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[ The Craig Gildner Sextet's
"Let's Be Jolly" plays ]
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00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:06,874
* Well, tonight's the night
3
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:09,177
* We a-get to see, oh, Santa
[ Laughs ]
4
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:10,244
Mm-hmm.
5
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:12,480
[ Laughs ]
Hey, guys.
Hi.
6
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,982
Happy Christmas Eve, Mike.
Happy Hanukkah Eve, Rio.
7
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,418
Thank you, Rudy.
Thank you for seeing me.
8
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:20,721
Rio, I stocked some
Jewish decorations for you.
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00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,190
[ Gasps ]
Oh, that is
so thoughtful.
10
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,858
So, these are not
Stars of David.
11
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:27,328
These are, uh...
satanic pentagrams.
12
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,729
Oh, dear.
13
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,030
That makes sense now.
14
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,999
There was talk about "The Beast"
on the website.
15
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,067
I'm so sorry.
16
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:34,102
Oh, the Dark Lord, sure.
Oh.
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00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:35,236
But they're very lovely.
18
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,337
Why are you two
still here?
19
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,438
Shouldn't you be
with family?
20
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:38,606
We're --
We're kinda doing
21
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,007
Christmas alone
together, and...
22
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,709
Yeah.
It's our first Christmas
in Bucksnort.
23
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:42,910
And I'm gonna cook
a goose.
24
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,678
I ordered one --
a real beautiful bird,
25
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,347
from a boutique
organic market...
He ordered a goose.
26
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,716
...just outside of Dubuque.
Why?
27
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,018
Frank has got a whole pond full
of geese, and he hates them.
28
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,121
Oh, well, maybe next year,
I'll -- I'll bag one of those.
Oh. [ Chuckles ] Yeah.
29
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,589
Okay, $5.50.
30
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:57,225
Brandon's gone,
so I'm gonna be at Connie's.
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00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:58,859
Rio: Okay.
So, don't try a-knockin',
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00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,528
'cause Connie's
gonna be a-rockin'.
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00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,630
The first time
I'm going to lay her.
Oh!
34
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:05,366
Oh, that's information
that we're getting.
Constance: Yeah.
35
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,967
Not if I lay him first.
36
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,068
[ Laughs ]
All right, we're gonna go
watch the lights.
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00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:09,437
All right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,906
* Away in a manger
39
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:16,577
* No crib for a bed
40
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,580
* The little lord Jesus
41
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,249
Why is Clara
the only one singing?
42
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,484
Oh, 'cause she's been
drinking beer since noon.
43
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:27,155
[ Off-key ]
* Look down where he lay
44
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,222
* The li--
45
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,590
Okay, everybody.
Rio: Oh.
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00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:30,591
"Merry Christmas" on three.
47
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,760
One, two, three!
48
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,196
All: Merry Christmas!
49
00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:37,765
[ Electricity buzzes ]
50
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,467
Mike: Oh.
Rio: Oh!
51
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,469
Lot -- Lot of build-up.
Yeah, a lot of pageantry.
52
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:42,470
Yeah.
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00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,772
Here we go!
54
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:45,773
[ Electricity buzzes ]
55
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,007
[ Cheers and applause ]
56
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,576
Now we're
getting somewhere!
57
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,077
Now we're talking.
58
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,845
This one goes out
to the kitties.
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00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,113
[ To tune of
"Away in a Manger" ]
* Meow, meow
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00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,983
* Meow-meow, meow, meow
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00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,352
* Meow-meow, meow, meow, meow
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00:01:58,386 --> 00:01:59,187
I'll bite.
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00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:00,521
* Meow, meow
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00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,023
All:
* Meow-meow, meow, meow
65
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,326
* Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow
66
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:06,327
Do it.
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00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:10,130
**
68
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:13,133
-- Captions by VITAC --
69
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:16,670
**
70
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,839
Honey, I love this sculpture
that your family sent.
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00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,775
Did Santa actually visit
the baby Jesus?
72
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,143
Uh, with Christmas,
in general,
73
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,812
it's best not to ask
how the sausage is made.
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00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,814
Just enjoy the yummy sausage.
Sure, yeah.
75
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,115
Merry Christmas, roommates.
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00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,617
Look at this
jolly gentleman.
77
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,952
The time has come.
I'm off to Kay's.
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00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,955
Jacob deserves a Christmas
with both parents...
Sure.
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00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,557
...and I am going
to deliver.
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00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,227
Also, I'm gonna deliver for Kay
a custard pie.
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00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,328
We're really proud
of you, Beau.
82
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,230
You were this caterpillar,
you know?
