Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:02:13,694 --> 00:02:16,135
Fuck Wolverine.
2
00:02:17,041 --> 00:02:19,879
First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.
3
00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:24,144
Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.
4
00:02:24,493 --> 00:02:26,269
What a dick.
5
00:02:26,441 --> 00:02:28,445
Well, guess what, Wolvie?
6
00:02:28,693 --> 00:02:30,822
I'm dying in this one, too.
7
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,703
To understand
why I took a cat-nap
8
00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:38,804
on 1,200 gallons
of high-test fuel...
9
00:02:38,881 --> 00:02:40,325
I need to take you back
10
00:02:40,402 --> 00:02:42,587
to the dewy slopes
of six weeks ago.
11
00:02:42,664 --> 00:02:43,978
I'd gone international,
12
00:02:44,055 --> 00:02:45,969
taking out mass murderers,
gangsters,
13
00:02:46,046 --> 00:02:47,765
unspeakable monsters.
14
00:02:47,842 --> 00:02:50,806
People nobody would touch.
Except me.
15
00:02:50,883 --> 00:02:53,160
I'm gonna touch them all over.
16
00:02:56,315 --> 00:02:58,199
Hey, it's Gail calling.
17
00:02:58,276 --> 00:02:59,385
Love the shiny suit.
18
00:02:59,462 --> 00:03:00,451
Really brings out
19
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,152
the sex trafficker in your eyes.
20
00:03:02,229 --> 00:03:04,327
Whatever they're paying,
I'll double it.
21
00:03:04,404 --> 00:03:07,607
I don't
speak Cantonese, Mister...
22
00:03:08,571 --> 00:03:10,668
Well, I'm not even gonna
attempt that.
23
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:13,394
But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so...
24
00:03:13,471 --> 00:03:15,462
Where is the library?
25
00:03:15,539 --> 00:03:17,734
Which literally
translates to...
26
00:03:18,579 --> 00:03:21,217
I don't bargain,
pumpkin fucker.
27
00:03:31,335 --> 00:03:33,938
Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's.
28
00:03:34,015 --> 00:03:35,439
I am so sorry.
29
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:37,332
I thought this was
an anal-bleaching party.
30
00:03:59,453 --> 00:04:01,507
Don't worry.
You're not going to die.
31
00:04:01,584 --> 00:04:03,824
Although these will kill you.
32
00:04:03,901 --> 00:04:05,371
Hit it, Dolly.
33
00:04:25,029 --> 00:04:27,383
I'm merely
a vessel for the Lord.
34
00:04:37,838 --> 00:04:41,084
Taking the hands out
of the guns of the criminals!
35
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,514
Whoo! Do not go in there!
36
00:04:57,033 --> 00:04:59,490
Let's see
Captain America do that.
37
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,792
Too exotic?
38
00:05:31,741 --> 00:05:33,958
I don't bargain.
39
00:06:31,622 --> 00:06:34,859
Oh, God! Oh, God,
time out! Time out!
40
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:38,326
Cut. I've got bad guy blood,
right in my open eye.
41
00:06:38,403 --> 00:06:40,773
Oh, that's so gross.
42
00:06:41,698 --> 00:06:42,949
Fuck.
43
00:06:43,793 --> 00:06:45,887
Looks like you left
a little landing strip there.
44
00:06:45,964 --> 00:06:47,176
I like it.
45
00:06:52,113 --> 00:06:54,124
Ohhhh, man!
46
00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,917
My world tour
brought me home
47
00:06:59,994 --> 00:07:02,151
to this guy,
Sergei Valishnikov.
48
00:07:02,228 --> 00:07:03,694
But we'll get to him
in a moment.
49
00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:05,254
'Cause I know
what you're thinking.
50
00:07:05,363 --> 00:07:08,153
"I'm so glad
I left the kiddos at home."
51
00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:09,788
But that's where
you'd be wrong.
52
00:07:09,865 --> 00:07:12,893
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...
53
00:07:12,970 --> 00:07:17,182
and, believe it or not,
Deadpom 2 is a family film.
54
00:07:17,259 --> 00:07:18,251
True story.
55
00:07:18,328 --> 00:07:22,062
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
56
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:25,227
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
57
00:07:25,304 --> 00:07:28,548
Holy shit pickles!
That guy's on fire.
58
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:31,510
That's not CGI, folks.
He's actually on fire.
59
00:07:31,587 --> 00:07:35,004
Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
60
00:07:35,081 --> 00:07:36,097
But this guy?
61
00:07:36,174 --> 00:07:38,470
He was
one of the worst of 'em.
62
00:07:40,766 --> 00:07:42,679
Hurry up and open
this fucking door,
63
00:07:42,756 --> 00:07:44,464
and let's kill
this motherfucker!
64
00:07:50,844 --> 00:07:52,821
Ugh. So gross.
65
00:07:52,898 --> 00:07:55,620
A panic room? Really?
66
00:07:55,812 --> 00:07:57,811
Can you come out?
67
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:01,612
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
68
00:08:06,792 --> 00:08:08,092
Over and
over, I hear people say,
69
00:08:08,169 --> 00:08:09,709
"I just don't have
enough confidence."
70
00:08:09,786 --> 00:08:11,961
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.
71
00:08:12,038 --> 00:08:13,296
It's something you create.
72
00:08:13,373 --> 00:08:15,423
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
73
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:17,101
A sense of confidence
is nothing
74
00:08:17,178 --> 00:08:18,944
but a sense of power
within yourself...
75
00:08:19,021 --> 00:08:21,381
a sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.
76
00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:22,638
Start the fucking car!
77
00:08:22,715 --> 00:08:23,726
Dopinder!
78
00:08:23,809 --> 00:08:25,933
Start the fucking car!
