All language subtitles for Home Improvement -Season 8- E21

Hey, guys. Got the hot rod outside.
Want to go for a ride?

We'll scare some student drivers, huh?

No, that's okay. Go ahead.

No! Student drivers!
Get up behind them.

What's the matter?

Tell him, Harry.

I can't.

I mean, look at that face.
Poor guy's got no clue.

I've never had a clue.

Come on, guys. What's going on?

Harry's selling the hardware store.

Oh, quick! Get a chair!

Sorry. Where was I?

I thought for a minute I heard you say
you were selling the hardware store.

He is. I've been totally useless
ever since I heard the news.

And for 40 years before that.

Harry, why all of a sudden?

Dolores.

Her asthma's acting up again?

Oh, yeah. She wants to move
to a warmer climate.

Yeah. They're moving to Tucson.
That's in Arizona.

Tucson is Plan A.
Plan B is we stop at a gas station,

she goes in to powder her nose,
and I burn rubber for Vegas.

You can't just leave your wife
in the middle of nowhere.

If we're meant to be together,
she'll find me.

Wait, wait, wait.
You own 20% of the hardware store.

- Why don't you just buy the rest of it?
- I wish.

But I don't have that kind of money.

Unless you want to give me a raise.

I don't think so.

- Well, you got a rich girlfriend.
- Trudy!

I can't ask Trudy. I mean, if I let her
buy the hardware store for me,

I'd feel like I was taking money
for sexual favors.

Wow, I didn't realize Harry's retirement

could send you spiraling
into a life of prostitution.

- Can I speak to you privately?
- Yeah.

This could be a great opportunity.
Listen to me. You could buy the place.

- Get a bank loan. I'll co-sign for you.
- It's not just the money.

There's a lot of things
going on in my life right now.

Like what?
Promoted to head bingo caller?

I wish!

No. The fact is that Trudy and I
are getting pretty serious.

And there might be some
major expenses coming up in my life.

Don't tell anyone! You know, even Jill.

But I'm thinking of making her
the next Mrs. Borland.

You want her to be your mother?

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It's good news.
It's good news.

But now we really gotta find
a buyer for this place.

And I will do whatever it takes.

Harry, have you had anybody put
a bid in on it or anything like that?

Yeah. A nail salon.

A nail salon? This is the work of Satan.

I can't believe it! Our store is being
turned over to a bunch of women

who sit on their cans and yak all day!

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Why do you have a brochure
for a motel in Florida?

'Cause a bunch of kids and I
are going down there for spring break.

It's gonna be a week with no parents,
no chaperones

and no tops in the Jacuzzi.

And how did you get Mom and Dad
to agree to this?

Well, that's one detail
I haven't quite figured out.

But I've got a plan.

Hi, guys. How's it going?

You know, it's interesting
you should ask, Mom.

While many young Americans are busy

frittering away their lives
with sex and drugs,

I have remained dedicated
to my studies and athletic pursuits.

You're not going to Florida
on spring break.

How does she know these things?

Your travel agent called.

Oh, man!

Guess what?
Harry is selling the hardware store.

We're gonna save a lot of money.

Hey, now I can actually go to college.

Oh, come on! Harry's always
threatening to sell the store.

This time it's for real.
Dolores's asthma is really acting up

and so they're gonna move to Tucson.

It's in Arizona.

Well, that really is awful.

What's awful is now I have to buy
all my hardware

at one of those big chain stores.

Or you could be happy
with the tools you have.

Fat chance of that.

This is a disturbing trend, though.

This signals the demise
of American small business.

I know. My favorite book store was
bought out by one of those big chains.

Now it's so sterile when you go there.

I used to love to just
be there for hours and browse.

Well, maybe
if you'd bought something,

they wouldn't be going out of business.

Well, there's got to be someone
who'd be interested in taking it over.

Other than you.

Give me one reason why
I shouldn't buy the hardware store.

We have three kids
who have to go to college.

I said one reason.

Come on, Tim. There's gotta be
another buyer out there.

You're a great salesman.
You should be able to find someone.

When we were selling tools,
we used to have these big parties

to soften up potential buyers.

- Did it work?
- You bet! Wild time.

A lot of brown liquor, sexy women.

I just hated those times.

- Tim, this is great!
- Unbelievable! I'm so excited.

All these people are interested
in buying the hardware store!

