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1
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:17,839
That's Gene Krupa on the drums, folks.
2
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,261
And if you believe that...
3
00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:21,180
No, that's yours truly
on the skins there, folks.
4
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,507
Robert Crane. Robert Crane.
5
00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,217
Sometimes I wish I was Gene Krupa.
6
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,927
I think I was born in a different era.
7
00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,307
That's one of the most
sterling thoughts I've ever heard.
8
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,763
Robert Crane. Robert Crane.
9
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:29,847
Enough!
10
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:33,150
This is KNX CBS-1070 on the A.M. dial.
11
00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:35,273
93.1 on the F.M. dial.
12
00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:37,481
It is beautiful in Hollywood,
they tell me.
13
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,861
72 degrees outside right now.
14
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,863
9:25 on the KNX clock.
15
00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:44,411
Yes, Jack. I know.
16
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,864
I'll get to him.
17
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:49,246
That's Jackie Chapman, our
distinguished engineer, there knocking.
18
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:52,124
Jack will be appearing later today
at the Ralph's market
19
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:54,547
in the fresh fruit section,
if I'm not mistaken.
20
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,795
Ha Ha.
21
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,922
As you regular listeners know,
from time to time
22
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,753
we have special guests here in the studio.
23
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,930
And today, somebody truly special...
24
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,726
Mr. Clayton Moore, the Lone Ranger,
right over here.
25
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:09,520
And I've always wanted
to do this with you.
26
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:12,394
- Hi-yo, Silver.
- Hi-yo, Silver, away.
27
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,567
I never get tired of that.
28
00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:17,441
Do people recognize you
when you're out in public?
29
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,238
No. No, not really.
30
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,408
Can we get you to expose
yourself today on radio?
31
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,235
Take off the mask, reveal your identity?
32
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,241
For you, Bob, sure.
33
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,163
Coming up next, it's a KNX first.
34
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,537
We've got the Lone Ranger, and he's naked.
35
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,788
Don't tell Tonto.
36
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,585
No. No, of course not.
37
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:36,540
First up, a word from our sponsor...
Lucky Strike cigarettes.
38
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,810
I always wanted to make an impression.
39
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,481
You know the type.
40
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,311
There's one in every class... the cutup.
41
00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:00,818
Eddie Cantor once told me,
"Likeability is 90% of the battle."
42
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,569
And he was right.
43
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,493
Well, that's me.
44
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,662
I'm a likeable guy.
45
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,076
Bob, sit.
46
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,587
Please.
47
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:19,290
I'm emceeing a lunch in an hour.
48
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:20,670
Humor me.
49
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,718
Those the contracts I need to sign?
50
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:23,965
Sit!
51
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,225
You should have been
at Nate 'n AI's this morning.
52
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:31,473
Your ears would have been burning.
53
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:36,854
I had breakfast with the boys from CBS.
I got something very interesting for you.
54
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,775
This could be what you're looking for.
55
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,354
What?
56
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,360
- A television series.
- Good-bye, Lenny.
57
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,113
Come on! Listen to me for two seconds.
Stop running, will you?
58
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,785
I thought after Donna Reed fell apart,
59
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,783
you were going to get me
a Jack Lemmon-type role.
60
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,490
A feature. It's a critical time for me.
61
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,541
I need something big.
62
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,335
I can be Jack Lemmon.
63
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,209
You are Jack Lemmon,
and you're Jack Benny.
64
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,291
- Then get me a role.
- That's what this is!
65
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,967
You're Lemmon and Benny combined.
They want you for the lead.
66
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:09,132
Just promise me you'll keep
an open mind. You ready?
67
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,469
It's set in a German prison camp.
68
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,605
It's a drama?
69
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,523
No, it's a comedy.
70
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,276
Oh, with the funny Nazis.
71
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:25,440
Uh, it's a P.O.W. camp.
72
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,116
With a laugh track?
73
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:30,570
Hey. This is first-class
all the way, my friend.
74
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,499
Bing Crosby Productions doing it for CBS.
75
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,622
This sounds like it
could be a career-killer.
76
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,337
Just read it.
77
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,137
He suffered under Pontius Pilate,
78
00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:55,470
was crucified, died and was buried.
79
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:57,681
He descended to the dead.
80
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,686
On the third day, He rose again.
81
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,439
He ascended into heaven and is seated
82
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,816
at the right hand of the Father.
83
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:05,896
He will come again
84
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:09,905
to judge the living and the dead.
85
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,617
There you go, Bobby.
86
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,450
I think it's perfect for me.
87
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,832
I mean, this character Hogan...
he's quick on his toes.
88
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,413
He's hip. He's a con artist.
I don't want to jinx it,
89
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,624
but I think it's what
I've been working toward my whole career.
90
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,711
Really? You've been working
towards Holocaust comedy?
91
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,012
- Anne.
- What, Bob?
92
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,608
Please, not in front of the children.
They look up to me.
93
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:50,408
They're small. They look up to everyone.
94
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,234
That's funny. I got to use that.
95
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:56,414
Bob, for 15 years,
I've followed you from job to job,
96
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,491
from Connecticut to California.
97
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,952
I'm your number-one supporter.
I believe in you.
98
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:04,005
But do you expect me to keep quiet
when I see you about to do something
99
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,173
that could ruin your career?
100
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,527
Aah!
101
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,571
Help! Help!
102
00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:31,615
Those are the right words,
only say them louder.
103
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:34,569
All right, honey. You're right.
104
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,154
Family comes first.
105
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:39,365
It's more important than some TV show.
106
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,542
You really like the script?
107
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:44,621
Well, it runs circles around
the other stuff I've been offered.
108
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,331
I know. I read it.
109
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,711
You did?
110
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,504
It's funny.
111
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,849
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
112
00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:01,854
- You'll quit KNX?
- Ahh.
113
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,476
Well, first, I'll do both.
114
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:06,149
Just to be safe, like we did on
Donna Reed, but if it works...
115
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,818
Oh, Donna Reed was part-time.
116
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,567
I just hope I can pull it off.
Hogan's in almost every scene.
117
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,273
Don't worry.
118
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:15,951
You always worry,
but in the end you succeed.
119
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,949
Easy for you to say.
120
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,327
Hello, Henry.
121
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,708
So we're all professionals here.
122
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:30,587
I realize you've all been working on
your characters, each with his own slant,
123
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,511
but we have to keep in mind
this is a gang comedy.
124
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,508
It's funny to the extent
the gang is funny.
125
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,009
It's like an athletic team.
126
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,932
Roman Gabriel may be
a great quarterback,
127
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,853
but without Joe Carollo,
we ain't gonna complete a pass.
128
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:45,932
Did you hear about the Greek quarterback,
who hated to leave his buddies behind?
129
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,359
I think we get the point.
130
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,530
Uh, let's pick up with Klink and Hogan.
131
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:55,858
The great disciplinarian
132
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:59,946
knows when to reward
and when to punish.
133
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,659
Now my leniency is a legend, right?
134
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,038
Wrong.
135
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:08,417
You've got a reputation to uphold,
Colonel. You know that.
136
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:12,045
I mean, you're running the most brutal
prison camp in all of Germany.
137
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,718
Okay, uh, let's back up.
138
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,511
Bob, don't try so hard.
139
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:19,386
You're the hero of the show.
It's named after you.
140
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,684
Heroes don't try and be heroes.
They simply are.
141
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:23,056
- Okay.
- Okay?
142
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,513
Uh, let's do it again. Same place.
143
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:28,725
The great disciplinarian knows
144
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,810
when to reward and when to punish.
145
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,146
Now my leniency is a legend, right?
146
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,105
- Wrong.
- What do you mean?
147
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,738
You've got a reputation to uphold,
Colonel. You know that.
148
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,114
I mean, you are running
the most brutal prison camp
149
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,741
- in all of Germany.
- I am?
150
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,494
In the world. You're ranked third,
right behind Devil's Island and Alcatraz.
151
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,415
Good.
152
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:46,959
And you're the toughest kommandant
in Germany.
153
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:47,876
I am?
154
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:51,376
In the last war, it was "Kill the Kaiser."
Today, it's "Kill Klink."
155
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,300
Kill Klink.
156
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,172
I like that.
157
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:12,814
Mel Rosen.
158
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:15,396
I do a little radio show
out of Quad City.
159
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,573
You know, I've actually
heard good things about that.
160
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,446
Thank you. Coming from you
that's high praise indeed.
161
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,994
- You got to get me a tape for that.
- Would you like something to drink?
162
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,697
- I'll have a grapefruit juice, please.
- With vodka?
163
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,204
Uh, no, straight.
Last of the straight men.
164
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,706
I'll have another Tom Collins.
165
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:33,631
I'm doing a show on the new TV season.
I never pass up one of these junkets.
166
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,252
Well, I'm with you there.
167
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:36,709
So this new show...
168
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,715
I loved you on Donna Reed, by the way...
169
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:41,513
it's set in a concentration camp,
a comedy?
170
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,306
Prisoner-of-war camp.
171
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:46,261
Yeah, it's got all
your typical comedy elements...
172
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,311
Gestapo, police dogs...
173
00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,560
So I guess it's fair to say
if you liked World War Il,
174
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,688
you're going to love Hogan's Heroes.
175
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,690
Uh...
176
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,521
no, let's-let's not, uh...
177
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,277
Actually, I got what I want.
178
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,780
Hey, Mel, what...
179
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,907
I thought you were a fellow entertainer.
180
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,785
I'm also a Jew.
181
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,912
It's the same thing.
182
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:24,761
Thank you.
183
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,683
Are one of those for me?
184
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:27,850
Thank you.
185
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,018
You're welcome.
186
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,264
Bob, look what I found.
187
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,566
- Hiya.
- Hiya.
188
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:39,772
Uh, this TV reviewer, he just...
I don't mean to offend anybody.
189
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,482
Forget about it. Do you see this spread?
190
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,693
Yeah, I got to hand it to CBS.
191
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,322
They did it for one reason.
192
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,120
The affiliates have seen the pilot.
193
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,244
They love it.
194
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,371
You play Hogan, don't you?
195
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,953
I sure do.
Do you want an autograph?
196
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,288
I've got autographs.
197
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:58,670
Darling, you just stop that.
Mr. Crane is a happily married man.
198
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,127
Now you wanted to see my room, right?
199
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,928
It's right this way.
200
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:10,353
Did you catch the radio show
this morning? Guess who was on.
201
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,560
Were you listening?
202
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,141
Johnny Winters.
203
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:19,229
I swear, he's got to be
the funniest human being ever born.
204
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:21,814
Honey?
205
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,030
What's wrong?
206
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:33,788
Huh?
207
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,799
Why do we have shady magazines
hidden in our garage?
208
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,842
Those are, uh...
209
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,924
photography magazines.
210
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,350
Gent? Caught?
211
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:54,145
I'm a photo nut, Annie, so...
212
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:57,020
Nature Girls 1965?
213
00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:00,774
Mm-hmm. They're harmless.
214
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,739
No wonder you never look at me anymore.
215
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,818
Come on. Would you stop that?
Listen to me.
216
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:10,905
I'm out the door every morning at 5:30.
I'm not home until after dark.
217
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,115
Huh?
218
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,291
You see how hard I'm working?
219
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,295
Are you seeing another woman?
220
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,418
Absolutely not.
221
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,969
I want those magazines out of the house.
222
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,639
Yeah, uh... I'll throw them away.
223
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,558
I've seen them before. I just ignored it.
224
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,102
All right! All right, I get the message.
225
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:37,898
Bad enough I've got to hide them
like some teenager.
226
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,146
Well, what did you have in mind?
227
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,774
Putting them on the coffee table
for our guests to see?
228
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,651
I apologize.
229
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,653
Maybe we should see Father Donnelly.
230
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,655
No. It's our business.
231
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,283
Family business... we'll keep it at home.
232
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,329
You're never home.
233
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,829
I just thought that when you
started shooting Hogan's
234
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,125
that this would change things.
235
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,624
It will. Darling, trust me.
236
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,706
It will.
237
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:06,548
Hogan's Heroes
premiered September 17, 1965,
238
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,549
8.'30 on Friday night.
239
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:10,972
When the Nielson ratings
were released four days later,
240
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,301
Hogan's, out of98 prime-time shows,
241
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,226
finished number five.
242
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,225
Of the new shows, it was number one.
243
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:20,604
I've always had
an extraordinary amount ofluck...
244
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,855
being in the right place
at the right time.
245
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:26,609
Ah, there was some controversy
the first few months, but it died away.
246
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,031
Mondays we blocked the show.
247
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,949
Tuesdays we did exteriors.
248
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:32,369
Wednesdays and Thursdays we did interiors.
249
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:35,619
And Friday we'd have a table reading
of the next week's script.
250
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,950
Weekends, we called each other
and went over everything.
251
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,706
I loved it.
252
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:42,914
Give me a vacation and three days later,
I'm going crazy.
253
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,051
Not another power outage?
254
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,218
No, sir.
255
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,888
I'm installing Richard's
new high-fidelity unit.
256
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,340
In his trailer here?
257
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:56,347
- I can wire anything.
- Yeah?
258
00:14:56,437 --> 00:15:00,056
You got a second?
Let me show you something.
259
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,105
I designed this myself. Listen.
260
00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:16,037
Pretty groovy, huh?
261
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,199
I'm Bob Crane.
262
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,204
John. John Carpenter.
263
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,845
Well, I've never been much into hi-fi.
264
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,968
Photography's always been my thing.
265
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,549
I'm with you.
266
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,885
If you like photography, you'll love VTRs.
267
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,346
- VTRs?
- Video tape recorders?
268
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,274
Magnetic coding, like audio tape.
269
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:44,941
Same principle, only with pictures.
270
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,063
Huh.
271
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:49,272
Sony, Ampex, Panasonic...
they're all developing VTRs.
272
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,822
- Hi, Bob.
- Hey, Robert.
273
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:53,275
- So this is like your...
- I-I sort of freelance.
274
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:58,080
I work with SonyCom from Japan,
helping them introduce helical-scan VTRs.
275
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,874
I sold Dawson the third VTR in the US.
276
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,668
Sold one to LBJ. Elvis.
277
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:04,915
Yeah?
278
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,747
Showed him how to use it.
279
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,332
Nice cat.
280
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,460
Back in 15 minutes, Bob.
281
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:15,969
Shoot, got to run.
Um, nice meeting you.
282
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,924
- All right.
- Carpenter.
283
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:23,347
- FBI.
- Full-blooded Indian.
284
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:26,479
Well, actually half-blooded.
285
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:29,186
Here, take my card.
286
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,398
Dawson and I are hooking up
over at Salomes later,
287
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,324
if you want to come and join us.
288
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:38,654
- I, uh, I actually prom...
- You'd like it. It's a nice joint.
289
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,411
- House band, strippers.
- Well...
290
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,493
Hey, mate. How's it coming?
291
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:46,750
You're all set up, Big Daddy.
Eight watts of pumping power.
292
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:50,298
Hey, there, I just got
the best bloody hi-fi on this lot.
293
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,469
I gotta run.
294
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,387
Salomes.
295
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:29,250
Colonel. How's it hanging?
296
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,797
Can't complain.
297
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,294
Glad you could make it.
298
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,217
Richard.
299
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,546
- I brought you a call sheet for tomorrow.
- I already got one.
300
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,973
Let me get you something to drink.
301
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:43,143
Uh... I'll have a grapefruit juice.
302
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,518
Oh, come one, Bob,
don't be such a prick.
303
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,102
Miss Kitty.
304
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,483
Meow! Whoo!
305
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:05,828
Miss Kitty. Let's give her a big Hollywood
hand, ladies and gentlemen. Miss Kitty.
306
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,331
We're going to take a 5-minute break here.
307
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,793
Let the boys in the band drain
their nozzles, so be right back.
308
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,847
I love what you do.
309
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,067
Colonel Hogan?
310
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,395
Can we help you?
311
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:35,729
You want an autograph?
312
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,780
Yeah, sure, thanks. Okay.
313
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:41,031
My name's Nickie D.
I'm the drummer here.
314
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,204
You're on that show, too, aren't you?
You play the British guy.
315
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:50,290
I used to listen to your show every
morning, back when I had a real job.
