Original subtitles

Buddha be praised

Buddha be praised

You did a great job

have a seat

thanks

please

that was a great performance tonight

thank you

here are your fees

as we agreed

here's an extra bonus

thank you

don't mention it

we're out in the wilderness

it's so nice of you to come

it's our pleasure

it's late

I'll be leaving now

good night

good night

watch your steps

You want some tea, Mr. chiang?

No, thanks

you'd better go to bed

see you tomorrow

good night

Those were ghosts

Does this seem strange to you?

So you run into ghosts often

that's not nice

ghosts should not be joked about

in our business of Chinese opera

we play ghosts very often

we should respect them

forgive us if we disturbed you

watch out for things

you're that superstitious, uncle chiang?

I grew up with those things

I don't believe in ghosts

that wasn't done by a ghost

you hit me first

you deserved it

stop fooling around

you newcomers have such bad temper

your master travels first class, we have to walk

shut up or I'll kill you

I'll get it

I was only kidding

we're here

That's your bed

it's the worst

Can we change beds?

No way

I hate mosquitoes

I hate rats

you're not a big star

don't try to be fussy

now leave me alone

is that it?

Yes

The moon will shine over here

piao, you're doomed

what does that mean?

Whatever it means

don't try to scare me

I'm just telling the facts

what facts?

Have you read the night guide?

No

The position of one's bed is important

yours is doomed

I'd better not say anymore

what should I do then?

Anything at all?

Tell me please

what year were you born?

Tiger

really?

Yes

light from the window shines on your bed

- do you know what that means? - No

you may run into ghosts

you'd better sleep under the bed

I'm going to bed

I'm scared

Kuei, what year were you born?

Dragon

ghosts are scared of you then

that's what they say

can you change beds with me?

Of course not

please, I'll owe you one

I'm too tired

I've dirtied this bed already

don't worry, I'll take care of everything

please help me out

alright

did you sleep on that bed?

For just a few seconds

you'd better place a red packet there

or the ghosts won't be pleased

got it?

Yes

you conned him

stay out of it

maybe the bed is really doomed

nonsense

this bed is far more comfortable

- What's up? - Call of nature

this time of the night?

I'm scared to go alone

you're such a coward

what's there to be afraid of?

Ghosts, devils, monsters

alright, I'll go with you

so gutless

excuse me please

I thought you wanted me here

I was talking to them

them?

You believe in ghosts

yes

stupid

I'll urinate over that grave

don't do that

sorry about that, my friend

how did that taste?

Terrible

we'd better run

- why? - Ghosts

why did you say terrible?

- You asked me how did it taste - I didn't

- really? - Really

Ghosts

What's up?

Having fun

I'm not afraid of ghosts

do you run into ghosts often?

Yes

how can you tell?

I have two eyes

so do I

mine are different than yours

I have "good-bad" eyes

what?

Left is good. Right is bad

stare and I will see

I was born with such eyes

do ghosts look scary?

Only if you're afraid of them

but you have no reason to

why?

Our bodies have three flames

over our heads and two shoulders

ghosts are afraid of these flames

as long as the flames are burning

you're safe

do you tremble when you urinate?

Yes

and you?

Yes

really?

Really

that has nothing to do with ghosts

yes

ghosts can possess a man

not any man thought

ghosts only pick bad guys

like murderers, rapists, traitors

if you aren't bad

you shouldn't be afraid of ghosts

open up

it's piao

let us in

I told you one shouldn't be afraid

open up

did you run into ghosts?

How did you know?

I'm an expert in those things

what really happened

we passed by a grave

he urinated over it

oh my god

I didn't mean to insult anyone

evil things would flow back with the urine

and you should know where to

feel anything?

A bit itchy

don't bother to get married

you mean

you'll be impotent

is there any remedy?

You're such an expert, help him out

right

you'd better deliver some offerings

and pray he's not a bad ghost

can you come with me?

You have to go by yourself

in order to show you're Sincere

I'll go at dawn then

that'd be too late

nothing would cure you

you really don't have a choice

you have to go now

alright, I'll go now

offer the ghost a lot of good

sure

We have a dinner show tonight

you were putting him on?

Just for his peace of mind

piao, show us the way

That's better

Please forgive me

I didn't mean it

you did it on purpose

no, I was just naughty

so you're a naughty boy

can you do somersaults?

Yes, I'll show you

that's it

do you know what mud tastes like?

No

Try it and you'll know

try the mud you urinated over

How's it?