They all think they're here
for a free meal, all right?

Hey, Rock, what are you drinking?

What am I not drinking?

Hey, Tim. Thank you.
This is really nice.

Usually, when people invite me
over to their house,

it's because they want
to sell me something.

Oh, the weasels. Here.
Let me top that off for you.

Thank you, Tim.

- Dolores, we're really gonna miss you.
- Yes, we are.

I've ignored my asthma for years.

It just keeps getting worse and worse.

Oh, I forgot. Cigar smoke bothers you.

You light that, Harry,
you're sleeping alone tonight.

Hey, your old ball and chain's
looking hot.

- She's a real tomato.
- Yeah.

- I'm a lucky man, Eddie.
- Yeah.

Hey, Jill? Why don't you go flirt
with Eddie a little bit?

Are you insane?

I'm not asking you to do anything.
And your call.

I think it's time for you to tell everybody
why they're here.

All right. Okay, everybody, gather up.
Yeah. All right.

I want to say how happy I am
that you all joined us here tonight.

We are here to celebrate.

- Celebrate what, Tim?
- America!

America, yeah.

Hey, if you're organizing
a secret militia, Timmy, count me in.

No. I'm here to try to save
a small business.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Harry's Hardware is
going out of business.

Oh, no. When did that happen?

I've been taken over by a nail salon

and forced to live
in the desert with my wife.

Oh, no!

And now we'll all have to
buy our hardware

at one of those big faceless chains

instead of a friendly place like Harry's.

I got you.
We're calling our unit "Harry's."

I know where we can get guns.

Now, come on, everybody.

Don't you... We don't want
to lose our hardware store now, do we?

- No!
- That's right. We're not just gonna

stand here and let this happen,
are we?

- No!
- No, we're not!

So, who's gonna step up
and buy this Harry's Hardware?

- Yeah!
- What?

Anybody?

Tim, look, we all love to shop there.

But it just doesn't make sense
to buy the place.

Look, you can't compete
with the large discount stores.

It's a great opportunity.
Harry's has a good location.

He's an institution in this town.

- Then, how come you don't buy it?
- Yeah! How come you don't buy it?

I think The Tool Man is afraid
to put his money where his mouth is!

I am not afraid!

- Then prove it!
- Come on, Timmy.

- Prove it!
- I don't have to prove it. Prove what?

- Prove it! Prove it!
- All right! I'll buy the place!

Yeah!

I think it's great you're
buying the hardware store, Tim.

Hey, congratulations, Jill.

- We gotta talk.
- We're at a party. Not now.

We have talked about this already.

There's no way
that you can buy a business.

We don't know that.

I don't even know
what I paid for the place.

Harry, what did I pay for the place?

- Eighty thousand dollars.
- Eighty thousand dollars?

The nail salon talked you down to 70.

Oh, yeah.

Honey, we just can't shell out
that kind of money.

Listen, listen, listen.
What if I carried the loan?

That way you don't have to
make a down payment.

You can make monthly payments.

And then if it works out,
you can give me the rest later.

Why didn't you make that deal to me?

All right. I'll offer you the same thing.

I'll pass. But thanks for asking.

See? The way he puts it,
it makes it a win-win situation for us.

Just try it a couple of months.

Then if you want to bail,
I'll sell it to the nail salon.

Look, why don't you guys talk it over

while I feed Harry
something fatty and salty?

- Honey, just...
- Honey, look, even if we can make

the monthly payments, I mean,
you've already got a job.

How are you gonna run a business?

Al. Al's 20% owner.
So, he'd work part-time.

Then I'd work part-time. And...

Marty! Have him work full-time.
He needs a job anyway.

I don't know.
It's still a huge undertaking.

I really want to give it a shot.

It's not for me, it's for every guy
out there with a dream.

I don't think every guy out there has
the same dream, Tim.

This saw's $12 cheaper at Tool Mart.
Why should I buy it here?

- We deliver.
- But I'm already here.

All right, I'll tell you what.
I'll knock off a buck.

A buck? You gotta be kidding!

Look, I got customers waiting,
you know?

If Tool Mart is so much cheaper,
go shop there.

Good idea!

Wait, hold it...
Great sales technique, Marty.

I'm sorry, Tim.
I guess I'm not a very good salesman.

It's not just you. We haven't done any
better with Al and I behind the counter.

