Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,749 --> 00:00:14,226
Synced by emmasan
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:01:20,176 --> 00:01:22,433
What do I think love is?
3
00:01:24,033 --> 00:01:25,242
Uh...
4
00:01:25,325 --> 00:01:27,827
It's like when someone makes
your stomach feel all tight,
5
00:01:27,912 --> 00:01:31,456
but floaty at the same time, you know?
6
00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:34,876
And your cheeks hurt from smiling.
7
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:38,588
And you smile so much that people
think something's wrong with you.
8
00:01:38,672 --> 00:01:40,465
Love is light.
9
00:01:42,551 --> 00:01:44,386
Acceptance.
10
00:01:47,264 --> 00:01:48,307
Fire.
11
00:01:48,390 --> 00:01:49,724
Pain.
12
00:01:51,101 --> 00:01:52,644
Horrible pain.
13
00:01:54,354 --> 00:01:55,855
That you want again and again.
14
00:01:55,940 --> 00:01:57,942
And also, fucking.
15
00:01:58,025 --> 00:02:02,196
Twenty-four seven, deep-dick,
can't-walk-right fucking.
16
00:02:03,488 --> 00:02:09,411
Well, you know me. I got
so much to say about love.
17
00:02:12,247 --> 00:02:17,502
And one year, this Wall Street
guy flew me in a helicopter to D.C.
18
00:02:17,586 --> 00:02:19,046
For serious?
19
00:02:19,129 --> 00:02:21,756
Valentine's Day makes guys
go crazy. They love it.
20
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,676
Men hate Valentine's Day.
21
00:02:24,759 --> 00:02:26,053
They don't act like they hate it.
22
00:02:26,136 --> 00:02:28,347
That's because you look
like Sof�a Vergara.
23
00:02:28,430 --> 00:02:31,350
Them things is real. I once
saw her jogging in Tribeca.
24
00:02:31,433 --> 00:02:35,645
Ian hasn't visited in so long. It'd
be nice if he showed up tomorrow.
25
00:02:35,729 --> 00:02:39,733
But he's only got a Vespa and
it's too cold to ride this far.
26
00:02:39,816 --> 00:02:43,362
One year, Yadriel got me flowers. He
stole them from his cousin's funeral.
27
00:02:43,445 --> 00:02:45,030
- It was so sweet.
- Please.
28
00:02:45,114 --> 00:02:47,824
Valentine's Day was invented
to make people feel like shit
29
00:02:47,907 --> 00:02:49,868
if they're not part of some perfect couple.
30
00:02:49,951 --> 00:02:50,952
True.
31
00:02:51,036 --> 00:02:55,624
Diablo says there are no perfect couples,
but each couple is perfect in its own way.
32
00:02:57,126 --> 00:03:00,254
It must be hard. Being
locked up on Valentine's Day.
33
00:03:01,463 --> 00:03:02,464
That's all.
34
00:03:02,547 --> 00:03:06,468
Aw. Thank you, Fischer. That
was really empathetic of you.
35
00:03:07,469 --> 00:03:09,471
- You want a cookie?
- Oh, sure. Thank you.
36
00:03:21,733 --> 00:03:23,860
- You need some water, Fischer?
- No. I'm fine.
37
00:03:25,029 --> 00:03:27,322
I knew she didn't swallow.
38
00:03:38,639 --> 00:03:40,558
Hi.
39
00:03:40,641 --> 00:03:43,269
Where'd you make reservations
for tomorrow night?
40
00:03:44,479 --> 00:03:45,480
Wait, what?
41
00:03:45,563 --> 00:03:46,689
Shh.
42
00:03:46,772 --> 00:03:48,942
I'm trying to pretend
like we're a normal couple.
43
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:50,401
Oh.
44
00:03:52,070 --> 00:03:56,032
Um, well, I got us a table
for two at Lorenzo's.
45
00:03:56,116 --> 00:03:57,408
The one by the fireplace.
46
00:03:58,994 --> 00:04:03,414
I can't wait for you to see my dress.
It's sexy, but not slutty, you know?
47
00:04:05,791 --> 00:04:07,127
I can't wait to see it.
48
00:04:08,211 --> 00:04:11,922
Mamita, can you get me
another bag of flour?
49
00:04:18,096 --> 00:04:19,139
Here.
50
00:04:20,348 --> 00:04:23,726
- What's this?
- It's a list.
51
00:04:23,809 --> 00:04:26,229
Wanna keep the
mother-in-law happy, right?
52
00:04:26,312 --> 00:04:29,065
I figured I might as well
make use of sleepy hollow
53
00:04:29,149 --> 00:04:30,858
before the other shoe drops.
54
00:04:30,941 --> 00:04:32,235
Get it?
55
00:04:38,491 --> 00:04:41,744
So this is what Vee negotiated for us?
Using these broke-ass showers?
56
00:04:41,827 --> 00:04:44,330
- Man, that's some broke-ass negotiation.
- You think?
57
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:48,084
You do know that long showers
are bad for you. Yeah. Yeah.
58
00:04:48,168 --> 00:04:50,920
Mess with your keratinocytes and whatnots.
59
00:04:51,004 --> 00:04:53,339
Hey, Suzanne? Shut the fuck up.
60
00:04:58,011 --> 00:05:00,763
Yeah, why the hell would
I leave the library?
61
00:05:00,846 --> 00:05:02,265
It's the best job here.
62
00:05:02,348 --> 00:05:05,560
Because books do not pay the rent.
Books do not bourguignon the beef.
63
00:05:05,643 --> 00:05:07,187
We are starting something.
64
00:05:07,270 --> 00:05:10,065
I don't wanna join custodial.
65
00:05:10,190 --> 00:05:13,276
- And yet I am still asking you.
- No way. No.
66
00:05:13,359 --> 00:05:15,986
- Oh, come on. Come on!
- Shut up!
67
00:05:16,987 --> 00:05:18,364
You know what? Do you know
how easy it would've been
68
00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:19,949
for me to say no when
you came to me and said,
69
00:05:20,033 --> 00:05:21,617
"Vee, get me out of this group home"?
70
00:05:21,701 --> 00:05:26,122
"Save me from this sick fuck-faced
foster father I got!" Huh?
71
00:05:27,415 --> 00:05:29,750
- That's not fair.
- Fair? Girl, please.
72
00:05:29,834 --> 00:05:32,295
Fair's where you go get
you some cotton candy.
73
00:05:32,378 --> 00:05:34,797
Where you ride the tilt-a-whirl.
74
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,048
I'm looking for Jack.
75
00:05:37,425 --> 00:05:38,593
He's not here.
76
00:05:38,676 --> 00:05:40,970
He buys me chocolates every year.
77
00:05:41,053 --> 00:05:43,055
We're on a fixed income, of course.
78
00:05:43,139 --> 00:05:46,142
But he's gotta treat his
duckie right, he says.
79
00:05:46,226 --> 00:05:50,730
And if he can't find me, they'll be wasted.
80
00:05:53,399 --> 00:05:57,112
Fuck. Kill me in my sleep
if I ever get like that.
81
00:05:57,195 --> 00:06:01,782
Look. You're gonna think about it, right?
And then you gonna do as I say.
82
00:06:01,866 --> 00:06:02,867
Ah!
83
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:05,536
It's just chilling, you know?
84
00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:10,708
Kicking it with somebody,
talking, making mad stupid jokes.
85
00:06:10,791 --> 00:06:14,420
And, like, not even wanting to go to sleep,
86
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:19,259
'cause then you might be
without 'em for a minute.
87
00:06:19,342 --> 00:06:20,885
And you don't want that.
88
00:06:25,848 --> 00:06:27,308
_
89
00:06:31,896 --> 00:06:32,938
And...
90
00:06:34,106 --> 00:06:38,110
And done! Who's next? Who's next?
91
00:06:38,194 --> 00:06:39,237
Whoo!
92
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:40,363
_
93
00:06:41,197 --> 00:06:42,823
_
94
00:06:42,907 --> 00:06:45,326
_
95
00:06:46,619 --> 00:06:48,746
Get a room.
96
00:06:48,829 --> 00:06:50,873
German, fool. Talk it.
97
00:06:50,956 --> 00:06:52,833
Zing? Zinger?
98
00:06:52,917 --> 00:06:56,296
Das Zimmer. You're part of a
community. Respect its language.
