Original subtitles

[dramatic music]

*

- I'm Erik Menendez.

I'm speaking to you from the Donovan Correctional Facility

in California near the Mexican border.

I'm serving a sentence of life in prison

without the possibility of parole.

I've heard many different versions of my life

told in the media,

and those stories are fiction.

I think it's time people hear the truth from my own words

without the restrictions of a courtroom.

From the moment after,

I wanted to go back in time.

I wanted to take everything back that Lyle and I did.

You may think you know my story,

but really, you couldn't possibly,

because I'm telling it to you now for the first time.

*

- Not many Hollywood murder mysteries

ever took a more dramatic turn than police are describing

in a couple of savage Beverly Hills killings.

The victims were a man and his wife.

He helped finance such movie hits as

"Rambo: First Blood Part II" and "Red Heat."

- I've been in this business over 33 years

and I've heard of very few murders

that were more savage than this one was.

- Beverly Hills, you know, it's the jewel

of Los Angeles, you know.

It's where the rich and the famous live.

Violent things don't happen in Beverly Hills.

They just don't.

- I remember that the Menendez case was a real shocker.

- It has everything, two good-looking young men,

what looked like a happy couple,

living the lavish lifestyle

in what appears to be a happy home.

- When the officers arrived at the scene,

they were told by the sons,

Erik and Lyle, there was not a break-in.

The bodies of the victims

had numerous gunshot blasts to 'em.

- To have a gruesome, stunning double murder,

in the middle of Beverly Hills

was in itself something that would draw attention.

And then you find out that the husband was

an entertainment executive.

Once it's an entertainment person,

you know the story's gonna go ballistic.

José and Kitty have been shotgunned to death.

I said, "What?"

- He's the only one that I ever met that I would say,

well, gee, what a surprise.

It's not a surprise.

- What made this intriguing

was the fact that the sons were not suspected.

- Money, wealth, Princeton,

everything American-- America can offer.

- Today at approximately 1:20 pm,

Beverly Hills police detectives arrested

Joseph Lyle Menendez, 22.

- In Los Angeles, two brothers have pleaded innocent.

- I had no options.

- First the Menendez brothers.

- 'Cause we were afraid.

- The Menendez brothers.

- I thought they were gonna kill us.

- They put on the airs

of being this great, happy, together family,

and it was all a façade.

- I mean, these weren't...

druggies and thugs.

I mean, they were just good kids

that did whatever their parents told them to.

- There is no issue as to who killed José

and Mary Louise Menendez.

Why they were killed is

what the focus of all of our evidence will be on.

- He would put me on my knees

and I would have oral sex with him.

- You're telling Lyle what?

- That my dad had been molesting me.

*

- I thought the testimony was compelling.

just as watching Lawrence Olivier act

is very compelling as well.

- We viewed the abuse excuse as a--

as a [bleep] defense.

- In the media, that's all you would hear

is that these two rich boys killed parents for money.

The people who think that

did not sit through the same trial that I did.

- The Menendez trial was classic human drama,

soap opera-ish, but it had everything:

parents, children,

success, pedophilia.

It was an American drama.

[somber music]

*

- I remember my graduation day pretty clearly.

It took place at-- at Beverly Hills High.

My mom was there and my dad was there.

I was really glad to see my brother.

My brother spent most of his time on the East Coast,

so I was really glad whenever he was out in California

and I was able to spend some time with him.

*

I was graduating and I was really excited.

I was one step closer to going off to college,

be able to get away.

[dramatic music]

*

August 20th didn't happen in that moment.

Really, I would say that it began about a week before.

*

I was in the den with dad

and he was going over my college work.

*

He was explaining to me

that I would be living at home

several nights a week.

*

That even though I had a dorm,

all freshman had to live in a dorm,

but really I'd be living at home.

I kept asking him, "What do you mean?"

I thought I would be gone.

And I had this sinking pain,

this sadness.

It was like in that moment

all of the dreams that I had pinned everything on

about escaping home

they just got crushed inside of me.

*

I went back to my room and I didn't know what to do.

I started putting clothes in-- in my bag

and my mom came in and she said, "Where are you going?"

And I said, "I'm just going to a friend's house

for a few days."

And she said, "No, you aren't."

