Original subtitles

(bell rings)

? When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ?

? I don't think I'll ever make it on time ?

? By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ?

? I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?

? If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ?

? And my dog ate all my homework last night ?

? Ridin' low in my chair, she won't know that I'm there ?

? If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ?

Kelly: Wow, look at this line.

Man, we'll never get tickets to the U2 concert.

- O ye of little faith. - We told you we had a plan.

- Have I ever let you down before? - Both: Yeah.

When?

The time you snuck us into the drive-in movie in the trunk of your car.

So I forgot the trunk key.

You still got to hear the movie.

Yeah, but it was a Japanese movie.

Hey, I tried to read the subtitles as fast as I could.

No, girls, he really has a good idea this time.

And there it is now.

Hey, how did Screech get to the head of the line?

He slept here all night.

- How'd you get him to do that? - Simple.

- We bribed him with a new teddy bear. - (alarm clock rings)

Just five more minutes, Mom.

Hey, Screech, get up.

Five tickets to the U2 concert, please.

The window's not open yet.

Screech, this is the nicest, sweetest thing you've ever done.

Even nicer than the time I wrote "I love you"

in chocolate syrup on your mother's white couch?

Forget the whole thing.

Let's check out that video store while Screech gets the tickets.

Sure. Screech, you do have all our money?

Yep, right here in my slippers.

Since you guys got the tickets covered, we're going shopping.

Yes, let's go slip our toes into the new shoes at the Hot Feet Boutique.

Ooh-la-la. All right.

Let's say we meet in an hour at the directory sign.

- See ya. - Bye, Screech.

U2 tickets are now on sale. Cash only.

I'd like five seats as close as you've got.

When I say close, I want to see nose hairs.

I have tickets in mezzanine or orchestra. What'll it be?

Oh my goodness.

Oh my gosh. Zack will kill me if I make the wrong decision.

These people will kill you if you don't hurry up.

Excuse me, fellow U2 fan, would you hold my spot in line?

I need to consult with my friends.

Thanks.

Slater, why can't we meet girls like that?

Yeah, great figure, doesn't talk back.

Hi, guys. Who's the cute babe in the window?

She's a dummy, dummy.

- Screech, you got the tickets? - Not exactly.

- You want mezzanine or orchestra? - Wait a minute.

- You left the line to ask us that!? - Dimwit! You lost your place in line.

No problem.

The guy behind me is saving my spot. Here he comes now.

Thanks, sir, for saving my spot in line.

No comprendo, se�or. Adi�s.

Wait, if he's here, then who's there? Oops!

I'll save you the trouble.

Get back in line, lunkhead.

If we miss out on this concert, I'm gonna kill you.

Hey, Kelly. Where's Lisa?

She's at the shoe store flirting with the salesman.

He's taking Polaroids of her feet.

- Hey, did you buy anything? - No, I'm broke.

I gave you guys all the money for the concert.

Where's Screech? Shouldn't he have the tickets by now?

Well, you see-- Hey, let's go eat!

- What happened, guys? - He was born, need I say more?

Look, I'm sorry, Kelly. He accidentally stepped out of line and lost his place.

- You'd better call a priest. - Why?

Because Lisa's gonna kill him, and I'm going to have bad thoughts.

- Hi, guys. - Hey, Lisa.

How are things going with the shoe salesman?

Oh, they're lookin' good. Eddie wants to give me a ride in his Air Jordans.

How many pairs of shoes did you buy, Lisa?

Just three. I'm on a tight budget.

- Hey, whose bag is this? - All: Not mine.

(gasps) Whoa, Mama!!!

Whoa, Mama!

- Is that real money? - Smells like it.

Sounds like $5,000, give or take a 20.

Yes, this is going to be a good day after all.

Wait. This isn't our money.

Some poor person lost it and we have to return it.

Get real, Kelly. What "poor" person has $5,000?

If they weren't poor before, they're poor now.

We can't keep this. It's somebody else's money.

All right, let's be fair.

