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Subtitles by explosiveskull
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I talked to Jenny McAullife
today.
3
00:00:17,702 --> 00:00:19,135
Lord, why?
4
00:00:19,169 --> 00:00:20,170
She cornered me.
5
00:00:21,170 --> 00:00:23,039
What did you guys talk about?
6
00:00:23,073 --> 00:00:24,440
I don't even remember.
7
00:00:24,475 --> 00:00:27,210
She was going on and on about
something really boring,
8
00:00:27,243 --> 00:00:31,716
like a family car trip, and
she was just so excited.
9
00:00:31,748 --> 00:00:33,417
It was so weird.
10
00:00:33,451 --> 00:00:35,360
It's not like she was
talking about a new boyfriend
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00:00:35,384 --> 00:00:38,287
or seeing her favorite band.
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00:00:38,322 --> 00:00:40,256
She was just psyched.
13
00:00:40,289 --> 00:00:43,226
Like high on life.
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00:00:44,094 --> 00:00:48,765
Yeah, war, child abuse, poverty,
disease,
15
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:51,234
life gets me wasted.
16
00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:52,469
And I was thinking,
17
00:00:52,503 --> 00:00:55,405
I've never been that excited
about anything and I'm like 17.
18
00:00:55,439 --> 00:00:58,676
It's only gonna get lamer
and more boring from here.
19
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:00,645
People who are that happy are
insane.
20
00:01:03,747 --> 00:01:05,147
We're doomed.
21
00:02:15,687 --> 00:02:18,855
Well peeps, it's Friday
and you are all set
22
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,324
for another weekend.
23
00:02:22,860 --> 00:02:25,194
Yeah, that's slammin'.
24
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,229
And while most of you
will do the right thing
25
00:02:27,264 --> 00:02:30,534
like doing homework and going to
church,
26
00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,436
some of you will be putting your
futures
27
00:02:32,469 --> 00:02:34,204
and your very lives at stake.
28
00:02:35,138 --> 00:02:39,576
Yes, homeboys and girls,
I'm talking about partying.
29
00:02:43,347 --> 00:02:46,349
Check your head, and
don't believe the hype.
30
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:50,387
It's no difference if it's
brewskies or the kind herb,
31
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:54,626
coke, crank, smack, LSD, PCP,
32
00:02:54,658 --> 00:02:58,729
model airplane glue,
vaginal, oral, or anal.
33
00:03:00,865 --> 00:03:03,600
It all leads to the same place.
34
00:03:03,634 --> 00:03:08,573
Jail, the hospital or the
graveyard.
35
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:09,606
For reals.
36
00:03:12,676 --> 00:03:14,276
Holla if ya hear me.
37
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:17,649
Has Mrs. Feen ever even had sex?
38
00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:24,555
So let's all give it up and turn
it loose
39
00:03:24,588 --> 00:03:28,191
and watch these three
short educational films,
40
00:03:28,224 --> 00:03:29,493
You Booze, You Lose,
41
00:03:29,526 --> 00:03:31,496
The BloodStained Cell Phone,
42
00:03:31,528 --> 00:03:33,865
and Conchita Has Genital Warts.
43
00:03:41,405 --> 00:03:42,539
Hall lockers,
44
00:03:42,573 --> 00:03:44,574
true windows to the soul.
Ugly dykes.
45
00:03:46,442 --> 00:03:48,979
These are the innocent,
carefree good times
46
00:03:49,013 --> 00:03:50,882
we'll remember the rest of our
lives.
47
00:04:00,625 --> 00:04:02,794
Pain is weakness leaving the
body?
48
00:04:03,728 --> 00:04:06,963
So what, if you get run over
by a car it makes you stronger?
49
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,466
Or what about getting bone
cancer?
50
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,467
I hear that's painful.
51
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,735
You'd be hella strong then.
52
00:04:10,768 --> 00:04:11,768
He's cute.
53
00:04:13,705 --> 00:04:15,305
You're worse than my mother.
54
00:04:15,337 --> 00:04:16,582
He'd do it with you and then
laugh
55
00:04:16,606 --> 00:04:18,709
and send all his friends
pictures.
56
00:04:18,742 --> 00:04:19,543
Can't I even look?
57
00:04:19,576 --> 00:04:20,677
They can't be all bad.
58
00:04:23,312 --> 00:04:25,449
Y'know, we should be lesbians.
59
00:04:25,483 --> 00:04:26,817
I can't do the wardrobe.
60
00:04:27,985 --> 00:04:29,386
Also that partner word.
61
00:04:29,418 --> 00:04:31,488
Yuck, Partner sounds like you
work
62
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,757
at a law firm or co-own a muffin
shop.
63
00:04:33,790 --> 00:04:36,494
Muffin shop.
64
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:39,497
Yo, what did one lesbian vampire
65
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,932
say to the other lesbian
vampire?
66
00:04:40,965 --> 00:04:42,466
We don't care.
67
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:43,968
See you next month.
68
00:04:46,002 --> 00:04:47,437
Well, that's my cue.
69
00:04:47,471 --> 00:04:48,805
Talk to you later.
See ya.
70
00:04:52,744 --> 00:04:54,011
Yo.
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00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,514
You know what your problem is?
72
00:04:57,346 --> 00:04:59,550
Did I consent to this
conversation?
73
00:04:59,584 --> 00:05:00,927
You think you smarter than
everybody.
74
00:05:00,951 --> 00:05:02,418
'Cause you all serious all the
time
75
00:05:02,452 --> 00:05:03,564
and 'cause I always clowning and
whatevs,
76
00:05:03,588 --> 00:05:05,956
you think I'm not thoughtful and
shit.
77
00:05:05,990 --> 00:05:06,923
Well, yes.
78
00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:08,759
But my shit is deep, though.
79
00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:11,495
And how deep would that shit be?
80
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:12,697
Yo, check this.
81
00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:16,500
So I used to wonder so few
black people are serial killers.
82
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,002
But then I figured it out.
83
00:05:18,035 --> 00:05:19,771
The whole thing about
being a serial killer
84
00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:22,338
is that cops leave 'em alone
so you do it again and again.
85
00:05:22,372 --> 00:05:24,574
Jeffrey Dahmer's got some
rotten dead guy in his freezer
86
00:05:24,608 --> 00:05:26,711
cops come over, well Mr. Dahmer,
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00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,088
we've had some complaints about
a smell,
88
00:05:28,112 --> 00:05:30,047
but looks like everything's fine
here.
89
00:05:30,081 --> 00:05:31,125
Why don't you get back to skull
fucking
90
00:05:31,149 --> 00:05:33,985
that corpse you just
warmed up in the microwave.
91
00:05:34,018 --> 00:05:35,452
Brother can't do that.
92
00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:36,319
Black man walkin' down the
street,
93
00:05:36,353 --> 00:05:37,697
the cops go hey hey what's your
name?
94
00:05:37,721 --> 00:05:38,899
Show me some ID, get in the car,
95
00:05:38,923 --> 00:05:39,923
we're gonna beat your ass
96
00:05:39,956 --> 00:05:41,893
until you confess to
something you ain't done.
97
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,494
There ain't no time to pick up
20 girls
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00:05:43,528 --> 00:05:45,362
on the street and make
hooker soup out of 'em.
99
00:05:45,394 --> 00:05:48,398
Police be on a brother's
ass every other week.
100
00:05:49,699 --> 00:05:52,536
Stevie, do you actually
know any black people?
101
00:05:54,805 --> 00:05:55,673
No.
102
00:05:55,706 --> 00:05:56,706
But you know why?
103
00:05:56,740 --> 00:05:59,543
'Cause it's a racist conspiracy.
104
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:01,711
Oh hang on, you got
something on your face.
105
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,127
Okay, that was cute,
but I'm going this way,
106
00:06:08,151 --> 00:06:09,754
and you're going that way.
107
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,988
No worries, no bigness.
108
00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:14,391
Tell your Mama she was on her
game the day she made you.
109
00:06:14,423 --> 00:06:16,127
You a fine little meow meow.
110
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,160
Meow meow.
111
00:06:20,396 --> 00:06:22,033
French philosopher Octave
Mirbeau
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00:06:22,065 --> 00:06:25,401
once wrote the universe
appears to me like an immense,
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00:06:25,435 --> 00:06:27,038
inexorable torture garden.
114
00:06:27,071 --> 00:06:29,372
Do you agree or disagree and
why?
115
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:34,411
I feel this is a trick question.
116
00:06:35,178 --> 00:06:39,115
Life is torture for everyone
who's not stupid or super rich.
117
00:06:40,151 --> 00:06:43,120
But that answer will make
you think that I am someone
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00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:45,723
who will spend their whole time
at school
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00:06:46,858 --> 00:06:48,158
starting campus protests.
120
00:06:48,192 --> 00:06:49,492
So,
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00:06:51,095 --> 00:06:53,430
no, I disagree.
122
00:06:54,363 --> 00:06:57,768
The universe is a beautiful
place full of laughing babies
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00:06:57,802 --> 00:06:59,903
and puppies that fart rainbows.
124
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,639
Describe the world
125
00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:05,877
within 100 feet of you right
now.
126
00:07:05,910 --> 00:07:06,877
Okay.
127
00:07:06,911 --> 00:07:11,815
Well, there's my dad,
who is probably peeing.
128
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,485
My dad seems to be
peeing a lot these days.
129
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,855
Perhaps he is pregnant.
130
00:07:18,889 --> 00:07:21,925
My teddy bear Lionel.
131
00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:24,562
The vibrator I ordered online
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00:07:24,595 --> 00:07:26,197
using my elderly neighbor's name
133
00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:28,665
so if my dad opened the
box I could just say
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00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:30,468
the mailman made a mistake.
135
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:35,505
My custom magic 8 ball that
only gives me answers I like.
136
00:07:39,509 --> 00:07:43,880
And a sweaty fat chick
137
00:07:43,915 --> 00:07:47,884
sitting at a computer who really
hopes she gets into college
138
00:07:47,918 --> 00:07:49,920
so she can escape this butthole
of a town
139
00:07:49,954 --> 00:07:51,521
before it eats her alive.
140
00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:55,125
Please attach a photo of
yourself.
141
00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:39,070
Aren't I old enough for grown-up
food?
142
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,072
I don't have time to make two
meals.
143
00:08:44,207 --> 00:08:45,207
You,
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00:08:46,309 --> 00:08:48,546
you need chew food.
145
00:08:48,578 --> 00:08:49,713
I am.
146
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:52,216
No, you need chew more.
147
00:08:52,249 --> 00:08:54,751
40 times every bite.
148
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,620
Digest properly.
149
00:08:56,653 --> 00:09:00,890
Food expand in stomach, get
stuck in intestine for weeks.
150
00:09:02,225 --> 00:09:03,259
Even months.
151
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,663
If that were true, wouldn't
people just explode?
152
00:09:05,696 --> 00:09:06,897
Don't be sassy.
