All language subtitles for Butch Factor 2009

(cheering)

(shouting)

(upbeat pop rock music)

- [Narrator] What does it
mean to be gay and be a man?

Given all the different
types of gay men out there,

there's no straight answer for sure.

- There was no one to go talk to,

like a gay Buddha or gay Yoda
and say, "Mm, tell me please."

- I didn't know what a
role model meant to me.

- I didn't act the way that the people

that were called gay act,

so I would question sometimes if I was.

- I didn't know what gay was.

I just knew it was something
that was not looked upon.

- I didn't feel like I
fit in the gay world.

I didn't feel like I fit
in the straight world.

- When you think of being gay,
there's such a stereotype.

That's why a lot of people
tend to stay in the closet.

- I'm supposed to be this dominant man and

I'm still kind of hiding it.

- [Narrator] We'll profile
a wide range of gay men

to explore how they define
what it means to be a man.

- With a gay man,
masculinity is a feature that

they actually think about
more often than straight men

because straight men are just
basically following a line.

- Homosexul men have a very conflicted

relationship with masculinity.

They put it up on a pedestal
and on the other side,

they're afraid that other men
are going to make fun of them.

And they will.

- I was physically assaulted
many times in school.

I just didn't fit in at
all to the rigid standards

for what men and women do.

- Being labeled as a faggot before

I even knew that I was gay.

- Learning to look through
a magnifying glass at

how we're performing masculinity,

there's a potential feeling
that we have of "I've failed."

- There are different
ways that people enact

what it means to be masculine.

There's no one category called Gay Men.

- There are extremes to both ends of

masculinity and femininity.

It's just where you end
up in that spectrum.

It's who you are.

- Masculinity has to be a
special challenge for gay men

because we are attracted to other men

so the question of what makes a man a man

and how I can be the thing that

I desire is a central question
about who we are as a people.

(upbeat pop rock music)

- [Narrator] This is The Butch Factor.

(intense rock music)

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- To be a man is to be
trustworthy, to be genuine,

to do what you say you're gonna do,

to follow through on your word,

be honorable and treat people well.

To put it in a short version,
just do the right thing

and we all know what that means.

- [Narrator] When he's not
pursuing his favorite passion,

football, Jason Hefley works
for a construction company

in San Diego, California.

- Being gay, or being attracted to men,

is a sexual preference and that's just

one part of Jason Hefley, a
very small part, quite frankly.

I'm also an athlete.

I'm also an uncle, a great son,

and all these different variables.

It doesn't dictate what I am or what I do

or anything like that.

- [Narrator] Jason plays
in a gay flag football

league in San Diego.

The city hosts 10 gay teams and is one of

17 gay football leagues
around the country.

- There's a lot of
former college athletes.

There are some straight
guys in the league that

have good athletic background.

Just some great athletes
out there in general.

The dynamics are very competitive.

It's a very competitive environment.

(men shouting)

Flag football is surprisingly physical.

It's definitely a contact sport.

- You don't have any
padding on but people are

still running into each other,
so it can be pretty rough.

I've had a couple of injuries from it.

My grandfather was
actually an All-American

quarterback for Princeton
and so I've got the lineage

and I really like the game.

Love football, going to
University of Florida,

football is the main thing there.

I won a bronze medal at the
Gay Games, played football.

It's become a big part of my life.

- I've always played
sports since I was a kid,

so coming out here I was
trying to find just a good

community of gay people to play ball with.

I think you have more of a
sense of togetherness because

we're just a small gay community,

and for the straight people,

and so on and we play here and

we're off the field, we all hang out.

When I play in the straight leagues,

we don't hang out afterwards.

We don't go grab a burger afterwards

or hang out at somebody's house because,

I mean, I'm gonna guess
that would be kind of gay.

(men shouting and cheering)

- Like most team sports, it
feels like we're part of a team.

(men shouting and cheering)

But, I also think it's
great for the new guys,

especially the guys who've never played,

who come out here and say,

"You know what?

"I can play football."

That just gives me joy because
I've been playing all my life

I love football!

(upbeat energetic music)

- It seems to be such a stereotype of

a manly, straight thing.

We need to break those barriers.

We have this league going
and it's growing and

we have a lot of people out there who just

want to play the sport
and have a good time.

- Team athletics has always been a part of

my upbringing and I think
it has a lot to do with

who I am today and my character.

- [Narrator] Growing up
in Arkansas and Oregon,

Jason was an all-star football player

in high school and college.

He even played a while for

Canada's professional football league.

- [Announcer] Then he just
follows right off the tushy

of the pulling tackle there,
plays right off his butt.

- Football teams became my families and

coaches became my ad
hoc fathers and that was

a real important part of
my growth and development.

I was really shocked to find
out that there didn't seem to

be a lot of people like me in
the gay community, initially.

Maybe a little rough and tumble,

a construction or blue-collar background.

I've got a two-man auger out
here, which is post-hold digger

I have my boyfriend on the other side,

which is kind of funny
because he only weighs

about 150 pounds and it was
throwing him all over the place.

This is pretty hard soil.

I was finding in the
gay community girl talk,

pop culture, Madonna, fashion.

I found myself, oftentimes,

just being a sedentary
participant in the community.

Being involved in the flag
football league has helped me

come to terms with my
identity because before,

I didn't have any outlets and camaraderie

experiences within the gay community.

I've always viewed myself to be

a very strong man, very confident.

I didn't care what other
people thought of me.

That probably wasn't as true as much as

I like to believe myself,

so I found a lot of people
who still, typically,

wouldn't be perceived as strong as me.

They were more confident in themselves and

they were being themselves
through sexuality and

comfortable with their sexuality.

So, it ws kind of a wake-up call.

I'm supposed to be this dominant man and

I'm still kind of hiding it.

What does that really say about me.

So, I think being around
those guys over and over

and over again and seeing
their comfort level

had a large part of me saying hey,

you'd better take a look
at yourself in the mirror.

(upbeat intense music)

- I have been in this
department for almost 14 years.

These are my original cuffs.

The interesting thing about
these handcuff is they have

been on Richard Ramirez,
The Night Stalker.

I hold them on as
friendly reminder of what

everyone in life is capable of.

One of the greatest things
about being a deputy sheriff

and working for the
Sheriff's Department are

the challenges that you face every day.

The leadership skills that you
possess, you bring with you.

The inherent qualities that
you have, you bring with you.

They are utilized at any given moment.

It's very difficult when
you walk down a tier and

you're called faggot-ass bitch,

you try not to take it personal,

that it doesn't really
matter what people think,

whether you're gay or not.

The inmate population,
the criminals as a whole

begin to respect you, it's on
the fact that you're honest,

you have integrity, you say what you mean,

you're fair and impartial
across the board.

I think, sometimes, there's
this underlying feeling

that because you are gay,
that somehow you're less than

and that could just be preconceived,

something that I carry with myself,

but at the same time, I do
work with individuals that

at times, feel that because
they're heterosexual and

I'm homosexual, somehow
they're better than I am.

It's gotten a lot better
because, time and time again,

especially in the San
Francisco Sheriff's Department,

you have leaders that
are lesbian and gay and

bisexual and questioning
who have continued

to make a difference.

- I think there were many
gays and lesbians who

paved the road for myself
and including Vince.

I was hired through a gay
recruitment 22 years ago.

I have 178 sworn here.

Most of them are men.