Terrible

behave yourself from now on

such a wonderful snack

thanks to your plan

let's thank him

thank you

you bastards

let's go home

don't blame us, blame him

it's all your fault

don't you dare ruining my home

Bless us please

Let our show have a good run

enlighten us

let us see through shams

guide us

lead us away from trouble

life is just like a show

all ups and downs

they, like dreams, come and go

chia, perform the rite

good luck to us all

let's celebrate

I'm a wandering ghost

that bad ghost bullies me all the time

come over here

he's feeling grouchy again

come here

What can I do for you?

Do you see this mess?

I didn't do it

we're the only ones here

someone

you deserve to be punished

you asked for it

I can't stand this any longer

I'd better get back to earth temporarily

hold everything please

I have to remind you again

we can't talk during the ceremony

we can't even cough

I've been eating too well lately

you fool around with women too much

none of your business

not anyone can have that privilege

one has to have money

which you don't have

that was stupid of you

you asked for it

you're supposed to be a friend

you shouldn't be on his side

its all your fault

you shouldn't have messed with bullies

get to work

Ghosts are not welcomed here

Let me save the prince

I'll rule I he country

don't be mad at heaven

I may be sad

but I won't give up

anyway

Let me save the prince

I'll rule the country

don't be mad at heaven

I'm afraid of the dark

Are you alright?

It's you guys

he's drunk

it's all your fault

you guys are so wild

kuei, I'm disappointed

tomorrow's a big night for you

go home and sleep

go yes

come on

I could have danced all night

And still I beg for more

That was a gorgeous lady

What made that happen?

Why can't I see myself in the mirror?

Don't fall apart

Harder

cut it

Come back up, I need you

My head

Come out

it's getting out of control

tidy up first

let's go

hurry

hurry

uncle chiang

what are you doing?

Going to the bathroom

that's right

I wonder what they're up to

Did you scare chia last nignt?

We scared the hell out of him

why didn't you let me know?

You were dead drunk

let's do it again tonight

to do it once is smart

twice is stupid

you made a fool out of me last night

don't be a liar

I have to run

you were the mastermind

is that right?

Chia

Listen to me

like hell I will

stop it

chia

chia

I wasn't involved

run

stop it

my Patience is running out

that's your problem

stop it

stop it

don't just hold me

hold him

stop it

hold it

hold it

no more

you ruined my place

come with me

are you out of your minds?

Tonight's our opening night

we...

Go home

I'm still in shock

I can't act when I'm in shock

you're supposed to be their guardian

chia's really mad

you're really out of line

go apologize to chia

go

So out of line

apologize to chia

don't bother

next time they may not just scare me

they may try to kill me

I'd better go away

do me a favour, chia

apologize

we're sorry

forgive them, chia

just remember one thing

I always get even

alright, get back to work

that chia is an arrogant bastard

You're up next

can you rehearse with kuei?

What?

Kuei doesn't need any rehearsal

it's a new role for him

he needs to block it out

that's his problem

one shouldn't bite what one can't chew

I'm sorry

are you blind?

You're not ready yet?

You'd better hurry

sure - move it

Are you color blind?

That's really stupid

weird

Why did you hit me?

You kissed me

I didn't

it was a ghost then?

You're going to deny it again?

What?

Don't mess up the backstage

Excuse me

what's the rush?

Call of nature

I need to use the bathroom

nice

Wonderful

who's that?

What?

You peeping Tom

aren't you ashamed of yourself?

Calm down

bastard

kuei, you're up

alright

let me enjoy the show

is it hsi upstairs?

Yes

is it wu downstairs?

Yes, I'm coming up

Fantastic

kuei's really at it

chia's mind is somewhere else

we'll be up soon

you're so careless, you tripped me

I didn't

I'llkill you

Attack me

attack me

are you crazy?

No

Play the drums

When did he learn to do that?

You're stealing my show

I'm not

kill me

I can't

the show must go on

Kill me

my arm

kill me. Come on - I can't

that's how the show ends

I see

what's that?

Heaven's sake

I'll see you later

Chia, I was.

- What's wrong? - Chia's mad

ask him if he knows his part

I don't know how it happened

shut up - he was

improvising selfishly

you have ruined my reputation

that must have been an accident

only you would hire him

I'm quitting - chia

it's all my fault

The chef's suggestion

it's not your fault

don't be so depressed

come, drink some wine

I'm not depressed

how else can eat noodles? Like so?

What's so funny?

Look at that man over there

the check please

Eat

cheers

cheers

drink too much and you'll be like me

Hello, heavenly angel

your turn will come

don't make fun of old people

make fun of mean actor, like what kuei did

actually

actually it was fun

you're got guts, making fun of big stars

you don't understand

kuei's a big star too

chia deserved it anyway

kuei

I'll give him hell sooner or later

last time he gave you hell

have you guys finished?

Can I speak?

