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1
00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:04,418
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,021
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
3
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:21,416
Thanks for coming
on such short notice, Mr. Pig.
4
00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:24,159
(STUTTERING) There's no group
of students that the
right teacher can't engage
5
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:27,085
in the wonders of edu...
(STAMMERING) Learning.
6
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:30,931
There's no group
of students, we just
got one student.
7
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:33,298
Once I open this door,
8
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:36,497
there's no going back.
9
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,610
He's been held back, a lot.
10
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:41,742
(SHAVER WHIRRING)
11
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,609
(STAMMERING) Don't worry,
I won't let you down.
12
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:46,607
-(DOOR SLAMS)
-(YELPS)
13
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,180
(STAMMERING)
Good morning, student.
14
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,579
I will be your
substitute teacher
for the day.
15
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:53,891
And my name is Mr. Pig.
16
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,224
Hmm. Uh,
"Mr. Pig is lame"?
(CHUCKLES)
17
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,930
Oh, I... I'm afraid
you're mistaken.
18
00:00:57,992 --> 00:01:00,262
You know, my legs
are quite spry
and healthy.
19
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:03,328
Sheesh. This guy
doesn't even know when
I'm making fun of him.
20
00:01:03,398 --> 00:01:06,298
Okay. We'll start with
some American history.
21
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:07,996
What United States President
22
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,769
delivered
the Gettysburg Address?
23
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:11,307
I don't know. (CHOMPS)
24
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:13,142
But I know who
delivered this pizza.
25
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,077
And... And no food
in the classroom.
26
00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:17,352
Clearly, you're forgetting
about the first amendment.
27
00:01:17,412 --> 00:01:20,082
The right to free cheese!
(CHOMPS AND GULPS)
28
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:23,317
Just take out your books
and turn to the page 26.
29
00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:25,223
Uh, I don't have page 26.
30
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:29,216
-Eh, why not?
-Because I ate it.
31
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,960
(CONTINUES CHOMPING
AND GULPING)
32
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:33,586
Stop eating your book!
33
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,730
Here, take my book.
34
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:38,996
Now, what do you
see there on page 26?
35
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:42,936
I see nothing
because I lost your book!
36
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,813
Oh, fine.
Take this one.
37
00:01:44,873 --> 00:01:48,013
Now, be careful
with it because it's
the last one I have.
38
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,335
-Ooh! Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
-Daffy?
39
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:51,750
I lost your book again.
40
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,452
What!
41
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:57,524
Oh, there they are.
They must've
gone to recess.
42
00:01:57,585 --> 00:02:00,315
I'm gonna show you
how to make
an electromagnet.
43
00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:02,818
You wrap a wire
around the metal rod,
44
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:06,060
then attach the battery
to the wire.
45
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,897
-(ROD BUZZING)
-(CLINKS)
46
00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:10,262
A-ha! Science!
47
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:13,701
That's it? You'll
never make science
popular that way.
48
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,497
You have to give 'em a show!
49
00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:18,740
You use these trash cans
and some jumper cables.
50
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,666
You know, that's
very inventive, Daffy.
51
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,481
Where did you find
the jumper cables?
52
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:24,112
From your car.
53
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:28,378
-Huh?
-(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
54
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,488
Huh? (GROANS)
55
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:36,694
Here comes the bust
of Rutherford B. Hayes.
56
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,357
PORKY: Ouch!
Thank you, Mr. President.
57
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,886
-Look out
for the filing cabinet!
-PORKY: Oh, no!
58
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:44,431
Oh, no!
An entire box of thumbtacks.
59
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,928
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
60
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,730
(PORKY GROANS)
61
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,441
I believe that
should be everything.
62
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,843
(WHOOSHES)
63
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:54,805
Oh, look, your car.
64
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,605
Okay, time for some Alge...
65
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,547
(STUTTERING)
Time for some math.
66
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,852
If 5A plus two equals 22,
67
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:03,584
what is the value of "A"?
