Original subtitles

(bell rings)

? When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ?

? I don't think I'll ever make it on time ?

? By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ?

? I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?

? If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ?

? And my dog ate all my homework last night ?

? Ridin' low in my chair, she won't know that I'm there ?

? If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ?

There he is. Come on, the basketball rally starts in a few minutes. Let's go!

I can't think basketball until I finish this take-home test.

You've got to be there, you're the captain.

Don't worry, I'm sending somebody else in my place.

Call me Air Zack.

"Air Nerd" is more like it.

Come on, Zack, we don't want to get booed at our own rally.

Zack, wasn't this math take-home test due last Friday?

Yeah, but I told Mr. Dewey my house burned down.

Simple -- no home, no take-home.

Lisa, where is your cheerleading outfit? We have to go to the rally.

I'm not going to the rally because my mother the "doctor" agrees

with my father the "doctor" that I should volunteer as a candystriper.

You got a job painting stripes on candy canes?

What's with the blonde wig?

Is there a Swedish Dork convention in town?

Lisa, helping other people is a beautiful selfless act.

Ugh, now you sound like my mother.

She says volunteering at the hospital will make me a "better person."

If you want to be a better person, you can start by taking my algebra test.

Zack: Okay team, make room for the coach.

Time for the pre-game pep talk. Gather around here, men.

Okay... this is the championship game.

Wait a minute. That's it?

That's the whole pep talk?

Oh yeah... win, too.

Excuse me, Coach. May I interject a few inspirational words?

Why? I've already got them pumped.

Guys...

I don't want to talk to you about basketball.

Then why are you bothering us?

I want to talk to you about life.

Men, basketball is a metaphor for life.

Well, the basket: our goal.

The ball: our hopes and dreams.

The backboard is a chance to rebound from those missed opportunities.

Hey, Mr. B, what about lay-up drills?

- Lay-up drills could be, uh-- - Sir, we've got to do lay-up drills.

The game is going to start.

Oh! Well, then to sum up, let's go do it!

(cheering)

- One more thing-- - (Zack groans)

- Preppie, are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine. I got it.

(Zack cries out) No! I can't.

Somebody go get the nurse! Go, go.

- (door bangs) - Ow, Screech!

Heads up! Look out! Lady with a baby!

Screech, slow down. X-ray is supposed to be around here somewhere.

Wow, Lisa is here. She must have hurt herself at the candy striping factory.

What are you guys doing here--? What happened to Zack!?

It was just a little accident.

See, Zack and I, well, we just kind of bumped into each other.

- During the game? - No, in the locker room.

I twisted my knee.

Don't say another word until we talk to my Uncle Shyster the lawyer.

By this time next year you'll own Bayside.

- Lisa, we're looking for X-ray. - X-ray is right through there.

Thank goodness. Screech, let Lisa take over now!

No way! I don't do wheelchairs.

Screech, roll Zack through that door, I'll get my mother.

You just better hope he lives.

(screams)

Sorry, Zack.

PA announcement: Dr. Carrow, surgery please.

Zack! You're alive?

You're alive! (tearfully)

Mom, is Zack going to be all right?

Yes, but I'm afraid he's really hurt his knee.

I'd like to keep him overnight so we can run some tests.

Oh, Zack that's awful. Won't you be scared?

No, I think I'll manage.

(Zack groans)

Lisa, I think you have other work to do.

Oh yes, I just can't wait to get back to re-tipping those crutches.

Young lady, we are not here just to have fun.

Now after you check Zack in,

run up to pediatrics and help change diapers.

Oh, then see if you can find Mrs. Fikes' false teeth.

Why do I have to do all that work when this place

is full of people lying around doing nothing?

Because it's time for you to learn some responsibility.

We'll see you later, okay?

- Goodbye, Mr. Belding. - Goodbye, you guys.

- Bye. - See you, Lisa.

This is all my fault.

Zack, is there anything that I can do?

- Uh... yeah. You can call my mom. - I already did.

I'll go wait for her in the parking lot.

And if there's anything else, you just name it.

Oh sure, try and smooth things over with the plaintiff.

You know, sir... I am sort of struggling with my math take-home test,

and I'd hate to fail it because of a recent accident.

It was no accident.

It's obvious to everyone you never liked him.

- That's not true. - Well, prove it. Do the math.

Uh, sure, Zack. I'll take care of it.

- Okay. - Anything else?

You can take my French test tomorrow.

- I never took French. - And you call yourself a principal.

All right.

Kelly: Zack, is there anything else I can do for you?

Books, magazines, videotapes?

How about a broccoli slurpee?

Uh... no thanks. I got everything I need. Thank you.

So, who's going to tell me about the game?

Slater, why don't you give him the good news?

I didn't want to bum you out, Preppie,

- but we lost by a point. - (groans)

I had the ball with three seconds left. Then Belding starts yelling,

"Shoot your hopes and dreams."

By the time I realized he meant the ball

the game was over.

We ought to sue him for that, too.

- (woman groans) - What was that?

Probably some poor person in terrible pain.

It's Lisa.

She looks exhausted. Her hair's a mess.

All I have to say is my children better be born potty-trained.

