Original subtitles

[news vendor] Queen's critic is at it again!

Peer attacks the Queen!

[man] Thank you.

Queen's critic!

Queen's critic is at it again!

-Good morning, Jack. -Good morning, sir.

I'll take one of each this morning, please.

-And the Sunday as well. -Oh, a bit of light reading, eh?

That's right.

Queen's critic is at it again! Peer attacks the Queen!

No, I shan't have anything.

Sorry, dear.

[chattering]

-I think he's right. -Do you?

Yeah. Now I think about it, she is a bit priggish.

-[couple laughs] -[bell dings]

[chattering]

Here he comes, here he comes.

[man] There he is.

-[policeman] Please, gentlemen. -[policeman 2] Don't push.

-Lord Altrincham? -Yes.

[crowd gasps]

You traitor!

[crowd chattering]

[ticking]

Really?

Really?

Really?

Well, I shall certainly let Her Majesty know. Thank you.

[ticking]

Time and tide, Mr. Conservator.

[chuckles] Wait for no man, Private Secretary.

-[Adeane] Good afternoon to you. -Good afternoon, sir.

[door opens]

[footsteps approaching]

[sighs]

[door closes]

What is it now?

Lord Altrincham has been struck.

Dumb, I hope.

Better than that, ma'am.

In the face.

Quite forcefully, I'm told.

By whom? Which gallant and chivalrous individual?

Afraid we don't have those details yet, ma'am.

The incident occurred outside the television studios,

and the perpetrator is now on his way to the Bow Street Police Station,

where we expect him to be released without charge.

How very gratifying.

Yes. Very.

Which television studios?

The Independent Television Network Studios, ma'am,

where Altrincham had just recorded an interview.

For what?

A program appropriately called Impact.

When will it air?

Tonight, ma'am. Nine o'clock.

[clocks chiming]

[ Impact theme music plays on television]

[announcer on television] Tell the people. Tell them on television.

Questions in the public mind, answered by people in the public eye.

This is Impact, the program that examines

the most important matters of the moment

-and brings the debate to you at home. -[Philip] Sorry I'm late.

[announcer] Robin Day puts the questions.

It's just starting.

Tonight, we have a man who, because of press activity in recent days,

probably needs no introduction, Lord Altrincham.

In the space of just a few days,

his inflammatory and deeply personal attacks on the Queen

in a periodical of which he is also publisher,

have become the most pressing issue of the day

and caused something of a constitutional crisis.

So, I'd like to begin by asking Lord Altrincham a simple question.

She's our head of state,

loved, respected and admired throughout the world,

so why do you hate her so very much?

[news vendors shouting]

[news vendor] National and English Review, two shillings!

Your National and English Review!

-Morning, Fred! -Good morning, sir.

National and English Review, two shillings!

[Altrincham] ...far too long.

People are beginning to notice, and that is why the...

And that is why the ending of doctrinal tests

and the introduction of women priests is the only viable solution

for saving the Church of England,

an institution that is becoming

increasingly outdated and irrelevant hour by hour.

Who's got a thousand words for me on that?

-[Humphrey] Hello, Patricia. -Would anyone like some toffee?

Bring it over here, Patricia darling.

-Oh, divine. -Much like Patricia herself.

Come, come, my dear. Be seated.

Right. If no one's keen on the church story,

I can knock something up.

Now, a piece on reforming the House of Lords.

Dermot, you were going to look at that, weren't you?

-Something nutty about it? -Mm, molasses.

And Europe, we need to work out our official stance.

Are we for or against a single European market?

Are we in or out?

-Toffee, John? -Oh, you must try some, John.

I'm afraid I have a thing against toffee.

Why didn't I know that?

You can't know everything about me.

It's not the taste I object to so much.

I just have... painful memories.

As a child, I was sitting in a dentist's chair

because of a piece of toffee I ate.

Mm.

Oh, Lord.

Not again.

Sorry.

[mumbling] I've...

[Adeane] "Perhaps you don't understand

that on your steadfastness and ability to withstand

the fatigue of dull, repetitive work,

and your great courage in meeting constant small adversities,

depend, in great measure, the happiness and prosperity

of the community... as a whole.

The upward course of a nation's history

is due, in the long run, to the soundness of heart

of its average men and women."

Um...

Working men and women?

It has a touch more dignity, uh...

[Adeane] No, I think "average" is fine.

Thought you might be interested to see this.

It's a draft of the speech the Queen's going to give in a week's time.

I don't mind telling you I felt a bit uneasy about it.

Sir.

[sighs]

[Adeane] Yes?

Sir, forgive me if I'm interfering beyond my station...

-Tommy. -Martin.

You were about to interfere beyond your station.

Uh, [stutters] it's concerning the speech the Queen is due to give next week

at the Jaguar car factory.

-What about it? -[Charteris] I was just... wondering

if you were happy with it.

Well, obviously I'm happy with it,

or I wouldn't have shown it to Her Majesty

for the approval which she immediately gave.

-Did the Queen read it? -[Adeane] She didn't need to.

She merely asked if I was happy. I replied in the affirmative.

-That was good enough for Her Majesty. -[Lascelles] Hm.

[Adeane] But I can see that the really important question is,

is it good enough for Colonel Charteris?

You don't think it strikes the wrong tone?

In which sense?

[exhales] In its... uh, paternalism.

May I?

Thank you.

[stuttering] I suppose if I had a concern...

it would be that, post-Suez, in this new climate...

in this new Britain...

the tone of the speech is... somewhat...

Somewhat what?

Old-fashioned.

And would leave her open to attack.

-[Lascelles] From whom? -The newspapers.

People.

If I had a shilling for every time someone of a progressive

or liberal disposition had warned needlessly of a popular attack

against the Crown, I'd be a rich man.

The British people adore their sovereign.

It is what constitutes, indeed defines, being British.

No, the worst I've ever encountered is, uh, apathy,

where people simply accept the King or Queen

as they accept the sky above their heads.

But it's a long way from apathy to insurrection.

Now, as regards the newspapers, the Crown can count on their support

for two reasons: first, there is nothing to attack.

That's the advantage of a constitutional monarchy.

They have no power so there's nothing to complain about.

And even if they wanted to, they'd always let us know first.

The palace would then threaten them with a boycott

on the next major royal event,

causing the newspapers immediately to back down.

Because the very people you fear will hate the Queen

are the same ones who buy copies in their millions.

Why? Because they love her.

So I'm worrying unnecessarily?

Martin, I shall leave the drawing of that inescapable conclusion to you.

[sighs]

I'm going to take it in a little shorter, ma'am,

-and rounder at the back. -Lovely.

[Handel's "Zadok the Priest" playing]