If it is someone's money, we should give them time to reclaim it.

Agreed? Good.

Then I hereby invoke the "five-foot, five-second" rule.

The what?

If no one is within five feet of this money when I count to five, it's ours.

- One, two-- - Cut it out, Zack.

We have to ask around to see if anybody lost $5,000.

Okay, okay.

(whispering) Has anyone lost $5,000?

I don't know what you two are arguing about.

This is my money. I'm the one who found the bag.

Your money? You never would've found the bag

if Zack and I didn't slide over so you could sit down.

- Okay, I'll split it with you. - Split it with them?

There wouldn't be a bag to find if I didn't sit at this bench.

You'd still be rattling on about Eddie and his Air Jordans.

(all arguing)

Hold it. Hold it!

I think I've got a way to solve this money problem.

How? Give it all to you?

All right, I'll think of another way.

We should give it all back, but not before we put it to work for us.

What does that mean?

That means, we take the money and buy as many tickets as we can.

Then we sell those puppies for a big profit.

- And the money is returned? - Absolutely.

We'll think of this as a short-term loan with a great interest rate.

- Okay? - All: All right.

All right, guy, come on. Let's go find Screech.

- You got the money. - Yeah, I got the money.

- Bag's gone, Frankie. - It had to be those kids, Louie.

Let's go.

Zack: Whoa, Screech, how did you move up in line so fast?

Old Disneyland tactic.

I hid under a fern until I could blend into the line.

- You're goofy. - No, but that's who taught me.

We've got a little secret to tell you but you've got to keep it quiet.

Did I ever tell Slater how you filled his locker with tapioca pudding?

- That was you? - Uh... we don't have time for that.

Screech, we want you to buy a lot of tickets

'cause we just found $5,000.

- Shhh! - (loudly) $5,000?!

Did you have a doughnut for breakfast, Lisa?

- Your hand tastes good. - Zack: Oh man.

Look, guys, we still need to get Screech to the head of the line.

I don't think that'll be a problem.

Hey, buddy, look at this.

- Mmm, look at that. - Double-scoop, we're talking serious.

- Come here, baby. - (girls giggle)

- (both gasp) - Thank you.

Excuse me, ma'am. I wonder if you'd let my friend go ahead of you.

- He missed last year's concert. - He was so depressed,

that he locked himself in the basement for a year.

And today is his first day out.

No way, blondie. I never miss a U2 concert!

Would $50 help you change your mind?

What are you doing? That's our ticket money.

- You're forgetting about our find. - Did he say 50, beautiful?

'Cause I think he meant 100, little darling.

100 smackers?

Make it two and I'm outta here.

There you go.

All right, one more customer and we're rich.

I can't believe the concert's sold out.

I can't believe we gave so much money to that old lady.

And I can't believe there's a planet of Elvis impersonators

on a collision course with Earth.

Can you believe this?

We should turn the money in right away.

Hey, hey, hey, let's not be so rash.

There are plenty of ways to make a quick buck.

We could invest in the stock market and double our money.

- And what if we lose? - Who cares? It's not our money.

It's not right. I'm telling that security officer right now.

Excuse me, Officer, I'd really--

Low blood sugar. She has to eat all the time.

What did she say?

She'd like to go to the restroom, but she doesn't know where it is.

It's right down there in the South Promenade.

Thanks for your help, Officer. And hey, be careful out there.

PA: Attention, mall shoppers,

due to the phenomenal sales of U2 concert tickets,

Power Records announces a second concert has been added.

Tickets go on sale tomorrow at 9:00 AM.

Bingo! Who says opportunity doesn't knock twice?

This is great! We have a second chance to go to the concert.

Better yet, another chance to make a killing selling tickets.

Oh no, I'm not sleeping here again.

Last night, the security dogs were nipping at my underwear.

No, Screech, this time we're all staying

so we're guaranteed to be first in line.

How are we going to pull that off, Preppie?

I don't know yet. But I do know we have a lot of money

and a lot of hours to kill.