I'm pretty well respected
in the department

as well as Vince is and
he's great with taking

command of situations and
the people respect him,

gay, straight or whatever.

- He's very open with his
lifestyle but he's not

forcing it down anyone's throat.

It's just who he is.

There is the stigma of being gay.

Law enforcement can be a
very macho kind of thing and

a lot of times the gays may
not be seen as being macho.

Although, look at Vince.

I mean, no one's gonna say no
to Vince, just from his size.

There are other gay or lesbian
employees in this department

that are not as big and forceful.

They're seen as weak,
sometimes, by the staff,

because they are not afraid
to show their emotions.

There's this facade
you're supposed to put up,

the big, tough, or at least
the unflappable professional.

You get it done, you know,
Joe Friday, just the facts,

et cetera, et cetera.

I think it's slowly changing.

It takes a long time.

- I've had grown men, both
deputy sheriff and convict,

and inmate, collapse in my arms in tears.

Straight.

And they've felt comfortable to do that.

Why that is, is it's
not so much about this

as it is about this.

I have a heart.

I like to use it a lot, not
just for pumping muscle,

but I think people trust
in me and they know

that I'm gonna do the right thing.

I'm a very fair person.

I can walk around, I can
bust heads all day long.

I could just bust through
walls, metaphorically speaking,

but I'm not gonna get any respect.

I always wanted to be in law enforcement.

I always wanted to be a firefighter.

"But, you?

"You can't be a firefighter.

"You can't be in law enforcement."

There were no gay role models.

There was no one to go talk to,

like a gay Buddha or gay
Yoda, and say, you know,

"Hmm, tell me please!"

You know, there was none of that.

I applied with the San
Francisco Sheriff's Department

and they hired me and then I
didn't think I could make it.

Because I was gay, I didn't
think I would be accepted

and that it would be a
horrible experience and that

eventually I would have to
leave or I would be ousted

or I would be made fun of
or I would be ridiculed.

So, here I walk onto a
tier, a housing unit,

with these convicts, people
who had murdered and raped

and stoled and it frightened
me to death every day.

They all knew I was gay.

I was totally open about it.

They nicknamed me The Savage
because I wouldn't give up.

I mean, I was getting guys
turning on me with their fists up

like these convicts ready to fight me.

Not my experience.

Thank God, I have the
support of all my deputies

and after about nine months,
I just wasn't afraid any more.

There's not too much
today that I'm afraid of.

A man is someone who looks
adversity straight in the face

and faces it head-on with
courage and fortitude.

Masculinity resides in here.

You could look at me and people say,

"Oh, my God, he's the
epitome of masculinity,"

and the next moment you
could see me and I'm just

chatting it up like the little
Chatty Cathy with people

but I'm comfortable with that.

I don't think that qualifies like,

"Oh, he's so feminine."

No, I'm everything.

(upbeat energetic music)

(crowds cheering)

- The people that were called
gay, I didn't act that way.

(crowds cheering)

So, I would question sometimes if I was,

(upbeat energetic music)

even though I had that attraction.

- [Narrator] Kevin Reed plays
for both gay and straight

softball teams in Dallas, Texas.

- I would look at guys longer
than I would look at girls,

you know, in a certain way.

I tried to suppress it, I
tried not to be that way

because I have a very
religious background.

I just felt out of place
on both sides of it.

Growing up, being
African-American, people stereotype

and judge me just from
the color of my skin.

It's just like being gay.

They judge you without even knowing you.

A lot of my peers, a lot of my friends,

guys that I play ball with,

I wouldn't want them to know
just because they automatically

think that you like them
or that you're after them.

They forget about the
guy that they know and

that they grew up with and
automatically think, you're gay,

so that's what's in front of
me the person is me being gay.

It's still kind of rough for me right now.

I'm still dealing with it but
this kind of stuff helps a lot

Being able to play something
I like and still be

competitive with gay guys
because I always felt that

they probably wouldn't be as good.

I don't know why I thought
that because of myself.

I don't care for attention to show and

prove to everybody that I'm gay.

I'm just a regular guy.

They had other guys out there
that were the same as I am.

It just kind of helps me
accept it a little bit more,

be able to deal with it a little bit more.

But, I still keep it away from my family.

(melancholy piano music)

I have some good friends
that are straight but

just from having conversations with them,

they just can't, seems
like they can't handle it.

They can't see a masculine
guy being gay without

putting the DL tag on him as well.

I've never been on the down-low where

I was with guys and girls
and if you're masculine,

lately a lot of people have
been putting that on guys

that they're on the DL, black guys.

(crowd shouting)

The reason I didn't date
women and pursue that is

because I knew that's not
what I really wanted and

I have a sister and I have
a mother and I wouldn't want

anybody to do that to them just
to cover up whoever they are

- [Narrator] Marcus Nunn and Dalph Johnson

are Kevin's teammates.

They faced similar challenges
growing up as gay men.

- It's not well-accepted
in a black household,

because African-American men
are raised to be very macho.

- I think in the time when I
was actually trying to come out

it was a little bit more
harder and more tougher

to be gay and be masculine.

- When you think of being gay,
there's such a stereotype.

A lot of people don't
look at the big picture.

We are just like everybody else.

Society is so judgemental.

That's why a lot of people
tend to stay in the closet.

- I got married and tried
to cover the thing up and

forget about who I really was.

I don't regret the marriage.

It was a learning process and
the learning process I learned

to be true to who I am.

Being who I am is just being Dalph.

It's not about me being gay.

It's about me just being Dalph.

- I was so afraid to tell
certain people, even this year.

My job?

I would never tell anybody at my job.

But, I've gotten to the point now,

my grandmother, who raised me,
she means a great deal to me.

She knows.

I could care less who knows.

I'm not gonna change my
life to appease anybody.

As long as I get the
acceptance from my family,

I'm fine.

- Whether you're masculine,
whether you're just feminine,

you're not free until
you're just for yourself.

(upbeat energetic music)

- I always thought that being
gay meant you were a pussy.

I didn't want to be a pussy, you know?

- [Narrator] Bil Yoelin plays
for the Los Angeles Rebellion,

one of about a dozen gay rugby teams

across the United States.

- It's provided a place
for me to be comfortable

but now we're like a brotherhood.

It's great.

I didn't come out until after I left home.

So, I grew up in Des Moines, Iowa and

I left Des Moines on my 19th birthday.

I came to California
to come to college and

I didn't consider myself to be gay at all.

For me, there wasn't any identity
there of anyone who is gay

It wasn't an option for me.

It wasn't until afterwards
in my 20s that I really felt

like I came out and I had
other masculine gay men

that I was attracted to and
that I had a camaraderie with,

I could hang out with and be friends with.

- We also have a lot of
straight guys on our team.

I'd say 40% of our team is
straight and one thing that's

been sort of eye-opening
for me is I had to sort of

get over some of my heterophobia.

I assumed the worst of
a lot of these guys.

I thought, you know what?

As soon as they find out we're a gay team,

they're gonna be out of
here and they were like,

"I don't care where you put your dick.

"Let's play, let's go,
let's play some rugby."

- A lot of good guys there, you know?

I can bring the girlfriend, you know.

I don't have to worry
about all the drunk guys.

A definite plus.

- I'm straight as an arrow.

I always have been but
it just, I don't know,

I guess I have an open mind.