83
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:44,064
And now you've blossomed
to be this -- this butterfly,
84
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,666
and it's really beautiful
to see.
Yeah.
85
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:46,834
I am a butterfly,
aren't I?
86
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:47,835
Yeah.
I'm like a --
87
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,703
a very sexy butterfly
with --
88
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,539
with big butterfly muscles...
Mm.
89
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:54,542
and -- and -- and great
butterfly masculine instincts.
90
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,076
[ Chuckling ] Yeah.
A-A ripped monarch.
91
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:56,977
All right!
Go get 'em!
[ Laughs ]
[ Door opens ]
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00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,246
That's sweet.
93
00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,313
You know what else
is sweet?
94
00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:00,581
Huh?
95
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,716
Listen to
that sound.
96
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,853
It's the sound of no Beau
and no Rudy in this house.
97
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,154
Oh, my goodness.
98
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,323
You're right.
There's no snoring.
99
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:10,524
There's no yelling.
No.
100
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:11,725
No one's arguing about
101
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,661
whether Ronald Reagan
was a good actor.
102
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,996
It's like, "Who cares?"
Who cares?
103
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,499
Ahh! Yeah.
So peaceful and relaxing.
104
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,034
We're pretty overdue
for some alone time.
Yeah.
105
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,903
Mm.
Ooh, you know
what I'm gonna do?
106
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,738
I'm gonna take a bath.
You know what I mean?
Oh.
107
00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:26,440
I'm gonna have to go upstairs
and first, like,
108
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:27,875
sort of scrub the Rudy and Beau
off the bath.
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00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,076
Sure.
But then I'm gonna
take a bath.
110
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,378
I'll be in the kitchen...
Okay.
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00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,346
...preparing
our fancy-ass dinner...
[ Gasps ]
112
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,881
...that I mail-ordered...
[ Squeals ]
113
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:34,948
...'cause it's
goose-glazing time.
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00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,350
I can't wait.
Yes. Okay.
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00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:37,217
Uh, by the way, it's gonna --
it's gonna take
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00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:38,519
about three hours.
That's all right.
117
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,120
It's gonna take me three hours
to scrub the tub.
118
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,121
Oh, wonderful.
So, it works out.
119
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:42,189
That'll time out beautifully.
Yeah.
120
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:46,427
**
121
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:49,196
Beau, did you bake?
Wait, are you wearing my apron?
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00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,364
If you're doing
an impression of me,
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00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:51,699
I'm not interested, okay?
124
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,066
I'm not in the mood
to be mocked.
125
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,134
I'm just putting
the finishing touches
126
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,269
on these cookie tins.
127
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:56,870
I know it usually takes
most of your day,
128
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,439
so I wanted to get
a jump-start on that.
129
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,541
I also threw away
my beer-can ornament collection
130
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:01,742
that you hate.
131
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,644
Even the Santa
with the swim trunks
132
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,613
who's pouring a beer
over his head?
Yeah.
133
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,214
And Margaritaville?
Uh-huh.
134
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,116
The one that plays
"I Got Friends in Low Places"?
135
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,751
Did you like that one?
No.
136
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:11,619
You liked some of them.
137
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:12,886
Didn't like any of them.
138
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,588
Okay, they're gone.
I wrapped the gifts.
139
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,325
Uh, you got Jacob
a Jason Statham Blu-ray set.
140
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:19,259
Actually, I did
my own shopping this year.
141
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:20,961
Hey, Jacob,
we're doing gifts!
142
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,663
What do you mean
you did your --
143
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,832
You bought that yourself?
I still get gifts
this year?
144
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,066
Yeah.
I-I just --
145
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,668
I thought maybe broken homes
didn't do it.
146
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,136
This is so exciting!
147
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,971
Okay, well, Jacob,
just to be clear --
148
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,573
I-I get it, Mom.
I know.
149
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,107
Just because Dad's home
does not mean
150
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:35,443
that you guys
are getting back together.
151
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,077
I know. I just want
to enjoy the holidays.
152
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,612
That's good,
because...
153
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:41,582
happiness is a journey,
not a destination.
154
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,150
The Buddha.
155
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,518
Yeah, that's something Rio
repeats all the time.
156
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:49,457
**
157
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:50,290
A key?
158
00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:55,329
An ATV?
159
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,130
Yeah!!
160
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,933
[ Laughs ]
Oh, my gosh!
161
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,603
Well, that is a very
thoughtful and generous gift.
162
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,638
Okay, take it for a spin.
Yes!
163
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:06,974
Love you guys!
Golly!
164
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,041
Okay, you, uh...
