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1
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,180
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2
00:00:18,230 --> 00:00:20,820
♪ The Lord has come ♪
3
00:00:20,860 --> 00:00:26,230
♪ Let Earth receive her King. ♪
4
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:33,840
I'd better get a Kate
Spade bag this year.
5
00:00:33,870 --> 00:00:36,900
And none of that shopping-mall,
chain-store shit.
6
00:00:36,940 --> 00:00:39,100
Settle for nothing less
than Prada, girls.
7
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,980
Gwen! Don't be telling
my kids that.
8
00:00:42,010 --> 00:00:44,280
I'm trying to teach
them some values.
9
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,080
You're getting Kate Spade.
10
00:00:48,790 --> 00:00:50,350
Hey.
11
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:54,390
What does Gwenie want
from big ol' Santa?
12
00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:56,260
Just a faithful husband.
13
00:00:57,260 --> 00:00:59,200
What's the second
thing she wants?
14
00:01:00,270 --> 00:01:01,760
You know what I'm
thinking, angel?
15
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,790
- What, darling?
- I was thinking,
16
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,570
"Dear God,"
17
00:01:06,610 --> 00:01:09,970
don't let this bird taste like
a shoe like it did last year.
18
00:01:10,010 --> 00:01:12,670
"Let it be tender and
moist just for once."
19
00:01:12,710 --> 00:01:15,540
Yeah, moist. That
would be nice.
20
00:01:15,580 --> 00:01:17,780
It's called "foreplay."
21
00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:20,550
I don't wanna screw the
bird. I wanna eat it.
22
00:01:20,590 --> 00:01:24,250
I swear to you she dehydrated
this turkey from Thanksgiving.
23
00:01:24,290 --> 00:01:26,020
Come here, Scribbles.
24
00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:27,530
You try it.
25
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:29,750
Scribbles.
26
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,060
One potato.
27
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:37,860
- Ooh, Virginia.
- Two potato.
28
00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:40,430
Oh, that's a good one.
29
00:01:40,470 --> 00:01:43,100
Three potato.
30
00:01:43,140 --> 00:01:45,040
Let's dig in.
31
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,540
Listen, you half a fag!
32
00:01:49,580 --> 00:01:51,240
I'll stick this fork in your eye!
33
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,150
Why don't you beg Santa
for a pair of balls?
34
00:01:53,190 --> 00:01:55,240
Beth, say grace.
35
00:01:55,290 --> 00:01:57,450
Dear Lord,
36
00:01:57,490 --> 00:02:00,930
thank you for the bountiful food
that you've provided for us,
37
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,900
and that our loving family can
be together this Christmas.
38
00:02:04,930 --> 00:02:07,520
Also, thank you for
not making us poor
39
00:02:07,570 --> 00:02:09,430
or Samoan.
40
00:02:09,470 --> 00:02:12,160
Thank you for Maxim
Pharmaceuticals,
41
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,500
the latest M-Class,
42
00:02:13,540 --> 00:02:17,440
and let those that are less
fortunate work harder.
43
00:02:28,390 --> 00:02:30,510
Agh! Whoa!
44
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:33,120
Oh my God! My stocking!
45
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,420
Is that...
46
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,290
Santa?
47
00:02:38,330 --> 00:02:41,490
Yes, Virginia, there
is a Santa Claus.
48
00:02:48,340 --> 00:02:50,330
Whoa!
49
00:02:50,380 --> 00:02:52,100
Daddy!
50
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,280
Who are you? What
are you doing?
51
00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:05,480
You want some?
52
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,460
Help!
53
00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:19,800
No, Santa! No!
54
00:03:33,450 --> 00:03:35,390
I've been good!
55
00:04:13,630 --> 00:04:17,690
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ The snow's coming down ♪
56
00:04:17,730 --> 00:04:21,190
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ I'm watching it fall ♪
57
00:04:21,230 --> 00:04:24,960
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ Lots of people around ♪
58
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,530
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ Baby, please come home ♪
59
00:04:28,570 --> 00:04:32,440
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ The church bells in town ♪
60
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:36,070
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ They're ringing a song ♪
61
00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:39,640
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ What a happy sound ♪
62
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:43,950
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ Baby, please come home ♪
63
00:04:43,990 --> 00:04:47,450
♪ They're singing ♪
♪ "Deck the Halls" ♪
64
00:04:47,490 --> 00:04:51,120
♪ But it's not like ♪
♪ Christmas at all ♪
65
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:54,690
♪ 'Cause I remember ♪
♪ when you were here ♪
66
00:04:54,730 --> 00:04:58,460
♪ And all the fun ♪
♪ we had last year ♪
67
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:01,700
♪ - Christmas - Many ♪
♪ lights on the tree ♪
68
00:05:01,740 --> 00:05:05,840
♪ - Christmas - And ♪
♪ I'm watching them shine ♪
69
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:09,280
♪ - Christmas - You ♪
♪ should be here with me ♪
70
00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:13,310
♪ - Christmas - Baby, ♪
♪ please come home ♪
71
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:31,700
♪ They're singing ♪
♪ "Deck the Halls" ♪
72
00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:34,930
♪ But it's not like ♪
♪ Christmas at all ♪
73
00:05:34,970 --> 00:05:39,310
♪ 'Cause I remember ♪
♪ when you were here ♪
74
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,970
♪ And all the fun ♪
♪ we had last year ♪
75
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:46,510
♪ - Christmas - Pretty ♪
♪ lights on the tree ♪
76
00:05:46,550 --> 00:05:50,280
♪ - Christmas - And ♪
♪ I'm watching them shine ♪
77
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:53,850
♪ - Christmas - You ♪
♪ should be here with me ♪
78
00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:57,490
♪ - Christmas - Baby, ♪
♪ please come home ♪
79
00:05:57,530 --> 00:06:01,430
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ If there was a way ♪
80
00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:04,990
♪ - Christmas - I'd ♪
♪ hold back these tears ♪
81
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:08,730
♪ - Christmas - But ♪
♪ it's Christmas Day ♪
82
00:06:08,770 --> 00:06:14,510
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ Please please please ♪
83
00:06:14,550 --> 00:06:18,070
♪ - Baby, please come ♪
♪ home - Christmas ♪
84
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,350
♪ - Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ - Christmas ♪
85
00:06:21,650 --> 00:06:24,420
♪ Oh... ♪
86
00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:33,090
What the hell is in
the Holiday Hoagie?
87
00:06:33,130 --> 00:06:35,860
- Turkey, cranberry, stuffing and mayo.
- What? Slow down!
88
00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:39,130
And stop smacking on
that damn chewing gum!
89
00:06:39,170 --> 00:06:41,540
Yeah, uh...
90
00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:44,840
turkey, Raisinettes,
Cheerios, cranberries,
91
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,500
gummy bears, Altoids...
92
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,980
Oh, you're being cute,
you little shit.
93
00:06:49,010 --> 00:06:53,040
Just give me the roast beef
plain, none of that lean crap.
94
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,950
You're just as loony as
your crackpot grandfather.
95
00:06:56,990 --> 00:07:01,390
I hope you haven't inherited that old
codger Yuleson's Christmas spirit.
96
00:07:01,430 --> 00:07:04,290
Tell that boob to put some
Christmas decorations up.
97
00:07:04,330 --> 00:07:06,390
How're you doing there,
Mrs. Talbot? How are you?
98
00:07:06,430 --> 00:07:08,630
That's a roast beef
sandwich. That's $4.75.
99
00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:10,470
- That's with a senior discount?
- Yes, it is.
100
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:12,330
What a hustle!
101
00:07:12,370 --> 00:07:14,860
Would $4.50 make
you any happier?
102
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,070
$4.50.
103
00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:21,040
All right.
104
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,140
Here you go.
105
00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:26,510
And have a very happy holiday
there, Mrs. Talbot...
106
00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:29,880
Don't use that political
language shit with me.
107
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,320
It's Christmas. Wish
me merry Christmas.
108
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:36,050
I'm sorry. Merry
Christmas, Mrs. Talbot.
109
00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:39,150
Thank you, and go fuck yourself.
110
00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:41,920
What a fuckin' whore!
111
00:07:43,740 --> 00:07:46,330
What a pleasant lady.
112
00:07:54,450 --> 00:07:56,510
♪ Santa's comin' to town ♪
113
00:07:56,550 --> 00:08:01,420
♪ And bringin' the joy to ♪
♪ every girl and every boy... ♪
114
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,920
♪ I love Christmas, ♪
♪ yes, I do... ♪
115
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,300
Move, bitch!
116
00:08:19,340 --> 00:08:20,930
Get outta the way!
117
00:08:20,970 --> 00:08:23,500
♪ Workin' on Santa's sleigh... ♪
118
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:28,680
Suck it!
119
00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:43,930
Woo haa haa haa haar haa haa haar
120
00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:54,406
What you gonna do tonight, you having
Christmas dinner with your grandfather?
121
00:08:54,430 --> 00:08:59,130
My grandfather isn't a big Christmas guy.
Besides I haven't even seen much of him lately.
122
00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:00,969
How about you?
123
00:09:00,970 --> 00:09:04,241
I don't know maybe I'll go over
to the twins house for there
124
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,590
annual Look at all the designer
presents we got fashion show.
125
00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:10,830
Unless you know of
anything better.
126
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:13,570
Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!
127
00:09:13,610 --> 00:09:16,340
I got you two a little something
to show my appreciation
128
00:09:16,380 --> 00:09:18,280
for how hard you two work here.
129
00:09:18,310 --> 00:09:21,180
- Thank you so very much, Mr. Green.
- This is for you, this is for you.
130
00:09:21,210 --> 00:09:23,080
You're so very
welcome. Open it up.
131
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,380
Open it, open it, open it!
132
00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:28,290
- Thank you so much for the snow globe.
- Ha Ha Ha.
133
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,820
- That's okay.
- Wisconsin?
134
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:32,190
Yes, and Wisconsin's beautiful
rolling farmlands, see?
135
00:09:32,230 --> 00:09:33,820
I know how much of a kick you got
136
00:09:33,860 --> 00:09:35,950
out of the Delaware globe I
got you last year, so...
137
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,930
And what did you get?
138
00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:44,430
A clock. Thank you.
139
00:09:44,470 --> 00:09:47,500
It's not just a clock. This
is a Games Illustrated Clock.
140
00:09:47,540 --> 00:09:49,630
You can tell the time in
all the 25 time zones.
141
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,370
Look, in Mexico City,
142
00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:53,350
you got Frankfurt,
you got New Delhi,
143
00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:55,410
Hartford... a place
called Rik-a-vikia.
144
00:09:55,450 --> 00:09:57,970
I don't know where that is, but
you can tell the time there.
145
00:09:58,020 --> 00:10:00,850
That's wonderful and great.