316
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:53,793
I always wondered, was that really you
playing the drums on the radio?
317
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,421
Sure, it was. Think I was faking?
318
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,502
Well, you did a lot of kidding.
319
00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,588
Not about that.
320
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,265
You want to sit in?
321
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,554
As a special treat, sitting in on drums...
322
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:12,312
Colonel Robert Hogan from the hit TV
series Hogan's Heroes... Bob Crane.
323
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,984
Yeah. Bob, let's hear it.
324
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:19,447
All right, Kommandant,
let's bring out the little strudel.
325
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:22,492
What do you say?
Come on, Angela, from Lubbock.
326
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:48,260
Well, thanks for
meeting me like this, Father.
327
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,970
I know this must seem a little unusual.
328
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,226
No, not at all.
We haven't seen you in awhile.
329
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:54,023
I know. I know. I-I'm sorry.
330
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,318
I'll be at mass tomorrow
with Anne and the kids.
331
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,612
This TV show...
you wouldn't believe the hours.
332
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:02,692
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Everybody's life has its unique demands.
333
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,401
I'm glad you called.
334
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,113
- So...
- Thank you.
335
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,907
What's on your mind?
336
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,539
Just the show, you know?
We work late.
337
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:17,418
When you get off,
you're all sort of jazzed up.
338
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,295
So I've been playing my drums.
339
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:22,093
You know, just to sort of wind down.
340
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:25,263
Been playing at, uh, various, you know...
341
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,056
strip... strip clubs...
342
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:28,384
joints.
343
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:36,103
Would you be more comfortable
in the confessional?
344
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,399
Just wanted to talk.
345
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:44,074
Of course, of course. Does Anne know?
346
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,493
About the clubs? No, no.
347
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:50,289
No. But I-I think it's obvious.
I've been, um...
348
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:53,450
you know, coming home later.
349
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,755
Mr. Crane, I am such a fan.
I just wondered...
350
00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:02,425
A picture together? You betcha.
And your name is?
351
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:05,595
- Oh, I forgot.
- You forgot your name?
352
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:09,174
- Not that. Julie.
- Julie, all right. Right over here.
353
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,759
Schmile.
354
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,059
- There you go.
- Thank you.
355
00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:16,265
Okay.
356
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:22,609
Sorry about that, Father.
357
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:24,360
Where were we?
358
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:27,158
Uh, you and Anne.
359
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:28,944
Mm.
360
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:33,206
It's not easy to resist temptation.
361
00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:38,336
One has to remove oneself
from the occasion of sin.
362
00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:39,788
You can't keep...
363
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:45,294
Listen, I know several musicians.
364
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,629
We play from time to time.
365
00:21:47,723 --> 00:21:50,636
I'm no Bill Evans,
but I can keep up on keyboard.
366
00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:54,185
Maybe we should play together sometime.
367
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:57,560
- Mmm...
- After work.
368
00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:59,937
Thank you. Yeah, that's...
369
00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:03,569
That's a good idea.
370
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,371
I love what you do.
371
00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:01,327
- Thank you.
- Bob!
372
00:23:01,422 --> 00:23:04,540
Bob, oh, wow.
373
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:06,124
That was great.
374
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:09,802
You don't remember, do you?
375
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:13,633
I'll, uh... I'll give you a hint.
376
00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:20,559
- Carpenter. John Carpenter.
- Right.
377
00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:22,231
Hey, how are they hanging?
378
00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:23,854
Pretty tight, my man.
379
00:23:23,944 --> 00:23:26,311
I've been looking for you.
This is John Carpenter.
380
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:29,193
He's like the James Bond of video nuts.
381
00:23:29,283 --> 00:23:31,650
Anybody wants the new stuff,
they gotta talk to him.
382
00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:33,406
This is, uh, Elaine.
383
00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:35,327
Oh, what a pretty name.
384
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:37,701
- Thank you.
- And Emily.
385
00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:39,123
- Pleasure.
- Hi.
386
00:23:39,209 --> 00:23:42,668
So... what's happening?
Where's the action tonight?
387
00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:44,371
We were just talking about
maybe going
388
00:23:44,632 --> 00:23:46,419
and grabbing a bite to eat
over at Arthur J's.
389
00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:48,465
No, no, no. Let's go to my pad.
390
00:23:48,552 --> 00:23:52,387
You wouldn't believe this new equipment
they sent me to check out.
391
00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:53,634
It'll blow your mind.
392
00:23:53,724 --> 00:23:58,014
Light hits this layer
and stores a charged density pattern on it
393
00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:01,892
which is scanned with an electron beam
so the resulting signal
394
00:24:01,982 --> 00:24:05,566
is sent by cable
to where it's recorded on tape.
395
00:24:05,653 --> 00:24:09,567
The helical-scan method of the VTR
issues proper magnetic coding,
396
00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:12,115
so picture quality is always secure.
397
00:24:12,201 --> 00:24:15,069
I've never seen anything like this.
398
00:24:15,162 --> 00:24:17,700
Of course not. That's the point.
399
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,827
It's a prototype.
400
00:24:19,917 --> 00:24:21,078
Hey...
401
00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:22,875
that, uh, stereo over there...
402
00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:24,544
Yeah?
403
00:24:24,630 --> 00:24:26,667
Does it play music?
404
00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:28,749
Of course.
405
00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:32,502
Tonight?
406
00:24:32,596 --> 00:24:34,087
Of course.
407
00:24:34,181 --> 00:24:36,047
- Do you got any jazz?
- Name it.
408
00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:37,882
You got Procol Harum?
409
00:24:37,977 --> 00:24:39,263
I got Four Tops.
410
00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:40,594
Close enough.
411
00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:43,931
Uh, Bob.
412
00:24:44,984 --> 00:24:48,898
Uh, you want to freshen the girls' drinks?
413
00:24:50,531 --> 00:24:51,692
Bob?
414
00:25:02,084 --> 00:25:03,825
Which one you want?
415
00:25:06,130 --> 00:25:08,918
These girls are ready to get it on,
416
00:25:09,008 --> 00:25:11,842
and you're the man,
so I figured you get first choice.
417
00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:15,837
I don't really care.
418
00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:18,924
Well, if it's all the same to you,
I'm gonna hit on the blonde.
419
00:25:19,018 --> 00:25:20,759
Copacetic?
420
00:25:22,396 --> 00:25:23,853
Co-Copacetic.
421
00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:27,307
They're beautiful, right?
422
00:25:27,401 --> 00:25:30,144
I'll have another hit of that vodka.
423
00:25:47,004 --> 00:25:49,121
Uh, can I get you another drink?
424
00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:51,171
I'm not done with this one yet.
425
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:57,637
John tells me you used to be a bunny.
426
00:25:57,723 --> 00:25:58,930
Mm-hmm.
427
00:26:00,225 --> 00:26:02,467
Can you do the bunny dip?
428
00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:04,553
Can I do the bunny dip?
429
00:26:04,646 --> 00:26:05,932
Watch this.
430
00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:14,362
Whoops.
431
00:26:14,448 --> 00:26:16,610
What's the matter? Don't you like me?
432
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:20,944
No, no, no. It's not that.
I'm, uh... I'm married.
433
00:26:21,038 --> 00:26:22,950
So am I.
434
00:26:26,335 --> 00:26:28,042
I'm a one-woman man.
435
00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:32,919
Oh.
Oh, Hogan, you crack me up.
436
00:26:33,008 --> 00:26:35,500
No, it's, uh... it's...
437
00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:38,758
Well, I'm not Colonel Klink
or that other dummkopf,
438
00:26:38,847 --> 00:26:40,463
whats-his-name, the fat one?
439
00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:42,719
You can't pull that crap on me.
440
00:26:49,024 --> 00:26:51,983
Oh, what's this?
441
00:26:52,820 --> 00:26:54,561
A prop, I suppose.
442
00:26:57,032 --> 00:26:59,194
What do you want?
443
00:26:59,284 --> 00:27:00,866
Colonel Hogan,
444
00:27:00,953 --> 00:27:04,822
I want you to nail me
to the fucking wall.
445
00:27:09,503 --> 00:27:11,916
Whatever you want.
446
00:27:12,005 --> 00:27:13,416
Anything.
447
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,543
Can we leave the lights on?
448
00:27:22,683 --> 00:27:24,925
Danke for the stockings, colonel.
449
00:27:25,018 --> 00:27:27,476
Just don't tell anybody
there's a war on.
450
00:27:37,531 --> 00:27:41,525
Herr Kommandant,
Colonel Hogan to see you.
451
00:27:41,618 --> 00:27:44,952
The second season,
Cynthia Lynn who played Helga,
452
00:27:45,038 --> 00:27:48,952
was replaced by Patti Olson,
screen name Sigrid Valdis.
453
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:51,659
The character's name was Hilda.
454
00:27:51,753 --> 00:27:55,793
Herr Kommandant,
Colonel Hogan to see you.
455
00:27:55,883 --> 00:27:58,000
Kommandant, you wanted to see me?
456
00:27:58,093 --> 00:28:01,837
Yes, Hogan. I have a very
serious matter to discuss with you.
457
00:28:01,930 --> 00:28:04,388
I know everything
that happened last night.
458
00:28:04,474 --> 00:28:05,555
You do?
459
00:28:05,642 --> 00:28:07,725
Hogan, you don't fool me for one moment.
460
00:28:07,811 --> 00:28:09,427
Well, I know that, sir. Cigar?
461
00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:10,602
Oh...
462
00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:14,307
Hogan!
463
00:28:14,401 --> 00:28:18,361
Cut! Terrific take.
All right, let's move on.
464
00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:24,908
Hey.
465
00:28:28,832 --> 00:28:31,324
- Hey.
- Nervous? That was great.
466
00:28:31,418 --> 00:28:32,750
I feel like a bad actress.
467
00:28:32,836 --> 00:28:35,374
Oh, my gosh. It was so good, really.
468
00:28:35,464 --> 00:28:38,081
Thanks.
Everyone here's so nice, like a family.
469
00:28:38,175 --> 00:28:40,918
Yeah, well, it depends what
kind of family you come from.
470
00:28:42,429 --> 00:28:43,795
Okay, come on, come on.
471
00:28:43,889 --> 00:28:45,801
Okay, guys, guys, guys!
472
00:28:45,891 --> 00:28:47,052
Okay, go.
473
00:28:47,684 --> 00:28:49,220
Okay, cheese.
474
00:28:49,311 --> 00:28:51,018
Completing the second season,
475
00:28:51,104 --> 00:28:53,812
Hogan's was rated 17th by the Nielsens.
476
00:29:00,489 --> 00:29:02,481
I'm Bob Crane's manager, and, uh,
477
00:29:02,574 --> 00:29:04,486
we're having a little party later.
478
00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:08,115
And I was wondering if you ladies
would like to come?
479
00:29:08,205 --> 00:29:10,538
A party with Bob Crane?
480
00:29:11,833 --> 00:29:13,165
We'd love to.
481
00:29:15,337 --> 00:29:18,501
You know who I'm talking about.
It's, uh, Klink's secretary.
482
00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:19,580
Helga?
483
00:29:19,675 --> 00:29:20,916
No, it's Hilda.
484
00:29:21,009 --> 00:29:22,341
Va-va-voom!
485
00:29:22,427 --> 00:29:25,636
She's... She's... got real beauty.
486
00:29:25,722 --> 00:29:26,758
Tighten up your pants?
487
00:29:26,848 --> 00:29:28,384
Yeah, but she's special, you know?
488
00:29:28,475 --> 00:29:29,716
They all are.
489
00:29:29,810 --> 00:29:31,927
She's real. She's not uptight,
you know what I mean?
490
00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:33,602
Oh, here they are, Big Daddy.
491
00:29:33,689 --> 00:29:35,601
Quick, what are their names again?
492
00:29:35,691 --> 00:29:37,273
Jill and, uh, Judy.
493
00:29:37,359 --> 00:29:38,725
Jill and Judy.
494
00:29:39,820 --> 00:29:42,312
Chicks these days,
it's like they throw out all the rules.
495
00:29:42,406 --> 00:29:44,819
I might really be in love with her.
Which is which?
496
00:29:44,908 --> 00:29:47,025
Jill's the blonde.
Judy's the other one.
497
00:29:47,953 --> 00:29:49,660
I'm going for the blonde.
498
00:29:50,664 --> 00:29:53,247
Bob, I had her all set up.
499
00:29:56,295 --> 00:29:58,161
I'm going for the blonde.
500
00:29:58,255 --> 00:30:00,622
Bob, I've been working on her.
501
00:30:00,716 --> 00:30:01,923
The brunette's not my type.
502
00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:04,042
Oh.
503
00:30:06,972 --> 00:30:08,804
I'm sure you'll make do.
504
00:30:08,890 --> 00:30:10,973
Come on.
505
00:30:12,936 --> 00:30:14,222
Okay.
506
00:30:15,272 --> 00:30:16,888
- Ladies!
- Hey.
507
00:30:16,982 --> 00:30:18,723
- Hey, how are you?
- Jill, right?
508
00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:20,524
- Jill, yeah.
- I'm Bob Crane.
509
00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:21,691
- Hi.
- Judy?
510
00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:22,939
Yes.
511
00:30:23,030 --> 00:30:24,896
- Hey.
- Hey. Welcome.
512
00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:28,074
So this is the party?
513
00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:32,320
Colonel,
apparently some of the new recruits
514
00:30:32,414 --> 00:30:34,701
are complaining about the barracks again.
515
00:30:35,917 --> 00:30:39,285
Hogan!
516
00:30:39,379 --> 00:30:40,915
He does that just right.
517
00:30:41,006 --> 00:30:43,419
Yeah!
518
00:30:43,508 --> 00:30:48,720
You are so photogenic.
519
00:30:48,805 --> 00:30:51,388
That's great! That's great!
520
00:30:53,435 --> 00:30:55,677
I love that thing you do.
521
00:30:56,229 --> 00:30:58,391
Hold on, hold on. I gotta get that.
522
00:30:58,482 --> 00:31:00,189
Take it off! Take it off!
523
00:31:00,275 --> 00:31:01,982
Take it off! Take it off!
524
00:31:02,069 --> 00:31:03,856
Set those buttons free.
525
00:31:03,945 --> 00:31:05,527
Take it off! Take it off!
526
00:31:05,614 --> 00:31:08,197
Oh, that's great.
527
00:31:08,283 --> 00:31:10,400
Carpy, more film!
528
00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:13,281
Oh, that-that's fabulous.
529
00:31:13,372 --> 00:31:15,455
That's fabulous. Do it again.
530
00:31:20,295 --> 00:31:22,161
I didn't even know this thing was on.
531
00:31:22,255 --> 00:31:26,841
I didn't want to freak you,
give you, what, performance anxiety.
532
00:31:26,927 --> 00:31:29,214
Hey, I do my best work
in front of the camera.
533
00:31:29,304 --> 00:31:32,763
- I do mine behind.
- This is... It's fabulous!
534
00:31:33,809 --> 00:31:35,801
Where have you been all my life?
535
00:31:35,894 --> 00:31:37,886
You do this for Dawson?
536
00:31:37,979 --> 00:31:40,221
You don't like him, do you?
537
00:31:42,067 --> 00:31:43,433
He tried out for the lead.
538
00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:47,271
Went to me, so he keeps snipping at me
all the time, little Brit fag cracks.
539
00:31:47,364 --> 00:31:49,731
Trouble with your lines, luv?
540
00:31:49,825 --> 00:31:52,158
And always...
always trying to undercut me.
541
00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:54,361
Jesus, look at her go.
542
00:31:54,454 --> 00:31:56,537
You're going to have to choose, Carp.
543
00:31:57,416 --> 00:31:58,577
It's him, or it's me.
544
00:31:58,667 --> 00:32:00,408
Oh, look. Look, Bob.
545
00:32:00,502 --> 00:32:02,334
She's giving you head.
546
00:32:03,422 --> 00:32:04,754
Oh...
547
00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:13,088
We're gonna have to burn this tape.
548
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,927
How much you say
one of these things costs?
549
00:32:20,647 --> 00:32:22,934
Flowers three times a week is one thing,
550
00:32:23,024 --> 00:32:25,016
but isn't this extravagant?
551
00:32:25,110 --> 00:32:26,942
Wait'll you see it.
