All language subtitles for Kevin-Hart_-Let-Me-Explain_2013_English-ELSUBTITLE.COM-ST_13598277

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This is harry goodspeed and the
plastic cup boyz,

Here in the mix, Kevin Hart and
mingle after-party, baby.

He is going down.

Let's go, baby!

Hey, that little idiot there dancing!

Hey, let's do this!

Madness, as usual. Crazy.

Yo, I'm about to make a toast. Are
you trying to roll?

No, no. I have some girls on the
stairs waiting for me.

Okay, well. Ew! Nasty ass.

Brian, let's go. And stop leaving me,
jackass!

Beat, I'm about to make a toast, yo.

Hey! Hey, yo! Yo! All over the world,
as well fast. Let me call your
attention.

Welcome to my mix and mingle event,
the entire world.

Yes, that's right, boy!

We're toasting to a great year, man.
It has been a great year for me.

We're going to have a blast today.
Drinks are free, it is everything to
me.

The big k! / It's a party!

Have fun, everyone!

Kevy-Kev! Baby boy! / What's going
on, baby?

How are you feeling, sweetheart? Nice
to see you.

Hey, thanks for inviting a brother
dapper as I was.

No problem, guy.

They say that you are not speaking
with your father.

That shit is true?

Not. Let me explain one thing. Look,
this is not.

Get your shit together.

Not. Not, guy. Hey, Hey. I can
explain why.

Hey, boo! / Wow! How are you doing?

It is true that you do not mess with
the bitches dark skin no more?

Huh?

You are neither dark skin!

Let me explain one thing.

No, no, no, no / i said. Wait, now.

I don't want to hear it. Not my girls.

Do your girls? Listen, let me talk
with you.

What are you doing, guy? / You have
some nerve damn!

Get your ass in here, man.

That girl be yelling at me. I can
fucking yell back.

Nigga, you asked for it! This is the
price of fame.

This is the fucking most stupid I've
ever heard.

I can't deal with you, guy.

I need someone to talk some sense
into her asshole.

Harry / you, spank!

This is stupid for you to be beaten.

Yo! Listen, jackass here crazy,

Because it can not compare with Eddie
Murphy.

What was that? / What?

In the first place, calm. First of
all, I never said anything like that.

Dude! This is the price of fame /
What the fuck are you. I have never
said.

Let me explain one thing, beat. What
I have just said.

Ain't nobody trying to hear that shit.

Hey, yo, yo. Yo. Hey, na'im!

Damn kev here get upset because soul
plane bombed.

It bombed. He failed to do / that was
yesterday!

This is the price of fame. You asked
for it.

Kev, Kev. Kevin Hart-bitch / what the
fuck is this?

Not. Wait a little, guy. Look, I'm a
fan.

Oh, thank you very much / but only in
the United States.

What? / You are not shit until you
run in Paris.

Ok / old mano lab-Ass. Bitch
Local-Ass.

Let's go, guys.

Hey, terry! Hey! Get him out of here!

Hey! Hey!

I can't believe this shit, man.

Whoa! You must be kidding me.

I can't even amuse myself with my own
mix and mingle party.

I put this party together!

Why can't I enjoy myself?

Because I'm dealing with a group of
people who want to tell me about my
life.

Why you will speak for yourself? You
know what?

Be a man and confront someone.

Want me to explain?

This is exactly what imma do. Nate!
Nate!

Where is nate at? Have you seen nate?
Nate!

Come here.

I know what I want to do.

I want you to turn to the garden,

Tell them that I'm going down there
to get some shit off my chest now.

Kevin, all this food, and you want
Olive Garden, guy? For real?

Nate, ain't nobody talking about no
jardim de oliveira cursed.

I'm talking about madison square
garden, nate.

Tell them that I'm going down there
now to explain a few things.

We can't simply call the garden /
hell, nate! What are you doing?

Look, we do not go back and forth.
This is not why I pay.

Ok, I get paid to do what I ask him
to do.

Now, what I am asking you to do needs
to be done.

Then, do it!

Kev, do you know how many people
madison's going to hold up?

God, nate, if i.

Why am I going back and forth with
you? Huh?

Is that your work? You do not go back
and forth with me.

Nate, I'm going to give a punch.

I'll double-Punch your face, and I'll
break both eyes.

You are seriously the boss, kev, all
right / you're right damn I'm the
boss.

And let me tell you something about
the boss.

Sometimes, when the boss gets hungry,
he turns into an elephant.

Which means that he needs some nuts.

And now, that I'm about to grab some
nuts.

Exactly what this means, however, kev?

Cale this party. Now.

Turn the party down. Madison Square
Garden.

This guy is crazy.

I am about to go to the madison
square garden and explain it.

Nate is to set it up now.

Do not try to convince me otherwise!
I'm doing this right now!

Do not try to stop me! / Oh, shit!

Do not try to stop me!

Hey, kev, wait!

Well, then, you try to stop me! I'm
going to!

Hey, Kev, what are you doing, guy?

What the hell are you doing, guy? Not
touching my shit!

Shut the ass up, man.

Everyone, listen! This party is
officially closed.

Kevin is about to go to the madison
square garden

Because he wants to explain. Good
night.

We? / Where?

He will explain it to you!

Go! Go, go, go, go, 90!

Kev! Wait!

Oh, shit. Move, bitch!

Okay. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, No!

Why this son of a bitch do not take
the elevator?

Damn. I should have took the elevator.

Kev! What are you doing? / Get your
hands on damned of me.

But the garden? Are you going to do
the garden?

You are doomed I'mma right to do the
garden!

Guy, he's crazy / why not me?

It's going to be 30,000 people in the
garden, my bro.

There are 30,000 people cursed in the
garden?

Well, there was nobody to tell me
that.

I'm out, I'm out. Now. I'm going to.
I'm about to leave.

To the garden.

Phew!

Relax. Breathe, kevin, you are as
well.

Are you ready for this. Ok? It is
time!

It is time that you explain this shit.

It is true that you do not mess with
the bitches dark skin no more?

By that I don't like girls with dark
skin? I don't even know where this
came from.

I am friends with so many girls of
dark skin. So many of them.

My daughter is dark skin!

I love my daughter. So, I think that
I don't love my daughter?

Boy, I'll tell you.

I heard your ass don't even talk to
his ex-wife not more.

Ok, I and my ex-wife are friends!
What are you talking about?

The divorce, that kevin change?

Oh, he hollywood now.

Kevin hollywood now, because he has a
divorce.

Please. We are friends.

We are applicable. We are applicable.

I hope I said the right word, because
I do not even know.

But we are.

This is the best thing about being a
comedian, I can deal with that.

I can talk about it my damn self /
hey, look!

Is that the comedian hysterical,
Kevin Hart.

Because, well.

There is no way to explain that. This
is fair.

It is a bad day.

Old lab-Ass Nigga.

Ok, ok, now that is enough.

Bitch Local-Ass.

I'm not going to tolerate it. Not
after what I spent this year.

You will not me no lab, no bitch
local-Ssa call.

Do you know why?

I have traveled around the world
doing comedy, people. I did!

You know what, I don't like the fact
that I'm saying this.

I prefer to show. Look to yourself,
people.

This is the second time he comes back
here,

And you showed me nothing but love.

Amazing. Absolutely amazing /
fantastic.

Kevin Hart is the funniest man alive.

You have no father

Thank you for the love. Thanks for
the support.

We completely love it. Continue
coming!

It was amazing / I love Kevin.

I love cum, toronto! Thank you!

The show was amazing! / It was great.

We love you, Kevin Hart!

I feel so genuine.

You have no idea how much I love and
appreciate you

To the fucking support that you gave
me.

You are about to shit, aren't you? /
No, no. There is no shitting on the
bus.

