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1
00:00:37,047 --> 00:00:41,073
You can run, but you can't hide
from the Lord.
2
00:00:44,152 --> 00:00:46,607
You can never
judge a woman with bad...
3
00:01:25,463 --> 00:01:28,911
Sarah Rose knows
you're a beautiful person.
4
00:01:29,943 --> 00:01:34,678
Sarah Rose knows
you have an unusual talent.
5
00:01:34,711 --> 00:01:39,600
Sarah Rose knows
you're a teenage girl.
6
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,323
And she definitely knows...
7
00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:46,899
that you are ready for
the ultimate in teen glamour.
8
00:01:48,951 --> 00:01:53,206
The American
Teen Princess Pageant!
9
00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:55,890
And now, a few words
from last year's host...
10
00:01:55,927 --> 00:01:58,196
Mr. Adam West!
11
00:01:58,232 --> 00:02:00,621
The American
Teen Princess Pageant...
12
00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:06,293
has been enriching the lives of
American-made girls since 1945.
13
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,847
The American
Teen Princess Pageant...
14
00:02:08,888 --> 00:02:13,198
provides personal growth,
scholarship, travel!
15
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,917
And you might even meet
a few celebrities.
16
00:02:16,951 --> 00:02:18,195
Yes!
17
00:02:18,232 --> 00:02:19,639
At the national level...
18
00:02:19,671 --> 00:02:23,054
thousands of seventeen-year-old
girls like yourselves...
19
00:02:23,128 --> 00:02:25,975
compete around the country
in places like...
20
00:02:26,008 --> 00:02:28,342
beautiful Mount Rose,
Minnesota...
21
00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:32,205
and make it all the way
here to Lincoln, Alabama...
22
00:02:32,247 --> 00:02:36,208
to compete for the title
of American Teen Princess.
23
00:02:36,247 --> 00:02:39,543
So which one of you will it be?
24
00:02:39,575 --> 00:02:45,107
Like sands through the hourglass
so are the "Days Of Our Lives. "
25
00:02:47,831 --> 00:02:50,352
God, Iris, you taped
your shows over it.
26
00:02:50,391 --> 00:02:51,668
I'm sorry.
27
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,698
Now, ladies,
the rest of the tape...
28
00:02:59,735 --> 00:03:02,069
which is now gone forever...
29
00:03:02,103 --> 00:03:05,234
goes on about starting
that great journey...
30
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:08,272
which we call the American
Teen Princess Pageant.
31
00:03:08,312 --> 00:03:09,970
So any of you young ladies...
32
00:03:10,007 --> 00:03:11,666
who'd like to start
on that journey...
33
00:03:11,703 --> 00:03:14,005
you just come right down here
and sign up.
34
00:03:14,039 --> 00:03:16,821
And, please, help yourself
to some coffee and bars.
35
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,375
Showtime.
36
00:03:21,911 --> 00:03:23,187
Do you think
most people would say...
37
00:03:23,223 --> 00:03:25,427
that teenage beauty pageants
are a good idea?
38
00:03:25,495 --> 00:03:26,837
Oh, yeah, sure.
39
00:03:26,871 --> 00:03:28,464
I know what some of your
big-city, no-bra-wearin'...
40
00:03:28,535 --> 00:03:30,902
hairy-legged
women libbers might say.
41
00:03:30,936 --> 00:03:32,342
They might say that a pageant...
42
00:03:32,375 --> 00:03:34,644
is old-fashioned
and demeaning to the girls.
43
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,622
What's sick is women
dressing like men.
44
00:03:36,663 --> 00:03:38,190
You betcha, Iris.
45
00:03:38,231 --> 00:03:40,118
No, I think you boys
are going to find something...
46
00:03:40,151 --> 00:03:41,842
a little bit different
here in Mount Rose.
47
00:03:41,879 --> 00:03:44,148
For one thing,
we're all God-fearin' folk.
48
00:03:44,184 --> 00:03:45,842
Every last one of us.
49
00:03:45,879 --> 00:03:50,069
And you will not find a
"back room" in our video store.
50
00:03:50,103 --> 00:03:53,103
No, that filth is better
left to the sin cities.
51
00:03:53,143 --> 00:03:55,118
A.k. a. Minneapolis, St. Paul.
52
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,327
Oh, yeah, sure.
53
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,733
Freda, sure.
54
00:04:19,767 --> 00:04:22,003
She was the oldest
living Lutheran.
55
00:04:22,039 --> 00:04:24,657
Now she's as dead as a doornail.
56
00:04:24,695 --> 00:04:27,117
It's the damn Shriners
who won't take down...
57
00:04:27,159 --> 00:04:29,777
that goddamn sign,
the lazy sons of bitches.
58
00:04:29,847 --> 00:04:32,662
Every year... every damn year,
I tell 'em...
59
00:04:32,695 --> 00:04:35,062
"Take down
the goddamn Freda sign...
60
00:04:35,127 --> 00:04:36,534
"you lazy sons of bitches!"
61
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:53,235
Today's "to do" list includes
a trip to the Mall of America...
62
00:04:53,271 --> 00:04:55,158
where we are going
to be buying outfits...
63
00:04:55,191 --> 00:04:56,500
for the physical fitness number.
64
00:04:56,536 --> 00:04:57,518
Nothing too showy.
65
00:04:57,559 --> 00:04:59,086
No. You betcha, Iris.
66
00:04:59,127 --> 00:05:01,429
We need that third judge.
Gosh, don't let me forget...
67
00:05:01,495 --> 00:05:02,640
We need to think of a theme.
68
00:05:02,711 --> 00:05:05,013
Gladys, look out!
69
00:05:05,047 --> 00:05:06,934
Gosh darn it.
Hello, Father Dunegan.
70
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,658
Sidewalks? Sidewalks?
71
00:05:10,167 --> 00:05:12,623
Iris, stop it.
It's not his fault.
72
00:05:12,663 --> 00:05:16,078
The communal wine just proves
too tempting for some of them.
73
00:05:16,119 --> 00:05:17,526
That's why we Lutherans
use grape Kool-Aid...
74
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,869
for the blood of Christ.
75
00:05:18,903 --> 00:05:21,653
There's a parking space
over there.
76
00:05:21,687 --> 00:05:23,662
Oh, no.
That's just a compact. Sorry.
77
00:05:23,703 --> 00:05:25,394
You'd think they'd have
the parking lot of America...
78
00:05:25,432 --> 00:05:26,958
to go with the Mall of America.
79
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,618
It's a $200 fine!
80
00:05:29,655 --> 00:05:32,503
I told you I would move the car
if a cripple came.
81
00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:35,633
Now just run in the store
and pick out some outfits.
82
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:36,685
All right, let's go.
83
00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,167
Wait, wait, wait.
84
00:05:38,231 --> 00:05:39,409
What?
85
00:05:39,447 --> 00:05:41,072
I think I just thought
of the theme.
86
00:05:41,111 --> 00:05:43,696
Oh, what?
87
00:05:43,735 --> 00:05:46,223
"Proud to be an American. "
88
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:49,427
So, what was the theme
of the pageant last year?
89
00:05:49,463 --> 00:05:52,114
Oh, that was "Buy American. "
90
00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:53,842
And the year before that was...
91
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,985
"U.S.A. Is A-OK!"
92
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,674
And can you remember the theme
of your favorite pageant?
93
00:05:58,711 --> 00:06:00,621
Can I?
94
00:06:00,663 --> 00:06:02,386
"Amer-I Can!"
95
00:06:03,736 --> 00:06:05,775
People ask me where I get this.
96
00:06:05,847 --> 00:06:08,149
I don't know.
A gift from God or something.
97
00:06:18,871 --> 00:06:19,984
Hi.
98
00:06:20,023 --> 00:06:23,536
Just introduce yourself
and tell us why...
99
00:06:23,575 --> 00:06:24,982
you're signing up
for the pageant.
100
00:06:25,015 --> 00:06:27,087
OK. Hi. Hi.
101
00:06:27,128 --> 00:06:29,615
I'm Leslie Miller.
102
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:33,136
I'm signing up 'cause,
you know...
103
00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:35,150
I always watch
the pageants on TV...
104
00:06:35,191 --> 00:06:38,225
and my boyfriend
thinks I'll win.
105
00:06:38,296 --> 00:06:39,790
For my talent,
I'm going to be doing...
106
00:06:39,864 --> 00:06:41,390
You've been talking
to this guy long enough.
107
00:06:41,463 --> 00:06:43,373
I'm trying to tell him...
108
00:06:43,447 --> 00:06:44,593
Now?
109
00:06:50,263 --> 00:06:51,670
Hi, Pat.
110
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:53,132
Go Muskies!
111
00:06:55,832 --> 00:07:00,916
Hi. I'm Amber Atkins,
and I'm signing up...
112
00:07:00,951 --> 00:07:03,536
'cause my two favorite people
in the whole world...
113
00:07:03,575 --> 00:07:05,517
competed in pageants...
114
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:08,243
my mom and Diane Sawyer.
115
00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:09,686
Course, I hope I end up...
116
00:07:09,751 --> 00:07:12,053
a little more like Diane Sawyer
than my mom.
117
00:07:22,391 --> 00:07:24,726
Do you do
any of the embalming?
118
00:07:24,759 --> 00:07:27,181
Oh, my God, no. Oh, God.
119
00:07:27,223 --> 00:07:29,078
I just do the hair and makeup
on the deceased.
120
00:07:31,191 --> 00:07:32,598
I'm lucky I have
an afterschool job...
121
00:07:32,631 --> 00:07:34,038
where I can practice my talent.
122
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:41,643
Oh, yeah, sure.
Every pageant is special...
123
00:07:41,719 --> 00:07:46,836
but this one
is extra-super-special to me.
124
00:07:46,871 --> 00:07:50,100
When I was seventeen...
I don't know if you know this...
125
00:07:50,135 --> 00:07:56,148
I was crowned Mount Rose's
American Teen Princess...
126
00:07:56,183 --> 00:07:58,255
and this year...
127
00:07:58,295 --> 00:08:00,913
drumroll, please...
128
00:08:00,951 --> 00:08:05,807
my lovely daughter
Rebecca Ann Leeman is competing.
129
00:08:07,351 --> 00:08:08,561
Is this my mark?
130
00:08:10,391 --> 00:08:14,253
Hi. I'm Rebecca Leeman,
and I believe this pageant...
131
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,116
is an important experience
for every young woman.
132
00:08:16,151 --> 00:08:18,191
It...
133
00:08:18,263 --> 00:08:21,110
Well, it teaches you what's
really important in life...
134
00:08:21,143 --> 00:08:23,990
and it has the power
to change you...
135
00:08:24,023 --> 00:08:25,932
in ways you've never dreamed of.
136
00:08:35,191 --> 00:08:38,387
My mom gave me this nine-mill
for my thirteenth birthday.
137
00:08:38,423 --> 00:08:41,009
Yeah. I'll always remember
what she wrote in the card.
138
00:08:41,047 --> 00:08:42,989
"Jesus loves winners. "
139
00:08:43,031 --> 00:08:46,348
That's why no matter what I do,
I aim to win.
140
00:08:51,287 --> 00:08:55,280
Why?
Well, it's kinda like asking...
141
00:08:55,319 --> 00:08:58,931
why all the guys chew
Copenhagen, you know?
142
00:08:58,967 --> 00:09:00,461
If you're seventeen...
143
00:09:00,503 --> 00:09:04,081
and you're not a total fry,
it's just what you do.
144
00:09:05,527 --> 00:09:07,982
Have you decided what
your talent is going to be yet?
145
00:09:08,023 --> 00:09:11,187
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I'm gonna sing and dance...
146
00:09:11,223 --> 00:09:13,328
to "New York, New York. "
147
00:09:13,367 --> 00:09:16,017
I just fell in love with
the Big Apple last summer...
148
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,356
when I was visiting
my brother Peter there.
149
00:09:18,423 --> 00:09:21,270
He followed his dream
all the way to New York.
150
00:09:21,335 --> 00:09:24,466
Wait.
151
00:09:24,503 --> 00:09:28,245
Here's Peter as... Liza!
152
00:09:28,279 --> 00:09:30,221
Here's him as Madonna.
153
00:09:35,223 --> 00:09:36,652
As Barbara.
154
00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:44,942
I don't know what
my talent's gonna be yet.
155
00:09:46,103 --> 00:09:49,365
Kenny! Kenny, come.
Come, Kenny.
156
00:09:49,431 --> 00:09:52,399
Oh, Kenny!
Oh, this is Kenny.
157
00:09:52,471 --> 00:09:54,032
Spike, my German shepherd...
158
00:09:54,103 --> 00:09:56,558
he went to live
with a nice family on a farm...
159
00:09:56,631 --> 00:09:58,322
after he attacked me...
160
00:09:58,359 --> 00:10:00,693
but it wasn't his fault,
was it, Kenny? No.
161
00:10:00,727 --> 00:10:03,444
I had beef jerky
in my front pocket.
162
00:10:07,799 --> 00:10:10,865
They remade my belly
with skin from my butt.
163
00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:16,021
I was Mount Rose American
Teen Princess in 1945.
164
00:10:16,055 --> 00:10:20,278
We were at war with the Japs.
165
00:10:20,311 --> 00:10:22,416
Didn't even get to keep
my damn tiara.
166
00:10:22,486 --> 00:10:25,902
I had to turn it in for scrap.
167
00:10:31,734 --> 00:10:36,972
So we adopt Molly three year ago
when we come to America...
168
00:10:37,015 --> 00:10:40,398
to help acclimate us
to American.
169
00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:42,577
To America, Dad.
170
00:10:45,047 --> 00:10:47,316
She all-American girl.
171
00:10:47,351 --> 00:10:49,936
She our Teen American Princess.
172
00:10:49,974 --> 00:10:51,152
Oh, Ma.
173
00:10:58,071 --> 00:10:59,478
English!
174
00:10:59,543 --> 00:11:01,910
Speak English,
you stupid little retard!
175
00:11:01,943 --> 00:11:06,613
So, Molly, tell movie man
what you talent do.
176
00:11:06,646 --> 00:11:08,501
I'll be line dancing.
177
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,804
Country western!
178
00:11:10,839 --> 00:11:12,727
Clint Black, ruff!
179
00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:16,174
Hey, what he got that I not got?
180
00:11:18,743 --> 00:11:20,598
So have you decided what
your talent is going to be...
181
00:11:20,631 --> 00:11:21,940
for the pageant yet?
182
00:11:21,975 --> 00:11:25,903
Yeah. I'll be doing
a dramatic monologue...
183
00:11:25,975 --> 00:11:29,804
and right now
I'm thinking "Othello... "
184
00:11:29,879 --> 00:11:31,603
or "Soylent Green... "
185
00:11:31,639 --> 00:11:34,770
Well, my own version of it.
186
00:11:34,807 --> 00:11:37,327
You know, a lot of girls
make a smooth transition...
187
00:11:37,366 --> 00:11:38,675
from pageants into acting.
188
00:11:38,711 --> 00:11:40,238
Competing for the title...
189
00:11:40,279 --> 00:11:44,534
of Minnesota's American Teen
Princess sure was exciting...
190
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:46,454
but I never could have won...
191
00:11:46,487 --> 00:11:49,356
without my Saint Paul
pork products.
192
00:11:49,399 --> 00:11:53,457
I've been enjoying Saint Paul
pork products for years.
193
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:56,212
I grew up right next
to these stockyards.
194
00:11:56,247 --> 00:11:58,898
It's still the same
family-run business...
195
00:11:58,967 --> 00:12:02,928
that Walter and Vera Pularski
started in 1920...
196
00:12:02,999 --> 00:12:06,294
when they raised
and slaughtered their first pig.
197
00:12:10,199 --> 00:12:13,712
I just love
Saint Paul pork products.