She started taking my clothes from the bag

and--and throwing them out.

*

And then she-- she left.

*

My dad came in a few minutes later

and he--he pushed me up against the window

and he has his-- his arm against my neck

and said, you know, "Do we have a problem?"

And I said--I said, no, and he said,

you know, "You better be here when I get back from my trip."

*

At that point, I just was defeated.

I didn't have the strength to--to argue with him.

I certainly wasn't gonna fight back.

I just felt dead inside.

Emotionally, I was just crumbling.

*

And so I thought about--

I really thought about suicide.

*

I thought about taking my life.

[dramatic music]

*

I remember it was Tuesday that I was coming in the--

the--the front door of the house

and mom and Lyle were coming out of the study

and mom was-- was screaming.

They were in an argument.

and Lyle was saying that he needed it,

that it was important.

And mom, in a rage, said, you know,

you don't need your-- your effing hairpiece,

and he--and she-- she reached up

and she ripped his hair off his head,

and I remember just being stunned

by what just happened.

- I was just really in shock over the whole thing

More of my mother's--

just that she would do that.

I never--that never happened before

and she had had rages before close to me, hitting me.

And he didn't know I had a hairpiece,

and so, you know, my brother and I,

there are things we don't talk about

and that was one of 'em.

I was completely embarrassed in front of my brother.

*

- I told him, you know, not to worry about it,

that he was my brother, that I loved him.

Basically saying, I don't judge you.

That conversation changed our lives.

*

I asked him, "Do you remember, you know, when I was a kid

"and you asked me if anything was happening

between me and dad?"

And I said, "Lyle, it's still happening."

He was like, "What--what do you mean?"

And I just said, "It's still happening,

just sexual things."

*

He got suddenly, like, really upset,

saying, how could I let that happen,

did I enjoy it, why didn't I tell anyone,

and why didn't I stop it.

I was crying and I started to have some--

like a small panic attack.

Then Lyle got nicer and asked me,

you know, it's all right, who else knows.

I said nobody knows.

He asked if mom knows and I said, "No, no,"

and he said, "No, no, I think she does."

*

"I think mom knows."

He said, you know, not to worry about it.

That--that it would never happen again.

*

I just told him that, you know,

dad's not gonna be happy that I'm telling you.

But it was my only hope.

*

The emotion that I felt that night on Thursday night

was of such scariness, of such fear.

The conversation that Lyle had with dad,

it wasn't good.

Dad had--had lit a cigarette and Lyle had told dad

that he knows what has been going on and--

and that it-- that it had to stop.

And dad had basically told him,

you know, stay out of it.

Don't throw your life away.

Dad told him, you know,

"You're gonna go back to Princeton

"and Erik's gonna go to UCLA like planned,

and we're gonna forget this conversation ever took place."

I guess Lyle just exploded on him and said,

"You're gonna keep your hands off my brother,"

and, "You're a sick person who"--

He just did what nobody ever does to my dad.

*

Then dad studied Lyle for a minute

and, like, measured him

and said, you know, "Son, we all make choices in life

"and Erik's made his and you're making yours

and now I have to make mine."

Suddenly there's this pounding

and my dad is yelling for me to open up the door.

He keeps saying, "Open the [bleep] [bleep] door."

*

So I unlock the door and he bursts in

and says, "I warned you never to tell anyone.

What have you done? You've told Lyle."

He said, "Lyle's gonna tell everyone."

I said, "No, he's not."

And he told me to shut up and he charged at me

I pushed him away as he was coming toward me

and scooted out the-- the front side of the bed

and I ran down the stairs.

*

And I ran into the den and my mom is there,

and she said, "What's the matter with you?"

And she was either drinking or something

and was slurring her words.

And I said, "Nothing, nothing. You wouldn't understand."

And she said, "Oh, I understand

a lot more than you think,"

you know, "I know. I've always known."

I just stopped.

I said, "What--what do you mean by that?"

And she said, "What, do you think I'm stupid?"

*

I just screamed, "I hate you.

I hate you."

It became clear to me that--

that dad was not going to let me get away

and that mom had always known,

it kind of just shattered everything.

*

That was the moment I knew that--

that my parents were gonna kill me.

*

- It was a lifetime of stuff

that was going on, and, you know,

this was not a family that was in any way functional.

