All language subtitles for Home Improvement - 312 - Twas The Blight Before Christmas

Welcome to Tool Time.
I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor,

and you all know my assistant - Al "Thinks
He's Getting A Christmas Bonus" Borland.

Well, as you all can see,
it's yule time on Tool Time.

Before we get into our project today,
we have a special feature for you.

That's right, Tim.
Binford stocking stuffers.

There's nothing that says
"Peace on Earth" better

than a Binford power tool.

Yeah.

Doesn't Al just jingle
your bell sometimes?

Heidi, the stocking stuffers,
please.

- Here you go, Tim.
- Thank you, Heidi.

Now, stocking stuffers
usually...

- generally have...
- Klaus! Whoo-hoo!

Thank you.

Stocking stuffers sometimes are
difficult to pick out for men.

But Binford has made it easy
this year with stuff like this.

The new Binford
mini propane torch. Huh?

Stand back. Stand back.

It's small, but portable enough
you can fit it in a pocket.

Whoa! Wouldn't put it
in there, though.

You can remove facial hair
with it.

You can do a little soldering on
the house, melt glass tubing,

or if your wife's out,
melt her earrings down

and make handy fishing lures
out of them.

Also, we have the Binford 6100
digital torque wrench.

It'll be the torque of the town
this Christmas. Ho-ho-ho.

That's right. They'll
also be torquing about...

the new Binford fiberoptic
flexible flashlight.

As odd as it seems, this is
actually a great gift for guys.

This thing can find auto parts
strewn around the garage,

look in dirty pipes or any
dark, dusty area you have.

In one ear, out the other.

Just like your job, Al.

In one day, out the other.

Now, finally, for the man
without a vice,

a vise.

The Binford Bench Buddy 2000.

It's got a swiveling base,
serrated steel jaws

and a clamping capacity
of seven and one-half inches.

Actually, Tim, the...

The bench vise is too big
to be a stocking stuffer.

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho,
are you ever right.

If you want to stuff that
into a stocking,

you need a special stocking,
like this one.

Like one of Al's mom's
thermal hunting socks.

Don't let her in here.

It's your mom, Al.

AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

What do you think? Could we
put the kids in the middle?

You are gonna be the cutest little
choirboy in the whole service.

You don't think I look geeky?

No. You look Christmassy.

If this were Veterans Day,
you'd look geeky.

Jill, you won't believe
what Doc Johnson's doing.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Mark. Nice robe.

What's the "N" mean? "Naked under
this robe and no one can tell."

Hey, show a little respect. You're
talking to the "N" in "Noel."

I still think I look geeky.

You look very handsome.

Now, let's get this thing off

before your brothers
come home and see you.

Here. There we go.

Jill, What would you say
if I told you

that Doc Johnson has dancing
elves up on his roof?

I'd say he'd better get those
elf traps out right away.

I'm talking about the
neighborhood decorating contest.

I hate to say it,
but I think I might lose.

You've lost nine years in a row. I'd
think you'd be used to it by now.

This year, I had a really good
feeling about winning. It's odd.

Every decoration I put up,
Doc Johnson's put up before me.

- Ah, it's just a coincidence.
- Coincidence?

I went to put a plastic Santa
up there today...

and guess what old Doc
Johnson's got up on his roof.

Chimney?

A plastic Santa.

Gosh, I wonder what made him think of using
a Santa Claus as a decoration at Christmas.

I'll tell you what else
he's got up there.

My seven swans a-swimming
and my six geese a-laying.

Hey, Brad. Guys, guess what.

Tom Wheeler's family invited me
to go skiing at Boyd Mountain.

All right! Boyd Mountain!
I love it up there.

Tobogganing, skiing, fractures,
sprains, broken bones,

laying at the bottom of the hill
in a stretcher... Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

When are you going?

That's kinda what I need
to talk to you about.

Well, it better not
be this weekend.

We're running
a Tool Time marathon.

40 straight hours
of Tim and Al high jinks.

- It's also Christmas.
- It's also Christmas.

Well, it is this weekend.

Brad!

But, Mom, it's perfect.

I don't have school, and I can take your
presents with me and open them there.

Do you feel the love
in this room? Do you?

Brad, the family is always
together at Christmas.

We open our stockings together, we
talk to the relatives on the phone...

You have your new saxophone. You could
play along while we sing carols.

And I'm gonna make

Nana's special
oyster pecan stuffing.

Ugh!

Do you suppose there's room
for one more skier in that car?

Mark is singing
in the choir. Come on.

The Wheelers will ask you
to go skiing some other time.

But, Mom, I don't wanna go
another time.

It's gonna be great
skiing conditions.

A lot of kids from school
are gonna be there.

Honey, I can tell
this is important to you,

but this family is always
together at Christmas.

Even when your father fell down
the chimney, we were together.

We were in the emergency room,
but we were together.

- So you're saying I can't go?
- No way.

Dad!

No, no, no, no.

Come on buddy, it's Christmas. A
special time. Your mom's right.

It's not gonna be
a special time for me.