How about a little advance on tomorrow's profits?

Tickle my palm, honey.

I've got places to go and shoes to try on.

I guess it'd be all right to look at some bathing suits.

- They are selling them for half off. - Which half are you going to buy?

You know, I've always defended you, but you really are a bozo.

All right, step right up. Free enterprise. I love it.

Here's $200 for you, and for you, and you.

- Zack, some guys are staring at us. - Huh?

All right, all right, no need to draw attention to ourselves.

We'll split up now and meet back at the movies at 6:00.

Hey, you guys, maybe we should hide the bag.

That's a good point.

Screech, when I put the money in Lisa's shoebox,

- create a diversion. - No, I've got a better idea.

I'll create a diversion.

(Screech mimicking monkey)

Oh gosh, now they're holding hands and feet.

Kelly, don't you have somewhere to go-- quickly?

Come on, Lisa. We're going to the movies, remember?

Lisa, it's those guys, again. We've got to get out of here!

Gotta run, Eddie. We'll do boots tomorrow.

- Move it! - Ow! Hey, hey, ouch!

- What's going on? - Those weird guys were following us.

- We saw them at the boutique. - They're obviously killers.

We've stolen their money and now we're going to die.

I'll never get married, never have a white picket fence.

I'll never get a letter from Ed McMahon again.

Kelly, shut up. They're not killers.

They're just shoppers. This is a mall, you know.

This money is making us paranoid.

I'm sure nothing weird will happen while we're in here.

- Slater: I know. Relax. - Hi, guys.

- I take that back. - Why are you dressed like that?

Because they wanted $300 for the Little Bo Peep costume.

But why are you wearing this costume?

That way, when the bad guys come, they won't notice me.

The only place you wouldn't be noticed is in a nuthouse.

Don't be so sure.

- You should have come shopping with us. - Check out what I got.

- Bam! - Psycho!

Female character: Don't go, Jonathan. I can't live without you.

Male character: If you want me to stay, Lydia,

let me hear those three special words.

(mocking) Oh, Jonathan.

Not here. Not now.

Oh, Lydia, don't tease me so.

You know how weak I am.

It doesn't matter, Jonathan.

- You're rich. - Shh!

- What? Girls! - You gonna move?

(mimics ghosts)

Lisa: You're so infantile, Slater.

We're trying to watch the movie.

Female character: Oh, Jonathan, I love you.

Let's ask the warden to marry us.

Are you proposing to me, my precious flower?

Oh yes, darling.

You're the only man I ever loved.

Lydia.

Jonathan.

- Can I be the best man? - No, but you can be the dork of honor.

Now will you shut up? I'm trying to watch the movie!

You can't scare Screechman.

- Oh no? Watch this. - Ooh, ooh!

It's them! They're here!

"Just shopping. It is a mall, you know." Right. I hope they kill you two first.

Okay, everyone stay calm.

We have to get out without attracting attention.

One at a time, make like you're leaving for the bathroom.

Got it? Follow my lead.

(whistling)

(whistles)

Diet soda. Goes through you faster than a speeding bullet.

Excuse me.

- Hey, guys, where's Screech? - I don't know. He was right behind me.

We're being chased by crooks and you have time to stop for a yogurt?

Yes. Even Screechman needs nourishment.

It's almost closing time. We've got to find a place to sleep.

We're sleeping here?

Couldn't we find someplace else, like The Beverly Hills Hotel?

I guess we could. But then we wouldn't be

next to the ticket booth when it opens in the morning.

Morning? What about our parents?

We'll call our parents and tell them

everybody is sleeping at somebody else's house.

And where exactly are we supposed to be sleeping?

Well... you see that tent?

We're camping out.

When I give you the signal, go for it.

- Anything I can help you with? - Uh... yeah, yeah.

How much is that football up there?

- $29.95. - $29.95. Good.

Now, is that hogskin, boarskin or pigskin?

I don't know. Nobody's ever asked.