I think you guys should buy me dinner

I've got to run

what's wrong?

Forgot my wallet

are you lying again?

He uses that trick everytime

this time is not a trictk

then you were cheating us before

only once in a while

I've got to run

cheap fellow

let's teach him a lesson

good idea

like last time?

Of course

great

the check please

I'd better enjoy myself

hurry

someone's coming

Do you think he's back yet?

No, he's sucn a slow person

should we do what we did to chia?

Not that much trouble

let's make ourselves up as ghosts

get to work right away

sure

I'm going to join them

What are you doing?

Make yourself up as a ghost

we'll follow him around

what about me?

Improvise

okay

That won't scare him

we have to let him see us

We didn't scare piao

but he did it all by himself

1, 2, 3, 4 who's he?

It's me

Ghost

what fun

you were fooling around with women

I was only playing cards

with three women?

Women play cards too

did you win?

No

You weren't concentrating on your cards

of course I was

I bet you were hugging those women

don't be ridiculous

Ghosts

ghosts

why are we running away?

Someone saw some ghosts

they thought we're ghosts

right

get changed, then get him back

a ghost might have ruined our show tonigtht

checkmate

I think kuei did it on purpose

watch this

you'd better get some sleep

let's call it a draw

a draw?

It's going to de a draw anyway

talk to kuei

he always listens to you

I don't want another sabotage

did you run into ghosts?

How did you know?

Look how druck you are

we - kuei

go to bed, I'll talk to them

spare me

we did run into a ghost

right

wake piao up first

According to you, that ghost...

Kuei, offer some incense

yes

Forgive us

ghost is the soul of a dead person

which is supposed to disintegrate upon death

ghosts retain their human nature

they shouldn't hurt us then

that ghost didn't hurt you

did me?

So he must not be a bad ghost

are there good and bad ghosts?

Just like there are good and bad men

good men become good ghosts after death

piao will become a horny ghost

what about you?

I won't die yet

you'll be an old ghost

you'd better go to bed

I'm really scared now

don't let any ghosts follow you

see you tomorrow

wait for me

I'm a wandering ghost

Don't forget to iron my wardrobe

don't worry, get some sleep

don't forget

okay?

You'll pay

for messing up my chance

Who hit me?

Maybe I'm drunk

The stool's drunk too

naughty

Must be those idiots again

I'll let you see me

Tough guy

stop playing games

who are you?

A ghost

a real one?

A poltergeist

I'm an exorcist

I'm not drunk at all

I'll mess up his wardrobe chest

Who messed up my chest?

Speak up

a ghost

it's kuei again

I did it

don't be scared so easily

ghosts don't come out in daytime

you guys go yourselves

I'm scared

wait

what's up?

I'd better not join you guys

are you sure?

Positive

ghost are afraid of crowds

they like loners

wait for me

hi, chia

go to hell

what's wrong?

Hold it

what's the problem?

What's wrong with you?

I'll kill you

you played ghost

are you crazy?

He's gone nuts

messed up my wardrobe chest

I didn't do it

ghost

my bird saw you played ghost

you're in it together

I'll kill you

Get away from me

you're trying to ruin me

shame on your teacher

don't you dare criticizing my teacher

hold it

you dared to hit me

let go of me

what's happening?

Nobody's holding my way

get out of my way

leave him alone

leave me alone

He fools around with women too much

something's wrong

I can tell

chia, chia

What happened?

He...

What happened to him?

Help him up

chia

leave me alone

I don't need your help

what's going on?

How do I know?

Behold my enemies

I'm going to kill you all

- and save the prince - He's gone nuts

get a baby here

come down

come down

I can do stunts too

An accident

what are you looking at?

Chia

my father has a beard

you are so pretty

beautiful dreamers

- beautiful dreamers - Chia, chia

what are you staring at?

I'll kill myself

grab him

let go of me

let go

the baby's here

that's dirty

I can't stand that

heaven's sake

wow, do this to me.

He was possessed

help him to his room

kuei, go get uncle chiang

sure

What do you think?

Should we hire some exorcists?

I don't think so

exorcists are bad for our business

I've got another plan

we'll cancel the show tonight then

I'll go arrange that

good

listen to me carefully

court

that's not like uncle chiang at all

he's a good actor too

I represent justice

both on earth and in hell

guards

yes

be cool

tell the ghosts to present themselves

yes

do any ghosts have any claims?

It's curtain time

Have some guts

I wish I could

dead men turn into ghosts

but they shouldn't come back to earth

I'm going to use my sword

to drive ghosts back to hell, guards

yes

bring my sword

ghosts, show yourselves

be quiet

Mr. justice

who's that?

Show yourself

yes, sir

Close your eyes

what's your problem?