Is if he is shitting on a good bus /
no shitting on a bus.

On the lower floor? / No, there is no
shitting on the bus at all.

I am calling a meeting of the team
now.

In shitting. In shitting on the bus,
guy.

I can't, dude! I shit at least seven
times per day.

When I have to shit, let's pull over
and go.

So, can we pull over? / Yes.

Yes. We're not saying that the shit
in yourself!

Well, I'm going to.

I have a rule. The shit heads on a
bus, you have to pay $ 500.

$ 500 on the crapper?

This is a fine.

So, as I say, what is going on, guys?

Okay. Now, how many people do you
know who I am? Ask them.

I love Kevin Hart!

Let me tell you one thing.

I've never been to Oslo in my life.

Never, ever.

And the first time I come here, I
welcome with a sold-out show.

Really, I fucking thank you.

I loved him in soul plane. Definitely
your best work.

Well, kevin, you are amazing. It was
good to see you in Denmark.

Yes. You will be missed, and you
definitely need to come back.

All right, all right, all right!

Amsterdam! Thank you for the love.

Thanks for the support.

Want to see if you niggas is strange
or not?

To be on a bus with them for 10 hours.

You will see a lot of shit.

We were driving for eight hours.

We could have been there in a in a
plan guide.

I think that was a smart decision.

Man, this is the shit more stupid
than he already did.

There was no one to do this.

He is still the same son of a bitch
idiot he was cursed, for 27 years.

Just look like a bunch of idiots on a
double-decker bus.

Or get on a plane for two and a half
hours,

Or take a bus for 10 hours and be
with your friends and chat with each
other.

Some people here stink.

There's a stink of hell.

It is just a bunch of funky-Ass.

It's like gumbo.

Manos I'm going to-Hygiene-Ass on
this bus.

It is disgusting.

This is why I'm here in the quarters,
you know.

I and my lady, we put it here in
comfort.

Hey, the tour bus was a mistake!

Birmingham, you are incredible. Thank
you for the love. I'm out.

It was cold! / The show was hilarious.

I love you! / That was amazing.

This was a show brilliant.

Kevin!

All the way. You have to see it, you
have to see it.

Brilliant. Excellent.

He is sexy in real life / all right,
all right!

I'm going to marry you.

Whoo!

Kevin!

Go back to the Uk and smash him
again, Kevin Hart.

The guy is good all the time.

Wow! London, this is madness! I can't
believe it, guy.

I came here and sold out.

Thank you to all of you. I love you
all.

I really feel that kevin became the
young mogul that he really wants to
be.

Kevin was a guy that was faithful to
its history.

He knew where he came from, he knew
where he wanted to go.

I saw where it started.

And to see it through a
hole-In-The-Wall bar in Atlantic City

To perform in front of 15,000 people,

You know, you have to take your hat
off.

I mean, he can go to Norway, and
Sweden, and in Denmark,

And get the reception he is receiving.

It is becoming a global brand.

All that he has done, we have pretty
much seen on youtube.

Youtube / youtube.

On youtube, everything.

Then I saw on youtube and I thought
it was hilarious.

But I've seen his stuff on youtube,
and I love it, guy.

I saw, as well, each show on youtube.

I saw all of your programs on
youtube, dude!

I have about 1,000 miles away in
other countries,

And the love that this cat is getting.

He is so loyal.

How, he does not want anyone to feel
as if he is not there for them.

This is a team.

This has been running for four years
strong, and we all worked well
together.

God, is this angel in my corner

As you always are.

Mother, I know that you are looking
for me, and I know that you're proud
of. Amen.

I know that I am in the madison
square garden, and that shit is sold
out.

You better make some damn noise!

I'll tell you another time.

I know that I am in fucking madison
square garden.

This bitch sold out.

You better make some damn noise!

Uh.

You see my fire? You see my fire?

You have to be a big deal to have
fire, people.

This means that I am a big damn thing.

Let me tell you why I have fire. Let
me tell you why.

I went to go see Jay-Z and Kanye
perform, right?

These niggas had a lot of fire.

I was like, yo, this show is the shit
', because they have the fire.

The comedian has ever had fire.

I'm about to be the first comedian
with a damn fire.

So.

So, all my show, you will see a lot
of fire useless.

You are laughing? I'm not kidding.
I'm serious.

Do you think that it is a game?

Give the fire for these bitches one
time.

There's about to be a bunch of fire.

This show is going to be hot.
Literally.

Hum.

Lot of things to talk about, guy.

I want to talk about the fact that
I'm happy. I'm happy now, people.

Uh.

I want to explain because I'm happy.

First of all, my divorce is final.

This is the first reason.

Now, here is what I want to explain
about my divorce.

Everyone assumes that because you
went through a divorce,

You went through a fucked up life.

You hate the other. Your enemies. It
is not true.

At the end of the day, which is the
mother of my children.

I will always respect her as the
mother of my children.

She is happy, she went ahead. I'm
happy, I've changed.

I am more happy than she is, despite
everything. I am.

No, I am. I'm doing a lot of shit
happy now, people. You have no idea.

I took the fuck of a ride the other
day.

You know how happy you must be to
give a tour cursed?

Just to go off and start to fuck the
walk?

I knew that I was happy, because I
was talking to me while I was walking.

I was like, are you hungry? I could
eat.

It was only me, despite of
everything. Right?

No one else was there.

I stopped, I fed pigeons. This one is
fucking happy!

You have to be happy to feed pigeons.

Here is a beautiful thing about me
feeding pigeons.

When I was done feeding the pigeons,
I don't have to lie about it.

See, when you're married, you lie
about this shit.

Because you don't believe that his
wife never would believe

That you were doing something as dumb
as feeding some pigeons cursed.

There is not a married man sitting in
this audience now

This can go out and feed pigeons,

And his wife calls, and she says,
baby, where are you?

And you will, I'm feeding the pigeons.

And she believes that he was feeding
some goddamn pigeons.

It will never happen. Is a discussion
off the bat.

Where are you, dear? I'm here pigeons
feeding.

You're not feeding there are pigeons
cursed!

What are you talking about? I'm
feeding the pigeons.

Then, place the pigeon on the fucking
phone.

What?

Let me talk to the goddamn pigeon.

This is no pigeon.

Tell the bitch sitting next to her
that is making the noises of the
pigeon on the phone,

When I see her, I'll beat her ass.

'Oh, faux noise pigeon doing
ass'bitch.

'Oh, not knowing how to sound like an
ass pigeon' bitch.

In fact, tell that bitch that when I
see her,

I'm going to catch a pigeon real and
beat the shit out of her with it.

She could see that a pigeon real, it
seems.

'Oh, false vocal cords pigeon having
ass' bitch.

I'm fucking kill you, dude.

Get fire on these bitches one time.

I'm at a point now where I understand
who I am as a man.

I know that my pros, I know my cons.

Here is what is bad about me, people.
I am a liar. I like to lie.

Uh. I don't know why. I wish I could
stop. I can't. I think I'm sick. It
is a disease.

I can't even tell good lies.

I say a bunch of idiot gets on a
regular basis.

Let me tell you one thing. There is
nothing worse

Than tell a lie idiot and be caught
telling a lie idiot.

For example, I don't like talking on
my cell phone.

I can't be talking on my phone.

But I don't know how to tell people
that I don't like talking on my phone.

I think it makes me, kind of a jerk,
so I prefer to lie about it.

Here is how I caught the other day.
I'm in my car, I'm driving.

My boy calls me when I'm driving, I
pick up, yo, what?

Kev, what is happening? Instantly, I
lie.

I said, dude, I can't be on the phone
as well.

I'm out of the country.

I'm not trying to have a telephone
account high-Ass.

