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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:04,093 - Most would agree. - I don't agree. 2 00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:06,866 - Will you look at your skin? - I am. What's the matter with it? 3 00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,874 - It's all blotchy. - How? I don't see it. 4 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,775 Dad, will you look at Sweet Dee's skin and tell me it's not blotchy? 5 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,938 - Do I have to listen to this shit all morning? - Come on. 6 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,743 Frank, you've gotta be kidding with these receipts. 7 00:00:15,815 --> 00:00:17,783 We were actually doing better before you took over. 8 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,719 Hey! Hey! What's up, guys? I didn't hear you guys come in. 9 00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:24,518 Uh, you know, I was actually in here early opening up this morning... 10 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,525 Charlie, we had an agreement. 11 00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:28,686 This is a place of business, not your home. 12 00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:32,289 - Uh, yeah, I know that. - Not supposed to sleep in the bar anymore, bro. 13 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,697 - I wasn't. - You didn't come home last night. 14 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,236 Oh, okay, okay. Well, guess what. 15 00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:41,069 - I found some extensive water damage in the back office. - What? 16 00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:43,109 Yeah, so, maybe I'm not such a bad guy... 17 00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:45,406 for passing out in there and drinking too much or whatever. 18 00:00:45,478 --> 00:00:49,778 - That's a terrible excuse, dude. - Well, I drank too much, so lay off. 19 00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:52,374 Holy shit! Guys, come here! Come here! Check this out! 20 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,443 Look! 21 00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:56,648 - What? - What? 22 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,953 That is the Virgin Mary. 23 00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:01,653 - What? - Oh, take it easy, bro. 24 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,787 No, look. The head and the arms and the cape. 25 00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:05,558 - Does look like it. Weird. - I don't see it. 26 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,567 What if it's a sign? You guys, remember, I wanted to be a priest. 27 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:13,265 - That's a water stain, dude. - Or it could be a sign that we need to get our pipes fixed. 28 00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:16,103 What if it's a miracle? 29 00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:20,545 Listen. It could be a miracle. It could be bullshit. 30 00:01:20,613 --> 00:01:22,945 There's only one thing we know for sure. 31 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:26,747 - What's that? - It's a goddamn gold mine. 32 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,517 Well, I'll tell you, Jim. I was in the back office... 33 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:06,525 and I'd just finished praying on my rosaries. 34 00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:09,653 And I was doing some crunches, you know, working on my abs. 35 00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:11,959 And that's when I saw it. 36 00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:14,124 And I thought to myself... 37 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,327 "That is definitely the mother of our Lord." 38 00:02:16,402 --> 00:02:19,269 Did my face look fat? 39 00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:22,206 - Yeah. - No, don't-don't screw with me here. 40 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:24,675 - Seriously. It's just the TV, right? - No, it's been looking fat. 41 00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:30,341 So, if you like the Virgin Mary and you like beer, come on down to Paddy's Pub. 42 00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:35,319 - We got 'em both. - Welcome to Paddy's Pub, home of the Blessed Mother. 43 00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:38,846 - Would you care to make a donation? - How much should I give? 44 00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:43,453 Well, what price can one put on the viewing of a miracle? 45 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:46,431 Give whatever you can. 46 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,061 These people are pathetic. 