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00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:02,459
- Announcer:
Know your candidates.
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00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,878
"let's be real"
starts now.
4
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,799
- Larry, I'm so sick of
these third-rate political ads
5
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
6
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:11,135
telling me how to debate.
You're a pro.
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00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,262
You know what works on tv
and radio
8
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:16,557
and whatever came before radio.
I did a great job.
9
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:17,808
You saw the ratings
and the polling
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00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,561
on breitbart, 4chan, 8chan.
11
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:23,147
- Well, donald, I thought
there were a few things you said
12
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,983
that could maybe use rephrasing.
13
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:28,152
- Rephrase what?
It was perfect.
14
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,029
- Well, when you said
that thing about
15
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:32,698
"proud boys stand back,
stand by."
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00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:34,950
- I didn't say that.
Tucker, did I say that?
17
00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:37,286
- Obviously not.
Do you seriously think
18
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:40,289
just because you saw him say it,
that means he did?
19
00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:42,875
That's what passes
for evidence these days?
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00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,294
- Rudy, did I say that?
- Of course not.
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00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:47,838
Who's blackmailing you?
The ukrainians? The turks?
22
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:50,174
Was it yusef, tall guy,
eyebrows, scarf?
23
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,384
Did he mention me?
- Kanye, did I say that?
24
00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:54,470
- See? They wanna
take pieces of you,
25
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:57,380
like when gap called my
leather running shorts stupid,
26
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,183
even though harriet tubman
said they were lit!
27
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:02,978
- See that, larry?
You're a disgrace. Lyin' larry.
28
00:01:03,022 --> 00:01:05,397
- Donald, you used that one
for ted cruz.
29
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:08,233
- You get out of this room
right now! Out! 9/11!
30
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:11,195
- Thanks, rudy.
It's okay, he can watch.
31
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:15,115
Look, I got this down.
Tucker, throw me any question.
32
00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:18,535
- Mr. President, are we close to
reopening restaurants and bars?
33
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,371
- You're very rude.
You're a horrible journalist.
34
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,040
- How would you
characterize the effect--
35
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,833
- that's a very nasty question.
36
00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:27,169
You're nasty... And chunky.
37
00:01:27,213 --> 00:01:29,296
Your face looks like
a depressed marshmallow.
38
00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:31,256
- Great job, mr. President,
though I'm partial
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00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,133
to when you say
I'm as dumb as a war veteran.
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00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:35,260
- Anything I miss,
I'll tweet afterwards.
41
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:37,471
- Donald, I think you
need to be more positive.
42
00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:39,306
You gotta give 'em
some real reasons,
43
00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:41,558
some things that
you're gonna turn around.
44
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,269
- Look, I know the economy
is gonna come back.
45
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,555
I know these things, okay?
I have a knack.
46
00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:48,273
I'm way ahead of you.
47
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,642
Did you know the virus
was airborne in February?
48
00:01:50,653 --> 00:01:53,070
I did.
I knew about it in December.
49
00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,729
I knew the bat
that started it.
50
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,865
Not a bad guy.
Just diseased.
51
00:01:56,909 --> 00:01:58,817
Listen, you have to admire him.
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00:01:58,828 --> 00:02:01,370
He was just another bat
in the wet market.
53
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:05,082
Look at what he built.
Am I right, jared and ivanka?
54
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,292
- Very nice bat.
- A lovely bat, dad.
55
00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:10,170
♪♪
56
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:16,176
- okay, joe, we just have
two more of these.
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00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:18,679
Let's go over
your talking points.
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00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:21,098
- Trump bad.
- Beautiful.
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00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:23,642
Okay,
you just stand there, joe,
60
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:25,435
and not be trump.
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00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,272
- Oh. Hmm. Kind of tight.
62
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,941
So, barack will just
squeeze in next to me?
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00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:33,152
- We've gone over this, joe.
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00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:37,364
Barack won't be next to you
for any of these debates.
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00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:40,367
- Well, how the heck are people
gonna know I work with barack?
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00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:43,495
- Well, you could say
something like,
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00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,706
"when president obama
and I were..."
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00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,457
- folks...
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00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,585
[sips]
70
00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:52,504
barack and I,
we're like brothers.
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00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,256
Not in a black soul brother way.
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00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,216
Come on, I see
what you're doing.