552
00:32:28,822 --> 00:32:30,233
Oh...
553
00:32:31,616 --> 00:32:33,403
How does it work?
554
00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:35,655
Oh, you gotta see this thing. Carpy.
555
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:41,415
It doesn't bite.
Just don't touch these wires right here.
556
00:32:41,501 --> 00:32:42,662
Oh, okay.
557
00:32:42,752 --> 00:32:45,335
- Ow!
- Oh!
558
00:32:45,422 --> 00:32:48,256
Carpy says, "Don't touch."
559
00:32:52,929 --> 00:32:55,262
Well, what will we do with it?
560
00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:58,970
Home movies.
561
00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:00,471
Smile!
562
00:33:00,562 --> 00:33:03,771
Come on, give me a smile!
563
00:33:03,857 --> 00:33:06,440
Everybody give me a wave.
564
00:33:06,526 --> 00:33:08,813
I just want to get this side.
Just want to get this side.
565
00:33:08,904 --> 00:33:12,443
Oh, please, Bob!
Come on, I'm washing the dishes!
566
00:33:12,532 --> 00:33:14,740
I don't want to be photographed
washing the dishes!
567
00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:16,818
Oh, look at that dress.
I love that, honey.
568
00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:20,451
All right, give me one more shot.
Here we go. One, two, big dance!
569
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:27,040
- Look at that.
- Oh, this is amazing.
570
00:33:27,130 --> 00:33:28,211
You just shot this today.
571
00:33:28,298 --> 00:33:30,130
Yeah, with... It's not like film.
572
00:33:30,217 --> 00:33:32,334
I mean, with video,
there's no film processing.
573
00:33:32,427 --> 00:33:35,420
We are light years ahead of everybody!
574
00:33:35,514 --> 00:33:36,800
Look at that!
575
00:33:36,890 --> 00:33:39,382
It's like the Polaroid of home movies.
576
00:33:48,485 --> 00:33:52,024
Herr Kommandant,
Colonel Hogan to see you.
577
00:33:56,910 --> 00:33:59,778
Well, he did beat out
a million other sperm.
578
00:33:59,871 --> 00:34:01,988
Think about that.
579
00:34:02,082 --> 00:34:03,744
It's kind of hard to fathom.
580
00:34:03,833 --> 00:34:06,075
Yeah, you're so easy to talk to.
581
00:34:06,169 --> 00:34:09,788
It's probably because
I speak English, Sigrid.
582
00:34:09,881 --> 00:34:14,342
- Uh, call me Patricia.
- Patricia.
583
00:34:14,427 --> 00:34:15,793
Sigrid is my stage name.
584
00:34:16,471 --> 00:34:18,884
To you, I'm Patricia.
585
00:34:22,227 --> 00:34:25,720
And... what brought you back to LA?
586
00:34:27,357 --> 00:34:30,771
The usual things. A broken marriage.
587
00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:32,772
Cheers to that.
588
00:34:32,862 --> 00:34:34,774
Tired of being a housewife, you know?
589
00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:38,778
So you came back here
where you could play one instead?
590
00:34:38,868 --> 00:34:40,825
Something like that.
591
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:42,528
What about you, Hogan?
592
00:34:42,622 --> 00:34:44,534
What are your dreams?
593
00:34:45,959 --> 00:34:48,497
Besides drumming with Buddy Rich?
594
00:34:48,587 --> 00:34:53,958
I dream about finding somebody
who, uh, gets me,
595
00:34:54,050 --> 00:34:56,133
who I am.
596
00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:07,436
We're in the show together.
597
00:35:07,522 --> 00:35:10,890
We'll have to keep up the appearance
of respectability.
598
00:35:10,984 --> 00:35:13,271
I can be very respectable.
599
00:35:17,365 --> 00:35:20,108
You're not really hungry, are you?
600
00:35:25,248 --> 00:35:27,285
I'm gonna get the check.
601
00:35:27,375 --> 00:35:29,116
Yeah.
602
00:35:30,754 --> 00:35:33,212
We're a Christian publication, Mr. Crane.
603
00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:34,914
Please, it's Bob.
604
00:35:35,008 --> 00:35:38,172
So this is a little outside
our normal terrain.
605
00:35:38,261 --> 00:35:42,380
We usually don't do Hollywood interviews,
what with the divorces and whatnot.
606
00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:45,512
- Sure.
- That's why we're interested in you.
607
00:35:45,602 --> 00:35:51,143
Um, you've been married to your
high school sweetheart for 16 years.
608
00:35:51,232 --> 00:35:52,939
Fifteen, actually.
609
00:35:53,026 --> 00:35:54,392
Fifteen years.
610
00:35:54,486 --> 00:35:56,773
How do you do it?
What's your secret?
611
00:35:58,323 --> 00:36:00,280
Three words...
612
00:36:00,367 --> 00:36:05,032
don't... make... waves.
613
00:36:05,622 --> 00:36:06,988
As every sailor knows,
614
00:36:07,082 --> 00:36:10,166
when one set of waves
meets another set of waves,
615
00:36:10,251 --> 00:36:12,243
it can set up some chop.
616
00:36:12,337 --> 00:36:15,125
And when three sets of waves
come together,
617
00:36:15,215 --> 00:36:18,049
it can make for some mighty rough sailing.
618
00:36:18,134 --> 00:36:22,048
It also helps sometimes
to have a harmless safety valve.
619
00:36:22,138 --> 00:36:25,506
When I get tense, I blow off steam.
620
00:36:26,893 --> 00:36:29,135
And so, when it comes to my own family...
621
00:36:30,146 --> 00:36:32,889
I don't make waves.
622
00:36:32,982 --> 00:36:36,521
That's inspirational.
You're a fortunate man.
623
00:36:36,611 --> 00:36:37,772
Yes.
624
00:36:39,614 --> 00:36:41,230
Yes, I am.
625
00:36:50,792 --> 00:36:52,408
You want me to run lines with you?
626
00:36:52,502 --> 00:36:53,663
No, I got it.
627
00:37:02,721 --> 00:37:05,179
Is there anything you want to talk about?
628
00:37:05,265 --> 00:37:06,801
About what?
629
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:11,181
Neither of us has said anything,
but we both know.
630
00:37:11,271 --> 00:37:12,603
Know what?
631
00:37:12,689 --> 00:37:14,681
We never spend any time alone together.
632
00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:16,356
What do you call this?
633
00:37:16,443 --> 00:37:18,230
Tense.
634
00:37:18,319 --> 00:37:21,653
- Distant.
- Oh, you're being ridiculous.
635
00:37:22,824 --> 00:37:26,363
Come on. I didn't mean that.
636
00:37:26,453 --> 00:37:29,662
I just think you're
overreacting a little bit.
637
00:37:29,748 --> 00:37:32,661
It's been a while
since we've done anything.
638
00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:36,369
Or has work sapped all your energy?
639
00:37:50,602 --> 00:37:53,845
My goodness. She was built.
640
00:37:53,938 --> 00:37:55,429
- Uh, Min-Mindy.
- Mandy.
641
00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:57,435
Mandy!
642
00:37:57,525 --> 00:38:00,643
We should name a ride after her.
Loop-de-Loop.
643
00:38:00,737 --> 00:38:02,899
Tilt-a-Whirl.
644
00:38:02,989 --> 00:38:05,902
I'll tell you, watching these home movies
gets me so damn hot.
645
00:38:05,992 --> 00:38:08,450
They're videos, Bob. Videos.
646
00:38:08,536 --> 00:38:11,404
I've got a hard-on the size of Florida.
What was that?
647
00:38:11,498 --> 00:38:15,037
- What?
- Uh, rewind the tape.
648
00:38:16,628 --> 00:38:18,665
Just-Just rewind it.
649
00:38:23,676 --> 00:38:26,635
Okay, okay. Just play it from there.
650
00:38:26,721 --> 00:38:28,553
All right, play it right there.
651
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,472
- What's that on my ass?
- What's what?
652
00:38:30,558 --> 00:38:32,094
Freeze it. Can you do that?
653
00:38:32,185 --> 00:38:34,643
Not for long.
The image becomes unstable.
654
00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:36,470
Freeze it right there.
655
00:38:40,443 --> 00:38:42,981
What the hell is that on my ass?
656
00:38:44,948 --> 00:38:47,065
That is my hand.
657
00:38:50,370 --> 00:38:52,578
- Rubbing my ass?
- So what?
658
00:38:54,874 --> 00:38:57,833
You got your fingers up around my cheeks.
What the hell you doing in there, John?
659
00:38:57,919 --> 00:38:59,535
It's an orgy, Bob.
660
00:39:00,713 --> 00:39:02,796
So you can just touch my ass?
661
00:39:02,882 --> 00:39:04,714
I thought you liked it.
662
00:39:04,801 --> 00:39:07,839
I... I thought it was her. God!
663
00:39:07,929 --> 00:39:09,636
- What's the difference?
- What's the difference?
664
00:39:09,722 --> 00:39:11,258
You got your fingers up
my fucking asshole!
665
00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:13,011
Sorry!
666
00:39:13,101 --> 00:39:14,717
Fuck you very much.
667
00:39:14,811 --> 00:39:17,178
Bob, I said I'm sorry.
It's a group grope.
668
00:39:17,272 --> 00:39:19,309
You had your fingers up around my ass.
669
00:39:19,399 --> 00:39:20,856
Well, we were just having fun.
670
00:39:20,942 --> 00:39:23,184
- You know what? You're a perv.
- What?
671
00:39:23,278 --> 00:39:25,611
You're a fucking pervert.
Is that clear enough for you?
672
00:39:25,697 --> 00:39:27,063
A feygele. Does that make sense?
673
00:39:27,156 --> 00:39:29,068
Bob, gee, I'm sorry. You know what?
674
00:39:29,158 --> 00:39:30,365
Hey!
675
00:39:34,622 --> 00:39:35,954
I'll see you next time, Carpy.
676
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,123
Never!
677
00:39:42,297 --> 00:39:45,916
Now, I guess, is as good a time as any.
678
00:39:46,009 --> 00:39:47,966
Thank you all for coming.
679
00:39:48,052 --> 00:39:51,136
Ever since the introduction of the CV2000,
680
00:39:51,222 --> 00:39:55,637
we have been working toward the
development of a color videotape recorder.
681
00:39:55,727 --> 00:39:58,014
Mr. John Carpenter,
our Los Angeles representative,
682
00:39:58,104 --> 00:39:59,515
has set up a demonstration.
683
00:39:59,606 --> 00:40:01,973
This system will demonstrate
what lies in store.
684
00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:04,308
John, get the lights, please.
685
00:40:26,299 --> 00:40:29,838
I knew it was in color,
but just the one?
686
00:40:31,930 --> 00:40:33,296
John, lights.
687
00:40:35,475 --> 00:40:38,468
We are experiencing
a little technical problem.
688
00:40:38,561 --> 00:40:40,644
If you'd excuse us just a second.
689
00:40:40,730 --> 00:40:43,723
There's hot coffee
and fresh Danish next door.
690
00:40:43,816 --> 00:40:46,399
It'll only be a few minutes, I promise.
Arigato.
691
00:40:47,612 --> 00:40:49,444
Thank you. Thanks.
692
00:40:49,530 --> 00:40:51,738
What's happened?
693
00:40:51,824 --> 00:40:54,407
I don't know.
I set everything according to specs.
694
00:40:54,494 --> 00:40:56,577
Well, fix it!
695
00:40:57,497 --> 00:40:59,363
Looks fine to me.
696
00:41:00,750 --> 00:41:03,242
It's green! It's fucking green!
697
00:41:03,336 --> 00:41:04,452
Uh...
698
00:41:12,261 --> 00:41:14,298
Y-You really can't tell, can you?
699
00:41:16,307 --> 00:41:18,014
You're fucking color-blind.
700
00:41:18,101 --> 00:41:19,967
- I'll fix it.
- God damn you, John!
701
00:41:20,061 --> 00:41:23,645
I've got execs from Tokyo, every network,
and you pull a stunt like this!
702
00:41:23,731 --> 00:41:26,565
- I...
- John, leave.
703
00:41:26,651 --> 00:41:28,688
- I'm fired?
- Yeah. Get out.
704
00:41:28,778 --> 00:41:31,521
- You can't do that.
- It's done.
705
00:41:31,614 --> 00:41:33,230
I've got the contacts.
706
00:41:34,033 --> 00:41:36,400
Who do you think got you the celebrities?
707
00:41:36,494 --> 00:41:40,488
I sold Vidicons to Tommy Smothers,
708
00:41:40,581 --> 00:41:42,288
Dick Martin, Bob Crane.
709
00:41:42,375 --> 00:41:44,833
I sold a VTO to Elvis!
710
00:41:44,919 --> 00:41:47,286
Do I need to call security?
711
00:41:50,133 --> 00:41:52,841
One, two...
712
00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:54,134
three!
713
00:41:54,220 --> 00:41:56,052
I didn't think she
was gonna get that last one.
714
00:41:56,139 --> 00:41:58,005
Oh, what a beautiful cake.
715
00:41:58,099 --> 00:42:00,432
Oh, huh.
716
00:42:00,518 --> 00:42:02,555
Is it supposed to do that?
717
00:42:09,527 --> 00:42:11,940
It's broken.
718
00:42:12,030 --> 00:42:14,192
Six months?
719
00:42:14,282 --> 00:42:16,239
Can you refer me to somebody?
720
00:42:18,119 --> 00:42:20,031
Right.
721
00:42:20,121 --> 00:42:22,829
All right, well, thank you. Yeah.
722
00:42:39,015 --> 00:42:40,631
John, it's Bob.
723
00:42:40,725 --> 00:42:42,933
Yeah, I'm fine.
724
00:42:43,019 --> 00:42:44,931
Yeah, how are you?
725
00:42:46,522 --> 00:42:49,560
Oh, that... that's funny.
726
00:42:49,650 --> 00:42:50,731
Uh-huh.
727
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:57,736
Well, the problem is we'd had a little
trouble with the VTR over here, and I, I...
728
00:42:57,825 --> 00:43:02,411
Uh-huh. No, I know you're busy.
Of course.
729
00:43:03,289 --> 00:43:04,746
No, I completely understand.
730
00:43:04,832 --> 00:43:09,998
I just thought maybe if you could,
you know, squeeze us in.
731
00:43:22,433 --> 00:43:24,220
You work on this?
732
00:43:26,020 --> 00:43:27,556
Well, I...
733
00:43:28,648 --> 00:43:31,186
It's the video head drum.
734
00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:33,392
You can't fix it with Scotch tape,
you know.
735
00:43:34,529 --> 00:43:35,986
Is it serious?
736
00:43:36,072 --> 00:43:40,157
No, I should be able to put
another one in there pretty quick
737
00:43:40,243 --> 00:43:42,326
as long as nothing else is fucked up.
738
00:43:46,499 --> 00:43:48,661
Well, I really appreciate
your coming over like this.
739
00:43:48,751 --> 00:43:52,745
I tell anybody who asked, you need
video equipment, you see John Carpenter.
740
00:43:52,839 --> 00:43:54,125
Dad!
741
00:43:54,215 --> 00:43:56,707
Oh! I'll be right there, honey.
742
00:43:56,801 --> 00:44:00,841
Bob, I'm real sorry about
what went down at my place.
743
00:44:01,681 --> 00:44:04,264
- You're not still mad at me, are you?
- I appreciate you coming over.
744
00:44:04,350 --> 00:44:05,511
Bob...
745
00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:09,011
I'm not a fag.
746
00:44:09,105 --> 00:44:10,596
Uh-huh.
747
00:44:10,690 --> 00:44:15,651
About Dawson, I told him I was
getting too busy to see him much.
748
00:44:16,362 --> 00:44:18,024
You did?
749
00:44:19,157 --> 00:44:20,443
How'd he take it?
750
00:44:20,533 --> 00:44:22,866
What choice did he have?
751
00:44:22,952 --> 00:44:25,160
You're my number one man, Bob.
752
00:44:26,455 --> 00:44:28,287
Copacetic?
753
00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:30,536
Copacetic.
754
00:44:30,626 --> 00:44:34,711
Good, because, uh, if you're into it,
755
00:44:34,797 --> 00:44:37,961
one of my clients is having a party
up in the hills on Friday.
