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1
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:37,621
(LIGHTER CLICKS)
2
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,588
(WINDING MUSIC BOX)
3
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,146
(ALL OUT OF LOVE PLAYING)
4
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,669
(SNIFFING)
5
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,387
(BOTTLES CLATTERING)
6
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:16,094
DEADPOOL: Fuck Wolverine.
7
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,806
First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.
8
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,977
Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.
9
00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,146
What a dick.
10
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,440
Well, guess what, Wolvie?
11
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,817
I'm dying in this one, too.
12
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:32,903
(X GOIN' GIVE ITTO YA PLAYING)
13
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,698
DEADPOOL: To understand
why I took a cat-nap
14
00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,867
on 1,200 gallons
of high-test fuel...
15
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,243
I need to take you back
16
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,621
to the dewy slopes
of six weeks ago.
17
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,206
I'd gone international,
18
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,083
taking out mass murderers,
gangsters,
19
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,751
unspeakable monsters.
20
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:50,629
People nobody would touch.
Except me.
21
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:53,590
I'm gonna touch them all over.
22
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,342
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
23
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,387
DEADPOOL:
Hey, it's Gail calling.
24
00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,554
Love the shiny suit.
25
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:00,722
Really brings out
26
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,224
the sex trafficker
in your eyes.
27
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,559
(IN CANTONESE)
Whatever they're paying, I'll double it.
28
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,771
(IN ENGLISH) I don't
speak Cantonese, Mister...
29
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,816
Well, I'm not even gonna
attempt that.
30
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,527
But I did take
8th grade Spanish, so...
31
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,696
(IN SPANISH)
Where is the library?
32
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:18,115
Which literally
translates to...
33
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:21,410
I don't bargain,
pumpkin fucker.
34
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:22,911
(CELL PHONE CLATTERS)
35
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,624
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
36
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,168
(GUNS COCKING)
37
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,170
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro...
38
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:33,255
(GUNS FIRING)
39
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,966
(GRUNTING)
40
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,346
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
41
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:42,973
(GASPS)
42
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,266
(SHUSHING)
43
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,477
(WHISPERS) I'll take
a cranberry-grapefruit vodka.
44
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:48,895
I know
it's called a Sea Breeze.
45
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,188
Don't make me say it.
46
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,857
Hit it, Dolly.
47
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,567
(9 TO 5 PLAYING)
48
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:57,904
(BOTH GRUNTING)
49
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,116
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
50
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:07,330
(MEN GROANING)
51
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,835
DEADPOOL: Taking the hands
out of the guns
of the criminals!
52
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:21,261
Whoo! Do not go in there!
53
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:34,608
Oh, God! Oh, God, time out!
Time out!
54
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:38,236
Cut. Got bad guy blood,
right in my open eye.
55
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:40,238
Oh, that's so gross.
56
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:41,323
(GROANING)
57
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,866
Fuck.
58
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,660
Scoutmaster Kevin?
59
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,290
(CROWD CHEERING)
60
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,543
Too exotic?
61
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:57,881
DEADPOOL: My world tour
brought me home
62
00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,383
to this guy,
Sergei Valishnikov.
63
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,927
But we'll get to him
in a moment.
64
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,220
'Cause I know
what you're thinking.
65
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:06,264
"I'm so glad
I left the kiddos at home."
66
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:07,724
But that's where
you'd be wrong.
67
00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:10,811
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...
68
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:15,148
and, believe it or not,
Deadpool 2 is a family film.
69
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,358
True story.
70
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:20,195
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
71
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:23,281
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
72
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:26,618
(CHUCKLING) Holy shit pickles!That guy's on fire.
73
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:29,538
That's not CGI, folks.
He's actually on fire.
74
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,916
Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
75
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,251
But this guy?
76
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,545
He was
one of the worst of 'em.
77
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,549
Hurry up and open
this fucking door,
78
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:41,716
and let's kill
this motherfucker!
79
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,134
(ALARM RINGING)
(GUNSHOT)
80
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:44,219
(BODY THUDS)
81
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,600
Ugh. So gross.
82
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,270
A panic room? Really?
83
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,022
Can you come out?
(WATCH BEEPING)
84
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,276
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
85
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,655
(GUNS COCKING)
86
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,283
MAN: (ON RADIO) Over and over,I hear people say,
87
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,826
"I just don't have
enough confidence."
88
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:10,078
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.
89
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,413
It's something you create.
(LAUGHS)
90
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,540
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
91
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,375
A sense of confidence
is nothing
92
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,668
but a sense of power
within yourself...
93
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,920
a sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.
94
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,589
DEADPOOL: Start the car!
Start the fucking car!
95
00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:21,673
Dopinder!
96
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:23,508
Start the fucking car!
97
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,176
(SCREAMS)
98
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,350
Whoo!
Oh, I shit my pants.
99
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,686
Actually, that may
have been me.
100
00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:36,021
Oh, mission accomplished?
101
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,898
Well, in a George W.
sort of way.
102
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,983
Fucker can't stay
in a panic room forever.
103
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,443
DOPINDER: Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.
104
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:43,403
It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,
105
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:44,654
and who'da thought?
106
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,990
Now I'm talked about
in the same sentence
as Jesus.
107
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,326
Passion of the Christ,
then me.
108
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,535
At least domestically.
109
00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:51,870
We beat them overseas,
110
00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:53,496
where there's no such thing
as religion.
111
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,082
I do want to live the dreams,
Pool Boy.
112
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,460
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.
113
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,253
I want to fill my...
Pockets?
114
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,423
What's your poison?
A little, uh, cokey cokey?
115
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,091
Can't maintain an erection
116
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,551
without buying shoes online?
(HORN HONKS)
117
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,637
I've never experienced
that last one.
118
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,055
Talk to me, Goose.
119
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:12,974
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
120
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,977
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.
121
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,562
Dopinder...
Hmm?
122
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,731
You never cease
to surprise me.
123
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,985
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
124
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,779
We all need
a sense of belonging.
125
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:27,697
We all need
a genuine sense of home.
126
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,782
A place in this world.
127
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,408
I want to become
a contract killer.
128
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:31,743
I'm sorry.
What did you say?
129
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,828
Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu
130
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,288
and threatened him
with great violence?
131
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:36,790
You kind of killed him.
132
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:38,833
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?
133
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:39,918
Don't want to.
134
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,002
When Tom Cruise fed
135
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:42,879
10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood
136
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,089
for the first time...
137
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,591
and she looked up
at his smooth,
138
00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:49,010
handsome face and said...
139
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,388
"I want some more."
140
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:55,308
Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
141
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,228
I'll never not picture that.
142
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,605
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
143
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:02,065
as soon as possible.
144
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:05,151
We're here.
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
145
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,321
You're my Tom Cruise!
146
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,031
DEADPOOL: And you're
my Kristen Dunst!
147
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,449
Kristen? Kirsten?
148
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,039
Sorry I'm late.
149
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,916
There was a bunch of
150
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,960
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...
151
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,378
and I had to, uh...
Uh-uh.
152
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:26,339
You're right.
I was fighting a caped badass.
153
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,800
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.
154
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:29,926
No.
155
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,344
Traffic?
156
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,013
Hmm?
157
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,682
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
158
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:36,766
Well, come here.
159
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:40,895
(TAKE ON ME PLAYING)
160
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,485
(VANESSA MOANS)
161
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,363
I'm gonna shower
and get out of this suit.
162
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,157
Don't you want
your surprise?
163
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,159
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?
164
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,453
I got one for you, too.
165
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,747
Happy anniversary, baby.
166
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,498
Open, open, open.
167
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,835
Skee-Ball token.
168
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,545
Our first date.
169
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:06,963
Yup.
170
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:10,008
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.
171
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,804
I'll keep it forever.
(CHUCKLES)
172
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:16,681
Thank you, baby.
173
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,018
Open yours.
All right, all right.
174
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,228
Oh...
175
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,356
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
176
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,858
I don't know what this is.
177
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,443
My IUD.
178
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:29,819
A bomb?
179
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,697
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
180
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,199
What, you mean that your...
181
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,950
Baby factory's open
for business.
182
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,202
Oh, my God!
(BOX CLATTERS)
183
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:40,622
(VANESSA LAUGHS)
Oh, my God! I want a boy!
184
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:43,583
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
185
00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:46,711
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
186
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,798
Like Cher or Todd.
187
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,300
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.
188
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:53,384
Yes, I do.
189
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,261
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.
190
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,346
Let's do that.
191
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:58,932
(SINGING) Papa...
192
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,726
Can you hear me?
193
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,855
Papa, can you see me?
194
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,274
Does this song
sound familiar to you?
195
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,028
May.
196
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:16,491
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
197
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,077
(CHUCKLES)
198
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,538
So weird.
(LAUGHS)
199
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,040
Family was always
an F-word to me.
200
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,753
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
201
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,215
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
202
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,425
to draw off of for Todd.
203
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,762
Hey. Look at me.
204
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,099
You are not your father.
205
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,018
Besides...
206
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:49,023
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
207
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,025
But here's the thing,
208
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,360
isn't that how
it always works?
209
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,487
Like in Star Wars,
210
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,614
men are destined
to become their father...
211
00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:00,285
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?
212
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:02,871
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.
213
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,915
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.
214
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,750
Baby, that's Empire.
215
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,837
The point is, kids...
216
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,966
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.
217
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,927
Better than we used to be.
218
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,014
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
219
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,308
I'm gonna go make dessert.
220
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,895
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.
221
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,356
Pretty sure it doesn't work
that way, but we can try.
222
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:35,028
VANESSA: What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?
223
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,988
(TIMER TICKING)
It's too stripper-y.
224
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,615
Kevin with a "K"!
225
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:40,867
No, too stripper-y, too.
226
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,036
Uh, Earl!
227
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,705
(IN SLOW MOTION)
He's gonna go straight to jail
228
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,582
if we name him Earl.
229
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,918
What about Bruce?
230
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,086
No.
231
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:53,338
Get down.
232
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,048
What?
(GUN FIRES)
233
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,260
(ALL GRUNTING)
234
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,726
(GUN FIRING)
235
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,370
Baby? Baby?
236
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,747
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
237
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,041
I'm okay.
238
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:33,211
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
239
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,004
(BOTH PANTING)
(GASPS)
240
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,817
(INAUDIBLE)
241
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,414
(MOUTHING) Please.
242
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,045
Please. Please.
243
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:19,257
Baby, I'm so sorry.
244
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:23,261
No!
245
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:30,810
(DINGS)
246
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,282
(PANTING)
247
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:51,414
(HORN BLARING)
(GRUNTS)
248
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:56,961
(TIRES SCREECHING)
249
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:07,847
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
250
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,851
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
251
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,227
(ENGINE STALLING)
252
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,732
(YELLS)
253
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,168
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
254
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:44,926
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
255
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,722
(HORN BLARES)
256
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,520
(WOMAN SINGING)
257
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:30,281
(SINGING)
Papa, can you hear me?
258
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:32,909
Is it just me, or does
259
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:34,744
Do You Want to Builda Snowman? from Frozen...
260
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,245
sound suspiciously like
261
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,206
Papa, Can You Hear Me?
from Yentl?
262
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:39,332
(SNIFFLES)
263
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,792
(SINGING)
Papa, can you hear me?
264
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,922
And nobody
fucking realizes it.
265
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:48,633
Go home. You've been here
for three days, okay?
266
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,260
You smell like somebody shit
in a Civil War wound...
267
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,887
after it had become
gangrenous.
268
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:55,139
They should've just
amputated it.
Why shit in it?
269
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,474
Doesn't make any sense.
270
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,226
I love Frozen.
271
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,812
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
272
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,272
An ocean is water.
273
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:08,027
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
274
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,654
George Michael was right.
275
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,572
I'm never gonna
dance again. Fuck!
276
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,199
He's dead, too.
277
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:16,202
At least we still have Bowie.
278
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:20,414
Yeah. We still have Bowie.
279
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:21,999
I'm sorry.
280
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,459
Shot after shot,
281
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,586
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...
282
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,088
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating
right now?
283
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,882
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
284
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,634
Is he pissing?
I'm on it!
285
00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,177
There you go, Dopinder.
286
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,137
If you want to be
a contract killer...
287
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:37,723
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
288
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:38,891
Although I don't
quite understand
289
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,184
how they are at all similar.
290
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,687
Well, they both
have handles.
Now, leave me.
291
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,273
Go home, Wade.
292
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:47,817
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...
293
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,528
Fuck! Okay, I'm fine.
294
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:51,696
I'm fine.
295
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,489
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
296
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:56,993
Fucked up, insecure,
needy, and emotional.
297
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,661
According to the...
298
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:01,163
Kubler-Ross.
Yeah.
299
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:03,291
According to
the Kubler-Ross model...
300
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:06,085
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
301
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,212
Jesus Christ, Buck!
302
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,548
No more speaking lines
for you.
303
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,885
(LAUGHING)
304
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,264
(JACK BENNY SCATTING ON RADIO)
305
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,517
(COMEDY SERIES PLAYING
ON RADIO)
306
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,991
(SNIFFS)
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON RADIO)
307
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:47,668
"I'm thinking it over!"
308
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:49,378
Motherfuck!
309
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:50,546
Fuck!
310
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:52,840
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
311
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:54,967
The hell you doin' here?
312
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,552
Don't you know
how to knock?
313
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,846
I thought you saw me...
314
00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:00,348
with your ears.
315
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:01,682
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...
316
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:02,767
The wall?
317
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:06,270
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
318
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,650
BLIND AL: I heard the news,
sweetie.
319
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,568
I'm very sorry. I am.
320
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,403
What am I gonna do, AI?
321
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,614
Probably something terrible.
322
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,033
Knowing you.
323
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,743
It was my fault.
324
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:23,829
I fucking did this.
325
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:26,707
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her
326
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,584
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
327
00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:32,088
She's gone.
328
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:35,132
BLIND AL: Sweetheart,
can you speak up?
329
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,301
It's a little hard to hear you
330
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:38,886
with that pity dick
in your mouth.
331
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,931
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.
332
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:43,140
Thank you...
333
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,435
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
334
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,646
Listen to the pain.
335
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:51,357
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
336
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,402
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
337
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:58,447
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
338
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,826
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
339
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,538
Wade?
340
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:09,709
Wade?
I'm right here, Althea.
341
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,795
And that is
the most beautiful thing
342
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,088
I've ever heard.
343
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,298
You're absolutely right.
344
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,136
(COUGHS)
345
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,596
I'm about to do
something terrible.
346
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,392
(ALL OUT OF LOVE
PLAYING ON MUSIC BOX)
347
00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:28,728
There. All caught up.
348
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,605
You can't really live
until you've died a little.
349
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,524
Let's test that theory,
shall we?
350
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,828
(OVERLAPPING VOICES)
351
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,038
VANESSA: Baby factory's open
for business.
352
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,875
(OVERLAPPING VOICES CONTINUE)
353
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:53,878
WADE: Your crazy
matches my crazy.
354
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,255
VANESSA: I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
355
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,048
WADE: Skee-Ball token.
356
00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,800
(VOICES ECHOING)
357
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:02,428
VANESSA: Happy International
Women's Day.
358
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:04,138
WADE: Listen,
I've been thinking a lot.
359
00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:05,222
VANESSA: Really?
360
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:06,348
WADE: About why
we're so good together.
361
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:07,725
VANESSA: I love you,
Wade Wilson.
362
00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,268
(GASPS)
363
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,687
WADE: Ness?
364
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:14,273
Ness?
365
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:16,108
Ness.
366
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:19,403
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
367
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:23,282
Your heart's not
in the right place.
368
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,618
(STAMMERS)
Wait, hold on. What?
369
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:28,370
Your heart's not
in the right place.
370
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:29,663
Wait. What do you mean
371
00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:30,998
my heart's not
in the right place?
What does it...
372
00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:32,541
(TIMER TICKING)
373
00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:35,503
(TIMER DINGS)
374
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:53,562
I'm terribly sorry
for your loss, Wade.
375
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,189
You're broken.
376
00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:58,692
DEADPOOL: Oh, God.
I know that voice.
377
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:03,948
DEADPOOL:
"Heart's in the right place."
378
00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:05,533
"Heart's in the right..."
What does that mean?
379
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,326
You've been sleep
for three days.
380
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,245
I took the liberty
of dressing you.
381
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,579
DEADPOOL: No shit.
382
00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:12,540
Why can't I fucking die?
383
00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:14,124
COLOSSUS:
Take your mask off, Wade.
384
00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:15,835
We must talk.
385
00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:18,212
You need fresh start.
(GROANS)
386
00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:20,756
With training,
you can be X-Man.
387
00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:23,008
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.
388
00:22:23,092 --> 00:22:24,218
I'm not X-Man material.
389
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:26,011
Understatement of the year.
390
00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:27,471
Wade, Yukio.
391
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,098
Yukio, Wade.
392
00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:32,017
What in the fuck knuckles
is this?
393
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,936
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.
394
00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:36,522
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fox & Friends.
395
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:38,190
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
396
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:40,442
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.
397
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:42,528
I like this guy.
398
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:44,363
Give him a chance.
399
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:46,198
It's great seeing you
like this.
400
00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:48,492
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) Yeah.
401
00:22:48,951 --> 00:22:49,952
Bye, Wade!
402
00:22:50,327 --> 00:22:52,663
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
403
00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:55,499
"Rule number one.
No killing...
404
00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:59,003
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.
405
00:22:59,169 --> 00:23:01,630
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."
406
00:23:01,839 --> 00:23:02,840
Wade?
407
00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:04,758
Wade?
408
00:23:05,009 --> 00:23:06,051
Wade!
409
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:07,720
Don't try to chase me.
410
00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:10,097
(WHISPERS) I'm not ready
to be touched again.
411
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:12,391
All these elderly white men
on the walls...
412
00:23:12,558 --> 00:23:14,184
Should have brought
my rape whistle.
413
00:23:14,351 --> 00:23:15,561
Hi.
(OBJECTS SHATTERING)
414
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:17,813
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
415
00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:20,274
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
416
00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:22,526
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
417
00:23:22,693 --> 00:23:25,029
And how would I
do that exactly?
418
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:28,157
'Cause where the fuck
is everyone?
419
00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:29,325
It's always just you
420
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:30,618
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever...
421
00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:31,702
Enough!
422
00:23:32,036 --> 00:23:33,829
(GASPS) I said no touching!
423
00:23:35,581 --> 00:23:38,167
What the fuck?
424
00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:40,961
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
425
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,631
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
426
00:23:43,797 --> 00:23:45,799
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
427
00:23:45,966 --> 00:23:47,009
What do those do anyway, huh?