99
00:06:56,379 --> 00:06:57,963
My father's part of a community.
100
00:06:58,047 --> 00:07:00,466
I'm the unfortunate
appendage he drags about
101
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:03,553
wherever your fight
against terror takes him.
102
00:07:03,969 --> 00:07:05,471
_
103
00:07:05,638 --> 00:07:08,558
How many times have
you had to move in your short little life?
104
00:07:08,641 --> 00:07:10,185
Too many.
105
00:07:10,268 --> 00:07:13,479
But this is the end of the
road. My pops promised.
106
00:07:15,105 --> 00:07:15,874
How do you say,
107
00:07:15,874 --> 00:07:21,404
"I'd like to watch as you two make
sweet, sweet lady love," in German?
108
00:07:21,487 --> 00:07:24,615
Nein, motherfucker. Nein.
109
00:07:32,122 --> 00:07:34,083
This job is bullshit.
110
00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:37,837
No. 'Tis a rewarding puzzle.
111
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,799
Ain't no puzzle. Makes electrical look good.
112
00:07:41,882 --> 00:07:44,552
Can't believe I let that
old bitch talk me into this.
113
00:07:44,635 --> 00:07:47,888
I wouldn't speak ill of
Miss Parker's methods.
114
00:07:47,972 --> 00:07:49,765
She wouldn't tolerate such words.
115
00:07:49,849 --> 00:07:52,227
Hey, now, Watson got the right
116
00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:54,812
to express her discomfort for her new job.
117
00:07:54,895 --> 00:07:57,315
Just because
cleaning quiets your discombobulation
118
00:07:57,398 --> 00:07:59,024
doesn't mean it does so for everyone.
119
00:08:00,193 --> 00:08:03,654
Point well
made, moppet. Point well made.
120
00:08:07,032 --> 00:08:08,909
You such a dumb-ass.
121
00:08:08,993 --> 00:08:11,412
Hey, Watson, you look a little tired.
122
00:08:11,496 --> 00:08:14,039
Maybe I could come by later
and massage your quads?
123
00:08:14,123 --> 00:08:16,501
Get the fuck out of here.
124
00:08:16,584 --> 00:08:18,586
You know, whatever y'all
got going on in here.
125
00:08:18,669 --> 00:08:21,922
You know, taking over
custodial. I want a piece.
126
00:08:22,006 --> 00:08:26,386
I use it to cover my eyes. That
way, you know, I won't see anything.
127
00:08:26,469 --> 00:08:32,433
Tomorrow night, I'm going to
put the "V" in your Valentine.
128
00:08:33,768 --> 00:08:36,020
That's right. Fuck me.
129
00:08:36,103 --> 00:08:38,981
Hey, Warren, who gonna be
your Valentine this year?
130
00:08:39,064 --> 00:08:42,318
You always battin' them
freaky blacks at somebody.
131
00:08:42,402 --> 00:08:43,403
Oh, no.
132
00:08:43,486 --> 00:08:47,740
No, this year I'm loving
someone who deserves me. Me.
133
00:08:49,284 --> 00:08:50,451
Loser.
134
00:08:50,535 --> 00:08:51,786
Shut up!
135
00:08:51,869 --> 00:08:55,205
Whatever. Depressing-ass
time of year, you ask me.
136
00:08:55,290 --> 00:08:56,499
Motherfucker!
137
00:08:58,042 --> 00:09:00,503
Shit. You pissed your pants?
138
00:09:03,256 --> 00:09:05,300
I'm gonna go find you a diaper.
139
00:09:06,717 --> 00:09:09,470
Your attention,
please. Visiting hours are now open.
140
00:09:09,554 --> 00:09:12,390
All prisoners are free to
go to the visiting room.
141
00:09:16,143 --> 00:09:18,688
Tomorrow's Florence Henderson's birthday!
142
00:09:18,771 --> 00:09:19,897
What?
143
00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:22,317
Valentine's day. Florence
Henderson's birthday!
144
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,403
We should be having our annual
naked Brady-thon celebration
145
00:09:25,486 --> 00:09:28,155
and I should be doing some kind
of a striptease to sunshine day.
146
00:09:28,238 --> 00:09:31,576
And then maybe something... maybe
something with Wesson oil, that...
147
00:09:31,659 --> 00:09:32,952
Piper.
148
00:09:35,621 --> 00:09:36,622
Hi.
149
00:09:39,292 --> 00:09:40,418
Hi.
150
00:09:42,462 --> 00:09:44,213
Hi.
151
00:09:44,297 --> 00:09:45,423
Hmm.
152
00:09:46,299 --> 00:09:48,509
I heard about your grandma.
153
00:09:51,387 --> 00:09:53,055
Larry...
154
00:09:55,308 --> 00:09:56,851
I want my home.
155
00:09:58,436 --> 00:10:00,313
When I get out of here,
156
00:10:02,315 --> 00:10:03,691
I wanna come home.
157
00:10:05,318 --> 00:10:07,612
That's quite the statement.
158
00:10:12,658 --> 00:10:14,327
You sure about that?
159
00:10:15,661 --> 00:10:18,498
Yeah, I'm sure.
160
00:10:20,666 --> 00:10:22,668
Well, I'm not asking you.
161
00:10:24,337 --> 00:10:28,549
I'm asking future Piper. Free Piper.
162
00:10:29,884 --> 00:10:32,553
Can you guarantee that you still will?
163
00:10:32,637 --> 00:10:34,972
Future Piper hopes so.
164
00:10:36,516 --> 00:10:38,351
Present Larry can't live on hope.
165
00:10:39,519 --> 00:10:42,647
Wasabi peas and peanut butter
pretzels, apparently, but not hope.
166
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:43,773
Please don't mention those things
167
00:10:43,856 --> 00:10:46,734
unless you're hiding
some up your butt for me.
168
00:10:49,529 --> 00:10:50,696
Piper,
169
00:10:53,533 --> 00:10:57,244
this reporter from City Post, Andrew Nance.
170
00:10:58,078 --> 00:10:59,288
He, um...
171
00:11:00,373 --> 00:11:03,626
He asked me about financial
irregularities here.
172
00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:07,922
Uh... vendors that don't exist,
buildings that were never built.
173
00:11:08,047 --> 00:11:09,965
And I was like, "fuck that.
174
00:11:11,133 --> 00:11:13,636
"Why should he write it? I'll write it."
175
00:11:13,719 --> 00:11:15,471
Write what?
176
00:11:15,555 --> 00:11:19,391
An article. With you
investigating from the inside.
177
00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:23,688
Freedom of the press shouldn't only
be a privilege of the free, right?
178
00:11:23,771 --> 00:11:25,272
- What do you say?
- Oh, my God.
179
00:11:25,355 --> 00:11:29,610
Oh, my God, Larry. Jesus Christ!
180
00:11:30,611 --> 00:11:31,612
- What...
- You're doing it again!
181
00:11:31,696 --> 00:11:34,073
What are you talking about?
182
00:11:34,156 --> 00:11:36,701
We'll fucking expose this place, Piper.
183
00:11:36,784 --> 00:11:41,038
You're the moon, Larry. You
have got to stop being the moon!
184
00:11:41,121 --> 00:11:42,457
What's wrong with being the moon?
185
00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:44,249
It doesn't have its own light.
186
00:11:44,333 --> 00:11:48,003
So, right. So, what?
That makes you the sun?
187
00:11:48,087 --> 00:11:50,506
Are you the sun, Piper? Huh?
188
00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:54,927
You're the center of the solar system
and I'm just a dead hunk of crap rock!
189
00:11:55,010 --> 00:11:57,597
How am I supposed to
become my own planet, Piper,
190
00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:00,850
when your shit is still everywhere?
191
00:12:00,933 --> 00:12:02,392
Huh?
192
00:12:02,477 --> 00:12:03,644
You get to move on.
193
00:12:03,728 --> 00:12:08,941
You get to fuck Alex or
whoever's next, and I'm stuck.
194
00:12:09,024 --> 00:12:13,362
I'm stuck with your sweaters and your shoes
195
00:12:13,445 --> 00:12:16,949
and your goddamn Sephora fucking
outlet store worth of products!
196
00:12:18,158 --> 00:12:19,952
You are everywhere.
197
00:12:22,454 --> 00:12:25,625
It's like living inside a sarcophagus.