[ Clears throat ]
165
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,710
...need any help
in the kitchen?
166
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:12,380
Do I need any what?
167
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,714
Help.
168
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,616
I can't hear you.
Say it again.
169
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,650
Do you need help?
170
00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:17,618
[ Voice breaking ] Help?
171
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,652
One more time.
172
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:19,953
I would like
to help you.
173
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,189
[ Sighing ] Ohh.
Pregnant Mary on the donkey.
174
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:24,492
Rudy: You can do this.
You can do this.
175
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,660
**
176
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:27,795
Merry Christmas!
177
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,029
[ Screams ]
178
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,564
Constance: Geez.
179
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:32,800
Rudy,
this is my mama.
180
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,902
So, you're
the new boyfriend?
181
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,704
Please, God,
don't unwrap me.
182
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,338
Rudy: In retrospect,
183
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,641
this was a colossal
error in judgment.
184
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,143
Just curious, at your age,
how's your eyesight?
185
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,478
20/20.
186
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,213
Rudy, Mama just got here
an hour ago,
187
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,816
and it was quite a surprise.
Oh. Mm-hmm.
188
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,251
Constance wouldn't
tell me much about you,
189
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,186
so I feared the worst.
190
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:57,257
Is that what social media
has done to your generation?
191
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,426
Okay, aside from that
pornographic event
192
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,227
that you bore witness to,
I can assure you...
193
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,895
I'm an upstanding
gentleman.
194
00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:04,532
Well, Constance
is my pride and joy.
195
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:08,068
My one wish is that
she be well taken care of.
196
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,103
So, Mr. Rudy,
you got a job?
197
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,672
Oh, boy.
Where you live?
198
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,106
[ Chuckles nervously ]
You rent or own?
199
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,175
Oh, dear.
And what about savings?
200
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,944
"Yes."
201
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:21,014
[ Chuckles nervously ] Mama,
Rudy's a very successful farmer.
202
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,750
That's right.
Right.
203
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,885
And I have a diverse
investment portfolio, too,
204
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:27,755
that includes stocks,
paper money, gold bullion.
205
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:30,458
I keep it all in a giant house
on a desirable street.
206
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:31,725
Is that so?
207
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:35,228
[ Chuckles nervously ]
Yeah.
208
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:37,130
[ Chuckles ]
[ Door opens ]
209
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,866
Please don't contradict the lies
I'm about to tell.
210
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:39,900
What are y--
211
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,469
Welcome to my home!
212
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,704
Mama,
this is Rudy's farm.
213
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:44,872
Mm.
214
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,273
And who are
these people?
215
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:49,643
Um...
Yeah, who --
who are we, Rudy?
216
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:56,349
Mike and Rio used to
have their own farm, but
they lost it, like morons.
217
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,052
Now they live in my barn.
218
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,221
Is that a picture
of a cat holding another cat?
219
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,490
I love it.
220
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:03,791
Help yourself.
221
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:06,460
I showed Belle
my genitals.
222
00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:07,595
You what?
223
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:08,829
No, no. No, no.
I did. I--
224
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,564
You were supposed
to wrap it up for Connie,
225
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:11,832
and now you --
Why would you...?
226
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,134
She showed up in town.
I-I didn't know she'd be there.
227
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,669
What, did you feel like she had
been left out of the gift?
She open-- She opened the door,
228
00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:16,737
and I was like this.
229
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,238
I'm sorry.
I suggested he wrap up
230
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,508
like a-a yule log
offering.
231
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:21,975
And now I need to
convince my mom
232
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,176
that Rudy
is good enough for me.
233
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:25,979
Rudy, I want to keep this.
Go right ahead.
234
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,414
[ Quietly ] How did
she get that off the wall?
235
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,617
Excuse me, Rudy's servants.
Rio: Uh-huh.
236
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,851
When is dinner?
237
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,152
Oh, yes. Dinner.
Dinner.
238
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:35,122
So, we have not
prepared anything
239
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,324
specifically for you,
per se.
240
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:39,292
[ Clears throat ]
Um...
241
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,595
A-A-And yet --
And yet,
242
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:46,700
we have a Christmas goose
that we have prepared.
243
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,536
For thy.
Thy.
244
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,003
Now put a pep
in your step.
Uh --
245
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:50,771
I don't want to have
to beat you both.
246
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:51,939
What?
247
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,641
[ Engine revving ]
248
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,677
[ Imitates engine revving ]
249
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,879
[ Air hissing ]
250
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,617
They put that valve
in an interesting place.
251
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:04,785
[ Laughs ]
252
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,554
But I'm not thinking
about that kinda stuff.