198
00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:16,620
In fact, I love 'em so much...
199
00:12:16,663 --> 00:12:18,900
I work here now!
200
00:12:20,503 --> 00:12:23,220
Oh, help yourself.
201
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,146
Thanks.
202
00:12:28,183 --> 00:12:29,645
You're welcome.
203
00:12:29,718 --> 00:12:31,628
My talent will be...
204
00:12:31,703 --> 00:12:33,012
an interpretive...
205
00:12:35,799 --> 00:12:37,490
dance...
206
00:12:37,527 --> 00:12:39,982
while I sign...
207
00:12:40,022 --> 00:12:42,805
"Through the Eyes of Love. "
208
00:12:42,839 --> 00:12:45,970
Yeah. Well, see...
209
00:12:46,007 --> 00:12:48,014
I have a dream...
210
00:12:48,054 --> 00:12:51,153
of spreading sign language...
211
00:12:51,190 --> 00:12:53,646
around the world.
212
00:12:55,607 --> 00:13:00,047
Mom, will you be so kind?
213
00:13:08,023 --> 00:13:09,965
Tammy Curry...
214
00:13:10,038 --> 00:13:11,827
and I'm signing up
for the pageant...
215
00:13:11,863 --> 00:13:12,975
'cause of
the scholarships and all.
216
00:13:13,014 --> 00:13:14,902
This one's for varsity soccer.
217
00:13:14,934 --> 00:13:16,276
I'm captain.
218
00:13:16,311 --> 00:13:19,693
I run track, and right here
I'm the new president...
219
00:13:19,734 --> 00:13:21,163
of the Lutheran
Sisterhood Gun Club.
220
00:13:21,206 --> 00:13:23,508
Love that one.
221
00:13:28,791 --> 00:13:30,197
Would you say...
222
00:13:30,231 --> 00:13:32,206
you have a good chance
to win this pageant?
223
00:13:32,247 --> 00:13:34,134
Yeah. You bet I do.
224
00:13:34,167 --> 00:13:37,615
I mean, maybe other people think
I can't win a beauty pageant...
225
00:13:37,687 --> 00:13:39,858
but other people didn't think
I could beat out...
226
00:13:39,894 --> 00:13:44,172
Becky Leeman for president of
the gun club, either, and I did.
227
00:13:44,215 --> 00:13:46,516
It's just like
Anthony Robbins says...
228
00:13:46,551 --> 00:13:47,729
"I'm a winner.
229
00:13:47,767 --> 00:13:50,418
"Nobody can stop me but me. "
230
00:14:00,695 --> 00:14:04,011
Well, you know, I think
everybody's doing really well...
231
00:14:04,054 --> 00:14:06,324
considering the fact
she was so young.
232
00:14:06,391 --> 00:14:08,016
It's always hard to see
the young ones called home.
233
00:14:08,086 --> 00:14:10,956
Especially
on an exploding thresher.
234
00:14:11,030 --> 00:14:14,347
It's just so odd and gross.
235
00:14:14,423 --> 00:14:15,830
You know, sometimes...
236
00:14:15,863 --> 00:14:18,962
it's hard to understand
God's great plan.
237
00:14:20,695 --> 00:14:22,582
But the show must go on.
238
00:14:22,615 --> 00:14:24,371
I gotta get ahold of Ted...
239
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,348
and ask him if we can use that
barn light as a spot again...
240
00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:28,463
so you watch
the Jell-O salad, OK?
241
00:14:28,502 --> 00:14:30,607
You girls gonna sign up
for the pageant this year?
242
00:14:30,647 --> 00:14:32,556
I ain't gonna be
in no goddamn pageant.
243
00:14:32,598 --> 00:14:34,486
Look what happened
to that dork-ass farm girl.
244
00:14:34,518 --> 00:14:35,500
Tammy Curry?
245
00:14:35,543 --> 00:14:37,681
Yeah. Everyone says
this is a big accident?
246
00:14:37,750 --> 00:14:39,638
She got iced
because she wins everything...
247
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,612
and this time someone
didn't want her to win.
248
00:14:41,686 --> 00:14:43,148
This pageant's
like a Roach Motel.
249
00:14:43,223 --> 00:14:45,110
Girls check in,
but they don't check out.
250
00:14:45,174 --> 00:14:47,989
Yeah, and they say smoking's
bad for your health.
251
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:55,925
And... tendu, close.
Tendu, close.
252
00:14:55,959 --> 00:14:58,446
Tendu, close, pli�.
253
00:14:58,487 --> 00:14:59,664
And repeat.
254
00:14:59,703 --> 00:15:00,913
Tendu...
255
00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:02,893
Suck in the bellies, girls!
256
00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:04,909
And tuck in the tushes!
257
00:15:04,951 --> 00:15:06,358
Close those legs.
258
00:15:06,391 --> 00:15:09,141
You look like a bunch
of bowlegged cows.
259
00:15:09,207 --> 00:15:11,596
Other side!
260
00:15:11,671 --> 00:15:14,966
And tendu, close. Tendu, close.
261
00:15:15,031 --> 00:15:16,308
Tendu, close, pli�.
262
00:15:16,343 --> 00:15:19,026
Yeah, you boys
sure picked a good year.
263
00:15:19,063 --> 00:15:20,950
If I was a betting woman...
264
00:15:20,983 --> 00:15:22,357
and there was a line
on this in Vegas...
265
00:15:22,391 --> 00:15:25,009
I'd lay down ten to one
that it all comes down...
266
00:15:25,046 --> 00:15:27,185
to Amber Atkins
and Becky Leeman.
267
00:15:27,222 --> 00:15:28,978
Oh, sweet Jesus.
268
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,444
What a showdown this should be.
269
00:15:30,487 --> 00:15:32,342
If Cain and Abel...
270
00:15:32,374 --> 00:15:34,447
Oh, God!
271
00:15:34,486 --> 00:15:36,144
That's so embarrassing.
272
00:15:42,263 --> 00:15:46,671
My winning the Mount Rose...
273
00:15:46,743 --> 00:15:52,722
American Teen Princess Pageant
really changed my life.
274
00:15:52,759 --> 00:15:56,817
Amber does my hair once a week.
275
00:15:56,855 --> 00:15:59,026
Well, it's the least I can do...
276
00:15:59,063 --> 00:16:03,765
for the reigning Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.
277
00:16:03,798 --> 00:16:06,002
- Oh, God.
- What?
278
00:16:06,039 --> 00:16:08,821
Oh, just a little snarl.
279
00:16:08,854 --> 00:16:10,447
Don't tell.
280
00:16:12,246 --> 00:16:14,668
What? Oh, my God.
281
00:16:14,743 --> 00:16:18,452
Lights, camera, and me
without a stitch of makeup on.
282
00:16:18,487 --> 00:16:20,429
What are you guys doing here?
283
00:16:20,503 --> 00:16:22,128
What are you doing here?
284
00:16:22,167 --> 00:16:27,185
Oh, Amber, like you're
the only one who visits Mary?
285
00:16:27,223 --> 00:16:29,361
Who are you?
286
00:16:29,399 --> 00:16:33,589
"Who are you?"
Oh, Mary, you kill me.
287
00:16:33,622 --> 00:16:35,411
She always says that.
288
00:16:35,447 --> 00:16:37,967
It's a little game
we play every week.
289
00:16:38,006 --> 00:16:40,014
Same dippy little look
on her face.
290
00:16:40,055 --> 00:16:42,356
"Who are you? Who are you?"
291
00:16:42,391 --> 00:16:43,798
Just like that.
292
00:16:43,831 --> 00:16:46,318
It's me... Becky.
293
00:16:46,390 --> 00:16:49,871
And I brought your favorites.
294
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,626
Real nice, Becky.
She's anorexic.
295
00:16:52,662 --> 00:16:56,459
She's skinny, Amber, not deaf.
296
00:17:17,814 --> 00:17:21,524
So, beyond this pageant
you must have certain dreams...
297
00:17:21,558 --> 00:17:23,446
and certain things
you aspire to, yeah?
298
00:17:24,438 --> 00:17:26,675
Yeah, I got dreams.
299
00:17:27,863 --> 00:17:30,481
Sometimes I dream of winning.
300
00:17:30,518 --> 00:17:32,079
I dream of getting out
of Mount Rose...
301
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:35,631
and being a big-time reporter
like Diane Sawyer.
302
00:17:35,670 --> 00:17:38,420
I mean, guys get out of
Mount Rose all the time...
303
00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:41,073
for hockey scholarships...
304
00:17:41,110 --> 00:17:42,452
or prison.
305
00:17:42,486 --> 00:17:45,715
Yeah, 1963.
306
00:17:45,751 --> 00:17:47,311
Her beauty worked against her...
307
00:17:47,351 --> 00:17:50,514
when she started as a reporter
in Louisville, her hometown.
308
00:17:50,583 --> 00:17:52,109
Those were different times.
309
00:17:53,686 --> 00:17:55,213
That's my mom.
310
00:17:55,287 --> 00:17:56,977
Hey, Amber,
did you get my smokes?
311
00:17:57,015 --> 00:17:59,349
Yeah. I'll get 'em in a sec.
312
00:17:59,383 --> 00:18:01,423
Aw, shit.
313
00:18:01,463 --> 00:18:02,772
They're from Los Angeles.
314
00:18:02,806 --> 00:18:04,978
They wanted to see my room
and film me for their movie.
315
00:18:05,014 --> 00:18:07,981
Yeah, well, if they ask you
to take your top off...
316
00:18:08,023 --> 00:18:09,932
get the money first.
317
00:18:09,974 --> 00:18:11,862
And go get my smokes!
318
00:18:29,686 --> 00:18:32,108
Hey, hey, you like it?
319
00:18:32,150 --> 00:18:33,557
- Open it.
- This?
320
00:18:33,591 --> 00:18:34,998
Yeah, the globe.
321
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,688
Go on,
pull on the North Pole there.
322
00:18:36,727 --> 00:18:37,872
Here, watch.
323
00:18:37,910 --> 00:18:38,925
Honey, this isn't a showroom.
324
00:18:38,966 --> 00:18:41,137
See, this holds three
full-size booze bottles.
325
00:18:41,175 --> 00:18:43,379
Tape cassette
comes out of Afghanistan.
326
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:47,222
All right, all right.
327
00:18:47,254 --> 00:18:49,938
How quickly they forget
where this all comes from.
328
00:18:49,974 --> 00:18:51,381
Taiwan.
329
00:18:51,414 --> 00:18:53,935
That's enough, young lady.
330
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,894
I beg your pardon.
Would you like a drink?
331
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,683
Lmpartial?
332
00:18:57,718 --> 00:19:00,239
When I'm outside these walls,
I am Gladys Leeman...
333
00:19:00,279 --> 00:19:02,548
president Civil Servettes,
impartial as the day is long.
334
00:19:02,582 --> 00:19:04,525
But I'm in my house now,
and I gotta warn you...
335
00:19:04,567 --> 00:19:06,705
I'm wearing my wife apron
and my mom hat...
336
00:19:06,743 --> 00:19:08,565
so I can safely say
that I am the mother...
337
00:19:08,599 --> 00:19:11,468
of the most talented contestant
Mount Rose has ever had.
338
00:19:11,510 --> 00:19:13,398
Oh, gosh, she's been
singing and dancing...
339
00:19:13,430 --> 00:19:15,121
since she was knee-high
to a pig's eye.
340
00:19:15,158 --> 00:19:17,231
Yeah, she's damn
near as good as...
341
00:19:17,270 --> 00:19:19,158
you know, that little...
that black fellow...
342
00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:20,684
the one with the glass eye...
343
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:21,806
the Candy Man...
344
00:19:21,847 --> 00:19:24,214
- Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Yeah, the Jew.
345
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,904
Nice one, Dad. He's dead.
346
00:19:37,463 --> 00:19:39,154
Yeah. Then we have
the Judges Interview.
347
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:42,037
Where each girl has a little
ten-minute get-together...
348
00:19:42,070 --> 00:19:44,404
with the judges
prior to the pageant.
349
00:19:44,439 --> 00:19:45,846
Then we have the...
350
00:19:50,358 --> 00:19:51,568
Hello, Tony.
351
00:19:54,710 --> 00:19:55,790
Hey to the folks.
352
00:19:55,830 --> 00:19:57,107
Yeah, all right.
353
00:19:57,174 --> 00:19:58,799
Gladys, the Judges Interview.
354
00:20:05,942 --> 00:20:09,106
So you've judged a lot
of pageants over the years?
355
00:20:09,143 --> 00:20:11,412
No. No. No way. No.
356
00:20:11,446 --> 00:20:13,334
Never judged a pageant
before in my life.
357
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,716
No way.
358
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,668
Never been around young girls.
359
00:20:22,870 --> 00:20:25,489
I mean, even if I was...
360
00:20:25,526 --> 00:20:27,566
I mean, why would I want
to be, you know?
361
00:20:27,606 --> 00:20:29,264
I don't get off
on that kind of thing.
362
00:20:29,334 --> 00:20:30,960
That's really
why you're asking, right?
363
00:20:34,230 --> 00:20:35,605
Someone say something?
364
00:20:44,055 --> 00:20:45,265
Do you judge the pageant
every year?
365
00:20:45,302 --> 00:20:47,539
No. I've never judged
nothin' before.
366
00:20:47,574 --> 00:20:50,291
Harold, are we on "Cops"?
367
00:20:50,326 --> 00:20:51,438
Are we on "Cops," Harold?
368
00:20:51,479 --> 00:20:52,755
Shut up, Hank.
This here's business.
369
00:20:55,446 --> 00:20:57,486
Harold,
Mom said not in the head!
370
00:20:57,526 --> 00:20:59,948
Well, Mom's dead,
so shut your flytrap.
371
00:20:59,990 --> 00:21:02,412
I will if you shut your piehole.
372
00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,302
Don't make me...
373
00:21:13,334 --> 00:21:14,479
Don't make me kick you
where the good Lord...
374
00:21:14,519 --> 00:21:16,461
Don't make me
split you where you...
375
00:21:16,502 --> 00:21:18,127
Come on!
You want some of this!
376
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,456
So, are you excited?
377
00:21:21,495 --> 00:21:22,869
Oh, you bet.
378
00:21:22,903 --> 00:21:25,291
We're happier than the day
Hankie got acquitted.
379
00:21:25,335 --> 00:21:28,018
I get made a judge, then
the furniture store hires us...
380
00:21:28,054 --> 00:21:30,062
to paint the whole damn thing.
381
00:21:30,102 --> 00:21:31,989
We're going to use the money...
382
00:21:32,022 --> 00:21:33,931
to get our mom
a proper headstone...
383
00:21:33,975 --> 00:21:37,171
and to move her out
to the cemetery.
384
00:21:41,047 --> 00:21:43,152
Listen, guys,
if you see anything you like...
385
00:21:43,190 --> 00:21:46,059
you just let me know because
I happen to know the owner.
386
00:21:46,103 --> 00:21:48,175
So, here we are.
387
00:21:48,214 --> 00:21:50,418
My place of business,
my little house of worship...
388
00:21:50,454 --> 00:21:53,105
the world's largest
Conestoga wagon.
389
00:21:53,142 --> 00:21:54,898
Right here, we have
a very attractive unit.
390
00:21:55,862 --> 00:21:57,650
Farmers like that one.
391
00:21:57,686 --> 00:22:00,272
OK, showtime.
392
00:22:00,310 --> 00:22:03,092
Hey, Tim, Carla, listen...
393
00:22:03,127 --> 00:22:05,516
you two don't Jew me down
too much on that dinette...
394
00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:07,859
I'll throw in a hutch
for free, OK?
395
00:22:07,894 --> 00:22:09,803
See, that's my specialty.
396
00:22:09,878 --> 00:22:13,456
You don't pay less,
I give you more.