I mean, every family is dysfunctional in its own sense,

but this was the dysfunctional family

if we could, you know,

put it in the dictionary.

- You know, the argument, why didn't they simply live the--

leave the house, is a very plausible one

and compelling one to the ordinary person

but for the fact they don't--

they haven't lived the Menendezes' life

and they haven't walked in those boys' shoes.

- 18- and 21-year-old boys

are still boys,

and the likelihood that

their ability to think that they could leave

and live independently on their own

was slim to none.

*

- The idea of running away was absolutely impossible,

and I told Lyle that there's no chance.

And I think that that's in part,

when I look back on my life,

because my dad programmed that into my head.

*

Even to this day,

I don't believe I could get away from my dad.

He would have tracked me down.

He would have killed me.

*

We went out to buy guns.

I'm not sure of how practical of a decision it was.

I had not fired a gun before.

I didn't know what I would be able to do with it.

I had never been able to really stand up to dad,

but it was better than doing nothing

in terms of protecting myself.

And we went down to San Diego to get away for the day.

*

We went to a-- I believe it was a Big 5,

and I remember the man at the store was very friendly

and the man asked, you know, what we wanted the guns for,

'cause we asked him for something smaller.

And we told him for self-defense,

someone comes at us and we have a gun.

And he said, "The guns you need for self-defense,"

and he put it down and it was a shotgun.

So we ended up buying the guns right then.

[dramatic music]

*

- Well, the story was

that Mr. Menendez had a big deal that had gone through

and he was gonna go shark fishing.

And this was basically so--

like kind of a primer on shark fishing,

so I could teach him a little about it.

I haven't talked about this since it happened.

*

- I remember the drive down to the marina.

It was complete silence the entire way there.

I swear to God it felt like I was being driven to my grave.

*

I remember seeing the boats

and feeling this dread.

You know, a part of me just wanted to run.

*

The idea of being alone on the ocean

with nobody around,

I was nervous and paranoid

for a good reason.

Everything that mom and dad had told me,

had programmed into my head that I--

that I was in grave danger

if I-- if I ever told Lyle,

all of my life had come true.

- As they came to the boat

and we set sail off the dock,

the boys moved up to the bow of the boat

and the parents basically went down inside the boat

into the back.

It was a weird vibe just all around.

*

- My mom was upset that there were

more people on the boat

than she anticipated.

I guess she had only expected the--the boat captain

to be there.

And I remember thinking,

why should she care?

*

Nothing about that trip made sense,

and in context with everything else that was going on,

the crisis that was happening in the family,

we shouldn't have been out there.

*

I remember a lot of waves,

and the waves would crash over the boat

and the water was cold.

*

- We actually took a wake over the bow

and it got the boys soaked,

and the boys just sat there.

They didn't bother going back to get a towel

or anything to go warm up with.

And they sat out there in the cold breeze basically

almost the--you know, the whole trip.

*

- There was no fishing at all that I remember.

I mean, that was the whole reason we were there,

but there wasn't any fishing going on.

So it was like there was this pretense.

We were there for one reason, but we were there

really for-- for a whole nother reason.

- Basically, the deckhand and I

did everything.

None--none of the four came back.

They really kind of acted like they didn't have--

want to have any part of it.

The family, they were strange almost the whole time.

*

- The boat ride just seemed endless,

and I remember just-- just being up there afraid,

and so I just huddled at the front of the boat.

*

My brother had a lot of questions.

We talked about everything that had been happening.

Why I had gone through this and not--and not told him.

*

I think Lyle felt really horrible

that he had suspected that this was happening

because it had happened to him.

*

And I was trying to convince Lyle

that, you know, there was nothing he could have done,

that this wasn't his fault.

*

To this day, I wonder

what was supposed to happen that night.

*

[dramatic music]

Later that night, my dad was pounding on my door,

telling me to open up the door in my bedroom.

I remember holding the gun sitting on my bed

waiting to see if he was gonna break down the door.

I remember this terror coursing through me

that this was it.

It was all gonna happen now.

You know, for the first time, I was gonna--

I was gonna confront my dad,

not back down,

and so the idea was just paralyzing.

*

In--in my mind, it didn't even matter

that I was holding this gun.

