Original subtitles

lt's the end of floor finishing week on Tool Time.

- We got a big finish for you. - That's right.

We're gonna shoot Al out of a giant glue gun. He'll be everywhere.

- lt's gonna be a great show so stay tuned. - We're going to finish finishing our floor.

lf you said ''finish finishing'' like that in Finland, you'd be finished already.

Now, if you want a strong waterproof finish, you can't go wrong with polyurethane.

We've already applied one coat with our lamb's-wool applicator.

lf your hardware store doesn't stock one, don't fret.

You just duct tape your pet lamb to a pole.

(sound eect of sheep bleating)

For best results, you wanna use two coats.

However, before applying the second one, scuff the first coat

with a fiberglass screen to help the second coat adhere better.

Easy to install - set it underneath your buffer and start buffing.

Al uses one of these to buff his legs before he waxes 'em.

Now, speaking of wax - for a gentler, smoother shine, l suggest going with wax.

Of course... (sueaking)

With all the wax l got in there, you could wax a whole basketball court.

Remind me not to shake your hand at the end of the show.

l'm ready to buff out my wax and show you the difference,

but Al's using the buffer, so l've brought my own.

Heidi and Stumpy, could you bring out my buffer, please?

Here you go, Tim.

Thank you, guys. Thank you, Stump.

Could you have built a bigger buffer?

l didn't build this. l bought this at Bob's Big and Tall Appliance Shop.

l'm ready to buff this up. Watch the shine. Klaus, music.

(# ''Hungarian Dance No '' by Brahms)

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Perfect.

- Wanna taste my Alfredo sauce? - lf l taste it now, can l skip it at dinner?

Forget it, l'll taste it myself.

Hi.

Alfredo face.

Hey. No, no.

- Bet you can't guess where l came from. - Art museum?

Slippery Steve's Snowmobiles.

He doesn't generally rent, but for me he'll make an exception.

lt is so great to be married to a man with that kind of power.

But l must learn to use my power for good, not evil.

- And the good would be? - A snowmobile party for Randy's birthday.

Dad, l don't know about a snowmobile party.

Come on, think about it. There's no better way to say happy birthday

than saying it at 85 miles an hour, blistering across the tundra,

icicles frozen to your face. ''l can't see anything!''

As good as that sounds, l was thinking about a boy-girl party in the basement.

- Girls love snowmobiles. - What girls?

Snowmobile chicks.

Tim, nobody has their first boy-girl party on a snowmobile.

- l did. - Nobody normal.

At my first boy-girl party, all the girls wore frilly little dresses.

The boys wore suits and ties. We played charades and telephone.

Mom, things have changed in the last 1 00 years.

(noisemaker blows)

# ...dee, wo-i-dee

# Wo-ee

# Wo-ee

# Wo-ee

# Wo-ee

Wilson, are you naked?

No, Tim, l'm wearing a hat.

Why are you naked?

Well, Tim, in Finland, they believe that to rejuvenate the body and the soul,

you take a hot sauna bath and you follow that with an ice-cold snow massage.

What do they follow that up with? A heart attack?

No, Tim. Actually, it's quite invigorating.

Maybe you'd like to join me for a hot sauna sometime.

There's always room for two under my dome.

No, thanks, Wilson. l'm not much of a ''get naked with your neighbor'' kind of guy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

So how did things go over at the snowmobile place?

Steve said he'd rent me the snowmobiles, but Randy'd rather have a boy-girl party.

Well, you don't sound too happy about that.

What's there for me to do at a boy-girl party?

Why do you feel you have to do anything?

'Cause l like getting involved in my boys' birthdays. l had...

Are you still naked?

No, no, no, no. l'm all covered up.

For Brad's 1 3th birthday, we went to a tractor pull.

And we got mud all over our heads.

l was hoping that Randy's birthday would be just as memorable.

Maybe you should do something different to participate in Randy's celebration.

As the English author Samuel Johnson said:

''Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.''

lf anyone knows about unexpected sparks, it'd be me.

You'd be more fulfilled if you did something for Randy

that was both unique and unexpected.

- Like what? - lf l knew that, it wouldn't be unexpected.

Wait. But unexpected, you're saying...

- Know what's really unexpected? - What?

The position of that tattoo.

Tim, that's no tattoo. l just sat on a live coal.

Whoo!

l'm supposed to go to Jimmy's for a sleepover.

We're almost done. Let me see that wax.

You already put on 1 6 coats. Why do you have to put on so much?

lt's Randy's present. l want the dance floor perfect.

- Can l try the polisher? - l'll show you in a minute.