In a lot of ways, they're
a lot less obnoxious than

hanging out with a bunch of
straight guys can be just

crude and rude too, so, I don't know

the difference is all that much.

- I never have like an
imaginative thought that

gay guys played rugby.

I had no idea.

I never seen even a gay team
in any sport, let alone rugby,

so when I came out here, it
was a little different but

it definitely met my expectations.

We play as well as any other team.

- I think I had been
conditioned for so long

to think that the straight
world is not gonna

like me if I'm honest.

I was taught a lesson.

- [Narrator] Bil grew up in Colorado.

The revelation that he was
gay came from a superhero.

- I particularly remember
watching the Incredible Hulk on TV

and thinking, yeah, that's what I like.

I think I was probably about six.

The problem was I didn't
know if it was really

muscular guys that I
liked, or green people.

- [Narrator] But, as a
teenager, Bil didn't know

anyone who was gay except
for who he saw on television.

- I guess then it was Boy
George or it was, you know,

you see drag queens.

- [Narrator] Bil stayed in the
closet until his early 20s.

- I had some girlfriends.

Didn't really, you know, it
didn't work out, obviously.

All my friends were straight
from high school and college

but then, on the side, there
was a club in my neighborhood.

It was called The Metro
and it was you know

(imitating club music)

It was sort of like, okay,
this what I kind of expected.

I kind of just didn't really
feel like it was for me,

but it was like, it's a hard pill.

You gotta swallow it because this is you.

So, I didn't feel like
I fit in the gay world,

I didn't feel like fit
in the straight world.

I think it's important
for young gay guys to have

that place where there's
camaraderie without it being

about body image or dancing.

There's something really masculine about

hanging out, being raucous.

I relate to men better.

I find them easier to joke
around with and laugh.

I have sort of a raunchy sense of humor.

It doesn't always go so well with women.

(chuckling)

Sometimes, I will get people
asking me if I'm straight,

not believing that I'm gay.

Women, sometimes, will hit on me.

I'll be at a gay bar and someone will say,

"You know, this is a gay bar,"

and I'm like, "Yeah, I know."

I'm enjoying the porn, you know?

Even within the gay world,

guys don't always realize there's
a real variety of gay men.

Being gay has made me more of a man.

Certainly being honest with being gay

has made me more of a man.

Had I not been honest with myself,

I think that I would have been what

I would describe as a pussy.

I decided not to do that,
not to live in the closet

til I'm 60 years old.

So, yeah, definitely it's
made me more of a man.

(upbeat energetic music)

- [Narrator] Gay men face
the challenge of defining

masculinity on their own terms.

However, the issue of
what it means to be a man

can be a very divisive one.

Dan Cullinane writes for a
number of gay publications

and recently completely a special
report on gay masculinity.

- When you say that
someone is not masculine,

you are essentially
saying they are not a man,

so I think that is why
it is controversial.

- [Narrator] Dan found a
lot of recurring references

on social sites catering to gay men.

- You are seeing an increase in

"I am a masculine, straight-acting man

"and that is what I am interested in."

There is also no femmes,
no nellys, no queens.

There did seem to be this
sort of schism opening

within the community.

- [Narrator] Keith Harris is a
professor of cultural studies

at the University of California Riverside.

- Even though you have these guys

who are gay involved with men,

one way of maintaining a certain kind of

idealized masculinity is, indeed,

distancing yourself from
this effeminate male.

- [Narrator] John Campbell
teaches communication

at the University of Minnesota.

He's also written a book
about gay sexuality online.

- If you identify as masculine,
you understand yourself

as sort of fulfilling these
traditional gender roles

but that doesn't fit with your sexuality,

you have a tough time reconciling the two

and negotiating the two.

- [Narrator] Don Romesburg
is an archivist with

the GLBT Historical
Society in San Francisco.

- Many people expect to come
out into the gay community

and find their gender
expression, whatever it is,

embraced and accepted and often
you find just the contrary,

that there's this mandate
to be more masculine.

- What does masculine mean?

Who is masculine and who gets to determine

what those traits are?

Are they real or are they
fetish or are they fashion?

What are they?

- [Narrator] Peter Nardi,
a professor of sociology

at Pitzer College has written books

on masculine relationships.

- Some people say masculinity
is that what which men do

and whatever men do is
considered masculine and so

that can have a wider range.

- [Narrator] However, there
are some very traditional

ideals of what it means to be a man.

Gregory Cason is a
psychologist in Los Angeles.

- Masculinity is often only
identified with strength

and fortitude and conquest.

For some people, it could
be a hypersexuality and

for some people it could
be a very macho appearance

or, for some people, being
the head of the boardroom

or being a leader in some way.

- Media seems to reinforce
this notion that to be

masculine is to be heterosexual.

The crisis of identity many
gay men have is they may have

attraction to other men and therefore,

they think they can't be masculine

and they wrestle with this.

- I often look at the
people who are more feminine

and can not hide it as the
ones who really learn early

what it is to be a man.

If they don't have sports
ability, they can't pass.

If they don't have the masculine
voice, they can't pass.

So, they're gonna be the ones
who are subject to bullying.

They are gonna be the
ones who are marginalized

and they learn what it is to
stand alone and be strong.

- My tattoo is sissy.

It's my first and only tattoo.

I wanted to make it something
that made people think

and show people that I can fight back and

be myself and reclaim some things.

- [Narrator] Mark Snyder
has been fighting straight

stereotypes of masculinity his entire life

with sometimes dangerous consequences.

- My femininity, especially
when I wear my big sunglasses,

in particular, I don't know why,

it totally sparks a violent
reaction in some straight men.

They look at me and immediately
they react violently

and they yell and they
get really angry at me.

My boyfriend and I had
beer bottles thrown at us

just a couple weeks ago.

And it's in San Francisco.

- We were waiting for the bus
and then, all of a sudden,

this car zooms past us

(glass shattering)

and a beer bottle was thrown at us and

then the guys were
laughing, saying "faggots."

- Sometimes, the more masculine,
the more straight-acting

gay guys are shocked to
hear what we go through.

Every day, I check myself, like am I safe,

every moment that I step out of my house.

I feel a sense of looking
around to gauge my safety.

- I feel like I have to watch my back

more when we're together.

We stand out more.

But, we have each other.

We support each other so
whatever experience we handle,

we experience it together
and that brings us closer.

- [Narrator] Mark works
for an advocacy group

in San Francisco helping gay and

lesbian families adopt children.

He grew up in rural Pennsylvania.

- Most of the folks where
I am from are farmers

and right-wing Republicans and really into

their fundamentalist right-wing churches.

So, growing up there, I
just felt different on

a multitude of levels, not
just because of my femininity.

It was very, very challenging.

I knew I was different
even before kindergarten.

I just never fit in.

I always wanted to play with
the Barbies or the girl toys.

The other little boys were
out being rambunctious

or playing sport type things.

Just my appearance was
different and the way I talked

was very feminine and
expressive with emotion.

I just didn't fit in at
all to the rigid standards

for what men and women do.

My uncle always jokes
that he knew I was gay

when I was like, four years
old, and I wouldn't stop

watching the Bette Midler concert on tape.

I would rewind and watch
Bette Midler over and over.

My uncle is gay and that's when he knew,

long before I knew.

By third grade, when I
learned the word gay,

I started to try those things
to butch up a little bit

because, at that point, the
boys are starting to toughen up.

I would play on the swings
and play with the girls

but I tried out for basketball
and totally failed at that.

