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00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,675
CHALMERS: Next item on the agenda.
2
00:00:09,826 --> 00:00:10,992
Principal Duggins.
3
00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:14,161
Well, I see
that not one of your students
4
00:00:14,173 --> 00:00:17,040
was able to meet the
national fitness standards:
5
00:00:17,134 --> 00:00:18,449
a light jog.
6
00:00:18,469 --> 00:00:20,026
- (MOANS SOFTLY)
- Come on, Duggins.
7
00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:22,378
You got to be a role
model for those lazy kids.
8
00:00:22,531 --> 00:00:25,381
Tell them you put in two
hours a day stretching...
9
00:00:25,534 --> 00:00:28,201
your lap band. (LAUGHS)
10
00:00:28,303 --> 00:00:29,703
(MUNCHING)
11
00:00:29,721 --> 00:00:31,204
(IMITATES STOMACH
STRETCHING AND POPPING)
12
00:00:31,306 --> 00:00:33,264
(ALL LAUGHING)
13
00:00:34,543 --> 00:00:37,227
Oh, my goodness.
Thank you, Principal Finch.
14
00:00:37,321 --> 00:00:41,047
Well, I guess we can cross
"hilarious joke" off the agenda.
15
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,066
Oh, I-I've also got a funny thing.
16
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,219
(CHUCKLES) Duggins' wife was unfaithful.
17
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:47,662
(CHUCKLES)
18
00:00:47,855 --> 00:00:51,315
Skinner, learn how to read a room.
19
00:00:51,376 --> 00:00:53,393
- Sorry, Duggins.
- Screw you.
20
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:57,063
Indeed. Now, as you all know,
this weekend in Cincinnati
21
00:00:57,123 --> 00:01:00,233
is the national
administrator's convention,
22
00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:01,676
or EDU-CON.
23
00:01:01,869 --> 00:01:04,571
And, uh, well, I have been invited
24
00:01:04,673 --> 00:01:06,573
to give the keynote address.
25
00:01:06,591 --> 00:01:09,166
- (EXCITED CHATTER)
- Oh, well.
26
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:11,019
Yes. Uh, Sunday. (CHUCKLES)
27
00:01:11,212 --> 00:01:12,595
Main auditorium.
28
00:01:12,689 --> 00:01:16,483
The Proctor & Gamble Room? Crushed it!
29
00:01:17,528 --> 00:01:19,602
(SKINNER INHALES, GRUNTS)
30
00:01:19,696 --> 00:01:22,088
Well, that couldn't have gone worse.
31
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:23,273
I agree.
32
00:01:23,367 --> 00:01:24,533
Yes, well, as you all know,
33
00:01:24,726 --> 00:01:27,351
the budget allows for a plus-one,
34
00:01:27,371 --> 00:01:29,037
and I was thinking I would bring
35
00:01:29,206 --> 00:01:32,282
the principal with the
highest test scores,
36
00:01:32,376 --> 00:01:34,734
- Finch.
- Well, that's not fair.
37
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:37,212
Finch runs the magnet school
for gifted test takers.
38
00:01:37,405 --> 00:01:40,364
Uh, sorry, Seymour,
but I have made my decision.
39
00:01:40,384 --> 00:01:42,776
If it makes you feel any better,
you were never in the running.
40
00:01:42,886 --> 00:01:46,537
Hey, we are gonna light Cincinnati up.
41
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,965
I got a buddy who used to be the
long snapper for the Bengals.
42
00:01:49,059 --> 00:01:51,301
He co-owns this amazing poké place.
43
00:01:51,453 --> 00:01:53,119
Seaweed, furikake,
44
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:54,470
soakin' in ponzu!
45
00:01:54,565 --> 00:01:57,482
My God, you're cool.
46
00:01:58,870 --> 00:01:59,918
_
47
00:02:00,219 --> 00:02:03,054
Okay, this is for all the marbles.
48
00:02:03,115 --> 00:02:04,981
(GRUNTS)
49
00:02:05,133 --> 00:02:08,468
(LAUGHS) No wonder Chalmers
is taking Finch to Cincinnati.
50
00:02:08,570 --> 00:02:09,969
How'd you hear about that?
51
00:02:10,071 --> 00:02:11,805
It's all over the playground.
52
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,306
♪ Chalmers went to Cincy ♪
53
00:02:13,325 --> 00:02:14,899
♪ Didn't take our princy ♪
54
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,827
♪ How many tears did Skinner cry? ♪
55
00:02:17,921 --> 00:02:20,255
♪ One, two, three, four, five. ♪
56
00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:21,831
Well, as usual,
57
00:02:21,925 --> 00:02:24,317
the double Dutchers have
zeroed in on my pain.
58
00:02:24,336 --> 00:02:25,835
(SIGHS)
59
00:02:25,929 --> 00:02:28,113
Look, Seymour,
are you ready for some tough love?
