Original subtitles

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O.k., sweetie, now it's story time.

Let's see.

Where'd we leave off last night?

Ah, o.K.

Ahem.

"Never in a brilliant career of 300 years

"had the ghost been so grossly insulted.

"So he decided to enter the twins' room

"and give them a scare they wouldn't soon forget,

"but when he threw open their door,

a bucket of water fell right down on him..."

Kapoosh!

"Wetting him to the skin."

Aah!

"At the same moment,

"he heard shrieks of laughter

"as the boys burst out of the closet,

"merrily throwing pillows at him,

just missing his head."

Shoosh. Whoosh. Sheesh.

Hee hee hee ho ho ho ha ha ha ha.

"He fled back to his room

"uttering hollow groans about this rude family.

"No ghost in history

had ever been treated so badly."

O.k., honeybun, that's enough for tonight.

Oh, daddy.

Sorry. I had to work late again this weekend,

but remember, it's just until Thursday

when I get my raise and new promotion,

which will include me

in the company's insurance and pension plan.

Then we'll have lots of time to do fun things.

Now make me louder.

Hold me up to the door.

Good night, Diane!

Don't wait up for me.

I never do.

Good night, Danny!

Good night, dad. See you in the morning.

And do your homework instead of magic tricks.

Sure, dad.

Nice talking to you.

O.k., Amanda, now turn out the light

and go to sleep.

Daddy loves you.

I love you, too, daddy.

And I'll see you in the morning.

Good night, sweetie.

Good night, daddy.

Good night, little sister.

I want pancakes and waffles.

Happy birthday, Diane.

Oh, yeah. Happy birthday.

I'd have gotten you something,

except you're always the one

who remembers these things and buys the presents.

So my birthday present to you

is you don't have to shop for my present to you.

You're a very unusual child.

Thank you.

I wonder what daddy's excuse will be.

He wouldn't forget your birthday.

He'll forget, and then he'll say

he'll make it up to me after Thursday.

Pancakes. Waffles.

I'd like two eggs over easy,

hash browns, Canadian bacon...

Or just some cereal and juice.

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ happy birthday to you

♪ happy birthday, dear...

Uh, wait. No, no. Wait, wait.

Give me a chance.

Duh...

"D."

"D."

♪ D-Doris

di.

Di.

Come on.

♪ Dinosaur

di... you know your name. Who are you?

Well, who cares? You have a birthday.

I'm so...

Ohh!

Aah! Amanda, honey, please.

I told you not to leave your skates on the stairs.

Sorry.

♪ Happy birthday, Diane ♪

♪ happy birthday, Diane ♪♪

You don't have to get mushy.

Well, I have to get mushy.

Fathers get like that sometimes.

My father, on my 9th birthday,

dressed up in a bunny costume

for a whole week!

A whole week?

Because the zipper was stuck.

He didn't mean to do it.

He bumped around the house

like a bunny for a whole week.

I got to run.

What do you mean, you got to run?

Daddy, it's my birthday.

Jonelle turned 17, and she got a convertible,

but I get shaving cream?

You completely forgot, bucko. Admit it.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Thursday,

if everything goes the way I think it should,

the company's also going to give me a car,

and if they do,

you can have grumpy.

Really?

Yes.

Really?

Yes.

Daddy, can I drive it today?

I'll be incredibly careful.

I'll take you to work.

Diane, listen!

Thursday!

That's it!

And please don't use that sheepdog look on me.

It means nothing.

Nothing.

Yes!

You won't regret this, daddy, old pal.

O.k.

All right.

Bye-bye.

Hi, Mr. Hopper.

Well, how are you, Stuart?

You take out your own garbage?

Yes.

We pay people to do that for US.

I wanted to show Danny my new bike.

You have a new possession,

and you actually want to show it off?

That doesn't sound like you.

Yeah. You can't get this kind without connections,

and it's a lot faster than Danny's,

but it should be

since it's about twice as expensive.

You're a republican, aren't you?

Well, I'm not registered.

Danny's inside.

Stuart.

Watch out, Diane! Oh, for god's sake!

Just practicing.

[Whistles]

[Whistles]

Hi.

Hi to you.

So this is how grownups do it.

You got yourself a new chauffeur.

Nobody wants to live forever.

[Laughing]

You are so funny.

I'm not that funny.

[Honks horn]

Just practicing.

Listen, I got to go.

So we still on Wednesday night for the banquet?

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

[Starts engine]

Buckle up, stud.

Oh, hop. Going up to 12?

All the way up to 12, Mr. Seymour.

Oh, punch 11 for US, please.

How's our deal going?

