Original subtitles

(bell rings)

? When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ?

? I don't think I'll ever make it on time ?

? By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ?

? I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?

? If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ?

? And my dog ate all my homework last night ?

? Ridin' low on my chair, she won't know that I'm there ?

? If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ?

(slurping)

Hi. I just got detention. Again.

You know, I'm the only kid on "America's Most Wanted"?

Hey, but nothing can ruin my day because I'm Kelly's date

for her birthday party Saturday night.

So who are you going to the party with?

Can't you two go to the party without a date?

Slater, I don't go to the supermarket without a date.

Come on, Lisa. Slater's right. I mean, this is the '90s.

Men and women can go to parties alone

and it's perfectly acceptable.

Yeah. Of course, when a guy goes alone,

it's because he wants to. Now when a girl goes alone,

it's because she can't get a guy to take her.

Please, I just ate.

Hey, Jessie, when you do that feminist thing,

your nose scrunches up and you look so cute.

- We're he-re! - Who ca-res?

So who's got their dates for Saturday night?

- We're working on it. - Hey, I've got mine.

(bell rings)

- We've got gym, see you later. - All righty.

Well, Slater, these are the good old days.

Yeah, well, enjoy it while you can, Preppie,

because I'm going to get Kelly back someday.

Hi, my niece is in town--

Excuse me. Would you like to go out with my niece Friday night?

Guys? Guys, I got a problem.

Just wear a hat, sir.

Slater, my niece Penny is visiting,

and I need someone to show the girl around.

- What's she look like? - She's a Belding.

I'll catch you later, ma'am. I mean, sir.

Mr. Belding, the word on the street

is you're looking for a mercy date for your niece. I'll date anything.

If I can't find anybody else, you'll be the first person I call.

Thanks. I'll wear a beeper.

- Yes? - Oh.

Here, you need to sign this.

Another afternoon in detention hall.

- Number nine in a series. - No, I think that's number eight.

No, number eight was when you sold the school to the Japanese.

What's wrong with Honda High School?

So this makes nine, and 10 is...

- Don't say it, sir. - That's right, suspension!

It's gonna happen, Morris.

Not until cows give Pepsi, sir.

Jessie, I have got the perfect date for you.

- He's my next door neighbor. - You live next to Kevin Costner?

No, but this guy is almost as cute, not nearly as married.

- Talk to me, girl. - His name is Brett, and--

- (bell rings) - Watch it. Mr. Hudson.

Right.

Silence! Take your seats!

You're on my time now. No talking, no gum chewing,

no fun of any...

...kind.

Yesterday, for those of you who slept through class,

we spoke about genes.

Now there are two types of genes,

dominant genes,

and recessive genes.

Not to be confused with blue jeans.

Enough humor.

Now, if the father passes along--

Mr. Morris!

Is that a note you're taking?

Uh...

Yes, sir. I'm taking notes.

Good. Then you'll know this.

If the father passes along a brown-eyed gene,

and the mother passes along a blue-eyed gene, what do you get?

- Uh... - Look at your notes.

"A really cute babe with brown eyes

who goes to private school."

- Watch it. - Watching, sir.

Now suppose we have a boy and we don't know his blood type.

Now if the mother is O and the father is AB,

what would you think about the boy?

Mr. Morris!

Read.

"I won't go out with him unless I meet him first."

Very level-headed. And you know,

they need level-headed people...

in detention hall!

Oh, no! Oh, sir!

You are the cream of Bayside.

The upper crust. The tip of the top.

I need a date for my niece Friday night.

She an oinker or what?

No, she's not an oinker.

Sorry, I'm in training for the next chess tournament.

- So? - So...

Coach says women sap your strength.

- All right, what about you? - Uh, well, I can't.

I'm busy all weekend. I'm sorting my M&M's out by color.

I am in no mood for--

The 10th detention slip?

Let me hold it!

Women: ? Hallelujah! ?

? Hallelujah, Hallelujah! ?

? Hallelujah! ?

One week suspension, Morris.

I'm a happy camper. (laughs)

(intercom buzzes)

Yes? Okay.

Hi, honey.

Well, no, I tried, but I couldn't--

Look, I cannot just force anybody to go out with Penny.

Until now.

Zack...

I'm going to give you another chance.

You are sir? I don't know what to say.

I do. Say,

"What time should I pick up your niece Friday night?"

Mr. Belding, that's blackmail.

Yeah.

What's your parents' number again?

Oh, you mean this Friday night? For two hours.

- Three hours, not a minute less. - Then it's your treat, $20.

- $20? - Cash.

Three hours, Friday night, $18.

- 20. - Deal.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

I'm sorry I had to live that.

Now I'm stuck wasting a Friday night

with Mr. Belding's niece.

- Hey. - Hi.

- You don't look so good. - I've been better.

Don't you get sick for my party.

Don't worry. I'll be fine before Saturday.

Saturday? I didn't tell you. The Max was booked,

so the party got moved to Friday. See ya.

Friday?

Whoops.

What happened to you?

Skateboard accident, sir.

No, no, my doctor says I'll recover, but, you know, no cliff diving,

no lambada-- oh, and absolutely no dating.

Nice try. But you pulled the old skateboard accident

last year at midterms.

- I did? - Mm-hmm.

Man, I got to keep better records.

But if you're too banged up to go, well, then you're suspended again.

Oh, I-- I'm healed!

Oh, you-- you are one great principal, sir.

Spare me. Penny will meet you at the mall at 7:00.

Why at the mall?

'Cause I don't want you to know where I live.

That's understandable, sir. Now, how will I recognize Penny?

You won't. She'll recognize you by the red rose you'll be carrying.

Now I told her all about you,

so don't try any of that funny stuff.

Don't forget the rose, because without that,

she won't know who you are.

She wouldn't, would she?

Everybody likes him. He's good looking,

funny, nice, studious...

Up until studious I thought you were talking about Zack.

No, it's Brett. Jesse's blind date.

Potential blind date.

Jessie, take a chance. How bad could it be?

Right, how bad could it be?

Yeah, how bad could it be?

Welcome to America's favorite show, "The Blind Date Game."

(cheering)

Today, a lucky girl will win a blind date

with one of these eligible bachelors.

Bachelor number one is a night person who loves to laugh.

His name is Teddy Krueger!

Bachelor number two is a real cut-up

whose relationships with girls are always short.

Say hi to Mason Voorhees.

Our third bachelor is the richest kid in the world.

Welcome, Donald Chump.

Now let's meet a wonderful girl who can't get a date.

Desperate Jessie, come on out!

Well, Jessie, who will it be?

Don't make me choose.

Then you get all of them!

No! No!

No!

Jessie, are you okay?

Lisa, if you want me to go out with Brett,

I meet him first and that is final.

Fine, you can meet him for lunch tomorrow.

- Are you nervous? - Why would I be nervous?

I'm just a person meeting another person. No big deal.

Great, 'cause there he is.

Do I look all right? Is my hair behaving itself?

Your hair is fine. Let's go.

- Oh, hi. - You don't have to get up.

This is Jessie. This is Brett. Goodbye.

- Hi. - Hi, Jessie.

So, um...

Lisa says you go to private school?

Yeah. Teachers are real nice there,

but some of the kids are kind of rich and stuck-up.

- Oh, you mean you're not. - Stuck up?

- Rich? - Actually, neither.

Both my parents work just to pay my tuition.

Really? That's so nice.

Do your parents work?

Oh, yeah, but they're divorced.

That's too bad. You know, my friend Steve,

his parents just got divorced and he's really hurting.

You know, I try to make a little more time for him.

I guess that's what friends are for.

Would you go with me to Kelly's party Friday night?

Oh, wow.

I'd love to.

- And how are we here? - Great.

Jessie just invited me to a party Friday night.

(romantic music plays)

Whew, is it warm in here, or is it me?

It's you.

I-- I have to go back to the school.

I'll see you Friday night?

- Be there. - Great.

Bye.

Was that Brett? He's adorable.

- He's nice. - He's a shrimp.

- So he's kind of short. - And I'm kind of tall.

And when you put us together we look kind of stupid.

- But I thought you liked him. - I liked him sitting down.

The date is off.

All right, look, Screech, I have a problem.

If I don't take Belding's niece out Friday night,

I get suspended. But Friday night is Kelly's birthday party,

and if I show up with a date, she'll dump me.

Yeah, I'd scratch your eyes out.

Come here. Look, I'm going to do you a favor.

Last time you did me a favor I ended up naked on a bus.

You had a window seat. Right?

Look, Friday night you're going out with Belding's niece.

- I am? - Yeah. All you need to do

is pretend you're me. That way I keep Kelly and don't get suspended.

Do I look that desperate for a date?

- What time do I pick her up? - Right, that's my Screech.

Everything's going to work out perfectly.

It's incredible what you can hear standing on a toilet.

That's it, that's it.

Hey, you're doing great, Screech.

- Just call me Zack. - All right now, the jacket.

One, two...

three... and shoulder!

Now the stance.

- How's that? - Hey, keep smiling.

All right, now for the big finish.

You want to open the door for her with style.

Watch me.

Ooh.

Go ahead. You try.

Ahem! Come on.

Screech! Watch out for the...

- (thuds) - Ooh, aah!

...stairs!

Lisa, what are you doing after school today?

Oh, I'm going to my father's country club.

Gee, Kelly, I would invite you but I can't.

- Well, why not? - New rules. Rich people only.

- Oh, I understand. - Well, I don't.

Lisa, you would hurt someone you like

because of something they have no control over?

That's exactly the kind of small-minded, ignorant thing...

...that I'm doing to Brett because he's short.

- Good acting, Lisa. - Thank you, Kelly.

I think we made our point quite nicely.

You did. I'm going with Brett.

Good. Let's go to the mall and pick up some high heels.

High heels? I'm already too tall.

They're not for you. They're for Brett.

See you at the party tonight.

Kelly, I can't come. Occupado with a babe.

- Penny Belding. - Why don't you bring her?

Sorry, Kelly, I can't.

I'm going to the movies tonight with my new fox.

The lights low, the hopes high,

the Gummi Bears flowing like candy.

It's magical!

We'll miss you, but have a good time. Bye, guys.

Slater: Bye!

Wow. Didn't you see the pain in her eyes?

I thought that was mascara?

Oh, no. It was pain.

Pain from not having one of her best friends at her party.

- You! - You who?

Oh, you-me. Get out of here.

No, Screech, it's true.

Why don't you go to the movie and come to the party afterward.

It would mean a lot to Kelly.

- You really think so? - Trust me.

If you and Penny Belding show up,

this will be a birthday that Kelly will never forget.

- I'll do it. - I love it.

Are you sure you don't want to dance?

Oh, no thanks. I'm a bad dancer.

Lisa thinks you're a great dancer.

She also thinks Arsenio Hall is where the Lakers play.

Dateless, Slater?

For now. Enjoy it while you can, Preppie.

Forget it, Slater. Tonight is perfect

and there's nothing you can do about it.

Not me -- him.

Lisa, this is Penny Belding.

Penny, Lisa -- my ex.

How'd you ever let this stud muffin get away?

She's kidding, right? What's with the hair?

It's something new. Do you like it?

Does the word barf mean anything to you?

Yeah.

Nice meeting you, Penny.

That poor girl. I think she still likes you, Zack.

Oh, she'll get over me. In a few years!

Uh, Zack? Could we talk?

Not now. I'm busy with--

actually, now would be good.

What are you doing here?

Well, I didn't want to ruin the party.

If you stay, you're going to ruin my life.

And what's with the wig?

It gives me that extra bit of Zackosity.

I'm going to kick your "Zackosity"

if you don't take Penny and get lost.

Hi.

- Who was that? - That's my best friend, Screech.

I think he's kind of rude, Zack.

Yeah, he's a dweeb.

If you don't want to dance, would you mind if I asked Lisa?

Sure, go ahead. Please go.

Want to dance?

How's it going?

Not good. Jesse's still hung up on this height thing.

Be right back. Don't dance away.

Let's talk. Dance with me.

Will you wake up, Jessie?

You're about to blow it with a great guy.

- I can't help it. - Yes, you can.

- You want to dance? - We are dancing.

Oh, right.

(soft music plays)

I have an idea.

Does this make you feel better?

No, it makes me feel stupid.

Oh.

I thought this would make you feel stupid.

I'm sorry, Brett. I've acted like a real jerk.

Well, Jessie, I am short.

Yeah, but I'm the one who has to grow up.

Can you ever forgive me?

You're forgiven, beanpole.

Thanks, shorty.

Zack needs to see you right away. Okay.

- Be right back, honeybunny. - Okay.

- Hi, I'm Slater. - I'm Penny Belding.

Hey, Penny, you see that girl over there?

That's Kelly. It's her birthday.

- That's Kelly? - Yeah, right.

Okay, now. Her and Zack, they're real close.

I mean, they're like brother and sister.

And it would be a great birthday present

if she heard that you and Zack were having a good time together.

- Oh, okay. - Come on.

Hey, Kelly, this is Penny Belding.

- Hi, I'm glad you could come. - Yeah, me too.

Me three. Why don't you two get to know each other?

Have fun. Talk.

Are you having a good time?

Oh, yeah. I've met some great people tonight.

Especially Zack.

Yeah, Zack is nice, isn't he?

Oh, yeah. We've had a terrific time together.

You have?

Yeah, but we're going to be leaving in a minute.

You and Zack?

He's so hot. He makes my teeth sweat.

But what about Screech?

He's okay, if you like that type.

Zack and I are going back to my uncle's house.

He won't be home for awhile, if you know what I mean.

Yes, I know what you mean,

you... you... un-nice girl!

All right, what a party!

Zack, come on, let's get out of here.

These girls are crazy about you, and who can blame them, my hunk.

Yeah, babe, I got the goods.

Okay, Zack number one.

Excuse me.

What's going on?

Well...

you know how Screech always wanted to be like me?

Zack! Tell me. Now.

Would you believe we're on "Totally Hidden Videos"?

This is good.

Did you tell Belding you'd go out with his niece?

Yeah, I did.

Zack Morris, I will never forget this birthday as long as I live.

- I should be furious. - Go with the feeling.

I don't know anyone else who would go to all this trouble

just to make me happy. Thanks, Zack.

Hey... I knew you'd like it.

Ooh.

(instrumental theme music plays)

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