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1
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:16,053
Fuck Wolverine.
2
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:19,765
First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.
3
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:23,935
Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.
4
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:26,063
What a dick.
5
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:28,357
Well, guess what, Wolvie?
6
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,734
I'm dying in this one, too.
7
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,740
To understand
why I took a cat-nap
8
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,909
on 1,200 gallons
of high-test fuel...
9
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,285
I need to take you back
10
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,704
to the dewy slopes
of six weeks ago.
11
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,081
I'd gone international,
12
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,124
taking out mass murderers,
gangsters,
13
00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,584
unspeakable monsters.
14
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,671
People nobody would touch.
Except me.
15
00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:52,839
I'm gonna touch them all over.
16
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,428
Hey, it's Gail calling.
17
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,596
Love the shiny suit.
18
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:00,681
Really brings out
19
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,307
the sex trafficker in your eyes.
20
00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,559
Whatever they're paying,
I'll double it.
21
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,771
I don't
speak Cantonese, Mister...
22
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,816
Well, I'm not even gonna
attempt that.
23
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,527
But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so...
24
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,696
Where is the library?
25
00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:17,823
Which literally
translates to...
26
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:21,243
I don't bargain,
pumpkin fucker.
27
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:34,131
Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's.
28
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,424
I am so sorry.
29
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,092
I thought this was
an anal-bleaching party.
30
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,158
Don't worry.
You're not going to die.
31
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,660
Although these will kill you.
32
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:04,745
Hit it, Dolly.
33
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,641
I'm merely
a vessel for the Lord.
34
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,489
Taking the hands out
of the guns of the criminals!
35
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:50,540
Whoo! Do not go in there!
36
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,341
Let's see
Captain America do that.
37
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,810
Too exotic?
38
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,500
I don't bargain.
39
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,895
Oh, God! Oh, God,
time out! Time out!
40
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:38,481
Cut. I've got bad guy blood,
right in my open eye.
41
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,317
Oh, that's so gross.
42
00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:42,736
Fuck.
43
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,739
Looks like you left
a little landing strip there.
44
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:46,865
I like it.
45
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,622
Oh, man!
46
00:06:57,959 --> 00:06:59,878
My world tour
brought me home
47
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,297
to this guy,
Sergei Valishnikov.
48
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:03,924
But we'll get to him
in a moment.
49
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,342
'Cause I know
what you're thinking.
50
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,219
"I'm so glad
I left the kiddos at home."
51
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,554
But that's where
you'd be wrong.
52
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:12,682
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...
53
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:17,062
and, believe it or not,
Deadpom 2 is a family film.
54
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,188
True story.
55
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:22,150
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
56
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:25,278
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
57
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:28,615
Holy shit pickles!
That guy's on fire.
58
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:31,576
That's not CGI, folks.
He's actually on fire.
59
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:34,996
Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
60
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,164
But this guy?
61
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,333
He was
one of the worst of 'em.
62
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,504
Hurry up and open
this fucking door,
63
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:43,672
and let's kill
this motherfucker!
64
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,430
Ugh. So gross.
65
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,266
A panic room? Really?
66
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,936
Can you come out?
67
00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:01,106
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
68
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,321
Over and
over, I hear people say,
69
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,864
"I just don't have
enough confidence."
70
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,117
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.
71
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,451
It's something you create.
72
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,537
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
73
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,330
A sense of confidence
is nothing
74
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,707
but a sense of power
within yourself...
75
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,667
a sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.
76
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,794
Start the fucking car!
77
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:23,962
Dopinder!
78
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,588
Start the fucking car!
79
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,595
Shoot that motherfucker!
Shoot him!
80
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,305
Whoo!
Oh, I shit my pants.
81
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,725
Actually, that may
have been me.
82
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,018
Oh, mission accomplished?
83
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,186
Oh, in a George W.
sort of way.
84
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,938
Fucker can't stay
in a panic room forever.
85
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,440
Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.
86
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,650
It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,
87
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:46,943
and who' da thought'?
88
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,070
Now I'm talked about
in the same sentence as Jesus.
89
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,406
Passion of the Christ,
then me.
90
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,699
At least domestically.
91
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:53,950
We beat them overseas,
92
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,994
where there's no such thing
as religion.
93
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,246
I do want to live
the dreams, Pool Boy.
94
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,623
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.
95
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,500
I want to fill my...
Pockets?
96
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,754
What's your poison?
A little, uh, cokey cokey?
97
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,130
Can't maintain an erection
98
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,631
without buying shoes online?
99
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,717
I've never experienced
that last one.
100
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,010
Talk to me, Goose.
101
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,888
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
102
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,932
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.
103
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,601
Dopmdenn
Hmm?
104
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,936
You never cease
to surprise me.
105
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,066
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
106
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,776
We all need
a sense of belonging.
107
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,611
We all need
a genuine sense of home.
108
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:30,779
A place in this world.
109
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,155
I want to become
a contract killer.
110
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,740
I'm sorry. What did you say?
111
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,034
Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu
112
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,410
and threatened him
with great violence?
113
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,828
You kind of killed him.
114
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,663
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?
115
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:41,873
Don't want to.
116
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:42,999
When Tom Cruise fed
117
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,876
10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood
118
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:46,127
for the first time...
119
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,588
and she looked up
at his smooth,
120
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,882
handsome face and said...
121
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,426
"I want some more."
122
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:57,138
Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
123
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,183
I'll never not picture that.
124
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,685
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
125
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,145
as soon as possible.
126
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,357
We're here.
127
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,074
Dopinder, it's me again.
128
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,826
Look, a saner man
might discourage you
129
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,744
from joining
the deadly merc business...
130
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,246
what, with your concave chest
131
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,956
and your
paper towel tube arms.
132
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,707
But you're an eagle...
133
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,751
and goddamn it,
an eagle's gotta soar.
134
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,169
You gotta grab those dreams,
135
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,838
grab those dreams
by the dick tip...
136
00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,422
and make it rain!
137
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:33,383
I don't know what that means.
138
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,426
Me neither.
139
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,470
I'm gonna see you...
140
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,140
at the office.
141
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:41,808
In the sky.
142
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:42,934
You're my Tom Cruise!
143
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,644
And you're my Kristen Dunst!
144
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:45,979
Kristen? Kirsten?
145
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,819
Sorry I'm late.
146
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,445
There was a bunch of
147
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,573
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...
148
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,907
and I had to, uh...
Uh-uh.
149
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,910
You're right.
I was fighting a caped badass.
150
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,246
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.
151
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,331
No.
You got me.
152
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,500
L was rounding up
all the gluten in the world
153
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:08,751
and launching it into space...
154
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,837
where it can't not
hurt us ever again.
155
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,172
Try again.
156
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,174
Diarrhea?
157
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,967
We can't be sure
until I get this suit off...
158
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,012
but, uh,
all signs point to yes.
159
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:21,931
Traffic?
160
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:23,600
Hmm?
161
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:26,394
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
162
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:27,478
Well, come here.
163
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,950
I'm gonna shower
and get out of this suit.
164
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,827
Don't you want
your surprise?
165
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,746
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?
166
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,789
I got one for you, too.
167
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,292
Happy anniversary, baby.
168
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,044
Open, open, open.
169
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,380
Skee-Ball token.
170
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,174
Our first date.
171
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,508
Yup.
172
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,553
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.
173
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,350
I'll keep it forever.
174
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,227
Thank you, baby.
175
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,563
Open yours.
All right, all right.
176
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,774
Oh...
177
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,985
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
178
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,403
I don't know
what this is.
179
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:18,988
My mo.
180
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:20,365
A bomb?
181
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,243
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
182
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,786
What, you mean that your...
183
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,579
Baby factory's open
for business.
184
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:27,747
Oh, my God!
185
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:31,209
Oh, my God! I want a boy!
186
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:34,128
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
187
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,215
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
188
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,343
Like Cher or Todd.
189
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,845
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.
190
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:43,930
Yes, I do.
191
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,765
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.
192
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:46,849
Let's do that.
193
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:49,519
Papa...
194
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:52,397
Can you hear me?
195
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,192
Papa, can you see me?
196
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,778
Does this song
sound familiar to you?
197
00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:02,532
May.
198
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,995
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
199
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:12,041
So weird.
200
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,544
Family was always
an F-word to me.
201
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:19,257
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
202
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,635
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
203
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,429
to draw off of for Todd.
204
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:28,224
Hey. Look at me.
205
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,561
You are not your father.
206
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,689
Besides...
207
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:39,485
l will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
208
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,487
But here's the thing,
209
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,114
isn't that how
it always works?
210
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,949
Like in Star Wars,
211
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:47,076
men are destined
to become their father...
212
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,830
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?
213
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,333
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.
214
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,461
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.
215
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,171
Baby, that's Empire.
216
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,257
The point is, kids...
217
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,386
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.
218
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,348
Better than we used to be.
219
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,434
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
220
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,853
I'm gonna go make dessert.
221
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,315
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.
222
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,943
Pretty sure it doesn't work
that way, but we can try.
223
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:25,573
What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?
224
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,575
It's too stripper-y.
225
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,160
Kevin With a "K"!
226
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,329
No, too stripper-y, too.
227
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,498
Uh, Earl!
228
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,167
He's gonna go straight to jail
229
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,044
if we name him Earl.
230
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,380
What about Bruce?
231
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,548
No.
232
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:43,883
Get down.
233
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,343
What?
234
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,998
Baby? Baby?
235
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,670
I'm okay.
236
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,840
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
237
00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,876
Please.
238
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,757
Please. Please.
239
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:09,886
Baby, I'm so sorry.
240
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:13,848
No!
241
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:21,077
Papa, can you hear me?
242
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,537
ls it just me, or does
243
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:25,373
Do You Want to Build
a Snowman? from Frozen...
244
00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:26,707
sound suspiciously like
245
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,709
Papa, Can You Hear Me?
from Yentl?
246
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:32,254
Papa, can you hear me?
247
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:36,592
And nobody
fucking realizes it.
248
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,219
Wade, you gotta go home.
249
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,888
You've been sitting here
for three days, okay?
250
00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:44,642
You smell like sauerkraut
left in the warm rain.
251
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,103
Like wet garbage
in hot urine.
252
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,313
You smell like
a dog ate kitty litter...
253
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,399
and then farted his way
out of the living room.
254
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:53,275
I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's
255
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:54,902
couch cushions
after Shark Week.
256
00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:56,612
Hove Frozen.
257
00:19:56,987 --> 00:20:00,199
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
258
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:01,701
An ocean is water.
259
00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:06,455
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
260
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,082
George Michael was right.
261
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,000
I'm never gonna
dance again. Fuck!
262
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:11,585
He's dead, too.
263
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,088
At least we still have Bowie.
264
00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:15,840
Oh, Mr. Pool.
David Bowie is...
265
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:16,924
Uh, uh, uh...
266
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:18,384
still With us.
267
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:21,345
We do.
We'll always have Bowie.
268
00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:22,930
I'm sorry.
269
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,306
Shot after shot,
270
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,308
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...
271
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:27,977
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?
272
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,813
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
273
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,440
Is he pissing?
I'm on it!
274
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,066
There you go, Dopinder.
275
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,152
If you want to be
a contract killer...
276
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,738
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
277
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:39,822
Although I don't
quite understand
278
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,115
how they are at all similar.
279
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:43,576
'Cause I could shove either
one up your ass and kill you.
280
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,744
Now, leave me.
281
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:45,828
I get it.
282
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:47,913
Go home, Wade.
283
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:50,374
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...
284
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,169
Okay, I'm fine.
285
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,253
I'm fine.
286
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,213
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
287
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:59,633
Fucked up, insecure,
needy, and emotional.
288
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,302
According to the...
289
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:03,804
Khmer-Ross.
Yeah.
290
00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:05,931
According to
the KUbler-Ross model...
291
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,768
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
292
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,811
Jesus Christ, Buck!
293
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,189
No more speaking lines
for you.
294
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:24,158
Hey, bud. Bud.
295
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:26,035
- Huh?
- Got a match?
296
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:27,369
Match?
297
00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:29,246
Yes, I have one right here.
298
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:30,706
Don't make a move.
This is a stick-up.
299
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:32,541
- What?
- You heard me.
300
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,627
JACK". Mister, Mister,
put down that gun.
301
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:37,296
Shut up. Now, come on.
Your money or your life?
302
00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:49,141
Look, bud. I said,
"Your money or your life."
303
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,309
"I'm thinking it over!"
304
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:51,977
Motherfuck!
305
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:53,145
Fuck!
306
00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:57,566
The hell you doin' here?
307
00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:59,068
Don't you know how to knock?
308
00:21:59,777 --> 00:22:01,654
I thought you saw me...
309
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:03,072
with your ears.
310
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,323
You're lucky I didn't
shootyouintheu.
311
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:05,407
The wall?
312
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:08,869
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
313
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,249
I heard the news,
sweetie.
314
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,084
I'm very sorry. lam.
315
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:16,919
What am I gonna do, Al?
316
00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:19,129
Probably something terrible.
317
00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:21,549
Knowing you.
318
00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,259
It was my fault.
319
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,345
I fucking did this.
320
00:22:27,221 --> 00:22:29,014
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her
321
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:31,100
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
322
00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:34,687
She's gone.
323
00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:38,190
Sweetheart,
can you speak up?
324
00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:39,817
It's a little hard
to hear you
325
00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:41,569
with that pity dick
in your mouth.
326
00:22:41,652 --> 00:22:44,655
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.
327
00:22:44,738 --> 00:22:45,739
Thank you...
328
00:22:45,823 --> 00:22:49,034
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
329
00:22:49,118 --> 00:22:51,161
Listen to the pain.
330
00:22:51,245 --> 00:22:53,956
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
331
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:56,917
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
332
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,963
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
333
00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:04,341
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
334
00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:08,053
Wade?
335
00:23:10,514 --> 00:23:12,433
Wade?
I'm right here, Althea.
336
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,311
And that is
the most beautiful thing
337
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,604
I've ever heard.
338
00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:18,898
And you're absolutely right.
339
00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:25,112
I'm about to do
something terrible.
340
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,453
Precious, aren't they?
341
00:23:33,287 --> 00:23:34,663
Whoa!
342
00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:36,165
Are you a superhero?
343
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:37,875
Fucking A, sweetie.
344
00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:39,501
What's your name?
345
00:23:39,585 --> 00:23:41,337
Captain Delicious Pants.
346
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,589
Who's Captain Delicious Pants?
347
00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:10,908
I can't believe
he's still alive.
348
00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:13,494
I can't believe you left
the house in that shirt.
349
00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:16,872
There's gotta be
some way to die.
350
00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,958
L just need to die harder.
351
00:24:19,041 --> 00:24:20,167
Trademark Fox.
352
00:24:20,334 --> 00:24:21,335
Y'all caught up now?
353
00:24:34,598 --> 00:24:36,183
Open for business.
354
00:24:40,104 --> 00:24:41,855
Your crazy
matches my crazy.
355
00:24:42,272 --> 00:24:44,316
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
356
00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:45,567
Skee-Ball token.
357
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:46,735
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
358
00:24:52,950 --> 00:24:53,993
About why
we're so good together.
359
00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:55,411
I love you,
Wade Wilson.
360
00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,498
Ness?
361
00:25:00,958 --> 00:25:02,084
Ness?
362
00:25:02,918 --> 00:25:03,919
Ness.
363
00:25:04,545 --> 00:25:07,214
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
364
00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:11,010
Your heart's not
in the right place.
365
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:13,345
Wait, hold on. What?
366
00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:16,265
Your heart's not
in the right place.
367
00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:17,391
Wait. What do you mean
368
00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:18,726
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...
369
00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:41,498
I'm terribly sorry
for your loss, Wade.
370
00:25:41,957 --> 00:25:43,042
You're broken.
371
00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:46,086
Oh, God.
I know that voice.
372
00:26:07,149 --> 00:26:08,567
Well, Russell.
373
00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:11,320
I hear you're handy
at picking locks.
374
00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:14,865
There will be no need
for that here.
375
00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:18,243
There's no locks on our doors,
no bars on our windows.
376
00:26:19,620 --> 00:26:21,622
I know what you're thinking.
377
00:26:21,705 --> 00:26:23,791
Why don't the kids just run?
378
00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:26,960
Who would choose to stay
in such a place?
379
00:26:27,377 --> 00:26:29,421
You stay because...
380
00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:34,635
deep down inside, you know
you're unfit to leave.
381
00:26:38,472 --> 00:26:40,057
Don't worry.
382
00:26:41,225 --> 00:26:42,893
We can fix that.
383
00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:51,485
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand.
384
00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:15,092
"Heart's in the right place."
385
00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:16,593
"Heart's in the right..."
What does that mean?
386
00:27:16,677 --> 00:27:18,554
Take your mask off, Wade.
387
00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:20,222
I wish you'd said "pants".
388
00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:21,557
Let's play a game.
389
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,101
It's called
"Adrien Brody or Adam Brody?".
390
00:27:24,184 --> 00:27:26,520
Now, close your eyes
and open your mouth.
391
00:27:26,603 --> 00:27:28,438
You don't need
to be funny here.
392
00:27:29,022 --> 00:27:30,190
We must talk.
393
00:27:30,315 --> 00:27:32,776
You need fresh start.
394
00:27:32,860 --> 00:27:34,361
Such a glare.
395
00:27:34,444 --> 00:27:36,613
It's like I'm on stage
at the Gaiety.
396
00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:39,241
With training,
you can be X-Man.
397
00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:41,493
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.
398
00:27:41,577 --> 00:27:42,828
I'm not X-Man material.
399
00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:44,496
Understatement of the year.
400
00:27:44,955 --> 00:27:45,956
Wade, Yukio.
401
00:27:46,415 --> 00:27:47,583
Yukio, Wade.
402
00:27:48,375 --> 00:27:50,460
What in the fuck knuckles
is this?
403
00:27:50,544 --> 00:27:52,421
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.
404
00:27:53,213 --> 00:27:55,007
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fox & Friends.
405
00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:56,925
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
406
00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:59,303
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.
407
00:27:59,678 --> 00:28:01,013
I like this guy.
408
00:28:01,555 --> 00:28:02,848
Give him a chance.
409
00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:04,683
It's great seeing you
like this.