79
00:08:30,024 --> 00:08:32,491
Shoot that motherfucker!
Shoot him!
80
00:08:32,568 --> 00:08:34,243
Whoo!
Oh, I shit my pants.
81
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,693
Actually, that may
have been me.
82
00:08:36,781 --> 00:08:38,030
Oh, mission accomplished?
83
00:08:38,107 --> 00:08:40,141
Oh, in a George W.
Sort of way.
84
00:08:40,218 --> 00:08:42,131
Fucker can't stay
in a panic room forever.
85
00:08:42,208 --> 00:08:43,678
Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.
86
00:08:43,755 --> 00:08:45,593
It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,
87
00:08:45,670 --> 00:08:46,849
and who' da thought'?
88
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:49,393
Now I'm talked about
in the same sentence as Jesus.
89
00:08:49,470 --> 00:08:51,311
Passion of the Christ,
then me.
90
00:08:51,388 --> 00:08:52,604
At least domestically.
91
00:08:52,681 --> 00:08:53,856
We beat them overseas,
92
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,973
where there's no such thing
as religion.
93
00:08:56,050 --> 00:08:58,225
I do want to live
the dreams, Pool Boy.
94
00:08:58,302 --> 00:09:00,571
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.
95
00:09:00,648 --> 00:09:02,480
I want to fill my...
Pockets?
96
00:09:02,557 --> 00:09:05,659
What's your poison?
A little, uh, cokey cokey?
97
00:09:05,736 --> 00:09:07,109
Can't maintain an erection
98
00:09:07,186 --> 00:09:08,672
without buying shoes online?
99
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,696
I've never experienced
that last one.
100
00:09:10,773 --> 00:09:11,915
Talk to me, Goose.
101
00:09:11,992 --> 00:09:14,867
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
102
00:09:14,944 --> 00:09:17,973
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.
103
00:09:18,050 --> 00:09:19,710
Dopmdenn
Hmm?
104
00:09:19,944 --> 00:09:21,989
You never cease
to surprise me.
105
00:09:23,170 --> 00:09:25,971
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
106
00:09:26,048 --> 00:09:27,681
We all need
a sense of belonging.
107
00:09:27,758 --> 00:09:29,516
We all need
a genuine sense of home.
108
00:09:29,593 --> 00:09:30,684
A place in this world.
109
00:09:30,761 --> 00:09:32,384
I want to become
a contract killer.
110
00:09:32,461 --> 00:09:33,849
I'm sorry. What did you say?
111
00:09:34,014 --> 00:09:35,939
Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu
112
00:09:36,016 --> 00:09:37,553
and threatened him
with great violence?
113
00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:38,734
You kind of killed him.
114
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:40,643
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?
115
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:41,778
Don't want to.
116
00:09:41,855 --> 00:09:42,979
When Tom Cruise fed
117
00:09:43,056 --> 00:09:44,818
10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood
118
00:09:44,895 --> 00:09:46,107
for the first time...
119
00:09:46,184 --> 00:09:48,567
and she looked up
at his smooth,
120
00:09:48,644 --> 00:09:50,991
handsome face and said...
121
00:09:51,573 --> 00:09:53,332
"I want some more."
122
00:09:53,409 --> 00:09:57,247
Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
123
00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,292
I'll never not picture that.
124
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,665
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
125
00:10:02,742 --> 00:10:04,254
as soon as possible.
126
00:10:04,753 --> 00:10:07,466
We're here.
127
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:15,979
Dopinder, it's me again.
128
00:10:16,056 --> 00:10:17,805
Look, a saner man
might discourage you
129
00:10:17,882 --> 00:10:19,724
from joining
the deadly merc business...
130
00:10:19,801 --> 00:10:21,225
what, with your concave chest
131
00:10:21,302 --> 00:10:22,935
and your
paper towel tube arms.
132
00:10:23,012 --> 00:10:24,613
But you're an eagle...
133
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:26,657
and goddamn it,
an eagle's gotta soar.
134
00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:28,075
You gotta grab those dreams,
135
00:10:28,152 --> 00:10:29,817
grab those dreams
by the dick tip...
136
00:10:29,894 --> 00:10:31,328
and make it rain!
137
00:10:31,405 --> 00:10:33,362
I don't know what that means.
138
00:10:33,439 --> 00:10:35,535
Me neither.
139
00:10:35,909 --> 00:10:37,579
I'm gonna see you...
140
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,249
at the office.
141
00:10:40,622 --> 00:10:41,713
In the sky.
142
00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:42,913
You're my Tom Cruise!
143
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:44,623
And you're my Kristen Dunst!
144
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:46,088
Kristen? Kirsten?
145
00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:52,724
Sorry I'm late.
146
00:10:52,801 --> 00:10:54,351
There was a bunch of
147
00:10:54,428 --> 00:10:56,552
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...
148
00:10:56,629 --> 00:10:58,016
and I had to, uh...
Uh-uh.
149
00:10:58,098 --> 00:11:00,816
You're right.
I was fighting a caped badass.
150
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:03,267
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.
151
00:11:03,344 --> 00:11:05,440
No.
You got me.
152
00:11:05,543 --> 00:11:07,301
I was rounding up
all the gluten
153
00:11:07,378 --> 00:11:08,869
in the world and
launching it into space...
154
00:11:08,946 --> 00:11:10,878
where it can't not
hurt us ever again.
155
00:11:10,955 --> 00:11:12,071
Try again.
156
00:11:12,654 --> 00:11:14,073
Diarrhea?
157
00:11:14,239 --> 00:11:16,209
We can't be sure
until I get this suit off...
158
00:11:16,950 --> 00:11:19,121
but, uh,
all signs point to yes.
159
00:11:20,829 --> 00:11:21,830
Traffic?
160
00:11:22,456 --> 00:11:23,499
Hmm?