Well, then, it's a good thing I did.

- It's pigskin. - Good.

I'm the manager of a school football team

and I need footballs for practice. Do you have any more,

- say, in back? - I'll check.

You'd better hurry, because the season starts in three months.

Sorry, guys, we're closed.

- But-- wait! - Sorry.

Slater: Can you please move? Your foot is on my hand.

Zack: Hey, your hand is on my foot.

- Lisa: It's dark in here. - Screech: That's all right, my darling.

I have x-ray vision. Ow!

Lisa: And get rid of that stupid costume!

Everything is going just fine.

I'll be happy when this is all over and we return the $5,000.

There are five of us and we'd like the maximum 10 tickets apiece.

Anywhere on the floor would be fine.

- That'll be $3,000. - All right.

- It's gone! - What?!

The money is gone!

- How could it just disappear? - How could I buy these ugly shoes?

The boxes must've gotten switched when you guys ran out of the shoe store.

Now, let's go find the money. Let's go!

There are a thousand boxes in here. What are we going to do?

Slater, Screech and I will check all the shoeboxes out.

You guys start trying some on. One of us is bound to find the money.

Excuse me, ma'am. Store security.

- I have to check that box. - Why?

Parliamentary procedure. There's been a bunch of floor sample thefts.

Thank you.

- Okay, you can go. - Right this way.

- Lisa, I've missed you. - Can the jive, Eddie.

We want to try on every shoe in the store.

Get some help, honey, 'cause we've got work to do.

- Yaa-hooo! - What, Screech?

- Did you find the money? - No, but I found a slide for my turtle.

We have check every box in the store. Where could it be?

- You again?! - Good morning, ma'am.

- I'll be taking this if you don't mind. - Over my dead body.

Look, there's Kevin Costner.

- Where? - Bingo!

Let's go buy us some concert tickets.

- There they are, Frankie. - Hey, kids, c'mere.

- We want to talk to ya. - Run for it, guys!

Here's some money for the mess.

- Now what? - I don't know, I'm out of ideas.

- Anybody got any suggestions? - Eat fiber, you'll live longer.

- Man: Hey, you kids. - It's security.

- The boutique must have reported us. - In there! Rush it!

We should have turned the money in right when we found it.

Lisa, why did you have to be so nosey and pick up that bag!?

Don't blame this on me. Zack's the one with the bright ideas.

- Is my corsage on straight? - Yes, it looks great.

How can you say this is my fault?

None of this would have happened if Screech had stayed in line.

- Don't blame me. - He was following your dumb scheme.

- No, it was Slater's idea. - Me?!

- See? - Hold it!

(all shouting)

Hold it!

Stop the fighting.

- We've got to figure a way out of this. - Why can't we just use the front door?

Screech, don't make me clobber a priest.

We have to find a way to return the money. Maybe--

Shh.

Zack!

- Officer, I'm glad we found you. - We need your help.

These two mob guys are chasing us.

- They want this money we found. - Or they're going to kill us.

- Is that a jelly doughnut? - Yes, which means I'm on break.

- Come back in 10 minutes. - 10 minutes?!

In 10 minutes, we're gonna be wearing cement boots,

- sleeping in the ocean with the fishes. - All right, break's over.

- Now, what can I do for you? - (Kelly screams)

- Save us from those guys! - Why should I?

- I'm with them. - I want my mommy!

All right, kids, hand over the dough.

All right, all right.

- Here you go. See ya. - You're not going anywhere!

We've got a surprise for you.

We're dead!

No, kids, you're on "Candid Video!"

Wave to everyone at home!

The television show?!

You mean you've been videotaping this whole thing?

That's right-- the ticket line, the movies, the boutique... everything.

This is terrible.

I was wearing the same outfit for two days.

And for being guests on our show,

"Candid Video's" giving you five front-row tickets to the U2 concert!

Five front-row tickets?

Do you know how much money we could get for these?

All: No!

(instrumental theme music plays)

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