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00:02:56,260 --> 00:03:00,387
Anyway, we killed osama,
both of us, 50-50.
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00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:02,931
I killed the top half,
he killed the bottom half.
75
00:03:02,975 --> 00:03:05,142
Hey, so don't come here
and tell me
76
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,436
and give me that,
you know, that non...
77
00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:08,937
Anyway, my time's up.
78
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,523
- Okay. Very good, joe.
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00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:15,360
Leave 'em wanting
much, much more.
80
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:16,904
- So, who's playing trump?
81
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:20,365
- Well, joe,
we couldn't find anyone
82
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:25,078
quite as dangerously unhinged
and erratic as the president,
83
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:28,207
so I settled
on this rabid badger.
84
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,167
[cage rattles]
- okay, let's see what ya got.
85
00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:33,212
[badger snarling]
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00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:35,130
that's baloney!
Nobody's buying it!
87
00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:38,217
[snarling]
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00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:41,253
look, this kind of thing,
this rrarr-rrarr stuff
89
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,096
this guy tells you,
you know the deal.
90
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,098
He's not
gonna do any of that.
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00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,100
He's had four years
to do that.
92
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:49,427
Come on, will you shut up, man?
[snarling]
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00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,355
♪♪
94
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- thank you so much!
95
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,275
I can't tell you
how absolutely snoggered I am
96
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:58,445
to have someone in the car
again! Sugar ray himself!
97
00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:00,155
- Well, thank you, james,
but I'm mark mcgrath.
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00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:02,199
The band was sugar ray.
99
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,117
- You wouldn't believe
how difficult it's been
100
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,577
to get celebrities
in close quarters,
101
00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:07,829
but now everything's
back to normal.
102
00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:08,497
- I mean, I don't know
about that.
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00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,906
- Everyone's buzzing
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00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,166
about this banger
of an election, and here I am
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00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:13,994
with one of the biggest stars
in the universe!
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00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:14,962
- That's kind of you, bro,
but I'm just--
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00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,964
- yes, you are!
You're everywhere!
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00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:20,467
"celebrity big brother,"
"2013 celebrity wife swap,"
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00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:23,637
um, etcetera.
It's all happening!
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00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:25,097
May I turn on
the radio for a scooch?
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- Yeah.
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00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:29,184
Both:
♪ I just wanna fly ♪
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♪ like a birdie in the sky
I'm so high ♪
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00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:31,478
- perfection!
115
00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:34,314
"stairway to heaven" is
a train wreck by comparison.
116
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,399
This should be
the national anthem.
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00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,442
- ♪ I just wanna ♪
[clears throat]
118
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,569
- sorry,
was that a cough, luv?
119
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,447
- Uh, no, just a little,
uh, popcorn in my throat.
120
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:45,409
- Right.
121
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,576
♪ I just wanna fly ♪
122
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,161
oh, what fun.
123
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,080
We're proper social distancing
and such,
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00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:52,040
to set an example.
- Happy to do it.
125
00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:53,834
- It's like
you're being chauffeured.
126
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,168
I bet it's been a while.
- You know, actually,
127
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:58,046
I drove a limo
for "celebrity job swap,"
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00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,339
but it never aired
for some reason.
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00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:02,092
- Oh, I love that one!
- [clears throat]
130
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:06,138
♪ hey now,
you're an all-star ♪
131
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:08,974
- oh, so much fun.
Sorry, mark.
132
00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,392
I was panicking,
now we're glorious!
133
00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:13,312
But you really
outdid yourself here!
134
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:16,231
- It's cool, james,
but that's a smash mouth song.
135
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:19,067
- Beg pardon, luv,
I can't hear.
136
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:22,571
- It's a smash mouth song called
"all star." huge hit in 1999.
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00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,281
- Just bloody sing it!
138
00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:26,116
- ♪ hey now you're an all-star ♪
[phone rings]
139
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:30,454
- what? A real celebrity?
Who? Are you serious?
140
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,372
He wants to do it now?
Where is he?
141
00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:35,459
- Yo, let me in, fam!
- Kanye!
142
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,460
[brakes screech]
143
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:39,254
[thudding]
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00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:43,091
kanye, I can't believe this!
A music legend,
145
00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,801
and a genuine
presidential candidate
146
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,345
in seven lucky states!