428
00:23:47,176 --> 00:23:48,510
Carry him
three feet off the ground
429
00:23:48,594 --> 00:23:50,512
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
430
00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:52,723
(DOORS CLOSE)
No, no, no!
431
00:23:52,890 --> 00:23:55,684
I am not X-Man material
at all.
432
00:23:55,851 --> 00:23:58,062
First off... (BREATHES DEEPLY)
433
00:23:58,354 --> 00:24:00,439
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more... (GROANS)
434
00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:02,524
(GRUNTS)
435
00:24:02,608 --> 00:24:03,651
I should have left you
436
00:24:03,734 --> 00:24:05,402
in the self-pitying mess
I found you in.
437
00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:08,447
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
438
00:24:08,614 --> 00:24:10,282
Not when convenient or easy.
439
00:24:10,658 --> 00:24:14,036
When hard,
and you always make it hard.
440
00:24:15,037 --> 00:24:17,456
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
You are unwell.
441
00:24:17,623 --> 00:24:19,625
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
442
00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:21,502
(STRAINING) Wait.
One of the assholes
443
00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:23,087
who killed Vanessa got away.
444
00:24:23,921 --> 00:24:25,005
(GRUNTS)
445
00:24:25,673 --> 00:24:27,675
Oh, Jesus Christ!
446
00:24:28,175 --> 00:24:30,219
Wade, whoever they are...
447
00:24:30,386 --> 00:24:33,180
we track them down
and bring them to justice.
448
00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:34,932
It was me.
449
00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:39,603
I'm the asshole who got away.
450
00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:43,357
I killed every last one
of them, except me.
451
00:24:43,732 --> 00:24:45,442
Couldn't kill me.
452
00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:50,739
We were gonna start a family.
453
00:24:52,533 --> 00:24:54,451
We were, uh... (SNIFFLES)
454
00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:55,661
(CLEARS THROAT)
455
00:24:55,744 --> 00:24:57,746
We were gonna be a family.
456
00:24:58,247 --> 00:24:59,248
COLOSSUS: Wade...
457
00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:02,209
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
458
00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:06,005
This may not be
family you want...
459
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:08,173
but it's family you need.
460
00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:09,883
You have a good heart.
461
00:25:09,967 --> 00:25:11,510
It belongs here
where it can grow.
462
00:25:13,303 --> 00:25:14,346
What did you say?
463
00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:17,683
About my heart?
464
00:25:21,603 --> 00:25:22,855
(EXHALES)
465
00:25:23,188 --> 00:25:25,190
I think
I'm in the right place.
466
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,785
(GRUNTS)
467
00:26:22,831 --> 00:26:24,124
(INAUDIBLE)
468
00:26:29,004 --> 00:26:30,881
(SCREAMING)
469
00:26:39,223 --> 00:26:40,224
Wade.
470
00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:42,017
Wade!
471
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:45,437
Hey, I was just taking Cerebro
for a spin here...
472
00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:47,189
looking deep into the future.
473
00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:48,524
Phew. This thing...
474
00:26:48,690 --> 00:26:50,442
That's not how Cerebro works.
That's not how Cerebro works.
475
00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:52,152
Yes. Yes, it is.
476
00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:54,154
We have mission.
We have mission.
477
00:26:54,321 --> 00:26:56,115
We do. You do.
478
00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:57,449
You guys be safe out there.
479
00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:00,369
No, I want you to join.
No, you want me to join.
480
00:27:01,954 --> 00:27:03,080
I'm sorry, what?
481
00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:04,706
You are ready.
482
00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:06,416
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.
483
00:27:06,583 --> 00:27:08,502
You wanna know how I know?
I'll give you a hint.
484
00:27:08,669 --> 00:27:09,753
(WHISPERS) It's on my head
485
00:27:09,837 --> 00:27:11,672
and smells
like Patrick Stewart.
486
00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:13,590
Be at the X-Jet in five.
487
00:27:14,133 --> 00:27:15,634
(CRACKLING)
488
00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:19,304
REPORTER: Irene Merryweather,
WHIT News.
489
00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:21,348
Live here
at a breaking news situation
490
00:27:21,431 --> 00:27:24,017
at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.
491
00:27:24,184 --> 00:27:26,061
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
492
00:27:26,145 --> 00:27:27,354
some sort of an incident...
493
00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:29,148
with police here behind me.
RUSSELL: Get away from me!
494
00:27:29,314 --> 00:27:31,567
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.
495
00:27:31,733 --> 00:27:33,110
There are open fires.
Fuck off! Stay back!
496
00:27:33,193 --> 00:27:34,194
REPORTER: A scene of
absolute chaos here.
497
00:27:34,278 --> 00:27:35,279
OFFICER: Calm down.
498
00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:38,115
RUSSELL: I'll burn you!
You stay back!
499
00:27:38,824 --> 00:27:40,492
Get away from me!
500
00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:43,120
You wanna fucking die?
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
501
00:27:58,093 --> 00:28:01,180
And it appears as if the X-Men
are arriving...
502
00:28:01,346 --> 00:28:02,347
DEADPOOL: Scatter!
503
00:28:02,931 --> 00:28:03,932
REPORTER: ...with what appears
to be a trainee.
504
00:28:04,975 --> 00:28:07,853
DEADPOOL: Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
505
00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:09,104
We're the X-Men!
506
00:28:09,188 --> 00:28:11,356
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
507
00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:13,692
So, respect.
508
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:15,611
At ease, Officer.
509
00:28:17,070 --> 00:28:18,614
What are you doing?
510
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:20,240
My job!
511
00:28:20,532 --> 00:28:21,783
You're the one who said
I was ready,
512
00:28:21,867 --> 00:28:23,327
and I frankly disagreed
with you.
513
00:28:23,410 --> 00:28:25,704
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
514
00:28:25,871 --> 00:28:28,290
Like Beyonce says, "Please...
515
00:28:29,124 --> 00:28:30,667
"Please, stop cheating on me."
516
00:28:30,751 --> 00:28:31,752
OFFICER: Hey!
517
00:28:31,835 --> 00:28:32,961
This is the fifth incident.
518
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:35,214
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.
519
00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:37,007
Russell belongs
in our care.
520
00:28:37,174 --> 00:28:38,842
Not in prison.
I assure you...
521
00:28:38,926 --> 00:28:40,010
we have everything
under control.
522
00:28:40,093 --> 00:28:41,261
RUSSELL: Stay back!
I'll burn you!
523
00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:42,429
Not getting a real
524
00:28:42,512 --> 00:28:44,264
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.
525
00:28:44,598 --> 00:28:46,433
It is Glen, isn't it?
Daniel.
526
00:28:46,516 --> 00:28:48,936
I'll ask the questions.
Let me talk to the kid.
527
00:28:49,102 --> 00:28:53,273
You stay here with your weird,
secret sex lips.
528
00:28:55,359 --> 00:28:56,360
RUSSELL: You wanna die?
529
00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:57,527
DEADPOOL: This kid's adorable.
530
00:28:57,611 --> 00:28:58,612
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.
531
00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:00,113
I'll burn your balls off!
532
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,783
First day. (CHUCKLING)
I'm so nervous!
533
00:29:03,659 --> 00:29:05,160
Did you just say
"hollow points"?
534
00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:06,578
Yeah, probably should've
535
00:29:06,662 --> 00:29:08,705
brought a Super Soaker.
(LAUGHS)
536
00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:10,332
Hi, there!
537
00:29:11,625 --> 00:29:14,086
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!
538
00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:17,631
(LAUGHS) Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.
539
00:29:18,757 --> 00:29:20,676
(RUSSELL GRUNTS)
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
540
00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:23,720
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.
541
00:29:23,887 --> 00:29:25,264
Okay? Let's just talk!
542
00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:26,682
It's Russell, right?
543
00:29:27,099 --> 00:29:28,934
Firefist.
Firefist.
544
00:29:29,393 --> 00:29:31,520
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
545
00:29:31,603 --> 00:29:33,105
Just the fist,
or all the way
up to the elbow?
546
00:29:34,064 --> 00:29:35,315
(GRUNTS)
547
00:29:36,984 --> 00:29:38,235
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
548
00:29:38,318 --> 00:29:40,445
(CHUCKLES) Definitely
all the way up to the elbow.
549
00:29:40,862 --> 00:29:42,823
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.
550
00:29:43,699 --> 00:29:46,034
You stole that from Robocop!
That's from Robocop!
551
00:29:46,535 --> 00:29:48,120
Just stand down!
552
00:29:48,203 --> 00:29:50,205
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire...
553
00:29:50,330 --> 00:29:51,540
(LAUGHS)
554
00:29:51,665 --> 00:29:53,917
Oh, my God! I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!
555
00:29:54,543 --> 00:29:55,544
(GRUNTS)
556
00:29:56,169 --> 00:29:57,838
(ALL SCREAMING)
557
00:29:58,714 --> 00:30:02,301
Oh, shit!
That fucking does it!
558
00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:04,094
Put your hands
behind your knees
559
00:30:04,177 --> 00:30:05,637
and get down
on your head! Now!
560
00:30:05,721 --> 00:30:07,973
Wade! What was first rule?
561
00:30:08,056 --> 00:30:09,891
Label everything
in the refrigerator!
562
00:30:10,058 --> 00:30:12,602
Do not escalate!
Rules are meant to be broken!
563
00:30:12,769 --> 00:30:14,146
COLOSSUS:
That's the exact opposite
564
00:30:14,229 --> 00:30:15,605
of what they're meant for!
565
00:30:16,523 --> 00:30:17,983
Fuck! Fine!
566
00:30:18,525 --> 00:30:19,568
I'll start
from the beginning.
567
00:30:20,193 --> 00:30:22,571
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.
568
00:30:22,654 --> 00:30:24,573
Trainee!
Shut it!
569
00:30:25,490 --> 00:30:27,784
Look, I get it.
570
00:30:28,952 --> 00:30:30,579
All right, you're scared.
571
00:30:31,121 --> 00:30:32,164
Alone.
572
00:30:32,247 --> 00:30:33,290
You got no family.
573
00:30:33,373 --> 00:30:34,374
I didn't have
a family, either.
574
00:30:34,458 --> 00:30:36,126
You live in this dump.
Guess what?
575
00:30:36,209 --> 00:30:37,919
I used to live
in a shithole just like it.
576
00:30:38,879 --> 00:30:41,340
But you know something?
To make matters worse...
577
00:30:41,423 --> 00:30:43,216
it's a confusing time
in your life right now.
578
00:30:43,383 --> 00:30:46,887
Your body is going through
some fiery changes.
579
00:30:47,054 --> 00:30:48,847
Too far?
I went too far, didn't I?
580
00:30:48,972 --> 00:30:50,140
(GRUNTS)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
581
00:30:56,229 --> 00:30:57,731
That was effervescent.
582
00:30:58,273 --> 00:31:00,108
(SIGHS) Stay in school, kid.
583
00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:02,069
Or don't. I didn't.
584
00:31:02,569 --> 00:31:04,029
And I'm an X-Man.
(THUDS)
585
00:31:04,196 --> 00:31:05,197
Trainee.
586
00:31:05,364 --> 00:31:06,490
Fuck it!
587
00:31:06,656 --> 00:31:08,408
Superhero landing coming up!
588
00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:11,787
(GRUNTS)
589
00:31:12,204 --> 00:31:13,580
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
590
00:31:13,789 --> 00:31:15,540
(GROANS)
That is so not practical.
591
00:31:16,249 --> 00:31:17,376
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
592
00:31:19,127 --> 00:31:20,337
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
593
00:31:26,176 --> 00:31:27,386
(GROANS)
594
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,975
(CROWD CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING)
595
00:31:36,603 --> 00:31:38,355
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.
596
00:31:38,438 --> 00:31:39,481
NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD:
Trainee!
597
00:31:39,564 --> 00:31:40,565
DEADPOOL: Trainee!
598
00:31:40,982 --> 00:31:42,734
OFFICER: Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
599
00:31:42,818 --> 00:31:45,904
DEADPOOL: Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
600
00:31:46,696 --> 00:31:47,781
(DEVICE WHIRRS)
601
00:31:47,864 --> 00:31:49,282
What's that do?
602
00:31:49,449 --> 00:31:50,909
Power-dampening collar.
603
00:31:50,992 --> 00:31:52,202
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.
604
00:31:52,369 --> 00:31:55,080
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
605
00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:58,125
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.
606
00:31:58,208 --> 00:31:59,418
HEADMASTER: Thank you!
607
00:32:01,294 --> 00:32:03,505
That was
absolutely thrilling.
608
00:32:03,672 --> 00:32:05,674
True heroism in action.
609
00:32:05,841 --> 00:32:07,509
We are in your debt.
610
00:32:08,301 --> 00:32:09,886
We can take it from here.
611
00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:12,139
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!
612
00:32:12,305 --> 00:32:13,473
Anywhere's better than here.
613
00:32:13,557 --> 00:32:14,766
DEADPOOL: Believe me, son,
614
00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:16,226
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.
615
00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:18,311
Let's get you inside,
young man.
616
00:32:18,395 --> 00:32:20,230
No, wait, wait. Wait.
617
00:32:20,397 --> 00:32:21,898
You guys stay there.
618
00:32:31,992 --> 00:32:33,618
Those guys hurt you?
619
00:32:35,036 --> 00:32:36,079
Who?
620
00:32:38,123 --> 00:32:40,792
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
621
00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:43,795
Both of 'em?
622
00:32:47,674 --> 00:32:49,176
Oh, fuck it.
623
00:32:49,259 --> 00:32:50,719
Four or five moments!
624
00:32:50,886 --> 00:32:51,887
I'm sorry?
625
00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:55,140
Four or five moments!
626
00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:59,144
That's all it takes
to be a hero.
627
00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:02,189
People think
you wake up a hero...
628
00:33:02,314 --> 00:33:04,065
brush your teeth a hero...
629
00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:07,152
ejaculate into
a soap dispenser a hero.
630
00:33:07,694 --> 00:33:08,945
(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)
631
00:33:09,029 --> 00:33:12,782
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
632
00:33:14,117 --> 00:33:15,744
A few moments...
633
00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:18,371
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
634
00:33:18,622 --> 00:33:19,623
(GROANS)
635
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,126
No!
636
00:33:25,795 --> 00:33:27,088
OFFICER: Stand down!
Hold your fire!
637
00:33:27,172 --> 00:33:29,299
Wade, what did you do?
Colossus, no!
638
00:33:29,466 --> 00:33:30,926
That kid was abused!
You can tell.
639
00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:32,677
You can always tell!
COLOSSUS: We have rules!
640
00:33:32,761 --> 00:33:35,305
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!
641
00:33:35,472 --> 00:33:38,308
Fuck your rules!
I fight for what's right!
642
00:33:38,391 --> 00:33:39,976
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
643
00:33:40,101 --> 00:33:43,271
You let me down
for the last time, Wade.
644
00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:48,693
OFFICER: Okay,
get these guys in the pod.
645
00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:51,071
Take them to the Ice Box.
(SIRENS WAILING)
646
00:33:51,363 --> 00:33:53,198
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
647
00:34:04,334 --> 00:34:06,878
(PRISONERS SHOUTING)
(WHISTLING)
648
00:34:06,962 --> 00:34:08,838
(GATE BUZZING)
649
00:34:10,507 --> 00:34:11,591
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)
(GRUNTS)
650
00:34:11,675 --> 00:34:12,676
Hey, baby!
651
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,887
I wonder what gang
I'll be in.
652
00:34:16,054 --> 00:34:17,389
Yeah!
653
00:34:17,556 --> 00:34:19,808
Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
(MOUTHS) Hi.
654
00:34:21,685 --> 00:34:22,686
Go!
655
00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:27,148
GUARD: Hard left, douchebag.
656
00:34:31,611 --> 00:34:32,779
Please, after you.
657
00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:36,074
Another disgusting mutant
off the streets.
658
00:34:36,157 --> 00:34:37,158
God bless America.
659
00:34:37,325 --> 00:34:38,577
Let's get a taco.
660
00:34:38,660 --> 00:34:41,079
(TASER CRACKLING)
(GROANING)
661
00:34:42,163 --> 00:34:44,749
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!
662
00:34:46,042 --> 00:34:48,128
(CONTINUES GROANING)
663
00:35:17,157 --> 00:35:20,160
MAN: I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.
664
00:35:20,327 --> 00:35:21,661
(ESCAPE PLAYING ON RADIO)
Toilet paper.
665
00:35:21,995 --> 00:35:25,081
Toilet paper
is a plenty fine appetizer.
666
00:35:25,248 --> 00:35:27,334
But, then...
667
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:29,794
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.
668
00:35:29,961 --> 00:35:31,296
That's your main course.
669
00:35:31,463 --> 00:35:34,591
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
670
00:35:35,258 --> 00:35:38,178
Finally, one more pass
with the toilet paper,
671
00:35:38,261 --> 00:35:39,971
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.
672
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:41,681
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,
673
00:35:41,765 --> 00:35:43,016
if you can get you
a hair dryer.
674
00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:45,435
Just about 30 seconds
will do you good.
675
00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:50,148
The fuck?
676
00:35:51,399 --> 00:35:52,442
Year?
677
00:35:53,443 --> 00:35:54,444
What?
678
00:35:55,654 --> 00:35:57,280
What year is it?
679
00:35:57,447 --> 00:35:59,449
What kind of
dumb-ass question
is that to ask?
680
00:35:59,616 --> 00:36:01,368
(BOTH GROAN)
681
00:36:13,088 --> 00:36:14,964
(VOMITING)
682
00:36:18,802 --> 00:36:21,012
RUSSELL: You're a long way
from your superpowers.
683
00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,180
WADE: Yeah.
684
00:36:22,389 --> 00:36:24,182
(GROANING)
685
00:36:25,975 --> 00:36:26,976
Fuck!
686
00:36:27,143 --> 00:36:28,645
I wanted to be a superhero.
687
00:36:29,104 --> 00:36:31,106
Always wanted
a real super suit.
688
00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:32,857
(SIGHS) What happened?
689
00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:34,859
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?
690
00:36:35,568 --> 00:36:36,695
Never.
691
00:36:37,153 --> 00:36:38,947
The industry discriminates.
692
00:36:39,656 --> 00:36:41,324
Fuck superheroes. (COUGHS)
693
00:36:41,908 --> 00:36:42,909
Fuck everyone.
694
00:36:43,410 --> 00:36:46,121
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
695
00:36:46,287 --> 00:36:48,456
burn the headmaster alive...
696
00:36:48,623 --> 00:36:51,251
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
697
00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:53,712
Who says
prison isn't reformative?
