Original subtitles

Hurry up! You've got five seconds till blast-off!

Stop rushing me. I'm trying!

First poop out of the chute wins the Dookie Derby!

I'm not above winning by forfeit, you know!

In your dreams, Rivers!

♪ Left to the right we gon' make, make it bang ♪

♪ Put your hands in the air

♪ Let me see you bounce

♪ To the left, to the right

♪ 'Cause when we jumping and popping, we jopping ♪

♪ Jopping

♪ Jopping

Squeebee, don't fail me now.

Torpedo in the tube in three...

two...

one!

Hey!

Elliot, I don't know what you're doing,

but Squeebee is not your toy!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Beep, beep! Zoom!

Another Dookie Derby?

Really?

What are those two eating?

I honestly don't think they're human.

Yes!

Ladies, Gents, and Matilda,

I give you the still undisputed king

of the Intergalactic Dookie Derby,

William Carl Rivers !

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Where is it?

That win doesn't count.

Something got messed up.

Aw, don't be a party pooper.

Oh, wait, that's me, baby!

No, it didn't come out.

What do you mean it didn't come out?

I flushed Squeebee, and it didn't come out.

You flushed Squeebee?

Where could it be?

Could I get some help here?

Oh, Squeebee, what have you done?

Episode Title: "Day 21" Aired on: November 27, 2020

*THE ASTRONAUTS* Season 01 Episode 04

Come on, just tell me.

There's nothing to tell.

Like, prune juice, caffeine?

What's your secret?

It's not a secret, it's a gift.

Four times in one day is definitely not a gift.

- It's a mutant colon. - It's still clogged,

and the washing machine is at its capacity,

so you guys are gonna have to hand-wash all of these.

I know, right? What a drag.

If only there was some type of warning under the lid

telling you not to flush foreign objects.

Oh, wait, that's on every toilet ever!

Matilda, how do you unclog a toilet?

Deploy the pneumatic plunger.

How do you use this thing?

Hi. I'm Rex Dowd,

and if you're watching this video,

you're up to your neck in blue goo and poo.

Dude, that's the guy who played Captain McAdams!

He's my dad's poker buddy. Shh!

...first thing you'll need

is this bad boy.

The Series 3000 Dual-Port Pneumatic Plunger.

- So cool... - So cool...

Dibs on plunging!

Be sure to don your safety glasses.

Next, insert the rubber flange

deep into the commode...

Ensure a tight seal,

then give it a firm push.

Don't be shy.

Bear down like you mean business.

He looks so weird without the eye patch.

Shh!

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

It worked!

Yes!

- Whoo-hoo! - Way to go, Martin! Whoo!

Oh, that's just the pipes settling!

Tell me you washed the towels!

Matilda, get Mission Control online.

Downlinking now.

No! Matilda, belay that order.

"Belay"?

Yeah. Belay. As in,

don't get in line for the Lind Bellows

all-you-can-eat "what did you stupid kids do now?" buffet.

You just don't want to get in trouble.

If one system goes down, it could cause bigger problems elsewhere.

Or it might not.

It could just be all the plunging

from that Poop Blaster 3000 thing.

Just take a deep breath.

I say we chill,

let the system settle and see if it just...

unclogs itself.

Besides, we got two bathrooms.

We'll all just share mine for now.

♪ Hello, good morning, how you doing? ♪

♪ Waking up, shaking yesterday's blues, yeah ♪

♪ Turn the TV off, it's bad news, man... ♪

Good morning, crew.

Grab your tablets.

"Captain's Commode Book of Law"?

For real?

I took the liberty of putting together

a detailed time-share toilet schedule,

along with a very reasonable set of guidelines.

Wow, this, uh...

just keeps going on and on.

I think you'll find this makes sharing one toilet

much smoother for all of us.

No beverages after 6:00 p.m.?

Five minutes per person... every eight hours?

By appointment only?

I'm just gonna stick to the bedpan in the Med bay.

Know what, that's it.

I'm reporting the blockage to Engineering

- at the next mission downlink... - No!

No parents.

Come on, Samy.

How do you ever expect us to get through

however many days we're up here

if we can't even fix a stupid toilet?

They're gonna think we're totally helpless.

Matilda, can you identify the location of the blockage?