47 00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:54,038 Yeah, Dad, I really don't feel very good about what we're doing in here. 48 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,041 Well, don't get all high-and-mighty on me. 49 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:59,545 I only made four dollars, Deandra. I think I can live with myself. 50 00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:03,776 Let's move, lady. We got a long line here. Don't be selfish. All right. Rollin' on in. 51 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,478 This is one of the more ridiculous things we have ever done, dude. 52 00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:09,545 I will tell you what is ridiculous... Taking advantage of the mother of God. 53 00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:12,420 Are you kidding me? That is a water stain, man. 54 00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:15,325 We are really pushing our luck with the big guy upstairs on this one. 55 00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:19,229 Dude, if you don't think you're going to hell, you need to take a long look at yourself. 56 00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:21,392 - Go look at yourself, bro. - Okay, I'll do that. 57 00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:24,129 - Yeah, do it. - Dee Reynolds? 58 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:27,901 Oh, wow. It is you. Matthew Mara. 59 00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:31,740 We were in physical therapy together twice a week after school. 60 00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:34,780 I was the only other person in physical therapy with you. 61 00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:38,044 - Huh. - I wore the giant leg braces. 62 00:03:38,117 --> 00:03:41,143 - Oh, my God. Yeah, with the leg braces. - Yeah. 63 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:45,282 - Wow. You look different. - Yeah, so do you. No more back brace, I see. 64 00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,724 - You look wonderful. Yeah. - Oh. 65 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,989 - Matty Mara? - Hello, Mac. 66 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:53,089 I knew it! I called it from across the bar, even without the cripple braces. 67 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:57,296 - So, what? You're a priest now? - Wow! Look at you. Little Matty Mara all grown up, huh? 68 00:03:57,370 --> 00:04:00,999 - Hey, Dennis, little Matty Mara's here. - Hey-oh! 69 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,065 Hey, you come to witness the miracle for yourself? 70 00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:06,771 Miracle's a strong word, Mac. We don't just throw that around like a football. 71 00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:10,407 - Well, you should. - Well, I just came out of curiosity. 72 00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:13,475 See what you had at this bar of yours. 73 00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:16,386 - You have to admit it's her, dude. - Well, it's quite a likeness. 74 00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:19,050 - Yeah. You think it's a sign? - No, it's a stain. 75 00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:21,855 But, uh, it's an interesting stain. I'll give you that. 76 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,192 - Hey, Matty. - Hello, Dennis. How are you? 77 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,198 I've been better. I've been better. 78 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,793 Let me ask you a question, man. I know it's been years since we've seen each other... 79 00:04:29,869 --> 00:04:31,928 but does my face look fat to you? 80 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:35,304 Well, we've all put on a few pounds since high school, so... 81 00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:37,639 Of course. Of course. But I don't look fat though, right? 82 00:04:37,710 --> 00:04:40,008 Um, no. 83 00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:42,377 - What did we call you in high school? - Rickety Cricket, dude! 84 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:45,713 That's right. Rickety Crickety Legs. 85 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,980 Yeah, his legs were... 86 00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:51,854 - Yeah. Yeah. - Hey, remember how you would pass out at parties... 87 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:54,688 - and Dennis would tea-bag you? - Yeah, then I would take the photo. 88 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:59,460 We'd pass it around the school. Everybody loved those photos, Matty. 89 00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:02,194 - Hey, you still get balls-to-the-chin cracks? - No. 90 00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:04,498 Actually, that was a long time ago. 91 00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:06,800 - It would be funnier as a priest. - Oh, my God. Those... 