I was slashed to death

the murderer was caught and executed

that was 300 years ago

then what's your problem?

But I've become a wandering ghost

please collect my bones and bury them

to make way for my reincarnation

all right, I'll help you

thank you

listen

yes

don't come to earth again

or I'll terminate you

I'm not an ungrateful ghost

that's good

tell us where your bones are

right underneath this stage

but there are two

what's going on?

Nobody told me the show was cancelled

why are you in wardrobe?

Chia

aren't you uncle chiang?

Are you too fond of acting?

Listen to me

what?

Who do you think you are?

You're wearing my wardrobe. Take it off

don't be an arrogant bastard

you were possessed

that shows ghosts dislike you

nonsense

not at all

you were possessed today

we all felt sorry for you

so we decided to tame the ghost

so that you can be saved

but you're so ungrateful

the ghost made a fool of you today

he also messed up your chest

you've known me long enough

have I ever lied?

Forgive me

I'm glad you understand

what should we do now?

The ghost's bones are right underneath

let's start digging

Come over here

what's up?

The bones are here, be careful

be easy with them

We've found all the bones

bury them in a nice place

sure

We've buried your bones

you won't be wandering anymore

bless us and our show

I've brought you some food

I hope you'll like it

I'm sure he'll like it

I'll offer some incense

let me

he looks very Sincere

he's afraid of being possessed again

ghosts don't give up that easily

that's true

good luck to your reincarnation

let him reincarnate as your son

don't be nasty, piao

let me help you, chia

dear ghost

chia's a very good teacher

you should come study with him

all right, let's go home

come on

I want to apologize for my past behavior

let bygones he bygones

he wants to be our friend

he won't shake our hands

he's too proud

I was wrong before

I'm sorry

we're all friends

I'm sorry

chia

hold this

let's go

I'll buy you dinner

don't go overboard

Such a big occasion

thank you for all your help

Are the vegetables ready?

Sure

I didn't know you're such a good cook

get on with the work

wash the plates

okay

are you nuts?

You hit me

Can I be of any help?

Kuei, that's strange

a star helps out in the kitchen

stop teasing me

kill this thing for me

this?

Yes - all right

don't move

I'll hold it, you pluck it out

pluck what out?

Its head

she's very good at these things

pluck it out

there you go

chop it off

that'd be very bloody

of course it'd be bloody

just chop it off

for real?

Do it

please sit down

make yourselves at home

Cheers

cheers

attention please

we're not working tonight

so don't worry about getting drunk

Thank you

I've to quit

this fish is delicious

it's delicious

where's our leading lady?

She's preparing the soup

Cheers, uncle chiang

you took care of the ghost

you helped out too

chia, you can relax now

do you know what you looked like?

No, I don't

I'll show you

you were like this

what do you say?

Knock it off, come and eat

come on

what happened?

Don't overdo it

have some fish

Don't shake the table

you've got a cramp?

I'll help you

What's wrong?

He's dead

he's dead

calm down

Spread out

Run

are you all right?

I'm fine

Spread out quickly

spread out

run

Uncle chiang

help

You stupid ghost

kuei

don't go

kuei - kuei

kuei

don't

Kuei

galm down

Where's kuei?

Ungrateful

Easy

Where did you go?

I smashed every bone of that ghost

why did you do that?

He's ungrateful and he almost killed us

we were nice to him

but obviously he's a bad ghost

I don't think he did it

who else?

Show yourself if you've got guts

I want to drive you to hell

move over

I smashed your bones. So?

You're a bad ghost

you're ungrateful

calm down

I'm not an ungrateful ghost

I resent people calling me one

but you're ungrateful

you didn't dig out my bones

you really are unreasonable

whose bones were those?

You begged us to bury your bones

right

your bones were underneath the stage

but there were two sets of bones

two sets?

That's right

we digged out the wrong set

that's why he's mad at you

will he come again?

Yes, to kill you

he's brought hell to us already

but kuei smashed his bones afterwards

he has to come for revenge

he's determined

what can we do?

I don't know

he'll come tonight

I've got to run now

good luck

don't leave us

it's all my fault

let's leave this town

he'll follow us

what should we do?

Get some dog blood and nets

stain the nets with the blood

hang them around the theatre

and splash the floor with the blood

When the ghost falls into a net

open the roof up and let sunlignt in

We'll play exorcists

Blood nets?

An exorcist?

Bring the wine

Grab him

Splash him with blood

right

catch

Surround him

You're dead

Use the nets

Bring the blood

A fire

don't just stand there

put it out

Actors only

Uncle chiang

Be careful

Uncle chiang

Uncle chiang

Thanks to our guardian angel