60
00:02:28,140 --> 00:02:29,172
Is there any other kind?
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00:02:29,308 --> 00:02:30,840
Being around you sucks.
62
00:02:30,934 --> 00:02:33,101
No one's ever gonna
invite you to anything.
63
00:02:33,252 --> 00:02:34,752
If there's a party you want to go to,
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00:02:34,771 --> 00:02:36,012
you got to crash it,
65
00:02:36,106 --> 00:02:37,831
or you'll spend the rest of your life
66
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:40,942
sitting around with your
hand stuck in a pelvis.
67
00:02:42,946 --> 00:02:45,338
It's too late.
The plus-one has been invoked.
68
00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:47,431
Dude, you're Seymour Skinner.
69
00:02:47,492 --> 00:02:49,784
No matter how badly you're treated,
70
00:02:49,977 --> 00:02:51,010
you keep coming back for more.
71
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,437
That's your superpower. Use it!
72
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:56,082
You're right. I will.
73
00:02:57,702 --> 00:03:00,754
Aw, look at you, grazing the thumb.
74
00:03:03,825 --> 00:03:05,467
Come on. Come on, come on, come on.
75
00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:06,968
(PHONE RINGS)
76
00:03:07,137 --> 00:03:08,544
Finch, where are you?
77
00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:10,121
We're going to miss our flight.
78
00:03:10,140 --> 00:03:11,622
Can't make it, Gary.
79
00:03:11,642 --> 00:03:12,957
I ate some pre-trip poké last night,
80
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,868
and it's blitzkrieging my intestines.
81
00:03:14,969 --> 00:03:17,537
I'm firing salmon eggs from both ends.
82
00:03:17,555 --> 00:03:19,205
But you're my ride to the airport.
83
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:22,041
My car's in the shop being winterized.
84
00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:24,210
Sorry, dude. Yeah? Cool.
85
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,045
(GROANS)
86
00:03:26,064 --> 00:03:28,657
Hop in, sir.
We still have time to make our flight.
87
00:03:28,850 --> 00:03:31,660
Skinner? W-What are you doing here?
88
00:03:31,853 --> 00:03:33,978
Well, I saw on Finch's InstaSnap story
89
00:03:33,997 --> 00:03:35,889
that he's firing salmon
eggs from both ends.
90
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:38,074
So I rushed over here at once.
91
00:03:38,226 --> 00:03:40,335
You want to come with me to Cincinnat...
No. Thank you.
92
00:03:40,528 --> 00:03:43,079
Very thoughtful, Seymour,
but I-I wouldn't want to...
93
00:03:43,173 --> 00:03:45,173
You wouldn't want the
school board to find out
94
00:03:45,342 --> 00:03:47,676
you wasted the transferrable
but not refundable
95
00:03:47,869 --> 00:03:51,328
$65 plus-one registration fee?
96
00:03:51,390 --> 00:03:54,015
(SIGHS) No, I would not.
97
00:03:54,208 --> 00:03:56,601
Oh, boy.
98
00:03:58,580 --> 00:04:00,596
(GRUNTING)
99
00:04:00,691 --> 00:04:03,583
Ah, Game Night. (CHUCKLES)
100
00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:05,342
Jason Bateman, your boyish charisma
101
00:04:05,404 --> 00:04:08,087
was made for the
low-res seatback screen.
102
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,180
(WHIMPERS)
103
00:04:09,241 --> 00:04:10,606
Sir, are you all right?
104
00:04:10,759 --> 00:04:12,016
Uh, if you must know,
105
00:04:12,035 --> 00:04:14,185
flying makes me just
a little bit nervous.
106
00:04:14,246 --> 00:04:15,762
Where'd you put my carry-on?
107
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,947
I'm going to pop an antianxiety pill.
108
00:04:18,041 --> 00:04:20,433
Oh, I gate-checked your bag. It's free,
109
00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:22,936
and you don't have to fight
for precious overhead space.
110
00:04:22,954 --> 00:04:25,121
Another classic Skinner travel hack.
111
00:04:25,215 --> 00:04:27,716
My pills were in that bag, you idiot!
112
00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:30,835
You... Okay. Okay.
(CHUCKLES) I can do this.
113
00:04:30,929 --> 00:04:33,613
(EXHALES) It's just a
short domestic flight.
114
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:35,890
I'm completely safe, right?
115
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:37,800
Sure. And if you're stressed,
you can take comfort
116
00:04:37,894 --> 00:04:40,544
in the passengers'
many emotional support animals.
117
00:04:40,605 --> 00:04:43,047
CHALMERS: Ugh. Aah!
118
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- (OINKS)
- Pig?
119
00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:45,641
- (GOBBLES)
- Aah!
120
00:04:45,736 --> 00:04:47,477
I'm going to die in a flying zoo.