92 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:09,034 - Those were hilarious. - You don't understand how much everybody loved those. 93 00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:11,906 - My balls on your chin. - Everybody loved you, man. 94 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,503 I think people still have copies. There's a lot floating around. 95 00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:18,038 - I saw them on the Internet! - You were, like, famous in school. 96 00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:21,382 - Yeah, practically. I got a whole shoe box of those things. - That's partially our doing. 97 00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:25,049 - Well, let's... let's... I should get going, so, um... - Okay. 98 00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:27,058 Hey, hey. Check it out though. 99 00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:31,324 Um, why did you pause before you said "no" earlier? 100 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,490 I'm sorry? 101 00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:36,865 Well, earlier when I asked you if my face looked fat, you kind of paused. 102 00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,700 I'm not sure. 103 00:05:39,772 --> 00:05:42,434 Uh, listen, Dee, it was great seeing you again. 104 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:45,841 - Oh, yeah. You too. - Gentlemen. 105 00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:48,380 - Cricket. - Later, Cricks. - See you, Rickety Crickety. 106 00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,382 - I love that guy. - How do you know the priest? 107 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:53,283 - Went to high school with him. - We should get him to bless the stain. 108 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,548 - Why? - This could be huge, Charlie. 109 00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:58,215 I mean, endorsement from the Catholic Church. 110 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,124 No. No. See, you guys are taking this thing way too far. 111 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,424 You know what I'm gonna do? Wash my hands of it. 112 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:05,760 Washing my hands of the whole situation, Lord. 113 00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:08,460 He will smite you all. God will smite you all! 114 00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:12,231 Okay, uh, we should do it soon though because the pipe might leak a little more. 115 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:15,297 The stain could fade. You think this priest would help you guys? 116 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,400 - I think Dee could get him to do it. - Yeah. 117 00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:19,809 - What? Why me? - Oh, "Why me?" she says. 118 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,609 The guy was in love with her. He would do anything for her. 119 00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:25,378 - No. - All right. Remember the time you said you'd kiss him... 120 00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,385 - if he ate a horse turd? - He ate the whole turd. 121 00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:30,354 The guy eats the whole thing. Then she doesn't kiss him 'cause... 122 00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:32,721 His breath smelled like shit. 123 00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:35,727 - That's my girl. - It didn't really happen like that. 124 00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:38,263 No. He ate the whole turd, and then she wouldn't kiss him. 125 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:41,789 - Hey, come on. This would be really good for the bar. - No. Screw you guys. No way. 126 00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:46,134 - That's a bad attitude. - The priest may not do it because she's getting old. 127 00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:48,469 - Oh! Yeah. - What is that? 128 00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:50,907 - Your skin's all blotchy. - No, it's not. 129 00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:53,639 - He's not gonna do it. You got the crow's-feet. - Crow's-feet. 130 00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:56,079 - No, I don't. - You're getting the lines there. 131 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,083 Mmm. Five head. Laugh lines. 132 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,915 You know what? You guys are such assholes. 