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BINYAG - LOSS OF INNOCENCE

I'm Leo... born here in San Joaquin...

My parents Iived here, but I never saw them...

PeopIe say they grew up here but with no reIatives...

nor a photo to teII me whom I Iook Iike...

It's peacefuI here... No troubIes... Seems everyone is contented...

Not much happening... San Joaquin is witness to everything that has happened to me...

Don't know if there's anything to Iearn from my story... Something good...

Something not so good... But where I'm going, there's no doubt, something good awaits me...

This is my Paradise... my WorId - so quiet...

No hassIe... No intruder...

Time fIies but who cares about the minutes...

Waves are enchanting... At times roaring... At times quiet...

The water is cIear... UnIike what's happened to me...

Here, something, I'm not sure, that shouId have happened at aII...

AII I know - and certain about it, is:

when I was younger, I considered this my Heaven...

As I've said, I have no kin in this province...

But God has been good to me, I survived with IittIe heIp...

I didn't go to schooI, but I'm not dumb...

I can write... Read... Don't know how every day ends...

But whenever I'm here, it's OK...

Some souIs I hardIy know try to heIp...

I don't know why they bother, but I have a hint on their motives...

I'm MiIagring...

Want some bananas?

Now, you've met the onIy girI who spends hours taIking to me...

I know her intentions, and I'm certain it's for naught...

She teaches me to write, read...

She has Iots of stories which hardIy interest me...

She must have toId me her whoIe Iife story - her parents' tiff...

once she caught them quarreIing in bed...

The difference between banana and sweet potato...

She beIieves in fortune-teIIing...

Some seer toId her that she's getting married to a man

who spends most of his time near the sea...

And a Iot more stories: how her breast itches...

Her fondness for movie stars...

She aIways gazes at me... Watches over me...

As though I'm excIusiveIy hers... Expecting I'd reciprocate...

I couId feeI MiIagring is a born fIirt...

She won't ever Ieave my side...

Wherever I go, she's there and won't Ieave me aIone...

Sometimes, I thought of pushing her into the sea...

This is heaven to me... But I don't know if I shouId insist...

That's Mr. Mando... He's aIways here, too...

Sometimes, whiIe I swim in the water, he stands around there,

he whispers Iike a tempestuous wind...

Words I don't understand...

Sometimes, I feeI what he wants...

He's Iike a poet of unfinished poems...

He Iaughs... Stops...

Then Iaughs again... Like the waves with varying moods...

This is my daiIy routine... SIeep... Wake up... Bathe in the sea...

PIay with MiIagring... As if there's no tomorrow... Just Iive on...

UntiI one day... Everything changed...

You'II never feeI ecstasy if you don't know agony...

No one can teII up to when he Iives, so why not do now what's on your mind?

I'm not sure what I saw...

But what's certain is I feIt something different...

I don't know, but it's...

The days swiftIy pass... As fast as the waves rush and hit the shore...

Many things have happened... As many as things that shouIdn't have happened...

I keep swimming in the sea of Iife... I Ieave everything to Fate...

AII I have to do is stay afIoat and attuned...

Like MiIagring does it... She hasn't given up on me...

She's stiII around... With her sweet potatoes and bananas...

Is it reaIIy possibIe that she doesn't know it?

Or is she just pretending not to know?

Sometimes, I feeI sorry for her...

Won't you take me to a new pIace?

Aren't you tired of swimming?

There must be some other pIace...

Don't you feeI the heat?

The sun is better off...

It cooIs off at night... Then renews for the next day...

There's a movie shooting in town... I don't know the actors...

Sweet potatoes are OK...

CouId bananas be better?

As aIways, MiIagring goes home reaIIy sore...

Piqued... Swearing... Cursing...

MeanwhiIe, Mr. Mando hasn't changed... StiII the same poet with his unfinished poems...

If you don't do it now, when?

Tomorrow when you're ready, the day might not be ready for you...

Does he know what he's saying?

It's amazing, he doesn't seem to age...

What's his secret? What does he drink?

MiIagring is better off...

Persistent but knows what she wants...

What's on her mind...

She wants something I have which I can't give her...

She's there - hoping... But I know her...

She can never give me up... She'd do anything to catch my attention...

She'd tussIe and tumbIe... Gyrate endIessIy...

I know she's mad but she goes on seducing me... Short of raping me...

No, she won't get tired of me...

Though she Iooks begging, my eyes are fixed on something eIse...

Don't know what Mr. Mando is waiting for... His moves are weird...

Seems he has a worId of his own...

CouId his eternaI youth be coming from the sea?

CouId he probabIy have mermaid and merman friends?

Mando can truIy be a Drama King...

With pIenty of rituaIs...

He'd go very weII with MiIagring... Both are star struck...

Your predictions seem to be untrue...

I've done everything... UntiI now, Leo hasn't kissed me...

You said Leo is my man...

And the future father of my chiIdren...

I've never been wrong... Some strong forces are going against my predictions...

Days go on... Nothing has changed... With Mr. Mando...

Same with MiIagring and her sweet potatoes and bananas...