68
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,050
I have no idea.
69
00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:07,119
Here, let me give you
some scratch paper.
70
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:10,058
Great! 'Cause I've got
an itch right here.
71
00:03:10,124 --> 00:03:12,334
(MOANS IN RELIEF)
That hits the spot.
72
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:16,003
You work out
the equation on the paper
until you solve it.
73
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,373
Ooh! So,
it's like a mystery?
74
00:03:18,433 --> 00:03:21,643
All right, Equation!
Where were you on
the night of January 26th?
75
00:03:21,703 --> 00:03:24,643
I've got an eraser
and I'm not afraid
to use it.
76
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:25,835
Knock it off!
77
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,066
Let me show you
how you do it.
78
00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:29,111
If five times four
equals 20,
79
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:30,876
which means
"A" equals four.
80
00:03:30,945 --> 00:03:32,945
Four? This is a fore.
81
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,583
(YELLING) Fore!
82
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,778
(SQUEALING)
83
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,320
That's it.
84
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,186
(STAMMERING) That duck
is gonna learn something,
85
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:44,454
if it's the last thing I do.
86
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,629
-How many golf balls
did you hit at me?
-Ten.
87
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:53,298
-And how many did
you start with?
-Sixteen.
88
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:56,837
-So, how many golf balls
do you have left?
-Six.
89
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,514
I believe that's the answer!
90
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,172
I got the right answer?
91
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:02,211
That's never happened before!
92
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,276
Let's see if you can
do it again. Here.
93
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:06,875
Wet this paper
and throw it
at the ceiling.
94
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:10,347
(SLURPING)
Chuck! Chuck!
95
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:13,348
Now, launch
these spitballs
at the chalkboard.
96
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:16,660
(CHOMPS)
97
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:19,494
-How many wads of paper
are on the ceiling?
-Seven.
98
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,460
-And how many did you
launch at the board?
-Thirty.
99
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:25,800
-What's 30 plus seven?
-Thirty seven.
100
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,366
Look at the addition!
101
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:32,566
Now, read this copy
ofHamlet and I'll
let you eat the book.
102
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,679
Done. (GULPS)
And done.
103
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:37,542
What is the most
famous speech
inHamlet?
104
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,581
"To be or not to be,
105
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,046
"that is the question."
106
00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:43,715
Now, we're gonna
launch a vinegar-rocket.
107
00:04:43,785 --> 00:04:48,785
Step one, fill bottles
with vinegar, our acid.
108
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:53,987
Step two, drop in
baking soda, our base.
109
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,901
Step three!
110
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,973
Stand back
and watch the show!
111
00:04:58,032 --> 00:05:00,172
-(PORKY SQUEALS)
-(DAFFY EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY)
112
00:05:00,234 --> 00:05:02,944
So, Daffy, why are these
bottles exploding?
113
00:05:03,004 --> 00:05:07,044
Because carbon dioxide gas
is released by the combination
of the acid and the base.
114
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,207
So, basically,
the bottle passes gas.
115
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:14,216
PORKY: And you
pass my little class!
116
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,051
What is going on here?
117
00:05:16,117 --> 00:05:19,347
Can you believe
this ducky graduated?
He is a total success.
118
00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:20,859
He graduated?
119
00:05:20,922 --> 00:05:22,922
Everyone, we don't
have to deal
with him anymore.
120
00:05:22,991 --> 00:05:27,061
Thank goodness, our long
national nightmare
is finally over.
121
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,757
(SNIFFS) He graduated.
122
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,199
Congrats, Daffy.
123
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:32,104
And since you're
the only student
in my class,
124
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,366
you are the
vale-duck-torian.
125
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,235
Some people
go back to school...
126
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:40,913
And some go
"quack" to school.
127
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,884
Crystal balls, tarot cards,
128
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,613
I see the future.
129
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,748
Viktor the Psychic!