198
00:12:27,001 --> 00:12:29,419
Well, take my stuff to Polly's
if it's so in your way.
199
00:12:32,297 --> 00:12:34,216
And you mean "mausoleum,"
not "sarcophagus."
200
00:12:34,299 --> 00:12:35,843
Don't tell me what I mean!
201
00:12:42,432 --> 00:12:44,143
At least people can walk on the moon.
202
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:49,064
Anyone gets near the
sun, they burn right up.
203
00:12:55,029 --> 00:12:58,157
Vee says she's too old.
Don't believe it for a second!
204
00:12:59,491 --> 00:13:03,078
What that woman did to
me... people don't change.
205
00:13:03,162 --> 00:13:04,204
Hurry it up, will you?
206
00:13:05,748 --> 00:13:08,083
I'm trying, ma. The sparks
are burning my cheeks!
207
00:13:08,167 --> 00:13:10,878
Then turn your head! Where's your brother?
208
00:13:11,879 --> 00:13:15,257
He got claustrophobic. He's in
the woods, guarding the entrance.
209
00:13:16,258 --> 00:13:18,177
I'm just so sad, mamochka.
210
00:13:18,260 --> 00:13:19,679
I'm sorry she left you, Vastly,
211
00:13:19,762 --> 00:13:22,264
but I'm sure you did
something to deserve it.
212
00:13:22,347 --> 00:13:24,349
I used to watch her sleep
213
00:13:25,601 --> 00:13:28,604
and pray for the strength to
stop ruining everything, ma.
214
00:13:28,688 --> 00:13:31,481
And how did that work out for you?
215
00:13:31,566 --> 00:13:34,234
No work today. Come back tomorrow.
216
00:13:34,318 --> 00:13:35,861
Jack said he would be out here.
217
00:13:35,945 --> 00:13:37,697
I saw him get into a taxi.
218
00:13:38,530 --> 00:13:41,742
A taxi? Out here?
219
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:44,244
Imagine that.
220
00:13:45,245 --> 00:13:46,997
Thank you, young lady.
221
00:13:48,207 --> 00:13:49,541
Hurry it up, will you?
222
00:14:01,386 --> 00:14:02,471
Mama!
223
00:14:02,554 --> 00:14:07,184
You and your disgusting whining!
If you want your woman back, go get her.
224
00:14:07,267 --> 00:14:10,104
Now hand up the shit. Come on!
225
00:14:14,358 --> 00:14:17,069
- When you get out of here...
- Mm-hmm.
226
00:14:17,152 --> 00:14:19,196
Who do you imagine yourself going home to?
227
00:14:20,364 --> 00:14:21,824
Fiona Apple in the criminal video.
228
00:14:21,907 --> 00:14:23,367
Ah.
229
00:14:23,450 --> 00:14:25,494
Stupid question.
230
00:14:25,578 --> 00:14:26,746
What about you?
231
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:31,041
I always thought it would be Larry,
but I think it's time to re-imagine.
232
00:14:32,376 --> 00:14:36,338
This stupid fucking holiday.
233
00:14:37,422 --> 00:14:39,466
Listen, if you want, I can
help you forget what day it is.
234
00:14:40,593 --> 00:14:43,053
You know, or your name, for that matter.
235
00:14:43,137 --> 00:14:44,179
You know, no.
236
00:14:44,263 --> 00:14:46,473
I am not interested in being a prize,
237
00:14:46,556 --> 00:14:51,186
albeit a shockingly-undervalued
one, in your little sex game.
238
00:14:51,270 --> 00:14:52,980
Fine.
239
00:14:53,063 --> 00:14:59,028
I lost my manipulative,
gorgeous, psychopath ex
240
00:14:59,111 --> 00:15:05,785
and my sweet, kind, unfocused fianc�.
241
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,747
I don't have a home anymore.
242
00:15:09,830 --> 00:15:11,540
Yeah, Chapman, you do.
243
00:15:12,875 --> 00:15:14,794
This shit pile.
244
00:15:14,877 --> 00:15:16,879
Home sweet home.
245
00:15:16,962 --> 00:15:18,172
Look, I gotta say,
246
00:15:18,255 --> 00:15:20,424
your unfocused fianc� is on the
right track with this article shit.
247
00:15:20,507 --> 00:15:24,178
I mean, this is like my 20th time trying
to fix a short in this panel alone.
248
00:15:24,261 --> 00:15:25,512
Nobody's spending money here.
249
00:15:28,641 --> 00:15:31,560
Hey. Gallego said you were looking for me?
250
00:15:31,644 --> 00:15:35,605
Joe, these phone calls. They're amazing!
251
00:15:35,690 --> 00:15:37,775
Listen.
252
00:15:37,858 --> 00:15:40,402
I said to keep
an eye on him, not fuck him!
253
00:15:40,485 --> 00:15:42,822
It was only in
the ass. That don't count.
254
00:15:42,905 --> 00:15:44,073
I'm telling mom.
255
00:15:44,156 --> 00:15:45,240
Whoa.
256
00:15:45,324 --> 00:15:48,535
I know! Anyway. It's so
interesting. All these lives.
257
00:15:48,618 --> 00:15:50,079
It's like reading Dickens!
258
00:15:50,162 --> 00:15:53,248
It's good. Showing initiative.
259
00:15:53,332 --> 00:15:55,542
Maybe it'll help get Fig off my ass.
260
00:15:55,625 --> 00:15:58,378
You know she asked me
to impose a shot quota?
261
00:15:58,462 --> 00:16:00,339
This is ridiculous.
262
00:16:00,422 --> 00:16:02,507
I love that you stand up to her.
263
00:16:05,344 --> 00:16:09,306
So, how are things going
with... what's his name?
264
00:16:10,933 --> 00:16:14,519
They're not going. He wore a lot of vests.
265
00:16:14,603 --> 00:16:16,355
Ah.
266
00:16:16,438 --> 00:16:19,649
Well, that happens.
267
00:16:19,734 --> 00:16:22,945
You know, I play in this band...
268
00:16:23,028 --> 00:16:25,572
You're in a band? Wow!
269
00:16:25,655 --> 00:16:27,032
Yeah?
270
00:16:28,492 --> 00:16:31,161
Yeah. It's no big deal.
271
00:16:32,287 --> 00:16:35,665
We play in town tomorrow
night. You wanna come?
272
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:38,418
Oh, I'm working the Valentine's party.
273
00:16:40,587 --> 00:16:41,756
I'll get you off.
274
00:16:43,841 --> 00:16:45,300
I'll get you off the schedule.
275
00:16:47,469 --> 00:16:49,638
I can get your shift covered. It's fine.
276
00:16:49,722 --> 00:16:52,975
Well, I do love music! That'd be awesome.
277
00:16:53,058 --> 00:16:54,518
- Thanks.
- Great.
278
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,731
- I'll see you there then!
- Okay.
279
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:08,115
I had this thing with my
boss at Long John Silver's.
280
00:17:08,198 --> 00:17:11,076
And then I found out
his wife was wicked hot.
281
00:17:12,912 --> 00:17:15,372
So that was nice.
282
00:17:15,455 --> 00:17:17,833
"'How do you know I'm mad?' Said Alice.
283
00:17:17,917 --> 00:17:21,670
"'You must be, ' said the cat,
'or you wouldn't have come here.'"
284
00:17:21,754 --> 00:17:25,132
Mmm. Shit. You right.
285
00:17:25,215 --> 00:17:27,592
Lewis Carroll must have gone to prison.
286
00:17:28,886 --> 00:17:31,055
RJ's mom was named Alice.
287
00:17:31,138 --> 00:17:33,682
Oh, yeah? She fall down a rabbit hole?
288
00:17:33,766 --> 00:17:35,851
- No. A crack hole.
- Ah.
289
00:17:35,935 --> 00:17:38,771
She found a little rock.
Said "smoke me," on it.
290
00:17:38,854 --> 00:17:41,731
That's not funny. That shit was serious.
291
00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:45,903
"Smoke me." You a dumb-ass.
292
00:17:45,986 --> 00:17:48,447
Jefferson. Say goodbye.
You're on custodial now.
293
00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:49,698
Already?
294
00:17:49,782 --> 00:17:53,202
- Wait. You leaving?
- Yeah.
295
00:17:53,285 --> 00:17:55,955
Remember, I told you Vee was
getting something together?