253
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,321
It's Christmas.
Yeah.
254
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,823
Thank you for everything
you did today.
255
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,358
You're welcome.
256
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,993
I'm sorry that you even feel
like you have to thank me.
257
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,161
It's stuff I should've
been just doing
258
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,996
most of the time anyway.
259
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,631
But --
And I never thanked you.
260
00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:18,732
[ Engine revving in distance ]
261
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,033
Shut -- Shut up.
262
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:21,168
Shut up your mouth.
263
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,203
My life was so much better
when you were in it.
264
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,305
And I know why we are
where we are,
265
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,207
but I just want you to know
that I accept that,
266
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,743
and I'm grateful for you.
267
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,178
[ Sighs ]
268
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:31,979
[ Voice breaking ]
What did you just say?
269
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,647
I'm grateful for you.
270
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:34,915
Oh, my God.
Sweet baby Jesus in the hay.
271
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:37,050
I've got four or five
more snowmen,
272
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,218
if you want me
to blow those up.
273
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,519
Mm-hmm.
274
00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:41,254
Or, um, put on
those Christmas pajamas
275
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:43,190
that you bought me 15 years ago
that I refused to wear?
276
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,224
Oh.
277
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:45,225
I could mist
those poinsettias.
278
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:46,660
They look like
they could use that.
279
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,929
No, there's just one thing
I want from you right now.
280
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,498
I want you to make love to me,
you son of a bitch.
281
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,766
I agree.
282
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,401
[ Engine revving ]
283
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,269
Whoo!
284
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,205
Ta-da.
Oh!
285
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,207
This looks delicious!
Constance: Lovely.
286
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,609
Thank you.
Oh. Yes.
287
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:02,943
I hope you enjoy.
288
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,012
Can you blend mine
with some water?
289
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,914
Rio: Oh.
You -- You would like
a goose smoothie?
290
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,882
Ooh, that sounds delicious.
I'll have one of those, too.
291
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:11,118
That's not necessary.
We're fine to chew.
292
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,886
Great.
[ Clears throat ]
293
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,421
Are they eating
with us?
294
00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:17,691
**
295
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,526
I'm sorry,
but you must leave.
296
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,961
Just so
I'm tracking this,
297
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,562
you want us
to go to the barn
298
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:26,366
and not enjoy this goose
that we brined for six days
299
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,434
and then
air-dried overnight
300
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:28,936
so it would be
perfectly crisp?
301
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,403
You'll eat hay,
and you'll enjoy it, too!
302
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:31,538
Um...
303
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,106
Yeah. Well...
As you wish.
304
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:36,209
Yes.
I guess we are...
305
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,612
going over to the barn
where we squat.
306
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,113
I'm grabbing just
a goose leg --
Get.
307
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:42,482
Out! You heard Mrs. Byrd.
You get now!
308
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:43,550
The only thing
you're gonna taste
309
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,551
is the back of my hand!
310
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,552
Oh, wow.
Oh, my goodness.
311
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,553
You get now!
Yes...sir.
312
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,454
Okay.
You get!
313
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,288
[ Door opens ]
314
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,123
[ Whispering ]
I'm so sorry.
315
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,992
Mom, Dad, I just did
a double skid jump!
316
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,293
It was --
Oh, God! No!
Oh, God! Oh!
317
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:54,294
[ Shrieks ]
318
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,229
It's not --
Oh, no!
319
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,397
Buddy, you're dreaming!
Shameful and bad! Oh, God!
320
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,331
Why?!
You're dreaming.
[ Door slams ]
321
00:09:58,365 --> 00:09:59,566
Rio: This is crazy.
[ Chicken clucks ]
322
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,935
We get no dinner,
no house.
323
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,971
It is shockingly
cold in here.
324
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,406
You know, we just wanted
one night away from everybody.
I know.
325
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,341
And now they're inside
eating our goose.
326
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:09,176
I know. It's your goose.
And we're in a barn...
327
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,678
I know, sweetie.
...without a toilet.
328
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:13,580
Just like Santa,
right?
How's that?
329
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,082
You know, it's like Santa
went up to the North Pole
330
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,750
and he turned into a reindeer
and then he came on down.
331
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:17,484
That's exactly it.
332
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:18,485
Was it?
Yeah.
333
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:20,320
At least we're alone.
Yeah.
334
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,655
I mean, no one's gonna find us
out here in this barn.
335
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,590
Ah, sorry!
336
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,125
Oh, my God.
Jacob!
337
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,160
Do you guys have anything that
I can gouge my eyes out with?