153
00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:09,698
40 times.
154
00:09:11,001 --> 00:09:14,038
One, two, three,
155
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:15,971
four, five.
156
00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:17,640
See?
157
00:09:17,674 --> 00:09:20,144
Six, seven, eight.
158
00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:23,847
Nine, 10, 11.
No chew?
159
00:09:30,788 --> 00:09:31,721
Do you have any mints?
160
00:09:31,755 --> 00:09:34,158
My mom will shit if she smells
this on me.
161
00:09:34,191 --> 00:09:35,191
Nolo problemo.
162
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:45,135
I bow downeth before thee, noble
knave.
163
00:09:47,638 --> 00:09:48,938
Oh, show's starting.
164
00:09:50,941 --> 00:09:51,609
Isn't it cool when you see
165
00:09:51,642 --> 00:09:54,745
two ugly people totally in love?
166
00:09:54,778 --> 00:09:56,813
How do you know they're in love?
167
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,081
They're probably both married
168
00:09:58,115 --> 00:10:00,683
and met on
fatsoswannahaveanaffair.com.
169
00:10:00,717 --> 00:10:02,952
Come on, he adores her.
170
00:10:02,986 --> 00:10:04,788
Cooking her dinner.
171
00:10:04,822 --> 00:10:07,591
Yeah, so he can hit that
droopy behind after.
172
00:10:08,958 --> 00:10:10,293
You mean right now.
173
00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:14,697
I feel bad we're watching.
174
00:10:14,731 --> 00:10:16,100
Not too bad, obviously.
175
00:10:19,403 --> 00:10:21,938
It's biological 'cause
he puts out chemicals
176
00:10:21,971 --> 00:10:23,274
in the air that go into her
brain
177
00:10:23,307 --> 00:10:26,143
and they make her feel all lovey
dovey.
178
00:10:26,177 --> 00:10:28,211
I saw a TV show about it.
179
00:10:28,245 --> 00:10:31,014
So that's why people fall in
love?
180
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:34,217
That's what people write books
and songs and poetry about?
181
00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:36,287
Chemicals?
182
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,320
The way we smell?
183
00:10:38,322 --> 00:10:39,590
Yeah, pretty much.
184
00:10:41,192 --> 00:10:42,659
Yeah, I dunno.
185
00:10:53,136 --> 00:10:55,873
Okay, now I feel bad for
watching.
186
00:10:57,374 --> 00:11:01,644
Oh my god, how does that even
work?
187
00:11:03,114 --> 00:11:04,981
I think we're venturing
into can't be unseen
188
00:11:05,014 --> 00:11:06,216
territory.
No.
189
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:14,091
As you know, the recent
gangland style murders
190
00:11:14,125 --> 00:11:17,360
at nearby Pettitville
Elementary School have given
191
00:11:17,394 --> 00:11:18,229
everyone in our community.
Did you do
192
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:19,830
your college essays yet?
193
00:11:19,864 --> 00:11:21,331
No, my mom's paying someone to
do it.
194
00:11:21,365 --> 00:11:23,900
A pro, some guy she found on the
internet.
195
00:11:27,171 --> 00:11:31,341
Luckily, the School Board,
along with Coach Greene,
196
00:11:31,375 --> 00:11:33,409
using his position as head
197
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:36,880
of Morgansfield Volunteer
Militia,
198
00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:39,182
have agreed upon a plan to keep
199
00:11:39,216 --> 00:11:42,786
us all safe at this unstable
time.
200
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,326
Stevie D tried to kiss me.
201
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,827
When?
After school.
202
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:53,931
That plan involves arming
203
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:57,067
and training our janitorial
staff.
204
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,413
What?
Sometimes I am glad I'm ugly
205
00:12:00,437 --> 00:12:03,072
so I don't have d-bags hitting
on me.
206
00:12:03,106 --> 00:12:04,807
You're not ugly.
207
00:12:04,841 --> 00:12:06,477
You'll always be more popular
than me.
208
00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:08,221
If we didn't have ballet class
together when we were seven,
209
00:12:08,245 --> 00:12:10,047
we wouldn't be friends now.
Staff can become
210
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,881
the good guys with the guns.
211
00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:13,317
See, what's that?
Hey.
212
00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:18,288
You gonna go be all cool without
me?
213
00:12:19,856 --> 00:12:22,759
Our head janitor and newly named
214
00:12:22,793 --> 00:12:26,931
Chief of School Security, Jaime
Jimenez.
215
00:12:33,437 --> 00:12:35,838
Does this pity party have a
dress code?
216
00:12:35,873 --> 00:12:36,907
Just stop.
217
00:12:36,941 --> 00:12:38,975
What if I don't wanna stop?
I love the students
218
00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:40,744
in this school.
219
00:12:40,778 --> 00:12:45,783
But even more, I love to
be crime stopping hero
220
00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:47,418
shooting the bad guys.
221
00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:52,755
Thanks you for this
opportunity to live my dreams.
222
00:12:53,790 --> 00:12:57,827
And go tigers.
223
00:13:17,947 --> 00:13:20,317
Next on Knocked Up Castaways,
224
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:24,522
Bree is 32 weeks and finds the
last coconut on St. Marcos.
225
00:13:26,591 --> 00:13:30,126
Janet, what's a five
letter word for mistake?
226
00:13:30,159 --> 00:13:32,062
Starts with a B?
227
00:13:32,096 --> 00:13:33,096
I don't know.
228
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:39,302
Dad, do we have any ice cream?
229
00:13:39,336 --> 00:13:40,471
I ate the last.
230
00:13:40,504 --> 00:13:42,273
Thanks.
231
00:13:42,306 --> 00:13:43,274
Well there's peppermint cake.
232
00:13:43,307 --> 00:13:46,477
From like two years ago,
I hate peppermint cake.
233
00:13:46,510 --> 00:13:48,144
I know.
234
00:13:48,177 --> 00:13:50,114
That's why it's still there, I
guess.
235
00:13:52,383 --> 00:13:54,118
[Female Announcer] I used to
doubt myself.
236
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:57,421
Worried about whether I was
good enough, pretty enough.
237
00:13:57,455 --> 00:14:00,423
If the things I felt were
wrong, or even crazy.
238
00:14:01,325 --> 00:14:04,961
That's why I talked to
my doctor about Femtrexl.
239
00:14:04,995 --> 00:14:06,996
If you are a woman 14-70
240
00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:11,168
and feel overwhelmed by your
feelings, Femtrexl can help.
241
00:14:11,201 --> 00:14:12,836
Femtrexl can also help you
242
00:14:12,870 --> 00:14:14,904
manage your weight without
dieting.
243
00:14:16,373 --> 00:14:18,241
For your free trial, call this
number
244
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,577
or text to 56495.
245
00:14:23,212 --> 00:14:25,549
Possible side effects of
Femtrexl include dry mouth,
246
00:14:25,582 --> 00:14:27,384
irritability, hallucinations,
depression,
247
00:14:27,418 --> 00:14:28,885
suicidal thoughts, mood swings,
248
00:14:28,918 --> 00:14:30,330
and hormonal changes
including discontinuation
249
00:14:30,354 --> 00:14:32,022
of the menstrual cycle.
Boner.
250
00:14:32,056 --> 00:14:33,423
What?
251
00:14:33,457 --> 00:14:35,426
Boner, the word.
252
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:36,461
Boner?
253
00:14:36,494 --> 00:14:37,495
That's the word?
254
00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:39,028
Yes, Dad.
255
00:14:39,062 --> 00:14:40,062
Boner.
256
00:15:28,445 --> 00:15:29,346
The security question
257
00:15:29,379 --> 00:15:32,383
is what was your favorite
teacher's name?
258
00:15:32,415 --> 00:15:33,618
If my memory was that good
259
00:15:33,650 --> 00:15:36,286
I wouldn't have forgotten my
stupid password to begin with.
260
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:37,921
Prettygirl68.
261
00:15:37,955 --> 00:15:39,557
You only have two password.
262
00:15:39,591 --> 00:15:40,423
Oh great,
263
00:15:40,457 --> 00:15:41,668
now the person at the door knows
it, too.
264
00:15:41,692 --> 00:15:42,659
You worry too much.
265
00:15:42,693 --> 00:15:45,095
Nobody steal like that.
And all Christmas music
266
00:15:45,129 --> 00:15:47,264
is made in September.
267
00:15:47,297 --> 00:15:48,966
Tricking or treating?
268
00:15:48,999 --> 00:15:49,999
Is Kat home?
269
00:15:50,967 --> 00:15:52,336
She not home.
270
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,303
Can I help you with something?
271
00:15:54,337 --> 00:15:56,273
We were supposed to do homework
together.
272
00:15:56,306 --> 00:15:57,609
Do you know where she is?
273
00:15:57,642 --> 00:15:59,042
It Halloween.
274
00:15:59,076 --> 00:16:00,443
She probably out there
frightening
275
00:16:00,477 --> 00:16:02,446
little children and old people.
276
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:03,480
You want wait?
277
00:16:10,187 --> 00:16:12,557
You know, you have pretty face.
278
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:16,927
Looking at you,
279
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:21,666
I am thinking we can do
something very nice together.
280
00:16:21,698 --> 00:16:23,567
You might not like it at start,
281
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,370
but it will make you feel very,
very good.
282
00:16:27,639 --> 00:16:29,273
I show you.
283
00:16:29,306 --> 00:16:30,340
First time, no problem.
284
00:16:30,374 --> 00:16:34,244
No, I really don't...
Come on, it won't take long.
285
00:16:34,278 --> 00:16:35,513
There is room in basement.
286
00:16:45,722 --> 00:16:47,658
Is very good for burning fat.
287
00:16:52,529 --> 00:16:53,664
Okay, you try.
288
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:55,767
Wait, wait.
289
00:16:55,799 --> 00:16:57,668
It's not bad time of month, no?
290
00:16:58,635 --> 00:16:59,471
No.
291
00:16:59,504 --> 00:17:00,738
Oh, good.
292
00:17:00,772 --> 00:17:03,240
Never exercise during that time,
never.
293
00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:04,374
Also, no camping, okay?
294
00:17:04,407 --> 00:17:07,310
The smell, it attract bear
and wolf from miles away.
295
00:17:07,344 --> 00:17:09,078
You sure enough dead.
296
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:12,281
It's okay, Asians don't camp
really.
297
00:17:13,349 --> 00:17:15,085
Interesting.
298
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,117
Please.
299
00:17:17,521 --> 00:17:19,021
You do 20.
20?
300
00:17:19,056 --> 00:17:19,691
Yes.
301
00:17:19,723 --> 00:17:21,191
I've never done one.
302
00:17:22,425 --> 00:17:24,161
Okay.
Come on.
303
00:17:24,193 --> 00:17:25,462
Yeah, you can do it.
304
00:17:25,497 --> 00:17:26,497
Come on.
305
00:17:27,364 --> 00:17:29,534
Burn the baby fat, burn it.