161
00:11:24,708 --> 00:11:26,373
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
162
00:11:26,450 --> 00:11:27,587
Well, come here.
163
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:41,059
I'm gonna shower
and get out of this suit.
164
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:42,807
Don't you want
your surprise?
165
00:11:42,884 --> 00:11:44,855
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?
166
00:11:45,437 --> 00:11:46,898
I got one for you, too.
167
00:11:47,815 --> 00:11:49,333
Happy anniversary, baby.
168
00:11:49,410 --> 00:11:51,153
Open, open, open.
169
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:54,489
Skee-Ball token.
170
00:11:54,738 --> 00:11:56,153
Our first date.
171
00:11:56,230 --> 00:11:57,407
Yup.
172
00:11:57,783 --> 00:12:00,662
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.
173
00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:05,459
I'll keep it forever.
174
00:12:05,707 --> 00:12:07,336
Thank you, baby.
175
00:12:08,752 --> 00:12:10,672
Open yours.
All right, all right.
176
00:12:11,338 --> 00:12:12,673
Oh...
177
00:12:14,049 --> 00:12:15,965
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
178
00:12:16,042 --> 00:12:17,383
I don't know
what this is.
179
00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:18,887
My mo.
180
00:12:19,263 --> 00:12:20,264
A bomb?
181
00:12:20,347 --> 00:12:23,352
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
182
00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:24,765
What, you mean that your...
183
00:12:24,842 --> 00:12:26,559
Baby factory's open
for business.
184
00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:27,856
Oh, my God!
185
00:12:27,933 --> 00:12:31,114
Oh, my God! I want a boy!
186
00:12:31,191 --> 00:12:34,237
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
187
00:12:34,319 --> 00:12:37,324
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
188
00:12:37,698 --> 00:12:40,452
Like Cher or Todd.
189
00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:43,053
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.
190
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,730
- Yes, I do.
- Let's watch some porn
191
00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:47,370
- and show that bed who's boss.
- Let's do that.
192
00:12:47,958 --> 00:12:49,628
Papa...
193
00:12:50,025 --> 00:12:52,404
Can you hear me?
194
00:12:53,755 --> 00:12:56,301
Papa, can you see me?
195
00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:58,887
Does this song
sound familiar to you?
196
00:13:00,853 --> 00:13:02,313
May.
197
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:07,219
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
198
00:13:09,563 --> 00:13:11,940
So weird.
199
00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:14,653
Family was always
an F-word to me.
200
00:13:15,944 --> 00:13:19,366
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
201
00:13:20,324 --> 00:13:22,615
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
202
00:13:22,692 --> 00:13:24,538
to draw off of for Todd.
203
00:13:25,495 --> 00:13:28,547
Hey. Look at me.
204
00:13:29,450 --> 00:13:31,852
You are not your father.
205
00:13:33,170 --> 00:13:34,588
Besides...
206
00:13:34,671 --> 00:13:39,594
l will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
207
00:13:40,385 --> 00:13:41,467
But here's the thing,
208
00:13:41,544 --> 00:13:43,223
isn't that how
it always works?
209
00:13:43,347 --> 00:13:44,855
Like in Star Wars,
210
00:13:44,932 --> 00:13:47,274
men are destined
to become their father...
211
00:13:47,684 --> 00:13:50,602
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?
212
00:13:50,812 --> 00:13:53,743
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.
213
00:13:54,149 --> 00:13:56,399
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.
214
00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:58,342
Baby, that's Empire.
215
00:13:58,632 --> 00:14:01,428
The point is, kids...
216
00:14:02,658 --> 00:14:05,516
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.
217
00:14:06,119 --> 00:14:08,457
Better than we used to be.
218
00:14:08,830 --> 00:14:11,543
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
219
00:14:12,383 --> 00:14:13,969
I'm gonna go make dessert.
220
00:14:14,086 --> 00:14:17,579
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.
221
00:14:18,675 --> 00:14:21,137
Pretty sure it doesn't work
that way, but we can try.
222
00:14:22,010 --> 00:14:25,672
What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?
223
00:14:25,794 --> 00:14:27,517
It's too stripper-y.
224
00:14:27,594 --> 00:14:29,139
Kevin With a "K"!
225
00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:31,438
No, too stripper-y, too.
226
00:14:31,741 --> 00:14:33,326
Uh, Earl!
227
00:14:33,669 --> 00:14:36,381
He's gonna go straight to jail
228
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,266
if we name him Earl.
229
00:14:38,468 --> 00:14:39,996
What about Bruce?
230
00:14:40,073 --> 00:14:41,296
No.
231
00:14:42,919 --> 00:14:44,051
Get down.
232
00:14:44,129 --> 00:14:45,161
What?
233
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:16,477
Baby? Baby?
234
00:15:18,975 --> 00:15:20,473
I'm okay.
235
00:15:20,637 --> 00:15:23,992
Ha! Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
236
00:15:58,496 --> 00:15:59,825
Please.
237
00:16:04,863 --> 00:16:06,924
Please. Please.
238
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:09,927
Baby, I'm so sorry.
239
00:16:10,004 --> 00:16:13,747
No!
240
00:19:18,265 --> 00:19:21,322
Papa, can you hear me?
241
00:19:21,935 --> 00:19:23,443
Is it just me, or does
242
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,352
Do You Want to Build
a Snowman? from Frozen...
243
00:19:25,429 --> 00:19:26,694
sound suspiciously like
244
00:19:26,771 --> 00:19:28,825
Papa, Can You Hear Me?
From Yentl?
245
00:19:29,908 --> 00:19:32,245
Papa, can you hear me?
246
00:19:33,947 --> 00:19:36,388
And nobody
fucking realizes it.
