Original subtitles

[cheerful music]

- Morning, DeVante.

Boy, that's one sharp-looking shirt.

- Oh, thanks, Mr. T.

- Just out of curiosity, where did you get it?

- I don't want you to wear this.

- No. I won't, I won't.

- Don't. - I won't.

I want to, though.

Oh, hey, did you really find an abandoned radio station...

- Hey, buddy. I need a favor.

How would you feel about getting a tattoo,

but I don't tell you what it is first?

- No, I'm late for student council,

and I didn't finish my homework

'cause I had to babysit my little brother last night.

- I'm not hearing a no.

- That was literally the first word I said.

Between home stuff and schoolwork

and all my activities,

I have way too much on my plate.

- Well, what if I told you there's a safe,

all-natural way to increase productivity?

- Not on my watch! Are those caffeine pills?

- Yeah.

I use those stolen prescription slips for caffeine pills.

[bell rings]

- Daisy, you can't mess around with that stuff.

Sure, those pills seem like an easy fix.

At first, they're so exciting,

and then it gets even more exciting,

but after that, it gets so scary.

And in the end,

you ruin your girl group shot at a recording contract.

- What? - I get it.

I was you in high school: ambitious, stressed.

I hadn't figured my hair out yet.

I only wish back then that I had someone

like present-day me to guide past me,

but fortunately, you do. It's me.

- You know, I never had a guidance counselor.

Back at Douglas, all they could afford

was an empty room with a Magic 8-Ball in it.

- Why don't you come by my office tomorrow morning?

- Thanks, Dr. Spano. I will.

- Oh, what have we here?

- No! Step away.

- [screams]

[bell rings]

- * When I wake up in the morning *

* Alarm gives out a warning *

* I don't think I'll ever make it on time *

[bell rings]

* By the time I grab my books *

* And I give myself a look *

* I'm at the corner just in time *

[bell rings]

* It's all right, it's all right *

* Saved by the bell, it's all right *

* It's all right, saved by the bell *

* It's all right *

* 'Cause I'm saved by the bell *

[bell rings]

[light music]

- Guys, I know West Beverly is a tough squad.

And sure, we already lost to East Beverly, South Beverly,

and the Beverly Johnson School For Models,

but I think tonight is the night we turn it all around.

- Yeah. - All right.

Now, let's hear a few words from your team captain.

Jamie, get in here.

[cheers and applause]

- All right, listen up. Listen up.

This is our moment, okay?

All that hard work, all those two-a-days,

this is why we did it.

So we could go out there tonight

and make 11 new friends.

all: Yes! - Okay?

Winning does not matter.

What matters is having fun,

spending time together, getting some exercise.

And, most importantly, let's not forget

that the players on that other team have inner lives

that are just as rich and complicated as our own,

if not more so.

- And it's number 10 on the other team's birthday,

so no one tackle him.

He has to look good for his party tonight at Soho House.

- Great point, Colt, thank you. All right.

Clear eyes, full hearts, full stomachs.

all: Full stomachs!

- Has everyone had their milkshakes?

all: Yeah! - Let's go.

- Let's go.

[cheering]

- Let's make some plans! - Yeah!

- Whoo! - Whoo!

- Hey, let's go get them, champ.

Just remember, if you believe in yourself,

there's no way you can lose.

[air horn blares] - Bayside loses!

- [yells]

- Hey, Bayside, it's number 10's birthday today.

[all cheer]

all: * Happy birthday to you *

- Daisy, I get that you're worried about college,

but you have way too many extracurriculars.

You're president of the Science Club

and the Flat Earth Society?

- There's two sides to every story,

and maybe, just maybe, two sides to this Earth.

- Right. Daisy.

Colleges are not impressed by how many random clubs you join.

They wanna know who you are.

- A fun, normal teen who hasn't had

a moment of relaxation since first grade?

- No, you are student council president, a leader.

Focus on that. There's actually

a very competitive summer leadership program

I think you'd be perfect for.