So much for a merry Christmas.

Hi-dee-ho-ho-ho-ho,
good neighbor.

And a merry Christmas
to you, too, Wilson.

Well, Tim, I see the holidays
find you among friends.

Yeah. This is for
the roof display.

These are the three
wise tool guys.

Oh. They come from so far,
yet seem strangely familiar.

- Yes, don't they?
- Mm-hmm.

Halloween's over. You can
put away the witch's broom.

Tim, this is not a witch's broom.
This is a julenek.

- A what-a-nek?
- A julenek.

It's a Scandinavian
Christmas tradition.

Families bind sheaves of grain
to a long spruce pole,

and that provides nourishment
for the sparrows in the winter.

I wish I could bind up Doc Johnson
and twist his little julenek.

Tim, that's hardly
the Christmas spirit.

I know. I really thought I could beat
him this year at the Christmas display,

but he's always seems to be
one step ahead of me.

You know, so I see. He just put
three wise men up on his roof, too.

What?

- Where?
- Over there.

How does that guy keep
beating me to the punch?

Well, maybe the good doctor's
got ESP.

Now, what does having a cable sports
channel have to do with this?

No, I'm talking about
extrasensory perception.

The ability to read
someone else's mind.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Maybe he should try
reading this.

Lemme guess. Brad's practicing
on the saxophone,

or there's an elephant
giving birth upstairs.

Saxophone.

Brad's so depressed about not
going on the skiing trip,

he's trying to play the blues.

I should be playing the blues.
Hey, Randy.

I went to put the three wise
tool guys up on the roof,

and guess who's
already got 'em up.

- Doc Johnson.
- Bingo.

I swear to God
he's got this house bugged.

Excuse me?

How else is he getting
this information?

Wait a minute.
You might be right.

What's up, Doc?

No, not tonight.
You-know-who's gonna be here.

- Do you actually think that's funny?
- Yes.

Honey, he's stealing
all my lighting ideas.

Tim, you really think Doc Johnson has
nothing better to do than spy on you?

He's a retired proctologist. Spying on us
is a lot more fun than what he used to do.

What is that?

It's Rudolf's nose.

I don't even wanna see
the rest of him.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- Dad.
- What is it?

I think I know where Doc Johnson's
been getting his information.

Me too. I think it's your mom.
She's a double agent.

No.

He's been getting
his information from me.

Wait a minute. Say that again.

Well, you see, I was talking to Doc
Johnson's granddaughter, Lauren,

and I kind of mentioned
a few things.

I can't believe you'd do that.

You know there's no secret more important
than a family's lighting strategy.

She's really cute.

She kept pumping me
for information.

No matter how hard I tried
to resist, I couldn't.

Mmm.

Been there.

She smile at you like this?

If she'd smiled at me like that,
I would've thrown up.

Hey, boys! Come on,
we're gonna be late.

Brad, you're not
dressed for church!

I know. I'm not going.

If he's not going,
I'm not going.

And if they're not, I'm not.

Hey. You are all going. You two, you
go out and wait in the car, all right?

Brad, what do you mean
you're not going?

Well, if I can't go skiing, I don't
see why I have to go to church.

Because God said, "Come and
worship," not, "Go and slalom."

Honey, you can't stay home.
Mark's gonna sing tonight.

So?

So get up and get dressed for church.
Be down in five minutes.

Because Mom wants the whole
stupid family to be together?

If that's your attitude,
stay home.

No. Don't let him off that easy.

If he's gonna be obnoxious, I'd just as
soon he didn't ruin Christmas Eve for us.

- You've already ruined it for me.
- Well, I am so sorry.

Stay in your room.

No sneaking downstairs to watch
that Tool Time marathon.

- Oh, the Taylors! Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

- Jill, you look wonderful
- Thank you.

- Merry Christmas.
- Thank you, Tim. Same to you.

Tim, I've never seen you at
church without your earplug.

No football game on tonight?

That was one Sunday,
all right, Reverend.

I-I-I pray during halftime.

Yeah, I remember that prayer.

"O heavenly Father,
please let the Lions kick butt."

Mark, maybe you should
change into your robe.

Do I have to?
I look like a geek.

- Oh, honey, you look great.
- For a geek.

Randy.

No, no, no, no, no.

Reverend, the lights look
a little dim on the tree.

I could boost the power,
get some lights for the service.

No. No, thank you, Tim. I
don't think tonight is the night

to test our new
sprinkler system.

- Where's Brad this evening?
- Oh, boy...

- He's not feeling well.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, maybe we'll see all the
Taylors together next Christmas.

"Not feeling well"?

You lied in church
on Christmas Eve?

Watch out for lightning bolts.
God doesn't like that stuff.

At least I'm not begging
the Almighty

for two touchdowns
and a field goal.

- Merry Christmas.
- Hi, Al.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

- Here, scooch over.
- Don't crowd. I'll take a pew behind you.

Most people
use the bathroom, Al.

Where's Ilene?

She had an orthodontic emergency

at the junior-high
Christmas play.