410
00:28:04,808 --> 00:28:06,977
Yeah.
411
00:28:07,436 --> 00:28:08,437
Bye, Wade!
412
00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:11,231
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
413
00:28:11,315 --> 00:28:14,067
"Rule number one.
No killing...
414
00:28:14,151 --> 00:28:17,571
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.
415
00:28:17,654 --> 00:28:20,240
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."
416
00:28:20,324 --> 00:28:21,325
Wade?
417
00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:23,285
Wade?
418
00:28:23,493 --> 00:28:25,245
Don't try to chase me.
Wade!
419
00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:27,414
I'm not ready
to be touched again.
420
00:28:27,497 --> 00:28:29,708
All these old guys
on the wall.
421
00:28:29,791 --> 00:28:31,877
Who lives here,
Calista Flockhart?
422
00:28:34,087 --> 00:28:36,465
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
423
00:28:37,132 --> 00:28:38,967
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
424
00:28:39,051 --> 00:28:41,261
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
425
00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:43,931
And how would I
do that exactly?
426
00:28:44,264 --> 00:28:46,683
'Cause where the fuck
is everyone?
427
00:28:46,767 --> 00:28:47,851
It's always just you
428
00:28:47,935 --> 00:28:49,269
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever...
429
00:28:49,353 --> 00:28:50,354
Enough!
430
00:28:50,646 --> 00:28:52,481
I said no touching!
431
00:28:54,233 --> 00:28:56,777
What the fuck?
432
00:28:57,569 --> 00:28:59,696
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
433
00:28:59,780 --> 00:29:01,823
One that doesn't end up
in my mouth.
434
00:29:02,658 --> 00:29:03,784
The first movie
made more money
435
00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:06,161
than the guy
who invented pants.
436
00:29:06,245 --> 00:29:08,372
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
437
00:29:08,455 --> 00:29:10,540
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
438
00:29:10,624 --> 00:29:11,875
What do those do anyway, huh?
439
00:29:11,959 --> 00:29:13,377
Carry him
three feet off the ground
440
00:29:13,460 --> 00:29:15,379
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
441
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,714
No,no,no!
442
00:29:17,798 --> 00:29:20,467
lam not X-Man material
at all.
443
00:29:20,550 --> 00:29:23,178
First off...
444
00:29:23,262 --> 00:29:25,305
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more...
445
00:29:27,516 --> 00:29:28,558
I should have left you
446
00:29:28,642 --> 00:29:30,310
in the self-pitying mess
I found you in.
447
00:29:30,394 --> 00:29:33,438
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
448
00:29:33,522 --> 00:29:35,190
Not when convenient or easy.
449
00:29:35,565 --> 00:29:38,944
When hard,
and you always make it hard.
450
00:29:39,945 --> 00:29:42,364
You are unwell.
451
00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:44,533
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
452
00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:46,451
Wait.
One of the assholes
453
00:29:46,535 --> 00:29:48,036
who killed Vanessa got away.
454
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,624
Oh, Jesus Christ!
455
00:29:52,833 --> 00:29:54,668
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.
456
00:29:54,751 --> 00:29:56,628
Please know I wouldn't be
able to stop you if you did.
457
00:29:56,712 --> 00:29:58,714
Wade, whoever they are...
458
00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:01,133
we track them down
and bring them to justice.
459
00:30:01,717 --> 00:30:03,135
It was me.
460
00:30:05,971 --> 00:30:07,556
I'm the asshole who got away.
461
00:30:08,682 --> 00:30:11,310
I killed every last one
of them, except me.
462
00:30:11,852 --> 00:30:13,562
Couldn't kill me.
463
00:30:16,690 --> 00:30:18,692
We were gonna start a family.
464
00:30:20,485 --> 00:30:22,404
We were, uh...
465
00:30:23,697 --> 00:30:25,407
We were gonna be a family.
466
00:30:26,199 --> 00:30:27,200
Wade...
467
00:30:27,367 --> 00:30:30,162
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
468
00:30:31,747 --> 00:30:34,041
This may not be
family you want...
469
00:30:34,124 --> 00:30:36,126
but it's family you need.
470
00:30:36,585 --> 00:30:37,836
You have a good heart.
471
00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:39,463
It belongs here
where it can grow.
472
00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:42,257
What did you say?
473
00:30:44,301 --> 00:30:45,635
About my heart?
474
00:30:51,058 --> 00:30:53,060
I think
I'm in the right place.
475
00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:03,630
I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.
476
00:32:03,713 --> 00:32:05,298
Toilet paper.
477
00:32:05,382 --> 00:32:06,758
What's so bad
about toilet paper?
478
00:32:06,842 --> 00:32:08,009
Gets the job done.
479
00:32:08,093 --> 00:32:10,929
Does it really
get the job done?
480
00:32:11,012 --> 00:32:13,181
All right. Say you wake up
tomorrow morning...
481
00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:17,936
and, hypothetically, find some
fresh shit on your face.
482
00:32:18,019 --> 00:32:19,688
Your cheek, maybe
a little bit in the beard.
483
00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:21,398
What the hell?
I'm about to be fucking sick!
484
00:32:21,481 --> 00:32:22,524
What do you do?
485
00:32:22,607 --> 00:32:23,900
Do you go to a bathroom
486
00:32:23,984 --> 00:32:25,610
and tear off
a piece of dry tissue...
487
00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:27,529
and rub it around
on your beard a little bit
488
00:32:27,612 --> 00:32:29,156
and then go on,
get on with your day?
489
00:32:29,239 --> 00:32:30,824
Go to church,
maybe dinner and a movie,
490
00:32:30,907 --> 00:32:31,992
like nothing happened?
491
00:32:32,075 --> 00:32:33,410
Where is this
coming from, man?
492
00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:34,703
But something did happen.
493
00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:36,204
Your face smells like shit.
Right?
494
00:32:36,288 --> 00:32:37,831
So what you would do,
495
00:32:37,914 --> 00:32:40,125
is you would get some soap,
you'd get some hot water...
496
00:32:40,208 --> 00:32:42,502
and you would scrub
the fucking shit
497
00:32:42,586 --> 00:32:44,546
out of your beard
for 10 straight minutes.
498
00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:46,298
You could not
scrub it enough.
499
00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:48,008
Are you trying
to make me feel disgusting?
500
00:32:48,091 --> 00:32:49,259
I'm starting to feel...
501
00:32:49,342 --> 00:32:52,012
Toilet paper is
a plenty fine appetizer.
502
00:32:52,095 --> 00:32:54,181
But, then...
503
00:32:54,431 --> 00:32:56,725
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.
504
00:32:56,808 --> 00:32:58,143
That's your main course.
505
00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:01,354
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
506
00:33:02,189 --> 00:33:04,941
Finally, one more pass
with toilet paper,
507
00:33:05,025 --> 00:33:06,902
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.
508
00:33:06,985 --> 00:33:08,570
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,
509
00:33:08,653 --> 00:33:09,946
if you can get you
a hair dryer.
510
00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:12,365
Just about 30 seconds
would do you good.
511
00:33:16,077 --> 00:33:17,078
The fuck?
512
00:33:18,330 --> 00:33:19,372
Year.
513
00:33:20,373 --> 00:33:21,374
What?
514
00:33:22,584 --> 00:33:24,211
What year is it?
515
00:33:24,294 --> 00:33:26,755
What kind of dumbass question
is that to ask?
516
00:33:57,494 --> 00:34:00,247
We have 8 weeks
of boot camp ahead of us, men.
517
00:34:00,330 --> 00:34:01,623
That'll get us
toned and prepared
518
00:34:01,706 --> 00:34:03,291
for all manner of combat.
519
00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:09,381
Not working out at all.
520
00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:11,258
Masking tape.
521
00:34:11,341 --> 00:34:13,677
It is no friend
to chilled aluminum.
522
00:34:14,761 --> 00:34:16,721
Velcro.
Color-coded, efficient,
523
00:34:16,805 --> 00:34:17,889
environmentally friendly.
524
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:20,183
Who is he talking to?
525
00:34:20,267 --> 00:34:21,893
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?
526
00:34:21,977 --> 00:34:23,937
Can we focus
for a moment, ladies?
527
00:34:24,020 --> 00:34:26,273
Please, we need to talk about
next month's meal plan.
528
00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:28,108
Obviously,
everyone hated the ceviche.
529
00:34:28,191 --> 00:34:29,484
I read the suggestion box.
530
00:34:29,568 --> 00:34:31,152
I'm gonna stop you
right there.
531
00:34:31,236 --> 00:34:33,029
I see through this weak act.
532
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:37,492
You may have fooled Colossus
with this nice guy shit...
533
00:34:37,659 --> 00:34:38,827
but not me.
534
00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:39,953
Don't be mean.
535
00:34:40,036 --> 00:34:41,329
Back Off, NTW.
536
00:34:41,413 --> 00:34:43,582
No,no,no.Lethergo.
537
00:34:43,665 --> 00:34:44,791
Let her go, it's okay.
538
00:34:44,874 --> 00:34:46,418
She has a right
to be skeptical.
539
00:34:46,501 --> 00:34:49,129
Look at me.
I'm an easy target.
540
00:34:50,297 --> 00:34:51,631
You know, historically,
541
00:34:51,715 --> 00:34:53,592
mischief has been
my mistress...
542
00:34:53,675 --> 00:34:56,344
so I understand, you know.
But I like to think...
543
00:34:57,971 --> 00:34:59,931
that you guys have
really rubbed off on me.
544
00:35:01,308 --> 00:35:03,310
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you, too.
545
00:35:05,353 --> 00:35:06,354
A lot.
546
00:35:07,355 --> 00:35:09,983
And for the first time
in a long while...
547
00:35:10,066 --> 00:35:11,234
I like me.
548
00:35:13,445 --> 00:35:15,947
I accept your apology.
I never apologized.
549
00:35:16,031 --> 00:35:17,532
I was talking to your heart.
550
00:35:17,616 --> 00:35:19,993
See? You're not
lost cause you thought.
551
00:35:20,076 --> 00:35:23,246
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.
552
00:35:23,330 --> 00:35:24,623
Thank you, Colossus.
553
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:26,958
Just trying to be
the world's best X-Man.
554
00:35:27,042 --> 00:35:28,460
Sorry, X-Person.
555
00:35:30,045 --> 00:35:32,672
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.
556
00:35:32,756 --> 00:35:34,341
It's fine.
557
00:35:34,424 --> 00:35:36,635
L just filled it. Give it
a few more pumps there.
558
00:35:37,844 --> 00:35:40,305
Now, if you'll excuse me...
559
00:35:40,388 --> 00:35:42,140
it's dust bunny season...
560
00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:43,224
and I'm hunting wabbits.
561
00:35:43,933 --> 00:35:45,060
Bye, Wade!
562
00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:49,773
Fuck.
Fuck you.
563
00:36:01,451 --> 00:36:03,995
No one is born perfect.
564
00:36:04,079 --> 00:36:06,039
But you can be.
565
00:36:06,122 --> 00:36:08,458
I know you're doing
what comes naturally.
566
00:36:12,754 --> 00:36:14,589
You can't help yourself.
567
00:36:18,468 --> 00:36:19,928
But you can.
568
00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:23,264
It takes work, discipline...
569
00:36:23,723 --> 00:36:24,933
and treatment.
570
00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:26,685
Your abilities...
571
00:36:28,645 --> 00:36:30,647
I know how seductive they are.
572
00:36:31,481 --> 00:36:33,650
How powerful
they make you feel.
573
00:36:34,651 --> 00:36:37,153
But you must learn
never to use them...
574
00:36:37,237 --> 00:36:39,823
so they will never use you.
575
00:36:46,079 --> 00:36:47,664
Please don't cry.
576
00:36:48,498 --> 00:36:50,083
I'm going to help.
577
00:36:50,166 --> 00:36:53,002
I'm gonna make you feel
what you should feel.
578
00:36:53,378 --> 00:36:54,796
How you need to feel...
579
00:36:55,922 --> 00:36:58,466
every time you're tempted
to act upon your urges.
580
00:36:59,342 --> 00:37:03,263
Suck my mutant dick,
you four-eyed fuck.
581
00:37:17,736 --> 00:37:18,945
Wade.
582
00:37:19,863 --> 00:37:20,864
Wade!
583
00:37:21,489 --> 00:37:23,533
Come in!
Hey, I was just doing
584
00:37:23,616 --> 00:37:25,160
a little bit
of light reading here...
585
00:37:25,577 --> 00:37:26,911
We have mission.
586
00:37:27,036 --> 00:37:28,538
Well, you guys be
safe out there.
587
00:37:28,621 --> 00:37:29,831
I'll be praying for you.
588
00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:32,333
No, I want you to join.
589
00:37:33,543 --> 00:37:34,669
I'm sorry, what?
590
00:37:34,753 --> 00:37:36,337
You heard me.
591
00:37:36,421 --> 00:37:38,673
Trust me,
that's a terrible idea.
592
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:39,883
I'm really not ready.
593
00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:41,468
You are ready.
I'm not.
594
00:37:41,718 --> 00:37:43,470
Be at the X-Jet in five.
595
00:37:43,636 --> 00:37:44,763
I can do thirty.
596
00:37:44,846 --> 00:37:46,765
Now.
I can do now.
597
00:37:46,848 --> 00:37:47,891
Final offer.
598
00:37:48,141 --> 00:37:50,643
Irene Merryweather,
WHIT News.
599
00:37:50,727 --> 00:37:52,687
Live here
at a breaking news situation
600
00:37:52,771 --> 00:37:55,398
at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.
601
00:37:55,482 --> 00:37:57,400
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
602
00:37:57,484 --> 00:37:58,693
some sort of an incident...
603
00:37:58,777 --> 00:38:00,445
- with police here behind me.
- Get away from me!
604
00:38:00,528 --> 00:38:02,906
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.
605
00:38:02,989 --> 00:38:04,407
There are open fires.
Fuck off! Stay back!
606
00:38:04,491 --> 00:38:05,492
A scene of
absolute chaos here.
607
00:38:05,575 --> 00:38:06,576
Calm down.
608
00:38:06,659 --> 00:38:09,370
I'll burn you!
You stay back!
609
00:38:10,079 --> 00:38:11,831
Get away from me!
610
00:38:11,915 --> 00:38:14,417
You wanna fucking die?
611
00:38:29,432 --> 00:38:32,602
And it appears as if the X-Men
are arriving...
612
00:38:32,685 --> 00:38:33,686
Scatter!
613
00:38:34,270 --> 00:38:36,231
...with what appears
to be a trainee.
614
00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:39,275
Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
615
00:38:39,359 --> 00:38:40,443
We're the X-Men!
616
00:38:40,527 --> 00:38:42,737
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
617
00:38:43,154 --> 00:38:45,323
So, respect.
618
00:38:45,698 --> 00:38:46,950
At ease, Officer.
619
00:38:48,535 --> 00:38:50,078
What are you doing?
620
00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:51,788
N“! 'mm!
621
00:38:51,871 --> 00:38:53,248
You're the one who said
I was ready,
622
00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:54,791
and I frankly disagreed
with you.
623
00:38:54,874 --> 00:38:57,252
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
624
00:38:57,335 --> 00:38:59,754
Like Beyoncé says, "Please...
625
00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:01,923
"Please, stop cheating on me."
626
00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:03,091
Hey!
627
00:39:03,174 --> 00:39:04,509
This is the fifth incident.
628
00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:06,761
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.
629
00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:08,471
Russell belongs in our care.
630
00:39:08,555 --> 00:39:10,306
Not in prison.
I assure you...
631
00:39:10,390 --> 00:39:11,474
we have everything
under control.
632
00:39:11,558 --> 00:39:12,600
Stay back!
I'll burn you!
633
00:39:12,684 --> 00:39:13,852
Not getting a real
634
00:39:13,935 --> 00:39:15,603
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.
635
00:39:16,062 --> 00:39:18,064
It is Glen, isn't it?
Daniel.
636
00:39:18,147 --> 00:39:19,357
I'll ask the questions,
Miguel.
637
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:20,733
Let me talk to the kid.
638
00:39:20,817 --> 00:39:25,655
You stay here with your weird,
secret sex lips.
639
00:39:27,407 --> 00:39:28,408
You wanna die?
640
00:39:28,491 --> 00:39:29,492
This kid's adorable.
641
00:39:29,576 --> 00:39:30,660
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.
642
00:39:30,743 --> 00:39:31,870
I'll burn your balls off!
643
00:39:31,953 --> 00:39:34,581
First day.
I'm so nervous!
644
00:39:35,373 --> 00:39:36,875
Did you just say
"hollow points"?
645
00:39:36,958 --> 00:39:38,293
Yeah, probably should've
646
00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:40,420
brought a Super Soaker.
647
00:39:40,962 --> 00:39:41,963
Hi, there!
648
00:39:43,256 --> 00:39:45,717
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!
649
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,304
Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.
650
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:52,307
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
651
00:39:52,390 --> 00:39:55,476
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.
652
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,020
Okay? Let's just talk!
653
00:39:57,103 --> 00:39:58,354
It's Russell, right?
654
00:39:58,771 --> 00:40:00,607
Firefist.
Firefist.
655
00:40:01,065 --> 00:40:03,276
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
656
00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:04,777
Just the fist, or all the way
up to the elbow?
657
00:40:09,824 --> 00:40:12,452
Definitely all
the way up to the elbow.
658
00:40:12,535 --> 00:40:14,537
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.
659
00:40:15,413 --> 00:40:17,749
You stole that from Robocop!
That's from Robocop!
660
00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:19,834
Just stand down!
661
00:40:19,918 --> 00:40:21,961
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire.
662
00:40:23,379 --> 00:40:25,673
Oh, my God! I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!
663
00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:33,973
Oh, shit!
That fucking does it!
664
00:40:34,474 --> 00:40:35,808
Put your hands
behind your knees
665
00:40:35,892 --> 00:40:37,352
and get down
on your head! Now!
666
00:40:37,435 --> 00:40:39,646
Wade! What was first rule?
667
00:40:39,729 --> 00:40:41,648
Label everything
in the refrigerator!
668
00:40:41,731 --> 00:40:44,317
Do not escalate!
Rules are meant to be broken!
669
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:45,777
That's the exact opposite
670
00:40:45,860 --> 00:40:47,236
of what they're meant for!