It's eight weeks of seminars hosted by inspirational women.

Last year's keynote address was delivered in unison

by the cast of "Big Little Lies."

- Oh, my god. That sounds amazing.

- And it's a fellowship, which means all expenses paid,

including lodging and airfare to New York,

plus a per diem for bagels.

- But... I can't be away from my family for that long.

- [groans] I get it.

My husband's been in Arizona for the past three months

on a writers' retreat, and it's tough.

- It's not about missing them.

My mom needs me to babysit my brother,

and I usually get a summer job.

- Oh. Well, that's different.

Daisy, I don't know anything about your family situation,

but I do know about being a mom,

and all moms want the best for their kids' future.

Just talk to her.

Look over the application together,

and maybe she'll sign the permission slip.

- Or what if, instead, I threw the application into the wind,

and if she finds it, it's God's will?

[light music]

* *

- Hey, Coach. You got a sec?

- Sure. Just taking a little soup break.

What's up?

- Am I the only one who cares that our team is trash?

I mean, after we lost the other night,

Jamie and the guys celebrated with pizza

and wrote thank-you notes to the team that beat us.

- Yeah, well, these Bayside kids

weren't exactly raised to have a killer instinct.

- Well, I was.

In my house, we don't celebrate losing.

Like my dad always says, "Pizza is for winners."

- Hey, my dad was in the army.

He'd turn my room into an obstacle course,

and I had to get a good time, or else I couldn't go to sleep.

- So if you get it, why aren't you trying to fix it?

- How?

You're the only person on the team that isn't

a conscientious objector to tackling.

One person can't save a whole team, Aisha.

- But one person can tank a team.

Jamie's pep talks are killing us.

- Look, Aisha. I already made him backup QB.

I can't take away his pep talks, too.

It'll crush him. - Fine.

If you aren't gonna do anything about it,

I guess I'll just have to do it myself.

- Hey, don't yell at me. I'm a teacher.

Well, not an actual teacher. They--

you know, gym teachers are in a separate union,

which I'm also not in

'cause the paperwork was a little confusing, but...

- I gotta go. - Good talk.

[light music]

* *

- Hey, Mom. - Hello.

You have reached Cronket Wireless customer service.

How can I help you? Mm-hmm.

One second, sir. I have to talk to my manager.

[sighs]

Que te pasa, mijita? Wait.

It's too quiet out there.

Can you make sure that Hector's not doing something crazy?

- I'm on it.

Hector, no! - What?

He poisoned the villagers' water supply.

- Gracias, mijita.

Was there something else?

- No.

- Hello, sir.

My manager suggested that we do a remote system reset.

Yes, please stand by.

That's not a real thing we can do.

[mellow music]

* *

- Hey, Jamie, can we talk?

- Sure, I'll start.

Have you ever noticed how all M&Ms taste exactly the same

except when they're in a Skittles bag?

- Okay, maybe I'll start.

Look, we all love your pep talks.

I was just wondering if they could be

a little bit more inspirational.

Like, you could talk more about winning

and a little less about the stupid touchy-feely stuff.

- Okay. I see what's going on here.

This is because we went to the dance together, isn't it?

- What?

- Yeah, you're nagging me because you had, like,

a really good time at the dance even though we went as friends,

and now you don't know whether to ask me out or not.

- [scoffs]

No way. What makes you think that?

- I kind of feel the same way.

- You do?

No, this isn't about us.

This is about the fact that our team sucks.

- Wait, so you're not nagging me?

You actually think that my pep talks are bad?

What about the one where I held

a moment of silence so long we missed the entire game?

- That one sucked the most. They all suck.

- That one was fantastic. - Wow.

I know what I said, but I gotta give it up.

You look fly.

- Thanks. That means a lot.

Hey, one thing that isn't fly: the price tag.

$1,200 for a shirt? I almost didn't buy it.

- You shouldn't have.

I got mine on Amazon for 40 bucks.