698
00:36:54,087 --> 00:36:55,714
Fucker hates mutants.
699
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:58,216
(WHISPERS)
Blessed are the wicked
700
00:36:58,299 --> 00:37:00,385
who are healed by my hand.
701
00:37:00,802 --> 00:37:02,220
Your abilities.
702
00:37:03,722 --> 00:37:05,640
I know
how seductive they are.
703
00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:07,475
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
704
00:37:08,101 --> 00:37:09,352
Now, please don't cry.
705
00:37:09,519 --> 00:37:10,812
(DEVICE BUZZING)
706
00:37:12,355 --> 00:37:13,606
(GROANING)
(ZAPPING)
707
00:37:16,526 --> 00:37:20,196
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...
708
00:37:20,947 --> 00:37:21,990
and we'll make him our...
709
00:37:22,115 --> 00:37:23,992
(RUMBLING)
710
00:37:24,617 --> 00:37:25,827
(WADE COUGHS)
711
00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:27,120
What was that?
(CLEARS THROAT)
712
00:37:27,287 --> 00:37:29,205
That is the biggest guy
in here.
713
00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:31,875
Fun fact about the Ice Box...
714
00:37:32,041 --> 00:37:33,835
though no one's ever seen it,
715
00:37:33,918 --> 00:37:35,587
they keep a monster
in the basement.
716
00:37:36,171 --> 00:37:37,881
Right next to a huge,
717
00:37:37,964 --> 00:37:39,507
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.
718
00:37:40,133 --> 00:37:41,134
Look.
719
00:37:42,135 --> 00:37:44,053
I can't protect you. (COUGHS)
720
00:37:44,429 --> 00:37:45,555
With this collar on,
721
00:37:45,638 --> 00:37:48,641
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.
722
00:37:48,808 --> 00:37:51,686
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.
723
00:37:52,312 --> 00:37:54,272
Now, if you'll excuse me...
(COUGHS)
724
00:37:54,439 --> 00:37:57,609
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
725
00:37:57,776 --> 00:38:00,028
I'll start by making us
a shank.
726
00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:02,071
Good listening.
I stole that guard's pen...
727
00:38:02,155 --> 00:38:04,157
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,
728
00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:05,658
if you know what I'm saying.
729
00:38:06,075 --> 00:38:08,536
Prison wallet? (COUGHS)
730
00:38:08,787 --> 00:38:11,247
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.
731
00:38:11,873 --> 00:38:13,458
(RUSSELL EXHALES)
732
00:38:13,541 --> 00:38:16,127
I can hear you
rummaging around in there.
733
00:38:16,419 --> 00:38:17,921
(SIREN WAILING)
734
00:38:20,882 --> 00:38:22,300
REPORTER: (ON TV)
And to update you
735
00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:23,635
on the story reported earlier,
736
00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:25,261
after a lengthy standoff
737
00:38:25,345 --> 00:38:27,931
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...
738
00:38:28,097 --> 00:38:29,390
two mutants were arrested
739
00:38:29,474 --> 00:38:31,100
and transported
to the Ice Box...
740
00:38:31,267 --> 00:38:32,644
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Entering repair mode.
741
00:38:37,106 --> 00:38:38,441
REPORTER: ...severalpolice cars were destroyed
742
00:38:38,525 --> 00:38:40,527
and the X-Men were called in
to restore order.
743
00:39:00,547 --> 00:39:01,548
(COUGHS)
744
00:39:01,714 --> 00:39:03,675
GUARD: (ON PA)
Cells seven and nine
745
00:39:03,758 --> 00:39:07,011
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
746
00:39:07,178 --> 00:39:08,638
Cells seven and nine
747
00:39:08,721 --> 00:39:11,266
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
748
00:39:13,142 --> 00:39:14,519
Psst!
749
00:39:16,771 --> 00:39:18,606
Don't do that.
750
00:39:19,274 --> 00:39:21,985
What? Why are you
winking at me?
751
00:39:22,235 --> 00:39:23,278
(COUGHS)
752
00:39:25,989 --> 00:39:27,282
I got your back.
753
00:39:27,448 --> 00:39:28,533
Oh, my God.
754
00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:30,076
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
755
00:39:30,243 --> 00:39:32,120
Just leave me alone, kid.
(MAN WHISTLING)
756
00:39:33,288 --> 00:39:34,372
Oh, great.
757
00:39:34,956 --> 00:39:36,124
(WADE COUGHS)
758
00:39:36,207 --> 00:39:38,585
Well, hello there,
new fish.
759
00:39:38,668 --> 00:39:41,713
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
760
00:39:41,796 --> 00:39:44,090
(COUGHS) I've done some
light catalog work...
761
00:39:44,173 --> 00:39:46,426
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
762
00:39:46,593 --> 00:39:48,511
I was talking to him.
Oh.
763
00:39:49,554 --> 00:39:52,557
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.
764
00:39:52,974 --> 00:39:55,518
Black Tom Cassidy.
White Wade Wilson.
765
00:39:55,685 --> 00:39:58,813
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
766
00:39:59,105 --> 00:40:01,441
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.
767
00:40:01,649 --> 00:40:03,484
You don't look like much
to me.
768
00:40:04,277 --> 00:40:06,487
First rule of the yard,
fuckface...
769
00:40:06,696 --> 00:40:08,364
find the biggest guy
and make him your...
770
00:40:08,907 --> 00:40:10,909
(GROANS)
(INMATES EXCLAIM)
771
00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:14,996
Second biggest guy.
772
00:40:15,121 --> 00:40:17,248
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.
773
00:40:17,498 --> 00:40:20,793
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
774
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,337
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?
775
00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:24,047
(GROANS)
(INMATES EXCLAIM)
776
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:25,757
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
777
00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:28,718
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!
778
00:40:28,927 --> 00:40:31,054
Zip it. We're not friends.
(INMATES CHEERING)
779
00:40:32,764 --> 00:40:33,848
You're about to get
dick-slapped.
780
00:40:35,266 --> 00:40:37,477
(INMATES SHOUTING)
(COUGHS)
781
00:40:38,978 --> 00:40:40,563
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)
782
00:40:46,402 --> 00:40:48,279
I had so much fun!
You were like... (GRUNTS)
783
00:40:48,363 --> 00:40:50,156
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."
784
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:51,366
Just let me die in peace.
785
00:40:52,116 --> 00:40:53,868
(GRUNTS) We make a great team!
786
00:40:54,410 --> 00:40:56,829
Oh, God! We're not a team.
(COUGHING)
787
00:40:56,913 --> 00:41:01,000
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.
788
00:41:01,167 --> 00:41:03,711
We're not partners
or friends.
789
00:41:05,129 --> 00:41:07,215
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
790
00:41:07,382 --> 00:41:09,425
It ends with me
dying of cancer...
791
00:41:09,592 --> 00:41:13,054
and you winning the Ice Box
award for softest mouth.
792
00:41:13,388 --> 00:41:14,722
(WADE COUGHS)
793
00:41:14,806 --> 00:41:16,432
There's only one person
in this world
794
00:41:16,516 --> 00:41:18,226
that I care about,
and she's gone.
795
00:41:20,019 --> 00:41:22,021
You wanna survive?
796
00:41:23,231 --> 00:41:26,275
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...
797
00:41:26,442 --> 00:41:28,444
and make friends with them.
798
00:41:29,779 --> 00:41:31,364
Make friends with someone.
799
00:41:32,323 --> 00:41:34,534
Anyone but me.
800
00:41:35,368 --> 00:41:37,704
Maybe even Black Tim.
801
00:41:38,621 --> 00:41:40,164
Black Evan, I don't know.
802
00:41:40,248 --> 00:41:42,750
All I remember is
he was African-American.
803
00:41:53,678 --> 00:41:55,346
(GUARDS GROANING)
804
00:42:01,936 --> 00:42:03,271
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(ALARM BLARING)
805
00:42:10,403 --> 00:42:12,196
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
806
00:42:17,618 --> 00:42:19,328
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
807
00:42:20,705 --> 00:42:22,290
(GUARDS GROANING)
808
00:42:28,212 --> 00:42:30,256
AUTOMATED VOICE: (ON PA)
System malfunctioning.
809
00:42:30,339 --> 00:42:33,468
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.
810
00:42:33,634 --> 00:42:35,970
Back in your cells,
you filthy mutants!
Get in there!
811
00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:39,265
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.
812
00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:41,934
(BEEPING)
AUTOMATED VOICE: Searching.
813
00:42:43,394 --> 00:42:45,897
Cell 04 located.
814
00:42:47,231 --> 00:42:48,858
Door won't open!
815
00:42:49,358 --> 00:42:50,985
GUARD: On your fucking knees!
816
00:42:53,571 --> 00:42:55,114
(ALL GRUNTING)
817
00:43:27,939 --> 00:43:29,649
That was our cell.
818
00:43:31,776 --> 00:43:33,986
What did I do to piss off
a grumpy old fucker
819
00:43:34,070 --> 00:43:35,238
with a Winter Soldier arm?
820
00:43:44,664 --> 00:43:46,165
Get away from me, kid!
821
00:43:48,626 --> 00:43:49,836
(PRISONER GROANS)
822
00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:51,212
(ALL GRUNTING)
823
00:43:53,923 --> 00:43:55,258
Listen to me! Go!
824
00:44:00,555 --> 00:44:02,056
Hello, Russell.
825
00:44:05,351 --> 00:44:06,352
(COCKS GUN)
826
00:44:10,940 --> 00:44:12,400
(GROANS)
827
00:44:13,234 --> 00:44:14,944
(WADE GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
828
00:44:16,445 --> 00:44:18,239
(GROANING)
829
00:44:31,294 --> 00:44:32,628
(GRUNTS)
830
00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:45,183
(GUARDS GROANING)
831
00:45:04,327 --> 00:45:07,038
(GROANING)
832
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,376
(ALL GRUNTING)
833
00:45:21,177 --> 00:45:22,261
(GROANS)
834
00:45:22,345 --> 00:45:23,596
(GASPS)
835
00:45:25,598 --> 00:45:26,933
Hello, superpowers.
836
00:45:31,562 --> 00:45:33,356
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
837
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:37,944
(BOTH GRUNTING)
838
00:45:45,076 --> 00:45:46,077
Who are you?
839
00:45:46,911 --> 00:45:48,120
I'm Batman.
840
00:45:57,421 --> 00:45:58,464
(GASPS)
841
00:45:59,632 --> 00:46:00,633
Ooh!
842
00:46:01,425 --> 00:46:02,593
(GRUNTS)
843
00:46:05,429 --> 00:46:08,307
Oh. That's got some zip.
844
00:46:16,482 --> 00:46:19,652
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.
845
00:46:19,944 --> 00:46:20,987
Talk!
846
00:46:21,529 --> 00:46:23,281
What kind of
spineless shit stick
847
00:46:23,364 --> 00:46:24,907
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?
848
00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:27,201
You might
wanna start talking!
849
00:46:27,285 --> 00:46:29,870
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!
850
00:46:31,330 --> 00:46:32,832
The name's Cable.
851
00:46:33,374 --> 00:46:36,627
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.
852
00:46:36,711 --> 00:46:38,004
Oh!
853
00:46:38,087 --> 00:46:39,547
So, you're from the future.
854
00:46:40,089 --> 00:46:41,924
I have
three questions then.
855
00:46:42,091 --> 00:46:45,261
One, is dubstep still a thing?
856
00:46:45,720 --> 00:46:48,472
Two, which Sharknado
are we on?
857
00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:51,434
And three, at what point
do audiences say...
858
00:46:51,642 --> 00:46:52,935
"Enough with
the robotic arms"?
859
00:46:59,150 --> 00:47:01,277
(BOTH GRUNTING)
860
00:47:14,498 --> 00:47:16,334
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
861
00:47:20,129 --> 00:47:21,797
(SHOUTING)
(CHOKING)
862
00:47:26,385 --> 00:47:28,179
(SCREAMING)
863
00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:32,558
(GROANING)
864
00:47:36,312 --> 00:47:38,230
Dubstep's for pussies.
865
00:47:38,314 --> 00:47:39,648
You're so dark!
866
00:47:39,732 --> 00:47:41,692
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
867
00:47:42,568 --> 00:47:44,028
I love dubstep!
868
00:47:44,111 --> 00:47:46,113
(DUBSTEP MUSIC PLAYING)
869
00:47:54,372 --> 00:47:56,290
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
870
00:48:09,011 --> 00:48:10,221
(GROANS)
871
00:48:10,304 --> 00:48:11,639
WADE: Is that a fanny pack?
872
00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:14,600
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.
873
00:48:15,351 --> 00:48:17,353
Something to remember you by.
874
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:21,148
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
875
00:48:21,315 --> 00:48:23,776
Like the memory
of your fucking fanny pack!
876
00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:30,282
(GROANING)
877
00:48:33,619 --> 00:48:35,454
Why are you protecting
the kid?
878
00:48:35,538 --> 00:48:36,705
(LAUGHS)
879
00:48:36,789 --> 00:48:38,707
I don't give a fuck
about him...
880
00:48:39,208 --> 00:48:41,627
and his Are You My Mother?
complex!
881
00:48:44,046 --> 00:48:45,297
What's this one do?
882
00:48:46,590 --> 00:48:47,842
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
883
00:48:57,643 --> 00:48:59,228
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
884
00:48:59,311 --> 00:49:00,896
WADE: In every film,
there's a moment
885
00:49:00,980 --> 00:49:03,232
when the hero
hits rock bottom.
886
00:49:03,399 --> 00:49:05,317
In Cool Runnings,
it was when John Candy's
887
00:49:05,401 --> 00:49:06,902
prized bobsled broke.
888
00:49:07,486 --> 00:49:10,197
In Human Centipede,
it was when those people...
889
00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:11,866
signed on to be in that movie.
890
00:49:11,949 --> 00:49:13,451
But in this film, well...
891
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:15,369
you're looking at it.
892
00:49:15,494 --> 00:49:17,246
GUARD:
On your fucking knees, mutant.
893
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:19,331
(GROANING)
894
00:49:20,082 --> 00:49:21,083
WADE: Rock...
895
00:49:25,087 --> 00:49:26,589
meet bottom.
896
00:49:31,802 --> 00:49:33,554
(INDISTINCT VOICES ECHOING)
897
00:49:37,308 --> 00:49:38,476
VANESSA:
I love you, Wade Wilson.
898
00:49:38,559 --> 00:49:39,810
Ness?
899
00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:42,271
Hey, Ness!
900
00:49:43,147 --> 00:49:44,773
Ness, can you let me in?
901
00:49:44,940 --> 00:49:47,109
Please! Please.
902
00:49:49,111 --> 00:49:50,112
Jesus.
903
00:49:50,196 --> 00:49:51,280
(SIGHS)
904
00:49:53,199 --> 00:49:54,825
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.
905
00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:56,785
I'm at the end of my rope.
906
00:49:56,869 --> 00:49:58,287
(TIMER TICKING)
907
00:49:59,288 --> 00:50:01,457
Then I joined the X-Men.
908
00:50:01,749 --> 00:50:03,667
I went to prison. I, uh...
909
00:50:07,463 --> 00:50:08,964
Is it the kid?
910
00:50:11,175 --> 00:50:14,094
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
911
00:50:15,471 --> 00:50:16,514
The kid!
(TIMER DINGS)
912
00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:21,519
(GASPING)
913
00:50:24,104 --> 00:50:25,689
(WHEEZING)
914
00:50:30,236 --> 00:50:31,779
That's exactly
what she meant.
915
00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,197
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.
916
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:34,949
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.
917
00:50:35,032 --> 00:50:37,618
He's never had anyone, ever.
918
00:50:37,785 --> 00:50:38,994
I need to be selfless.
919
00:50:39,161 --> 00:50:40,996
Yeah, but what does
that mean?
920
00:50:41,163 --> 00:50:44,458
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.
921
00:50:44,542 --> 00:50:45,960
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...
922
00:50:46,126 --> 00:50:49,088
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
923
00:50:49,171 --> 00:50:51,090
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
924
00:50:51,173 --> 00:50:52,591
I literally don't know
what that means.
925
00:50:52,716 --> 00:50:53,759
Jesus Christ.
926
00:50:53,842 --> 00:50:56,595
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...
927
00:50:56,845 --> 00:50:58,639
those muties
are being transferred
928
00:50:58,722 --> 00:51:00,474
to a supermax,
80 miles away.
929
00:51:00,558 --> 00:51:02,268
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.
930
00:51:02,434 --> 00:51:04,562
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?
931
00:51:04,645 --> 00:51:06,522
We're talking about
an armored convoy...
932
00:51:06,689 --> 00:51:08,691
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...
933
00:51:08,774 --> 00:51:11,610
that is looking
to turn your skull
into a fuckable ashtray.
934
00:51:11,777 --> 00:51:13,153
You know what we need to do?
935
00:51:13,237 --> 00:51:14,989
We need to build
a fucking team.
936
00:51:15,155 --> 00:51:17,199
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...
937
00:51:17,366 --> 00:51:18,659
and young enough
so they can carry
938
00:51:18,742 --> 00:51:19,994
this franchise
10 to 12 years.
939
00:51:20,077 --> 00:51:21,745
My body is an
instrument of death.
940
00:51:22,955 --> 00:51:24,415
Not now, Dopinder.
941
00:51:24,540 --> 00:51:26,500
I could be of great use.
942
00:51:26,667 --> 00:51:28,252
What's your superpower?
943
00:51:29,837 --> 00:51:31,380
Courage.
That's adorable.
944
00:51:31,547 --> 00:51:33,257
Do you have the courage
to check and see...
945
00:51:33,340 --> 00:51:35,551
if there are enough sanitary
napkins in the dispenser?
946
00:51:35,634 --> 00:51:36,635
Yes, sir.
947
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:38,095
I'm sorry
you had to see that,
948
00:51:38,178 --> 00:51:40,180
although I'm glad
you heard it.
949
00:51:40,556 --> 00:51:42,349
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.
950
00:51:42,516 --> 00:51:44,643
But we're not paying
medical or dental.
951
00:51:44,727 --> 00:51:46,770
It's time to get back
on LinkedIn.
952
00:51:56,530 --> 00:51:57,990
(EXHALES)
953
00:52:07,416 --> 00:52:09,418
(CHILD SINGING)
954
00:52:24,892 --> 00:52:28,187
GUARD: (ON PA) Transportwill begin at 0800 hours...
955
00:52:28,312 --> 00:52:29,355
BLACK TOM: Oi.
956
00:52:29,438 --> 00:52:30,856
MUTANT: What the fuck
do you want?