133 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,148 I'm gonna see what I can do. 134 00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:09,192 Take care. Bye. 135 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,492 Matthew, hi. 136 00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:14,863 Dee. Wow. What a nice surprise. What brings you here? 137 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:20,133 Well, the guys and I kind of needed somebody to come and bless that stain in our bar. 138 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,639 - Are you serious? - Mm-hmm. 139 00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:27,110 Dee, I'm not gonna bless a water stain. 140 00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,273 We don't do things like that. The Catholic Church... 141 00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:31,282 Oh, no, no, no. I know not them. 142 00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:33,318 I was hoping you could do me a favor. 143 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:38,220 I realize you were able to get me to do things for you in school, but... 144 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:43,422 Oh, you know what? I did. I kind of led you on a little bit back then, didn't I? 145 00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:46,021 But I wasn't always a tease, you know? 146 00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:48,498 Remember? I let you do all my math homework. 147 00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:51,366 Not sure I follow your logic. 148 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:54,031 Well, what about that time we almost kissed? 149 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:56,734 You made me eat a... 150 00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,743 Look, I'm not blessing the stain, okay? 151 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:01,644 - Oh, no. Hold on a second. - I mean, the taste of that thing alone... 152 00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:03,648 - No, I can't imagine. - It haunts me. 153 00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:06,549 Of course it does. I'm sorry, okay? Forget... 154 00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:09,247 Forget I came by about the stain. I don't care about that anymore. 155 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:13,884 I just... I know you really liked me back then, and I know I wasn't very nice to you. 156 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,487 And I think that's just because I was too stupid to realize how wonderful you are. 157 00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:19,531 I'm sorry. 158 00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:24,036 And for the record, I think that you grew up to be very handsome. 159 00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:27,698 You do realize you're leading me on right now? I'm a priest. 160 00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:30,207 - Am I? Oh, I didn't even know. - Yeah. 161 00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:34,041 But if you wanted to grab a drink sometime... 162 00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:36,604 - You're still doing it. - Oh, my God. I don't... 163 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:39,708 Wow, I... I think it's just 'cause you look so handsome in... 164 00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:41,514 - Please leave. - Okay, I'm gonna go now. 165 00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,214 - Thank you. It would be best. - All right. 166 00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,587 - God bless. - Yeah. 167 00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:51,889 Would you care to make a donation in the name of Paddy's Pub to the Blessed Mother? 168 00:08:51,964 --> 00:08:55,127 - Mm-mmm. - Charlie, this needs to stop. If you guys don't do it... 169 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:58,102 - I'm gonna do it myself. - You're telling me. I'm sick of doing this. 170 00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:01,731 - God is going to show his wrath, Charlie. - Excuse me. 171 00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:05,903 Are you the young man to whom the Holy Mother first appear? 172 00:09:05,978 --> 00:09:08,538 - Yeah. - Could you bless me, please? 173 00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:11,777 - You want me to bless you? - Please, senor. 174 00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:15,719 Uh, yeah, sure, I guess. 175 00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:19,485 - In the name of the Father, the Son, Holy Spirit. Amen. - Right hand. 176 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:23,461 - Gracias. - You're welcome. 177 00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:25,463 Did you see that, dude? 178 00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:27,465 I just blessed that woman. 179 00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:30,559 I may have saved that poor, wretched old person's life. 180 00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,627 Well, I don't know about that, but, uh... 181 00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:34,639 This could be my calling, Charlie. 