Original subtitles

What did you do to yourself, Barrett?

I broke a glass on my hand. Blast all these goddamn Blue Jay matches.

She started questioning me about them.

It's got to be treated.

Michel, I've got to be treated.

Let me get you out of here.

You may need stitches, Barrett.

I've got to talk to you.

Later. Clint, hold my check.

Sure thing, Mr. Morone.

You know. I had a premonition. I tried to phone you.

Come on.

Come on, Barrett, please.

SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE...

Hey, you want to finish this?

Come on, drink it. Please drink it, Barrett, all.

Michel, it's so early.

Oh, hey, sweetheart, how are you?

Oh.

Oh, hey, Sadie, they got a name for them things?

Space shoes. But with my feet, a better name is Bar Mitzvah moccasins.

They sure do take up a lot of room.

Someone was first on the moon, I'll be first in style.

Aw. Oh, I could've broke my neck.

Oh, they're my rubbers. Would you hide them for me?

Oh, well, darling, I forgot to get garlic,

would you get some for me, please?

- Here I got money. - Oh, I hate them growers.

Jose, come.

Even come, he don't understand.

It's Jose he doesn't understand, Sadie. His name is Ram�n Iglesia.

Jose I can say.

Phil. Where is the Perfume Queen?

Your guess is as good as mine.

Honey, my guess is dirtier than yours.

- Hey, what did Hall say? - Who?

My Hall, he must have called.

Oh, yeah, he called to tell you not to...

Not to forget to pick up the dress stand.

Yes. And to tell you not to forget...

That the streets are slippery. What else?

Well, now, if you know everything he said,

screw it.

Anybody want a lavender mint?

Get him a butch bouncer.

Hey, what the hell are you coming in so late for?

You ought to be glad the boss ain't here.

Well, I can't be rushing. I have a secret need to look absolutely ravishing.

Smell me. Ecstasy or orgasm.

Hey, have I had any phone calls?

No. But Kenny just left.

Oh, that flirty faggot better stay from me.

I swear I'll put salt in his tail.

He flew into the boutique today to borrow money again,

to drain me and right up to the perfume counter

and screams like a cockatoo at the top of his lungs.

May I smell your joy, please?

Oh, I'd die.

It's funny.

Oh, Sadie.

Don't aggravate yourself. Come in the kitchen, we'll talk.

- Did you eat yet? - Sadie... No.

I tried but I just can't get a thing in my stomach.

Not until this waiting is over.

Oh, Sadie, what I'm going through... Wait until you hear.

Hmm, so I'm listening.

He says that this telephone crap has got to end.

If I don't make a date to see him tonight, it's fini.

If I don't meet him, I'm never going to know.

I suppose he's all gorgeousness and I lose him.

You want to listen to me?

You meet him here.

Here?

- Hello, darling. - Hey, Harry.

Good evening, Miss Helen.

- Hey, Howard, how are you? - Hey, let me say we missed you, Pink Lady.

Oh, thank you, Ernie.

Oh, well. I hope you protected my little corner.

We kept it in reserve.

Oh, thank you, Clint. Oh, it's good to be back.

Oh, mercy.

For you, Mildred, merry everything.

- Oh, that's just precious. - Thank you.

- Hello? - It's for me, Ernie.

Don't get so excited.

Look, if they ask for Sherry now don't hang up, huh?

Oh, Cherrie here? Hello?

Yeah, it's Ernie. Hold on.

It's for Terry, not for Cherrie.

Terry, it's for you.

Oh, dear.

I'm afraid I'm feeling a little too much holiday spirit.

Let me help you there, Pink Lady.

- Scott, is it? - Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, are we gonna have a treat for the holidays?

Yeah. And he's bringing one.

Well, I hope it's not plastic. They're so joyless.

Well, Ernie, would you get the ladder, please?

- Sure. Sure. - May I have the honor?

Oh, isn't that nice?

That was Scott.

Mildred, here's the first decoration.

Oh, that's just darling.

I thought maybe you better... I wouldn't want...

Don't let anybody touch that phone.

Saved by the bell.

Blue Jay Bar and Restaurant speaking.

Just one moment, please. I'll page her.

It's him. He wants to talk to Sherry.

It's me. It's me, that's me.

- You're Sherry? - Uh-huh.

- What a voice. - Oh, Sadie, should I take the chance?

I don't know.

Maybe you should tell him.

Look, mister, I happen to be a very lovely Perfume Queen

whom you might like even if I am a boy.

Sometimes it pays to be honest.

Go away. Don't watch me.

Oh, I would just die.

Hello?

Yes. They just paged me, Tim.

Oh, you're such a camp.

Camp. Funny.

Oh, Eric, baby, I didn't see you.

Hi, beautiful.

That was... Oh, just another admirer, Tim.

Oh, well, do you have a pencil on you?

I'll give you the address here.

Know what happened with the phone call?

He's coming here. I may faint.

Oh, you poor doll. Al...

Al, would you get out of here? I mean, it's crisis time.

Buck up.

Oh, Kenny.

Where did you find that son of Pancho Villa?

Let me guess, they got you in a remnant sale in a bull ring.

Isn't he a camp?

- S�. S�. - I'm looking. I'm looking.

Pleased to meet you.

Put him in some tight pants, he might just get three and a half stars.

Phil, darling. Before any...

I have no money. If you want a loan, go to Moody's.

Don't walk away you mad, sick queen.

See, you get me so nervous. I don't want anybody but Sadie to know.

For muscle protection I'm turning to Ernie.

Oh, which way?

Al, would your pour me a cup of brandy before I pass out.

Hey, if the boss touches you.

Look, would you just give the drink, I'll pay for the consequences?

But not my drink.

You are the cruelest sister a girl ever had.

Just coming over here to find out how you were,

I slipped in that ugly slush outside,

fell flat on my ass.

There goes your next month's rent.

Hey, what did I tell you? It's the boss. You better unload this brandy.

- He's right. - Oh, thanks, Al. You're a jewel.

- Hey, boss, you're early. - Hi.

Hi, Mr. Barone.

Hello, doll. Don't hide him in the office.

Here, go park it.

Sure thing. Let him leave the car, Louis.

Gonna take it on me break, picking up the wife at the bowling alley.

Hey, fellows, that's a hell of a job you're doing over there.

I might have to put on a cover charge.

Hey, I got to get back.

Oh, Kenny, please, please, please be here when he comes.

Oh, I'll just die without you.

Does he know that a certain little part of you is male?

No. He thinks he's meeting Sherry.

You're meeting him without candles or Streisand records?

The Blue Jay is so bourgeois.

It is either going to be a funeral or a wedding

and whichever one it is, I'll be there to see it.

Thank you.

Poor thing.

He's such an evil cooze.

Pete Thomas come in yet?

No, I haven't seen him on the street all day, boss.