671
00:40:48,237 --> 00:40:49,697
Fuck! Fine!
672
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:51,282
I'll start from the beginning.
673
00:40:51,908 --> 00:40:54,243
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.
674
00:40:54,327 --> 00:40:56,287
Trainee!
Shut it!
675
00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:59,499
Look, I get it.
676
00:41:00,667 --> 00:41:02,293
All right, you're scared.
677
00:41:02,835 --> 00:41:03,878
Alone.
678
00:41:03,962 --> 00:41:05,004
You got no family.
679
00:41:05,088 --> 00:41:06,089
I didn't have
a family, either.
680
00:41:06,172 --> 00:41:07,882
You live in this dump.
Guess what?
681
00:41:07,966 --> 00:41:09,676
I used to live in a shithole
just like it.
682
00:41:10,593 --> 00:41:11,886
But you know something?
683
00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:13,680
A wise woman
once said to me...
684
00:41:13,763 --> 00:41:15,139
"Speak up.
685
00:41:15,223 --> 00:41:17,433
"L can't hear you with that
pity dick in your mouth."
686
00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:19,727
Too much? I went too far.
687
00:41:27,735 --> 00:41:29,237
That was effervescent.
688
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,239
Stay in school, kid.
689
00:41:31,614 --> 00:41:33,116
Or don't. I didn't.
690
00:41:33,491 --> 00:41:35,034
And I'm an X-Man.
691
00:41:35,118 --> 00:41:36,202
Trainee.
692
00:41:36,285 --> 00:41:37,620
Fuck it!
693
00:41:37,704 --> 00:41:39,455
Superhero landing coming up!
694
00:41:43,042 --> 00:41:44,669
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
695
00:41:44,752 --> 00:41:46,587
That is so not practical.
696
00:42:07,358 --> 00:42:09,360
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.
697
00:42:09,444 --> 00:42:10,445
Trainee!
698
00:42:10,528 --> 00:42:11,571
Trainee!
699
00:42:12,196 --> 00:42:13,698
Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
700
00:42:13,781 --> 00:42:16,993
Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
701
00:42:18,870 --> 00:42:20,371
What's that do?
702
00:42:20,455 --> 00:42:21,914
Power-dampening collar.
703
00:42:21,998 --> 00:42:23,249
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.
704
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:26,127
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
705
00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:29,172
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.
706
00:42:29,255 --> 00:42:30,506
HEADMASTERI Thank you!
707
00:42:32,341 --> 00:42:34,552
That was absolutely thrilling.
708
00:42:34,635 --> 00:42:36,637
True heroism in action.
709
00:42:36,888 --> 00:42:38,556
We are in your debt.
710
00:42:39,348 --> 00:42:40,975
We can take it from here.
711
00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:43,227
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!
712
00:42:43,311 --> 00:42:44,479
Anywhere's better than here.
713
00:42:44,562 --> 00:42:45,772
Believe me, son,
714
00:42:45,855 --> 00:42:47,565
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.
715
00:42:47,648 --> 00:42:50,151
That place makes Hitler's anus
look like Waikiki.
716
00:42:50,276 --> 00:42:52,111
Let's get you inside,
young man.
717
00:42:52,195 --> 00:42:54,155
No, wait, wait. Wait.
718
00:42:54,238 --> 00:42:55,740
You guys stay there.
719
00:43:05,833 --> 00:43:07,460
Those guys hurt you?
720
00:43:08,878 --> 00:43:09,921
Who?
721
00:43:11,964 --> 00:43:14,675
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
722
00:43:16,135 --> 00:43:17,637
Both of 'em?
723
00:43:21,349 --> 00:43:23,017
Oh, fuck it.
724
00:43:23,101 --> 00:43:24,644
Four or five moments!
725
00:43:24,727 --> 00:43:25,728
I'm sorry?
726
00:43:25,812 --> 00:43:28,981
Four or five moments!
727
00:43:30,233 --> 00:43:32,985
That's all it takes
to be a hero.
728
00:43:34,028 --> 00:43:36,030
People think
you wake up a hero...
729
00:43:36,364 --> 00:43:37,990
brush your teeth a hero...
730
00:43:38,574 --> 00:43:41,077
ejaculate into
a soap dispenser a hero.
731
00:43:42,870 --> 00:43:46,624
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
732
00:43:47,959 --> 00:43:49,585
A few moments...
733
00:43:49,669 --> 00:43:52,296
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
734
00:43:55,842 --> 00:43:56,968
No!
735
00:43:59,637 --> 00:44:00,847
Stand down!
Hold your fire!
736
00:44:00,930 --> 00:44:03,224
Wade, what did you do?
Colossus, no!
737
00:44:03,307 --> 00:44:06,561
You were right, Wade.
You are not X-Men material.
738
00:44:06,644 --> 00:44:08,896
No shit, Shiny Gandhi!
739
00:44:08,980 --> 00:44:10,439
What was your first clue?
740
00:44:10,523 --> 00:44:13,317
The hollow point
through that fuckhead's face?
741
00:44:13,693 --> 00:44:14,944
That kid was abused!
742
00:44:15,027 --> 00:44:16,821
- You can always tell!
- We have rules!
743
00:44:17,113 --> 00:44:19,824
You are notjudge,
jury or executioner!
744
00:44:19,907 --> 00:44:22,827
Fuck your rules!
I fight for what's right!
745
00:44:22,910 --> 00:44:24,495
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
746
00:44:24,787 --> 00:44:27,832
You let me down
for the last time, Wade.
747
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,212
Okay,
get these guys in the pod.
748
00:44:33,296 --> 00:44:35,464
Take them to the Ice Box.
749
00:44:56,110 --> 00:44:57,111
Hey, baby!
750
00:44:58,196 --> 00:45:00,406
I wonder what gang
I'll be in.
751
00:45:00,489 --> 00:45:01,866
Yeah!
752
00:45:02,033 --> 00:45:04,285
- Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
- Hi.
753
00:45:06,162 --> 00:45:07,538
I've always seen myself as
754
00:45:07,622 --> 00:45:08,998
more of
an East Coast Hufflepuff.
755
00:45:10,499 --> 00:45:13,461
I've made a critical error
on my Airbnb reservation.
756
00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:17,381
This is not what the website
looked like at all.
757
00:45:18,966 --> 00:45:20,676
I love the decor though.
758
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:22,678
I had no idea
hopeless was a color.
759
00:45:22,762 --> 00:45:24,013
Hard left, douchebag.
760
00:45:28,517 --> 00:45:29,685
Please, after you.
761
00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:34,565
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.
762
00:45:34,649 --> 00:45:35,733
We'll sleep well tonight.
763
00:45:35,816 --> 00:45:36,817
Let's get a bagel.
764
00:45:40,112 --> 00:45:42,949
Nighty-night,
W“ anrwving prick!
765
00:46:18,734 --> 00:46:20,569
You're a long way
from your superpowers.
766
00:46:20,653 --> 00:46:23,030
Yeah. Just a touch of cancer.
767
00:46:23,114 --> 00:46:25,574
Not to worry,
we're old friends.
768
00:46:25,658 --> 00:46:26,826
Fuck!
769
00:46:26,909 --> 00:46:28,577
I wanted to be a superhero.
770
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:31,038
Always wanted
a real super suit.
771
00:46:31,122 --> 00:46:32,665
What happened?
772
00:46:32,748 --> 00:46:34,792
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?
773
00:46:35,501 --> 00:46:36,669
Never.
774
00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:38,838
The industry discriminates.
775
00:46:39,922 --> 00:46:41,465
Fuck superheroes.
776
00:46:42,049 --> 00:46:44,260
The thing that
pisses me off the most...
777
00:46:44,343 --> 00:46:46,178
I never stood up
for myself in there.
778
00:46:47,805 --> 00:46:49,598
My whole life.
779
00:46:50,766 --> 00:46:54,228
I've been waiting for someone
to come and save me.
780
00:46:56,647 --> 00:46:59,608
Nobody's gonna sacrifice
anything for me.
781
00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:05,990
I gotta start taking care
of myself.
782
00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:09,160
I have a mission now.
783
00:47:10,119 --> 00:47:12,747
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
784
00:47:12,830 --> 00:47:15,124
burn the headmaster alive...
785
00:47:15,207 --> 00:47:17,793
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
786
00:47:18,961 --> 00:47:21,380
Aw. That's, like,
my favorite part of the Bible.
787
00:47:23,132 --> 00:47:25,051
I don't have
a sock puppet on me...
788
00:47:25,676 --> 00:47:27,136
but what did he do to you?
789
00:47:27,762 --> 00:47:29,305
Did he taste the rainbow?
790
00:47:29,388 --> 00:47:31,432
I'd whisper it,
but Skittles would sue us.
791
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,226
Fucker hates mutants.
792
00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:36,562
He tried to beat
the genes out of us.
793
00:47:36,645 --> 00:47:39,190
Nothing worse than a "pray
the gay away" type guy.
794
00:47:39,982 --> 00:47:41,359
Sick piece of shit.
795
00:47:42,777 --> 00:47:46,447
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...
796
00:47:47,406 --> 00:47:49,075
and we'll make him our bitch!
797
00:47:53,037 --> 00:47:54,330
What was that?
798
00:47:54,413 --> 00:47:56,374
That is the biggest guy
in here.
799
00:47:57,041 --> 00:47:59,085
Fun fact about the Ice Box...
800
00:47:59,168 --> 00:48:00,961
though no one's ever seen it,
801
00:48:01,045 --> 00:48:03,214
they keep a monster
in the basement.
802
00:48:03,297 --> 00:48:05,007
Right next to a huge,
803
00:48:05,091 --> 00:48:06,634
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.
804
00:48:07,259 --> 00:48:08,260
Look.
805
00:48:09,261 --> 00:48:11,180
I can't protect you.
806
00:48:11,555 --> 00:48:12,681
With this collar on,
807
00:48:12,765 --> 00:48:15,851
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.
808
00:48:15,935 --> 00:48:18,813
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.
809
00:48:19,438 --> 00:48:21,482
Now, if you'll excuse me...
810
00:48:21,565 --> 00:48:24,735
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
811
00:48:24,819 --> 00:48:27,071
I'll start by making us
a shank.
812
00:48:27,321 --> 00:48:29,198
Good listening.
I stole that guard's pen...
813
00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:31,200
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,
814
00:48:31,283 --> 00:48:32,660
if you know what I'm saying.
815
00:48:32,743 --> 00:48:35,204
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.
816
00:48:37,289 --> 00:48:39,583
I know it's in there,
I just need to get it out.
817
00:48:39,667 --> 00:48:41,585
Oh, Jesus Christ.
818
00:48:41,836 --> 00:48:44,088
I can hear you
rummaging around in there.
819
00:48:44,505 --> 00:48:46,632
Do they make Purell
for your ears?
820
00:48:51,429 --> 00:48:52,763
And to update you
821
00:48:52,847 --> 00:48:54,181
on the story reported earlier,
822
00:48:54,265 --> 00:48:55,808
after a lengthy standoff
823
00:48:55,891 --> 00:48:58,561
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...
824
00:48:58,644 --> 00:48:59,937
two mutants were arrested
825
00:49:00,020 --> 00:49:01,647
and transported
to the Ice Box...
826
00:49:01,814 --> 00:49:03,190
Entering repair mode.
827
00:49:07,611 --> 00:49:08,988
...several
police cars were destroyed
828
00:49:09,071 --> 00:49:11,073
and the X-Men were called in
to restore order.
829
00:49:32,303 --> 00:49:34,263
Cells seven and nine
830
00:49:34,346 --> 00:49:37,683
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
831
00:49:37,766 --> 00:49:39,226
Cells seven and nine
832
00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:42,062
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
833
00:49:43,814 --> 00:49:45,191
Psst!
834
00:49:47,485 --> 00:49:49,320
Don't do that.
835
00:49:49,904 --> 00:49:52,740
What? Why are you
winking at me?
836
00:49:56,368 --> 00:49:57,745
I got your back.
837
00:49:57,828 --> 00:49:58,996
Oh, my God.
838
00:49:59,079 --> 00:50:00,539
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
839
00:50:00,623 --> 00:50:02,541
Just leave me alone, kid.
840
00:50:03,667 --> 00:50:04,752
Oh, great.
841
00:50:06,587 --> 00:50:09,089
Well, hello there, new fish.
842
00:50:09,173 --> 00:50:12,092
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
843
00:50:12,259 --> 00:50:14,470
I've done some
light catalog work...
844
00:50:14,553 --> 00:50:17,014
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
845
00:50:17,097 --> 00:50:19,016
L was talking to him.
Oh.
846
00:50:19,934 --> 00:50:22,937
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.
847
00:50:23,354 --> 00:50:25,981
Black Tom Cassidy.
White Wade Wilson.
848
00:50:26,065 --> 00:50:29,193
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
849
00:50:29,527 --> 00:50:32,071
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.
850
00:50:32,154 --> 00:50:33,822
You don't look
like much to me.
851
00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:37,159
First rule of the yard,
fuckface...
852
00:50:37,243 --> 00:50:38,827
find the biggest guy
and make him your...
853
00:50:43,123 --> 00:50:45,292
Second biggest guy.
854
00:50:45,376 --> 00:50:47,628
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.
855
00:50:47,878 --> 00:50:51,382
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
856
00:50:51,465 --> 00:50:52,800
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?
857
00:50:54,593 --> 00:50:56,220
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
858
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:59,181
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!
859
00:50:59,265 --> 00:51:01,517
Zip it. We're not friends.
860
00:51:03,227 --> 00:51:04,311
You're about to get
dick-slapped.
861
00:51:05,479 --> 00:51:07,940
UNMATESSHOUHNG)
862
00:51:16,865 --> 00:51:18,576
I had so much fun!
You were like...
863
00:51:18,659 --> 00:51:20,703
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."
864
00:51:20,786 --> 00:51:21,912
Just let me die in peace.
865
00:51:22,580 --> 00:51:24,331
We make a great team!
866
00:51:24,748 --> 00:51:27,293
Oh, God! We're not a team.
867
00:51:27,376 --> 00:51:31,672
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.
868
00:51:31,755 --> 00:51:34,174
We're not partners
or friends.
869
00:51:35,593 --> 00:51:37,636
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
870
00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:39,888
It ends with me
dying of cancer...
871
00:51:39,972 --> 00:51:43,517
and you winning the Ice Box
award for softest mouth.
872
00:51:45,269 --> 00:51:46,812
There's only one person
in this world
873
00:51:46,895 --> 00:51:48,689
that I care about,
and she's gone.
874
00:51:50,482 --> 00:51:52,484
You wanna survive?
875
00:51:53,694 --> 00:51:56,989
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...
876
00:51:57,072 --> 00:51:58,949
and make friends with them.
877
00:52:00,242 --> 00:52:01,827
Make friends with someone.
878
00:52:03,078 --> 00:52:04,663
Anyone but me.
879
00:52:05,831 --> 00:52:08,167
Maybe even Black Tim.
880
00:52:09,084 --> 00:52:10,628
Black Evan, I don't know.
881
00:52:10,711 --> 00:52:13,213
All I remember is
he was African-American.
882
00:52:58,676 --> 00:53:00,719
System malfunctioning.
883
00:53:00,803 --> 00:53:04,139
Cells 7,12,14,27.
884
00:53:04,223 --> 00:53:06,433
Back in your cells, you filthy
mutants! Get in there!
885
00:53:06,517 --> 00:53:09,812
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.
886
00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:12,398
Searching.
887
00:53:13,941 --> 00:53:16,318
Cell 04 located.
888
00:53:17,695 --> 00:53:19,321
Door won't open!
889
00:53:19,863 --> 00:53:21,490
On your fucking knees!
890
00:53:58,444 --> 00:54:00,154
That was our cell.
891
00:54:02,281 --> 00:54:04,533
What did I do to piss off
a grumpy old fucker
892
00:54:04,616 --> 00:54:05,784
with a Winter Soldier arm?
893
00:54:15,043 --> 00:54:16,962
Get away from me, kid!
894
00:54:24,595 --> 00:54:25,804
Listen to me! Go!
895
00:54:31,310 --> 00:54:32,603
Hello, Russell.
896
00:55:56,019 --> 00:55:58,063
I don't bargain.
897
00:56:16,206 --> 00:56:17,207
Who are you?
898
00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:19,334
I'm Batman.
899
00:56:30,762 --> 00:56:31,805
Ooh!
900
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,438
Oh. That's got some zip.
901
00:56:47,946 --> 00:56:50,741
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.
902
00:56:51,450 --> 00:56:52,492
Talk!
903
00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:54,786
What kind of
spineless shit stick
904
00:56:54,870 --> 00:56:56,246
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?
905
00:56:57,539 --> 00:56:58,707
You might wanna start talking!
906
00:56:58,790 --> 00:57:01,209
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!
907
00:57:02,711 --> 00:57:04,212
The name's Cable.
908
00:57:04,755 --> 00:57:07,424
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.
909
00:57:08,091 --> 00:57:09,384
Oh!
910
00:57:09,468 --> 00:57:10,928
So, you're from the future.
911
00:57:11,470 --> 00:57:13,305
I have
three questions then.
912
00:57:13,472 --> 00:57:16,642
One, is dubstep still a thing?
913
00:57:17,100 --> 00:57:19,561
Two, do people still homebrew?
914
00:57:19,645 --> 00:57:22,230
And three,
does Dopinder ever find love?
915
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:08,110
Dubstep's for pussies.
916
00:58:08,193 --> 00:58:09,361
You're so dark!
917
00:58:09,444 --> 00:58:11,655
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
918
00:58:12,406 --> 00:58:13,907
I love dubstep!
919
00:58:40,225 --> 00:58:41,643
ls that a fanny pack?
920
00:58:41,727 --> 00:58:44,312
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.
921
00:58:45,272 --> 00:58:47,357
Something to remember you by.
922
00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:51,153
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
923
00:58:51,236 --> 00:58:53,613
Like the memory
of your fucking fanny pack!
924
00:59:03,331 --> 00:59:05,417
Why are you protecting
the kid?
925
00:59:06,752 --> 00:59:08,670
I don't give a fuck
about him...
926
00:59:09,087 --> 00:59:11,506
and his Are You My Mother?
complex!