- Oh, my God. What have I done?

- How could you say that? My pep talks are amazing.

They engender a spirit of togetherness.

* *

- I bet I can still return it.

Oh, damn it.

Does anyone have soda water or a tissue?

- See, that's your mistake right there, Samson.

Never let a chick tell you how to do your hair.

Hey, how'd it go with Jamie?

- Great. Well, not great.

Really bad, actually, but it did give me an idea.

All we have to do to motivate the team is piss them off.

- Nice. - What are you reading?

- Oh, this? Incredible book.

If we weren't in a public school,

I'd tell you all about it.

- And now I feel so guilty.

I'm, like, totally freaking out.

Are you guys even listening to me?

- Yeah. You said something about

foraging crops in Singapore.

- No, I said I was scared

because I forged my mom's signature.

- We're saying the same thing.

- I never used to do bad kid stuff at Douglas.

Oh, God. Am I turning into one of you?

- No, if you were one of us,

you would have come up with a better plan.

Like, what are you gonna do when Spano calls your mom?

- Why would she call my mom? - Uh, this is Bayside.

The teachers are so afraid of the helicopter parents,

they check in with them about everything.

- You get a B-minus, they talk.

You encase Toddman's car in a block of ice, they talk.

The school is insane. - Mm-hmm.

- Maybe there's nothing to worry about.

She's not gonna call my mom.

- Yeah, you're probably right.

I mean, you know the school better than we do.

Three, two, one.

- Oh, God. Dr. Spano left a voice mail

saying she left my mom a voice mail.

What do I do?

- Well, you could ask us to help you with a scheme,

but just know one day,

we will ask something of you in return, so choose wisely.

- Okay, will you help me with a scheme?

- Yes, can I have the rest of your fries?

That is the thing we ask in return.

- Why can you never wait to cash in on a favor?

- I have no impulse control.

- Okay, so what's the plan? - What do you think?

We could try Swedish Backpack.

- No, the school doesn't have a boiler room.

How about a Three Finger Sally?

- Not close enough to a body of water.

- Plus, my passport's expired.

- What the hell are you talking about?

- These are classic schemes, Daisy.

- Yeah. If we explain our shorthand,

then it defeats the purpose of a shorthand,

or shor-la-bop-bop, which is shorthand for shorthand.

- Okay, we just need to hurry. My mom's shift ends at 4:00,

so she'll probably call Dr. Spano back then.

- Well, if we're not shor-la-bop-bop on time,

there's only one way to go.

both: The Giraffe's Gambit.

- We'll need an actress to play your mom.

- But I don't know any actresses.

Ooh, my aunt was on the news after a raccoon stole her bra.

- Okay.

- Oh. Mm-hmm.

- No, too short. - Mm.

- No, way too tall.

- Oh, I love her, but not for this.

- Mm-hmm. Would you ever consider her

being a Russian 24-year-old with big falsies?

- My mom? No!

- Okay, well, if you're gonna be so picky,

then which one of these women looks the most like your mom?

- [sighs] The only Latina one.

- Well, creatively,

it just feels like a safe choice, but it's fine.

[indistinct chatter]

- Oh, no!

It looks like Pacific Coast High

trashed our locker room

right before our game against them.

- Wow, it sure was definitely those guys.

- Yeah. - See?

They even left these printouts

of their school website, which proves it.

- What the hell is this?

"Jamie's constantly eating baby food pouches."

Yeah, so?

It's just to give my teeth a vacation.

- How do they know about my parents' divorce?

I only told Coach Slater about that.

- Well, see if the graffiti says anything else.

- "I heard this from not Coach Slater."

Oh, okay, good.

- Look, I don't wanna say anything,

but I overheard their offensive line

talking about how you guys don't even know

the freeway dance from "La La Land."

- What? - But we do!

We've been practicing it all year instead of football.

- You know what? Everybody huddle up.

Right now, let's go. Get in here.

So they've shown us who they are.