Thanks so much, Mr. Green.
146
00:10:00,890 --> 00:10:03,550
Go ahead, get outta here. It's
Christmas Eve. Stop working. Go.
147
00:10:05,630 --> 00:10:07,020
- Here, I got it.
- Thank you.
148
00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:10,090
- Bye-bye.
- Hey Mac, is this yours?
149
00:10:10,130 --> 00:10:14,460
Mark my words, Nicholas,
you will never get me.
150
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,590
Thank you, Mr. Green.
151
00:10:25,870 --> 00:10:27,429
Do you want a lift home?
152
00:10:27,430 --> 00:10:29,430
Thank you! No.
153
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:50,850
How about now?
154
00:10:51,370 --> 00:10:52,850
No I'm cool.
155
00:10:55,910 --> 00:10:57,170
Now
156
00:10:57,250 --> 00:10:59,770
You've got it tuned
to the Great One!
157
00:11:00,670 --> 00:11:03,610
99 FM... Hell's best
hip-hop station!
158
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:07,850
99 FM's Christmas Eve forecast calls
for cold, cold, cold temperatures,
159
00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:09,610
so throw another Yule
log on the fire.
160
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:12,070
Near freezing in Hell and pretty
much the same can be expected
161
00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:14,490
for those of you planning on
rocking out with Hell's Bells...
162
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,030
♪ One for the kids who ♪
♪ like to get toys ♪
163
00:11:21,070 --> 00:11:23,660
♪ Two for the ones who ♪
♪ like to make noise ♪
164
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:25,870
♪ Three for Santa because ♪
♪ he rolls with elves ♪
165
00:11:25,910 --> 00:11:28,740
♪ And if you're feeling my ♪
♪ flavor, just rock the bells! ♪
166
00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:32,910
You don't care too much
for Christmas, do you?
167
00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:36,250
- I've never had much reason to.
- Why?
168
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,580
I don't know. It's
always disappointing.
169
00:11:38,620 --> 00:11:41,610
Like I'd want an Optimus
Prime or Castle Grayskull,
170
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:44,890
and I'd always end up with a stupid
mini-bake oven or something.
171
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,350
Grandpa.
172
00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:47,290
Grandpa, are you home?
173
00:12:47,770 --> 00:12:50,510
It's Christmas eve so that
can mean only one thing!
174
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,909
The granddaddy of all the
pre-Christmas balls.
175
00:12:52,910 --> 00:12:57,229
Get ready for the horny Asian
housewives.com Christmas eve balls
176
00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:59,230
We have an excellent mach
up for you this evening
177
00:12:59,290 --> 00:13:03,069
The fighting insurance salesmen of
south-west North Dakota state University.
178
00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:05,449
Versus the lowering
state golden shower.
179
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:07,190
Its been seven years
Karl since the insurance
180
00:13:07,202 --> 00:13:09,069
salesman have had a taste
of the golden showers.
181
00:13:09,070 --> 00:13:11,490
And the key to that mach
up Bill and all the...
182
00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:19,740
Grandpa?
183
00:13:19,780 --> 00:13:21,870
Grandpa, is that you?
184
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:30,970
- Agh!
- Whoa!
185
00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:33,010
Doggone it, Nick!
186
00:14:33,050 --> 00:14:35,750
That's the second box of
bulbs I've dropped tonight.
187
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:37,796
What in the hell are you doing?
Why didn't you answer me?
188
00:14:37,820 --> 00:14:41,190
Don't be throwing the word "hell"
around all willy nilly like that.
189
00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:42,820
I live in Hell, for
Christ's sake.
190
00:14:42,860 --> 00:14:44,330
True.
191
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:48,530
That's way you dare not use the
Lord's name so indiscriminately.
192
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:52,800
One of the lights in
the bunker went out.
193
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,000
I flipped the switch. You
know, I couldn't remember
194
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,470
whether it was on
or off position.
195
00:14:57,510 --> 00:15:00,640
And so I had to turn the power off
just to change the light bulb.
196
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,310
Bunker? What are
you talking about?
197
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,540
Aw, are you kidding me?
198
00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:09,280
You're not on another one of your
wacko inventing binges, are you?
199
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,290
Is this why I haven't seen you
for the last couple of days?
200
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,480
Yeah, I've been busy.
201
00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:19,570
Nicky come here come here come
here, you got to see my latest!
202
00:15:23,430 --> 00:15:25,950
Here put this one on first.
203
00:15:27,610 --> 00:15:30,450
Here you go and then this one.
204
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:36,910
Alright There you are then this goes
up and hoo, then you'll need these.
205
00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:48,729
Chipmunks?
206
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,730
Oh I left it on 78
207
00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:54,470
Robert Gulay
208
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,590
Can you put the
Chipmunks back on?
209
00:15:57,050 --> 00:16:01,910
What exactly an I wearing, I
mean why is this thing so heavy?
210
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:05,370
Well I was gonna
call it record man!
211
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:12,490
But then that seemed so generic, so I
took a page from you Mr Batfarmer.
212
00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:16,090
I'm gonna call it the back
wax pack. What do you think?
213
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,930
That name sounds like a problem most
people don't want. I'd shelve it.
214
00:16:20,670 --> 00:16:23,210
Maybe if it was more compact!
215
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:24,490
Hey, what's this?
216
00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:26,830
Uh, be careful there.
That's a nutcracker.
217
00:16:26,870 --> 00:16:29,960
I can see that. Lt just seems
a little Christmassy for you.
218
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,300
Do you know that the chestnut can
explode if you don't puncture the skin
219
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:36,240
- Before it's heated?
- That's fascinating, Grandpa.
220
00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:43,280
I told you to be careful!
221
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,010
You could have put your eye out!
222
00:16:45,050 --> 00:16:48,110
There appears to be a design flaw
that needs to be worked out.
223
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,990
File that next to brown-colored
toilet paper as a bad idea.
224
00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:53,190
Now what about that bunker?
225
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,030
Watch your noodle there.
226
00:17:09,910 --> 00:17:12,310
Um...
227
00:17:13,610 --> 00:17:15,780
Grandpa, I... I...
228
00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:18,180
Any desire to explain?
229
00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:21,150
I mean, sometimes I think I'm
the only person in this town
230
00:17:21,190 --> 00:17:23,680
that doesn't believe you're
completely nuts and...
231
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,120
uh, frankly,
232
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,460
my belief is dwindling.
233
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:31,020
Let them think
whatever they want to.
234
00:17:31,070 --> 00:17:33,970
This is about survival.
I know what they say.
235
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,160
I've been hearing
it most of my life,
236
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:39,640
but I'd rather be crazy and
alive than ignorant and dead.
237
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:45,140
♪ No, Santa ♪
238
00:17:45,180 --> 00:17:47,650
♪ A big surprise for you... ♪
239
00:17:50,990 --> 00:17:52,920
What up, Santa bitch?
240
00:17:52,950 --> 00:17:55,550
How much Christmas cheer
you got in the pot?
241
00:17:57,790 --> 00:18:01,960
♪ Don't cry, baby, ♪
♪ Santa's back in town ♪
242
00:18:03,530 --> 00:18:06,430
♪ Get the presents, ♪
♪ candy canes, too ♪
243
00:18:06,470 --> 00:18:09,300
♪ Rudolph is here, ♪
♪ he's coming for you ♪
244
00:18:09,340 --> 00:18:15,000
♪ Don't cry, baby, don't cry ♪
245
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:24,770
♪ You were bad all year long ♪
246
00:18:24,810 --> 00:18:29,230
♪ Now there's nothin'... ♪
♪ nothin' you can do ♪
247
00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:30,450
Grandpa!
248
00:18:30,650 --> 00:18:33,290
Why does Christmas always
bring out the worst in you?
249
00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:37,129
I mean there are allot of people that actually
look forward to it, year in tear out.
250
00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:39,881
I mean some people even calibrate it.
And some
251
00:18:39,893 --> 00:18:43,009
families hold a gift ceremony
and exchange presents.
252
00:18:43,010 --> 00:18:47,669
Is that what all this wining
like a little ninny is about!
253
00:18:47,670 --> 00:18:52,130
OK OK here here here take this.
254
00:18:53,650 --> 00:18:57,649
The only worthwhile gift
is a practical one.
255
00:18:57,650 --> 00:19:00,229
I... I can't remember the last
time you gave me a gift.
256
00:19:00,230 --> 00:19:03,509
What are you talking about I gave you
a light brake for your Birthday.
257
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,089
Ye that was like 12 years ago.
258
00:19:05,090 --> 00:19:09,889
Exactly and when was the last
time you used it... Haa Ha
259
00:19:09,890 --> 00:19:11,890
I just I don't understand
260
00:19:12,010 --> 00:19:14,230
What do you have
against Christmas?
261
00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:16,410
I'm afraid I don't
know what you mean
262
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:20,396
Grandpa, I used to think it was because
you were grumpy and a little senile,
263
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,480
but Mrs. Talbot said you've
always hated Christmas.
264
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,350
The heck with that old hag!
265
00:19:24,390 --> 00:19:26,920
I don't see any reason
to commercialize Santa.
266
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,690
Besides, he hasn't always been that
loveable poster boy for Coca-Cola.
267
00:19:30,730 --> 00:19:32,390
Oops.
268
00:19:33,770 --> 00:19:35,400
Sorry.
269
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:36,960
Why? What for?
270
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,440
Oh God!
271
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,770
- You didn't.
- I said I was sorry.
272
00:19:46,380 --> 00:19:48,640
Grandpa, I want the
truth about Christmas.
273
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,980
And no, I'm not asking you to tell
me that Santa Claus isn't real.
274
00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:54,150
I'm a little too old
for that discussion.
275
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:57,520
I'd just be a little careful of
what I ask Santa for this year.
276
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,360
What, are we Jewish or something?
277
00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:02,760
Okay.
278
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,820
Come on, follow me.
279
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,400
You're full of surprises tonight.
280
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:23,740
Oh!
281
00:20:30,890 --> 00:20:32,320
For a lifetime of service?
282
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,950
Grandpa, I had no idea you
were in the military.
283
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,620
I wasn't.
284
00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:46,970
What the hell's that?
The Necronomicon?
285
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,230
If it's the truth you want,
286
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:53,740
then it's the scary truth
you're gonna have. Sit down.
287
00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:00,720
This is the Book of Claus.
288
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:05,350
Been in the possession of our
family for countless generations.
289
00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:07,020
What does it say?
290
00:21:13,270 --> 00:21:15,170
English, Gramp.
291
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,930
"In the history of man..."
292
00:21:18,970 --> 00:21:22,100
I don't know why you're afraid
to use your Norse, Nicky.
293
00:21:22,140 --> 00:21:25,810
If you don't practice it, you'll never
be able to speak it or read it.