927
00:59:13,842 --> 00:59:15,093
What's this one do?
928
00:59:29,274 --> 00:59:30,859
In every film,
there's a moment
929
00:59:30,942 --> 00:59:33,278
when the hero
hits rock bottom.
930
00:59:33,361 --> 00:59:35,280
In Cool Runnings,
it was when John Candy's
931
00:59:35,363 --> 00:59:36,656
prized bobsled broke.
932
00:59:37,365 --> 00:59:40,077
In Human Centipede,
it was when those people...
933
00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:41,703
signed on to be in that movie.
934
00:59:41,787 --> 00:59:43,246
But in this film, well...
935
00:59:43,955 --> 00:59:45,123
you're looking at it.
936
00:59:45,207 --> 00:59:46,958
On your fucking knees, mutant.
937
00:59:49,878 --> 00:59:50,879
Rock...
938
00:59:54,925 --> 00:59:56,426
meet bottom.
939
01:00:07,104 --> 01:00:08,188
I love you, Wade Wilson.
940
01:00:08,271 --> 01:00:09,481
Ness?
941
01:00:10,524 --> 01:00:11,983
Hey,Ness!
942
01:00:12,859 --> 01:00:14,653
Ness, can you let me in?
943
01:00:14,736 --> 01:00:16,822
Please! Please.
944
01:00:18,990 --> 01:00:20,075
Jesus.
945
01:00:23,036 --> 01:00:24,746
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.
946
01:00:24,830 --> 01:00:26,623
I'm at the end of my rope.
947
01:00:29,126 --> 01:00:31,378
Then I joined the X-Men.
948
01:00:31,545 --> 01:00:33,380
I went to prison. I, uh...
949
01:00:37,467 --> 01:00:38,969
ls it the kid?
950
01:00:41,012 --> 01:00:43,932
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
951
01:00:45,350 --> 01:00:46,351
The kid!
952
01:01:00,407 --> 01:01:01,700
That's exactly what she meant.
953
01:01:01,783 --> 01:01:02,951
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.
954
01:01:03,076 --> 01:01:04,911
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.
955
01:01:04,995 --> 01:01:07,581
He's never had anyone, ever.
956
01:01:07,664 --> 01:01:08,957
I need to be selfless.
957
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:10,959
Yeah, but what does
that mean?
958
01:01:11,042 --> 01:01:14,171
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.
959
01:01:14,337 --> 01:01:15,839
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...
960
01:01:15,922 --> 01:01:18,884
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
961
01:01:18,967 --> 01:01:20,969
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
962
01:01:21,052 --> 01:01:22,470
I literally don't know
what that means.
963
01:01:22,637 --> 01:01:23,763
Jesus Christ.
964
01:01:23,847 --> 01:01:26,558
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...
965
01:01:26,641 --> 01:01:28,393
those muties
are being transferred
966
01:01:28,476 --> 01:01:30,270
to a supermax, 80 miles away.
967
01:01:30,353 --> 01:01:32,147
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.
968
01:01:32,230 --> 01:01:34,357
Hold your testicles there,
buddy,okay?
969
01:01:34,441 --> 01:01:36,401
We're talking about
an armored convoy...
970
01:01:36,484 --> 01:01:39,070
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...
971
01:01:39,154 --> 01:01:41,489
that is looking to turn your
skull into a fuckable ashtray.
972
01:01:41,573 --> 01:01:42,991
You know what we need to do?
973
01:01:43,074 --> 01:01:44,826
We need to build
a fucking team.
974
01:01:44,993 --> 01:01:47,037
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...
975
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:48,496
and young enough
so they can carry
976
01:01:48,580 --> 01:01:49,706
this franchise 10 to 12 years.
977
01:01:49,789 --> 01:01:51,625
A team of
highly-skilled motherfuckers.
978
01:01:51,708 --> 01:01:54,711
I'm talking about some
Ocean's 14 shit. Rogue Two.
979
01:01:54,794 --> 01:01:57,172
John Wick 3, but with
the original director.
980
01:01:57,255 --> 01:01:59,132
My body is an
instrument of death.
981
01:01:59,216 --> 01:02:00,550
Not now, Dopinder.
982
01:02:00,634 --> 01:02:02,052
I could be of great use.
983
01:02:02,135 --> 01:02:03,720
What's your superpower?
984
01:02:05,513 --> 01:02:07,140
Courage.
That's adorable.
985
01:02:07,224 --> 01:02:08,850
Do you have the courage
to check and see...
986
01:02:08,934 --> 01:02:11,269
if there are enough sanitary
napkins in the dispenser?
987
01:02:11,353 --> 01:02:12,354
Yes, sir.
988
01:02:12,437 --> 01:02:13,688
I'm sorry
you had to see that,
989
01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:15,273
although I'm glad
you heard it.
990
01:02:16,149 --> 01:02:18,026
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.
991
01:02:18,109 --> 01:02:20,320
But we're not paying
medical or dental.
992
01:02:20,403 --> 01:02:22,447
It's time to get back
on Linkedln.
993
01:02:59,317 --> 01:03:00,860
Attention, all inmates!
994
01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:03,405
Transport to Cross Force
Maximum Security
995
01:03:03,488 --> 01:03:04,864
Mutant Containment Facility...
996
01:03:05,031 --> 01:03:06,866
will begin at 0800 hours.
997
01:03:07,033 --> 01:03:08,994
Inspection of your cells
and out processing
998
01:03:09,077 --> 01:03:11,121
will begin at 0600.
999
01:03:19,421 --> 01:03:20,422
Oi.
1000
01:03:20,547 --> 01:03:21,881
What the fuck
do you want?
1001
01:03:21,965 --> 01:03:23,758
That's my fucking pudding.
1002
01:03:23,842 --> 01:03:25,135
Fuck your pudding!
You like pudding?
1003
01:03:46,865 --> 01:03:47,866
Hello?
1004
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:52,495
I know you're in there.
1005
01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:10,472
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.
1006
01:04:11,765 --> 01:04:14,017
Lonely at the top, eh?
1007
01:04:14,100 --> 01:04:16,061
They're moving us tomorrow.
1008
01:04:18,521 --> 01:04:20,315
Maybe I can get you
out of here.
1009
01:04:21,524 --> 01:04:24,694
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.
1010
01:04:26,529 --> 01:04:28,281
We need a secret code.
1011
01:04:31,326 --> 01:04:33,953
No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.
1012
01:04:41,211 --> 01:04:42,712
We're a team.
1013
01:04:42,796 --> 01:04:44,714
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.
1014
01:04:44,798 --> 01:04:46,758
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.
1015
01:04:48,468 --> 01:04:49,511
Supposedly,
she can rap, too.
1016
01:04:49,594 --> 01:04:50,678
DEADPOOLI Yeah.
1017
01:04:50,762 --> 01:04:51,763
I like that.
1018
01:04:51,846 --> 01:04:53,264
Terrific,
these are all terrific.
1019
01:04:53,515 --> 01:04:55,225
Meet Bedlam.
1020
01:04:55,308 --> 01:04:57,477
Cool name! Superpowers?
1021
01:04:57,602 --> 01:04:59,104
I can distort
electrical fields.
1022
01:05:00,355 --> 01:05:02,524
Including the one
inside your brain...
1023
01:05:02,607 --> 01:05:05,276
causing anxiety, confusion...
1024
01:05:05,360 --> 01:05:06,444
Dam
1025
01:05:07,404 --> 01:05:09,447
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.
1026
01:05:09,531 --> 01:05:10,698
We can use him.
1027
01:05:12,450 --> 01:05:13,993
I'm Zeitgeist.
1028
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:15,412
Cool. I like it.
1029
01:05:15,495 --> 01:05:16,746
So you have the power
1030
01:05:16,830 --> 01:05:19,165
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?
1031
01:05:20,208 --> 01:05:21,334
No.
1032
01:05:21,418 --> 01:05:22,961
No, I spit acidic vomit.
1033
01:05:23,044 --> 01:05:24,129
Oh.
Do you want me
1034
01:05:24,212 --> 01:05:25,547
- to demonstrate?
- No!
1035
01:05:25,630 --> 01:05:26,965
We'll take
your word for it.
1036
01:05:27,048 --> 01:05:28,508
Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've
all eaten at Arby's, okay?
1037
01:05:29,342 --> 01:05:31,970
And this is the Vanisher.
1038
01:05:35,306 --> 01:05:36,307
But...
1039
01:05:37,475 --> 01:05:38,935
Vanisher!
1040
01:05:41,479 --> 01:05:43,148
Nice!
Right?
1041
01:05:44,441 --> 01:05:45,525
He's not here, is he?
1042
01:05:45,608 --> 01:05:47,152
He may be running late.
1043
01:05:48,736 --> 01:05:51,197
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.
1044
01:05:51,614 --> 01:05:52,824
That's good, yeah.
1045
01:05:52,907 --> 01:05:54,993
"Rusty" is terrible.
Toughie.
1046
01:05:55,076 --> 01:05:57,787
So, uh, where are you from?
The planet Mojo World.
1047
01:05:57,954 --> 01:05:59,956
So you're an alien, I guess.
Bad name.
1048
01:06:00,039 --> 01:06:01,666
How does that, uh, help us?
1049
01:06:01,749 --> 01:06:04,544
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
1050
01:06:04,711 --> 01:06:06,379
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people
1051
01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:08,006
that are worse than me
at everything.
1052
01:06:08,089 --> 01:06:10,258
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.
1053
01:06:10,341 --> 01:06:12,218
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.
1054
01:06:12,302 --> 01:06:13,386
Isn't that Canada?
1055
01:06:13,470 --> 01:06:15,889
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!
1056
01:06:17,056 --> 01:06:18,516
Meet...
Domino.
1057
01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:20,310
What's your shtick?
I'm lucky.
1058
01:06:20,685 --> 01:06:21,686
That's not a superpower.
1059
01:06:22,145 --> 01:06:23,146
Yeah, it is.
No, it isn't.
1060
01:06:23,313 --> 01:06:24,522
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
1061
01:06:24,606 --> 01:06:25,607
Yeah, it is.
No, it isn't.
1062
01:06:25,690 --> 01:06:26,691
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
1063
01:06:26,774 --> 01:06:27,775
Yeah, it is.
Really isn't.
1064
01:06:27,859 --> 01:06:28,943
No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.
1065
01:06:29,110 --> 01:06:30,111
Told you.
1066
01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:31,529
Get out of my head!
1067
01:06:31,696 --> 01:06:33,281
I'm not in your head.
1068
01:06:33,364 --> 01:06:34,574
I'm in an
11-year-old's bedroom.
1069
01:06:34,741 --> 01:06:35,867
Well, if you're so lucky,
1070
01:06:35,950 --> 01:06:37,494
then what are you
doing here with us?
1071
01:06:37,577 --> 01:06:38,661
I don't know yet.
1072
01:06:38,745 --> 01:06:39,746
What's that supposed to mean?
1073
01:06:39,829 --> 01:06:41,539
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.
1074
01:06:41,623 --> 01:06:43,374
Everything usually
just kind of works out for me.
1075
01:06:43,458 --> 01:06:45,293
Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds.
1076
01:06:46,586 --> 01:06:47,670
I don't know who that is.
1077
01:06:47,754 --> 01:06:48,922
You're hired.
1078
01:06:49,297 --> 01:06:50,298
Lucky me.
1079
01:06:50,381 --> 01:06:51,591
DEADPOOLI I like her!
1080
01:06:52,717 --> 01:06:54,010
And last, but not least...
1081
01:06:54,093 --> 01:06:55,220
Peter.
1082
01:06:56,596 --> 01:06:58,556
Am I getting
catfished here or...?
1083
01:06:59,182 --> 01:07:01,059
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?
1084
01:07:01,142 --> 01:07:02,227
PETER; No.
1085
01:07:02,769 --> 01:07:04,437
I don't have one.
1086
01:07:04,521 --> 01:07:05,813
Um, I just saw the ad.
1087
01:07:05,897 --> 01:07:07,607
No superpowers at all?
1088
01:07:07,690 --> 01:07:10,818
Uh, I have both
Type 1 and 2 Diabetes.
1089
01:07:11,319 --> 01:07:12,612
OW! Oh!
1090
01:07:12,695 --> 01:07:13,821
That's all the diabetes.
1091
01:07:13,905 --> 01:07:15,156
Right?
Yeah, you got 'em all.
1092
01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:17,158
If you find a Type 3,
let us know.
1093
01:07:17,659 --> 01:07:18,660
Yeah.
1094
01:07:18,743 --> 01:07:19,827
You're in.
1095
01:07:19,911 --> 01:07:21,412
Yeah.
Fuck!
1096
01:07:23,790 --> 01:07:25,208
It's fulfilling work.
1097
01:07:30,296 --> 01:07:31,589
Let's go!
1098
01:07:45,228 --> 01:07:47,772
GUARD". This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.
1099
01:07:47,855 --> 01:07:49,232
We are en route.
1100
01:07:56,823 --> 01:07:59,200
Peacetime makes people soft.
1101
01:08:00,785 --> 01:08:02,579
I was born into war.
1102
01:08:04,122 --> 01:08:05,290
Bred into it.
1103
01:08:06,416 --> 01:08:07,417
Okay.
1104
01:08:08,251 --> 01:08:10,587
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?
1105
01:08:12,547 --> 01:08:13,756
These restraints are pretty...
1106
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:15,258
People think
they understand pain.
1107
01:08:15,758 --> 01:08:17,176
They have no concept of it
1108
01:08:17,260 --> 01:08:19,220
beyond their own
worst experience.
1109
01:08:20,805 --> 01:08:23,975
5 years old. That's what?
1110
01:08:24,058 --> 01:08:25,560
A bee sting.
1111
01:08:25,643 --> 01:08:26,728
Oh, yeah.
1112
01:08:26,811 --> 01:08:29,314
20 years old, shrapnel.
1113
01:08:29,397 --> 01:08:31,691
40 years old, disease.
1114
01:08:32,150 --> 01:08:36,654
Maybe the kind that leaves you
more machine than man.
1115
01:08:36,738 --> 01:08:38,114
Yeah, getting old's
not for sissies.
1116
01:08:38,197 --> 01:08:39,782
That's what my
Grandma Ginny used to...
1117
01:08:39,866 --> 01:08:41,075
I've got a list.
1118
01:08:41,826 --> 01:08:43,786
We're gonna work down it.
1119
01:08:44,495 --> 01:08:45,496
Together.
1120
01:08:46,664 --> 01:08:48,791
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
1121
01:08:49,751 --> 01:08:52,045
Something that was not
meant to bend.
1122
01:08:52,128 --> 01:08:53,171
I'm gonna
stop you right there
1123
01:08:53,254 --> 01:08:54,547
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
1124
01:08:54,631 --> 01:08:55,923
I won't even
make it to one.
1125
01:08:56,007 --> 01:08:57,675
I don't do well with pain,
you know.
1126
01:08:57,759 --> 01:08:59,886
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
1127
01:09:00,178 --> 01:09:02,180
I cried when they
canceled Felicity.
1128
01:09:02,597 --> 01:09:04,390
When I get really scared,
I get nervous erections.
1129
01:09:04,474 --> 01:09:05,808
I have one right now.
1130
01:09:05,892 --> 01:09:07,435
Don't look.
It'll only make it worse.
1131
01:09:07,518 --> 01:09:08,561
I don't want you
to hurt me,
1132
01:09:08,645 --> 01:09:10,897
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
1133
01:09:11,856 --> 01:09:13,483
Except for where they are.
1134
01:09:14,067 --> 01:09:15,276
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound
1135
01:09:15,360 --> 01:09:16,569
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
1136
01:09:16,653 --> 01:09:18,071
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.
1137
01:09:18,154 --> 01:09:19,572
You all know the plan.
1138
01:09:19,656 --> 01:09:21,366
Intercept the convoy,
1139
01:09:21,449 --> 01:09:23,409
grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!
1140
01:09:23,493 --> 01:09:24,494
You know what,
1141
01:09:24,577 --> 01:09:25,662
I wouldn't fuck with
Deadpool either.
1142
01:09:25,745 --> 01:09:28,539
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.
1143
01:09:28,623 --> 01:09:31,292
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
1144
01:09:31,376 --> 01:09:33,961
Watch out for this guy, Cable!
1145
01:09:34,045 --> 01:09:37,173
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.
1146
01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:40,009
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.
1147
01:09:40,468 --> 01:09:42,261
So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...
1148
01:09:43,262 --> 01:09:44,847
there's a wind advisory
in effect.
1149
01:09:56,192 --> 01:09:57,777
A little turbulent up here.
1150
01:10:05,201 --> 01:10:06,953
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...
1151
01:10:07,036 --> 01:10:08,371
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed
1152
01:10:08,454 --> 01:10:10,206
as many people
as melanoma has.
1153
01:10:11,582 --> 01:10:12,667
We're getting close!
1154
01:10:13,042 --> 01:10:14,669
As a former X-Man...
1155
01:10:14,752 --> 01:10:16,629
Trainee.
Thank you, Bedlam.
1156
01:10:16,713 --> 01:10:19,048
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
1157
01:10:19,132 --> 01:10:20,675
in the group's name.
1158
01:10:20,758 --> 01:10:22,760
X-Men! Men!
1159
01:10:22,844 --> 01:10:25,805
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
1160
01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:27,181
Gender neutral.
1161
01:10:27,265 --> 01:10:29,559
From now on,
we'll be known as...
1162
01:10:31,811 --> 01:10:33,146
X-Force.
1163
01:10:33,229 --> 01:10:34,939
Isn't that
a little derivative?
1164
01:10:35,022 --> 01:10:37,442
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter!
1165
01:10:38,693 --> 01:10:40,153
That wasn't me.
1166
01:10:47,201 --> 01:10:49,495
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...
1167
01:10:49,579 --> 01:10:51,372
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
1168
01:10:51,456 --> 01:10:52,498
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
1169
01:10:52,582 --> 01:10:54,417
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
1170
01:10:54,500 --> 01:10:55,501
Yeah!
1171
01:10:55,585 --> 01:10:57,336
I can't wait to kill!
1172
01:10:57,420 --> 01:10:59,088
Hey! Hey! Hey!