338
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:29,429
What's going on?
I saw my parents having sex.
339
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,664
Oh, yikes.
Wow.
340
00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:31,832
The whole house smelled
like an iguana tank,
341
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,333
and we do not have
an iguana.
342
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,135
Oh, God.
343
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:38,338
Do not tell my parents
that I'm here.
344
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,606
Hold on a second.
I'm never going home again!
345
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,009
This is ridiculous, because
now we're not even alone.
346
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,176
No, I know!
So I'm gonna tell you
right now,
347
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:44,778
I'm going in
to get some goose.
348
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:47,715
I'll be damned if I don't get
at least a goose leg.
349
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,216
Yeah, I'll be damned
if you're damned!
350
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,617
Go get your goose,
baby!
351
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,352
I hate everything!
352
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,321
Uh, good luck
with that.
Yeah. Thanks.
353
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,889
Hey, Jacob,
I'm coming up there, okay?
354
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:56,990
No!
355
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:00,560
Hey, buddy.
356
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,065
Hi.
357
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,533
I like your sweater.
358
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,135
Oh.
You look really pretty.
359
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,803
Thanks, Jacob.
Very sweet.
360
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,004
[ Sighs ]
361
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,539
Listen,
do you want to talk?
362
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:14,674
My dad has so much hair
on his back...
Oh.
363
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,143
...and mom was using it
like a handle.
364
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,511
Ooh.
I saw both their tongues!
365
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,147
Oh, wow.
It looked like
they were hurting each other,
366
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,382
but they were smiling.
Yeah, this is --
367
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,551
Is that regular?
Is that normal?
Listen.
368
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:25,685
I can't imagine
what that's like.
369
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,154
It's a lot.
370
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,056
It's upsetting
to process all this.
371
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:30,257
Hey, do you want
to go to Main Street
372
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,491
and watch me do skids?
373
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,493
No, thank you.
I'm really awesome at them.
374
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,661
I'm sure.
Can I kiss you?
375
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,663
No. No, no, no, no.
376
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,265
I think I'm in love with you.
Okay, you're not --
377
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,033
No, no, no.
I want to marry Janine.
378
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,035
You've got a lot
of emotions
379
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:43,670
that are wrestling
with each other.
380
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,839
You got to process --
Rio, can I ask you a question?
381
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,540
You can ask me a question.
382
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,176
But if it has to do
with kissing
383
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,378
or anything romantic,
the answer is no.
384
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,746
Uh-huh.
Okay?
So, that's not gonna change.
385
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,781
What's your question?
386
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,451
Merry Christmas.
387
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,253
Merry Christmas.
388
00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:01,955
Good question.
[ Door opens ]
389
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:03,757
Rudy: That was back
when I was a Wall Street bigwig.
390
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,458
I rode around
in a limo made of gold,
391
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,694
which was very heavy
and slow.
392
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,695
[ Silverware clinks softly ]
393
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,864
He's stealing!
394
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:12,099
Aah!
395
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,633
Hey!
Go get yourself a job!
396
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:15,302
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
397
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,237
Rudy does
so much for you.
398
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,739
And after you were
irresponsible enough
399
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:21,608
to lose your farm.
400
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:24,077
You are pathetic.
401
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,817
She's right.
You're pathetic.
402
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:30,984
You'll always
be pathetic,
403
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,619
living a life
like that.
404
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:35,588
**
405
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:38,158
You know, Belle...
406
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:42,062
you may judge me
for living in a barn,
407
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,065
but I am way more than
a list of the things I own.
408
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,134
I'm an incredible person.
409
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,802
And I think
if you got to know me,
410
00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:51,939
you would love me the same way
that Constance loves me.
What?
411
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,440
You're in love
with this guy, too?
412
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:54,407
No, she needs
to hear the truth.
413
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,642
Rudy...
414
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,077
I'm the one
that lives in a barn.
415
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,778
Mike and his wife,
Rio, live here.
416
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,413
I'm jobless,
I have $10 to my name,
417
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,949
and my best friend
is a goat.
418
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:04,151
Yesterday, I had a handful
of loose sugar for dinner.
419
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:08,121
Constance Lucretia
Byrd Terry...
420
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,356
I'm ashamed of you.
421
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:10,958
Now box up that goose,
422
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:13,493
get your things,
and let's go.
423
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:16,663
[ Wheelchair beeps, whirs,
thuds ]
424
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:21,034
[ Thud ]
425
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:24,104
[ Wheelchair beeps, whirs ]
426
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,772
[ Object crashes ]
427
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,640
Rudy, she's just tired.
428
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:29,376
She goes to bed at 3:00.