397
00:22:13,494 --> 00:22:17,106
The secret is... the hutch
is included in the price.
398
00:22:17,142 --> 00:22:19,695
Ain't that right, Jean?
399
00:22:19,734 --> 00:22:21,938
Take a memo, sweetheart.
400
00:22:34,678 --> 00:22:36,882
Five, six, seven... and one...
401
00:22:36,918 --> 00:22:39,023
Get that tempo right.
Kick it!
402
00:22:39,094 --> 00:22:40,174
Come on, kick it!
403
00:22:47,191 --> 00:22:49,841
Just watching the young girls.
404
00:22:49,878 --> 00:22:52,082
Contestants. You know...
405
00:22:52,118 --> 00:22:54,507
like the rest of my friends
and neighbors.
406
00:22:59,254 --> 00:23:00,661
Are you getting her?
407
00:23:00,694 --> 00:23:02,155
The third one, the blond one.
408
00:23:02,199 --> 00:23:03,857
Leave him alone. It's OK.
409
00:23:09,686 --> 00:23:13,581
It's just a camera I keep
in the glove compartment...
410
00:23:13,654 --> 00:23:17,648
for... car accidents.
Insurance.
411
00:23:20,470 --> 00:23:22,358
I mean, you guys got a camera...
412
00:23:22,390 --> 00:23:24,398
and no one's accusing you
of anything, right?
413
00:23:41,622 --> 00:23:44,469
So, Brett, you want to go
to the lake with me on Thursday?
414
00:23:44,502 --> 00:23:47,982
Actually,
I got practice on Thursday.
415
00:23:48,054 --> 00:23:49,483
Well, maybe Friday then.
416
00:23:49,558 --> 00:23:51,892
A bunch of us
were going cow tipping.
417
00:23:51,926 --> 00:23:54,479
Well...
418
00:23:54,518 --> 00:23:56,405
I'm kind of busy on Friday.
419
00:24:09,238 --> 00:24:10,580
Give her your tray, Brett.
420
00:24:10,614 --> 00:24:12,785
You're holding up the line.
421
00:24:14,551 --> 00:24:16,143
Give it to her.
422
00:24:16,214 --> 00:24:18,037
Here, I'll take it.
It's my job.
423
00:24:18,070 --> 00:24:20,209
No. It's all right.
Don't worry about it.
424
00:24:20,246 --> 00:24:22,897
Well, you're supposed
to put it in the...
425
00:24:27,254 --> 00:24:29,359
Aw, man.
426
00:24:29,398 --> 00:24:32,464
You got some lutefisk
in your hair.
427
00:24:32,502 --> 00:24:34,193
Then it must be Wednesday.
428
00:24:36,054 --> 00:24:40,244
Lutefisk is codfish
that's been salted...
429
00:24:40,278 --> 00:24:42,863
and soaked in lye
for a week or so.
430
00:24:45,271 --> 00:24:47,540
It's best with lots of butter.
431
00:24:47,574 --> 00:24:51,284
I'm not really busy on Friday.
432
00:24:51,318 --> 00:24:53,685
I was just saying that,
you know?
433
00:24:53,750 --> 00:24:54,830
I know.
434
00:24:54,870 --> 00:24:56,365
Well...
435
00:24:56,406 --> 00:24:58,827
if you wanted to do something...
436
00:24:58,870 --> 00:25:01,870
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. You bet.
437
00:25:01,910 --> 00:25:03,317
Oh, crap.
438
00:25:03,350 --> 00:25:05,260
I probably gotta work
at the funeral home.
439
00:25:05,302 --> 00:25:07,211
We're real busy
this time of year.
440
00:25:07,254 --> 00:25:09,588
Hunting season.
441
00:25:09,622 --> 00:25:12,241
Well, I'm cutting out of here
early today...
442
00:25:12,278 --> 00:25:13,904
and doing
a little duck hunting...
443
00:25:13,942 --> 00:25:15,665
but maybe I could
call you tonight?
444
00:25:15,702 --> 00:25:16,814
Yeah, sure.
445
00:25:18,038 --> 00:25:19,151
- All right.
- Fine.
446
00:25:33,782 --> 00:25:35,308
Oh, God.
447
00:25:35,350 --> 00:25:37,968
You don't think Becky
saw you guys, do you?
448
00:25:38,006 --> 00:25:39,762
Look, you shouldn't be in here.
449
00:25:39,798 --> 00:25:41,107
Doreen gave us hair nets.
450
00:25:41,142 --> 00:25:43,760
No, listen.
We shouldn't talk here.
451
00:25:43,798 --> 00:25:46,765
Stop by my house tonight, OK?
452
00:25:48,246 --> 00:25:49,358
Go.
453
00:26:03,350 --> 00:26:04,844
They take out her butt?
454
00:26:04,886 --> 00:26:07,341
Oh, Jesus H. Christ.
455
00:26:07,382 --> 00:26:08,942
Oh, are we on "Cops" again?
456
00:26:08,982 --> 00:26:10,673
OK, be quiet.
457
00:26:11,702 --> 00:26:13,906
It's just the guys
that are, you know...
458
00:26:13,942 --> 00:26:15,765
making the movie
about the pageant.
459
00:26:15,798 --> 00:26:17,773
I told you all about 'em.
This here's Loretta.
460
00:26:17,814 --> 00:26:20,269
I tell Annette, you talk to me
during my stories...
461
00:26:20,310 --> 00:26:22,285
you might as well
be talking to the wall.
462
00:26:22,358 --> 00:26:23,732
You guys want a beer?
463
00:26:23,766 --> 00:26:25,740
No, thank you. Is Amber here?
464
00:26:25,814 --> 00:26:27,123
Oh, no. You just missed her.
465
00:26:27,158 --> 00:26:29,460
She got called down
to the bone gardens.
466
00:26:29,494 --> 00:26:31,250
She's in a hell of a mood today.
467
00:26:31,286 --> 00:26:33,009
Say, you boys been
to the Leemans'?
468
00:26:33,045 --> 00:26:34,223
Shut it, Loretta.
469
00:26:34,262 --> 00:26:36,596
If so, you got all the pictures
of the winner you need.
470
00:26:36,630 --> 00:26:37,710
- Shut it.
- It's true.
471
00:26:41,558 --> 00:26:44,754
Let's just say who should win,
who deserves to win is Amber.
472
00:26:44,790 --> 00:26:48,085
Why don't you just paint
a target on your ass?
473
00:26:48,118 --> 00:26:49,906
Best damn tapper,
the most smartest.
474
00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:51,022
Most smartest?
475
00:26:51,062 --> 00:26:53,429
Oh, that's great.
You're real educated.
476
00:26:53,494 --> 00:26:55,698
"Most smartest. "
Get a picture of that.
477
00:26:55,766 --> 00:26:57,108
Most smartest.
478
00:26:57,142 --> 00:26:58,419
I'm cutting you off
and sending you home.
479
00:26:58,454 --> 00:27:01,520
Excuse me, but I'm bragging up
your kid here.
480
00:27:01,558 --> 00:27:02,834
I know. Come on, let's go.
481
00:27:02,870 --> 00:27:04,593
Amber's gonna be the next
Diane Sawyer, you know.
482
00:27:04,630 --> 00:27:05,939
They're making a movie here.
483
00:27:05,974 --> 00:27:07,796
All right,
they're making a movie.
484
00:27:07,830 --> 00:27:09,969
What makes you think
that Becky's going to win?
485
00:27:10,006 --> 00:27:11,151
Why do I think Becky'll win?
486
00:27:11,190 --> 00:27:12,717
You're talking... Don't pinch.
487
00:27:12,758 --> 00:27:15,060
You're talking about the richest
family in a small town.
488
00:27:15,094 --> 00:27:17,614
It's front-page news
when one of 'em takes a shit.
489
00:27:17,654 --> 00:27:18,799
Oh, great.
490
00:27:20,662 --> 00:27:22,255
Can one of you boys
give me a ride home?
491
00:27:22,294 --> 00:27:23,472
Don't fall for it.
492
00:27:23,510 --> 00:27:24,917
She lives two trailers down.
493
00:27:24,982 --> 00:27:26,127
So? Be real easy.
494
00:27:26,198 --> 00:27:27,573
Go on home, Loretta.
495
00:27:27,606 --> 00:27:29,679
Go on. The party's over.
496
00:27:39,190 --> 00:27:40,499
Oh, my God!
497
00:27:40,534 --> 00:27:43,349
Jesus Christ on a cross!
498
00:27:43,381 --> 00:27:46,131
Look, number one rule
in a funeral home...
499
00:27:46,166 --> 00:27:48,304
Never sneak up on the living.
500
00:27:48,342 --> 00:27:49,902
You never know who could
have an embalming needle...
501
00:27:49,942 --> 00:27:51,764
or a skull saw in their hand.
502
00:27:51,798 --> 00:27:54,067
Mr. Larson's son
learned the hard way.
503
00:27:54,102 --> 00:27:56,142
He's buried next to my grandpa.
504
00:28:02,262 --> 00:28:03,756
Are you upset about Brett?
505
00:28:03,830 --> 00:28:05,619
Upset about Brett?
506
00:28:05,654 --> 00:28:08,818
Nah. Hazard of the trade.
507
00:28:09,878 --> 00:28:13,555
I don't really have time
for guys anyways.
508
00:28:13,590 --> 00:28:14,801
It's weird, though.
509
00:28:14,838 --> 00:28:17,555
He took it
right between the eyes.
510
00:28:18,806 --> 00:28:20,300
Don't often see that.
511
00:28:22,294 --> 00:28:24,944
So, you know,
Brett just got shot in the head.
512
00:28:24,982 --> 00:28:26,159
He did?
513
00:28:26,198 --> 00:28:28,020
Well, hunting's dangerous.
514
00:28:29,142 --> 00:28:31,597
So, anyways, my mom gave me
this thirty-aught...
515
00:28:31,670 --> 00:28:33,099
for my sixteenth birthday.
516
00:28:37,526 --> 00:28:39,533
I need Stella now.
517
00:28:39,574 --> 00:28:41,483
The family's steaming
like a cow pie in July.
518
00:28:41,526 --> 00:28:43,893
Said she doesn't look nothin'
like the picture they gave you.
519
00:28:43,926 --> 00:28:45,900
Sorry. I just thought she might
not want to meet her maker...
520
00:28:45,942 --> 00:28:47,468
looking like a cheap whore.
521
00:28:47,510 --> 00:28:50,324
Well, this cheap whore
is that family's loving mother.
522
00:28:50,358 --> 00:28:52,780
The Clemens
said to make him look...
523
00:28:52,822 --> 00:28:54,513
like he just came in
from snowmobiling.
524
00:28:54,550 --> 00:28:55,924
Pink cheeks and...
525
00:28:55,958 --> 00:28:58,227
Red nose and ears.
I know, I know.
526
00:29:12,790 --> 00:29:16,816
Sorry I couldn't talk to you
before in the cafeteria.
527
00:29:16,853 --> 00:29:18,544
I was scared, OK?
528
00:29:18,582 --> 00:29:22,029
I open my locker today
after first period...
529
00:29:22,070 --> 00:29:26,347
and there's a picture
of Tammy Curry taped inside.
530
00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:28,365
This was written on the back:
531
00:29:30,390 --> 00:29:33,260
Oh, yeah,
hell of a way to go, there.
532
00:29:33,334 --> 00:29:35,919
After some thorough
investigating...
533
00:29:35,990 --> 00:29:39,285
we determined
that the Curry girl...
534
00:29:39,350 --> 00:29:41,903
must have been smoking
and driving.
535
00:29:41,942 --> 00:29:44,625
Well, yeah, Tammy liked
to drive her dad's thresher...
536
00:29:44,662 --> 00:29:46,669
but, I mean...
537
00:29:46,710 --> 00:29:48,815
She said the heavy vibration
helped her think.
538
00:29:48,854 --> 00:29:52,236
But I know for a fact Tammy
only smoked after a good drive.
539
00:29:52,277 --> 00:29:55,758
You ask me or anyone else who
isn't scared to talk about it...
540
00:29:55,798 --> 00:29:57,685
Tammy was murdered.
541
00:29:59,542 --> 00:30:02,357
I bet Diane Sawyer never had
to deal with crap like this.
542
00:30:03,350 --> 00:30:05,422
If it's another stray bullet
to the head...
543
00:30:05,494 --> 00:30:06,738
I'm gonna need more caps.
544
00:30:06,806 --> 00:30:07,984
You have to go home.
545
00:30:08,054 --> 00:30:09,996
There's some kind of emergency
at the trailer park.
546
00:30:10,070 --> 00:30:11,182
Relax. That's my ma's code...
547
00:30:11,254 --> 00:30:12,661
for bring home milk
and a carton of Lucky...
548
00:30:12,726 --> 00:30:15,792
No. Loretta called.
There's been a fire.
549
00:30:20,021 --> 00:30:21,483
Oh, my God.
550
00:30:41,174 --> 00:30:43,345
Hey, hey, hey! Family?
551
00:30:43,382 --> 00:30:46,229
No, she's just screaming "Mom"
because she's got Turret's.
552
00:30:46,293 --> 00:30:47,570
She's Annette's kid, dipshit.
553
00:30:47,605 --> 00:30:50,388
She's alive, sweetie.
She's right over there.
554
00:30:55,606 --> 00:30:57,580
I'll be right behind you
in the hearse, OK?
555
00:30:57,622 --> 00:30:59,629
Don't let that worry you,
Annette!
556
00:31:10,262 --> 00:31:14,997
So, Doctor, is this sort
of an unusual injury?
557
00:31:15,030 --> 00:31:17,299
This was a doozie.
558
00:31:17,334 --> 00:31:20,595
Right now our chief concern
is to stabilize Annette here...
559
00:31:20,630 --> 00:31:23,183
and then in surgery...
560
00:31:23,221 --> 00:31:24,628
remove this.
561
00:31:24,662 --> 00:31:27,083
Oh, God.
562
00:31:27,126 --> 00:31:28,718
Oh, Mom, it's so ugly.
563
00:31:28,758 --> 00:31:31,540
Ruined a brand-new pair
of Lee Press-Ons.
564
00:31:31,574 --> 00:31:35,534
Well, I sat down to have a beer,
and kablooey.
565
00:31:35,574 --> 00:31:36,981
Next thing I know...
566
00:31:37,013 --> 00:31:39,348
something blows
through my kitchen window...
567
00:31:39,382 --> 00:31:43,026
and I'm ass-up
in somebody's flower bed.
568
00:31:43,094 --> 00:31:46,028
Hey, ass-wipe, quit dicking
around with the camera.
569
00:31:46,102 --> 00:31:47,346
Just put another book under it.
570
00:31:47,381 --> 00:31:48,527
Dude, don't say "ass-wipe. "
571
00:31:48,566 --> 00:31:51,861
Mom's got the window open.
We gotta hurry up, though...
572
00:31:51,925 --> 00:31:53,965
because we only got three
frickin' minutes on the battery.
573
00:31:54,005 --> 00:31:55,216
All right, ready.
574
00:31:55,253 --> 00:31:56,366
One, two...
575
00:31:56,406 --> 00:31:57,486
One, two, three!
576
00:32:01,590 --> 00:32:02,669
Shit!
577
00:32:02,710 --> 00:32:03,954
Let's get out of here!
578
00:32:08,149 --> 00:32:10,288
I shoved your tap shoes
in my panties...
579
00:32:10,325 --> 00:32:12,398
before I was blown
out of the house.
580
00:32:12,437 --> 00:32:14,674
You go find the guy
who cut 'em off.
581
00:32:14,742 --> 00:32:15,789
He'll give 'em to you...
582
00:32:15,862 --> 00:32:19,124
so you can practice
for the pageant.