306
00:17:29,567 --> 00:17:30,567
That hurts.
307
00:17:31,335 --> 00:17:35,372
In my country, women have
to be tough like boys.
308
00:17:35,404 --> 00:17:37,207
Is that to fight the bears?
309
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:40,243
I am more traditional American
guy.
310
00:17:40,277 --> 00:17:42,246
I take care of money.
311
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:44,146
She stay home and be pretty.
312
00:17:46,683 --> 00:17:48,117
Whoa.
313
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:50,755
Easy there, Mike Tyson,
it's just exercise.
314
00:17:50,788 --> 00:17:51,788
Woo.
315
00:17:51,823 --> 00:17:53,423
You're a fast learner.
316
00:17:55,224 --> 00:17:57,595
Whoa, whoa, got an invite?
317
00:17:57,628 --> 00:17:59,262
Yo dog, I'm a s'more.
318
00:17:59,296 --> 00:18:02,098
Selling grams to crackers, you
feel me?
319
00:18:02,132 --> 00:18:03,409
Come on, man, no invite, no
party.
320
00:18:03,432 --> 00:18:05,569
Oh, come on man, help a brother
out.
321
00:18:06,471 --> 00:18:08,137
Get outta here.
322
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,171
Next.
323
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,249
Jesus, are you stalking me?
324
00:18:19,282 --> 00:18:20,116
Sometimes not that much
difference
325
00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:22,787
between extra friendly and
criminal.
326
00:18:24,622 --> 00:18:25,789
Nice costume.
327
00:18:25,823 --> 00:18:27,692
Who you supposed to be?
328
00:18:27,724 --> 00:18:29,626
I'm a Roy Lichtenstein painting.
329
00:18:30,827 --> 00:18:32,797
Lichtenstein, he's good.
330
00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:35,432
Can you sneak me in?
331
00:18:35,465 --> 00:18:36,534
No.
332
00:18:36,567 --> 00:18:38,736
Come on, we'll go in
together, it'll be super easy.
333
00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:40,738
I don't want to go back in, it's
boring.
334
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,775
Well then at least could you let
me
335
00:18:43,807 --> 00:18:45,375
took on that boom shaka laka.
336
00:18:59,656 --> 00:19:02,626
That's good, that relaxes me.
337
00:19:02,660 --> 00:19:03,660
I can see that.
338
00:19:05,261 --> 00:19:07,196
You know how like you can
339
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:11,201
bring a dog on a plane
now without being blind?
340
00:19:12,134 --> 00:19:13,871
You just need like a
letter from your doctor
341
00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:15,839
that says it helps you relax.
342
00:19:15,873 --> 00:19:17,474
What kind of shit is that?
343
00:19:17,508 --> 00:19:18,174
Helps you relax.
344
00:19:18,208 --> 00:19:20,143
You know what helps me relax?
345
00:19:20,176 --> 00:19:21,613
A bong and a big booty stripper.
346
00:19:21,645 --> 00:19:23,615
They don't let me bring
that on a plane, though.
347
00:19:23,647 --> 00:19:25,348
Strippers, huh?
348
00:19:25,382 --> 00:19:26,594
You can't even get into
a high school party,
349
00:19:26,617 --> 00:19:28,519
how do you get let in a strip
club?
350
00:19:31,689 --> 00:19:33,390
What are you kids doing here?
351
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:35,291
We live here.
352
00:19:35,325 --> 00:19:36,461
Brandon's our brother.
353
00:19:36,493 --> 00:19:38,829
He kicked us out until the
party's over.
354
00:19:38,863 --> 00:19:41,598
They're using my room
for corn oil wrestling.
355
00:19:41,633 --> 00:19:43,468
Where are your parents?
356
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:44,769
In Costa Rica.
357
00:19:44,801 --> 00:19:45,869
I wanna go to bed.
358
00:19:46,871 --> 00:19:47,704
Why don't you guys talk
359
00:19:47,739 --> 00:19:49,507
to those nice men over there,
okay?
360
00:19:49,539 --> 00:19:50,642
They'll put you to bed.
361
00:19:53,510 --> 00:19:55,680
My bro sneaks me into
Sugars in Middlefield.
362
00:19:55,712 --> 00:19:57,481
Told 'em I was 25.
363
00:19:57,515 --> 00:19:58,615
They bought it, too.
364
00:19:58,650 --> 00:19:59,415
25?
365
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:01,853
Is it a strip club for the
blind?
366
00:20:01,885 --> 00:20:04,855
Unicorn, freeze!
367
00:20:04,888 --> 00:20:06,189
High protein.
368
00:20:07,557 --> 00:20:10,192
Doesn't Kat's mom have a
business?
369
00:20:10,227 --> 00:20:11,729
She did.
370
00:20:11,762 --> 00:20:14,932
In Graysville, a vintage used
pillow shop.
371
00:20:14,965 --> 00:20:16,800
What happened to it?
372
00:20:16,834 --> 00:20:18,234
Bedbugs.
373
00:20:19,737 --> 00:20:21,772
People kept returning pillows
374
00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:23,740
with rash on side of face,
375
00:20:23,775 --> 00:20:28,345
red bites on the neck,
internet reviews not so good.
376
00:20:28,377 --> 00:20:29,713
Yeesh.
377
00:20:29,747 --> 00:20:32,315
Diane, very rich lady,
378
00:20:33,785 --> 00:20:36,252
not so smart at financials.
379
00:20:36,286 --> 00:20:40,625
When Vigara was coming out,
she invested in Spanish Fly.
380
00:20:42,926 --> 00:20:44,561
Nothing you need to understand.
381
00:20:53,269 --> 00:20:54,538
She is foolish to stay at work.
382
00:20:54,572 --> 00:20:59,544
Women are good at certain
things, feelings, love, worrying.
383
00:20:59,743 --> 00:21:02,579
Men are good at other things.
384
00:21:02,613 --> 00:21:06,483
Money, killing, growing beard.
385
00:21:07,518 --> 00:21:08,819
Creating amazing technologies
386
00:21:08,853 --> 00:21:10,721
that will eventually destroy us
all.
387
00:21:12,856 --> 00:21:13,856
Yes.
388
00:21:20,430 --> 00:21:21,965
I can't believe I'm doing this.
389
00:21:21,999 --> 00:21:22,900
Girl, why you frontin'?
390
00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:24,736
You wet as a mermaid.
391
00:21:27,904 --> 00:21:29,740
Do you have a condom?
392
00:21:29,773 --> 00:21:31,875
Chill baby, I got my golden
ticket.
393
00:21:34,010 --> 00:21:35,779
Are you sure it's on right?
394
00:21:35,813 --> 00:21:37,882
It's all good, all right?
395
00:21:37,914 --> 00:21:39,616
It's all good.
396
00:21:39,650 --> 00:21:40,651
Oh.
397
00:21:40,684 --> 00:21:42,318
Oh yeah.
398
00:21:42,352 --> 00:21:44,654
That's it, yeah.
399
00:21:44,689 --> 00:21:45,556
Oh, you nasty.
400
00:21:45,589 --> 00:21:48,925
Oh, oh, oh, atta boy.
401
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,302
That's mama's home cookin' right
there.
402
00:21:50,326 --> 00:21:52,028
Get the groceries, get the
groceries.
403
00:22:02,439 --> 00:22:03,574
Are you done?
404
00:22:03,607 --> 00:22:05,009
Yeah, baby.
405
00:22:05,041 --> 00:22:06,442
Like a ninja.
406
00:22:06,477 --> 00:22:08,011
Lightning fast with deadly
skill.
407
00:22:10,948 --> 00:22:11,948
Oh.
408
00:22:14,351 --> 00:22:15,819
I know, you're welcome.
409
00:22:17,488 --> 00:22:19,990
What are you kids, oh my God.
410
00:22:20,023 --> 00:22:21,801
Just get your clothes
on and get out of my car
411
00:22:21,826 --> 00:22:23,795
before I call the police.
412
00:22:25,061 --> 00:22:26,798
Are these yours or mine? These
are mine.
413
00:22:31,401 --> 00:22:34,105
Oh come on, you knew I didn't
have no car.
414
00:22:34,137 --> 00:22:35,640
You loved it.
415
00:22:35,673 --> 00:22:37,040
No, I can't say that I did.
416
00:22:38,643 --> 00:22:40,778
And you cannot tell anyone about
this.
417
00:22:48,384 --> 00:22:50,054
Jesus, are you psycho?
418
00:22:51,154 --> 00:22:52,022
Dude, where were you?
419
00:22:52,056 --> 00:22:52,890
Don't call me dude.
420
00:22:52,923 --> 00:22:55,960
I'm not your bro and it's not
4:20.
421
00:22:55,992 --> 00:22:56,961
What happened to your face?
422
00:22:56,993 --> 00:22:58,663
What were you doing?
423
00:23:00,163 --> 00:23:02,967
Just trying to be normal.
424
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,969
You should try it sometime.
425
00:23:07,704 --> 00:23:09,405
We were supposed to do homework.
426
00:23:09,439 --> 00:23:11,041
Did you go to that party?
427
00:23:11,075 --> 00:23:12,542
Yeah, it was heinous anus.
428
00:23:12,576 --> 00:23:13,911
Be glad you weren't invited.
429
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:18,115
You suck.
430
00:23:19,549 --> 00:23:21,417
Yeah, I probably do.
431
00:23:39,036 --> 00:23:40,070
It's her.
432
00:23:46,777 --> 00:23:48,045
What?
433
00:23:48,078 --> 00:23:49,078
Bathroom now.
434
00:23:53,017 --> 00:23:54,585
Is it true?
435
00:23:54,618 --> 00:23:56,419
You had sex with Smallie Smalls?
436
00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:03,425
Why?
437
00:24:03,461 --> 00:24:04,996
I don't know.
438
00:24:05,028 --> 00:24:06,497
You have failed me.
439
00:24:09,834 --> 00:24:11,134
Town bike?
440
00:24:11,868 --> 00:24:14,038
And look how he spells
Mayonnaise.
441
00:24:14,070 --> 00:24:15,138
Fuckin' retard.
442
00:24:16,207 --> 00:24:18,142
Who else has seen this?
443
00:24:18,174 --> 00:24:20,978
Well I've seen it, and I'm
always last.
444
00:24:28,586 --> 00:24:30,587
Okay, what do I do?
445
00:24:30,621 --> 00:24:31,555
Go home.
446
00:24:31,588 --> 00:24:33,657
Go to the nurse, say you have
bad cramps.
447
00:24:33,691 --> 00:24:35,201
I don't get my period
for another two weeks.
448
00:24:35,226 --> 00:24:37,929
She's not gonna check.
Right, right.
449
00:24:40,030 --> 00:24:41,766
I'm never gonna live this down.
450
00:24:42,532 --> 00:24:44,234
Maybe there'll be a shooting
later
451
00:24:44,268 --> 00:24:45,869
and people will forget all about
this.