Huh, you don't have to worry about the buzz.

You know the cops are just like the mailmen,

neither heat nor rain nor snow nor gloom of night shall stay these cops...

Mr. Barone...

Barone, with an E.

It's urgent I speak to you on certain personal matters.

I'd like to make a deal.

Huh? That sounds funny. I got a kid.

We don't... We don't talk deals you know, except in the office.

- Come on. - You're such a camp.

Wow, I like to hear the music through the doors.

Do you prefer the silver to the blue, Mr. Barone?

Oh, what you prefer, I prefer, okay?

Piezon, you drive me crazy.

Why does he get so uptight every time he sees you?

I'm Italiano. What else?

Look, he doesn't give a damn who does what to who.

But if it's a piezon, oh, man, it tears his guts out.

Every time I walk out here with someone,

He can't sleep all night, baby.

So you're have the television Leo.

Well, thank you, Mr. Barone.

E.

Sign your full name, kid.

Louis, how did the kid sister's confirmation go?

Oh, like we say...

It was worth every dime I spent.

There you are, Kenneth A. Charles.

A for anytime.

That's 24% out in front.

The interest rates are in the back.

It always is.

What do you got for collateral?

Mr. Barone, that's not detachable.

Breaks me up. They break me up, Clint.

Come on then.

You know, you never can tell, if all goes well tonight.

I just might someday be a switchboard operator.

Man, he's beautiful.

Yeah, you think so? That's what's so groovy.

It's an object lesson, man.

He's not making any excuses to anybody.

He's looking on his own mirror and he knows where he's at.

Now, what's your hang up, man?

It can't be something I never heard of.

You're looking at the original to be or not to be boy.

Walking a tightrope.

I know which way I want to fall.

Scared to fall.

Wow, man. You gobble on those things like they're going out of style.

You better have a good reason for it, baby, because they drive a hard bargain.

You're not kidding.

I've become the three Ps kid.

Pills, pot and pride.

Only pride, man.

Look, an actor is supposed to play truth, right?

And what if all along I'm living a lie?

Hey, can I get you something, baby?

Yeah, another.

- Mmm-hmm. - And whatever Sadie's special is.

- Right. Hey, Ernie. - Okay.

Hey, you better take your finger out of your ear,

the little you got left up there, I wouldn't want to shake up too much.

Phil wants you.

Do you play that matinee gig?

No, man.

Took my woman window shopping

for Christmas kicks.

I was with a chick this afternoon.

Had everything going for me,

I ended up here.

My shortest distance between two points is always broken by this place.

Hey, man,

why can't I just bone a chick?

Let it go at that.

Because you son of a bitch,

you're lonely.

Hell man, it's bad enough being lonely

when you can't live with yourself, you're nowhere.

You think?

Phew.

Hey, smell this. Ain't this a great stink?

Well, honey, it's certainly better than what you used to wear.

What do you mean? I never wear perfume before in my life.

That's what I mean.

Oh, hey, Michel, nice to see you again.

Hey, Al, two scotch on the rocks.

Hake and hake.

You're like an addict and it's cold turkey time.

Turkey you'll have, by the latest 8:30.

Thank you. God bless you.

You're welcome.

My lover comes marching in tonight. Hurray, hurray.

The holiday atmosphere is right, hurray, hurray.

He's rather like your bird of paradise, isn't he?

The medics will faint and the queens will moan when I get my guy on the telephone.

- We'll all be gay when... - Barrett...

Barrett, come on, smile.

You know there was a time we never stopped laughing.

It was 2.000 miles away two years ago.

And I'm still two weeks to Auld Lang Syne.

But this is Blue Jay,

not Jay Miserable.

Damn it, it's ironic.

And you can say that I spent 17 years experimenting in laboratories

and when it comes to my own life, I feel helpless.

Logic and theory, enemies of the heart.

I know what you want to hear.

Then say it for me, Michel.

No, Barrett.

I won't make it easy for you.

Know what you want?

I do.

Do you, Barrett?

Ooh, will-o'-the-wisp has wafted in, Miss Untouchable.

He acts like there are 7.000 people standing around yelling, "Bravo."

I don't know whatever for.

I got a feeling all our drinks are going to taste of lead tonight.

Hey, that's a male bird.

Why don't you paint our kind of bird, 36, 24, 35.

It's a case of majority, huh? Relax.

You come down to where I work someday and I'll introduce you to a few live birds

with just those measurements.

Yeah.

All you kind of guys get those kind of jobs.

Women on my day job has got some wild pictures,

I got to bring them in some time.

Oh, hey, you should have seen Mom today.

She came down to the agency for the first time.

You can imagine how I felt when the receptionist announced Mrs. Mary Neighbor.

She went out all day shopping for all those kids.

There are 10 of us at home.

You wouldn't think that I was the breadwinner.

Oh, no. She had to bring me galoshes like a baby.

So I introduced her to Rita who was modeling for me.

You should have seen Mom's reaction.

Oh, God.

So typical of mama.

Rita had on a plastic raincoat, see,

but to mama she was dressed for an orgy.

Mama covered herself and she backed out like she was stark naked.

Good evening, Helen.

Well, hey, Mr. Hocker, it's nice to see again.

- Here, I'll take those. - Uh-huh.

And I'll take you. You look good enough to eat.

Jim, manners in front of a lady.

Well, she digs it, okay? Hi! Clint, Al?

I don't know if you have room for all of us.

Didn't you buy Mr. Hocker anything?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I got him the best gift he'll ever get.

There's everything for a long trip.

Oh, isn't that nice? To Ireland?

No, Europe.

Oh, you know my Hall surprises me every year with an exotic cruise

but he's always too seasick to get off the boat.

Oh, Marvin's taking me this year, aren't you, sweetie?

- Yeah, it's my trip, Jim's been there twice. - Oh.

Here. Will you dry these, baby?

Wet socks.

Do you have to wear those things for Christ's sake?

You know I'm very susceptible to colds.

Well, you walk stupid enough without them.

- Ah! - Give me your foot.

Cool it, fellows, will you?

Very big with weight-lifting.

Takes me along, wears me out, but keeps me in shape.

Ooh!

Attaboy.

Oh, Cinderella,

if that shoe doesn't suit you, send them to me.

Helen, has poor Phil's telephone man come in yet?

- In here? - Don't tell a soul, Helen,

but it is such a dish.

I knew from the very beginning

Phil was making this phone call to me

when his line has a big call somewhere

cuts in with a voice divine.

Honey, I can understand falling in love with a voice.

You know my husband Hall?

He has a voice like a telephone busy signal.

He talks like his tongue is sewed up.

Talks like that all the time, just driving me crazy.

Terry, darling, what are you doing on that ladder?

If I were expecting anything as gorgeous as Scott.

I'd paint the whole celling flat on my back like Michelangelo.

