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1
00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:24,820
Jogging.
2
00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:33,179
I did a fart the other day
that was exactly like Mum's.
3
00:00:33,180 --> 00:00:35,339
A door opening, or suspicious dark?
4
00:00:35,340 --> 00:00:37,139
Door opening.
5
00:00:37,140 --> 00:00:38,539
Means you're getting Mum's bum.
6
00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:42,499
God, I'd be lucky.
My bottom dropped ages ago.
7
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,899
My farts used to be like, "Pah!"
8
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:47,979
Now they're just sort of
fighting their way out.
9
00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:50,180
I haven't farted
in about three years.
10
00:00:55,780 --> 00:00:56,820
Happy birthday.
11
00:00:58,060 --> 00:01:00,140
- She won't eat it.
- Thanks.
12
00:01:04,260 --> 00:01:10,139
So, it's a 7 pm arrival tonight
for a 7.30 surprise, OK?
13
00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:11,339
Yeah, I got your e-mail.
14
00:01:11,340 --> 00:01:13,419
It's really a business
birthday thing.
15
00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:16,699
It won't be much fun,
so just don't expect a "party" party.
16
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,059
I won't.
17
00:01:18,060 --> 00:01:20,379
And maybe...
18
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:21,899
just wear trousers.
19
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,379
And don't drink too much.
20
00:01:23,380 --> 00:01:25,819
There's this huge promotion
in Finland,
21
00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:27,779
so this party is quite a serious...
22
00:01:27,780 --> 00:01:30,179
I mean, it's basically
a business meeting.
23
00:01:30,180 --> 00:01:32,099
Sounds like a blast.
24
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:33,339
Can I bring a date?
25
00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:34,739
- Harry?
- No.
26
00:01:34,740 --> 00:01:36,739
Who?
27
00:01:36,740 --> 00:01:37,900
I don't know yet.
28
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:44,699
It's really inappropriate
to jog around a graveyard.
29
00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:45,939
Why?
30
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:48,180
Flaunting your life.
31
00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:54,540
God, I can't wait to be old.
32
00:01:55,940 --> 00:01:59,499
If it's any consolation,
you look older than you are.
33
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:06,020
Sorry, sorry.
34
00:02:07,540 --> 00:02:09,779
- Hello, Claire speaking.
- Mum died three years ago.
35
00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:12,179
She had a double mastectomy
but never really recovered.
36
00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:16,179
It was particularly hard,
cos she had amazing boobs.
37
00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:17,939
She used to tell me I was lucky
38
00:02:17,940 --> 00:02:20,419
cos mine would never get in the way.
39
00:02:20,420 --> 00:02:22,299
My sister's got whoppers,
40
00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:24,220
but she got all of Mum's good bits.
41
00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:27,219
What's Martin given you?
42
00:02:27,220 --> 00:02:29,339
A cursory stroke would be nice.
43
00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:31,379
What? No bang-bang?
44
00:02:31,380 --> 00:02:34,140
He says he's still got
that thing on his...
45
00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:37,219
What?
46
00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:39,019
On his...
47
00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:40,419
Come on, you can do it.
48
00:02:40,420 --> 00:02:42,419
- I don't have to say...
- Yes, you do. - No, not here.
49
00:02:42,420 --> 00:02:44,219
Come on, little one. Come on, please.
- No.
50
00:02:44,220 --> 00:02:45,900
- Penis.
- Thank you.
51
00:02:47,820 --> 00:02:51,780
He says he still has that thing
on his penis. Sorry.
52
00:02:56,020 --> 00:02:58,219
Christ, look at that man.
53
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,260
Tragic.
54
00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:02,219
Nah, he's a con.
55
00:03:02,220 --> 00:03:04,819
You can't call someone
who is grieving a con.
56
00:03:04,820 --> 00:03:07,379
- That is shit grieving.
- Look at him, he's properly grieving.
57
00:03:07,380 --> 00:03:09,940
No-one grieves like that unless
they are in a film or from Italy.
58
00:03:09,941 --> 00:03:11,779
Who are you to pass judgment
on his grief?
