Original subtitles

[bell rings]

? When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ?

? I don't think I'll ever make it on time ?

? By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ?

? I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?

? If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ?

? And my dog ate all my homework last night ?

? Ridin' low on my chair, she won't know that I'm there ?

? If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ?

Science projects are due this week.

I'm working with Jessie on a micro-listening device.

We're the perfect team--

she works hard, I hardly work.

Mr. Morris, shouldn't we be working on our science project?

I'm sorry, Mr. Tuttle,

but science doesn't turn me on.

Oh, hooey. Science is the ultimate turn-on.

Let me show you.

Walk this way.

What have we here?

Intrigue us with your ingenuity.

The ultimate bike-riding accessory --

a portable bug zapper.

You can pedal as fast as you want without swallowing flies.

All right, Morris, let's hustle.

Now look.

What is this fascinating phenomenon of physicality?

It's a love machine.

I've been called that.

You've been called a lot of things.

If two people have any feeling for each other,

this machine will tell us.

Affection detection.

A fine selection.

Now on to more tantalizing topics.

Why, look, whirling wheels of wonderment.

Whoopee, wow, and wazoo.

Mr. T, you're looking at gas-powered,

turbo-charged limousines for the feet.

Like, these blaster blades are gonna totally rewrite the books on speed skating.

Are there books on speed skating?

Excuse us. Sorry for the interruption.

Not as sorry as I am.

I have a new student for your class.

I'd like you to meet Jennifer Wade.

[all] Hi.

Whoa! Slater, check out the new girl.

Slater.

Shh!

I'm serious. Check her out.

I'm in big trouble.

That's my girlfriend from Germany.

[bell rings]

I want you to make sure Jennifer feels at home.

Her father's in the army.

She's never been to school in the states.

We got it covered.

She's in great hands.

Thanks for everything.

It's really good to be home.

Anytime, Jennifer. And remember,

here at Bayside, the principal's door is always open.

It's open if I want to go in right now...

But I don't.

Um...

So, you're from Germany.

Welcome to our country.

English is an easy language to learn.

Thank you, but I already know--

See? You're learning fast.

I'll be right back.

I'm going to what we Americans call a locker.

And he's what we Americans call an idiot.

So my family moved,

and Jennifer and I never really broke up.

You're saying you have two girlfriends?

What's the big deal? That's great.

Jessie won't think it's great.

Good point.

Help me keep Jennifer and Jessie apart

until I can figure out what to do.

No problem.

Guys, come over and meet Jennifer.

Albert Clifford? Is that you?

Albert?

Clifford?

That's why I shortened it to A.C.

I can't believe it!

It's so good to see you.

You go to school here?

Yeah. It's great to see you.

You know each other?

Looks like Al and Jenn know each other, Jess.

We lived next-door to each other on my dad's army base.

Really? That's amazing.

Well, why don't we hear more about Little Albie over lunch?

We can't. We have student council.

Oh, where has my mind gone?

My dad asks me that all the time.

Guys, why don't we take Jennifer to the Max?

That is a great idea, Slater.

Bye-bye.

See you guys.

Jenn, you go ahead with them.

I'll catch up with you.

O.K.

Don't worry, foreign lady.

I'll read the menu for you.

Remember, Screech, you can't let Jennifer find out

that Slater is Jessie's boyfriend.

Don't say a word.

O.K. Can I burp?

Don't even open your mouth.

All right.

Oh, hey, guys, are the hamburgers any good here?

[mumbling]

The hamburgers are great.

So, you and Slater were going steady in Germany?

For 14 months. Then his dad got transferred.

I'd have let my dad move, and I would've stayed.

Thanks.

When Albert left, we made one of those promises

that we wouldn't go out with anyone else ever.

Can you believe that?

Mm-hmm.

Jenn, remember this shirt? You gave it to me.

Yeah. It still looks good.

Thanks for keeping Jennifer company.

You probably have some things you want to do now, so...

No, we're fine right here, Big Al.

Beat it, Zack.

Yes.

Student council meeting was canceled.

Why?

Jessie slammed her gavel on Ronald Geekman's hand so hard

that his retainer flew out and hit Mr. Belding in the eye.

It was an accident. Besides, Geekman's got a big mouth.

I'll see you later.

Where are you guys going?

Your food hasn't come yet. Sit. Stay. Eat.

So, Jennifer, tell us all about Albert Clifford in Germany.

No one wants to hear about boring old me.

Did Slater have a lot of girlfriends?

Not a lot. Just one.

Slater, you, Jennifer, and I should see Mr. Belding.

Retainer wounds are very dangerous.

Stay. The big baby's all right.