121
00:04:47,629 --> 00:04:49,220
(LAUGHS)
122
00:04:49,281 --> 00:04:52,148
(GROANING NERVOUSLY)
123
00:04:52,242 --> 00:04:54,333
(LAUGHS)
124
00:04:54,402 --> 00:04:58,872
Everyone around you is
taking their shoes off.
125
00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:02,825
Okay, no one is safe. No one's sa...
126
00:05:02,919 --> 00:05:05,144
That-that phone is not in airplane mode.
127
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,905
The pilot dresses like an alcoholic!
128
00:05:07,924 --> 00:05:10,149
Somebody's yelling! Who is yelling?!
129
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:13,002
Where in the name of
God is the air marshal?!
130
00:05:13,096 --> 00:05:15,096
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
131
00:05:17,842 --> 00:05:19,250
(GRUNTS)
132
00:05:20,192 --> 00:05:23,179
You're banned from Air
Cincinnati forever.
133
00:05:24,131 --> 00:05:26,274
Well, we've got to get another flight.
134
00:05:26,425 --> 00:05:28,167
Uh, we can't, sir.
135
00:05:28,269 --> 00:05:31,187
Uh, Air Cincinnati's the only
airline that flies to Cincinnati
136
00:05:31,281 --> 00:05:33,689
since the demise of Cincin-Air-Y.
137
00:05:33,784 --> 00:05:35,266
Well, that's just great. That's great!
138
00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:37,176
In 36 hours, I have to give
139
00:05:37,195 --> 00:05:39,103
the most important speech of my life.
140
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,605
Now, how in the name
of Satan's jockstrap
141
00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:44,042
am I supposed to get there?
142
00:05:45,462 --> 00:05:47,703
Please, sir.
If you give me one last chance,
143
00:05:47,798 --> 00:05:49,464
I will think of nothing
else but getting you
144
00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:51,707
to that keynote speech on time.
145
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,011
Nah, I'll just drive myself.
146
00:05:56,163 --> 00:05:57,713
(SCREECHING)
147
00:05:57,808 --> 00:06:00,199
All right, where is your car?
148
00:06:00,301 --> 00:06:01,868
It, too, is being winterized.
149
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,870
But I know where to get one.
150
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,463
Oh, no. You're not borrowing my Buick.
151
00:06:06,525 --> 00:06:08,483
I just had it winterized.
152
00:06:08,676 --> 00:06:11,956
But, Mother,
this road trip is my last chance
153
00:06:11,991 --> 00:06:14,213
to become friends with the man
I admire most in the world.
154
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,306
Please.
155
00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:18,159
Well, you did do such a nice job
156
00:06:18,352 --> 00:06:20,853
re-beading my eyeglass chain.
157
00:06:20,888 --> 00:06:23,957
I guess a boy your age
should have friends.
158
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,502
♪ ♪
159
00:06:29,914 --> 00:06:33,134
Ah, you, me and the open road, huh?
160
00:06:33,169 --> 00:06:37,737
Yeah. Maybe some music will
make the time pass more quickly.
161
00:06:38,382 --> 00:06:41,197
♪ Timothy, Timothy... ♪
162
00:06:41,299 --> 00:06:43,576
I hope you like this song,
'cause it's stuck in the player,
163
00:06:43,636 --> 00:06:45,244
and there's no volume knob.
164
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:48,339
♪ Timothy, Timothy ♪
165
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:52,735
- ♪ God, what did we do? ♪
- _
166
00:06:57,523 --> 00:06:58,817
_
167
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:01,202
Oh, did you know that in Cincinnati,
they have
168
00:07:01,395 --> 00:07:03,354
four different ways of preparing chili?
169
00:07:03,373 --> 00:07:04,855
You don't say, huh?
170
00:07:04,916 --> 00:07:06,541
- Four different ways.
- The two-way,
171
00:07:06,734 --> 00:07:07,767
- chili with spaghetti.
- How about that.
172
00:07:07,785 --> 00:07:09,452
- Spaghetti?
- The three-way,
173
00:07:09,604 --> 00:07:10,770
- chili with spaghetti and cheese.
- Lot of ways.
174
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,271
- Please shut up.
- Oh! (CHUCKLES)
175
00:07:12,290 --> 00:07:13,773
- Oh, he's got more.
- And there's two kinds
176
00:07:13,875 --> 00:07:15,216
- of four-ways.
- I just... I-I want to die.
177
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,719
Hmm? Mm!
178
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:18,870
(TIRES SCREECH)
179
00:07:19,263 --> 00:07:21,221
Hitchhikers! Oh, thank the Lord.
180
00:07:21,282 --> 00:07:23,223
Hitchhikers, sir? Is this safe?
181
00:07:23,284 --> 00:07:25,150
They can bury us in a shallow grave
182
00:07:25,286 --> 00:07:27,411
as long as they don't talk about chili.
183
00:07:27,604 --> 00:07:30,656
Thanks for picking us up.