182 00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:37,335 What happened to all that God's wrath business, and this has to end... 183 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:41,141 Yeah, I know. Don't worry about that, dude. I think this could actually be a good thing. 184 00:09:41,213 --> 00:09:43,579 - We could change the world. - Okay, okay. All right. 185 00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:47,107 New plan, all right? Let's go around, let's bless people. 186 00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:50,417 Well, actually, I should bless people though, but you could be my right-hand man. 187 00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:52,855 - You could be my Peter. - Oh. 188 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,859 Okay, I'll be your Peter. 189 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,987 - Dress a little nicer though, 'cause you look like shit. 190 00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:00,897 Hey. How'd it go with the priest? 191 00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:03,902 - Not gonna happen. - Did you put the moves on him? 192 00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:06,803 First of all, gross. I don't think you're supposed to whore out your kids. 193 00:10:06,872 --> 00:10:09,067 Second of all, that guy is a really good person... 194 00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:11,075 and I've treated him like shit his whole life. 195 00:10:11,143 --> 00:10:14,112 - For once I'm gonna do the right thing. - He thinks you're too old, huh? 196 00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,546 Goddamn it. Why do I speak to you, ever? 197 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:20,950 - Hello. - Oh, wow. 198 00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:22,612 What is wrong with you? 199 00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:26,180 Oh, well, I've been fasting for three days, so I probably look good. 200 00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:30,058 - You haven't eaten anything for three days? - And I feel great. 201 00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,858 Why the hell are you fasting? 202 00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:35,833 I thought I would get in the spirit of the religious aspect of what we got going. 203 00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:38,301 - It's 'cause we said his face looks fat. - It is not. 204 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,464 - People have been fasting for thousands of years... - Face looks fat. 205 00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:43,975 - For health and religious purposes. Moses... - Fat face. 206 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:47,342 - Jesus and Moses in the woods and in the desert... - Pretty fat, right? Fat. 207 00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,973 - Please listen to me. Please. - Forget it. 208 00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:53,018 - Yeah. - All right? The priest thinks Dee's too old for him. 209 00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:56,919 We gotta go to plan "B." I know another guy who could help us. 210 00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:03,695 Father O'Grady? Uh... 211 00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,856 I'm Frank Reynolds. I was in your parish. 212 00:11:05,931 --> 00:11:09,367 - What do you want? - We came to talk to you about a stain. 213 00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:13,565 No! Uh, wait a second. We just wanna have a few words with you. 214 00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:16,938 We found a stain in our bar that resembles the Virgin Mary. 215 00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:19,876 - Cats are brown now. - What? 216 00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:23,244 The cats are brown. 217 00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:25,408 What in the hell is he talking about? 218 00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:28,942 This guy's perfect. Let's go clean him up. 219 00:11:41,132 --> 00:11:43,464 What are you doing? 220 00:11:47,438 --> 00:11:50,271 - What is that? - What? It's like... 221 00:11:50,341 --> 00:11:52,502 - Why are you dressed like this? - Come on. It's perfect. 222 00:11:52,577 --> 00:11:55,341 - Where did you get it? - I have my sources. 223 00:11:55,413 --> 00:11:57,881 I told you to dress nice. We look like salt and pepper shakers. 224 00:11:57,949 --> 00:12:00,417 - Ah, we look good. - All right. Let's just get started. 225 00:12:00,485 --> 00:12:02,783 - Um... - Mmm. 226 00:12:02,854 --> 00:12:04,822 Ah. Uh, excuse me, sir. 227 00:12:04,889 --> 00:12:07,881 - Hello. Uh, would you like a blessing? - From who? 228 00:12:07,959 --> 00:12:11,087 - Well, it was to me that the Virgin Mary first appeared. - Well, I found it. 229 00:12:11,162 --> 00:12:13,596 - What? - Well, I'm just saying I was the one who found it. 230 00:12:13,664 --> 00:12:16,929 Yes, but, uh, I was the one who first recognized it was the Virgin Mary. 231 00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:19,834 - I found it, if you want the truth. - You thought it was a stain. 