Original subtitles

[bell rings]

? When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ?

? I don't think I'll ever make it on time ?

? By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ?

? I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?

? If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ?

? And my dog ate all my homework last night ?

? Ridin' low on my chair, she won't know that I'm there ?

? If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ?

All right, Lisa, let's practice for the Academic Bowl.

First question--

what's the zip code of Northern Zimbabwe?

90210?

Buzz! Wrong answer. That would be Zimbabwe Hills.

What kind of stupid question is that?

You've got to know everything.

It's the Academic Bowl, not Wheel of Fortune.

Guys, guess where Slater and I are going Friday?

Here's a hint. It's big and white.

You need a lift ticket to get to the top.

The Matterhorn at Disneyland?

No. Skiing at Big Bear Mountain.

It's winter break.

And the slopes will be packed with ski bunnies.

Wow! Bunnies and bears.

Can I go?

Take him. Maybe he'll get eaten by a bear.

OK. You can carry my skis.

How are you going to cut school without Belding knowing?

You are talking to Zack Morris.

Getting out of school is my middle name.

How are we getting out of school?

I have no idea.

Here you go, Screech.

Orange juice, extra pulp,

oatmeal, lumpy...

And scrambled eggs, runny.

You forgot my burnt toast.

Don't push it, little man.

Can I get you guys something?

Yes, another waitress. You're rude.

How do you like filling in for Kelly?

Well, I hate wearing this demeaning sexist uniform.

But the tips are great.

How are you going to practice for the Academic Bowl and still work?

Are you kidding? Ask me anything.

OK, what's the zip code of Northern Zimbabwe?

Easy. KR137X.

I've got toast burning. Bye.

Smart chick. Lousy attitude.

Wish she had the answer for getting out of school Friday.

Too bad the teachers' contract talks are going well.

If there's a strike, there'd be no school.

Sometimes the biggest dorks have the best ideas.

Tuttle, all these demands seem reasonable--

"salary hike, better hours,

larger lunch portions"?

Well, that would be a personal favor, of course.

Of course.

I want you to spread the word.

Dick Belding is on the teachers' team.

He doesn't want a strike.

Solidarity, brother.

Solidarity, brother.

All right.

Ready for your interview for the school paper, Mr. B?

Interview?

Remember?

Every year before the Academic Bowl,

you provide a few inspirational comments for the school paper.

We'll turn those comments into a teacher's strike.

What was that?

Sound check.

- Sounds good. - OK.

Now, Mr. Belding...

Bayside's academic team is winless in Bowl competition.

Does this losing tradition concern you?

Ahem.

Heck, no.

Sir, we need a little more inspiration.

Oh.

We're going to crush them!

Spineless jellyfish never put up much of a fight.

How's that?

Perfect, Mr. B.

Just one more thing.

Valley's principal says you're over the hill.

What do you think of that?

That incompetent bozo.

He should have been fired years ago.

Did you get all that?

Every last word.

Remember, people,

be confident, be quick, and most of all,

be correct.

Ready?

- Ready! - Ready!

Name the city that was once called New Amsterdam.

[buzzer]

New York.

Correct.

Captain John Smith was said to have been saved by--

[buzzer]

Pocahontas.

Correct.

Who was the first person to walk--

[buzzer]

Neil Armstrong.

On the moon.

Correct again.

OK. Next question.

Mr. Tuttle, we are on the team, too.

Screech buzzes in before we hear the question.

Yeah. How can we practice?

Now, girls, quit complaining.

Screech is exactly the kind of crafty genius you'll be up against.

Yeah. Don't bruise the genius.

Can we get an update on the teachers' contract for the school paper?

Absolutely.

OK, bowlers, brain break.

This gives us a chance to discuss our strategy

with our genius captain.

Yeah. Come with us, captain.

Yikes!

It'll just be a second. I have to cue the tape.

Fine.

Mr. Belding, are you concerned about the threat of a teachers' strike?

Heck, no. We're going to crush them.

Spineless jellyfish never put up much of a fight.

Sorry. That was a previous interview with Mr. Belding.

I'll fast forward to--

No, no, no, no! I want to hear this.

Well, what's wrong with Union President Tuttle?

That incompetent bozo?

He should have been fired years ago.

Incompetent?

Bozo?

Fired?

Well, we'll see about that!

He said what?

That double-crosser called us

spineless, incompetent jellyfish!

This is an outrage.

I never trusted him.

I knew he was covering something.

Follow me.

OK, Belding. Show your face.

Something wrong?

Have you told the teachers how I feel about them?

Yes, and our response is unanimous.

[all] We strike!

They strike.

While we go skiing.

Bye, Gretchen.

Bye, Inga.

- Mm-wa! - Mm-wa!

Hey, guys, how was skiing?

Skiing? Looked like fun.

He was too busy with Gretchen to even go outside.

Hey, man, snow was cold.

Where's Screech?

