Original subtitles

(bell rings)

? When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ?

? I don't think I'll ever make it on time ?

? By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ?

? I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?

? If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ?

? And my dog ate all my homework last night ?

? Ridin' low in my chair, she won't know that I'm there ?

? If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ?

Hey, and it's a touchdown.

It's checkmate. They're playing chess, not football.

Yeah, right.

Arnold Dilton of St. Murray's has just crushed

Bayside's own Franklin Finkley.

(crowd cheers)

That sure was an exciting match, wasn't it, Zack?

There's nothing more thrilling than geek-to-geek combat.

Okay, this is the moment you've all been waiting for.

Playing for St. Murray's, it's Steven Bijou;

And Bayside's champion, our very own Screech Powers.

(crowd chanting) Screech, Screech...

Oh, Samuel, I'm so excited.

Not everyone gets to be the girlfriend of a chess jock.

May the best brain win.

Go ahead, hunk of mine, annihilate the dork.

(snorting laughter) I mean--

you forgot your lucky beret.

How could I forget? I haven't lost since you gave it to me.

Here.

Perfect. Now show me that killer look.

Pawn, rook, bishop, knight, let's go Bayside, fight, fight, fight.

Pawn, bishop, rook, queen, Bayside is the winning team.

Okay, chess freaks, another thrilling match is about to begin.

Jessie: Screech starts off with a traditional Latvian King's Pawn Gamit.

- Go, Screech, flatten his king. - Shh-hh!

(chanting) Quiet down, concentrate.

Come on, Screech, think checkmate.

Checkmate.

And the game is over. Screech wins the semi-finals

and goes on to the championship against Valley.

Will you autograph my program?

If you beat Valley next week, you'll be famous.

Famous?

With the right promotion he could be famous

and I could be rich.

Okay, gather round, gather round.

How many of you know this face?

You may think this is regular old scrawny Screech--

- No-oo! - --but you're wrong.

It's Bayside's chess hero.

- I say machoism is dead. - Right, Preppie.

Big burly biceps like these are yesterday's news.

Little bony arms like these are what's happening today.

Yes, today's man has mental muscles.

So get your very own Screech T-shirts.

And what a bargain, only $10 apiece.

I'll buy a dozen.

I can't help myself, I'm a fool in love.

- Here you go. - Screech T-shirt.

Hey, Slater, look what just crawled out of the sewer.

- Vinnie and Guy-Guy. - Screech: The Master cousins.

Holy potatoes!

We didn't crawl out of no sewer.

Yeah, we hitched a ride on a garbage truck.

What do you two losers want?

We came to discuss a little wager on the chess finals.

We'll put our money on Screech any day.

- Yeah. - You're gonna win, right?

O ye of little faith.

No problem, I beat Spencer every time we play.

- Zack: All right. - Slater: Okay,

but if we're gonna bet, let's make it interesting.

- How about 100 bucks? - Vinnie: You're on.

And guess what? Spencer transferred.

Meet Peter Breznev,

Valley's new Russian exchange student.

And not only is he Russian,

he's from the Soviet Union.

I have your queen and you're in check

with an Arabian Knight Trap, what do you do?

Ha! Is simple, I use the Spassky Bishop Block.

The Spassky Bishop Block! How'd you know about that?

Spassky is my uncle, although Aunt Sophia has thicker mustache.

Oh my goodness.

Hey, Screech. Screech, what's wrong?

What's wrong? Spassky practically invented chess.

I don't stand a chance.

I may as well quit now.

Sammy, you haven't come this far to quit now.

Screech, don't listen to those guys, they're all talk.

I know, but they're saying the right words.

Screech, you're undefeated,

you're Bayside's champion, you're the best checkers player around.

- Chess. - Whatever. You're good.

Besides that, you've got something he doesn't have, your lucky beret.

Hey, that's right.

I do, don't I?

You will win, you will win, you will win, you will win!

(roars)

All right, Mr. Fancy-Pants Russian,

I'll meet you at the chessboard.