130
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:47,923
(ALL CHEERING)
131
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:51,351
ALL: Oh, Viktor!
You're amazing!
132
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:54,149
-These guys are so phony.
-Whatever.
133
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:57,031
Viktor the Psychic
can see into your future,
134
00:05:57,092 --> 00:06:01,132
read your aura,
and communicate with
those from the great beyond!
135
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:02,625
For a small fee, of course.
136
00:06:02,697 --> 00:06:04,897
Who would be
gullible enough
to believe the--
137
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,795
ALL: Me! Me! Me!
138
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,737
You, sir! I am sensing
139
00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:12,713
that there is someone
in your past here
with you tonight.
140
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,013
It is your grandmother
141
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:17,335
and she's with us now.
142
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:20,851
Yeah, she's sitting
right next to me.
143
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,954
Wow.
144
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,786
I'm sensing great pain
in your future.
145
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:28,122
Actually, I feel pretty good.
146
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,658
(SCREAMS) Ow!
147
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,393
Wow, you were right.
148
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,899
-(ALL CHEERING)
-Oh, come on!
149
00:06:33,962 --> 00:06:37,232
Now, who wants me
to take a look-see
into their future?
150
00:06:37,298 --> 00:06:38,498
Oh, me! Oh, me!
Me, me, me!
151
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,566
Have a seat,
Mr. Squirrel.
152
00:06:40,635 --> 00:06:45,105
Watch and wonder
as I gaze into your future
with my crystal ball.
153
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,542
Hmm. (GASPS)
154
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:49,277
Soggy-stroodle.
Your future is sad
155
00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:52,053
-because in the
not-so-distant future...
-Huh?
156
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,882
You will lose
all your money!
157
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,418
I am Viktor Psychic!
158
00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:59,694
-(ALL CHEERING)
-ALL: Oh, Viktor!
We love you.
159
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,763
Okay, I've seen enough.
160
00:07:01,823 --> 00:07:04,793
You're taking
advantage of all
these innocent patriots.
161
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:05,928
You're a fraud.
162
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:07,463
(DRAMATICALLY) Oh, I'm sensing
163
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:10,058
that you will not be
with us for very long.
164
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,100
Eh, what are you
talkin' about?
165
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:13,696
(SCREAMS AND GROANS)
166
00:07:13,768 --> 00:07:16,538
-Of course you know this--
-This means war?
167
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:19,744
I knew you were
going to say that
'cause I'm a psychic!
168
00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:22,836
(READING)
169
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,980
Now, I need a victim...
170
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,975
(NERVOUSLY)
Uh, I mean, volunteer
171
00:07:27,048 --> 00:07:31,188
for a reading of
the invisible energy field
that surrounds us all.
172
00:07:31,252 --> 00:07:33,122
An aura reading.
173
00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:35,587
BUGS: Did someone
say aura reading?
174
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,585
(WHOOSHES AND POOFS)
175
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:41,228
-Who are you?
-It is I, Bugsito the Psychic.
176
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:43,895
I've never heard of
Bugsito the Psychic.
177
00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:47,365
I'm such
an amazing psychic
that in my presence,
178
00:07:47,435 --> 00:07:50,995
even a non-psychic
can see auras.
179
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,341
CROWD: Ooh!
180
00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:55,906
Ah, yes. Your aura
is very bright.
181
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,406
Suddenly, I feel very warm.
182
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:01,679
Yes, it has
a little red in it.
183
00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:06,188
(VIKTOR SCREAMS)
184
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:09,093
Now, your aura
is black and blue.
185
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,626
The Bugsito is amazing!
186
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:15,802
Argh! Friends, maybe our guest
can help your see auras,
187
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:19,173
but only I can read palms
and tell your future.
188
00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:21,503
Then why don't you
read my palm?
189
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:24,969
I am not scared
to read another
psychic's palm.
190
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,308
-BUGS: Here you go, Doc.
-Okay.