452
00:24:58,214 --> 00:24:59,916
♪ Banjo I'm plunkin' ♪
453
00:24:59,951 --> 00:25:01,519
♪ My flow is sky high ♪
454
00:25:01,551 --> 00:25:02,953
♪ Yours is like a munchkin ♪
455
00:25:02,987 --> 00:25:04,821
♪ That ass I be lovin ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
456
00:25:11,628 --> 00:25:13,096
Hey, that is enough.
457
00:25:14,565 --> 00:25:16,000
I'll kill you, you fat bitch.
458
00:25:18,102 --> 00:25:21,238
Janet, we have a zero tolerance
policy
459
00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:22,749
towards bullying at Morgansfield
High.
460
00:25:22,772 --> 00:25:24,674
He humiliated my friend.
461
00:25:24,709 --> 00:25:26,644
Your friend and her boyfriend
here
462
00:25:26,676 --> 00:25:30,714
having a little lover's spat
is no excuse for violence.
463
00:25:30,748 --> 00:25:32,083
No, no, no.
464
00:25:33,784 --> 00:25:35,987
And perhaps your friend should
think twice
465
00:25:36,019 --> 00:25:38,788
about announcing to the whole
school
466
00:25:38,823 --> 00:25:43,493
her personal matters the way she
did.
467
00:25:44,295 --> 00:25:48,199
We are going to be watching
your every move, young lady.
468
00:25:48,231 --> 00:25:51,067
Now, I want you both to stand
up.
469
00:25:52,302 --> 00:25:53,770
Come on, stand up.
470
00:25:57,173 --> 00:25:58,173
Look at each other.
471
00:26:00,577 --> 00:26:01,778
Now apologize.
472
00:26:03,713 --> 00:26:04,713
Do it!
473
00:26:05,715 --> 00:26:07,651
I sorry.
474
00:26:07,684 --> 00:26:10,520
I also sorry.
475
00:26:12,589 --> 00:26:13,223
Now hug.
476
00:26:13,257 --> 00:26:14,258
What?
477
00:26:14,290 --> 00:26:15,290
You heard me.
478
00:26:28,204 --> 00:26:29,940
I'm gonna kill you!
Ow!
479
00:26:31,976 --> 00:26:34,744
I swear to god you're gonna be
dead.
480
00:26:34,778 --> 00:26:35,778
Oh my god.
481
00:26:38,715 --> 00:26:43,721
Janet, you're a smart
girl and a good student.
482
00:26:44,387 --> 00:26:46,156
I think what we are dealing with
here
483
00:26:46,190 --> 00:26:48,792
is bigger than a little
student altercation.
484
00:26:50,060 --> 00:26:52,028
Now I think what we're dealing
with here
485
00:26:52,063 --> 00:26:53,329
is a medical problem.
486
00:26:55,132 --> 00:26:57,300
Let's see if we can deal with
this
487
00:26:57,334 --> 00:26:59,869
without too much trouble, shall
we?
488
00:27:10,948 --> 00:27:12,316
Dad, what's all this crap?
489
00:27:13,384 --> 00:27:15,286
A man from the school came by.
490
00:27:15,318 --> 00:27:16,386
Brought you your medicine.
491
00:27:16,420 --> 00:27:18,756
Says it'll help you with your
grades.
492
00:27:18,788 --> 00:27:20,023
Who came by?
493
00:27:20,057 --> 00:27:22,625
A medicine salesman, a doctor.
494
00:27:27,832 --> 00:27:28,965
This is stupid.
495
00:27:28,999 --> 00:27:30,334
I'm not gonna take it.
496
00:27:31,301 --> 00:27:33,002
Sweetie, you have to.
497
00:27:33,037 --> 00:27:35,306
If you wanna stay in school,
that's what the man said.
498
00:27:39,042 --> 00:27:40,042
Fuck.
499
00:28:10,374 --> 00:28:11,542
And in the 1980s,
500
00:28:11,576 --> 00:28:14,244
America gained its greatest
leader of the 20th Century.
501
00:28:14,278 --> 00:28:15,679
And that would be?
502
00:28:15,712 --> 00:28:17,147
Ronald Reagan.
503
00:28:17,181 --> 00:28:18,348
Correct.
504
00:28:18,382 --> 00:28:22,051
Ronald Reagan is the president
who deregulated the banks,
505
00:28:22,086 --> 00:28:24,989
allowing this country
to enjoy unprecedented
506
00:28:25,021 --> 00:28:27,324
corporate growth and prosperity.
507
00:28:27,357 --> 00:28:29,826
He also vetoed dangerous
legislation
508
00:28:29,859 --> 00:28:32,195
like the Clean Air Act
that would have crippled
509
00:28:32,229 --> 00:28:35,031
American industry in
the name of the unproven
510
00:28:35,065 --> 00:28:37,902
health risks of air pollution.
Ow.
511
00:28:40,171 --> 00:28:42,105
Is there a problem back there?
512
00:28:42,138 --> 00:28:43,406
No.
Well,
513
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:46,210
perhaps you should go to
the principal's office
514
00:28:46,242 --> 00:28:48,979
if you're going to be
disrupting class like this.
515
00:28:54,317 --> 00:28:57,820
Ronald Reagan also created
tremendous business opportunities
516
00:28:57,855 --> 00:29:01,724
by allowing the CIA to funnel
cocaine into urban areas,
517
00:29:01,759 --> 00:29:03,961
allowing young African
American entrepreneurs
518
00:29:03,993 --> 00:29:06,763
to create what?
519
00:29:06,797 --> 00:29:08,164
Crack cocaine.
520
00:29:08,199 --> 00:29:10,099
Yes, crack.
521
00:29:10,134 --> 00:29:11,134
Very good.
522
00:30:59,410 --> 00:31:02,112
I don't think this bus
stop is active anymore.
523
00:31:03,047 --> 00:31:04,414
Oh, I'm just counting cars.
524
00:31:05,982 --> 00:31:06,982
Ford Focus.
525
00:31:07,618 --> 00:31:09,586
Is this some kind of YouTube
thing?
526
00:31:11,321 --> 00:31:12,955
Subaru Outback.
527
00:31:12,990 --> 00:31:13,990
YouTube?
528
00:31:14,659 --> 00:31:16,493
Oh, right, no.
529
00:31:16,528 --> 00:31:17,827
It's a long story.
530
00:31:18,797 --> 00:31:21,397
If you're worried about your
safety, I won't be here long.
531
00:31:24,268 --> 00:31:25,569
My name is Rian.
532
00:31:25,603 --> 00:31:26,869
R-I-A-N.
533
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,442
Sorry, I'm tripping or
something.
534
00:31:31,476 --> 00:31:32,476
Tripping?
535
00:31:33,277 --> 00:31:34,111
On drugs?
536
00:31:34,144 --> 00:31:35,045
Do you need a doctor?
537
00:31:35,078 --> 00:31:37,080
No, doctor gave them to me.
538
00:31:48,291 --> 00:31:51,994
So, why are you in a space?
539
00:31:52,028 --> 00:31:53,028
Janet?
540
00:31:54,998 --> 00:31:57,367
Would you like to go on a walk
with me?
541
00:31:57,401 --> 00:31:58,368
I didn't tell you my name.
542
00:31:58,402 --> 00:32:01,238
Yes you did, just right
before we shook hands.
543
00:32:05,676 --> 00:32:06,676
Sure.
544
00:32:12,182 --> 00:32:13,182
Oh, wow.
545
00:32:14,218 --> 00:32:15,218
Look at this.
546
00:32:17,253 --> 00:32:19,098
I thought these guys would
have all been killed off
547
00:32:19,123 --> 00:32:20,458
by pesticides by now.
548
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:24,560
Make a wish.
549
00:32:25,295 --> 00:32:27,330
Don't tell me or it won't come
true.
550
00:32:36,508 --> 00:32:39,041
Aren't you hot in that suit?
551
00:32:39,076 --> 00:32:39,711
Well, there's germs out there
552
00:32:39,743 --> 00:32:41,944
that could be dangerous.
553
00:32:41,979 --> 00:32:44,248
May not have the immunity,
don't wanna risk it.
554
00:32:49,653 --> 00:32:51,355
Do you believe in UFOs?
555
00:32:51,387 --> 00:32:53,089
If aliens are visiting us,
556
00:32:53,123 --> 00:32:56,093
why is it always in some
cowboy town in New Mexico?
557
00:32:56,125 --> 00:32:59,028
Wouldn't they want to go
to the UN or something?
558
00:32:59,061 --> 00:33:01,598
Well, maybe because they're not
aliens.
559
00:33:01,633 --> 00:33:03,200
They're us trying to hide.
560
00:33:03,232 --> 00:33:06,604
What, like secret government
junk?
561
00:33:07,471 --> 00:33:09,071
It's a mistake.
562
00:33:09,105 --> 00:33:10,541
That's why they never hang out.
563
00:33:11,442 --> 00:33:14,243
The closest galaxy that could
support life is the Andromeda,
564
00:33:14,278 --> 00:33:16,480
which is over two
million light years away.
565
00:33:16,513 --> 00:33:19,082
That's two million years of
travel.
566
00:33:19,115 --> 00:33:21,218
That's shitloads hella far.
567
00:33:21,250 --> 00:33:24,387
They would have to leave
before humans even existed.
568
00:33:24,421 --> 00:33:25,598
Even with faster than light
travel,
569
00:33:25,623 --> 00:33:28,759
which is still theoretical,
even with a Krasnikov tube,
570
00:33:28,792 --> 00:33:30,662
they'd come back home in five
years
571
00:33:30,694 --> 00:33:33,262
and 5000 years would have
passed.
572
00:33:33,297 --> 00:33:37,201
All your friends long
dead, nobody remembers you.
573
00:33:39,036 --> 00:33:41,337
And for what, Big Mac?
574
00:33:42,740 --> 00:33:44,106
The Grand Canyon, maybe?
575
00:33:45,676 --> 00:33:47,711
Not really worth the
trip, don't you think?
576
00:33:48,746 --> 00:33:49,747
You lost me, dude.
577
00:33:52,415 --> 00:33:54,218
People think time is this.
578
00:33:55,219 --> 00:33:57,054
But it's like this.
579
00:33:57,086 --> 00:33:58,789
Different times running
parallel,
580
00:33:58,823 --> 00:34:00,990
and sometimes they run into each
other.
581
00:34:03,093 --> 00:34:05,295
So, you're from the future now?
582
00:34:06,262 --> 00:34:09,333
What makes insane people
always wanna talk to me?
583
00:34:09,365 --> 00:34:11,201
Should I scowl more?
Did you ever do something
584
00:34:11,235 --> 00:34:12,034
that changed the whole course
585
00:34:12,068 --> 00:34:13,505
of your life from that moment
on?
586
00:34:15,204 --> 00:34:16,740
Or when things get weird
587
00:34:16,773 --> 00:34:19,208
and you think who's life is
this?