- All right. - Way to go, Screech.

And as for you two muckety-mucks,

let's double-- nay, triple that bet.

Triple?

Coach: ...48... 49... and 50.

All right, enough of these brain aerobics.

Let's continue on with our finger flexes.

Oh, no more, no more, Coach, you're pushing us too hard.

Suck it up, Finkley. Remember, no pain, no gain.

And a one and two and squeeze, squeeze.

One and two and squeeze, squeeze.

Not so hard there, Powers.

Save yourself for Valley.

You're right, I wouldn't want to get chess finger before the big game.

All right now, everybody, let's pair off for scrimmaging.

Finkley, you play Powers.

Oh no, don't make me, he's ruthless, I'll do anything.

Don't worry, Finkley, I'll go easy on you.

Okay, smile for the camera.

25 bucks.

- Here you go. - What are you doing?

- Exploiting you. - Yep.

I'll get the next customer.

Whoa, baby, did you come to have your picture taken?

Or to go live on a deserted island with me?

That's a cute little fantasy.

Can you tell me where Samuel Powers is?

- Checkmate. - Never mind, I found him.

Are you Samuel Powers?

That's what my mom writes inside my underwear.

She wants Screech?

I'm Allison Fox from "Chessboy Magazine,"

and I'd really like to check out your moves.

- You know what I mean? - Not exactly.

Wow, I still can't believe that "Chessboy Magazine--"

- --But why me? - That's what I want to know.

All their scouting reports say you're a great chess player.

But none of them said you were this handsome.

I am considered the Kevin Costner of the chess circuit.

Oh, come on, I just don't get it.

There are mysteries you just can't explain.

Like, why does Sin�ad O'Connor have a hairdryer?

- Be careful, that's school property. - What's the matter with him?

Some babe dogged him for Screech.

Wow, that's an awfully messy locker

for someone with a mind as neat as yours.

That's because I'm a slob.

Not only are you brilliant and handsome

but you have a sense of humor too.

Oh my--

Why don't you let me take you out to lunch?

- We can do the interview there. - I'll meet you at The Max at noon?

I'll be looking forward to it.

Does Violet know about this?

She will soon enough.

(bell rings)

Lisa: See you later.

(squeaky voice) Hi, Vinnie? Like, it's me, Allison.

Is Guy-Guy there?

Hi, sweet lips.

Like, the dweeb totally fell for it.

So, like, I'll break up him and his girlfriend,

and he'll be way too bugged out to play chess.

I'll see ya at the Galleria.

Bye.

I think of chess as the great equalizer.

No matter how big or small you are,

we're all the same size on the chessboard.

You are so deep.

- Samuel. - Oh, hi, Violet.

Violet: Ahem!

Aren't you going to introduce me to your lady friend?

Sure... Allison, meet my significant other, Violet.

How sweet.

Allison is from "Chessboy Magazine."

They want to do an article on me.

How wonderful. It's a pleasure to meet you.

It's not just an article, Screech, we want you to be our centerfold.

You mean me? Checkmate of the Month?

Kelly: I don't care what magazine she's from,

she's flirting with Screech, and right in front of Violet.

What our readers want to know is,

what makes Screech Powers a winner?

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time somebody asked me that...

There is one thing, I could never win without--

Oh, Samuel, you're so sweet.

- --My lucky beret. - A hat?

We'd never win a game without this.

Awesome, totally-- I mean, fascinating.

May I?

I never wore the hat of a genius before.

No, see, I gave that to Samuel and he'd never--

- Sure. - -- let anyone else...

Screech, we're having a pool party at the Chessboy mansion on Saturday

and I'd like you to come as my personal guest.

Ha, Samuel can't, we have plans.

Violet, did you hear that?

I get to swim in the pawn-shaped pool.

I'll need a new bathing suit, a new towel...

Gosh, I better pump some iron.

- Poor Violet. - Let's go see if she's okay.

I'm almost done, I'll catch up to you guys. Bye.