Mr. Collins and I have a 10:00 meeting

with the investment bank.

Then I'll go up to get some documents.

We ought to close sometime Thursday, right on schedule.

That's great. That's wonderful.

Out of sight, hop.

Gentlemen, you all know Elliot hopper?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

He was the first one

to envision the aussie merger.

He's been handling all the negotiations

for Collins, limited,

and next Thursday, when our combined directors meet,

hop will be the youngest man

ever to sit on the board

of our firm or Mr. Nero's.

That is, if he doesn't screw it up

between now and then.

We catch you tickling Mr. Nero's wife

in Macy's window,

all bets are off.

Slim chance.

Have you seen Mrs. Nero lately?

[Laughter]

Oh.

Mr. Nero.

What?

How are you, sir?

Oh, yes. I'm eating solid food again.

Oh, well,

wonderful!

We'll see you at the bankers' at 10:00.

G'day, sir.

G'day, sir.

I only have a minute, Carol.

Got to take a taxi.

How's everything going in there?

They just put in the new windows.

Everything will be ready today.

We just got the seating arrangement

for the banquet Wednesday.

You'll be at the head table.

What's this?

Today's mail.

Nothing super important.

Jesus Christ!

Ho, ho! Hey, hey!

Hey!

Thank you.

Union bank headquarters, lynwood, please.

Going a little fast, aren't we?

The road is that way.

Eat shit.

Thanks. I'm trying to quit.

Haah!

Uhh!

Ow!

Do you accept the lord Satan

as the supreme being

and evil, your salvation?

I've been meaning to, but I've been so busy,

I haven't gotten around to it.

[Warning bells ring]

[Train whistle]

Aah!

Aah!

Whoo!

I like you.

Thank you.

Do you worship Satan?

How much do you want to stop this cab?

I'll give you $20 to stop.

I'll give you 40.

I've got $76.

Just stop the cab!

[Horn honks]

I'll throw in the wallet. It's from Gucci.

You can impress all your friends in hell.

Now stop the damn cab!

[Horn honks]

Hey!

Do you worship Satan?

Worship him?

I am Satan!

I command you to stop this cab!

Aah!

Aah!

[Gagging]

[Horn honks]

[Hyperventilating]

[Tires screech]

You...

Don't drive another inch.

Don't move.

We're here.

I don't know what your problem is at home,

but you should never come to work with that attitude!

Naah!

Ohh.

Take it easy.

Yes, evil master.

Your wallet.

No!

It isn't really a Gucci!

It's an imitation!

Officer!

Officer!

[Panting]

Officer!

Officer, god...

It's terrible.

The car...

Underwat...

Give me a minute, please.

No. Wait! There's another person.

Any sign of him?

It was the cab driver.

No sign of... God, he must have drowned.

[Zipper unzips] Anyways, he was one of those devil worshippers

and he smoked... [Stammering] Smoker.

[Urinating]

What are you doing?

What are you... Hey!

Are you blind?

Hey! You are doing this intentionally.

You know I'll have you reported

for urinating on an accident victim!

Is this any kind of behavior

for a patrolman?

Aah!

Hey!

No. This... this can't...

This can't be.

This can't be.

I'm not dead! I know I'm not dead!

This is... I'm dreaming!

I got to wake up.

Wake up!

Wake up!

I'm not dead!

I got to get out of this dream.

I got to get out of this dream.

Uhh!

Move on over to obstacle number three

after we get number two.

Reach on up there and find it.

Where is it? There it is.

Moving over to number three... Sushi.

This is creepy.

Look at them.

What's going to happen to them?

Who's going to take care of them?

Way to go. That was tough.

Promotional consideration provided by...

Super sloppy double dare... A free pair of sneakers,

the official shoe double dare!

Hi, dad.

Hi, Dan.

What?

Hi, daddy.

You're home early. That's nice.

You can see me?

What?

You can see me?

This is fantastic!

What are you doing?

No, I'm asking you.

Can you see me?

Your mouth is moving,

but I can't hear anything.

You can't hear me,

but you can see me.

You can't hear me,

but I can hear myself.

What's wrong with daddy?

What do you mean, what's wrong with daddy?

Oh, my god! Where'd he go?

Daddy?

I'm right here!

He just vanished!

Great trick, dad.

Where'd you go?

Wait. Turn off the light.

Danny!

Excellent trick!

It must be based

on some sort of optical illusion.

Daddy?

I don't like this trick.

I hate it. Stop it.

And would you stop it, daddy?

You're scaring Amanda.

What?

What?

Daddy,

I can't hear you.

I...

I...

Have a very small...

I am!

A big sissy.

It... it's, uh...

Uh...

A fish.