294
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:32,780
"In the history of man, there have
been only two immaculate conceptions,"
295
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:37,020
the first being God and the Virgin Mary
and the birth of their son, Jesus.
296
00:21:37,060 --> 00:21:40,520
The second was Satan
with the Virgin Ericka
297
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,720
and the birth of
their son, Santa.
298
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,730
On the anniversary of his birth,
299
00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:49,230
there were always a great number
of unexplained deaths and murders.
300
00:21:49,270 --> 00:21:53,070
This day became known
as the Dag of Mord
301
00:21:53,110 --> 00:21:55,870
or the Day of Slayings.
302
00:21:55,910 --> 00:22:00,210
Eventually, Christianity spread
and when the Dag of Mord arrived,
303
00:22:00,250 --> 00:22:05,580
the townspeople would have a
Mass of Christ or a Christ-Mass,
304
00:22:05,620 --> 00:22:10,150
where they would pray to
their Lord for protection.
305
00:22:10,190 --> 00:22:12,560
In the beginning of
the 11th century,
306
00:22:12,590 --> 00:22:16,760
"one of God's angels"
307
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,070
Carolers... I don't want
them singing around here.
308
00:22:39,390 --> 00:22:41,850
Mary. Nicky, your friend, Mary.
309
00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:47,460
Come in, come in,
come in, my dear.
310
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:48,720
Hi.
311
00:22:50,630 --> 00:22:52,530
I hope you like wolverine.
312
00:22:52,570 --> 00:22:53,760
My dad shot it this morning,
313
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,960
you know, with his
Ammo for Animals club.
314
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,530
It's so fresh, you can
almost smell its breath.
315
00:22:59,910 --> 00:23:02,500
Well, thank you.
316
00:23:02,540 --> 00:23:05,070
I didn't realize I
hadn't eaten a thing
317
00:23:05,110 --> 00:23:07,710
until just now.
318
00:23:07,750 --> 00:23:10,340
I don't believe I've ever
had wolverine before.
319
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,290
Oh, well it looks delicious.
320
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,720
I just hope it's not wicked cold.
321
00:23:22,930 --> 00:23:24,360
What are you doing here?
322
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,660
Just trying to spread
some holiday cheer.
323
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,530
- What's this?
- How about you just open it?
324
00:23:36,380 --> 00:23:38,370
You got me a gun?
325
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,180
I don't mean to sound ungrateful,
but what, are you fucking retarded?
326
00:23:44,220 --> 00:23:46,410
No, you jack-off.
327
00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:52,350
It's more than meets the eye.
328
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,320
You said you always wanted one.
329
00:23:59,300 --> 00:24:01,500
I'm as happy as a
Make-a-Wish kid.
330
00:24:02,030 --> 00:24:04,549
Thanks where did you find it?
331
00:24:04,550 --> 00:24:06,549
Ah it was in our
basement collecting dust
332
00:24:06,550 --> 00:24:09,284
You know my Dad, Mr NRA
couldn't wait to replace
333
00:24:09,296 --> 00:24:11,650
the crayons in our
little hands with guns
334
00:24:11,730 --> 00:24:14,547
And when my brother Shaun
asked Santa for a Western
335
00:24:14,559 --> 00:24:17,170
Bendall practically sucked
the life out of him.
336
00:24:17,730 --> 00:24:19,888
I still don't know how they're
so shacked when he came
337
00:24:19,900 --> 00:24:22,110
out, I mean hello he works
in the fragrance department.
338
00:24:23,190 --> 00:24:24,510
Anyway thanks.
339
00:24:25,830 --> 00:24:27,630
So err what you up to tonight?
340
00:24:27,670 --> 00:24:29,200
There are some people
who don't believe
341
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,370
in the spirit of Christmas,
oh, no they don't.
342
00:24:31,410 --> 00:24:35,280
There are some people who don't believe
Christmas should exist at all,
343
00:24:35,310 --> 00:24:38,040
that it's become too
commercial, yes, they do.
344
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,450
There are some people
who don't believe
345
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,820
in the spirit of Christmas
giving, no, no they don't.
346
00:24:43,850 --> 00:24:45,480
And there are even some people
347
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,390
who think that charity
348
00:24:48,430 --> 00:24:50,480
is for the lazy.
349
00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:53,500
Oh, my friends, charity
is not for the lazy.
350
00:24:53,530 --> 00:24:55,230
Charity is for the needy.
351
00:24:55,270 --> 00:24:58,060
Dig deep into your hearts
and deep into your pockets.
352
00:24:58,100 --> 00:25:00,230
Give them your money and
don't give them coins.
353
00:25:00,270 --> 00:25:01,860
I see a lot of coins
in that plate.
354
00:25:01,910 --> 00:25:04,310
Give them bills. Give
the needy bills.
355
00:25:04,340 --> 00:25:07,740
Show them that you have the
true spirit of Christmas
356
00:25:07,780 --> 00:25:10,840
in your hearts, and that
you're ready to show it.
357
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,850
Let us pray.
358
00:25:17,450 --> 00:25:19,420
It depends on how
much I get done.
359
00:25:19,460 --> 00:25:21,980
I'm still at work, okay?
Yeah, hold on, hold on.
360
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,920
Yeah. Oh, no, no, of course I
know what day it is tomorrow.
361
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,060
Yes. Well, choir
ran a little late.
362
00:25:30,100 --> 00:25:31,970
Okay, fine. Love
you, honey. Bye.
363
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,830
So, how's it tonight, Tim.
364
00:25:33,870 --> 00:25:36,610
You'll get plenty of attention
tonight. Really dead.
365
00:25:36,730 --> 00:25:37,930
Christmas Eve.
366
00:25:39,010 --> 00:25:41,489
Well, a little something
for your stocking.
367
00:25:41,490 --> 00:25:43,580
You weren't even here, Pastor.
368
00:25:45,050 --> 00:25:46,710
Oh yeah, baby, yeah!
369
00:25:46,750 --> 00:25:48,280
- Hey.
- Nice tits.
370
00:25:53,690 --> 00:25:55,420
Whoa.
371
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:01,990
♪ I wanna see that ♪
♪ man, Santa Claus ♪
372
00:26:07,270 --> 00:26:09,640
♪ I said it's Christmas time ♪
373
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:16,680
♪ I wanna see that ♪
♪ man, Santa Claus... ♪
374
00:26:21,150 --> 00:26:22,520
Whoa!
375
00:26:22,550 --> 00:26:25,180
Where do you think
you're going, fat boy?
376
00:26:25,220 --> 00:26:27,590
I thought I'd stuff
some stockings.
377
00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:28,750
I don't think so.
378
00:26:42,940 --> 00:26:44,930
♪ To Pussy Town ♪
379
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,140
♪ Slide down slow ♪
380
00:26:50,180 --> 00:26:53,130
♪ Beneath your belly I go... ♪
381
00:26:53,250 --> 00:26:56,220
Look what just slid down the
chimney. Merry Christmas.
382
00:26:56,250 --> 00:26:59,190
So anyway, I was talking about
the gift that keeps on giving.
383
00:26:59,220 --> 00:27:00,990
That's what Christmas
is all about.
384
00:27:01,020 --> 00:27:03,120
♪ To Pussy Town... ♪
385
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:11,800
Ho, ho, hos.
386
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,450
♪ Santa Claus got them ♪
♪ loaded on his sleigh ♪
387
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,850
♪ When he's out for the night ♪
♪ don't get in his way ♪
388
00:27:29,890 --> 00:27:34,410
♪ Don't even try ♪
♪ to shut him down ♪
389
00:27:34,460 --> 00:27:37,890
♪ He's on his way ♪
♪ to Lovin' Town ♪
390
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:54,840
♪ Checking out the ♪
♪ ladies, head and toes ♪
391
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:59,580
♪ Looking to find ♪
♪ every girl and boy ♪
392
00:27:59,620 --> 00:28:01,740
♪ So where's he hanging out ♪
393
00:28:01,790 --> 00:28:03,650
Time to go.
394
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:09,180
♪ Santa Claus, Santa Claus ♪
395
00:28:09,230 --> 00:28:13,320
♪ Santa Claus, yeah, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
396
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:17,270
♪ Santa Claus, Santa Claus ♪
397
00:28:17,300 --> 00:28:21,360
♪ Santa Claus, yeah, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
398
00:28:33,020 --> 00:28:36,350
♪ Santa Claus, Santa Claus ♪
399
00:28:36,390 --> 00:28:40,850
♪ Santa Claus, yeah, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪
400
00:28:48,130 --> 00:28:50,160
You guys, get back.
401
00:29:04,580 --> 00:29:06,070
Naughty.
402
00:29:43,850 --> 00:29:47,550
We're having quite a night here
at the 43rd annual Christmas Eve
403
00:29:47,590 --> 00:29:49,390
Smash 'Em and Crash 'Em Derby.
404
00:29:49,430 --> 00:29:51,890
Now that was the number
five car going out there.
405
00:29:51,930 --> 00:29:54,690
That's Jacoby. He's done
for the night, I think.
406
00:29:55,970 --> 00:30:00,660
Well, if I don't get to bed
and get my beauty sleep,
407
00:30:00,700 --> 00:30:03,370
I'll probably end up
looking like one of you.
408
00:30:05,370 --> 00:30:07,810
- Good night, Grandpa.
- Merry Christmas.
409
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:11,580
Now, there's a big hit right there.
Jody Boyd has backed right into...
410
00:30:11,610 --> 00:30:13,610
I'm sorry. I forgot.
411
00:30:13,650 --> 00:30:14,880
It's fine.
412
00:30:16,350 --> 00:30:17,940
You think he's
bananas, don't you?
413
00:30:17,990 --> 00:30:21,220
No no, not bananas.
414
00:30:21,260 --> 00:30:23,690
A little odd, but...
415
00:30:23,730 --> 00:30:25,520
not bananas.
416
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,620
A little odd?
417
00:30:27,660 --> 00:30:29,630
You wanna talk about
a little odd?
418
00:30:32,500 --> 00:30:34,576
Odd is being a member of the
Rifle of the Month Club.
419
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:36,916
Odd is when all the available wall
space in your house is covered
420
00:30:36,940 --> 00:30:39,640
with the head of an
endangered or extinct animal.
421
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,140
Odd is someone's father I know.
422
00:30:42,580 --> 00:30:44,240
I'm sorry, Nicholas.
423
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,340
I'm sorry I even came
over here tonight.
424
00:30:46,380 --> 00:30:48,580
Just backed right into him, oh!
425
00:30:52,620 --> 00:30:55,250
Yeah, you got my number.
426
00:30:55,290 --> 00:30:57,890
Call me when you're ready for
a more mature relationship.
427
00:31:11,170 --> 00:31:13,070
Merry Christmas.