583
00:32:21,750 --> 00:32:22,993
About that...
584
00:32:25,942 --> 00:32:27,949
I... Oh, my God!
585
00:32:30,325 --> 00:32:33,457
Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
586
00:32:33,494 --> 00:32:35,665
She's pregnant!
587
00:32:35,702 --> 00:32:37,490
Oh, Amber, wait!
588
00:32:37,526 --> 00:32:39,915
Come back here.
Mommy wants to talk to you.
589
00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:41,583
And then kill you!
590
00:32:41,622 --> 00:32:43,662
Why don't you see
if there's any more beer...
591
00:32:43,702 --> 00:32:45,524
left in that can
and relax a bit?
592
00:32:47,445 --> 00:32:50,063
- I'm quitting the pageant.
- You're what?
593
00:32:50,133 --> 00:32:51,660
I'm quitting the pageant.
594
00:32:51,734 --> 00:32:55,411
I was just trying to scare you
into changing your mind.
595
00:32:55,445 --> 00:32:57,268
Christ, the woman clung
to your tap shoes...
596
00:32:57,301 --> 00:32:59,690
while flying through the air
like a goddamn lawn dart.
597
00:32:59,733 --> 00:33:00,911
I know, I know.
598
00:33:00,949 --> 00:33:03,949
Hey, Little Miss Sad Pants
and her friend Serious Sally.
599
00:33:03,990 --> 00:33:05,582
How about
some nice cool mints...
600
00:33:05,622 --> 00:33:08,043
to turn those frowns
upside down?
601
00:33:09,398 --> 00:33:11,285
Do you think a nice cool mint
would help...
602
00:33:11,318 --> 00:33:13,805
if I shoved your head
up your ass?
603
00:33:16,757 --> 00:33:18,066
So what do I say?
604
00:33:18,133 --> 00:33:19,956
Simple, just say...
605
00:33:23,318 --> 00:33:25,205
I know you sacrificed
everything...
606
00:33:25,238 --> 00:33:27,278
relationships, dreams...
607
00:33:27,317 --> 00:33:28,724
your tummy, ass, and thighs...
608
00:33:28,758 --> 00:33:30,165
all to bring me
into this world...
609
00:33:30,197 --> 00:33:32,979
all so I could have tap lessons
and be in the pageant...
610
00:33:33,014 --> 00:33:35,435
the same one you were in,
but you know what?
611
00:33:35,478 --> 00:33:36,623
I'm quitting.
612
00:33:36,661 --> 00:33:39,083
There. Easy as pie.
613
00:33:39,126 --> 00:33:41,101
Oh, my God. I am so dead.
614
00:33:41,142 --> 00:33:42,124
Yeah, you betcha.
615
00:33:43,093 --> 00:33:44,370
Go on, get out!
616
00:33:44,405 --> 00:33:47,504
Next one in here without a pack
of Luckys in her hand dies!
617
00:33:47,541 --> 00:33:50,607
Yeah, sure.
You have a super day, too.
618
00:33:50,678 --> 00:33:52,204
Get out!
619
00:33:53,301 --> 00:33:55,603
Mom, look. Don't talk.
620
00:33:55,638 --> 00:33:59,118
First of all,
I'm not pregnant, OK?
621
00:33:59,157 --> 00:34:02,223
I am not letting go
until you tell me what's up.
622
00:34:02,262 --> 00:34:05,906
Amber, I am reaching a point
where I would kill someone...
623
00:34:05,942 --> 00:34:07,468
for the nicotine
under their fingernails.
624
00:34:07,510 --> 00:34:08,622
You hear me, Loretta?
625
00:34:08,661 --> 00:34:10,865
OK, OK...
626
00:34:10,902 --> 00:34:13,585
yesterday I got this picture...
627
00:34:13,622 --> 00:34:16,917
so I'm thinking about...
628
00:34:16,949 --> 00:34:18,356
you know...
629
00:34:18,390 --> 00:34:20,081
I'm gonna quit the pageant.
630
00:34:20,117 --> 00:34:21,524
What?
631
00:34:21,589 --> 00:34:23,215
Oh, excuse us, guys.
632
00:34:23,286 --> 00:34:26,035
Would you excuse us
for a moment?
633
00:34:26,070 --> 00:34:28,209
Loretta, get out of here!
Go on, get out.
634
00:34:28,245 --> 00:34:29,358
What's your problem?
635
00:34:29,398 --> 00:34:32,267
What's my problem?
Sit your skinny little ass down.
636
00:34:32,309 --> 00:34:33,738
Nice, Ma. Real nice.
637
00:34:33,782 --> 00:34:35,156
Nice mouth you got there...
638
00:34:35,189 --> 00:34:37,044
but I'm not going
through this again.
639
00:34:37,078 --> 00:34:39,216
You? You're not
going through it again?
640
00:34:39,254 --> 00:34:42,101
You're not the one that knows
how Jiffy Pop feels, missy.
641
00:34:42,134 --> 00:34:43,661
Oh, come on, Mom.
642
00:34:43,702 --> 00:34:46,091
First the picture of Tammy, then
Brett Clemmens, and now this?
643
00:34:46,133 --> 00:34:47,540
It's scary.
644
00:34:47,574 --> 00:34:49,613
Scary?
Let me tell you scary.
645
00:34:49,654 --> 00:34:51,596
Look here. Look at me.
646
00:34:51,638 --> 00:34:53,743
You want to look
like you've been rode hard...
647
00:34:53,813 --> 00:34:55,700
and put away wet
when you're my age?
648
00:34:55,766 --> 00:34:56,878
I'm a lifer here.
649
00:34:56,949 --> 00:34:58,258
Best thing
I got to look forward to...
650
00:34:58,294 --> 00:35:00,203
is to end up
in some decent raisin ranch...
651
00:35:00,278 --> 00:35:02,645
where they change me
twice a day.
652
00:35:06,038 --> 00:35:07,532
Honest to God, honey.
653
00:35:07,573 --> 00:35:10,541
If I had it to do over...
654
00:35:10,582 --> 00:35:12,786
I'd start walking
out of this town...
655
00:35:12,821 --> 00:35:15,025
the minute I could take
my first step.
656
00:35:15,062 --> 00:35:16,916
You know, practically...
657
00:35:16,950 --> 00:35:20,299
the only thing I wouldn't do
different is have you.
658
00:35:22,965 --> 00:35:26,227
God, I hope that's you
and not your concussion talking.
659
00:35:26,294 --> 00:35:27,439
It's me.
660
00:35:27,510 --> 00:35:32,049
I just don't want this to be
the thing that you do over.
661
00:35:32,085 --> 00:35:35,315
Now, this pageant's
your ticket out of here...
662
00:35:35,349 --> 00:35:37,902
and I know you can win.
663
00:35:37,941 --> 00:35:40,014
Come here.
664
00:35:40,053 --> 00:35:42,060
Oh, I love you much.
665
00:35:42,102 --> 00:35:43,531
I love you much.
666
00:35:43,574 --> 00:35:45,330
And you're gonna win.
667
00:35:45,365 --> 00:35:47,089
She's gonna win.
668
00:35:47,125 --> 00:35:48,238
Isn't she gonna win, Loretta?
669
00:35:48,278 --> 00:35:49,456
You bet.
670
00:35:49,493 --> 00:35:50,475
You'll see.
671
00:35:50,517 --> 00:35:52,557
Hell no, she ain't quitting.
672
00:35:52,597 --> 00:35:53,972
No. Mom said if I did...
673
00:35:54,005 --> 00:35:55,860
she'd look up my dad
and marry him.
674
00:35:55,894 --> 00:35:58,479
So, has your mom
kept your dad's life a secret?
675
00:35:58,549 --> 00:36:00,076
No, she never hid the fact...
676
00:36:00,150 --> 00:36:02,605
that my dad
picked his career over us.
677
00:36:02,678 --> 00:36:04,052
What did she used to say?
678
00:36:04,086 --> 00:36:05,646
Once a carny, always a carny.
679
00:36:05,685 --> 00:36:08,107
Mom still cries
when she sees a tilt-a-whirl...
680
00:36:08,149 --> 00:36:10,156
or a fat lady in a tube top.
681
00:36:10,198 --> 00:36:12,085
The Atkins fire.
682
00:36:12,118 --> 00:36:14,835
Foul play? Shit, no.
683
00:36:14,869 --> 00:36:16,691
After some extensive
investigating...
684
00:36:16,725 --> 00:36:19,725
we determined that it must
have been bad wiring.
685
00:36:19,765 --> 00:36:21,488
Bad wiring?
686
00:36:21,525 --> 00:36:23,892
That's the biggest
crock of shit I ever heard.
687
00:36:25,206 --> 00:36:27,923
What, they have a sale
on dull needles at K-Mart?
688
00:36:27,957 --> 00:36:30,346
I just need one more do-over.
689
00:36:47,638 --> 00:36:51,664
Now, we need to remember the
three most important parts...
690
00:36:51,701 --> 00:36:54,483
to give a really good
interview...
691
00:36:54,518 --> 00:36:56,176
Listen up, number one.
692
00:36:56,213 --> 00:36:58,002
Number one.
693
00:36:58,037 --> 00:37:00,404
American Teen Princesses...
694
00:37:00,437 --> 00:37:02,346
do not cross their legs
like streetwalkers.
695
00:37:02,390 --> 00:37:04,397
Excuse me,
"Miss Penthouse '98... "
696
00:37:04,470 --> 00:37:05,997
put your knees together.
697
00:37:06,069 --> 00:37:07,411
I could drive
a boat show in there.
698
00:37:07,446 --> 00:37:08,875
Ankles together.
699
00:37:08,949 --> 00:37:11,535
Hands resting
lightly on your laps.
700
00:37:11,573 --> 00:37:13,810
Good.
Sit up straight. Smile.
701
00:37:13,845 --> 00:37:15,755
All right, number two.
702
00:37:15,797 --> 00:37:18,830
The judges are just
as nervous as you are.
703
00:37:25,782 --> 00:37:27,123
So, are you about ready...
704
00:37:27,158 --> 00:37:30,092
to start the judging,
start the interview there?
705
00:37:33,333 --> 00:37:35,755
I guess I could answer that.
706
00:37:35,829 --> 00:37:37,204
Yeah, we're ready.
707
00:37:37,237 --> 00:37:40,369
So we should probably get
the young girls in here, then.
708
00:37:40,405 --> 00:37:43,274
You know,
to start the interviews.
709
00:37:44,790 --> 00:37:47,921
If you could be any tree
in the woods...
710
00:37:49,717 --> 00:37:51,473
what kind of tree would you be?
711
00:37:53,622 --> 00:37:54,701
Dogwood.
712
00:37:54,742 --> 00:37:56,018
Bonsai.
713
00:37:56,054 --> 00:37:57,330
Green?
714
00:37:57,366 --> 00:37:59,275
I can be any kind
of tree you want.
715
00:37:59,317 --> 00:38:00,943
Just give me a minute
to warm up.
716
00:38:06,710 --> 00:38:10,484
One with strong roots in
a community like Mount Rose...
717
00:38:10,550 --> 00:38:13,484
a solid Christian trunk...
718
00:38:13,557 --> 00:38:17,169
and long leafy branches
to provide shade...
719
00:38:17,205 --> 00:38:19,594
for handicapped kids
on a hot summer day.
720
00:38:19,637 --> 00:38:22,671
You guys know
the retard's pants are open?
721
00:38:24,053 --> 00:38:26,922
I don't want to see that.
722
00:38:28,277 --> 00:38:30,612
Who would you pick to be
the president, dead or alive?
723
00:38:31,605 --> 00:38:33,329
Emperor Hirohito.
724
00:38:33,365 --> 00:38:34,575
Brett Favre.
725
00:38:42,134 --> 00:38:45,811
My mother, 'cause she could
solve world hunger...
726
00:38:45,845 --> 00:38:48,715
with one of her blue-ribbon
rhubarb pies...
727
00:38:48,758 --> 00:38:51,856
create world peace
with one of her prayers...
728
00:38:51,893 --> 00:38:54,314
and still find time
to look beautiful...
729
00:38:54,358 --> 00:38:56,910
for my dad, Lester Leeman.
730
00:38:56,949 --> 00:38:58,378
Do you like to swim?
731
00:38:59,414 --> 00:39:01,356
Yeah, I love to swim.
732
00:39:01,397 --> 00:39:03,284
When I was in New York,
I met Greg Louganis...
733
00:39:03,317 --> 00:39:04,910
at one of my brother's shows.
734
00:39:18,229 --> 00:39:20,717
The tard's pants
are completely off.
735
00:39:24,533 --> 00:39:25,678
Close up shop.
736
00:39:28,085 --> 00:39:30,322
Are you Amber Atkins?
737
00:39:30,357 --> 00:39:32,429
Yes, yes, I am. Hello.
738
00:39:35,445 --> 00:39:37,746
Name and spell
all the United States...
739
00:39:37,781 --> 00:39:39,090
in alphabetical order.
740
00:39:41,141 --> 00:39:42,897
Seriously?
741
00:39:49,590 --> 00:39:51,924
Well...
742
00:39:51,957 --> 00:39:54,925
Alabama.
743
00:39:54,965 --> 00:39:57,616
A- I-a-b-a-m-a.
744
00:39:57,653 --> 00:39:58,995
Alaska.
745
00:39:59,029 --> 00:40:02,859
A- I-a-s-k-a.
746
00:40:04,917 --> 00:40:07,950
Arizona.
747
00:40:07,989 --> 00:40:11,153
A- r-i-z-o-n-a.
748
00:40:11,189 --> 00:40:12,782
West Virginia.
749
00:40:12,853 --> 00:40:16,715
W- e-s-t V-i-r-g-i-n-i-a.
750
00:40:16,789 --> 00:40:19,025
Wisconsin.
751
00:40:19,061 --> 00:40:22,606
W- i-s-c-o-n-s-i-n.
752
00:40:22,645 --> 00:40:23,725
Wyoming.
753
00:40:23,765 --> 00:40:26,612
W- y-o-m-i-n-g.
754
00:40:30,453 --> 00:40:33,006
Well, OK.
755
00:40:37,109 --> 00:40:39,792
With two weeks until
the pageant...
756
00:40:39,829 --> 00:40:47,019
I was practicing my talent,
finishing my costume...
757
00:40:47,093 --> 00:40:49,875
brushing up on current events...
758
00:40:49,909 --> 00:40:55,855
and running eighteen miles a day
on about four hundred calories.
759
00:40:55,893 --> 00:40:57,900
I was ready.
760
00:41:09,589 --> 00:41:11,312
Girls, couple of things.
761
00:41:11,349 --> 00:41:12,778
All right, very important.
762
00:41:12,821 --> 00:41:16,170
Gladys wants us to all go
in show order today.
763
00:41:16,213 --> 00:41:19,148
All right, so very important,
don't forget that.
764
00:41:21,429 --> 00:41:23,917
Oh, yeah, really nervous.
765
00:41:24,917 --> 00:41:26,772
It's been about two months.
766
00:41:27,733 --> 00:41:30,483
I haven't told my boyfriend yet.
767
00:41:30,517 --> 00:41:31,979
How did you know?
768
00:41:32,021 --> 00:41:34,803
I meant nervous
about the pageant.
769
00:41:34,838 --> 00:41:38,154
Oh, nervous about the pageant.
770
00:41:39,189 --> 00:41:41,196
There are eight thousand
sequins...
771
00:41:41,237 --> 00:41:44,052
and fifteen hundred beads
on the skirt alone.
772
00:41:44,085 --> 00:41:46,605
My mom had Mrs. Lopez make it.
773
00:41:46,645 --> 00:41:49,679
She's one of my father's
many Mexican workers.
774
00:41:49,749 --> 00:41:53,065
He lifts them from the poverty
they know in Mexico.
