Original subtitles

(cuban light jazz music)

(tango music)

- Hey Eddie I want to tell you guys...

- Shh.

You'll spoil the moment.

- Okay (sighs)

- What did you want to say?

- I've forgotten.

Mr. GQ where's your tie?

- Oh man, I left it in the car.

I'll put it on before I take pictures.

- Right.

(tango music)

- Hi, I'm Jennifer.

- Hi, I'm Ezzeimika but you can call me Eze for short.

- You're here for an injunction?

- No my roommate is in there getting married.

- Marriage?

- Yes.

- You know, 40% of all first marriages end in divorce.

60% of all second marriages end in divorce.

And 73% of all third marriages end in divorce.

- Okay I did not know that but I'm guessing

you are here for a divorce?

- No, I'm just here to watch these people

sign their lives away to misery.

- Eddie I think this girl is crazy.

- Did you know you men can release 1.2 billion

sperm cells in one single ejaculation.

I mean can you imagine?

1.2 billion sperm cells to one ovary.

It's insane.

I mean you men are like space monsters

shooting out your sperm up throughout the galaxy.

I can't blame you though.

I understand you can't help it.

- Yeah that's crazy.

- That accent, where you from?

- Nigeria.

- Yoruba?

- No, Igbo.

- Oh.

You know I've heard a lot about you Nigerian men.

You ever been with an American woman?

- American woman me?

No, not yet.

- Care for lunch?

- Lunch?

Me and you?

(laughing)

hey I think she's feeling me.

She's into Naija boys.

- Eze that one?

- Yes.

- That is a death trap.

- Death trap.

Can't you see how fine she is.

Besides, something must kill a man.

- Eze, focus and face your front.

- So how bout that lunch?

(Eze laughs)

[Eze] Thank you Lord.

(light harp music)

- Hi Eddie.

- Yeah Omoh we need to talk.

- You don't say.

- Look this is not a time to be sarcastic, okay?

This is really important.

- Fine.

- So we can do lunch, right?

- Yeah I should be back by then.

- Wait, back from where?

- I'm on my way to the shopping mall.

- Wait, What are you going to do there?

- What do you think Eddie?

To get some groceries.

- I mean, If I remember you went there yesterday

and you also went the day before yesterday.

- I forgot some things, okay?

And what's with you anyways?

When did you suddenly become interested in what I do.

I thought I don't exist to you?

- Okay look whatever let's just meet for lunch.

There's the restaurant near the house.

I'll text you the address.

Okay bye-bye.

- Hi c-- oh my god I'm so sorry.

I really thought it was someone else

I'm so sorry.

- Wow.

You guys can't wait till we get home?

(kissing and moaning)

- Guy face your front.

- Anyway congratulations Princess.

See, I knew this day would come.

- Really?

- Anyway, what can I help for with Eze?

- Eze...why are you asking about Eze?

I should be asking you.

- What do you mean?

- Dude, he's your flatmate.

- Yeah but I'm getting married so I don't

see how I'm going to be money treating him Maxwell.

Besides he's not a baby.

- Ugh married people.

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- If your thinking we're gonna get a little bit

(mumble) then yeah.

- When did you start locking your door?

- I didn't.

- Then who did?

- (foreign language)

- Eze what's going on here?

- Nothing.

- Nothing?!

- No.

- What are you doing in my room naked?

- Oh I'm Netflix-ing and chilling.

That's when you..

- I know what it means.

I'm wondering why you're doing it in my room?

- Daddy what are you doing now I'm waiting on you.

Oh I'm sorry this is my fault.

We were doing it his room but his bed is just...

(both) uh-uh

- And your bed is really nice.

Then I was like why don't we just do it in his bed.

And he was like no no no he's not going to like it

- And you are?

- This is my girlfriend.

- Oh I like it when you say girlfriend.

- Ugh I'm so done with this.

- I'm so sorry.

- Princess?!

- Well we might as well finish where we left off.

- You don't have to tell me twice.

(Eze laughing)

- So I'm gonna go straight to the point.

I know I've been acting off lately.

- You haven't been acting up.

You've been acting like a freaking asshole.