428
00:32:05,130 --> 00:32:08,820
"The townspeople would
have a Mass of Christ,"
429
00:32:08,870 --> 00:32:11,630
or a Christ Mass,
430
00:32:11,670 --> 00:32:13,570
"where they would pray
to their Lord..."
431
00:32:14,570 --> 00:32:16,400
God, Grandpa.
432
00:32:23,180 --> 00:32:26,170
Lord save us...
433
00:32:26,220 --> 00:32:29,150
"Hearing their call,"
434
00:32:29,190 --> 00:32:32,350
God sent down one of his angel
generals from the heavens.
435
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,850
The angel took the
form of an old man.
436
00:32:38,460 --> 00:32:41,950
He encountered the young, ill-tempered
Santa not far from his home.
437
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,590
Santa was ice fishing with
the ornery little people,
438
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,690
the elves, on a frozen lake.
439
00:32:48,970 --> 00:32:51,370
Help, please Santa, help.
Help, I don't wanna...
440
00:32:54,910 --> 00:32:57,400
Knowing the son of Satan
was a gambling sort,
441
00:32:57,450 --> 00:32:59,470
the angel challenged
him to a contest.
442
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:01,510
The contest was a simple one:
443
00:33:01,550 --> 00:33:03,640
Who could slide a
rock across the lake
444
00:33:03,690 --> 00:33:05,710
and land it closest to
the ice fishing hole
445
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,310
without the rock falling in.
446
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,720
If Santa won the contest, he would
deliver the confident old man
447
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,630
to his father for an eternity
of pain and suffering.
448
00:33:13,660 --> 00:33:15,720
If the old man won the contest,
449
00:33:15,770 --> 00:33:17,430
Santa would not
only have to cease
450
00:33:17,470 --> 00:33:20,160
the Day of Slayings for
the next 1,000 years,
451
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,660
but would also have to turn the
Dag of Mord, Day of Slayings,
452
00:33:23,710 --> 00:33:27,160
into a Dag of Glee, Day of Joy.
453
00:33:27,210 --> 00:33:29,940
Santa thought this was as close
to a sure wager as could be.
454
00:33:29,980 --> 00:33:31,970
There was no way a mere
mortal was gonna be able
455
00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:33,680
to defeat him at anything.
456
00:33:34,780 --> 00:33:37,780
Santa was so sure of himself
that he went first.
457
00:33:42,430 --> 00:33:44,690
Woo hoo! Yay, Santa. Go!
458
00:33:44,730 --> 00:33:47,290
His rock landed as close
as it could possibly be
459
00:33:47,330 --> 00:33:49,800
to the hole without going in it.
460
00:33:49,830 --> 00:33:52,360
Next was the old man's turn.
461
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,100
- The old man's rock...
- No, no, no!
462
00:33:54,140 --> 00:33:55,800
Skidded slowly along.
463
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:57,140
Oh no!
464
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,540
And it came to rest
touching Santa's rock
465
00:34:03,580 --> 00:34:07,350
with just enough momentum to push
Santa's stone over into the hole.
466
00:34:07,380 --> 00:34:09,540
"The old man had won."
467
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:29,040
Shit. That was exactly
1,000 years ago.
468
00:34:29,070 --> 00:34:31,700
The bet's over.
469
00:34:33,910 --> 00:34:35,500
Hooyaa!
470
00:34:42,050 --> 00:34:43,640
Ho, ho, ho.
471
00:35:19,390 --> 00:35:21,190
He's nuts.
472
00:35:28,900 --> 00:35:30,630
♪ Hallelujah ♪
473
00:35:30,670 --> 00:35:33,690
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪
474
00:35:33,740 --> 00:35:37,300
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪
475
00:35:37,340 --> 00:35:39,270
♪ Hallelujah ♪
476
00:35:39,310 --> 00:35:42,470
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪
477
00:35:42,510 --> 00:35:43,510
♪ Hallelujah. ♪
478
00:35:50,020 --> 00:35:53,420
Angels, I think Santa has
left you some surprises.
479
00:35:56,130 --> 00:35:58,090
I can't wait to see
the shit we got.
480
00:35:58,130 --> 00:36:00,120
Can we open our
motherfucking presents now?
481
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:01,960
- Of course.
- Go ahead, kids.
482
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,090
Let's see what Santa got you.
483
00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:13,840
Fuck.
484
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,870
And finally, a moment of silence
485
00:36:15,910 --> 00:36:19,640
for the victims of that tragic
fire that took place last night
486
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:24,210
at the community eye
sore, Gold Diggers.
487
00:36:24,250 --> 00:36:26,410
The house of heathens.
488
00:36:26,460 --> 00:36:29,950
While these people are
undeniably moral sinners,
489
00:36:29,990 --> 00:36:34,950
they are nonetheless members
of this community...
490
00:36:36,870 --> 00:36:39,990
and therefore deserve
our condolences.
491
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,700
So pray with me, if you
will, for the salvation
492
00:36:42,740 --> 00:36:45,260
of Crystal Candy...
493
00:36:46,340 --> 00:36:48,040
Sierra Rains...
494
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,540
Dixie Wrecked,
495
00:36:52,580 --> 00:36:55,210
Tess Tickler...
496
00:36:58,390 --> 00:36:59,950
We're closed.
497
00:37:01,820 --> 00:37:04,490
Sorry, Santa. We're closed.
498
00:37:04,530 --> 00:37:07,050
It's Christmas. You should
know that better than anybody.
499
00:37:07,100 --> 00:37:09,830
What's the matter with you?
500
00:37:09,870 --> 00:37:13,030
You wanna eat? Thai Chung
across the street.
501
00:37:13,070 --> 00:37:16,160
A very nice brunch buffet.
502
00:37:16,210 --> 00:37:17,730
Schmuck.
503
00:37:29,490 --> 00:37:32,550
You've come to the
wrong deli, fatso.
504
00:37:32,590 --> 00:37:34,990
Here's some stocking stuffers,
505
00:37:35,020 --> 00:37:36,690
you just wrecked the store.
506
00:37:36,730 --> 00:37:39,420
Piece of shit!
507
00:37:41,900 --> 00:37:43,330
Oy.
508
00:38:52,230 --> 00:38:53,960
Hi, Nicholas.
509
00:38:58,910 --> 00:39:00,370
Hey.
510
00:39:05,550 --> 00:39:06,950
What's up?
511
00:39:09,350 --> 00:39:10,820
Do you have any gum?
512
00:39:10,850 --> 00:39:13,720
We're all out. The driver that was
supposed to make the delivery
513
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:17,350
got his butt fried on a stripper
pole over at Gold Diggers.
514
00:39:17,390 --> 00:39:19,220
Heard it on the police scanner.
515
00:39:20,660 --> 00:39:22,600
Yikes, that's below average.
516
00:39:22,630 --> 00:39:24,500
This is all we got left.
517
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,670
Hmm, I've never heard
of Smokin' Gum.
518
00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:31,830
What the hell, sounds hot.
519
00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:33,360
Cool. It's $2.39.
520
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:37,680
Out of a five?
521
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,280
You know, for such a small town,
522
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:43,910
I've never seen you before.
523
00:39:43,950 --> 00:39:45,750
Just moved here, homeboy.
524
00:39:45,790 --> 00:39:47,690
Too much damn violence
in the 'hood.
525
00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:51,090
Car two, when you have a chance,
can you go to 313 Main
526
00:39:51,130 --> 00:39:52,790
There's been a report
of some vandalism.
527
00:39:52,830 --> 00:39:54,660
- Oh, you betcha.
- That's Heaven Scent.
528
00:39:54,700 --> 00:39:56,260
Hey.
529
00:39:58,470 --> 00:39:59,960
Merry Christmas.
530
00:40:29,470 --> 00:40:31,990
Nicholas.
531
00:40:32,030 --> 00:40:34,370
There is a Santa Claus.
532
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:37,200
I thought you people didn't
even believe in him.
533
00:40:38,610 --> 00:40:40,370
You...
534
00:40:40,410 --> 00:40:42,710
No, no.
535
00:40:42,750 --> 00:40:45,110
No.
536
00:40:46,850 --> 00:40:48,090
All right, hold it right there.
537
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:50,280
- All right, what are your names?
- Rabinowitz.
538
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,750
Rabinowitz Rabin...
539
00:40:52,790 --> 00:40:54,896
- All right, what about you?
- Shlomo Lipschitz.
540
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,190
Shlomo? Like the
replay or what?
541
00:40:57,230 --> 00:40:58,990
What in the hell do we have here?
542
00:41:02,700 --> 00:41:04,260
Oh.
543
00:41:04,300 --> 00:41:07,960
Looks like someone punched out
Mr. Green's festival of lights.
544
00:41:09,470 --> 00:41:12,100
Hey, Shlomo there says he
saw someone in a Santa suit
545
00:41:12,140 --> 00:41:14,470
...outside the store.
- A Santa suit?
546
00:41:14,510 --> 00:41:16,670
- Is that what he said... Are you sure?
- Okay.
547
00:41:16,710 --> 00:41:18,870
Something just isn't kosher here.
548
00:41:18,910 --> 00:41:22,150
We're taking you down to the
station for a little questioning.
549
00:41:22,180 --> 00:41:25,810
Potts, grab that Amish
group outside, too.
550
00:41:25,850 --> 00:41:27,050
Come on, kid.
551
00:41:29,660 --> 00:41:31,750
All right, watch your
head there, Yitzkak.
552
00:41:38,730 --> 00:41:40,900
- Hello, is Mary there?
- Yeah, hold on.
553
00:41:40,940 --> 00:41:42,200
- Hello - Mac.
554
00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:44,586
- Hey, did you hear about Heaven Scent?
- I know, I was there.
555
00:41:44,610 --> 00:41:46,756
- What? Where are you now?
- I'm at the police station.
556
00:41:46,780 --> 00:41:48,740
I've gotta talk to you.
Can you come pick me up?
557
00:41:48,780 --> 00:41:51,010
- Yeah, I'll be right there.
- Okay, thanks.
558
00:41:51,690 --> 00:41:55,230
Yuleson. Nicholas Yuleson?
559
00:41:56,610 --> 00:41:58,770
Captain Caulk will see you now.
560
00:42:00,710 --> 00:42:02,529
Do you work for Cock or Bush?
561
00:42:02,530 --> 00:42:04,530
Never worked for Bush only Cock.
562
00:42:04,810 --> 00:42:06,529
So you like Cock, huh...
563
00:42:06,530 --> 00:42:07,629
Cock's terrific.
564
00:42:07,630 --> 00:42:09,329
So your not a fan of Bush
565
00:42:09,330 --> 00:42:12,750
I wouldn't say I don't like
Bush I just prefer Cock.
566
00:42:13,310 --> 00:42:15,769
Cock can be a real pain
in your ass though right.