He's where he's supposed to be,

bringing in our luggage.

Aah!

Screech, are you ok?

Oh, Screech.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Luckily, I landed on my head.

Are you sure you're OK, Screech?

The Academic Bowl's in a few days.

He's fine.

He got sniffles from skiing in his underwear.

Why did you do that?

I forgot my pajamas.

You ski in pajamas?

Why would I do that?

Then I'd have nothing to sleep in at night.

Stop. Screech went to use the bathroom,

opened the patio door by mistake,

and a gust of wind sent him airborne.

When we found him,

he qualified for the Polish ski team.

I'm glad you're OK.

We've got Academic Bowl practice soon.

You're going to school when you don't have to?

That's sick.

You'll be going to school with us tomorrow

because Belding and Tuttle are settling the strike.

I don't like how this sounds.

Me, neither.

Ha ha ha!

I'm glad we're able to clear things up.

I agree, Mr. Belding.

The strike is over.

All right.

I guess Belding was right about the teachers

not putting up much of a fight, huh, Slater?

Yeah. They are spineless.

Spineless?

Well, we fought for and won every demand.

You only asked for more money and better hours.

What else is there?

Just a little something called respect.

Respect?

Respect.

Like having a parking space near your classroom.

No respect.

A teachers' lounge to relax in.

No respect.

Happier with money? Take it.

I'm only a student. What do I know?

You are wise beyond your years.

Excuse me.

I have some jellyfish to fry!

Oh, go.

Mr. Tuttle?

Nice try, Belding.

The teachers demand respect.

What do you mean?

Don't play dumb.

We'll see you on the picket line!

But...

What happened?

I thought you had things worked out.

So did I.

This strike could go on a few more days?

It could go on all semester.

What about the Academic Bowl next week?

If the teachers vote to stay out on strike tonight,

it means no school and no Academic Bowl.

I'm sorry.

No Academic Bowl?

Uh-huh.

Thanks. Now all that hard work is down the drain!

No Academic Bowl?

Some friends. You don't care who you hurt.

No Academic Bowl?

Ladies and gentlemen,

I spoke to the school board, and I have good news and bad news.

The good news is they listened to all your demands.

The bad news is, they said, "no way. Forget it."

Then we strike.

Now, hold on. Hold on, now.

Be reasonable.

This looks bad for the school.

It doesn't bother me.

Well it bothers me.

I don't want to be known as the only principal

who can't get along with his teachers.

Hey, wait.

You didn't let Mr. Belding finish.

Since the school board wouldn't meet your demands,

Mr. Belding came up with his own proposal.

I did?

Yes. Remember? You asked us to type it up.

I did?

I'll read it to help jog your memory.

All right.

Item 1 -- teacher's lounge.

Since there is no lounge,

Mr. Belding will provide his office

during odd periods for teachers to relax.

Your office is so ugly, they won't stay long.

Item 2 -- parking spaces.

Mr. Belding volunteers to give up his space and park with the students.

This way, every teacher will be one space closer to the school.

That's pretty good, huh?

Yeah! Great!

Good one.

Absolutely not.

I refuse to ride that smelly shuttle bus.

Don't worry. We'll save you a window seat.

Finally, Mr. Belding will use his annual bonus

to pay for the faculty Christmas party.

You got to respect that.

Huh?

All right!

Yeah! Wonderful!

That's right.

We accept.

The teachers are back to work as of tomorrow!

Mr. Tuttle, welcome back.

Well, are you ready to bone up for the Bowl?

Test us.

I've got an itchy buzzer finger.

I'm glad the Academic Bowl wasn't canceled.

So am I.

The hard work you've put in will be the winning complement

to Screech's brainy energy.

Let's begin.

[blows nose loudly]

Screech, are you OK?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

[coughs]

Just a little head cold.

Ah-choo!

Mr. Screech, are you sure you're feeling up to this?

Yes. Positive.

Ah-choo!

All right, let's begin.

Uh, question 1 --

what are the two chief classes of nebulae?

[imitates buzzer]

Emissions and reflection.

Mr. Tuttle, he's burning up.

Let's get him to the nurse.

Mr. Screech, I'm afraid your Bowl practice is over for good.

Thanks, Mom.

[buzzer]

Here are your malts.

They're extra thick. I hope you choke on them.

We didn't make Screech sick.

The dufus fell out a window.

You took the dufus skiing.

How many times should we say we're sorry?

Say it again.

- We're sorry. - We're sorry.

Not good enough.

Getting angry is not making our situation any better.

With Screech in the hospital,

we should be finding a replacement.

Maybe I can do it.

You have wrestling practice every day.

Besides, whoever replaces Screech

would have to study right up until Bowl day.

Well, maybe it's a lost cause.

We should probably just forfeit.

Never. Canceled a perfectly good teacher's strike for this stupid thing.

Nerd alert. It's the Valley bowl team.