247
00:19:36,465 --> 00:19:38,119
Wade, you gotta go home.
248
00:19:38,201 --> 00:19:40,956
You've been sitting here
for three days, okay?
249
00:19:41,033 --> 00:19:44,683
You smell like sauerkraut
left in the warm rain.
250
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,117
Like wet garbage
in hot urine.
251
00:19:47,194 --> 00:19:49,219
You smell like
a dog ate kitty litter...
252
00:19:49,296 --> 00:19:51,378
and then farted his way
out of the living room.
253
00:19:51,455 --> 00:19:53,181
I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's
254
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:55,011
couch cushions
after Shark Week.
255
00:19:55,088 --> 00:19:56,643
Hove Frozen.
256
00:19:56,886 --> 00:20:00,308
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
257
00:20:00,420 --> 00:20:01,680
An ocean is water.
258
00:20:01,757 --> 00:20:06,330
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
259
00:20:06,694 --> 00:20:08,061
George Michael was right.
260
00:20:08,138 --> 00:20:10,229
I'm never gonna
dance again. Fuck!
261
00:20:10,483 --> 00:20:11,963
He's dead, too.
262
00:20:12,652 --> 00:20:14,030
At least we still have Bowie.
263
00:20:14,107 --> 00:20:15,498
Oh, Mr. Pool.
David Bowie is...
264
00:20:15,575 --> 00:20:16,729
Uh, uh, uh...
265
00:20:17,047 --> 00:20:18,316
still With us.
266
00:20:18,393 --> 00:20:21,143
We do.
We'll always have Bowie.
267
00:20:21,898 --> 00:20:23,022
I'm sorry.
268
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,212
Shot after shot,
269
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,445
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...
270
00:20:26,522 --> 00:20:27,956
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?
271
00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:30,854
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
272
00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:32,549
- Is he pissing?
- I'm on it!
273
00:20:32,741 --> 00:20:33,972
There you go, Dopinder.
274
00:20:34,049 --> 00:20:36,005
If you want to be
a contract killer...
275
00:20:36,082 --> 00:20:38,518
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
276
00:20:38,595 --> 00:20:39,922
Although I don't
quite understand
277
00:20:39,999 --> 00:20:41,140
how they are at all similar.
278
00:20:41,217 --> 00:20:43,555
'Cause I could shove either
one up your ass and kill you.
279
00:20:43,632 --> 00:20:44,723
Now, leave me.
280
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:45,897
I get it.
281
00:20:46,073 --> 00:20:47,728
Go home, Wade.
282
00:20:47,896 --> 00:20:50,744
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...
283
00:20:51,276 --> 00:20:52,627
Okay, I'm fine.
284
00:20:52,897 --> 00:20:54,039
I'm fine.
285
00:20:54,117 --> 00:20:56,076
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
286
00:20:56,153 --> 00:20:59,625
Fucked up, insecure,
needy, and emotional.
287
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:01,400
According to the...
288
00:21:02,535 --> 00:21:03,873
Khmer-Ross.
Yeah.
289
00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:05,825
According to
the KUbler-Ross model...
290
00:21:05,902 --> 00:21:08,662
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
291
00:21:08,739 --> 00:21:10,835
Jesus Christ, Buck!
292
00:21:11,169 --> 00:21:13,298
No more speaking lines
for you.
293
00:21:21,721 --> 00:21:24,063
Hey, bud. Bud.
294
00:21:24,140 --> 00:21:26,077
- Huh?
- Got a match?
295
00:21:26,154 --> 00:21:27,328
Match?
296
00:21:27,670 --> 00:21:29,152
Yes, I have one right here.
297
00:21:29,229 --> 00:21:30,727
Don't make a move.
This is a stick-up.
298
00:21:30,804 --> 00:21:32,447
- What?
- You heard me.
299
00:21:32,524 --> 00:21:34,606
JACK". Mister, Mister,
put down that gun.
300
00:21:34,683 --> 00:21:37,721
Shut up. Now, come on.
Your money or your life?
301
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:49,176
Look, bud. I said,
"Your money or your life."
302
00:21:49,253 --> 00:21:50,623
"I'm thinking it over!"
303
00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:52,088
Motherfuck!
304
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:53,247
Fuck!
305
00:21:53,916 --> 00:21:55,209
Hoh!
306
00:21:56,005 --> 00:21:57,542
The hell you doin' here?
307
00:21:57,619 --> 00:21:59,432
Don't you know how to knock?
308
00:21:59,676 --> 00:22:01,510
I thought you saw me...
309
00:22:01,587 --> 00:22:03,007
with your ears.
310
00:22:03,084 --> 00:22:05,380
- You're lucky I didn't shootyouintheu.
- The wall?
311
00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:08,736
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
312
00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:13,228
I heard the news,
sweetie.
313
00:22:13,305 --> 00:22:15,193
I'm very sorry. lam.
314
00:22:15,358 --> 00:22:17,241
What am I gonna do, Al?
315
00:22:17,318 --> 00:22:19,238
Probably something terrible.
316
00:22:20,196 --> 00:22:21,537
Knowing you.
317
00:22:21,614 --> 00:22:23,368
It was my fault.
318
00:22:24,367 --> 00:22:26,454
I fucking did this.
319
00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:28,994
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her
320
00:22:29,071 --> 00:22:31,209
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
321
00:22:32,959 --> 00:22:34,592
She's gone.
322
00:22:34,669 --> 00:22:38,299
Sweetheart,
can you speak up?
323
00:22:38,552 --> 00:22:40,008
It's a little hard
to hear you
324
00:22:40,085 --> 00:22:41,548
with that pity dick
in your mouth.
325
00:22:41,625 --> 00:22:44,634
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.
326
00:22:44,711 --> 00:22:45,750
Thank you...