429
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,378
I will calm her down.
430
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,513
Belle: Constance,
don't make me wheel myself home.
431
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,348
I'm sorry that I lied.
I was ashamed.
432
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,317
Those were very nice things
you said about yourself.
433
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,651
Yeah.
434
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,187
I was talking about
my friend Rudy.
435
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,821
I thought so.
I just wanted to be sure.
436
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,290
I've got some crying
to do,
437
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,324
and you probably
don't want to hear that.
438
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,026
Do you want this pillow?
439
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,394
Thank you.
Yeah.
440
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:47,995
I'll leave you to it.
441
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:51,498
[ Sobbing ]
442
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,400
Merry Christmas!
443
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,534
Rio:
Your parents are here.
444
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,836
Jacob: I've seen enough
of them today!
445
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,205
Son, just -- just --
just come down here.
446
00:13:58,238 --> 00:13:59,739
Kay: Jacob,
this is ridiculous!
Come here. Come here.
447
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,808
Nothing even happened.
You were hallucinating.
448
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,476
I wish
I was hallucinating!
Okay, okay.
449
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:06,046
Li-- Yeah, I think we should,
you know, find truth
450
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,514
when speaking
to our children.
451
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:08,648
Are you guys
getting back together?
452
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:09,682
No.
We're not?
453
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:11,218
Well, you tell me.
You tell me!
454
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,752
I can't listen to this anymore!
455
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,087
I'm never coming home,
456
00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:15,088
I'm going to Hollywood,
457
00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:16,556
and I'm gonna work
in show business.
458
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,325
The hell you are, boy!
459
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,261
I'm gonna go to --
to Wall Street
and be on Broadway.
460
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,930
Where are my savings bonds?
461
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,497
You're not going
to show business...
Well --
462
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,833
and you're not
cashing those bonds
until you're 21!
463
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,035
We're gonna stay in this barn
all night long!
464
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,903
Do you hear me?
We are never gonna leave!
465
00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:32,339
We're spending Christmas
together, like a family!
466
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,941
We're never gonna talk
about what happened!
467
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,342
Hey, now, boy!
468
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,709
Oh, my God.
Geez.
You watch yourself!
469
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:37,945
That is a lot of anger.
[ Cellphone chimes,
ladder thuds ]
470
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,179
And I don't know
where you get it!
471
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,081
Stop that ladder right there!
Put that back!
472
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,249
You leave that ladder
right there!
473
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,883
This seems good.
[ Indistinct arguing ]
474
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:45,052
Kee-- Stay in it.
You're not going
to Hollywood!
475
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,020
[ Arguing continues ]
476
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:49,422
I'll just run up there!
Get out of my way!
477
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:52,926
**
478
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,461
Great news.
Okay.
479
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:57,364
I found a Boston Market
40 minutes from here.
Ooh!
480
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,199
Great, and you know what?
They're gonna be fine.
481
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,433
They're fine.
[ Barn door opens ]
482
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:01,634
They're -- They're --
They're gonna manage this --
483
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,136
Kay: Jacob!
484
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:04,404
Beau: It's not -- It's not
what you think!
Jacob!
485
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:05,372
Don't you throttle that!
[ Engine starts, revs ]
486
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,540
Your mother was
checking me for ticks!
487
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,977
Oh, my God.
Are you kidding me?!
488
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:10,978
You seduced me.
489
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,212
Kay: I couldn't help it!
Um...
490
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,446
Came in hot
with all those chores.
491
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,948
What do you think I'm gonna do,
keep my pants on?
492
00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:20,553
Nothing like a long drive
to a fast-food restaurant
on Christmas, right?
493
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:22,722
That's right.
That's right.
494
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,257
Whatever drama
that they have going on
495
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:26,393
is their drama exclusively.
Yeah, that's them.
That's them.
496
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,595
It's -- It's not ours, so --
No. Everyone here is an adult.
497
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,497
I'm not taking it on.
I'm not taking --
We're guilt-free.
We'll go.
498
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,831
Hey!
Help! Help!
499
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,500
I can hear a dre--
We need a third
500
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,135
to go find Jacob!
I can hear Rudy
crying inside your house!
501
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,136
You gotta do something!
Okay.
502
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:36,903
We need someone to talk to.
Please, Rio!
503
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,771
Okay.
Hey!
504
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,007
Let's at least take...
What's the holdup?!
505
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,008
...five seconds
of alone time.
Hey, guys!
506
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:42,509
Guys.
507
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,078
Please, we need you!
508
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,946
No, it's Christmas!
All right!
509
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:47,580
It ain't kissy time!