567
00:42:15,770 --> 00:42:16,889
Ye sometimes.
568
00:42:16,890 --> 00:42:19,189
Nick send the Yulson kid in.
569
00:42:19,190 --> 00:42:21,190
Weenus...
570
00:42:21,870 --> 00:42:23,190
I heard that!
571
00:42:33,350 --> 00:42:35,980
Don you now your gay apparel.
572
00:42:42,620 --> 00:42:45,860
We got an eye-witness account
that a man dressed as Santa Claus
573
00:42:45,890 --> 00:42:49,060
was seen leaving the store about the
same time you said you arrived.
574
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:54,940
Captain, this might be something
that predates all of us.
575
00:42:54,970 --> 00:42:56,940
Santa Claus is not a
myth or a legend.
576
00:42:56,970 --> 00:42:59,630
He's real, only he's not bearing
gifts and presents anymore.
577
00:43:02,210 --> 00:43:05,650
Son, are you saying Santa
578
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,120
is offing everyone who's
naughty and nice?
579
00:43:08,150 --> 00:43:10,450
That's exactly what I'm
saying, Captain. Look...
580
00:43:12,790 --> 00:43:16,220
- Here.
- Gee, Nicholas, that's a swell clock,
581
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:20,060
but why should I give a damn what
time is is in "Green-witch?"
582
00:43:20,100 --> 00:43:23,790
I figure that we have until about 7
p.m. That'd be midnight at the Pole.
583
00:43:23,830 --> 00:43:26,930
The North Pole's time zone is the
same as the Greenwich Mean Time.
584
00:43:26,970 --> 00:43:28,770
7:00 is when all the
madness should end.
585
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:30,670
Christmas would be
officially over for Santa.
586
00:43:30,710 --> 00:43:31,930
Maybe.
587
00:43:33,340 --> 00:43:35,640
Well, thanks for the
lesson there, sport,
588
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:37,740
but I already know
how to tell time.
589
00:43:37,780 --> 00:43:40,250
Now, I don't wanna hear
any more about Santa.
590
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,480
Captain, my grandfather thinks...
591
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,380
Oh, the grandfather! That's
all I needed to hear.
592
00:43:45,420 --> 00:43:47,820
- Please, just listen!
- You're as big a nut as he is.
593
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:51,050
Thank you for completely
wasting my fucking time!
594
00:43:51,090 --> 00:43:53,760
I know it sounds crazy, but
you have to believe me.
595
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,490
Leave now, and I won't
have you committed
596
00:43:56,530 --> 00:43:59,400
- to the farm at Northville.
- Just wait, all right?
597
00:43:59,430 --> 00:44:01,900
Fine! You've been warned.
598
00:44:04,170 --> 00:44:06,160
Looks like the killings form...
599
00:44:07,910 --> 00:44:10,430
form the shape of
a Christmas tree.
600
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:12,970
Maybe his next killing
601
00:44:13,020 --> 00:44:15,810
will be right here.
602
00:44:15,850 --> 00:44:18,340
You know, like the
star on the tree.
603
00:44:18,390 --> 00:44:21,150
Yeah, the Christmas tree killer.
604
00:44:21,190 --> 00:44:23,180
I don't know. No,
no, looks like more
605
00:44:23,230 --> 00:44:25,220
like an irregular
polygon, you know.
606
00:44:25,260 --> 00:44:27,660
It's a geometrical
enclosed shape.
607
00:44:27,700 --> 00:44:29,690
You see, it's a closed figure
608
00:44:29,730 --> 00:44:32,390
made up of adjoining
line segments.
609
00:44:35,700 --> 00:44:39,330
Mac, there's some
crazy shit going on,
610
00:44:39,370 --> 00:44:41,500
and Mr. Green's death
is just the beginning.
611
00:44:41,540 --> 00:44:43,570
- What do you mean?
- We have to get to my house
612
00:44:43,610 --> 00:44:44,940
and find my grandpa.
613
00:44:47,620 --> 00:44:49,310
Come in!
614
00:44:50,490 --> 00:44:52,480
This better be good.
615
00:44:53,790 --> 00:44:55,590
- Ho ho ho!
- Oh no!
616
00:45:05,070 --> 00:45:07,800
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪
617
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:10,430
♪ Na-Na-Na Na-Na-Na Na-Na-Na ♪
618
00:45:10,470 --> 00:45:13,670
♪ Troll the ancient ♪
♪ Yuletide carol ♪
619
00:45:13,710 --> 00:45:16,340
♪ Na Na Na-Na-Na-Na ♪
620
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:22,010
Because of everything that's happening
and the Book of Claus, I no longer think
621
00:45:22,050 --> 00:45:25,450
that my grandpa's crazy. He might be
the only sane person in this town.
622
00:45:25,490 --> 00:45:28,290
According to this,
everything should be over
623
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,550
in a little more
than... four hours.
624
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,660
What is it with you and Caulk
625
00:45:47,710 --> 00:45:50,040
How ridiculous! He sucks.
626
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,070
Caulk?
627
00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:55,770
That's not Captain Caulk.
628
00:45:57,070 --> 00:45:58,730
Its Santa!
629
00:45:59,190 --> 00:46:01,180
We gotta get out of
here now! Floor it!
630
00:46:05,860 --> 00:46:08,190
Okay, under the seat!
Get my father's gun!
631
00:46:12,930 --> 00:46:14,560
He's gone!
632
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:17,070
Oh my God!
633
00:46:17,110 --> 00:46:20,040
- Bullets! There's no bullets!
- Where is he Where is he?
634
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:25,340
- What the hell are you doing?!
- Trying to make it harder.
635
00:46:25,380 --> 00:46:27,140
Yeah? For him or me?
636
00:46:27,180 --> 00:46:29,550
- Now what?
- Here.
637
00:46:29,580 --> 00:46:31,920
- Unlock the barrel.
- Huh?
638
00:46:31,950 --> 00:46:34,510
Just break it open!
639
00:46:38,030 --> 00:46:41,020
Put the shell into the breech.
640
00:46:41,060 --> 00:46:42,720
Put the bullet in the hole!
641
00:46:46,070 --> 00:46:47,400
- "Top Gun"!
- What?
642
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:50,130
Slam on the breaks and
let him fly right by.
643
00:46:51,140 --> 00:46:54,010
Now step on it!
644
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:56,030
Damn it!
645
00:47:18,530 --> 00:47:20,520
Here, hold this.
646
00:47:25,410 --> 00:47:27,840
Let's go!
647
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:30,240
Come on, hurry up.
648
00:47:32,550 --> 00:47:34,430
Grandpa! Grandpa!
649
00:47:34,490 --> 00:47:36,850
Mr. Yuleson! Mr. Yuleson!
650
00:47:36,890 --> 00:47:39,550
Grandpa! Basement,
he's in the basement.
651
00:47:44,230 --> 00:47:46,390
The Day of Slayings. You
were right, Grandpa.
652
00:47:46,430 --> 00:47:50,420
- I'm so sorry I doubted you.
- Were the two of you followed here?
653
00:47:51,430 --> 00:47:53,870
Kids, did Santa Claus
follow you here?
654
00:47:53,900 --> 00:47:56,390
He tried to pull us over
655
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:58,840
and-and Nicholas shot him!
656
00:48:00,110 --> 00:48:02,100
You shot Santa?!
657
00:48:02,140 --> 00:48:05,170
- What is this place?
- How much time to we have, Grandpa?
658
00:48:05,210 --> 00:48:08,980
Uh, it'll be midnight at the Pole
659
00:48:09,020 --> 00:48:11,180
in three hours and eight minutes.
660
00:48:11,220 --> 00:48:14,780
If Santa followed you here,
we're all in great danger.
661
00:48:14,820 --> 00:48:18,260
I've built this as a
shelter, not a fortress.
662
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,760
What are those people doing here?
663
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:26,030
- Who carols?
- Especially during the day.
664
00:48:26,070 --> 00:48:28,470
- I'm gonna go warn them.
- Mary, wait. Nicky...
665
00:48:28,500 --> 00:48:30,800
I'll go get her.
666
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:34,870
♪ Silent night ♪
667
00:48:34,910 --> 00:48:38,170
♪ - All is calm... - Go ♪
♪ home! Get out of here! ♪
668
00:48:38,210 --> 00:48:40,310
♪ - All is...♪
- Run away! Santa's on the loose!
669
00:48:42,180 --> 00:48:44,310
Excuse me.
670
00:48:49,060 --> 00:48:50,460
Downstairs!
671
00:49:08,710 --> 00:49:10,610
Come on, we have to
get out of here now!
672
00:49:13,550 --> 00:49:15,540
We're trapped in a
closet on Christmas
673
00:49:15,580 --> 00:49:18,419
with Santa trying to murder
us. How fucked up is that?
674
00:49:18,420 --> 00:49:19,829
Watch your language Nicky.
675
00:49:19,830 --> 00:49:21,830
Oh your biggest concern
now is the word fuck?
676
00:49:30,870 --> 00:49:35,190
I gave this to Shaun
Mackenzie in 87, Shh queer
677
00:49:35,270 --> 00:49:37,500
- What are we gonna do?
- Mary, be a dear
678
00:49:37,540 --> 00:49:39,840
and fetch me that can
of Tinactin there.
679
00:49:40,850 --> 00:49:43,610
Oh, genius, we'll use some Tough
Actin' Tinactin on Santa.
680
00:49:43,650 --> 00:49:45,980
What are the chances of
calming Claus down when we
681
00:49:46,020 --> 00:49:48,420
- cure him of his athlete's foot?
- Mary, please.
682
00:49:48,460 --> 00:49:50,450
Okay, you're crazy again.
683
00:49:57,230 --> 00:49:59,890
- Here.
- What do these do?
684
00:49:59,930 --> 00:50:01,870
These are gonna do us a
lot of good in here.
685
00:50:01,900 --> 00:50:05,340
Besides, how are we even
gonna get to the garage?
686
00:50:05,370 --> 00:50:08,240
Have faith, Nicky, and follow me.
687
00:50:29,030 --> 00:50:31,550
Nicholas, I'm scared.
688
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:33,790
I know. You're doing a
good job of faking it.
689
00:50:33,830 --> 00:50:36,060
We only have to make it in
another 2.5 more hours.
690
00:50:36,100 --> 00:50:39,040
- Then we should be okay.
- I'm still scared.
691
00:50:41,740 --> 00:50:43,730
Voilà.
692
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:18,280
We'll head towards the Hell's Bells
and alert everybody we can find.
693
00:51:18,310 --> 00:51:20,300
Now, fire up these bad babies
694
00:51:20,350 --> 00:51:22,280
and let's get out of here.
695
00:51:41,140 --> 00:51:44,040
You've really let
yourself go, haven't ya?