Come on, come on. I'll order me another drink.

Oh, I got to get something for all this work, huh.

All right.

Let's go. Okay. Come on, Jim, you'll sprain yourself.

- Put me... Put me... - Here we are, Miss Pierce.

- You check them both, huh? - There's a first time for everything, I guess.

- Fine by me. - Oh, you're not going to open them now.

Who the hell can wait for another day?

- Pardon me. - Get out of my way.

It doesn't destroy people, it's possessions.

Lita, darling.

Oh, Ms. Joyce, it's so nice to see you again.

Oh, darn, what a hideous night.

All right, Clint, line them up, darling, four Black Russian.

One scotch on the rocks.

You can have your four Black Russian if I can line up these.

Come on, fellas.

A beer, over here beer, please?

Oh, oh.

Well, if it isn't the fruit fly.

Oh, no, fellas, forgive him.

Don't waste your strength. He's just a sad hustler whose time is running out.

I knew him when he was still able to work east side.

So pay no attention.

Well, now you're talking to the wrong fella.

You see this one here has already paid for attention,

my attention.

What in the hell are you talking about?

Come on, now, Mr. Carter, don't you remember?

You see if you don't, I do.

Would you like to have me remind you

a few things, sir?

Let's get out of here.

Now that gave you something to talk about, didn't it, Lita, baby, huh?

Scott, honey.

- Millie, how are you? - Oh. Oh, and in uniform.

Oh.

No, no, no. I got to get out of this.

Terry, look who's here.

Now what are you doing up there with me on the ground?

I turn about, it's fair play.

Can't get him up on a plane.

Oh, yeah, I'm up on a ladder.

Why Scott, been hijacked to the Blue Jay?

I hope Sadie is in the kitchen, I'm starved.

Why don't you go get me something? I got to change.

Oh, why doesn't someone play Tiptoe Through The Tulips on the juke?

All my life I've wanted to be a starlet.

Any positions available, Scott?

I'll let you know.

I just want to go up once and write all over the sky.

Up yours.

I can't play games with you.

You think I came all the way to America to pretend?

I'm proud what I feel.

And I want to... Oh, Barrett.

You got me in such a disadvantage.

I have to think in one language and then speak in another.

I know I'm using my hands too much.

Is that what you're thinking?

No. No, Michel, it's not what I'm thinking.

Matter of fact, I was thinking of how much I envy your courage

in more ways than one.

I mean teaching me to ski

and I saw you taking those treacherous slopes in San Moritz

and I wonder how the hell does he do it?

Facing this does not take courage.

But two men making life together does.

It's not that easy, Michel.

I had lunch with group of college professors from Princeton.

I don't think I heard a word they said.

It's all a blur.

A great chorus saying, "We know about you, Mr. Hartman.

"We know all about you."

But then it's not you and I that torments you.

It's the "theys" you feel responsible to.

After I left you that night,

before I went to bed with Claire.

I took a hot shower.

It was probably the hottest shower I've ever taken in my life.

I soaped myself over, over again.

But whatever it was I was trying to wash away,

just wouldn't be cleansed with soap and water.

And all of the perfumes of Arabia...

It won't change this.

I better go home to Claire. She'll be wondering what the hell happened to me.

Hey, Clint.

I wish you sit up here with your guys once in a while.

That broad really drops the bread, doesn't she?

You can have her. She tips real good, like she was throwing you a bone.

You want to hear something?

The foreman on my day job met a chick.

Hey, Ernie.

She's divorced, loaded with dough,

kind of cookie, he says, she loves to play poker.

So he's setting her up for me.

Wish me luck. Friday night, you're welcome to come along, Clint.

The foreman's a great guy, you'll like him.

Oh, no, thanks. I'm still holding up pretty well.

Me and the old lady are on an even keel. But I'll take a rain check.

Oh, Jesus.

Figured sooner or later she'd come in here.

Just for laughs, I'd like to throw one into her.

Why don't you?

Oh, hey, Karen. Can I take your wrap, honey?

No, thanks, I think I'll just keep it over one shoulder.

Well, excuse me.

You deserve a drink.

Hey Clint, fix up the Pink Lady, will you?

On my tab.

Beer, please?

Hey, you got your ID, kid?

- Yes, sir. - Draught or bottle?

Oh, bottle.

I think it's just stunning what you've done.

My pleasure.

- Millie, Millie? - Gertie, hi, how are you?

These are my Pittsburg friends.

- Neil... - Neil, hi.

- Jonathan, Harvey. - Jonathan, hi. Nice to see you.

You know my real name is Helen but the boys call me Millie

from Joan Crawford, the Late Late Show.

Good to see you.

Spread bugs, Gertie is coming through.

Would you mind?

Oh, sure.

Al, would you watch my things for a minute while I go to the powder room?

Hey, watch it.

Mr. Pete Thomas, you must be going into heat.

Better not try anything funny with me,

I'll tell what you could do to with your little old night stick.

Hey, Clint.

What will Louis do about the dance? Did they put the sign up?

Yeah, put it up yesterday, Pete.

There's no touching unless Millie dances with them.

Here's your double, Pete.

Watch it, pretty boy.

I almost busted the law.

Millie, pas de trois time.

Coming.

Hey, Millie, the boys still in that little box of yours?

Are you kidding? I make some of my biggest tips

pas de trois-ing with the boys.

Yeah, just make sure they don't horse around alone up there, you know.

That's the dumbest law I ever heard of.

It's still the law.

Well, it's still the dumbest law I ever heard of.

I mean, what can happen with two boys that can't happen with two girls dancing?

I mean, how's anybody going to get anybody pregnant anyway? Huh?

Mmm-hmm, yeah.

You just take a little time off, Millie and I'll show you how.

What the hell is that you're playing every time I come in here?

It's our song.

Are you finished with these dishes, Mr. Barone, huh?

- Hello, Louis. - Hey, Pete.

I hate to spoil your holiday joy

but did you know that J. Edgar Hoover was a drag queen?

Great sense of humor, kid.

They break me up.

When the hell are you going to rise up, Louis?

And open up a piece of joint?

Are you kidding? You know everyone says the same thing to me.

How did you ever get mixed up in a business like this?

Look, I don't call a good business getting mixed up.

Mmm-hmm.

And I'm not the type of guy, who thinks that I'm a queer

just because he's a fag.

No, you take it on then.

One of them who came along had a lot of dough, the one who married my sister.

I raised my hand on my mother, I let her marry him.

I'll get some water.

Yeah, you got a whole family to support, right, Louis?

Yeah and these guys are paying for it. I'm riding a gravy train.

You mean a ferry boat. Why don't you get with it, Louis?

Pick yourself a nice wife but stay clear of the dogs like my own lady.

Oh! Happy holidays, Louis.

Happy holiday, Pete.