957
00:52:30,939 --> 00:52:32,733
That's my fucking pudding.
958
00:52:32,900 --> 00:52:34,193
Fuck your pudding!
You like pudding?
959
00:52:34,276 --> 00:52:35,986
(GRUNTS)
(PRISONERS CLAMORING)
960
00:52:37,279 --> 00:52:38,989
(ALARM BLARING)
961
00:52:56,090 --> 00:52:57,091
Hello?
962
00:52:59,301 --> 00:53:01,637
I know you're in there.
963
00:53:17,486 --> 00:53:19,613
Must be hard
being the biggest guy
in here.
964
00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:23,033
Lonely at the top, eh?
965
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:25,160
They're moving us tomorrow.
966
00:53:27,621 --> 00:53:29,581
Maybe I can get you
out of here.
967
00:53:30,624 --> 00:53:33,794
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.
968
00:53:35,838 --> 00:53:37,589
We need a secret code.
969
00:53:39,383 --> 00:53:40,384
(IMITATES BIRD CALL)
970
00:53:40,467 --> 00:53:43,095
(SOFTLY) No, that's stupid,
Russell. Idiot.
971
00:53:45,222 --> 00:53:47,141
(RHYTHMIC BANGING)
972
00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:49,143
(RHYTHMIC BANGING IN RESPONSE)
973
00:53:50,310 --> 00:53:51,812
We're a team.
974
00:53:51,895 --> 00:53:53,731
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.
975
00:53:53,897 --> 00:53:55,858
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.
976
00:53:57,860 --> 00:53:59,987
WEASEL: Supposedly,
she can rap, too.
977
00:54:00,154 --> 00:54:01,155
DEADPOOL: I like that.
978
00:54:01,238 --> 00:54:02,531
Terrific,
these are all terrific.
979
00:54:02,614 --> 00:54:04,366
Meet Bedlam.
980
00:54:04,450 --> 00:54:06,618
Cool name! Superpowers?
981
00:54:06,702 --> 00:54:07,703
I can distort
982
00:54:07,786 --> 00:54:09,455
electrical fields.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
983
00:54:09,538 --> 00:54:11,623
Including the one
inside your brain...
984
00:54:11,707 --> 00:54:14,168
causing anxiety,
confusion...
985
00:54:14,543 --> 00:54:15,669
pain.
986
00:54:16,712 --> 00:54:18,672
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.
987
00:54:18,756 --> 00:54:19,882
We can use him.
988
00:54:21,759 --> 00:54:23,135
I'm Zeitgeist.
989
00:54:23,218 --> 00:54:24,636
Cool. I like it.
990
00:54:24,720 --> 00:54:25,971
So you have the power
991
00:54:26,054 --> 00:54:28,348
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?
992
00:54:29,475 --> 00:54:30,517
(STAMMERS) No.
993
00:54:30,684 --> 00:54:32,227
No, I spit acidic vomit.
(SNIFFS)
994
00:54:32,311 --> 00:54:33,687
Oh.
Do you want me
995
00:54:33,771 --> 00:54:34,813
to demonstrate?
DEADPOOL: No!
996
00:54:34,897 --> 00:54:36,064
WEASEL: We'll take
your word for it.
997
00:54:36,148 --> 00:54:37,691
Thank you. Yeah.
Listen, we've all eaten
at Arby's, okay?
998
00:54:39,067 --> 00:54:41,111
And this is the Vanisher.
999
00:54:44,490 --> 00:54:45,491
But...
1000
00:54:46,742 --> 00:54:48,160
Vanisher!
1001
00:54:48,243 --> 00:54:49,787
(LAUGHS)
1002
00:54:50,537 --> 00:54:52,206
Nice!
Right?
1003
00:54:53,499 --> 00:54:54,708
He's not here, is he?
1004
00:54:54,792 --> 00:54:56,335
He may be running late.
1005
00:54:57,795 --> 00:55:00,255
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.
1006
00:55:00,672 --> 00:55:01,882
BOTH: That's good, yeah.
1007
00:55:02,049 --> 00:55:03,967
"Rusty" is terrible.
Toughie.
1008
00:55:04,134 --> 00:55:06,845
So, uh, where are you from?
The planet Mojo World.
1009
00:55:07,012 --> 00:55:08,972
So you're an alien,
I guess.
Bad name.
1010
00:55:09,056 --> 00:55:10,599
How does that, uh, help us?
1011
00:55:10,682 --> 00:55:13,477
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
1012
00:55:13,769 --> 00:55:15,395
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people
1013
00:55:15,479 --> 00:55:17,022
that are worse than me
at everything.
1014
00:55:17,105 --> 00:55:19,191
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.
1015
00:55:19,358 --> 00:55:21,235
I'm gonna go there,
and I'm gonna be
their Superman.
1016
00:55:21,401 --> 00:55:22,402
Isn't that Canada?
1017
00:55:22,486 --> 00:55:24,905
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!
1018
00:55:26,323 --> 00:55:27,699
WEASEL: Meet...
Domino.
1019
00:55:27,866 --> 00:55:29,993
DEADPOOL: What's your shtick?
I'm lucky.
1020
00:55:30,202 --> 00:55:31,995
If you're so lucky,
then what are you
doing here with us?
1021
00:55:32,079 --> 00:55:33,163
DOMINO: I don't know yet.
1022
00:55:33,330 --> 00:55:34,331
What's that supposed to mean?
1023
00:55:34,498 --> 00:55:35,916
It means
that I don't know yet.
1024
00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:37,501
But there's a reason
why I'm here,
1025
00:55:37,584 --> 00:55:38,669
and I'll know when I know.
1026
00:55:38,752 --> 00:55:40,128
Everything usually
works out for me.
1027
00:55:40,337 --> 00:55:42,005
Luck isn't a superpower.
1028
00:55:42,172 --> 00:55:43,423
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
1029
00:55:43,507 --> 00:55:44,675
Yes, it is.
No, ma'am.
1030
00:55:44,758 --> 00:55:46,134
DOMINO: Mmm-hmm.
Mario No-pez.
1031
00:55:46,260 --> 00:55:47,302
Yeah.
Nacho cheese.
1032
00:55:47,386 --> 00:55:48,428
No, it definitely is.
I really...
1033
00:55:48,512 --> 00:55:49,513
There's no way that it...
1034
00:55:49,596 --> 00:55:50,764
Sorry, I was
interrupting you.
1035
00:55:50,848 --> 00:55:52,558
Sorry. No, I interrupted you.
No, no, no.
You can go first.
1036
00:55:52,641 --> 00:55:54,268
Oh, I was just gonna say,
"No, it isn't."
1037
00:55:54,351 --> 00:55:56,812
I was gonna just bring it back
to that yes, it is.
1038
00:55:57,062 --> 00:55:58,522
Let's meet in the middle
and say, "No, it isn't."
1039
00:55:58,647 --> 00:56:01,692
(CHUCKLES) But it is.
Okay.
1040
00:56:01,942 --> 00:56:03,360
You're hired!
You're hired.
1041
00:56:03,527 --> 00:56:04,778
Oh, lucky me.
1042
00:56:04,862 --> 00:56:05,863
DEADPOOL: She's great.
1043
00:56:07,364 --> 00:56:08,574
And last, but not least...
1044
00:56:08,740 --> 00:56:09,867
Peter.
1045
00:56:11,159 --> 00:56:13,120
Am I getting
catfished here or...?
1046
00:56:13,745 --> 00:56:15,539
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?
1047
00:56:15,622 --> 00:56:16,874
PETER: No.
1048
00:56:17,332 --> 00:56:18,917
I don't have one.
1049
00:56:19,084 --> 00:56:22,170
Um, I just saw the ad
and thought it looked fun.
1050
00:56:23,297 --> 00:56:24,339
You're in.
1051
00:56:24,423 --> 00:56:25,966
Yeah.
Fuck!
1052
00:56:28,552 --> 00:56:30,220
It's fulfilling work.
1053
00:56:34,766 --> 00:56:36,059
GUARD: Let's go!
1054
00:56:49,573 --> 00:56:52,284
GUARD: This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.
1055
00:56:52,367 --> 00:56:53,744
We are en route.
1056
00:57:01,293 --> 00:57:03,670
CABLE:
Peacetime makes people soft.
1057
00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:07,049
I was born into war.
1058
00:57:08,592 --> 00:57:09,760
Bred into it.
1059
00:57:10,677 --> 00:57:11,678
Okay.
1060
00:57:11,762 --> 00:57:13,430
CABLE: People think
they understand pain.
1061
00:57:14,681 --> 00:57:16,892
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?
1062
00:57:19,102 --> 00:57:20,103
These restraints
are pretty...
1063
00:57:20,187 --> 00:57:21,313
CABLE: I've got a list.
1064
00:57:22,606 --> 00:57:24,566
We're gonna work down it.
1065
00:57:25,359 --> 00:57:26,360
Together.
1066
00:57:27,444 --> 00:57:29,571
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
1067
00:57:30,530 --> 00:57:32,741
Something that was not
meant to bend.
1068
00:57:32,908 --> 00:57:33,951
I'm gonna stop you
right there
1069
00:57:34,034 --> 00:57:35,202
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
1070
00:57:35,285 --> 00:57:36,536
I won't even make it
to one.
1071
00:57:36,662 --> 00:57:38,205
I don't do well with pain,
you know.
1072
00:57:38,288 --> 00:57:40,707
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
1073
00:57:40,958 --> 00:57:42,876
I cried when
they canceled Felicity.
1074
00:57:43,877 --> 00:57:45,587
When I get really scared,
I get nervous erections.
1075
00:57:45,671 --> 00:57:46,713
I have one right now.
1076
00:57:46,797 --> 00:57:48,256
Don't look.
It'll only make it worse.
1077
00:57:48,340 --> 00:57:49,341
I don't want you to hurt me,
1078
00:57:49,424 --> 00:57:51,677
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
1079
00:57:52,636 --> 00:57:54,304
Except for where they are.
1080
00:57:54,846 --> 00:57:56,348
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound
1081
00:57:56,431 --> 00:57:57,432
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
1082
00:57:57,516 --> 00:57:59,267
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.
1083
00:57:59,351 --> 00:58:00,394
DEADPOOL:
You all know the plan.
1084
00:58:00,477 --> 00:58:02,187
Intercept the convoy,
1085
00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,314
grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!
1086
00:58:04,398 --> 00:58:05,399
WEASEL: You know what,
1087
00:58:05,482 --> 00:58:06,566
I wouldn't fuck with
Deadpool either.
1088
00:58:06,650 --> 00:58:09,361
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.
1089
00:58:09,528 --> 00:58:11,947
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
1090
00:58:12,030 --> 00:58:14,533
Watch out for this guy, Cable!
1091
00:58:14,700 --> 00:58:17,828
He's very short, 5'11 ".
Not like in the comics.
1092
00:58:17,911 --> 00:58:20,872
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.
1093
00:58:21,123 --> 00:58:22,916
WEASEL: So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...
1094
00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:25,502
there's a wind advisory
in effect.
1095
00:58:30,757 --> 00:58:32,467
(WIND HOWLING)
1096
00:58:36,847 --> 00:58:38,432
PILOT: (ON PA)
A little turbulent up here.
1097
00:58:45,897 --> 00:58:47,649
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...
1098
00:58:47,733 --> 00:58:48,984
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed
1099
00:58:49,067 --> 00:58:50,819
as many people
as melanoma has.
1100
00:58:52,279 --> 00:58:53,363
We're getting close!
1101
00:58:53,739 --> 00:58:55,282
As a former X-Man...
1102
00:58:55,449 --> 00:58:57,325
Trainee.
Thank you, Bedlam.
1103
00:58:57,492 --> 00:59:00,287
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
1104
00:59:00,370 --> 00:59:01,371
in the group's name.
1105
00:59:01,455 --> 00:59:02,998
X-Men! Men!
1106
00:59:03,540 --> 00:59:06,418
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
1107
00:59:06,585 --> 00:59:07,961
Gender neutral.
1108
00:59:08,045 --> 00:59:10,213
From now on,
we'll be known as...
1109
00:59:12,507 --> 00:59:13,842
X-Force.
1110
00:59:14,051 --> 00:59:15,552
Isn't that
a little derivative?
1111
00:59:15,719 --> 00:59:18,138
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter!
1112
00:59:19,347 --> 00:59:20,807
That wasn't me.
1113
00:59:27,856 --> 00:59:30,150
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...
1114
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:32,027
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
1115
00:59:32,110 --> 00:59:33,153
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
1116
00:59:33,236 --> 00:59:35,072
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
1117
00:59:35,155 --> 00:59:36,156
ALL: Yeah!
1118
00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:37,949
(ALL WHOOPING)
I can't wait to kill!
1119
00:59:38,075 --> 00:59:39,743
Hey! Hey! Hey!
1120
00:59:40,869 --> 00:59:42,662
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
1121
00:59:43,580 --> 00:59:46,333
You know,
you guys look amazing!
1122
00:59:46,500 --> 00:59:49,252
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
1123
00:59:49,419 --> 00:59:50,462
This is the family
1124
00:59:50,545 --> 00:59:52,172
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...
1125
00:59:52,923 --> 00:59:53,965
Ah, shit.
1126
00:59:54,049 --> 00:59:55,133
(SNIFFLES)
1127
00:59:55,717 --> 00:59:57,344
I just get a little
choked up sometimes.
1128
00:59:57,427 --> 00:59:59,596
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
1129
00:59:59,679 --> 01:00:00,680
about the high winds?
1130
01:00:00,764 --> 01:00:02,015
Gary.
My name's Peter.
1131
01:00:02,099 --> 01:00:03,975
I realize that you're new
to this, but relax.
1132
01:00:04,059 --> 01:00:05,477
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
1133
01:00:05,769 --> 01:00:08,063
Did he just call himself God?
I think he did.
1134
01:00:08,146 --> 01:00:09,648
I'd like to go home.
And I'd like...
1135
01:00:09,815 --> 01:00:12,192
the McRib to be available
year round,
1136
01:00:12,275 --> 01:00:14,069
but sometimes
dreams don't come true.
1137
01:00:14,236 --> 01:00:16,321
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.
1138
01:00:16,404 --> 01:00:17,781
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
1139
01:00:17,864 --> 01:00:18,949
because of a light breeze?
1140
01:00:19,616 --> 01:00:21,785
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!
1141
01:00:21,868 --> 01:00:23,537
(WHISPERS) I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.
1142
01:00:23,620 --> 01:00:25,831
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.
1143
01:00:26,206 --> 01:00:28,166
Leonard, hit it!
1144
01:00:28,250 --> 01:00:30,377
(ALARM BLARING)
(THUNDERSTRUCK PLAYING)
1145
01:00:37,134 --> 01:00:39,177
Go! Go! Go!
1146
01:00:42,180 --> 01:00:43,682
(MAN SINGING)
1147
01:01:14,921 --> 01:01:16,214
Let's get some!
1148
01:01:16,339 --> 01:01:17,507
Whoo!
1149
01:01:17,591 --> 01:01:18,717
Oh, yeah!
1150
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:21,636
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!
1151
01:01:22,679 --> 01:01:24,139
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
1152
01:01:24,222 --> 01:01:25,557
Whoa!
1153
01:01:30,729 --> 01:01:32,606
Little off course here.
1154
01:01:33,815 --> 01:01:34,816
(GROANS)
1155
01:01:34,900 --> 01:01:37,277
Holy mommy fucking shit!
1156
01:01:38,403 --> 01:01:39,821
Ah, there they are.
1157
01:01:39,905 --> 01:01:42,991
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches. (BLOWS KISS)
1158
01:01:43,533 --> 01:01:45,452
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!
1159
01:01:47,370 --> 01:01:48,622
(BEDLAM GRUNTS)
(ALL GASP)
1160
01:01:48,705 --> 01:01:49,831
(GASPING DRAMATICALLY)
1161
01:01:50,624 --> 01:01:54,336
No! Tripping
motherfucking billies!
1162
01:01:54,878 --> 01:01:58,006
Shatterstar.
Okay, you got this.
1163
01:01:58,798 --> 01:01:59,799
Left!
1164
01:01:59,883 --> 01:02:01,092
Left!
1165
01:02:01,176 --> 01:02:03,386
No, stage left, you idiot!
1166
01:02:04,137 --> 01:02:05,639
(GASPS)
1167
01:02:07,265 --> 01:02:08,934
Well, I guess
we found something
1168
01:02:09,017 --> 01:02:10,101
you're not better at.
1169
01:02:12,187 --> 01:02:13,271
Vanisher.
1170
01:02:13,563 --> 01:02:15,315
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.
1171
01:02:16,733 --> 01:02:18,318
(GRUNTING)
1172
01:02:18,401 --> 01:02:19,402
Oh! Really?
1173
01:02:19,945 --> 01:02:21,738
All right,
we could do this with four.
1174
01:02:22,322 --> 01:02:25,158
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!
1175
01:02:25,325 --> 01:02:27,452
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!
1176
01:02:28,745 --> 01:02:30,789
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1177
01:02:30,872 --> 01:02:32,332
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1178
01:02:32,415 --> 01:02:33,500
(WHOOPS) We did it!
1179
01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:35,168
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!
1180
01:02:35,252 --> 01:02:36,378
X-Force!
1181
01:02:37,045 --> 01:02:38,171
X-Force.
1182
01:02:40,257 --> 01:02:41,258
(SCREAMING)
1183
01:02:41,424 --> 01:02:42,425
(WOOD CHIPPER WHIRRING)
1184
01:02:42,509 --> 01:02:44,344
(GASPS)
Oh!
1185
01:02:45,303 --> 01:02:46,429
(EXHALES)
1186
01:02:47,973 --> 01:02:48,974
Peter.
1187
01:02:49,057 --> 01:02:50,058
PETER: I got you, buddy!
1188
01:02:50,141 --> 01:02:51,268
You're gonna be fine!
This is not good, man!
1189
01:02:51,351 --> 01:02:53,937
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1190
01:02:54,020 --> 01:02:55,438
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?
1191
01:02:55,522 --> 01:02:57,732
Yeah, we're X-Force.
We're X-Force.
1192
01:03:01,695 --> 01:03:03,655
Oh, my God! What the fuck?
1193
01:03:03,780 --> 01:03:05,740
Fucking acidic vomit!
(SCREAMS)
1194
01:03:05,824 --> 01:03:07,200
(WHIRRING)
1195
01:03:07,325 --> 01:03:09,995
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1196
01:03:10,287 --> 01:03:11,413
(EXHALES)
1197
01:03:13,248 --> 01:03:15,542
DOMINO:
Okay, I'm over the convoy.