775
00:41:53,141 --> 00:41:55,956
Yeah, all my mom's clothes
melted onto mine.
776
00:41:55,989 --> 00:41:59,601
Forming, like, this big
polyester meteor in our closet.
777
00:41:59,637 --> 00:42:02,190
But in some kind
of weird miracle...
778
00:42:02,229 --> 00:42:03,636
our neighbor boy Kenny Hansen...
779
00:42:03,669 --> 00:42:05,808
found my tap costume
on the roof of their trailer...
780
00:42:05,845 --> 00:42:08,234
while he was setting
coon traps for his dad.
781
00:42:08,277 --> 00:42:09,455
Here's the weird part.
782
00:42:09,493 --> 00:42:11,860
It was still on the hanger.
783
00:42:12,853 --> 00:42:14,958
This is my lucky bolt.
784
00:42:14,997 --> 00:42:17,550
They think that it fell
from a DC-10.
785
00:42:17,589 --> 00:42:21,036
The doctor said I was really
lucky the flat side hit me.
786
00:42:21,109 --> 00:42:23,826
'Cause otherwise it could have
gone right through my head.
787
00:42:23,861 --> 00:42:26,959
I know, I know.
Gives me the willies, too.
788
00:42:28,661 --> 00:42:31,890
Can we switch numbers?
789
00:42:31,925 --> 00:42:38,188
My cousin just had a deaf baby,
and I get to go see it.
790
00:42:38,229 --> 00:42:39,571
I need to go first.
791
00:42:39,605 --> 00:42:42,573
Yeah, sure.
It's my lucky number anyway.
792
00:42:42,613 --> 00:42:45,460
Diane Sawyer has number eight
at her local.
793
00:42:46,421 --> 00:42:48,461
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
794
00:42:49,941 --> 00:42:54,927
I can see what's mine now
795
00:42:56,021 --> 00:43:01,139
Finding out what's true
796
00:43:02,133 --> 00:43:07,632
Since I found you
797
00:43:07,669 --> 00:43:12,142
Looking through the eyes
798
00:43:12,181 --> 00:43:14,385
Of...
799
00:43:14,421 --> 00:43:16,014
I'm gonna be honest.
800
00:43:16,053 --> 00:43:18,093
This is a hard time for me...
801
00:43:18,133 --> 00:43:21,232
because this is the time
in the pageant...
802
00:43:21,269 --> 00:43:23,538
when you realize
that tomorrow night...
803
00:43:23,573 --> 00:43:26,540
all but one of these girls
is gonna walk away a loser.
804
00:43:26,613 --> 00:43:27,857
To be
805
00:43:27,925 --> 00:43:28,818
It's just really hard...
806
00:43:28,885 --> 00:43:31,634
for me to know
what that would feel like.
807
00:43:31,669 --> 00:43:33,392
It can't feel good.
808
00:43:35,317 --> 00:43:37,389
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
809
00:43:37,429 --> 00:43:38,858
Don't touch her.
810
00:43:40,917 --> 00:43:43,022
Don't move the body.
Don't touch the body.
811
00:43:43,061 --> 00:43:44,490
She could be paralyzed
from the neck down...
812
00:43:44,533 --> 00:43:45,711
and you wouldn't know it.
813
00:43:45,749 --> 00:43:47,244
Someone call nine-one-one.
814
00:43:47,285 --> 00:43:49,259
Don't say anything...
815
00:43:49,301 --> 00:43:51,821
'cause it might be
a hypnotic suggestion.
816
00:43:53,013 --> 00:43:54,769
Don't you get it?
817
00:43:54,805 --> 00:43:55,884
I was supposed to go first.
818
00:43:55,925 --> 00:43:58,226
I was contestant number one.
819
00:43:58,293 --> 00:44:00,943
That light was meant
for my head.
820
00:44:01,012 --> 00:44:03,860
If Jenelle hadn't
wanted to go first...
821
00:44:04,852 --> 00:44:07,274
I owe my life
to that deaf baby.
822
00:44:10,261 --> 00:44:11,821
Hey, that was your mom.
823
00:44:11,861 --> 00:44:13,771
She wanted you to have this.
824
00:44:16,789 --> 00:44:18,283
Really, Loretta?
825
00:44:18,325 --> 00:44:19,470
You bet.
826
00:44:21,813 --> 00:44:23,820
My mom wanted me to have this?
827
00:44:25,589 --> 00:44:26,604
Oh, shut up.
828
00:44:26,645 --> 00:44:28,554
I thought it might help you
get some sleep.
829
00:44:28,597 --> 00:44:30,834
Loretta, never have kids.
830
00:44:32,469 --> 00:44:35,371
Well, God love you
for thinking I still could.
831
00:44:35,445 --> 00:44:37,332
Your ma did want you
to have this, though...
832
00:44:37,397 --> 00:44:38,771
since your other one
got toasted.
833
00:44:38,804 --> 00:44:41,193
It's just like Diane Sawyer's!
834
00:44:42,229 --> 00:44:43,691
Of course, it's not a size ten.
835
00:44:43,733 --> 00:44:45,140
Diane was a little hippy then.
836
00:44:45,172 --> 00:44:46,667
- Not our girl.
- Oh, no.
837
00:44:57,813 --> 00:44:59,187
Pain meds.
838
00:44:59,220 --> 00:45:00,976
Hope this thing ends
before they do.
839
00:45:03,893 --> 00:45:05,551
We have excitement.
840
00:45:05,621 --> 00:45:06,963
Big excitement.
841
00:45:06,997 --> 00:45:08,142
Go, Molly!
842
00:45:08,181 --> 00:45:09,839
Go.
843
00:45:09,877 --> 00:45:12,146
Leslie Miller
kicks Teen Princess ass!
844
00:45:12,181 --> 00:45:14,156
Whoo! Go, Muskies!
845
00:45:30,389 --> 00:45:31,502
Oh, gotta go.
846
00:45:42,869 --> 00:45:45,291
Thank you, thank you.
847
00:45:45,333 --> 00:45:46,740
Oh, my.
848
00:45:46,773 --> 00:45:49,620
Is that for me or my gown?
849
00:45:54,101 --> 00:45:57,810
Welcome to the Mount Rose
American Teen Princess Pageant.
850
00:45:57,845 --> 00:46:00,234
While every contestant...
851
00:46:00,277 --> 00:46:02,797
you'll meet here tonight
is special and unique...
852
00:46:02,836 --> 00:46:05,706
they all have
one thing in common.
853
00:46:05,781 --> 00:46:10,636
They are all proud
to be an American.
854
00:46:49,141 --> 00:46:51,115
I chose Mount Rushmore...
855
00:46:51,157 --> 00:46:52,880
because to live in a country...
856
00:46:52,917 --> 00:46:54,640
where you can take
an ugly old mountain...
857
00:46:54,676 --> 00:46:57,546
and put faces on it,
faces of great Americans...
858
00:46:57,589 --> 00:47:00,458
who did so much to make
our country super great...
859
00:47:00,501 --> 00:47:03,348
well, that makes me,
Rebecca Leeman...
860
00:47:03,381 --> 00:47:05,323
proud to be an American.
861
00:47:05,365 --> 00:47:09,773
I'm Lisa Swenson, and I am proud
to be an American...
862
00:47:09,845 --> 00:47:11,667
because living in a country
where Lady Liberty...
863
00:47:11,700 --> 00:47:14,482
always keeps her flame
burning bright...
864
00:47:15,892 --> 00:47:19,754
She always keeps her flame
burning bright.
865
00:47:19,797 --> 00:47:22,098
It makes me proud
to be an American.
866
00:47:22,133 --> 00:47:23,213
God.
867
00:47:23,253 --> 00:47:25,075
The Washington Monument...
868
00:47:25,109 --> 00:47:27,694
Oh, yeah, baby!
869
00:47:27,733 --> 00:47:28,681
Makes me...
870
00:47:28,724 --> 00:47:31,790
Leslie Miller,
proud to be an American.
871
00:47:33,524 --> 00:47:36,372
Living in a country
where no matter who you are...
872
00:47:36,404 --> 00:47:39,274
or where you come from,
you can grow up...
873
00:47:39,317 --> 00:47:42,895
and become what you've always
dreamed of makes me...
874
00:47:42,965 --> 00:47:45,932
Amber Atkins,
proud to be an American.
875
00:47:46,004 --> 00:47:49,387
Atomic power makes me,
Molly Howard...
876
00:47:49,461 --> 00:47:51,762
proud to be an Asian-American.
877
00:47:51,797 --> 00:47:55,310
My uncle Phil's world's-largest
ball of twine...
878
00:47:55,349 --> 00:47:57,204
in Bundy, Minnesota...
879
00:47:57,237 --> 00:48:00,433
it makes me proud I'm American.
880
00:48:00,468 --> 00:48:03,764
I kind of misunderstood
the assignment.
881
00:48:08,053 --> 00:48:11,282
A couple of notes from
yesterday's dress rehearsal.
882
00:48:11,317 --> 00:48:12,626
Gladys says a couple of youse...
883
00:48:12,661 --> 00:48:13,871
are getting sexy
with your hips...
884
00:48:13,941 --> 00:48:16,014
during the physical
fitness routine.
885
00:48:16,085 --> 00:48:18,451
Oh, my God,
my tap costume's gone.
886
00:48:18,485 --> 00:48:21,747
Amber, we are not putting on
our talent costume.
887
00:48:21,780 --> 00:48:23,984
You need to put on
your physical fitness outfit.
888
00:48:24,021 --> 00:48:25,930
Let's shake a leg, ladies!
889
00:48:25,972 --> 00:48:28,339
It was here
before the opening number.
890
00:48:29,972 --> 00:48:31,467
Wait.
891
00:48:31,509 --> 00:48:33,745
What am I saying?
892
00:48:33,781 --> 00:48:36,498
I should just ask you, Becky.
893
00:48:36,532 --> 00:48:38,190
Where is it?
894
00:48:38,229 --> 00:48:39,374
What?
895
00:48:39,412 --> 00:48:41,801
You heard me. Where is it?
896
00:48:43,093 --> 00:48:45,843
If you're getting at something,
you'd better just say it.
897
00:48:45,909 --> 00:48:47,916
I just did.
898
00:48:47,989 --> 00:48:49,712
Well, then you'd better be
willing to back it up...
899
00:48:49,749 --> 00:48:51,123
because you're talking crazy.
900
00:48:51,157 --> 00:48:53,775
You bring me on some
of that snotty attitude.
901
00:48:53,812 --> 00:48:54,892
Bring it on!
902
00:48:54,932 --> 00:48:56,623
Well, as my mother says
at Sunday dinner...
903
00:48:56,661 --> 00:48:57,708
come and get it!
904
00:48:57,749 --> 00:48:59,091
I'll get it!
905
00:48:59,124 --> 00:49:00,204
I might even take seconds!
906
00:49:00,244 --> 00:49:02,895
If you want seconds,
I'll make sure you get them!
907
00:49:02,933 --> 00:49:04,274
Give me your stringy ass!
908
00:49:06,741 --> 00:49:08,628
I think that you guys
should leave.
909
00:49:08,661 --> 00:49:10,352
The girls are changing.
I think you should leave.
910
00:49:10,388 --> 00:49:11,795
All right, let's go.
911
00:49:11,829 --> 00:49:14,196
- I hate her!
- We all do. Let's go.
912
00:49:14,228 --> 00:49:16,138
Let's give a big round
of applause...
913
00:49:16,181 --> 00:49:18,570
for last year's
American Teen Princess...
914
00:49:18,645 --> 00:49:20,783
in her farewell performance.
915
00:49:20,852 --> 00:49:22,740
Who could ever forget
her lip-synching...
916
00:49:22,772 --> 00:49:26,187
to "Don't Cry Out Loud"
by Melissa Manchester?
917
00:49:26,229 --> 00:49:27,887
And here she is...
918
00:49:27,924 --> 00:49:29,582
Mary Johanson.
919
00:49:38,388 --> 00:49:43,604
Don't cry out loud
920
00:49:43,636 --> 00:49:46,157
Just keep it inside
921
00:49:46,197 --> 00:49:50,605
And learn how to hide
your feelings
922
00:49:50,677 --> 00:49:55,979
Fly high and proud
923
00:49:56,053 --> 00:49:59,020
And if you should fall
924
00:49:59,060 --> 00:50:01,482
Remember you almost
925
00:50:01,524 --> 00:50:06,194
Had it all
926
00:50:08,756 --> 00:50:10,861
All right, why don't we pick up
the stepladders...
927
00:50:10,901 --> 00:50:11,981
for the physical fitness number?
928
00:50:12,021 --> 00:50:13,101
There we go.
929
00:50:13,140 --> 00:50:14,482
They're wet.
930
00:50:14,516 --> 00:50:15,596
What?
931
00:50:15,637 --> 00:50:17,065
My hands are stuck.
932
00:50:18,069 --> 00:50:19,662
I'm kind of dizzy
from the fumes.
933
00:50:19,701 --> 00:50:20,879
You know what, girls?
934
00:50:20,949 --> 00:50:23,338
Keep them away from you so
they don't get on the outfits.
935
00:50:23,412 --> 00:50:24,460
There we go.
936
00:50:24,533 --> 00:50:26,355
Let's form a line.
937
00:50:28,533 --> 00:50:30,158
What kind of a mental retard...
938
00:50:30,197 --> 00:50:32,019
paints stepladders
right before a pageant?
939
00:50:32,052 --> 00:50:33,841
I'm the judge!
940
00:50:34,964 --> 00:50:38,095
Back, you cuddly retard.
941
00:50:38,133 --> 00:50:39,409
Go, Hank!
942
00:50:39,445 --> 00:50:41,812
It's OK.
943
00:50:41,844 --> 00:50:42,924
My dress is fine.
944
00:50:44,020 --> 00:50:46,835
All right, so...
945
00:50:46,869 --> 00:50:48,908
our other judges are...
946
00:50:48,949 --> 00:50:50,443
Jean Kangas...
947
00:50:50,484 --> 00:50:51,826
and John Dough...
948
00:50:51,860 --> 00:50:54,643
Opening number looked good...
949
00:50:54,709 --> 00:50:58,004
solid, but now you're going
to have to actually dance.
950
00:50:58,068 --> 00:51:01,364
So, here, put a dab of this
on the old choppers, ladies.
951
00:51:01,429 --> 00:51:03,054
It'll help you smile...
952
00:51:03,093 --> 00:51:05,002
and when they're looking
at your teeth, God willing...
953
00:51:05,044 --> 00:51:06,833
they won't be looking
at your feet.
954
00:52:24,308 --> 00:52:26,250
Hurry up.
955
00:52:26,292 --> 00:52:27,634
OK, I think we all got some.
956
00:52:27,669 --> 00:52:29,229
Just take it off.
957
00:52:29,301 --> 00:52:31,603
Here, I didn't...
958
00:52:31,636 --> 00:52:34,003
I think it went really well.
959
00:52:34,037 --> 00:52:35,597
Don't go in the bathroom.
960
00:52:35,669 --> 00:52:37,491
Tess blew chunks all over.
961
00:52:37,525 --> 00:52:40,110
She ate a really large dinner.
962
00:52:40,149 --> 00:52:42,287
Maybe she should've
shoved that lucky bolt...
963
00:52:42,325 --> 00:52:43,754
down her throat for dessert.
964
00:52:44,884 --> 00:52:47,786
And the winner
of the spirit award goes to...
965
00:52:47,860 --> 00:52:51,209
I'd like to take you back
seventeen years...
966
00:52:51,252 --> 00:52:54,514
when a peanut farmer
was in the White House...
967
00:52:54,548 --> 00:52:56,720
a group of boys
calling themselves Queen...
968
00:52:56,756 --> 00:52:58,447
topped the record charts...