Once seventh grade hit,
that was high school,

and then I was in building
with all the older boys and

they just immediately
started harassing me.

The first day of seventh grade,

they started calling me faggot and queer,

pushing me into my locker,
kicking the back of my heels,

spitting at me, throwing things.

I feared for my life a lot
of times in high school,

not just because I was suicidal,

but people were threatening
to kill me all the time.

I would get death threats
in my locker, on my locker,

carved in my desk, under the
windshield wiper of my car.

People would yell things
and just be really violent

and tell me they wanted to rape me and

tell me they wanted to fuck me up.

- [Narrator] Mark said he
survived those challenging years

with help from gay support
groups on the internet.

Mark went to school at the
University of Massachusetts

and started his own website, QueerToday,

to help other kids facing
discrimination for being gay.

- I'm really proud of
being a sissy now that

I'm not shameful about it.

You're in the area now, right?

I guess I've always felt a
little fire burning in me,

keeping me going.

Feeling like I'm making a
difference in other people's lives

is the only thing that really
kept me going through that

and knowing that once I got out,

I could help other people
like me because around me,

I saw people who weren't making it and

the suicide rates will prove that,

even in Massachusetts, which
is like, super-liberal,

the gay kids are five times
more likely to kill themselves.

I'm lucky to have parents
who supported me and

a whole family that loved
me and supported me and

without that, I would have
definitely killed myself.

(gentle orchestral music)

- [Narrator] Trevor Hoppe
also suffered abuse from his

classmates growing up and it
lingers with him to this day.

- I still live with, on the one hand,

trying to express my effeminate
self and on the other hand,

still feeling this thing in
the back of my head that says

"Don't do it.

"You're supposed to act like a man."

- [Narrator] Trevor was
raised in North Carolina.

He has fond memories of grade school.

- I remember being sort
of a happy-go-lucky,

skipping down the hallway,
singing kind of boy,

always with a smile on my face.

- [Narrator] But, when
he entered middle school,

things changed.

- From, you know, kicking the
shit out of me in the hallway

to throwing rocks at my head
to being labeled as a faggot

before I even knew that I was gay.

I didn't know that boys were
supposed to sort of act tough,

keep a straight face
and beat other guys up.

I didn't know how to be a boy, really.

I just knew how to be me.

There was a short amount of time where

I really just, I shut down.

I stopped smiling.

I stopped skipping down the halls.

I just sort of shuffled
from class to class.

- [Narrator] Trevor said one day,

he just quit trying to play it straight.

Going from wearing Abercrombie
and Fitch to try to fit in

to wearing four-inch platform
heels and spiky orange hair.

If I was going to be a
faggot no matter what I did,

I might as well be all the
faggot that I could be.

I was going to get called
a faggot whether I tried to

hide it or whether I
slammed it in their face and

it turned out that when I
slammed it in their face,

everybody shut the fuck up
because they were too scared

to say anything because I
looked like I would cut a bitch.

I mean, you know?

(chuckling)

- [Narrator] After graduating
from Chapel Hill University,

Trevor decided to explore
the issues of masculinity

from a self-described queer perspective.

He sought out essays and experiences from

a wide range of gay men who did not

fit into traditional
stereotypes of manhood.

He launched a website,

Beyond Masculinity:

Essays by Queer Men on
Gender and Politics.

- There was nothing really
out there about how to be

a queer man, what that could look like,

how to be a progressive,
feminist, thoughtful queer guy.

I wanted to refute a little
bit the idea that everybody

who looks like me is
sort of dumb, out of it,

and really only into
fashion, which is bullshit.

I just wanted to show that
there are many different

kinds of us and we all have
particular kinds of struggles

and issues but we're all thriving.

- [Narrator] Trevor is working on a PhD at

the University of Michigan in Sociology.

He plans to teach but Trevor has already

learned a lot about himself.

- The latest phase has been
really trying to question

the bitch inside me that I learned through

high school as a defense mechanism but

I carried with me into college.

I feel like many gay men
don that mask as a way

to prevent themselves
from being hurt by others.

I think the unfortunate thing
is that we then carry that

into our communities and turn
our ammunition on each other.

♫ I sleep with one eye open

♫ You make love with one foot out the door

♫ I must really like
getting my heart broken

♫ I keep jumping back for more

- It's a way to embrace both
the sensitive side of myself

and the masculine rock inside
of myself in one package.

- [Narrator] It took Brent
Calderwood many years to figure

out an expression of himself
that was uniquely his.

Just like many other gay boys,

he faced a cruel childhood
for not fitting in.

- Well, I was a little sissy-boy.

I had braces and glasses
and was overweight.

I think I made an easy target.

- [Narrator] Brent drew strength
from his artistic talents.

In addition to his
singing and songwriting,

Brent became a prolific
writer and graphic artist.

In 1993, at the age of 15, he
drew a nationally distributed

comic strip about his coming out.

- I realized that it was a
great way to educate kids

because a lot of kids
would read the piece and

not even realize that it
was about a gay theme and

then suddenly, halfway through,
they'd already be hooked.

The media pounced on that
because, back in '92, '93,

there weren't a lot of 16
year old who could articulate,

who were out at all,

let alone could articulate
what that experience was like.

- [Narrator] Brent's sexuality
attracted even more attention

when he shook up one of the most venerable

institutions of high school.

- I woke up and there I
was on the front page of

The Oakland Tribune and the first line was

"Brent Calderwood, 17, plans to take

"a male date to his senior prom."

That just really upped the
ante in terms of harassment,

getting death threats
and people yelling at me,

not only in class and in
hallways, but also adults in town.

- [Narrator] Brent is now
studying at the University

of California Berkeley.

He plans to become a
counselor helping gay youth.

- Whether we're effeminate or
masculine by cultural standard

we all grow up as men,
and especially as gay men,

learning to look through
a magnifying glass at

how we're performing masculinity.

There's a potential feeling
that we have of I failed

and then the irony is
that once we come out,

rather than create this
brave new world or whatever,

we turn to those high
school dynamics of trying

to prove our masculinity.

(school bell ringing)

- My masculinity was
never a problem for me.

I never thought that I was not masculine.

I always knew I was a
pretty masculine guy.

- [Narrator] Wes Adams works
as a Teamster truck driver

on film and television sets in Hollywood

and around the country.

Wes met a lot of
celebrities over the years.

He also played a part in
the Academy Award-winning

Western epic, Dances With
Wolves, starring Kevin Costner.

In the film, Wes stars
as an unlucky settler

attacked by Indians.

- I work with a different
crew on just about every

project I work on.

They talk about their
families and their wives

and their kids and for example,

this show that I just started.

This guy says,

"Hey, Wes, are you married?"

And I said no, and he goes,

"Do you have kids?"

And I said, no and I said,

"I'm gay and I've been
in a relationship with

"my partner for 10 years."

And that usually takes
people aback a little bit

and they always say,

"Oh, I never would have
known in a million years."

And I'm like, "What is gay to you?"

You know?

- [Narrator] Wes did not
come out until his late 20s.

- I thought being gay
was a bad thing because

all I'd ever heard was predators,

men lurking around in
parks, preying on children.

If someone was homosexual,
it was deviant behavior

and that's just the way it was.

- [Announcer] Public restrooms
can often be a hangout

for the homosexual.

Bobby and his friends
hadn't noticed the man

who had been in the
restroom when they changed.