(mumbling)

Thanks for the interview, Screech. I must get back to Valley--

I mean, the Valley, to my office.

Sure, see you at poolside.

Wait a minute, isn't that Screech's beret?

Oh...

I must have forgotten.

Hey, Screech, be more careful with this.

I got 300 bucks riding on you and your magic hat.

- Right. - Yeah.

I better go hide this in my locker.

It's got a false bottom.

Allison, I've decided to give you a second chance.

- I'm free tonight. - I could see why.

Was that a yes or a no?

Oh, look at her. She must be so depressed.

We're gonna need an extra box of tissues for this one.

It's hard to believe anybody could be this sad over losing Screech.

I am not sad, I'm furious.

Mother warned me not to go out with him.

"He'll break your heart," she said.

- But did I listen? No. - Violet, calm down.

I most certainly will not.

I have given him the best semester of my life.

Violet, relax.

And when I think of how he treated me--

Allison this and Allison that.

It's not Screech's fault, not completely. It's that reporter.

Jessie's right, all Screech cared about was the article.

- That girl was coming on to him. - And the doofus didn't realize it.

You mean Sammy's not interested in her?

(snorts) Oh golly goose.

I've been such a fool.

Why don't you go find him and make up?

Oh, I will. It's so hard not to get jealous

when you're dating such a high-risk hunk.

Samuel! I've been looking all over for you.

- Violet, I'm glad to see you. - You are?

I'm not too sure about this pool party with Allison.

Oh-hh really?

I'm still available.

I'm still going to the party, I just can't decide if I should wear

these, these or...

these.

(growls)

Are you sure these'll look good on me?

? Cock-a-doodle- beat-bop-ba-dang-- ?

I'd wear the blue ones 'cause they match your eyes.

- Thanks. - No problem.

? Squeeze-squat- squiddely-doop-bop ?

Hey, check out what I'm wearing to the Chessboy pool party.

- There is no party, Screech. - No Checkmate of the Month either.

- What are you talking about? - You've been rooked, look at this.

"We got the beret, so pay up today."

And Allison's not a reporter.

- She's a spy from Valley. - Why is she with Guy-Guy Master?

- Because she's his girlfriend. - His girlfriend?

Look at that, she's got the same hat I do.

It is your hat, Screech.

It can't be, mine's in my locker. Come here.

Screech...

It's in here somewhere.

Hold that.

It's gone!

(tearfully) She stole my beret.

Now I'll never win.

(slurping)

He looks so sad.

I just want to go over there and give him a big hug.

Yeah, the poor geek lost his favorite accessory.

- I'd be crushed. - We should tell him the truth.

We shouldn't try and fool him with a phony beret.

Just trust us.

Trust you and Zack? Those words don't go together.

It's the only way to boost his confidence again.

- Yeah. I'll see you guys later. - Bye, guys. Take care.

Later.

- Both: Hey, Screech. - How's it going?

We were over at Valley yesterday and we found something interesting.

We thought you might know who it belonged to.

It's my beret.

My beret! Hooray!

- Go win that chess tournament. - Go get 'em, Screech.

No problem. You guys are the greatest.

I have to go tell Violet.

You feel like making some money, Slater?

- Indubitably. - Let's do it.

All right, get your Screech berets right here!

- Get your lucky Screech beret. - Screech berets.

Violet, you'll never believe it.

I have to tell you about Allison.

No, I have to tell you about Allison. If that is the kind of trollop you want,

fine, but as far as I'm concerned, you are a bum.

- Violet, what's the matter? - (Violet scoffs)

Like you don't know, Mr. Checkmate of the Month.

And where'd you get the stupid hat?

You gave it to me, remember?

No, Samuel, the one I gave you had my initials on it.

This cheap imitation says,

- "Property of French's Pizza"? - Are you sure?

About as sure as I am that we are through.

Hey, my little gold mine, how is it going?

Hey, you must be mighty happy to have your hat back.

Forget it, guys, I know it's a fake.

Face it, you bet on a loser.