I felt like as soon as dad broke through that door

I was gonna die, but I didn't care,

because I was never gonna let dad come in my room

and do that again.

Eventually he stopped.

[delicate music]

*

Sunday, for me,

was the worst day of-- of all,

the morning of Sunday.

*

The tension had been building

day after day.

I'm not sleeping well. I wasn't thinking clearly.

The--the best idea was for me

to just stay away from the house

and for Lyle to try to talk to mom and dad,

'cause it seemed like

everything was about to explode.

I didn't know what to do.

I remember I drove around

and I just stayed to myself.

I went to Santa Monica.

There's a church there,

the Church of the Good Shepherd,

that I would go sometimes, right,

when I was feeling anxious.

I was really depressed, and I needed--

I needed peace.

*

I remember being parked on the side

of--of PCH sitting on the hood of my car

looking out in the sunset.

*

And it just felt like--

it just felt like the world was ending,

this gloomy despair in my heart.

*

When I got back, it was dark.

I didn't know what was gonna happen.

I went around the side of the house...

*

and Lyle was waiting for me there,

and he was not happy that I was so late.

He wanted to leave immediately.

Everything had gone terribly wrong.

*

Dad wanted us home that night,

and why did they want us home that night?

It seemed like all the pieces were--

were being put together.

It became clear to me

that our parents were gonna kill us.

- The tension must have been crackling in that house

because the-- for the first time ever

José Menendez was looking at the possibility

of being exposed as a serial child abuser

of his own child, no less.

It was preferable for the father

to kill his sons

than to be exposed as a serial predator.

- They were practically told

they signed their own death warrant,

and they did believe it.

- There was no way that that family couldn't explode.

They were imploding.

The tension was building and building and building.

They felt that there was nothing else

that they could do in order to survive.

*

- I was in the foyer.

Lyle was coming out of the den

and my mom was following him

and saying, "You're not going out."

Lyle said--said, "Why?"

And my mom said, you know, "Because I said so."

And--and then my dad came out and he told my mom to shut up.

He looked at Lyle and said, "You're not going out."

He told me to go to my room

and he told me he would be there in a minute,

and then Lyle said...

- "You're not gonna touch my brother,"

and we had a big argument.

I was saying that he wasn't gonna touch Erik.

- Dad, he--he charged at Lyle and he yelled,

you know, "I do what I want with my family.

He's not your little brother, he's my son."

- And told him to go upstairs to his room and wait

while he finished his movie.

My mother said that I ruined...

the family.

Then my dad came out and took her by the arm

and they walked into the den,

and then my dad closed the doors.

I was sure that that was it.

- Lyle was just staring,

and I was beginning to panic.

We had made a big mistake asking to go out.

- I realized that they had been waiting for Erik to get home,

like I had been, and I just freaked out.

I thought they were going ahead with their plan to kill us.

*

- I felt like my heart was going to explode.

It was just pounding, and I felt like--

felt like my life was over right then.

- I ran upstairs to tell my brother

that it was happening now.

- Everything was-- was colliding at that moment

and--and my brother said...

- This was it, they were gonna kill us.

- And I just felt chills over my body.

*

I remember running.

I remember grabbing my gun,

and I remember my hands trembling.

And all I knew is that if I didn't get to those doors

before mom and dad got out, that I was gonna die.

*

It was the only thought in my head.

I-I couldn't breathe.

I-I was gonna die.

I had seconds left and I had to get to the den.

*

It was like every single thing

that mom and dad had told me

that they were gonna kill me and how much they hated me,

it was all happening right now.

*

- We just burst through the doors

and--and I started firing.

I remember seeing a shadow right off to the right,

my brother over to the left.

- I remember firing

and firing

and I couldn't see anything.

It was just fire and-- and darkness

and this--this booming, exploding sounds.

It was terrible.

[glass shatters]

- We fired, you know, many, many times,

and we could hear things breaking

and you could hear the ringing noises from the booms

and the smoke from the guns.

Basically just chaos

and I really didn't know who was firing at who

and what was going on.

I just was, you know, firing my gun.

- It was like hell had come to the world

and I just wanted to run away.

And--and there was nowhere to go.

And afterwards, I-

I collapsed on the stairs in the foyer.

*

There was another shot fired.