1173
01:11:00,214 --> 01:11:02,008
L just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
1174
01:11:02,925 --> 01:11:05,762
You know,
you guys look amazing!
1175
01:11:05,845 --> 01:11:08,681
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
1176
01:11:08,765 --> 01:11:09,807
This is the family
1177
01:11:09,891 --> 01:11:11,350
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...
1178
01:11:12,393 --> 01:11:13,436
Ah, Shit.
1179
01:11:15,062 --> 01:11:16,731
I just get a little choked up
sometimes.
1180
01:11:16,814 --> 01:11:18,608
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
1181
01:11:18,691 --> 01:11:20,026
about the high winds?
1182
01:11:20,109 --> 01:11:21,402
Gary.
My name's Peter.
1183
01:11:21,486 --> 01:11:23,362
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.
1184
01:11:23,446 --> 01:11:24,864
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
1185
01:11:25,156 --> 01:11:27,408
Did he just call himself God?
I think he did.
1186
01:11:27,492 --> 01:11:29,035
I'd like to go home.
And I'd like...
1187
01:11:29,118 --> 01:11:31,579
the McRib to be available
year round,
1188
01:11:31,662 --> 01:11:33,456
but sometimes dreams
don't come true.
1189
01:11:33,539 --> 01:11:35,666
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.
1190
01:11:35,750 --> 01:11:36,834
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
1191
01:11:36,918 --> 01:11:38,294
because of a light breeze?
1192
01:11:38,920 --> 01:11:41,172
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!
1193
01:11:41,255 --> 01:11:43,174
I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.
1194
01:11:43,257 --> 01:11:45,176
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.
1195
01:11:45,635 --> 01:11:47,762
Leonard, hit it!
1196
01:11:56,521 --> 01:11:58,564
Go!Go!Go!
1197
01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:35,643
Let's get some!
1198
01:12:35,726 --> 01:12:36,853
Whoo!
1199
01:12:36,936 --> 01:12:38,062
Oh, yeah!
1200
01:12:38,145 --> 01:12:40,982
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!
1201
01:12:42,024 --> 01:12:43,484
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
1202
01:12:43,568 --> 01:12:44,819
Whoa!
1203
01:12:50,074 --> 01:12:51,993
Little off course here.
1204
01:12:54,161 --> 01:12:56,998
Holy mommy fucking shit!
1205
01:12:57,748 --> 01:12:59,166
Ah, there they are.
1206
01:12:59,250 --> 01:13:02,336
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches.
1207
01:13:02,879 --> 01:13:04,797
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!
1208
01:13:09,886 --> 01:13:13,806
No! Tripping
motherfucking billies!
1209
01:13:14,223 --> 01:13:17,310
Shatterstar.
Okay, you got this.
1210
01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:19,061
Left!
1211
01:13:19,145 --> 01:13:20,479
Left!
1212
01:13:20,563 --> 01:13:22,773
You'd have to be insane
to take off in this.
1213
01:13:22,857 --> 01:13:25,067
No, stage left, you idiot!
1214
01:13:28,988 --> 01:13:30,489
Well,I guess
we found something
1215
01:13:30,573 --> 01:13:31,657
you're not better at.
1216
01:13:33,868 --> 01:13:35,161
Vanisher.
1217
01:13:35,244 --> 01:13:36,996
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.
1218
01:13:40,124 --> 01:13:41,542
on! Really?
1219
01:13:41,626 --> 01:13:43,419
All right,
we could do this with four.
1220
01:13:44,003 --> 01:13:46,964
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!
1221
01:13:47,048 --> 01:13:49,175
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!
1222
01:13:50,384 --> 01:13:52,428
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1223
01:13:52,511 --> 01:13:54,013
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1224
01:13:54,096 --> 01:13:55,264
We did it!
1225
01:13:55,348 --> 01:13:56,849
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!
1226
01:13:56,933 --> 01:13:58,017
X-Force!
1227
01:13:58,643 --> 01:13:59,727
X-Force.
1228
01:14:04,106 --> 01:14:05,983
Oh!
1229
01:14:09,695 --> 01:14:10,696
Peter.
1230
01:14:10,780 --> 01:14:11,781
I got you, buddy!
1231
01:14:11,864 --> 01:14:12,907
You're gonna be fine!
This is not good, man!
1232
01:14:12,990 --> 01:14:15,618
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1233
01:14:15,701 --> 01:14:17,119
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?
1234
01:14:17,203 --> 01:14:19,330
Yeah, we're X-Force.
We're X-Force.
1235
01:14:23,376 --> 01:14:25,378
Oh, my God!
What the fuck?
1236
01:14:25,461 --> 01:14:27,421
Fucking acidic vomit!
1237
01:14:29,006 --> 01:14:31,759
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1238
01:14:34,887 --> 01:14:37,264
Okay,
I'm over the convoy.
1239
01:14:37,348 --> 01:14:39,183
Where did the rest
of the team land?
1240
01:14:39,809 --> 01:14:41,435
Good news and bad news.
1241
01:14:41,519 --> 01:14:44,605
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.
1242
01:14:44,689 --> 01:14:45,773
The good news is,
1243
01:14:45,856 --> 01:14:47,817
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.
1244
01:14:47,900 --> 01:14:51,195
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!
1245
01:14:51,278 --> 01:14:52,279
Peter!
1246
01:14:52,363 --> 01:14:53,781
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.
1247
01:14:53,864 --> 01:14:54,949
But there is
a slight chance
1248
01:14:55,032 --> 01:14:56,367
Vanisher could make it.
1249
01:14:56,450 --> 01:14:58,995
Nope, no chance. He's dead.
1250
01:14:59,078 --> 01:15:00,246
The whole team?
1251
01:15:00,329 --> 01:15:02,123
Only the main ones.
We're still good.
1252
01:15:02,206 --> 01:15:03,457
Fuck, you are dumb.
1253
01:15:03,541 --> 01:15:05,126
Whoever planned this stunt's
1254
01:15:05,209 --> 01:15:07,378
been smoking
a lotjazz cabbage.
1255
01:15:07,461 --> 01:15:08,546
I'll tell you that much.
1256
01:15:08,629 --> 01:15:10,256
That's pretty obvious!
1257
01:15:10,339 --> 01:15:12,049
Looking good, Vanisher.
1258
01:15:21,892 --> 01:15:23,769
They're headed
into the tunnel.
1259
01:15:24,770 --> 01:15:26,188
I'm that kid's only hope,
1260
01:15:26,272 --> 01:15:28,149
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1261
01:15:28,899 --> 01:15:29,900
Whatever.
1262
01:15:29,984 --> 01:15:31,152
We're gonna lose 'em.
I'm dropping in.
1263
01:15:31,235 --> 01:15:34,155
Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.
1264
01:15:34,238 --> 01:15:36,741
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so fucked!
1265
01:15:36,824 --> 01:15:39,869
No, we most certainly
are not fucked.
1266
01:15:42,997 --> 01:15:45,624
Seriously,
I don't get it!
1267
01:15:45,708 --> 01:15:48,169
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?
1268
01:15:50,337 --> 01:15:52,131
It's just
it's hard to picture.
1269
01:15:52,214 --> 01:15:54,341
And certainly
not very cinematic.
1270
01:15:57,011 --> 01:15:58,596
I mean, luck?
1271
01:15:58,679 --> 01:16:01,182
What coked out,
glass pipe-sucking
1272
01:16:01,265 --> 01:16:02,600
freakshow comic book artist...
1273
01:16:02,683 --> 01:16:04,268
came up
with that little chestnut?
1274
01:16:04,351 --> 01:16:06,645
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!
1275
01:16:17,740 --> 01:16:20,993
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.
1276
01:16:21,077 --> 01:16:22,244
It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.
1277
01:16:22,328 --> 01:16:23,329
Wander the Earth...
I'm in.
1278
01:16:23,412 --> 01:16:24,872
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1279
01:16:24,955 --> 01:16:26,040
I'm in.
1280
01:16:26,123 --> 01:16:28,000
How in the fuck
are you in already?
1281
01:16:28,459 --> 01:16:29,710
Oh, shit.
1282
01:16:30,294 --> 01:16:31,504
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
1283
01:16:31,587 --> 01:16:32,630
Okay.
1284
01:16:32,713 --> 01:16:35,132
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers
1285
01:16:35,216 --> 01:16:37,927
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.
1286
01:16:38,010 --> 01:16:39,637
I'm coming up on your six.
1287
01:16:47,895 --> 01:16:49,897
That gun is amazing!
1288
01:16:59,073 --> 01:17:00,991
Hey!
Asshole!
1289
01:17:01,158 --> 01:17:02,743
Where is he?
I can't see him.
1290
01:17:02,827 --> 01:17:04,328
He's on top of you.
1291
01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:06,080
He's tearing you open!
1292
01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:07,957
He's going in
through the back!
1293
01:17:08,499 --> 01:17:09,583
Oh, God, he's inside!
1294
01:17:09,667 --> 01:17:10,918
You hear yourself, right?
1295
01:17:11,001 --> 01:17:12,419
Accidental double en ten dres!
1296
01:17:12,503 --> 01:17:14,964
Russell! Russell Collins!
1297
01:17:15,047 --> 01:17:16,966
Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1298
01:17:21,971 --> 01:17:22,972
No,no,no!
1299
01:17:27,309 --> 01:17:28,435
Shit!
1300
01:17:50,374 --> 01:17:52,293
Two can play that game!
1301
01:17:54,420 --> 01:17:56,255
Got it! No, I don't.
1302
01:17:57,256 --> 01:17:58,257
Showtime, mama!
1303
01:17:58,340 --> 01:17:59,967
Lady Luck, take the wheel.
1304
01:18:37,713 --> 01:18:39,465
I'd ask who you are, but
you'll be dead in a second.
1305
01:18:39,632 --> 01:18:41,675
I'm Domino, and doubtful.
1306
01:18:58,275 --> 01:18:59,276
Hang in there, Doms!
1307
01:19:00,611 --> 01:19:02,238
Oh, this is really hard.
1308
01:19:14,500 --> 01:19:15,918
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.
1309
01:19:19,463 --> 01:19:21,006
You're doing great.
X-Force.
1310
01:19:22,967 --> 01:19:24,969
I guess dubstep never dies.
1311
01:19:29,265 --> 01:19:30,307
Whoo!
1312
01:19:37,189 --> 01:19:39,984
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!
1313
01:19:42,778 --> 01:19:43,904
That's unfortunate.
1314
01:19:47,032 --> 01:19:48,284
We got no brakes!
1315
01:19:48,450 --> 01:19:49,702
Figure it out!
1316
01:19:54,081 --> 01:19:55,624
There's nothing I can't kill.
1317
01:19:58,419 --> 01:20:00,921
Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin
used to say...
1318
01:20:01,005 --> 01:20:03,340
"There's a first time
for everything, son."
1319
01:20:05,050 --> 01:20:06,635
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.
1320
01:20:21,483 --> 01:20:23,402
Those bullets were, like,
super fast.
1321
01:20:23,986 --> 01:20:24,987
Here we go.
1322
01:20:26,071 --> 01:20:28,282
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1323
01:20:28,365 --> 01:20:30,451
Here goes nothing.
1324
01:21:01,648 --> 01:21:03,400
Knock, knock.
1325
01:21:09,948 --> 01:21:10,949
That's my boy.
1326
01:21:17,373 --> 01:21:18,540
Holy...
1327
01:21:28,842 --> 01:21:30,427
I'll be first to admit...
1328
01:21:30,511 --> 01:21:32,888
this did not go
according to plan.
1329
01:21:34,223 --> 01:21:35,766
I'll also be the first
to admit that
1330
01:21:35,849 --> 01:21:37,684
that plan was
written in crayon.
1331
01:21:37,768 --> 01:21:40,979
Looks like Russell found
a new friend. Jelly.
1332
01:21:41,063 --> 01:21:42,606
Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,
1333
01:21:42,689 --> 01:21:45,567
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.
1334
01:21:45,651 --> 01:21:48,904
But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.
1335
01:21:48,987 --> 01:21:50,155
A mood that is
1336
01:21:50,239 --> 01:21:52,032
about to get
significantly worse.
1337
01:22:15,806 --> 01:22:18,225
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.
1338
01:22:21,186 --> 01:22:22,646
Oh.
1339
01:22:24,440 --> 01:22:26,066
Oh, God, that hurt.
1340
01:22:26,150 --> 01:22:27,776
Suck it, Mel Gibson.
1341
01:22:31,321 --> 01:22:32,406
Russell.
1342
01:22:35,117 --> 01:22:36,201
Russell!
1343
01:22:36,827 --> 01:22:38,912
Russ, where are ya?
1344
01:22:42,541 --> 01:22:44,626
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1345
01:22:44,793 --> 01:22:47,963
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God!
1346
01:22:48,255 --> 01:22:49,465
Juggernaut!
1347
01:22:50,799 --> 01:22:52,801
I thought that was you!
1348
01:22:52,885 --> 01:22:54,970
I should've worn
my white pants.
1349
01:22:55,721 --> 01:22:58,724
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.
1350
01:22:59,600 --> 01:23:02,895
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 4M.
1351
01:23:02,978 --> 01:23:04,271
X-Men Unlimited 12.
1352
01:23:04,354 --> 01:23:06,440
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...
1353
01:23:06,523 --> 01:23:08,275
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...
1354
01:23:08,358 --> 01:23:10,527
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1355
01:23:10,611 --> 01:23:12,112
I don't mean right now.
1356
01:23:12,446 --> 01:23:14,323
I'm gonna rip you
in half now.
1357
01:23:14,406 --> 01:23:16,742
That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.
1358
01:23:20,829 --> 01:23:24,833
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.
1359
01:23:24,917 --> 01:23:26,001
I can't feel...
1360
01:23:26,960 --> 01:23:28,462
Oh, no, they're right here.
1361
01:23:29,296 --> 01:23:31,048
Got 'em.
God, Russell.
1362
01:23:31,131 --> 01:23:32,966
I have a mission.
1363
01:23:33,509 --> 01:23:34,635
To get my revenge.
1364
01:23:35,135 --> 01:23:37,387
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.
1365
01:23:37,471 --> 01:23:39,640
You're not the revenge type.
1366
01:23:39,723 --> 01:23:40,891
Take it from a friend.
1367
01:23:41,308 --> 01:23:45,020
Friend? You were sick,
and I protected you.
1368
01:23:45,187 --> 01:23:47,314
You said it yourself.
1369
01:23:47,397 --> 01:23:50,067
"L'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1370
01:23:50,150 --> 01:23:51,360
So I did.
1371
01:23:53,111 --> 01:23:55,155
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1372
01:23:55,322 --> 01:23:58,784
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1373
01:23:59,368 --> 01:24:01,203
"L care about you"?
'Cause goddamn it,
1374
01:24:01,286 --> 01:24:03,121
I care about you, Russell.
1375
01:24:03,747 --> 01:24:05,832
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1376
01:24:05,916 --> 01:24:09,086
Don't you say legs!
I know you're gonna say legs!
1377
01:24:09,628 --> 01:24:12,422
Legs!
Still hurts to hear out loud!
1378
01:24:14,591 --> 01:24:17,511
What is that?
That's not a real rope!
1379
01:24:17,594 --> 01:24:19,930
You get back here, young man!
1380
01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:22,015
Doms!
1381
01:24:22,391 --> 01:24:24,560
Doms, get me
out of here, please.
1382
01:24:24,643 --> 01:24:27,062
Use my arms
as backpack straps.
1383
01:24:29,773 --> 01:24:30,857
I think we may have found
1384
01:24:30,941 --> 01:24:32,734
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1385
01:24:33,151 --> 01:24:34,903
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.
1386
01:24:34,987 --> 01:24:36,238
X-Force.
1387
01:24:49,751 --> 01:24:51,545
No child is hopeless.
1388
01:24:51,628 --> 01:24:54,423
Don't give up on the boy.
How could he just walk away?
1389
01:24:55,173 --> 01:24:57,426
It was the coldness
in his eyes.
1390
01:24:57,884 --> 01:24:59,469
You should've heard it.
1391
01:25:01,388 --> 01:25:03,682
I guess family
really is an F-word.
1392
01:25:04,600 --> 01:25:06,768
Rub my legs, Mama.
1393
01:25:06,852 --> 01:25:08,228
Why would I
rub your legs?
1394
01:25:08,312 --> 01:25:10,897
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1395
01:25:14,359 --> 01:25:15,569
What in the...
1396
01:25:16,069 --> 01:25:18,322
Why is your hand
so tiny again?
1397
01:25:18,822 --> 01:25:20,198
That's not my hand.
1398
01:25:20,699 --> 01:25:22,534
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!
1399
01:25:23,118 --> 01:25:24,995
That was nice for me.
1400
01:25:25,078 --> 01:25:27,831
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1401
01:25:32,336 --> 01:25:34,171
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?
1402
01:25:34,671 --> 01:25:36,840
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1403
01:25:36,923 --> 01:25:38,842
Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.
1404
01:25:38,925 --> 01:25:40,927
You're just
straight shirt-cocking it,
1405
01:25:41,011 --> 01:25:42,429
toddler-style.
1406
01:25:42,512 --> 01:25:44,431
Oh, yeah.
Full Winnie the Pooh.
1407
01:25:44,514 --> 01:25:46,475
The hell's happening?
Describe it.
1408
01:25:46,558 --> 01:25:47,768
I wouldn't ask him to do that,
if I were you.
1409
01:25:47,851 --> 01:25:49,436
It's like, um...
Here we go.
1410
01:25:49,519 --> 01:25:50,729
It's like he was
giving birth anally,
1411
01:25:50,812 --> 01:25:52,314
but they quit halfway through.
1412
01:25:52,397 --> 01:25:53,482
They got the legs out,
and they said,
1413
01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:54,900
"You know what, I'm done."
1414
01:25:54,983 --> 01:25:55,984
Happy?
1415
01:25:56,068 --> 01:25:57,110
It's like he's a Muppet
from the waist down.
1416
01:25:57,194 --> 01:25:58,528
But this time, you can see
1417
01:25:58,612 --> 01:26:00,030
the Muppet's dick.
1418
01:26:00,113 --> 01:26:01,239
Grover's got a cock
the size of a twig.
1419
01:26:01,323 --> 01:26:02,616
Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.