59
00:03:11,780 --> 00:03:14,819
Trust me, he's at a different grave
every day, he can't get enough of it.
60
00:03:18,340 --> 00:03:19,699
What?
61
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,100
You come here every day?
62
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,659
Don't do a jumpy-outy surprise thing,
63
00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:33,499
and don't sing Happy Birthday,
I couldn't bear it.
64
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:34,580
I'm...
65
00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:37,580
I'm actually looking forward to it.
66
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:41,740
Hi, Harry, it's me.
67
00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:45,739
Listen, I know we're broken up,
but it's Claire's birthday tonight
68
00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:46,980
and I thought that...
69
00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:51,899
I thought that maybe
70
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,420
you'd like to come to her...
71
00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:56,660
...birthday party.
72
00:03:57,780 --> 00:04:00,820
Anyway, give me a call,
and I hope you're OK. Bye.
73
00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:10,380
I can't go out with a dog.
74
00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:25,939
My boyfriend before Harry
used to make me send him pictures of
75
00:04:25,940 --> 00:04:27,579
my vagina wherever I was,
76
00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:29,219
ten or 11 times a day.
77
00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:31,420
One day when I was temping
he asked me to...
78
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:08,540
Time to throw the net out.
79
00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:14,379
I am in so much trouble.
80
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:15,739
Jesus Christ.
81
00:05:15,740 --> 00:05:17,019
What am I going to get Claire?
82
00:05:17,020 --> 00:05:18,899
I am meant to get her
the perfect present.
83
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:21,139
- I am not drunk.
- Always drunk.
84
00:05:21,140 --> 00:05:23,179
I am not drunk!
85
00:05:23,180 --> 00:05:25,379
Which is odd,
cos Claire's so straight.
86
00:05:25,380 --> 00:05:26,539
Smack me in the face.
87
00:05:26,540 --> 00:05:28,059
- Really hard.
- Really?
88
00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:30,139
Yeah.
89
00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:31,260
Good.
90
00:05:33,780 --> 00:05:34,899
Fuck.
91
00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:37,899
I think you gave me a semi.
92
00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:41,019
Can I eat a water or a sandwich,
or something?
93
00:05:41,020 --> 00:05:42,779
I mean, the man's got a problem.
94
00:05:42,780 --> 00:05:45,059
Speak to me. Speak to me.
95
00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:48,059
But no-one wants to admit there's
a problem because then they don't get
96
00:05:48,060 --> 00:05:50,059
to have crazy nights out
with Fun Drunk Martin.
97
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:51,779
Chicken, are you chicken? No.
98
00:05:51,780 --> 00:05:55,219
He's one of those men who is
explosively sexually inappropriate
99
00:05:55,220 --> 00:05:58,339
with everyone, but makes you
feel bad if you take offence
100
00:05:58,340 --> 00:06:00,219
because he was "just being fun".
101
00:06:00,220 --> 00:06:02,739
Honestly, you could tell him
you're going to pop to the loo
102
00:06:02,740 --> 00:06:03,779
and he'll say...
103
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:06,779
Yes, you pop to the loo,
pull down your knickers,
104
00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:08,099
and then I will come in
105
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:09,700
and fuck you.
106
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:16,299
I mean, this place is ridiculous.
107
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,139
Does anyone ever come here?
108
00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:20,539
I mean, it is creepy as fuck.
109
00:06:20,540 --> 00:06:22,099
Why don't you get her a guinea pig?
110
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:23,979
It was a surprise hit here.
111
00:06:23,980 --> 00:06:26,499
What, you think she'd like a pig?
Can I take this one?
112
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:27,540
No, not that one.
113
00:06:28,900 --> 00:06:31,259
Christ, woman, there's something
wrong with that one,
114
00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:33,259
it's got death in its eyes.
115
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,419
Yeah, the vet says she's depressed.
116
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,020
Aren't we all, girl?
117
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:42,579
You know, guinea pigs
can die of loneliness.
118
00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:43,620
Can they?
119
00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:45,899
- Hold her.
- No.
120
00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:48,059
- She needs it.
- No.
121
00:06:48,060 --> 00:06:49,100
Shh!