We don't have time for this!
510
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:48,748
Hey!
Hey!
511
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,283
Let's divide and conquer it.
Okay.
512
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:51,118
I'll do Constance --
You go to Connie's.
I'm gonna get -- Yeah.
513
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,119
Yeah, okay. Okay.
[ Knock on door ]
514
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,953
Oh, Mike.
Hi.
515
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,256
Constance, uh,
can we talk about this?
516
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,490
Just keep it down.
517
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:58,591
Mom's in the back room,
518
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,193
watching "Succession"
on her tablet.
519
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:01,528
Okay.
Please, how's Rudy?
520
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,796
Tell him I'll talk to him
after my mama leaves.
521
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,099
You know how you usually
give us tough love?
522
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,834
Well, I'm here to give you
some tough love.
523
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,202
Pretend I'm you.
524
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:12,105
Now, what would you tell you
in this situation?
525
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,007
I know I should
stand up to my mama.
526
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,942
But after not doing it
for so many years,
527
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,278
I don't know why
I should start now.
528
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,213
I think Rudy is --
is the "why."
529
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,882
You know, if I'm you,
I don't want to lose him.
530
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,784
I thought I was being me.
531
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,187
Yes, exactly.
You are being you.
532
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:29,456
Constance is Mike.
What?
533
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,624
So what would Constance-you
tell Mike-yourself?
534
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,327
I'd say, "Constance,
get your head out your ass."
535
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:35,628
Boom.
536
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,963
And it sounds so good
when you say it.
537
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,998
[ Sighs ]
538
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,133
Kay: It just happened,
okay, Beau?
Beau: I know.
539
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,168
I wasn't thinking
about it.
540
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,136
I just felt an urge,
and I went for it,
541
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,338
and you reciprocated,
and there we were.
542
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:46,339
Well, I just wish
you would tell me
543
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:47,874
what you want it to mean.
544
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:48,908
Well, I don't know
what it means
545
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,343
that we threw a nickel
into the old arcade.
546
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,811
Guys, this is
really good stuff.
[ Sighs ]
547
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,346
Don't be afraid
to be vulnerable,
548
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,848
because communication is
the pathway to breakthrough.
549
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,884
Your volume is
so annoying.
550
00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,219
This is why people
don't do therapy,
551
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,553
'cause you're just
[Whispers indistinctly]
552
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:01,554
I can't hear you!
553
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:02,889
If you regret it,
just tell me,
554
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,424
and I can handle it.
555
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,259
I don't regret it, Beau.
Oh, my God.
556
00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:07,327
There's one thing
I'm sure of.
557
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,428
I --
558
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,029
I loved it.
559
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:11,831
[ Chuckling ] You did?
560
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,400
Yeah.
561
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,502
So did I.
562
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,170
Rio, what does that mean?
Tell us what it means, huh?
563
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,538
What-- What's it mean?
564
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:19,739
So, as a therapist,
565
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,408
it's not my job to kinda
tell you how you feel.
566
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,842
That's up to you.
567
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,544
Then why the hell would anyone
go to a therapist?
568
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:26,546
And then why do they
call you guys "life's referee"?
569
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:27,914
They don't.
570
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,916
Rio, just tell us what it means!
Just tell us, please.
571
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,284
Stop.
Why are you putting us
through this?
572
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:32,719
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
[ Snaps fingers ] Jacob.
573
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:34,020
There he is.
Beau and Kay: Oh!
574
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,688
See, he's doing
the sad-boy donuts over there.
575
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,457
Just pull over.
576
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,459
Guys, you can just be
glad that it happened,
577
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,761
be open to your future,
and keep communicating, okay?
578
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,296
Finally.
Took you long enough.
579
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:45,298
Guys.
Huh?
580
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:46,966
This is where
you go talk to Jacob.
581
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:48,135
[ Sighs ]
582
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,569
**
583
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:50,470
Guys.
What?
584
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:51,604
Go. Talk to him.
585
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,206
[ Groans ]
586
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,707
It's gonna be hard
to make eye contact with him
587
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,143
after he saw
what we were doing.
588
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:57,577
It was something
I saw on Facebook.
589
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:58,911
I reported it,
590
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,980
but then it really
stuck with me.
591
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:02,549
Belle: Wait.
592
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,083
What's he doing here?
593
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,985
It's that son of a bitch
with the goose.
594
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,321
Mama, there's something
you need to hear.
595
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:11,791
Rudy is a fantastic man
who's --
[ Door opens ]
596
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,226
Constance, I'm sorry
for the intrusion.