756
00:44:38,050 --> 00:44:40,758
Lots of ladies.
A hippie thing.
757
00:44:40,845 --> 00:44:42,928
Could be fun.
758
00:44:55,651 --> 00:44:57,517
Come on in.
759
00:44:58,446 --> 00:45:00,187
Okay.
760
00:45:02,325 --> 00:45:03,190
Wow.
761
00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:05,776
That's fun.
762
00:45:05,870 --> 00:45:07,736
Yeah!
763
00:45:07,830 --> 00:45:09,241
How's the show?
764
00:45:09,332 --> 00:45:11,164
The show's going really, uh, real well.
765
00:45:11,250 --> 00:45:14,118
Excuse me, man,
I loved your radio show.
766
00:45:14,212 --> 00:45:16,875
It was so cool, you know, for its time.
767
00:45:16,964 --> 00:45:18,796
I used to listen every morning.
768
00:45:18,883 --> 00:45:20,340
Thank you. Thanks.
769
00:45:20,426 --> 00:45:23,260
- Can I get an autograph?
- Sure.
770
00:45:23,346 --> 00:45:25,884
Will you sign me right here?
771
00:45:27,934 --> 00:45:30,893
Thanks, Colonel Hogan.
772
00:45:33,105 --> 00:45:35,893
The Chinese will just march right in.
773
00:45:35,983 --> 00:45:37,190
You know what I'm saying?
774
00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:38,892
Oh, man, give peace a chance.
775
00:45:38,986 --> 00:45:40,568
I mean, what are you going to do?
776
00:45:40,655 --> 00:45:44,239
Hey, hey, John, we're guests.
777
00:45:44,325 --> 00:45:47,284
I fought for my country.
778
00:45:47,370 --> 00:45:49,327
Look at the jugs on her.
779
00:45:52,667 --> 00:45:55,080
Carp, get a load of this.
780
00:46:02,385 --> 00:46:04,752
No, no, that's good. I like that.
781
00:46:06,138 --> 00:46:08,255
Here we go.
782
00:46:08,349 --> 00:46:11,558
Beautiful. Beautiful.
783
00:46:11,644 --> 00:46:14,762
Want to try one of those "schmile"
pictures we talked about?
784
00:46:14,855 --> 00:46:17,097
- Okay.
- Why not, huh? We just...
785
00:46:17,191 --> 00:46:20,559
There we go. And... all set?
786
00:46:20,653 --> 00:46:21,734
Ready.
787
00:46:21,821 --> 00:46:22,857
Schmile.
788
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:24,438
Schmile.
789
00:46:27,702 --> 00:46:29,034
Really great.
790
00:46:30,663 --> 00:46:32,905
I'm a normal red-blooded American man.
791
00:46:32,999 --> 00:46:35,082
I like to look at naked women.
792
00:46:35,167 --> 00:46:37,705
I love breasts, any kind.
793
00:46:37,795 --> 00:46:39,286
I love them.
794
00:46:39,380 --> 00:46:41,087
Boobs, bazooms, balloons,
795
00:46:41,173 --> 00:46:44,587
bags, bazongas, the bigger the better.
796
00:46:44,677 --> 00:46:47,135
Nipples like udders, nipples like saucers,
797
00:46:47,221 --> 00:46:49,087
Big pale, rosy brown nipples.
798
00:46:49,181 --> 00:46:51,218
Little, bitty, baby nipples.
799
00:46:51,309 --> 00:46:53,346
Real or fake, what's the difference?
800
00:46:53,436 --> 00:46:55,769
I like tits. Who's kidding who?
801
00:46:57,440 --> 00:46:58,897
Tits are great.
802
00:47:06,991 --> 00:47:08,857
- There you are, sir.
- Thank you very much.
803
00:47:08,951 --> 00:47:11,159
Oh, I just... So, you...
804
00:47:11,245 --> 00:47:15,489
So you actually
went to Las Vegas with, uh...
805
00:47:15,583 --> 00:47:18,166
You can't even say his name?
806
00:47:18,252 --> 00:47:20,209
Come on. I told you I was going.
807
00:47:21,297 --> 00:47:25,041
Sure, but I didn't think
you were really going to do it.
808
00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:29,587
Bob, honey, you're already married.
809
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:32,297
She doesn't understand this life.
810
00:47:32,391 --> 00:47:34,633
She'd rather be back in Connecticut.
811
00:47:34,727 --> 00:47:37,060
Yeah, well, she's not
a Hollywood person, you know?
812
00:47:37,146 --> 00:47:38,637
She's so good, though. She's like a...
813
00:47:38,731 --> 00:47:40,222
A saint?
814
00:47:40,316 --> 00:47:42,683
Come on, don't let her do that to you.
815
00:47:42,777 --> 00:47:45,110
You are a good man.
816
00:47:45,196 --> 00:47:46,812
What about the press?
817
00:47:48,282 --> 00:47:49,693
The public reaction?
818
00:47:49,784 --> 00:47:52,026
We've got nothing to be ashamed of.
819
00:47:52,119 --> 00:47:55,738
You know, Ed actually suggested
we get married on the set.
820
00:47:55,831 --> 00:47:57,618
CBS would love it.
821
00:47:57,708 --> 00:47:59,244
Publicity.
822
00:48:00,503 --> 00:48:04,668
Hey, you remember what you said to me
the first time we had dinner together?
823
00:48:04,757 --> 00:48:06,919
- Yeah, that I was fluent in English.
- Oh.
824
00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:15,511
You said you wanted to find a woman
who understands you.
825
00:48:15,601 --> 00:48:17,342
I do. I do.
826
00:48:20,981 --> 00:48:23,644
You know, I have to let you in
on a little secret, baby.
827
00:48:25,736 --> 00:48:28,695
The other women,
I know all about them.
828
00:48:33,244 --> 00:48:34,906
You're okay with that?
829
00:48:35,996 --> 00:48:39,080
We only go around once in this life.
830
00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:41,283
I never want to have to lie
about who I am,
831
00:48:41,377 --> 00:48:44,461
and I never want you to have to lie
about who you are.
832
00:48:45,756 --> 00:48:48,339
You're not going to change.
833
00:48:48,426 --> 00:48:51,510
I know who you are, and I love you.
834
00:48:51,595 --> 00:48:53,461
And I love fucking you.
835
00:49:00,438 --> 00:49:03,055
We can have any kind of marriage we want.
836
00:49:05,901 --> 00:49:09,065
You know, I... it can be such a drag.
837
00:49:09,155 --> 00:49:11,647
I mean, chatting up broads.
838
00:49:11,740 --> 00:49:14,608
You know me.
I'm a gentleman. I don't push.
839
00:49:14,702 --> 00:49:17,991
But you got to draw her out,
get her to talk about herself,
840
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:20,618
listen to her problems,
act like you give a shit
841
00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:22,916
just to get her clothes off,
and then not even then.
842
00:49:23,002 --> 00:49:24,914
That's life with the ladies.
843
00:49:25,004 --> 00:49:27,212
Bobby just comes in
with that crooked smile
844
00:49:27,298 --> 00:49:29,881
and gets a strike
on the fricking line every time.
845
00:49:29,967 --> 00:49:31,879
Bob's got to be careful.
846
00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:33,585
- What do you mean?
- I warned him.
847
00:49:35,264 --> 00:49:40,555
He shows me his car full of
nudie pictures of him getting sucked off.
848
00:49:40,644 --> 00:49:42,681
I said, "Bob, you're a big star.
849
00:49:42,771 --> 00:49:45,309
What happens if you
get pulled over by the cops?"
850
00:49:45,399 --> 00:49:49,894
He'd hit on the Virgin Mary with
Jesus standing right there if he could.
851
00:49:49,987 --> 00:49:52,274
Richard, you are so bad.
852
00:49:52,364 --> 00:49:54,697
Hey, what's with this
new Sony color system?
853
00:49:55,784 --> 00:49:57,275
I'm not with Sony anymore.
854
00:49:57,369 --> 00:49:58,985
I switched to Akai.
855
00:49:59,079 --> 00:50:00,445
Really?
856
00:50:00,539 --> 00:50:02,656
Bob is just coming through the gate.
857
00:50:02,750 --> 00:50:04,537
- It's about bloody time.
- I'd better go.
858
00:50:04,627 --> 00:50:06,334
Listen, you don't need him.
859
00:50:06,420 --> 00:50:08,878
No, I'd better run.
860
00:50:08,964 --> 00:50:11,081
I put that stuff you wanted in
your trailer.
861
00:50:11,175 --> 00:50:13,041
If you have any questions, call me.
862
00:50:14,303 --> 00:50:15,885
Hey, man.
863
00:50:16,931 --> 00:50:18,718
Good morning, Bob.
864
00:50:18,807 --> 00:50:20,423
Morning, Clary.
865
00:50:20,518 --> 00:50:21,725
Herr Hogan.
866
00:50:21,810 --> 00:50:23,767
Had a late night, did we, Bob?
867
00:50:23,854 --> 00:50:27,689
Armand, you do your job, and I'll do mine.
868
00:50:27,775 --> 00:50:28,856
Stand aside!
869
00:50:28,943 --> 00:50:31,356
Magician at work.
870
00:50:34,823 --> 00:50:36,109
Take four.
871
00:50:37,243 --> 00:50:39,109
And... action!
872
00:50:39,203 --> 00:50:42,071
I'm serious about this, Hogan.
873
00:50:42,164 --> 00:50:45,123
Well, colonel, it's not really
my responsibility, now is it?
874
00:50:45,209 --> 00:50:46,825
Hogan, I'm counting on you.
875
00:50:48,295 --> 00:50:50,878
Well, I'll see what LeBeau can do.
876
00:50:50,965 --> 00:50:52,922
What did you say?
877
00:51:00,432 --> 00:51:03,391
Hogan, what's bothering you?
878
00:51:08,274 --> 00:51:11,392
It would appear Colonel Hogan
is daydreaming again.
879
00:51:11,485 --> 00:51:13,067
What is this?
880
00:51:13,153 --> 00:51:16,237
You will tell us everything,
Colonel Hogan,
881
00:51:16,323 --> 00:51:18,315
or we have ways of making you talk.
882
00:51:18,409 --> 00:51:21,197
What's, uh, what's going on here?
883
00:51:21,287 --> 00:51:22,994
You will tell us now.
884
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:25,618
Well, I don't know what to do.
885
00:51:25,708 --> 00:51:28,121
Patti wants to get married,
but I can't do that to Anne.
886
00:51:28,210 --> 00:51:30,293
I'd never forgive myself.
887
00:51:30,379 --> 00:51:32,291
Himmler was once in a similar situation.
888
00:51:32,381 --> 00:51:33,792
What did he do?
889
00:51:33,882 --> 00:51:36,340
He sent the wife and the mistress
to Dachau.
890
00:51:36,427 --> 00:51:38,339
Tell me more.
891
00:51:38,429 --> 00:51:40,261
All I think about all day long is sex.
892
00:51:42,224 --> 00:51:44,432
Having sex, filming sex,
893
00:51:44,518 --> 00:51:47,306
watching sex...
894
00:51:47,396 --> 00:51:51,265
Hogan, that's all any of us
really think about.
895
00:51:51,358 --> 00:51:53,941
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
896
00:51:54,028 --> 00:51:55,519
Nobody else has
their own video specialist.
897
00:51:55,613 --> 00:51:57,980
Video specialist?
898
00:51:58,073 --> 00:52:01,487
Yeah, only mine's a fruit,
or a half-fruit, whatever it's called.
899
00:52:01,577 --> 00:52:03,284
You must send him
to the Russian front.
900
00:52:03,370 --> 00:52:05,612
No! No, I can't replace him.
901
00:52:05,706 --> 00:52:08,119
The sex thing, the Patti thing,
the fruit thing.
902
00:52:08,208 --> 00:52:10,416
I don't even recognize
my own life anymore.
903
00:52:12,379 --> 00:52:14,245
I'm ready for you, Hogan.
904
00:52:15,924 --> 00:52:19,088
- What?
- It'll be a modern marriage.
905
00:52:20,679 --> 00:52:23,092
Klink and Schultzie can join in too.
906
00:52:24,308 --> 00:52:26,300
Come on, Hogan.
907
00:52:26,393 --> 00:52:28,385
Fuck me right here!
908
00:52:32,608 --> 00:52:34,270
The lighting's perfect!
909
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,147
Go for it, Big Daddy.
910
00:52:36,236 --> 00:52:37,977
I've got you covered.
911
00:52:38,072 --> 00:52:41,156
Bob, huh? What do you say?
912
00:52:44,828 --> 00:52:47,195
Go ahead. Fuck her, Bob.
913
00:52:49,583 --> 00:52:51,540
Go balls deep, Pop!
914
00:52:53,212 --> 00:52:57,331
No, I can't. Klink,
tell me what to do. What's the answer?
915
00:52:57,424 --> 00:53:02,419
The answer? We don't have answers.
We're Nazis! Dismissed!
916
00:53:05,683 --> 00:53:07,970
Dismissed, Hogan!
917
00:53:11,355 --> 00:53:13,938
Dismissed, Hogan!
918
00:53:15,275 --> 00:53:16,482
Hogan?
919
00:53:18,070 --> 00:53:19,857
Bob?
920
00:53:20,489 --> 00:53:22,355
Huh?
921
00:53:22,449 --> 00:53:24,156
Are you with us?
922
00:53:24,243 --> 00:53:26,075
You look like you're drifting off there.
923
00:53:28,288 --> 00:53:31,702
Yeah, sorry. Where were we?
924
00:54:11,331 --> 00:54:13,243
Anne?
925
00:54:13,333 --> 00:54:14,619
Oh...
926
00:54:18,005 --> 00:54:19,667
Hey.
927
00:54:23,093 --> 00:54:26,336
Oh, what a day.
928
00:54:29,558 --> 00:54:33,142
I was, um, cleaning up today,
929
00:54:33,228 --> 00:54:35,345
and I went into your dark room.
930
00:54:35,439 --> 00:54:38,102
Yeah, why'd you do that?
931
00:54:38,192 --> 00:54:41,060
I saw them.
932
00:54:41,153 --> 00:54:43,019
Photography studies.
933
00:54:50,871 --> 00:54:53,079
There was picture after picture.
934
00:54:55,626 --> 00:54:58,289
You know I sometimes
play the drums at the clubs.
935
00:54:58,378 --> 00:55:00,495
How many women are there?
936
00:55:03,091 --> 00:55:05,424
We need counseling.
937
00:55:05,511 --> 00:55:08,345
- How many?
- Anne, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
938
00:55:14,228 --> 00:55:15,969
Anne, Anne, I'm sorry.
939
00:55:16,063 --> 00:55:18,180
You think the children
would be proud of you?
940
00:55:18,273 --> 00:55:20,230
I'm sorry.
941
00:55:42,339 --> 00:55:44,547
I pronounce you man and wife.
942
00:55:44,633 --> 00:55:46,465
You may kiss the bride.
943
00:55:49,513 --> 00:55:52,426
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Crane.
944
00:55:55,477 --> 00:55:59,642
Hogan's Heroes
left the airwaves on July 4, 1971
945
00:55:59,731 --> 00:56:02,769
after 6 seasons and 186 shows.
946
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:04,771
Whoo-hoo!
947
00:56:04,862 --> 00:56:06,728
I was determined to do right byAnne.
948
00:56:06,822 --> 00:56:11,908
In the settlement, she got the house,
the car, and custody of the children.
949
00:56:14,121 --> 00:56:15,737
Patti's pregnant.
950
00:56:15,831 --> 00:56:17,663
I need work.
951
00:56:19,459 --> 00:56:22,748
Sid, how are you, my friend?
952
00:56:22,838 --> 00:56:26,127
What kind of roles
you want me to be looking for?
953
00:56:26,216 --> 00:56:27,206
Anything.
954
00:56:28,176 --> 00:56:31,214
I got a Westwood mortgage,
alimony, child support.
955
00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:33,137
I got a baby on the way.
956
00:56:33,223 --> 00:56:36,182
She got pregnant?
I thought you said you had the...
957
00:56:36,268 --> 00:56:38,055
Vasectomy.
958
00:56:38,145 --> 00:56:39,761
It leaks.