122
00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:51,419
I have an idea.
123
00:06:51,420 --> 00:06:54,939
He's sexually inappropriate and
he eats raw sausages but no-one's
124
00:06:54,940 --> 00:06:58,099
made her laugh like he does,
so I guess I have to give him that.
125
00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,739
Right, just put your... What are
you doing? What are you doing?
126
00:07:00,740 --> 00:07:02,019
No. Stop it.
127
00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:03,579
No, no, no, there.
128
00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:05,180
There we go.
129
00:07:06,380 --> 00:07:07,500
I'm an innocent man.
130
00:07:08,660 --> 00:07:11,139
I bought her a necklace
with her name on it,
131
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:13,299
that she found and told me not to buy.
- OK.
132
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:14,899
I bought her a book
133
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,859
that she already has.
134
00:07:16,860 --> 00:07:18,979
She says not to buy her any clothes
135
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,979
because she probably won't wear them.
136
00:07:20,980 --> 00:07:22,420
She scares me!
137
00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:26,579
This sandwich is so good.
138
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:27,699
Look, this is London.
139
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:30,419
Just fuck off and buy something
weird and expensive.
140
00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:33,099
No, no, it's got to be good,
all right. Help me!
141
00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:34,299
Pay me and I'll help you.
142
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,499
Fuck off.
143
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:36,819
How much?
144
00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:37,939
�60.
145
00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:39,179
- 70.
- Done.
146
00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:40,220
Yeah!
147
00:07:45,140 --> 00:07:46,460
I don't know who she is.
148
00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:49,939
Is she...?
149
00:07:49,940 --> 00:07:50,980
No.
150
00:07:52,780 --> 00:07:54,419
What about...?
151
00:07:54,420 --> 00:07:55,460
No!
152
00:07:57,660 --> 00:08:00,420
Just... get whoever you are.
153
00:08:01,540 --> 00:08:02,580
Who are you?
154
00:08:03,940 --> 00:08:05,099
I don't know.
155
00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:06,500
I want to be that person.
156
00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:09,739
I have been that person.
157
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,659
Ha.
158
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:14,779
But most of the time I'm
that person, like everyone else.
159
00:08:14,780 --> 00:08:17,179
They're good, right? Chic.
160
00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:19,499
Chic means boring -
don't tell the French.
161
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,099
What about these?
162
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,460
No. God.
163
00:08:24,140 --> 00:08:28,340
Stop checking, all right,
nobody loves you. Help me here.
164
00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:32,820
Who is this person?
165
00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:35,220
Fuck, no.
166
00:08:36,540 --> 00:08:38,139
This is perfect.
167
00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:40,459
Get her something
she'd never get herself.
168
00:08:40,460 --> 00:08:41,539
Surprise her.
169
00:08:41,540 --> 00:08:43,019
She'll think I've gone nuts.
170
00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:45,699
No, she'll think you see her
as this person,
171
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:48,139
and everyone wants to be this person.
172
00:08:48,140 --> 00:08:49,499
I don't know, I...
173
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,619
Aren't these for children?
174
00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:52,660
No.
175
00:08:54,060 --> 00:08:57,620
Let's keep going. I saw some more
stuff she'll hate over there.
176
00:09:06,260 --> 00:09:08,299
My neighbour
177
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:09,779
is really fit.
178
00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:10,939
Which one?
179
00:09:10,940 --> 00:09:13,379
- The fit one.
- The one with the sexy big belly?
180
00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:17,140
No, no, he's the other neighbour.
He's like, he's like, OK...
181
00:09:18,180 --> 00:09:21,299
I'm going to hold his face
in my head so you can see him.
182
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:22,340
OK.
183
00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:29,179
I'm not getting anything.
184
00:09:29,180 --> 00:09:30,419
Make your face his face.
185
00:09:30,420 --> 00:09:31,460
Yeah, OK.
186
00:09:35,060 --> 00:09:36,139
Is he mixed race?
187
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:37,539
I'm getting mixed race.
188
00:09:37,540 --> 00:09:38,579
Yes!
189
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,419
- That's him.
- Go on.