1198
01:03:15,625 --> 01:03:17,460
Where did the rest
of the team land?
1199
01:03:18,211 --> 01:03:19,754
Good news and bad news.
1200
01:03:19,879 --> 01:03:22,966
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.
1201
01:03:23,174 --> 01:03:24,175
The good news is,
1202
01:03:24,259 --> 01:03:26,219
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.
1203
01:03:26,303 --> 01:03:29,389
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!
1204
01:03:29,472 --> 01:03:30,473
DOMINO: Peter!
1205
01:03:30,557 --> 01:03:32,142
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.
1206
01:03:32,225 --> 01:03:33,310
But there is a slight chance
1207
01:03:33,393 --> 01:03:34,728
Vanisher could make it.
1208
01:03:35,103 --> 01:03:37,480
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
Nope, no chance.
He's dead.
1209
01:03:37,564 --> 01:03:38,732
DOMINO: The whole team?
1210
01:03:38,857 --> 01:03:40,734
Only the main ones.
We're still good.
1211
01:03:40,817 --> 01:03:41,943
Fuck, you are dumb.
1212
01:03:42,027 --> 01:03:44,529
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about it.
1213
01:03:44,696 --> 01:03:46,656
Who knew these winds
would be so strong?
1214
01:03:46,740 --> 01:03:49,242
Everyone!
Everyone on the helicopter!
1215
01:03:49,326 --> 01:03:50,827
And everyone
not on the helicopter!
1216
01:04:00,211 --> 01:04:02,088
They're headed
into the tunnel.
1217
01:04:03,131 --> 01:04:04,549
I'm that kid's only hope,
1218
01:04:04,632 --> 01:04:06,426
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1219
01:04:07,218 --> 01:04:08,219
DOMINO: Whatever.
1220
01:04:08,303 --> 01:04:09,471
We're gonna lose 'em.
I'm dropping in.
1221
01:04:09,554 --> 01:04:12,182
DEADPOOL: Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.
1222
01:04:12,557 --> 01:04:15,143
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so fucked!
1223
01:04:15,226 --> 01:04:18,188
No, we most certainly
are not fucked.
1224
01:04:18,271 --> 01:04:20,273
(CARS HORNS HONKING)
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1225
01:04:21,316 --> 01:04:23,860
DEADPOOL: Seriously,
I don't get it!
1226
01:04:23,943 --> 01:04:26,404
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?
1227
01:04:28,656 --> 01:04:30,367
It's just
it's hard to picture.
1228
01:04:30,450 --> 01:04:32,577
And certainly
not very cinematic.
1229
01:04:35,330 --> 01:04:36,831
I mean, luck?
1230
01:04:36,998 --> 01:04:39,501
What coked out,
glass pipe-sucking
1231
01:04:39,584 --> 01:04:40,919
freakshow comic book artist...
1232
01:04:41,002 --> 01:04:42,587
came up with
that little chestnut?
1233
01:04:42,670 --> 01:04:44,923
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!
1234
01:04:56,142 --> 01:04:59,187
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.
1235
01:04:59,396 --> 01:05:00,772
It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.
1236
01:05:00,855 --> 01:05:01,856
Wander the Earth...
I'm in.
1237
01:05:01,940 --> 01:05:03,149
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1238
01:05:03,316 --> 01:05:04,317
I'm in.
1239
01:05:04,401 --> 01:05:06,277
How in the fuck
are you in already?
1240
01:05:06,736 --> 01:05:07,987
Oh, shit.
1241
01:05:08,571 --> 01:05:09,739
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
1242
01:05:09,906 --> 01:05:10,907
DEADPOOL: Okay.
1243
01:05:11,032 --> 01:05:13,785
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers
1244
01:05:13,868 --> 01:05:16,246
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.
1245
01:05:16,329 --> 01:05:17,914
I'm coming up on your six.
1246
01:05:26,172 --> 01:05:28,174
That gun is amazing!
1247
01:05:28,258 --> 01:05:30,343
(GRUNTS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1248
01:05:37,016 --> 01:05:39,227
MAN: Hey! Asshole!
1249
01:05:39,477 --> 01:05:41,020
DOMINO: Where is he?
I can't see him.
1250
01:05:41,146 --> 01:05:42,564
DEADPOOL: He's on top of you.
1251
01:05:44,858 --> 01:05:46,234
He's going in
through the back!
1252
01:05:46,734 --> 01:05:47,902
Oh, God, he's inside!
1253
01:05:47,986 --> 01:05:49,154
You hear yourself, right?
1254
01:05:49,237 --> 01:05:50,738
DEADPOOL:
Accidental double entendres!
1255
01:05:50,864 --> 01:05:53,116
Russell! Russell Collins!
1256
01:05:53,283 --> 01:05:55,201
DEADPOOL: Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1257
01:06:00,290 --> 01:06:01,291
No, no, no!
1258
01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:06,754
Shit!
1259
01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:08,465
(PRISONER SCREAMING)
1260
01:06:10,300 --> 01:06:11,301
(GRUNTS)
1261
01:06:18,516 --> 01:06:20,143
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
1262
01:06:28,568 --> 01:06:30,487
DEADPOOL:
Two can play that game!
1263
01:06:32,614 --> 01:06:34,449
Got it! No, I don't.
1264
01:06:35,575 --> 01:06:36,576
Showtime, mama!
1265
01:06:36,659 --> 01:06:38,244
Lady Luck, take the wheel.
1266
01:06:46,586 --> 01:06:47,587
(GUN CLICKS)
1267
01:06:54,177 --> 01:06:55,553
(GROANS)
1268
01:07:11,611 --> 01:07:12,612
(HORNS HONKING)
1269
01:07:13,613 --> 01:07:15,281
(DOMINO GRUNTING)
1270
01:07:15,865 --> 01:07:17,867
I'd ask who you are, but
you'll be dead in a second.
1271
01:07:17,951 --> 01:07:19,953
I'm Domino, and doubtful.
1272
01:07:20,036 --> 01:07:21,371
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1273
01:07:36,594 --> 01:07:37,595
Hang in there, Doms!
1274
01:07:38,763 --> 01:07:40,473
Oh, this is really hard.
1275
01:07:40,557 --> 01:07:41,641
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1276
01:07:51,776 --> 01:07:52,777
(GUNSHOT)
1277
01:07:52,860 --> 01:07:54,237
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.
1278
01:07:57,824 --> 01:07:59,367
You're doing great.
X-Force.
1279
01:08:01,327 --> 01:08:03,246
I guess dubstep never dies.
1280
01:08:03,329 --> 01:08:04,998
(BANGARANG PLAYING)
1281
01:08:07,667 --> 01:08:08,668
Whoo!
1282
01:08:09,877 --> 01:08:11,045
(LAUGHING)
1283
01:08:13,131 --> 01:08:14,132
(BLACK TOM GROANS)
1284
01:08:14,215 --> 01:08:15,466
(DEADPOOL GASPS)
1285
01:08:15,550 --> 01:08:18,303
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!
1286
01:08:19,262 --> 01:08:20,388
(GROWLS)
1287
01:08:21,097 --> 01:08:22,223
That's unfortunate.
1288
01:08:25,393 --> 01:08:26,644
We got no brakes!
1289
01:08:26,811 --> 01:08:28,021
(STRAINING)
Figure it out!
1290
01:08:28,938 --> 01:08:30,231
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1291
01:08:32,442 --> 01:08:33,985
There's nothing I can't kill.
1292
01:08:36,237 --> 01:08:37,530
Ooh.
1293
01:08:37,614 --> 01:08:40,908
Somebody knows karate.
1294
01:08:43,411 --> 01:08:44,996
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.
1295
01:08:57,467 --> 01:08:59,052
(PANTING)
1296
01:09:00,303 --> 01:09:01,304
Ow.
1297
01:09:02,305 --> 01:09:03,306
Here we go.
1298
01:09:04,390 --> 01:09:06,476
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1299
01:09:06,559 --> 01:09:08,603
(SIGHS) Here goes nothing.
1300
01:09:08,853 --> 01:09:10,146
(HORN HONKING)
1301
01:09:12,023 --> 01:09:13,941
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1302
01:09:16,819 --> 01:09:18,321
(HONKING)
1303
01:09:39,759 --> 01:09:41,719
MAN: Knock, knock.
1304
01:09:48,226 --> 01:09:49,268
That's my boy.
1305
01:09:49,352 --> 01:09:50,603
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1306
01:09:55,650 --> 01:09:56,818
Holy...
1307
01:09:56,901 --> 01:09:57,902
(GRUNTS)
1308
01:10:01,739 --> 01:10:03,491
(ONLY TIME PLAYING)
1309
01:10:05,535 --> 01:10:06,744
(YELLING)
1310
01:10:07,328 --> 01:10:08,830
DEADPOOL:
I'll be first to admit...
1311
01:10:08,996 --> 01:10:11,249
this did not go
according to plan.
1312
01:10:12,709 --> 01:10:14,043
I'll also be the first
to admit that
1313
01:10:14,127 --> 01:10:16,087
that plan was
written in crayon.
1314
01:10:16,170 --> 01:10:19,173
Looks like Russell found
a new friend. Jelly.
1315
01:10:19,424 --> 01:10:21,092
Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,
1316
01:10:21,175 --> 01:10:24,178
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.
1317
01:10:24,303 --> 01:10:27,432
But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.
1318
01:10:27,598 --> 01:10:28,599
(CHUCKLES) A mood that is
1319
01:10:28,683 --> 01:10:30,476
about to get
significantly worse.
1320
01:10:32,103 --> 01:10:33,146
(SQUEAKS)
1321
01:10:36,816 --> 01:10:37,942
(SIGHS)
1322
01:10:50,455 --> 01:10:52,165
(GROANS)
1323
01:10:54,250 --> 01:10:56,419
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.
1324
01:10:59,630 --> 01:11:01,090
Oh.
(NECK SNAPS)
1325
01:11:01,549 --> 01:11:02,800
(GROANS)
1326
01:11:02,884 --> 01:11:04,385
Oh, God, that hurt.
1327
01:11:06,763 --> 01:11:08,097
(GROANING)
1328
01:11:09,724 --> 01:11:10,808
Russell.
1329
01:11:13,519 --> 01:11:14,604
Russell!
1330
01:11:15,229 --> 01:11:17,315
Russ, where are ya?
1331
01:11:20,943 --> 01:11:23,029
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1332
01:11:23,196 --> 01:11:26,365
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God!
1333
01:11:26,657 --> 01:11:27,867
Juggernaut!
1334
01:11:27,950 --> 01:11:29,035
(GASPS)
1335
01:11:29,118 --> 01:11:31,037
I thought that was you!
1336
01:11:31,120 --> 01:11:33,331
I should've worn
my white pants.
1337
01:11:34,040 --> 01:11:37,043
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.
1338
01:11:37,919 --> 01:11:41,130
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411.
1339
01:11:41,214 --> 01:11:42,590
X-Men Unlimited 12.
1340
01:11:42,673 --> 01:11:44,675
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...
1341
01:11:44,842 --> 01:11:46,594
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...
1342
01:11:46,761 --> 01:11:48,721
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1343
01:11:48,930 --> 01:11:50,389
I don't mean right now.
1344
01:11:50,723 --> 01:11:52,683
I'm gonna rip you
in half now.
1345
01:11:52,809 --> 01:11:55,478
(LAUGHS) That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.
1346
01:11:55,561 --> 01:11:57,605
(DEADPOOL SCREAMING)
1347
01:11:59,106 --> 01:12:03,027
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.
1348
01:12:03,194 --> 01:12:04,362
I can't feel...
1349
01:12:05,488 --> 01:12:06,989
Oh, no, they're right here.
1350
01:12:07,573 --> 01:12:09,325
Got 'em.
God, Russell.
1351
01:12:09,408 --> 01:12:11,244
I have a mission.
1352
01:12:11,869 --> 01:12:12,995
To get my revenge.
1353
01:12:13,538 --> 01:12:15,706
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.
1354
01:12:15,873 --> 01:12:17,959
You're not
the revenge type.
1355
01:12:18,042 --> 01:12:19,168
Take it from a friend.
1356
01:12:19,710 --> 01:12:23,422
Friend? You were sick,
and I protected you.
1357
01:12:23,589 --> 01:12:25,633
You said it yourself.
1358
01:12:25,800 --> 01:12:28,386
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1359
01:12:28,469 --> 01:12:29,679
So I did.
1360
01:12:30,012 --> 01:12:31,013
(GRUNTS)
1361
01:12:31,430 --> 01:12:33,474
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1362
01:12:33,641 --> 01:12:37,103
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1363
01:12:37,687 --> 01:12:39,522
"I care about you"?
'Cause goddamn it,
1364
01:12:39,605 --> 01:12:41,440
I care about you, Russell.
1365
01:12:42,066 --> 01:12:44,068
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1366
01:12:44,235 --> 01:12:47,405
Don't you say legs!
I know you're gonna
say legs!
1367
01:12:47,947 --> 01:12:50,741
Legs!
Still hurts to hear out loud!
1368
01:12:52,910 --> 01:12:55,746
What is that?
That's not a real rope!
1369
01:12:55,913 --> 01:12:58,165
You get back here,
young man!
(SIRENS WAILING)
1370
01:12:59,208 --> 01:13:00,334
Doms!
1371
01:13:00,710 --> 01:13:02,795
Doms, get me
out of here, please.
1372
01:13:02,879 --> 01:13:05,798
Use my arms
as backpack straps.
1373
01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:09,176
I think we may have found
1374
01:13:09,260 --> 01:13:11,053
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1375
01:13:11,470 --> 01:13:13,180
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.
1376
01:13:13,264 --> 01:13:14,515
DEADPOOL: X-Force.
1377
01:13:28,029 --> 01:13:29,780
BLIND AL:
No child is hopeless.
1378
01:13:29,947 --> 01:13:31,032
Don't give up on the boy.
1379
01:13:31,115 --> 01:13:32,700
How could he just walk away?
1380
01:13:33,451 --> 01:13:35,703
It was the coldness
in his eyes.
1381
01:13:36,203 --> 01:13:37,788
You should've heard it.
1382
01:13:38,581 --> 01:13:39,624
(WADE SIGHS)
1383
01:13:39,707 --> 01:13:41,959
I guess family
really is an F-word.
1384
01:13:42,877 --> 01:13:45,212
(GROANS) Rub my legs, Mama.
1385
01:13:45,338 --> 01:13:46,631
Why would I rub
your legs?
1386
01:13:46,714 --> 01:13:49,300
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1387
01:13:49,759 --> 01:13:51,093
(BLIND AL SIGHS)
1388
01:13:52,845 --> 01:13:54,055
What in the...
1389
01:13:54,555 --> 01:13:56,807
Why is your hand
so tiny again?
1390
01:13:57,308 --> 01:13:58,684
That's not my hand.
1391
01:13:59,101 --> 01:14:00,937
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!
1392
01:14:01,604 --> 01:14:03,397
That was nice for me.
(DOOR OPENS)
1393
01:14:03,564 --> 01:14:06,317
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1394
01:14:06,400 --> 01:14:07,443
(GASPS)
1395
01:14:09,070 --> 01:14:10,154
(WEASEL RETCHES)
1396
01:14:10,821 --> 01:14:12,531
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?
1397
01:14:13,157 --> 01:14:15,242
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1398
01:14:15,409 --> 01:14:17,328
WEASEL: Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.
1399
01:14:17,411 --> 01:14:19,413
You're just
straight shirt-cocking it,
1400
01:14:19,497 --> 01:14:20,831
toddler-style.
1401
01:14:20,998 --> 01:14:22,792
Oh, yeah.
Full Winnie the Pooh.
1402
01:14:22,959 --> 01:14:24,835
The hell's happening?
Describe it.
1403
01:14:25,002 --> 01:14:26,295
I wouldn't ask him
to do that,
if I were you.
1404
01:14:26,379 --> 01:14:27,755
WEASEL: It's like, um...
Here we go.
1405
01:14:27,838 --> 01:14:29,048
It's like he was
giving birth anally,
1406
01:14:29,131 --> 01:14:30,758
but they quit
halfway through.
1407
01:14:30,841 --> 01:14:32,009
They got the legs out,
and they said,
1408
01:14:32,093 --> 01:14:33,219
"You know what, I'm done."
1409
01:14:33,302 --> 01:14:34,303
Happy?
1410
01:14:34,387 --> 01:14:35,429
It's like he's a Muppet
from the waist down.
1411
01:14:35,513 --> 01:14:36,889
But this time, you can see
1412
01:14:36,973 --> 01:14:38,391
the Muppet's dick.
(DOOR OPENS)
1413
01:14:38,474 --> 01:14:39,517
Grover's got a cock
the size of a twig.
1414
01:14:39,600 --> 01:14:40,977
DOPINDER: Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.
1415
01:14:41,060 --> 01:14:42,687
I've had three tickets
already. (SCREAMS)
1416
01:14:44,355 --> 01:14:46,816
No, no, no, DP,
not again!
1417
01:14:46,899 --> 01:14:48,818
This has happened before?
(DOPINDER RETCHING)
1418
01:14:49,819 --> 01:14:51,237
(DOOR OPENS)
Jesus! Either vomit
or don't.
1419
01:14:51,320 --> 01:14:52,530
The indecision
is killing me.
1420
01:14:52,697 --> 01:14:54,573
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?
1421
01:14:56,158 --> 01:14:58,244
Oh. Wow!
1422
01:14:58,327 --> 01:14:59,870
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.
1423
01:15:00,121 --> 01:15:01,664
I'm talking about your face.
1424
01:15:02,123 --> 01:15:03,916
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1425
01:15:04,041 --> 01:15:06,127
Jesus Christ!
Looks like an avocado.
1426
01:15:06,210 --> 01:15:07,920
DOMINO: Your legs, though,
they're cute.
1427
01:15:08,254 --> 01:15:10,047
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1428
01:15:11,632 --> 01:15:13,092
I'm glad
everybody dropped by.
1429
01:15:13,259 --> 01:15:15,553
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.
1430
01:15:16,012 --> 01:15:17,638
I'll tell you
why I'm here.
1431
01:15:17,805 --> 01:15:19,932
"The Time Traveler's Wife's"
husband...
1432
01:15:20,016 --> 01:15:21,267
beat me within
an inch of my life.
1433
01:15:21,350 --> 01:15:22,560
He was torturing me!
1434
01:15:22,643 --> 01:15:25,479
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1435
01:15:25,771 --> 01:15:27,815
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.
1436
01:15:28,274 --> 01:15:29,442
So we can go after him
without me.