We're on our way to a gig.
184
00:07:30,792 --> 00:07:33,417
Oh, a-a gig. Are you, uh, musicians?
185
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:35,068
Oh, no. We do...
186
00:07:35,129 --> 00:07:36,979
ALL: Improv Shakespeare!
187
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,814
Improvisers?
188
00:07:38,874 --> 00:07:41,484
In the style of Shakespeare?
That seems impossible.
189
00:07:41,585 --> 00:07:43,910
Methinks this noble
lord doth doubt our wit.
190
00:07:44,013 --> 00:07:47,006
We must perform or else be deemed unfit!
191
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,768
A word, a word. My kingdom for a word.
192
00:07:50,961 --> 00:07:54,087
- No, no, don't give them a suggestion.
- Cupholders.
193
00:07:54,148 --> 00:07:56,181
To grasp a cup would
seem a great ordeal.
194
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:59,685
When one must keep both
hands upon the wheel.
195
00:07:59,821 --> 00:08:03,764
The pentameter checks out.
Your parents must be so proud.
196
00:08:03,825 --> 00:08:04,931
They're not.
197
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:06,117
(GROWLS)
198
00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:10,012
(GREG VOCALIZING MOZART'S
"GREENSLEEVES")
199
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:11,864
Toupee or not toupee,
200
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,349
that is the question.
201
00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:15,942
You are the only ones having fun!
202
00:08:16,004 --> 00:08:17,202
Just you!
203
00:08:17,355 --> 00:08:18,871
Oh, oh, beware the ides of...
204
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:20,781
- Truck!
- (ALL SCREAMING)
205
00:08:20,883 --> 00:08:23,217
(HORN BLARING)
206
00:08:23,218 --> 00:08:25,421
_
207
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:28,973
(GRUNTING)
208
00:08:30,685 --> 00:08:34,036
Well, well, well, what have we got here?
209
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,871
(CHUCKLES) Don't worry, Officer.
210
00:08:35,931 --> 00:08:37,648
It's, uh, minor damage.
211
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,233
Nothing serious.
212
00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:43,988
Alas, poor Buick. I knew it well.
213
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,365
Oh! (CHOKING)
214
00:08:49,521 --> 00:08:51,154
_
215
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:54,056
Dear Lord. Our car,
our wallets, our luggage,
216
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,225
they're all blown to shreds.
217
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:57,984
But the keynote. Your speech.
218
00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,578
It's all on the cards right here.
219
00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:02,840
But what good will it be
when some backwoods judge
220
00:09:02,991 --> 00:09:04,491
throws the book at us, huh?
221
00:09:04,594 --> 00:09:08,804
All rise for the Honorable
Judge J.T. Winchester.
222
00:09:10,499 --> 00:09:12,925
Who dragged me in here on a Saturday
223
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:14,927
in the middle of my Lifetime movies?
224
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,246
I'm missing my Lifetimes!
225
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:20,674
An old woman who's enraged
by my very existence.
226
00:09:20,735 --> 00:09:23,510
Don't worry, sir. I got this.
227
00:09:23,571 --> 00:09:25,029
Your Honor, permission to observe
228
00:09:25,222 --> 00:09:28,532
that your poor cuticles
are raw and torn.
229
00:09:28,684 --> 00:09:30,092
Thanks to my idiot son.
230
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,928
He made my manicure
appointment with Tanya P.
231
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,446
instead of Tanya G.
232
00:09:34,582 --> 00:09:37,616
Oh, well, that boy's
as useless as a shaved frog.
233
00:09:37,752 --> 00:09:39,043
Now, Mother...
234
00:09:39,194 --> 00:09:41,379
Hush up and empty the spittoons,
Fennimore.
235
00:09:41,572 --> 00:09:43,089
(SIGHS)
236
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:46,108
You know, I always travel
237
00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:48,293
- with cuticle scissors and jojoba oil.
- _
238
00:09:48,446 --> 00:09:51,097
Let's get these ladies
ready for their close-up.
239
00:09:53,008 --> 00:09:55,951
Now, you have fun
at the convention, boys.
240
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,878
You just bring it back whenever.
241
00:09:57,897 --> 00:09:59,288
(TIRES SCREECH)
242
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,899
Mother, you never let me
drive the Cutlass.
243
00:10:02,092 --> 00:10:05,218
My car is for good boys!
244
00:10:05,321 --> 00:10:07,488
Hmm.
245
00:10:09,118 --> 00:10:11,118
_
246
00:10:11,547 --> 00:10:14,653
♪ Timothy, Timothy ♪
247
00:10:14,789 --> 00:10:18,082
♪ God, what did we do? ♪
248
00:10:19,568 --> 00:10:21,810
Well, we're only
a half hour behind schedule.
249
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,495
Should we, uh, brainstorm on a code
250
00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:24,997
for the hotel room safe?