969
00:52:58,484 --> 00:53:00,394
and Gladys Leeman
was Gladys Wood...
970
00:53:01,492 --> 00:53:04,940
and she was Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.
971
00:53:11,828 --> 00:53:14,163
Thank you very much.
972
00:53:14,196 --> 00:53:18,474
You know, seventeen years ago,
I won the talent contest...
973
00:53:18,517 --> 00:53:19,662
by sewing...
974
00:53:20,629 --> 00:53:21,839
these culottes...
975
00:53:21,876 --> 00:53:23,818
Butterick pattern
seven-four-three-two.
976
00:53:23,861 --> 00:53:25,683
And can you believe it?
977
00:53:25,716 --> 00:53:26,829
They still fit.
978
00:53:26,868 --> 00:53:29,618
She had a big ass then,
she's got a big ass now.
979
00:53:29,652 --> 00:53:32,019
Our next contestant is ready,
so let's welcome her...
980
00:53:32,053 --> 00:53:33,427
Tess Weinhaus.
981
00:53:38,452 --> 00:53:40,111
Yeah, it's just gone.
982
00:53:42,292 --> 00:53:43,372
I mean...
983
00:53:43,413 --> 00:53:46,412
I just wanna tap, you know?
984
00:53:46,453 --> 00:53:50,893
I'm not saying I'm the best
or that I'd even win, but...
985
00:53:50,932 --> 00:53:52,972
shouldn't I at least
get a chance to compete?
986
00:53:53,013 --> 00:53:56,657
The beagle is known
for its howl.
987
00:54:00,501 --> 00:54:03,021
I just wanted my mom
to see me dance.
988
00:54:03,060 --> 00:54:05,679
Amber, Amber, come here.
989
00:54:05,749 --> 00:54:08,269
Please. I got so much Vaseline
on my teeth...
990
00:54:08,340 --> 00:54:10,282
I'm going to be smiling
for a year.
991
00:54:10,357 --> 00:54:11,851
No. Here.
992
00:54:11,924 --> 00:54:13,134
It's nothing special...
993
00:54:13,173 --> 00:54:16,042
but talent like yours doesn't
need to hide behind sequins.
994
00:54:16,084 --> 00:54:17,458
Oh, Miss K.
995
00:54:17,492 --> 00:54:18,769
Oh, look.
996
00:54:18,804 --> 00:54:23,954
But none can compare
to the greatest bark of all...
997
00:54:23,989 --> 00:54:26,160
the German shepherd.
998
00:54:28,597 --> 00:54:32,012
Aw, hell, go out there
and kick some Leeman ass.
999
00:54:33,204 --> 00:54:35,375
Not so hard, sweetie.
I heard something snap.
1000
00:54:35,413 --> 00:54:37,201
Roll him over!
1001
00:54:37,268 --> 00:54:38,196
Lay him flat!
1002
00:54:39,188 --> 00:54:40,847
Pin his shoulders!
1003
00:54:40,917 --> 00:54:42,378
To the mat!
1004
00:54:43,380 --> 00:54:44,875
Roll him over! Lay him flat!
1005
00:54:44,948 --> 00:54:46,836
Pin their shoulders
to the mat!
1006
00:54:46,900 --> 00:54:48,394
Go...
1007
00:54:48,436 --> 00:54:49,746
Muskies! Yeah!
1008
00:54:59,444 --> 00:55:00,393
Fade in.
1009
00:55:01,620 --> 00:55:04,817
The year... 2024.
1010
00:55:06,356 --> 00:55:08,014
Planet... Earth.
1011
00:55:09,172 --> 00:55:11,059
The question
on everyone's mind?
1012
00:55:12,308 --> 00:55:13,835
What is...
1013
00:55:13,909 --> 00:55:15,403
Soylent Green?
1014
00:55:20,212 --> 00:55:22,700
Mrs. Clark, why are you
doing this to me?
1015
00:55:22,740 --> 00:55:24,628
Why are you pretending
you don't know what's going on?
1016
00:55:24,660 --> 00:55:26,602
Amber, I'm sorry. I really am.
1017
00:55:26,645 --> 00:55:28,051
But you know the rules.
1018
00:55:28,084 --> 00:55:29,939
All talent costumes
have to be OK'd...
1019
00:55:29,972 --> 00:55:31,282
by Gladys before the pageant.
1020
00:55:31,316 --> 00:55:32,810
But doesn't someone
taking your costume...
1021
00:55:32,852 --> 00:55:35,219
so you can't compete
overrule that rule?
1022
00:55:35,252 --> 00:55:37,227
Amber, I'm sorry.
I don't make up the rules.
1023
00:55:37,268 --> 00:55:38,729
Oh, this...
1024
00:55:38,773 --> 00:55:40,299
this is bullshit!
1025
00:55:40,341 --> 00:55:43,374
Amber Atkins, that is not
American Teen Princess language.
1026
00:55:43,444 --> 00:55:46,291
Good, because this isn't an
American Teen Princess Pageant.
1027
00:55:46,324 --> 00:55:48,234
This is... this is...
1028
00:55:48,308 --> 00:55:50,196
this is Nazi Germany!
1029
00:55:53,812 --> 00:55:55,470
Where do they get this stuff?
1030
00:56:03,284 --> 00:56:05,258
I'm wearing this tap costume.
1031
00:56:05,301 --> 00:56:07,570
I'm going to do
my talent tonight.
1032
00:56:07,604 --> 00:56:08,782
Oh, really?
1033
00:56:08,820 --> 00:56:10,249
I don't think so.
1034
00:56:13,589 --> 00:56:15,760
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news...
1035
00:56:15,828 --> 00:56:18,381
but you know the rules state
that a costume has to be OK'd...
1036
00:56:18,452 --> 00:56:20,361
at least a week in advance.
1037
00:56:20,436 --> 00:56:23,819
I couldn't let you go out there
in that skimpy little thing.
1038
00:56:23,860 --> 00:56:25,354
We've got kids in the audience.
1039
00:56:25,396 --> 00:56:27,338
I hope you understand.
1040
00:56:27,381 --> 00:56:28,875
But you... I mean...
1041
00:56:28,916 --> 00:56:31,371
It's not my fault. Please.
1042
00:56:31,412 --> 00:56:33,420
I didn't do anything wrong.
1043
00:56:33,460 --> 00:56:35,849
I know the truth, that's why.
1044
00:56:35,892 --> 00:56:37,169
I must say...
1045
00:56:37,204 --> 00:56:39,276
Soylent Green...
1046
00:56:39,316 --> 00:56:41,290
is people!
1047
00:56:44,852 --> 00:56:46,675
Now, that's my cue.
1048
00:57:25,172 --> 00:57:27,823
I just wanted to compete.
1049
00:57:29,556 --> 00:57:32,753
I can't believe
this is happening.
1050
00:57:32,788 --> 00:57:35,210
I can't believe she said...
1051
00:57:43,412 --> 00:57:44,492
Here.
1052
00:57:44,532 --> 00:57:45,961
Here? What?
1053
00:57:46,004 --> 00:57:47,498
My jacket.
1054
00:57:47,540 --> 00:57:49,842
Take it, because I got
my costume OK'd a month ago...
1055
00:57:49,908 --> 00:57:51,435
before the pageant.
You can wear it.
1056
00:57:51,509 --> 00:57:52,915
Put it on.
1057
00:57:52,980 --> 00:57:54,027
Oh, wow.
1058
00:57:54,100 --> 00:57:55,725
Lisa, I don't think
you should do this.
1059
00:57:55,764 --> 00:57:57,455
They're never going to let you
perform naked. I asked.
1060
00:57:57,492 --> 00:57:59,564
Shut up, you guys.
1061
00:57:59,604 --> 00:58:02,255
Listen, Amber...
1062
00:58:02,292 --> 00:58:04,975
I'm not going to win.
1063
00:58:05,012 --> 00:58:07,467
And let's be honest, the family
only needs one Liza...
1064
00:58:07,508 --> 00:58:10,192
and Peter's got
much better legs than me, OK?
1065
00:58:10,228 --> 00:58:11,537
Your parents will kill you.
1066
00:58:11,572 --> 00:58:14,157
Ah, come on.
I love them...
1067
00:58:14,197 --> 00:58:17,644
but they only had me because
Peter needed that kidney.
1068
00:58:23,092 --> 00:58:24,171
Thank you.
1069
00:58:27,572 --> 00:58:28,652
Now...
1070
00:58:28,692 --> 00:58:30,187
it is with overwhelming pride...
1071
00:58:30,260 --> 00:58:32,716
that I introduce to you
contestant number six...
1072
00:58:32,756 --> 00:58:35,505
who is also the president of her
class two years running...
1073
00:58:35,540 --> 00:58:37,962
an honor roll student,
and the new president...
1074
00:58:38,004 --> 00:58:40,142
of the Lutheran Sisterhood
Gun Club.
1075
00:58:40,180 --> 00:58:41,357
Ladies and gentlemen...
1076
00:58:41,396 --> 00:58:43,600
Rebecca Ann Leeman!
1077
00:58:51,092 --> 00:58:52,553
You know what?
1078
00:58:52,596 --> 00:58:54,025
The rumors are true.
1079
00:58:55,092 --> 00:58:58,408
I do have a special fella
in my life...
1080
00:58:59,476 --> 00:59:01,810
and if nobody minds...
1081
00:59:01,844 --> 00:59:05,422
I'd like to sing a little song
just for him.
1082
00:59:08,244 --> 00:59:12,019
You're just too good
1083
00:59:12,052 --> 00:59:13,164
To be true
1084
00:59:14,356 --> 00:59:16,844
Can't take my eyes
1085
00:59:16,884 --> 00:59:17,899
Off of you
1086
00:59:17,940 --> 00:59:19,020
Bullshit.
1087
00:59:19,060 --> 00:59:21,395
You'd be like heaven
1088
00:59:21,428 --> 00:59:23,370
To touch
1089
00:59:23,412 --> 00:59:25,071
I wanna hold you
1090
00:59:25,140 --> 00:59:26,896
So much
1091
00:59:27,956 --> 00:59:29,450
At long last
1092
00:59:29,524 --> 00:59:32,590
Love has arrived
1093
00:59:32,628 --> 00:59:35,017
And I thank God
1094
00:59:35,092 --> 00:59:36,204
I'm alive
1095
00:59:37,652 --> 00:59:39,921
You're just too good
1096
00:59:39,956 --> 00:59:41,865
To be true
1097
00:59:41,908 --> 00:59:44,494
Can't take my eyes
1098
00:59:44,532 --> 00:59:45,939
Off of you
1099
00:59:47,028 --> 00:59:49,449
I love you, baby
1100
00:59:49,492 --> 00:59:51,084
And if it's quite all right
1101
00:59:51,124 --> 00:59:53,098
I need you, baby
1102
00:59:53,140 --> 00:59:55,245
To warm the lonely night
1103
00:59:55,284 --> 00:59:57,804
I love you, baby
1104
00:59:57,876 --> 00:59:59,818
Trust in me when I say
1105
00:59:59,892 --> 01:00:02,314
Lisa, come on, you're next.
1106
01:00:02,388 --> 01:00:03,882
Nah, I quit.
1107
01:00:03,956 --> 01:00:06,541
And since my costume was OK'd
a month ago...
1108
01:00:06,580 --> 01:00:07,692
I'm giving it to Amber.
1109
01:00:11,220 --> 01:00:13,609
Let me love you, baby
1110
01:00:13,652 --> 01:00:16,466
Let me love you
1111
01:00:31,060 --> 01:00:33,394
Oh, boy,
I'd hate to follow that act.
1112
01:00:33,428 --> 01:00:36,014
The voice of an angel, that one.
1113
01:00:41,556 --> 01:00:44,589
I have just been notified
that contestant number seven...
1114
01:00:44,628 --> 01:00:47,475
Lisa Swenson has dropped out
of the pageant.
1115
01:00:49,876 --> 01:00:51,981
I know,
but these things happen...
1116
01:00:52,020 --> 01:00:55,315
and we still have one more
contestant... number eight.
1117
01:00:55,348 --> 01:00:56,526
Amber Atkins.
1118
01:02:27,476 --> 01:02:29,364
Thank you.
1119
01:02:42,676 --> 01:02:43,603
Well...
1120
01:02:44,980 --> 01:02:46,867
The time has finally come...
1121
01:02:48,468 --> 01:02:51,501
where we say good-bye
to the judges...
1122
01:02:51,539 --> 01:02:55,401
so that they can go off and make
the toughest decision...
1123
01:02:55,444 --> 01:02:56,589
of their lives.
1124
01:03:02,580 --> 01:03:03,922
So, who gets the crown?
1125
01:03:03,956 --> 01:03:05,101
How are you going
to figure this all out?
1126
01:03:05,140 --> 01:03:07,595
Well, you know, we'll...
1127
01:03:07,636 --> 01:03:10,156
compare scores
and figure out a winner...
1128
01:03:10,228 --> 01:03:12,530
because, I mean, we don't know
who the winner is yet.
1129
01:03:12,563 --> 01:03:15,411
I mean, I have no idea
who Jean picked...
1130
01:03:15,443 --> 01:03:16,938
or Harold.
1131
01:03:17,011 --> 01:03:18,418
- No.
- No idea.
1132
01:03:20,148 --> 01:03:22,482
I know who the winner is.
1133
01:03:22,515 --> 01:03:24,206
I know who the winner...
Harold.
1134
01:03:24,244 --> 01:03:25,902
I know who the winner is.
1135
01:03:25,940 --> 01:03:27,282
That's it.
1136
01:03:27,315 --> 01:03:31,145
You shut your goddamn mouth,
you goddamn retard!
1137
01:03:31,188 --> 01:03:34,057
I've had your shit
for two weeks now!
1138
01:03:34,100 --> 01:03:35,082
Come on.
1139
01:03:36,659 --> 01:03:38,928
Back off, college boy!
Now listen!
1140
01:03:40,564 --> 01:03:43,411
Hank can't help it if he's born
crazier than a shit-house rat!
1141
01:03:43,444 --> 01:03:47,022
For fuck's sake, why didn't you
leave him with a sitter?
1142
01:03:51,732 --> 01:03:52,975
Nice, John.
1143
01:03:53,012 --> 01:03:54,190
That's real nice.
1144
01:03:54,228 --> 01:03:56,945
You know the baby-sitter's dead.
1145
01:04:01,492 --> 01:04:02,866
So...
1146
01:04:02,900 --> 01:04:04,754
Anyone talk to Jenelle lately?
1147
01:04:04,788 --> 01:04:07,374
Oh, yeah. I brought her
some flowers this morning.
1148
01:04:07,412 --> 01:04:09,714
Yeah. She's in the room
next to my mom.
1149
01:04:09,748 --> 01:04:11,788
Oh, she's super happy.
1150
01:04:11,827 --> 01:04:13,005
She's happy?
1151
01:04:13,076 --> 01:04:15,215
Oh, the blow to her head
made her deaf.
1152
01:04:15,284 --> 01:04:16,396
Oh, God.
1153
01:04:16,468 --> 01:04:18,410
- Isn't that great?
- Oh, that's great.
1154
01:04:18,484 --> 01:04:20,273
She's so happy.
1155
01:04:21,779 --> 01:04:23,535
Jesus Christ!
1156
01:04:23,572 --> 01:04:26,387
What are they doing, letting
the retard count the votes?
1157
01:04:27,347 --> 01:04:29,103
Ladies, it's time.
1158
01:04:47,668 --> 01:04:49,969
Welcome back, everybody...
1159
01:04:50,004 --> 01:04:51,051
and judges.
1160
01:04:51,124 --> 01:04:53,066
Oh, gosh.
1161
01:04:53,140 --> 01:04:55,889
We are so darn close
to that moment...