959
00:56:39,855 --> 00:56:42,063
It leaks?
960
00:56:42,149 --> 00:56:43,856
I need work.
961
00:56:43,942 --> 00:56:45,149
I don't understand.
962
00:56:45,235 --> 00:56:46,601
You were on Hogan's for six years.
963
00:56:46,695 --> 00:56:49,233
The thing was a hit.
You didn't save any money?
964
00:56:53,994 --> 00:56:55,735
This is not a good time for film roles.
965
00:56:55,829 --> 00:56:58,162
Bobby Darin.
966
00:56:58,248 --> 00:57:01,867
- Bobby Darin gets film roles.
- Well, he's married to Sandra Dee.
967
00:57:04,171 --> 00:57:06,083
You'd have to audition.
968
00:57:06,173 --> 00:57:07,584
Whatever it takes.
969
00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:11,668
I just want to leave Hogan
and the leather jacket behind me
970
00:57:11,762 --> 00:57:13,754
for once and for all, you know?
971
00:57:13,847 --> 00:57:15,964
According to the Washington Post,
972
00:57:16,058 --> 00:57:18,095
while still in office as Attorney General,
973
00:57:18,185 --> 00:57:22,054
John Mitchell had personally controlled
a secret Republican fund.
974
00:57:22,147 --> 00:57:24,981
Mitchell vehemently denied
any such involvement
975
00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:27,184
and called the story "ludicrous."
976
00:57:27,277 --> 00:57:28,518
Vice President Agnew...
977
00:57:28,612 --> 00:57:30,444
Bob, you are not a failure.
978
00:57:30,530 --> 00:57:35,070
This mortgage is eating me alive.
I'm drowning in debt.
979
00:57:36,828 --> 00:57:40,071
You know, I've never gone this long ever
without work before.
980
00:57:40,165 --> 00:57:42,953
I'll get it.
981
00:57:43,043 --> 00:57:44,659
Hello.
982
00:57:44,753 --> 00:57:48,918
Yeah? Yeah.
No, I just got held up. Great.
983
00:57:49,424 --> 00:57:51,632
It's John, isn't it?
984
00:57:51,718 --> 00:57:53,960
You said we were gonna
spend tonight together.
985
00:57:54,054 --> 00:57:59,015
I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I just... I just gotta get out.
986
00:57:59,101 --> 00:58:02,094
Okay, this thinking,
dwelling on my problems,
987
00:58:02,187 --> 00:58:05,476
it's driving me crazy.
988
00:58:05,565 --> 00:58:07,648
It's lonely in this house without you.
989
00:58:07,734 --> 00:58:10,067
I know. Listen...
Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night.
990
00:58:10,153 --> 00:58:12,065
You and I. Us.
991
00:58:12,155 --> 00:58:13,362
Promise?
992
00:58:14,908 --> 00:58:17,116
- Promise?
- Promise!
993
00:58:17,911 --> 00:58:19,152
Bad boy!
994
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:21,446
Get out!
995
00:58:35,512 --> 00:58:37,174
You know what time it is?
996
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:44,931
It's fuck time.
997
00:58:54,031 --> 00:58:56,398
Let's hear it
for the inimitable Miss Kitty,
998
00:58:56,491 --> 00:58:59,655
now totally nude, yeah.
999
00:58:59,745 --> 00:59:02,613
And once again, our old friend,
Colonel Hogan.
1000
00:59:02,706 --> 00:59:06,245
Robert Crane. Thanks again, Bob.
1001
00:59:06,334 --> 00:59:09,327
We're gonna take a little pause
for the cause. Be back in 10.
1002
00:59:09,421 --> 00:59:13,165
Well, I was in radio for 15 years.
1003
00:59:13,258 --> 00:59:16,092
I was 6 years in Bridgeport, Connecticut,
1004
00:59:16,178 --> 00:59:20,092
9 here in Los Angeles,
6 years on Hogan's.
1005
00:59:20,182 --> 00:59:24,267
Wow. That's 20 years of solid work.
1006
00:59:24,352 --> 00:59:28,062
Rotten to be out of work.
1007
00:59:28,148 --> 00:59:30,640
You've been bad.
1008
00:59:30,734 --> 00:59:32,020
Yes, I have.
1009
00:59:32,110 --> 00:59:34,477
Mm.
1010
00:59:34,571 --> 00:59:37,188
I know what to do with boys like you.
1011
00:59:38,992 --> 00:59:40,278
Hm?
1012
00:59:41,870 --> 00:59:46,035
Well, stripping is
a part-time thing for me.
1013
00:59:46,124 --> 00:59:49,538
Mostly, I'm a dominatrix.
1014
00:59:51,922 --> 00:59:54,960
Here I'm Melissa.
1015
00:59:55,050 --> 01:00:00,671
But, uh,
my real self is Mistress Victoria.
1016
01:00:00,764 --> 01:00:02,130
You, you...
1017
01:00:02,224 --> 01:00:06,343
You will respect Mistress Victoria.
1018
01:00:11,525 --> 01:00:14,268
Are you joking?
1019
01:00:16,029 --> 01:00:17,691
You tell me.
1020
01:00:19,157 --> 01:00:21,274
It's hard to explain, Carp.
1021
01:00:22,536 --> 01:00:24,653
You ever been on a roller coaster?
1022
01:00:24,746 --> 01:00:31,118
You know that feeling you get
when you take that first plunge?
1023
01:00:31,211 --> 01:00:32,747
Yeah, sure.
1024
01:00:32,838 --> 01:00:36,798
Well, imagine getting off
while you're zooming straight down,
1025
01:00:36,883 --> 01:00:40,752
and your heart is going, you know,
1026
01:00:40,846 --> 01:00:43,805
thump, thump, thump.
1027
01:00:43,890 --> 01:00:45,131
It's...
1028
01:00:47,644 --> 01:00:49,385
That's what it's like.
1029
01:00:49,479 --> 01:00:51,391
There's no way to compare it.
1030
01:00:53,275 --> 01:00:55,107
Wow.
1031
01:00:57,737 --> 01:00:59,820
It's dead air.
1032
01:00:59,906 --> 01:01:01,238
What?
1033
01:01:01,324 --> 01:01:03,361
Dead air.
1034
01:01:03,451 --> 01:01:06,785
Dead air. It's the one thing
every disc jockey knows.
1035
01:01:06,872 --> 01:01:08,989
Don't get stuck with dead air.
1036
01:01:09,082 --> 01:01:11,290
I swear to God,
1037
01:01:11,376 --> 01:01:14,039
I've worked and I've worked,
and I got dead air.
1038
01:01:14,129 --> 01:01:16,371
Oh, I hate it.
1039
01:01:22,470 --> 01:01:25,008
Dinner theater.
1040
01:01:26,433 --> 01:01:28,220
You're kidding.
1041
01:01:28,310 --> 01:01:31,303
Why? You've done summer theater.
1042
01:01:31,396 --> 01:01:33,479
That was summer theater!
1043
01:01:33,565 --> 01:01:37,184
That was to keep busy,
not something to do during prime time!
1044
01:01:37,277 --> 01:01:40,770
Dick Van Dyke does dinner theater
and Jim Nabors, Andy Griffith.
1045
01:01:40,864 --> 01:01:44,483
Maybe I need a new agent.
Maybe you're the problem.
1046
01:01:49,623 --> 01:01:52,206
All right. Here's the phone.
1047
01:01:53,877 --> 01:01:56,290
Who do you want to call?
I've got all their numbers.
1048
01:02:00,550 --> 01:02:03,258
Len, that's not what I meant.
1049
01:02:03,345 --> 01:02:06,338
Look, I'm not the one coming in here
saying that he's going crazy without work.
1050
01:02:06,431 --> 01:02:08,172
I'm trying to help you.
1051
01:02:13,855 --> 01:02:15,517
Just keep trying.
1052
01:02:17,108 --> 01:02:19,475
Something's got to turn up.
1053
01:02:19,569 --> 01:02:20,855
What the hell is that?
1054
01:02:20,946 --> 01:02:21,936
Sounds like fire engines.
1055
01:02:22,030 --> 01:02:23,896
Well, I know that.
1056
01:02:23,990 --> 01:02:25,902
Oh, look,
and they're right on our street.
1057
01:02:25,992 --> 01:02:27,984
My God!
1058
01:02:28,078 --> 01:02:29,614
The building's on fire!
1059
01:02:29,704 --> 01:02:32,412
Oh, look at all the police cars
and the photographers.
1060
01:02:32,499 --> 01:02:34,582
Photographers?
1061
01:02:34,668 --> 01:02:36,534
Shh.
1062
01:02:39,339 --> 01:02:40,796
Photographers?
1063
01:02:40,882 --> 01:02:42,874
Oh, look, and there's the mayor too.
1064
01:02:42,968 --> 01:02:44,084
Is my wife down there?
1065
01:02:44,177 --> 01:02:45,418
Uh, what does she look like?
1066
01:02:45,512 --> 01:02:47,299
I can't remember.
1067
01:02:47,389 --> 01:02:49,722
The play was called Beginner's Luck,
1068
01:02:49,808 --> 01:02:51,925
a sophisticated sex comedy.
1069
01:02:52,018 --> 01:02:54,431
We played dinner theaters
around the country.
1070
01:02:54,521 --> 01:02:56,979
Patti and I performed shows together,
1071
01:02:57,065 --> 01:03:00,399
but it became clear that for Scotty's
sake, she should stay in Los Angeles.
1072
01:03:01,111 --> 01:03:02,977
- Scotty.
- Scotty!
1073
01:03:03,071 --> 01:03:05,484
Wait! Wait! Hey, hey, hey.
1074
01:03:05,573 --> 01:03:07,485
Oh, I got him.
1075
01:03:07,575 --> 01:03:09,487
You sure everything's
going to be all right?
1076
01:03:09,577 --> 01:03:11,489
Yeah, the new actress
comes in this afternoon.
1077
01:03:11,579 --> 01:03:13,366
She knows the role.
We got four days.
1078
01:03:13,456 --> 01:03:16,119
I mean all right with you.
You seem so tense lately.
1079
01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:17,950
Honey, I'm carrying the whole production.
1080
01:03:18,044 --> 01:03:19,660
I'm directing. I'm booking.
1081
01:03:19,754 --> 01:03:21,370
I'm working the crowd.
1082
01:03:21,464 --> 01:03:22,671
You'll be home in three weeks, right?
1083
01:03:22,757 --> 01:03:24,373
Unless they boo us off.
1084
01:03:24,467 --> 01:03:25,924
They love you, Bob.
1085
01:03:26,011 --> 01:03:27,422
Honey...
1086
01:03:27,512 --> 01:03:29,424
Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
1087
01:03:31,433 --> 01:03:32,640
Come here.
1088
01:03:32,726 --> 01:03:35,059
Hm? Come on.
1089
01:03:35,145 --> 01:03:36,932
Everybody loves you, Bob.
1090
01:03:43,737 --> 01:03:44,648
Have a nice flight.
1091
01:03:44,738 --> 01:03:47,230
Pacific Southwest Airlines Flight 287
1092
01:03:47,324 --> 01:03:51,068
is now arriving at Gate 35
from Los Angeles.
1093
01:04:07,177 --> 01:04:08,418
Hey!
1094
01:04:08,511 --> 01:04:09,968
Big Daddy!
1095
01:04:10,055 --> 01:04:11,842
Voilà!
1096
01:04:11,931 --> 01:04:13,422
What is that?
1097
01:04:13,516 --> 01:04:17,760
A videocassette. It's brand-new.
It has the reel-to-reel inside the casing.
1098
01:04:17,854 --> 01:04:20,187
My God.
1099
01:04:20,273 --> 01:04:22,890
Any trouble with the luggage?
1100
01:04:22,984 --> 01:04:25,146
We're gonna need a skycart.
1101
01:04:25,862 --> 01:04:27,899
Well, you know, that's just the thing.
1102
01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:30,026
With women,
if they have a good sound...
1103
01:04:30,116 --> 01:04:32,028
You know, Patti loves it.
1104
01:04:32,118 --> 01:04:35,862
You know, we need a tape, huh? A music
tape. Like a recording or something.
1105
01:04:35,955 --> 01:04:39,369
Yeah, you know,
just to get the chicks in the mood.
1106
01:04:39,459 --> 01:04:41,325
That's a fabulous idea.
It's a fabulous idea.
1107
01:05:01,022 --> 01:05:04,561
We have so much fun here.
We just love Columbus audiences.
1108
01:05:04,651 --> 01:05:08,110
We like after the show to take
a couple questions from the audience.
1109
01:05:12,659 --> 01:05:15,242
So, uh, let's start...
1110
01:05:18,289 --> 01:05:19,700
Here.
1111
01:05:32,762 --> 01:05:35,254
St. Louis audiences are fantastic.
1112
01:05:35,348 --> 01:05:38,091
I'd be happy to sign
some autographs after the show.
1113
01:05:38,184 --> 01:05:40,096
I ask one thing.
1114
01:05:40,186 --> 01:05:42,143
Don't throw them out
while I'm still present.
1115
01:05:54,951 --> 01:05:57,068
Well, what do y'all do for fun
here in Dallas?
1116
01:05:57,162 --> 01:06:01,577
I hear the place to be on a Thursday night
is a club called Lucky's.
1117
01:06:08,756 --> 01:06:13,296
So, uh, I guess that's where you'll
find me and some of the crew tonight,
1118
01:06:13,386 --> 01:06:14,843
if you're looking for company.
1119
01:06:14,929 --> 01:06:16,215
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
1120
01:06:16,306 --> 01:06:18,218
Over here! Over here!
1121
01:06:19,309 --> 01:06:20,595
Whoa!
1122
01:06:21,686 --> 01:06:23,177
You all right?
1123
01:06:23,271 --> 01:06:25,263
Yep.
1124
01:06:25,356 --> 01:06:26,437
Ha ha ha!
1125
01:06:44,209 --> 01:06:46,075
Carpy?
1126
01:06:46,169 --> 01:06:47,410
Sleeping beauty.
1127
01:06:47,504 --> 01:06:49,291
Where you been?
1128
01:06:49,380 --> 01:06:51,337
While you were catching Zs,
1129
01:06:51,424 --> 01:06:55,043
I, your loyal musketeer,
1130
01:06:55,136 --> 01:06:57,674
was out at the porn theater
1131
01:06:57,764 --> 01:07:00,097
shooting a copy of Deep Throat
1132
01:07:00,183 --> 01:07:02,470
off the screen.
1133
01:07:02,560 --> 01:07:03,641
You can do that?
1134
01:07:03,728 --> 01:07:05,219
I had to use your name.
1135
01:07:05,313 --> 01:07:07,225
I picked up some swing magazines.
1136
01:07:07,315 --> 01:07:08,931
This is a big town for swinging.
1137
01:07:09,025 --> 01:07:11,358
- We should just do it.
- What?
1138
01:07:11,444 --> 01:07:14,562
Just make a big-budget sex film.
1139
01:07:14,656 --> 01:07:19,617
You know, get some, uh...
get some big star like, uh...
1140
01:07:20,745 --> 01:07:21,906
Stella Stevens.
1141
01:07:21,996 --> 01:07:23,828
She'd never do it.
1142
01:07:23,915 --> 01:07:25,201
Oh, hell, yeah. Yeah, Carp.
1143
01:07:25,291 --> 01:07:28,455
Oh, yeah, if you pay her enough.
She's an actress.
1144
01:07:29,671 --> 01:07:33,585
Wow, you could charge like 10 bucks
for something like that.
1145
01:07:33,675 --> 01:07:37,168
Hey, look at this.
1146
01:07:37,262 --> 01:07:39,424
- Look at my dick.
- Hm?
1147
01:07:39,514 --> 01:07:41,801
- Look at my dick.
- I've seen your dick before.
1148
01:07:43,434 --> 01:07:44,641
Look closer.
1149
01:07:44,727 --> 01:07:46,844
I don't want to look closer.
1150
01:07:46,938 --> 01:07:48,099
Look, damn it!
1151
01:07:51,693 --> 01:07:53,650
See anything different?
1152
01:07:53,736 --> 01:07:57,696
What am I supposed to say? It's bigger?
1153
01:07:58,783 --> 01:08:00,149
Is it?