According to my pressure readings,

the rubber toy is blocking a pipe

in Quadrant 4, Sector 2A...

See?

Piece of cake.

Who needs parents when you've got Matilda?

Matilda...

zoom out.

All the way out.

Yeah.

Piece of cake.

Come on, let's go!

Everybody gets a listening device.

- Dr. Samy. - Thanks.

- Dr. Martin. - Thank you.

- And one for Dr. Elliot. - Thank you.

- Dr. Martin. - Okay.

All right, let's find Squeebee.

Wait, what about me?

Huh?

Here you are,

Dr. Will.

All right, come on, let's go.

Our best bet is to track Squeebee with sound...

...listen to the pipes for squeaks...

go over the entire plumbing system...

in every corner of the ship...

...every foot of it,

inch by inch.

After a lot of trial and error,

I've created a virus

that will take Matilda off the steering wheel.

There's no way we can successfully upload a virus.

Right, the on board versions are locked up tight.

Okay, but she's still dependent upon The Cloud

as a processing resource,

so we infect The Cloud with said virus.

I asked you to come to me with a solution,

not a nuclear option.

The answer is no, absolutely not.

- Griffin, wait... - No!

Hear him out. This is the only solution we got.

Thank you, Niles.

The code is targeted, Griffin.

It's specific to the Matilda up there.

Look, I know

you want to protect the company, Griffin,

but at this point,

the nuclear option is the only option we got.

And you promise

it won't put their lives in any danger?

At this point, everything is a risk,

but the real danger is doing nothing at all.

Look, if this is gonna work,

I'm gonna need your daughter's help.

Why Samy?

Because, of all the kids up there,

Matilda seems to trust Samy the most.

So you want to use our daughter again.

It's your only shot at getting her home.

Whatever it takes.

Are you on board with this fix?

If it'll get our kids back, I'd call it a no-brainer.

You?

I would call it surprising.

I think I hear him. Squeebee.

What's your location?

Do you need back-up?

Aft condensation exchange tower A.

Wait, I don't hear him anymore.

False alarm.

Okay, keep listening to the pipes.

Squeebee may still be in Hydroponics.

Squeebee?

You... in there?

Hello?

I keep seeing its face.

I can't get it outta my head.

It's okay, dude.

You don't have to talk about it.

Not right now.

It's so big.

Big as a pizza.

I think it's alive.

Alive?

Matilda, is there any chance Squeebee is... alive?

No, Elliot.

Squeebee is composed of EC-419D,

an absorbent, non-organic epoxy-polymer gelatin

formulated to expand

when exposed to liquid and heat.

Heat expands it?

Conversely, Squeebee shrinks

when exposed to sub-zero temperatures.

Cold shrinks it...

cold shrinks it, cold shrinks it!

Do you actually have an idea,

or are you just gonna keep saying that

over and over again until I hit you?

Matilda, is there any way

we can track Squeebee through the pipes in real time?

Yes, Samy.

As long as the subject is moving,

I can track it through micro-variations in pressure

within the system.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking...

that we're gonna blast that butt-ugly piece of goo

into outer space.

Operation Squeebee Squeeze.

All right, Will, Martin, and I

will be stationed here, here, and here.

We'll freeze the pipes in sequence

with blasts of CO2.

We'll use the fire extinguishers

to shrink Squeebee with cold.

Elliot, you're here.

On my mark,

short bursts from the Poop Blaster 3000.

Push Squeebee through the pipes

toward the back of the ship.

Once he's in position,

I'll hit the purge button here,

- and... - Whoosh!

Exactly.

Any questions?

What about me?

What do I do?

Oh, no, no, Dor.

You're on the monitors!

Super important.

Firefighter Martin here to save the day.

Not just any firefighters!

Space Alien Firefighters!

Oh!

Right, from "Fear and Dread 8:

- Extreme Overkill." - Yeah!

I think we look like, you know,

Zombie Busters?

"Fear and Dread 7"?

Nailed it!

Hey, Dor, how we looking?

Like a bunch of blue dots.

I mean, are you reading our positions?

Yeah, but...

But what?

Dor, is there a problem?

Well...

I was wondering,

do we really have to blast Squeebee off into space?

It's him or us, Dor.

But he's so...

He's so cute.

All right, guys, let's go.

Odyssey II, what is going on up there?

Over.