This is not bullshit. This is what I
heard, he said:

Bro, is not that you at the light
right there in front of me?

I said, what?

I'm so oblivious to the lie, I just
waved.

Which is it, guy? What is going on
with you, baby?

By what you said that was out of the
country?

I didn't say that. I never said that.

I don't want to be a liar. I don't.

I blame you. It is your fault.

Because you put me in positions where
I have no choice not to be lying.

For example, I'm here. I'm in New
York city.

I'm at the airport. I'm in the
luggage, right?

This girl sees me, she goes out.

She loses his fucking mind.

As soon as she saw me, she was like,

Oh, my God, no, kevin!

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! I can't
believe it!

God must be preaching a part of me!
God must be preaching a part of me!

Oh, my god!

I said that I was going to see it,
and then I see you, and now I'm
looking at you.

Oh, my God, I can't believe it.

Oh, my god!

Can you do me a favor? You can wait
here for about 30 minutes?

My mother is about to land. She would
love to take a photo with you.

I was like, fuck, yes, I'll wait. Go
ahead, go get it.

As soon as she left, I took.

Bitch, I'm not here to not 30 minutes
waiting for his mother cursed.

No! Mate-if. Die! Today!

Death to you, you bitch, die!

I'm not fucking waiting for you.

But I can't say it.

If I say that, that makes me, well, a
jerk.

There are certain lies that I can't
say.

For example, I can't tell big lies.

The reason why I can't tell big lies

It is because I am one of those
people who begin to believe the lie.

Like, once I get that ball rolling, I
can't stop.

You know that I respect?

I respect the people who work at a
job from nine to five

This would show up late for work
without an excuse.

They show up, take full
responsibility.

Hey, I'm sorry, I'm late. This will
never happen again.

I slept too much, I apologize. It is
irresponsible in my name.

If I do this again, I resign.

I respect people who can do that.

Because I can't do this ', because I
am a liar. I am.

If I'm late, something happened.

I don't give a damn. Something
drastic happened.

Hey, guy, sorry for the delay.

I was on the road and a baby fucking
was running on the road.

Yes, I know, right? Shit is crazy.

As soon as I get out of the car, I
started chasing the baby.

In my mind, I'm like, 'why are you
running, baby? '

This is what I'm thinking, right?

I'm like, "what do you do? '

Because I can not just pick up the
baby and throw the baby in the car,
this is kidnapping.

I fuck and go to jail.

I have a little, but I'm going to be
raped. I know that I will you rape me
in jail.

I'm not trying to be raped.

So I had to make a decision. I was
like, 'shit, what do I do? '

So I decided to adopt the baby.

What I did was, I downloaded this app
on my iphone, this adopt the
application of the baby, right?

I put the bar code on the baby's
head. Boop!

In this way, the baby knew that he
was my baby.

I put the baby in the car, I'm going
to withdraw,

I turn around, a deer was running
toward the car.

So, I'm like, 'oh, shit! This deer is
about to eat the baby!!! '

This is what I'm thinking, right?

But then I looked more closely, I
noticed the front part of the deer
was a deer,

The half back was a zebra.

It was half deer, half zebra.

So, I'm like, 'oh, shit! It's a
deerbra! '

As, that is what I am thinking, "is
the fuck of a deerbra. '

Then I call the zoo, I am so,

'Yo, there's a fucking deerbra out
here in the road! '

He was like, 'what is this? "I was
like, 'half deer, half zebra. '

He was like, 'you just do this? "I
was like, 'I think so. '

Hum.

He said, 'let's go, knock it down. '

As soon as I get there, he sees, he's
like, 'oh, shit, it's half deer, half
zebra! '

I said, 'this is what I was trying to
say to you on the phone, it's a
deerbra.

He was so, well, what do you want?
You want money for it? '

I said, no, I don't have that kind of
time.

"I have to go back to the car,
because my youngest son is in the car
alone.

So I go back to the car, you see, the
baby that I thought was a baby was
not a baby.

Was a grown man-Ass with the disease
button benjamin.

Let me tell you how I discovered this.

I discovered this, because when I got
to the car, the baby woke up.

I was like, 'Hey, I'm your new
father. I've just adopted you.

He was like, 'you are not my father,
bitch! I am 65 years old.

I said, 'damn! 'He said,' I have a
disease.

I was like, 'you have this button
benjamin.

He was like, 'where's my deerbra?

I said, 'I knew it was a deerbra
damn, I knew who it was.

"I just took it to the zoo.

He was like, 'Well, how the heck do I
get home?

I said, 'you ride that son of a
bitch, dude?

Anyway, long story short, this is why
I'm five minutes late for work,

Because it took a long time-Ass for
me to start fucking deerbra in the
car.

Understand one thing, people. Lying
will ruin your life.

Lying will ruin your life damn.

Lying ruined my marriage. Real shit,
sweetheart.

Lying ruined my marriage, cursed.

This is a lie, I cheated.

Let's talk about this, but let's
figure this out.

Do not think me. Allow me to explain.
Hum.

Yes. Yes, people, I cheated.

I am ashamed of that? Not. No, I'm
not.

Not that I wish that I could take it
back?

Not. No, I'm not going to. Let me
tell you why.

You can't develop yourself as a man
that you never make a mistake.

The only way that you could be
perfect is to fuck.

I understand, I fucked up. Don't
cheat. Nah! Whatever it may be.

Now, I think cheating was the
problem? No, I do not do.

Cheating was not the problem.

Lie about the betrayal was the
problem.

If I had been honest about it, it
could have worked out.

But I was not. I lied.

And I just don't lie about me, I put
my best friend in my lie.

Now, I do not think this is a bad
thing to do.

Let me explain why.

If you are my best friend, I
shouldn't have to ask you to lie to
me.

I shouldn't have to ask his
permission for me to put you in my
lie.

Do you know why? Because you are my
best friend fucking, fucking.

This is your job.

The day you signed up and said that
we best friends,

This means that my shit is your shit.

And your shit is my bullshit.

If you are my best friend of truth,

You should know that I need you to
lie to me with the look on my face.

If I'm looking at you, and I'm not
blinking, if I am so.

This is a sign damn.

This means that, the dog began to
fall on us.

My back is against the wall. This is
not a test.

It is the real deal, help me! Help me!

Nigga! Help me!

My friend Harry ignored all signs, ok?

Let me tell you how shit hit the fan.

I've been in the house, right?

Come in the house, like, 4:00 in the
morning.

I'm drunk, people. Drunk as shit.

I don't have balance. I'm all over
the place. I'm rocking backwards and
forwards.

As soon as I enter the house, she
wakes up, she goes out.

You know what? I'm tired of it. I
know you're probably out with some
bitch.

You were probably playing with some
bitch.

Now, I'm drunk, I don't want to
answer because I have no balance.

I'm rocking backwards and forwards.

You don't seem to believable when
you're rocking back and forth.

So, I had to choose a position in
which I looked believable.

So, I chose this.

I said, let me tell you one thing,
listen to me.

There was nobody with no bitch, ok?
You are wrong.

In fact, to prove that you are wrong,
I'm going to call harry.

Harry didn't expect me to call you
now, so Harry has no reason to lie.

And I'm going to put it on
speakerphone.

About to make you feel stupid. Watch
this.

Notice how you feel stupid. Watch.
Watch this.

Harry. Harry, very quickly, do not
lie.

Let's stop there. Let's stop there
for a second.

What does that mean? What this means,
people?

Lie. This means that, to lie. Now.

This means that, the dog began to
fall on us.

My back is against the wall. This is
not a test.

It is the real deal, help me! Help me!

Nigga! Help me!

Harry ignored all the signs.

I'll tell you exactly that, " said
Harry.

I said, harry. Harry, very quickly,
do not lie. Where that comes from now?