1162
01:04:55,924 --> 01:04:58,412
we have all been waiting for.
1163
01:04:58,452 --> 01:05:01,169
And now, our second runner-up...
1164
01:05:01,204 --> 01:05:03,407
and winner
of a fifty-dollar scholarship...
1165
01:05:03,444 --> 01:05:06,673
for the vo-tech
of her choice is...
1166
01:05:08,979 --> 01:05:10,092
Leslie Miller.
1167
01:05:15,028 --> 01:05:16,522
You rule, Leslie!
1168
01:05:29,043 --> 01:05:30,799
Envelope, please.
1169
01:05:34,100 --> 01:05:37,034
Our next prize, a seventy-five-
dollar scholarship...
1170
01:05:37,075 --> 01:05:39,977
will be awarded
to the first runner-up.
1171
01:05:40,020 --> 01:05:42,027
The first runner-up is...
1172
01:05:46,196 --> 01:05:47,919
Amber Atkins.
1173
01:06:13,268 --> 01:06:16,715
And now, finally the moment...
1174
01:06:16,756 --> 01:06:18,665
that I know
I've been waiting for.
1175
01:06:18,707 --> 01:06:20,944
With a scholarship
of five hundred dollars...
1176
01:06:21,012 --> 01:06:24,307
courtesy Leeman Furniture,
and an all-expense-paid trip...
1177
01:06:24,340 --> 01:06:27,406
next weekend, when she will be
competing for the title...
1178
01:06:27,443 --> 01:06:28,785
of Sarah Rose Cosmetics...
1179
01:06:28,819 --> 01:06:31,634
Minnesota
American Teen Princess...
1180
01:06:37,843 --> 01:06:39,403
Our new...
1181
01:06:39,444 --> 01:06:42,957
Mount Rose
American Teen Princess is...
1182
01:06:44,436 --> 01:06:46,094
contestant number...
1183
01:06:47,059 --> 01:06:48,718
You know what?
It's my daughter...
1184
01:06:48,756 --> 01:06:51,145
Rebecca Ann Leeman!
1185
01:07:03,923 --> 01:07:05,898
Oh, thank you so much.
1186
01:07:08,371 --> 01:07:10,193
Bitch.
1187
01:07:27,571 --> 01:07:29,644
Here she is
1188
01:07:29,716 --> 01:07:31,090
Our Mount Rose
1189
01:07:31,124 --> 01:07:33,490
American Teen Princess
1190
01:07:33,556 --> 01:07:35,563
Look at her
1191
01:07:35,603 --> 01:07:37,676
Doesn't she look fine?
1192
01:07:37,716 --> 01:07:40,847
Our heart swells big
1193
01:07:40,884 --> 01:07:43,185
As we look at her
1194
01:07:43,220 --> 01:07:44,365
Our Mount Rose
1195
01:07:44,403 --> 01:07:48,876
American Teen Princess
1196
01:07:48,916 --> 01:07:50,442
One, two, three.
1197
01:07:51,444 --> 01:07:53,331
- You got her there?
- Yeah, I got her.
1198
01:07:53,364 --> 01:07:55,698
We was robbed. We was robbed.
1199
01:07:55,732 --> 01:07:57,968
It's OK. They're just
giving her a ride back.
1200
01:07:58,035 --> 01:08:00,523
She almost blew out of Loretta's
pickup on the way over.
1201
01:08:00,596 --> 01:08:02,003
Thank God for bungee cords.
1202
01:08:03,220 --> 01:08:05,162
I got second runner-up.
1203
01:08:05,236 --> 01:08:06,545
I got second place.
1204
01:08:06,579 --> 01:08:08,303
- Third.
- Huh?
1205
01:08:08,339 --> 01:08:09,965
- Third.
- Bye.
1206
01:08:15,956 --> 01:08:19,185
Are you disappointed
about not winning?
1207
01:08:19,219 --> 01:08:21,707
Yeah, well, no.
1208
01:08:21,747 --> 01:08:26,733
At least I got to compete,
and my mom got to see me dance.
1209
01:08:26,772 --> 01:08:29,161
I guess number eight
only worked for Diane Sawyer.
1210
01:08:29,236 --> 01:08:30,610
Oh, stop.
1211
01:08:30,643 --> 01:08:31,691
Let's go home.
1212
01:08:31,764 --> 01:08:33,193
I'll let you drive.
1213
01:08:35,091 --> 01:08:36,269
I hope it was worth it.
1214
01:08:36,308 --> 01:08:38,217
No, Dad, it was worth it.
1215
01:08:38,292 --> 01:08:39,568
Amber should've won.
1216
01:08:39,604 --> 01:08:40,716
I tell you one thing...
1217
01:08:40,756 --> 01:08:42,217
Peter never would've pulled
a shenanigan like that.
1218
01:08:42,259 --> 01:08:44,431
Well, you know what, Dad?
1219
01:08:44,467 --> 01:08:46,377
You know what? Peter's gay.
1220
01:08:47,732 --> 01:08:48,844
Gay!
1221
01:08:50,420 --> 01:08:51,532
What?
1222
01:08:53,044 --> 01:08:54,156
So, Becky, how does it feel?
1223
01:08:54,196 --> 01:08:55,625
Oh, well...
1224
01:08:55,668 --> 01:08:58,286
I mean,
it's all happening so fast.
1225
01:08:58,323 --> 01:09:00,331
I'm so excited.
1226
01:09:00,372 --> 01:09:02,990
I mean, I won.
1227
01:09:03,059 --> 01:09:06,671
I'm the winner,
and I'm going to state.
1228
01:09:06,707 --> 01:09:09,773
She's the winner,
and we're going to state.
1229
01:09:09,812 --> 01:09:11,055
What a surprise.
1230
01:09:11,091 --> 01:09:12,749
Gladys Leeman's finally
going to go to state...
1231
01:09:12,788 --> 01:09:14,194
and she'll probably
ride on Becky's ass...
1232
01:09:14,227 --> 01:09:15,787
all the way to nationals, too.
1233
01:09:15,828 --> 01:09:17,737
Wonder how she's going
to fix that one.
1234
01:09:17,779 --> 01:09:19,983
Are you ladies going
to the parade?
1235
01:09:20,020 --> 01:09:22,769
Nah. I think I'm, like,
due or something.
1236
01:09:41,587 --> 01:09:44,621
Beautiful as a whore's ass
today, huh, boys?
1237
01:09:46,963 --> 01:09:49,199
Do you need help
with the cooler?
1238
01:10:08,755 --> 01:10:11,625
See, Gladys had me get that
special-made from Mexico...
1239
01:10:11,699 --> 01:10:12,845
in case Becky won.
1240
01:10:12,883 --> 01:10:14,738
You know, I do a lot
of business down there...
1241
01:10:14,771 --> 01:10:16,681
always offer
to pay them off in tacos.
1242
01:10:18,003 --> 01:10:19,497
Oh, they love that.
1243
01:10:19,540 --> 01:10:20,783
Keep on moving through.
1244
01:10:23,796 --> 01:10:25,323
Let's get this straight
right now.
1245
01:10:25,363 --> 01:10:26,956
We wouldn't have been
late at all if not for you.
1246
01:10:26,995 --> 01:10:29,930
I want to have the big bag
of little doughnuts.
1247
01:10:29,971 --> 01:10:31,051
You get nothing, Hank.
1248
01:10:31,091 --> 01:10:33,295
I want to eat a big bag
of little doughnuts.
1249
01:10:33,332 --> 01:10:35,274
There's your paint can.
1250
01:10:35,316 --> 01:10:36,777
The next time you drink
window cleaner...
1251
01:10:36,820 --> 01:10:38,958
I'm just going to
leave it in you.
1252
01:10:43,444 --> 01:10:44,753
My pants are...
1253
01:11:00,372 --> 01:11:02,095
You rule!
1254
01:11:16,243 --> 01:11:17,257
Rebecca Ann Leeman.
1255
01:11:17,300 --> 01:11:19,918
You are the one
that wanted this.
1256
01:11:19,955 --> 01:11:21,100
Now get up there.
1257
01:11:21,140 --> 01:11:24,107
I don't care if you have to ride
this thing sidesaddle.
1258
01:11:24,147 --> 01:11:25,227
Get up there.
1259
01:11:25,267 --> 01:11:27,689
It smells funny... like gasoline.
1260
01:11:27,731 --> 01:11:30,284
Everything smells
like that in Mexico.
1261
01:11:30,323 --> 01:11:32,047
My dress will reek, Mother.
1262
01:11:32,083 --> 01:11:33,392
You listen to me now, missy.
1263
01:11:33,427 --> 01:11:35,052
This thing cost your dad
a pretty penny...
1264
01:11:35,091 --> 01:11:36,618
so you get your ass up there.
1265
01:11:36,659 --> 01:11:39,342
And show me some teeth.
1266
01:11:39,380 --> 01:11:41,354
Love you, baby.
1267
01:11:51,604 --> 01:11:53,294
You rule!
1268
01:11:55,411 --> 01:11:56,491
Stop it!
1269
01:11:56,531 --> 01:11:59,084
You are a bad kid!
1270
01:12:15,475 --> 01:12:16,937
You rule!
1271
01:12:20,787 --> 01:12:22,794
If I die from these fumes...
1272
01:12:22,836 --> 01:12:24,745
you'll make sure and cover up
the hickeys on my neck?
1273
01:12:27,155 --> 01:12:29,806
And the bite marks on my ears.
1274
01:12:29,843 --> 01:12:31,272
Yeah, sure.
1275
01:12:31,316 --> 01:12:35,058
And I know it won't show,
but on my inner thighs...
1276
01:12:35,091 --> 01:12:36,466
Yes, Leslie, OK.
1277
01:12:36,499 --> 01:12:38,026
Help!
1278
01:12:48,179 --> 01:12:49,903
OK, I designed the float.
1279
01:12:49,939 --> 01:12:56,234
And what's going to happen here
is that this is going to look...
1280
01:12:56,275 --> 01:12:59,788
like a glistening lake
beneath the swan.
1281
01:13:00,915 --> 01:13:02,224
We need more bars.
1282
01:13:02,259 --> 01:13:03,469
This is... What?
1283
01:13:03,508 --> 01:13:04,653
Enid ate a whole pan.
1284
01:13:04,691 --> 01:13:06,000
She can't do anything
by herself.
1285
01:13:07,411 --> 01:13:09,550
This is exactly
how I pictured it...
1286
01:13:09,587 --> 01:13:11,343
Choking on swan gas.
1287
01:13:13,555 --> 01:13:15,498
Oh, great.
1288
01:13:23,507 --> 01:13:24,914
Oh, my God.
1289
01:13:27,923 --> 01:13:30,062
Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.
1290
01:13:30,099 --> 01:13:31,179
Oh, my God.
1291
01:13:31,219 --> 01:13:32,681
Oh, crap. Oh, crap.
1292
01:13:46,387 --> 01:13:48,754
Oh, my baby!
1293
01:13:48,819 --> 01:13:50,510
Oh, my God!
1294
01:13:50,579 --> 01:13:53,132
The swan ate my baby!
1295
01:13:54,515 --> 01:13:58,410
Becky, baby, get up!
1296
01:13:58,451 --> 01:14:00,687
We got to go to state!
1297
01:14:02,547 --> 01:14:05,002
Gladys, let her go.
1298
01:14:05,043 --> 01:14:06,156
No. She's not getting up.
1299
01:14:06,195 --> 01:14:08,683
We got to...
Get off of me, you cow!
1300
01:14:11,891 --> 01:14:14,641
What are you looking at, huh?
1301
01:14:14,675 --> 01:14:17,261
A whole goddamned town
full of losers...
1302
01:14:17,299 --> 01:14:18,826
that's what I'm looking at!
1303
01:14:20,979 --> 01:14:22,059
And you...
1304
01:14:23,603 --> 01:14:25,359
You piece of shit trailer trash!
1305
01:14:25,395 --> 01:14:28,046
That should've been you
in there!
1306
01:14:28,083 --> 01:14:30,287
Damn it, I should've killed you
when I had a chance...
1307
01:14:30,323 --> 01:14:32,265
just like your little friend!
1308
01:14:32,307 --> 01:14:36,617
Tammy was one crispy critter
up on that thresher!
1309
01:14:36,659 --> 01:14:39,180
Ding! Fries are up!
1310
01:14:40,275 --> 01:14:41,682
Stop it! Stop it!
1311
01:14:48,307 --> 01:14:49,387
Take it easy.
1312
01:14:49,427 --> 01:14:51,150
Let go of me!
1313
01:14:51,187 --> 01:14:52,528
Oh, my God, it's "Cops. "
1314
01:14:52,596 --> 01:14:54,024
He sells reproductions!
1315
01:14:54,099 --> 01:14:56,947
His furniture's as fake
as my orgasms.
1316
01:14:56,979 --> 01:14:58,386
Hey, how you doing?
1317
01:14:58,419 --> 01:14:59,826
Hey. What's up, Scott?
1318
01:14:59,859 --> 01:15:01,420
You remember Bruce, right?
1319
01:15:01,459 --> 01:15:03,826
Bruce, that's Roy.
Roy, Bruce.
1320
01:15:05,299 --> 01:15:08,812
And that's why, dear Lord,
it's with such great sorrow...
1321
01:15:08,851 --> 01:15:11,372
we turn over to you
this young woman...
1322
01:15:11,411 --> 01:15:13,615
whose dream of riding
on a giant swan...
1323
01:15:13,651 --> 01:15:15,790
has brought about
her untimely death.
1324
01:15:15,827 --> 01:15:21,130
Maybe it's your way
of telling us to buy American.
1325
01:15:22,131 --> 01:15:23,341
That's right.
1326
01:15:25,043 --> 01:15:26,865
As acting president...
1327
01:15:26,899 --> 01:15:29,005
of the Mount Rose
Civil Servettes...
1328
01:15:29,075 --> 01:15:30,636
it is my duty...
1329
01:15:30,707 --> 01:15:36,075
to make you Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.
1330
01:15:38,163 --> 01:15:40,051
Turn around for the picture.
1331
01:15:40,083 --> 01:15:41,032
You look good.
1332
01:15:44,883 --> 01:15:46,607
What is wrong with you?
1333
01:15:46,643 --> 01:15:47,723
I don't know.
1334
01:15:47,763 --> 01:15:49,258
I didn't wanna win like this.
1335
01:15:49,299 --> 01:15:51,087
You stop right there.
1336
01:15:51,123 --> 01:15:52,530
You are a good person.
1337
01:15:52,563 --> 01:15:54,930
Good things happen
to good people.
1338
01:15:54,963 --> 01:15:56,043
Really?
1339
01:15:56,083 --> 01:15:58,472
No, it's pure bullshit, sweetie.
1340
01:15:58,515 --> 01:16:01,166
You're lucky as hell,
so you might as well enjoy it.
1341
01:16:01,235 --> 01:16:02,795
Let's get you a root-beer float.
1342
01:16:02,867 --> 01:16:04,940
You guys want some shots?
I'm buying.
1343
01:16:05,907 --> 01:16:09,224
I never liked her,
but she didn't deserve...
1344
01:16:09,267 --> 01:16:11,634
to die in the belly
of a swan like that.
1345
01:16:11,667 --> 01:16:16,304
The whole thing's just kinda
sad and lame at the same time.
1346
01:16:17,427 --> 01:16:19,315
This came for you, sweetie.
1347
01:16:19,347 --> 01:16:20,908
Hi, guys.
1348
01:16:20,947 --> 01:16:22,670
It's from the state!
1349
01:16:22,707 --> 01:16:24,136
Yeah. Open it up.
1350
01:16:25,107 --> 01:16:27,474
It's all the stuff I get to do.
1351
01:16:28,467 --> 01:16:29,743
OK, let's see.