I'm curious about Albert myself.

Is he a big man on campus here?

Slater's quarterback of the football team.

Don't forget captain of the wrestling team.

His girlfriend Jessie is president of the school.

You two are going together?

Yeah.

Oh. Gosh, look at the time.

I have to go meet my guidance counselor now.

Well, gee, guys, we got to go, too.

Come here. I told you not to tell Jennifer about Slater and Jessie.

So I forgot. Sue me.

Love machine experiment number two.

[buzz]

Contrary to popular belief,

peanut butter and jelly have no visible feelings for each other.

That Jennifer's a really sweet girl.

I'd like to spend some time with her and get to know her.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind that myself.

Let's finish this first.

There we go.

Hey, Screech, could you help us?

Zack and I finished our micro-listener.

We need someone to test its range.

We hid the device in this pen.

Walk through the halls,

and it should pick up any conversation around you.

Always the guinea pig, never the inea.

You could have told me you had a girlfriend.

I never expected to see you again.

The minute I saw you,

it was like nothing had changed.

I feel the same way.

This isn't a smart place to talk.

Why don't you give me your phone number, and I'll call you?

Screech, let me borrow this pen.

It's not really a pen.

If it has ink, it'll do.

Jenn, write down your number.

But...

Oh, my gosh!

Why does he want her number?

The micro-listener works fine.

Let's call it a day.

Move it or lose it.

I never expected my girlfriend to show up

from halfway around the world.

Girlfriend?

Yeah. She's a girl, and she's an old friend.

Feel better?

Out of my way. I'm going to break his cheating heart.

Can't let my good friends Jessie and Slater break up over a girl,

especially one I'd like to date.

I'm dead.

Jessie's gonna rip my eyes out, punch my face in,

then break up with me.

It's her usual pattern.

Look, Slater, the only way out of this is for you

to tell Jessie it's over between you and Jennifer.

It's not. That's the problem.

What am I gonna do?

Make up your mind who you really want.

Right.

Who do I want?

Let's do a little comparison shopping.

First you have Jennifer.

She's very, very average.

Then there's Jessie.

She's bright, beautiful, extremely above average.

Your sweet, loving mama.

Yeah. Yeah, she is my mama, isn't she?

There's your decision. Dump Jennifer.

- Right. - Yes.

Wrong.

Preppie, I don't know what I want.

Slap some sense into me.

Would you get ahold of yourself?

If there was some way Jennifer wasn't a threat to Jessie.

You need some guy to ask Jennifer out

to take the heat off of you.

Right. But where will I find this guy?

Preppie, how about you?

Whew!

Slater, I just came from school.

Jessie's on a rampage.

She spray-painted "death to Slater" on your locker.

No problem.

Zack's going to ask Jennifer out

so Jessie won't be jealous.

I'm home free.

I'll ask again.

Why did you want her phone number?

Could you loosen up?

I'm losing vision in my right eye.

Tell me now before I get angry.

I needed the number because I couldn't tell her in person

that it was over.

Then it's definitely over?

Absolutely.

Will you pop the back of my neck

so my Adam's apple snaps back into place?

Bye, sweetie.

Zack, I want you to ask Jennifer on a date.

Me date Jennifer?

But... why?

I want to test Big Al's true feelings.

If my jerk from Germany sees you with Jennifer and doesn't care,

then I know he's mine.

O.K. But only because we're friends.

And you're paying.

Screech!

I feel terrible. I mean, Jessie won't talk to me.

The minute you and Zack show up on your fake date at the Max,

Jessie will like you and Slater will be off the hook.

What fake date?

The one Slater asked Zack to take you on.

But shh! Don't let Jessie find out.

Date Zack, huh? O.K.

If Albert wants me to date Zack,

then I'll teach him a lesson he'll never forget.

- Look who's here. - Look who's here.

Zack and Jennifer.

Hi, guys. You all know Jennifer.

Hi.

I planned on Jennifer and I sitting alone.

Oh. I don't mind.

Do you mind, Slater?

Oh, I don't mind.

Look at the way they're holding hands.

What can I get you guys?

How about one burger, and we'll meet at the pickle?

Can you rush that order?

Yeah.

[music plays]

It's getting hot and heavy over there.

Zack didn't waste any time.

I guess there's nothing wrong with Zack dancing with Jennifer,

is there, Slater?

No. I'm happy they're hitting it off.

Real happy.

I'll be right back.

You're doing great.

Hold me closer, Zack.

Only if you insist.

May I cut in?

Sure.

Thank you.

I thought maybe after I dropped off Jessie,

I'd come by your house, and we can talk.