Samy, do you wanna tell me

what you and your little friends are getting up to

with the fire extinguishers?

Uh...

Uh...

We're LARPing.

Sorry, Larp... S-say again?

LARPing, like "Live-action role-playing"?

Uh, we created a game called, uh,

...Alien Hunt.

Sorry, uh, what now?

Samy...

tell me the truth.

Like he said. Alien Hunt.

♪ Going on an alien hunt ♪

♪ We're gonna catch a big one... ♪

♪ We're going on an alien hunt ♪

♪ And we're going on an alien hunt ♪

♪ We're gonna catch a big one

♪ We're not scared

I'm a little scared.

♪ We're going on an alien hunt... ♪

F-fine. Okay, fine, just...

try not to break anything, okay?

Monsters.

- Okay. - We're clear.

Guys!

Come on.

Right, we're go.

System sealed?

Check. System sealed.

Will, you in position?

Locked and loaded.

Elliot, you ready?

Ready.

All right, guys.

Let's freeze him, shrink him,

and flush him out of the ship.

It's working!

He's getting smaller.

Elliot, plunge now!

Wait, no!

He's getting bigger.

I think he's stuck.

Tell us where.

Back! Behind you!

Right, Elliot, get ready.

Martin and Will, keep herding him aft.

I'll cover the exhaust port.

On my mark.

CO2! Hit it!

Elliot, plunge now!

It's almost there.

I think another plunge or two will do it.

Wait, now he's behind Martin.

And you too, Will!

Wait!

Squeebee's having babies!

It's the cold.

You're probably picking up slush chunks.

Matilda, recalibrate pressure threshold!

Ignore the small pieces, and just find Squeebee.

Locating Squeebee.

Samy, he's coming straight at you!

Where? Which way?

He's right on top of you!

Elliot, now!

- Hit it! - Oh!

Obstruction purged.

System is clear.

- Yeah! - We did it!

Yes!

Elliot, can you confirm that with a victory flush?

The Dookie Derby returneth!

- We did it, guys! - Yes! -Nice!

What?

Foreign object detected.

It's hanging onto the thrusters!

It is as big as a pizza!

It's trying to climb back into the ship!

I knew he couldn't leave me!

Matilda, fire engine A3 aft!

Firing engine.

Obstruction cleared.

Yeah!

Yes! We did it!

Goodbye, Squeebee McSqueeberton,

my sweet boy.

It's totally the kale.

- Uh...? - What?

The fiber gives me my edge.

Do not tell Elliot.

♪ There's a black sky over my town ♪

♪ It's a long night in a dark house ♪

♪ There's enough fight for a showdown ♪

♪ There's a black hole with no escape ♪

♪ There's a dark soul as my inmate... ♪

Um...

Will did a check on the water filters,

and they were a little dirty, so we changed them out.

♪ Watch it take me over Let it suck me in ♪

Oh, and um...

...thanks for covering for me with that whole, uh...

Alien-Hunt Dookie-Derby thing.

Forget about it.

We're a team.

It's what we do, right?

Smartest girl at Emerson.

♪ I just wanna close my eyes and sleep ♪

♪ I can't tell exactly what it means ♪

Hey, Elliot?

Close the door.

Okay.

The thrusters are a function of avionics, right?

When I ordered ignition,

Matilda didn't hesitate,

even though it didn't serve any mission function.

I'm not following.

Think about it.

Matilda's always been there

since we were babies.

She is always there for whatever we need.

Yeah, and...?

I'm thinking,

maybe, deep down,

this Matilda is that Matilda too.

She's programmed to care about us,

right?

So maybe, eventually,

we could,

you know...

Convince her to turn around.

Yeah.

♪ Sleep

♪ I can't tell exactly what it means ♪

♪ Takes me from a whisper to a scream ♪

♪ Scream

♪ Sleep

♪ Five kids all amazed by the wonders ♪

♪ Of unexplainable factors

♪ That go beyond the skies

♪ We are the astronauts

♪ On the voyage of a lifetime

♪ With a mission far from Earth And all we trust ♪

♪ Oh, we are the astronauts

Welcome aboard Odyssey II.

I'm Matilda.

She... chose us.

-How do we get back? -Well, we're working on that.

I made him on the 3-D printer.

Watch this.

Squeebee McSqueeberton.