296
00:17:56,038 --> 00:17:58,623
But why would you leave the library,
man? You know you love it here.
297
00:17:58,707 --> 00:18:00,167
You don't understand.
298
00:18:01,168 --> 00:18:02,795
I owe her.
299
00:18:04,296 --> 00:18:07,549
She could probably get
you transferred, I bet.
300
00:18:07,632 --> 00:18:08,675
Nah.
301
00:18:09,844 --> 00:18:11,511
No, I know when I got it good.
302
00:18:12,637 --> 00:18:15,975
Okay. Well, I'll see you at dinner.
303
00:18:29,654 --> 00:18:30,655
_
304
00:18:31,281 --> 00:18:32,282
_
305
00:18:32,782 --> 00:18:33,783
_
306
00:18:33,868 --> 00:18:34,869
_
307
00:18:34,952 --> 00:18:35,995
Sorry.
308
00:18:40,332 --> 00:18:42,084
Okay.
309
00:18:47,965 --> 00:18:48,966
_
310
00:18:49,508 --> 00:18:51,010
- Yeah? Yeah?
- Yeah.
311
00:18:53,178 --> 00:18:54,179
_
312
00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:55,597
_
313
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:58,808
_
314
00:19:12,697 --> 00:19:14,658
_
315
00:19:15,742 --> 00:19:17,995
_
316
00:19:19,538 --> 00:19:21,123
_
317
00:19:21,415 --> 00:19:23,792
_
318
00:19:25,252 --> 00:19:27,504
_
319
00:19:29,798 --> 00:19:31,133
_
320
00:19:32,217 --> 00:19:34,386
_
321
00:19:44,063 --> 00:19:45,105
_
322
00:19:57,451 --> 00:19:58,911
_
323
00:20:11,548 --> 00:20:12,799
Oh, yeah.
324
00:20:13,968 --> 00:20:15,385
_
325
00:20:19,639 --> 00:20:21,141
What the fuck?
326
00:21:28,875 --> 00:21:31,336
- Just this.
- It's on the list.
327
00:21:31,420 --> 00:21:33,047
- It's fucking vapor!
- Give me a break, Eliqua.
328
00:21:33,130 --> 00:21:36,883
Caputo's up my ass today.
Put it in your car. Next.
329
00:21:47,936 --> 00:21:49,896
Pat-downs are mandatory now.
330
00:22:02,367 --> 00:22:03,952
I'm just kidding.
331
00:22:04,036 --> 00:22:06,455
I don't wanna touch that peg-leg shit.
332
00:22:06,538 --> 00:22:09,374
Happy Valentine's Day. Next.
333
00:22:20,719 --> 00:22:21,886
Look at this shit.
334
00:22:24,139 --> 00:22:27,058
You're lucky you're pretty.
You know that, right?
335
00:22:28,268 --> 00:22:29,978
What does that one say?
336
00:22:30,061 --> 00:22:34,524
"Ian." In case he shows up today. Stupid.
337
00:22:35,525 --> 00:22:37,111
Shit.
338
00:22:42,073 --> 00:22:44,243
I'm so glad we're family.
339
00:23:01,176 --> 00:23:04,929
- Happy Valentine's Day.
- Thanks.
340
00:23:07,349 --> 00:23:10,727
Are you cooking up something
special for me today?
341
00:23:10,810 --> 00:23:12,646
The house smells great.
342
00:23:13,647 --> 00:23:17,359
That's what you're gonna expect me to do?
Cook for you? Be your little housewife?
343
00:23:17,442 --> 00:23:18,527
It's not happening.
344
00:23:18,610 --> 00:23:21,946
No. I thought we were playing the...
345
00:23:22,030 --> 00:23:23,448
I don't care if you cook.
346
00:23:24,449 --> 00:23:27,035
Sorry. I've just been depressed today.
347
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,747
I don't want to play
the normal game anymore
348
00:23:30,830 --> 00:23:33,667
'cause I don't know how we
ever are gonna be normal.
349
00:23:39,256 --> 00:23:41,508
Well, just so you know.
Counselors can be a great resource
350
00:23:41,591 --> 00:23:44,469
if you feel like you need
to talk or cry or something.
351
00:23:44,553 --> 00:23:45,887
- Who'd you get?
- Healy.
352
00:23:45,970 --> 00:23:46,971
Oh.
353
00:23:47,055 --> 00:23:49,057
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
354
00:23:49,140 --> 00:23:51,935
I just get the sense that none
of the girls really like him.
355
00:23:52,018 --> 00:23:53,978
But you're tough, you'll be fine.
356
00:23:56,064 --> 00:24:00,902
Have you noticed we've been blowing
a lot of fuses around here lately?
357
00:24:00,985 --> 00:24:02,737
You're just noticing this
place is falling apart?
358
00:24:02,821 --> 00:24:05,782
Doesn't the prison have a
budget for infrastructure?
359
00:24:05,865 --> 00:24:07,116
Sure.
360
00:24:07,201 --> 00:24:11,162
And what happened to the
electrical budget from last quarter?
361
00:24:11,246 --> 00:24:15,250
It went to "upgrading the A block
grid and loading dock panel."
362
00:24:15,334 --> 00:24:16,710
Really? We did that?
363
00:24:16,793 --> 00:24:18,169
That's what the budget report says.
364
00:24:18,253 --> 00:24:20,255
- So we did it?
- Okay.
365
00:24:20,339 --> 00:24:21,756
- So it happened?
- Why not?
366
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,758
I don't understand.
367
00:24:23,842 --> 00:24:26,177
Trust me. You don't want to.
368
00:24:26,261 --> 00:24:31,600
Congratulations. Hour's up.
You just earned another 11 cents.
369
00:24:36,355 --> 00:24:40,484
All right, everybody. Dolphin pose.
370
00:24:48,533 --> 00:24:50,619
You know, I think I can help
you with the dolphin pose.
371
00:24:50,702 --> 00:24:53,037
The trick is to make sure that
your pelvic basin is just right...
372
00:24:53,121 --> 00:24:54,539
Get away from me.
373
00:25:09,388 --> 00:25:12,391
No way! Thanks, Red.
374
00:25:17,396 --> 00:25:21,024
Red! Bless you!
375
00:25:25,404 --> 00:25:28,990
Now, let's return to dolphin pose.
376
00:25:31,951 --> 00:25:33,077
Kukicha tea.
377
00:25:36,331 --> 00:25:37,707
Well, look who's back.
378
00:25:41,795 --> 00:25:45,924
Sorry to interrupt, girls.
Continue with your dolphins.
379
00:25:50,136 --> 00:25:52,889
Fuck, just bagged a four-pointer.
380
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,605
We're almost tied.
381
00:26:04,776 --> 00:26:05,777
Listen up.
382
00:26:06,778 --> 00:26:09,280
This angry nonsense has to stop.
383
00:26:11,032 --> 00:26:13,743
We're going to need each other soon.
384
00:26:13,827 --> 00:26:15,244
All of us.
385
00:26:30,344 --> 00:26:31,720
I'm not kidding, Nicky.
386
00:26:32,846 --> 00:26:36,516
We have to stick together.
We're stronger together.
387
00:26:37,809 --> 00:26:39,644
So you try to buy their love back?
388
00:26:41,438 --> 00:26:43,064
Yeah. Thanks, Red.
389
00:26:52,699 --> 00:26:55,076
Why are you asking me that?
390
00:26:56,202 --> 00:27:00,665
You shouldn't be talking to me.
So... you shouldn't be...
391
00:27:02,584 --> 00:27:05,462
- Fourteen foot powders.
- Check.
392
00:27:05,545 --> 00:27:08,465
- Twenty Effergrips.
- Check that.
393
00:27:08,548 --> 00:27:10,842
Remember when we sold smokes?
394
00:27:10,925 --> 00:27:13,344
God, I swear I'm gonna vote libertarian.
395
00:27:13,428 --> 00:27:16,305
I gotta run to my car. I'll be right back.
396
00:27:22,812 --> 00:27:24,105
Mind if I step out for a moment?
397
00:27:24,188 --> 00:27:25,940
I don't give a shit.
398
00:27:32,363 --> 00:27:33,657
Let me guess.
399
00:27:33,740 --> 00:27:39,370
"Yo, Vee, I'm just so mad since y'all
got Taystee transferred to custodial.