You're an owl!

You're a duck!

You're white house chief of staff John sununu!

It sounds like, um...

A glass.

Toast. You're toasting something.

It sounds like toast.

Post. A host.

A ghost?

He's a ghost!

You're a ghost!

You're dead!

He's dead!

He's dead!

Oh, come on, Amanda. Get up, honey.

Don't be afraid.

I'll get her.

It'll be o.K.

Come on, honey. Come on.

Come on.

Don't be scared.

Is daddy going away like mommy?

Try telepathy, dad.

I think that's how ghosts communicate.

Concentrate.

[Speaking out of sync]

I hear it.

I hear it, too.

Can you move your lips or something, dad?

This is really weird.

Daddy, are you going to go away like mommy did?

No-o, hone-ey.

I-I'll be-e ho-o-me fo-o-r a whi-i-le.

I-I'm so-o-ry fo-o-r wha-at ha-appen-ned.

O-O.k.?

O.k.

O-O.k.

[Gasp]

Daddy!

Wha-at?

What's... what's ha-appe-ening?

[Gasp]

Far out!

Oh, my god!

What?

Ama-anda!

Be a good fellow and get off the desk, will you?

Now, then,

awfully glad to have you here, Mr. Hopper.

Tha-ank, yo-ou, you-ur gra-a-ce,

altho-ough I-I ca-an't sa-ay the sa-ame.

Thi-is who-ole th-ing i-is ra-ather unfo-ortu-u-Nate.

A-As a ma-atter o-of fa-act,

i-it wa-as the la-ast thi-ing

tha-at I wa-as loo-ooking fo-orwa-ard to.

I say, old chap,

you're very badly out of sync.

Here, old fellow.

Stick these on your forefingers.

When did you die?

Thi-is mo-orni-ing.

Cause of death?

I drowned in a taxicab.

[Whoosh]

I'm... I'm sorry.

Forgive me.

And, um, where did this unusual tragedy occur?

United States of america,

planet earth.

Am I in heaven?

Oh, don't be silly.

Then I'm in hell.

Oh, thank you very much.

Do I come into your home

and tell you it's some inferno,

some stinking, sweltering cesspool?

Now put this into your hand.

Where am I?

You're in London.

What am I doing in London?

What am I doing in London?

Acting just like an American, I'm afraid.

Left our good manners home on the range?

You must control your temper,

or else you'll slip out of sync again.

Wha-a-t a-am i-i do-o-ing he-ere?

Actually, I summoned you.

You were on your way to the hereafter...

Just a routine transfer...

When something went wrong.

I sensed a disturbance in the spirit ether,

which is almost always

a sure sign of intercorporeal maltransference.

Of what?

It means they screwed up.

It's the afterlife equivalent

to misplacing your paperwork.

It's rare, but it happens.

Anyway, it's a specialty of mine.

I've written a book on it, actually.

You can find it in most local bookstores.

I'm the world's foremost authority

on life after death.

Let's get on with it.

With what?

I want you to send me back right now!

Now, you can send me back, can't you?

Well, of course I can send you back,

but why should I want to?

Because it's for my children!

After Thursday, I'll come back,

and you can do all the research you want.

Thursday?

You think you'll make it to Thursday, do you?

Yes. Why do you find that so funny?

This... this is a temporary state you're in.

I've never known anyone

to last more than three days,

and most go in less!

I'm going to make it to Thursday.

Well, your readings are strong.

Have you started to flicker?

No. No flicker.

You might make it to Wednesday,

maybe even Wednesday night,

but no, not Thursday. Quite impossible.

But I've got to make it to Thursday.

It's for my children.

My wife died a few years ago,

and I'm all they have left.

Please...

Sir Edith?

Sir eh-dith...

Moser.

Hmm?

But on... on the book, it's spelled Edith.

But it's pronounced eh-dith.

But it's a girl's name.

Look, it is not a girl's name.

Eh-dith is a boy's name!

Who are you named after?

I was named after my grandmama!

And they called her eh-dith?

No! Her name is Edith!

So you see?

It is a girl's name!

No, it's not!

Now, will you please stand still?

For heaven's sake!

No! I want you to send me back.

Please, I don't want to disappoint my children again!

All right, I'll send you back,

but I must have further readings.

I'm going to call for you again, agreed?

All right.

Now just send me back.

Now.

All right! Off we go!

Follow me.

All right. Off you go.

Godspeed.

What do we do?

I don't know, Danny.

Hey, look who's back!

Daddy!

Aah!

Are you o.K.?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just fine.

Uh, it's... It's just i'm... I...

As soon as I get this landing down.

Where were you?