- How's my favorite patient? - Oh, fine, Monique.

Except for that pesky cramp in my lower neck.

You're not sick, you're dangerous.

- But I'll take the risk. - (Zack sighs)

You know... my neck has been cramping up a lot lately.

- Feel better? - Perfect.

Keep her around in case you choke on a bone.

(bell rings)

Sorry guys, visiting hours are over.

We'll be back tomorrow right after school, okay?

All right, Screech, let's rock and roll.

See you later, Zack.

(Lisa gasps)

Thanks, Monique, that's much better.

But I'm sure it will cramp up again later. Say around... 9:00?

You're faster than a guy with two good legs.

Hey, Zack.

Well, I have some news for you.

- How's my knee? - Your knee is going to be fine.

- Great. - Yep. You'll be out of here soon,

which should disappoint a few nurses.

- So, can I go home tomorrow? - Well, not that soon.

You tore some cartilage, and the only way to fix it

- is with surgery. - Surgery?

You mean you're going to cut me open?

It's just a small incision right behind the knee here.

A few weeks, you'll be fine.

Hey, it might even improve your jumpshot.

- Now get some rest, okay? - All right.

(scoffs) Rest? How can I rest?

They're going to hack Zack.

Hi, Screech. More coffee, Mr. B?

Oh, thank goodness. Kelly, what do you know about advanced algebra?

I know enough not to take the course.

Boy, am I glad you guys are here.

Guys, Lisa has some big news about Zack.

My mom says she'll have to operate on his knee.

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

This is not my fault!

Tell it to the judge.

Belding: This is awful.

I am going to go visit Zack.

We all chipped in and bought you this.

It's an electronic black book, for all those nurses' phone numbers.

All right.

We want you to know that we love you, okay?

Yeah, and we hope you don't die.

Screech, come on. It's just knee surgery. I'm not that worried.

Besides, this happens to be the best hospital in Los Angeles.

That's what my Uncle Morrie said. He got his tonsils out here once,

and he liked it so much he stayed until his funeral.

An operation is not the end of the world.

Everybody has to go through it sometime, right?

But why did it have to happen to Zack?

Kelly, come on. I'll be fine.

I just want you to be okay.

Ahh, we need some cheering up. Let's watch some TV.

Oh no. Screech that's the--! (Zack yells)

My leg!

You pushed the wrong button. This button controls the TV.

(Zack shouts)

Please! Would you stop helping? You're going to kill me.

Yeah, why don't we leave and let Zack rest?

Oh, that's a good idea. I'll see you guys tomorrow.

- Take it easy, guy. - I know you'll be all right -- I hope.

(Zack sighs)

(tearfully) Goodbye, Zack.

Here's my lucky frog's foot.

If anything happens to you, I'll get it back from the morgue.

Oh, will you get out of here, you dork?

Zack, you've got nothing to fear.

My mom is great with the knife.

Bye.

Yeah, I have nothing to worry about, right?

(sighs) All I need is a good night's sleep.

(harp playing)

Hey, Screech. What are you doing here?

I'm not Screech. I'm your Guardian angel Skippy.

But you look just like my friend Screech.

Up there we all look like this. Soon you'll look like me too.

Aw, you're kidding... right?

No. Now let's hit that big highway to the sky.

- Where are we going? - To Heaven.

Since there are two of us, we can take the carpool lane.

First, I have to sprinkle you with this heavenly "dork dust."

(chimes ring)

Wait a minute.

Hey, can't I at least see my friends one last time?

Well, okay, but I'm not making any toilet stops.

(organ playing)

(humming funeral march)

- Hey, what's going on? - It's a ceremony in your honor.

Hey, guys! I'm here.

- (crying) - Hey, guys.

Mr. Belding?

Jeez, can't anybody hear me?

You can't talk to them, Zack. You can only listen.

See, you're dead... extinct... gone-- pfft, nap-oo. You get it?

Now play by the rules, or I'll make you look like that Belding guy.

It's so sad now that Zack's gone.

He was a great friend, and the only guy I ever let climb in my window.

I always had a secret crush on Zack.

If only I could've kissed him just once.

Well, hey. I'm here. I'm here, kiss me.

Hey, uh, uh, uh! No kissing the living.

(crying)

Nerd #1: We'll miss you, Zack.

You were one cool dude for a non-nerd.

Nerd #2: I'll never forget him.

He gave the best noogies.

(tearfully) Z-A-C-K,

since he's gone the sky turned gray.

He hurt his knee, went under the knife,

who'd have thought he'd lose his life?

Yay. Rah. (sobbing)

Well, Zack... now that you're gone we're retiring your jersey.

No one will ever wear your number again at Bayside.

See you around, pal.

(crowd bawling)

It is now time...

to dedicate this locker...

to Zack's memory.

And to lock it up one last time.

(wailing)

Stop! Halt! And quit it, even.

- Who's that? - That's Screech, my best friend.

- Known him my whole life. - Pretty handsome dude.

I won't let you close Zack's locker.

Not without me inside.

- I'm going with him. - No, no, Screech, little buddy.