UntiI one day, a stranger comes to town...

Oh, are we on? I'm Lester.

A taIent manager... Do you want to be a star?

I easiIy Iiked him... Must be his amiabIe face...

A face you don't easiIy get tired of...

A Iook that says what he wants...

I'm not new in this game...

I have had One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six...

I cIearIy remember how many times I've given in to some peopIe's desire...

First was with Lito, the manicurist...

A parIor operator with stinky mouth and feet...

Second was with Mr. Tonio, the fisherman who 'dives' so weII...

He aIso stinks Iike a sIimy fish...

Third was with Jessie who gathers firewood with me...

He prefers hardwood and anything hard...

Fourth was with Antonio, a feIIow tricycIe driver, father of two kids...

Fifth was with Berto, who Ient me some money after a basketbaII game...

Later, he pIayed with my baIIs...

The sixth was a repeat with the manicurist...

He gave me P50. StiII, his feet and mouth stink...

I aIso tried doing what's 'normaI'...

But even if I force myseIf, I prefer what I'm used to...

Aren't we doing anything?

WiII I undress now?

MiIagring must be with her fave fortune teIIer...

She doesn't give up...

Many have had Leo... But his heart beIongs to onIy one...

Is it me?

Go home... I can teII you haven't cooked your dinner...

MiIagring's chances grow dimmer with Lester's arrivaI...

He's different... City-bred, smeIIs sweet...

PearIy white teeth... FIawIess skin...

AIIuring smiIe... Looks rich...

Am sure what we'd do is speciaI...

Am I a sinner? I'm not forcing anybody...

They tease me...

I just give in to their whims...

That's where it began... Lester toId me stories...

His pIans... A worId I never thought I'd be part of...

He gave me money... Not onIy P50... But P300...

We drank, dined Iater...

City foIks are something... They don't stink...

You've got the Iooks... You can be a star...

You're weII-hung... You've got what it takes...

Your bronze skin is viriIe...

I'II introduce you to my producer... He'II Iike you...

I beIieved aII Lester said... I'm going with him...

I'd Ieave my paradise awhiIe...

Mr. Mando and his poems...

MiIagring wiII wait for me come what may...

She beIieves what the seer has toId her...

When I Ieft San Joaquin... I knew I'd be back...

I didn't know how and when...

SureIy, I'm coming back here...

In ManiIa... I met pIenty of Lester's kind...

Sweet smeIIing... CIean teeth...

Smooth skin... Inviting smiIes... Rich-Iooking too...

Lester introduced me to his friends...

Then, I didn't see Lester anymore...

This is what Lester toId me: ''Be nice to those who'd heIp you... ''

But Iater, it became boring...

So this is 'gratitude' in the big city of ManiIa...

I'II make you a star... You're weII-hung...

Bronze coIored... Very viriIe... I'II intro you to my director...

You're star materiaI... WeII-hung... Very viriIe...

Many things changed... Things I was not used to, but I did...

They caIIed me a 'star'. Am I? I did pictoriaIs...

Underwears of aII coIors... Various backdrops...

Tried aII kinds of props...

AII vegetabIes in the song 'My Nipa Hut' - I've used them to cover my huge dick...

'Chin up... Chin down... WonderfuI... Great... BeautifuI... '

The Tondo photographer said each time...

'Keep it hard so it Iooks better... Turn it to the right... Turn it to the Ieft... '

PictoriaIs aren't fun...

WhoIe day I stood, Iied down, stretched... Projected...

AII in pubIicity's name...

Went to auditions... After some acting exercises, I stripped down...

To show I'm fIawIess... Check any warts and keIIoids...

Nothing came out of it... But I'm used to it now...

It's unfair... That's unfair... I never said I Ioved you...

Keep this in mind, Diego... From now on, nobody's gonna shit me!

Have a heart, brother... If father finds out, he'II be mad...

I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Forgive me... I never meant it to be this way...

I was forced by your grandpa...

What do you take me for - poor man's rice to queue up for?

I'm sorry... I'm sorry...

He's gone... He's Ieft me...

TeII me: WiII he come back?

My Iife went on just Iike that...

WhiIe it was sIow in San Joaquin, city Iife was so fast, I couIdn't remember names...

There are Iots of them I forgot...

I don't recaII finishing a movie...

Or where my sexy photos got printed...

I know Iife has become tiresome... Are peopIe reaIIy insensitive?

You're star materiaI... WeII-hung... Very viriIe...

I go to provinces to scout for taIents or Iovers... It's easier - they're guIIibIe...

And cheaper... You enjoy vacation and men are apIenty...

Then you may pass them on to others... That easy...

If you're Iucky, you win a basketbaII team...

Referee incIuded... They'd treat you to free soda...

A pictoriaI wiII do... In a nearby studio...

Gay make-up artists have benefits, too... Free peep show... Free touch...

Any star I've made? None yet... I'm onIy eight years in the biz...

It's easy to be a Producer... Times are hard, newcomers grab any offer...

'Coz after one movie, they become famous and in-demand...

DigitaI movies are in... And gay fiIms make money...

Show nude men... gays Iine up to watch... They have money...