190
00:09:41,420 --> 00:09:43,099
No.
191
00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:44,300
OK. OK!
192
00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:51,619
Jesus.
193
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:53,579
I'm really sorry, we're really high.
194
00:09:53,580 --> 00:09:55,740
We just really wanted to know
what you look like.
195
00:09:57,580 --> 00:09:59,100
She thinks you're lovely.
196
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:12,980
My God, look at my elegant feet.
197
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:21,579
Hey. Hey! Hey. Hey.
198
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:22,779
Hello!
199
00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:23,820
Hey. HEY!
200
00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:27,620
What's your problem?
Who was that?
201
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:30,539
No-one, it was...
202
00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:31,699
What?
203
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:36,019
No, no-one. I just need to go
and get a drink, or something.
204
00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:38,339
OK.
205
00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:39,699
Excellent.
206
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,259
Can I go and get my shoes?
207
00:10:41,260 --> 00:10:43,060
Yeah. OK.
208
00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:53,980
Whoa. Easy, tiger.
209
00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:57,980
Coming from you?
210
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,780
So, come on, who was
that heartbreaker?
211
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,740
He used to go out with Boo.
212
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,500
Then he slept with someone else,
and then she...
213
00:11:10,820 --> 00:11:12,380
Yeah, yeah, I know, OK.
214
00:11:13,420 --> 00:11:14,500
Fuck.
215
00:11:16,140 --> 00:11:18,379
I've never really said
how sorry I was.
216
00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:20,020
You should get the trainers.
217
00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:22,379
She'll say I don't know her.
218
00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:23,539
You don't.
219
00:11:23,540 --> 00:11:25,379
You're just as bad.
220
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:26,899
It's never clear what she wants.
221
00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:29,339
I should just get her some perfume.
222
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:32,419
Jesus, just fuck her, please,
223
00:11:32,420 --> 00:11:33,979
for the love of a good woman.
224
00:11:33,980 --> 00:11:35,579
Just wrap your willy up in a bow
225
00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:37,620
and just screw her,
she's going insane.
226
00:11:41,580 --> 00:11:44,019
What is it?
227
00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:45,460
Are you having an affair?
228
00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:53,499
Think you're a clever
little puss, don't you?
229
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:55,579
A little marital poke
isn't going to kill you.
230
00:11:55,580 --> 00:11:57,859
Would it kill her
to take me out to dinner?
231
00:11:57,860 --> 00:11:59,619
You girls, Jesus.
232
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:01,579
Anyone said that to her,
they'd be hung.
233
00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:04,860
If they were hung, she probably
wouldn't be complaining.
234
00:12:15,620 --> 00:12:17,860
Little advice from a married man.
235
00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:23,739
You should probably
get yourself out there, sweetie.
236
00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:25,940
You're just tipping your prime.
237
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,059
Another drink?
238
00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:36,139
Bingo.
239
00:12:36,140 --> 00:12:37,980
Excuse me, I have a date.
240
00:12:39,540 --> 00:12:41,500
Get the trainers.
Shop closes in an hour.
241
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:48,819
God. I was not expecting
to see you again.
242
00:12:48,820 --> 00:12:51,819
Shut up.
- I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm chuffed to my boots, but...
243
00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:53,940
And thank you
for the text, saucy.
244
00:12:55,580 --> 00:12:56,859
And sorry I'm late.
245
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,499
No, it's fine,
it was last-minute.
246
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,739
- It's really nice to see...
- No, no, I'm such a tool box.
247
00:13:00,740 --> 00:13:03,539
You know, I'd like to say I was trying
to save a puppy, or something,
248
00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:06,459
but I just got my coat caught
on someone else's coat outside the Tube.
249
00:13:06,460 --> 00:13:08,819
When we went to separate ourselves,
it was fucking intense.
250
00:13:08,820 --> 00:13:09,953
I had to give him my coat.
251
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:12,659
What are we doing?
- It's my sister's surprise birthday party.
252
00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:14,219
My God, I love surprises, go on.
253
00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:16,539
But I just thought...
I need to get her a present first.
254
00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:18,659
My God, what are you
going to get her?