I was in London

with a man named Edith.

That's a girl's name.

Daddy, can I take you to show and tell?

No, honey. You can't take me anywhere,

and if anyone asks,

you say everything is perfectly normal, o.K.?

O.k.

We have to hold out until Thursday.

[Telephone rings]

Obviously I can't go into the office like this.

Hello.

Just tell them that, uh, I'm not well.

That's great.

Just tell them that I'm not well,

and I'll stay here right on through Thursday,

and then after Thursday, you see...

It's Mr. Collins for you,

and he sounds kind of flipped out.

Concentrate, dad.

Mr. Collins?

Why weren't you at the bank meeting?

This merger is falling apart!

Where have you been all afternoon?

We've had negotiating committees from both firms waiting,

and you never had the courtesy

to tell US you were standing US up.

Yes, well, Mr. Collins, I can assure you...

If you blow this deal,

do you know what I personally will do to you?

[Click]

How am I going to go to work?

Are you going to bed soon?

No.

Aren't you tired?

Uh, I don't think ghosts get tired.

Are you just going to sit up all night?

Well, I'm a ghost. It's my job.

Speaking of jobs, daddy,

do you think you can go to work like this?

Who are you kidding?

I never said that it would be easy.

I... I... I truly believe, though,

that if we pull together

and if I...

Just concentrate hard enough,

and we can stick to the plan

for tomorrow,

people will not know...

I'm, uh... what I am.

And if you don't, what happens to US?

How am I going to support myself and two kids?

Have you left US anything?

You don't have life insurance?

This house.

Do we own this house?

Why did you leave everything

till the last minute?

[Chuckling]

I didn't know it was the last minute.

I had life insurance,

and then your mother got sick,

and I cashed it in to pay the medical bills.

I mortgaged the house.

Anything to try and save her.

I'm sorry, daddy.

To Thursday.

We're screwed.

There's no way this is going to work.

Hi, kids. Where's your dad?

Everybody's been looking for him.

Maybe he's dead.

Tired.

Dead tired.

Or maybe he drowned.

In paperwork.

In paperwork.

What are you doing?

Carol, do you see my dad anywhere?

No.

Aah!

Oh. Oh... oh.

Oh, my god.

You scared the dickens out of me.

Don't ever do that again.

I'm sorry.

Where have you been?

Collins is furious with you.

Well, that's a long story.

Elliot,

what are they doing?

Uh, they're shutting out the light

because I don't like the sunlight.

Uh, you always loved the sunlight.

I'm talking about the fact

that I want to concentrate,

and the view and the sunshine, it's distracting.

O.k. I'll buy that one.

All right, kids. Thank you very much.

Pick me up after work.

Bye, daddy.

If St. Peter calls, I'll get a number.

What have we got? All hell breaking loose.

Collins wants you to handle all the negotiating sessions.

He says the Australians are getting edgy.

I moved all the scheduling from yesterday to today,

so it's very, very heavy.

You've got a 10:00 with auditing,

a 10:30 with Seymour,

a 12:00 with the Australian lawyers at their hotel,

a 2:00 here with sales.

You've got a 5:00 with the ad agency.

You've got two 5:30s here and a 6:00 with...

[Intercom buzzing] Carol,

with all the work we have to do,

I don't have time for outside appointments.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

You have to take your life insurance physical this afternoon.

Can't they give me the insurance without the physical?

No. They said it's today or never.

I've got the forms right here.

Diane, go up to my closet,

bring me down the following things...

Thanks, Diane.

A complete physical?

Trust me. I'll be back in an hour.

[Mumbling]

Oh, warm in here. That's good.

Elliot hopper, please.

Yes, Mr. Hopper.

Whoo!

Take this to room 2 and strip to the waist.

Hi.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Uh-huh...

Uh-huh.

It's dark in here.

If you wouldn't. I'm a little shy.

[Chuckles]

Okay.

[Heartbeat]

[No heartbeat]

Something wrong?

Your heart stopped.

[Laughing]

Maybe there's something wrong with the stethoscope.

Try again.

[Heartbeat]

Okay.

I need you to go across the hall.

See nurse satler in X-ray.

Thank you.

All right. Thank you.

I can't take an X-ray right now.

Something came up at my office and I'll have to reschedule.

It'll only take a few seconds, Mr. Harper.

Rest your chin up against here,

put your chest up against the plate, please.

Mr. Harper, chest against the plate, please.

Hands on hips...

Breathe in and hold...

Thank you, Mr. Hopper. Please send in the next patient.

You can come in now.

Aah!

I'm finished, is that correct?

Yep. Okay.

Oh, almost forgot. One last thing.