You gotta adjust this by hand.

l'm good. l can do it while it moves, but you gotta be good at it.

So if you get your cuff caught in there...

- So how do l look? - What's different?

l changed shoes.

Randy, what are you so nervous about?

Well, there's this girl Michelle coming to the party.

Randy, Michelle's not gonna care about what pair of shoes you're wearing.

All she's gonna care about is she gets to have fun at the party.

And she doesn't want any nerdy parents hanging around.

Great news.

Guess what l found in the closet. My old 45s.

You're gonna let us have guns at the party?

These are records. This is the music l used to listen to at my parties.

Oh, this can't be good.

''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' by Donovan.

Oh. This is a great slow song.

''To Sir With Love'' by Lulu.

Lulu?

Don't worry about it. There's not a machine in the city that'll play those.

Not true. l found my old Princess record player in the closet too.

All l have to do now is find a needle for it.

Hey, why don't you just hop into your time machine?

(doorbell rings)

Whoa. Big moment, Randy.

Your first boy or girl at your first boy-girl party.

- Mom. - (Jill giggles)

- Hi, Michelle. - Hi, Randy.

The person who followed me in is my father.

- l'm Bert Sanford. - l'm so happy to meet you. l'm Jill Taylor.

OK, Dad. You've met his mother and you can see that she looks basically normal.

- You can go now. - Um, listen.

l can assure you my husband and l will supervise the whole time.

We're very responsible people.

l'll be right back, Mark.

There's my husband now.

Tim.

Come and meet Michelle's father.

Oh, hi, Michelle's father. Good to see you.

Tim, don't be rude. Come and shake his hand.

- Not a good time, honey. - Wait a minute.

Aren't you the guy on that tool show?

Yes, l am.

l love that episode where you lit your sleeve on fire.

Classic episode. l got that thing on tape. lf you wanna watch it, l got it.

You're wondering why l don't have any pants on, aren't you?

- Why's your father in his underwear? - To ruin my life.

l switched from brief to boxers because they're more freeing when you're in slacks.

l'm gonna go and get a pair of Sansabelts on now.

You guys just hold still while l get some slacks on. l'll be right back.

Why don't you ask Michelle to dance?

l just ate. You're supposed to wait an hour before you go dancing.

- That's swimming. - Right. lt's two hours before dancing.

Get over there.

- Hey, Michelle. - Hi.

So are you having a good time?

Not really.

Well, neither am l. l'd leave, but this is my house.

l like your shoes.

l like your ears.

What?

l mean, l just never noticed 'em at school before.

l always bring them with me.

Yeah, it's just usually you wear your hair down and you can't see 'em.

But now you can and they really match your nose.

Thanks.

l'm really glad your father let you stay.

l'm really glad your father put some pants on.

Oh!

How come no one's dancing? This floor isn't just for looking at. Come on.

Hey, Sherman. What do you think of the dance floor? l made this for Randy.

Did your dad ever make you a dance floor?

No. l kept dropping hints, but all l got was a crummy CD player.

Dad, l thought you told me you'd stay upstairs.

l thought l'd come down and help get the party going.

A little dancing. Everybody, come on. Baby circles.

l'm the king. No one ever gave me nothing. Shut up! Whoo!

Dad. Dad. You're killing me here. Could you go upstairs, please?

Yeah, all right.

So, Michelle, do you wanna...

- Dance? - Yeah, sure. Thanks for asking.

l'm so proud. That's my floor, right there.

- Michelle, are you OK? - l don't think so.

Give me a hand. Are you all right?

# To sir

# With love

- l think she should go to the doctor. - l'm not sick. l'm just singing.

Sit here.

l'm really sorry about this, Michelle.

What did you do? Tim!

l might have put a smidge too much wax on the dance floor.

A smidge? You could hold lce Capades on that thing.

- Speaking of which, we need some ice. - Well, l just put it all in the punch.

- Yeah? That's easy. - No.

Come on. She's gotta stick her foot in there. Go ahead, put it in there.

lt's freezing.

Cold stops the swelling. Tomorrow you gotta put heat on there.

Yeah, come back and we'll stick your foot in a tub of hot chocolate.

- We'd better call her parents. - What's your number?

Oh, no one's home. My mom's out of town and my dad's buying a new car.

We need someone to call... What kind?

- Dad. - My ankle really hurts.

Oh, look, it's turning purple.

Whoa.

Oh, great. This place is packed.

lt's busier than usual. You should have had the party in here.

lt's bad enough you might have broken her ankle. Don't make her listen to your jokes.

Just watch her, will you? l'll see if l can move things along.

Don't touch him.