400
00:27:39,454 --> 00:27:43,249
"Just left me in the library
with my titties in my hand."
401
00:27:44,751 --> 00:27:45,752
Close?
402
00:27:46,503 --> 00:27:49,380
No, you left out, "if you get
her in trouble, I'll kill you."
403
00:27:52,091 --> 00:27:53,760
- Really?
- Bet.
404
00:27:55,261 --> 00:27:57,639
- And how would you kill me?
- I'll figure it out.
405
00:27:59,223 --> 00:28:03,061
I know she thinks she owes
you, but from what I heard,
406
00:28:04,395 --> 00:28:08,191
you're just a bully who uses
lost kids for her own shit
407
00:28:08,274 --> 00:28:10,777
and then dumps 'em soon
as the heat comes down.
408
00:28:10,860 --> 00:28:12,070
You're a fucking vampire.
409
00:28:13,112 --> 00:28:16,908
There was this kid growing
up. Name was Haro Jones.
410
00:28:19,619 --> 00:28:21,996
He had these arms. I just wanted to...
411
00:28:23,247 --> 00:28:27,043
Lick the length of his arms.
412
00:28:27,126 --> 00:28:29,796
And then one day I walked into the park.
413
00:28:31,506 --> 00:28:34,133
Found his hand up Jamela Larkin's skirt.
414
00:28:35,259 --> 00:28:36,427
Broke my poor fool heart.
415
00:28:36,511 --> 00:28:39,097
Look, lady, I don't give a fuck
about your little stories and shit...
416
00:28:39,180 --> 00:28:40,264
Taystee...
417
00:28:41,808 --> 00:28:42,809
Will...
418
00:28:44,227 --> 00:28:45,770
Never...
419
00:28:45,854 --> 00:28:47,606
Love...
420
00:28:47,689 --> 00:28:48,732
You.
421
00:28:49,816 --> 00:28:52,026
She will never love you.
422
00:28:53,862 --> 00:28:55,447
Not the way you want.
423
00:29:02,286 --> 00:29:04,330
Yo, I don't want her like that.
424
00:29:05,665 --> 00:29:09,461
I'm just looking out for her. That's all.
425
00:29:27,646 --> 00:29:32,692
Yo, pops, some fucking Chinese soldiers
was just smoking right outside my window.
426
00:29:37,030 --> 00:29:38,490
I'm so sorry.
427
00:29:38,573 --> 00:29:40,408
What? Where's mom?
428
00:29:40,492 --> 00:29:41,576
She's fine.
429
00:29:42,827 --> 00:29:44,746
We're being transferred back to the States.
430
00:29:44,829 --> 00:29:47,749
I don't know why, but we are.
431
00:29:50,502 --> 00:29:51,670
What?
432
00:29:51,753 --> 00:29:53,087
Sorry.
433
00:29:54,714 --> 00:29:56,633
I let you both down, P.
434
00:29:59,719 --> 00:30:01,763
I don't know what to say.
435
00:30:17,571 --> 00:30:18,822
All right.
436
00:30:28,540 --> 00:30:31,543
Jesus! What the...
437
00:30:44,764 --> 00:30:46,057
You're out of bounds, Chapman.
438
00:30:47,559 --> 00:30:50,562
Well, I won't tell if you don't.
439
00:30:54,107 --> 00:30:55,483
Treating us like we're prisoners.
440
00:30:57,736 --> 00:31:03,199
Hey, you know, I heard that there
were plans to build a gym here.
441
00:31:03,282 --> 00:31:04,909
Do you know whatever happened to that?
442
00:31:04,993 --> 00:31:06,077
What always happens.
443
00:31:07,078 --> 00:31:08,663
I'll take it from here.
444
00:31:12,792 --> 00:31:14,586
Just looking for a faulty wire.
445
00:31:14,669 --> 00:31:16,921
Why are you asking Maxwell about a gym?
446
00:31:17,964 --> 00:31:20,717
From what I hear, you're
full of questions lately.
447
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:22,551
You know that I have always been interested
448
00:31:22,636 --> 00:31:24,721
in the health and safety of others.
449
00:31:25,805 --> 00:31:27,849
I'm trying to help you with your nana.
450
00:31:27,932 --> 00:31:31,269
So again, why are you
asking all these questions?
451
00:31:40,111 --> 00:31:42,864
"Freedom of the press shouldn't
only be a privilege of the free."
452
00:31:44,448 --> 00:31:47,118
What the fuck does that mean?
453
00:31:47,201 --> 00:31:49,328
What does the press have
anything to do with this?
454
00:31:52,666 --> 00:31:54,751
I'm starting a prison newsletter.
455
00:31:54,834 --> 00:31:56,628
- A newsletter?
- A newsletter.
456
00:31:57,712 --> 00:32:00,924
A newsletter... written by the prisoners...
457
00:32:01,007 --> 00:32:06,680
with articles and Op-Ed pieces.
458
00:32:06,763 --> 00:32:08,556
That is why I've been trying
to get out of my bubble
459
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,349
and get to know this place.
460
00:32:10,433 --> 00:32:13,477
We... this is our home.
461
00:32:15,146 --> 00:32:17,691
We should all be communicating more.
462
00:32:17,774 --> 00:32:21,861
Inmates, guards, administration.
463
00:32:21,945 --> 00:32:24,197
This could really,
464
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:30,328
really help us get to know each
other and this place better.
465
00:32:33,039 --> 00:32:36,584
Pending your approval, of course,
466
00:32:38,753 --> 00:32:42,757
Mr. Editor-In-Chief.
467
00:32:42,841 --> 00:32:44,092
Don't oversell it.
468
00:32:50,890 --> 00:32:52,433
- A newsletter?
- Mmm.
469
00:32:54,102 --> 00:32:56,771
Okay. I'm not saying yes.
470
00:32:58,189 --> 00:33:00,274
Show me some sample stories by tomorrow.
471
00:33:00,358 --> 00:33:03,027
Tomorrow? Sure. Okay. Yeah.
472
00:33:05,404 --> 00:33:07,490
The girls used to like me.
473
00:33:10,869 --> 00:33:12,661
They will again.
474
00:33:15,874 --> 00:33:18,251
Hey, hey, hey. How my girls doing?
475
00:33:23,089 --> 00:33:24,090
Ooh.
476
00:33:25,216 --> 00:33:27,593
Why you got your famous pouty face on?
477
00:33:28,887 --> 00:33:30,554
I don't understand what you doing.
478
00:33:30,638 --> 00:33:32,681
Yeah? And how many times have
you not understood my methods
479
00:33:32,766 --> 00:33:35,018
only to have everything be made clear?
480
00:33:35,101 --> 00:33:37,311
Yeah, like when the cops were after RJ?
481
00:33:37,395 --> 00:33:41,399
God damn! You done gone for
the nuclear option early.
482
00:33:41,482 --> 00:33:43,651
Why don't you
ever wanna talk about RJ?
483
00:33:43,735 --> 00:33:47,571
Because it's in the past, girl.
I live in the now. So should you.
484
00:33:47,655 --> 00:33:52,285
All damn day I've been scrubbing
toilets, defending you.
485
00:33:52,368 --> 00:33:54,287
And I don't even believe in you anymore!
486
00:33:54,370 --> 00:33:55,621
- Taystee.
- No!
487
00:33:55,704 --> 00:33:57,456
You don't have a plan.
488
00:33:57,540 --> 00:34:00,459
You just wanna prove that
you can order me around.
489
00:34:00,543 --> 00:34:02,336
But no, not anymore.
490
00:34:02,420 --> 00:34:03,838
- Open the box.
- What?
491
00:34:03,922 --> 00:34:05,714
Open the box.
492
00:34:11,930 --> 00:34:14,766
Man, I told you. I'm done cleaning.
493
00:34:17,060 --> 00:34:18,602
What are you doing?
494
00:34:19,938 --> 00:34:22,273
What? Tobacco?
495
00:34:24,943 --> 00:34:26,820
But where's the cleanser?
496
00:34:34,472 --> 00:34:37,357
__
497
00:34:46,965 --> 00:34:49,258
Okay, it's like getting into a bath,
498
00:34:49,342 --> 00:34:52,971
but the water is like
warm chocolate pudding.
499
00:34:53,054 --> 00:34:56,765
And The Smiths are playing there
is a light that never goes out.