251
00:10:25,149 --> 00:10:27,816
Seymour, you charmed
the Depends off that lady.
252
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:30,094
I believe I owe you a beer.
253
00:10:30,972 --> 00:10:32,655
A biker bar?
254
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:34,098
Are you sure it's safe?
255
00:10:34,249 --> 00:10:36,434
All right,
stop quivering like a quince jelly.
256
00:10:36,585 --> 00:10:38,352
You're with me.
257
00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:42,982
♪ ♪
258
00:10:50,825 --> 00:10:53,451
Sir, this isn't a biker bar.
259
00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:55,678
It's a cyclist bar.
260
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:56,862
Don't be a ninny, Seymour.
261
00:10:57,014 --> 00:10:58,197
Uh, barkeep!
262
00:10:58,349 --> 00:11:00,199
A beer for me and my coworker here.
263
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,851
We just serve energy gels and oxygen.
264
00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:05,045
You don't like it, get out.
265
00:11:06,007 --> 00:11:07,690
(INHALES DEEPLY)
266
00:11:07,791 --> 00:11:08,966
(GRUNTS)
267
00:11:10,511 --> 00:11:13,119
You two oil burners
might want to skedaddle
268
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:16,307
before my resting heart
rate elevates to 60 bpm.
269
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:18,884
That's "beats per minute," oil burner!
270
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:21,479
(CACKLING)
271
00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:23,772
(LAUGHTER)
272
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:27,193
(SLURPING)
273
00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:31,489
Uh, why don't you calm down there, Slim?
274
00:11:31,682 --> 00:11:32,823
(WATCH BEEPING)
275
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:35,451
What did you call me?
276
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:38,887
- (GROWLING)
- Uh...
277
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:41,165
Uh... Oh.
278
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,564
The bike computers!
279
00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:50,415
All our stats were on there!
280
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,417
They hadn't synced yet!
281
00:11:52,553 --> 00:11:55,738
Yeah, but you-you still got
the exercise, right?
282
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,098
(TIRES SCREECH)
283
00:12:01,729 --> 00:12:03,354
(TIRES SCREECH)
284
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,247
(ENGINE REVS)
285
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:07,507
Whoa. It's as if the rules of the road
286
00:12:07,568 --> 00:12:08,917
don't apply to them.
287
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:11,603
Are you pedestrians or vehicles?!
288
00:12:11,697 --> 00:12:13,088
Make a choice!
289
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,273
Never!
290
00:12:14,408 --> 00:12:17,785
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- Whoa! Whoa!
291
00:12:19,096 --> 00:12:21,780
(GRUNTS) Skinner, what do we do?
292
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:24,208
Seymour! Well, don't go!
293
00:12:24,401 --> 00:12:25,709
Skinner?
294
00:12:25,902 --> 00:12:28,754
(BICYCLES CLICKING)
295
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,966
(CYCLISTS PANTING)
296
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:36,295
Step away from my superintendent.
297
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,113
(CHUCKLES) What's he gonna do?
298
00:12:38,173 --> 00:12:39,390
He's just one guy.
299
00:12:39,583 --> 00:12:41,950
(CACKLING)
300
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,468
You're never alone
301
00:12:43,621 --> 00:12:46,730
when you're a veteran of
the U.S. Armed Forces.
302
00:12:46,923 --> 00:12:48,791
And I do mean armed.
303
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:53,145
Para-athletes like us are the
natural enemy of cycling clubs.
304
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:55,889
Their biceps are bigger than my quads!
305
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:58,033
To the support van!
306
00:13:00,454 --> 00:13:01,912
(ALL SUCKING)
307
00:13:02,105 --> 00:13:04,564
(TIRES SCREECHING)
308
00:13:05,025 --> 00:13:06,558
Seymour, how did you...
309
00:13:06,694 --> 00:13:08,893
I keep abreast
of local veterans' events.
310
00:13:09,046 --> 00:13:11,321
Luckily,
the Wheel Team Six para-marathoners
311
00:13:11,514 --> 00:13:12,990
were racing nearby.
312
00:13:13,158 --> 00:13:15,283
Seymour, you have earned this.
313
00:13:16,352 --> 00:13:18,495
(SHUDDERS): Ooh!
314
00:13:20,157 --> 00:13:22,499
You know, there was a time
I would have mocked you
315
00:13:22,692 --> 00:13:26,319
for collecting bed-and-breakfast
travel points with your mother,
316
00:13:26,422 --> 00:13:28,654
but, I'll tell ya,
today those points have paid
317
00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:30,841
for this sweet, thick elderberry wine.
318
00:13:31,034 --> 00:13:34,494
Well, nothing is as sweet
as your kind words.
319
00:13:34,555 --> 00:13:35,920
Aw.
320
00:13:36,056 --> 00:13:37,739
(SIPPING)
321
00:13:37,758 --> 00:13:39,349
- (CHUCKLES): Ooh.