696
00:51:44,070 --> 00:51:47,840
What are you packing around, there?
An extra two bills, I bet.
697
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,610
Mrs. Claus, she's
one hell of a cook.
698
00:51:54,780 --> 00:51:57,510
Not much of a
hairdresser, though.
699
00:51:57,550 --> 00:52:01,150
Oh, I've waited a long
time for this day.
700
00:52:01,190 --> 00:52:03,180
Not half as long as I have.
701
00:52:03,220 --> 00:52:06,850
Unfortunately, your time
is about to expire.
702
00:52:08,100 --> 00:52:11,060
So you're done spreading joy
703
00:52:11,100 --> 00:52:13,660
and warming the hearts
of children everywhere?
704
00:52:13,700 --> 00:52:16,190
I hate children!
For centuries,
705
00:52:16,240 --> 00:52:18,360
I've received millions
of their letters,
706
00:52:18,410 --> 00:52:20,640
and now I'm free to hunt down
707
00:52:20,670 --> 00:52:22,870
every last one of those brats.
708
00:52:22,910 --> 00:52:25,670
Such a long time and
nothing learned.
709
00:52:25,710 --> 00:52:27,870
Enough! There's only one thing
710
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:31,010
that can make this Dag
of Mort complete.
711
00:52:31,050 --> 00:52:34,080
- Nicky, go!
- I won't leave you. Get on!
712
00:52:36,460 --> 00:52:38,650
Grandpa!
713
00:52:40,130 --> 00:52:41,360
No!
714
00:52:43,530 --> 00:52:46,730
Aww, grandpa got run
over by a reindeer.
715
00:52:48,670 --> 00:52:50,660
Get on!
716
00:53:09,620 --> 00:53:12,890
♪ Christmas time, ♪
♪ Christmas time ♪
717
00:53:15,660 --> 00:53:19,000
♪ - Up there, up there! ♪
♪ - Christmas time, Christmas time ♪
718
00:53:19,030 --> 00:53:20,560
Ho ho ho!
719
00:53:23,170 --> 00:53:26,200
♪ When I was a young boy ♪
720
00:53:26,240 --> 00:53:29,370
♪ Santa was nice to me ♪
721
00:53:29,410 --> 00:53:33,940
♪ The streets of the town were ♪
♪ paved with presents on me ♪
722
00:53:33,980 --> 00:53:35,970
- You got to get out of the open.
- Really?
723
00:53:36,020 --> 00:53:38,280
The woods! Head for the woods.
724
00:53:39,650 --> 00:53:42,350
♪ Chopping down all our trees ♪
725
00:53:42,390 --> 00:53:46,260
♪ I wonder whatever happened ♪
726
00:53:46,290 --> 00:53:51,460
♪ To Christmas time for me ♪
727
00:53:54,130 --> 00:53:55,130
Aaah!
728
00:53:57,300 --> 00:53:58,586
Yeah, we got to get
out of the woods.
729
00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:00,700
You think?
730
00:54:00,740 --> 00:54:03,070
Aah!
731
00:54:08,150 --> 00:54:10,580
Hold on!
732
00:54:10,620 --> 00:54:13,780
♪ Christmas time, ♪
♪ Christmas time ♪
733
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:20,360
♪ Christmas time, ♪
♪ Christmas time ♪
734
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:26,760
♪ Christmas time, ♪
♪ Christmas time ♪
735
00:54:28,540 --> 00:54:30,160
Next time, I'm driving!
736
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,500
Next time?
737
00:54:38,380 --> 00:54:40,740
Pull!
738
00:54:40,780 --> 00:54:43,510
Oh my God!
739
00:54:43,550 --> 00:54:45,680
- Look out!
- Look out!
740
00:54:45,720 --> 00:54:47,480
Sorry!
741
00:55:04,240 --> 00:55:06,670
- Run away! Santa's on his way!
- What the...
742
00:55:06,710 --> 00:55:08,816
- Santa's coming. Get out of here!
- Run for your life!
743
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:10,280
- Look out!
- Run for your life!
744
00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:13,540
- Save yourself!
- Damn kids!
745
00:55:13,580 --> 00:55:15,480
Minister!
746
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:16,680
Sorry, okay, here we go.
747
00:55:17,550 --> 00:55:20,610
Ready and one and two
and three and...
748
00:55:30,430 --> 00:55:31,430
What the hell?
749
00:55:32,470 --> 00:55:34,530
- No!
- Look out, Harry!
750
00:55:39,570 --> 00:55:41,560
Move, you skanks!
751
00:55:42,610 --> 00:55:44,600
Holy shit!
752
00:55:55,150 --> 00:55:57,090
Nicholas, get off the sidewalk!
753
00:55:57,120 --> 00:55:59,420
Okay!
754
00:56:03,990 --> 00:56:05,190
Sweet Jesus!
755
00:56:14,340 --> 00:56:16,950
I see you've met my hell deer.
756
00:56:17,340 --> 00:56:19,570
What in God's name are you doing?
757
00:56:19,610 --> 00:56:22,810
Why, I'm just trying to spread
a little Yuletide fear.
758
00:56:45,540 --> 00:56:46,970
What do we do now?
759
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:49,230
We make ourselves scarce
and we hope and we pray
760
00:56:49,270 --> 00:56:52,170
that the "12 Days of
Christmas" song is bullshit.
761
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:55,140
We got to go now!
762
00:57:14,900 --> 00:57:16,800
Oh.
763
00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:20,860
Think you better find something
else there, Superman.
764
00:57:34,420 --> 00:57:36,080
Great, he'll never find us now.
765
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,950
Okay, shut your hole and
help me through this window.
766
00:57:44,090 --> 00:57:46,320
All right... you're going
to need to suck it in.
767
00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:48,300
You're going to need
to push from the top.
768
00:57:49,370 --> 00:57:51,600
I swear to God, Nicholas!
Am I going to have to make
769
00:57:51,640 --> 00:57:54,000
every first move in
this relationship.
770
00:58:00,710 --> 00:58:03,700
- How much time do we have?
- The clock's in my backpack.
771
00:58:05,620 --> 00:58:07,080
- What's this?
- It's a nutcracker.
772
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:09,950
- You think?
- Don't pull that!
773
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:12,850
My grandpa must have
slipped it in there.
774
00:58:12,890 --> 00:58:14,580
It was the last thing
he was working on.
775
00:58:14,620 --> 00:58:17,090
Look, there's a tag on it.
776
00:58:17,130 --> 00:58:19,360
A Christmas present?
777
00:58:23,630 --> 00:58:24,630
He loved you a lot.
778
00:58:35,650 --> 00:58:36,740
58 minutes, that's it.
779
00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:00,770
So what's the plan?
Just hide out and wait
780
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:03,300
for Christmas to pass?
He'll be here soon.
781
00:59:03,340 --> 00:59:06,100
He's just going to keep killing.
We have to try and stop him.
782
00:59:06,140 --> 00:59:07,700
I don't think he's unstoppable.
783
00:59:08,180 --> 00:59:10,580
You saw what happened on the truck,
when I shot him.
784
00:59:10,610 --> 00:59:13,810
We have two choices...
defense or offense.
785
00:59:13,850 --> 00:59:15,496
We can be defensive and
try to distract him
786
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:17,040
until midnight when
he's powerless,
787
00:59:17,090 --> 00:59:18,796
or we can go on the
offense and lead him back
788
00:59:18,820 --> 00:59:22,350
towards those skeet shooters and
finally put an end to Christmas.
789
00:59:23,860 --> 00:59:25,160
Let's take a swing.
790
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:27,530
Let's get out of here.
This time we use the door.
791
00:59:37,210 --> 00:59:39,370
- Shit, it's out again.
- Well keep hitting it.
792
00:59:39,410 --> 00:59:41,430
It's cashed.
793
00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:42,910
You call this a practical gift?
794
00:59:43,510 --> 00:59:45,240
A practical gift
would be batteries.
795
00:59:45,550 --> 00:59:48,280
Yeah, that's really
helpful right now, Mac.
796
00:59:49,890 --> 00:59:51,980
- That was you, right?
- Mm-mmm.
797
00:59:52,020 --> 00:59:54,460
Who's your daddy?
798
00:59:54,490 --> 00:59:56,480
Father Christmas.
799
00:59:56,530 --> 00:59:58,490
Come on let's go!
800
01:00:01,570 --> 01:00:02,730
- Where to?!
- Anywhere!
801
01:00:12,810 --> 01:00:15,056
Forget about earlier. Let's go
with the defensive chicken plan.
802
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:17,980
- Maybe we should split up!
- How cliche of you!
803
01:00:19,750 --> 01:00:21,410
Oh hell no!
804
01:00:22,420 --> 01:00:23,420
Let's just hide.
805
01:00:44,210 --> 01:00:45,210
Sssh.
806
01:01:05,130 --> 01:01:07,290
Not a creature is stirring?
807
01:01:29,150 --> 01:01:32,280
Christmas can sure scare
the Dickens out of people.
808
01:01:41,430 --> 01:01:43,430
Oh. Oh.
809
01:01:48,800 --> 01:01:51,640
Goddamn it, that really hurt!
810
01:01:51,670 --> 01:01:54,300
Quit using the Lord's
name in vain, A-hole.
811
01:01:54,340 --> 01:01:56,170
You sound just like my grandpa,
812
01:01:56,210 --> 01:01:57,910
except for the A-hole part.
813
01:01:58,510 --> 01:02:00,710
- Whoa!
- Aaaah!
814
01:02:08,190 --> 01:02:09,190
You okay, Nicholas?
815
01:02:10,220 --> 01:02:12,060
My head hurts.
816
01:02:12,090 --> 01:02:13,650
Oh, come over here, you baby man.
817
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:20,599
I still can't believe that we're being
hunted by Santa of all f-ing people.
818
01:02:20,600 --> 01:02:22,599
I thought he was
supposed to be jolly?
819
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:25,650
Well maybe its the killing
that's making him so jovial.
820
01:02:27,350 --> 01:02:28,390
Sorry.
821
01:02:28,630 --> 01:02:30,470
Look we're going to
get through this.
822
01:02:30,500 --> 01:02:32,060
We'll be home safe soon.
823
01:02:34,210 --> 01:02:36,230
I just realized
that I have no one.
824
01:02:38,710 --> 01:02:39,800
I'm so sorry, Nicholas.
825
01:02:43,550 --> 01:02:44,550
You have me.
826
01:02:45,580 --> 01:02:49,080
Besides, I know your grandfather
will always be looking after you.
827
01:02:50,890 --> 01:02:53,950
But whatever happens, I'm
glad that I'm with you.
828
01:03:00,570 --> 01:03:02,190
I just love how the holidays
829
01:03:02,230 --> 01:03:04,630
always seem to bring
people closer together.