1154
01:08:02,745 --> 01:08:06,159
How? You did it, didn't you?
1155
01:08:06,249 --> 01:08:08,332
Last time I was in LA.
1156
01:08:08,418 --> 01:08:09,625
A penile enhancement.
1157
01:08:09,711 --> 01:08:13,421
Wow, it's thicker.
How much did it cost?
1158
01:08:13,506 --> 01:08:15,338
- Well, if you're gonna be in the movies...
- Looks great.
1159
01:08:15,425 --> 01:08:17,417
...gotta do what you gotta do.
1160
01:08:17,510 --> 01:08:19,217
Hey, a day without sex...
1161
01:08:19,304 --> 01:08:21,717
...is a day wasted.
1162
01:08:21,806 --> 01:08:23,388
Bob Crane.
1163
01:08:23,474 --> 01:08:26,842
Hey, Lenny. You're kidding me.
1164
01:08:26,936 --> 01:08:28,677
Run it by me again.
1165
01:08:30,857 --> 01:08:33,099
No, no, no. That's...
1166
01:08:33,192 --> 01:08:34,728
That's great.
1167
01:08:34,819 --> 01:08:37,436
Disney's offering me
a movie...Superdad.
1168
01:08:37,530 --> 01:08:41,740
No, no, no, no, no.
Just tell them I've got some commitments.
1169
01:08:41,826 --> 01:08:43,192
Don't blow this, Lenny.
1170
01:08:43,286 --> 01:08:45,448
Don't blow it. I want this job.
1171
01:08:45,538 --> 01:08:47,450
I need this job, okay?
1172
01:08:47,540 --> 01:08:49,577
No, it's fabulous!
1173
01:08:49,667 --> 01:08:53,251
Yeah, I'll call you later. Yeah.
1174
01:08:57,175 --> 01:08:59,212
Guess who's playing Superdad.
1175
01:09:00,511 --> 01:09:02,047
Me.
1176
01:09:04,223 --> 01:09:06,590
So much for our big plans.
1177
01:09:09,354 --> 01:09:10,595
Don't give me that look.
1178
01:09:10,688 --> 01:09:12,975
This is good for both of us.
1179
01:09:13,066 --> 01:09:15,433
- Oh, is it?
- Yeah.
1180
01:09:15,526 --> 01:09:17,438
I'm back in play again.
1181
01:09:17,528 --> 01:09:19,736
The big time.
1182
01:09:19,822 --> 01:09:21,779
Sweets, how are you?
1183
01:09:21,866 --> 01:09:23,778
- I'm fine.
- Smile.
1184
01:09:24,702 --> 01:09:25,909
Lenny!
1185
01:09:25,995 --> 01:09:28,203
- Hey.
- You came by.
1186
01:09:29,707 --> 01:09:31,289
It's 20 minutes.
1187
01:09:31,376 --> 01:09:34,619
They're turning around the lights.
You want to go in my trailer?
1188
01:09:37,715 --> 01:09:40,423
Uh, I got a call from Disney.
1189
01:09:41,386 --> 01:09:45,972
Apparently some joker from The Enquirer
took pictures of you in a topless bar.
1190
01:09:46,057 --> 01:09:47,923
Uh-huh.
1191
01:09:50,978 --> 01:09:54,346
Bob, this is Disney.
Don't fucking blow this.
1192
01:09:54,440 --> 01:09:58,480
I'm a family man, a one-woman man.
Always have been.
1193
01:09:59,779 --> 01:10:02,647
What about the photo albums?
1194
01:10:02,740 --> 01:10:05,448
Those pictures you show people,
you know,
1195
01:10:05,535 --> 01:10:07,948
not everyone thinks
about things the way you do.
1196
01:10:08,037 --> 01:10:11,701
It turns people off,
and word gets around, believe me.
1197
01:10:11,791 --> 01:10:13,032
Who'd I show them to?
1198
01:10:13,126 --> 01:10:14,662
You show them to everybody.
1199
01:10:14,752 --> 01:10:16,414
Don't be a square.
1200
01:10:18,005 --> 01:10:22,340
Is it true you showed them to
Donna Reed and she ran out? Huh?
1201
01:10:22,427 --> 01:10:26,341
I may be horny, but I'm not stupid.
1202
01:10:26,431 --> 01:10:28,764
There could be
a very serious conflict here
1203
01:10:28,850 --> 01:10:31,217
between your lifestyle and your career.
1204
01:10:32,478 --> 01:10:34,470
You don't see this?
1205
01:10:34,564 --> 01:10:35,896
I'm normal.
1206
01:10:37,316 --> 01:10:40,900
- Sex is not the answer.
- I know that, Lenny. It's the question.
1207
01:10:40,987 --> 01:10:43,070
"Yes" is the answer.
1208
01:10:43,156 --> 01:10:44,863
Bob, I'm just saying...
1209
01:10:44,949 --> 01:10:47,157
just try to be a little discrete.
1210
01:10:47,243 --> 01:10:48,654
Huh?
1211
01:10:50,413 --> 01:10:52,120
Come on in for a minute.
1212
01:10:52,206 --> 01:10:54,198
I got to get back to the office.
1213
01:10:54,292 --> 01:10:55,703
Well, call me!
1214
01:11:00,631 --> 01:11:02,668
This is it.
1215
01:11:02,759 --> 01:11:04,671
Here we are...
1216
01:11:05,970 --> 01:11:07,802
Batman and Robin.
1217
01:11:08,890 --> 01:11:11,052
Lone Ranger and Tonto.
1218
01:11:12,101 --> 01:11:14,218
Hi-yo, Silver...
1219
01:11:14,312 --> 01:11:15,348
Away! Away!
1220
01:11:15,438 --> 01:11:17,896
Come on in, guys. Join the party.
1221
01:11:17,982 --> 01:11:19,598
Whoo!
1222
01:11:19,692 --> 01:11:21,775
- What's going on?
- Janet! Janet!
1223
01:11:21,861 --> 01:11:25,571
- What's coming off?
- What's going down?
1224
01:11:25,656 --> 01:11:29,570
All your life
you're the lucky guy, the funny guy.
1225
01:11:29,660 --> 01:11:31,697
Then one day it all turns.
1226
01:11:31,788 --> 01:11:34,371
The jokes aren't funny.
The phone doesn't ring.
1227
01:11:34,457 --> 01:11:36,915
You're the same, but nothing else is.
1228
01:11:37,001 --> 01:11:39,459
Superdad sat on the shelf for a year,
1229
01:11:39,545 --> 01:11:40,911
then flopped.
1230
01:11:41,005 --> 01:11:45,625
I had to beg Disney
for a cameo in another film, Gus,
1231
01:11:45,718 --> 01:11:48,552
about a donkey who kicked field goals.
1232
01:11:48,638 --> 01:11:50,379
What do they want from me?
1233
01:11:50,473 --> 01:11:55,764
I don't drink. I don't smoke.
Two out ofthree ain't bad.
1234
01:12:03,027 --> 01:12:04,563
Honey?
1235
01:12:04,654 --> 01:12:06,941
Got to go back on the road.
1236
01:12:07,031 --> 01:12:09,489
Bob, you're never home anymore.
1237
01:12:09,575 --> 01:12:12,033
You think dinner theater
makes me happy?
1238
01:12:13,204 --> 01:12:16,788
How do you think it makes me feel having
to do dinner theater to pay the bills?
1239
01:12:16,874 --> 01:12:19,787
Gee, I wouldn't know.
I'm just a housewife.
1240
01:12:19,877 --> 01:12:22,836
Well, maybe you need a new hobby.
1241
01:12:22,922 --> 01:12:24,754
You thought about that?
1242
01:12:27,385 --> 01:12:30,219
Maybe I need a new husband.
1243
01:12:31,138 --> 01:12:33,755
Hey, everything I do
is for you and Scotty.
1244
01:12:33,850 --> 01:12:38,185
Come on. The house, the furniture,
the Caddy that you drive.
1245
01:12:39,522 --> 01:12:41,935
I just want someone here.
1246
01:12:43,025 --> 01:12:45,062
You're never home anymore.
1247
01:12:45,152 --> 01:12:48,486
And when you are,
you're downstairs editing your videos.
1248
01:12:50,491 --> 01:12:53,074
What, you want me to cancel
my next engagement, just cancel it?
1249
01:12:53,160 --> 01:12:57,154
- Yes.
- I can't! It's a contract.
1250
01:12:57,248 --> 01:13:00,082
Marriage is a contract.
1251
01:13:01,669 --> 01:13:03,911
Maybe we should just cancel that too.
1252
01:13:08,885 --> 01:13:10,171
I booked Wichita.
1253
01:13:13,931 --> 01:13:15,672
Is that thing on?
1254
01:13:15,766 --> 01:13:18,258
Huh? Oh, yeah.
Want me to turn it off?
1255
01:13:20,021 --> 01:13:21,102
Happy now?
1256
01:13:21,188 --> 01:13:22,429
Yeah.
1257
01:13:49,091 --> 01:13:50,707
Bob?
1258
01:14:00,394 --> 01:14:01,760
Bob?
1259
01:14:13,532 --> 01:14:15,148
Hey, Big Daddy.
1260
01:14:15,242 --> 01:14:17,234
Carpy! You want a drink?
1261
01:14:17,328 --> 01:14:19,911
Look what I got. It's a timer.
1262
01:14:19,997 --> 01:14:23,115
Now we can put on the recorder
whenever we want,
1263
01:14:23,209 --> 01:14:24,791
tape shows right off the TV.
1264
01:14:24,877 --> 01:14:26,288
That's fantastic.
1265
01:14:26,379 --> 01:14:28,962
Like, if you want to watch
Johnny Carson at 11:30
1266
01:14:29,048 --> 01:14:31,040
and we're out hunting chicks,
we set the timer.
1267
01:14:31,133 --> 01:14:33,045
Boom!
We watch it in the morning.
1268
01:14:34,136 --> 01:14:37,254
Well, I'm gonna need a minute
to wrap my mind around that idea.
1269
01:14:37,348 --> 01:14:39,089
Pretty groovy, huh?
1270
01:14:39,183 --> 01:14:40,344
Huh.
1271
01:14:42,728 --> 01:14:45,766
You okay? You look kind of blue.
1272
01:14:45,856 --> 01:14:49,270
Just Patti and I having some problems.
1273
01:14:50,528 --> 01:14:52,815
Had to cancel the Wichita gig.
1274
01:14:53,739 --> 01:14:55,981
I thought you had
an arrangement with her.
1275
01:14:56,075 --> 01:14:57,782
You know how women are.
1276
01:14:57,868 --> 01:14:59,109
Yeah.
1277
01:15:01,122 --> 01:15:03,580
You got the right idea, really.
1278
01:15:04,667 --> 01:15:06,329
Live separately.
1279
01:15:07,336 --> 01:15:09,919
I'd miss her and Scotty too much.
1280
01:15:17,304 --> 01:15:19,546
This is making me hot.
1281
01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:22,257
What's her name again?
1282
01:15:22,351 --> 01:15:23,887
I'm not sure.
1283
01:15:23,978 --> 01:15:25,844
I could look it up in my records.
1284
01:15:25,938 --> 01:15:28,772
I got all this stuff.
1285
01:15:28,858 --> 01:15:30,941
The bush on her.
1286
01:15:31,027 --> 01:15:32,984
Wouldn't go near that
without a flashlight.
1287
01:15:34,071 --> 01:15:36,779
I did.
1288
01:15:38,576 --> 01:15:40,112
What is it about women, Carpy?
1289
01:15:40,202 --> 01:15:42,194
I mean, they tell you one thing,
1290
01:15:42,288 --> 01:15:45,247
and then they get you
and they change their minds.
1291
01:15:45,332 --> 01:15:47,699
Can't live with 'em.
Can't live without 'em.
1292
01:15:47,793 --> 01:15:50,160
You know,
truer words were never spoken.
1293
01:15:50,254 --> 01:15:52,587
Can't live with 'em.
1294
01:15:52,673 --> 01:15:55,040
Can't kill 'em.
1295
01:15:55,134 --> 01:15:57,592
I think this is Seattle.
1296
01:15:57,678 --> 01:16:00,045
Uh, no. Dallas.
1297
01:16:00,139 --> 01:16:01,801
Huh?
1298
01:16:01,891 --> 01:16:04,975
Look at the decor, the western picture.
1299
01:16:06,854 --> 01:16:08,595
Tits on her.
1300
01:16:08,689 --> 01:16:10,772
Yeah.
1301
01:16:20,701 --> 01:16:23,739
My God, the building's on fire!
1302
01:16:23,829 --> 01:16:26,287
Look at all those police cars
and photographers.
1303
01:16:26,373 --> 01:16:29,332
Photographers?
Oh, my God. The mayor's there too.
1304
01:16:29,418 --> 01:16:31,205
Do you see my wife out there?
1305
01:16:31,295 --> 01:16:32,627
What does she look like?
1306
01:16:32,713 --> 01:16:34,579
I don't remember!
1307
01:16:34,673 --> 01:16:36,130
Carpy?
1308
01:16:36,217 --> 01:16:37,674
Yeah?
1309
01:16:39,053 --> 01:16:40,715
Oh, yeah.
1310
01:16:40,805 --> 01:16:43,013
Yeah, it's great up here.
1311
01:16:43,099 --> 01:16:45,682
Last night? Uh, zilch.
1312
01:16:45,768 --> 01:16:47,725
But there's actually a story there.
1313
01:16:47,812 --> 01:16:50,805
Society babe. I did her friend.
1314
01:16:51,732 --> 01:16:55,191
She was all hot to go,
and then she got the heebie-jeebies.
1315
01:16:56,737 --> 01:16:58,319
When are you coming out?
1316
01:17:08,874 --> 01:17:12,083
Excuse me.
Mind switching that to channel nine?
1317
01:17:12,169 --> 01:17:13,751
I'd like to check something out.
1318
01:17:13,838 --> 01:17:15,124
You got it.
1319
01:17:33,232 --> 01:17:34,598
Maybe he'll talk to you.
1320
01:17:34,692 --> 01:17:36,558
Watch me.
1321
01:17:44,618 --> 01:17:45,859
Hi.
1322
01:17:45,953 --> 01:17:48,320
Hi.
1323
01:17:48,414 --> 01:17:49,780
I'm sorry to bother you.
1324
01:17:49,874 --> 01:17:54,335
It's just that I was sitting over there,
and I noticed the TV, and I... Is that you,
1325
01:17:54,420 --> 01:17:55,877
uh, on the TV, is that...
1326
01:17:55,963 --> 01:17:59,127
Oh, my gosh. That is embarrassing.
1327
01:17:59,216 --> 01:18:01,708
I didn't even know it was on.
I'm Bob Crane.
1328
01:18:01,802 --> 01:18:03,213
I know. I thought so.
1329
01:18:03,304 --> 01:18:05,546
Bob Crane. Gosh, it's nice to meet you.
1330
01:18:05,639 --> 01:18:07,175
Nice to meet you too...
1331
01:18:07,266 --> 01:18:08,507
- Uh, Susan.
- Susan. All right.
1332
01:18:08,601 --> 01:18:11,765
- I loved your TV show.
- Well, appreciate that.
1333
01:18:11,854 --> 01:18:14,141
I'm just in town
to do a little bit of theater.
1334
01:18:14,231 --> 01:18:17,770
- I just wanted to say hi.
- Can I get you something? Another drink?
1335
01:18:17,860 --> 01:18:20,694
An autograph?
A nude swim?
1336
01:18:20,779 --> 01:18:23,772
- Bob.
- You know, I'm a real photo nut.
1337
01:18:23,866 --> 01:18:25,983
How long you girls in town?
1338
01:18:26,744 --> 01:18:29,452
Carp, look at this.
1339
01:18:30,664 --> 01:18:31,996
You want a club sandwich?
1340
01:18:32,082 --> 01:18:33,744
This editing hookup's fantastic.
1341
01:18:33,834 --> 01:18:36,417
I can even cut together cartoons
for Scotty.
1342
01:18:36,503 --> 01:18:39,246
No, I'm not hungry.
Watch this.
1343
01:18:40,799 --> 01:18:42,791
Heeere's Bobby!
1344
01:18:42,885 --> 01:18:44,547
Whoa.