1420
01:26:02,699 --> 01:26:04,368
I've had three tickets
already.
1421
01:26:05,994 --> 01:26:08,455
No, no, no, DP,
not again!
1422
01:26:08,789 --> 01:26:10,332
This has happened before?
1423
01:26:11,458 --> 01:26:12,876
Jesus! Either vomit or don't.
1424
01:26:12,959 --> 01:26:14,252
The indecision is killing me.
1425
01:26:14,336 --> 01:26:16,213
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?
1426
01:26:17,798 --> 01:26:19,966
Oh. WOW!
1427
01:26:20,050 --> 01:26:21,677
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.
1428
01:26:21,760 --> 01:26:23,345
I'm talking about your face.
1429
01:26:23,762 --> 01:26:25,639
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1430
01:26:25,722 --> 01:26:27,891
Jesus Christ!
Looks like an avocado.
1431
01:26:27,974 --> 01:26:29,601
Your legs, though,
they're cute.
1432
01:26:29,935 --> 01:26:31,728
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1433
01:26:33,313 --> 01:26:34,856
I'm glad everybody dropped by.
1434
01:26:34,940 --> 01:26:37,234
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.
1435
01:26:37,693 --> 01:26:39,277
I'll tell you why I'm here.
1436
01:26:39,361 --> 01:26:41,655
"The Time Traveler's Wife's"
husband“.
1437
01:26:41,738 --> 01:26:42,906
Beat me within
an inch of my life.
1438
01:26:42,989 --> 01:26:44,241
He was torturing me!
1439
01:26:44,324 --> 01:26:47,244
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1440
01:26:47,327 --> 01:26:49,496
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.
1441
01:26:49,996 --> 01:26:51,123
So we can go after him
without me.
1442
01:26:51,206 --> 01:26:52,207
WADE; No!
1443
01:26:52,624 --> 01:26:53,959
I'm doing this alone.
1444
01:26:54,042 --> 01:26:55,127
The Juggernaut
1445
01:26:55,210 --> 01:26:56,378
will kill you all.
Fair enough.
1446
01:26:56,461 --> 01:26:58,505
I just need a couple of
hours to get some legs
1447
01:26:58,588 --> 01:26:59,673
under me.
What will you do?
1448
01:26:59,756 --> 01:27:01,049
I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1449
01:27:01,133 --> 01:27:02,426
I ain't letting Cable
get to him,
1450
01:27:02,509 --> 01:27:03,802
even if I have to
teabag him to death.
1451
01:27:03,885 --> 01:27:05,887
It's reallyjust a sip of tea
at this point.
1452
01:27:05,971 --> 01:27:07,723
Zip it, black Black Widow!
I'm flowing.
1453
01:27:07,806 --> 01:27:08,807
The first order
of business is
1454
01:27:08,890 --> 01:27:09,975
to get me in front of Cable...
1455
01:27:10,058 --> 01:27:11,685
so I can pull all the fucking
blood out of his body...
1456
01:27:11,768 --> 01:27:14,104
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1457
01:27:14,187 --> 01:27:15,939
Then,
I'm gonna take his skin...
1458
01:27:16,022 --> 01:27:19,109
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1459
01:27:20,694 --> 01:27:22,279
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?
1460
01:27:30,954 --> 01:27:32,706
What in the ass?
1461
01:27:32,998 --> 01:27:36,084
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?
1462
01:27:36,376 --> 01:27:38,920
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.
1463
01:27:39,463 --> 01:27:42,007
Ugh. ls that really necessary?
1464
01:27:44,259 --> 01:27:46,928
No. It's his
"Basic: Instinct."
1465
01:27:47,095 --> 01:27:48,138
What can we help you with?
1466
01:27:48,847 --> 01:27:50,515
I'm here to proposition you.
1467
01:27:52,017 --> 01:27:53,101
on, boy!
1468
01:27:53,185 --> 01:27:54,186
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?
1469
01:27:54,269 --> 01:27:56,354
Who gets to make
the first joke?
1470
01:27:56,438 --> 01:27:57,731
I think we should all do it
at the same time.
1471
01:27:57,814 --> 01:27:58,815
Good call.
1472
01:27:58,899 --> 01:28:00,442
For $45, you get sucky-suck.
1473
01:28:00,525 --> 01:28:01,693
I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1474
01:28:01,777 --> 01:28:02,861
Fuck!
1475
01:28:02,944 --> 01:28:03,987
The Proposition
has a wonderful
1476
01:28:04,070 --> 01:28:05,071
Guy Pearce performance.
1477
01:28:05,155 --> 01:28:06,907
Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.
1478
01:28:07,240 --> 01:28:09,326
Give us the line again.
I need your help!
1479
01:28:09,868 --> 01:28:12,162
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1480
01:28:12,245 --> 01:28:14,873
but you unleashed
the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!
1481
01:28:15,415 --> 01:28:17,667
I can't bring him down alone.
1482
01:28:17,834 --> 01:28:19,377
So here we are.
1483
01:28:20,712 --> 01:28:22,464
We're no longer
accepting applications
1484
01:28:22,547 --> 01:28:23,924
for X-Force, unfortunately.
1485
01:28:24,007 --> 01:28:25,425
Even if we were...
1486
01:28:25,509 --> 01:28:27,135
there's a wind advisory
in effect until at least...
1487
01:28:27,219 --> 01:28:28,386
We don't have a lot of time.
1488
01:28:28,470 --> 01:28:30,222
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1489
01:28:30,305 --> 01:28:31,765
No offense,
but if you know so much...
1490
01:28:31,848 --> 01:28:34,184
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1491
01:28:34,768 --> 01:28:35,769
Or better yet, head back
a little further,
1492
01:28:35,852 --> 01:28:36,853
kill baby Hitler.
1493
01:28:36,937 --> 01:28:38,897
I use a device
to slide through time.
1494
01:28:38,980 --> 01:28:41,608
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.
1495
01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:44,277
I got two charges:
one to get me here,
1496
01:28:44,361 --> 01:28:45,487
one to get me home.
1497
01:28:45,570 --> 01:28:46,696
Well.
1498
01:28:46,780 --> 01:28:48,657
That's just lazy writing.
1499
01:28:48,740 --> 01:28:49,950
Your boy's
gonna kill the headmaster
1500
01:28:50,033 --> 01:28:51,576
of the orphanage tonight.
1501
01:28:51,660 --> 01:28:53,745
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.
1502
01:28:53,829 --> 01:28:56,540
Like 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!
1503
01:28:56,623 --> 01:28:58,583
So he keeps killing...
1504
01:28:58,667 --> 01:29:00,126
and killing, and killing,
1505
01:29:00,210 --> 01:29:01,419
and killing.
1506
01:29:01,753 --> 01:29:04,965
Until one day, he kills
the wrong fucking people.
1507
01:29:07,551 --> 01:29:08,927
My People.
1508
01:29:12,848 --> 01:29:13,974
Relax.
1509
01:29:14,057 --> 01:29:16,518
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1510
01:29:16,601 --> 01:29:19,145
It's a goddamn fanny pack...
1511
01:29:19,229 --> 01:29:21,773
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!
1512
01:29:21,857 --> 01:29:23,525
The difference
is night and day.
1513
01:29:25,360 --> 01:29:27,487
You remind me of my wife.
1514
01:29:27,654 --> 01:29:28,780
I'm sorry.
1515
01:29:29,197 --> 01:29:30,240
I said, "You remind me
of my wife."
1516
01:29:30,323 --> 01:29:31,616
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...
1517
01:29:31,700 --> 01:29:34,452
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.
1518
01:29:34,536 --> 01:29:35,704
She always struggled.
1519
01:29:36,830 --> 01:29:38,248
But she was funny...
1520
01:29:38,331 --> 01:29:40,834
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1521
01:29:41,710 --> 01:29:43,920
Something I could
never master.
1522
01:29:44,838 --> 01:29:47,048
It was my fault she died.
1523
01:29:48,675 --> 01:29:51,344
It was my job
to stop people like him.
1524
01:29:52,387 --> 01:29:54,347
I came close a few times.
1525
01:29:58,560 --> 01:30:00,228
He wasn't too happy
about that.
1526
01:30:01,938 --> 01:30:03,064
He was trying to hurt me...
1527
01:30:03,148 --> 01:30:05,108
and he knew exactly
how to do it.
1528
01:30:09,154 --> 01:30:10,822
Blessed are the wicked
1529
01:30:10,906 --> 01:30:12,490
who are healed by my hand.
1530
01:30:15,619 --> 01:30:17,037
He came into my home...
1531
01:30:17,996 --> 01:30:20,874
and took the only thing
that made it a home.
1532
01:30:25,086 --> 01:30:26,463
Sound familiar?
1533
01:30:27,505 --> 01:30:29,090
I'm sorry.
Uh-huh.
1534
01:30:29,174 --> 01:30:30,842
No, I'm really sorry.
1535
01:30:33,053 --> 01:30:35,180
But that isn't Russell.
1536
01:30:35,263 --> 01:30:37,098
It doesn't have to be him.
If you knew what I knew...
1537
01:30:37,182 --> 01:30:39,184
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1538
01:30:39,267 --> 01:30:40,769
maybe a small
learning disability...
1539
01:30:40,852 --> 01:30:42,228
splash of diabetes...
1540
01:30:42,312 --> 01:30:43,605
but nothing
that can't be fixed.
1541
01:30:43,688 --> 01:30:45,315
If you could go back...
1542
01:30:45,398 --> 01:30:48,068
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?
1543
01:30:48,360 --> 01:30:49,569
No.
1544
01:30:49,653 --> 01:30:51,363
I'd buy them all
a bouquet of hand jobs.
1545
01:30:51,446 --> 01:30:53,198
Of course I fucking would!
1546
01:30:53,949 --> 01:30:55,033
But I wouldn't kill a kid.
1547
01:30:55,116 --> 01:30:57,118
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!
1548
01:30:57,202 --> 01:30:58,745
I'll kill the kid.
1549
01:30:58,828 --> 01:31:02,290
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1550
01:31:02,374 --> 01:31:04,668
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1551
01:31:04,751 --> 01:31:06,753
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1552
01:31:06,836 --> 01:31:09,089
would want you to do
the right thing, wouldn't she?
1553
01:31:10,090 --> 01:31:12,676
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1554
01:31:13,343 --> 01:31:15,011
Give me a chance to save him.
1555
01:31:15,095 --> 01:31:16,513
What?
You said...
1556
01:31:16,596 --> 01:31:18,181
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1557
01:31:18,264 --> 01:31:20,600
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1558
01:31:20,684 --> 01:31:22,310
promise you'll give me
a chance
1559
01:31:22,394 --> 01:31:24,187
to put him
on a different path.
1560
01:31:24,270 --> 01:31:25,438
Define "chance."
1561
01:31:25,522 --> 01:31:26,690
I don't know.
How long does it take
1562
01:31:26,773 --> 01:31:28,066
to save someone's soul?
That's not...
1563
01:31:28,149 --> 01:31:29,401
I'll give you 30 seconds.
1564
01:31:29,484 --> 01:31:31,486
What? No!
Best I can do.
1565
01:31:31,569 --> 01:31:32,862
Take it or leave it.
1566
01:31:43,331 --> 01:31:44,749
WEASELI He's doing it!
1567
01:31:44,833 --> 01:31:46,376
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.
1568
01:31:46,501 --> 01:31:48,336
There he goes.
1569
01:31:48,503 --> 01:31:49,921
Jesus Christ!
1570
01:31:50,005 --> 01:31:51,464
Just shirt-cocking it.
1571
01:31:51,548 --> 01:31:52,549
Ugh.
1572
01:31:53,508 --> 01:31:54,843
There you go, little fella.
1573
01:31:55,593 --> 01:31:56,928
Go on, you're doing it!
1574
01:31:57,345 --> 01:32:00,181
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.
1575
01:32:02,392 --> 01:32:03,476
DOMINOI Christ!
1576
01:32:03,560 --> 01:32:05,186
That's disturbing.
1577
01:32:05,270 --> 01:32:06,688
30 seconds.
1578
01:32:12,068 --> 01:32:13,570
Deal.
Deal.
1579
01:32:19,993 --> 01:32:23,038
Man, that sucks they didn't
have anything in your size.
1580
01:32:23,121 --> 01:32:25,081
I really wanted to match,
you know?
1581
01:32:25,165 --> 01:32:27,167
Being a menacing team.
1582
01:32:27,250 --> 01:32:28,376
Oh, man, it sucks.
1583
01:32:28,460 --> 01:32:30,045
That was some
cold-ass shit, kid.
1584
01:32:31,755 --> 01:32:34,257
And that is just
the first five steps
1585
01:32:34,340 --> 01:32:36,051
to a prostate-assisted orgasm.
1586
01:32:36,968 --> 01:32:38,386
Where the hell
are we going?
1587
01:32:38,470 --> 01:32:39,721
You said it yourself.
1588
01:32:39,804 --> 01:32:42,724
Nothing can stop the
Juggernaut. We need backup.
1589
01:32:42,807 --> 01:32:45,560
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.
1590
01:32:49,898 --> 01:32:51,524
Can you turn off the music?
1591
01:32:52,525 --> 01:32:54,527
You'll do no such thing.
1592
01:32:54,694 --> 01:32:56,529
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1593
01:32:56,613 --> 01:32:58,323
I'm sorry?
Ap0l0gy accepted.
1594
01:32:58,406 --> 01:33:00,450
This is a side of you
I do not like.
1595
01:33:00,533 --> 01:33:01,534
Let me guess,
1596
01:33:01,618 --> 01:33:03,161
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.
1597
01:33:03,453 --> 01:33:04,579
What the hell are you...?
1598
01:33:04,662 --> 01:33:06,581
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.
1599
01:33:06,664 --> 01:33:07,916
I am so sorry.
It gets better.
1600
01:33:07,999 --> 01:33:09,542
I'm not a fucking racist,
moron!
1601
01:33:09,626 --> 01:33:11,503
That's precisely
what a racist would say.
1602
01:33:11,711 --> 01:33:13,338
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.
1603
01:33:13,421 --> 01:33:14,631
And that's a twist.
1604
01:33:14,714 --> 01:33:15,840
When this is over...
1605
01:33:15,924 --> 01:33:18,093
I'm going to fuck you to death
with your own broken feet.
1606
01:33:18,176 --> 01:33:20,303
And a sexual predator, too.
That's rich.
1607
01:33:20,386 --> 01:33:21,763
I should have
finished college.
1608
01:33:21,846 --> 01:33:22,931
So what exactly do you
1609
01:33:23,014 --> 01:33:24,015
do in the future, anyway, huh?
1610
01:33:24,099 --> 01:33:25,308
Some kind of soldier?
1611
01:33:25,391 --> 01:33:27,185
Yeah, something like that.
1612
01:33:27,268 --> 01:33:29,437
I was a soldier.
Special Forces.
1613
01:33:29,521 --> 01:33:32,148
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1614
01:33:32,232 --> 01:33:34,192
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1615
01:33:34,275 --> 01:33:36,653
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.
1616
01:33:36,736 --> 01:33:38,279
Boom!
1617
01:33:38,363 --> 01:33:39,614
Spoiler alert.
1618
01:33:40,865 --> 01:33:42,075
Planets.
1619
01:33:42,242 --> 01:33:43,785
Next time, Uber.
1620
01:33:43,868 --> 01:33:45,161
Here's a spoiler alert.
1621
01:33:46,329 --> 01:33:48,123
You're not a fucking hero.
1622
01:33:48,331 --> 01:33:52,043
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.
1623
01:33:52,418 --> 01:33:53,586
Well, I got news for you.
1624
01:33:53,670 --> 01:33:54,963
My heart
is in the right place.
1625
01:33:55,046 --> 01:33:56,548
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.
1626
01:33:56,631 --> 01:33:58,550
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.
1627
01:33:58,633 --> 01:33:59,676
We're all going to die.
1628
01:33:59,759 --> 01:34:00,969
Because of you,
I'll always know
1629
01:34:01,052 --> 01:34:02,929
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.
1630
01:34:03,054 --> 01:34:05,348
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1631
01:34:05,515 --> 01:34:06,641
God, I wish this were a bus
1632
01:34:06,724 --> 01:34:07,851
where I could pull
the string and get out.
1633
01:34:07,934 --> 01:34:09,561
It's a good thing
Cable's not driving,
1634
01:34:09,644 --> 01:34:10,645
or you'd be in the back.
1635
01:34:10,854 --> 01:34:12,647
- lam in the back.
- Right here!
1636
01:34:31,374 --> 01:34:33,042
I made mistakes!
1637
01:34:33,501 --> 01:34:35,044
I wanna take them back!
1638
01:34:35,211 --> 01:34:38,089
You trusted me.
I took that trust...
1639
01:34:38,214 --> 01:34:39,632
and turned it
into a glory hole
1640
01:34:39,716 --> 01:34:41,217
in an airport bathroom.
1641
01:34:41,301 --> 01:34:44,053
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1642
01:34:44,637 --> 01:34:47,182
But even you know I'm not
a complete piece of shit.
1643
01:34:47,265 --> 01:34:48,766
I was once an X-Man.
1644
01:34:48,850 --> 01:34:49,893
Trainee!
1645
01:34:54,564 --> 01:34:57,066
You're still using
my Velcro labels. Aw.
1646
01:34:57,150 --> 01:34:58,735
They do stick better
thantape.
1647
01:34:58,818 --> 01:34:59,819
Hi, Wade!
1648
01:34:59,903 --> 01:35:00,904
Please don't.
1649
01:35:00,987 --> 01:35:03,740
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.
1650
01:35:03,823 --> 01:35:04,824
Right. Quick.
1651
01:35:04,908 --> 01:35:06,784
It's the kid.
Just like you, I let him down.
1652
01:35:06,868 --> 01:35:07,869
And just like me,
1653
01:35:07,952 --> 01:35:09,162
he's never had anyone
sacrifice anything for him...
1654
01:35:09,245 --> 01:35:10,496
because the whole world
wrote him off
1655
01:35:10,580 --> 01:35:11,956
as a piece of shit
a long time ago.
1656
01:35:12,040 --> 01:35:13,708
Look, he's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!
1657
01:35:13,791 --> 01:35:14,959
The Juggernaut!