- Mean boys. - Right.

Now we're gonna show them who we are.

all: Nice men. - No!

We're mean boys also,

so you know what we're going to do?

Not gonna say hi to them.

Yeah, we're not gonna tell them, "Nice tackle"

when they tackle us-- if they tackle us.

Those jerks have left us no choice but to go out there

and beat them in football points.

all: Yeah!

Mean boys, mean boys, mean boys!

- Hey, Mr. T.

I felt kind of bad about what happened earlier,

so I wanted you to have my shirt.

- Wow, thank you very much, DeVante.

Is it also because now that I've been seen

wearing this shirt, it's no longer cool?

- Yes.

[bell rings]

- Are you Dr. Spano? I'm Daisy's mom.

- Oh, it's so lovely to meet you.

- Thank you for showing an interest in my daughter,

Daisy Sofia Jiménez,

who was born in the Los Angeles County Hospital

on July 12th, 2005.

- Of course. Should we step into my office?

- It's actually a custom among my people

that we go for a walk outside when we first meet a person.

- And I feel uncomfortable questioning you on that,

so let's do it.

[suspenseful music]

- Okay, now that Spano's busy with your fake mom,

all that you have to do is hide in her office

and then intercept the call from your real mom.

- Wait, I forgot. Am I pretending to be my mom?

- No, because then your mom would be talking to your mom.

Sorry, I should have slapped you earlier.

- My name is Jessie Spano.

I'd like to buy a Volvo.

[phone rings]

Dr. Spano's office. I am her.

- Hi, this is Anna Jiménez returning your call.

- Why, hello, Ms. Jiménez.

I am Daisy's guidance counselor.

As you can tell by my voice, I am white.

- Congratulations.

So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?

- Ah, yes.

The thing I wanted to talk to you about.

That thing is...

[light tense music]

Um, that thing is...

that your daughter is excelling at Bayside.

- Oh, that's--wow. Okay.

* *

Um, so that's it?

- Yep. Guess I didn't need

to call you. Bye.

* *

- It was so great meeting you, Ms. Jiménez.

And I know I keep saying this,

but you really look like that lady from the gum commercial.

- Me, with these pearly whites? [laughs]

* *

all: Bayside, Bayside, Bayside, Bayside, Bayside!

- Yo, I cannot believe we actually pulled that off.

- Pulled what off? We lost again.

- Yeah, but only by seven.

That's, like, a normal football amount.

- We kept it close until the very end,

even though it was past our bedtimes.

- And I soiled my pants with dirt this time.

- That's what I'm talking about.

That's what-- I'm proud of you guys.

[indistinct chatter]

- I owe you a thank you.

- For what? We didn't get the W.

- [sighs] Maybe not.

But we got something more important.

We got the N for knowledge.

You know, you're right.

It does feel good to get fired up

and actually try to win.

- Well, that's something, I guess.

- Come get pizza with us.

- I can't.

Pizza is for winners.

- Oh, okay.

They also have sandwiches.

[melancholy music]

* *

- Now, since I'll be trading in my existing Volvo

for a new Volvo, do I qualify for discounts

available to Volvo VIP Beige Diamond Volvo Club members?

- Funny you should ask. I saw your inquiry

on stock number 4123, and I was--

[record scratch] - Hi, I live here now.

[laptop rings]

- I'll have to call you back. - Okay.

- Hey, honey. How is the retreat?

- So rewarding.

We are learning this new form of meditation

that involves lying prone on a mat, eyes closed,

inducing a state of temporary unconsciousness.

- So, like, a nap? - [laughs]

Oh, Jessie.

- How is your writing going? You almost finished?

- Almost.

Shaman Jeremy says, "Writing is unwriting,"

so I'm sort of rethinking my novel.

Anyway, they said I could stay on

an extra couple months so I can finish.

- Wait, a couple months? - Well, yeah.

- No, it's just--I was kind of expecting you home soon.

You know, you could hang out with Jamie

and take care of your own bees.