(suspenseful music)

One never knows when
the homosexual is about.

He may appear normal and
it may be too late when

you discover he is mentally ill.

- As a kid, we go through
so much mental agony.

We start having these feelings
that we're told are wrong

and we don't know how
to deal with them and

we fight it with every
fiber that we have and

try to do whatever we
can to be straight and

pray to God to make us straight.

We go through it alone.

There's nobody to talk to and
as a child, that's horrible.

The reason I didn't come out
was because I was worried

about how I'd be perceived
by my co-workers,

my family, my friends,
so I just kind of lived

in my own shell for the longest time.

After I came out myself,
I started going out and

meeting people and
realizing that there are

tons of guys just like me out there.

Who is it to deny anybody happiness?

You're gonna be who you're
gonna be and if you're not,

you're not happy.

I think you see drag
queens now and that's why

they're so strong mentally.

They don't take shit from anybody.

And the queeny guys, they
don't take shit from anybody

because they had to deal with it.

I could hide it.

(bluesy guitar music)

- This is Ty.

Isn't that nice?

(chuckling)

So, Ty and I would go to different events,

any corporate events
that would hire us and

we would walk around
and people would want to

come up and touch him.

They fear falling so the
moment you let go of them,

they start to freak
out so the more secure,

that masculine feeling,

they become more comfortable and relaxed.

- [Narrator] David Aguilar
has used his physical prowess

to his advantage over the years.

- Here's a picture of me on
one of the posters for one of

the events that happened in
San Francisco a long time ago.

This was called Superball
and I was the cover boy

for the performance.

I get a lot of people saying,

"Now, you're what
masculine is" and er-er-er.

Like, thank you.

- [Narrator] David also
brings brains to the brawn.

He's a successful IT
consultant in San Francisco.

- I had really interesting
feelings as a young boy.

I've always known that I was attracted to

the masculine energy.

When I was 13 years old,
people would ask me who my role

model was and I didn't know
what a role model meant to me.

I used to walk to and from school.

On my way home, I would
hear this tapping and

I walked into this studio and
these girls were tap dancing

and the teacher actually had
asked me, did I like dancing.

I didn't know.

I never paid for a dance lesson
in my life because of being

a man in ballet, it's a
rarity so they'll take boys

whenever they can get them.

I think that it helped me
with growing up without

a solid male influence in my
life because my dad and my mom

divorced when I was three years old.

So, I kind of grew up
basically raising myself.

The ballet, the structure,
the repetitiveness,

the security that it
gave me inside myself,

it actually helped me
install that in my life.

So, I just basically took the
discipline that I had from

the ballet and applied that
into my working-out schedule.

When people called me
Muscle Boy, I was shocked.

I'm not a muscle boy.

I don't think I'm a muscle boy.

I got a ton more attention
and that wasn't, again,

my driver to working out harder.

It was, again, just the discipline.

I don't believe that
muscles equal masculine.

I think masculine is in the
mind of whoever possesses it.

I would describe masculine
as a very safe, secure energy

and when I'm in the
presence of the person that

I love and I'm with, I feel
completely safe with that person

and to feel that is the
most amazing experience.

("Situation" by Ex-Boyfriends)

♫ Sell me your arm

♫ It's an emergency

♫ You're waving your arms

- [Narrator] Indie rock
band, Ex-Boyfriends,

was bound by some old
stereotypes as it tried

to break into the music industry.

♫ We've seen this all before

- It's just this cultural
mindset that being gay

means you're feminine and
feminine people can't rock,

(upbeat pop rock music)

which is one of the most ridiculous things

I think I've ever encountered.

- Maybe it has to do with the fact, like,

music critics, the majority of them are

just like white, straight males.

They always have to bring up, you know,

"This gay rock group is
actually pretty good!"

- Right.

- I'm like, well, we're just a group.

(upbeat pop rock music)

- They have this cultural
mindset that if you're up there

doing this shreddy guitar
solo or beating the hell

out of a drum kit, you're manly.

(upbeat pop rock music)

I don't think you see a lot
of gay men in the world of

rock music becoming really famous.

We all knew George
Michael was gay for years.

We all knew The Pet Shop
Boys were gay for years,

and Michael Stipe from
R.E.M. but it's this thing

that gets danced around for so long.

"Oh, we're polysexual," or

"we just don't like to talk about it."

I think that's managers and
representatives being like,

you know what, you'll have
more mass popularity if this is

something that's never concretely defined.

- [Narrator] Still, with each guitar riff,

Ex-Boyfriends is making
headway for gay rockers and

cracking some of those old stereotypes.

The group released two successful
CDs, is working on a third

and has a new music video.

Ex-Boyfriends was also
named Best Indie Rock Band

by readers of the San Francisco
Bay Area Guardian newspaper.

- And it was Best Gay Indie Band or

Best Queer Band or anything.

It was Best Indie Band.

It's nice to just share
that without the qualifier.

(light orchestral music)

- [Narrator] The issue of
masculinity stirs passions,

not only in the gay community but

in the straight world as well.

Larry Gross is head of the
School of Communication at

the University of Southern California.

- It's a hot-button issue
in American culture.

This is a culture in which men seem

very concerned about
issues of masculinity.

Gay men aren't part of that culture.

- [Narrator] However, the
definition of masculinity

can change over time.

- There are different
ways that people enact

what it means to be masculine.

Historically as well
as contemporary times,

men were often seen as very gallant,

would have very intimate friends like

Jonathan and David in the
Bible or Achilles and Patroclus

in the Iliad and they would
go into battle together.

Men would stand side by side
to deal with their friendships,

to deal with their intimacy.

Certainly, a lot of notions
that we have about masculine

and feminine have historically
been tied up in class.

The notion of the
working class was seen as

more masculine, more
rugged, more brutish where

upper class was more
refined and in some ways

more feminine and demure.

You travel to some Mediterranean cultures,

or some Latin cultures and
even some Asian cultures

and you notice that men, heterosexual men,

will walk sometimes arm-in-arm.

They will touch each other more,

they will stand closer to each other.

- A man will kiss another
man on each cheek.

- Proof again that it's
a cultural difference,

not something that's genetic,
biological, or DNA related.

That it has something to
do with what the culture

allows people to do.

It's really within the
United States we have

a very rigid model of masculinity.

Rugged individualism was
about conquering the West,

being stoic, being triumphant,
facing these kind of odds.

Just two men hugging, utterly non-sexual,

just an expression of affection,

would have been considered unmasculine.

However, it does seem to
have brought it out a bit.

We have a bit more space in terms of

what it means to be masculine.

Now, you can express
certain emotions although

there is still the notion that
you're supposed to be strong.

- Sports figures are on TV
and they cry over some problem

or some loss that they've had.

That's also changed.

Sports figures being allowed to cry?

Many people argue that today,

the heterosexual man,
who is very emotional,

who acts as if he were more sensitive,

is more tuned to his
clothing, to his hairstyles,

has been labeled the metrosexual.

There have also been
words called the man-date,

or the bromance, for guys who are really

close to one another, heterosexual
guys who get together,

talk about their lives,
what their emotions are.

So, something has happened
in our society in the last

20 to 30 years that has
changed the definition of

what it means to be masculine
and one of those things

that it demonstrates is
that masculine is not

a fixed concept, that
it's constantly variable

and constantly changing.