830
01:03:15,910 --> 01:03:18,310
I'm Santa Claus! Not
fucking Dracula!
831
01:03:49,950 --> 01:03:52,420
Again, the foolish archangel,
832
01:03:52,450 --> 01:03:54,090
Hellsgate Yuleson.
833
01:03:54,490 --> 01:03:58,480
The only angel to give up his
immortality for an earthly woman.
834
01:04:02,630 --> 01:04:06,890
I'm beginning to feel a little
more like my old self again.
835
01:04:06,930 --> 01:04:09,920
Wicked, your
grandfather's an angel.
836
01:04:09,970 --> 01:04:12,600
I told you he'd look after you.
837
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:15,110
I swear I'll never take the
Lord's name in vain again.
838
01:04:15,140 --> 01:04:16,770
You're forgiven, Nicholas.
839
01:04:18,580 --> 01:04:21,880
Sorry I couldn't have made you
death a more painful one.
840
01:04:21,910 --> 01:04:23,580
How did you know I'd find you?
841
01:04:23,620 --> 01:04:25,610
You said you'd go to
Hell and back to find me
842
01:04:25,650 --> 01:04:26,650
once the bet was over.
843
01:04:27,690 --> 01:04:29,980
So I moved to Hell Township.
844
01:04:30,020 --> 01:04:32,320
Is your grandfather
always so literal?
845
01:04:33,330 --> 01:04:34,920
I had to make sure
846
01:04:34,960 --> 01:04:36,950
you would honor our wager.
847
01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:39,990
It was easy to find you.
848
01:04:48,340 --> 01:04:49,810
"Dear Santa,"
849
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:52,810
I've been a good boy nearly
every day this year.
850
01:04:52,850 --> 01:04:54,280
I wanted to see you at the mall,
851
01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:58,110
but my grandfather finished
curling practice too late.
852
01:04:58,150 --> 01:05:00,620
I don't think he
really wanted to go,
853
01:05:00,650 --> 01:05:02,590
so I'm writing you this
letter to tell you
854
01:05:02,690 --> 01:05:05,160
what I would like for Christmas.
855
01:05:05,190 --> 01:05:08,130
Can I please have
a mini-bake oven?
856
01:05:09,700 --> 01:05:12,990
"Sincerely, Nicholas Yuleson"
857
01:05:13,030 --> 01:05:15,730
29 Meadowlark Lane.
858
01:05:15,770 --> 01:05:18,070
Hell Township.
859
01:05:18,100 --> 01:05:21,600
Let the boy go. It's
me you really want.
860
01:05:21,640 --> 01:05:25,600
On the contrary, I knew the boy
would lead me to you and he did.
861
01:05:25,640 --> 01:05:27,510
Now that he's the last
remaining Yuleson...
862
01:05:27,550 --> 01:05:30,410
Why don't we settle this, Claus?
863
01:05:30,450 --> 01:05:32,920
Care to redeem yourself?
864
01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:40,390
This time,
865
01:05:40,430 --> 01:05:42,760
I set the stakes.
866
01:05:53,740 --> 01:05:56,870
If I win, there's no
more Day of Slayings.
867
01:05:56,910 --> 01:06:00,310
It's back to being
good once and for all.
868
01:06:00,350 --> 01:06:03,310
- How 'bout it?
- When you lose,
869
01:06:03,350 --> 01:06:05,710
you will enter that hell hole
870
01:06:05,750 --> 01:06:08,280
and your soul will be
enslaved for all of eternity.
871
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:11,720
- How about that?
- Grandpa!
872
01:06:11,760 --> 01:06:12,820
Nicky, just remember,
873
01:06:13,790 --> 01:06:15,050
the only worth-while gifts
874
01:06:15,830 --> 01:06:18,230
are practical ones.
875
01:06:20,530 --> 01:06:21,660
Go!
876
01:06:41,790 --> 01:06:42,790
Damn!
877
01:06:47,130 --> 01:06:49,060
I hope you enjoyed
your little furlough.
878
01:06:49,160 --> 01:06:50,250
Now, let's finish this.
879
01:07:09,010 --> 01:07:11,280
- Grandpa!
- Aaaaah!
880
01:07:13,950 --> 01:07:16,280
- Grandpa!
- Yes!
881
01:07:18,820 --> 01:07:21,790
Not to worry. You'll
be joining him
882
01:07:21,830 --> 01:07:24,590
soon enough.
883
01:07:24,630 --> 01:07:27,290
The clock just struck
midnight at the Pole.
884
01:07:27,330 --> 01:07:29,860
Christmas is officially
over for you, Santa.
885
01:07:32,910 --> 01:07:34,400
You know,
886
01:07:34,440 --> 01:07:36,430
most people make
the same mistake.
887
01:07:36,480 --> 01:07:40,640
The correct time at the Pole
is completely discretionary
888
01:07:40,680 --> 01:07:43,810
because the Poles are
where all the time zones
889
01:07:43,850 --> 01:07:45,480
actually converge.
890
01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:47,780
He's scary, yet educational.
891
01:07:47,820 --> 01:07:50,120
So, what I'm saying,
892
01:07:50,160 --> 01:07:51,820
nitwits,
893
01:07:51,860 --> 01:07:53,020
is that Christmas is over
894
01:07:53,890 --> 01:07:57,160
when I say it's over.
895
01:08:05,700 --> 01:08:08,140
Chest-nut.
896
01:08:18,880 --> 01:08:21,010
Hello?
897
01:08:21,050 --> 01:08:23,150
Let's turn up the heat!
898
01:08:23,310 --> 01:08:25,330
I'm roasting!
899
01:08:26,390 --> 01:08:28,750
Here, give me your
hand. I got you!
900
01:08:29,830 --> 01:08:30,830
Pull!
901
01:08:36,590 --> 01:08:41,530
Merry Christmas to all
and to all good night.
902
01:08:48,390 --> 01:08:49,470
Remember me?!
903
01:08:50,250 --> 01:08:51,610
Come on! Pull, Mac!
904
01:08:59,430 --> 01:09:00,970
Get back in line!
905
01:09:08,440 --> 01:09:09,770
Ha!
906
01:09:14,110 --> 01:09:17,240
Honey, I had the most
terrible nightmare.
907
01:09:17,280 --> 01:09:19,480
Visions of sugarplums?
908
01:09:21,690 --> 01:09:23,620
So, is everyone okay?
909
01:09:24,270 --> 01:09:26,850
I'm fine, but I think you
have some explaining to do.
910
01:09:26,890 --> 01:09:27,890
Okay.
911
01:09:30,230 --> 01:09:31,620
My boy,
912
01:09:32,370 --> 01:09:36,790
I loved your grandmother
very, very much.
913
01:09:36,970 --> 01:09:40,870
What powers I had, I
lost all for her.
914
01:09:42,310 --> 01:09:44,670
I'm telling you, kids,
Santa's bluffing.
915
01:09:44,750 --> 01:09:46,700
He's powerless now.
916
01:09:46,740 --> 01:09:49,340
Let's go after him and put an
end to this once and for all.
917
01:09:49,380 --> 01:09:50,810
What do you say?
918
01:09:52,010 --> 01:09:54,570
- Okay, Yeah! We'll go..
919
01:10:02,790 --> 01:10:06,290
- Grandpa?
- I don't believe I can cross.
920
01:10:06,330 --> 01:10:08,800
I can't leave you,
Grandpa. Not again.
921
01:10:08,830 --> 01:10:12,790
I don't recall raising a sally!
922
01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:15,810
Now go! I promise
923
01:10:15,840 --> 01:10:17,510
I'll be around.
924
01:10:21,850 --> 01:10:24,310
Time to go on the offense.
925
01:10:24,890 --> 01:10:26,330
The bears eat salmon.
926
01:10:26,380 --> 01:10:29,150
They stand there all damn day and
wait for those fish to jump up.
927
01:10:29,190 --> 01:10:30,480
I wouldn't touch 'em though.
928
01:10:30,520 --> 01:10:32,580
That time of year, they
look like monsters.
929
01:10:32,620 --> 01:10:35,020
Their muzzles are all
disgusting and everything.
930
01:10:35,060 --> 01:10:37,990
Hey. Hey, there's that asshole
who blew by here earlier.
931
01:10:38,030 --> 01:10:39,730
And my baby sister.
932
01:10:40,060 --> 01:10:42,060
- Come on, we need your help.
- What?
933
01:10:42,100 --> 01:10:43,930
Come on, hurry up.
934
01:10:43,970 --> 01:10:46,370
How would you like to tell
everyone in your park...
935
01:10:46,400 --> 01:10:49,400
your block, that you have a
bird deer mounted on your wall?
936
01:10:55,350 --> 01:10:57,280
What do you mean?
937
01:10:58,350 --> 01:11:00,146
I'm sure half of you guys
have been dreaming about this
938
01:11:00,170 --> 01:11:03,440
your entire lives.
Hunting a flying buck?
939
01:11:06,020 --> 01:11:09,150
And you know where one is?
940
01:11:09,190 --> 01:11:12,390
Just get ready. I'm going to
give the special bird deer call.
941
01:11:29,710 --> 01:11:30,980
The little prick was right.
942
01:11:31,750 --> 01:11:33,340
It's a reindeer.
943
01:11:33,380 --> 01:11:37,010
- Come on, man.
- Load up, load up.
944
01:11:37,050 --> 01:11:39,850
You're going down
945
01:11:39,890 --> 01:11:42,320
in history.
946
01:11:43,330 --> 01:11:45,660
Here. You can do it.
947
01:12:09,920 --> 01:12:10,920
- Oh!
- Yeah!
948
01:12:11,790 --> 01:12:13,210
- Ah!
- Oh!
949
01:12:16,590 --> 01:12:19,350
Whooo-hoooo!
950
01:12:20,330 --> 01:12:21,850
Daddy?
951
01:12:21,900 --> 01:12:24,560
Hi, sweetheart!
952
01:12:24,600 --> 01:12:27,500
Daddy, where did you
get that bazooka?
953
01:12:27,540 --> 01:12:29,730
Vinnie gave it to
me for Christmas.
954
01:12:29,770 --> 01:12:31,430
He'd been saving
up his llama loot.
955
01:12:31,810 --> 01:12:34,400
Isn't it great?
956
01:12:34,440 --> 01:12:37,610
It only cost me a lung.
957
01:12:39,120 --> 01:12:41,080
And your vocal chords.
958
01:12:47,290 --> 01:12:49,090
That sure looks like Santa to me.
959
01:12:49,130 --> 01:12:52,010
I guess Christmas is over.
Santa's stuck on the North Pole.
960
01:12:52,050 --> 01:12:53,050
Mac!
961
01:13:00,100 --> 01:13:01,100
It's Pastor Timmons.
962
01:13:02,140 --> 01:13:05,540
Pastor Timmons is the
psycho Santa guy?