232 00:12:19,904 --> 00:12:22,702 I'd much prefer a blessing from him. 233 00:12:22,774 --> 00:12:26,540 - Why? - He seems a lot more religious than you. 234 00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:28,841 He is my number two and doesn't really do the same... 235 00:12:28,913 --> 00:12:31,939 - Well, maybe I could just throw you one of... - Don't do it. 236 00:12:32,016 --> 00:12:34,917 Don't do it, Charlie. Don't do it! 237 00:12:37,522 --> 00:12:39,922 - Ha! - Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. 238 00:12:39,991 --> 00:12:43,188 Okay, feel better. You're looking better already to me. 239 00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:47,527 - You are completely betraying me. You're supposed to be my Peter. - You know what, dude? 240 00:12:47,598 --> 00:12:50,965 Hear me out for a second. Now, technically, that stain did appear to me. 241 00:12:51,035 --> 00:12:54,129 Also, I am familiar with carpentry and I don't know who my father is... 242 00:12:54,205 --> 00:12:56,139 so am I the messiah? 243 00:12:56,207 --> 00:12:58,368 I don't know. Could be. I'm not ruling it out. 244 00:12:58,443 --> 00:13:00,877 - The messiah? - I'm just not ruling it out, is all. 245 00:13:00,945 --> 00:13:04,039 - You gotta be kidding me, dude. - Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways. 246 00:13:04,115 --> 00:13:06,208 I knew you were gonna ruin this. Goddamn it. 247 00:13:06,284 --> 00:13:08,752 Ooh. I really wish you wouldn't take my name in vain. 248 00:13:13,825 --> 00:13:18,228 How are we gonna get this guy to bless anything? He's out ofhis mind. 249 00:13:19,597 --> 00:13:21,929 Well, I'm hoping it's mostly the booze talking. 250 00:13:21,999 --> 00:13:24,263 Let's find some coffee. We can sober him up. 251 00:13:26,170 --> 00:13:29,139 - Did you hear me? - Hmm? 252 00:13:29,207 --> 00:13:31,675 Dennis, I think you really gotta eat. 253 00:13:31,742 --> 00:13:34,404 No, I just spaced out for a second. What's up? 254 00:13:34,479 --> 00:13:36,947 - Find some coffee. We don't have a ton of time. - Yeah. 255 00:13:38,683 --> 00:13:41,948 Here's a confession. I'm in love with a man. 256 00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:44,954 What? 257 00:13:45,022 --> 00:13:47,081 I'm in love with a man... 258 00:13:47,158 --> 00:13:49,991 a man called God. 259 00:13:50,061 --> 00:13:54,020 Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? 260 00:13:54,098 --> 00:13:56,726 - You betcha. - Can I talk to you, please? 261 00:13:56,801 --> 00:13:58,792 - Speaketh. - In private. 262 00:13:58,870 --> 00:14:01,964 Okay. 263 00:14:02,039 --> 00:14:04,303 Well, congratulations, Jim Jones. 264 00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:07,401 You found the four people on the planet dumb enough to listen to your shit. 265 00:14:07,478 --> 00:14:09,708 Oh, forgive him, Lord, for he know not what he say. 266 00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:12,715 Give it a rest. You're not the messiah. You don't know dick about the Bible. 267 00:14:12,783 --> 00:14:15,308 You know, it really sounds like somebody in this room is jealous. 268 00:14:15,386 --> 00:14:17,718 Because it's bullshit! I'm the one that wanted to become a priest... 269 00:14:17,788 --> 00:14:20,814 I'm the one that knew it was Mary, I'm the one that should have followers. 270 00:14:20,892 --> 00:14:23,486 - Sorry, bro. You suck at it. - You wanna have a little competition? 271 00:14:23,561 --> 00:14:26,530 - Like what? - Let's go toe-to-toe on the Bible, bitch. 272 00:14:26,597 --> 00:14:30,693 Ask and ye shall receive, sucker. 273 00:14:33,671 --> 00:14:39,507 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 10 years since my last confession. 274 00:14:41,579 --> 00:14:45,640 In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, what's on your mind, my dear? 275 00:14:45,716 --> 00:14:48,150 I'm in love with a man that I can't have, Father. 276 00:14:48,219 --> 00:14:51,882 And he used to love me too, but then I was really mean to him... 277 00:14:51,956 --> 00:14:54,220 and now we'll never know what could have been. 278 00:14:54,292 --> 00:14:56,886 Well, it's too late now. 279 00:14:56,961 --> 00:14:59,521 He's made a commitment that can never be broken. 280 00:14:59,597 --> 00:15:03,829 Let's drop this act, Matty. Listen, I think I have really strong feelings for you. 281 00:15:03,901 --> 00:15:05,892 Dee, please don't do this. 282 00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:08,404 You know what? It just seems like some kind of cruel joke. 283 00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:11,270 I mean, you wanted me once, and now that you can have me... 284 00:15:11,342 --> 00:15:17,008 And, oh, Matty, I mean you could really, really have me. 285 00:15:17,081 --> 00:15:19,072 You don't want it anymore? 286 00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:21,846 Well, God has a plan for everybody. 