Lookee, lookee.

It's the Bayside bowl team bimbos.

I guess you'll forfeit now that you're Screechless.

We'll be there, Gladys,

and we won't be dressed for a flood.

Hey, back off, lady.

My mom personally selects my attire.

Save your breath, Earl.

You're dealing with people who think quantum physics is a TV show.

Don't laugh too loud.

They're going to beat the tape off your glasses.

If you're so confident, you take Screech's place.

He couldn't speak and buzz at the same time.

All right, scrambled eggheads, you're on.

We're going to mop the floor with you.

Get out of here.

All right, Screech, I'm ready to learn.

Lisa and Jessie cover English, Art, and History.

Tell me everything about math and science.

OK, astrophysics--

first, think of astro, the jetsons' dog.

Jetsons means jet propulsion,

with properties "a," "b," "c"...

See you real soon.

Oh, no. He died.

I'm back.

Let's move on to the planets.

OK.

Can you remember the word "mvemjsunp"?

Mvemjsunp?

Mvemjsunp?

It's the name of the planets according to their distance from the sun.

"M"--Mercury, "V"--Venus,

"E"...

"E"...

Ee-yai, ee-yai, oh.

Screech, Screech, what's the rest of it?

? Old MacDonald had a farm ??

What?

It's too bad we couldn't get Screech to coach Valley.

They'd be so confused, we'd kill them.

Coaching the Valley team?

What an interesting concept.

Why did you ask us here, muscle brain?

We're on a tight schedule.

OK, here's the deal.

I volunteered to take Screech's place on the team.

They laughed and said, "no jocks allowed."

Why does this concern us?

Now I want to help you guys win.

We don't need your help.

Without Screech, they're dead meat.

Yeah? Screech is back.

Screech is back?

- Ooh. - Ooh.

He's not actually back back.

Screech has taught Zack everything he knows.

Everything?

Even thermonuclear global time share?

Even advanced thermonuclear global time share.

Uh-oh. I smell trouble.

Don't sweat it. I know their strategy.

They're planning to win in the sports category.

We know all about sports.

Well, concentrate on football.

Zack's an expert.

Then we'll concentrate on the pigskin.

That's the sport with helmets.

So they don't get hurt falling off their horse.

Academic Bowlers,

in a moment the game will begin.

Remember -- winning isn't everything,

but losing stinks.

Come on.

[all] Go, Bayside!

Nerds buy our plan?

Touchdown.

Sorry I'm late, everyone.

I missed the campus shuttle bus.

Now you know why I'm late every morning.

Welcome to the annual Bayside-Valley Academic Bowl.

There are six categories.

The controlling team can pick any subject within the given category.

Are you ready?

- Ready. - Ready.

- You bet. - You bet.

OK, opening question for control of the board.

Category -- literature.

What was Mark Twain's real name?

Samuel Clemens.

Correct.

Next question -- category still literature.

In Grimm's fairy tale Snow White,

what were the names of the seven dwarfs?

Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy.

Right.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but that's wrong.

Now, nerds-- I mean, Valley for control.

In Grimm's version they had no names.

Later, Walt Disney named them.

That's correct for 15 points.

Name this duck-billed mammal.

Platypus.

Correct for 15 points.

Next question --

the bird that hides its head in the sand...

Ostrich.

Is the ostrich.

How fast does it run?

50 miles an hour?

Correct.

When is this great plan of yours going to start?

Patience, Jessie.

We've got them right where we want them.

OK, contestants, final round.

Question value doubles to 30 points.

Category is sports.

Bayside, choose the subject.

I think I'll pick football.

Ah, let's live dangerously.

Make it basketball.

What happened to football?

OK, first question --

name the famous Los Angeles center

who holds the NBA's career scoring record.

Um, it's that Kareem guy.

Kareem Abdul-Montana.

No. I'm sorry.

Bayside?

Is it Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?

Correct for 30 points.

Question 2 --

who is the Chicago Bull that defies gravity?

That would be Air McMahon.

No, stupid. That's the guy on Star Search.

Bayside.

I believe it's Michael "Air" Jordan.

Correct. 30 more points.

If Bayside answers the final question correctly,

they'll be tied.

Who invented basketball?

O.J. Simpson.

No, you idiot. He's a football player.

OK, O.J. Chamberlain.

No. That is wrong and ridiculous.

Bayside.

Here's a wild guess.

Is it James Naismith?

Correct.

We have a tie,

and now to break the tie,

a wild-card, tie-breaker, tossup question.

Name the solar system's nine planets,

starting with the closest to the sun.

Uh, that would be mvemjsunp.

That's Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars,

Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and...

uh... Pluto?

Correct.

Bayside is the Academic Bowl champion.

Good work, people.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Are you coming to the victory party?

Sure. Where is it?

It's in the new teacher's lounge.

That's my office. You'll wreck everything.

If it's a good party we will.

Solidarity, brother.

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