255
00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:20,379
I know this beautiful soap shop.
256
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:23,179
I mean, this stuff just gets you
straight in the bath.
257
00:13:23,180 --> 00:13:24,980
I was thinking more like...
258
00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:31,419
Yeah... these places
all the time...
259
00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:32,740
So... Yup.
260
00:13:34,660 --> 00:13:37,019
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
261
00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:38,499
Sorry, I won't be long.
262
00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:40,060
No, no.
263
00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:45,979
- Hi.
- Hi. - Hi.
264
00:13:45,980 --> 00:13:48,619
Hey, what are you craving?
265
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:51,099
Just a really,
really cheap thrill.
266
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,899
For you?
267
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,139
Hello.
268
00:13:54,140 --> 00:13:55,859
No, it's for her sister.
269
00:13:55,860 --> 00:13:58,579
It's for my very
sexually frustrated sister.
270
00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:00,179
Just a basic bunny would be great.
271
00:14:00,180 --> 00:14:04,019
OK, well, I'll see what I can
dig out and you go browse.
272
00:14:04,020 --> 00:14:05,060
Thanks.
273
00:14:15,380 --> 00:14:16,419
I think you just...
274
00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:17,820
do it at the bottom.
275
00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:23,020
It's all in the twist.
276
00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:33,659
I know.
277
00:14:33,660 --> 00:14:35,219
You should totally get one of those.
278
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:36,699
- A vagina?
- Yeah.
279
00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:38,819
I've already got one.
280
00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:40,579
Really? You have... No...
281
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:41,939
You've got one?
282
00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:43,899
I take it with me everywhere.
283
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:46,659
You lie. You don't have one
on you now?
284
00:14:46,660 --> 00:14:48,419
Yep. Never going to get it.
285
00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:49,739
Where?
286
00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:53,220
- Where's my vagina?
- Yeah.
287
00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:56,619
Ha, you got me.
288
00:14:56,620 --> 00:14:59,819
I don't carry a vagina
around with me,
289
00:14:59,820 --> 00:15:01,900
that would be way too provocative.
290
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,539
Didn't get it.
291
00:15:04,540 --> 00:15:06,939
OK, so this one's really great.
292
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:09,859
It's half price because
it's quite relentless.
293
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:11,579
It's called the Burrower.
294
00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:14,979
Basically it doesn't stop
until you've cum.
295
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,020
Excuse me.
296
00:15:17,060 --> 00:15:20,339
Don't worry about him,
he'll be fine in a minute.
297
00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:23,339
My God, I love surprise parties.
298
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,379
I love them,
I love them, I love them.
299
00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:26,619
Will your parents be there?
300
00:15:26,620 --> 00:15:28,380
- My dad might be...
- Intense.
301
00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:30,940
Parents adore me.
302
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:35,539
I want you to be totally in love
with me by the end of the night.
303
00:15:35,540 --> 00:15:36,819
OK?
304
00:15:38,940 --> 00:15:41,299
Who's that?
305
00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:42,699
It's my sister.
306
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,459
No! We're going to ruin the surprise.
- No, no...
307
00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:47,419
- No, no, no.
- No, really. - Get down.
308
00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:48,699
It will be fine.
309
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,339
Surprise!
310
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:52,779
My God, thank you so much.
311
00:15:52,780 --> 00:15:54,419
I'm so surprised.
312
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:55,659
She's very good.
313
00:15:55,660 --> 00:15:58,779
How divine.
What a lovely husband you have.
314
00:15:58,780 --> 00:15:59,900
Where is he then?
315
00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:04,059
Busy.
316
00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:05,539
I'm blown away.
317
00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:07,540
I had absolutely no idea.
318
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,859
Hildegard, can I just
grab you for a second?
319
00:16:11,860 --> 00:16:13,220
- Hello.
- Hello.
320
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,660
Dad, hi.
321
00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:22,139
Thank you for asking, yeah,
I'm essentially a documentary maker.
322
00:16:22,140 --> 00:16:23,179
Docs.
323
00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:27,659
Really?
What is your latest project?