He said, man, you was with that bitch
with the fat ass.

What? "Oh, no.

No, no, no, no.

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Yo.

I was so scared to cum. I was so
scared.

I mean, this bitch is going to kill
me. She's going to kill me.

See, but understand something. I'm
not angry with Harry.

The reason why I'm not angry with
harry harry is because he's made some
fucking dumb,

But I understand that it is.

See, harry may be the more
intelligent friend more idiotic than
I ever had in my life, ok?

Let me tell you the stupidest thing
Harry ever did.

Harry invented the code to use

To let the other know when we were
around our women.

Basically, if someone used the code,
that is, don't say anything stupid.

You can be in the viva-voice. Not to
say nothing changes.

The phone can be high enough so that
my girl can hear everything you're
saying.

This means, do not say anything that
might harm our relationship.

The code was, man, I'm hungry as hell.

This is the code, people. Man, I'm
hungry as hell.

Here is what irritated me about the
code.

Harry invented the code of fucking.

Therefore, there is no reason why
Harry should have messed up the code.

See how harry screwed up.

I'm in the car with my wife. I'm
driving, she's in the passenger seat.

Harry calls me when I'm in the car.

I have the shit of the bluetooth in
the car, then my phone rings, all the
rings car.

Harry's name appears in the panel.

I reply: what, boy?

Kev, what is happening? It is not a
shit.

This is how I knew that the
conversation was about to take a turn
for the worse.

This is how I knew that he was about
to get dirty. He said:

Nigga!

Harry, hey, hey. Man, I'm hungry as
hell!

He said: I am not. I just ate. What?
What! Harry!

Harry!

Harry! I said, man, I'm hungry as
hell.

He says, yo, you should go to subway
and get the footlong for five dollars.

What the fuck is this! Harry! Harry!

I said, man, I'm hungry as hell.

He said, oh, this must mean that you
are ready to eat these bitches white.

What? "Oh, no. Not, not, not, not,
not.

No, no, no.

I don't eat no bitch white. I don't
eat there bitches white.

I've never done. Oh, my God, no. "Oh,
no.

You, have you ever had problems with
your girl

To the point that you are afraid to
look for it,

But you can feel it, looking to the
side of his face, cursed?

I was so scared, I never looked for
it.

I just looked and it started to make
noise, idiot.

I started pointing out shit.

Oh, look, a deerbra! You see this? I
just saw a deerbra.

I'm fucking kill you, dude.

Get fire on these bitches again.

Now, here's the thing.

I'm not upset with harry for doing
all the shit stupid what he did.

Reason is because I learned a lot
with harry.

Like, literally, now I know what to
do, what not to do.

I know what I want, what I don't want
to.

And, staff, I'm not selfish with this
information.

I feel that my job to educate you.

I can tell you what you want in your
life, what you do not.

I can tell you one thing you don't
want in your house.

Fellas, the only thing you don't want
in your home

Is a woman who doesn't trust you.

The only thing that is worse than a
woman who doesn't trust you

Is a woman who doesn't trust you that
you do not have proof because she
doesn't trust you.

This bitch is crazy. Let me tell you
why.

She is crazy because she has so many
thoughts in your head

About what you could be doing,

And it irritates her that she can't
figure it out.

That is why she sits at home all day,

Trying to put pieces of a puzzle that
does not exist.

Oh, he did shit.

Oh, this guy is fucked.

What the fuck is this here?

Oh, I have a butt now.

This is a woman who will look to you
and say shit like,

Don't act like I'm crazy, crazy.

Have you ever seen a girl say shit
like that? She looks like mad shit
while she say that.

Don't act like I'm crazy.

Let me tell you one thing.

Any bitch that do this shit here.

Is a psychopath cursed, you hear me?

Any mother to discuss it with you to
the side,

Oh, you have a shit bitch, hear me?

You have got me fucked. You have got
me fucked.

You have me fucked up, bro.

This is a different level of woman.
She is really crazy.

This woman is so crazy that when she
thinks,

When she thinks that she is caught
cheating on you,

Before she speaks with you, she has
to have a conversation with her.

She has to speak with her.

Here is my impression of a crazy
woman talking with your self.

Oh, yes.

Oh, we've got the ass now. We have
the ass now.

Are you ready, bitch? Bitch, I'm
ready.

There is no one there, just her.

Now, she is so mad that she can't
even keep the plan.

The plan is to see it.

When she sees, she should show him
what she found.

You should talk about it, I found out
the next steps in their relationship.

But she is crazy.

There is so much bottled up emotion
and built-Up tension inside.

As soon as she sees his face, she
fits. She fucking loses.

As soon as you walk through the door,

Shut up! Shut up! Don't say anything!
You are a piece of shit!

Oh, my God, no.

Hey, have you ever seen a woman go
from frantic to calm?

Like, very fast?

Son of a bitch, you're a piece of
shit!

I can't believe that you are hurting
me!

But it will be the last time that you
do some shit like this for me.

I don't give a damn for it! I don't
give a damn!

Let me tell you one thing, bro.

You will get their things together,

Or you will leave!!!

She is a psycho cock, guy.

Women crazy I always want to tell you
about what you did.

They always want to run down the
story.

Let me tell you why you fucked up.

Yesterday in the evening, you come
here, you're a little drunk, you're a
little drunk.

You get to go to sleep on the couch.

You take the pants, you put your
pants on the ground.

Something told me, something said to
me:

Something like it was, girl, go
through his pants.

I was like, 'all right.

This is the guy crazy girl.

All is well.

So, I get up, I go through your
pants, I found a receipt.

You had a receipt in your pants for
some gas.

But it was not any type of old gas,
which was the normal gasoline.

This is funny, I am with you all the
time. I've never seen you use regular
gasoline.

Ladies, let me ask you a question.

Why is it that when you're arguing
with your man and you repeat to
yourself,

The second time you say this, you
have high as shit as if you solved
the case?

This is funny, I've never seen you
use regular gasoline.

I've never seen you use the gas
regular!

Do you know who put regular gasoline
in the car?

This bitch regular you were.

This is to put regular gasoline in a
car.

Shut the ass up! Shut up! You're
stuck. You are a piece of shit!

Look at you! You have brightness all
up in his face.

Socks do not match!

Now, ladies, let me explain one thing.

99% of the time, you're right.

That 1% when you are wrong, that is
the day in which men live.

We live for the day that can make you
look dumb as shit.

This is our purpose as men.

I'll tell you, three words that you
never want to hear coming out of the
mouth of her man.

If your man ever hit you with these
words, shut up.

Don't say shit, he is about to make
you look stupid.

If you're going out, you are taking,

Shut up. You are a piece of shit. I
hate you.

If he hit you with this here,

You're done? You're done?

He is arrogant. You're done?

Are you doing? Okay. Okay.

I'm about to shit on this bitch now.

You're done? You're done, right?
You're done, right?

You're done? Are you doing? Ok, ok.

I'm laughing, I'm laughing because
you don't even know what happened.

See, last night, you were the only
one in the club

That began to drink an entire bottle
of patron for himself.

You are the only one who went in the
club.

I'm the one that gotcha, took it out
of the club, put it in the car.

Got in the car, started driving home,
I realized that I lost my wallet.

I said, 'gee, honey, we need gas. I
don't have my wallet.

'Do you have any money on you?

You said, in a voice very drunk, I
have three dollars.

I said, 'what the hell are we going
to do with three dollars?

You said: 'let's put some gas regular
in this shit.

I said, 'well. We put regular
gasoline in a car,

I drive home quickly, because I don't
want to stay without the gas regular.

When we got home, you feel sick
because of the way I was driving.

You damn rose, you begins to vomit.