1345
01:18:44,637 --> 01:18:47,050
On The Morning Show
with us today... Bob Crane.
1346
01:18:47,139 --> 01:18:50,632
Hey! You made this?
1347
01:18:50,726 --> 01:18:52,638
Yeah, with your equipment!
1348
01:18:52,728 --> 01:18:56,688
It's like the old stuff
we used to do back in radio.
1349
01:18:56,774 --> 01:18:58,515
You know how sometimes
you put a flub in the show?
1350
01:18:58,609 --> 01:19:00,350
I mean, audiences crack up over that.
1351
01:19:00,444 --> 01:19:02,106
It's so funny when you do that.
1352
01:19:02,196 --> 01:19:04,984
And the girls, sometimes they're
uncomfortable with the video.
1353
01:19:05,074 --> 01:19:08,238
Now we show them an edit.
We get them laughing and boom!
1354
01:19:08,327 --> 01:19:11,570
I mean, they love sex.
They're just looking for an excuse.
1355
01:19:11,664 --> 01:19:12,950
You want something to drink?
1356
01:19:13,040 --> 01:19:15,828
Women should have, like, a license,
or a letter from the Pope says,
1357
01:19:15,918 --> 01:19:18,786
"If I sleep with you, my boyfriend
won't come after you."
1358
01:19:18,879 --> 01:19:20,871
You know what I mean?
1359
01:19:20,965 --> 01:19:22,877
I talked to Nick Murphy in Houston.
1360
01:19:22,967 --> 01:19:24,583
Yeah? How'd that go?
1361
01:19:24,677 --> 01:19:26,760
We're all set for Monday night
with the swinging thing.
1362
01:19:26,845 --> 01:19:30,885
You know, it's strange.
Dallas is a great town for babes.
1363
01:19:32,476 --> 01:19:34,513
But for swinging, nothing.
1364
01:19:34,603 --> 01:19:36,560
Well, you know what's
a great city for dominance?
1365
01:19:36,647 --> 01:19:40,641
Atlanta. Don't ask me why.
I made this for you.
1366
01:19:50,786 --> 01:19:53,745
Simply scrumptious.
1367
01:20:02,589 --> 01:20:06,629
It's not very nice
to try and trick Mother Nature.
1368
01:20:06,719 --> 01:20:08,176
It's not funny, Bob.
1369
01:20:08,262 --> 01:20:09,924
Carp, come on!
1370
01:20:10,014 --> 01:20:15,351
Don't... Don't tell me funny.
I know funny. And that is funny.
1371
01:20:15,436 --> 01:20:17,849
- No, it's not.
- It's fucking Laugh-In.
1372
01:20:17,938 --> 01:20:21,056
- That's Rowan and Martin.
- After all I've done for you.
1373
01:20:21,150 --> 01:20:23,187
What do you mean?
1374
01:20:23,277 --> 01:20:25,519
The equipment.
Coming when you called.
1375
01:20:25,612 --> 01:20:27,854
Running errands.
Setting up the swinging parties...
1376
01:20:27,948 --> 01:20:29,439
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You hear yourself?
1377
01:20:29,533 --> 01:20:31,900
What are you... all you've done for me?
1378
01:20:31,994 --> 01:20:33,986
What are you talking about?
1379
01:20:34,079 --> 01:20:35,866
How the fuck you think
you get these broads?
1380
01:20:35,956 --> 01:20:37,538
You think you show up and say,
1381
01:20:37,624 --> 01:20:41,083
"Uh, hey, I'm John Carpenter. Fuck me"?
1382
01:20:42,463 --> 01:20:45,001
Huh? No, they're with you because of me.
1383
01:20:45,090 --> 01:20:46,797
They don't want you.
They want Bob Crane.
1384
01:20:46,884 --> 01:20:48,466
So if you don't mind,
1385
01:20:48,552 --> 01:20:52,262
please lay off
the "all-I've-done-for-you" speech.
1386
01:21:10,908 --> 01:21:12,024
Mr. Crane?
1387
01:21:12,117 --> 01:21:14,359
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, Mr. Crane.
1388
01:21:14,453 --> 01:21:16,570
Do you want an autograph?
1389
01:21:17,539 --> 01:21:19,997
You've been served.
1390
01:21:20,084 --> 01:21:21,370
Huh?
1391
01:21:24,713 --> 01:21:27,877
Welcome to Celebrity Cooks.
My name is Bruno Gerussi.
1392
01:21:29,343 --> 01:21:33,132
Today we'll be cooking
with Colonel Hogan himself...
1393
01:21:33,222 --> 01:21:35,214
Mr. Bob Crane.
1394
01:21:41,772 --> 01:21:44,810
Thanks, Bruno.
It's a pleasure to be here.
1395
01:21:44,900 --> 01:21:48,735
Wonderful to see you.
Now what has Hogan been up to?
1396
01:21:48,821 --> 01:21:51,063
Pretty much the same old thing.
1397
01:21:51,156 --> 01:21:54,524
I'm still trying to pull
the wool over Klink's eyes
1398
01:21:54,618 --> 01:21:56,985
and trying to get into Hilda's pants.
1399
01:21:57,079 --> 01:21:59,071
Actually, I did get into her pants.
I married her.
1400
01:21:59,164 --> 01:22:01,656
But, uh, now she's divorcing me, so...
1401
01:22:01,750 --> 01:22:03,412
Ohh.
1402
01:22:03,502 --> 01:22:04,743
That's not worked out.
1403
01:22:04,837 --> 01:22:10,003
But I will be, next month, in Long Beach
performing a show called Beginner's Luck.
1404
01:22:10,092 --> 01:22:11,833
Wonderful.
1405
01:22:11,927 --> 01:22:14,840
So, Bob, what recipe
have you brought us today?
1406
01:22:14,930 --> 01:22:17,422
It is a... a pasta dish...
1407
01:22:17,516 --> 01:22:18,506
Mm-hmm.
1408
01:22:18,600 --> 01:22:19,886
Uh, with... chicken...
1409
01:22:19,977 --> 01:22:21,093
Mm-hmm.
1410
01:22:21,186 --> 01:22:27,604
And... fettuccine, they tell me.
That's what they told me to say, anyway.
1411
01:22:27,693 --> 01:22:29,025
Sounds delicious.
1412
01:22:29,111 --> 01:22:32,900
You got a balloon smuggler here
in the audience today.
1413
01:22:32,990 --> 01:22:34,947
You got a license to carry those things?
1414
01:22:35,033 --> 01:22:38,026
Here's a little tip on how to remove
the wrinkles from your face...
1415
01:22:38,120 --> 01:22:39,361
just take off your bra.
1416
01:22:39,455 --> 01:22:40,866
Ohh! What?
1417
01:22:40,956 --> 01:22:43,198
Oh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
1418
01:22:43,292 --> 01:22:46,751
Calm down. Boo! Calm down.
1419
01:22:46,837 --> 01:22:48,123
They'll cut all this stuff out.
1420
01:22:48,213 --> 01:22:51,502
They edit it
and they take all this stuff out.
1421
01:22:51,592 --> 01:22:54,505
Nice enough girl till she figured out
that the fuzzy thing she's sitting on
1422
01:22:54,595 --> 01:22:56,086
could make her some money.
1423
01:22:56,180 --> 01:22:58,092
- You all right, Bob?
- I'm fine.
1424
01:22:58,182 --> 01:23:03,143
It's actually called a Chicken
Fettuccine ala Crane is my dish.
1425
01:23:03,228 --> 01:23:04,844
We can take a break if you want.
1426
01:23:04,938 --> 01:23:07,521
No, no, no.
I'm fine. I'm a complete professional.
1427
01:23:07,608 --> 01:23:09,770
I just can't get over
the size of those knockers.
1428
01:23:09,860 --> 01:23:12,523
Ah! Well, look.
Here come the ingredients now.
1429
01:23:12,613 --> 01:23:14,605
- Yeah!
- Wonderful.
1430
01:23:14,698 --> 01:23:16,405
Ah, the noodles.
1431
01:23:25,501 --> 01:23:29,040
Bob, you surprised me. Come in.
1432
01:23:29,129 --> 01:23:30,791
Close the door, will you?
1433
01:23:32,466 --> 01:23:33,752
Sit.
1434
01:23:36,845 --> 01:23:38,461
You need anything?
1435
01:23:40,557 --> 01:23:41,843
Sit.
1436
01:23:42,893 --> 01:23:47,433
So what's, uh... what's on your mind?
1437
01:23:48,106 --> 01:23:49,642
Just passing through.
1438
01:23:52,069 --> 01:23:54,686
Some things never change.
1439
01:23:54,780 --> 01:23:55,941
How's the theater?
1440
01:23:56,031 --> 01:23:58,774
Our, uh, the boys are helping you, right?
1441
01:23:58,867 --> 01:24:01,154
I got eight months lined up, thank you.
1442
01:24:02,037 --> 01:24:03,653
That's a nice little moneymaker.
1443
01:24:03,747 --> 01:24:05,329
You should know.
1444
01:24:09,044 --> 01:24:11,286
How's the family? The kids all right?
1445
01:24:12,214 --> 01:24:13,500
Patti and I broke up.
1446
01:24:13,590 --> 01:24:16,003
- Yeah, I heard.
- She hates me.
1447
01:24:17,094 --> 01:24:18,835
And she threw stuff at me...
1448
01:24:18,929 --> 01:24:21,842
Ashtrays, a videocassette.
1449
01:24:21,932 --> 01:24:24,390
She cut my lip here.
I had to have stitches.
1450
01:24:27,521 --> 01:24:30,605
I was wondering if you'd
set some meetings up for me.
1451
01:24:30,691 --> 01:24:33,855
Get in circulation. A game show.
1452
01:24:33,944 --> 01:24:36,857
Do you remember the reaction
I got on Password?
1453
01:24:36,947 --> 01:24:40,065
I know, Password is, you know,
not on the air anymore,
1454
01:24:40,158 --> 01:24:42,491
but maybe Hollywood Squares,
you know?
1455
01:24:42,578 --> 01:24:45,116
Something just to get into the...
1456
01:24:45,205 --> 01:24:46,366
the public's eye.
1457
01:24:46,456 --> 01:24:47,822
Don't look like that.
1458
01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:50,829
Hey, I'm not talking about
Paul Lynde's square.
1459
01:24:50,919 --> 01:24:52,535
Any square is fine.
1460
01:24:52,629 --> 01:24:55,463
We've talked about this...
the image problem.
1461
01:24:55,549 --> 01:24:57,381
If I were to send you out again,
1462
01:24:57,467 --> 01:24:59,709
I'd have to be able
to tell people you're a new man.
1463
01:25:01,013 --> 01:25:03,596
Well, tell them sex is normal.
1464
01:25:05,309 --> 01:25:07,471
It's good for you. I'm normal.
1465
01:25:07,561 --> 01:25:09,928
People got these hang-ups.
1466
01:25:14,776 --> 01:25:18,019
Do you know that there's actually
people out there who avoid me now?
1467
01:25:18,113 --> 01:25:21,277
I'm the... This is a nice one.
1468
01:25:22,367 --> 01:25:24,450
I'm the friendly guy.
1469
01:25:24,536 --> 01:25:26,402
I'm the... the mediator.
1470
01:25:26,496 --> 01:25:28,158
My brother and father,
1471
01:25:28,248 --> 01:25:30,205
goddamn, they hated each other.
1472
01:25:30,292 --> 01:25:31,624
You know?
1473
01:25:33,920 --> 01:25:35,377
I'm the good son.
1474
01:25:35,464 --> 01:25:37,376
Hey, I'm not a counselor.
1475
01:25:40,177 --> 01:25:43,545
I'm feeling very awkward
being put in this situation.
1476
01:25:50,145 --> 01:25:52,011
I'll tell you something.
There's one thing I know.
1477
01:25:52,105 --> 01:25:54,347
Bob, people don't change
unless they want to.
1478
01:25:57,110 --> 01:25:59,443
I want to.
1479
01:25:59,529 --> 01:26:03,068
A drunk can't get sober and still
hang around his old drinking buddies.
1480
01:26:03,158 --> 01:26:04,865
It doesn't work that way, kid.
1481
01:26:09,122 --> 01:26:10,954
Excuse me.
1482
01:26:11,041 --> 01:26:12,907
Yeah?
1483
01:26:13,001 --> 01:26:14,867
- Your 4.'00 is here.
- Tell him to wait.
1484
01:26:21,510 --> 01:26:23,217
You got meetings.
You got meetings.
1485
01:26:23,303 --> 01:26:24,794
No. No hurry. Sit down.
1486
01:26:24,888 --> 01:26:26,550
I got to go anyway.
1487
01:26:27,641 --> 01:26:28,722
Come here.
1488
01:26:28,809 --> 01:26:32,894
I want you to know something. I'm here for
you. I want to help you. You understand?
1489
01:26:32,979 --> 01:26:34,470
Huh?
1490
01:26:34,564 --> 01:26:37,227
Yes. I'll call you.
1491
01:26:38,318 --> 01:26:41,857
Good luck, kid. Beginner's Luck, right?
1492
01:26:57,170 --> 01:26:59,503
Bobby!
1493
01:26:59,589 --> 01:27:00,705
Dad?
1494
01:27:03,468 --> 01:27:04,709
How you doing?
1495
01:27:04,803 --> 01:27:06,339
What's up?
1496
01:27:06,430 --> 01:27:08,012
Hello, Mr. Crane.
1497
01:27:10,809 --> 01:27:12,300
I'll-I'll be inside.
1498
01:27:13,729 --> 01:27:15,391
Wow, she's built.
1499
01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:25,320
Hey.
1500
01:27:25,407 --> 01:27:26,614
How you doing?
1501
01:27:26,700 --> 01:27:28,817
Good. What's up?
1502
01:27:28,910 --> 01:27:30,526
What have you been up to?
1503
01:27:31,955 --> 01:27:33,617
Nothing much.
1504
01:27:36,084 --> 01:27:39,418
Patti and I are, uh... getting a divorce.
1505
01:27:39,504 --> 01:27:41,291
She's busting my balls.
1506
01:27:41,381 --> 01:27:42,872
Well, really, I don't want to get into it.
1507
01:27:42,966 --> 01:27:45,333
I just didn't want you
to hear about it the wrong way.
1508
01:27:45,427 --> 01:27:47,134
Right.
1509
01:27:47,220 --> 01:27:50,554
I tried to call your, uh, your mom.
1510
01:27:50,640 --> 01:27:52,677
She never says anything bad about you.
1511
01:27:55,896 --> 01:27:57,057
How you doing?
1512
01:27:57,564 --> 01:27:59,180
You okay?
1513
01:28:01,777 --> 01:28:04,110
Where you, uh, where you working now?
1514
01:28:04,196 --> 01:28:07,280
Well, we're, uh,
going back down to Long Beach.
1515
01:28:07,365 --> 01:28:13,202
Uh, then we go up to Seattle
and down to Scottsdale.
1516
01:28:13,288 --> 01:28:15,655
Scottsdale, Arizona.
1517
01:28:18,960 --> 01:28:22,203
I was thinking about orange the other day.
1518
01:28:22,297 --> 01:28:24,163
The color.
1519
01:28:25,050 --> 01:28:27,758
You take it for granted, right?
1520
01:28:27,844 --> 01:28:30,461
The color orange. But what is it, really?
1521
01:28:30,555 --> 01:28:32,638
- The color?
- Yeah.
1522
01:28:34,142 --> 01:28:38,136
But that's it.
Just tell me, what is orange?
1523
01:28:42,067 --> 01:28:43,649
I don't know.
1524
01:28:43,735 --> 01:28:47,354
That is my point right there. You take
it for, uh, you take it for granted.
1525
01:28:47,447 --> 01:28:51,111
You don't think about stuff like that.
It's just there.
1526
01:28:51,201 --> 01:28:53,989
Uh, did, uh...
1527
01:28:54,079 --> 01:28:56,662
John get you that camera stuff you wanted?
1528
01:28:56,748 --> 01:28:58,705
Yeah.
1529
01:29:02,003 --> 01:29:06,373
Yeah, finally. He can be a real drag.
1530
01:29:06,466 --> 01:29:08,879
Mom thinks he's a creep.