- I reloaded.

I ran around and shot my mom.

*

- I started to cry,

and he--he--he came and sat beside me

and he put his arm around me.

*

And I started to-- to tremble

and he just said, "It's gonna be all right."

*

And I felt nauseous.

I felt like I was gonna throw up.

Then it's past, I don't know,

five, eight, ten minutes.

It just seemed like forever.

*

The police, they were supposed to show up, I guess.

*

And it was just silence and emptiness.

*

We waited on the stairs there

for the police to come

minute after minute after minute after minute.

*

They should have been there within 60 seconds.

From there, it's the max.

*

At some point, I just wanted to get out of there.

*

I just wanted to get out of that house.

*

- And then at some point we did get up and we--

we talked about the fact that there was--nobody had come.

So then we started to talk about

what we wanted to do.

*

- I wasn't really thinking straight.

We--we picked up the shells.

I didn't know whether we picked up all of the shells

or there were shells still there.

We gathered them as best we could

and we left.

*

We just drove around,

basically trying to create an alibi at this point.

It was really just spur-of-the-moment thinking

and--and it wasn't really sound thinking.

I was in shock.

We were just scrambling at this point.

And so we drove to the movie theater

and tried to get tickets.

The--the tickets we were able to get

showed that-- that the movie would start

like at 10:30. They were useless.

So we couldn't create an alibi saying we were at the theater,

so we had to go and-- and get rid of the guns.

*

We just drove up to Mulholland

and just jumped over the side of the road,

and we didn't have any-- anything to bury guns with

so we just put them under a bush

and--and shoved some dirt over it.

*

The desperate attempt to cover up

what we did,

I was really terrified

that everything would get exposed.

- The incidence of parricide,

fortunately, is very low.

Double parricides, meaning a father and a mother

killed by their children,

is statistically a very rare event.

In fact, it's almost incomprehensible

to--to calculate and to understand that.

When there is a parricide,

it's a tragedy for everybody,

but survivors often are so troubled

that they want to make sense out of it, too.

In the Menendez case,

why would two kids who were coming from

what is clearly portrayed as enormous wealth,

the American dream,

the--the father who worked his way up,

is living in a Beverly Hills,

it's Hollywood, mansion

and you want to go, how could this happen?

*

- When we got home, it was just silence.

Still there was nobody there.

Nobody had called the police.

Nobody had shown up and it was just--

it was just quiet.

*

I just had this need to go to the room.

*

I had this need to be with mom and dad,

just to see them, to be there...

*

and I couldn't stop myself.

*

When I saw them, I just--

I just broke down.

*

It was so wrong.

*

This should have been me,

and seeing them dead was--

it was-- it was like hell.

It was horrible.

*

I started screaming.

Lyle came and pulled me out of the room

and said, "Don't go in there."

And he went to call the police

but I couldn't stop myself.

I just had to go back to the room.

*

It was the only place in the world that I could be

because I felt like--

I felt like what I had done was just--

*

I just wanted to undo it.

I just wanted to go back in time.

I didn't want this moment to be real.

*

I just collapsed emotionally.

Lyle called the police and he was crying.

- I didn't know that Lyle was even doing that.

I was in a-- almost a delirious state.

So the notion that Lyle was lying

or that the screaming was-- was fake,

was just-- was just a lie.

- Our officers responded and did, in fact, determine

that there had been a shooting,

and at this time,

we have two deceased persons inside.

- The police were there within like 20, 30 seconds.

The police told us to-- to go out.

Lyle had to drag me out of the room.

*

And they told us to get down in the grass.

*

The moments are so scattered and chaotic.

I don't remember what happened outside the house.

*

The next thing I remember is that I was in the police car

going to the Beverly Hills Police Station.

*

They were gonna interview us,

and I remember Lyle asking me,

"Are you gonna be able to say we were at the movies?"

*

- When I arrived on the scene,

the brothers, Erik and Lyle,

had been transported to the police station

and were being interviewew by my sergeant.

*

- Lyle wanted me to go and-- and interview first

because if I broke down and confessed,

then he would-- he would come in and--

and explain what happened.

- Sergeant Edmonds informed me that there was no GSR.

He said that his determination was

that, you know, they were distraught.