191
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:30,384
I see that you're
sort of furry...
192
00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:32,814
(SNIFFS) Very smelly
193
00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:34,919
and you need
a manicure. Hmm?
194
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:36,582
-(GROWLING)
-(VIKTOR GROANS)
195
00:08:36,651 --> 00:08:41,461
I, Bugsito, will read
your future using
only these cards.
196
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:45,132
Not so fast! I am
the one who reads
the tarot cards.
197
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:49,832
I don't use tarot cards,
I use greeting cards.
198
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:53,067
"Sorry for your loss"?
I didn't lose anything.
199
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,743
(CHUCKLING)
Yes, you did.
200
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:58,212
-(SQUEALS)
-You just lost your dignity.
201
00:08:58,272 --> 00:08:59,612
Read this one.
202
00:08:59,674 --> 00:09:03,184
"Get well soon"?
But I feel fine.
203
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,413
-(GROWLS)
-VIKTOR: Beaver skeever!
204
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,948
(READING)
205
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:09,015
(QUIVERING IN FEAR)
206
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,582
Sorry for the interruptions.
207
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:15,491
Now, we can begin
the spookiest
part of the show
208
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:19,426
where we can make contact
with the other side!
209
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,033
(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)
210
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,234
(ALL GASPING)
211
00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:25,767
Spirits, I beseech thee
212
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:29,973
to speak of secrets
left untold
from the other side!
213
00:09:30,038 --> 00:09:33,838
BUGS: (SPOOKILY)
Yes! I have many
secrets to tell!
214
00:09:33,908 --> 00:09:37,738
Many dark secrets
about you, Viktor!
215
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,051
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
216
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,952
(NERVOUSLY)
What do you know?
217
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:44,745
I know that your wear
extra-extra small
tighty-whities.
218
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,718
It's true.
219
00:09:46,788 --> 00:09:49,718
BUGS:And I know you
swindled that poor squirrel
out of all his money
220
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,460
by pretending
to see the future.
221
00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:54,826
(SOBBING) It's true!
I am a swindler.
222
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,595
A phony, a fraud!
223
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,033
(BAWLING)
224
00:09:58,099 --> 00:10:01,199
-(ALL EXCLAIMING IN HORROR)
-I'm not Viktor the Psychic,
225
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:04,668
I'm just Viktor,
the lying person.
226
00:10:04,739 --> 00:10:08,079
-(ALL JEERING)
-(VIKTOR GROANS)
227
00:10:08,142 --> 00:10:09,842
We're not mad!
228
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,780
Just deeply disappointed.
229
00:10:11,846 --> 00:10:15,916
BUGS:Now, make amends
for this great evil
thou hast done.
230
00:10:15,984 --> 00:10:20,624
I'll do whatever your say,
most merciful spirit.
231
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,818
-(SCREECHES)
-What the...
232
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:25,890
-(VIKTOR SNARLING)
-(SQUIRREL SCREECHES)
233
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:29,330
Uh, ignore the rabbit
behind the curtain.
234
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:30,896
(VIKTOR SCREAMS)
235
00:10:30,965 --> 00:10:33,225
-(ALL JEERING)
-VIKTOR: Can't see
where I'm going.
236
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:37,300
-Whoa!
-(SNARLING)
237
00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:39,671
(GROANING)
238
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:42,440
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
I am Johnny Grambus
239
00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:44,180
and I own this TV station.
240
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,684
In light of tonight's events,
241
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:48,776
I have decided to cancel
this fraud's TV show.
242
00:10:48,850 --> 00:10:52,350
But, tune in tomorrow
for my replacement show,
243
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,289
Bear on a Ball.
It's sure to be a hit.
244
00:10:55,356 --> 00:10:56,886
-(VIKTOR GROANS)
-Told ya'.
245
00:10:56,958 --> 00:11:01,088
How did a psychic
not see that coming?
(CHUCKLING)
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00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,931
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
18321
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