- Wow you've been American for two hours and

you're already cussing.

- So what do you want?

I'm guessing this is the part where

you apologize, right?

- No.

Maybe maybe.

Okay, yes.

Look.

I know I been acting up lately.

I know.

But technically you just fell on me from nowhere.

- I didn't fall on you, we were engaged.

- Technically We had an introduction.

- And so?

I waited for you for three good years.

- Look I didn't come here to argue.

I want us to talk like adults.

(heavy breathing)

- Jennifer, I was going to (clang).

I've not finished.

- What did you take?

Are you trying to kill me?

- No, no, no, no, no

my dear right now it's life or death matter.

I'll explain later just come come lets finish please.

- I don't know what you got going on down there,

but I like it.

- Come here.

Come here.

Come to daddy.

- And now you want out?

- I'm not saying that.

All I'm saying is yo let's get to know each other.

And then if we fall in love then so be it.

- And if we don't?

- Do you want to be with somebody that doesn't love you?

Think about it.

- What about your mother?

- Ah My mother, my mother she has to go.

That is why we're here.

She has to go.

- And you need my help?

- Yeah.

If we act like everything is fine, we can just

pretend like just you know...

- So we fake it?

- Why you make it sound so bad?

- Anyways, So what's in it for me?

- What do you want?

- [Eze] What do I want from you?

- Yes, Eze what do you want from me

- I just don't want you to kick me out of your house.

- Eze I'm not kicking you out I'm just asking

you to get your own place.

- What is the difference?

It is the same thing.

But why?

- Because I am married.

Do I even have to tell you this?

- What does being married have to do

with me living with you?

- It say one of the requirements of being

married is that the couple get to live together.

- Okay so what in what you just said now

suggest that I cannot live with you?

- Oh, so you want to live with us?

- Yes, please.

- You know what, Let me just be very clear with you now.

- Okay.

- That's never going to happen.

- Ah.

- I suggest you start to looking for your own place.

- Dadu don't do me like this.

God will help you as you help me, please?

- Perfect timing.

Princess come, come.

- Mom I'm tired can we talk later.

- Princess come I have good news for you.

- What's the good news?

- You wouldn't believe what happened today.

The Addelanas invited us to the house

warming this Friday.

- And I'm supposed to know who they are?

- Princess, the investment bankers.

Top generation Americans.

They also own properties down in Houston.

- And let me guess, they have an eligible bachelor

who's ready to get married.

- Princess, he is doing very well.

Thousands of ladies will be dying to meet him.

Come on what else do you want?

- Mom, this is not 1870 you can't just match make me.

- Obviously I should if you consider that

(mumble) good enough for your status.

Have you lost your mind?

- You know what mom?

You're really something else, really.

- Princess, you will go and you will meet (mumble).

- Oh hi darling!

- Hello.

- How are you today?

- I'm fine, I'm fine.

- How was work?

- I'm tired, I'm really tired.

- Oh I'm so sorry.

I made dinner though.

- Wow hey can't wait for that.

- That's good, that's good.

Welcome daddy.

- Thank you.

- Your welcome.

- Come, come.

So when did all this lovey dovey stuff.

- Mama

- Hmm?

- Today.

- Are you serious?

- Yes he took me out to lunch.

- Okay

- He apologized to me, he asked for my forgiveness,

he says he wants the relationship to work.

- Ah are you serious?

- Yes mama.

- I am very happy, weste weste.

- I am truly happy mama I'm truly excited.

- Just keep it up whatever you are doing

just keep it up.

- Yes mama thank you.

- You're welcome.

(soft piano music)

(Afro electric music)

- Hey babe.

You like what your African man...

- What are you wearing?

- I'm wearing clothes.

- Are we going to a costume party or something?

- No

- Then why are you wearing that?

- Why does a person ask that I wear something

like this that is natural to me?

This is what is natural to me!

I'm a Deboman.

A very proud one at that.

- Okay!

That's fine.

Can we go get food please I'm hungry.

- Yeah let's go.

I'm wearing fine clothes.

I like it.

- It's just a little long or something I don't know.

- We need to talk.

- Mama what is it?

- You think I don't know what you're doing.