1658
01:35:15,335 --> 01:35:17,045
Who's, like, my favorite
Marvel character ever...
1659
01:35:17,128 --> 01:35:19,297
And hi, Yukio! That was really
nice of you to say hi...
1660
01:35:19,380 --> 01:35:20,715
so I'm saying hi back.
1661
01:35:20,798 --> 01:35:22,133
You guys make
a super cute couple.
1662
01:35:22,217 --> 01:35:23,885
Yeah. Where was I?
1663
01:35:23,968 --> 01:35:25,803
Oh, yeah. You should never
meet your heroes...
1664
01:35:25,887 --> 01:35:27,555
because, honestly,
he's a bit of a dick!
1665
01:35:27,639 --> 01:35:29,390
And like a lot of dicks,
he's hard as a rock...
1666
01:35:29,474 --> 01:35:30,683
and causes nothing
but problems!
1667
01:35:30,767 --> 01:35:33,770
Look, you can stop the
Juggernaut. I know you can.
1668
01:35:33,853 --> 01:35:37,023
Do you know what would happen
to me if I helped you?
1669
01:35:37,106 --> 01:35:39,150
I would be disgraced.
1670
01:35:39,234 --> 01:35:41,236
You are a criminal,
a fugitive.
1671
01:35:41,319 --> 01:35:42,820
But worst of all...
1672
01:35:42,904 --> 01:35:44,656
you broke my heart, Wade.
1673
01:35:46,324 --> 01:35:47,367
Then you know what?
1674
01:35:47,450 --> 01:35:48,952
Your heart's in
the wrong place, big guy.
1675
01:35:50,245 --> 01:35:52,914
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1676
01:35:52,997 --> 01:35:56,334
and fucked up, and not
particularly convenient!
1677
01:35:56,417 --> 01:35:59,504
So stay here
in Chéteau de Virgin...
1678
01:35:59,587 --> 01:36:01,714
while we go get our fuck on!
1679
01:36:04,884 --> 01:36:06,261
You're doing great.
1680
01:36:11,933 --> 01:36:13,393
So you wear
that helmet because
1681
01:36:13,476 --> 01:36:15,186
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1682
01:36:15,270 --> 01:36:18,481
Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.
1683
01:36:18,564 --> 01:36:21,025
Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.
1684
01:36:21,109 --> 01:36:23,027
And he's not alone.
1685
01:36:23,111 --> 01:36:24,779
Secure the children.
1686
01:36:27,198 --> 01:36:29,575
They will not replace us.
1687
01:36:29,993 --> 01:36:32,287
What do you say
we go fuck some shit up?
1688
01:36:32,829 --> 01:36:36,666
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.
1689
01:36:40,003 --> 01:36:42,463
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.
1690
01:36:42,672 --> 01:36:44,215
Amen, brother.
1691
01:36:50,763 --> 01:36:52,265
Time to make the chimichangas.
1692
01:36:52,432 --> 01:36:54,058
30 seconds.
1693
01:36:54,684 --> 01:36:56,811
I finally know why I'm here.
1694
01:36:57,228 --> 01:36:59,147
I was raised in this place.
1695
01:36:59,230 --> 01:37:01,441
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.
1696
01:37:01,524 --> 01:37:04,360
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1697
01:37:04,444 --> 01:37:05,737
Shall we?
This is gonna be fun.
1698
01:37:05,820 --> 01:37:06,863
DEADPOOLI Yeah!
1699
01:37:06,946 --> 01:37:08,281
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...
1700
01:37:08,364 --> 01:37:11,617
what's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?
1701
01:37:11,701 --> 01:37:14,370
It's not dirt. It's the blood
of my dead daughter.
1702
01:37:14,912 --> 01:37:17,290
Are You Bear, God?
It's Me, Margaret.
1703
01:37:17,665 --> 01:37:19,042
Give me some.
1704
01:37:19,125 --> 01:37:20,626
They say
laughter heals anything...
1705
01:37:20,752 --> 01:37:21,836
except, of course, that.
1706
01:37:21,919 --> 01:37:23,129
We should just cue the music.
1707
01:37:48,279 --> 01:37:50,990
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.
1708
01:37:52,200 --> 01:37:53,201
Russell!
1709
01:37:53,284 --> 01:37:55,703
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!
1710
01:37:56,746 --> 01:37:57,997
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?
1711
01:38:02,377 --> 01:38:03,378
That's why!
1712
01:38:03,461 --> 01:38:04,504
Told you this little fucker's
too far gone.
1713
01:38:04,587 --> 01:38:06,714
Zip it, Thanos!
We have a deal and you fuck...
1714
01:38:06,798 --> 01:38:08,758
Hey!
1715
01:38:09,300 --> 01:38:12,428
I'm gonna shove that
cab driver right up your ass.
1716
01:38:13,554 --> 01:38:15,723
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1717
01:38:15,807 --> 01:38:16,974
You should probably
head back to the car.
1718
01:38:17,100 --> 01:38:18,643
I think I'll head
back to the car.
1719
01:38:19,936 --> 01:38:22,605
It works best
when you pull the trigger.
1720
01:38:25,525 --> 01:38:26,818
That gun is amazing!
1721
01:38:28,152 --> 01:38:29,362
Say it!
1722
01:38:31,531 --> 01:38:34,534
You are an abomination!
1723
01:38:41,874 --> 01:38:45,128
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.
1724
01:38:45,211 --> 01:38:47,630
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!
1725
01:38:52,009 --> 01:38:53,094
Gotcha!
1726
01:38:53,886 --> 01:38:55,054
Beat it, midget!
1727
01:38:58,057 --> 01:39:00,768
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!
1728
01:39:01,185 --> 01:39:02,270
Oh, shit fuck!
1729
01:39:16,159 --> 01:39:17,743
Come here, beautiful.
1730
01:39:25,501 --> 01:39:26,627
Whoo!
1731
01:39:35,845 --> 01:39:36,929
Say it!
1732
01:41:00,388 --> 01:41:01,472
You came for me.
1733
01:41:01,556 --> 01:41:02,974
I'm not giving up on you,
1734
01:41:03,057 --> 01:41:05,142
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1735
01:41:05,226 --> 01:41:07,228
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1736
01:41:07,311 --> 01:41:09,564
It's time to fight dirty.
1737
01:41:09,730 --> 01:41:11,065
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1738
01:41:11,148 --> 01:41:13,901
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1739
01:41:13,985 --> 01:41:16,028
That's such
a you thing to say!
1740
01:41:16,112 --> 01:41:17,697
Go get him, tiger!
1741
01:41:18,114 --> 01:41:19,991
Big CGI fight coming up!
1742
01:41:43,055 --> 01:41:44,390
He's doing great.
1743
01:41:44,473 --> 01:41:45,683
Say it!
1744
01:41:49,854 --> 01:41:51,272
- Russell.
- Bingo!
1745
01:41:56,652 --> 01:41:58,613
You see that bus?
1746
01:41:58,696 --> 01:41:59,780
I'm gonna
shove it up your ass.
1747
01:42:03,284 --> 01:42:05,244
That's right!
I'm fighting dirty!
1748
01:42:06,621 --> 01:42:07,580
Oh, great!
1749
01:42:07,663 --> 01:42:08,664
There they are!
Those freaks!
1750
01:42:08,748 --> 01:42:10,333
A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1751
01:42:10,791 --> 01:42:12,460
Can I have
one of those guns?
1752
01:42:13,002 --> 01:42:14,670
No.
That's fine.
1753
01:42:14,837 --> 01:42:16,672
Get off this property,
mutant scum!
1754
01:42:16,839 --> 01:42:17,840
I'm just gonna
use this brick.
1755
01:42:18,591 --> 01:42:19,592
Maximum effort.
1756
01:42:25,723 --> 01:42:27,475
Who says you
can't go home again?
1757
01:42:36,567 --> 01:42:37,985
on!
1758
01:42:44,617 --> 01:42:45,618
Yeah!
1759
01:42:47,828 --> 01:42:49,163
Say it.
1760
01:42:49,538 --> 01:42:52,583
Say what you said
every time you tortured me!
1761
01:42:53,125 --> 01:42:54,126
Say it!
1762
01:42:54,210 --> 01:42:57,213
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
1763
01:42:58,422 --> 01:43:00,049
Blessed are the wicked...
1764
01:43:00,591 --> 01:43:01,801
who are healed...
1765
01:43:02,301 --> 01:43:03,803
b'! my hand.
1766
01:43:21,862 --> 01:43:23,572
You commie motherfucker!
1767
01:43:50,641 --> 01:43:52,351
Oh, my God.
Did you feel that, too?
1768
01:43:53,227 --> 01:43:55,438
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.
1769
01:43:58,315 --> 01:44:00,526
You got 30 seconds,
you jabbering butt plug!
1770
01:44:00,693 --> 01:44:01,902
Now we're getting it.
1771
01:44:06,615 --> 01:44:08,826
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.
1772
01:44:14,165 --> 01:44:15,207
Orphans.
1773
01:44:16,375 --> 01:44:17,585
Oh, geez.
1774
01:44:19,003 --> 01:44:21,589
It's time to burn
for what you've done!
1775
01:44:21,756 --> 01:44:24,258
A child should not be burdened
with such power!
1776
01:44:33,058 --> 01:44:34,143
Russell! Wait!
1777
01:44:40,149 --> 01:44:41,442
DEADPOOLI Oh!
1778
01:44:48,657 --> 01:44:50,659
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!
1779
01:44:50,826 --> 01:44:52,703
What more do you need to see?
Don't you fucking dare!
1780
01:44:52,870 --> 01:44:53,954
He's just a kid!
1781
01:44:54,121 --> 01:44:55,998
Tick, took. Meter's running!
1782
01:45:08,719 --> 01:45:11,764
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.
1783
01:45:32,159 --> 01:45:34,787
I told you! Leave me alone!
Come on!
1784
01:45:35,329 --> 01:45:36,455
Listen to me!
1785
01:45:59,687 --> 01:46:01,313
That's how we do it
1786
01:46:01,397 --> 01:46:02,857
in Mother Russia.
1787
01:46:05,192 --> 01:46:07,611
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.
1788
01:46:08,988 --> 01:46:12,199
Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.
1789
01:46:13,534 --> 01:46:16,036
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!
1790
01:46:16,453 --> 01:46:18,163
Go home, Wade!
1791
01:46:18,330 --> 01:46:20,165
You're ruining everything!
1792
01:46:25,504 --> 01:46:26,714
I'm getting good at this shit.
1793
01:46:26,881 --> 01:46:27,923
Go, go, go!
1794
01:46:31,427 --> 01:46:33,262
He dies tonight, Wade.
1795
01:46:33,429 --> 01:46:34,972
You can't stop me!
1796
01:46:35,931 --> 01:46:37,683
He even runs
like a fucking pervert.
1797
01:46:37,850 --> 01:46:40,603
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
1798
01:46:42,021 --> 01:46:43,397
There's one bullet left
in that gun.
1799
01:46:43,564 --> 01:46:45,441
Wait, wait, wait!
Please, just give me a second!
1800
01:46:45,608 --> 01:46:46,942
I got this.
1801
01:46:47,109 --> 01:46:49,236
Russell!
Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1802
01:46:49,403 --> 01:46:51,530
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1803
01:46:52,114 --> 01:46:53,407
That piece of shit...
1804
01:46:53,824 --> 01:46:55,451
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1805
01:46:55,618 --> 01:46:58,996
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.
1806
01:46:59,872 --> 01:47:01,540
But if you kill him, he wins.
1807
01:47:01,707 --> 01:47:05,210
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
1808
01:47:05,628 --> 01:47:07,087
You're just a kid.
1809
01:47:07,671 --> 01:47:09,298
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
1810
01:47:09,465 --> 01:47:10,591
How do you know what I want?
1811
01:47:10,758 --> 01:47:12,384
Because I've been inside you.
1812
01:47:13,052 --> 01:47:14,345
That came out wrong.
1813
01:47:14,970 --> 01:47:16,555
I've been inside your shoes.
1814
01:47:16,722 --> 01:47:18,474
Which is also off-putting.
1815
01:47:18,641 --> 01:47:20,059
It's not a great analogy.
1816
01:47:20,142 --> 01:47:21,560
The point is...
1817
01:47:22,019 --> 01:47:23,687
there are people...
1818
01:47:23,771 --> 01:47:26,690
There are people
in this fucking world...
1819
01:47:26,857 --> 01:47:29,443
besides him,
who will treat you right.
1820
01:47:29,610 --> 01:47:32,237
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.
1821
01:47:37,785 --> 01:47:40,162
I never should've left
you there.
1822
01:47:41,914 --> 01:47:43,791
I never should've left you
in that prison.
1823
01:47:50,881 --> 01:47:52,174
I can't trust you.
1824
01:47:53,884 --> 01:47:56,261
I can't trust anybody!
1825
01:48:05,270 --> 01:48:06,480
Wonderful kid.
1826
01:48:06,981 --> 01:48:08,524
You can't stop me, Wade!
1827
01:48:10,776 --> 01:48:12,903
I got one more idea.
1828
01:48:13,070 --> 01:48:15,948
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.
1829
01:48:16,031 --> 01:48:17,199
Wade, what are you doing?
1830
01:48:17,282 --> 01:48:18,909
All right. This is for
all the marbles, kid!
1831
01:48:19,702 --> 01:48:21,412
You're gonna kill
someone today...
1832
01:48:21,829 --> 01:48:23,122
Blessed are the wicked...
1833
01:48:23,288 --> 01:48:25,207
...then it's gotta be me.
1834
01:48:26,291 --> 01:48:28,210
...who are healed by my hand!
1835
01:48:31,338 --> 01:48:33,757
Fuck this!
1836
01:49:34,485 --> 01:49:37,446
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1837
01:49:42,451 --> 01:49:43,952
Oh, that's not good.
1838
01:49:45,537 --> 01:49:46,955
No, sir.
1839
01:49:54,588 --> 01:49:57,508
You sacrificed yourself
for me.
1840
01:49:57,925 --> 01:49:59,051
Yeah.
1841
01:49:59,134 --> 01:50:01,345
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
1842
01:50:03,305 --> 01:50:05,390
I told you
I care about you.
1843
01:50:05,474 --> 01:50:07,226
You're a good kid, Russell.
1844
01:50:08,936 --> 01:50:10,020
Hey.
1845
01:50:11,313 --> 01:50:12,523
The bear.
1846
01:50:12,606 --> 01:50:13,982
It worked.
1847
01:50:20,948 --> 01:50:22,449
Because of you.
1848
01:50:22,616 --> 01:50:24,910
No, Wade, because of you.
1849
01:50:25,786 --> 01:50:27,830
Stop, stop, stop!
1850
01:50:27,913 --> 01:50:29,081
Stop!
1851
01:50:30,249 --> 01:50:32,793
Just let it happen, okay?
1852
01:50:33,252 --> 01:50:36,171
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.
1853
01:50:37,005 --> 01:50:39,424
That riddle
is so fucked up.
1854
01:50:44,221 --> 01:50:46,515
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1855
01:50:46,682 --> 01:50:47,808
Don't be. Don't be.
1856
01:50:47,891 --> 01:50:49,643
I've been trying to make
this happen for a while.
1857
01:50:50,310 --> 01:50:51,854
Please, just don't leave me.
1858
01:50:52,020 --> 01:50:53,522
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
1859
01:50:53,689 --> 01:50:55,190
We are not going anywhere.
1860
01:50:55,357 --> 01:50:57,442
Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.
1861
01:50:57,526 --> 01:50:58,652
Just rest, okay?
1862
01:51:00,487 --> 01:51:01,572
Papa.
1863
01:51:03,782 --> 01:51:05,742
Papa, can you hear me?
1864
01:51:07,995 --> 01:51:14,001
Papa, can you find me
in the night?
1865
01:51:35,272 --> 01:51:36,523
Before I go...
1866
01:51:37,065 --> 01:51:38,775
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
1867
01:51:39,359 --> 01:51:40,485
Domino.
1868
01:51:40,652 --> 01:51:45,157
I want you to have
my Adventure Time watch.
1869
01:51:47,743 --> 01:51:50,621
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.
1870
01:51:51,371 --> 01:51:52,497
Thank you.
1871
01:51:53,832 --> 01:51:56,752
Hey,SabHna,
the Teenage Witch.
1872
01:51:57,127 --> 01:51:59,296
I liked you better
with your hair short.
1873
01:51:59,463 --> 01:52:00,631
Think everyone did.
1874
01:52:01,423 --> 01:52:04,134
Hi, Yukio.
Hi, Wade!
1875
01:52:06,178 --> 01:52:07,262
And you...
1876
01:52:07,804 --> 01:52:08,931
Chrome Bone.
1877
01:52:09,848 --> 01:52:12,226
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
1878
01:52:12,809 --> 01:52:15,062
But you've always been
that to me.
1879
01:52:15,145 --> 01:52:16,521
So thank you.
1880
01:52:18,690 --> 01:52:20,275
Say "fuck" for me.
1881
01:52:21,109 --> 01:52:22,361
Just once. Come on,
1882
01:52:22,444 --> 01:52:24,029
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.
1883
01:52:24,112 --> 01:52:27,115
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...
1884
01:52:27,199 --> 01:52:28,200
Fuck.
1885
01:52:28,367 --> 01:52:31,703
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
1886
01:52:33,038 --> 01:52:35,290
And you, Cable.
1887
01:52:36,166 --> 01:52:39,836
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
1888
01:52:40,712 --> 01:52:43,924
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
1889
01:52:44,383 --> 01:52:45,759
That you'll start
judging people...
1890
01:52:45,842 --> 01:52:47,177
not by the color
of their skin,
1891
01:52:47,261 --> 01:52:49,137
but by the content
of their character.
1892
01:52:49,888 --> 01:52:51,473
- Jesus.
- R-Dog?
1893
01:52:52,683 --> 01:52:54,601
There you are. Hey!
1894
01:52:55,185 --> 01:52:56,937
You're a superhero now, bubba.
1895
01:52:57,437 --> 01:53:00,399
That's why it's high time
that you had a super suit.
1896
01:53:00,482 --> 01:53:01,858
This one is yours.
1897
01:53:01,942 --> 01:53:03,652
You might wanna
get it steam cleaned.