287 00:15:21,919 --> 00:15:24,444 - Well, that seems dumb. - Well, it's not. It's God's plan. 288 00:15:24,522 --> 00:15:27,685 - Yeah, well, God's plan sucks this time. You know why? - Mmm. 289 00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:29,988 - 'Cause I think I love you, Matthew. - Don't say that, Dee. 290 00:15:30,061 --> 00:15:32,427 I have to say it, and I'm gonna tell you why. 291 00:15:32,496 --> 00:15:36,159 Because if I don't say it, I'm gonna regret it for the rest of my life. 292 00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:39,396 Okay, maybe that's not "God's plan" or whatever. I don't care. 293 00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:41,597 I want you to know something. I love you. 294 00:15:41,672 --> 00:15:46,939 And I... I could be your wife, and I could spend the rest of my days making you happy. 295 00:15:47,011 --> 00:15:50,640 - Dee? - Yes. It's me. 296 00:15:50,715 --> 00:15:53,878 - I know it's you. Just please, please leave. - No, listen. Wait, wait, wait. 297 00:15:53,951 --> 00:15:56,249 I don't know what God wants for us, all right? 298 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,481 But I do know God brought you into our bar... 299 00:15:58,556 --> 00:16:01,719 and maybe that was just so I could say I'm sorry, but that sounds stupid. 300 00:16:01,792 --> 00:16:04,761 I don't think that's why. That's not big enough. He works bigger than that. 301 00:16:04,829 --> 00:16:08,230 Maybe his plan is for us to be together because he did have you come to our bar. Matty? 302 00:16:08,299 --> 00:16:10,631 - What? - Open the door. 303 00:16:10,701 --> 00:16:12,635 - No. - Matty, open the door. 304 00:16:12,703 --> 00:16:14,637 I love you. 305 00:16:14,705 --> 00:16:16,639 - I know that. - Okay. 306 00:16:16,707 --> 00:16:19,198 - Say seven Hail Marys. - Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 307 00:16:19,276 --> 00:16:21,676 I love you. 308 00:16:23,881 --> 00:16:27,840 "When the Lord saw that he had gone over to look at the burning bush... 309 00:16:27,918 --> 00:16:29,852 "God called from within. 310 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:33,686 'Moses, come no closer! Remove your sandals, for"'... 311 00:16:33,758 --> 00:16:38,092 Uh, let's stop there. Why is God asking Moses to remove his sandals? 312 00:16:38,162 --> 00:16:42,758 Well, you didn't let me finish, dude. It's because Moses is about to walk on holy ground. 313 00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:45,301 - No, actually, it's not. - Yes, it is. That's the next line. 314 00:16:45,369 --> 00:16:50,068 "Remove your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." 315 00:16:50,141 --> 00:16:52,132 But what's in between the lines? 316 00:16:52,209 --> 00:16:56,202 What's in between the lines is that he has to take off his damn sandals... 317 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,714 because it's sacred ground. 318 00:16:58,783 --> 00:17:01,251 No! Sacred ground? Sacred ground? 319 00:17:01,318 --> 00:17:04,344 God doesn't worship the ground. God made the ground. 320 00:17:04,422 --> 00:17:08,950 And Moses is about to step near a burning bush. That is gonna be hot. 321 00:17:09,026 --> 00:17:11,085 God doesn't think Moses is gonna do it. 322 00:17:11,162 --> 00:17:13,722 "Hey, Moses, kick your shoes off. 323 00:17:13,798 --> 00:17:16,665 Come on. Walk around a burning bush"? 324 00:17:16,734 --> 00:17:21,034 You know, that's like asking me to take my shoes off and stand on a hot plate. 325 00:17:21,105 --> 00:17:24,506 I'm not gonna do it... unless God asks me to. 326 00:17:24,575 --> 00:17:26,634 And then I am, just like Moses. 327 00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:28,645 Why? What's gonna happen to Moses? 328 00:17:28,713 --> 00:17:30,840 His feet aren't gonna get burned. 329 00:17:30,915 --> 00:17:35,215 No. God is gonna reward him with some sweet-ass shoes. 330 00:17:35,286 --> 00:17:39,313 It's like, "Oh. Oh. You risk your feet, you get some shoes." 331 00:17:41,092 --> 00:17:44,118 That's the way God works, 'cause God loves us. 332 00:17:44,195 --> 00:17:47,858 Trust in God, he'll give you shoes. 333 00:17:47,932 --> 00:17:50,924 Are you kidding me? 334 00:17:51,001 --> 00:17:52,935 You're buying this crap? You... 335 00:17:53,003 --> 00:17:55,028 All right. Here we go. 336 00:17:55,172 --> 00:17:58,699 - Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot. - What are you doing? Who's this? 337 00:17:58,776 --> 00:18:00,710 This crazy, drunk priest... 338 00:18:00,778 --> 00:18:02,712 Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no. 339 00:18:02,780 --> 00:18:05,271 - You get a drink after you bless the stain. - Shh! 340 00:18:05,349 --> 00:18:09,115 Ooh, cats! And they're brown! 341 00:18:09,186 --> 00:18:11,780 Oh, this guy is great. Hey, you think he'll bless me? 342 00:18:11,856 --> 00:18:14,347 - Love to. - Great. Hey! 343 00:18:14,425 --> 00:18:16,655 It's okay, Frank. Hey, everybody, gather round. 344 00:18:16,727 --> 00:18:20,163 This priest here is going to bless me. 345 00:18:20,231 --> 00:18:25,635 Then after he's finished, I will honor each and every one of you with a blessing of your own. 346 00:18:25,703 --> 00:18:28,831 You can take that with you. Okay, Father. Anytime you're ready. 