I don't know how Harry does it.

I mean, it's impossible
to move merchandise at these prices.

I have a theory.

Let me guess.
Harry had a better selection of donuts.

- Yes. But that's not my point.
- What is your point, Benny?

Well, people had
a long-standing relationship with Harry,

so they were willing to pay more.

Once Harry left, people didn't have to
feel guilty about switching to Tool Mart.

I never thought I'd say this.
Benny's right.

I know I'm right. I bought a faucet
at Tool Mart this morning.

Saved myself a bundle.

I gotta hand it to you, Tim.

I mean, this is the worst investment
you ever could have made.

Way to problem-solve, Marty.

Well, hi-ho, tool Taylors.

Morning, Wilson.

Always nice to see
your face around here.

Well, thank you, Tim.

- What can we do for you, Wilson?
- Well, I stopped by to buy a few things.

- Stuff's a lot cheaper at Tool Mart.
- Marty!

Man, I stink at this!

Oh, I would never shop at Tool Mart.

I'd rather spend a little bit more

and come down and get
personal service from Harry's.

I wish everybody felt
the same way you feel.

Business not going so good?

Well, let's put it this way,
the next time you come in here,

you'll be getting a pedicure
and a bikini wax.

Well, I did get myself a new Speedo.

Wilson, we're not making any money.
What did Harry have that we don't?

Well, people trusted Harry.

He was the kind of guy
who stood behind everything he sold.

He'd do anything for a customer.

- I'm that kind of guy.
- Well, I know that, Tim.

But I'm not sure everybody else does.

Then, Marty, we gotta get the word out.

I know! We can print up flyers!
Then we can get on our bikes

and we can plaster them
all over the neighborhood!

Yippie-yi-yo-ki-yay!

Marty! Yeah!

And then... Wait a minute...
We'll sell lemonade in the driveway!

And put cards in our spokes that
go like this! We'll have big lollipops!

And then we'll have a puppet show

for all the rest of the kids
in the neighborhood!

What the hell's the matter with you?

We did that to prove a point.

That in the wrong hands,
even water is flammable.

That's right. And we'll be right back

after these important
commercial messages.

Hi, I'm Tim Taylor.
You probably know me from Tool Time.

What you probably don't know is

I'm now the proud new owner
of Harry's Hardware.

Tim, aren't you forgetting something?

Yes. And Al is my silent partner.
Show them how that works.

That's very funny. Well, in the past,

Harry's Hardware has been known
for its personal service.

That's true. Every time I shop there,

people drop whatever they're doing
to help me.

Even the ones that don't work there.

Now that service is
going to get even better.

That's right. We're proud to introduce
Harry's new Video Tool Library.

So, come on down to the store
and borrow a video

for any project you might
be working on, absolutely free!

- Did you say free?
- I said free!

And that's not all.

If you have any questions
about any one of the videos,

you can call us at our
24-hour tool line.

That's right. Tim and I bought these
cell phones for the express purpose of

being there for you!

Al and I are standing by 24 hours a day
to attend to all the questions

of our hardware store customers.

Call us anytime, 24 hours a day,
night or day, day or night!

Harry's on call! No problem too small!

No, Mother. This won't conflict with
square-dancing night.

Harry's Hardware!

Harry's on call. No problem too small.
Hold on a second.

Hold on,
there's a great pay-per-view movie on

and Mom's not home. Can we watch it?

Yeah. Go ahead.

- So, what's this one called again?
- Shakespeare in Lust.

Oh, wow! Queen Elizabeth is played
by Busty Bartholomew.

I love her work.

- And after that, call a licensed plumber.
- Hi, guys.

Thanks a lot. Bye.

Tim, are you not monitoring
what they're watching?

There's some woman on
there wearing a leather thong!

Not anymore.

Guys, finish up this scene
and shut this thing off!

What?

Does everybody know what time it is?

- Tool Time!
- Tool Time!

That's right. Binford Tools is proud to
present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!

Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!

Tim? Al? Where are you guys?

At Harry's hot line, we'd recommend
some oil or grease on that.

Well, how'd you get it in there?

Tim!

Mmm.

Looks like somebody's ready
to come over to Daddy.

Actually, I was thinking of going
downstairs to meet the cable guy.

Well, see if you can't get us
some premium channels.