I got naked, I went to bed. I kept my
socks, however.

First of all, you know that I sleep
with my socks, because I have the
feet of ugly.

I'm insecure about my feet.

My fear is that, if I don't sleep
with socks, we're going to be robbed.

And who has the gun will look to my
feet, and they will be like,

'Oh, shit. Ew! 'Barn!

Shoot me in the fucking foot.

I'll have the other foot damn
ugly-Ass.

As soon as you start to call me.

You're like, 'kev, come and help me.
I'm throwing up.

I came running to the bathroom, you
get to play-Up all over the floor.

I stepped on it, ew, took my sock
off, I put his sock on.

That is why my midfielder received a
ball in the back of it.

You picked it up, put it on my
shoulder.

The reason why I have glitter on my
face,

It is because you use that cheap-Ass
glitter lotion on your ass.

Then, when I had you like this,

Her ass was rubbing against the side
of my face damn.

Went in the room, I threw on the bed.

I don't go to bed ', because you
smells like throw-Up.

I'm not getting in bed with anyone
that smells like throw-Up.

You know why I'm not getting in bed
with anyone that smells like throw-Up?

Because it will make me fucking puke!

Then I came down, I slept on the
couch.

With that said, do not say anything
more to me.

You are wrong! I'm out!

This guy that women do is priceless.

It is not the same as well. Listen,
come here, is not the same.

I don't even want to debate.

Listen, come here, let me suck your
cock.

I want to suck your dick.

Let me suck your cock, while the
football game is on, throughout the
game.

I'll suck your dick for the entire
game.

Men are so stupid, we would be in the
middle of the assault outside.

During the whole game? You would do
it for the whole game?

During half-time and everything else?
You will suck it during the whole
game?

Deal. Do you have a business cursed.

Well, you better start sucking now,
because it is a long game.

Now, here's my advice to you, friends.

If your wife is going through this
period of insecurity

Where is that she is questioning her,
she's going through your shit,

My advice is, stop it.

Sweetheart, stop, what you're looking
for, don't look further.

You're right, I'm wrong. I need to do
better.

The reason I say this is because

You do not want to see your wife go
through this point crazy not to
return.

See, I saw a woman get up here. Is
little attractive.

The reason why it is unattractive

It is because when a woman reaches a
certain level of madness,

She does not know that she is being
crazy.

All the people he knows. The whole
world sees.

Hey, that bitch in the corner with
the diaper on his face

It is fucking crazy, yo.

She is really crazy. She is a
psychopath.

The whole world knows, except her.

Here is the thing, I was in this
situation. I saw a woman get mad.

Let me tell you how I knew this girl
was crazy, right?

We are at home, one day, to discuss,
all damn day.

It gets to the point where I'm like,
you know,

I can't argue with you, not more. My
head hurts. I am done.

I am getting in the shower. I am
wearing.

I'm going to the store.

It is a true story, people. Exactly
what I do.

Get in the shower, get dressed, get
in my car, start driving to the store.

On the way to the store, I hit a bump.

When I hit the speed bump, I hear a
lot of noise in the trunk.

Boom!!! Ba-Dum-Doo! Boom!!!

This is strange, I don't put shit in
the trunk.

What the fuck is all that noise in
the trunk, cursed?

I am small. I get scared fast.

As soon as I get out of the car, I
pop the trunk, this is a real shit.

I put the trunk. When I put the trunk,

This bitch was stooped down in the
trunk as well, looking for me.

I see it in the trunk of the car,
cursed.

I see you see me see it in the trunk,
cursed.

I just picked up in the trunk of my
car.

You have to say something to justify
what the hell I'm looking at.

What the fuck is this what are you
doing in the trunk damn?

With a serious face, she looks at me,
jumps out of the trunk,

Rolls her eyes and rushes out, as if
I never vi.

Now, let me tell you why I had an
attitude.

I had an attitude because we live
together.

Type, I'll see you tonight.

We have to deal with this at some
point in time.

I said, no, fuck you. We'll talk
about it now.

I get in the car, I drive home. Here
is where it gets crazy.

When I get home, she's in the
kitchen, right?

I walk in the house, she said, hey,
sweetheart, are you hungry?

Bitch, o.

Oh!

I don't want to talk about no food
damn.

I want to talk about why I popped the
trunk

And you got out of the trunk, cursed
like a damn jack-In-The-Box.

What the fuck were you doing in the
trunk damn?

With a serious face, she looked at
me, she said, I was not in no trunk
fucking.

Bitch, I saw you see me see it in the
trunk, cursed.

You didn't see me in no trunk fucking.

You should have seen one of them
other bitches you're fucking with,

Trunk damn, nigga!

He got me confused so bad, I started
to think. I was like.

Did I have another bitch in the
trunk? I could have.

Oh, no, I could have put another
bitch in the trunk

And forgot what was in the trunk.

These are real-life situations.

And after something like this
happens, the reaction of each man is
the same.

We all say the same shit, we all do
the same shit.

I is not getting with any woman
crazy-Ass.

There's no way in hell that I'm
getting with a woman with crazy-Ass.

I prefer to be myself.

This is what you do, you live the
single life.

Single life is amazing at first
glance.

Why this is amazing is because every
night, you're with your boys,

You are drinking, you will meet with
women, to have a good time.

The reality doesn't hit you about how
bad the single life is

Until you call your friends to leave,
and that night,

None of their friends are available
', because they are out of their
women.

Is when the reality hits you.

Yo, the who, young man? What you want
to do today?

Oh, man, I is not doing nothing.

It's cupcake Tuesday. I and my lady,
we are making cupcakes.

Red velvet. I start to lick the bowl
and everything.

'Lick the bowl? Man, come out of my
phone.

Hey, don't get angry with me because
you have no bowl to lick.

What?

Then you start to rethink your
decision.

Drug. Will I have a good woman?

Damn, dude. I could have been a good
woman.

You know what, I need to get my wife
back.

The thing is, you can not go back the
way you left it. You have to reinvent
yourself.

You have to make it seem like you're
making an effort to get his wife back.

See how I am dumb. This is what I do.

I'm back.

Dear, I have an idea. It will be
great.

Will put the spark back in our
relationship.

Will make us fall in love, ok?

We've never done this. Let's do it
for the first time together.

We should both take ecstasy one time.

We must put the tablet. Listen to me.
Listen to me.

It is a drug emotional, ok?

Will make us talk.

We're going to have sex. Going to be
the best.

She said, " well, we'll do it.

She takes the pill. Your pill gives
you all the reactions certain.

I take the pill. My pill.

Okay. My.

My pill made me believe that I was a
drug dealer.

This is a real shit.

I wish I was doing that shit. I can't
do this, people.

I don't know where it came from. I
flashed.

We were talking about. She was like,

Sweetheart, I just want to be happy.
I want the disrespect to stop.

Let me tell you one thing, you're
worried about fucking disrespect?

This is what you are worried about?
Hmm?

What you need to worry about

That is how I'm going to deliver this
kilo of cocaine in the fucking pablo.

She was like, what? What are you
talking about?

Girl, what the hell do you think that
I'm talking about?

Where do you think all this money
comes from? Jokes? Is that what you
think? Huh?

You think I'm here to make money
funny? Is this?

Huh?

Bitch, I'm in the game.

I'm here on the streets of fucking.
Ok?

I have to cook it, cut it, bake it,
boop! Fly that shit.

She was like, oh, my god, what
happens with the children?

Fuck the children, bitch.

I'm here riding around and getting
it, the group of birds.

You don't even know my life, bitch.

Listen, let me tell you how I was
confused.

I was the ass, walking around the
house like this.

In my mind, it was a weapon.

I really believed that my hand was a
gun.

I was making threats. I said, let me
tell you one thing.