- [Narrator] The concept of
what it means to be a man

may evolve over time, however,
there is no more iconic

figure of masculinity than the cowboy.

- The thing that I love
the most about being

out on the horse is the
fact that you really

have to have communication
with that animal.

(upbeat country guitar music)

The definition of a barrel
horse is a controlled runaway.

If that horse is running
at the speed of some

40 to 60 miles an hour,

if you are not in tune
with that animal and

that horse decides to run away with you,

there's nothing that can stop that horse.

That is a huge, huge factor
when it comes to training

these horses and competing on them and

that's what I love so much.

- [Narrator] James and his partner, Matt,

could be described as the real-life

Brokeback Mountain cowboys.

The couple own a ranch
outside Scottsdale, Arizona.

- We have 15 horses between
myself and my partner, Matthew,

and we have two babies on the way.

We have six dogs, we have
cats, fish, you name it.

We've got a lot of animals on our ranch.

- What drew me to James,
there was, of course,

the initial attraction and then there was

what's kept us together,

what made me realize he
could be my partner was just

his values and morals
and our mutual goals,

what we want to do with our lives and

what we think is important,

the kind of people we want around us and

the kind of activities
and that we want to be

in a monogamous
relationship versus an open

and that we value our horses and property.

- [Narrator] James has spent
most of his life around horses.

- When I came out in the
straight horse community,

it was very jaded, I guess you could say.

You used to be able to go
in there and have nice,

easy conversations with
people and after a while,

when they found out, they
would turn their head.

It hasn't been until probably
just the last few years

where it's become more
and more accepted whereas

many, many people have one,
come out of the closet that have

been in the horse show
industry, such as myself,

as well as your top trainers
and professional trainers

in the world that qualify and
go to the world every year now

have also come out of the closet and

it's become much, much more acceptable.

- [Narrator] James also
competes in many of the 20 or so

gay rodeos held across the United States

and Canada every year.

It can be just as rough-and-tumble
as any straight rodeo.

(crowds cheering)

(upbeat country guitar music)

But the gay rodeos also
include a couple of events

you won't find on the straight circuit.

In the Wild Drag Race, men
dress up in women's clothing

and try to mount a young steer.

Wonder where they came up with that idea.

Then, there's Goat Dressing,

where contestants try to
put underwear on a goat

in the quickest amount of time.

It's all part of the
campy side of gay rodeo

that makes the events, in a word, special.

(upbeat country guitar music)

- They call me Wild Wild
Wes on the rodeo circuit.

I'm a little bit on the
wild side when it comes to

the spirit and the energy
of what makes gay rodeo fun.

It's really cool that
we have the camp events.

We are gay and we enjoy fun things.

A new contestant that
maybe doesn't have a horse

and never owned a horse
but they'd like to be

involved with gay rodeo,
they can actually go out

to the rodeo arena and have a
good time and actually compete

- [Narrator] James said
when he was growing up,

he didn't know of any gay rodeos.

- I didn't know what gay was.

I just knew that it was something
that was not looked upon.

Honestly, until I was
probably 18 or 19 years old,

I had never met a gay person in my life.

I played the straight role until I was

in my early to mid 20s.

Any of my guy friends
that were being chummy,

that were just being good guys,

I would never allow them
to get close to me because

I didn't want any
interaction to be stereotyped

as being a gay man.

I had a girlfriend for
many years and competed in

the junior rodeo circuit and
no, everything was hush-hush.

That was not looked upon
as something was acceptable

in my family and then I
came to grips with myself

in terms that I had to just be me.

When I first come out of
the closet, my dad says,

"I hope you don't come home
wearing a pair of high heels."

You know?

But, you know, we laughed
upon it and I said,

"Dad, you would be surprised what

"I can do in a pair of high heels."

My family is very accepting of it now.

There's a lot of images that
are portrayed out there of us

people that are gay and they understand

that we're just people, too.

Some people say it's chosen.

I don't personally believe that.

In my situation, it's
something that I've known

ever since I was a child.

- [Narrator] Matt also tried
to play it straight for a while

but knew at a pretty young age he was gay.

- Well, I grew up in a very
rural town out in the middle

of beautiful rural Oregon, and
then I went on to date women.

To me, it was just playing the part.

I was doing what my
parents wanted me to do.

If they had their way,

I would have gotten a
degree in agriculture and

been running a successful ranch

up there with them, which they do.

I just couldn't do it.

I felt like it was a lie to the girl.

It's too much of a show for me with women.

I remember I had to be the
big stud and do all this

and put on this big man act
and now I want that back.

I want that, too!

(chuckling)

- What is nice about
Matthew and I, my partner,

is we both are men and
we both carry that image.

Somebody that is not afraid
to get their hands dirty,

not afraid to go out
there and shovel but also

is not afraid to go in
the house and cook dinner

if they need to, also.

- Knowing that a guy has my back,

I always felt like that was kind of what

the man did for the woman
but I feel like I can protect

my partner as well as he can protect me.

No one gets anything over on us.

I feel like I'm pretty safe that way.

I feel very secure.

(men shouting)

(crowd cheering)

- The bull I got on today, he
was kind of nasty in the chute

and he made a quick right turn,

banged me up into the
gate and hit my elbow and

I lost all focus.

My instinct took over and that was to just

reach for something because
I was in a bad spot.

I was in trouble.

- [Narrator] Steven Daigle became

America's favorite gay
cowboy when he appeared on

the CBS reality show, Big Brother.

- Just doing rodeo itself
is an adrenaline rush.

It's competition.

You're competing against yourself.

You're competing against animals.

You're competing against other people.

I don't know, it makes you
feel like you're living.

You actually get a lot
of notoriety out of it.

People love to watch it.

It's definitely good for getting a hug-up

every now and then.

(laughing)

To get on the back of
that bull and sit down,

you have to be mentally
ready, physically ready and

all of it's just exciting.

Gay cowboys are very
in the media right now.

(horse whinnying)

You want your 15 minutes, too?

Some of the things you never
got to see on the show,

people were more shocked to
find out I was a bull rider

than they were to find out I was gay.

Like, when we had
conversations, people were like,

"Oh, you're gay, oh okay."

Then, they're like

"You ride bulls?

"Now way!"

They're like,

"Shut up!

"I can't believe you get
on the back of a bull!

"That's so crazy!"

People think that, like, a
gay guy couldn't ride a bull

or ride a bucking horse and
what they don't realize is that

I'm just as much of a man
as a straight man is but

there's a difference, I think,

between masculinity and being tough.

I think you can be very
masculine and not be tough

and I think a lot of these,

what you might call effeminate guys,

that are rodeo-ing, they
may be very effeminate

but they're tough.

(upbeat dance music)

♫ Oh oh

♫ Come on

- [Narrator] James and Steve
are also regular fixtures

at gay rodeos but more
often you'll see them

in jean skirts instead of Wranglers.

A few years ago, the couple
decided to dress up in drag

to raise money for charity.

I wanted to prove to people
that you could still be a man

and wear a dress and raise
money but when it all comes off,

you're still a man no matter what.

I am just as rough and tumble
in drag as I am out of drag.

I've ridden bulls.

I've done steer riding.

I do chute-dogging.

- It takes a man to walk
around in a pair of heels.

Trust me.

It kills your feet.

Not only that, to have big
enough balls, shall I say,

to walk through a crowd of
say, a leather community,

in drag, and they're
looking at you thinking,

"Why do you belong here?"