- Oh, yeah. That's good stuff.
322
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:43,503
(HUMMING SOFTLY)
323
00:13:43,564 --> 00:13:47,173
Ernest, I've never felt
more independent and strong.
324
00:13:47,234 --> 00:13:48,692
Can I use your phone to call Mother?
325
00:13:48,885 --> 00:13:50,360
There she is.
326
00:13:50,512 --> 00:13:53,588
Just make sure no one's
using the upstairs extension.
327
00:13:53,607 --> 00:13:55,440
You're back in the office already?
328
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:59,018
Principal Finch,
your gut biome is a wonder.
329
00:13:59,079 --> 00:14:02,188
So, how's Sad Sack Seymour and
the Cincinnati Snooze Cruise?
330
00:14:02,207 --> 00:14:04,766
(CHUCKLES RELUCTANTLY) Yeah,
vintage Finch.
331
00:14:04,826 --> 00:14:07,193
But, uh, believe it or not,
Skinner has shown,
332
00:14:07,254 --> 00:14:09,195
uh, bursts of utility.
333
00:14:09,256 --> 00:14:10,772
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
334
00:14:10,791 --> 00:14:12,883
You better not be getting
cold feet, Gary.
335
00:14:13,076 --> 00:14:14,200
We made an agreement.
336
00:14:14,219 --> 00:14:15,944
Skinner gets canned,
337
00:14:15,962 --> 00:14:19,205
and I leave my tiny little
magnet school for the big time,
338
00:14:19,266 --> 00:14:22,117
Springfield Elementary.
339
00:14:22,135 --> 00:14:23,234
I'm pumped!
340
00:14:23,287 --> 00:14:24,619
Yes, I know, I know.
341
00:14:24,721 --> 00:14:27,122
The plan was to fire Skinner, and, uh...
342
00:14:27,224 --> 00:14:28,398
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
343
00:14:28,591 --> 00:14:31,126
...I am a man of my word.
344
00:14:31,186 --> 00:14:33,052
Fire Skinner?
345
00:14:33,113 --> 00:14:34,905
Chalmers!
346
00:14:35,915 --> 00:14:36,939
Oh, dear.
347
00:14:40,436 --> 00:14:44,247
- (SIGHING)
- (QUIET CHATTER)
348
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,249
- (GASPING)
- Fire me?!
349
00:14:46,401 --> 00:14:48,734
You bald-pated son of a bitch.
350
00:14:48,796 --> 00:14:51,070
Uh, i-if you two gentlemen
could please...
351
00:14:51,131 --> 00:14:53,090
Stay out of this, Trudy!
352
00:14:53,258 --> 00:14:56,075
For years, this man belittled me.
353
00:14:56,136 --> 00:14:58,595
Humiliated me.
354
00:14:58,746 --> 00:15:01,005
And in exchange for
my unwavering loyalty,
355
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:02,766
what was my reward?
356
00:15:02,917 --> 00:15:06,085
Whoa, to be pushed out by
some scheming magnet school...
357
00:15:06,146 --> 00:15:08,179
keister kisser!
358
00:15:08,273 --> 00:15:09,422
(GRUNTS)
359
00:15:09,525 --> 00:15:11,757
The brochures nobody takes!
360
00:15:11,819 --> 00:15:14,853
I'm the one who deserved this
trip to Cincinnati, not Finch.
361
00:15:15,005 --> 00:15:18,006
That's why I put black
mold in his poké.
362
00:15:18,066 --> 00:15:19,123
(GRUNTS, SHAKES)
363
00:15:19,159 --> 00:15:21,284
You did what?
364
00:15:21,477 --> 00:15:23,862
Ooh. The Rocking Chair Museum.
365
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:25,029
I've heard good things.
366
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:28,016
Skinner...!
367
00:15:28,076 --> 00:15:30,018
You know why I was gonna fire you,
Seymour?
368
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:33,021
Because your neediness,
it sucks the life out of me!
369
00:15:33,081 --> 00:15:36,875
After all these years of
trying to spare your feelings,
370
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:38,301
I'm just gonna say it now:
371
00:15:38,494 --> 00:15:41,029
I... don't... like you!
372
00:15:41,089 --> 00:15:43,698
♪ And the man in the back said,
"Everyone attack" ♪
373
00:15:43,717 --> 00:15:45,791
♪ And it turned into
a ballroom blitz ♪
374
00:15:45,811 --> 00:15:48,052
♪ And the girl in the corner said,
"Boy, I wanna warn you ♪"
375
00:15:48,205 --> 00:15:49,629
♪ It'll turn into
a ballroom blitz" ♪
376
00:15:49,690 --> 00:15:51,982
- (GROANS)
- ♪ Ballroom blitz ♪
377
00:15:52,133 --> 00:15:54,467
- (GRUNTS)
- ♪ Ballroom blitz ♪
378
00:15:54,528 --> 00:15:56,987
- ♪ Ballroom blitz ♪
- (GRUNTING)
379
00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:58,213
♪ Ballroom blitz. ♪
380
00:15:58,273 --> 00:16:00,157
Ooh, Terry Bradshaw stayed here.