500
00:34:56,850 --> 00:35:01,896
Oh. There's warm lighting all over and
there're like five dudes massaging you.
501
00:35:03,647 --> 00:35:05,608
And you have a pizza.
502
00:35:05,691 --> 00:35:08,361
She's right. And you also have a pizza.
503
00:35:14,492 --> 00:35:17,495
Hey, I got some hooch from
that Greek chick with the beard.
504
00:35:22,166 --> 00:35:24,710
- That's pretty good!
- Yeah?
505
00:35:24,793 --> 00:35:29,924
Fischer's out today. Apparently
having her woman time.
506
00:35:30,008 --> 00:35:31,759
Oh.
507
00:35:31,843 --> 00:35:32,927
Where's Joe?
508
00:35:33,011 --> 00:35:36,014
He's out, too. Yeah.
509
00:35:36,097 --> 00:35:39,475
Let 'em have their stupid little party
and then don't put enough muscle on.
510
00:35:39,558 --> 00:35:41,102
So typical.
511
00:35:41,185 --> 00:35:43,646
Bronikowski, leave room for Jesus.
512
00:35:43,729 --> 00:35:46,649
I will shut this thing down in a heartbeat.
513
00:35:48,692 --> 00:35:50,361
You know what's funny?
514
00:35:51,529 --> 00:35:54,032
I'm in a women's prison,
515
00:35:55,699 --> 00:35:58,119
but I don't understand women at all.
516
00:35:58,202 --> 00:36:00,704
I'll tell you something
about women, Bennett.
517
00:36:00,788 --> 00:36:03,791
With women, you make 'em think
you're meeting them halfway,
518
00:36:03,875 --> 00:36:05,543
when really what you're doing is
519
00:36:05,626 --> 00:36:08,922
you're meeting them about
10% to 15% of the way.
520
00:36:10,381 --> 00:36:14,302
Women are really bad at
math. Don't forget that.
521
00:36:16,095 --> 00:36:17,846
I won't, sir.
522
00:36:22,726 --> 00:36:25,646
- Did Jack call yet?
- Who?
523
00:36:37,283 --> 00:36:40,578
Listen, Daya. I know we
can't be normal, but...
524
00:36:41,245 --> 00:36:42,830
Shh.
525
00:36:42,914 --> 00:36:45,666
Take me somewhere. Now.
526
00:36:55,634 --> 00:36:57,971
Wow. They're bigger!
527
00:37:01,975 --> 00:37:03,476
Let's go.
528
00:37:40,638 --> 00:37:41,639
What is this?
529
00:37:42,931 --> 00:37:45,101
Yo!
530
00:37:47,853 --> 00:37:49,397
Close your eyes.
531
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:51,190
- What? Why?
- Close 'em.
532
00:37:54,652 --> 00:37:56,237
Open your lips.
533
00:37:58,322 --> 00:37:59,907
Less.
534
00:37:59,991 --> 00:38:01,159
- T...
- Do it.
535
00:38:10,668 --> 00:38:13,587
What? What's this? A cigarette?
536
00:38:15,256 --> 00:38:19,093
We in business, P! Vee's
got a whole sales plan.
537
00:38:19,177 --> 00:38:22,221
We getting paid! I told you.
538
00:38:22,305 --> 00:38:25,058
Next-level Mr. Miyagi shit, son!
539
00:38:29,687 --> 00:38:31,230
_
540
00:38:32,065 --> 00:38:33,066
_
541
00:38:33,482 --> 00:38:34,733
_
542
00:38:34,983 --> 00:38:35,984
_
543
00:38:36,319 --> 00:38:37,320
_
544
00:38:37,861 --> 00:38:39,697
_
545
00:38:41,282 --> 00:38:42,366
_
546
00:38:44,202 --> 00:38:45,203
_
547
00:38:45,619 --> 00:38:47,371
_
548
00:38:48,414 --> 00:38:49,707
_
549
00:38:50,041 --> 00:38:52,085
_
550
00:38:52,668 --> 00:38:56,630
_
551
00:38:56,839 --> 00:38:58,382
_
552
00:38:59,217 --> 00:39:00,718
_
553
00:39:02,053 --> 00:39:03,887
_
554
00:39:20,738 --> 00:39:23,157
Well, that was unexpected.
555
00:39:23,241 --> 00:39:26,494
Sorry. I was in a mood before.
556
00:39:29,247 --> 00:39:31,290
You're the sweetest man.
557
00:39:33,292 --> 00:39:34,335
Here.
558
00:39:42,593 --> 00:39:44,011
Look at the dog!
559
00:39:45,971 --> 00:39:47,556
This is so great.
560
00:39:49,267 --> 00:39:50,851
So was this.
561
00:39:50,934 --> 00:39:52,936
Mmm. This.
562
00:39:57,233 --> 00:39:59,110
Sneaky, sneaky man.
563
00:40:04,072 --> 00:40:08,827
See? We can be a normal couple.
Except you misspelled "Valentine's."
564
00:40:11,289 --> 00:40:12,498
No, I didn't.
565
00:40:14,250 --> 00:40:16,127
Mendez did.
566
00:40:30,808 --> 00:40:31,809
Hi.
567
00:40:34,312 --> 00:40:36,564
I was wondering if I could
ask you a few questions
568
00:40:36,647 --> 00:40:38,274
for a newsletter we're starting.
569
00:40:38,357 --> 00:40:42,320
A newsletter? Okay, good luck.
570
00:40:42,403 --> 00:40:46,490
So, since it's Valentine's Day,
571
00:40:47,825 --> 00:40:49,743
what is love to you?
572
00:40:49,827 --> 00:40:51,412
How would you define love?
573
00:40:51,495 --> 00:40:53,956
That's a retarded fucking question.
574
00:40:55,666 --> 00:40:57,335
Okay. Um...
575
00:40:59,253 --> 00:41:00,629
How about this?
576
00:41:01,839 --> 00:41:03,216
When was the last time
577
00:41:03,299 --> 00:41:06,635
you saw any major plumbing
work being done around here?
578
00:41:07,845 --> 00:41:09,222
Hmm.
579
00:41:09,305 --> 00:41:13,601
- '04 to '05, maybe?
- '04 to '05.
580
00:41:13,684 --> 00:41:18,356
This fatso named Donna Cusio
broke three toilets in one week.
581
00:41:19,607 --> 00:41:21,984
It was a mess, man.
582
00:41:26,530 --> 00:41:30,201
I bet. Big, big woman.
583
00:41:36,749 --> 00:41:39,293
_
584
00:41:42,045 --> 00:41:43,631
_
585
00:41:44,382 --> 00:41:45,383
_
586
00:41:48,010 --> 00:41:51,555
I just wanted to call
and wish you a happy Valentine's Day.
587
00:41:55,226 --> 00:41:56,810
_
588
00:41:57,185 --> 00:41:58,229
_
589
00:41:58,729 --> 00:42:00,022
_
590
00:42:05,611 --> 00:42:07,405
I learned that for you.
591
00:42:09,698 --> 00:42:13,952
I'm a good man, Katya. You'll see that.
592
00:42:15,704 --> 00:42:20,167
I'm gonna make you really proud
to be married to this big galoot.
593
00:42:21,544 --> 00:42:23,045
I swear to...
594
00:42:37,685 --> 00:42:39,353
What the fuck you
mean there's no Ferris?
595
00:42:39,437 --> 00:42:41,188
No, okay. Hear me out.
596
00:42:41,272 --> 00:42:42,856
Ferris is just a projection
597
00:42:42,940 --> 00:42:46,610
of Cameron's inability to stand
up to his domineering father.
598
00:42:46,694 --> 00:42:51,198
But here's the mind-fuck. Cameron
never actually leaves his room!
599
00:42:51,282 --> 00:42:52,283
Remember, he's sick.
600
00:42:52,366 --> 00:42:57,830
He invents this idealized self, Ferris.
Plus his, like, 30-year-old girlfriend.
601
00:42:57,913 --> 00:43:00,040
And then imagines this epic adventure
602
00:43:00,123 --> 00:43:03,544
with car chases, parades,
ball games, blah, blah, blah.
603
00:43:03,627 --> 00:43:04,878
So this day off
604
00:43:04,962 --> 00:43:08,048
is actually just the day off from his
rigid coherence to mind-body alignment...