1352
01:16:30,931 --> 01:16:34,226
We get a personal consultation
with a makeup artist.
1353
01:16:35,379 --> 01:16:38,226
Oh, there'll be
a choreographer to the stars.
1354
01:16:38,259 --> 01:16:39,666
- Choreographer.
- The stars.
1355
01:16:40,659 --> 01:16:42,066
Oh, my God.
1356
01:16:42,099 --> 01:16:43,822
No way. Oh, my God.
1357
01:16:43,859 --> 01:16:46,225
For Christ's sakes,
spit it out, Amber.
1358
01:16:46,259 --> 01:16:49,106
We'll be staying overnight at...
1359
01:16:49,139 --> 01:16:50,862
the Airport Howard Johnson!
1360
01:16:50,899 --> 01:16:52,306
Right by the airport!
1361
01:16:52,339 --> 01:16:53,419
Oh, Amber!
1362
01:16:53,459 --> 01:16:55,346
God, that's so great!
1363
01:16:56,819 --> 01:16:59,186
Oh, crap. I only got
four weeks to practice.
1364
01:16:59,219 --> 01:17:00,625
Let's go, let's go!
Right now!
1365
01:17:00,659 --> 01:17:01,739
I'm gonna call your mom.
1366
01:17:31,411 --> 01:17:33,451
All right, say, "airport hotel. "
1367
01:17:33,522 --> 01:17:34,450
Airport hotel!
1368
01:17:34,482 --> 01:17:36,370
Coffee and doughnuts.
1369
01:17:40,083 --> 01:17:41,971
Yeah, why don't you
take a picture?
1370
01:17:42,003 --> 01:17:42,931
It lasts longer.
1371
01:17:42,963 --> 01:17:43,978
Loretta, don't do that.
1372
01:17:44,019 --> 01:17:45,328
All right. I'm sorry.
They're just staring.
1373
01:17:45,363 --> 01:17:46,770
I gotta work with these girls.
1374
01:17:46,803 --> 01:17:47,916
OK, I'm sorry.
1375
01:18:13,587 --> 01:18:14,994
And you are...
1376
01:18:15,027 --> 01:18:17,394
Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.
1377
01:18:17,427 --> 01:18:19,337
Funny, you don't look dead.
1378
01:18:23,027 --> 01:18:24,915
- OK, ladies!
- Girls, come on.
1379
01:18:24,947 --> 01:18:27,467
Ladies, listen up.
I'm Colleen Douglas.
1380
01:18:27,507 --> 01:18:30,671
And this raven beauty
on my right is Terry Macy.
1381
01:18:30,707 --> 01:18:31,820
Hi there.
1382
01:18:31,859 --> 01:18:34,347
And we're your Minnesota
American Teen Princess...
1383
01:18:34,387 --> 01:18:35,597
state board.
1384
01:18:35,635 --> 01:18:36,911
That's right.
1385
01:18:36,947 --> 01:18:39,630
We're also the cofounders of
the Minnesota Modeling Academy.
1386
01:18:39,699 --> 01:18:41,422
Yep. And you can get
your applications...
1387
01:18:41,459 --> 01:18:42,866
over here at the tiki bar...
1388
01:18:42,898 --> 01:18:44,786
and we will wave the
fifty-dollar application fee...
1389
01:18:44,818 --> 01:18:47,185
if you list a friend
and put down her address.
1390
01:18:48,499 --> 01:18:49,743
So...
1391
01:18:49,779 --> 01:18:50,891
you're cute.
1392
01:18:51,859 --> 01:18:53,168
Oh, I see you're married.
1393
01:18:53,202 --> 01:18:56,464
If you catch this in your mouth,
I'll give you a present.
1394
01:18:56,499 --> 01:18:58,287
All right? Open wide.
1395
01:18:59,251 --> 01:19:00,974
Oh, God, you got that
on the first try.
1396
01:19:01,011 --> 01:19:02,898
Come here.
1397
01:19:02,931 --> 01:19:04,687
Oh, you are cute.
1398
01:19:04,722 --> 01:19:06,249
OK, due to budgetary
cutbacks...
1399
01:19:06,290 --> 01:19:07,697
And the fact...
1400
01:19:07,731 --> 01:19:09,618
that the national didn't
cough up a goddamn nickel...
1401
01:19:09,683 --> 01:19:11,406
You won't be staying overnight.
1402
01:19:11,475 --> 01:19:12,969
So everybody pay attention.
1403
01:19:13,043 --> 01:19:15,661
You've got about eight hours
till showtime.
1404
01:19:15,699 --> 01:19:17,357
Remember to count, ladies.
1405
01:19:17,395 --> 01:19:20,210
Cross on the left
and arms up on eight.
1406
01:19:20,242 --> 01:19:22,185
On the beat, on the beat,
on the beat!
1407
01:19:22,227 --> 01:19:24,616
Keep on. Keep moving it.
1408
01:19:24,659 --> 01:19:26,066
Come on, Miss Forest Lake...
1409
01:19:26,098 --> 01:19:27,822
take that stick out of your ass
or I will!
1410
01:19:27,859 --> 01:19:29,452
All right. Very nice.
1411
01:19:29,491 --> 01:19:30,636
Now come on.
1412
01:19:30,675 --> 01:19:32,169
Mom's out here in the front row.
1413
01:19:32,210 --> 01:19:33,290
Come on. Sell it!
1414
01:19:33,331 --> 01:19:35,119
That's very nice.
1415
01:19:35,155 --> 01:19:36,398
Remember, figure eights, ladies.
1416
01:19:36,435 --> 01:19:42,600
I can sum up our entire
philosophy with this glass.
1417
01:19:42,674 --> 01:19:44,682
I can look at it and see...
1418
01:19:44,755 --> 01:19:46,281
it's half full.
1419
01:19:46,355 --> 01:19:48,908
Which in the beauty pageant biz
means...
1420
01:19:48,947 --> 01:19:50,473
"Where the hell is my waiter?!"
1421
01:19:50,515 --> 01:19:52,554
- Marco!
- Polo!
1422
01:19:52,595 --> 01:19:55,628
Stop with the friggin' Marco
Polo, or I'll come over there...
1423
01:19:55,667 --> 01:19:57,161
and rip your
fat little heads off!
1424
01:20:06,066 --> 01:20:08,619
Miss Burnsville,
you're up next.
1425
01:20:13,939 --> 01:20:16,306
I have a little
secret weapon of my own.
1426
01:20:17,299 --> 01:20:18,379
Don't tell anyone.
1427
01:20:30,674 --> 01:20:32,562
Oh, I don't eat shellfish.
1428
01:20:32,594 --> 01:20:34,220
Ma always says,
"Don't eat anything...
1429
01:20:34,258 --> 01:20:35,665
"that can carry its house
around with it.
1430
01:20:35,699 --> 01:20:37,608
"Who knows the last time
it's been cleaned?"
1431
01:20:37,650 --> 01:20:39,538
I've done
about thirty-five pageants.
1432
01:20:40,563 --> 01:20:42,221
I guess my most memorable one...
1433
01:20:42,259 --> 01:20:44,626
would have to be
Miss Teen America 1995...
1434
01:20:44,691 --> 01:20:46,098
'cause it was in Vegas.
1435
01:20:47,090 --> 01:20:48,651
And my roommate did Adam West.
1436
01:20:48,723 --> 01:20:51,854
She said he was so horny.
1437
01:21:03,699 --> 01:21:04,877
Oh, my God.
1438
01:21:21,554 --> 01:21:23,856
I should just go home now.
1439
01:21:24,915 --> 01:21:26,322
OK, real good.
1440
01:21:26,354 --> 01:21:27,761
One suggestion, sweetie.
1441
01:21:27,795 --> 01:21:30,315
Why don't you hike up your skirt
a little bit then, OK?
1442
01:21:31,314 --> 01:21:32,427
Next!
1443
01:21:34,515 --> 01:21:36,402
Oh, my God.
1444
01:21:36,435 --> 01:21:37,842
I gotta go!
1445
01:21:37,874 --> 01:21:40,241
You better do something
about those nerves, sweetie.
1446
01:21:40,275 --> 01:21:41,682
Thirty million people
aren't gonna wait for you...
1447
01:21:41,714 --> 01:21:43,121
while you run to the john.
1448
01:21:43,155 --> 01:21:44,562
That's true.
1449
01:21:46,674 --> 01:21:48,944
Will somebody
get a mop and a bucket?
1450
01:21:49,011 --> 01:21:51,978
Today, a beauty pageant
turned ugly.
1451
01:21:54,962 --> 01:21:56,272
Did I win?
1452
01:21:56,307 --> 01:21:57,900
Honey, if I was a good lover...
1453
01:21:57,938 --> 01:21:59,880
Oh, for crap sake.
1454
01:21:59,923 --> 01:22:01,330
A salmonella dysentery
outbreak...
1455
01:22:01,362 --> 01:22:03,915
now traced to improperly
refrigerated shellfish...
1456
01:22:03,954 --> 01:22:06,410
was believed to be the cause.
1457
01:22:12,019 --> 01:22:14,605
Oh, my God.
Do you think they heard us?
1458
01:22:14,643 --> 01:22:18,058
Oh, for Christ's sake!
Call an ambulance!
1459
01:22:18,098 --> 01:22:19,178
An ambulance?
1460
01:22:19,219 --> 01:22:20,942
Call a priest,
for Christ's sake!
1461
01:22:22,290 --> 01:22:24,298
Joining us now
is David Richardson...
1462
01:22:24,370 --> 01:22:27,666
a member of a documentary crew
filming the pageant.
1463
01:22:27,731 --> 01:22:30,251
He was there
when tragedy struck.
1464
01:22:31,411 --> 01:22:34,411
Fuckin' beauty queens
blowin' chunks everywhere.
1465
01:22:34,451 --> 01:22:38,095
I've never seen anything
like it before, and...
1466
01:22:38,131 --> 01:22:39,375
I live in L.A.
1467
01:22:39,410 --> 01:22:40,687
Oh, hey, Ed.
1468
01:22:41,650 --> 01:22:43,057
That's our sound guy.
1469
01:22:43,091 --> 01:22:44,978
Could you tell us anything
about the controversy?
1470
01:22:45,011 --> 01:22:46,418
Is there a controversy here?
1471
01:22:46,450 --> 01:22:47,760
Has there been sabotage?
1472
01:22:47,795 --> 01:22:48,689
Wait a minute.
1473
01:22:48,722 --> 01:22:50,610
While we haven't
ruled out sabotage...
1474
01:22:50,642 --> 01:22:52,235
from neighboring
state pageants...
1475
01:22:52,275 --> 01:22:53,868
Iowa, Wisconsin, South Dakota.
1476
01:22:53,939 --> 01:22:55,149
Yeah, that's right.
1477
01:22:55,219 --> 01:22:57,106
Ohio.
1478
01:22:57,139 --> 01:22:58,066
That bitch from Wisconsin.
1479
01:22:58,099 --> 01:22:59,047
All right then.
1480
01:22:59,122 --> 01:23:01,195
The important thing
is we have a winner!
1481
01:23:01,235 --> 01:23:02,348
- Yes, we do.
- OK.
1482
01:23:02,387 --> 01:23:04,558
The Minnesota Modeling Academy
is proud to present...
1483
01:23:04,595 --> 01:23:06,318
Along with Sarah Rose
Cosmetics...
1484
01:23:06,354 --> 01:23:07,434
Amber Atkins...
1485
01:23:08,978 --> 01:23:11,761
The new Minnesota
American Teen Princess!
1486
01:23:11,795 --> 01:23:12,908
That's Amber Atkins.
1487
01:23:12,947 --> 01:23:14,834
That's right.
From Mount Rose.
1488
01:23:14,867 --> 01:23:17,649
Amber, how do you feel?
1489
01:23:17,683 --> 01:23:19,089
Well, I...
1490
01:23:19,122 --> 01:23:21,359
I feel like I need
to take a shower.
1491
01:23:22,483 --> 01:23:24,239
Honey, is this the best day
of your life?
1492
01:23:24,275 --> 01:23:27,144
Yeah. I wish
my mom was here, though.
1493
01:23:27,187 --> 01:23:28,594
Wave hi to her.
1494
01:23:28,626 --> 01:23:30,033
Hi, Mom.
1495
01:23:30,098 --> 01:23:31,505
Hey, you hear that?
1496
01:23:31,539 --> 01:23:32,946
Hi, monkey.
1497
01:23:32,978 --> 01:23:34,702
I got some.
1498
01:23:36,658 --> 01:23:39,025
Uh-huh. No, no. Gosh, no.
1499
01:23:39,059 --> 01:23:41,230
You know, I still don't
want to be on camera.
1500
01:23:41,266 --> 01:23:43,470
I just wanna say...
1501
01:23:43,507 --> 01:23:45,743
that little bitch
better watch her back...
1502
01:23:45,779 --> 01:23:47,339
at the nationals...
1503
01:23:47,378 --> 01:23:49,745
'cause I am making friends
on the inside.
1504
01:23:49,779 --> 01:23:51,819
Yeah. Darn good friends.
1505
01:23:51,859 --> 01:23:53,899
Friends who have friends
on the outside.
1506
01:23:53,938 --> 01:23:56,011
Get your sweet ass
off the phone, Cinnamon.
1507
01:23:56,051 --> 01:23:57,163
Gotta go.
1508
01:23:58,419 --> 01:23:59,346
Oh, yeah.
1509
01:23:59,379 --> 01:24:00,786
I just can't believe it.
1510
01:24:00,818 --> 01:24:02,574
I'm Minnesota's
American Teen Princess.
1511
01:24:02,611 --> 01:24:04,498
Our baby's going to nationals.
1512
01:24:04,531 --> 01:24:06,386
Lincoln, Alabama, look out!
1513
01:24:07,890 --> 01:24:10,029
I'm gonna be on TV
just like Diane Sawyer.
1514
01:24:14,131 --> 01:24:15,538
Annette, just use your hand.
1515
01:24:15,570 --> 01:24:17,097
They told me to practice.
1516
01:24:29,843 --> 01:24:31,272
I did it.
1517
01:24:31,346 --> 01:24:32,808
OK. Ready?
1518
01:24:32,883 --> 01:24:35,730
Here's the signal I'm gonna give
Mom when I'm on TV.
1519
01:24:37,523 --> 01:24:39,857
My little Carol Burnett.
1520
01:24:39,891 --> 01:24:41,297
Here she is...
1521
01:24:41,330 --> 01:24:43,501
Minnesota's
American Teen Princess...
1522
01:24:43,539 --> 01:24:44,946
and soon to be...
1523
01:24:44,978 --> 01:24:48,327
the next America's
American Teen Princess...
1524
01:24:48,370 --> 01:24:50,126
our little Amber.
1525
01:25:11,346 --> 01:25:13,550
So after Frank
dusts the crops...
1526
01:25:13,586 --> 01:25:16,434
he's taking her
to Lincoln, Alabama.
1527
01:27:34,098 --> 01:27:35,440
Come on out...
1528
01:27:35,474 --> 01:27:38,857
you little blond piece
of trailer-park trash!
1529
01:27:44,050 --> 01:27:47,017
We're here in the sixth hour
of a shootout between...
1530
01:27:53,010 --> 01:27:54,417
This is Amber Atkins...
1531
01:27:54,450 --> 01:27:57,614
reporting live from
the Food Shack for KRLH News.
1532
01:27:57,650 --> 01:27:59,538
One of our reporters
has just been shot.
1533
01:27:59,570 --> 01:28:02,440
Paramedics are working on her
right now...
1534
01:28:05,651 --> 01:28:07,177
I'm Peter Atchison.
1535
01:28:07,219 --> 01:28:08,626
And I'm Amber Atkins.
1536
01:28:08,658 --> 01:28:10,731
For WAZB News, good night.109051
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