Give me a minute.

[Laughing]

[Spits]

[Farts]

Thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Hopper.

Oh, no problem. No problem. Thank you.

Nurse!

Nurse!

Police! Police!

Daddy, I'm not sure about any of this.

Look, I just passed the physical.

What are you so worried about?

What if somebody finds out that you're dead?

What if somebody finds your body?

I'm at the bottom of the river.

That'll make me look so weird.

"Oh, there goes Diane.

You know, Casper's daughter."

This is a kwlp weather break.

It's 75 degrees, but look out.

High winds are blowing through the canyons our way.

Now back to our music.

Yo, Diane. Let me in. I need a ride.

Who's this with his clothes on backwards?

Tony ricker, and do not embarrass me.

You're not letting him in...

Thanks a lot, babe.

Looking good.

Yeah? Thanks, man. You, too.

Yeah. I know.

So...

I see your friend jonelle at the mall,

and I go, "yo, I dig your friend Diane," right?

And then she goes, "geez,"

and I go, "hey,"

and then she goes, "no way. Keep dreaming,"

and then I go, "chill.

"I'll give Diane something to dream about.

Know what I'm saying?"

God, Tony. I didn't know you liked me.

Hey, Diane.

Oh, that's attractive.

Hey.

[Brakes screech]

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Wha... whoa! Oh!

Oh.

[Honk]

[Honk]

I cannot believe that you did that!

Let me tell you something.

You are never, never, ever going to date that...

Tony ricker's the only guy in school

that knows I'm alive,

and I'll date him.

Over my dead body!

Precisely!

Play dad for Danny and Amanda

because they need one.

I can handle myself, thank you.

I do not appreciate your interference

in my pathetic social life!

Um...

She's... she's having a nervous breakdown.

You finished?

Go away.

A good thing about being a ghost

is lights on, lights off, I'm still here.

Dead people can be such jerks.

I hope... I hope this is Tony.

I don't think so.

He's probably still sitting in the street

wondering what happened to him.

[Collins] Hopper, where the hell have you been?

You'd think I'd get to choose my own friends,

but no.

Who are you talking to, Diane?

Who else? Casper.

Hi, daddy!

Hi, sweetie.

We'll talk about this another time.

I have to call my office, o.K.?

All I get is grief.

I clean up, do the laundry...

I take out the garbage.

I cook the meals,

and what do I get? Complaints.

I don't complain about your cooking!

Yes, you do. All the time, loud and clear.

You're going to hurt yourself.

What about Wednesday, huh?

What about last Friday?

What about last Saturday night?

Quote... "Diane, how can you screw up spaghettios?"

And I'm not your responsibility anymore,

so what do you care what I do?

What do I care?

[Doorbell rings]

Amanda, see who it is

and get rid of them.

I'm your father. I love you.

You don't love me.

Of course I love you. You're my daughter!

Right.

You feel what fathers feel for daughters.

That's not love. It's father stuff.

That's love!

Daddy, it's Joan.

Joan?

You want to jacuzzi with her?

No, no. She can't see me anymore, remember?

Oh, yeah.

Look. Romeo and Juliet. That's love.

He took poison for her!

What have you ever done for me?

I ate the spaghettios.

Oh!

He says you can't see him anymore.

Oh?

Diane!

[Knock knock]

Diane!

This is your top 40 station kwlp.

[Knock knock]

Diane!

Back to our top 40.

Daddy.

Diane, don't make me walk through this door.

Daddy.

Joan says to go bleep bleep yourself,

and she'll fill in the bleep bleeps later.

Diane!

Dad, I have to talk to you.

What is it?

How am I going to be a magician

without the trunk of doom?

[Doorbell rings]

Look. That's probably Joan

coming back to fill in the bleep bleeps.

Because she can't see me in the light,

you show her into the living room

where it's nice and dark,

and I'll talk to her,

and then you and I will talk about the...

The trunk of doom.

Trunk of doom, yes.

The trunk of doom.

I can't be a professional magician

using the same old stuff.

[Ding dong]

Hello, little boy. Is your daddy home?

Ah! Mr. Collins!

What a pleasant surprise!

I'll be right down!

Your secretary told me you were at home!

Later, I'll ask you what you were doing at home

when these busy people were waiting for you.

But right now, let's close this deal!

That's correct!

Danny, why don't you show the gentlemen into the living room?

I'll be right down!

Stall 'em.

Please, I don't have much time,

but there's a logical explanation for everything.

Why are you dressed like that?

May I come in, please?

This better be good, you son of a...

O.k. So take off your mask and talk.

It's a little bright in here.

Can we go in there?

You really have a lot of nerve.