588
00:34:19,242 --> 00:34:20,344
Maybe you just slipped
589
00:34:20,376 --> 00:34:22,346
into one of your alternate time
lines.
590
00:34:22,378 --> 00:34:24,414
You mean like right now?
591
00:34:24,447 --> 00:34:25,414
I'm time traveling?
592
00:34:25,449 --> 00:34:26,449
Well, sure.
593
00:34:27,217 --> 00:34:29,119
We're all time travelers.
594
00:34:29,152 --> 00:34:30,152
One, two,
595
00:34:31,121 --> 00:34:32,121
three, four.
596
00:34:33,858 --> 00:34:38,295
There we go, traveling
through time into the future.
597
00:34:39,664 --> 00:34:42,298
I think I'm too high for any of
this.
598
00:34:42,331 --> 00:34:43,635
You're just a side effect
anyway.
599
00:34:43,668 --> 00:34:45,268
I'm imagining you.
600
00:34:50,340 --> 00:34:51,340
Ow.
601
00:34:53,443 --> 00:34:54,612
You sure I'm not real?
602
00:34:58,148 --> 00:35:00,117
I think I should be going home
now.
603
00:35:06,155 --> 00:35:10,460
I'm trippin' my tits off.
604
00:35:12,262 --> 00:35:14,632
I've never been outside so long.
605
00:35:14,666 --> 00:35:19,670
I feel sort of exposed.
606
00:35:29,614 --> 00:35:31,081
Janet.
607
00:35:32,315 --> 00:35:33,315
Janet.
608
00:35:54,304 --> 00:35:55,873
Time to get up, kiddo.
609
00:36:13,557 --> 00:36:14,224
Hey.
610
00:36:14,257 --> 00:36:16,494
Thanks for remembering I exist.
611
00:36:17,661 --> 00:36:19,463
Sorry, I'm freaking out.
612
00:36:20,597 --> 00:36:22,900
Can't decide which rad party to
go to?
613
00:36:25,434 --> 00:36:26,838
I'm pregnant.
614
00:36:26,871 --> 00:36:28,505
What?
615
00:36:28,539 --> 00:36:29,907
Are you sure?
616
00:36:29,940 --> 00:36:31,541
I took the test.
617
00:36:32,242 --> 00:36:35,713
No way, I thought loser
face used a condom.
618
00:36:36,514 --> 00:36:40,217
I think he didn't, he just said
he did.
619
00:36:40,250 --> 00:36:41,661
How hard do you want me
to hit him this time?
620
00:36:41,686 --> 00:36:42,954
No, he can't know.
621
00:36:42,987 --> 00:36:44,822
What are you gonna do?
622
00:36:44,856 --> 00:36:48,190
I don't know, I'm
thinking about keeping it.
623
00:36:48,893 --> 00:36:50,795
Yeah, 'cause every kid wants
624
00:36:50,827 --> 00:36:53,262
to be born to a 17 year old
and some random douchebag.
625
00:36:53,295 --> 00:36:54,865
No, that's the point.
626
00:36:54,898 --> 00:36:59,536
Maybe I can be the world's worst
mom ever.
627
00:36:59,570 --> 00:37:02,239
Name it Hitler, cover
it with prison tattoos,
628
00:37:02,271 --> 00:37:05,275
really go all out with
it like an art project.
629
00:37:05,307 --> 00:37:06,844
You've had better ideas.
630
00:37:08,277 --> 00:37:10,914
If I go to the clinic,
will you come with me?
631
00:37:10,947 --> 00:37:11,615
My mom can't know.
632
00:37:11,648 --> 00:37:14,418
Her and Vlad will fucking flip.
633
00:37:14,451 --> 00:37:16,887
Yes, stupid questioner.
634
00:37:18,387 --> 00:37:19,724
Can you come over?
635
00:37:19,757 --> 00:37:20,791
And bring ice cream?
636
00:37:22,391 --> 00:37:23,894
Maybe.
637
00:37:23,927 --> 00:37:28,900
♪ I was there I heard the
crackling of the palms ♪
638
00:37:30,702 --> 00:37:32,836
♪ He came upstairs ♪
Whoa.
639
00:37:32,869 --> 00:37:34,972
Was that Mr. Muckles?
640
00:37:35,005 --> 00:37:35,840
Uh huh.
641
00:37:35,873 --> 00:37:37,074
It's a miracle.
642
00:37:37,108 --> 00:37:40,711
I've known you 10 years and
I've seen that cat like twice.
643
00:37:40,744 --> 00:37:41,978
Maybe it's a bad sign.
644
00:37:52,289 --> 00:37:54,659
Two coats of paint and they
still glow.
645
00:37:55,827 --> 00:37:57,994
Deadly radiation killing us
both.
646
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:04,367
Childhood refusing to leave
647
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:05,802
even when asked nicely.
648
00:38:20,485 --> 00:38:22,251
Ms. Nuemann?
One second.
649
00:38:23,987 --> 00:38:25,865
I'm going to take you to
the see the doctor now.
650
00:38:25,889 --> 00:38:29,460
Is there anything you'd like
to say or any second thoughts?
651
00:38:29,494 --> 00:38:30,460
No.
652
00:38:30,494 --> 00:38:32,463
Do you have a ride home?
653
00:38:32,496 --> 00:38:34,632
And you don't have any
allergies to medication?
654
00:38:34,664 --> 00:38:36,768
No, just peanut butter.
655
00:38:37,501 --> 00:38:40,269
There are no peanuts
involved in the procedure.
656
00:38:43,807 --> 00:38:45,009
Dr. Blake?
657
00:38:45,041 --> 00:38:46,041
Hello, Katrine.
658
00:38:47,612 --> 00:38:49,579
You can't tell my mom about
this.
659
00:38:49,614 --> 00:38:52,550
My work here at the Woman's
Clinic is private and separate
660
00:38:52,583 --> 00:38:54,719
from my job as your family
pediatrician.
661
00:38:57,989 --> 00:38:59,556
I won't tell your mother.
662
00:39:03,927 --> 00:39:08,364
Y'know, I will never get over
my patients becoming adults.
663
00:39:08,398 --> 00:39:10,067
Seems like sooner every year.
664
00:39:11,635 --> 00:39:13,070
Sorry.
665
00:39:13,103 --> 00:39:15,940
I have eight year olds
menstruating.
666
00:39:15,972 --> 00:39:16,907
Yikes.
667
00:39:16,940 --> 00:39:18,375
I blame Fruit Roll-Ups.
668
00:39:19,577 --> 00:39:21,045
Anyway,
669
00:39:21,077 --> 00:39:23,681
how are you?
670
00:39:23,713 --> 00:39:24,916
Okay.
671
00:39:24,949 --> 00:39:26,617
Nervous.
672
00:39:26,650 --> 00:39:28,885
We're give you a mild
sedative, that should help.
673
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:33,557
Are you gonna get me hopped
up on goofballs, Dr. Blake?
674
00:39:33,590 --> 00:39:34,925
No.
675
00:39:34,958 --> 00:39:36,860
No goofballs today, I'm afraid.
676
00:39:42,065 --> 00:39:47,070
Now Katrine, what we are
about to do is safe and legal.
677
00:39:47,304 --> 00:39:50,041
State law does not require
your parental consent
678
00:39:50,074 --> 00:39:51,943
or their knowledge of this
procedure.
679
00:39:52,809 --> 00:39:55,679
However, due to recent
changes in federal law,
680
00:39:55,713 --> 00:39:58,583
a police officer is required to
be here
681
00:39:58,615 --> 00:40:01,152
every time I do a procedure
682
00:40:01,184 --> 00:40:03,653
on an unmarried patient under
21.
683
00:40:20,204 --> 00:40:21,672
At your cervix.
684
00:40:36,186 --> 00:40:38,054
Quack, quack.
685
00:40:38,088 --> 00:40:39,690
Hello, Katrine.
686
00:40:44,461 --> 00:40:48,099
You're gonna feel a little
pressure, like a tummy ache.
687
00:40:57,474 --> 00:40:59,744
How's that sedative working?
688
00:41:07,217 --> 00:41:08,585
That's a good girl.
689
00:41:09,586 --> 00:41:10,586
Almost done.
690
00:41:13,056 --> 00:41:14,056
Almost.
691
00:41:35,612 --> 00:41:38,048
Three feet back, folks, that's
the law.
692
00:41:38,081 --> 00:41:39,516
Three feet back.
693
00:41:42,519 --> 00:41:44,688
You killed your baby, you whore!
694
00:41:44,722 --> 00:41:45,523
Shut up!
695
00:41:45,556 --> 00:41:46,990
You're going to go to hell.
Shut up!
696
00:41:47,023 --> 00:41:49,793
Murderer, murderer!
697
00:41:49,827 --> 00:41:54,798
I'm never having sex
again or anything else.
698
00:41:54,831 --> 00:41:55,831
Ever again.
699
00:41:57,201 --> 00:41:58,936
It's all gonna be fine.
700
00:43:42,672 --> 00:43:44,275
The definition of a traitor is
someone
701
00:43:44,307 --> 00:43:47,077
who betrays a country
or a sacred institution.
702
00:43:47,777 --> 00:43:49,780
A traitor is especially
dangerous
703
00:43:49,813 --> 00:43:51,715
because they destroy from where?
704
00:43:53,184 --> 00:43:54,184
From within.
705
00:43:57,387 --> 00:43:59,255
History has given us many famous
traitors
706
00:43:59,289 --> 00:44:02,393
whose treacherous deeds have
killed
707
00:44:02,425 --> 00:44:05,396
and corrupted untold lives.
708
00:44:05,429 --> 00:44:07,864
Judas, Benedict Arnold,
709
00:44:07,898 --> 00:44:10,934
Mata Hari, Jane Fonda.
710
00:44:10,967 --> 00:44:13,204
But none so deadly as the man
711
00:44:13,237 --> 00:44:15,873
you probably have already heard
of,
712
00:44:16,574 --> 00:44:21,244
a dictator whose face and
name shall live in infamy.
713
00:44:22,179 --> 00:44:26,382
A man who, not so long ago,
a whole nation of wayward,
714
00:44:26,416 --> 00:44:30,855
supposedly civilized people
supported and even championed
715
00:44:30,887 --> 00:44:34,057
despite his evil, evil deeds.
716
00:44:42,233 --> 00:44:43,833
William Jefferson Clinton.
717
00:44:58,248 --> 00:44:59,949
How can they send you to sex
rehab
718
00:44:59,983 --> 00:45:01,751
when you've barely had sex?
719
00:45:03,119 --> 00:45:04,420
I hate growing up.
720
00:45:04,456 --> 00:45:06,690
Your mother's the devil.
721
00:45:06,724 --> 00:45:08,425
She's not that bad.
Fine.
722
00:45:08,460 --> 00:45:10,027
The devil's doula, then.
723
00:45:12,163 --> 00:45:14,097
Your mother's crazy.