They found the victims, their parents,

and he listened to the--

the initial phone call by the brothers.

*

They gave enough information

where we could conduct our investigation

and that was that the brothers said that the father

had been dealing with some unsavory characters

within his business

and thought that was probably mafia connected.

*

male announcer: Number one in Southern California.

- Police are looking for a motive tonight in the murders

of a prominent show business executive and his wife.

They were found just before midnight last night

shot to death in their exclusive Beverly Hills home.

- This was a big deal.

I mean, it was sensational almost from day one.

- I had been away from the news

and the day we got back I picked up the "L.A. Times"

and I read, oh, my God.

The Menendez, Kitty and José,

they were my clients.

Oh, my God, what happened?

- You know, it doesn't happen

and--and--not that kind of murder.

I mean, two people blown away in their den?

- I turned on the television

and the broadcaster or whatever says,

"rich Beverly Hills couple shot to death."

And I turned around to my roommate and I said,

"That's the Menendezes

and the kids shot 'em."

I don't know. Weird feeling.

Night before being so weird.

- When I first heard that Kitty and José had been killed,

it never crossed my mind that it could have been the boys.

It never occurred to me that they would do that

because I had known them for those years

as nice, loving, gentle boys.

*

- At the time, they thought it was like a mafia hit

or something because it was so gruesome.

- There's a line in the article

quoting me saying,

"I sincerely believe when we find out what really happened,

"we will all be embarrassed to learn

"it has to do with some bizarre aspect

of José's personal life."

*

*

- The whole scene was shocking.

I mean, the bodies of the victims

had numerous gunshot blasts to 'em.

There was blood everywhere,

on the ceiling.

There was French doors behind the couch.

They had holes in 'em from the shotgun pellets.

I mean, it was a mess.

I was really, really a...

devastating crime scene.

*

- I just remember asking

if my parents were dead,

because I couldn't cope with it.

I couldn't-- I couldn't face it.

He said yes,

and I remember him saying that to this day

and just crumbling inside.

*

This horrible sadness just--

just came over me.

*

- The news had said that there had been

a mob hit possibly.

- I remember being told they were shot,

and I didn't understand...

how bad it was.

And finally, he had to say, no, they're--

they didn't survive.

I remember putting the phone down

and going to another area of the house

and screaming.

- I was devastated.

I still loved them dearly

and thought about them every single day.

I was in disbelief.

- Phone rings and it's Dave Penner,

and he says, "Roger, are you sitting down?

José and Kitty have been shotgunned to death."

I said, "What?"

- It was the talk of the neighborhood.

How could this happen?

I couldn't imagine something like that happening

in a neighborhood that was so pristine.

- Looking back, I didn't say, "Really?

"Who would have done that?

"Oh, my gosh, really?

Somebody killed 'em? Oh."

It was nothing like that. It was like, "No kidding."

He's the only one that I've ever met that I would say,

"Well, gee, what a surprise." It's not a surprise.

- This is gonna make me sound awful to millions of people,

but of all the people in the world

who might get murdered,

this one would be kind of on my top five list.

*

- Next morning when we were still investigating,

the officer came to me and said,

"Lyle Menendez is here

and he wants to get things out of the house."

So I went out and I spoke to Lyle

and he said, "We're gonna go stay with our tennis coach

"so we wanted to get some things, clothing-wise,

and get our tennis gear."

I go, "Your tennis gear?"

I said, "Well, where is your tennis gear?"

He said, "It's in the room where our parents were killed."

*

I mean, that was pretty cold for the next morning

after they discovered that

their parents had been murdered.

That was my first indication

that something wasn't right there.

*

- Lyle and I did not talk about things

as much as-- as I wished we would have,

because all I wanted to do was talk about what happened

and how-- how to live with it,

because I couldn't live with it.

*

So the only thing I knew was-- was tennis,

so I just pushed myself into that full-time.

It kept me from just being idle all day long.

I was with my coach,

and he just trained me for hours and hours a day,

and it kept me from just being by myself.

But I was still by myself at night,

and I was getting worse and worse emotionally.

*

- As our investigation continued,

we had learned from José's business life

that the brothers were given José's credit card

so that they could live,

and we learned that they were

spending, spending, spending.

*

- One of the ways that Lyle

made himself feel better was by spending money.