If someone on the block tries to
touch my product,

Chitty, Chitty, bang, bang, niggas
gonna die.

She was like, calm down, calm down.

So it was that I knew that she was
fucked.

So it was that I knew that she was
fucked. Because I turn as well, right?

She was like, don't shoot.

No one will shoot at you.

I have the safety on. You need to
fucking chill out.

Are you laughing? I'm serious. I was
confused.

I tried to have sex with a bag of
beans that night.

I was butt in the bean bag

For two hours, doing this shit alone.

I was sweating, but I didn't know
that it was me. I thought that was
the bean bag.

I was like, oh, this bean bags wet as
shit.

This beanbags just about to start
this long cock.

This is what you will get, bean bag.

You will learn today beanbag. Are you
listening to me?

You will learn today.

This is a chapter the old man of my
life, the people.

Now, I'm in a new chapter.

In this chapter, the reality hit.

The reality is that I am the only
one. Fucking dating.

I can do what I want now.

Now, here is the most frightening
thing about dating for me.

I believe in karma.

Whatever you do in life will come
full circle at some point in time.

I know that it is, right?

My fear is that I'm going to zoar,
and I fell in love, and I'm going to
hurt you.

When I think about getting hurt, I
think about the maximum level of hurt.

Like, I'm going to try and surprise
my lady on her lunch break.

She would be in the car giving some
guy head, I'm playing to see it.

Now, I know that I am not strong
enough to deal with this.

I am very emotional. I break.

Hmm. Not, not, not, not, not, not,
not. Not.

Choose your head held high. Not
finished. Did not finish it.

Jesus, take the wheel, please.

I know that I can't deal with it.
Some men are. Some men may.

Some men are strong enough to pick up
his wife in a sexual act,

How to give another head of the man,

Up to the point where they can go to
the car, open the car door and say a
sentence.

In this phrase, they will let a woman
know how much he loved her,

How bad she hurt him and where he is
mentally, and he can walk outside.

Some men can pull it off.

You know what, I loved you the best
that I could.

What I could do, I did.

What I did not, I tried. Fuck.

He will walk out. She will feel bad.

Why am I doing this?

I don't want to do this ever again.

Did you get that? This was the dick.
Do you get it?

This was the dick. Will you be able
to, you know? All is well.

Some men are different.

Some men are murderers. Some men are
thugs all the time.

No, fuck you! Fuck!

If I see my girl in the car giving
some guy head,

I'm going to the car, I'll grab it,
drag it out of the car,

I'm going to beat the shit out of the
guy.

That is how some men feel.

You would do this, guy? Chainz, you
fuck it?

You'd cry your ass?

You will fight against the guy with
the stick out?

His cock is out. This guy has a hard
cock.

This is the wrong answer, Chainz. I
don't like this answer.

I don't think you thought about this.

Should have thought about it. His
cock is out.

I can't fight a guy with a hard dick.
This will not happen.

The reason is because I am small.

When I struggle, I have to start from
the bottom. I have to get on your
legs.

If your cock is out, at some point,
this will cause a problem for me.

At some point in time.

Hey, you got my girl out here in a
car fucking?

Hmm? Huh? Nigga?

Yo, you will lose the head of the cock

If the cock of a man hit in the head
in front of a group of people
watching the fight.

You will do something you never
thought you would do.

Will fuck and grab it.

You are going to say some shit you
never thought you would say,

I'm going to rip you off!

This stick comes with me!

This is my cock! I have two dicks now!

Hey, if you pick up a stick guys in a
fight, you have to kill that night.

You have to die that night. You can't
continue living.

Because for the rest of your life,

You will be known as the guy who took
the guy's dick that day in a fight.

There goes the guy who took the guy's
dick that day in a fight.

What should I do? The cock that was
in my head.

Hey, guy, take his ass cock grabbing
it out of here, guy.

No one trying to talk to you, dick
grabber.

Look, I had a thought the other day
that scared me.

I thought about the fact that my
children are finally going to have a
stepfather.

This is a little scary to me. I'll
tell you why.

I start thinking to myself like, what
if I can't beat physically the father
step in?

Because I know that I'm not going to
like the guy.

Small problems will become big
problems.

So, in my mind, the shit is going to
happen.

Type, a day I call the house and in
the background, I hear,

I said, 'put the dishes in the sink. '

But, in my mind, what I heard was,
you and your dad can suck my dick in
the sink.

I have to fight. I have a fucking
fight now.

Because I thought about it.

I want to be prepared for this day,
if it ever happens.

So, now, I'm taking defense classes.

Okay, this is no lie. This is not a
joke.

It is the wrong time to mess with me.
I know a lot of shit.

My teacher taught me to pick up a
weapon from the hand of someone.

Like, if someone points a gun at me
like this,

I'm trained to grab your wrist, bend
it, grab the gun, point it back to
you.

In the bullshit. I do this all the
time in the classroom.

I am the best.

It is at a point where I had a
conversation with my friends, I said:

Look, guy, if you exit and someone
pulls a gun, let me handle this, ok?

I'm the only one here who is trained
for this type of combat.

He was like: are You sure? I said,
trust me, I'm sure.

Here is how life is funny.

We're heading out of the club, right?
I'm a little dizzy.

I get to the car, this guy comes from
the back of the car.

He stooped, he had a gun.

He was like that, everyone gets
naked. Run that shit, bitch. Get
naked. Run it.

All my friends got scared and started
to get naked.

I was calm. I'm there, I'm looking
for it.

I'm laughing a little because in my
mind, I am so,

You don't even know what I'm trained
to do.

Right? This is what I'm thinking,
right?

So, he got mad, he says,

Do you think that it is a game,
nigga? Run that shit, bitch. Get
naked. Run it.

And it scares me, because my teacher

Only taught me to take the weapons of
people holding it as well.

He had as well. I have never seen it.

I've never worked in that classroom.

So I don't know what to do. So I got
naked.

I did exactly what he said. I have
naked.

My friends were like, do something.

I was like, I can't. He is a killer.
He is the real deal. This guy is the
real deal.

I have security after that.

In fact, this is a lie. This is a
lie. I had no security after that.

I tried to hire my friend, wayne, as
my security.

Reason is because wayne was big as
hell.

So, I was like, why would I fuck
someone pay more

When I can give you this extra money?

You don't have to fight anyone, you
just look like you would do if
something were to happen.

He's like, all right, I'll do it.

I said, done. You are hired. You are
my security.

Hum. Here's why wayne was fired. Let
me tell you why.

We were in a club, right? This guy
pulls out a gun, shoots it in the air.

Bop! Fuck all those bitches! I was
scared.

Wayne, what should we do?

With a serious face, wayne said,
faking being dead.

I said, what? What's that you said?

He would not answer me back because
he was in character. He said.

Wayne!

Wayne! Wayne!

It will pass, it is best you shut
your mouth, before you take a shot.

What the fuck is this?

After that, I hired a guy named Steve.

Now, Steve was the real deal, people.
Let me tell you why.

Steve made me feel like a star.

We went places, steven move the crowd.

Movement everyone! Get a move on!

Be careful, mr. Hart is coming to an
end.

I never had to look behind me. Steve
always had my back.

Steve was fired because it was in a
club one day, I'm in the VIP section,
right?

The Vip is separated from the dance
floor by a rope of velvet.

I'm behind a rope of velvet.

I say, steve, I have to go to the
bathroom.

The guy operating the rope velvet
moves.

Me and steve walk to the bathroom. I
use it, I have done, we went back.

The guy operating the rope velvet was
speaking.

This is good, I am with patience. I'm
going to wait until he is done.

Steve felt that they should not have
to wait.

Steve decided to pick me up and put
me over the top rope damn.

Let me tell you one thing, people.