1437
01:15:29,525 --> 01:15:30,526
WADE: No!
1438
01:15:31,068 --> 01:15:32,278
I'm doing this alone.
1439
01:15:32,361 --> 01:15:33,362
The Juggernaut
1440
01:15:33,446 --> 01:15:34,822
will kill you all.
Fair enough.
1441
01:15:34,905 --> 01:15:36,365
WADE: I just need a couple of
hours to get some legs
1442
01:15:36,449 --> 01:15:37,950
under me.
What will you do?
1443
01:15:38,034 --> 01:15:39,368
WADE: I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1444
01:15:39,452 --> 01:15:40,745
I ain't letting Cable
get to him,
1445
01:15:40,828 --> 01:15:42,121
even if I have to
teabag him to death.
1446
01:15:42,204 --> 01:15:44,206
It's really just
a sip of tea
at this point.
1447
01:15:44,290 --> 01:15:46,042
Zip it, black Black Widow!
I'm flowing.
1448
01:15:46,125 --> 01:15:47,126
The first order
of business is
1449
01:15:47,209 --> 01:15:48,210
to get me
in front of Cable...
1450
01:15:48,294 --> 01:15:50,087
so I can pull all the fucking
blood out of his body...
1451
01:15:50,171 --> 01:15:52,339
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1452
01:15:52,590 --> 01:15:54,258
Then,
I'm gonna take his skin...
1453
01:15:54,341 --> 01:15:57,428
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1454
01:15:59,096 --> 01:16:00,598
He's standing
right behind you, isn't he?
1455
01:16:04,185 --> 01:16:05,186
(COCKS GUN)
1456
01:16:09,356 --> 01:16:11,025
What in the ass?
1457
01:16:11,233 --> 01:16:14,320
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?
1458
01:16:14,695 --> 01:16:16,947
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.
1459
01:16:17,448 --> 01:16:20,284
Ugh. Is that really necessary?
1460
01:16:22,578 --> 01:16:25,331
No. It's his "Basic Instinct."
1461
01:16:25,414 --> 01:16:26,457
What can we help you with?
1462
01:16:27,249 --> 01:16:28,876
I'm here to proposition you.
1463
01:16:29,752 --> 01:16:31,378
(LAUGHS) Oh, boy!
1464
01:16:31,462 --> 01:16:32,505
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?
1465
01:16:32,588 --> 01:16:34,673
Who gets to make
the first joke?
1466
01:16:34,799 --> 01:16:36,008
I think
we should all do it
at the same time.
1467
01:16:36,092 --> 01:16:37,093
Good call.
1468
01:16:37,176 --> 01:16:38,761
For $45,
you get sucky-suck.
1469
01:16:38,844 --> 01:16:40,137
BOTH: I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1470
01:16:40,221 --> 01:16:41,222
Fuck!
1471
01:16:41,305 --> 01:16:42,348
The Proposition
has a wonderful
1472
01:16:42,431 --> 01:16:43,432
Guy Pearce performance.
1473
01:16:43,516 --> 01:16:45,226
WADE: Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.
1474
01:16:45,601 --> 01:16:47,645
Give us the line again.
I need your help!
1475
01:16:48,229 --> 01:16:50,439
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1476
01:16:50,523 --> 01:16:53,150
but you unleashed
the Juggernaut,
you dumb cunt!
1477
01:16:53,776 --> 01:16:55,986
I can't
bring him down alone.
1478
01:16:56,070 --> 01:16:57,655
So here we are.
1479
01:16:59,073 --> 01:17:00,825
We're no longer
accepting applications
1480
01:17:00,908 --> 01:17:02,201
for X-Force, unfortunately.
1481
01:17:02,368 --> 01:17:03,702
Even if we were...
1482
01:17:03,869 --> 01:17:05,496
there's a wind advisory
in effect until at least...
1483
01:17:05,579 --> 01:17:06,747
We don't have
a lot of time.
1484
01:17:06,831 --> 01:17:08,541
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1485
01:17:08,624 --> 01:17:10,167
No offense,
but if you know so much...
1486
01:17:10,251 --> 01:17:12,586
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1487
01:17:13,170 --> 01:17:14,171
Or better yet, head back
a little further,
1488
01:17:14,255 --> 01:17:15,256
kill baby Hitler.
1489
01:17:15,339 --> 01:17:17,216
I use a device
to slide through time.
1490
01:17:17,383 --> 01:17:19,927
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.
1491
01:17:20,094 --> 01:17:22,555
I got two charges:
one to get me here,
1492
01:17:22,638 --> 01:17:23,764
one to get me home.
1493
01:17:23,848 --> 01:17:25,099
Well.
1494
01:17:25,182 --> 01:17:26,976
That's just lazy writing.
1495
01:17:27,059 --> 01:17:28,352
Your boy's
gonna kill the headmaster
1496
01:17:28,435 --> 01:17:29,895
of the orphanage tonight.
1497
01:17:29,979 --> 01:17:32,022
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.
1498
01:17:32,231 --> 01:17:34,859
Like 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!
1499
01:17:35,025 --> 01:17:36,819
So he keeps killing...
1500
01:17:36,986 --> 01:17:38,320
and killing, and killing,
1501
01:17:38,404 --> 01:17:39,738
and killing.
(GUNS COCKING)
1502
01:17:40,072 --> 01:17:43,284
Until one day, he kills
the wrong fucking people.
1503
01:17:45,870 --> 01:17:47,246
My people.
1504
01:17:51,167 --> 01:17:52,251
Relax.
1505
01:17:52,334 --> 01:17:54,712
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1506
01:17:54,920 --> 01:17:57,423
It's a goddamn fanny pack...
1507
01:17:57,506 --> 01:17:59,967
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!
1508
01:18:00,176 --> 01:18:01,844
The difference
is night and day.
1509
01:18:03,637 --> 01:18:05,764
You remind me of my wife.
1510
01:18:06,098 --> 01:18:07,099
I'm sorry.
1511
01:18:07,474 --> 01:18:08,976
I said, "You remind me
of my wife."
1512
01:18:09,059 --> 01:18:10,060
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...
1513
01:18:10,144 --> 01:18:12,771
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.
1514
01:18:12,855 --> 01:18:14,023
CABLE: She always struggled.
1515
01:18:15,232 --> 01:18:16,567
But she was funny...
1516
01:18:16,817 --> 01:18:19,153
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1517
01:18:20,112 --> 01:18:22,239
Something I could
never master.
1518
01:18:23,073 --> 01:18:25,284
It was my fault she died.
1519
01:18:27,077 --> 01:18:29,747
It was my job
to stop people like him.
1520
01:18:30,789 --> 01:18:32,708
I came close a few times.
(TOMORROW PLAYING)
1521
01:18:36,921 --> 01:18:38,589
He wasn't too happy
about that.
1522
01:18:40,299 --> 01:18:41,383
He was trying to hurt me...
1523
01:18:41,508 --> 01:18:43,844
and he knew exactly
how to do it.
1524
01:18:47,598 --> 01:18:49,266
OLDER RUSSELL:
Blessed are the wicked
1525
01:18:49,350 --> 01:18:50,809
who are healed by my hand.
1526
01:18:54,021 --> 01:18:55,356
CABLE: He came into my home...
1527
01:18:56,398 --> 01:18:59,276
and took the only thing
that made it a home.
1528
01:19:03,364 --> 01:19:04,740
Sound familiar?
1529
01:19:05,908 --> 01:19:07,493
I'm sorry.
Uh-huh.
1530
01:19:07,576 --> 01:19:09,245
No, I'm really sorry.
1531
01:19:11,455 --> 01:19:13,499
But that isn't Russell.
1532
01:19:13,582 --> 01:19:15,542
It doesn't have to be him.
If you knew what I knew...
1533
01:19:15,626 --> 01:19:17,461
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1534
01:19:17,544 --> 01:19:19,129
maybe a small
learning disability...
1535
01:19:19,213 --> 01:19:20,506
splash of diabetes...
1536
01:19:20,673 --> 01:19:21,966
but nothing
that can't be fixed.
1537
01:19:22,049 --> 01:19:23,592
If you could go back...
1538
01:19:23,759 --> 01:19:26,428
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?
1539
01:19:26,595 --> 01:19:28,347
Of course I fucking would!
1540
01:19:29,098 --> 01:19:30,766
But I wouldn't kill a kid.
1541
01:19:30,891 --> 01:19:32,268
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!
1542
01:19:32,351 --> 01:19:33,644
I'll kill the kid.
1543
01:19:33,811 --> 01:19:37,189
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1544
01:19:37,356 --> 01:19:39,566
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1545
01:19:39,733 --> 01:19:41,652
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1546
01:19:41,819 --> 01:19:44,238
would want you to do
the right thing,
wouldn't she?
1547
01:19:45,072 --> 01:19:47,658
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1548
01:19:48,325 --> 01:19:49,910
Give me a chance
to save him.
1549
01:19:50,077 --> 01:19:51,412
What?
You said...
1550
01:19:51,578 --> 01:19:53,247
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1551
01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:55,582
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1552
01:19:55,666 --> 01:19:57,251
promise you'll give me
a chance
1553
01:19:57,334 --> 01:19:59,044
to put him
on a different path.
1554
01:19:59,211 --> 01:20:00,379
Define "chance."
1555
01:20:00,546 --> 01:20:01,630
I don't know.
How long does it take
1556
01:20:01,714 --> 01:20:03,007
to save someone's soul?
That's not...
1557
01:20:03,090 --> 01:20:04,341
I'll give you 30 seconds.
1558
01:20:04,508 --> 01:20:06,427
What? No!
Best I can do.
1559
01:20:06,510 --> 01:20:07,803
Take it or leave it.
1560
01:20:18,272 --> 01:20:19,690
(CABLE GROANS)
WEASEL: He's doing it!
1561
01:20:19,857 --> 01:20:21,317
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.
1562
01:20:21,442 --> 01:20:23,277
(RETCHES)
There he goes.
1563
01:20:23,444 --> 01:20:24,862
CABLE: Jesus Christ!
1564
01:20:25,029 --> 01:20:26,405
WEASEL: Just shirt-cocking it.
1565
01:20:26,488 --> 01:20:27,489
Ugh.
1566
01:20:28,449 --> 01:20:29,908
WEASEL: There you go,
little fella.
1567
01:20:30,534 --> 01:20:31,869
Go on, you're doing it!
1568
01:20:32,286 --> 01:20:35,122
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.
1569
01:20:37,333 --> 01:20:38,375
DOMINO: Christ!
1570
01:20:38,542 --> 01:20:40,085
That's disturbing.
1571
01:20:40,252 --> 01:20:41,587
30 seconds.
1572
01:20:47,009 --> 01:20:48,469
Deal.
Deal.
1573
01:20:51,055 --> 01:20:53,515
BLIND AL: I have no idea
what's happening.
1574
01:20:53,599 --> 01:20:55,809
(SOFTLY)
Probably for the best.
1575
01:20:57,019 --> 01:21:00,314
DEADPOOL: And that is why
you never eat a raw starfish.
1576
01:21:00,522 --> 01:21:02,149
It's just common sense.
1577
01:21:02,858 --> 01:21:04,193
Where the hell
are we going?
1578
01:21:04,276 --> 01:21:05,444
DEADPOOL:
You said it yourself.
1579
01:21:05,652 --> 01:21:08,447
Nothing can stop
the Juggernaut.
We need backup.
1580
01:21:08,655 --> 01:21:11,367
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.
1581
01:21:11,617 --> 01:21:13,744
(BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO)
1582
01:21:15,579 --> 01:21:16,830
Can you turn off
the music?
1583
01:21:18,457 --> 01:21:20,417
You'll do no such thing.
1584
01:21:20,584 --> 01:21:22,419
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1585
01:21:22,795 --> 01:21:23,837
What the hell are you...?
1586
01:21:23,962 --> 01:21:25,881
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.
1587
01:21:25,964 --> 01:21:27,591
I am so sorry.
It gets better.
1588
01:21:27,758 --> 01:21:29,468
I'm not a fucking racist,
moron!
1589
01:21:29,551 --> 01:21:31,762
Tell that to Black Tom.
He was like a brother to me.
1590
01:21:32,679 --> 01:21:34,598
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.
1591
01:21:34,681 --> 01:21:35,766
And that's a twist.
1592
01:21:36,016 --> 01:21:37,142
DEADPOOL:
So what exactly do you
1593
01:21:37,226 --> 01:21:38,227
do in the future,
anyway, huh?
1594
01:21:38,310 --> 01:21:39,561
Some kind of soldier?
1595
01:21:39,978 --> 01:21:41,688
Yeah, something like that.
1596
01:21:41,855 --> 01:21:43,941
DEADPOOL: I was a soldier.
Special Forces.
1597
01:21:44,149 --> 01:21:46,568
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1598
01:21:46,735 --> 01:21:48,695
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1599
01:21:48,862 --> 01:21:51,532
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.
1600
01:21:51,615 --> 01:21:52,866
Boom! (IMITATES EXPLOSION)
1601
01:21:52,950 --> 01:21:54,034
Spoiler alert.
1602
01:21:54,118 --> 01:21:55,160
(SNICKERS)
1603
01:21:55,244 --> 01:21:56,578
(SIGHS) Planets.
1604
01:21:56,829 --> 01:21:58,288
Next time, Uber.
1605
01:21:58,372 --> 01:21:59,748
Here's a spoiler alert.
1606
01:22:00,916 --> 01:22:02,668
You're not a fucking hero.
1607
01:22:03,043 --> 01:22:06,588
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.
1608
01:22:06,964 --> 01:22:08,132
DEADPOOL:
Well, I got news for you.
1609
01:22:08,215 --> 01:22:09,508
My heart
is in the right place.
1610
01:22:09,591 --> 01:22:11,009
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.
1611
01:22:11,176 --> 01:22:13,387
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.
1612
01:22:13,554 --> 01:22:15,013
Because of you,
I'll always know
1613
01:22:15,097 --> 01:22:17,099
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.
1614
01:22:17,266 --> 01:22:19,643
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1615
01:22:19,810 --> 01:22:20,978
I should've finished college.
1616
01:22:21,145 --> 01:22:22,354
DEADPOOL: Right here!
1617
01:22:22,438 --> 01:22:23,730
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1618
01:22:25,065 --> 01:22:27,317
(IN YOUR EYES PLAYING
ON BOOM BOX)
1619
01:22:38,203 --> 01:22:39,455
(GROANS)
1620
01:22:40,497 --> 01:22:42,166
DEADPOOL: I made mistakes!
1621
01:22:42,541 --> 01:22:44,251
I wanna take them back!
1622
01:22:44,418 --> 01:22:47,254
You trusted me.
I took that trust...
1623
01:22:47,421 --> 01:22:48,755
and turned it
into a glory hole
1624
01:22:48,839 --> 01:22:50,174
in an airport bathroom.
1625
01:22:50,340 --> 01:22:53,051
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1626
01:22:54,136 --> 01:22:55,137
Colossus!
1627
01:22:55,304 --> 01:22:57,514
I wouldn't ask for your help
unless it was life or death!
1628
01:22:57,681 --> 01:22:59,600
That kid needs our help!
1629
01:22:59,766 --> 01:23:01,685
I know you're listening!
1630
01:23:01,768 --> 01:23:02,978
He's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!
1631
01:23:03,103 --> 01:23:04,313
The Juggernaut!
1632
01:23:04,396 --> 01:23:05,981
That's like my favorite
Marvel character ever,
1633
01:23:06,064 --> 01:23:07,649
but you should never
meet your heroes...
1634
01:23:07,733 --> 01:23:10,444
because, honestly,
he's a bit of a dick!
1635
01:23:10,611 --> 01:23:12,988
And like a lot of dicks,
he's as hard as a rock...
1636
01:23:13,071 --> 01:23:14,615
and causes nothing
but problems!
1637
01:23:14,698 --> 01:23:16,033
Hi, Wade!
Hi, Yukio!
1638
01:23:16,116 --> 01:23:17,117
Please don't.
1639
01:23:17,201 --> 01:23:18,410
You guys make
a super cute couple.
1640
01:23:18,494 --> 01:23:20,746
Yeah. Where was I?
Oh, yeah!
1641
01:23:20,996 --> 01:23:22,789
Colossus!
Look, I don't deserve
1642
01:23:22,873 --> 01:23:24,958
your friendship or your help.
1643
01:23:25,083 --> 01:23:26,793
But this kid does.
1644
01:23:26,877 --> 01:23:29,588
And I'm not gonna bail on him
like everyone else.
1645
01:23:31,465 --> 01:23:33,425
Oh, come on!
1646
01:23:35,677 --> 01:23:36,970
(GROANS)
1647
01:23:37,638 --> 01:23:40,390
Any chance Pigeon Wings
is available?
1648
01:23:40,766 --> 01:23:43,060
That's just fine!
That's fine!
1649
01:23:43,227 --> 01:23:44,645
No! You know what?
1650
01:23:44,728 --> 01:23:47,439
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1651
01:23:47,648 --> 01:23:50,609
and fucked up, and not
particularly convenient!
1652
01:23:51,026 --> 01:23:54,238
So stay here
in Chateau de Virgin...
1653
01:23:54,321 --> 01:23:56,448
while we go get our fuck on!
1654
01:23:59,493 --> 01:24:01,078
DOMINO: You're doing great.
1655
01:24:03,497 --> 01:24:04,998
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
(ENGINE STARTS)
1656
01:24:06,458 --> 01:24:07,918
RUSSELL: So you wear
that helmet because
1657
01:24:08,001 --> 01:24:09,628
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1658
01:24:09,795 --> 01:24:12,923
JUGGERNAUT: Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.
1659
01:24:13,090 --> 01:24:15,425
MAN: Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.
1660
01:24:15,509 --> 01:24:16,969
He's not alone.
1661
01:24:17,594 --> 01:24:19,304
HEADMASTER:
Secure the children.
1662
01:24:23,850 --> 01:24:26,144
What do you say
we go fuck some shit up?
1663
01:24:26,687 --> 01:24:30,524
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.
1664
01:24:33,860 --> 01:24:36,321
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.
1665
01:24:36,530 --> 01:24:38,824
Amen, brother.
1666
01:24:39,658 --> 01:24:40,951
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1667
01:24:44,621 --> 01:24:46,206
Time to make the chimichangas.
1668
01:24:46,290 --> 01:24:47,874
30 seconds.
1669
01:24:48,500 --> 01:24:50,627
I finally know
why I'm here.
1670
01:24:51,044 --> 01:24:52,879
I was raised
in this place.
1671
01:24:53,046 --> 01:24:55,299
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.