And see you New Year's, huh?

Yeah, like I said, all the coins you should not think about, huh?

No, I won't, but don't you forget.

- Yeah. - Are you kidding me?

- Hey. - Officer Thomas.

- Mr. Hocker. - Nice to see you.

Jim, this is Officer Thomas.

We're well acquainted, ain't we fellow?

- Hank, Hank. - Yeah.

Come on, let's blow this joint.

I dare you.

Why didn't you put your foot down and shake his hand?

He is an officer, you know.

He's a bastard, man.

I wouldn't even shake my cock.

Hank, Hank. See you later.

Look, meet me back here after the Black Raven.

Oh, no, it's pouring. Oh, Tanny, it's pouring.

Oh, getting you all soaked.

Oh, give me your hand, Tanny.

All right. I'll try. Now, hold on.

Come on, give me your hand.

Well, Rex, you are a real gentleman's gentleman.

Well, make way for Scarlet.

Now, you be nice and take care of Ms. Melanie

and thank her for driving us here

and I'll go in and get, and get Anthony to make us up

a whole mess of Hollandaise.

- Okay. How much is it? - Buck and a quarter.

Okay. You keep the change. You know he dresses movie stars?

Oh, shit.

You know I just pushed J7.

So, what? I want to hear it again.

Oh, Damon and Piffy is going to tango?

A diversion.

We've really penetrated you, haven't we, Lita?

Don't flatter yourself, honey. You couldn't penetrate a poltergeist.

I'm just lucky I never got into bed with you.

I didn't realize at that time you could have flown us all the way

from Portugal without any fuel.

Typical fag hag.

But you can't breakaway because we're no threat sexually.

As a matter of fact, you envy all of us.

I have more respect for that poor female at the end of the bar and I...

Why don't you go buy the lady a Falini Fairy?

Blood Mary, Clint.

You must be the new Christian on his way to face the lions.

Episcopalian.

That's your favorite sports, you know.

Sooner or later, Nero's wife gets in here.

You know Lita has to reach her orgasm vicariously.

Only when I'm dealing with impotent pilots.

Thanks, Clint.

Here, Lita, it's on me.

Bloody Mary.

Oh, go screw yourself.

I would if you were my only other choice.

Thank heavens, I'm not pregnant after all.

Oh! I'm most happy...

Hey, be my guest.

Hey man, who washed the walls in here?

It's a bore to piss without graffiti.

Well, Jose can't read English.

- Hi, Jim, Eric. - Hey, Scott.

Would you like to see a menu?

I hate prissy faggots.

Sounds like you are hating everybody.

Ever find a faggot you could trust, man?

Did you ever find a faggot that could trust you?

Phil, Phil. Psst.

Look, when Jim orders doubles,

make him singles, just between us, okay?

You don't have to change the check.

Thank you.

I thought you were supposed to be straight.

Man, everybody asked me that question out, straight out "Are you straight?"

And I say, "Man, I'm straight, okay?"

Okay.

I mean I'm hung up on a gray woman.

Man, chicks is my scene.

Yeah, well, you ain't laid half the chicks that this...

That don't make you more of a man, baby.

I mean, those are the facts but the truth isn't always the answer, you dig me?

Because I think these gay cats are a gas.

And I don't put them down,

because they really freak me out.

Oh, man, take a look at me in there and you'll see why.

They got things going against them there's no different than what I got going against me.

And maybe that's why we're still together.

Yeah.

I'll see you.

Hey, Sadie.

How's my only boy?

If I wasn't spoken for, you'd be spoke to.

Just think, it all started on a peace march.

Just to know that Gable is balling girls all over the world

but comes back to me, makes me feel ravishing.

Tanny, you must be the envy of every housewife in Scarsdale.

Go ahead, Gabe. Tell them the first words I said to you.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones

"but yours will never hurt me."

Then I took him home, he was a virgin.

Aw!

Gabe, true?

Who knew?

Anyway, I balled him and another Indian bit the dust.

Come on, Karen baby.

I don't get your story.

Well, if you get right down to it...

Excuse the double entendre.

I don't need you.

Sorry, Al.

Are you a virgin?

I always meant to ask.

Well, I really find it most uncomfortable to discuss my sex life.

I mean, if you mean, if I mingle with women.

Well, yes, I had many lady friends,

mainly congregational ladies.

Oh, what do you have to do to become one of those?

Oh, I don't think there's anything you could do

to achieve congregational atmosphere

and as far as, ecumenical even less.

Well, maybe I'm better off.

I'm sure you are.

I don't do too badly here.

On the weekends.

Nobody hangs the balls but me.

I don't dress film stars for nothing.

Come on, Gable, we'll get Millie for pas de trois time.

He's too much, you know.

Free drinks, free drinks.

Why aren't you dancing?

I just didn't feel up to it until just now.

Maybe I'll go ask Leo to ask me to dance.

I don't like to raise my voice.

Somebody decided to be a lady in this place.

Oh, thank you. Al.

She does crowd in and push up against one, you know.

Mr. Hartman, Marvin Hocker.

Oh.

I have the government contract to service your laboratories.

Oh yes, yes, yes.

- Do you mind, Leo? - What?

Do you want to dance because you're a stunning dancer.

Oh no, baby, look, later, later because I'm stoned.

Look, why don't you go and ask Scott? See if he wants to dance, huh?

- My powder is a little gone, isn't it? - Yeah, baby.

- I'm perspiring, right? - Right.

Will you excuse me while I go to the ladies room?

Oh, sure.

Would you care to join us for a drink, Mr. Hocker?

Oh, no, no, thank you.

I'm waiting for my nephew, he's here.

I'd like us to have one together.

I'm taking him to Europe in the morning.

Hey, you know I'm still waiting

like a...

And his entire apartment had wall to wall sex.

But he's so fat. Do I look all right?

Mmm. Like alabaster.

Are you serious?

Oh, my God. What's his phone number?

- I don't speak English. - Sweetheart, you don't have to speak.

Why don't you get rid of that suit and find a lover your own size?

Well, chap, I guess you and me share the same feelings about that dame.

Yeah, she started with me back in Lisbon, Clint.

She spotted me in the lounge in the airport and asked me for a drink and never let go.

Never let go until she got me here.

I was one hell of a disappointment to her.

She could stand a few disappointments.

Yeah, she brought me in here and in 10 minutes, I met Terry.

Brought in the wrong guy.

Turned her ass.

She hasn't spoken to me since. Not until tonight.

Got a lot of speaking.

Come on Scott, we'll lose our table.

Arrivederci from La Dolce Lita, darlings.

It's time to split but I promise to be back in time

for all the gay Christmas carols.

Goodbye all you gorgeous things, I love you all.

Bye, Lita.

- Bye. - Merry Christmas.

She's going now, you want to dance?

Not at all, no.