It's what my mom did, and that's what they did together.

So that was just the way they handled depression.

*

- They bought a new car each.

Lyle bought a Porsche,

Erik, a Jeep.

They had bought Rolex watches,

three of 'em, for the two of 'em.

We kept learning that they were spending money

like it was water to 'em.

- It's my brother's way of coping.

It wasn't my way of coping.

I didn't spend money, really, afterwards.

It's--no more than I would have before.

*

- I didn't feel that we had enough information

to actually focus on them

specifically.

I mean, we still were investigating

a mafia angle.

I do recall at one point

that the insurance company

for José had called and said,

"Have you got a suspect in mind for this murder?

"Because the business

"wants to pay out the money

to the sons so that they could live."

I said,

"We haven't ruled out anybody."

*

[dramatic music]

*

- I had been ordered to give one of the eulogies

at the--the church.

Someone in the company came up to me and said,

"Oh, Roger, I think you're doing such a wonderful job

of hiding your emotions."

I said, "You mean my glee?"

And they said, "Oh, Roger, even you can't joke

at a time like this."

I said, "I'm not joking."

- My wife, she went to the funeral with me,

and at that point, I haven't told her anything.

I sat her down and I let her know

what's what.

What I experienced while living with them

was the primary thing of what's what.

She was quite flabbergasted, to say the least.

*

- In the memorial service in Los Angeles...

*

I wasn't able to speak.

I couldn't-- I just couldn't do it.

*

Everything that had happened over my whole life

I needed to deal with,

and I was-- I was falling apart.

*

I began to have dreams of killing myself.

*

In my dream, I would die

and I would be floating in this blue peace

and all of the pain would go away,

and suddenly I was dead and I was so happy that I was dead.

*

I wanted that, and I remember the--

the morning that I woke up after one of those dreams

and my eyes slowly opened and I realized that I was still alive

and I just wished that I was dead.

*

- Nothing is more fundamental to the Menendez brothers' case

than the outrage perpetrated by Oziel,

nothing.

*

- I told my cousin Henry,

I said, I-I can't live anymore.

He told me, you need help.

You need to go see Dr. Oziel.

I need you to go see him.

*

Seeing Dr. Oziel was not what I thought it was gonna be.

*

The first time that I went to him,

I just came out with it and told him that

I needed to just be in-- in the fresh air and just--

and just walk.

And I just broke down

and I-I told him what had happened.

That I-- that I did this.

*

After I had confessed to him, he called Lyle in.

I had not told Lyle that I was gonna go see Dr. Oziel.

I made an error there.

I should have--I should have discussed it with Lyle.

- I felt like he should have come to me,

and I felt hurt to a large degree

and--and sort of betrayed

by the fact that they had sort of gotten together

and talked about things

and I had not had a discussion with my brother.

*

- Dr. Oziel said flat-out that

because of what I told him he can go to the police.

- It was a very intense meeting

with me yelling at my brother,

Oziel telling me that

I seem menacing to him.

- He would feel comfortable in not going to the police

if--if we went into business together.

*

It was really clear to me really quickly

that he wanted money.

- Dr. Oziel wanted to tell me everything that

they had discussed, and I didn't want to hear it.

Essentially, I just wanted to leave with my brother.

- Everything a patient is telling you

is privileged communication,

and he is...

recording it.

Then he has his mistress,

who I believe was also a patient of his,

standing at the door and listening in

on their...

therapy sessions.

And then she gets pissed off and calls the police

when he breaks up with her.

- It was a positively brutal murder

that was unsolved essentially for five or six months

until Erik unburdened himself to Dr. Oziel.

*

- Part of the investigation was for us

to travel to Chicago

where we interviewed relatives.

We went to New York for business associates.

We went to New Jersey for neighbors, schools,

contacts of the Menendez people.

*

- The police were making it clear

that they felt that we were involved.

You can tell by the questions they're asking

what they're focusing on.

And just to be candid, I was acting like a guilty person.

*

- We suspected the brothers

might be responsible for the crime.

With their reactions after the murder,

their spending,

and then hearing they purchased the shotguns

in San Diego,

we had a pretty good case, I thought.

*

- We fought so hard

to keep the secrets from coming out,

but everything was just spinning out of control.