324
00:16:27,660 --> 00:16:31,059
Well, sir, I'm interested in life,
325
00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:36,379
and how it affects lots of people
in all sorts of different ways.
326
00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:38,739
Yeah, it's awesome.
327
00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:41,739
- How did you meet?
- I met her on a bus.
328
00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:43,419
So easy to pick up girls these days.
329
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:46,619
I was, like, "Hi",
and she was, like, "Take my number."
330
00:16:46,620 --> 00:16:48,379
I was, like, "Yeah."
331
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:50,819
I'm just going to see if there are
any other wines to try.
332
00:16:50,820 --> 00:16:55,459
It's lovely, I'm just going to see
if there are some others.
333
00:16:55,460 --> 00:16:57,220
Excuse me. Can't resist.
334
00:17:01,660 --> 00:17:03,579
Did you find anything nicer?
335
00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:06,100
I was so sorry
to hear about Harry.
336
00:17:07,140 --> 00:17:08,739
Lovely Harry.
337
00:17:08,740 --> 00:17:10,499
Love Harry.
338
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,180
Exciting news about his new job.
339
00:17:13,780 --> 00:17:15,819
Yes, very exciting.
340
00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:18,780
I was so pleased that you'd
found someone else so fast.
341
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:24,499
I just can't stop conjuring an image
of you sitting around that cafe,
342
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:28,219
just all alone,
feeling so terribly lonely.
343
00:17:28,220 --> 00:17:29,940
Just can't stop picturing it.
344
00:17:32,060 --> 00:17:34,619
I don't think you have to be
alone to be lonely.
345
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:37,659
Dad always taught me that.
346
00:17:37,660 --> 00:17:40,659
Did your father tell you that
one of my pieces has gone missing?
347
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,259
He did.
348
00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:44,419
That's awful, I'm so sorry.
349
00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:46,299
So sweet of you.
350
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:47,779
Very sweet.
351
00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:49,299
May I cut in?
352
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:50,859
Yes, of course.
353
00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:54,380
Do you know? You are
the most perfect-looking pair.
354
00:17:57,540 --> 00:17:59,099
Such a great gang.
355
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:01,059
Do you want some normal food?
356
00:18:01,060 --> 00:18:03,219
No, no.
357
00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:04,940
What I really want you to do...
358
00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:07,459
...is this.
359
00:18:09,060 --> 00:18:10,939
Sorry, nothing happened.
360
00:18:10,940 --> 00:18:12,699
I was trying to be sexy.
361
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,019
It was, it was really sexy.
362
00:18:14,020 --> 00:18:15,219
- Was it?
- What broke?
363
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,619
What broke? Show me.
364
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:17,899
Nothing, I just slipped.
365
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:19,979
Claire, this is my friend...
366
00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:21,499
Yes, yes, we've already met.
367
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,540
My wife.
368
00:18:23,860 --> 00:18:26,860
My wife.
369
00:18:28,180 --> 00:18:32,340
All of your desires
are wrapped up in here.
370
00:18:33,540 --> 00:18:35,259
OK.
371
00:18:35,260 --> 00:18:36,300
Open it.
372
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:43,100
Well, gold has always...
373
00:18:50,220 --> 00:18:52,579
That's really rather wonderful.
374
00:18:52,580 --> 00:18:54,579
Thank you. What is it?
375
00:18:54,580 --> 00:18:56,459
Is it a paperweight, or...?
376
00:18:56,460 --> 00:18:57,940
It is a shrine to your body...
377
00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:01,180
...because I love your body.
378
00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:05,259
Thank you.
379
00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:07,219
This is really...
380
00:19:07,220 --> 00:19:08,699
Can I... Can I see this?
381
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:11,419
This is really quite something.
382
00:19:11,420 --> 00:19:14,259
I think it's probably a bit
inappropriate for your guests
383
00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:16,979
to see your body at this...
384
00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:19,860
I'm just going to...
Shall I put it somewhere safe?
385
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,659
Smooth.
386
00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:43,540
I told you I'd find you a buyer.
387
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:52,379
Your boy, he is hilarious,
smart, funny...
388
00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:53,420
Fuck off.
389
00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:57,100
You'd fuck anything, wouldn't you?