147
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:49,014
- They want to silence me,
but closed mouths cannot--
148
00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:50,140
[car thumps]
what's that?
149
00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,434
- Oh, a speed bump. No bother.
150
00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:55,312
What shall we play?
I so love "gold digger."
151
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:57,272
- nah, I got this, fam!
I'm here to fix
152
00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,025
what the politicians broke!
Ah-choo!
153
00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:02,361
- [laughs]
oh, that's all right, luv.
154
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:05,322
It's an honor!
Megastar spittle!
155
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,282
- Check out my south carolina
campaign speech!
156
00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:09,951
- Oh, I love this one.
A classic.
157
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:13,538
Both:
"well, harriet tubman never
actually freed the slaves.
158
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:16,083
She just had the slaves go work
for other white people."
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00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,168
[tapping on window]
160
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:21,004
- you guys got any bactine?
- I'm talking to kanye!
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00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:25,083
♪♪
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00:06:25,094 --> 00:06:27,928
- now, joe,
your practice moderator
163
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,930
will be rachel maddow.
164
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,391
- Good evening,
mr. Vice president.
165
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:35,811
So, here's how this
is going to work. I'm sorry.
166
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:39,272
Here's how this would work
in normal times,
167
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:42,609
but we're not living
in normal times, are we?
168
00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,562
- Is... Is that
our first question?
169
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:49,324
- No, mr. Vice president.
The first question is,
170
00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:53,286
how did we get here?
The year was 1858.
171
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:56,581
The country was at a crossroads.
- Rachel, dear,
172
00:06:56,625 --> 00:07:00,043
I said, if you take
more than 20 seconds, joe...
173
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,420
- [snoring]
174
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:04,047
- is he dead?
'cause I'm ready.
175
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:07,259
Got the oath of office
right here. Just say the word.
176
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,594
- Uh, no, kamala.
- [mumbling] barack obama...
177
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,012
- Is he awake now?
178
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:14,215
- For 35 cents, you can own
a two-bedroom home.
179
00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:16,226
The beer foamed up
differently that day.
180
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:20,564
- No, no, joe tells longwinded
anecdotes, even when sleeping.
181
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,066
Doctors call it
sleep meandering.
182
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:26,519
Rachel, please,
get to the point.
183
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:29,322
- And thanks to the invention
of the telegraph...
184
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,491
Calligraphy, of course,
has a very long
185
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:33,034
and complicated history...
186
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:36,371
How much do we really know
about guglielmo marconi?
187
00:07:36,415 --> 00:07:40,542
Radio waves... Someone we still
want to be promoting in 2020...
188
00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:44,004
Which is how opium first
became entrenched in our cities.
189
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,547
Of course...
- [snoring]
190
00:07:45,591 --> 00:07:48,383
- I guess they're all
gonna be out for a while.
191
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,552
Give me some volume
and check for ticks.
192
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,596
♪♪
193
00:07:57,060 --> 00:08:00,187
♪♪
194
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,606
- and welcome back
to "a.M. Sarasota."
195
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:05,066
it is 72 degrees and warm.
196
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,944
Looks like
another winner. Charlie?
197
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,530
- Yes, it does. That's why
there's no better place to be
198
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:12,449
than here in central florida
199
00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:16,453
on the best midmorning show
in the region.
200
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:19,498
- You've got that right. And
joining us here in the studio
201
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:22,742
are two of your favorites. You
loved him as norm from "cheers,"
202
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:25,504
george wendt, and loved her
on "sister, sister."
203
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:27,005
please welcome jackee.
204
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,215
- They are soon to be starring
205
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:30,550
in the revival
of "hello, dolly!"
206
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:34,221
at the broadway palm dinner
theatre in fort myers. Welcome.
207
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:35,263
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
208
00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:36,973
- "hello, dolly!"
209
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,133
it takes place
in a simpler time,
210
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:41,436
when women sought matchmakers
to find men.
211
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,314
Nowadays, of course,
that would be considered wrong,
212
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:48,318
but people from that era
were not bad people, were they?
213
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:49,444
- Well, I certainly don't think
214
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:51,396
that dolly levi
was a bad person.
215
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:53,573
I mean, for her time,
she was, you know, quite...