605
00:43:08,131 --> 00:43:10,634
Would you please shut the fuck up?
606
00:43:12,636 --> 00:43:15,473
Sorry. It's just a theory I read.
607
00:43:18,476 --> 00:43:21,019
Next time, just sit on her face.
It shuts her right up.
608
00:43:21,103 --> 00:43:23,522
I'll keep that in mind.
609
00:43:39,663 --> 00:43:40,748
Why are you ignoring me?
610
00:43:43,250 --> 00:43:46,169
Why are you ignoring me?
Spit it out! Come on!
611
00:43:46,253 --> 00:43:50,341
Look, you've been lording over this
group like some Hillary Clinton dictator.
612
00:43:50,424 --> 00:43:51,842
- What?
- And we wanna be a democracy.
613
00:43:51,925 --> 00:43:53,511
Are you calling me Hillary Clinton?
614
00:43:54,345 --> 00:43:55,971
If the pantsuit fits.
615
00:43:57,305 --> 00:43:59,266
Look, we're done with you. Right?
616
00:44:00,183 --> 00:44:01,810
Y'all are done with me?
617
00:44:03,437 --> 00:44:05,981
That's really funny.
That's really funny, Leanne.
618
00:44:06,064 --> 00:44:08,191
'Cause if I'm Hillary Clinton,
619
00:44:08,275 --> 00:44:12,195
then y'all must be some sister-wife,
tweaker, slurpee-drinking,
620
00:44:12,279 --> 00:44:17,743
fourth-grade reading level,
daddy-on-cops, trailer trash nothing!
621
00:44:19,286 --> 00:44:20,287
And you know what? It's okay
622
00:44:20,371 --> 00:44:22,540
'cause you ain't never
even challenged me anyway.
623
00:44:22,623 --> 00:44:25,208
Actually, you know what?
None of you did. Not one.
624
00:44:25,292 --> 00:44:27,878
You keep playing tennis
with someone worse than you
625
00:44:27,961 --> 00:44:30,714
and you ain't never gonna
get better. So thank you.
626
00:44:30,798 --> 00:44:33,884
- You play tennis?
- It's a metaphor, you potato with eyes!
627
00:44:36,136 --> 00:44:39,890
You know what? Pardon my
French, but you can eat my shit.
628
00:44:39,973 --> 00:44:40,974
Whore.
629
00:44:41,058 --> 00:44:42,476
Whore. Whore.
630
00:44:45,729 --> 00:44:47,898
Man, that was awkward.
631
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,069
- Angie?
- Yeah?
632
00:44:52,152 --> 00:44:53,821
Go get me some punch.
633
00:44:56,406 --> 00:44:57,575
Fine.
634
00:45:17,470 --> 00:45:18,637
Great party.
635
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:22,182
Listen, we are so happy
636
00:45:22,265 --> 00:45:28,021
that you and Daya are having such
fun, special, secret times together.
637
00:45:28,105 --> 00:45:31,024
And we really admire you
providing for her so well.
638
00:45:31,108 --> 00:45:32,860
You know, despite the circumstances.
639
00:45:32,943 --> 00:45:34,444
And we just wanted to let you know
640
00:45:34,528 --> 00:45:38,281
that we support you 500%
with our continued silence.
641
00:45:38,365 --> 00:45:41,827
Considering as such, in your next
round of leg-based contraband,
642
00:45:41,910 --> 00:45:43,203
we had a couple requests
643
00:45:43,286 --> 00:45:46,289
that could make our aforementioned
silence a little bit more comfortable.
644
00:45:46,373 --> 00:45:49,585
I mean, I, personally,
request an iPod Shuffle.
645
00:45:49,668 --> 00:45:53,964
You know, loaded with alt and
post-punk, Depeche Mode, Erasure...
646
00:45:54,047 --> 00:45:57,551
And I need Yoo-hoo and act
fluoride rinse for my teeth.
647
00:45:57,635 --> 00:46:00,638
A cell phone. With a camera. Thank you.
648
00:46:01,805 --> 00:46:03,306
Happy Valentine's Day.
649
00:46:03,390 --> 00:46:05,100
- Thanks.
- Okay.
650
00:46:09,104 --> 00:46:10,939
You know, that's a fucking low blow,
651
00:46:11,023 --> 00:46:13,400
even for a filthy sewer rat
like you, Nichols. Really.
652
00:46:13,483 --> 00:46:15,569
You told people I have crabs.
653
00:46:15,653 --> 00:46:18,113
You just found out about that?
654
00:46:18,196 --> 00:46:19,197
It is cheating!
655
00:46:19,281 --> 00:46:22,785
Come on. A-Rod doesn't cry when
he gets plunked in Beantown.
656
00:46:22,868 --> 00:46:24,745
He sucks it up and tries to steal second.
657
00:46:24,828 --> 00:46:26,914
I've been trying to both
suck and steal second,
658
00:46:26,997 --> 00:46:28,957
but I can't because everybody
thinks I have cooties!
659
00:46:30,543 --> 00:46:33,420
Speaking of a set, how many you got?
660
00:46:33,503 --> 00:46:34,588
Thirty-six.
661
00:46:34,672 --> 00:46:37,633
After I gave Pirkle the double
shocker in the showers just now.
662
00:46:37,716 --> 00:46:39,426
Really? You Pirkled?
663
00:46:39,509 --> 00:46:41,595
Oh, I Pirkled and then I Pirkled again.
664
00:46:41,679 --> 00:46:45,015
- And?
- It was gnarly.
665
00:46:45,098 --> 00:46:46,516
It's macroclit.
666
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,811
- It was like blowing a toddler.
- Oh, my God!
667
00:46:48,894 --> 00:46:51,939
- It was so uncomfortable.
- That's fucking hilarious.
668
00:46:52,022 --> 00:46:55,734
Oh, God! So 36. We're tied.
669
00:46:56,777 --> 00:46:58,070
- Yep.
- Yeah.
670
00:46:59,237 --> 00:47:01,865
- Hey, do you wanna just stop?
- Have you considered maybe we just stop?
671
00:47:01,949 --> 00:47:04,326
- Because I could do that.
- I don't have to but if you want to.
672
00:47:04,409 --> 00:47:08,288
- 'Cause we both fucked...
- Lots.
673
00:47:08,371 --> 00:47:11,208
Remind me why we did this to
ourselves in the first place.
674
00:47:11,291 --> 00:47:13,335
Because I am insanely competitive.
675
00:47:13,418 --> 00:47:16,546
And I need to feed my addictive
tendencies at all times.
676
00:47:19,091 --> 00:47:20,801
Cookie-eating contest?
677
00:47:20,884 --> 00:47:24,137
Son, have you ever actually seen me?
678
00:47:24,221 --> 00:47:26,431
- You are going down.
- Get out...
679
00:47:40,278 --> 00:47:42,530
Thanks, guys. That was for Cora.
680
00:47:42,615 --> 00:47:46,243
We're gonna miss your laugh, corndog.
And we're gonna take five.
681
00:47:49,997 --> 00:47:54,209
Hey! You made it! We're just going on break.
682
00:47:54,292 --> 00:47:57,170
Wow. You look so different.
683
00:47:57,254 --> 00:48:01,008
Well, you know. I like to
keep things profesh at work.
684
00:48:02,009 --> 00:48:03,844
I saved you a stool with a view.
685
00:48:03,927 --> 00:48:06,179
Actually, we're gonna need a table.
686
00:48:06,263 --> 00:48:09,307
- I didn't know you were coming.
- You heard me say it sounded fun.
687
00:48:09,391 --> 00:48:11,769
I hope you don't mind I told
some of the guys about your show.
688
00:48:11,852 --> 00:48:12,978
I almost didn't make it.
689
00:48:13,061 --> 00:48:16,606
Get this, the sellers are now refusing
to drop the replacement contingency!
690
00:48:16,690 --> 00:48:18,233
Would you shut up about real estate?
691
00:48:18,316 --> 00:48:20,485
I asked you to move in
with me and you said no.
692
00:48:20,568 --> 00:48:23,321
So you have no talking rights here.
693
00:48:24,322 --> 00:48:26,909
This is nice. Like a double date!
694
00:48:26,992 --> 00:48:29,077
- We're not together.
- We're not together.
695
00:48:29,161 --> 00:48:30,578
Actually we're gonna need another chair.