- Mama I'm going to work.

- Don't play smart with me.

You think I was born yesterday.

- Okay mama what is it?

- You think I don't know why you're doing this.

It's cause I said I'm going to cut you off right?

- Yes that's exactly why I'm doing it.

You brought the girl here.

You forced her on me and you said that you

would cut me off if I don't love her.

So yeah mama I'm fussing myself to love her.

I don't understand what you're complaining about.

- I did not say that.

- So what are you saying that I should stop liking her?

- I did not say that either.

- Mama when you know what you want me to do,

tell me.

Me, I have to go to work.

- Where's Princess?

- Are you asking me?

- Cause we have to get together as a family.

- Wonderful, since when?

- Tunde, can't you be serious for once.

See this girl is at a very delicate stage of her life.

And then there's more gawking from the two of us.

She will end up badly.

- Lara listen.

She is a medical doctor.

She has morals, dissonance, good judgment.

Oh so you think its the sudden interest in her

that is making her out to follow the right path?

Okay nevermind, I'll go for her.

(knock, knock)

Princess?

Princess?

- Tunde what is the meaning of this?

- It looks like a marriage certificate.

- I can't read.

Princess has just thrown her life away.

- She got married, she was not thrown into prison.

- This is all your fault!

You not challenge attitude toward this issue.

- No, no, no, no, no I won't take that from you.

I won't take this blame.

- Blame?!

Princess has killed me!

Oh my God.

(clears throat)

- I don't have any excuse so I'm just going

to say that I'm sorry.

Okay so this is not a bribe, except of course

you will take a bribe so in that case then

this is a bribe.

- How did you know?

- It's the only thing you order in the cafeteria.

- And you noticed?

(bag rustling)

- So?

- I'm not saying I'm forgiving you,

but it's a good start.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

You know what tell me?

What is this thing that always comes up

every time were supposed to meet?

- Haven't you heard?

- What?

- I'm a celebrity.

- You know what?

I'm not dealing with you.

- Hello.

Okay all right I'll be right there.

Thank you.

- (co-worker) Hey!

- How you doing?

Hey man.

Somebody here to see me?

- You use to be boy what have you done?

What I'm asking you.

- What is going on here?

- Are you the manager around here?

Well you are in trouble cause you

are harboring a criminal.

- Mommy please.

- Don't mommy me.

You married my daughters because of papers.

You will leave this country.

You will leave this country.

- Madam, I'm will have to ask you to leave right now.

- Do you know who I am?

The two of you are finished.

You are finished.

You think you can play fast one on my daughter, eh?

- Where do you know that lunatic woman from?

(Eze jeering and chanting)

- Everyone was just feeling my swan today

he he he hey!

- Look at me.

I don't care, okay?

I don't care!

Just get out of my sight.

- Who do you like this?

Huh.

- So you know your mother is on the other side

of the room and she'll be listening to every

noise we make in this room.

- So?

- I mean, what sort of lovely young couple

comes home from work without going to bed together.

- I'm already in the bed together.

- No silly I don't mean it that way, I mean...

- What does a clap?

- No.

I mean...

- You mean sex?

- Yeah, I mean think about it.

After all that show we put on this afternoon.

She'll expect us to do it.

- Yes, yes yes s-s-so you want us to fake

like we're having sex?

Oh my God, this is genius!

- The real thing might be pretty convincing to me.

But anyways come over here.

- Uh uh come over here.

- Come over here I don't bite.

- Ah you..

- Come over here Eddie your taking too long.

- I have to come here like this.

- Yes put your legs over mmm hmm.

- What now?

- Now grab my waist.

- Ah Omoh.

- Put your hands, grab my waist.

I don't bite come on it's okay.

What does a man do?

What does a man do?

I mean fake like we're having sex.

- Oooh okay.

(moaning)

(mumble)

- If you're not that loud she's not going to believe

that we do our way.

Louder, louder, louder, louder louder!

Hee hee!

Almost, almost you gone get it today.

Ha!

Why you just slap me?

- What are you doing?

(mumbling)

you know scream well now she no go reason

to say that they doing well.

Hey.

(cubana light jazz music)

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