Then, by the time the night's over,

they're eating out of your hand thinking

you're the best thing since peanut butter.

That's an accomplishment.

- As you can see, this
is not an easy process.

We're putting body parts in
places they don't need to be

and we shove ourselves into clothing

that should not really fit.

I tell people all the time that
it takes balls to be a woman

It really does.

It ain't easy being pretty.

I actually enjoy the fact that

I get to be somebody different.

I've made up this character,
for good or bad or indifferent,

and you know what, I get
to raise money for charity

across the US.

I'm fundraising, so if anybody would

like to buy some raffle tickets?

Do you have the time?

I get to make a difference.

I get to give back to the
communities that I'm involved in.

We need to give back because

we get so much from our communities.

- I think it's fun.

I like the shock value.

The people who knew me before, as Steve,

and then I kind of come out as Aspen.

My best friends do not recognize me.

I kind of like that aspect of
not saying that I'm hiding,

but it's a different persona
and a different side of me

that I can get across to people.

The drag community is a very loving group.

It's sort of like they
feel that they have to

protect one another and
help one another because

they're discriminated by people
within their own community.

Not by everyone, but
there are those people who

discriminate against the drag.

For a group that already has
the tinge of discrimination

against ourselves from
the communities at large,

it's discouraging to see that

we're discriminating against each other.

This is one persona.

When this comes off, I forget about that,

because that's not who I am.

I'm James and when I put
this on, then I'm Janet.

I'm two separate people.

Once she comes off, she's in a box and

I'm back to being a regular Joe Shmoe.

I'm not as masculine as a
lot of guys out there but

I'm still a guy once she comes off.

- [Narrator] The art of drag dates back to

the earliest days of the gay community.

In the 1930s, this
nightclub was all the rage

with both gays and straights.

- Within gay male culture,
there was a celebration at

being able to defy gender roles.

Gender roles were seen and
arguably still are seen,

as very oppressive, very limited.

They already knew they were
excluded from the mainstream

because their sexuality
didn't fit the role.

They have, then, freedom to
also play with gender roles.

- Camp is making fun of a
kind of a failed seriousness,

so for those who take their
gender expression very,

very seriously, for
example, poking fun at that

and showing that their gender
expression is just as much

a performance as anyone else's.

- People who go in drag often,

although they are embracing the
feminine part of themselves,

do so with a masculine bravado.

They're embracing both
sides of their sexuality.

(upbeat pop rock music)

- It wasn't that there seemed
like there was something

better on one side of
the fence than the other.

I think it was more being
able to find a place where

I was comfortable being
perceived by others

as I was perceiving myself.

I think the question I
hear a lot from people is

"Why did you decide to become a man?"

And my answer is always
that I always felt like

I was one already.

I never would have thought
that the differences between

testosterone and that set
of hormones affect your body

and estrogen and those set
of hormones affect your body.

I would have been like, oh
I'm sure it's not a big deal,

but it is and it's a huge deal.

Your sexuality is incredibly
elevated in a way that

I had never experienced
my sexuality ever before.

My aggression was really
elevated in a way that

I hadn't expected and that
I hadn't ever experienced.

I can't believe guys walk
around like this all the time.

How do they not feel like crazy people?

I feel like a crazy person.

I probably cried like, four
times in the last eight years.

I lost my--

I wasn't able to do it anymore.

If I got hit in the face or something.

(chuckling)

After I started taking testosterone,

people would be like,

"What's wrong with you?"

And I'd be like,

"I don't know but I'm really pissed.

"I can't explain it to you and

"I don't think I should have to.

"I'm just pissed."

I felt really almost a
little bit sad about losing

that ability to communicate.

All of a sudden, I couldn't do it anymore.

I felt like my vocabulary got cut in half.

I could feel it but I couldn't explain it

and I don't know why.

It just kind of went away.

I think that we value masculinity so much

more in our society than we do femininity.

There's male privilege,
which just happens.

It's people who will look you in the eye

when they talk to you.

That doesn't happen for women.

When you talk, people will listen to you.

When you have an idea, people
will believe that it works.

You're constantly rewarded
for masculinity in this way.

Even in other kinds of
communities, like dyke communities,

butches are rewarded for
being more masculine.

The same thing happens
in gay male communities

that butcher, bigger, stronger,
more straight-acting men

are more sexually valuable
than feminine men.

I feel like I had to grow and
learn how to become a man,

just seeing how we
teach men how to be men.

I think I had to learn the
same way as everybody else did.

How I sat and how I walked
and how I talked and

all these things that I felt like,

if you do these things,
that's what makes a man.

If you pay for dinner or if
you take up lots of space

with your body or if you act like you know

what you're doing all the
time, then that's what men do,

so that's what I'm gonna do
and it didn't feel right and

I didn't know why.

It wasn't until I started
being able to be in

gay male spaces that I
realized that there were

a hundred million other ways
of experiencing maleness

and masculinity than what
television or billboards

or sports or whatever said.

You could touch each other, not
in a sexual way necessarily,

but just like you could be
friendly and funny and silly

and affectionate and genuinely
care for another man.

I was like, oh my God, you
can do all of these things.

But I wasn't allowed to
do any of this stuff and

all of a sudden it was like
permission to be able to.

No, you can do whatever you want.

- [Narrator] Jack Malebranche
lives in Portland, Oregon.

He works for an exercise
equipment company.

Jack is also an author.

He's written a book that takes head-on

the issue of gay masculinity.

Androphilia, a Greek term
for love of maleness,

angered some critics in the gay community.

- I don't believe that gay
should be the defining quality

that you associate yourself with.

There are a million other
things that I can be

at any given time.

Making gay the primary
one is counter-productive.

It puts you forever in a
small group that separates you

from other people and
separates you from other men.

I share more interests with
other men than, in many cases,

I do with gay men.

Why should I limit myself by
clustering around this gay

community and making that the
center of my whole identity?

Mainstream gay culture is
a celebration of fashion,

the kind of music that 14
year old girls listen to.

It's the kind of thing
that housewives would like.

It's not something that
you'd associate with men.

As they become progressively
involved in gay culture,

they just move further
and further away from

what it means to be a man.

They become unable to
relate to other men and

I think that's unhealthy.

In the gay community, and
this is why I think effeminacy

defines gayness, is that it's
okay to be effeminate but

your masculinity is always
going to be in question.

We give straight men a wide
range of how they can behave.

They can be nerdy little
IT guys who don't really do

anything traditionally
masculine at all but

because they're straight, we
give them their masculinity.

They automatically get their man card,

whereas I think homosexual
men have to work for it.

The measure of a man should
be in his accomplishments.

I'm not a man because of how pretty I am,

or because of my great new outfit,

I'm a man because of what
I've done and who I am

and what I stand for and
what I talk about and

I don't really see, in gay culture,

any trend towards making that the goal,

to center your life around
your accomplishments

and your values and
your sense of integrity

and your sense of honor.

(upbeat percussive music)

- Masculine cultures have
had same-sex sexuality

involved in them ever since
the beginning of time.

Prisoners, sailors, all
sorts of cultures of men

have had sex with one another
but it wasn't really until

the 1940s when you started
to have a self-identified

gay male community that
was also specifically and

self-consciously masculine identified.

- As the soldiers returned
from World War II,

these port cities like
San Diego, Los Angeles,

San Francisco, New York,
soldiers would stay there.