327
00:22:45,827 --> 00:22:49,014
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
328
00:22:49,091 --> 00:22:51,067
Listen to the pain.
329
00:22:51,144 --> 00:22:53,935
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
330
00:22:54,012 --> 00:22:57,026
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
331
00:22:57,609 --> 00:23:01,072
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
332
00:23:01,529 --> 00:23:04,611
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
333
00:23:06,836 --> 00:23:08,045
Wade?
334
00:23:10,413 --> 00:23:12,502
Wade?
I'm right here, Althea.
335
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,158
And that is
the most beautiful thing
336
00:23:15,330 --> 00:23:16,877
I've ever heard.
337
00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:19,108
And you're absolutely right.
338
00:23:22,634 --> 00:23:25,221
I'm about to do
something terrible.
339
00:23:30,948 --> 00:23:32,690
Precious, aren't they?
340
00:23:33,037 --> 00:23:34,413
Whoa!
341
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,216
Are you a superhero?
342
00:23:36,293 --> 00:23:37,767
Fucking A, sweetie.
343
00:23:37,844 --> 00:23:39,344
What's your name?
344
00:23:39,421 --> 00:23:41,279
Captain Delicious Pants.
345
00:23:41,356 --> 00:23:43,611
Who's Captain Delicious Pants?
346
00:24:08,897 --> 00:24:10,813
I can't believe
he's still alive.
347
00:24:10,890 --> 00:24:13,603
I can't believe you left
the house in that shirt.
348
00:24:14,853 --> 00:24:16,852
There's gotta be
some way to die.
349
00:24:16,929 --> 00:24:18,937
L just need to die harder.
350
00:24:19,014 --> 00:24:20,156
Trademark Fox.
351
00:24:20,233 --> 00:24:21,444
Y'all caught up now?
352
00:24:34,497 --> 00:24:36,292
Open for business.
353
00:24:40,003 --> 00:24:42,265
Your crazy
matches my crazy.
354
00:24:42,342 --> 00:24:44,425
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
355
00:24:44,502 --> 00:24:45,558
Skee-Ball token.
356
00:24:45,635 --> 00:24:47,533
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
357
00:24:52,418 --> 00:24:53,908
About why
we're so good together.
358
00:24:53,985 --> 00:24:55,424
I love you,
Wade Wilson.
359
00:24:57,979 --> 00:24:59,397
Ness?
360
00:25:00,763 --> 00:25:01,889
Ness?
361
00:25:03,004 --> 00:25:04,092
Ness.
362
00:25:04,389 --> 00:25:07,353
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
363
00:25:08,823 --> 00:25:11,119
Your heart's not
in the right place.
364
00:25:11,409 --> 00:25:13,454
Wait, hold on. What?
365
00:25:14,078 --> 00:25:16,177
Your heart's not
in the right place.
366
00:25:16,254 --> 00:25:17,319
Wait. What do you mean
367
00:25:17,396 --> 00:25:19,566
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...
368
00:25:38,688 --> 00:25:41,119
I'm terribly sorry
for your loss, Wade.
369
00:25:41,339 --> 00:25:42,572
You're broken.
370
00:25:42,881 --> 00:25:46,142
Oh, God.
I know that voice.
371
00:26:07,048 --> 00:26:08,472
Well, Russell.
372
00:26:08,549 --> 00:26:11,429
I hear you're handy
at picking locks.
373
00:26:12,501 --> 00:26:14,818
There will be no need
for that here.
374
00:26:14,895 --> 00:26:18,470
There's no locks on our doors,
no bars on our windows.
375
00:26:19,519 --> 00:26:21,423
I know what you're thinking.
376
00:26:21,531 --> 00:26:23,790
Why don't the kids just run?
377
00:26:24,236 --> 00:26:26,990
Who would choose to stay
in such a place?
378
00:26:27,276 --> 00:26:29,530
You stay because...
379
00:26:29,821 --> 00:26:34,744
deep down inside, you know
you're unfit to leave.
380
00:26:38,371 --> 00:26:40,166
Don't worry.
381
00:26:40,974 --> 00:26:42,852
We can fix that.
382
00:26:47,630 --> 00:26:51,594
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand.
383
00:27:13,364 --> 00:27:16,432
"Heart's in the right place."
What does that mean?
384
00:27:16,509 --> 00:27:18,396
Take your mask off, Wade.
385
00:27:18,473 --> 00:27:20,181
I wish you'd said "pants".
386
00:27:20,258 --> 00:27:21,462
Let's play a game.
387
00:27:21,539 --> 00:27:23,842
It's called
"Adrien Brody or Adam Brody?".
388
00:27:23,949 --> 00:27:26,433
Now, close your eyes
and open your mouth.
389
00:27:26,510 --> 00:27:28,483
You don't need
to be funny here.
390
00:27:28,772 --> 00:27:30,063
We must talk.
391
00:27:30,140 --> 00:27:32,646
You need fresh start.
392
00:27:32,723 --> 00:27:34,261
Such a glare.
393
00:27:34,343 --> 00:27:36,624
It's like I'm on stage
at the Gaiety.
394
00:27:36,701 --> 00:27:39,230
With training,
you can be X-Man.
395
00:27:39,307 --> 00:27:41,436
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.
396
00:27:41,513 --> 00:27:42,807
I'm not X-Man material.
397
00:27:42,884 --> 00:27:44,605
Understatement of the year.
398
00:27:44,930 --> 00:27:46,272
Wade, Yukio.
399
00:27:46,349 --> 00:27:47,692
Yukio, Wade.
400
00:27:48,274 --> 00:27:50,366
What in the fuck knuckles
is this?
401
00:27:50,443 --> 00:27:52,252
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.
402
00:27:52,329 --> 00:27:54,816
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fox & Friends.