1898
01:53:03,735 --> 01:53:05,112
Especially around the pants.
1899
01:53:05,195 --> 01:53:06,905
And let it out
a little in the waist.
1900
01:53:07,864 --> 01:53:08,865
But, hey.
1901
01:53:09,908 --> 01:53:10,993
Look.
1902
01:53:11,285 --> 01:53:13,912
Family is not an F-word.
1903
01:53:14,663 --> 01:53:15,956
All right?
1904
01:53:16,039 --> 01:53:17,916
There's one out there
for you.
1905
01:53:18,500 --> 01:53:20,210
Just keep looking, okay?
1906
01:53:23,714 --> 01:53:26,466
Guys, for a second there...
1907
01:53:27,301 --> 01:53:29,428
we made a pretty good team.
1908
01:53:44,484 --> 01:53:46,486
Oh, it's so hard to go.
1909
01:53:47,988 --> 01:53:50,365
I just love being around
you guys so much.
1910
01:53:51,450 --> 01:53:52,701
So, so much.
1911
01:53:53,410 --> 01:53:54,745
Mmm.
1912
01:53:54,828 --> 01:53:56,997
No, I can feel it now.
Here it comes, yeah.
1913
01:53:57,706 --> 01:54:01,460
I feel the soul
exiting the husk.
1914
01:54:01,543 --> 01:54:02,544
Yeah.
1915
01:54:04,421 --> 01:54:06,256
Can you see it?
1916
01:54:06,965 --> 01:54:09,134
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?
1917
01:54:10,594 --> 01:54:11,762
There it is.
1918
01:54:18,018 --> 01:54:19,227
Oh, that's the sun.
1919
01:54:19,311 --> 01:54:21,146
Don't stare
directly into that.
1920
01:54:21,229 --> 01:54:22,647
I just have a few final words.
1921
01:54:24,900 --> 01:54:26,276
Woodpecker.
1922
01:54:27,069 --> 01:54:28,403
Gingivitis.
1923
01:54:30,447 --> 01:54:31,823
Codswallop.
1924
01:54:36,161 --> 01:54:38,121
Do You Want to
Build a Snowman?
1925
01:55:53,113 --> 01:55:54,281
Sorry I'm late.
1926
01:55:54,364 --> 01:55:56,032
There was a bunch
1927
01:55:56,116 --> 01:55:57,409
of handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.
1928
01:55:57,492 --> 01:55:58,702
No.
No.
1929
01:55:59,786 --> 01:56:02,456
But I did have to help a kid.
Yeah.
1930
01:56:02,914 --> 01:56:04,791
He's got a terrible name.
It's just awful.
1931
01:56:04,875 --> 01:56:05,876
Ugh.
l tried to tell him.
1932
01:56:08,211 --> 01:56:09,629
Is this heaven?
1933
01:56:10,505 --> 01:56:11,715
It is now.
1934
01:56:15,177 --> 01:56:17,053
I am so sorry.
1935
01:56:17,888 --> 01:56:19,222
It's okay.
1936
01:56:39,075 --> 01:56:40,952
I missed you so much.
1937
01:56:46,541 --> 01:56:48,210
What is it? What's wrong?
1938
01:56:50,128 --> 01:56:51,630
It's not time.
1939
01:56:52,255 --> 01:56:54,132
What do you mean
it's not time?
1940
01:56:54,299 --> 01:56:55,800
I'm here, I made it.
1941
01:56:55,967 --> 01:56:57,636
You can't stay.
No,no,no.
1942
01:56:57,719 --> 01:57:00,347
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
1943
01:57:00,430 --> 01:57:01,431
It's okay.
1944
01:57:01,932 --> 01:57:04,768
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
1945
01:57:05,769 --> 01:57:08,230
They need you.
Who?
1946
01:57:10,273 --> 01:57:11,566
Your F-word.
1947
01:57:12,817 --> 01:57:13,818
Why?
1948
01:57:13,902 --> 01:57:14,903
You'll find out.
1949
01:57:16,154 --> 01:57:17,697
It's all right. I'll be here.
1950
01:57:19,074 --> 01:57:21,201
It's pretty fucking
awesome up here.
1951
01:57:21,910 --> 01:57:23,745
I can have anything I want.
1952
01:57:23,828 --> 01:57:25,956
Can every day be
International Women's Day?
1953
01:57:26,039 --> 01:57:27,415
It is heaven.
1954
01:57:27,624 --> 01:57:28,875
I love you.
1955
01:57:31,378 --> 01:57:34,130
I know. I love you, too.
1956
01:57:34,714 --> 01:57:36,132
Now, go.
1957
01:57:37,008 --> 01:57:39,010
Go on. Go, get out of here.
1958
01:57:40,053 --> 01:57:41,054
Go.
1959
01:57:43,848 --> 01:57:44,849
Hey!
1960
01:57:47,852 --> 01:57:50,021
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
1961
01:57:50,647 --> 01:57:51,773
Well, come here.
1962
01:58:11,126 --> 01:58:12,752
Don't fuck Elvis.
1963
01:58:12,877 --> 01:58:14,629
Ooh, too late.
I'm sorry?
1964
01:58:24,139 --> 01:58:25,348
Time to make the chimichangas.
1965
01:58:25,432 --> 01:58:26,516
30 seconds.
1966
01:58:26,600 --> 01:58:27,809
Hey. Been meaning
to ask you...
1967
01:58:27,892 --> 01:58:30,353
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
1968
01:58:30,437 --> 01:58:32,188
It's my daughter's teddy bear.
1969
01:58:32,647 --> 01:58:33,940
Her name's Hope.
1970
01:58:34,232 --> 01:58:35,358
DEADPOOLI Well...
1971
01:58:36,192 --> 01:58:38,069
What are you doing?
1972
01:58:38,153 --> 01:58:39,738
Somebody swiped right.
1973
01:58:52,542 --> 01:58:54,919
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1974
01:58:58,256 --> 01:59:00,008
You sacrificed
yourself for me.
1975
01:59:00,091 --> 01:59:01,593
It would seem I...
1976
01:59:03,762 --> 01:59:05,055
Huh?
1977
01:59:06,181 --> 01:59:08,516
Genuine, high-grade lead.
1978
01:59:10,435 --> 01:59:13,438
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!
1979
01:59:13,521 --> 01:59:15,106
You did this for me?
1980
01:59:16,983 --> 01:59:19,486
Wait. You can't go back.
1981
01:59:20,111 --> 01:59:21,363
You used
the last of your fuel.
1982
01:59:21,446 --> 01:59:23,156
What about your girl,
your wife?
1983
01:59:23,239 --> 01:59:26,493
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
1984
01:59:27,952 --> 01:59:30,372
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...
1985
01:59:30,455 --> 01:59:31,665
and make sure the world
1986
01:59:31,748 --> 01:59:33,458
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.
1987
01:59:34,167 --> 01:59:37,045
No. You did it for me.
1988
01:59:37,796 --> 01:59:39,130
No, I didn't.
1989
01:59:39,297 --> 01:59:40,674
You did.
I really didn't.
1990
01:59:40,757 --> 01:59:42,550
Pretty sure you did.
No, I'm positive I didn't.
1991
01:59:42,634 --> 01:59:44,386
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?
1992
01:59:44,469 --> 01:59:47,180
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
1993
01:59:47,263 --> 01:59:49,683
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
1994
01:59:50,100 --> 01:59:51,101
Say it again.
1995
01:59:51,267 --> 01:59:52,811
- He did it for me.
- Jesus.
1996
01:59:52,894 --> 01:59:54,646
We must get the collar off.
Forget it. It's no use.
1997
01:59:54,729 --> 01:59:56,606
These collars
don't just come off.
1998
01:59:56,690 --> 01:59:57,691
Wade.
1999
01:59:58,233 --> 01:59:59,859
I have an idea.
2000
02:00:00,193 --> 02:00:02,278
No,no,no!
Let's not do that. Please!
2001
02:00:02,362 --> 02:00:04,739
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...
2002
02:00:04,823 --> 02:00:07,951
Oh, God! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.
2003
02:00:08,034 --> 02:00:10,286
We need the code.
2004
02:00:10,370 --> 02:00:12,247
Try, uh, seven?
2005
02:00:12,330 --> 02:00:13,873
Settle down,
Captain Lucky.
2006
02:00:13,957 --> 02:00:15,375
It's not gonna be one number.
2007
02:00:15,458 --> 02:00:16,543
Oh, God, that's lazy writing.
2008
02:00:17,544 --> 02:00:18,878
I still got it.
2009
02:00:21,923 --> 02:00:23,883
Put that back
in your prison wallet.
2010
02:00:25,593 --> 02:00:27,470
I don't know how to thank you.
2011
02:00:27,554 --> 02:00:29,055
But I do know how to hug you.
2012
02:00:29,514 --> 02:00:30,765
No.
Yes.
2013
02:00:30,849 --> 02:00:32,308
Here we go. Bring it in.
2014
02:00:32,392 --> 02:00:33,393
Come on.
2015
02:00:33,518 --> 02:00:34,811
Pelvis to pelvis.
2016
02:00:34,978 --> 02:00:36,229
Let's go tip to tip.
2017
02:00:36,396 --> 02:00:38,898
There we go.
The kids call this docking.
2018
02:00:40,650 --> 02:00:41,776
ls there a knife in my dick?
2019
02:00:41,860 --> 02:00:44,028
There's a knife in your dick.
I'm just gonna back up now.
2020
02:00:44,112 --> 02:00:45,947
Yeah, yeah.
No need to go full Yentl.
2021
02:00:46,030 --> 02:00:48,700
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.
2022
02:00:48,867 --> 02:00:50,785
Let's go home, Russell.
2023
02:00:54,456 --> 02:00:56,207
All you dirty mutants
2024
02:00:56,291 --> 02:00:58,710
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!
2025
02:00:58,877 --> 02:01:01,838
Your souls
are beyond redemption!
2026
02:01:02,005 --> 02:01:03,256
Let's see your soul, perv!
2027
02:01:03,339 --> 02:01:06,134
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
2028
02:01:06,217 --> 02:01:07,385
We're better than him!
2029
02:01:07,469 --> 02:01:10,138
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!
2030
02:01:10,221 --> 02:01:11,765
We'll let karma
take care of him.
2031
02:01:11,848 --> 02:01:14,851
The day of reckoning is here!
2032
02:01:24,194 --> 02:01:26,196
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
2033
02:01:26,321 --> 02:01:27,489
Whoo!
2034
02:01:27,572 --> 02:01:29,073
Courage, motherfuckers!
2035
02:01:29,240 --> 02:01:30,492
And karma, motherfucker.
2036
02:01:30,575 --> 02:01:32,118
I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.
2037
02:01:32,202 --> 02:01:34,162
I could barely keep
a straight face.
2038
02:01:34,245 --> 02:01:36,039
I want some more.
2039
02:01:36,206 --> 02:01:37,874
I bet you do, Brown Panther.
2040
02:01:37,957 --> 02:01:40,960
We should leave
before Fuckernaut wakes up.
2041
02:01:41,544 --> 02:01:43,671
Good call.
You guys coming with us?
2042
02:01:43,838 --> 02:01:45,757
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
2043
02:01:45,840 --> 02:01:47,133
Besides, we're X-Men.
2044
02:01:47,425 --> 02:01:49,969
No, you're X-People.
2045
02:01:50,136 --> 02:01:51,429
You're exhausting.
2046
02:01:51,513 --> 02:01:53,181
I see what you did there.
Puns.
2047
02:01:53,348 --> 02:01:54,724
Our door's always open.
2048
02:01:54,808 --> 02:01:56,559
That's kind, but
I'm not ready to date again.
2049
02:01:56,643 --> 02:01:57,644
Let alone two women.
2050
02:01:58,770 --> 02:02:00,396
God, you're a douche.
2051
02:02:00,522 --> 02:02:02,607
Bye, Wade!
Bye, Yukio!
2052
02:02:05,360 --> 02:02:06,402
What do you get
2053
02:02:06,486 --> 02:02:07,570
when you take
eight feet of chrome...
2054
02:02:07,654 --> 02:02:08,780
one pinch of courage...
2055
02:02:08,863 --> 02:02:10,073
a cup of good luck...
2056
02:02:10,156 --> 02:02:11,658
a dab of racism...
2057
02:02:11,741 --> 02:02:12,909
a splash of diabetes...
2058
02:02:12,992 --> 02:02:15,328
and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?
2059
02:02:15,745 --> 02:02:17,914
Answer: a family.
2060
02:02:18,498 --> 02:02:21,584
See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.
2061
02:02:21,668 --> 02:02:22,961
If there's anything
you take away today...
2062
02:02:23,044 --> 02:02:26,172
other than the need to Google,
"What the fuck is dubstep?"...
2063
02:02:26,256 --> 02:02:29,050
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.
2064
02:04:26,125 --> 02:04:27,835
How something
so small generates
2065
02:04:27,919 --> 02:04:29,462
enough energy
to reverse time is...
2066
02:04:29,545 --> 02:04:31,881
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
2067
02:04:31,965 --> 02:04:34,217
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.
2068
02:04:34,300 --> 02:04:35,468
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.
2069
02:04:35,551 --> 02:04:36,552
Never heard of him.
2070
02:04:36,636 --> 02:04:38,096
Why do you think
I'm helping him?
2071
02:04:39,389 --> 02:04:41,599
The Lord works
in mysterious ways,
2072
02:04:41,683 --> 02:04:43,935
don't I? A good day.
2073
02:04:44,686 --> 02:04:45,687
Bye, Wade!
2074
02:04:46,187 --> 02:04:47,188
Bye, Yukio!
2075
02:04:48,523 --> 02:04:50,733
That was probably a bad idea.
2076
02:04:51,067 --> 02:04:52,193
What have we done?
2077
02:05:10,628 --> 02:05:12,630
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
2078
02:05:22,807 --> 02:05:24,267
I'll be right back!
2079
02:05:26,227 --> 02:05:28,771
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!
2080
02:05:29,147 --> 02:05:30,148
Whoo!
2081
02:05:31,983 --> 02:05:33,234
Peter!
2082
02:05:33,317 --> 02:05:34,861
Whoo! X-Force!
2083
02:05:34,944 --> 02:05:37,155
Walk away! Just walk away!
2084
02:05:38,031 --> 02:05:39,866
But we're X-Force!
Nope! We're not.
2085
02:05:40,074 --> 02:05:41,409
X-Force is just
a marketing tool
2086
02:05:41,492 --> 02:05:42,744
designed by Fox executives...
2087
02:05:42,827 --> 02:05:44,495
to keep Josh Brolin employed.
2088
02:05:44,579 --> 02:05:45,872
It doesn't exist.
2089
02:05:46,122 --> 02:05:49,333
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!
2090
02:05:49,500 --> 02:05:51,044
And I need to feed my cat!
2091
02:05:51,210 --> 02:05:53,588
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
2092
02:05:53,755 --> 02:05:57,008
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?
2093
02:06:06,184 --> 02:06:08,061
Wade, is that you?
2094
02:06:10,313 --> 02:06:11,647
I guess Stryker finally
2095
02:06:11,731 --> 02:06:13,107
figured out
how to shut you up.
2096
02:06:19,697 --> 02:06:22,950
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!
2097
02:06:23,117 --> 02:06:25,119
Just cleaning up
the timelines!
2098
02:06:25,203 --> 02:06:28,998
Look, eventually you're
going to hang up the claws...
2099
02:06:29,082 --> 02:06:31,334
and it's gonna make
a lot of people very sad.
2100
02:06:31,709 --> 02:06:32,710
Huh?
2101
02:06:32,794 --> 02:06:34,420
But one day, your old pal
Wade's gonna ask you...
2102
02:06:34,504 --> 02:06:36,464
to get back
in the saddle again.
2103
02:06:37,340 --> 02:06:39,884
And when he does,
say yes.
2104
02:06:41,135 --> 02:06:43,096
Oh, right.
2105
02:06:44,013 --> 02:06:45,306
Love you!
2106
02:06:47,683 --> 02:06:49,310
Goddamn, that's beautiful.
2107
02:06:56,692 --> 02:06:58,528
You're welcome, Canada.
2108
02:07:11,040 --> 02:07:12,208
Boy howdy.
2109
02:07:14,085 --> 02:07:16,963
Hi. This is a toughie.
2110
02:07:17,046 --> 02:07:18,047
Yeesh.
2111
02:07:18,339 --> 02:07:20,758
Oh, yes. You're already
practicing your salute, huh?
2112
02:07:21,968 --> 02:07:24,762
Yes, you are. Well, we'll
take care of that, won't we?
2113
02:07:24,846 --> 02:07:27,640
Jesus Christ! This is
so much harder than I thought.
2114
02:07:28,474 --> 02:07:30,059
Oh, I'm going to hell.
2115
02:07:30,143 --> 02:07:31,727
That makes two of us.
2116
02:07:31,894 --> 02:07:32,979
You can do this.
2117
02:07:33,146 --> 02:07:36,149
This is crazy. This is crazy.
This is crazy. This is crazy.
2118
02:07:36,232 --> 02:07:37,400
All right.
2119
02:07:44,740 --> 02:07:46,659
Maximum effort.
2120
02:13:24,830 --> 02:13:27,082
That's okay.
Let me see here.
2121
02:13:27,166 --> 02:13:28,626
Oh, God.
2122
02:13:28,709 --> 02:13:30,628
That's why you're
such a little bastard.
2123
02:13:30,711 --> 02:13:32,630
No one's ever changed you.
2124
02:13:33,130 --> 02:13:35,841
Yeah, you got a big, old
stinky in there, don't you?
2125
02:13:35,925 --> 02:13:38,385
God, it smells like
Hitler's anus...
2126
02:13:38,761 --> 02:13:41,305
which would makes sense,
wouldn't it? Yeah.
2127
02:13:41,388 --> 02:13:42,515
I think we both know
2128
02:13:42,598 --> 02:13:43,724
I don't have
what it takes to do this...
2129
02:13:43,807 --> 02:13:46,185
so I'm just gonna change
your diaper real quick...
2130
02:13:46,268 --> 02:13:48,145
and then I'm gonna come back
with my friend, Cable.
2131
02:13:48,229 --> 02:13:49,563
He loves killing kids.
149631
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