696
00:48:31,579 --> 00:48:33,040
Why?
697
00:48:37,627 --> 00:48:39,587
You look like the gay Edge.
698
00:48:44,467 --> 00:48:46,219
Hey!
699
00:48:59,316 --> 00:49:04,071
It's like you become more you.
Which normally is like...
700
00:49:06,990 --> 00:49:12,913
But now it's okay...
Because the person, like,
701
00:49:15,623 --> 00:49:20,087
whoever, they chose to take all that on.
702
00:49:21,379 --> 00:49:23,048
All that weird stuff.
703
00:49:23,131 --> 00:49:27,594
Whatever's wrong or bad or hiding in you.
704
00:49:28,595 --> 00:49:30,848
Suddenly it's all right.
705
00:49:32,182 --> 00:49:34,893
You don't feel like such a freak anymore.
706
00:49:37,687 --> 00:49:38,897
Larry!
707
00:49:40,523 --> 00:49:42,609
Would the moon do this?
708
00:49:49,241 --> 00:49:50,450
I won!
709
00:49:52,995 --> 00:49:55,122
Larry! Good to see you, mate.
710
00:49:55,205 --> 00:49:56,289
Whew.
711
00:49:56,373 --> 00:49:58,291
Sorry about the stink. I killed a caribou!
712
00:49:58,375 --> 00:50:00,460
Less gamey marinated in pineapple juice.
713
00:50:00,543 --> 00:50:02,670
Also, makes your spunk taste good.
714
00:50:02,755 --> 00:50:06,466
So you're in luck, babe! What's that?
715
00:50:06,549 --> 00:50:07,801
Oh. It's, uh...
716
00:50:07,885 --> 00:50:10,137
It's Piper's stuff.
717
00:50:10,220 --> 00:50:13,431
Aw. Brother. Come on, we were
just heading out for some ramen.
718
00:50:13,515 --> 00:50:15,725
You know, we have a babysitter!
I'll leave these with the doorman.
719
00:50:15,809 --> 00:50:17,560
No, Pete. Really, I should... I...
720
00:50:17,644 --> 00:50:20,688
It's Valentine's Day,
asshole! Come join us.
721
00:50:43,962 --> 00:50:47,299
I found this in your trash.
722
00:50:47,382 --> 00:50:48,758
And this is...
723
00:50:53,180 --> 00:50:55,515
The guy you always talking about?
724
00:50:58,768 --> 00:51:01,563
Yeah, I know something about loving people
725
00:51:01,646 --> 00:51:04,107
who aren't smart enough
to wanna be loved back.
726
00:51:05,650 --> 00:51:07,986
But I learned a secret that I can tell you.
727
00:51:08,070 --> 00:51:09,404
They don't deserve it.
728
00:51:14,451 --> 00:51:17,120
He's ruined this day for me forever.
729
00:51:17,204 --> 00:51:19,747
Nobody knows that we're not together.
730
00:51:19,832 --> 00:51:22,667
Yeah, but you do.
731
00:51:29,132 --> 00:51:31,759
- I do. I do know.
- Yeah.
732
00:51:38,934 --> 00:51:40,268
You know what is crazy?
733
00:51:41,394 --> 00:51:44,439
I still wanna believe in all of this stuff.
734
00:51:45,273 --> 00:51:48,068
Even after everything that's happened.
735
00:51:49,736 --> 00:51:52,155
- Isn't that sad?
- Oh, no.
736
00:51:53,531 --> 00:51:55,742
I think that's brave.
737
00:51:57,244 --> 00:51:58,370
Thank you.
738
00:52:13,176 --> 00:52:17,764
Seriously. Do you think
I should get fake tits?
739
00:52:20,267 --> 00:52:22,435
Yeah. Probably.
740
00:52:30,777 --> 00:52:32,195
Asshole.
741
00:52:36,033 --> 00:52:37,492
You know what gets me?
742
00:52:38,701 --> 00:52:43,165
We're wasting the best
years of our lives in here.
743
00:52:43,248 --> 00:52:46,543
Like, our tits are never gonna look better.
744
00:52:46,626 --> 00:52:50,088
Our asses are never gonna look better.
745
00:52:50,172 --> 00:52:54,676
You know, no one's touching my
ass. No one's kissing my lips.
746
00:52:55,928 --> 00:53:00,723
Shit. I'll kiss your dumb lips.
747
00:53:07,897 --> 00:53:09,066
Do it again.
748
00:53:29,252 --> 00:53:31,964
- No!
- No! No.
749
00:53:32,047 --> 00:53:33,548
No.
750
00:53:35,092 --> 00:53:36,593
Come here.
751
00:53:39,429 --> 00:53:40,930
It's okay.
752
00:54:00,450 --> 00:54:03,911
Yo, P. Come and show these fools
how to cabbage patch for real.
753
00:54:03,996 --> 00:54:05,288
Nah. I'm good.
754
00:54:05,372 --> 00:54:06,873
Man, don't act like
everything fine. Like this...
755
00:54:06,956 --> 00:54:08,666
Yo. I don't interrupt you
756
00:54:08,750 --> 00:54:11,169
when you going to town on
a bunch of spaghetti. Damn!
757
00:54:12,045 --> 00:54:15,048
Yo, why don't you head on back
to old Erykah Badu over there?
758
00:54:16,633 --> 00:54:18,343
I'm gonna forget you said that.
759
00:54:18,426 --> 00:54:21,554
I don't give a fuck what
you forget or remember!
760
00:54:22,639 --> 00:54:25,892
Oh, shit. Great! Thanks a lot, man.
761
00:54:31,064 --> 00:54:32,065
_
762
00:54:32,274 --> 00:54:33,316
Poussey!
763
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:35,985
_
764
00:54:36,278 --> 00:54:37,529
Hey!
765
00:54:40,073 --> 00:54:41,616
- Hey!
- Well?
766
00:54:41,699 --> 00:54:43,910
- We're not leaving.
- Talk to the Americans.
767
00:54:43,993 --> 00:54:48,331
Fuck you. Fuck you, man.
This is your doing. You!
768
00:54:49,332 --> 00:54:50,333
Been drinking, little girl?
769
00:54:50,417 --> 00:54:51,459
_
770
00:54:51,543 --> 00:54:54,379
You don't get
to decide what happens to my life!
771
00:54:55,422 --> 00:54:57,049
Not you!
772
00:54:57,132 --> 00:54:58,175
I love her.
773
00:55:02,011 --> 00:55:04,347
And that is why you're going home.
774
00:55:07,725 --> 00:55:10,228
I'm done. I'm not going anywhere.
775
00:55:16,276 --> 00:55:18,403
Pardon us, oberstleutnant.
776
00:55:20,197 --> 00:55:21,823
Enjoy your ice cream.
777
00:55:21,906 --> 00:55:23,575
You know, there are programs
778
00:55:23,658 --> 00:55:28,288
that can change your daughter's
confused predilections.
779
00:55:29,747 --> 00:55:33,168
Thanks, but she's fine.
780
00:55:49,642 --> 00:55:51,353
My lady.
781
00:55:57,567 --> 00:55:59,319
Fun party.
782
00:55:59,402 --> 00:56:02,530
A party with no men,
booze, real food or drugs.
783
00:56:02,614 --> 00:56:05,325
Good thing we're too old for any trouble.
784
00:56:06,701 --> 00:56:10,163
Right. How's the gardening going?
785
00:56:14,251 --> 00:56:18,130
Once the thaw comes,
we'll really get going.
786
00:56:18,213 --> 00:56:20,257
Well, I'd ask you to join,
787
00:56:22,008 --> 00:56:24,511
but you clearly have your own hobbies.
788
00:56:25,303 --> 00:56:27,096
We gotta have people.
789
00:56:28,097 --> 00:56:30,892
You know this will not end well.
790
00:56:37,315 --> 00:56:38,900
You're retarded.
791
00:58:05,778 --> 00:58:07,697
What about you, Chapman?
792
00:58:09,366 --> 00:58:12,159
It's like coming home after a long trip.
793
00:58:17,457 --> 00:58:19,542
That's what love is like.
794
00:58:22,712 --> 00:58:24,422
It's like coming home.
795
00:58:28,218 --> 00:58:29,886
Thanks for asking.
796
00:58:33,101 --> 00:58:36,937
Synced by emmasan
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
57623
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof