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PIERRE: Baghdad, Beirut.

It's just like being in Sarajevo.

Nobody could touch us in Baghdad.

I'm not just saying this because you're my brother.

Or even DC. I'm telling you, Robert, these cowboys are going down.

But do I get to cover Washington?

No. I have the unique privilege of interviewing Katya.

You know who she is?

I mean, she's more famous for who she sleeps with than anything else.

And for her fluctuating tit size.

She's a real maverick, this one.

She's had them reduced.

Too bad for me, huh?

Now I got nothing to look forward to.

Hey, I'd offer you one, but it'd be like spitting in the ocean, right?

Robert!

I know you like big tits.

Remember that night?

Remember that night at Danceateria

when I first introduced you to Brenda?

I brought her over and you looked

right at her chest and you said,

"It's nice to meet you both."

She liked you, you know?

Well, I don't want to keep Her Majesty waiting.

Listen.

You're gonna be okay.

Come on, you know that.

All right?

It's not fair, is it? I know.

MAGGIE: It's not fair.

I know.

Don't be afraid.

(CHUCKLING)

God, I hate my character.

Should we run it again?

No, I think I'm supposed to be somewhere.

Hang on. Do you realize everybody loves you now?

Shit, I'm late.

Come on, Larry, there's got to be more indictments.

He's just a crack in the dam.

You kidding me?

You know, if I got on a train within the hour,

I could be in Washington by midnight.

Well, I mean, she's not even here.

Sir. Hold on, maybe she called. Yeah?

I'm sorry, sir, but we do have a policy about cell phones.

Okay, I'm sorry.

You still there? LARRY: Yeah.

Yeah, look, I'm ready to split, okay?

I can leave right now.

No, no, no, we definitely said 7:00.

Yeah, well, maybe she doesn't know how to tell time.

Why am I so hostile?

No, I've been waiting almost an hour already, okay? She should...

Hi. Oops!

I'm sorry. Hi.

How are you? How are you? Newsworld?

From Newsworld.

Oh, I'm sorry, I realize you're a person.

I try to be. Pierre Peders.

I'm sorry, Peter? Peter...

Pierre Peders.

Ah, I see, I see. Enchante.

Hey, I was just wondering...

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Oh, God. Sorry, one second.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Hello?

Yeah, no, I just got here. Yeah.

Oh, okay. I'm going to have to call you back.

Okay. Before I forget, what time is that thing on Sunday?

All right, I'll talk to you later. Okay. Bye.

I was just wondering if there was any way

we could have my usual table.

I called ahead, or someone did.

I'm so sorry.

There must have been a mix-up.

It's already taken.

Okay. I just... I feel a little exposed here.

Let me see what I can do.

Thank you so much, darling. Thank you.

I'm sorry I'm a little late.

Oh, no, don't be silly. Traffic?

No, no. My loft is a couple blocks away.

Ah.

Oh, thank you very, very much.

I really appreciate it.

Oh, please. We're crazy about you.

Glad to see you're in one piece.

I heal rather nicely, don't I?

Oh, my God, that last one was so intense.

It was, right? He dragged me twice. Sadist.

Yeah, right. You loved it.

WOMAN: And you're in the new one, right? Mmm-hmm.

As a ghost?

I can't say. You're just gonna have to go see it.

Aw, come on. I can't!

WOMAN: We'll go see it.

Okay. Have a nice dinner. Take care.

Thank you so much, Dennis.

Donald.

Donald! Donald, sorry. Thank you.

Whew!

Okay.

Well, they certainly loved your slasher movie.

The horror film. Yeah, they seemed to.

Were you in the first one?

In the original? No.

Because you would have been... I wasn't born.

(LAUGHING) That was a long time ago.

But you came into it in... When, in...

In part... Isn't it Body...

It's Body... It's Killer...

Killer Body Part 4.

And you play a ghost or something?

No. No. Not exactly.

Did they not send you a screener?

Normally you get sent screeners before...

Yeah, no, it's... It's in my bag.

WAITRESS: Hello. Hi.

What can I get you to drink?

I think I will have a raspberry martini, please.

Okay. Thanks.

Miss!

I'm sorry, another Scotch?

Uh, it's Makers Mark.

Sure, and I'll be back with menus.

Oh, I'm not eating. We're not.

I mean, unless you're hungry, or if you like. No.

WAITRESS: Okay. No.

So, Mr. Pierre Pierre.

Um...

Yeah. Sorry.

What's that for?

Oh, my tape recorder had a stroke.

Uh-huh?

And it occurred to me that I could record sound with this.

Oh, sure. Yes. I won't take the cap off.

No, that's fine. Okay?

Okay. Okay.

Katya.

The one and only.

What kind of a name is that?

It's a Russian name, Katya.

Are your parents Russian?

No, my mother is Dutch, and my father's...

What city is she from?

Amsterdam.

Amsterdam, sin city.

I've never been.

You should go. I've been many times.

Right. Yeah.

Legal prostitution.

Yeah.

And your father? I'm sorry.

Do you know anything about me at all?

It's all right. I...

No, I mean, they sent me a brief, but...

You didn't read it?

I mean, it's fine, you just don't seem to really...

Well, no, I'd rather...

Get to know.

Yeah. Right.

And I'm sorry, I have not seen any of your films.

Ah.

I know you...

I guess I know you more by your reputation.

You mean, by who I'm fucking?

WAITRESS: Here you go.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Enjoy.

Mmm.

Okay, um, you're going to have to forgive me.

I don't usually do this.

Oh. You don't normally do interviews?

Not with actresses.

Okay.

Yeah, I usually handle politics.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, Washington. International. Ooh.

Aha. So that's your excuse for being unprepared. War zones.

Because I'm not a member of the Senate or a general.

You know, did they mention to you

that I actually happen to be secretary for sex education?

Well, you know, if you fuck the right people in this administration,

you can be the head of FEMA in no time.

Okay, look. Um...

I'm really tired anyway. We really...

Let's not do this now.

No, no, no. I'm sorry. No, let's...

Hi.

I'm sorry... Wow.

Um... Could you sign something for me?

Like my iPod?

Of course, sure. What's your name?

Theodore. Theo's fine.

Yeah, okay.

To Theo, love, Katya. City Girls.

Awesome.

There you go.

THEO: Sweet.

Take care. Thanks.

Sorry.

You must get that a lot, huh? Yeah.

You wouldn't believe half the stuff I've been asked to sign.

Uh...

Bicycles, cars, shoes, breasts, forehead once.

You really don't care at all, do you?

I'm sorry. It's just a little odd

for a journalist to be so uncurious.

I'm sorry I have to say it, you know.

No, no, no. I apologize.

Am I being unprofessional?

Well, I think so, don't you? Just a little?

Do you know how long I've waited here for you?

No, I do not.

Over an hour. Oh, somebody should have called.

Yeah, somebody should have called. That's not good, no.

And maybe you don't know this

but there's a shit storm brewing in Washington

and my editor wanted to send me to Washington tonight

so I could be there for the press conference tomorrow.

Right. But here I am. For you.

So...

How are we doing?

I think we'll just get the check, please.

Of course. Thank you.

Be right back. Great, thanks.

You know, if you're this bigtime political pundit,

then, uh, why would they send you to interview me?

Look, I don't know any more than you do why they sent me.

(GIGGLING) Okay. Maybe they thought it was important.

So like I said, here I am, all right?

Yeah. Why don't we make the best of it, okay?

If this is your best, then...

It's not a joke.

Oh, and I am?

Here you are. Thank you.

I'll get it, I got it. No, it's fine, I'll get it.

I have an expense account.

I have a bank account.

Please, it's my pleasure.

You know what?

It's been very nice wasting time with you, Peter Peders.

You, too, Cunt-ya.

And go fuck yourself.

Thank you. Goodbye.

PHOTOGRAPHER: Over here, Katya.

All right.

Hey, sorry.

Can you just be pretty quick?

MAN: Thank you very much.

You're welcome. All right. Have a nice night. All right.

TAXI DRIVER: Oh, that is...

Hey, I know who you are.

You are beautiful, baby.

Come on. Don't be that way.

I just want to see that smile.

That killer smile.

I got mad love for you.

Yeah. You're my girl right there.

I love you, yeah, yo.

Come on. Give me the whole thing, give me the whole thing.

There goes Katya! Katya!

Can you just drive, please?

You don't know who that is?

(TIRES SCREECHING) Watch it!

Sh... Ow!

TAXI DRIVER: You all right, guy?

TRUCK DRIVER: What the hell's the matter with you?

Riding my ass like that!

TAXI DRIVER: Take it easy, asshole. You stopped short. Pierre, are you all right?

TRUCK DRIVER: Stopped short? It was a red light, you motherfucker.

Yeah. No, it's just a bump, I'm fine. Let me see it.

TRUCK DRIVER: Back it up. I wanna go home.

Jesus.

KATYA: Pierre, your bag.

Hey, you left your bag, Pierre.

Let me have a look at you.

Oh, God, it's bleeding. Wait.

TRUCK DRIVER: ...you call the cops. I called the cops before.

TAXI DRIVER: I'm not calling the cops.

You probably ain't got no insurance.

This really wasn't necessary, you know.

Shut up. You bumped your head.

You got a union card?

Come on.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello. MAN ON PHONE: Hey.

Hi, honey.

You at home? No, no, we're still at the restaurant.

Yeah, I know, but I was late.

'Cause it's pretty quiet here right now. I don't hear anything.

Yeah, listen, I'm gonna have to call you back, okay?

Yeah, Newsworld.

Sweetie, for the film, remember?

Okay, sweetie, I'll call you back.

Just watch the game or something. Bye.

Here, let me see.

I can't see. Get in the light.

Here, on your head.

Yes, doctor. Good.

You know, I could really use a drink drink.

Well, you think that's a good idea?

I mean, you probably have a concussion.

I do not have a concussion, believe me.

Well, I don't have any Bourbon.

Is Scotch okay?

That would be much appreciated.

Neat, please.

This is some place you got here.

The luxury of success.

Well, when you move out they could always make it an airport.

Cheers. Salud.

Listen, I apologize for being unprofessional.

Apology accepted.

How's your head?

Yeah, a couple more minutes for the swelling.

Hey, are you going to sit down and have a drink with me?

Come on. You're making me nervous.

This is very good Scotch.

Lucky for you.

It was very kind of you to bring me here.

It's closer than the emergency room.

Besides, I almost feel responsible.

Well, you should. This is all your fault.

You see that? It's that killer smile.

Causes car wrecks.

You're better when you're drunk.

I got a long ways to go before that happens.

I better get you another.

Why don't you just bring the bottle?

Yes, captain.

Look, you're more than welcome to stay and finish up your drink,

but I really, really have to work on my lines soon, okay?

For what?

You're kidding, right?

I'm sorry. My brain must be frozen.

For my show. I do a TV show.

I know, I know that, I knew that. Um... Yeah.

I do. City something. Sexy City.

City Girls. Sexy City Girls.

Not sexy, no. Just City Girls.

But you're also sexy.

Don't even pretend you watch the show, Pierre, okay?

You're beautiful.

That's why I play the lead.

I'm sorry.

Is beauty important for your career?

Is journalism important for your personality?

Yeah, I think so.

How?

Well, it's made me a better person.

What kind of person were you before?

So, what are you going to do next?

(GROANS)

Basic Instinct 3?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

You're not interviewing me now, okay?

Well, I gotta write something.

Well, make it up. Everybody else does.

Hello.

(LAUGHING) What?

Oh, Maggie, stop.

What?

No, that is crazy.

No, that's crazy.

I'm gonna be a while, okay?

Yeah.

There's a computer over there.

You could Google me.

Oh, nobody.

Well, sweetie, because of everything that's gone on,

I just really don't think it's a good idea.

Whatever, Maggie. Hey, listen, are you

going to go to that thing on Sunday?

I know. You have to be really careful, that's all.

Because this has happened before

and it's going to happen again.

...considered to be the architect of the President's success,

has been implicated along with several other senior advisors.

The President wasn't answering any questions today.

The Vice President was also unavailable for comment.

Yeah, no shit. The White House is slated to hold

a press conference early tomorrow to address the charges.

(KATYA TALKING INDISTINCTLY) Further indictments are anticipated,

although who and when is a major topic

of speculation inside the beltway.

Our guest tonight has won two national

News Emmy Awards for his TV work

with the ABC News show 20/20.

Danny Schechter is a television producer...

Danny Schechter, great.

...and his new book, When News Lies...

Listen, it's after 9:00. Are you gonna watch?

Okay, call me later. Bye. Please welcome back to the show,

Danny Schechter.

Hey can you turn to Fox, please?

What is your take on what's going on in Washington?

Well, what happens in scandals like this

is not just the first reports,

but whether or not there will be follow-up and persistent digging by...

Can I have my remote, please?

Please, I just need to see this.

...journalists become more competitive

when there's a big story breaking

and I think they'll go after this one.

But with an indictment of this size,

you are likely to see a feeding frenzy in Washington

which could escalate this into a much bigger crisis.

I think we are going to see the blogosphere taking the lead here...

Are you still angry with me? Is that it?

SCHECHTER: ...major mainstream media outlets

also pursuing, and once they start... I'm not angry with you.

And are we still friends? You know, the best story and the best...

Of course we're still friends.

Why wouldn't we be? Well, friends return phone calls.

...inside the beltway...

Friends tell each other their problems.

Hey, Larry, it's me.

You watching Donna Van Dam?

SCHECHTER: ...you'll see that Bush is the...

Well, I'll tell you who is not on it.

Me. Very funny. LARRY: She never liked you anyway.

...to be found here, and if there are other...

It's because I'm not in DC, that's why!

KATYA ON CITY GIRLS: Just leave me alone, please.

Not until you tell me what's going on.

Look, there's nothing going on.

Don't you get it?

Amy!

Look, I just want to be left alone.

SCHECHTER: ...a lot of anti-media hostility...

Okay, look, fine. I'll pay for it.

I will get there on my own, all right?

I'll write a story, and if you don't like it, you don't have to use it.

LARRY: What about the other piece?

What other piece? The one I'm paying you for.

SCHECHTER: Everybody knows that the President is, in a sense...

Yeah, no, it went fine. ...run for re-election, so...

We talked about her tits, we talked about her movies.

It was very moving.

Talk to me.

LARRY: Pierre, focus, all right?

You're on thin ice as is.

All right. You know what, Larry, just forget it. No, fuck it.

Look, I know you're not... No. No I'm not...

Pierre, maybe next time.

Fuck you.

SCHECHTER: Many journalists, you know, have been...

Oh, that was stupid.

...kidnapped or...

You know, there are more journalists dead in Iraq

than in all of the Vietnam war.

So... Fuck you.

KATYA ON CITY GIRLS: I just. I want you to be happy, that's all.

MALE LEAD ON CITY GIRLS: Amy, I need you in my life, baby.

Don't shut me out like this.

You know you can tell me anything.

I know. Evan, I miss you.

I miss you, too, Amy.

Hey, that's you.

No! Don't look at me. I'm a mess.

I think you're beautiful.

All right. Who writes this shit?

Sophia! Hey.

Hi, sweetheart.

I didn't expect to see you here.

I'm good at crying.

You know, sometimes they want the muffled weep.

(MUFFLED WEEPING)

And sometimes the sob.

(SOBBING)

Well, I am impressed. That's good acting.

I don't know if it's acting. It's more like a trick, you know.

What other tricks do you know?

I can do this with my tongue.

Hey. It's genetic, really, but still.

Now I see why you're a star.

At last.

All right, so, were you always interested in acting?

God, you know...

Pierre, Pierre, Pierre, if I were a politician,

would you ask me such uninteresting questions?

Am I that boring to you?

Okay, why do you choose only the most commercial crap that's out there?

Do you enjoy appearing in "B" movies and horror films?

Do you think you're any good in them?

I like my movies.

You know, I may not be a great actress, but I will be one day.

And, yes, I enjoy entertaining millions upon millions of people.

How large is your readership?

Oh, you know, I have dozens of readers.

And I doubt that any of them were entertained by your performance in...

What was it? Life of the Party.

Now that was scary.

But it was supposed to be a comedy, right?

Why would you lie?

(LAUGHING)

About what?

You said you had never seen one of my movies.

Why would you lie? Well, I forgot. I forgot that one.

I saw it on a flight. Oh, you forgot.

Not very memorable.

Oh, thank you.

I watched most of it with the sound off

and still I was wishing the plane would go down.

I mean, do you want to be taken seriously as an actress?

Is that why you had your breasts reduced?

You miss my tits, is that it?

Well, don't you?

They weren't even mine to begin with.

I made them bigger for the Killer Body movies.

So, you did it for your art?

I'm so sick of talking about this.

I can't even begin to tell you.

Did they pay you by the inch?

Oh, listen, it's no different to me to putting on a costume

or wearing a wig or fishnet stockings.

Really?

Do you like fishnet stockings, Pierre?

Wait. Let me rephrase.

Why do you think it is that men like fishnet stockings so much?

They look good on women.

Fishnet stockings are a net

and the woman is imprisoned in this net like a fish.

Do you get it?

Yeah, and what about high heels?

Well, high heels make walking very, very difficult.

So you see, nothing would be more attractive to a man

than a woman wearing fishnet stockings and high heels

because she has trouble walking

and she's imprisoned within this net

and therefore he thinks she's easy prey.

I know everything.

Oh, yeah?

What makes a man attractive?

(TIMER RINGS) You hungry?

What makes a man attractive?

If you'd rather have a sandwich, I think I have some baloney.

That's been working for us so far.

Is Pierre your real name?

Or is that something you invented to sound more international?

And why weren't you in Washington already?

Because as far as I can tell this shit's been brewing for days.

It's been on the news non-stop.

Why don't you answer my question?

Oh, God.

What makes a man attractive?

A scar.

Why?

Because most women have one, too.

And where... You are beautiful.

You are repeating yourself.

KATYA: Hey, don't step on my boots.

So tell me, are you good at seducing men?

Are you gay, Pierre?

Well, maybe.

Many years ago in El Salvador I let a guy in high heels

and too much lipstick jerk me off.

And I paid him 20 bucks.

But, hey, he was wearing fishnets, so how could I resist?

Are you sure he only jerked you off?

Well, that night I was pretty drunk

so maybe he did take advantage of me.

Hmm!

The funny thing is, I convinced myself

that I really wasn't cheating on my wife.

Like that didn't count.

Kids?

No. So, back to my question and your answer.

Are you good at seducing men?

Do you realize how many men would kill

to be standing as close as you are now?

How many?

Most.

Even the gay ones?

I'm not gonna seduce you, Peter.

Well, I don't want you to, Katie.

Really?

Well, you said I was beautiful twice.

So?

What would be the point in telling me that I was beautiful

if you didn't want to fuck me?

Well, I don't.

Want to fuck me.

You know what? I don't fuck celebrities.

Well, I don't fuck nobodies.

Would you kiss me, Pierre?

A French kiss?

What would be the point?

It's okay.

No, it's not okay, because I don't want to.

Why not?

Well, believe it or not, you're not my type.

And you are so not my type.

Kiss me.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

God, I hate you.

What? I said I hate you.

What the fuck did you think I said?

Hello. BOYFRIEND ON PHONE: Hey.

Hi, sweetie.

Yeah, I'm back home.

Oh, the interview? It was all right.

A little boring, though.

Weird guy. Peter something.

Yeah, he looks just like my dad.

Mmm-hmm?

Yeah. Where are you going?

Oh, baby, I just started bleeding.

Can I call you back?

Okay, I love you, too, bye.

KATYA: What are you doing?

What am I doing? Yeah.

What are you doing? We're having fun.

Yeah, I was having fun.

Now I'm going to have to go find my friend

with the high heels and the lipstick.

'Cause at least he finishes what he starts.

Are you giving up the interview?

What interview?

The one you started.

You can ask me anything. Anything at all.

Really? Mmm-hmm.

All right.

Why did you kiss me?

Why do men always want to talk about it?

Was that your boyfriend on the phone?

Well, that certainly wasn't my girlfriend, that's for sure.

(LAUGHING)

What the hell is wrong with you?

You on drugs or something?

You have to feel sorry for me.

I mean, I probably have silicone for brains.

Yeah. You know, that bastard of a surgeon

must have transferred some in there from my tits.

If you don't want to take me seriously...

You are fucking nuts, all right?

Hey, Pierre, Pierre, just do one thing, do one thing.

Turn the TV on.

What?

Please.

Turn on the TV.

(WITH BRITISH ACCENT) Here we are in the stylish loft of Katya.

America's latest wet dream.

So, Katya, America really wants to know

just why exactly did you rob them of such a spectacular rack?

Well, I am going to be a serious actress now

and they would have just gotten in the way of my iambic pentameter.

Did he charge you by the ounce?

Who? The surgeon.

I mean, let's be honest, there was a hell of a lot to excavate in there.

Oh, well, of course but, you know,

I got a deal for doing them both.

A shrewd shopper.

Well, a girl's gotta make ends meet.

Now, would you show us your new tits, unspectacular as they may be?

Well, now, you know I can't do that because I'm a serious actress now.

Nicole Kidman did it.

Really? In that case, why don't you just zoom right in.

What's that from?

My breast surgery.

Never trust a blind surgeon.

Seriously, what's it from?

Look, we're not here to talk about me, are we?

Besides, I doubt you'd really want to know.

But I do. No, you know what? You don't.

Oh, God. All right, fine, Mr. Tough Guy, war correspondent.

I'm sorry that I asked you anything

about your miserable little life.

Now can we just get this over with, please?

Because I'm tired.

And bleeding, don't forget.

(SARCASTICALLY) Ha, ha.

Any more dull questions, shoot.

It was a grenade.

Oh, please, Mr. Tintin, we're not here to talk about you.

And why are we here?

If you're gonna talk philosophy to me, I will really fall asleep.

You know, I don't find you funny at all, Miss Katya.

Why don't you try becoming a person first,

instead of a rich spoiled brat

who knows how to turn on the charm?

That's not the same as having talent,

which I don't see you having much of.

I'll tell you what you are good at, though.

You're good at lying.

But you lie mostly to yourself.

Hey, you awake?

Hanging on every word, Pop.

Right. "I'm good at crying."

Well, you're good at getting what you want.

A whore...

That's right, call me a whore.

A whore in Sarajevo at the Hotel Gainsborough

fell in love with my brother.

Your brother, go on.

Yeah, my brother, Robert, fell in love with her, too.

Then he goes and he gets her pregnant and he was so happy.

He's a... Or he was a photographer, photo journalist.

He got this really nice shot of Marica once, that's the whore,

in front of a bombed-out market with some little kids.

In fact, it made it into our magazine

and I wrote the accompanying story.

We used to do that sometimes.

Just pretend I'm not here.

Well, long story short,

Marica was captured by some soldiers led by Oleck Mehovalik.

And Oleck rapes her.

Then he gives her to his men and they rape her.

Then you know what they did?

They ripped open her belly, and they tore out the fetus,

and they put that in a pot and sent it to my brother.

Well, after they healed her up...

I thought you said this was going to be short.

Oleck said to her, "You can go kill your boyfriend

"and if you don't, we will.

"But first we'll kill your whole family and then you."

So they gave her a grenade

and one night she shows up at the hotel bar and she pulls the pin.

Six dead, including two children.

Well, there was nothing left of poor Marica except a piece of her thigh.

You know what? I really don't remember

if she was wearing fishnets or not.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I hurt you.

I was indeed acting like a spoiled brat.

I should have poked out your eyes.

Feel like dessert?

No, thanks.

Well, I have fetus in syrup.

You are unbelievable, you know that?

I have a headache. Do you mind if I lie down?

Well, not only is that the first real question you've asked me,

it's also the best that I have ever had from a journalist.

Please lie on my sofa.

Do you have any Tylenol?

It's another good question. I'm afraid that I do have some Tylenol,

but no arsenic.

You know, that would get rid of your headache

a lot faster. Oh, my God.

Thank you.

You know what?

Maybe journalism's not for me.

Maybe I am just a big, fat failure.

Hey, I never said you were a failure.

What happened to her family?

Marica? I don't know.

And your brother?

One suicide attempt after another.

Why does he keep failing?

I think just to torture me.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Oh, God. Do you realize that you are unpleasant?

(GROANING)

I'm sorry, I forgot to call you back.

Did you watch? No, you were amazing.

I was terrible.

KATYA'S VOICE READING: I don't love Evan.

Sometimes I think I'm just using him to keep the darkness at bay.

Yes, he's handsome, but when he wants to make love I cringe.

I don't know why. I can't stand the thought of him inside me.

I should break it off, but I'm a coward.

Death is all around me.

Around me and in me.

I'm Googling you.

Yeah.

Great stuff. Hold on.

I did an interview for Vogue last year.

There's some good stuff in that if you want to use it.

Thank you. I'm back.

Okay, I'll call you tomorrow.

All right. Bye.

Nice.

Oh, don't look at those!

Why not?

I look like a slut.

Yeah.

You know, you are really starting to get on my nerves, Pierre.

Well, that's what I do, you know.

So, tell me about your boyfriend.

You know, I'm really tired.

Well, I could really use some more time with you.

I mean, now I feel like I'm just getting started.

Haven't you got enough already?

Just a few more minutes.

Okay, you.

Follow me.

(KATYA SNIFFING LOUDLY)

(COUGHS)

You want some?

No, thanks.

Oh, don't look so disappointed.

You'll make me cry again.

You know what? I'm pretty tired.

Maybe I should go.

Well, now I'm sure you have plenty to write about.

Don't worry, I won't write about this.

Well, then, have some, so I know I can trust you.

Is that coke?

It's not heroin, is it?

(INAUDIBLE)

Yeah, okay. This is stupid.

You know what? Take my very expensive bottle of Scotch with you.

If there's anything left.

KATYA: Fuck you.

Why are you such a fuck face?

Uh... Well, certain people just bring it out in me.

Ow! What the... What are you...

Jesus, yeah, this is real funny!

It's stupid.

Yeah, I'm sure I look very stupid to you.

No. It's stupid of me. Stupid of me.

Watch my glasses!

You know, you got to learn to relax.

I am completely relaxed.

Are you bleeding again?

Do you need me to get you a damp towel?

No. I'm fine.

Hey, Pierre.

I'm not tired anymore.

Mind if I use your bathroom?

Sure.

Oh, that's just the bath. Toilet's next door.

KATYA'S VOICE READING: Death is all around me, around me and in me.

In my chest, in my gut, in my eyes.

Everything I look at seems...

Pierre?

Shit.

(FLUSHING)

Over here.

Well, now, that looks relaxing.

Oh, it is.

How's your head?

I'll live.

(KATYA LAUGHS)

You're really getting beat up today, huh?

Well,

it's an occupational hazard.

Will you do something for me, Pierre?

I'll try.

Write down your number, and I will call you

and we will finish this up tomorrow.

Please try to be a little prepared, okay?

You got it.

That's nice, isn't it?

What?

The music. Can't you hear it?

(SLOW SONG PLAYING ON STEREO IN DISTANCE)

Do you like it?

Not really.

Will you put this out for me, please, Pierre?

Yes, Your Highness.

Hey. I'm not that high.

(EXCLAIMS)

(KATYA LAUGHING) Oh, Jesus.

Look, I'm sorry if it seemed like I was judging you in there.

It just surprised me, that's all.

Well, it shouldn't have.

Everybody knows that I'm a crack whore.

Well, now, I have been with all kinds of whores,

all over the world, and you, my dear, are no crack whore.

You say the sweetest things to me sometimes. You know that?

I do, don't I?

Mmm-hmm.

I must like you or something.

Well, of course you do.

I drive men crazy.

Boys, too, but mostly men.

You know, just the other day, my acting teacher tried to hit on me.

And it was really disgusting, Pierre,

because he's, like, your age, and I had

so much respect for him, you know?

And who is this? Eli Nichols.

He's the best. And everybody goes to him.

And he tells you how to read your lines?

No, we do exercises, you know.

Character study and sense memory.

I videotape my rehearsals, he critiques them. All that crap.

Watch out, Meryl Streep.

Take it easy, Pop.

I am not your pop.

You just look like him sometimes, that's all.

Your father?

Yes.

Well, give him my regards.

I will.

He's dead.

Hmm.

So is my daughter.

I thought you said you didn't have any kids.

Well, I don't anymore.

How did she die?

Heroin overdose.

Nineteen years old.

While I was off somewhere in the Middle East.

And what about your dad?

Heart attack at 50. I never met him.

No?

I've seen pictures, though. He was very handsome in an odd sort of way.

But a real asshole, so I'm told.

He had no interest in me at all.

Hmm. And there's your scar.

Well played, Dr. Freud.

KATYA: Aw.

No more music.

They must have gone to bed.

And what about us?

I didn't know there was an us.

Uh... You're right. There's not, because you hate me.

Remember? And yet you kissed me.

You kissed me.

Now why would I do that? I'm your father.

You're weird.

And you are my daughter.

I'm not.

That's right. She's dead.

You must be tired.

Of your boyfriend.

Excuse me?

Is that why you kissed me?

Because I'm tired of him?

Well, you're sick of him actually.

I mean, you don't love him anymore.

You know what I'm going to tell you, Mr. Roving Reporter?

We're in love and we're getting married.

That's a bad idea.

Why would you marry someone you didn't love?

You know, and there's your big scoop.

Jesus, you're good, because nobody

in the entire world even knows we're engaged.

Except, you know, for people who read a newspaper

or a magazine, you dumb fuck.

Hey, you know what?

Come here, where you going?

BOYFRIEND: Katya!

(BANGING ON DOOR)

Is that him?

(DOORBELL RINGING) It's me!

Well, speak of the devil!

Shh!

Are you going to let him in? I don't want to.

Why not?

I don't want him in here now.

Just keep your fucking voice down.

I would really like to meet him.

I would.

Shh!

(BANGING ON DOOR)

Well, doesn't he have a key?

Nobody gets a key.

BOYFRIEND: You in there?

Well, I'm going to let him in.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Oh, God. You have got to change that ringer!

He's still there.

Answer your phone.

Shut the fuck up.

Do something.

(FOOTSTEPS RETREATING)

Can I talk now?

You can go now!

Oh, boy.

Nice. Come on. You don't need that shit.

Oh, fuck off already.

Oh, you left me a little. How sweet of you.

Is life really this hard for you?

What could you possibly be so depressed about?

I'm sorry, Daddy, did you say something?

Just get over yourself already.

How are the whores in Afghanistan, Father?

What, no whores?

Look at you, you have the world at your feet.

But you prefer to piss and moan about it

and then you act like you're crazy on top of it.

How are the camels? Let me tell you something.

You're not crazy, okay?

You know what your problem is?

You're too normal.

That's what it is, in fact...

If I had a grenade, I would stick it up your fucking ass.

Why do you think anything you have to say could possibly hurt me?

Oh, go find some war to fight.

Excuse me, correspond with.

You don't actually fight, do you?

Yeah, and you don't actually love Ethan, do you?

Who?

What's his name? What...

Evan. Is that his name?

Come on. You don't love him.

And that's why you kissed me.

And maybe that's why you didn't let him in the door.

I was protecting you.

Whatever.

The fact is, you don't love him,

and why don't you just admit it?

Tell the truth for once.

Pierre, what the fuck are you talking about?

I can prove it.

Oh, my God, how?

Never mind how.

Forget it, all right? Let's just leave it at that.

No, Pierre. Pierre.

You can't say something like that and then not do it.

Prove to me. Prove that I do not love him,

and I will do anything you want.

I don't want anything from you.

No?

You tried to dry hump me on the kitchen counter earlier on.

Are you sure there isn't anything you want from me, Pierre?

You like to gamble, huh?

Oh, God, I'm not gambling.

I am in love and I'm getting married.

What are you doing?

"I don't love Evan.

"When he wants to make love, I cringe.

"I can't stand the thought of him inside me."

Should I go on?

Oh, my God.

Or should I unzip?

You know what? You are really sleazy.

Well, you wanted proof, didn't you?

There it is, you're a liar.

Is there any point in saying that you're sick?

I'm not going to use any of it.

It's just more for background.

He breaks into my computer, he reads my diary and he's proud of it.

Have you noticed that I have about 10 minutes on my tape

and it's just us bickering?

You talk on the phone all night, you leave me out here alone,

you said I can use your computer, and now you're surprised?

Why don't you just rape me now and get it over with?

I wanted to know about you. You don't tell me anything.

You wanted to know me.

Why don't you have a rifle through these, huh?

See what you can find.

Listen, I know you better than you think.

You just read my diary.

No, I hardly read any of it, all right?

But there was something in there that I read,

that I want to know more about.

You can leave now.

Get away from my computer, you sick bastard!

"Death is all around me.

"Around me and in me.

"In my chest, in my gut, in my eyes.

"Everything I look at seems black.

"Black sky, black clouds, black sun.

"Black, black, black."

That is stealing, you prick.

What, are you going to sell it to the tabloids?

No! No, I would never do that. I swear.

But I want to know why you feel this way.

I want to know why...

Katya!

(SOBBING) Just get out!

Here, you can have that. I don't even want it.

Just delete it all!

Okay, look.

I know you're not going to believe me when I tell you this.

But I do care about you very much.

I don't care about your diary or the rest of it.

And I don't care about who you marry or why.

It's none of my business.

But, Katya, please. I want to know

why you feel like there's no hope.

I swear to God, I will call the police.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hi, sweetie.

BOYFRIEND ON PHONE: What's going on over there?

Honey, did you come by before? Yeah.

I was in the shower, but I thought I heard banging.

Oh, God, no, I mean, because I started bleeding, sweetie. Remember?

Are you okay? You sound...

No, I just... I have a cold, that's all.

Did you get my message?

What message?

No, I've been on the phone to Maggie all night.

She's just freaking out again.

About what? I don't know.

Baby, listen, I need to get some sleep, okay?

If I don't I'm just going to be a wreck tomorrow.

I love you.

Yeah, me, too. Bye.

I'm not going anywhere.

I just don't want to play your games anymore, Pierre.

No, this isn't a game.

This is not a game for me.

This is very real. Go ahead, you want to call the police?

'Cause it'll be in the papers tomorrow morning. Is that what you want?

Look, I want to know what's haunting you.

Why?

Because I feel haunted, too.

Maybe things aren't as bad as you think.

Would you tell me your deepest, darkest secret?

I mean, you have one, don't you?

Why do you want to know?

I don't.

But it's the only way I'll tell you mine.

Okay.

Where is your camcorder?

It's in my bag. Go get it.

Why? I don't want to record this.

I do.

What for?

Because then it would feel like an interview, Pierre.

A professional interview.

And not some weird surrogate father-daughter bonding moment.

I get to record you, too.

Fine.

I'm going to have to read this, okay?

It'll be easier.

"Monday.

"Today my sentence was handed down.

"The X-rays were clear.

"I have cancer.

"I asked Dr. Abrahams if I'm going to die.

"He said he couldn't tell how far it's progressed.

"I ask him, 'Am I going to lose my breast?'

"He said he'd be happiest if we removed it.

"I ask him what happens if it has progressed further.

"He said we should wait and see.

"Take it a step at a time,

"but that I should give up smoking and drinking.

"I can't imagine telling anyone

"for fear it will become too real."

Wow.

Hey, Pierre, are you okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine. Yeah.

Jesus, you're a pill-popping alcoholic.

No wonder you didn't need any blow.

Here.

Hey, I do have Bourbon.

Does anybody else know?

No.

God. I have been horrible to you tonight.

I haven't exactly been Miss Sunshine myself, have I?

What will you write?

Nothing. No, no, no, I'm gonna tell my editor

that I walked out of the interview.

Very unprofessional of me.

And in the end, he was a gentleman.

I don't know about that. I've been a real jerk tonight.

I'm sorry, I didn't used to be.

Listen, I have tortured you enough.

You should get some rest.

I knew it.

What?

Aren't you forgetting something?

You can't be serious.

Serious as cancer.

Katya, I'm telling you.

My story pales in comparison.

It's not a competition, Pierre.

We made a deal.

I know, but that was before... That's when deals are made. Before!

Okay, look, don't get mad at me.

I really don't have anything to tell you. Don't you dare do this to me.

I can't believe you are doing this to me.

I am sick of your little games.

No, it's not a game. I...

I'm sorry. I lied, okay? I lied to you.

I don't have anything to tell you.

No, you're lying now.

Katya, don't.

Don't what? Don't what? Act like I'm crazy?

I'm not crazy, Pierre, I just want to kill you.

I want to rip your insides out,

you filthy, sleazy, disgusting, lying son of a bitch.

Hey! Stop it!

Get your hands off me!

Cut it out! Let me go!

(SOBBING)

Okay. Go.

Marica, the whore.

She did lose the baby, but they never

cut her open and ripped out the fetus

and put it in a pot.

I just said that to make the story more interesting.

I do that a lot lately.

The past few years, especially in my reporting.

I have a lot of nonexistent sources.

And that's why I was not in Washington when the scandal broke.

Because Larry, my editor at the magazine, doesn't trust me anymore.

"Pierre, I think you should start doing people profiles."

And that's why I get stuck doing these God-awful fluff pieces.

I'm sorry.

What, is that it? Is that your secret?

I'm just getting warmed up.

My real secret, my real shame

is after Lisa died. That's my daughter.

Um...

It's like I said, I was never really there for her.

But neither was my wife, Brenda.

Even though she had sole custody.

We were divorced when Lisa was three.

Anyway, after Lisa's death, Brenda and I, in our grief or whatever,

we sort of got back together.

And things were starting to look up

till she started drinking again.

Then I started to resent her, and blame her for Lisa's death.

And we would have these horrible, horrible fights.

I mean, really ugly.

And physical.

Well, one day I got this desperate call

from Brenda when I was at work.

"Please, Pierre, come over, I'm scared, I'm really scared."

And I could tell she was out of it

but I took my sweet time getting over there.

In fact, it was hours later, and when I got there,

she was passed out on the floor.

I mean, she had obviously been drinking.

But I also saw a bottle of her pills.

An empty bottle of pills on the couch.

And I didn't touch anything.

And I didn't even get close enough to her

to see if she was breathing.

You murdered your wife?

Well, I went home and I drank myself to sleep.

In fact, I was still drunk the next day,

when the police informed me that I was the last person that she had called.

So, yeah, I guess you can say I murdered my wife.

Okay?

I'm very tired, Pierre.

Yeah, me, too.

Katya! What the hell happened here tonight?

I don't know.

Things did get a little crazy, huh?

A little?

I'll get your things.

I have one more confession.

If I don't get some sleep, Pierre, I'm going to kill myself.

Just finish your drink, I'll get your things, okay?

Hey, did you find my...

Camcorder and your Palm?

You want to check?

No, I trust you.

Pierre, do you mind taking the stairs?

I just get scared in the elevator on my own at this time of night.

You have been very gracious this evening.

But I have one more question, if you will.

What do we have in common?

We don't believe in relationships.

I knew it. You're right. There is no equality.

Nope, there is always a winner and a loser.

Exactly.

One more thing.

(LAUGHS)

(DOOR CLOSING)

LARRY ON PHONE: Hello.

Hey, Larry, it's me.

Yeah, no, I just wanted to give you a heads-up

on the Katya piece.

First you don't want...

Wait a minute.

No, no, listen to me. Listen to me.

What? She's got cancer.

She told you? Yes, of course she told me.

She told me everything. And we should get this in soon

before she tells anybody else.

Huh?

We're not going with that piece.

Why not?

Well, maybe it's some kind of weird coincidence? I don't know.

Look, I know what she told me.

Plus, I have a copy of her diary.

Never mind how I got it, I just do.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

I got to go, Larry, bye.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Change your mind?

KATYA ON PHONE: About what?

Oh, hey.

Hi.

Hey, I'm up here.

Hi, Pierre.

What's up?

I forgot to tell you something.

I hope you'll forgive me.

Shoot.

My boyfriend's name is Ray.

Ray?

Yeah, Ray.

I just wanted to be clear about that.

So, who's Evan?

Amy's boyfriend.

And Amy would be?

City Girls.

Your favorite show. Remember?

So, your diary is just a script from your show?

No, I wrote that, thank you.

As Amy, of course.

It was one of my acting exercises.

And, you know, she's the one who is sick with cancer.

Pierre?

No, no, no. No, no, no, wait!

Wait, Pierre. Pierre.

You have my tape.

Well, I guess it's my tape now.

No, no, you took my rehearsal tape.

I have your confession right here.

Should I send it to your editor, or the police?

Should we run that again?

KATYA ON TAPE: Shit, I'm late.

For what?

Another interview.

With who?

I have no idea.

And that's why I get stuck doing these God-awful fluff pieces.

I'm sorry.

* We've partied now more than a year

* Some things have changed and some have not

* Now, to look at you, my dear

* Whatever was I thinking of?

* Going like a time bomb When you're gonna blow

* And what did I do wrong?

* And if I turn my back when I come to find you

* You're gone

* Now I'm older, more assured

* Time has passed and time has healed

* And time has taught me so much more

* What was I thinking of?

* Going like a time bomb When you're gonna blow

* And what did I do wrong?

* And if I turn my back when I come to find you

* You're gone

* Going like a time bomb When you're gonna blow

* And what did I do wrong?

* And when I turn my back when I come to find you

* You're gone

* Going like a time bomb When you're gonna blow

* And what did I do wrong?

* And if I turn my back when I come to find you

* You're gone

* Going like a time bomb When you're gonna blow

* And what did I do wrong?