I wanted a holidate,
1880
01:34:19,166 --> 01:34:20,666
but the truth is...
1881
01:34:22,125 --> 01:34:23,333
I just want you.
1882
01:34:24,666 --> 01:34:26,000
For all holidays.
1883
01:34:26,791 --> 01:34:28,000
And weekends.
1884
01:34:28,625 --> 01:34:30,666
And weekdays too would be nice.
1885
01:34:34,500 --> 01:34:37,250
I know I'm probably too late,
1886
01:34:37,333 --> 01:34:40,000
but honestly,
1887
01:34:42,625 --> 01:34:45,208
you're the only one
I'd wanna go through chemo with.
1888
01:34:49,000 --> 01:34:51,250
Oh. No, no, no. No. I'm... I'm fine.
1889
01:34:51,666 --> 01:34:52,833
It's a long story.
1890
01:34:58,750 --> 01:35:00,541
If it's any consolation,
1891
01:35:01,875 --> 01:35:04,541
it really was
the worst Thanksgiving of my life.
1892
01:35:10,416 --> 01:35:12,375
That was an opening, by the way.
1893
01:35:23,666 --> 01:35:24,750
Nah.
1894
01:35:40,291 --> 01:35:41,875
Aw!
1895
01:35:51,958 --> 01:35:53,416
That speech was cockamamie.
1896
01:36:01,291 --> 01:36:02,208
Yay!
1897
01:36:08,333 --> 01:36:10,166
- How about New Year's Eve?
- Yes!
131427
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