724
00:45:14,130 --> 00:45:16,266
Yeah, ever since she
went through the change,
725
00:45:16,300 --> 00:45:19,103
she got that PBS totebag
and it was all over.
726
00:45:19,135 --> 00:45:21,237
The sure sign of menopause.
727
00:45:21,271 --> 00:45:22,474
How long will you be gone?
728
00:45:22,507 --> 00:45:25,742
They won't tell me, till I get
better.
729
00:45:26,976 --> 00:45:29,880
You are not a sex addict.
730
00:45:29,914 --> 00:45:31,414
She says that one of the signs
731
00:45:31,447 --> 00:45:33,250
of sex addiction is lying about
it.
732
00:45:34,083 --> 00:45:36,920
No one's honest with
their parents about sex.
733
00:45:36,954 --> 00:45:38,264
Hey Mom, I'm going to the
football game
734
00:45:38,289 --> 00:45:40,291
to blow the starting lineup
behind the bleachers,
735
00:45:40,324 --> 00:45:42,059
be home by 11.
736
00:45:42,092 --> 00:45:43,226
Yeah.
737
00:45:43,260 --> 00:45:44,360
Will you visit me?
738
00:45:44,394 --> 00:45:46,498
It's like three hours away
and I won't have internet.
739
00:45:46,530 --> 00:45:48,164
Of course I'll visit.
740
00:45:49,199 --> 00:45:51,735
Mom and Vlad will just buy a dog
741
00:45:51,768 --> 00:45:53,336
and pretend I never happened.
742
00:46:05,382 --> 00:46:06,382
Hey.
743
00:46:07,552 --> 00:46:09,152
Excuse me, can we?
744
00:46:26,436 --> 00:46:28,371
Katrine, I know I failed you.
745
00:46:29,405 --> 00:46:30,273
If I was a good mother,
746
00:46:30,306 --> 00:46:32,842
we would have talked about these
things.
747
00:46:32,876 --> 00:46:35,878
Mistakes you've made, mistakes
I've made.
748
00:46:37,047 --> 00:46:39,182
But at least now, before you go
away,
749
00:46:39,215 --> 00:46:40,751
we have some time to do that.
750
00:46:41,485 --> 00:46:43,387
Mom, is that really necessary?
751
00:46:43,420 --> 00:46:47,257
Yes, yeah it is.
752
00:46:47,291 --> 00:46:49,793
As long as we have.
You have four hours,
753
00:46:49,827 --> 00:46:52,295
29 minutes to your destination.
754
00:46:52,329 --> 00:46:55,065
As long as we have these
four hours and 29 minutes
755
00:46:55,099 --> 00:46:57,400
together we're gonna make the
most of it.
756
00:47:02,474 --> 00:47:04,275
Look, I'm old.
757
00:47:04,307 --> 00:47:06,943
When I was your age, the
rainbow hanging in the window
758
00:47:06,976 --> 00:47:08,521
of a store meant that
they sold televisions
759
00:47:08,545 --> 00:47:09,545
that were in color.
760
00:47:10,179 --> 00:47:13,550
I don't pretend to know what a
popular,
761
00:47:13,585 --> 00:47:17,320
beautiful young woman goes
through in the 21st century.
762
00:47:17,353 --> 00:47:19,023
Perhaps you can enlighten me.
763
00:47:20,324 --> 00:47:21,858
Well, I guess you'd have to ask
someone
764
00:47:21,891 --> 00:47:23,927
who was popular and beautiful.
765
00:47:26,195 --> 00:47:28,532
Why are you avoiding this
intimate
766
00:47:28,565 --> 00:47:30,833
mother daughter bonding time?
767
00:47:30,867 --> 00:47:32,068
Why?
768
00:47:32,101 --> 00:47:33,101
Why?
769
00:47:34,304 --> 00:47:35,304
Dammit.
770
00:47:40,878 --> 00:47:42,045
Okay.
771
00:47:42,079 --> 00:47:44,481
If you can't be honest with
me, I'll be honest with you.
772
00:47:45,483 --> 00:47:46,527
You know how I told your father
773
00:47:46,550 --> 00:47:48,251
I got herpes from a yoga mat?
774
00:47:50,286 --> 00:47:51,286
Well, I didn't.
775
00:47:53,525 --> 00:47:55,326
Let's just leave it at that.
776
00:47:55,358 --> 00:47:57,960
Yes, let's please.
777
00:48:02,166 --> 00:48:05,034
♪ I am in love with the
McDonald's girl ♪
778
00:48:05,068 --> 00:48:08,438
Oh, you used to love this
song when you were little.
779
00:48:08,472 --> 00:48:11,442
♪ I am in love with the
McDonald's girl ♪
780
00:48:11,476 --> 00:48:13,043
Come on, you know the words.
781
00:48:13,077 --> 00:48:13,943
No, stop.
782
00:48:13,976 --> 00:48:16,146
♪ She is an angel in the
polyester uni ♪
783
00:48:16,179 --> 00:48:18,483
Come on, sing along.
No, I don't.
784
00:48:21,585 --> 00:48:23,487
Why do you hate me so much?
785
00:48:24,521 --> 00:48:27,190
♪ She's taking orders from the
Saddle River Little League ♪
786
00:48:27,224 --> 00:48:28,525
What did I do?
787
00:48:28,559 --> 00:48:32,295
♪ If they knew how much I wanted
her ♪
788
00:48:50,380 --> 00:48:51,380
Katrine!
789
00:48:52,181 --> 00:48:53,416
Katrine!
790
00:48:53,449 --> 00:48:57,153
Oh my god, Katrine what are you
doing?
791
00:48:57,186 --> 00:48:58,989
I got you a Big Gulp.
792
00:49:00,190 --> 00:49:02,527
Why are you doing this to me?
793
00:49:05,094 --> 00:49:07,097
How old is the boy who got you
pregnant?
794
00:49:08,599 --> 00:49:09,599
16.
795
00:49:10,300 --> 00:49:14,204
Okay, I'll explain it to you
again.
796
00:49:14,237 --> 00:49:17,940
Emotionally, socially, men
are actually 10 years younger
797
00:49:17,974 --> 00:49:19,143
than their actual age.
798
00:49:19,175 --> 00:49:23,547
So by that rule, a 34 year
old man would actually be 24,
799
00:49:23,581 --> 00:49:28,519
and therefore your current
sex partner is how old?
800
00:49:30,521 --> 00:49:32,155
Six.
801
00:49:32,188 --> 00:49:33,188
See?
802
00:49:34,425 --> 00:49:36,661
Don't you wish we'd had
this conversation sooner?
803
00:49:47,505 --> 00:49:49,306
Welcome.
804
00:49:49,338 --> 00:49:51,608
Okay, I want to start by
everyone giving
805
00:49:51,643 --> 00:49:54,478
a short description, or even
just a word,
806
00:49:54,512 --> 00:49:56,079
of the incident or the moment
807
00:49:56,112 --> 00:49:58,449
where you realized you needed to
get help.
808
00:50:02,286 --> 00:50:06,289
I spent my wife and I's entire
401K
809
00:50:06,322 --> 00:50:10,327
in the VIP room at Mr.
Dandy's, a strip club.
810
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:12,028
In one weekend.
Mr. Dandy's?
811
00:50:13,096 --> 00:50:13,996
Who'd you see?
812
00:50:14,030 --> 00:50:15,467
Brandy, Veronica?
813
00:50:15,500 --> 00:50:17,134
Let's stay focused, please.
814
00:50:18,503 --> 00:50:23,206
Well at work, I was too
busy pleasuring myself
815
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:27,744
instead of doing my job, and
people were hurt because of it.
816
00:50:27,778 --> 00:50:29,713
What's your job, Dan?
817
00:50:29,746 --> 00:50:30,981
Was my job.
818
00:50:31,648 --> 00:50:33,416
High speed train conductor.
819
00:50:35,117 --> 00:50:39,724
Four words, talk now to live
girls.
820
00:50:40,389 --> 00:50:43,226
Uh, that's five words but thank
you, Phil.
821
00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:47,632
Foreign objects lost in my
rectum.
822
00:50:47,664 --> 00:50:49,065
Thank you, Wayne.
823
00:50:49,099 --> 00:50:50,668
Had to go to the hospital.
824
00:50:50,702 --> 00:50:51,702
Yes, we see.
825
00:50:54,472 --> 00:50:57,139
I don't think I really belong
here.
826
00:50:57,173 --> 00:50:59,677
Obviously, you're alone in that
opinion.
827
00:50:59,710 --> 00:51:02,211
I've had sex with, like, two
guys.
828
00:51:02,246 --> 00:51:06,416
It's not how you have
sex, it's how sex has you.
829
00:51:07,652 --> 00:51:09,085
Everyone here needs to be honest
830
00:51:09,119 --> 00:51:11,221
with themselves and with each
other.
831
00:51:13,525 --> 00:51:16,793
Okay, I slept with a jerk from
my school
832
00:51:16,827 --> 00:51:19,496
because I was bored.
833
00:51:19,530 --> 00:51:21,666
I got high and I guess
I thought he was funny.
834
00:51:23,768 --> 00:51:25,101
Better, thank you.
835
00:51:28,505 --> 00:51:30,239
Neighbor's Saint Bernard.
836
00:51:49,293 --> 00:51:51,427
Janet, what are you doing?
837
00:51:57,802 --> 00:51:58,802
Watching TV, Dad.
838
00:52:27,164 --> 00:52:29,298
We can't do this, they're
gonna kick us out.
839
00:52:29,333 --> 00:52:32,135
No, it's okay, I have
my cloaking device on.
840
00:52:32,168 --> 00:52:33,514
As long as you're within six
feet of me,
841
00:52:33,538 --> 00:52:34,639
no one can see us.
842
00:52:36,206 --> 00:52:37,842
I'm sorry, this is just weird.
843
00:52:37,875 --> 00:52:39,208
I don't even go to real dances.
844
00:52:39,242 --> 00:52:41,378
That's why it'll be fun.
845
00:52:43,347 --> 00:52:45,617
Miss, can I help you?
846
00:52:45,650 --> 00:52:48,251
Nope, no, just leaving.
847
00:52:55,860 --> 00:52:57,193
You're nuts.
848
00:52:57,226 --> 00:52:59,195
Just keep dancing, nobody'll
notice.
849
00:53:03,635 --> 00:53:07,472
So, what do you dream about?
850
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:10,675
Last night I was riding a giant
spoon
851
00:53:10,708 --> 00:53:14,311
that plunged into a lake of
Mrs. Freshy's cake frosting.
852
00:53:14,344 --> 00:53:16,847
No, like something you want to
happen.
853
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:19,349
World peace?
854
00:53:19,382 --> 00:53:20,851
Something attainable.
855
00:53:20,885 --> 00:53:21,853
An end forever to the scourge
856
00:53:21,885 --> 00:53:23,487
of the backwards baseball cap.