597
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,262
Mrs. Byrd,
I do have an asset --
598
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,096
a Lou Gehrig baseball card
in mint condition.
599
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:19,832
It would go for
$3- or $4 million.
600
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,234
And I know it's real
because I bought it
601
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:23,770
from a reliable young man
in a tie-dye blazer.
602
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,639
Constance, this man
cannot take care of you.
603
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:30,977
The value of baseball cards
is plummeting every day.
604
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,280
You've met Rio's mom.
605
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,681
If I can do that,
you can do this.
606
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,916
[ Inhales deeply ]
607
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,285
No, Mom.
608
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:41,488
I don't need a man
to take care of me.
609
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,022
You should know
because you taught me
610
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,324
how to take care
of myself.
611
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:46,293
The only thing I need
from a man is love,
612
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:49,162
and he's got --
he's got plenty of that to give.
613
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:50,930
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
614
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,299
So back off...
615
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,234
ma'am.
616
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:58,171
Also, ma'am,
and I can't say this enough,
617
00:18:58,205 --> 00:19:00,173
there was no need
for you to see my genitals.
618
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:02,442
That is, and shall remain,
my bad.
619
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:05,144
Constance, I cannot believe
you're defying me.
620
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:07,647
But love is love, apparently.
621
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,149
Otherwise, I don't know
why you would choose him.
622
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:12,685
Well, I guess I do know
one reason.
623
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:15,688
That was
quite the Christmas bow.
624
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:16,856
[ Clicks tongue ]
625
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,526
I see you, girl.
I see you.
626
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:26,866
* Have yourself
a merry little Christmas *
627
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:33,373
* Let your heart be light
628
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:37,244
* Next year, all our troubles
629
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:43,583
* Will be out of sight
630
00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:57,997
This is nice, you know.
Just the two of us.
631
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:00,833
Finally.
Yeah, all alone --
just you, me,
632
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:01,834
and -- and a goose.
633
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,002
That's what we wanted,
right?
634
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,604
That was our Christmas wish,
right?
Yeah.
635
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,339
And Chris-- Christmas,
you get a wish, right?
636
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,440
Don't you get a wish?
637
00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:09,075
Yeah, you --
you get a Christmas wish.
638
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,777
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
639
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,079
Hmm. [ Sighs ]
640
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:20,953
Do you miss them at all?
Yes!
641
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,889
[ Laughter ]
642
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,124
Four extra deer,
and he said Santa --
643
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,259
Santa's been
drinking again.
644
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:27,927
[ Laughter ]
645
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,129
Well, he broke the law.
Santa broke the law.
Jacob: Oh, yeah!
646
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,964
Beau: I have not
heard that one.
647
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:33,132
How you doing, buddy?
648
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,867
Oh, I'm fine.
Mm-hmm.
649
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:35,735
I really like
your apron.
650
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,270
It's got nice eyes.
651
00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:38,405
Mike: Okay, there, Jacob.
Oh. Okay. [ Chuckles ]
652
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:40,273
I brought
the custard I made.
653
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,309
Time has not been kind to it.
It's a bit runny.
654
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:44,577
It's more of a nog than a pie,
but it looks delicious.
655
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:46,078
It is like a nog.
I can't wait
to ladle out some.
656
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:47,079
Uh-oh!
Uh-oh.
657
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,448
Hey, hey, hey!
Hup! Hup! Hup!
658
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:49,916
Hup! Hup!
659
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:51,618
I can't believe
we were gonna do this alone.
660
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,085
I know.
661
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:54,554
This is the perfect
first Bucksnort Christmas.
662
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,055
[ Glass clinks ]
663
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:59,091
I am so thankful
to be here with Rudy...
Mm.
664
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,660
...my mom, and all of you.
665
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,094
Aww.
My family.
666
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:03,330
Thanks.
667
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:05,298
You think
we're family?
668
00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:06,733
Well, duh.
Yes. Yes.
669
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:07,834
[ Chuckles ]
670
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:09,936
[ Chuckles ]
To family?
671
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,404
I like that. Sure.
To family.
672
00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:12,405
-Family.
-Hear, hear.
673
00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:13,640
-Absolutely.
-Hear, hear.
674
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:14,441
-Round the horn. There we go.
-There we go.
675
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:16,108
Rudy...
676
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:18,010
when do we get
to eat this goat?
677
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:19,512
[ Theresa bleats ]
Constance: No.
678
00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:20,680
Manners, Theresa.
679
00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:21,948
Eat your Christmas turnip.
680
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,282
[ Laughter ]
Rio: What?
681
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:24,384
[ Theresa bleats ]
46192
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