Having discovered each other,

started living and forming communities.

You started to see
increasingly the adoption of

these masculine working-class forms.

You saw gay motorcycle clubs.

You could see pictorials
and the popularity of

those types of magazines.

Beat poetry, this kind of
masculine self-positioning

that did not necessarily
excluse homosexuality and

you also saw a political
movement that was looking for

legitimacy largely through
normalcy and masculinity

was seen as one of the ways

in which you could be well-adjusted.

After the Kinsey studies came out in 1948

and then in 1956,

there was a much more
widespread understanding that

many more men were engaging
in homosexual activity

than was previously thought.

They couldn't always tell who
was a homosexual just based

on whether or not a man was,
for example, effeminate.

By the 1960s, you were
starting to see the growth

of leather bars and this
almost market segmentation

within gay male bar culture
and one element of that

is explicitly about a
kind of masculine and

even hyper-masculine pose.

- [Narrator] In 1964, Life
Magazine even featured a cover

story investigating the secret
world of the homosexual.

The article states that
patrons of a homosexual bar

in San Francisco wear leather jackets,

make a show of masculinity and

scorn effeminate members of their world.

It also warns that for
every obvious homosexual,

there are probably nine
near-impossible to detect.

Artist Tom of Finland helped to embellish

this new-found hyper-masculine look.

Tom's homoerotic art appeared
in various publications

as far back as the 1950s.

- He wanted to give his
brothers some type of

masculine identity as men
because society, at that time,

they would not even
qualify us as being men.

He drew just beautiful men.

Their bodies were just stylized enough.

They had a certain look.

The way they looked at each other,

the whole game and the dance of it.

We like intrigue, we like mystery,

and he would actually put all
of that into his drawings.

Masculine men having sex with each other.

He presented an image and
we took it and made it ours.

- Masculinity became one
of the ways that gay men

could find one another by emulating

the object of their own desire.

Then, you have, of course,
the sexual revolution and

out of Gay Liberation
comes the Castro Clone.

The irony of the Castro Clone, of course,

is that you're supposed to
be displaying this sort of

natural masculinity but it
takes a great deal of effort

to get it precisely right.

- [Narrator] Bob Davis
experienced the era of

the Castro Clone firsthand.

- My first day in San Francisco,

we went to the opening of
the gay softball league.

Gay men playing softball, playing sports.

Who knew?

I thought where in the hell am I?

Holy Lord!

You know, it was like halleluia.

It was the first generation
of gay men who were living

open and out and free
and they were basically

embracing their masculinity.

- [Narrator] However, the joy
of this new-found expression

was short-lived.

The onset of AIDS took a devastating toll.

A new ideal of gay masculinity emerged,

centered around circuit dance parties

springing up around the country.

- Circuit culture is, in some ways,

a reaction against both the
vulnerability represented

by HIV and AIDS and the Castro Clone look.

It's a much more explicitly
ripped, heavily muscled,

less hair, more explicitly youthful.

- It was a reaction
within the gay community.

They didn't want to be
associated with AIDS.

Enough was enough.

What's a better metaphor
for being pure and untouched

and undiseased than shaving
your body and being pristine.

- [Narrator] But, the hirsute
man was not gone for long.

Nowhere in the gay community
are traditional masculine

traits more revered and
celebrated than among the Bears.

The Bear movement began in the late 1980s.

- I think it was just big
guys who weren't mainstream

When it all started back in the day.

So much is caught up into
magazines and what the look is

supposed to be in the gay community and

how you're supposed to be and you know,

the reality of it is we all come in

different shapes and sizes.

We've just got to be
proud of what we have and

where we are in our lives.

We all can't spend 16
hours a day in the gym

to be that perfect guy.

- I was Mr. San Francisco Bear in 2005.

If it weren't for Bears, I
probably never would have

come out because I didn't fit into

gay society anywhere else.

Bears have always been
about just inclusion.

Everyone just kind of hangs
out and accepts everyone else.

- I love that song where beauty magazines

only make you feel ugly.

Beauty is like, masculine
or just being who you are.

- [Narrator] Dozens of
Bear events are held

around the world every year.

One of the biggest is Lazy Bear.

- The most masculine guys you
ever see are pretty much here.

- Yeah.

- A bunch of us were walking
through the Hard Rock Casino

and some guys were,

"What are you guys, a union or something?"

We look like a bunch of fucking
plumbers or electricians

and that's fine.

You don't get beat up on the street,

and you get free beer.

It confuses people.

- [Narrator] Thousands of
gay men trek every summer

to the forest town of Guerneville
in Northern California

for a long weekend of
drinking beer, dancing,

and just being with men.

- Everyone has a good time
with the Bears because

they can be themselves and
not have to put on the airs

or put their guard up.

- This is one of those parties
where you don't have to come

and suck your gut in for
the entire five days.

- The nature of the environment,

the fact that it's the
mountains, the beautiful scenery,

it's cool, just all of
that just puts you at ease

and so if you are at ease,
you're more readily available

to make friends with as many people

as you can possibly make friends with.

- You express your
friendship and your love for

your fellow men openly, it doesn't matter.

- There's something masculine
about the whole kind of

hairy man kind of genre.

- I like muscles and hair
and it's just like big

and masculine and butch.

I don't know why that is but it just is.

- I don't think it necessarily have to

have body hair to be a Bear.

I think it's more the
whole masculine trappings,

the way they dress, like to drink beer,

and go out and have big meals.

- You go into the bars at
the different Bear events,

you feel a machismo, a macho
kind of feel to these guys

and you know, they may
not be macho all the time,

but there's something
about their masculinity,

there's something about them
being together as a group

that really just makes it so powerful,

unlike any other group, I think,

any other culture in the world.

(upbeat pop rock music)

- [Narrator] As each gay
man defines his ideal

of what it means to be a man,

the issue of masculinity lies at

a crossroads for the gay movement.

- The big push in sort of
the relationship between

gay people and the majority
culture in the last decade or so

has been let us in.

It's basically giving up the sort of

separate aspects of gay culture.

People of my generation, at least,

are not sure it's such a great
bargain and are also dubious

as to whether or not the
people who want that will

really find out that it's
giving them what they want.

- Through marriage, through
domestic partnership,

through adoption, it's
much easier to assimilate

into heteronormativity if
you're straight-acting.

- The other big thing is the
unanswered question of whether

or not we as a community
will solve the ways in which

we are stereotyped or
oppressed by simply rejecting

gender diversity and embracing more normal

forms of masculinity.

I think over and over again,

we see that kind of
pressure to be as normal,

whatever that means, as possible.

- Part of the process of
becoming a gay male is

to unlearn some of the
stereotypes that were imposed

upon us and to sort of
relearn it so that we can be

masculine in a wide range of ways,

to incorporate some of the
ways that we learned but

also to learn new ways,
to be constantly changing

and evolving those as they occur.

- There's nothing to me
more appealing than a man

that's so comfortable in his
own skin that he can embrace

all parts of who he is.

- Every time that we try
to assert that one kind of

gender expression is the most
normal or the most important

for gay people, we push others
to the side and so the key

is really, I think, for
all of us to explore

what it means to be gay
men in the entire range of

gender expressions that we
have available to us and

to not obsess over trying to find out what

our real gender is but to
allow for the possibility that

gender can change over
time and it's flexible

and it's fluid and it's fun.

(high energy upbeat music)

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