857
00:53:27,356 --> 00:53:28,492
How about in guys?
858
00:53:29,994 --> 00:53:31,628
What do you like, tall, short?
859
00:53:32,496 --> 00:53:34,264
Brown, yellow, green?
860
00:53:34,297 --> 00:53:35,733
Someone who doesn't annoy me.
861
00:53:38,367 --> 00:53:41,338
They can't use the word gay to
describe something they hate.
862
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:45,409
Someone who's not afraid
to hold my hand in public
863
00:53:45,442 --> 00:53:46,911
even though I have fat fingers,
864
00:53:50,547 --> 00:53:52,382
who looks me in the eyes when I
talk
865
00:53:54,652 --> 00:53:55,695
and smiles when I'm telling a
story,
866
00:53:55,719 --> 00:53:57,922
even though I haven't got
to the funny part yet.
867
00:53:59,255 --> 00:54:00,356
Dumb stuff like that.
868
00:54:05,327 --> 00:54:08,632
And what do you dream about?
869
00:54:09,766 --> 00:54:10,766
You.
870
00:54:18,710 --> 00:54:21,612
Maybe next time we can
do this with my suit off.
871
00:54:21,646 --> 00:54:23,547
I wouldn't want to get you sick.
872
00:54:24,548 --> 00:54:26,416
I think you're worth the risk.
873
00:54:28,985 --> 00:54:31,621
I don't have your phone number.
874
00:54:31,655 --> 00:54:33,990
Why would you assume that
I have a cellular phone?
875
00:54:35,525 --> 00:54:36,927
I mean,
876
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:40,429
I'm kind of sad I wasn't
born in the time before TVs.
877
00:54:40,465 --> 00:54:41,775
People had to use their
imaginations,
878
00:54:41,798 --> 00:54:44,568
cook, talk to each other, leave
the house.
879
00:54:44,601 --> 00:54:45,635
Just thought I'd ask.
880
00:54:45,670 --> 00:54:46,603
Cell phones are bad for
humanity.
881
00:54:46,637 --> 00:54:47,905
I get it.
882
00:54:47,938 --> 00:54:49,873
I know where you live, though.
883
00:54:49,907 --> 00:54:50,907
Okay.
884
00:54:51,876 --> 00:54:54,045
I guess it's more fun this way.
885
00:54:54,077 --> 00:54:55,077
Sorta.
886
00:55:12,864 --> 00:55:13,931
Katrine, it's Phil.
887
00:55:13,965 --> 00:55:15,398
Are you awake?
888
00:55:16,567 --> 00:55:17,969
And Mike.
889
00:55:19,070 --> 00:55:21,338
We just want to hang out and
talk.
890
00:55:21,371 --> 00:55:22,739
Are you asleep?
891
00:55:22,773 --> 00:55:24,876
We're not gonna touch you.
892
00:55:24,909 --> 00:55:26,643
Unless you really want us to.
893
00:55:26,677 --> 00:55:29,480
Yeah, if you want us to, that's
cool.
894
00:55:29,514 --> 00:55:30,847
I mean, that'd be totally
awesome.
895
00:55:30,882 --> 00:55:33,083
You don't have to make
that decision right now.
896
00:55:33,117 --> 00:55:35,820
Yeah, yeah, just let us come
inside.
897
00:55:52,969 --> 00:55:55,072
Where's the visiting place?
898
00:55:55,106 --> 00:55:56,706
I can't have visitors.
899
00:55:56,740 --> 00:55:57,809
What?
900
00:55:57,842 --> 00:56:00,077
I spent five hours on the bus.
901
00:56:00,110 --> 00:56:02,445
I know, I know, we're in
lockdown.
902
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:03,590
I'm not supposed to have my
phone, either.
903
00:56:03,614 --> 00:56:04,748
They catch me and...
What?
904
00:56:04,782 --> 00:56:05,882
Why?
905
00:56:05,916 --> 00:56:06,884
One of the guys got caught
906
00:56:06,918 --> 00:56:08,128
with a Victoria's Secret catalog
907
00:56:08,152 --> 00:56:11,121
and they have this zero
tolerance porn policy.
908
00:56:11,155 --> 00:56:13,925
So I'm just supposed to go home?
909
00:56:13,958 --> 00:56:16,358
I see you, come to the
window on the right.
910
00:56:18,728 --> 00:56:19,963
Come out.
911
00:56:19,996 --> 00:56:21,865
I can't hear you.
912
00:56:21,898 --> 00:56:22,934
Come out.
913
00:56:22,967 --> 00:56:27,436
We're in lockdown, and
they're tracking my phone.
914
00:56:42,552 --> 00:56:43,887
I've been busy.
915
00:56:52,563 --> 00:56:55,465
I'm on Femtrexl, it
makes it hard to think.
916
00:56:57,969 --> 00:57:00,670
I met a guy, at least I think I
did.
917
00:57:07,577 --> 00:57:08,577
His name's Rian.
918
00:57:09,847 --> 00:57:11,047
He's from the future.
919
00:57:16,152 --> 00:57:17,889
I don't even know if he's real.
920
00:57:28,798 --> 00:57:29,798
Maybe.
921
00:57:32,003 --> 00:57:33,670
Are you?
922
00:57:33,704 --> 00:57:35,873
Katrine Neumann, we know you're
down here.
923
00:57:35,907 --> 00:57:36,740
You have to get me out of here,
924
00:57:36,773 --> 00:57:39,710
it's like prison but with worse
people.
925
00:57:39,744 --> 00:57:40,744
How?
926
00:57:41,378 --> 00:57:43,014
Why aren't you helping me?
Oh my god.
927
00:57:43,047 --> 00:57:46,083
You were supposed to be my
friend, Janet.
928
00:57:46,117 --> 00:57:47,784
Fuck off me!
929
00:57:47,818 --> 00:57:48,952
Kat!
930
00:57:53,090 --> 00:57:54,090
Shit!
931
00:58:03,099 --> 00:58:04,601
Hey, it's Kat.
932
00:58:04,635 --> 00:58:05,635
Leave a message.
933
00:58:18,148 --> 00:58:20,083
If you're calling me,
you're probably someone
934
00:58:20,117 --> 00:58:22,485
who abandoned me and let
me down when I needed you.
935
00:58:22,519 --> 00:58:24,722
Take a good look at
yourself in the mirror.
936
00:58:24,755 --> 00:58:25,856
You know who you are.
937
00:58:25,889 --> 00:58:28,693
Don't leave a message because
I won't call you back.
938
01:00:03,987 --> 01:00:05,222
Sorry to scare you.
939
01:00:05,255 --> 01:00:06,365
I thought it'd be romantic to
just come through the window.
940
01:00:06,389 --> 01:00:09,893
Yeah, kidnappers and rapists,
every girl's favorite.
941
01:00:09,927 --> 01:00:11,262
Can you help me?
942
01:00:11,295 --> 01:00:12,295
Sure.
943
01:00:17,934 --> 01:00:19,603
I missed you, Janet.
944
01:00:19,637 --> 01:00:20,838
I missed you, too.
945
01:00:20,871 --> 01:00:23,239
I think about you all the time.
946
01:00:23,273 --> 01:00:25,076
It's like I'm obsessed with you.
947
01:00:25,108 --> 01:00:26,777
Thanks, I guess.
948
01:00:27,978 --> 01:00:28,978
Me, too.
949
01:00:39,989 --> 01:00:41,025
Are you alone?
950
01:00:41,057 --> 01:00:43,793
My dad's downstairs
listening to books on tape.
951
01:00:43,827 --> 01:00:44,862
He can't hear us.
952
01:00:51,835 --> 01:00:52,969
I've never done this before.
953
01:00:54,204 --> 01:00:56,172
It's okay, if you don't want.
954
01:01:10,353 --> 01:01:12,289
I don't know anything about you.
955
01:01:12,322 --> 01:01:13,891
What else do you need to know?
956
01:01:15,059 --> 01:01:16,427
Are you real?
957
01:01:16,460 --> 01:01:18,027
Reality is anything the majority
958
01:01:18,061 --> 01:01:19,362
of people agree to be true.
959
01:01:20,731 --> 01:01:22,333
Why do you say that?
960
01:01:22,365 --> 01:01:23,800
I only see you when I take my
meds.
961
01:01:23,833 --> 01:01:25,101
You take your meds a lot.
962
01:01:27,804 --> 01:01:28,873
Do you think I'm real?
963
01:01:31,175 --> 01:01:33,177
Well, so do I.
964
01:01:33,210 --> 01:01:35,980
And we're the majority.
965
01:01:37,447 --> 01:01:38,715
Good enough for me.
966
01:01:43,820 --> 01:01:47,657
Do you wanna take off
the, you must be hot.
967
01:01:49,059 --> 01:01:50,393
Sure, yeah.
968
01:01:50,427 --> 01:01:51,427
So far, so good.
969
01:02:17,954 --> 01:02:20,123
This is unexpected, but.
970
01:02:39,476 --> 01:02:40,744
Are you okay?
971
01:02:43,112 --> 01:02:44,112
I'm sorry.
972
01:02:45,882 --> 01:02:46,882
It's fine.
973
01:02:49,887 --> 01:02:51,088
I can't.
974
01:02:51,121 --> 01:02:52,121
I'm sorry.
975
01:02:53,090 --> 01:02:54,391
What can I do?
976
01:02:54,425 --> 01:02:55,992
An hour in de-con.
977
01:03:00,431 --> 01:03:02,766
Is there somewhere we can
go where you'll be okay?
978
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:04,034
I'm sorry.
979
01:03:04,068 --> 01:03:05,068
Rian.
980
01:03:06,302 --> 01:03:08,137
I'll come back for you.
981
01:03:08,172 --> 01:03:10,373
We'll go away, you and I,
982
01:03:11,842 --> 01:03:12,909
where we can be safe.
983
01:03:17,847 --> 01:03:18,847
When?
984
01:03:19,916 --> 01:03:20,916
Soon.
985
01:03:43,873 --> 01:03:47,143
Are these friends of yours, Kat?
986
01:03:47,177 --> 01:03:48,012
Okay.
987
01:03:48,045 --> 01:03:50,981
Have a wonderful rest of your
evening.
988
01:03:56,353 --> 01:03:59,822
Useful phrases while visiting
France.
989
01:04:00,724 --> 01:04:04,927
Nice to meet you, but
can't we just shake hands?
990
01:04:13,436 --> 01:04:16,541
Should I worry about that smell?
991
01:04:22,646 --> 01:04:25,081
My colossal American ass
992
01:04:25,114 --> 01:04:29,018
will not fit in your tiny
European car.
993
01:05:15,632 --> 01:05:17,233
Mom?
994
01:05:17,266 --> 01:05:19,202
What the hell?
995
01:05:19,235 --> 01:05:21,204
Vlad.
996
01:05:21,237 --> 01:05:22,237
He's gone!
997
01:05:23,507 --> 01:05:24,173
Oh, is that all?