216
00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:57,536
- Do you ever find that people
often consider something wrong,
217
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,612
but then we learn that,
218
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:02,332
to people
from an earlier time--
219
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,752
even recent times--
it was 100% not wrong?
220
00:09:07,789 --> 00:09:08,505
- Well...
221
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:13,134
♪♪
222
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,264
- I'm sorry.
What was the question again?
223
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:21,184
- Ah! So, you forget
what was just asked of you,
224
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:24,688
so you'd agree, if someone
tells an internal investigator
225
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:30,277
"I don't recall" once or even
15 times in his deposition,
226
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,405
it's perfectly reasonable.
- Well, I heard what you asked.
227
00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:35,365
I just don't know
what you meant.
228
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:38,910
- And so maybe there was
some sort of miscommunication.
229
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:41,496
In other words, what you think
you heard me say
230
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:44,916
was different from what
I intended,
231
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,086
so the obvious solution
would be to let it go
232
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:51,256
and move on with our lives,
right?
233
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:54,175
- I think what charlie
is saying is,
234
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:57,971
we once thought it was fine
to smoke on an elevator,
235
00:09:58,015 --> 00:10:00,140
and now it's not.
236
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:02,475
Or if a man would close
a bathroom door
237
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:06,146
to be alone with a woman,
that was considered flirting,
238
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:09,107
and now it's not.
239
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:10,817
- Are you guys talking about
your me too thing?
240
00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:13,987
- Me too? Really? In 2020?
241
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:16,364
- With all the turmoil
in the world this year,
242
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:20,327
between the covid-19 outbreak
and black lives matter protests,
243
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:23,288
does anyone even care
or remember
244
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,874
the things we were
obsessed about in 2019,
245
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,334
like which white person
246
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:32,380
may or may not have groped
another white person?
247
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,591
- Can you guys stick around
for our cooking segment?
248
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:35,967
- Uh...
- No.
249
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,010
- No, not really.
- We can't.
250
00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:42,006
[button clicks,
steel bars clanking]
251
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:42,515
- we'll be right back.
252
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:46,094
♪♪
253
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,437
- mr. Vice president,
won't you consider
254
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:50,315
wearing a mask indoors
or at least in the elevator?
255
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,525
- The president's not afraid,
and neither am I.
256
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:55,362
We can't let our silly little
fears get the best of us.
257
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:57,489
- Yes, sir.
- [clears throat]
258
00:10:57,532 --> 00:10:59,949
- wait! Come back!
I'm alone with a...
259
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,951
[doors slam shut]
260
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,161
...Woman.
261
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:07,123
♪♪
262
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:11,252
relax, mike. It's gonna be fine.
It's one quick elevator ride.
263
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,963
♪♪
264
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,423
- good afternoon,
mr. Vice president.
265
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,258
- I love my wife!
266
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:22,305
[bell dinging, clock ticking]
267
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:26,434
dear lord, this has gone
far enough. I have to tell her.
268
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:27,977
♪♪
269
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,145
- hello?
270
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,231
- Karen, I've dishonored you!
271
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:34,109
I'm in an elevator with another
woman! Please forgive me!
272
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:37,153
- How could you, mike? Thou
shalt reap what thou soweth!
273
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,198
Feldman! Yes, you!
Come in here now!
274
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:41,533
- Karen, what's happening?
275
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,535
- He's watching me
brush my hair!
276
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,995
- No!
- Too late, mike!
277
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,039
Now we're holding
opposite ends of the doorknob
278
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,959
at the same time!
279
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:54,045
- Mother, I'm begging you,
I'll never do this again.
280
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:56,464
I'll have every elevator
thoroughly vetted.
281
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,007
[disconnected call beeps]
282
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:01,553
[sighs] I left her no choice.
283
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:03,263
[elevator bell dings]
284
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:05,056
[sighs]
285
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,891
♪♪
286
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:11,229
oh, jesus,
why are you testing me?
287
00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:13,606
[elevator jolts]
[groans]
288
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,025
- I think it's stuck!
289
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,569
[phone rings]
290
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:20,655
- mike, I've decided to
forgive you. Just come up.
291
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:22,449
- I can't. We're stuck.
292
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,826
- "we're"? "we're"?!
293
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:27,203
- [sobs] yes.
- Feldman, get back in here!