381
00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:02,050
Not the one you're thinking of.
382
00:16:02,152 --> 00:16:03,718
("BALLROOM BLITZ" CONTINUES)
383
00:16:03,737 --> 00:16:05,787
- (STRAINING)
- (GAGGING)
384
00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:08,147
(PANTING)
385
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,891
(COUGHS)
386
00:16:09,951 --> 00:16:12,002
You know, I'm not gonna give
you the pleasure of firing me,
387
00:16:12,195 --> 00:16:13,753
because I quit!
388
00:16:15,757 --> 00:16:17,323
Good riddance!
389
00:16:17,426 --> 00:16:18,884
(TIRES SCREECHING)
390
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,431
(BRAKES HISS)
391
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:28,727
♪ ♪
392
00:16:37,105 --> 00:16:38,312
_
393
00:16:38,313 --> 00:16:40,939
(SIREN WAILING)
394
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,348
(SIREN STOPS)
395
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,459
Well, well, well.
396
00:16:44,486 --> 00:16:46,761
If it isn't the Cuticle Kid.
397
00:16:46,821 --> 00:16:49,431
You racing to give a mani-pedi?
398
00:16:49,449 --> 00:16:51,708
(SIGHS) Just give me the ticket,
Fennimore.
399
00:16:51,901 --> 00:16:55,194
License and my mother's registration.
400
00:16:55,255 --> 00:16:56,755
(GASPS)
401
00:16:56,908 --> 00:16:58,758
_
402
00:16:58,759 --> 00:17:00,592
Superintendent, you're on in five.
403
00:17:00,743 --> 00:17:03,386
Great, great.
I'll just ensure my notecards
404
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:05,037
are in the correct order.
405
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:06,464
Uh, uh...
406
00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:09,300
"Road trip conversation starters"?
407
00:17:09,394 --> 00:17:12,545
(GROANING)
408
00:17:12,606 --> 00:17:13,772
(SHOUTS)
409
00:17:15,558 --> 00:17:17,049
We switched jackets.
410
00:17:17,110 --> 00:17:18,718
Seymour has my speech!
411
00:17:18,779 --> 00:17:20,403
It's often been said that one speech
412
00:17:20,596 --> 00:17:22,814
can make or break a man's career.
413
00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:26,134
Together, we now face such a moment.
414
00:17:26,194 --> 00:17:27,652
Our keynote speaker,
415
00:17:27,788 --> 00:17:31,748
Superintendent Garibaldi Chalmers.
416
00:17:31,941 --> 00:17:33,250
(GRUMBLES NERVOUSLY)
417
00:17:33,418 --> 00:17:35,168
(MAN COUGHS)
418
00:17:36,204 --> 00:17:37,754
Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
419
00:17:37,905 --> 00:17:39,572
Well, it's an honor, uh, to be here
420
00:17:39,633 --> 00:17:40,924
in, uh, uh, Cleveland.
421
00:17:41,117 --> 00:17:42,575
MAN: It's Cincinnati!
422
00:17:42,636 --> 00:17:44,652
MAN 2: Look at the skyline!
423
00:17:44,713 --> 00:17:47,489
You just...
You won't believe what's happened.
424
00:17:47,549 --> 00:17:49,491
I'm... (STAMMERS) Well, maybe you will!
425
00:17:49,551 --> 00:17:51,584
You've all got that one principal,
426
00:17:51,645 --> 00:17:55,346
that one that gets you into
such ridiculous situations,
427
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:58,424
uh, uh, maybe even on the way here.
428
00:17:58,443 --> 00:18:02,170
SUPERINTENDENTS: Mm. Yes. Quite.
429
00:18:02,188 --> 00:18:05,448
(CHUCKLES) This guy, Skinner,
h-he screws everything up.
430
00:18:05,641 --> 00:18:08,100
He took my jacket and my speech!
431
00:18:08,161 --> 00:18:11,955
He left me with the useless
garbage in his pockets.
432
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:15,016
A mommy manicure kit.
433
00:18:15,035 --> 00:18:16,851
A-a VFW event calendar.
434
00:18:16,911 --> 00:18:18,686
A, uh, B&B rewards card.
435
00:18:18,705 --> 00:18:20,705
(CHUCKLES) Calico Level.
436
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:24,283
(MUTTERS) And conversation
starters like...
437
00:18:24,386 --> 00:18:27,862
(SIGHS)
"How can I make your job easier?"
438
00:18:27,881 --> 00:18:30,140
MAN: He sounds like a good guy,
you jackass!
439
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:31,883
Well, I...