I never felt more like a whore in my
life.

I was like, steve, no, don't do it,
please.

My back leg came to the fore.

Look at me. Look at what you are to
me compelling you to do.

Stop, steve. You're fired fucking,
guy.

After that, I hired these two ex-cops
turned security guards.

Now, these guys were very
professional.

My problem with them is that they
were very professional.

As, your security level was too
advanced for my level of celebrity.

Like, I don't know what they thought
that I thought that I was.

I don't know where it came from lack
of communication, but it was too much.

As we go to applebee's. It is a true
story.

Fucking applebee's, ok?

There is an empty cabin. I'm going to
slide in the cabin.

That's how I slide in the booth. I
love applebee's.

Applebee's, Applebee's, Applebee's.

So, I'm in the cabin, right?

I'm sitting next to the window.

He will, kevin, please switch seats
with me.

I don't want you sitting next to the
window.

I said, why not?

He said, there may be a sniper
outside.

Looking for who?

There is no shooter looking for me
without a fucking applebee's. Not.

I'm not at the level of the shooter
in the my career. I'm not there yet.

As, you probably have to worry about
a guy putting his cock in the glass.

This is my level. I'm on the level of
dick-On-The-Glass.

This is my level.

Like, the shit that I'm afraid of the
people do not think.

I'll tell you what I'm afraid of.

Yall will think I'm crazy, but I'll
tell you anyway.

Scariest shit in the world to me are
the hands the tramp.

The hands of a bum are the shit more
scary than ever.

You could say that I'm crazy all you
want.

I'm willing to bet you all any amount
of money now,

If you walk outside after this show

And a bum comes up to you and the
movies of your lip, bet money you
will kill tonight.

I bet you want to bet that you would
like mato-if tonight.

If you walk outside after this show
and a bum comes up to you,

Give me a dollar, man. What?

Guy, you better give me a damn.

Give me the fucking of a dollar, the
man.

What happened, dude? He shoot at you?

Son of a bitch threw my lip, face.

Oh, my god! This is the shit more
scary than ever.

Type, you have to get rid of this
lip. You can't keep the lip.

This lip has to go. You have to buy a
new lip. I don't even know where to
start lips.

What would you do if you were
attacked by three homeless people,

And they had it down?

Skirt top of me. What is this?

And then the leader quit, and you see
it as well. And he.

Oh, my God. You know how dirty your
hands are?

Oh my god the fucking.

This will be the cock faster than you
ever won in your life of shit.

Pow! Collision! That damn fast. You
have to explain.

Hey, guy, this is a Herpy fucking?

Mmm-mmm. Is a fucking bum. What?

What the fuck is a fucking bum, dude?

A bum. A bum.

Wait, wait, wait.

I have to take it off. I have to take
it off.

Wait for a little while. Wait for a
little while.

What the fuck is this, dude?

Is a fucking bum.

How the hell do you let a bum touch
your lip?

I thought that he was trying to tell
me a secret.

What? That shit was a bum trying to
tell him?

He cheated on me. He was like, 'Hey,
man. '

I said, 'huh? "He caught me. This is
it.

Get fire on these bitches one time,
guy.

Bump bum fucking. Watch.

See how you look for bums when you
leave the show.

Watch.

See how defensive you are.

I'm sorry, man, can you spare some
change?

Mano, o.

Hey, man, you better get your ass
outta here, bro.

You here trying to lips sudden,
cousin?

You here trying to give a nigga a
bump bum, bro?

I know what you are.

You will not give me any bump bum,
bro.

It is best if the out of here, guy.

Beat your ass, guy.

I don't want no bump bump.

No, he is my brother as well. He told
her a secret.

My brother leaned on by Mmm. Fucked
all their shit.

Shit this nigga was all bum bumpy
for, like, two weeks.

I really believe that shit like this
can happen.

I am a thinker, stranger, people, I
am a thinker and a stranger.

I am glad that I am a thinker and a
stranger.

I be a thinker and a stranger made me
a better man.

It made me a better father.

Let me explain how its made me a
better father, ok?

Made Me think about my children
possibly have a stepfather

Is what made me a better father.

Because now, not only is it important
for me to be sure that I'm close,

But I need them to understand who I
am and what I represent to their
lives.

Now, because I see so much stuff, I
notice everything.

As, my son is in this phase
imagination.

Type, I thought that shit was a
phase. It is not. It does not go far.

As, my son really thinks he is
Spider-Man.

On some real shit.

And when he gets angry, he told me to
webs.

Now, because I am the father, I just
go along with it.

Ahhh!

I act as if I was stuck. This is the
shit that makes me laugh.

That is how he freed me from the web.

And it will go away. Hilarious shit.

Now, only I and my son, we are
connecting.

See, but as a parent, you don't
realize the effect you have on their
children.

Whatever you do at home,

Your children will imitate when they
are out of the house.

I learned this lesson the hard way.

I'm going to pick up my son above the
field, right?

My son is outside arguing with this
boy over a truck.

I'm watching. I'm not going to break
it.

I want my child to be a boy, let me
see how it handles.

The little boy takes the truck from
my son.

My son gets angry, takes the truck
back. My!

Little boy back, my son, gives a
punch in the back of the head.

My son falls. This boy begins
screaming butt of my son.

Look, I don't know who was training
this boy,

But they were doing an amazing job.

This boy could fucking fight, right?

I'm not going to break it.

I'll let my son take your
ass-whooping. He will learn from it.

I'm watching. I see this with my own
eyes.

My son gets angry, rolls.

What the hell are you doing, guy?

It is not real. What are you doing?

The parents are looking at me.

Why teach him? Why do you still teach
you that?

I run more, I take the boy out of my
son.

This is the longest walk back to the
car that I've ever had with my son in
my life.

He just stared at his hands. He was
as well.

I don't know what happened, father. I
don't know what happened.

So, I am crazy. I'm like,

Dude, if shit someone hit you, you
ball your fists up, you hit him back.

You will not let anyone beat you. You
ball your fists up, you hit him back.

Now, he does not like when I go down
on him.

Then, he was angry. He paved.

Now, when he winged, I had a choice
to make.

Can I act as the game for my son to
believe in is not real

And there is more and fuck your
imagination on top?

Or do I allow his imagination to
continue to run wild?

He has five years.

I said, I'll let your imagination run
wild,

Act like I got caught. Ah!

Ahhh!

This. This is what I heard. This is
what my son said.

I had it off, father.

Said, what the hell is going on here?

Look, my kids are hilarious, man.

I have stories for days about my
children.

I took my children horseback riding,
right?

This may have been, as well,

The best worst day I've ever had with
my children in my life.

I wanted to find a place that was
suitable for children and adults

Then, we could make a day out of it.

I think that this ranch, right?

I, my children, my brother, my
friends, we'll all be.

We arrived there, they have ponies.

My children on the ponies. There is a
smaller trail at the ranch.

Riding the horses on the entire trail
lower.

I, my brother and my friends, we're
great horses.

Let's make the great escape, ok?

Here's what happened. Everyone gets
on their horses.

They have their feet in the stirrups.
They are ready to go.

I'm the last to get in cause my horse
"I was filling in the paperwork,

I'm paying for this shit.

I get on my horse. Here is a strike
for me.

I'm going to put my feet in the
stirrups, right?

Okay. Ok, that was the problem.

Like, if I put this foot, this foot
was not going to do this.

I couldn't get them both in, all
right?

So I say to the guy. I say, hey, guy,
I think that I need stirrups lower.

It was thus: don't worry about it.
You do not need them.

I was like, mmm. Yes, I do.

Because everyone has. I want to look
like all the others.

He was like, trust me, you'll be fine.

I was like, I don't trust you. I want
to look like all the others.