403
00:27:54,893 --> 00:27:56,818
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
404
00:27:56,895 --> 00:27:59,325
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.
405
00:27:59,568 --> 00:28:01,113
I like this guy.
406
00:28:01,454 --> 00:28:02,913
Give him a chance.
407
00:28:03,581 --> 00:28:06,616
- It's great seeing you like this.
- Ha, ha, hah.
408
00:28:07,131 --> 00:28:08,131
Bye, Wade!
409
00:28:08,242 --> 00:28:10,810
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
410
00:28:10,992 --> 00:28:14,045
"Rule number one.
No killing...
411
00:28:14,122 --> 00:28:17,389
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.
412
00:28:17,466 --> 00:28:20,342
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."
413
00:28:20,541 --> 00:28:21,690
Wade?
414
00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:23,184
Wade?
415
00:28:23,392 --> 00:28:25,192
Don't try to chase me.
Wade!
416
00:28:25,269 --> 00:28:27,393
I'm not ready
to be touched again.
417
00:28:27,470 --> 00:28:29,613
All these old guys
on the wall.
418
00:28:29,690 --> 00:28:31,986
Who lives here,
Calista Flockhart?
419
00:28:33,844 --> 00:28:36,741
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
420
00:28:37,031 --> 00:28:38,947
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
421
00:28:39,024 --> 00:28:41,241
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
422
00:28:41,318 --> 00:28:44,040
And how would I
do that exactly?
423
00:28:44,163 --> 00:28:46,589
'Cause where the fuck
is everyone?
424
00:28:46,666 --> 00:28:47,795
It's always just you
425
00:28:47,872 --> 00:28:49,080
and Negasonic Teenage
426
00:28:49,157 --> 00:28:50,913
- Longest Name Ever...
- Enough!
427
00:28:51,237 --> 00:28:52,772
I said no touching!
428
00:28:53,944 --> 00:28:56,944
What the... fuck?
429
00:28:57,413 --> 00:28:59,676
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
430
00:28:59,753 --> 00:29:01,932
One that doesn't end up
in my mouth.
431
00:29:02,394 --> 00:29:03,763
The first movie
made more money
432
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,067
than the guy
who invented pants.
433
00:29:06,144 --> 00:29:08,314
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
434
00:29:08,391 --> 00:29:10,483
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
435
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:11,818
What do those do anyway, huh?
436
00:29:11,895 --> 00:29:13,356
Carry him
three feet off the ground
437
00:29:13,433 --> 00:29:15,446
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
438
00:29:15,523 --> 00:29:17,620
No, no, no!
439
00:29:17,697 --> 00:29:20,446
Lam not X-Man material
at all.
440
00:29:20,523 --> 00:29:23,085
First off...
441
00:29:23,162 --> 00:29:25,741
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more...
442
00:29:27,010 --> 00:29:28,363
I should have left you
443
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,393
in the self-pitying mess
I found you in.
444
00:29:30,470 --> 00:29:33,286
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
445
00:29:33,363 --> 00:29:35,319
Not when convenient or easy.
446
00:29:35,396 --> 00:29:39,413
When hard,
and you always make it hard.
447
00:29:39,797 --> 00:29:42,106
You are unwell.
448
00:29:42,183 --> 00:29:44,652
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
449
00:29:44,729 --> 00:29:46,017
Wait.
One of the assholes
450
00:29:46,094 --> 00:29:48,366
who... killed Vanessa got away.
451
00:29:50,364 --> 00:29:52,490
Oh, Jesus Christ!
452
00:29:52,567 --> 00:29:54,615
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.
453
00:29:54,692 --> 00:29:56,628
Please know I wouldn't be
able to stop you if you did.
454
00:29:56,705 --> 00:29:58,619
Wade, whoever they are...
455
00:29:58,696 --> 00:30:01,544
we track them down
and bring them to justice.
456
00:30:01,621 --> 00:30:03,002
It was me.
457
00:30:05,870 --> 00:30:07,665
I'm the asshole who got away.
458
00:30:08,581 --> 00:30:11,336
I killed every last one
of them, except me.
459
00:30:11,641 --> 00:30:13,561
Couldn't kill me.
460
00:30:16,486 --> 00:30:18,698
We were gonna start a family.
461
00:30:20,384 --> 00:30:23,203
We were, uh...
462
00:30:23,470 --> 00:30:25,390
We were gonna be a family.
463
00:30:25,887 --> 00:30:27,099
Wade...
464
00:30:27,266 --> 00:30:30,734
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
465
00:30:31,505 --> 00:30:33,947
This may not be
family you want...
466
00:30:34,024 --> 00:30:36,172
but it's family you need.
467
00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:37,629
You have a good heart.
468
00:30:37,706 --> 00:30:40,023
It belongs here
where it can grow.
469
00:30:41,397 --> 00:30:42,836
What did you say?
470
00:30:44,339 --> 00:30:45,883
About my heart?
471
00:30:51,081 --> 00:30:53,383
I think
I'm in the right place.
472
00:32:00,776 --> 00:32:03,552
I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.
473
00:32:03,649 --> 00:32:05,204
Toilet paper.
474
00:32:05,281 --> 00:32:06,738
What's so bad
about toilet paper?
475
00:32:06,815 --> 00:32:08,212
Gets the job done.
476
00:32:08,289 --> 00:32:11,128
Does it really
get the job done?
477
00:32:11,205 --> 00:32:13,161
All right. Say you wake up
tomorrow morning...
478
00:32:13,238 --> 00:32:17,841
and, hypothetically, find some
fresh shit on your face.
479
00:32:17,918 --> 00:32:19,798
Your cheek, maybe
a little bit in the beard.
480
00:32:19,875 --> 00:32:21,097
What the hell?