- Hey, Marge. - Hey, Tim. l see your eyebrows grew back.

Well, they always do. And they're bushier. They're thicker this time.

Your wife called about a girl with an injured ankle.

lt's Randy's birthday party and she slipped on the dance floor.

Kids.

Slipped on the dance floor? Let me guess - you overwaxed.

- You know me too well, Marge. - l see you more than my own husband.

Since l'm such a good customer, you think l could move them to the head of the line?

l wish l could help you out, Tim, but Dr. Harris is on tonight

and you know what a stickler for the rules he is.

- Dr. Howie Harris? - Uh-huh.

He owes me one. l inspired that paper he did on odd head injuries.

Well, you can try to talk to him. He's in examining room two. Be sure to knock first.

l'm gonna talk the doctor into moving you ahead of these people.

Except you, pal. lt's all right.

Don't touch him.

l'm sorry your party bombed out.

- l'm sorry you hurt your ankle. - Me too.

When my dad finds out about this, l'll never be able to go to another party again.

Well, maybe we can hang out together, 'cause l'll never be invited to another party.

l'd like to hang out with you.

- You would? - Yeah.

But my dad probably won't let me when he finds out l got hurt on your dad's floor.

- Great. - Marge.

Great news. We can go right now.

OK. Come with me, honey.

All right. l'll come back there and check on you in a minute. Thank you, Marge.

She's gonna be just fine. They're good here.

Some birthday, huh?

lt's the birthday l always dreamed of - sitting with bleeding, infected people.

Hey, the day's not over. Maybe we can salvage it yet.

No. There's no way you can salvage this one, Dad.

l finally find out Michelle likes me and now her dad won't let me hang out with her.

Let me talk to him. He likes Tool Time. He'll understand accidents happen.

- Hey, Tool Man. - Hey, Bob.

Hey, Bob.

When you put a shine on a floor like this, how many coats of wax do you use? 1 6?

One. Only an idiot would do more than that.

(doorbell rings)

Oh, Mr. Sanford, you're early.

After seeing your husband in his underwear

and your neighbor wandering around naked, l was a little concerned.

But it seems like everything's under control here.

Here? Right here? Yeah, everything's really under control.

- Want some cake? - No, but l will take some punch.

You...

Mm. lt's really very different. Make it yourself?

Michelle helped.

lt tastes like she had a hand in it.

Close.

- Where is Michelle? - Michelle?

My daughter.

Well, the truth is, she's had a little accident.

- Accident? - No, she's OK.

- She's at the emergency room... - Emergency room?

- See? Look, there she is. She's fine. - Hi.

- Sweetheart, are you all right? - l'm fine. lt's just a sprain.

lt's a mild sprain. She should be OK in a couple of days.

- How did this happen? - lt's the same old story, you know.

Guy builds dance floor for son, guy overwaxes, girl slips and hurts herself,

guy feels terrible, girl's father forgives guy.

- Afraid not. - l'm sorry, that's how the story goes.

Look, Mr. Sanford, it was just an accident.

Like on Tool Time, the show you like - accidents.

l like when the accidents happen to you, not to my daughter.

Real smooth, Dad.

l should've followed my instincts. l shouldn't have let you stay.

- Dad, l'm fine. - l should have taken you car shopping.

What kind of car did you end up with?

Gremlin? An AMC General? Maybe a Hornet?

No. For your information, l collect muscle cars.

- You? - Yeah.

What l'm really looking for is a '70 GTO.

- (grunts) Yeah! With a big block? - Of course with a big block.

And l'd love to find a convertible.

(grunts) Oh, yeah.

- You're a car guy? - Yeah.

l like to take old pieces of junk and restore 'em to cherry.

Honey, l think l'm in love.

l won't stand in your way.

l got a '46 Ford convertible l'm trying to retrofit into a hot rod.

- You've got a '46 Ford convertible? - l do. Wanna see?

- l do. - l now pronounce you man and car guy.

You want a classic goat - go with the '69 Judge. Hard to find, but a great investment.

- Oh, yeah. - Well, would you like to have some cake?

- Yeah. - Sure.

Randy, l am so sorry that your birthday worked out this way.

lf you want, your father and l can make it up to you

by taking you and a bunch of your friends to some kind of concert next weekend.

- Why? ls Lulu doing a world tour? - Ha-ha-ha.

That floor's not too slippery.

Just how l like it.

(music plays)

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Watch out. Faster.

Yeah! Come on!

Perfect.

So shiny you can see yourself in it. Take a look, Al.

Whoa!

What kind of wax did you use on that?

Wash-and-werewolf.

Werewolf?

There wolf.

(howls)

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