294
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,205
And bring those
maintenance men with you!
295
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,584
- No! [groans]
oh, I've got to get out. Oh!
296
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:35,336
I've got to get out!
Got to get out of here!
297
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,504
[hyperventilating]
298
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:39,382
oh, hallelujah.
299
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,383
[bell dings]
300
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,511
oh.
301
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,263
Come on.
[tapping]
302
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:50,268
♪♪
303
00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:53,980
oh... Aren't you...?
304
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:57,400
- Yes, I'm widow von'du
from "rupaul's drag race."
305
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,735
♪♪
306
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,361
- can't take the risk.
307
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:01,488
♪♪
308
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,322
[shattering glass]
309
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,449
♪♪
310
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:06,242
- announcer: You loved him
on the campaign trail!
311
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,369
- "corn pop" was a bad dude.
312
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:09,445
If you can't figure out
if you're for me or trump,
313
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,039
you ain't black.
314
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,574
Poor kids are just as bright
as white kids.
315
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:17,420
- Announcer: Now, joe biden has
his own brand new game show!
316
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,339
- I like barbecue,
I'm a pretty good dancer,
317
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:21,132
my team's the miami heat,
318
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,300
I do a lot of shopping
at patagonia...
319
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:25,720
[buzzer]
- you ain't black!
320
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:28,097
- I enjoy hip hop,
I went to howard university,
321
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,265
and I like bar trivia.
322
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,476
[buzzer]
- you ain't black!
323
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,229
Hey, look, I mean,
I misspoke, okay,
324
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:37,315
when I said not voting for me
makes you not black.
325
00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:40,193
I know there are all kinds of
things that make you not black,
326
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:43,905
so let's have some fun
and win some money!
327
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,114
- I was born and raised
in atlanta,
328
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,315
my dad's a security guard...
329
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,910
[buzzer]
- you ain't black!
330
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:51,329
- Well, I drive a chevy,
I'm a side sleeper...
331
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:53,623
[buzzer]
- you ain't black!
332
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,000
- How does side sleeping
make me not...?
333
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:58,211
- My judgments are final.
Too bad.
334
00:13:58,255 --> 00:14:00,505
She was just
three black attributes away
335
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:03,007
from winning the $10,000.
336
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,217
- I like stew...
337
00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:05,969
[buzzer]
- you ain't black!
338
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,178
- I'm 6'1"...
339
00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:10,181
[buzzer]
- you ain't black!
340
00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,267
- I'm not playing this game.
341
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,395
I mean, the whole premise
is offensive. Who are you...
342
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,605
Who is anyone to presume
343
00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:20,066
to determine another
individual's identity?
344
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:23,194
- [sighs]
you know, thank you.
345
00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:25,238
I think I just learned
something here
346
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:28,199
about how no person's race
defines him,
347
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:31,870
that there are all kinds
of varieties within any race
348
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,372
and that folks need to be
treated like they're unique,
349
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:37,166
'cause they are.
I also learned...
350
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,002
[buzzer]
you ain't black!
351
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,295
♪♪
352
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:43,548
- well, that
quote/unquote comedy skit
353
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,383
was simply appalling.
354
00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:48,386
Hey, look,
I enjoy a good comedy
355
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,388
when it's about conservatives,
356
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:54,225
but that is not the joe biden
I know,
357
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:57,186
the joe biden who thinks
everyone is black,
358
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,315
and in protest,
I'm wearing this scarf
359
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:03,234
featuring the cast
of "moesha."
360
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:05,320
♪♪
- we're back.
361
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:09,198
- Rolf, tell us what
you've done with this chicken.
362
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,117
- I soaked it
in a brine solution
363
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,577
before separating the skin
364
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:15,413
and stuffed it with
a peppers and basil paste.
365
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,332
- And it just sat there
and let you?
366
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,334
- Well, yes.
367
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:22,003
- Because sometimes you assume
a chicken is okay
368
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:23,504
with what you're doing,
369
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:26,382
because they're not
openly objecting to it,
370
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,384
and then, years later,
371
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,971
they're using new terms
like "power imbalance."
372
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:34,223
- it--it makes
the skin crispier.
373
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:38,269
- All right. Well, I can't
wait to sink my teeth into it.