It's not what you think.

Please. I'm begging you.

I only have a minute.

I must be nuts.

Joan, I want you to know

that I am absolutely crazy about you.

The moments that we have spent together

have been absolutely... For me... fantastic.

I would never do anything to hurt you.

O.k.

Good! I got to go.

Wait just a second! No, I...

Damn it, Elliot. I invited you over here

for a little afternoon delight.

I can't.

Oh, Elliot.

What? You don't think you can, huh?

I know I can't.

Oh, well. [Laughs]

Oh, no. No, no, no. I don't mean that.

I-I can... Of course I... what did...

Well? What I mean is, we can't.

We can't. Shh.

Now, it's just a little performance anxiety, see.

But you don't have to perform with me,

'cause all we're gonna do is cuddle.

But I have people wait... Ooh.

You just need to relax.

I gotta go.

I've got to concentrate.

Are the guys still here?

Yeah. Diane won't come out of her room.

I need to talk to you about school...

Just let me deal with my boss first.

Gentlemen, here are the final documents,

and I spent the whole time

working right here on them,

and I'm sure that we will be able

to resolve any final disagreements

with the nero company.

[Telephone rings] I want...

[Ring]

[Ring]

[Ring]

Gentlemen, please excuse me.

[Ring]

Yes?

Mr. Hopper, it's Stuart.

Stuart?

You know. Danny's friend,

short, upwardly mobile?

Yes, Stuart. I'll get Danny for you.

No, no. It's you I want to talk to.

See, I know that you're an alien.

What?

I want $50,000 in small, unmarked bills right now,

or I go to the newspapers.

Gentlemen, uh, please excuse me one minute.

Now you listen to me,

you little bag of pig puke!

You mention one thing to anybody about this,

and so help me,

I'll do things to you

that you can't even imagine!

You try to threaten me?

I don't get frightened.

I give frightened!

You little fart!

What do you think of this?

Aah! Aah!

Ha!

Good night.

Now, gentlemen, I'm s...

Dad, can I have some time?

Where did they go?

They left.

What did they say?

They seemed pretty torqued off.

Look, dad, I've got this problem.

Tomorrow is career day at school.

I cannot do the same old tricks.

Dad!

Danny! There are other things in this world

besides magic!

I'm about to lose my job!

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

Hello!

Yeah, yo. Is Diane there?

This is Tony ricker.

Tony ricker?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's me.

Put the bitch on.

Put the bitch on the phone?

Put the bitch on the phone?

The bitch can't make it to the phone.

I'm here, though.

And if you so much as call,

talk to,

or even think about Diane,

so help me, I'll do things to you...

Are... you... the... devil?

Worse!

I'm from the phone company.

Now...

What did you do?

I told him in a very fatherly manner

to leave my daughter alone.

I'm trying to help you.

Danny, what is it you wanted?

Forget it.

I don't think

helping's your strong suit these days.

"Virginia spied the ghost in the den.

"He looked so forlorn that little Virginia,

"whose first idea had been to run away,

"was filled with pity

"and was determined to try and comfort him.

"I'm so sorry for you," she said,

"but my brothers are going

"back to school tomorrow, and then,

if you behave yourself, no one will annoy you."

"It is absurd to ask me to behave myself," he said.

"I must rattle my chains

"and groan and walk about at night.

It is my only reason for existing."

Danny?

Danny.

You said that you couldn't do that trick

without that kit he forgot to get you.

I'll do it without his help.

Is that safe?

Danny.

I will be performing a trick

called "the trunk of doom."

I will have to escape

from within this locked trunk

using only my magician's skills.

No trick props. No easy out.

Uh, Daniel...

Uh, are you sure this is safe?

As a matter of fact, I'm sure it's not.

There comes a time in every young man's life

when he can't rely on dad,

when he has to prove to himself

he's a man on his own.

This guy...

Diane, you have not seen anything...

Do you think you can set it up again, maybe?

I've got to talk to Rupert.

You know, jonelle, Danny's up to something a little strange.

I'd better call my dad.

The little mother. Hi, Terry.

Hi, Tony.

Hey, man.

O.k...

Uh... in you go.

Get in there.

And so, gentlemen, that leaves US

with just three open issues remaining...

Amortization of the pre-merger capital gains

and the distribution of combined partnership holdings

in subchapter three...

Excuse me, Elliot. It's Diane.

She says it's about Danny.

Tell her I can't talk to her right now.

Diane, he's very busy...

And thirdly, the pretax escrow account for the new partnership.

If you'll turn to page 3, please.

[Laughing]

5 bucks says we got to call the janitor

to get him out.

Danny?

Danny, are you all right?