1672
01:24:55,382 --> 01:24:58,093
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1673
01:24:58,302 --> 01:24:59,636
Shall we?
This is gonna be fun.
1674
01:24:59,720 --> 01:25:00,721
DEADPOOL: Yeah!
1675
01:25:00,804 --> 01:25:02,306
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...
1676
01:25:02,389 --> 01:25:05,392
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
1677
01:25:06,101 --> 01:25:09,438
It's not dirt. It's the blood
of my dead daughter.
1678
01:25:11,773 --> 01:25:13,525
I have
a gluten sensitivity.
1679
01:25:13,692 --> 01:25:15,193
So one glass of wine,
I just...
1680
01:25:15,277 --> 01:25:16,486
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
1681
01:25:16,570 --> 01:25:17,571
Yeah.
1682
01:25:19,364 --> 01:25:20,741
(DEADPOOL SIGHS)
1683
01:25:21,241 --> 01:25:22,367
Wish we could
head back in time,
1684
01:25:22,451 --> 01:25:24,077
and I could take
all that back.
1685
01:25:24,286 --> 01:25:25,579
We should just cue
the music.
1686
01:25:26,121 --> 01:25:28,457
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
1687
01:25:50,896 --> 01:25:53,523
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.
1688
01:25:54,733 --> 01:25:55,734
Russell!
1689
01:25:55,817 --> 01:25:58,153
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!
1690
01:25:59,279 --> 01:26:00,530
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?
1691
01:26:00,614 --> 01:26:02,199
(YELLING)
1692
01:26:04,910 --> 01:26:05,911
That's why!
1693
01:26:05,994 --> 01:26:07,120
Told you this little fucker's
too far gone.
1694
01:26:07,204 --> 01:26:09,247
Zip it, Thanos!
We have a deal
and you fuck...
1695
01:26:09,331 --> 01:26:11,375
(GROANS)
JUGGERNAUT: Hey!
1696
01:26:11,875 --> 01:26:15,003
I'm gonna shove that
cab driver right up your ass.
1697
01:26:16,129 --> 01:26:18,215
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1698
01:26:18,298 --> 01:26:19,424
You should probably
head back to the car.
1699
01:26:19,508 --> 01:26:21,176
I think I'll head
back to the car.
1700
01:26:22,511 --> 01:26:25,180
It works best
when you pull the trigger.
1701
01:26:26,890 --> 01:26:28,016
(GROANS)
1702
01:26:28,100 --> 01:26:29,351
That gun is amazing!
1703
01:26:30,727 --> 01:26:31,937
RUSSELL: Say it!
1704
01:26:34,106 --> 01:26:37,025
You are an abomination!
1705
01:26:37,109 --> 01:26:38,360
(GRUNTS)
1706
01:26:44,449 --> 01:26:47,619
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.
1707
01:26:47,744 --> 01:26:50,205
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!
1708
01:26:54,543 --> 01:26:55,627
Gotcha!
1709
01:26:56,420 --> 01:26:57,587
JUGGERNAUT: Beat it, midget!
1710
01:27:00,590 --> 01:27:03,301
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!
1711
01:27:03,719 --> 01:27:04,803
Oh, shit fuck!
1712
01:27:05,762 --> 01:27:06,930
(SCREAMING)
1713
01:27:17,274 --> 01:27:18,608
(JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS)
1714
01:27:18,692 --> 01:27:20,277
Come here, beautiful.
1715
01:27:22,404 --> 01:27:23,488
RUSSELL: Say it!
1716
01:27:38,003 --> 01:27:40,213
(IN YOUR EYES PLAYING)
1717
01:28:17,834 --> 01:28:18,835
(DEADPOOL GROANS)
1718
01:28:21,630 --> 01:28:22,839
(MUMBLES)
1719
01:28:22,923 --> 01:28:23,924
You came for me.
1720
01:28:24,257 --> 01:28:25,675
I'm not giving up on you,
1721
01:28:25,759 --> 01:28:27,761
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1722
01:28:27,844 --> 01:28:29,679
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1723
01:28:29,888 --> 01:28:32,265
It's time to fight dirty.
1724
01:28:32,349 --> 01:28:33,683
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1725
01:28:33,767 --> 01:28:36,353
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1726
01:28:36,686 --> 01:28:38,730
That's such
a you thing to say!
1727
01:28:38,814 --> 01:28:40,398
Go get him, tiger!
1728
01:28:40,649 --> 01:28:42,609
Big CGI fight coming up!
1729
01:28:43,777 --> 01:28:45,237
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1730
01:28:45,695 --> 01:28:47,739
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1731
01:28:51,618 --> 01:28:52,994
(GRUNTS)
1732
01:28:53,870 --> 01:28:55,622
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(BONE CRACKS)
1733
01:28:55,705 --> 01:28:56,915
(SCREAMS)
1734
01:29:05,715 --> 01:29:06,800
He's doing great.
1735
01:29:06,883 --> 01:29:08,260
RUSSELL: Say it!
1736
01:29:12,514 --> 01:29:13,932
Russell.
DEADPOOL: Bingo!
1737
01:29:16,226 --> 01:29:17,477
(GROANING)
1738
01:29:21,356 --> 01:29:22,399
(JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS)
1739
01:29:23,191 --> 01:29:24,776
(METAL CLANGS)
1740
01:29:24,860 --> 01:29:25,861
(GROANS)
1741
01:29:25,944 --> 01:29:27,904
That's right!
I'm fighting dirty!
1742
01:29:29,072 --> 01:29:30,073
Oh, great!
1743
01:29:30,156 --> 01:29:31,157
ORDERLY: There they are!
Those freaks!
1744
01:29:31,241 --> 01:29:33,118
DEADPOOL: A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1745
01:29:33,535 --> 01:29:34,995
Can I have
one of those guns?
1746
01:29:35,662 --> 01:29:37,330
No.
That's fine.
1747
01:29:37,497 --> 01:29:39,332
Get off this property,
mutant scum!
1748
01:29:39,416 --> 01:29:40,458
I'm just gonna
use this brick.
1749
01:29:41,209 --> 01:29:42,210
Maximum effort.
1750
01:29:42,794 --> 01:29:44,087
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1751
01:29:48,341 --> 01:29:50,093
Who says you can't
go home again?
1752
01:29:52,220 --> 01:29:53,305
(ALL GRUNTING)
1753
01:29:58,810 --> 01:30:00,729
(SCREAMS)
CHILDREN: Oh!
1754
01:30:07,235 --> 01:30:08,236
CHILDREN: Yeah!
1755
01:30:10,447 --> 01:30:11,781
Say it.
1756
01:30:12,157 --> 01:30:15,201
Say what you said
every time you tortured me!
1757
01:30:15,744 --> 01:30:16,745
Say it!
1758
01:30:16,828 --> 01:30:19,748
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
1759
01:30:21,041 --> 01:30:22,626
Blessed are the wicked...
1760
01:30:23,168 --> 01:30:24,377
who are healed...
1761
01:30:24,878 --> 01:30:26,379
by my hand.
1762
01:30:27,547 --> 01:30:28,632
(YELLS)
1763
01:30:38,642 --> 01:30:40,018
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1764
01:30:44,481 --> 01:30:46,191
You commie motherfucker!
1765
01:30:50,362 --> 01:30:51,529
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
1766
01:30:52,781 --> 01:30:53,782
(SPITS)
1767
01:30:53,865 --> 01:30:55,408
(YELLS)
1768
01:31:00,956 --> 01:31:01,957
(GROANS)
1769
01:31:13,176 --> 01:31:14,886
DEADPOOL: Oh, my God.
Did you feel that, too?
1770
01:31:15,762 --> 01:31:17,973
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.
1771
01:31:21,017 --> 01:31:23,353
You got 30 seconds,
you jabbering butt plug!
1772
01:31:23,436 --> 01:31:24,562
Now we're getting it.
1773
01:31:27,190 --> 01:31:28,316
(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)
1774
01:31:29,275 --> 01:31:31,528
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.
1775
01:31:31,611 --> 01:31:32,612
(GASPS)
1776
01:31:33,446 --> 01:31:35,031
(CAR ALARM WAILING)
1777
01:31:36,866 --> 01:31:37,909
Orphans.
1778
01:31:39,077 --> 01:31:40,286
Oh, geez.
1779
01:31:41,705 --> 01:31:44,290
It's time to burn
for what you've done!
1780
01:31:44,374 --> 01:31:46,876
A child should not be burdened
with such power!
1781
01:31:54,426 --> 01:31:55,593
(RUSSELL GRUNTS)
1782
01:31:55,677 --> 01:31:56,761
Russell! Wait!
1783
01:32:02,851 --> 01:32:04,019
DEADPOOL: Oh!
1784
01:32:11,359 --> 01:32:13,319
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!
1785
01:32:13,486 --> 01:32:15,363
What more do you need to see?
Don't you fucking dare!
1786
01:32:15,530 --> 01:32:16,614
He's just a kid!
1787
01:32:16,781 --> 01:32:18,658
Tick, tock. Meter's running!
1788
01:32:28,001 --> 01:32:29,294
(COLOSSUS GROANS)
1789
01:32:31,337 --> 01:32:34,382
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.
1790
01:32:39,804 --> 01:32:40,972
(GRUNTS)
1791
01:32:42,140 --> 01:32:43,475
(GROWLS)
1792
01:32:46,186 --> 01:32:47,604
(GRUNTS)
1793
01:32:47,979 --> 01:32:49,856
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(GROANING)
1794
01:32:54,778 --> 01:32:57,322
I told you! Leave me alone!
Come on!
1795
01:32:57,405 --> 01:32:58,406
Listen to me!
1796
01:33:01,576 --> 01:33:02,952
(RUSSELL SCREAMING)
1797
01:33:04,245 --> 01:33:06,623
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1798
01:33:09,042 --> 01:33:10,210
(GRUNTS)
1799
01:33:22,055 --> 01:33:23,890
COLOSSUS: (SCOFFS)
That's how we do it
1800
01:33:23,973 --> 01:33:25,433
in Mother Russia.
1801
01:33:26,559 --> 01:33:27,560
(GROANS)
1802
01:33:27,644 --> 01:33:30,188
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.
1803
01:33:31,564 --> 01:33:34,776
CABLE: Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.
1804
01:33:34,859 --> 01:33:35,985
(GROWLS)
1805
01:33:36,069 --> 01:33:38,571
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!
1806
01:33:38,988 --> 01:33:40,698
Go home, Wade!
1807
01:33:40,949 --> 01:33:42,784
You're ruining everything!
1808
01:33:48,039 --> 01:33:49,374
I'm getting good
at this shit.
1809
01:33:49,499 --> 01:33:50,542
DEADPOOL: Go, go, go!
1810
01:33:50,792 --> 01:33:51,960
(GRUNTS)
1811
01:33:54,045 --> 01:33:55,839
He dies tonight, Wade.
1812
01:33:56,047 --> 01:33:57,549
You can't stop me!
1813
01:33:58,633 --> 01:34:00,301
CABLE: He even runs
like a fucking pervert.
1814
01:34:00,552 --> 01:34:03,304
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
1815
01:34:04,722 --> 01:34:06,099
There's one bullet left
in that gun.
1816
01:34:06,266 --> 01:34:08,143
Wait, wait, wait!
Please, just give me
a second!
1817
01:34:08,309 --> 01:34:09,644
I got this.
1818
01:34:09,811 --> 01:34:11,855
Russell!
Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1819
01:34:12,105 --> 01:34:14,149
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1820
01:34:14,732 --> 01:34:16,025
That piece of shit...
1821
01:34:16,526 --> 01:34:18,111
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1822
01:34:18,278 --> 01:34:21,656
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.
1823
01:34:22,532 --> 01:34:24,200
But if you kill him,
he wins.
1824
01:34:24,284 --> 01:34:27,787
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
1825
01:34:28,288 --> 01:34:29,747
You're just a kid.
1826
01:34:30,331 --> 01:34:31,958
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
1827
01:34:32,125 --> 01:34:33,251
How do you know
what I want?
1828
01:34:33,418 --> 01:34:34,961
Because I've been inside you.
1829
01:34:35,670 --> 01:34:36,963
That came out wrong.
1830
01:34:37,630 --> 01:34:39,215
I've been inside your shoes.
1831
01:34:39,382 --> 01:34:41,134
Which is also off-putting.
1832
01:34:41,301 --> 01:34:42,635
It's not a great analogy.
1833
01:34:42,802 --> 01:34:44,220
The point is...
1834
01:34:44,679 --> 01:34:46,264
there are people...
1835
01:34:46,431 --> 01:34:49,309
There are people
in this fucking world...
1836
01:34:49,517 --> 01:34:52,103
besides him,
who will treat you right.
1837
01:34:52,270 --> 01:34:54,898
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.
1838
01:35:00,403 --> 01:35:02,780
I never should've left
you there.
1839
01:35:04,532 --> 01:35:06,409
I never should've left you
in that prison.
1840
01:35:13,499 --> 01:35:14,792
I can't trust you.
1841
01:35:16,502 --> 01:35:18,880
I can't trust anybody!
1842
01:35:19,923 --> 01:35:21,299
(GROANING)
1843
01:35:28,056 --> 01:35:29,098
Wonderful kid.
1844
01:35:29,474 --> 01:35:31,142
RUSSELL:
You can't stop me, Wade!
1845
01:35:31,226 --> 01:35:32,435
(DEADPOOL GROANS)
1846
01:35:33,394 --> 01:35:35,521
I got one more idea.
1847
01:35:35,688 --> 01:35:38,483
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.
1848
01:35:38,650 --> 01:35:39,734
Wade, what are you doing?
1849
01:35:39,901 --> 01:35:41,486
All right. This is for
all the marbles, kid!
1850
01:35:42,278 --> 01:35:43,988
You're gonna kill
someone today...
1851
01:35:44,405 --> 01:35:45,698
Blessed are the wicked...
1852
01:35:45,865 --> 01:35:47,784
...then it's gotta be me.
1853
01:35:48,868 --> 01:35:50,787
...who are healed by my hand!
1854
01:35:53,957 --> 01:35:56,334
(MOUTHS) Fuck this!
1855
01:35:57,710 --> 01:35:59,712
(TOMORROW PLAYING)
1856
01:36:00,630 --> 01:36:03,549
GIRL: (SINGING)
The sun will come out tomorrow
1857
01:36:04,217 --> 01:36:08,346
Bet your bottom dollar
that tomorrow
1858
01:36:08,721 --> 01:36:11,182
There'll be sun
1859
01:36:11,975 --> 01:36:17,772
When I'm stuck with a day
that's gray and lonely
1860
01:36:18,189 --> 01:36:24,988
I just stick out my chin
and grin and say
1861
01:36:31,494 --> 01:36:34,664
The sun will come out tomorrow
1862
01:36:34,998 --> 01:36:39,043
So you gotta hang on
till tomorrow
1863
01:36:39,711 --> 01:36:42,714
Come what may
1864
01:36:43,047 --> 01:36:48,052
Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love ya, tomorrow
1865
01:36:48,428 --> 01:36:53,433
You're always a day away
1866
01:36:54,767 --> 01:36:56,644
(GROANS)
1867
01:36:57,020 --> 01:36:59,981
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1868
01:37:01,858 --> 01:37:03,359
(DEADPOOL COUGHING)
1869
01:37:05,069 --> 01:37:06,446
Oh, that's not good.
1870
01:37:08,031 --> 01:37:09,699
No, sir.
1871
01:37:17,081 --> 01:37:20,001
You sacrificed yourself
for me.
1872
01:37:20,418 --> 01:37:21,461
Yeah.
1873
01:37:21,627 --> 01:37:23,838
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
1874
01:37:24,005 --> 01:37:25,340
(COUGHING)
1875
01:37:25,923 --> 01:37:27,884
I told you
I care about you.
1876
01:37:27,967 --> 01:37:29,719
You're a good kid, Russell.
1877
01:37:31,596 --> 01:37:32,680
Hey.
1878
01:37:34,015 --> 01:37:35,141
The bear.
1879
01:37:35,224 --> 01:37:36,517
It worked.
1880
01:37:43,649 --> 01:37:45,068
Because of you.
1881
01:37:45,234 --> 01:37:47,487
No, Wade, because of you.
1882
01:37:48,446 --> 01:37:50,406
Stop, stop, stop!
1883
01:37:50,490 --> 01:37:51,657
Stop!
1884
01:37:52,909 --> 01:37:55,370
Just let it happen, okay?
1885
01:37:55,912 --> 01:37:58,831
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.
1886
01:37:59,123 --> 01:38:01,542
(GROANS) That riddle
is so fucked up.
1887
01:38:04,337 --> 01:38:06,339
(GROANS, COUGHS)
1888
01:38:06,714 --> 01:38:09,217
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1889
01:38:09,300 --> 01:38:10,593
Don't be. Don't be.
1890
01:38:10,676 --> 01:38:12,261
I've been trying to make
this happen for a while.
1891
01:38:13,012 --> 01:38:14,555
Please, just don't leave me.
1892
01:38:14,639 --> 01:38:16,140
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
1893
01:38:16,307 --> 01:38:17,892
We are not going anywhere.
1894
01:38:18,059 --> 01:38:20,144
WADE: Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.
1895
01:38:20,228 --> 01:38:21,270
Just rest, okay?
1896
01:38:23,189 --> 01:38:24,273
Papa.
1897
01:38:26,484 --> 01:38:28,361
(SINGING)
Papa, can you hear me?
1898
01:38:30,655 --> 01:38:36,661
Papa, can you find me
in the night?
1899
01:38:57,932 --> 01:38:59,183
Before I go... (COUGHS)
1900
01:38:59,725 --> 01:39:01,436
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
1901
01:39:02,019 --> 01:39:03,146
Domino.
1902
01:39:03,312 --> 01:39:07,817
I want you to have
my Adventure Time watch.
1903
01:39:07,900 --> 01:39:09,360
(WADE COUGHING)
1904
01:39:10,361 --> 01:39:13,239
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.
1905
01:39:13,990 --> 01:39:15,116
Thank you.
1906
01:39:16,451 --> 01:39:19,370
Hey, Sabrina,
the Teenage Witch.
1907
01:39:19,996 --> 01:39:22,081
It has been a pleasure.
1908
01:39:23,708 --> 01:39:26,419
Hi, Yukio.
Hi, Wade!
1909
01:39:26,502 --> 01:39:27,962
(CHUCKLES)
1910
01:39:28,337 --> 01:39:29,547
And you...
1911
01:39:30,089 --> 01:39:31,215
Chrome Bone.