- So you're saying that you want me to come back?

- No, no, no.

I mean, if it's important to you, then...

- [sighs] Thank you. Jessie Spano.

You are the only reason

that I am able to love myself as much as I do.

- I love you too?

[laptop beeps]

[door creaks, shuts]

[light tense music]

- [sighs, gasps]

* *

- What were you doing under my desk?

- I never talked to my mom. I forged the permission slip,

so when you called her, Mack and Lexi said--

- Oh, wait. It's a Giraffe's Gambit.

- Wait, how do you know about the Giraffe's Gambit?

- I did my fair share of schemes back in the day.

Who do you think was the original giraffe?

- Oh, because you're tall.

- And I eat a lot of salads.

So why didn't you just talk to your mom?

- I tried. It was too hard.

- You can do hard things.

Women need to be able to advocate for what they want,

even if it means telling their loved ones

that they should come home from stupid retreats.

[sighs] I am such a hypocrite.

- No, marriage is complicated,

and also, I didn't hear anything.

- You're right, marriage is complicated.

And sometimes it requires hard conversations,

and I think I need to have one, and I think you do, too.

[gentle music]

* *

- Hey, getting ready for the next game?

- How did you know I was here? - Security called.

Said someone was yelling in Spanish on the football field,

and for once, I knew it wasn't me.

- I'm just so mad.

Everybody's at The Max right now

celebrating yet another loss.

- Or maybe they're celebrating improvement.

- Don't tell me you're getting soft on me too, Coach.

What would your dad say if he was still alive?

- I never said my dad was dead.

- I'm sorry, I just assumed, you know, since you're so old.

- Come on, I'm not that old.

I still rock Michael Jordan kicks.

Look, maybe you just need to cut yourself some slack.

You accomplished more with this team in the last few days

than I have in the last 15 years.

For what it's worth, I'm proud of you,

and you deserve pizza.

- Thanks, Coach.

[pleasant music]

- Check it out. Huh?

- Oh.

I thought you meant that I should go get pizza

with, like, Jamie and the guys,

but I can-- - No, no, no, no.

That's totally what I meant. Go be with the team.

- Yeah. - This was just a visual aid

for reference, you know, like an example

of what pizza is. - Yeah.

- That's all. - Yeah--cool.

- Hey, Mom. You need any help?

- I thought you hated folding laundry.

- No, I hate doing laundry. That laundry room's haunted.

There's always a flapper woman sitting on the dryer

asking when Prohibition's gonna end.

- [chuckles]

- I do have one thing I wanted to talk to you about, though.

My guidance counselor wants me to apply

for this really prestigious leadership program,

all expenses paid.

- Daisy, that's great.

- But it's in New York, and it's all summer long.

- Oh.

Huh.

Well, I guess I have to figure some things out.

- I know it's asking a lot,

but it's really important to me.

- Then it's important to me too.

- Really?

- Yeah, of course.

- But you already do so much,

and now you have to pay someone to watch Hector.

- Forget about Hector.

You think he's gonna buy me a house one day?

- Hell no. I'm gonna live off the land.

- [laughs softly]

- Why do you think I work this hard?

It's because I love you,

and I want you to have all the opportunities I didn't.

- Yeah, stupid.

- [chuckles]

- Well, René, at least now you know how I feel,

and if you wanna be in a real partnership,

you should think long and hard about what you do next.

- Hey, did you hear?

We beat Pacific Coast High by negative seven.

- What? - Never mind.

You want some pizza? It's not that cold.

- You know what? That would be great.

- Nice. Look.

Huh?

You all right?

- Not really.

- Do you wanna talk about it, or...

- Not really, but this is helping.

* *

- Hey, guys. What are you doing here?

It's Friday night. Come on.

Let's go clubbing or something.

Look, I'm rocking my new shirt.

- [yelling] - Whoa!

- So you guys wanna call the Lyft, or should I?

[upbeat music]

* *