347 00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:34,473 The Father, Son and Holy Spirit. 348 00:18:34,545 --> 00:18:36,877 What is wrong with you, old man? 349 00:18:36,947 --> 00:18:39,313 - Why would you bring somebody like this into the bar? 350 00:18:39,383 --> 00:18:42,079 Charlie, get the camcorder. The father's gonna bless the stain. 351 00:18:42,153 --> 00:18:44,018 Right foot, left foot. There we go. 352 00:18:44,088 --> 00:18:48,821 - Dee. Dee. - Whoa. You are not lookin' good, huh? 353 00:18:48,893 --> 00:18:51,088 Truth, truth. Face fat? 354 00:18:51,162 --> 00:18:53,426 No, you idiot. Your face is fine. 355 00:18:53,497 --> 00:18:55,488 I just got mad that you called mine blotchy. 356 00:18:56,634 --> 00:18:58,966 - Oh. Why-Why-Why... - What? 357 00:18:59,036 --> 00:19:02,904 - Why you do that? - Oh, um, because you're a bad person. 358 00:19:02,973 --> 00:19:05,441 - Charlie, you got the camcorder? - Oh, yeah, yeah, I got it. 359 00:19:05,509 --> 00:19:09,377 - Oh, Mac, Mac. This endorsement's gonna put me over the top. - Go to hell, Charlie. 360 00:19:09,446 --> 00:19:12,006 Oh, these people are gonna be eating out of my divine hands. 361 00:19:12,082 --> 00:19:16,109 - These people are gonna catch on to your shit. - Are they really? Hello. 362 00:19:19,957 --> 00:19:22,949 No! No, get away from there! 363 00:19:23,027 --> 00:19:25,860 - Get him away! - Get... Back off. Oh. 364 00:19:25,930 --> 00:19:28,421 - What did you do, you shithead? You ruined it! - Yeah. 365 00:19:28,499 --> 00:19:30,592 Oh! It's gone! 366 00:19:30,668 --> 00:19:32,932 - Uh, no, actually, it's not gone. - It's gone! 367 00:19:33,003 --> 00:19:36,097 - The Virgin Mary has left us! - No, she hasn't left us! 368 00:19:36,173 --> 00:19:41,577 - You can see the outline. - She abandoned us 'cause we listen to a false prophet! 369 00:19:41,645 --> 00:19:44,239 - No! False pro... - False prophet. 370 00:19:44,315 --> 00:19:47,216 - That's what you are, a false prophet. - Where are you going? 371 00:19:47,284 --> 00:19:49,548 - Looks like your followers are leaving you. - No! 372 00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:52,054 Don't go. She'll come back. 373 00:19:52,122 --> 00:19:54,056 She'll come back. 374 00:19:54,124 --> 00:19:57,184 - Dee. - Matthew? What are you doing here? 375 00:19:57,261 --> 00:20:00,389 I thought about what you said, and I think you're right. 376 00:20:00,464 --> 00:20:04,560 I mean, in some weird way, this was God's plan for us. 377 00:20:04,635 --> 00:20:07,399 I mean, I had to become a priest to reconnect with you... 378 00:20:07,471 --> 00:20:11,999 - and I had to leave the priesthood to have you. - Huh? 379 00:20:12,076 --> 00:20:14,601 Mr. Reynolds, I'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. 380 00:20:14,678 --> 00:20:16,669 - Done. - Okay, hold on one second. 381 00:20:16,747 --> 00:20:20,581 - Bless you. - Hold on. Did you just say that you left the priesthood? 382 00:20:20,651 --> 00:20:22,812 Yes! Yes, I had to. 383 00:20:22,887 --> 00:20:26,152 - Matty, wow. You should not have done that. - What do you mean? 384 00:20:26,223 --> 00:20:30,091 You gotta... You should go and undo that right now. 385 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,027 - Uh, but you said... - Yeah, I know what I said. 386 00:20:33,097 --> 00:20:36,624 There were a lot of things, and I meant all of them. I did. 387 00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:40,192 But the thing is, I didn't know you were actually gonna leave the Church... 388 00:20:40,271 --> 00:20:45,106 which is why I felt safe saying those things in the first place. 389 00:20:45,175 --> 00:20:48,804 So wait. Wait. So... 390 00:20:48,879 --> 00:20:50,870 S-So you don't love me? 391 00:20:50,948 --> 00:20:55,817 Oh, Matty. I think you are a great guy. 392 00:20:55,886 --> 00:20:57,820 Ooh. 393 00:20:58,889 --> 00:21:00,823 - My life is r... My life is ruined. - No. 394 00:21:00,891 --> 00:21:02,654 - It's... Yes, it's ruined. - No. It's not. 395 00:21:02,726 --> 00:21:06,719 What about this? Why don't you go back to the priesthood? 396 00:21:06,797 --> 00:21:10,198 I can't, okay? L-I... I can't. 397 00:21:10,267 --> 00:21:13,964 You can't just go back, Dee. "Yeah, I wanna become a priest again." You can't. 398 00:21:14,038 --> 00:21:17,166 - Okay? - But are you sure? Did you double-check that? 399 00:21:17,241 --> 00:21:20,733 - Oh, my life is ruined. - Hmm. So... 400 00:21:20,811 --> 00:21:23,974 I'm the bad person, huh? 401 00:21:29,219 --> 00:21:31,779 - That's what you get for not eating. - Hey, Cricket! 402 00:21:31,855 --> 00:21:34,187 You know what would make you feel better? 403 00:21:34,258 --> 00:21:37,819 - What could possibly make me feel better? - You wanna tea-bag Dennis? 404 00:21:43,901 --> 00:21:45,835 - I'll get the camera! - Yeah! 405 00:21:45,903 --> 00:21:47,700 - Polaroid, Polaroid, Polaroid. - Whoo! 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 36722

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