- Okay.
- Come here.

Ignore it.

Just... I gotta do this.

Okay, Harry's hot line.
No problem too small.

Oh, a blocked toilet.
Yeah, yeah, that's very, very hard.

Don't put drain cleaner in there. No!
That's not a good idea.

Well, you're gonna need a snake
or a crowbar to bust that sucker up.

Huh? Yeah.
What the heck you been eating, sir?

Yeah.

- Okay, where were we?
- Nowhere.

What do you mean "nowhere"?

Well, first of all,
that phone call was really disgusting.

Worse for him.

And second of all,
every time we try to get romantic,

one of your customers calls.

I'm trying to run a business.

Well, the business is just
ruining your whole life.

You haven't slept in weeks.

Well, it's working though.
I've been getting

a lot of new customers in the store.

Yeah. But, honey, at what cost?

The more customers you get,
the harder you have to work.

It's affecting your whole life, you know?

Your family, your work,
your health, my sex life.

You're not thinking of calling Eddie,
are you?

No. It's his turn to call me.

I am so tired.

Maybe it was a dumb idea for me
buying this hardware store.

No. It wasn't a dumb idea.

You bought it because
you're just a passionate person.

That's what I love about you.

Yeah, I know. But my passion's starting
to get in the way of our passion.

And I really love this hardware store,

but I don't know if it's worth
giving up everything.

Well, you know,
you don't have to decide tonight.

You can sleep on it
and decide in the morning.

- I don't feel like sleeping.
- Oh, good.

- I feel like waxing the hot rod.
- I don't think so, Tim.

- Good morning, Marty.
- Hey, Tim. Business was great today.

That's good. Pack your things up.
I'm gonna sell to the nail salon.

What are you talking about?
You mean I don't have a job anymore?

Depends how good you are
with an emery board.

- Hey, Tim.
- Hey, Jeff.

- Hey.
- What are you doing here?

Oh, I just came in
to get some keys made

and Marty asked me to
take a look at the books.

Don't bother, Jeff.
I'll tell you the ending.

He's shutting down Harry's.

Really? Gee. Last week was the store's
best grossing week of the year.

It was?

I think this calls for a celebration.
Free keys.

Well, take all the keys you want.
I'm still gonna sell the shop.

Oh, come on! Why?

Because I don't want my wife
dating Eddie!

That's not a problem.
Eddie's dating somebody else's wife.

Marty, I'm just not getting any sleep.
I'm working too much here.

Twenty-four-hour hot line's
pretty exhausting, huh?

Oh, by the way, thanks
for talking me through that toilet clog.

I can't believe the dream is over.

- It doesn't have to be.
- How's that?

Look, you've already got
people coming in the store.

They know who you are. Maybe
you can cut back on the hot line hours.

Even if I cut back on the hot line hours,

it's just, the workload's
too much for me to handle.

Well, I might be interested in
coming in as a partner.

Yeah. You know, I think I could spend
a few hours in the store every week.

- You?
- Yeah. Of course.

I think this is a good investment.

There's a kiss of death.

Well, thank you for that.

I've saved a few bucks. And, you know,

when Marty here gets back on his feet
in 20 or 30 years,

maybe he'll want to come in, too.

- What do you think?
- Wait, wait.

You're serious about this?

- Yeah.
- Yes, it is. This might be the first time

we've ever done something together
that was productive.

No. No. Remember that time we dug
that really giant hole in the back yard?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I was so excited

that my big brothers were letting me
hang out with them finally.

I found out we were digging
that hole so you could stick me in it.

Just think what we could do with a
whole store full of shovels.

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Sure.

I ain't gonna fall for that one anymore.

You're gonna have to
find somebody else.

What are you looking at?

Somebody else.

For the millionth time,

you are not going to Florida
on spring break.

But, Mom, will you hear me out?

All right. A lot of the parents shared
your concerns, all right?

Now we have five chaperones going.

The boys are staying in one hotel
and the girls are staying in another.

We're gonna be supervised
24 hours a day.

And I promise,
we can't go anywhere alone.

So, why do you want to go?

I don't think I do anymore.

We did that to... We just did that.

Four, three...

- Absolutely free!
- Did you say free?

Oh, yes, I did!

Listen, I know, we can print up some...

Yeah. They're moving to Arizona.

- That's in Tucson, you know?
- I know.

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