You better call first

because I'm going to the beach with Zack.

Wait right here.

Be right back.

Hey. A walk on the beach?

What are you doing?

I'm making it look convincing.

You're supposed to be convincing Jessie, not Jennifer.

Now our next presenters are Kelly and Screech

and the love detector.

All right. Go get 'em, Screech.

- Look at this. - Pretty neat, Screech.

When two people are hooked up to the machine,

their feelings for each other are registered on the front scale.

Any volunteers?

How about Zack and Jennifer?

Ingenious idea.

Fly, lovebirds, to the mate meter.

Wow, Jennifer, you have soft, lovely hands.

They're mine, nimwad.

S-Sorry, Zack.

Our subjects are connected.

Kelly, hit the juice.

Very compatible.

Way to go, Preppie. Thanks.

I ask for one favor, and you steal my girlfriend.

She's still your girlfriend?

Uh, well, I mean, my old girlfriend.

But-- but, you see...

It's all this stupid machine's fault.

Jessie, wait. I--

That's it!

Me and the neanderthal are through.

Jessie, Slater didn't try to deliberately hurt you.

He got caught in a weird situation.

He could've told me the truth!

I happen to be a very understanding person, you know.

I sense that.

You're the only one who will lose if you break up.

You'll drive him back to Jennifer.

That's where he wants to be.

You don't know for sure.

Maybe they should go on a date to see how they feel.

What?

Jessie, sometimes you have to let go of a person

to find out if there's something there to hold onto.

I don't want to lose Slater.

I love him.

Jessie?

Jessie, look, I should have told you from the beginning.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

Do you still like Jennifer?

That doesn't really matter.

You're my girl now.

No, Slater. Look...

It's obvious that you and Jennifer have feelings for each other.

You need to go out and see what's really there.

Are you sure?

Yeah. But if you pick her, I get to keep your jacket.

Mama, you're the greatest.

Just remember that on your date, Albert Clifford.

Hey, you sure you want to sit up front?

We always used to sit in the back at the Berlin-o-plex.

I know, but I like to sit closer now.

Yeah. I like to sit closer, too.

No, I've changed my mind.

I don't want to go through with this.

My romantic future depends on what happens tonight.

Besides, you like Jennifer.

You want to see her end up with Slater?

No.

But why do I have to dress up as the old lady?

The support hose were cutting off my circulation.

Stop complaining. We got the senior discount.

What do you think?

Does it look like they're bonding?

No. They're still eating popcorn from separate tubs.

Shh!

Sorry, Sonny.

You're going to love this movie.

I heard Mel Gibson is great.

I'm getting tired of Mel Gibson.

I like Kevin Costner.

- Kevin Costner? - Mm-hmm.

He's O.K. I guess.

What'd they say? I can't hear them.

I don't know. My girdle's killing me.

Can I help you with something?

Uh, you just back up there because I have mace.

Sorry.

You should be because people like you don't make it safe for us.

You're going to blow it.

Great. You just broke your bra.

Jennifer, let's move.

This is fun being together again, Jenn.

If you don't mind, I like being called Jennifer now.

Oh. I'm sorry.

That's O.K., Albie.

While we're on name changes,

it's, uh, A.C. now, not Albie.

And please, can Clifford.

Great. I can't hear them.

It doesn't look so good from here.

Ow.

What's wrong?

My neck hurts.

Someone twisted it this morning.

Well, here. Let me rub it for you.

Oh, great.

Oh, my gosh, they're going to kiss.

I can't take this anymore.

Wait--

uh, gee-- whoa.

Kelly, check out that old couple.

They keep making weird noises.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Do you have anything on the menu for a broken heart?

Oh, we're fine, Kelly. Just a little depressed.

Zack? Jessie? Is that you?

Yeah. We got dressed in disguises

to spy on Jennifer and Slater's date.

That's terrible. What happened?

We left before they started making out.

Oh.

Hey, Kelly. Excuse me, folks.

Have you seen Zack and Jessie?

We need to talk to them.

You mean you were the two old geezers in the movies?

Look, we apologize for spying.

I realize now the two of you were meant for each other.

No. Jenn and Albert Clifford were meant for each other,

but they grew up.

We found out that Jennifer and A.C. are just friends.

You're my girl.

So... Jennifer.

I guess this kind of makes you available.

Yeah, kind of.

Zack, I was wondering...

do you like Kevin Costner?

[as old woman] Oh, yes, he's great.

He's cooler than Mel Gibson.

Do you know a cute blond guy

who'd like to take me to the movies tomorrow night?

I'm your man if I don't have to wear this girdle.

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