I'm about to be
481
00:32:21,174 --> 00:32:22,466
- fucking sick!
- What do you do?
482
00:32:22,543 --> 00:32:23,806
Do you go to a bathroom
483
00:32:23,883 --> 00:32:25,516
and tear off
a piece of dry tissue...
484
00:32:25,593 --> 00:32:27,471
and rub it around
on your beard a little bit
485
00:32:27,548 --> 00:32:29,098
and then go on,
get on with your day?
486
00:32:29,175 --> 00:32:30,803
Go to church,
maybe dinner and a movie,
487
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:31,897
like nothing happened?
488
00:32:31,974 --> 00:32:33,389
Where is this
coming from, man?
489
00:32:33,466 --> 00:32:34,608
But something did happen.
490
00:32:34,685 --> 00:32:36,184
Your face smells like shit.
Right?
491
00:32:36,261 --> 00:32:37,736
So what you would do,
492
00:32:37,813 --> 00:32:40,104
is you would get some soap,
you'd get some hot water...
493
00:32:40,181 --> 00:32:42,408
and you would scrub
the fucking shit
494
00:32:42,485 --> 00:32:44,525
out of your beard
for 10 straight minutes.
495
00:32:44,602 --> 00:32:46,112
You could not
scrub it enough.
496
00:32:46,189 --> 00:32:47,985
Are you trying
to make me feel disgusting?
497
00:32:48,062 --> 00:32:50,048
- I'm starting to feel...
- Toilet paper is
498
00:32:50,125 --> 00:32:51,759
a plenty fine appetizer.
499
00:32:51,929 --> 00:32:54,044
But, then...
500
00:32:54,330 --> 00:32:56,435
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.
501
00:32:56,566 --> 00:32:58,049
That's your main course.
502
00:32:58,162 --> 00:33:01,463
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
503
00:33:01,971 --> 00:33:04,847
Finally, one more pass
with toilet paper,
504
00:33:04,924 --> 00:33:06,807
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.
505
00:33:06,884 --> 00:33:08,512
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,
506
00:33:08,589 --> 00:33:09,926
if you can get you
a hair dryer.
507
00:33:10,003 --> 00:33:12,474
Just about 30 seconds
would do you good.
508
00:33:16,046 --> 00:33:17,283
The fuck?
509
00:33:18,158 --> 00:33:19,322
Year.
510
00:33:20,191 --> 00:33:21,330
What?
511
00:33:22,483 --> 00:33:24,174
What year is it?
512
00:33:24,251 --> 00:33:26,871
What kind of dumbass question
is that to ask?
513
00:33:57,393 --> 00:34:00,152
We have 8 weeks
of boot camp ahead of us, men.
514
00:34:00,229 --> 00:34:01,602
That'll get us
toned and prepared
515
00:34:01,679 --> 00:34:03,400
for all manner of combat.
516
00:34:05,276 --> 00:34:09,453
Not working out at all.
517
00:34:09,530 --> 00:34:11,163
Masking tape.
518
00:34:11,240 --> 00:34:13,786
It is no friend
to chilled aluminum.
519
00:34:14,659 --> 00:34:16,627
Velcro.
Color-coded, efficient,
520
00:34:16,704 --> 00:34:18,208
environmentally friendly.
521
00:34:18,539 --> 00:34:20,018
Who is he talking to?
522
00:34:20,095 --> 00:34:22,008
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?
523
00:34:22,085 --> 00:34:23,842
Can we focus
for a moment, ladies?
524
00:34:23,919 --> 00:34:25,899
Please, we need to talk about
next month's meal plan.
525
00:34:25,976 --> 00:34:28,050
Obviously,
everyone hated the ceviche.
526
00:34:28,127 --> 00:34:29,464
I read the suggestion box.
527
00:34:29,541 --> 00:34:31,132
I'm gonna stop you
right there.
528
00:34:31,209 --> 00:34:33,138
I see through this weak act.
529
00:34:33,215 --> 00:34:37,533
You may have fooled Colossus
with this nice guy shit...
530
00:34:37,610 --> 00:34:38,732
but not me.
531
00:34:38,809 --> 00:34:39,932
Don't be mean.
532
00:34:40,009 --> 00:34:41,309
Back Off, NTW.
533
00:34:41,386 --> 00:34:43,487
No, no, no.Lethergo.
534
00:34:43,564 --> 00:34:44,696
Let her go, it's okay.
535
00:34:44,773 --> 00:34:46,397
She has a right
to be skeptical.
536
00:34:46,474 --> 00:34:49,238
Look at me.
I'm an easy target.
537
00:34:50,196 --> 00:34:51,574
You know, historically,
538
00:34:51,651 --> 00:34:53,497
mischief has been
my mistress...
539
00:34:53,574 --> 00:34:56,453
so I understand, you know.
But I like to think...
540
00:34:57,870 --> 00:35:00,040
that you guys have
really rubbed off on me.
541
00:35:01,207 --> 00:35:03,926
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you, too.
542
00:35:05,252 --> 00:35:06,525
A lot.
543
00:35:07,254 --> 00:35:09,809
And for the first time
in a long while...
544
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,415
I like me.
545
00:35:13,344 --> 00:35:15,853
I accept your apology.
I never apologized.
546
00:35:15,930 --> 00:35:17,512
I was talking to your heart.
547
00:35:17,589 --> 00:35:19,972
See? You're not
lost cause you thought.
548
00:35:20,049 --> 00:35:23,226
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.
549
00:35:23,303 --> 00:35:24,801
Thank you, Colossus.
550
00:35:25,272 --> 00:35:26,938
Just trying to be
the world's best X-Man.
551
00:35:27,015 --> 00:35:28,887
Sorry, X-Person.
552
00:35:29,782 --> 00:35:32,652
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.