- You can't go in there. - (Screech whimpers)

Where he's gone, you can't follow.

Shows what that big doofus knows.

(all keening)

No!

That's it. No surgery for this guy.

I'm outta here.

(groaning)

Ah, good evening, Doctor.

(deep voice) Good evening, nurse. Sorry, no time for chit-chat.

- But Doctor-- - No, no, no. I'm off to surgery.

I have to go remove someone's...

uh... neck.

Yes, it's a "nectaroctomy."

- Wait! - Yes?

What do I do?

The patient in room 312 is having chills.

Uh, put him next to a guy with a fever.

(clears throat) Good evening. Yes, yes, yes.

Woman: You weren't leaving me, were you?

Uh oh.

(seductively) Not without saying goodbye.

(nervously laughing) Uh, no. Of course not, goodbye!

Doctor, heal me with your kisses.

(rapid smooches)

Aw, man. That is one sick lady.

Doctor, I'm sorry. Are you all right?

(clears throat) Yeesss!

Take me to the elevator.

Carry on, nurses!

Zack, you're supposed to be in bed.

What are you doing?

Would you believe, going for a midnight roll?

My mother told me you tried to run away.

Are you crazy? You could've hurt yourself.

Boy, you sound just like your mother.

I do?

Well, good, you deserve it.

Now, why were you trying to leave?

Look, Lisa, I really don't feel like talking about it, okay?

Zack, my job here is to try and help people.

Now let me help you.

I don't know...

I guess I'm afraid to have this operation.

I understand. I mean, nobody likes being here.

But you were in a hospital before. We both were, remember?

How could I forget? We were nine and went ice skating for the first time.

Yeah, we pretended to be Olympic figure skaters.

We were doing pretty good till Screech tripped and you fell over him.

Then I grabbed onto you to break my fall.

When you did that you ripped off my skirt.

Then I fell and bumped my butt on the ice.

- (Both laughing) - And I twisted my ankle.

That was exciting, huh? Remember, they raced us to the hospital

in the ambulance, and wheeled us through emergency

- like we were a big deal. - And everything turned out fine.

I know, but Lisa, that was different.

- We were-- - Together?

Yeah.

Well, hey, we're together now.

But Lisa, what if something goes wrong in the operating room? What if--

Honey, you have got the best surgeon in L.A. working on you.

(laughs) You're right.

I'll be okay.

Thanks for helping, Lisa.

I really appreciate it.

- That's my job. - (yawns)

Looks like your medicine is starting to kick in.

Better get some sleep.

Yeah, okay, Lise.

- Just rest, Zack. - Okay.

Please, God,

take care of my friend.

Oh, good morning, Zack.

Well, as Lisa would say, "Am I a 10 or what?"

I have to admit, the gown looks better on you than it did on me.

Thank you. Green is my color.

Now, Zack, the surgery will last about two hours.

You won't feel a thing of course, because you will be zonked out.

I'll just pretend I'm sleeping through Mr. Dewey's math class.

- I have great dreams in there. - Good, good.

But, if you should happen to wake up,

(German accent) I'll just clobber you over the head with my trusty mallet.

- Are my parents here? - Yeah, they're in the waiting room.

You'll see them after surgery.

Okay, let's go fix that knee.

Well, am I a 10 or what?

Lisa? You're up at 6:00 in the morning?

Look, Mom, Zack is my patient, and I want to be with him.

Thanks, Lisa. I'd really like that.

You know, Mom, I'm not just here to have fun,

I have responsibilities.

Well, that's my girl. Give me a kiss.

What, and smear my make-up? Pshaw, get real.

Now that's really my girl.

Well, time to go.

(In unison) Let's rock and roll.

Jessie, your turn to sign the cast.

Sure. I'll sign under your picture of a dollhouse and smiley kitten

saying, "Come home soon."

Zack, is there anything I can do for you after I punch Jessie out?

Well, my neck is a little sore.

Four student nurses walked by and I think I got whiplash.

- Let me massage it for you. - Okay.

Mr. Belding, aren't you going to sign my cast?

Aw...

And when you're done, you can sign your name to a big fat check

to cover Zack's medical expenses...

Ow... ow.

...and his pain and suffering.

Don't move.

Zack, I'm really glad your surgery was a success.

I wish I could say the same about your math test.

Mr. Dewey gave me a C-.

Well, sir, I suggest you ask Mr. Dewey for a make-up exam.

And this time, get the nerds to help.

Please get better soon. We really miss you around school.

I can't take much more algebra.

Here you go, Preppie.

A little get-well gift from the basketball team.

- We want you to keep practicing. - Hey, excellent.

It's also a good way to get nurses. Watch.

Oh, and here comes my favorite nurse now.

Nice shot, Zack. How's your leg?

As far as I know, it's in there. Did you sign my cast?

Baby, I helped make that cast. I lost a nail wrapping your knee.

- Thanks for everything, Lisa. - No problem.

All right, everybody, it's been fun seeing you.

Now get out, Zack needs his rest.

- (everyone groans) - She's tough, but she's good.

We can't leave yet. "Gilligan's Island" is on.

All: Screech, No!

(instrumental theme music plays)

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