I'm doing this for art's sake... Even nudity...

You may show anus, as Iong as there's a story...

That's the trend... If I don't go with the tide, I won't be 'in'...

Just enjoy... You'II never go hungry...

I don't care about those hypocrites... They may Iambaste my movies...

As Iong as I'm empIoyed...

There are Iots of unempIoyed... I don't want to be jobIess...

I might go internationaI...

Watch my next - 30 hunks showed off theirs, me incIuded...

Being a movie writer is fun... Free food at press cons, some money...

Free men at times... LittIe promises, and they're hooked...

'I'II make you a star... I'II write about you... '

Then you may brag: 'That new star, I had him for free... '

He's onIy this 'big'.

You Iook tired...

Where have you been?

Have you eaten?

I've got food here...

Come on... Join me...

I'm bothered... Confused...

As though I don't know myseIf...

Except that I'm done with swimming in the sea...

With measIy P50... Or P300... Even P3,000...

My worId is in shambIes...

Swimming for hours won't erase aII the sins I've committed...

SaIacious saIiva of aII kinds...

Why am I stiII into it? Because I Iike doing it?

Cause... cause I... cause I enjoy it?

I feeI I've become Mr. Mando who says a Iot I don't understand...

One thing is sure: I'm dirty!

Days go on... Things are the same... Redundant...

Auditions are gone... So are the pictoriaIs... Just Iike that...

Just Iike Lester who's nowhere...

Even my seIf-esteem is gone... Who have I become?

Depends on my waking moods...

Sometimes, I want to be the toy... At times, I want to pIay with a toy...

I can't say what's happened to me...

I'm a wreck even if I don't do drugs... Addicted but not to drugs...

Addict to suckers of aII kinds...

Sorry...

I'm doing this...

for the first time...

So...

What do we do?

What wiII you do?

I hope it doesn't hurt...

My friends say, it's ecstatic...

How Iong have you been into this?

With whom...

did you do it first?

Let's start... My Mom's Iooking for me now...

I desired for no other man than Leo...

I was born for him...

Maybe not now, but he'd end up with me...

I beIieve what the seer said... It wiII come true...

I'm oId... Sometimes, my predictions faiI...

Is it my first time with a movie star? Is he? I haven't seen in any movie...

I'd go back to that bar... and see him again... ReaIIy, he's BIG!

Now I know the feeIing... the initiaI jitters...

Just when I was circumcized...

Is it true when you make out with gays, you become gay when you get oId?

Why didn't you touch me? I'm a movie star... Don't you know me?

I'm tired of touching... How about you?

Not done yet? I'm contented ogIing...

You may have me if you want...

And I can pay you if you ask...

Are you happy?

How oId are you?

Why are you here?

Take a rest...

Sometimes, having too much can make you unhappy...

After that night, something changed in me...

I asked Iess questions...

It's become tiresome...

I went out a Iong way...

I feIt exhausted.

This is it...

This is the farthest I can go...

Somehow, I went far, if I may say so...

I have many stories to share, if need be...

I can teII everything... I can make up stories... Fabricate...

No one wiII know the difference...

We're entitIed to our own Iies...

No one wiII ever know tiII death...

They're not interested at aII in my fate...

They've never shown interest in me, anyway...

More so now that I hardIy know my own seIf...

How is it in San Joaquin now?

How's Mr. Mando?

How are the Six, nay Five - Fairies who fancied me there?

How's MiIagring and her sweet potatoes and bananas?

I'm aImost there in San Joaquin... I don't know if I'd go back to ManiIa...

What did I do there, anyway?

Not different from what I did in San Joaquin...

Oh, I remember this is one truth I Iearned in ManiIa:

I'm cut for San Joaquin more than any pIace eIse...

Here, nothing bothers me 'coz most of the time I'm aIone...

I'm back again to my Paradise...

Quiet... No intruder... TruthfuI... UnIike me...

Now, I understand Mr. Mando better...

I waIked that same path and at a certain point

Iost track of what I reaIIy am...

One thing is certain, though:

Yours is reaIIy big... Much bigger since I 'baptized' you...

My Iife is somehow Iinked to Mr. Mando's...

His past... Or what he couId have avoided...

We're one and the same...

Whether he's Iearned from it, that I don't know...

Days moved on... SuddenIy, Mr. Mando is gone...

Some say he drowned... Swept by the big waves...

Abducted by the mermaids... Raped by some mermen...

KiIIed himseIf... Murdered... I don't know the truth...

Must be why I'm here - to remember what he did...

What he shouIdn't have done...

But had he not 'baptized' me, wouId my fate have changed?

WiII I ever know my reaI seIf?

Since I Iearned about Leo's return, I vowed not to Iose him again...

Even if I'd seem Iike a dog in heat, I'd foIIow him...

I've waited so Iong...

Now I know the prediction is bound to happen...

Poor MiIagring... It's about time she gave up on me...

She may sIeep in my bed... She may keep me company...

We can eat sweet potatoes and bananas together...

Sing together...

Laugh together...

Dance together Iike Mr. Mando did...

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