963
01:13:05,580 --> 01:13:09,030
What a scandal. I was
one of his alter boys.
964
01:13:11,390 --> 01:13:12,810
What?
965
01:13:14,180 --> 01:13:17,550
All right, everyone stand back.
966
01:13:17,990 --> 01:13:20,320
Things are about to
get a little messy.
967
01:13:29,100 --> 01:13:31,000
And make sure you
include in your report
968
01:13:31,140 --> 01:13:33,500
that the light anti-tank
weapon is registered.
969
01:13:34,510 --> 01:13:37,600
- Thank you.
- Let's go bag the stag.
970
01:13:39,110 --> 01:13:41,010
Hey, Mary! You
want to come help?
971
01:13:41,050 --> 01:13:43,210
No, you have fun, Daddy.
972
01:13:48,790 --> 01:13:50,190
Why didn't you say anything?
973
01:13:52,120 --> 01:13:53,380
Christmas is over,
974
01:13:53,420 --> 01:13:56,550
Santa's gone. Why should
they live in fear?
975
01:13:58,710 --> 01:14:01,230
Maybe he's still out
there I don't know.
976
01:14:02,630 --> 01:14:05,360
I think my saga's just beginning.
977
01:14:07,270 --> 01:14:09,240
Hey, I think your dad left this.
978
01:14:10,470 --> 01:14:11,570
He'll probably need it.
979
01:14:14,610 --> 01:14:16,170
I got you.
980
01:14:18,150 --> 01:14:20,290
Hey, and I got you.
981
01:14:20,480 --> 01:14:22,750
Yeah, but you hit like a girl.
982
01:14:22,790 --> 01:14:25,190
Yeah, well you kiss like a guy.
983
01:14:55,490 --> 01:14:58,580
So... Mr. Satan.
984
01:14:59,820 --> 01:15:01,920
Actually, that's "Shatan."
985
01:15:01,960 --> 01:15:05,120
Oh, like the hockey player.
986
01:15:07,830 --> 01:15:10,130
Well, we have you
987
01:15:10,170 --> 01:15:12,730
connecting in Winnipeg and...
988
01:15:12,770 --> 01:15:13,770
continuing on too...
989
01:15:14,810 --> 01:15:16,570
Borneo Airport, North Pole.
990
01:15:16,610 --> 01:15:17,610
That's correct.
991
01:15:18,640 --> 01:15:20,470
How many bags do you
have to check, sir?
992
01:15:20,680 --> 01:15:21,680
Just one.
993
01:15:31,190 --> 01:15:33,190
Has your... sack
994
01:15:33,220 --> 01:15:35,090
been out of your sight at all?
995
01:15:38,700 --> 01:15:40,510
Well, just have a seat.
996
01:15:40,570 --> 01:15:41,960
We'll board in 10 minutes.
997
01:15:43,730 --> 01:15:45,500
Can I help the next
person, please?
998
01:15:45,710 --> 01:15:47,090
One two three...
999
01:15:53,210 --> 01:15:54,210
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1000
01:15:55,250 --> 01:15:56,310
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
1001
01:15:58,880 --> 01:16:00,450
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1002
01:16:00,530 --> 01:16:02,090
♪ I ain't going to cry ♪
1003
01:16:04,390 --> 01:16:07,190
♪ You killed my Gramps and ♪
♪ you're trying to kill me ♪
1004
01:16:07,220 --> 01:16:10,190
♪ I hope your sleigh ♪
♪ goes down in the sea ♪
1005
01:16:10,230 --> 01:16:11,270
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1006
01:16:12,260 --> 01:16:13,670
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
1007
01:16:16,070 --> 01:16:17,900
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1008
01:16:17,940 --> 01:16:19,570
♪ I know it's too bad ♪
1009
01:16:21,740 --> 01:16:25,730
♪ I thought you were sweet and ♪
♪ nice, but I think we've been had ♪
1010
01:16:27,410 --> 01:16:29,880
♪ If you were to go ♪
♪ on a terror run ♪
1011
01:16:29,910 --> 01:16:33,040
♪ Yeah, I'm glad we shot ♪
♪ you down with a gun ♪
1012
01:16:33,080 --> 01:16:34,310
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1013
01:16:35,120 --> 01:16:36,690
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
1014
01:16:38,920 --> 01:16:41,890
♪ I bet you ate Rudolph, ♪
♪ I bet you killed him ♪
1015
01:16:41,930 --> 01:16:44,720
♪ I bet you tore Dasher ♪
♪ up limb by limb ♪
1016
01:16:44,760 --> 01:16:47,730
♪ I just have a question, ♪
♪ I just can't see ♪
1017
01:16:47,760 --> 01:16:50,930
♪ Why you got to be ♪
♪ so mean to me ♪
1018
01:17:15,130 --> 01:17:16,550
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1019
01:17:17,160 --> 01:17:18,510
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
1020
01:17:20,800 --> 01:17:22,790
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1021
01:17:22,830 --> 01:17:24,430
♪ I ain't going to cry ♪
1022
01:17:26,800 --> 01:17:29,430
♪ You killed my Gramps and ♪
♪ you're trying to kill me ♪
1023
01:17:29,470 --> 01:17:32,440
♪ I hope your sleigh ♪
♪ goes down in the sea ♪
1024
01:17:32,480 --> 01:17:33,790
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1025
01:17:34,510 --> 01:17:36,010
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
1026
01:17:38,320 --> 01:17:39,730
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1027
01:17:40,350 --> 01:17:41,890
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
1028
01:17:44,150 --> 01:17:45,870
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1029
01:17:46,190 --> 01:17:47,870
♪ Santa, bye bye. ♪
1030
01:18:06,510 --> 01:18:09,480
♪ Deck the halls with ♪
♪ boughs of holly ♪
1031
01:18:09,510 --> 01:18:12,310
♪ Na Na Na Na naaa, ♪
♪ Na Na Na Na ♪
1032
01:18:12,350 --> 01:18:15,320
♪ 'Tis the season ♪
♪ to be jolly ♪
1033
01:18:15,350 --> 01:18:17,980
♪ Na Na Na Na naaa, ♪
♪ Na Na Na Na ♪
1034
01:18:18,020 --> 01:18:20,990
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪
1035
01:18:21,020 --> 01:18:23,650
♪ Na Na Na, Na Na ♪
♪ Na, Na Na Na ♪
1036
01:18:23,690 --> 01:18:26,660
♪ Troll the ancient ♪
♪ Yuletide carol ♪
1037
01:18:26,690 --> 01:18:29,690
♪ Na Na Na Na naaa, ♪
♪ Na Na Na Na ♪
1038
01:18:43,040 --> 01:18:46,010
♪ See the blazing ♪
♪ Yule before us ♪
1039
01:18:46,050 --> 01:18:48,680
♪ Na Na Na Na naaa, ♪
♪ Na Na Na Na ♪
1040
01:18:48,720 --> 01:18:51,690
♪ Strike the lamp and ♪
♪ join the chorus ♪
1041
01:18:51,720 --> 01:18:54,520
♪ Na Na Na Na naaa, ♪
♪ Na Na Na Na ♪
1042
01:18:54,560 --> 01:18:57,350
♪ Follow me in merry measure ♪
1043
01:18:57,390 --> 01:19:00,190
♪ Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na Na ♪
1044
01:19:00,230 --> 01:19:03,030
♪ While I tell of ♪
♪ Yuletide treasure ♪
1045
01:19:03,060 --> 01:19:06,060
♪ Na Na Na Na naaa, ♪
♪ Na Na Na Na ♪
1046
01:19:18,750 --> 01:19:21,540
♪ Deck the halls with ♪
♪ boughs of holly ♪
1047
01:19:21,580 --> 01:19:24,380
♪ Na Na Na Na naaa, ♪
♪ Na Na Na Na ♪
1048
01:19:24,420 --> 01:19:27,390
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪
1049
01:19:27,420 --> 01:19:30,050
♪ Na Na Na Na naaa, ♪
♪ Na Na Na Na ♪
1050
01:19:30,090 --> 01:19:33,060
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪
1051
01:19:33,090 --> 01:19:35,720
♪ Na Na Na, Na Na ♪
♪ Na, Na Na Na ♪
1052
01:19:35,760 --> 01:19:38,630
♪ Troll the ancient ♪
♪ Yuletide carol ♪
1053
01:19:38,670 --> 01:19:41,400
♪ Na Na Na Na naaa, ♪
♪ Na Na Na Na ♪
1054
01:19:41,440 --> 01:19:44,430
♪ Na Na Na Na naaa, ♪
♪ Na Na Na Na ♪
1055
01:20:44,280 --> 01:20:47,570
♪ Christmas in Detroit, ♪
♪ down river style ♪
1056
01:20:47,610 --> 01:20:51,570
♪ From the Straits of Gibraltar ♪
♪ to the tip of Belle lsle ♪
1057
01:20:51,620 --> 01:20:54,920
♪ Christmas in Detroit, ♪
♪ check it and see ♪
1058
01:20:54,950 --> 01:20:58,910
♪ It's a family reunion ♪
♪ just aspects of me ♪
1059
01:20:58,960 --> 01:21:01,080
♪ Christmas in Detroit ♪
1060
01:21:01,130 --> 01:21:03,370
♪ It's going to blow your mind ♪
1061
01:21:06,460 --> 01:21:09,590
♪ Santa don't have nowhere ♪
♪ to park his sleigh ♪
1062
01:21:09,630 --> 01:21:13,760
♪ With the crumbling rooftops ♪
♪ and the urban decay ♪
1063
01:21:13,810 --> 01:21:16,930
♪ Ain't got no chimney ♪
♪ to crawl down ♪
1064
01:21:16,980 --> 01:21:21,110
♪ And if he don't bring ♪
♪ Rudolph, just shoot him down ♪
1065
01:21:21,150 --> 01:21:23,380
♪ Christmas in Detroit ♪
1066
01:21:23,410 --> 01:21:26,140
♪ It's going to blow your mind ♪
1067
01:21:50,510 --> 01:21:53,810
♪ Christmas in Detroit ♪
♪ has a down river style ♪
1068
01:21:53,850 --> 01:21:57,980
♪ From the Straits of Gibraltar ♪
♪ to the tip of Belle lsle ♪
1069
01:21:58,020 --> 01:22:01,140
♪ Christmas in Detroit, ♪
♪ check it and see ♪
1070
01:22:01,190 --> 01:22:05,320
♪ It's a family reunion ♪
♪ just aspects of me ♪
1071
01:22:05,360 --> 01:22:06,850
♪ Christmas in Detroit ♪
1072
01:22:07,390 --> 01:22:09,690
♪ It's going to ♪
♪ blow your mind. ♪
1073
01:24:28,470 --> 01:24:29,990
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