Uh... yeah.

Boo.

Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo.

Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo.

Danny?

Mr. Turner.

Shh.

Shh. Shh.

Yes, Danny?

Could you please call the janitor?

Hi, kid.

Dad!

Say, you've gained weight.

I thought you had that big meeting.

Yeah, I did, but I thought about it,

and you're more important.

Thanks, pop.

I'll get you out of this in a second,

then we'll have a big finish.

All right.

You got it.

Aah!

Oh, wow!

How am I doing?

You're getting an "a."

Thank you.

Dad, you're the greatest.

To call your behavior incompetent

would be like calling world war ii a spat!

I could tear you apart with my bare hands!

He's a little upset.

I cannot believe

you would walk out of negotiations

just when we are closing them.

I'm sure you had an excellent reason.

If I hadn't stepped in, it would've fallen through.

I would have killed you.

We closed it. He doesn't have to kill you now.

Instead, I'll ruin you.

I told you about this.

You're fired.

Mr. Collins...

You're fired!

You walked out on a meeting.

No, I can explain.

You're fired!

This is not for me.

This is for my children.

Their whole future depends on this, Mr. Collins.

I can't lose my job now.

I've served your company 14 years.

I've served you well and loyally,

and that's got to count for something.

You're fired.

Mr. Collins...

Mr. Collins...

Don't come to the banquet.

Elliot!

Elliot, you're not even dressed yet.

I thought the banquet is at 7:30.

It's the worst moment of... of my life.

I... I'm sorry, Joan. I can't talk to you right now.

Wh...

I'm afraid I have bad news.

You're fired.

I'm sorry about the job.

But I'm very sorry...

About the job...

That I couldn't finish.

I don't care about the stupid job.

When you were alive,

you wouldn't have left the meeting to help me.

[Door slams]

Elliot, I don't know what's happening,

but we're having this out now.

Go ahead.

Why is it all of a sudden

always so dark around here?

And how can you fall through a bed?

Why are you talking so funny?

What is wrong with your clothes?

Everything's perfectly normal.

Joan...

I'm dead.

I... I'm a ghost.

I'm no longer living.

This is a joke, right?

Aah!

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

Aah!

I thought you were afraid of intimacy.

I didn't know you were deceased.

Actually, I fear you're not.

I fear you're not. You're not deceased.

I'm not deceased?

I did some calculations on your measurements.

You're not a ghost.

I'm not deceased?

What am I?

You're a spirit, all right, but not a ghost.

Not yet. Now, where's the kitchen?

I am famished! Ah!

Can we get back to the "I'm not deceased"?

Yes. You didn't die.

You jumped out of your body.

Something frightened you, yes?

Something very dangerous happened,

and it frightened you.

I was in the taxicab.

It went off the bridge.

It landed underneath the water. I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't get out.

Oh, no. You drowned?

Yes.

Ah, but he didn't.

You got scared out of your body.

Your corpus humanum is still alive somewhere!

It's been rumored there was one other case

in america years ago,

in the 1940s, I think.

Before he found his body,

this poor fellow

had to wear a bunny costume for a week.

It was somewhere in Minnesota, I think.

That was my father.

Ah! I've always suspected this was an hereditary trait.

Far out! When do I get to do it?

First things first, young man.

Your father's got a body out there somewhere.

We should find it before it checks out for good.

Call the hospitals.

I'll call the police.

I'll call the cab companies.

There's a phone upstairs.

Who are you?

Oh, I'm very sorry. My card.

"Edith"? But that's a girl's name.

I beg to differ. It's not a girl's name.

Well, all the ediths I know are girls.

Eh-dith is a boy's name.

Yes, sergeant. Thank you.

Nothing from the police.

The hospital doesn't have you, either.

They've got the cab driver... Curtis burch.

He's alive?

In a coma. Somebody up there likes him.

Somebody up there doesn't know him.

If my body is alive,

it means I'm not underwater.

They found the cab driver.

They didn't find my body.

I must be somewhere near him washed ashore.

Remember where? We could search the riverbank.

Get Diane. Let's go.

Diane! Diane!

Hurry! Diane, come on!

Let's go!

Hurry up! We got to search for dad's body.

Aah!

[Crash]

Baby!

Coming through.

Get the straps off. We're ready.

1, 2, 3...

Lift.

Good, good.

O.k., what have we got?

She fell.

150. BP... 80 over 30.

Pupils fixed and dilated.

Doctor, her blood pressure's dropping. We're losing her.

Come on! Move it!

EKG hooked up.

Boo!

Diane.

What are you doing?

Taking after my old man, I guess.

Diane.