He said, look, you want to speak with
the instructor?

I said, yes, I'm going to talk with
the instructor.

Keep in mind, your instructor is why
I chose this ranch.

This guy is supposed to be a guru
horse.

He was going to teach us how to
control physically the horse.

He was going to teach us the verbal
commands,

And he, personally, would take us on
the trail.

The problem with this guy is that he
can not speak English, the people,
everything well?

I can't do this shit.

This is the speech that he gave
before we started the trail.

Word-for-word. It will,

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

So! Will, fat, kick it! Mmm!

So, kick twice. Mmm!

So. Okay, the ride of the let.

What the fuck is this that he said?
You heard what he said?

Hey, guy, you have to say it again
for me. I did not understand what you
said.

This is how I knew that was a lie.

He said the same thing in the same
exact way.

He said, " okay. Okay.

All right, all right. Okay.

So! Will, fat, kick it! Mmm!

So, kick twice. Mmm!

So. Okay, the ride of the let.

I said, we will die. We are about to
die.

My friend said, kev, stop
complaining. Let's just go.

Keep in mind, I have no stability.

My feet are just hanging to the side
of the horse.

I don't have nothing to hold,

Except this little thing I touch in
the middle of the damn seat.

I said, " okay, I'm not going to say
anything more. Let's.

My horse starts to trot.

It is not working, people. He trot.

I don't have balance, so I'm all over
the place.

I am as well, right?

My feet kicked the horse in the
stomach.

This is a signal for your horse to
speed up.

My horse takes off.

Listen to me, people. This nigga took
off!

Now, I'm afraid, because I don't know
what to do with my feet.

At one point in time, I panicked, I
had my feet on the neck.

Type, I was like this, right? I was
as well.

But I couldn't hear shit, because the
wind was blowing.

It was like.

I hear my friends in the back. They
are like.

Ohh!

Oh!

I don't know what they are saying.

I assume that they are saying, let go.

This is what I think what they are
saying, let go.

So I said, fuck it! Jesus, take the
wheel. Right?

I roll off like a thistle-black-Ass.

Bap-Bap-Bap-Bap-Bap.

May. The horse continues.

My friends and my brother, the
trainer, everyone pulls up to my side.

It is at a point where I'm pissed.

I'm like, yo, I'm not doing this shit
no longer exists. I'm out.

Fuck this train. I am done.

I'm going back, I'm getting my
children, I am walking back to the
hotel.

My boy, getting smacked, it was like,
kev, you can't fucking walk back.

We were walking for 25 minutes.

Going to take it, thus, an hour to
walk back.

I said, " okay. I looked to the
instructor,

I said, well, you'll take me. You
will take me back now.

He puts his arm down like this, he
grabs me, pulls me in, catches me,

It puts me in the back of his horse.

This is why I'll never ride a horse
again in my life, people.

For 25 minutes, for 25 minutes, damn,

I'm in the back of the horse of this
mano.

I turn around, my friends think it's
funny.

They are taking pictures, right?

I said, put the camera up! Place the
camera fucking up!

The instructor kicked the horse
stomach, the horse starts to work.

He gets close, grabs my lower back.
He starts to pull me, right?

Now, I'm afraid, so I can not let go,
so I have my arms around her stomach.

I'm fucking awesome fucking this guy
in the back.

He speed up, I speed up. I gave it,
like, 75 pops.

The shit that gets me pissed off
while I'm in mid-Pump,

He will turn around and go, let's
ride.

I said, man, give the out of me.

New York city, was real. My name is
Kevin Hart.

I love you all fuck, dude.

I appreciate you. Thank you.

Get fire on these bitches one more
time, dude.

Thank You, New York.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Before I go,

I'll end with cum

Note of the heart now.

Uh. And I'll try not to be a bitch
and get emotional up here.

Guy, I am now one of the few

To fucking act like a comedian in
madison square garden damn it.

Hey..

Listen to me. Listen to me.

You have no idea

The damn feeling that I have going
through my body right now, guy.

This is a dream turned reality
fucking.

Hey, this is a dream come true fuck,
guy.

Thank you for being loyal. Thank you
for growing with me.

Thank you for making me fucking
enjoying.

My name is kev hart, I love you.

Hey! Here they come.

Gather around. We are about to launch
a surprise.

Here we go.

I'll take you I'll break it, hey

Rotate, rotate, rotate

Rotate, rotate, rotate

Kevin, kevin, kevin, kevin, kevin

What?

Now, we will bike the beer.

For those who do not know what is a
bike beer it is, it's a bike with
beer in it.

We are about to ride this bitch.

Everyone, let's go! / In three.

Let's go! / Pedal!

Check out the spine / foot pedal!

Whoa! Easy. We're out, guy. Us easy.
We have this.

Pedal!

Pedal!

Halt! Stop at the ride.

Halt! Pedal! Pedal!

Oh, my god!

That's for sure. I am. This is me,
people.

Go! Go!

You can't go to the right here / oh,
shit!

We can't go to the right.

Oh, shit!

Yo! What the fuck are you doing?

Oh, my God, Kevin Hart?

Hey, you have a coloring book?

Ah!

Let's go, guy / she only realize it.

Ah!

I can take a photo with you?

Of course you can get a picture. Of
course you can.

Has the fan of Michael Jackson.

I wanted to go to his show, but I
have no money.

I have tickets for you.

Seriously? / I have tickets for you.
Yes, I do.

So, if you hit the wickets, which is
rolled.

Ok / out.

When he plays the wicket, he hits a
jump, and he hits the wood,

This person is out? / Yes. Out.

Hey, don't hit me with that fucking
ball, man.

You took all the protection, hendrix.

Except for his face.

Damn! This is an output. This is an
output.

Here you go. Take it all / is that?
Is this?

You, man / what's it to you.

For that, I have not had the chance.

Well, what the hell was that?

Excuse me, sir, do you know who is
Kevin Hart?

Lady?

Okay, these girls will meet me, here.

Excuse me, ladies, that I am.

No, no, I am. No, no. It is only.

Drug! Shit!

How is it, lord?

My name is Kevin Hart. I am a famous
comedian.

This is going to change. Many of them
will change.

I am Kevin Hart. I am a famous
comedian.

Kevin Hart. Famous.

How are you doing? / Soul plane.

Yes, it is true!

So everybody in the states that
bootlegged it and didn't think that
he has in any place,

He did the London, your bitch!

London, we love you, guy.

It was fantastic. I love you, kevin.

My boy Kevin Hart tore, you don't
know.

Listen, kev, any time, come up here,
you are welcome. London.

Whoo! This was fire. This is what is
hot. Whoo! This was fire.

Kevin Hart in London / Kevin Hart!

I was there, and my sides are hurting
where I laughed so much. Seriously.

Kev. My man.

You has us running all over the city,
man! Let's go!

Don't nobody ask me nothing more.

I'm going to do everything yourself!

Kev, where you been? Oh! I smell of
burning.

There is a phone booth here? / Clark
Kent.

There's no phone booth here / how you
changed so fast?

Don't nobody ask me if I am nervous
or because I'm not!

I'm going to beat your ass.

And my hand is not sweaty, so do not
try to touch them.

Don't touch it. And I have no ass
swamp.

What are you talking about? / Huh?

Is g shit here, bro.

Why don't you just be my friends and
shake it up?

Because it's time to go now.

Huh? I'm pumped up, baby. Are you
listening to me?

I'm ready for this life. Huh?

I'm ready for it.

Close-out, joe. This is what I'm
talking about.

You know that we / that was last year.

That's for sure. That's it, bro.

What are you doing?

I have not forgotten this because I
am nervous.

What is he doing? / There is no-one
to forget anything!

It is time for the show, dude!

Hey! I'm about to explain, baby!

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