Oh, Scott. Every time she's around, we can't let her drag the whole evening.

I don't trust her, Terry.

She's a dragon lady and one of us is going to get it.

I don't want it to be you.

Come on, let's go to the bar and have a drink.

I just don't want to dance.

How does that sound?

You know how it sounds, dope.

- Terry, have you seen Phil's telephone man? - Telephone man?

- Hey, Terry, how you doing, man? How's everything? - Hi, Nate.

Oh, you and I have got to help poor Phillip.

I didn't know you hadn't heard.

Love, you got a Sherry here?

Honey, I'm not the bartender.

That's Phil's telephone man.

Hey, sit over there, Mister. And you better not start no trouble.

What the hell's the matter with you?

The Perfume Queen will be here in a little while.

The what? Queen?

Just sit there and cool it. Take what you can get, order a drink, it's on her.

- Her? - Sherry?

Oh, okay. That's good for starters.

Telephone man.

Come on, boys.

Millie!

Ain't that old man McKay?

Ah, even city hall is represented.

I'd be damned, old man McKay.

What kind of a joint is this anyway?

Meat market.

Of course, you know my house is always filled with dancing boys, too.

Every year, couldn't just be...

I cannot stand it, I've got to have a bottle

full of Perfume Queen's season.

Well, I wouldn't bother, he may upchuck.

Don't be like that, you don't mean it. You mean he's minus, negative, no stars?

Psst. Clint. Clint, down here.

That guy, the guy you're talking to, how did he get here?

He walked.

That's Tim Holland.

That's my informant at the telephone company. I swear to you.

See, you never know, do you?

What am I going to say?

It's a bar, ask him to dance.

You Sherry?

No, Karen, Karen Richards.

You look good to me.

You mean they look good to you.

Old man McKay is here with a new load of caddies.

Oh, then it'll be a hole in one tonight.

Just die.

Hey, Clint, that guy is here.

I ain't got the heart to tell the kid.

And besides. I make all my own clothes.

That's goddamn exciting.

I've started out with the simplicity patterns

because I feel that they're the easier ones.

Hey, Al, Al.

Hey, you dirty old moonlighter.

I didn't even know it was you.

Yeah, well, I'm waiting for a blind date, Sherry.

- Who? - What the hell did you think?

Here?

You must've got the wrong address.

I was beginning to hope so.

And what kind of freaking place is this anyway?

It's a pansy perch but they tip good.

It's a haven for homosexuals.

Come, Leo, down to my quiet corner.

You were talking to God, don't you, Howard?

Yes, because He tested me. He sent me the Word.

Three words.

Did He?

Yes. All He had to say was,

"You are queer."

Never condemned me, never accused me.

He said it like that.

And then afterwards,

He sent a whole horde of devils to torment me.

Little boys and quiet boys, huh?

No, eyes.

Everywhere I played,

a whole congregation of eyes.

I know what you mean.

Only with me, it's the audience.

They don't come to watch the play.

They don't come to watch me act.

They only come to weigh my balls.

Oh, man, and it blows my mind.

You need love, Leo.

Then the eyes will close.

They won't matter any longer.

After my nervous breakdown,

I got on a Greyhound bus and went directly to Boston.

Well, that takes courage. Did it help?

Well, my brother is a servant of the Lord there

and, well, I went to Malcolm to make my confession.

You actually told your brother you are queer?

Well, Malcolm said that my coming to him

was preordained, for us to help each other

because he was too.

Oh, dear.

You know, my brother has some very strange theories about Christ.

And I'm certain that his interpretation

of the disciples from the Bible

is not one that would be accepted everywhere.

But it gave him something to go on,

just as the Blue Jay does for me.

I wish my dancing were as good as my golfing.

Oh, boy, Mr. McKay, in the championship game,

in the sixth hole, you were really something.

I don't curse but, yeah.

Flowers for you, baby.

Flowers for you, baby.

Flowers for you, baby.

Well, you can't sell those flowers. You're in the wrong place.

- Come on, out here. - No, no, no, no.

Come on, you're in the wrong place, come on.

You got to be kidding me.

Listen, I'm switching off there, beauty.

I'll take a glass of Mateo's, Lisbon style.

That's the new one I made.

- That's a very... - Oh!

Well, he's got a lot to learn, I think.

- Gentlemen, on me. - It's the same.

I'll have to check the Portuguese first.

What are you up to Mr. Hooker?

Oh, Jim's made up the itinerary, it's his first trip.

And it's my duty to see he has a good time.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You got that little act bashwards, don't you?

You see I've been, it's his first trip.

I have to get back to Rome, a little unfinished business.

And we have relatives in Switzerland we want to see.

Oh, Mr. Morone and I met him in Switzerland, in Basel.

Mr. Hogman was a lecturer there.

I have a young sister who's interested in medical research.

I think she had a little crush on Mr. Hogman.

Somebody had to tell her I was married.

Well, how old is your sister?

Twenty-two now.

Mmm.

Well, how about an address or a phone number or something just in case?

She's living in Luke Island.

Well, I can dig her out somehow.

Big blond American boys aren't safe in Italy, they say.

Jim's from California and he's never lost that bronze look.

Well, I expect them to pop off some night with a peasant girl

just because she reminds him of Sophia Loren.

As a matter of fact, Michel was going out with somebody

who looked quite a bit like her.

Mm. Well, then what the hell are you doing here, man, are you crazy?

No, I don't think so.

I'm studying here in exchange I coach a sophomore team in skiing.

You know, to make a living.

But no matter what you think, it is bent.

There's an awful lot of additional expenses.

He means like me.

Hey, Clint.

Do we have Mateos?

Now, who's pulling that one?

I'm afraid it's James Dean.

Hey, you.

You serving food?

Well, the kitchen's closing, what can I get you?

You got a Shrimp Cocktail back there?

Tell him the nearest thing I got to anything Portuguese is Jose in the kitchen.

Hey, now, what's your problem?

I got no problems, I just want to get something to eat and lose this fag joint.

Now, give me your pencil.

You know a broad named Sherry?

No.

I mean, I haven't seen her lately.

Yeah, well, give her a message for me, will you? Tell her Tim was here.

Okay.

And she can thank the Blue Jay and stick it up her caster.

Oh, poor darling, the moment of truth is here.

Poor Phillip.

- Lita, darling. - How'd you know?

- Four martinis please. - Oh, I'll grab them for you, four martinitos.

Clint,

will you take the order for a new booth?

I have to speak to Sadie.

You are just in time to see... and the poor man.

Oh, good luck to him.

- Bottoms up. - Bottoms up.

That's much better.

- Hi. - Hi.

Yeah.

Do you mind if I wait here for a minute?

They'll be calling me at the piano soon.

At this time each year,

Eric will ask me to play.

Oh!

Always good to have a little too much once in a while.