374
00:15:38,313 --> 00:15:42,273
- I hear you. Can't wait
to get my face all up in that.
375
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,359
George, you want in on this?
376
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:47,403
- I don't eat chicken...
377
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,030
From now on.
378
00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:51,366
♪♪
379
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:58,581
- larry, this next debate,
I'm gonna destroy him,
380
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,291
'cause we have an audience.
381
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,168
- Donald, there's--
there's no audience.
382
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,504
- No, but we get
cardboard cutouts.
383
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,255
Each side gets cutouts.
384
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,341
Look who we're gonna have
on our side.
385
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:09,842
In the front row...
386
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,887
Look at this. Huge stars.
Tom hanks. See?
387
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,598
No more antonio sabato jr. For
once.
388
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,633
John wayne, great guy.
389
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,018
Charlie chaplin...
390
00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:21,604
Tucker carlson,
kind of a [bleep],
391
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:23,648
but people love him.
Not sure why.
392
00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:26,401
- Sir, I'm actually here.
- Oh, great. Okay.
393
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:27,986
I picked these myself.
394
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:30,446
Here's jesus.
I got the great blacks.
395
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:33,074
Martin luther king,
malcolm x...
396
00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,367
- Donald,
that's not malcolm x.
397
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:36,369
That's the guy
from "this is us."
398
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:38,621
- what? There's another
black guy with glasses?
399
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,123
Will anyone notice?
400
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,541
- Not a chance! Idiots!
401
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:44,252
- Ivanka?
- I recognize my dad's racism
402
00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:46,004
may not be
to everyone's taste,
403
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,006
but the results
speak for themselves.
404
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:50,416
- Let's see biden
top malcolm x.
405
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,468
- Biden's got
the real tom hanks!
406
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,304
All the biggies,
like me, 30 years ago.
407
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:58,591
- Where does biden get off?
Biden was vice president.
408
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:01,102
That doesn't make him
qualified to be president.
409
00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:04,814
I see how it all works.
All the vp does is stand there,
410
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:08,276
nodding nervously while the
president watches tv and tweets.
411
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:11,487
It's a moron's job.
Vice presidents are nothing
412
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,157
but spineless,
homophobic religious nuts
413
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,950
who weep uncontrollably
414
00:17:15,994 --> 00:17:19,070
every time I show them
a picture of my ex-wife's boobs.
415
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,163
Anyway, mike...
- Yes, sir?
416
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,498
- Better start prepping
for your debate.
417
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,251
They're gonna kill you on
how you handled the china virus.
418
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:28,546
I tried to defend you,
but you really dropped the ball.
419
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:32,300
- Yes, sir, I apologize.
- Donald, you put him in charge.
420
00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:35,428
- Excuse me,
crazy crooked larry.
421
00:17:35,463 --> 00:17:37,263
- Hey, call me whatever
you want. You screwed up,
422
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:39,548
and you know what?
You're gonna lose.
423
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,434
- Really? I can call you
whatever I want?
424
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:45,021
Even what I call jared when he
says he can't work on saturdays?
425
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:47,148
- You're ten points behind.
426
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:50,526
I got a nickname for you.
One-term donald.
427
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,112
♪♪
428
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:55,940
- he's right. I'm not
gonna catch up this way.
429
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:59,577
I gotta get back to doing
what I did in 2016.
430
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:01,412
I need to make some calls.
431
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:05,124
Hi, stormy. Guess who?
- Oh, god.
432
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:07,293
- Close.
Anyway, I need your help.
433
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:10,379
I'm trying to recapture
the magic of 2016
434
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:13,091
and recreate everything that
happened that helped me win.
435
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,176
- What?
436
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:18,304
- I want to pay you hush money
like I did in 2016.
437
00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:20,506
- Okay, sure.
- But I guess we need
438
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:23,476
to have sex again
to make it clean.
439
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,270
- That is absolutely
never gonna happen.
440
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,722
- I guess I should thank you
for not telling everyone
441
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:31,192
some of the more embarrassing
details of our time together.
442
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:34,862
- Oh, what? That you said,
"condoms are a hoax"?
443
00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:36,364
- I stand by that.
- How about that you
444
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:39,075
referred to my breasts
as "fox & friends"?
445
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:40,985
- I forget which one's which.
446
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,537
- I'm sorry, why are you
bringing this up again?