Joseph and Mary got their
braces stuck together.

I hope she gets here in time
to see Mark.

I just saw him down the hall
in his... his little robe.

Boy, you know, I always
wanted to be the letter "N."

That's impossible, Al. The song
specifically says "no Al."

Well, where's Bradley?

He's spending Christmas Eve
alone in his room sulking.

It's his way of rebelling.

Oh, yeah, well...

I remember my first
Christmas rebellion.

I was so mad.

My parents went out and bought
an artificial tree.

The whole Christmas I refused
to sing "O Tannenbaum."

Oh, my.

You were a bad, bad Borland.

- You all right?
- Yeah, I'm OK.

It was a long time ago.

I mean, are you OK?

No.

Mark's singing. It's Christmas.
I want the whole family to be together.

Why'd you make Brad stay home?

I'd have loved to drag him
here against his will.

That's a great vision
for Christmas -

the four of us singing hymns,
you with Brad in a headlock.

It just doesn't seem like Christmas
without us all being together.

- Excuse me.
- Where are you going?

Off to the little boys' room
to take a pew.

Jeez, Dad, what are you
doing here?

I came home to get you. My question
is, what are you doing with the skis?

Uh, I... I was gonna
donate 'em to the needy.

Yeah. Yeah, that's just what they need
down there at the mission. Food and skis.

Look, Dad, I explained it all
in the note.

Well, it better be a good one.

"Went skiing. Brad."

Your mom and I specifically
said you don't go skiing,

and you were gonna disobey us.

I wasn't disobeying you.

You said I couldn't go with
the Wheelers, and I'm not.

- Well, how are you gonna get there?
- Hitchhike.

Hitchhike? Sit down over here.

All I wanted to do
was be with my friends.

A lot of people I like
are gonna be down there.

Christmas is not about
being with people you like!

It's about being with
your family.

Dad, it's just one Christmas.
It's not that big a deal.

Well, it is to your mom
and to me and to me.

I can't believe
you'd be this selfish.

Listen to me. Um...

In a couple years, you'll be 18.

You'll be off to college...
or a good trade school.

And we won't see you.

But, Dad, I'll come home.

You'll come a couple Christmases. But then
you'll get married, and I'll never see you.

Your mom's family lives in Texas, mine's in
Colorado. We never see them for holidays.

You don't know how many Christmases we
have together. I won't be around forever.

What do you mean?

Face the facts.

You've seen the stunts
I pull on Tool Time.

I can't keep dodging the bullet.

I gotta get back to church
and see your brother sing.

You can sit here and think about what
a merry Christmas you've made this.

Well, I checked in every
stall in the bathroom -

men's and women's.

Boy, was Mrs. Lindsay surprised.

I wonder where he is.

Maybe he decided to go home
and set up his Christmas lights.

You really think he'd rather set
up the lights than hear Mark sing?

What was I thinking?

Who's Leon?

Maybe Leon was born
in the manger next door.

- Where've you been?
- I-I went home and I...

I was hoping to have a little
surprise for you, and, um...

- Hi, Mom.
- Brad!

Scooch over.

Oh, honey. I'm so glad you came.

If you're so glad,
how come you're crying?

I get a little emotional
around the holidays.

I see I'm not the only one.

Oh, no. This isn't emotion.

It's Al. He's not wearing
any deodorant.

I don't think so, Tim.

Hey, guys, come on. Hurry up.
The contest's about to start.

Gee! I don't know, Tim. There's
an awful lot of lights here.

We'll have to take out a mortgage
to pay the electric bill.

All right, Dad. Let her rip.

No, wait a minute. I think we
should say a prayer first.

Please, Lord,
don't let our house blow up.

- Amen.
- Amen.

- Wait, get back.
- All right, guys.

Cross your fingers. Ready?

- Looks wonderful.
- Awesome.

- Cool.
- Wow.

Oh, oh, oh, Tim,
that is a lovely use of neon.

Reminds me of the Christmas
I spent in Las Vegas.

You really like it, Wilson?

You've reached the apex of your
Christmas decorating career.

I hope I can convince
those stupid judges of that.

- There's only one judge.
- Just one?

Mm-hmm. And it's me.

Did I say stupid?
I meant stupendous.

If you're the judge, we've kinda
got a leg up on the competition.

Well, I don't know. Doc Johnson's
display is very effective.

- Plus, I used to be a patient of his.
- Huh?

Brad, you put Blitzen's light
in Rudolf's nose.

Tim, does one bulb
make that big a difference?

Yes. I'm a perfectionist. Wilson, hold off
the judging till I get this finished.

Mm-hmm.

Be careful up there.
It's slippery.

Don't worry, honey.

Yeah, I've heard that before.

Oh.

Hey, Dad, be careful
if the light bulb is wet.

It'll be fine.

Well, good golly, Taylors,
I think you won the contest.

I did not realize there was a
full-size electric Tim on the roof.

Hey, Dad, we're coming up!
Hurry!

Happy holidays!

Happy holidays!

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