Diane, stop fooling around

and get back in your body.

No way.

This is great!

Diane,

get back into your body

before something serious happens.

Like what? Don't do this to me.

It's always about you, isn't it?

I'm thinking of me right now.

This ghost life is better than my crappy life.

I'm not going back to it.

Diane, life is all there is.

Believe me.

I'm begging you,

don't waste it.

Daddy?

Oh, my god.

What... what's happening to you?

Diane...

Now...

Here...

Don't waste it.

Shouldn't we try to find your body?

It's not important.

It's you.

Please, I'll help you look.

I'm not doing anything

until you get back into yours.

Daddy, why won't you let me help you?

I want you...

To live...

Because...

I...

Because you love me.

Yes.

Oh, daddy.

Oh, my.

Somebody help me!

Somebody help me!

Somebody help me!

Help me!

Help me.

Oh, my god.

Look, daddy, look.

What?

It's you. It's you.

It says Curtis burch, but it's you.

It's that cab driver's name.

I had no identification.

He had my wallet.

I'll get back into my body

if you get back in yours.

Go, daddy! Go, go!

Go! Please, go!

Daddy?

How do you feel?

There's a terrible draft under my gown.

They took my underwear off.

Oh, daddy.

I hurt everywhere.

It's the most wonderful feeling.

You should hurry.

Hurry.

I'm sorry.

I'm leaving.

I just...

I've tried,

but I can't sit on a bedpan and go.

I've got to go to the bathroom.

She's fibrillating. Get the paddles

and get the epi. Is respiratory here, yet?

Get on it, stat.

We're losing her.

Charging.

Wow. Super rad.

Wow, I'm o.K. Give me a second.

What a rush. I guess I'm cured, huh?

Thanks for your help, everybody.

Oh.

Well, thanks.

Bye!

Come, let's go. We found daddy's body.

He's right here.

He's not a ghost anymore.

Let's go.

Jesus Christ!

Wait a minute.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Evil master!

Your wallet.

I am yours to command!

Command?

Command?

I command you to...

Go to hell and sit on a red-hot coal

and wait for me...

Until it snows!

Oh, yes! Yes, evil master!

Yes!

♪ Hmm

♪ mm-hmm

♪ whoa, mmm

♪ we've been so close to each other ♪

♪ can't think of a moment ♪

♪ that you weren't there

♪ we've been through so much together ♪

♪ can't think of a feeling ♪

♪ that we haven't shared

♪ ooh

♪ how many lovers

♪ ever find the kind of love ♪

♪ that we've got

♪ uh-huh

♪ ooh-ooh

♪ ooh

♪ and many others

♪ 'cause you know what we got is a rare thing ♪

♪ ooh, it's everlasting

♪ this love is as strong as steel ♪

♪ can't break it up or break it down ♪

♪ it's always gonna be around ♪

♪ this love is a love that's real ♪

♪ it's as deep as any ocean goes ♪

♪ it's gonna last, don't you know ♪

♪ this love's strong as steel ♪

♪ mmm

♪ I wanna tell ya

♪ oh, baby

♪ we've been right here for each other ♪

♪ even through the times when times were hard for US ♪

♪ when it rained we came through shining ♪

♪ oh, I knew we'd make it all it takes is trust ♪

♪ and now there's nothing

♪ that could ever come between me and you ♪

♪ oh, baby

♪ our love is one thing

♪ that just keeps on getting better ♪

♪ the more that we're together ♪

♪ this love is as strong as steel ♪

♪ can't break it up or break it down ♪

♪ it's always gonna be around ♪

♪ this love is a love that's real ♪

♪ it's as deep as any ocean goes ♪

♪ it's gonna last, don't you know ♪

♪ this love's strong as steel ♪

♪ oh-oh, there ain't no raging river ♪

♪ gonna sweep this love away ♪

♪ gonna stand together heart to heart ♪

♪ nothing's gonna tear this love apart ♪

♪ this love

♪ ooh, baby

♪ This love's strong as steel ♪

♪ this love's strong as steel ♪

♪ can't break it up or break it down ♪

♪ it's always gonna be around ♪

♪ this love is a love that's real ♪

♪ it's as deep as any ocean goes ♪

♪ it's gonna last, don't you know ♪

♪ this love's strong as steel ♪

♪ strong as steel now, baby ♪

♪ strong as steel now, darlin' ♪

♪ strong as steel now, honey ♪

♪ this love ♪ I want to tell you

♪ it's as deep as any ocean goes ♪

♪ it's gonna last, don't you know ♪

♪ this love it's as strong as steel ♪

♪ can't break it up or break it down ♪

♪ it's always gonna be around ♪

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