447
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,498
- Are you kidding? The whole
scandal was great for me.
448
00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:47,250
It showed I was still a player
449
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:50,294
and that I actually paid someone
for the work they did.
450
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:52,922
- How about this?
I don't want you to talk to me,
451
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,423
I don't want you
to come near me,
452
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:58,052
I don't even want you
to look at me ever again.
453
00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,512
- You mean,
you want to get married?
454
00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:01,597
- Goodbye, donald.
455
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,391
[disconnected beep]
456
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:04,350
[laughter]
- jimmy!
457
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:06,144
- Oh. What do you want?
458
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:09,105
- Well,
I want to recreate 2016
459
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:12,108
and I need some third-rate
tv host like billy bush
460
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:14,527
to have a gross conversation
with me
461
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:18,364
that will destroy his life
while I emerge unscathed.
462
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,616
It's a win-win.
- How do I win in this?
463
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,368
- Well, I mean, for me.
It's two wins for me.
464
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,370
- Oh.
- I get to stay president
465
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:27,039
and have a disgusting
conversation. What do you say?
466
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,958
- Mr. President,
you can't be here
467
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,335
without being tested for covid.
- Test me, test me.
468
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:34,463
Don't be a wimp.
Stick it up there. Deeper!
469
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,132
- There you go.
Is that deep enough?
470
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,509
- I haven't paid taxes
in 15 years.
471
00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:40,094
- Yes, I read that.
472
00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,463
- I owe the russian mob
a billion dollars.
473
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,932
- Why are you saying this?
- I think the swab
474
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,143
turned off the part
of my brain that lies.
475
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,604
- Oh! Keep talking.
- Hydroxychloriquine
476
00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:52,398
is only good for killing weeds
and erections.
477
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,525
- I had a feeling.
- Get it out!
478
00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:56,569
Okay, where--where were we?
- I don't know.
479
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:59,113
- Oh, yes, yes.
Let's ruin your career.
480
00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:02,491
Which me too did you
find the most unfair?
481
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,161
For me, it was cosby.
- Oh, my god.
482
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:07,872
- Here's where you giggle
and egg me on.
483
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:09,498
- No, I'm not gonna do that.
484
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,459
- I was never a fan
of fat albert, though.
485
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:14,670
You know, you can't put
someone that fat on tv,
486
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,881
even animated.
It's unfair to the viewer.
487
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:19,291
- I really have to get going.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
488
00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:22,428
How about
the tomb of the unknown soldier?
489
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:25,431
Maybe if he had done something
a little more brave,
490
00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:28,351
we'd remember his name, right?
- Yeah, I'm gonna leave.
491
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:32,063
- Hold on, hold on. Amber
alerts--how annoying, right?
492
00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:34,273
Just because amber's day
is ruined
493
00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:36,400
doesn't mean mine has to be.
- Okay, yeah, I'm going.
494
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,236
- Handicapped spaces
495
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:40,404
should be further
from the front of the store.
496
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:44,200
It's much easier to roll
than to walk. You laughed!
497
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,035
- I did not laugh.
- I heard it!
498
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:47,453
He laughed! He--he laughed.
499
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:50,331
♪♪
500
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,380
- you're my last shot.
Billy. Billy?
501
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,839
Can I come on the bus?
502
00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:00,466
- I really can't do that, sir.
503
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,468
- Why not?
Look at all the press we got.
504
00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:04,336
Everyone was talking about us.
505
00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:06,973
- I don't think my sense
of shame would allow it.
506
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:09,183
- Let me talk to this shame guy.
Who is he?
507
00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,102
Does he want
a medal of freedom?
508
00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:14,230
- Look, shame is not a guy.
Shame is the thing we all feel
509
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:16,640
when we've done something
we aren't proud of.
510
00:21:16,651 --> 00:21:20,361
- Oh, like when I had eric.
- Sir, I'm very busy.
511
00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:23,030
- Wait! I love your show!
I could help you!
512
00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:25,408
I have the peepee tape.
I didn't want to do this,
513
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,326
but you're a tough negotiator.
514
00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:30,621
All I ask is that you blur out
the person doing the peeing.
515
00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:34,000
It would kill rand paul's family
to see him like that.
516
00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:34,667
[disconnected call, dial tone]
37151
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