1531
01:29:08,969 --> 01:29:10,255
Yeah.
1532
01:29:11,721 --> 01:29:13,132
We'll see.
1533
01:29:14,349 --> 01:29:16,432
We'll see. Got to make some changes.
1534
01:29:18,728 --> 01:29:19,935
Anne.
1535
01:29:21,398 --> 01:29:23,139
No, no. Don't hang up.
1536
01:29:24,693 --> 01:29:27,151
What do you mean
Debbie doesn't come to the phone?
1537
01:29:31,074 --> 01:29:34,192
I ran into Bobby the other day. Yeah.
1538
01:29:35,078 --> 01:29:36,910
I wanted to tell you.
1539
01:29:38,623 --> 01:29:42,993
No, no, hey... Hey, Annie?
1540
01:29:43,086 --> 01:29:44,076
Annie?
1541
01:29:46,464 --> 01:29:47,375
Annie!
1542
01:29:47,465 --> 01:29:49,832
Patti, it's an hour earlier in LA.
1543
01:29:51,386 --> 01:29:52,718
It is!
1544
01:29:55,724 --> 01:30:00,560
I am so sorry about what happened
with Scotty's drawings at school, but...
1545
01:30:01,897 --> 01:30:03,263
Eh, no...
1546
01:30:05,775 --> 01:30:07,812
I've agreed to the counseling.
1547
01:30:10,488 --> 01:30:13,652
I'm offering you 50-50.
1548
01:30:13,742 --> 01:30:18,032
That's fair. That's...
That's more than fair.
1549
01:30:18,121 --> 01:30:20,454
I'm trying to be decent.
1550
01:30:21,875 --> 01:30:24,037
Well, I don't have that much money!
1551
01:30:25,253 --> 01:30:27,996
And, by the way, don't you call me
at my dressing room anymore.
1552
01:30:28,089 --> 01:30:30,126
That's... That is where I prepare.
1553
01:30:33,011 --> 01:30:34,877
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1554
01:30:38,516 --> 01:30:40,098
Patti?
1555
01:30:42,020 --> 01:30:43,852
Okay, we'll talk then.
1556
01:30:52,989 --> 01:30:58,030
Back straight. Chest up. Chin up.
1557
01:30:58,119 --> 01:30:59,235
Smile.
1558
01:31:01,331 --> 01:31:04,995
"Your drink, key-holder."
1559
01:31:05,085 --> 01:31:07,042
How's your room?
1560
01:31:07,128 --> 01:31:10,121
It's okay. I'm at the Sunburst.
1561
01:31:10,215 --> 01:31:12,047
Hm.
1562
01:31:13,134 --> 01:31:14,750
How are rehearsals going?
1563
01:31:16,346 --> 01:31:18,133
That bitch.
1564
01:31:19,641 --> 01:31:21,177
What's wrong?
1565
01:31:22,769 --> 01:31:24,806
Why did I get married, Carp?
1566
01:31:24,896 --> 01:31:27,263
Once you can understand.
1567
01:31:27,357 --> 01:31:29,144
I got married twice.
1568
01:31:31,152 --> 01:31:33,314
Patti showed up out of town with Scotty.
1569
01:31:33,405 --> 01:31:34,612
Yeah.
1570
01:31:34,698 --> 01:31:37,782
No warning. Just popped in town
to fuck with Bob's head.
1571
01:31:37,867 --> 01:31:42,532
My lawyer called. She told him
that Scotty has written "Fuck Daddy"
1572
01:31:42,622 --> 01:31:44,909
on a wall somewhere.
1573
01:31:45,000 --> 01:31:49,791
In the divorce papers, she says
that I showed him X-rated videos.
1574
01:31:50,880 --> 01:31:52,917
Did you?
1575
01:31:53,008 --> 01:31:56,547
I was editing.
He might have seen something.
1576
01:31:56,636 --> 01:31:59,470
It's how it looks, John, you know,
1577
01:31:59,556 --> 01:32:00,967
to the press.
1578
01:32:01,057 --> 01:32:02,593
Right.
1579
01:32:04,769 --> 01:32:06,886
You can't give people a chance...
1580
01:32:08,690 --> 01:32:09,726
to put you down.
1581
01:32:09,816 --> 01:32:11,603
You know what I'm saying?
1582
01:32:11,693 --> 01:32:13,855
I do.
1583
01:32:13,945 --> 01:32:15,481
You know...
1584
01:32:17,449 --> 01:32:19,441
maybe you should go back to radio.
1585
01:32:19,534 --> 01:32:20,866
You love radio.
1586
01:32:20,952 --> 01:32:22,659
Have you heard radio lately?
1587
01:32:22,746 --> 01:32:26,160
It's attacks on the president
of the United States. Jokes.
1588
01:32:26,249 --> 01:32:28,741
- Yeah.
- Filthy jokes. They're very dirty.
1589
01:32:28,835 --> 01:32:30,622
Rock. It's not my bag.
1590
01:32:30,712 --> 01:32:33,295
You know, I'm just trying to help, Bob.
1591
01:32:33,381 --> 01:32:35,373
I'm your friend.
1592
01:32:38,845 --> 01:32:40,802
You're my only friend, John.
1593
01:32:47,520 --> 01:32:48,886
What time is it?
1594
01:32:50,565 --> 01:32:53,228
It's, uh, 7:30.
1595
01:32:53,318 --> 01:32:56,311
I got to change. Yeah.
Where we going?
1596
01:32:56,404 --> 01:32:58,612
Uh, surf or turf?
1597
01:32:59,491 --> 01:33:01,483
Surf and turf!
1598
01:33:01,576 --> 01:33:03,112
Come on!
1599
01:33:04,704 --> 01:33:06,366
Yeah, Big Daddy.
1600
01:33:19,219 --> 01:33:20,835
Carpy?
1601
01:33:36,194 --> 01:33:37,810
John?
1602
01:33:47,163 --> 01:33:48,904
That you?
1603
01:33:58,591 --> 01:34:00,583
Well, word is, Colonel,
1604
01:34:00,677 --> 01:34:02,589
there's gonna be a surprise inspection.
1605
01:34:02,679 --> 01:34:04,261
I don't know about you guys,
1606
01:34:04,347 --> 01:34:07,966
but if there's gonna be an inspection,
I got things to hide.
1607
01:34:08,059 --> 01:34:11,518
- I got things to hide.
- If there's gonna be an inspection,
1608
01:34:11,604 --> 01:34:14,221
I got things to hide.
I got things to hide.
1609
01:34:14,315 --> 01:34:17,274
My God, the building's on fire!
1610
01:34:17,360 --> 01:34:20,603
And look at all those police cars
and photographers.
1611
01:34:20,697 --> 01:34:23,610
Photographers?
Oh, my God. There's the mayor too.
1612
01:34:23,700 --> 01:34:25,737
Is my wife down there?
1613
01:34:25,827 --> 01:34:27,363
What does she look like?
1614
01:34:28,371 --> 01:34:30,613
I don't remember.
1615
01:34:37,714 --> 01:34:40,377
She's a fox.
Look at the caboose on her.
1616
01:34:44,721 --> 01:34:46,383
A day without sex...
1617
01:34:46,472 --> 01:34:48,634
is a day wasted.
1618
01:34:50,935 --> 01:34:52,847
This place is dead.
1619
01:34:52,937 --> 01:34:55,475
Now we still got time
to hit a strip joint.
1620
01:34:57,150 --> 01:34:58,641
And we need to talk.
1621
01:34:59,736 --> 01:35:02,399
I don't like the sound of that.
"We got to talk."
1622
01:35:02,488 --> 01:35:04,901
That's what a chick says
when she's gonna lower the boom.
1623
01:35:04,991 --> 01:35:07,779
Hm.
1624
01:35:07,869 --> 01:35:10,031
Thinking about getting out.
1625
01:35:12,498 --> 01:35:13,989
Of what?
1626
01:35:14,083 --> 01:35:16,996
The whole scene.
1627
01:35:17,086 --> 01:35:18,372
What scene?
1628
01:35:18,463 --> 01:35:22,628
- The dinner theater, all the rest.
- Excuse me. I'm confused.
1629
01:35:22,717 --> 01:35:24,333
The road, the hustling,
1630
01:35:24,427 --> 01:35:26,464
the broads, the whole thing.
1631
01:35:26,554 --> 01:35:28,921
You mean me.
I'm part of the whole thing?
1632
01:35:29,015 --> 01:35:30,756
Well, without the dinner theater,
1633
01:35:30,850 --> 01:35:34,719
we'd see each other less.
1634
01:35:34,812 --> 01:35:37,145
I want to restart my career.
1635
01:35:37,232 --> 01:35:39,189
You're kidding, right?
1636
01:35:43,238 --> 01:35:45,446
Well, what about my equipment?
1637
01:35:45,531 --> 01:35:47,944
Good news. You can keep it.
1638
01:35:48,034 --> 01:35:49,445
I want some, I'll buy my own.
1639
01:35:49,535 --> 01:35:51,868
You're gonna buy a Betacam, right?
1640
01:35:51,955 --> 01:35:54,572
Yeah, nobody needs
John Carpenter anymore.
1641
01:35:54,666 --> 01:35:56,282
You just walk into a store
and buy Betacam.
1642
01:35:56,376 --> 01:35:59,995
Tommy Smothers bought Betacam.
Dick Martin and now you.
1643
01:36:00,088 --> 01:36:01,329
What about me?
1644
01:36:01,422 --> 01:36:03,038
You'll be okay.
1645
01:36:03,132 --> 01:36:04,873
We got a good thing going, Big Daddy.
1646
01:36:04,968 --> 01:36:06,675
Why ruin it?
1647
01:36:06,761 --> 01:36:09,003
You'll be all right.
1648
01:36:09,097 --> 01:36:11,885
Oh, I see. I'm like Anne and Patti.
1649
01:36:11,975 --> 01:36:14,092
You find a better deal,
and you just dump me.
1650
01:36:14,185 --> 01:36:17,178
I'm sick of scoring broads for you, okay?
1651
01:36:18,273 --> 01:36:20,060
There.
1652
01:36:20,149 --> 01:36:22,015
I said it.
1653
01:36:22,110 --> 01:36:24,523
What am I, like a drag on your career?
1654
01:36:24,612 --> 01:36:28,856
Who's always been there for you
when you were moping, complaining?
1655
01:36:28,950 --> 01:36:31,988
"Oh, John, John,
nobody wants to hire me."
1656
01:36:32,078 --> 01:36:34,195
Flying around the country
whenever you call,
1657
01:36:34,289 --> 01:36:37,453
to hauling your shit from the airport,
taking seconds. I'm a drag?
1658
01:36:37,542 --> 01:36:39,909
Well, you're a fucking loser!
1659
01:36:40,003 --> 01:36:40,959
Bob Crane's a loser!
1660
01:36:41,045 --> 01:36:42,707
I ain't a loser!
1661
01:36:42,797 --> 01:36:44,663
Bob Crane ain't a loser.
1662
01:36:44,757 --> 01:36:46,589
It's you who brought Bob Crane down.
1663
01:36:46,676 --> 01:36:48,167
Bob Crane is a good guy.
1664
01:36:48,261 --> 01:36:50,344
Bob, let's not do this.
1665
01:36:50,430 --> 01:36:51,511
Please.
1666
01:36:52,307 --> 01:36:57,302
John, you're my friend, okay?
1667
01:36:58,855 --> 01:37:00,892
You'll always be my friend.
1668
01:37:05,153 --> 01:37:08,612
Shit. I'm supposed to call Carolyn
about the Jacuzzi party.
1669
01:37:36,392 --> 01:37:37,428
Hello.
1670
01:37:37,518 --> 01:37:39,180
Hey, it's John. How's it going?
1671
01:37:39,270 --> 01:37:40,181
All right.
1672
01:37:40,271 --> 01:37:41,853
- You alone?
- Yeah.
1673
01:37:41,939 --> 01:37:44,272
You didn't score?
1674
01:37:44,359 --> 01:37:48,353
Man, I'm in my damn shorts.
How about you?
1675
01:37:48,446 --> 01:37:50,779
Uh, negative.
1676
01:37:50,865 --> 01:37:53,357
I had to drive her halfway up to nowhere.
1677
01:37:56,037 --> 01:37:57,824
What happened?
1678
01:37:57,914 --> 01:37:59,280
She said, "No way."
1679
01:37:59,374 --> 01:38:01,411
What do you mean?
1680
01:38:01,501 --> 01:38:03,242
She wouldn't let me
come to herplace.
1681
01:38:03,336 --> 01:38:05,328
She wouldn't come to my place.
1682
01:38:05,421 --> 01:38:08,129
Boy, I don't need that.
1683
01:38:08,216 --> 01:38:09,502
Christ.
1684
01:38:12,095 --> 01:38:14,303
- Bob.
- Hm?
1685
01:38:14,389 --> 01:38:18,508
Uh, you know, I was thinking.
1686
01:38:18,601 --> 01:38:22,015
You know, uh,
1687
01:38:22,105 --> 01:38:25,815
if I said anything earlier tonight that...
1688
01:38:26,776 --> 01:38:29,689
- Don't worry about it.
- You know, I... I...
1689
01:38:32,740 --> 01:38:35,574
- Do you think about it?
- What's that?
1690
01:38:35,660 --> 01:38:37,743
You know, what we talked about.
1691
01:38:39,831 --> 01:38:41,447
You know, uh...
1692
01:38:42,166 --> 01:38:43,577
what we talked about.
1693
01:38:43,668 --> 01:38:46,001
Yeah, I need to take a break.
1694
01:38:46,087 --> 01:38:50,548
I just, you know, this thing
with Patti, all of it.
1695
01:38:50,633 --> 01:38:54,092
I need a break. I need a break.
I need a break.
1696
01:38:54,178 --> 01:38:55,885
I'm...
1697
01:38:55,972 --> 01:38:57,463
I'm sorry.
1698
01:38:58,558 --> 01:39:00,515
You'll change your mind.
1699
01:39:00,601 --> 01:39:03,469
I'll change my mind. Are you deaf?
1700
01:39:04,355 --> 01:39:07,314
Huh? What the fuck's wrong with you?
1701
01:39:07,400 --> 01:39:09,858
Kaput. All right?
1702
01:39:09,944 --> 01:39:12,402
We're-We're still friends, right?
1703
01:39:14,782 --> 01:39:16,774
Hey, you need a ride tomorrow
to the airport?
1704
01:39:16,868 --> 01:39:19,030
I, uh, got a luncheon at noon.
1705
01:39:21,789 --> 01:39:22,870
John?
1706
01:39:22,957 --> 01:39:24,493
Don't bother.
1707
01:39:24,584 --> 01:39:25,620
Just don't fucking bother.
1708
01:39:25,710 --> 01:39:27,952
Okay.
1709
01:39:28,045 --> 01:39:30,287
Don't get all worked up.
I gotta get some sleep.
1710
01:39:30,381 --> 01:39:33,590
I'll give you a call
sometime, Carpy.
1711
01:41:04,850 --> 01:41:09,345
The investigation was not well-handled.
1712
01:41:11,190 --> 01:41:14,183
Scottsdale was a small town back then.
1713
01:41:14,277 --> 01:41:17,236
They suspected Carpy,
but didn't prosecute.
1714
01:41:17,321 --> 01:41:20,189
Not a solid case, they said.
1715
01:41:20,283 --> 01:41:23,117
This was before DNA.
1716
01:41:23,202 --> 01:41:26,991
Fourteen years later, a new district
attorney brought him up for trial.
1717
01:41:27,081 --> 01:41:30,745
John told them, "He was my friend.
1718
01:41:30,835 --> 01:41:33,248
Why would I kill him?"
1719
01:41:33,337 --> 01:41:36,580
Evidence had been lost, memories faded.
1720
01:41:36,674 --> 01:41:38,336
He was acquitted.
1721
01:41:38,426 --> 01:41:40,884
Four years later,
he died of a heart attack.
1722
01:41:41,971 --> 01:41:44,463
I can't blame him.
1723
01:41:44,557 --> 01:41:48,301
He was a coolguy in his way.
1724
01:41:48,394 --> 01:41:50,636
That's how it is.
1725
01:41:50,730 --> 01:41:52,813
Men gotta have fun.
124281
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