Does open one up.

Not with Jim.

It just starts out a volcano in him.

When he drinks, I'm always on edge.

He distorts everything to his way of thinking.

Well, how can you be happy when you know so much about him?

Because what I know, I don't believe.

When you're my age, you start fooling yourself a little.

He's much too drunk, I can tell.

Beautiful walk that boy has, hasn't he?

Like a panther.

Should've been a runner.

Or a dancer.

He could've been anything he wanted.

If he wanted to be anything.

He knows what he wants to be.

That young man is a self-centered, egotistical parasite.

He's very weak. Hates himself for having to be a whore.

He has little bit but we never die there.

That poor Hocker.

You suppose he has a friend.

MICHEL. What's the difference, Barrett?

I just can't put aside Claire and my children, just like that.

I can put aside the whole world

because there's Barrett.

I have no other need.

Come home with me, Barrett.

There you will be happy to say "I am what I am."

And demand.

What the hell are you trying to tell me,

that I can change my whole life in one night?

No, the change must come from the outside.

Look at them in here, their mockery, bitterness, and sanity,

whatever you want to call it.

I have met you neurotic, frustrated wife-swappers.

How dare you or they sit in judgment?

Here's that gorgeous number I've been dying to meet.

Michel.

Do you get the audacity not to introduce me to this divine friend of yours?

It's... I'm terribly sorry, it's Barrett Hartman.

Lita Joyce. Here, how are you?

Oh, Michel, I have an absolutely gorgeous idea.

- What is it? - We'll show him off.

You'll be my guest at the Black Raven.

Take my car.

Oh, darling, you're just so normal looking, it's absolutely sickening.

What do you say?

No, not right now, perhaps some other time.

And forgive me for not getting up, but it's a bit awkward.

Don't apologize.

I have a whore man in a vertical position.

Lloyd, get me out of this.

There he was. Big as life.

Looking just like that.

I thought my whole future just crumbled before my eyes.

I was going to prepare my soul for anything else he chose.

Look,

I want you to go out there and make like it never happened.

You have got more and you're everything...

Oh, God, Sadie. Go look at him.

He's got the same baby eyes face, just like a fish.

Don't be a toilet man.

There are plenty of nice husbands in this world for you.

Like who? Like Jose?

I see, honey, nothing's going to help.

Oh, Phillip, I could cry for you.

I saw him. He's not even a rough trade.

Don't you worry, love. I'll find you a boss that's sensational.

Oh, hell, bitch, leave me alone.

For all the good I do around here, I may just as well go home.

If my mother answers, hang up.

What?

Come on, give it.

Take it.

- Oh, oh. - What the hell happened?

Look where my bird landed.

Stay where you are, Pink Lady, I'll get back to you in a jiffy.

Over here, Gable baby.

I want you to go home. You look tired.

Alone? Oh, come on.

Don't give me that baby look. You've been on the bus all day.

All right. I'll go. I don't want to start any trouble.

But if you ain't home in a half hour...

- You're coming back. - I'm coming back.

Who do you love?

Come on, look me right in my face and tell me, who do you love?

Well, it's past midnight.

It's time for reverence in song.

And I'd like to turn the evening and the piano

over to Mr. Howard Wilkins, our soul master.

Let's hear it for Howard.

* In the field besides the sheep

* Shepherds watching through the night *

Excuse me. Thank you.

Aren't you coming in, too?

It's my first Christmas away from home.

You frightened?

Yes.

Didn't want to show it. I was more frightened inside.

All boys do.

Where you in from?

Nebraska.

Oh. Come on, Nebraska.

- Okay. - I'll get that.

* The silent stars go by

* Yet in thy dark streets shineth

* The everlasting Light

* The hopes and fears of all the years

* Are met in thee tonight

* O Come All Ye Faithful

* Joyful and triumphant

* O come ye. O come ye

* To Bethlehem

* Come and behold Him

* Born the King of Angels

* O come, let us adore Him

* O come, let us adore Him

* Christ the Lord

- Excuse me. Excuse me. - What are you doing?

Quiet at the bar. Quiet at the bar.

May I present the camp mother, Sadie Holter,

who recuperated in time for the holidays?

Wait. Wait. I haven't got my party dress yet.

I have to tell you, I'm very embarrassed to make a speech like I just won an Oscar.

- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - Oh, Sadie. Let me...

- Hey, Sadie, I've got an Oscar for you. - Come on. Let me take that.

- Great. - We are your Oscars. Here you go, have it, Sadie.

There you go.

I think it's time that I said thank you to my boys

for helping me to get well again.

You boys

sending me those love beads

and funny cards and flowers,

and feathers,

when you sent me cruising.

For sending me that delicious perfume.

You don't know how delicious it was.

That gorgeous see-through negligee

that was so daring, I was afraid to wear it even when I was alone in my room.

My operation didn't bother me like it does most women.

When a woman gets to be my age,

she's never been married and she doesn't have children,

she doesn't expect very much, so I wasn't afraid,

because I knew that when I came out of the hospital,

my family would be waiting for me here.

You name it, Sadie.

- For me? - Yeah.

A Hanukkah carol.

Come on, Sadiela, let's do it.

Okay. Ericle, well do it.

* Happy Hanukkah

You know what? You boys all make me feel like a queen.

Present company included.

You're making fun of me.

Ah!

Enough for this crap. I want to dance.

Come on, come on girls.

Hey, Al, Al, uh...

Give me a, give me a, give me a quarter or a dollar or anything.

Come on. Will you help me?

I'm no cashier, man, go get your own.

Here you are, pal.

I'll pay you later. My john is in the john.

Hey, what are you, a wise guy?

Who's going to stop me, huh?

Helen!

Come on.

I got wine.

And they're swinging...

Give me your wallet.

Come on, give me some change.

Go get some.

Do you want an alcohol...

Keep your hands to yourself.

The old man will make you come across.

Like who, hustler, you?

You know, we both have that in common.

Only I'm a little more honest about it than you are, baby.

You haven't got an honest bone in your body.

Yeah, well, at least when the chips are down, I deliver, you know.

I come across, I deliver this.

Baby, you are a ball-breaker.

Hurry up, boy, over here.

Stay away from me, Marvin.

Oh, my God, you do it.

Ask for Mrs. Mary Nabour.

How do you spell that. N-E-l-G-H...

N-A-B-O-U-R.

Why don't we go home?

To what? Man, I don't want to go home. I got to find me a chick tonight.

We have to get up early in the morning.

Listen, man,

you be a good little queen and I might let you in on the scene, you know.

Oh, I tell you

I am so stoned.

Even you look good to me now.

Got her on the phone.

She's not to going to really dance with him, is she?

Honey, she even danced with Ho Chi Minh.

You and Jimmy boy are going to go up there and make our own trip.