440
00:18:32,019 --> 00:18:33,310
I suppose he is.
441
00:18:33,503 --> 00:18:36,146
He's loyal and resourceful and...
442
00:18:36,339 --> 00:18:37,889
Oh, God, help me.
443
00:18:38,025 --> 00:18:39,965
I respect Seymour Skinner.
444
00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:41,801
(CHUCKLES): In fact, I like him.
445
00:18:41,862 --> 00:18:43,394
♪ ♪
446
00:18:43,547 --> 00:18:45,488
(SNIFFLES) Ditto, Gary.
447
00:18:49,444 --> 00:18:51,870
Aw, Skinner.
448
00:18:54,357 --> 00:18:57,667
I've got something that belongs to you.
449
00:18:57,860 --> 00:19:01,913
Now go give the greatest
keynote speech of your life.
450
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:04,399
Well, maybe I already have, huh?
451
00:19:04,417 --> 00:19:06,918
But if I must. (CLEARS THROAT)
452
00:19:07,012 --> 00:19:09,087
Educational Infrastructure:
453
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:11,681
Ability Grouping versus
Blended Learning.
454
00:19:11,874 --> 00:19:14,834
Now, a survey of public administrators
455
00:19:14,895 --> 00:19:18,429
over a 15-trimester
period showed clearly,
456
00:19:18,523 --> 00:19:21,149
within the standard deviation,
of course...
457
00:19:22,085 --> 00:19:23,585
Well, you did it, dude.
458
00:19:23,686 --> 00:19:25,528
How does it feel to get
what you've always wanted?
459
00:19:25,721 --> 00:19:27,530
♪ Chalmers loves Skinner ♪
460
00:19:27,723 --> 00:19:29,366
♪ Bought him chili dinner ♪
461
00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:32,518
♪ How many ways did Skinner try? ♪
462
00:19:32,537 --> 00:19:35,187
♪ One, two, three, four, five. ♪
463
00:19:35,290 --> 00:19:37,874
It feels just like this.
464
00:19:39,735 --> 00:19:41,786
("WKRP IN CINCINNATI MAIN THEME"
PLAYING)
465
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,922
♪ ♪
466
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:50,870
♪ Maybe you and me were
never meant to be ♪
467
00:19:50,931 --> 00:19:55,216
♪ Just maybe think of
me once in a while. ♪
468
00:20:03,852 --> 00:20:05,977
So, guys, what have you been up to?
469
00:20:06,129 --> 00:20:08,405
Oh, went on a field trip
to the fire station,
470
00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:10,573
but nobody told the
firemen we were coming.
471
00:20:10,766 --> 00:20:13,317
Practiced my sax, went to school.
472
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:15,820
Oh, we learned about Peru.
473
00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:16,971
Oh.
474
00:20:17,031 --> 00:20:18,415
I went to work.
475
00:20:18,566 --> 00:20:20,308
Lenny had a cold, so he wasn't there.
476
00:20:20,326 --> 00:20:21,659
Carl was there though.
477
00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:24,587
Well, have I got a treat for you all.
478
00:20:24,780 --> 00:20:28,508
Tonight, we're going to see
Improv Shakespeare!
479
00:20:29,836 --> 00:20:31,076
Washing machine!
480
00:20:31,096 --> 00:20:32,654
Out, damned stain!
481
00:20:32,755 --> 00:20:36,324
For there is a Tide Pod
in the affairs of laundry.
482
00:20:36,384 --> 00:20:41,086
(CHUCKLES) Can you imagine
Shakespeare using a Tide Pod?
483
00:20:41,148 --> 00:20:43,440
- No.
- (BART GROANS) - Oy.
484
00:20:43,591 --> 00:20:46,684
("WKRP IN CINCINNATI END CREDITS"
PLAYING)
485
00:20:46,836 --> 00:20:49,279
♪ ♪
486
00:20:49,472 --> 00:20:50,613
♪ Mad tooth bar chin-up ♪
487
00:20:50,765 --> 00:20:53,616
♪ Boxing out of her hair now ♪
488
00:20:54,936 --> 00:20:59,205
♪ Still do the modern-day
whack-a-mole ditto-o-o ♪
489
00:21:00,742 --> 00:21:03,126
♪ What's that? Good bartender ♪
490
00:21:03,277 --> 00:21:05,536
♪ I had better head out ♪
491
00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:11,217
♪ I said I wouldn't do it
if a poodle had a lid on ♪
492
00:21:16,032 --> 00:21:17,548
♪ Mad tooth bar chin-up ♪
493
00:21:17,642 --> 00:21:19,851
♪ Boxing out of her hair now ♪
494
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:26,232
♪ Still do the modern-day
whack-a-mole ditto-o-o ♪
495
00:21:27,652 --> 00:21:28,776
♪ What's that? ♪
496
00:21:34,365 --> 00:21:36,945
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
35349
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