390
00:19:59,020 --> 00:20:01,380
Just don't tell her
you got the statue from me, OK?
391
00:20:02,780 --> 00:20:04,499
How much do you want for it?
392
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:06,620
Finger up the ass, nipple tickle...?
393
00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:11,660
Come on, lighten up.
394
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:17,220
She's going to leave you one day.
395
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:23,060
You looking forward to that?
396
00:20:41,780 --> 00:20:43,100
You're an asshole.
397
00:20:58,100 --> 00:20:59,140
Hey.
398
00:21:01,980 --> 00:21:03,860
Hey.
399
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:10,739
I think you took my coat.
400
00:21:11,940 --> 00:21:14,019
I'm sorry, that's my coat.
401
00:21:14,020 --> 00:21:15,220
Sorry.
402
00:21:16,620 --> 00:21:18,499
Why you leaving so early?
403
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,819
I have to give Hillary
some Earl Grey.
404
00:21:20,820 --> 00:21:23,059
She's not feeling well, so...
405
00:21:23,060 --> 00:21:25,179
I got you this.
406
00:21:25,180 --> 00:21:27,100
I wasn't expecting anything.
407
00:21:32,380 --> 00:21:35,340
It's called a Burrower -
it basically won't stop until you cum.
408
00:21:36,340 --> 00:21:38,660
Sounds horrendous.
Thank you.
409
00:21:40,460 --> 00:21:42,899
Good birthday business?
410
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:44,779
Huge.
411
00:21:44,780 --> 00:21:48,459
You know, I don't want
to jinx anything, but huge.
412
00:21:48,460 --> 00:21:50,739
Could be life-changing.
413
00:21:50,740 --> 00:21:51,820
Great.
414
00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:54,659
OK, happy birthday.
415
00:21:54,660 --> 00:21:55,700
Thanks.
416
00:21:57,180 --> 00:21:58,220
Are you OK?
417
00:21:59,220 --> 00:22:00,819
Yeah.
418
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:01,940
Tell the truth.
419
00:22:05,060 --> 00:22:06,100
Are we leaving?
420
00:22:07,260 --> 00:22:09,180
- Yes.
- Birthday girl...
421
00:22:10,500 --> 00:22:13,019
Awesome party, thank you so much.
We had such a great night.
422
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,020
What's that?
423
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,540
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight. - Night.
424
00:22:30,940 --> 00:22:32,220
Shall we?
425
00:22:37,820 --> 00:22:39,899
Surprisingly bony.
426
00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:42,539
I'm nearly finished.
I'm nearly finished.
427
00:22:42,540 --> 00:22:44,259
It's like having sex
with a protractor.
428
00:22:44,260 --> 00:22:46,979
I'm finishing. I'm finishing.
429
00:22:46,980 --> 00:22:49,300
I'm done. I'm done.
430
00:22:50,300 --> 00:22:51,380
- I'm done.
- OK.
431
00:22:54,420 --> 00:22:56,659
Yeah. Are you done?
432
00:22:56,660 --> 00:22:58,939
Yeah. Yeah.
433
00:22:58,940 --> 00:23:00,699
Amazing. That was amazing.
434
00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:03,180
- Yeah, yeah.
- That was amazing. - Yeah.
435
00:23:05,340 --> 00:23:06,740
- That was amazing.
- Yeah.
436
00:23:11,620 --> 00:23:13,259
For fuck's sake.
437
00:23:13,260 --> 00:23:14,300
What?
438
00:23:15,580 --> 00:23:19,139
OK, you don't go through life
with teeth like these
439
00:23:19,140 --> 00:23:21,820
and not know
when someone's pretending.
440
00:23:26,940 --> 00:23:30,299
What the fuck is that?! I'll kick it.
- No, no.
441
00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:31,379
I'll kick it.
442
00:23:31,380 --> 00:23:32,420
What?
443
00:23:34,420 --> 00:23:36,539
Did we catch that, or is that yours?
444
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:38,099
- That is a rat.
- It's a guinea pig.
445
00:23:38,100 --> 00:23:39,220
That is a rat.
30378
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