Poor little fella.

First he loses his lucky beret and then he loses his girl.

Oh, come on. What are you guys worried about?

- Screech is still gonna win. - How can you be so sure?

We know something you don't know.

Hi, Screech. We came to wish you luck.

- Even brought my lucky pom-poms. - Luck? Ha, I don't need luck.

- All right. - That's the spirit, son.

I need a miracle.

Belding: Help him, I don't know.

Morris, let us dispense with the formalities.

- Pay up now. - Like that dog's never gonna win.

Well like, we'll just have to wait and see, o-kay?

O-kay.

Hey, Peter, where you going?

I go to humiliate your friend Screechnavich.

Hey, Pete, that's great, but first you have to get a pre-game photo taken.

- Oh yes? - Oh yes.

It's an American custom, that way if you lose,

they still have a picture of you smiling.

Come on.

- It's right this way, Peter. - Hurry, there isn't much time.

Yep, that's why we're "Russian" you.

Good one, Preppie.

Slater: Go ahead.

(clattering and ruckus)

Okay, Preppie, the coast is clear.

- Thank you, comrade. - No problemovich.

- Come, let's goski. - Okayski.

What are you doing here? Where's Zack?

He asked me to fill in. He said he wasn't feeling like himself.

(crowd applauding)

Jessie: Peter Breznev, Valley's champ has just arrived.

Slater, who do you think will come out on top today?

Call it a hunch, but I think Screech

is gonna kick that commie's butt.

Slater, we're on the air. In this age of glasnost

you don't say, "Kick the commie's butt."

Oh, sorry.

What I meant was, kick that commie's heinie.

Welcome to the All-City Chess finals.

In a way it's more than all-city, it's all-world.

And today it's important to remember

that the Russkis are our friendskis.

Good luck, son. Perestroika, son.

Stop your crying, stop your fussing.

Come on, Screech, beat that Russian.

And they're off. The Soviet gets the first move.

Pawn to King's Rook Two? That's pretty unorthodox style.

What style? He's never played before.

I mean, he's never played an American before.

I've never seen that strategy in any of the chess books.

Boy, you're good.

- Beat me. - Huh?

- Just win the game. - Jaws windy game?

What's that mean?

I surrender Screechnavich. You're too good.

(Valley crowd groans)

Hey, hey, hey... what is going on here?

Incredible, first the Russian was winning, then the Russian was losing,

now the Russian's hopping on stage in his underwear?

Quite a game, huh?

Like, wow, that's not Peter, that's a faker.

Well, let's find out who the faker is.

- Screech: Zack? - Ow! Ow!

Morris, you better have an amazing explanation for this one.

I do, sir, we made this teeny tiny little bet with Valley--

Right, sir, but you see they stole Screech's lucky hat

- so he would lose. - That's right, we did it for Bayside.

Hats, kidnapping, gambling?

That's it, both schools are disqualified for unsportsmanlike--

(boys protesting)

You can't do that, these guys were innocent pawns.

Honest, Screech and the commie didn't know anything about this.

- They didn't? - No.

- I don't know. - All right, if we called off the bet,

- would you let them play? - (Peter whimpers)

All right, but only if you call off the bet.

- All right. - Fine.

Guys, the bet's off, all right?

- Is everybody happy? - (screams)

Why not? What more do you want?

It is cold, I want my pants back.

Wait a minute, the bet's off?

Then you're broke, I'm outta here.

(crowd cheering)

Hey, hey, hey...

I still want to see you and Slater in my office tomorrow morning.

(Slater groans)

Forget it, guys.

Without my lucky beret, I have nothing left.

- You have me, Samuel. - Violet!

I thought you hated me.

That was before I realized you were manipulated by powerful forces

and you couldn't help yourself.

- I love you, Sammy. - I love you too, Violet.

Now, let's play some chess.

Checkmate.

Okay, so I didn't win the bet,

but I've got the new cereal of the champs, "Screechios."

(instrumental theme music plays)

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