998
01:05:24,208 --> 01:05:26,275
Jesus, I thought you were dying.
999
01:05:26,309 --> 01:05:28,512
Everything is gone.
1000
01:05:28,545 --> 01:05:30,213
Everything is gone.
1001
01:05:34,318 --> 01:05:35,318
Get up.
1002
01:05:37,121 --> 01:05:38,355
Come on, get up.
1003
01:05:38,389 --> 01:05:39,389
I can't.
1004
01:05:40,724 --> 01:05:41,724
I can't.
1005
01:05:43,293 --> 01:05:44,561
Come on.
1006
01:05:48,532 --> 01:05:50,099
No, we're done with this now.
1007
01:06:03,414 --> 01:06:06,282
So tell me again, the savings?
1008
01:06:07,251 --> 01:06:08,251
Empty.
1009
01:06:09,152 --> 01:06:10,152
Checking?
1010
01:06:11,088 --> 01:06:13,289
$200.
1011
01:06:13,322 --> 01:06:14,659
Real generous.
1012
01:06:15,626 --> 01:06:17,260
My college fund?
1013
01:06:17,293 --> 01:06:18,293
Gone.
1014
01:06:19,061 --> 01:06:20,498
Poof.
1015
01:06:20,532 --> 01:06:24,333
Credit cards maxed out with cash
advances.
1016
01:06:24,367 --> 01:06:25,969
Okay Mom, we have to find him.
1017
01:06:26,003 --> 01:06:27,036
Where did he go?
1018
01:06:27,070 --> 01:06:29,239
Probably back to Slovakia.
1019
01:06:30,775 --> 01:06:32,342
He could be down the street.
1020
01:06:33,478 --> 01:06:36,481
Vlad was a very mysterious man.
1021
01:06:37,347 --> 01:06:40,250
What did he actually do for a
living?
1022
01:06:40,918 --> 01:06:44,353
Import export and online
financial services.
1023
01:06:45,489 --> 01:06:47,190
What does that even mean?
1024
01:06:47,224 --> 01:06:49,358
Christ, I don't know.
1025
01:06:49,393 --> 01:06:53,764
You, as a recovering sex addict
should know that sometimes
1026
01:06:53,797 --> 01:06:59,001
love and desire takes you
to very dangerous places.
1027
01:07:01,237 --> 01:07:05,309
I went there with your father
and I went there with Vlad,
1028
01:07:05,342 --> 01:07:08,244
and now this is my punishment.
1029
01:07:16,253 --> 01:07:19,056
Katrine, I know you think
I've failed you as a mother,
1030
01:07:19,989 --> 01:07:23,293
but I would appreciate
if you could at least try
1031
01:07:23,327 --> 01:07:26,262
to be a little bit supportive
in my time of crisis.
1032
01:07:26,295 --> 01:07:28,998
Okay, okay, Mom, don't bug out.
1033
01:07:29,701 --> 01:07:31,268
Someday you'll understand.
1034
01:07:32,436 --> 01:07:33,804
Dating when you're middle-aged
1035
01:07:33,838 --> 01:07:35,773
is like shopping at a used car
lot.
1036
01:07:36,574 --> 01:07:38,775
Choose the best you can but just
remember
1037
01:07:38,809 --> 01:07:41,478
that there's something
wrong with all of them.
1038
01:07:44,248 --> 01:07:46,048
Come on, give me a hug.
1039
01:07:46,751 --> 01:07:49,152
Don't you think I deserve
at least that much?
1040
01:08:48,912 --> 01:08:49,912
Rian,
1041
01:08:50,747 --> 01:08:52,082
where are you?
1042
01:09:12,936 --> 01:09:13,936
Rian?
1043
01:09:42,966 --> 01:09:44,636
Sweetheart?
1044
01:09:46,503 --> 01:09:47,503
Sweetheart?
1045
01:09:48,972 --> 01:09:50,875
Are you sick, pumpkin?
1046
01:09:50,908 --> 01:09:53,310
What's happening?
1047
01:09:53,342 --> 01:09:55,779
Been trying to wake you all
morning.
1048
01:09:55,813 --> 01:09:58,347
Did you stay up late on
the computer last night?
1049
01:10:01,752 --> 01:10:04,354
I have a letter from the
University.
1050
01:10:14,865 --> 01:10:15,865
I got in.
1051
01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:19,703
Well look at that, miss smarty
pants.
1052
01:10:22,472 --> 01:10:24,609
Now we just have to figure
out how to pay for it.
1053
01:10:30,447 --> 01:10:34,184
Well, I'll leave you alone
so you can call your friends.
1054
01:10:49,801 --> 01:10:51,002
We're sorry,
1055
01:10:51,034 --> 01:10:53,279
the number you have dialed is
not in service at this time.
1056
01:10:53,302 --> 01:10:54,371
Goddammit.
1057
01:11:18,895 --> 01:11:23,900
♪ Sunlight say grace to the
cold stone I'm waiting ♪
1058
01:11:27,971 --> 01:11:32,976
♪ For that firelight god
to lift his darkened eyes ♪
1059
01:11:34,811 --> 01:11:35,811
Rian?
1060
01:11:36,847 --> 01:11:37,847
Rian!
1061
01:11:38,381 --> 01:11:43,020
♪ And don't fear the skies
they know no need for reason ♪
1062
01:11:43,054 --> 01:11:44,287
Rian.
1063
01:11:44,320 --> 01:11:45,320
Rian, wait!
1064
01:11:47,725 --> 01:11:52,729
♪ The stars can't keep that
shiny dancing charade ♪
1065
01:11:53,930 --> 01:11:54,930
Goodbye.
1066
01:11:58,002 --> 01:12:02,338
♪ But oh, to feel your eyes on
me ♪
1067
01:12:07,110 --> 01:12:07,979
I love you.
1068
01:12:08,011 --> 01:12:12,314
♪ To want nothing, and
everything ♪
1069
01:12:32,036 --> 01:12:33,069
Hey, miss.
1070
01:12:36,140 --> 01:12:38,509
Stop.
1071
01:12:38,542 --> 01:12:41,612
Miss!
1072
01:12:41,645 --> 01:12:42,645
Please.
1073
01:12:44,881 --> 01:12:48,485
♪ Mo me mi mo mu ♪
1074
01:12:48,519 --> 01:12:50,520
♪ Hm ♪
1075
01:12:50,555 --> 01:12:53,957
♪ Mo me mi mo mu ♪
1076
01:12:53,990 --> 01:12:54,826
♪ Hm ♪
1077
01:12:54,859 --> 01:12:57,895
♪ Mo me mi mo mu ♪
1078
01:12:57,929 --> 01:12:58,796
♪ Hm ♪
1079
01:12:58,829 --> 01:13:02,132
♪ Mo me mi mo mu ♪
1080
01:13:02,166 --> 01:13:03,000
♪ Hm ♪
1081
01:13:03,033 --> 01:13:06,435
♪ Mo me mi mo mu ♪
1082
01:13:06,470 --> 01:13:09,073
♪ Hm ♪
1083
01:13:50,547 --> 01:13:51,815
Hey.
1084
01:13:51,849 --> 01:13:52,850
Hey.
1085
01:13:58,855 --> 01:14:00,791
I got into Northmore.
1086
01:14:01,759 --> 01:14:02,792
That's great.
1087
01:14:04,561 --> 01:14:05,561
Did you hear?
1088
01:14:06,463 --> 01:14:08,164
Yeah, Farnham turned me down.
1089
01:14:09,233 --> 01:14:10,201
I can't afford to go anyway,
1090
01:14:10,234 --> 01:14:15,472
so I'm just gonna work
and reapply next year.
1091
01:14:20,978 --> 01:14:24,015
Pretty embarrassing, huh?
1092
01:14:24,047 --> 01:14:26,050
I should've just changed in the
car.
1093
01:14:28,653 --> 01:14:31,055
I'm sorry I didn't write
while you were away.
1094
01:14:31,922 --> 01:14:34,591
I thought you had lots
of other cooler friends.
1095
01:14:35,792 --> 01:14:37,426
Friends, yeah, no.
1096
01:14:41,032 --> 01:14:42,032
Sorry.
1097
01:14:44,668 --> 01:14:47,771
I probably wasn't exactly the
best friend to you, either.
1098
01:14:50,240 --> 01:14:51,240
We're lame.
1099
01:14:52,510 --> 01:14:54,811
Yeah, yeah we are.
1100
01:15:01,118 --> 01:15:02,118
Rian was real.
1101
01:15:05,055 --> 01:15:09,025
I thought I was losing
it, but he was real.
1102
01:15:11,295 --> 01:15:12,295
He's gone, though.
1103
01:15:14,030 --> 01:15:18,469
Yay and boo, I guess.
1104
01:15:21,072 --> 01:15:23,573
I guess I should go.
1105
01:15:27,177 --> 01:15:28,212
Bye, feel better.
1106
01:15:54,572 --> 01:15:55,706
Are you insane?
1107
01:15:57,041 --> 01:15:58,242
Come out, whore.
1108
01:15:58,274 --> 01:16:01,845
♪ I'm just a-sittin' with the
bad kitty ♪
1109
01:16:01,878 --> 01:16:04,015
♪ Just while it's in the mood ♪
1110
01:16:04,047 --> 01:16:05,682
This is weird.
1111
01:16:05,716 --> 01:16:07,717
Think of it as prom that smells
funny.
1112
01:16:08,618 --> 01:16:09,686
I look ridiculous.
1113
01:16:10,354 --> 01:16:12,256
Cataracts will help with that, I
think.
1114
01:16:12,288 --> 01:16:15,259
There's so many old people
here, the average age is dead.
1115
01:16:16,659 --> 01:16:17,659
Ladies.
1116
01:16:26,103 --> 01:16:27,771
Suck it, bitch.
1117
01:16:28,939 --> 01:16:31,042
♪ And I wanna kiss you too ♪
1118
01:16:31,074 --> 01:16:32,976
So it's your birthday, huh?
1119
01:16:33,010 --> 01:16:34,677
Yes, ma'am.
1120
01:16:34,712 --> 01:16:37,914
I am 92 years old.
1121
01:16:37,948 --> 01:16:39,315
92?
1122
01:16:39,350 --> 01:16:40,684
You rock, dude.
1123
01:16:40,717 --> 01:16:41,786
Happy birthday.
1124
01:16:43,621 --> 01:16:46,023
So I hear there's a lot of
action going on in these places,
1125
01:16:46,056 --> 01:16:48,059
everyone being single and all.
1126
01:16:48,091 --> 01:16:50,194
You're not gonna give me an STD,
are you?
1127
01:16:50,226 --> 01:16:51,295
Oh, I'm 92.
1128
01:16:53,197 --> 01:16:55,231
Leave room for Jesus there, hot
pants.
1129
01:16:55,265 --> 01:16:56,734
Uh, jealous much?
1130
01:18:05,260 --> 01:18:08,260
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