I don't like anything until I'm asked.

I am asking.

Okay. Just let me check my lipstick first in case anybody cuts in.

There ain't anybody cutting in.

Go ahead, Karen. I'll keep an eye on your drink.

Thanks Al. How do I look?

Oh, you're beautiful baby, you're just... You're just beautiful.

Never hurts to hear that again.

He called me beautiful.

I am.

You are just...

Just beautiful. Come on.

They all heard him say I was beautiful.

Prettier than she is.

But I can't dance with them all.

Hey, beautiful. Don't, don't...

Please.

Sticky little ferret.

What the hell kind of trick are you trying to play, you sick son of a bitch?

Never ever do anything like that again with me, do you hear me?

Stop it. Not with me.

You little stinking fool, I'm going to make you look like a fucking mushroom.

No, help.

Hold him.

- Stop him. - Stop, please.

What are you doing?

You dirty little poop.

- Move out of the way. - What's going on?

Stay away from me.

Stay away!

Stop that, faggot.

Go.

Go.

Run, run, run, run.

No. No.

- Jimmy. - No.

- Stop that, Jim. - No, no.

- Man, get him, get him. - No. No.

Please. Please.

- No! - Stop this.

Get her away.

Stop this now. Hey.

Hey, hey.

Look everybody, it's me.

- No. - No.

- Stop. - No.

Hey, hey, hey.

You try to pull away and I'll break your ass.

Officer Thomas, Officer Thomas, please.

Oh, please.

Oh, no. Look, look, look. You can trust me.

I'll be responsible for him.

You see, I have a son who must be about the same age now,

and please let me take him home.

We're leaving in a long trip tomorrow.

Please.

Please.

For you, Mr. Hooker. You hear?

Take him out of here, all right?

Yeah, go. I'll go on.

You bet your ass you are.

- We're going... - No. Oh, man.

I'm going.

I'm going, not we.

I don't want to be anywhere near you tonight.

Can't you get that through that faggot head of yours?

Well, where is your friend God tonight?

Is he ever in the right place at the right time?

Let me ask you, what makes him so freaking famous?

Well, happy holidays, you fun people.

You're never around when anybody needs you.

What do you mean? I banged my head on a solid door.

If you'd stop being such a closet queen,

you wouldn't bang your head on doors.

Oh, what, are you kidding me?

Merry Christmas, Pete.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hank!

Did... Did...

Anyone...

Did anyone

contact Lance?

Tadila, come help me quick. Let's get some hot water.

Barrett. Please turn around, Barrett.

Please look at me.

What do you expect to see?

No... Not what I'm seeing.

Why don't we stop it. Michel?

I want to go home.

But you've been going home most of your life.

What... Whatever time you have left, I deserve.

If you love me and I... I want you to love me, Barrett.

Michel, take care.

I have to know.

You and me have got to face Claire.

I've got to face Claire.

Come back.

Please, please come back.

Michel, you're drunk.

Please come back, Barrett.

I can't promise anything.

Barrett.

Barrett.

There, that looks better already.

I don't have any lipstick.

I have one.

Hawaiian orange.

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

Here, these are for you.

Pink Lady's.

Thank you.

This was very thoughtful.

Not at all.

What's your name?

Harry.

Pleased to meet you, Harry.

Millie, it's Frankie and Johnny time.

How many churches do you play in?

Wherever they want me to.

And what are you then?

Whatever they want me to be.

Suppose it all catches up with you.

Like things do, you know.

Well, until then I'm Catholic for Saint Mary's

and Protestant for Saint Thomas'.

You must lead a very interesting life.

Interesting...

But...

Empty in a way.

I haven't found the person for me yet.

Some of us need somebody.

Others need anybody.

You are like the others.

Oh, you're right.

I envy many of the boys.

* He was her man

* But he done he wrong

* Oh, Frankie went down to the corner

* And bought her a bottle of beer *

Oh, Michel. You can't even sit up straight.

I'll go get you some black coffee.

Oh, no.

I haven't finished my drink yet.

Stop drinking.

He is coming back, Sadie.

He's coming back.

And if he does, I have to be here.

And if not?

I can't even say anything.

...of 45 guards

* He was her man

Oh, yeah.

* But he done her wrong

It's like the whole world loves each other suddenly.

That's nice for a change.

It should be that way always.

It's very nice of you to keep me company.

I appreciate the attention.

You are the only one I can talk to now.

* Yeah, but he done her so wrong *

Would you like to come home to my flat?

I have some tea and homemade ginger snaps.

You'd be more comfortable there.

What time is it?

I never asked anyone before. I never could find the courage.

What... Will someone tell me the time, please?

2:00.

I've got to go. Some other time perhaps.

Well, there may not be another time.

I can't finish this. I'm sorry. I've got to go.

Well, goodnight.

Shall I see you to the door?

No, thanks. I'll be all right.

Goodnight, Harry.

Gable, what are you doing here?

The half hour is up. And what happened to you?

Well, I got into a fight. Well, it's all over now. But I think I broke my nose.

I want you to get it fixed, do you hear?

But what's a little broken nose between lovers?

I want you looking no different.

You ain't going around with your nose broken.

You're a lady not a prize fighter.

You don't clean up like a good girl,

we're going to tell the Christmas fairy on you, right, Al?

Hi, I am the Christmas fairy.

So, so, so, vanish, schmuck.

Oh!

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Oh, come on now. We heard what he called you. We... We'll show him.

No, please leave me alone. Please leave me alone.

- How about that? - Up, up. Up.

Please, leave me alone.

- Please. - Hold still.

Please, Eric, Sadie.

Wings for the Christmas fairy.

Here they are. Wings for the Christmas fairy.

Oh, I just die.

Die? Never! Did you hear that?

- She's going to die because of you. - Aw!

Well, are you going to let her die?

No.

Well, well, but how are you going to make her live?

- You must believe. You must believe. - I believe. I believe.

You got to believe in fairies. She must fly again.

- We believe. - Oh, come one. We believe in fairies.

We believe in fairies.

We believe in fairies.

We believe in fairies.

We believe in fairies.

- I can fly. - He can fly.

Oh, my God. I can fly.

I go.

I love it.

I'm flying.

I'm flying.

I'm flying.

Yeah, I got to get out of this nut house.

Yeah, thanks a lot.

Merry Christmas.

Ha ha ha.

Here he is.

Well, if it isn't the yenta faggot.

Phillip Drew, are you implying that I...

Yes, that daisies never tell but pansies can't keep their big fat mouth shut.

Telephone, telegraph and telefag.

I just want everyone to be on the alert today.

Oh, I'm surprised you didn't alert the associated press.

You are livid because we all got a look at your Godzilla.

You frustrated old maid.

You're just jealous because you couldn't turn a trick with him, that's it.

- With your overflow? Never. - That's right.