1912
01:39:32,133 --> 01:39:34,510
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
1913
01:39:35,094 --> 01:39:37,346
But you've always been
that to me.
1914
01:39:37,513 --> 01:39:38,806
So thank you.
1915
01:39:40,975 --> 01:39:42,560
Say "fuck" for me.
1916
01:39:43,394 --> 01:39:44,645
Just once. Come on,
1917
01:39:44,729 --> 01:39:46,230
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.
1918
01:39:46,397 --> 01:39:49,400
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...
1919
01:39:49,484 --> 01:39:50,485
Fuck.
1920
01:39:50,651 --> 01:39:53,946
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
(CHUCKLES)
1921
01:39:55,406 --> 01:39:57,617
And you, Cable. (COUGHS)
1922
01:39:58,534 --> 01:40:02,205
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
1923
01:40:03,080 --> 01:40:06,209
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
1924
01:40:06,751 --> 01:40:08,127
That you'll start
judging people...
1925
01:40:08,211 --> 01:40:09,545
not by the color
of their skin,
1926
01:40:09,629 --> 01:40:11,422
but by the content
of their character.
1927
01:40:12,256 --> 01:40:13,758
Jesus.
WADE: R-Dog?
1928
01:40:15,051 --> 01:40:16,928
There you are. Hey!
1929
01:40:17,553 --> 01:40:19,222
You're a superhero now, bubba.
1930
01:40:20,723 --> 01:40:21,807
Look.
1931
01:40:22,099 --> 01:40:24,727
Family is not an F-word.
1932
01:40:25,520 --> 01:40:26,729
All right?
1933
01:40:26,854 --> 01:40:28,731
There's one out there for you.
(COUGHS)
1934
01:40:29,315 --> 01:40:31,025
Just keep looking, okay?
1935
01:40:34,487 --> 01:40:37,240
Guys, for a second there...
1936
01:40:38,074 --> 01:40:40,743
we made a pretty good team.
1937
01:40:46,249 --> 01:40:47,833
(SIGHS)
1938
01:40:55,258 --> 01:40:57,260
Oh, it's so hard to go.
1939
01:40:57,677 --> 01:40:58,678
(WHINES)
1940
01:40:58,761 --> 01:41:01,138
I just love being around
you guys so much.
1941
01:41:02,223 --> 01:41:03,474
So, so much.
1942
01:41:04,183 --> 01:41:05,268
Mmm.
1943
01:41:05,601 --> 01:41:07,770
No, I can feel it now.
Here it comes, yeah.
1944
01:41:08,479 --> 01:41:12,233
I feel the soul
exiting the husk.
1945
01:41:12,400 --> 01:41:13,401
Yeah.
1946
01:41:15,069 --> 01:41:16,904
Can you see it?
1947
01:41:17,697 --> 01:41:19,865
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?
1948
01:41:21,325 --> 01:41:22,493
There it is.
1949
01:41:28,749 --> 01:41:29,959
Oh, that's the sun.
1950
01:41:30,042 --> 01:41:31,877
Don't stare
directly into that.
1951
01:41:32,128 --> 01:41:33,462
I just have
a few final words.
1952
01:41:33,546 --> 01:41:34,672
(EXHALES)
1953
01:41:35,715 --> 01:41:37,091
Woodpecker.
1954
01:41:37,883 --> 01:41:39,218
Gingivitis.
1955
01:41:41,262 --> 01:41:42,638
Codswallop.
1956
01:41:46,976 --> 01:41:49,228
Do You Want to
Build a Snowman?
1957
01:42:16,589 --> 01:42:18,799
(TAKE ON ME PLAYING)
1958
01:42:28,017 --> 01:42:30,519
We're talking away
1959
01:42:31,896 --> 01:42:34,565
I don't know
what I'm to say
1960
01:42:34,732 --> 01:42:37,652
I'll say it anyway
1961
01:42:38,527 --> 01:42:42,490
Today's another day
to find you
1962
01:42:43,115 --> 01:42:44,909
Shying away
1963
01:42:46,327 --> 01:42:49,413
I'll be coming
for your love, okay?
1964
01:42:49,789 --> 01:42:54,335
Take on me
1965
01:42:57,338 --> 01:43:02,343
Take me on
1966
01:43:03,803 --> 01:43:04,970
Sorry I'm late.
1967
01:43:05,221 --> 01:43:06,722
There was a bunch
1968
01:43:06,806 --> 01:43:08,224
of handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.
1969
01:43:08,307 --> 01:43:09,517
No.
No.
1970
01:43:10,601 --> 01:43:13,270
But I did have to help a kid.
Yeah.
1971
01:43:13,729 --> 01:43:15,606
He's got a terrible name.
It's just awful.
1972
01:43:15,690 --> 01:43:16,691
Ugh.
I tried to tell him.
1973
01:43:19,026 --> 01:43:20,403
Is this heaven?
1974
01:43:21,278 --> 01:43:22,488
It is now.
1975
01:43:25,991 --> 01:43:27,868
I am so sorry.
1976
01:43:28,661 --> 01:43:29,995
VANESSA: It's okay.
1977
01:43:30,705 --> 01:43:33,958
Slowly learning
that life is okay
1978
01:43:34,792 --> 01:43:36,919
Say after me
1979
01:43:38,129 --> 01:43:41,632
It's no better to be safe
than sorry
1980
01:43:42,258 --> 01:43:46,721
Take on me
1981
01:43:49,849 --> 01:43:51,726
I missed you so much.
1982
01:43:57,314 --> 01:43:58,983
What is it? What's wrong?
1983
01:44:00,901 --> 01:44:02,361
It's not time.
1984
01:44:02,987 --> 01:44:04,864
What do you mean
it's not time?
1985
01:44:05,030 --> 01:44:06,532
I'm here, I made it.
1986
01:44:06,782 --> 01:44:08,367
You can't stay.
No, no, no.
1987
01:44:08,534 --> 01:44:11,078
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
1988
01:44:11,162 --> 01:44:12,163
It's okay.
1989
01:44:12,663 --> 01:44:15,499
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
1990
01:44:16,500 --> 01:44:18,961
They need you.
Who?
1991
01:44:21,088 --> 01:44:22,381
VANESSA: Your F-word.
1992
01:44:23,591 --> 01:44:24,592
WADE: Why?
1993
01:44:24,925 --> 01:44:26,719
VANESSA: You'll find out.
1994
01:44:27,678 --> 01:44:29,597
It's all right. I'll be here.
1995
01:44:30,973 --> 01:44:32,224
I love you.
1996
01:44:34,643 --> 01:44:37,062
I know. I love you, too.
1997
01:44:37,897 --> 01:44:38,898
Now, go.
1998
01:44:40,107 --> 01:44:42,109
Go on. Go, get out of here.
1999
01:44:43,152 --> 01:44:44,153
Go.
2000
01:44:47,031 --> 01:44:48,032
Hey!
2001
01:44:51,035 --> 01:44:53,204
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
2002
01:44:53,829 --> 01:44:54,955
Well, come here.
2003
01:44:57,291 --> 01:45:02,463
Take me on
2004
01:45:04,673 --> 01:45:09,512
I'll be gone
2005
01:45:10,846 --> 01:45:14,225
In a day or two
2006
01:45:14,350 --> 01:45:15,768
Don't fuck Elvis.
2007
01:45:15,976 --> 01:45:17,812
Don't fuck Colossus.
What?
2008
01:45:22,650 --> 01:45:24,151
(SCREAMING)
2009
01:45:27,696 --> 01:45:28,781
Time to make the chimichangas.
2010
01:45:28,989 --> 01:45:29,990
30 seconds.
2011
01:45:30,157 --> 01:45:31,367
Hey. Been meaning
to ask you...
2012
01:45:31,450 --> 01:45:33,828
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
2013
01:45:33,911 --> 01:45:35,663
It's my daughter's
teddy bear.
2014
01:45:35,746 --> 01:45:36,956
Her name's Hope.
2015
01:45:37,039 --> 01:45:38,165
DEADPOOL: Well...
2016
01:45:39,208 --> 01:45:41,001
What are you doing?
2017
01:45:41,126 --> 01:45:42,711
Somebody swiped right.
2018
01:45:42,962 --> 01:45:44,713
(FAST-FORWARDING)
2019
01:45:53,472 --> 01:45:54,849
(GROANS)
2020
01:45:55,349 --> 01:45:57,685
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
2021
01:45:58,102 --> 01:45:59,687
(DEADPOOL GROANS)
2022
01:46:01,272 --> 01:46:02,857
RUSSELL: You sacrificed
yourself for me.
2023
01:46:02,940 --> 01:46:04,441
DEADPOOL: It would seem I...
2024
01:46:06,944 --> 01:46:08,070
Huh?
2025
01:46:08,904 --> 01:46:11,240
Genuine, high-grade lead.
2026
01:46:13,450 --> 01:46:16,370
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!
2027
01:46:16,537 --> 01:46:18,122
You did this for me?
2028
01:46:19,999 --> 01:46:22,501
Wait. You can't go back.
2029
01:46:23,127 --> 01:46:24,378
You used
the last of your fuel.
2030
01:46:24,461 --> 01:46:26,088
What about your girl,
your wife?
2031
01:46:26,255 --> 01:46:29,508
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
2032
01:46:30,968 --> 01:46:33,304
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...
2033
01:46:33,387 --> 01:46:34,597
and make sure the world
2034
01:46:34,680 --> 01:46:36,390
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.
2035
01:46:37,182 --> 01:46:40,060
No. You did it for me.
2036
01:46:40,811 --> 01:46:42,146
No, I didn't.
2037
01:46:42,313 --> 01:46:43,606
You did.
I really didn't.
2038
01:46:43,772 --> 01:46:45,482
Pretty sure you did.
No, I'm positive I didn't.
2039
01:46:45,649 --> 01:46:47,318
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?
2040
01:46:47,484 --> 01:46:50,029
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
2041
01:46:50,195 --> 01:46:52,656
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
2042
01:46:53,157 --> 01:46:54,158
Say it again.
2043
01:46:54,241 --> 01:46:55,701
He did it for me.
CABLE: Jesus.
2044
01:46:55,951 --> 01:46:57,745
We must get the collar off.
Forget it. It's no use.
2045
01:46:57,828 --> 01:46:59,580
These collars
don't just come off.
2046
01:46:59,705 --> 01:47:00,706
Wade.
2047
01:47:01,290 --> 01:47:02,917
I have an idea.
2048
01:47:03,250 --> 01:47:05,252
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!
2049
01:47:05,419 --> 01:47:07,713
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...
2050
01:47:07,880 --> 01:47:10,925
Oh, God! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.
2051
01:47:11,008 --> 01:47:13,260
(COLLAR BUZZING)
RUSSELL: We need the code.
2052
01:47:13,427 --> 01:47:15,220
Try, uh, seven?
2053
01:47:15,387 --> 01:47:16,847
DEADPOOL: Settle down,
Captain Lucky.
2054
01:47:17,014 --> 01:47:18,349
It's not gonna be one number.
2055
01:47:18,515 --> 01:47:19,600
Oh, God,
that's lazy writing.
2056
01:47:20,601 --> 01:47:21,936
I still got it.
2057
01:47:23,187 --> 01:47:24,396
(DEADPOOL GROANS)
2058
01:47:24,939 --> 01:47:26,899
Put that back
in your prison wallet.
2059
01:47:28,651 --> 01:47:30,402
I don't know
how to thank you.
2060
01:47:30,569 --> 01:47:32,071
But I do know
how to hug you.
2061
01:47:32,529 --> 01:47:33,697
No.
Yes.
2062
01:47:33,864 --> 01:47:35,324
Here we go. Bring it in.
2063
01:47:35,407 --> 01:47:36,408
Come on.
2064
01:47:36,533 --> 01:47:37,826
Pelvis to pelvis.
2065
01:47:37,993 --> 01:47:39,244
Let's go tip to tip.
2066
01:47:39,411 --> 01:47:41,914
There we go.
The kids call this docking.
2067
01:47:41,997 --> 01:47:43,415
(KNIFE UNSHEATHES)
2068
01:47:43,666 --> 01:47:44,708
Is there a knife
in my dick?
2069
01:47:44,875 --> 01:47:47,044
There's a knife in your dick.
I'm just gonna back up now.
2070
01:47:47,211 --> 01:47:48,879
Yeah, yeah.
No need to go full Yentl.
2071
01:47:49,046 --> 01:47:51,715
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.
2072
01:47:51,882 --> 01:47:53,801
Let's go home, Russell.
2073
01:47:57,471 --> 01:47:59,682
All you dirty mutants
2074
01:47:59,765 --> 01:48:01,725
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!
2075
01:48:01,892 --> 01:48:04,853
Your souls
are beyond redemption!
2076
01:48:05,020 --> 01:48:06,188
Let's see your soul, perv!
2077
01:48:06,355 --> 01:48:09,066
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
2078
01:48:09,233 --> 01:48:10,317
We're better than him!
2079
01:48:10,484 --> 01:48:13,028
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!
2080
01:48:13,195 --> 01:48:14,655
We'll let karma
take care of him.
2081
01:48:14,863 --> 01:48:17,825
The day of reckoning
is here!
2082
01:48:18,784 --> 01:48:20,035
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2083
01:48:20,160 --> 01:48:21,328
(CRASHING)
2084
01:48:27,167 --> 01:48:29,169
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
2085
01:48:29,294 --> 01:48:30,462
Whoo!
2086
01:48:30,546 --> 01:48:32,047
Courage, motherfuckers!
2087
01:48:32,256 --> 01:48:33,382
And karma, motherfucker.
2088
01:48:33,590 --> 01:48:35,092
DEADPOOL: I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.
2089
01:48:35,259 --> 01:48:37,136
I could barely keep
a straight face. (LAUGHS)
2090
01:48:37,302 --> 01:48:39,013
I want some more.
2091
01:48:39,221 --> 01:48:40,764
I bet you do, Brown Panther.
2092
01:48:40,931 --> 01:48:43,934
We should leave
before Fuckernaut wakes up.
2093
01:48:44,518 --> 01:48:46,645
Good call.
You guys
coming with us?
2094
01:48:46,854 --> 01:48:48,647
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
2095
01:48:48,814 --> 01:48:50,107
Besides, we're X-Men.
2096
01:48:50,399 --> 01:48:52,943
No, you're X-People.
2097
01:48:53,110 --> 01:48:54,278
You're exhausting.
2098
01:48:54,570 --> 01:48:56,405
I see what you did there.
Puns.
2099
01:48:56,947 --> 01:48:59,158
Bye, Wade!
Bye, Yukio!
2100
01:48:59,324 --> 01:49:00,325
(WE BELONG PLAYING)
2101
01:49:01,702 --> 01:49:02,745
DEADPOOL: What do you get
2102
01:49:02,828 --> 01:49:03,912
when you take
eight feet of chrome...
2103
01:49:03,996 --> 01:49:05,039
one pinch of courage...
2104
01:49:05,205 --> 01:49:06,331
a cup of good luck...
2105
01:49:06,498 --> 01:49:07,916
a dab of racism...
2106
01:49:08,083 --> 01:49:09,168
a splash of diabetes...
2107
01:49:09,334 --> 01:49:11,670
and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?
2108
01:49:12,087 --> 01:49:14,256
Answer: a family.
2109
01:49:14,840 --> 01:49:17,843
See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.
2110
01:49:18,010 --> 01:49:19,303
If there's anything
you take away today...
2111
01:49:19,386 --> 01:49:22,431
other than the need to Google,
"What the fuck is dubstep?"...
2112
01:49:22,514 --> 01:49:25,309
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.
2113
01:51:22,509 --> 01:51:24,261
How something
so small generates
2114
01:51:24,344 --> 01:51:26,180
enough energy
to reverse time is...
2115
01:51:26,263 --> 01:51:28,223
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
2116
01:51:28,307 --> 01:51:30,350
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.
2117
01:51:30,601 --> 01:51:31,768
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.
2118
01:51:31,852 --> 01:51:32,853
Never heard of him.
2119
01:51:32,936 --> 01:51:34,396
Why do you think
I'm helping him?
2120
01:51:35,689 --> 01:51:37,900
The Lord works
in mysterious ways,
2121
01:51:37,983 --> 01:51:39,985
don't I? A good day.
2122
01:51:40,944 --> 01:51:41,945
Bye, Wade!
2123
01:51:42,446 --> 01:51:43,447
Bye, Yukio!
2124
01:51:44,781 --> 01:51:46,992
That was probably a bad idea.
2125
01:51:47,326 --> 01:51:48,452
What have we done?
2126
01:51:49,244 --> 01:51:51,246
(IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME
PLAYING)
2127
01:52:06,845 --> 01:52:08,722
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
2128
01:52:08,972 --> 01:52:10,349
(BOTH PANTING)
(GASPS)
2129
01:52:19,066 --> 01:52:20,525
I'll be right back!
2130
01:52:22,486 --> 01:52:25,030
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!
2131
01:52:25,405 --> 01:52:26,406
Whoo!
2132
01:52:28,242 --> 01:52:29,493
DEADPOOL: Peter!
2133
01:52:29,660 --> 01:52:31,036
Whoo! X-Force!
2134
01:52:31,245 --> 01:52:33,455
Walk away! Just walk away!
2135
01:52:34,289 --> 01:52:35,499
But we're X-Force!
2136
01:52:35,582 --> 01:52:37,042
Nope! We're not,
there's no X-Force!
2137
01:52:37,292 --> 01:52:40,128
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!
2138
01:52:40,712 --> 01:52:42,965
Go home, Sugarbear.
Go home.
2139
01:52:43,590 --> 01:52:46,176
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?
2140
01:52:55,394 --> 01:52:57,187
Wade, is that you?
2141
01:52:59,523 --> 01:53:00,857
I guess Stryker finally
2142
01:53:00,941 --> 01:53:02,234
figured out
how to shut you up.
2143
01:53:05,153 --> 01:53:06,530
(GUNSHOT)
2144
01:53:08,907 --> 01:53:11,994
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!
2145
01:53:12,160 --> 01:53:14,079
Just cleaning up
the timelines!
2146
01:53:14,371 --> 01:53:15,706
(GUNSHOTS)
2147
01:53:19,001 --> 01:53:20,294
(WHISPERS) Love you!
2148
01:53:22,754 --> 01:53:24,047
Welcome to
the big leagues, kid.
2149
01:53:25,632 --> 01:53:26,633
(GUNSHOT)
2150
01:53:31,555 --> 01:53:33,390
You're welcome, Canada.
2151
01:54:54,137 --> 01:54:56,098
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
2152
01:58:40,572 --> 01:58:42,157
(CHOIR SINGING)
149783
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