If God is in her heaven, may she strike me dead first.

I need a drink. Oh, Clint.

Hey, any breath left?

You can forget it, honey as far as I'm here.

Oh.

How could you? How could you?

It's dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty.

But your father isn't around.

Telephone rang.

Some woman said...

But I didn't know.

I didn't know.

What did I do to make you this?

You stay out of my house.

I don't want your filth in my house.

You have brothers and sisters.

You stay out of my house.

Why didn't you tell me you were sick?

I would have got a doctor.

I'm not sick, Mom. Don't say that I'm sick.

I loved you. I loved you.

For God's sake, why don't you leave him alone?

Don't you see what you're doing to him? You're destroying him.

I love him too.

No, shut up.

Terry, your daddy missed you.

But why, why...

Mom, don't go.

Why did you do that?

Why? Why?

Terry, Terry stop. Don't follow her.

- She's gone. - Let her go.

I can't.

- You've got to. - Why?

Because I said so.

I'm sorry, Scott.

Forget it.

I love you.

I wanted her to forgive me.

For what?

For whatever I did.

Oh, God.

Scott?

Scott?

Hey.

Hey, kitty baby, you finish my drink will you, booby?

And see what the boys in the back room will have, huh?

Lloyd, get my coat.

Hey. What?

I'm sorry, Louis, but that's how it is.

Hey.

- Ciao, Eric. - Goodnight, boss.

Small time mafia.

Oh.

Hey, drink up.

- Hey, Clint. - Yeah.

- You better make a last call. - Why, you hopping out early?

Oh, got to take Mom to early mass.

You want a ride?

No. Al is dropping me off.

- Ciao, Al. - Ciao, boss.

- Hey, Ernie. - Hey, boss.

Hey, gee. Thanks, boss. Good night.

Night, Louis. Last call, fellows. Let's go.

Do you fellows have a place for a while?

No, I'm sharing.

Well, that's why I asked.

Here are the keys to my place.

- No. - No, take them.

I already told Sadie that I'd be seeing her home

and, well, in the meantime...

Thank you, Howard.

We could use a little peace and quiet.

I'll get a coat.

What time does the honeymoon plane for Europa take off?

8:30 this morning.

Is that the time it says on your ticket?

Don't drop your beads, honey.

He's got him, hasn't he?

He asked to hold them, didn't he?

They're all alike.

I wouldn't weep, honey. It's good riddance.

Help me. Pull him up here.

Here take this. Hey, hey, Michel.

Don't you think you should leave, Mr. Morone? It's closing time.

We love and we live,

and we die here.

I guess we have no other place.

It happened to me

all in one evening

for the first time in my life.

But Nebraska.

I don't want to be alone

and neither do you.

And this is our last chance to be honest.

And once we go through that goddamn door,

curtains up.

Come on.

I'm taking him right back to the plantation.

Oh, now he's given his all for his country,

he's probably got nothing left for me.

And Paul Ashley,

you never did get out of that Atlanta fire, did you?

Hmm. Come on.

Oh, well.

Hey, baby. What happened to my night cab, huh?

I mean, I depend on you for my last laugh.

I just wanted to be with somebody, that's all.

Oh, baby, the night ain't over yet.

And this... If you get hung up, buzz me.

Eric, you mean?

Look, baby. I figured this way.

Whatever makes somebody I dig happy, then what's to lose?

It ain't gonna interfere with my scene.

It's your own thing that counts, right?

That's the love tune.

Hey.

Get out of here.

Huddle up real good, everybody. It's cold out there.

Sadie, you better hold on to these so we don't slip on the ice.

I'll be very careful.

No, no, no, I'll be right in the middle to balance you.

Want to pick up your go, go, Ernie?

All she could say is, "Don't know." Boy, it breaks my back.

No, no, no, Kenny.

Home, Jose, home.

Yes, yes.

Good night, bubala.

In one night, he went from s�, s�, to yes, yes.

Well, here we go. Neither rain nor snow, nor sleet, nor heat.

- Goodnight. - Good night, Ernie.

- You're going cruising? - And why should I?

It's the witching hour, nobody cares which is which.

Oh, no, it just so happens that I'm taken.

Not by a decoy. I hope you know what it's like to be picked up by the fuzz.

No, I don't, but it must hurt something terrible.

That's funny, Oh, Phillip.

I don't know what my rants would be like without you.

You left yourself wide open for it.

Don't tell the fuzz.

Let us go to the after-hour places.

You smell different. What are you wearing?

Then I mopped it at the store.

Hey, let's go.

I can't wait to scream the place down.

Hey, you want to share a taxi?

No, but share a taxi driver.

Walking a tightrope. I don't know which way I want to fall.

I'm scared to fall.

Well, it's time to split.

But I'll be back in time for all the gay Christmas carol.

I just can't put Claire and the children on the side like that.

I can put aside the whole world because there's Barrett.

I just want to go up once and write all over the sky.

"Up yours, world." Then come down.

When you're my age, you start fooling yourself a little.

And what kind of freaking place this is anyway?

It's my first Christmas away from the home.

Hello? You just paged me.

Oh, you're such a camp.

Night, Al.

Yeah, but it's weird.

Women are funny about these kind of guys.

Well, I'm telling you.

The old lady is happier that I'm working here more than I am.

I can't eat in peace when I get home.

And Maggie, she wants to know everything.

No kidding.

Yeah, she sets the alarm so she's up just before I get there.

Sits at the kitchen table.

I want to know about the kids.

She's all ears for what happens at this joint.

You don't tell her everything.

I tell her everything that won't embarrass me.

I don't think anything would embarrass her.

Listen, after working in this joint,

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Santa Claus was making it with the reindeers.

You got a 10 spot from old man McKay.

But Al, don't cry over it. You're clinking up his foundation money.

I got to parked her across the street.

Stay here, I'll bring her around.

You come out now, bitch.

Get the hell home,

and make sure you're dressed the way I want you dressed.

If I ever catch you looking like this again,

you'll regret it worse.

Wait out for me, leave the door open. I ain't got my key.

About ready to close up?

That's about it.

I just thought I can drop in for a night camp?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Hartman.

Listen, Mr. Morone, Michel, did he...

Did he leave?

Yeah, he must have, but I didn't see him go.

Oh.

- Was there any message? - No.

But I can give him one when I see him.

Yes, I'd appreciate it if you'd tell him...

Come on, jump in. I'll be a son of a bitch.

- Why, what's up? - We forgot something.

Are you being funny, Al?

No, I swear, under the table, inside.

- What's there? - One of the faggots.

Knuckle in.

Hold on.

She's cold.

Al, let's get him out of there.

Oh, hell. Are you kidding?

He'll still be there in the morning.

Where else is a faggot got to go?

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS AND THANKS TO... AND ALL THE BOYS AT THE BAR