553
00:35:32,729 --> 00:35:34,240
It's fine.
554
00:35:34,323 --> 00:35:36,801
L just filled it. Give it
a few more pumps there.
555
00:35:37,743 --> 00:35:40,036
Now, if you'll excuse me...
556
00:35:40,287 --> 00:35:42,114
it's dust bunny season...
557
00:35:42,191 --> 00:35:43,786
and I'm hunting wabbits.
558
00:35:43,863 --> 00:35:45,095
Bye, Wade!
559
00:35:46,812 --> 00:35:48,856
Fuck.
Fuck you.
560
00:36:01,350 --> 00:36:03,794
No one is born perfect.
561
00:36:04,015 --> 00:36:05,747
But you can be.
562
00:36:06,021 --> 00:36:08,919
I know you're doing
what comes naturally.
563
00:36:12,793 --> 00:36:14,838
You can't help yourself.
564
00:36:18,367 --> 00:36:20,037
But you can.
565
00:36:20,494 --> 00:36:23,373
It takes work, discipline...
566
00:36:23,622 --> 00:36:24,980
and treatment.
567
00:36:25,068 --> 00:36:26,910
Your abilities...
568
00:36:28,544 --> 00:36:30,756
I know how seductive they are.
569
00:36:31,380 --> 00:36:33,759
How powerful
they make you feel.
570
00:36:34,550 --> 00:36:37,106
But you must learn
never to use them...
571
00:36:37,183 --> 00:36:39,932
so they will never use you.
572
00:36:46,017 --> 00:36:47,803
Please don't cry.
573
00:36:48,397 --> 00:36:49,988
I'm going to help.
574
00:36:50,065 --> 00:36:53,111
I'm gonna make you feel
what you should feel.
575
00:36:53,277 --> 00:36:54,905
How you need to feel...
576
00:36:55,821 --> 00:36:58,575
every time you're tempted
to act upon your urges.
577
00:36:59,241 --> 00:37:03,372
Suck my mutant dick,
you four-eyed fuck.
578
00:37:17,439 --> 00:37:18,858
Wade.
579
00:37:19,965 --> 00:37:21,103
Wade!
580
00:37:21,388 --> 00:37:23,438
Come in!
Hey, I was just doing
581
00:37:23,515 --> 00:37:25,269
a little bit
of light reading here...
582
00:37:25,476 --> 00:37:26,858
We have mission.
583
00:37:26,935 --> 00:37:28,517
Well, you guys be
safe out there.
584
00:37:28,594 --> 00:37:29,810
I'll be praying for you.
585
00:37:29,887 --> 00:37:32,442
No, I want you to join.
586
00:37:33,442 --> 00:37:34,649
I'm sorry, what?
587
00:37:34,726 --> 00:37:36,243
You heard me.
588
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,662
Trust me,
that's a terrible idea.
589
00:37:38,739 --> 00:37:39,862
I'm really not ready.
590
00:37:39,939 --> 00:37:41,577
You are ready.
I'm not.
591
00:37:41,654 --> 00:37:43,458
Be at the X-Jet in five.
592
00:37:43,535 --> 00:37:44,742
I can do thirty.
593
00:37:44,819 --> 00:37:46,670
Now.
I can do now.
594
00:37:46,747 --> 00:37:47,963
Final offer.
595
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,549
Irene Merryweather,
WHIT News.
596
00:37:50,626 --> 00:37:52,667
Live here
at a breaking news situation
597
00:37:52,744 --> 00:37:55,378
at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.
598
00:37:55,455 --> 00:37:57,306
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
599
00:37:57,383 --> 00:37:58,599
some sort of an incident...
600
00:37:58,676 --> 00:38:00,424
- with police here behind me.
- Get away from me!
601
00:38:00,501 --> 00:38:02,811
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.
602
00:38:02,888 --> 00:38:04,310
- There are open fires.
- Fuck off! Stay back!
603
00:38:04,387 --> 00:38:06,572
- A scene of absolute chaos here.
- Calm down.
604
00:38:06,649 --> 00:38:09,479
I'll burn you!
You stay back!
605
00:38:09,978 --> 00:38:11,774
Get away from me!
606
00:38:11,851 --> 00:38:13,930
You wanna fucking die?
607
00:38:29,331 --> 00:38:32,581
And it appears as if the X-Men
are arriving...
608
00:38:32,658 --> 00:38:33,830
Scatter!
609
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:35,928
With what appears
to be a trainee.
610
00:38:36,005 --> 00:38:39,162
Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
611
00:38:39,295 --> 00:38:40,349
We're the X-Men!
612
00:38:40,426 --> 00:38:42,846
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
613
00:38:43,053 --> 00:38:45,432
So, respect.
614
00:38:45,597 --> 00:38:47,245
At ease, Officer.
615
00:38:48,378 --> 00:38:50,131
What are you doing?
616
00:38:50,311 --> 00:38:51,568
My job.
617
00:38:51,770 --> 00:38:53,227
You're the one who said
I was ready,
618
00:38:53,304 --> 00:38:54,733
and I frankly disagreed
with you.
619
00:38:54,810 --> 00:38:57,092
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
620
00:38:57,169 --> 00:38:59,724
Like Beyoncé says, "Please...
621
00:39:00,487 --> 00:39:01,902
"Please, stop cheating on me."
622
00:39:01,979 --> 00:39:02,990
Hey!
623
00:39:03,073 --> 00:39:04,414
This is the fifth incident.
624
00:39:04,491 --> 00:39:06,741
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.
625
00:39:06,818 --> 00:39:08,451
Russell belongs in our care.
626
00:39:08,528 --> 00:39:10,383
Not in prison.
I assure you...
627
00:39:10,460 --> 00:39:11,805
we have everything
under control.
628
00:39:11,882 --> 00:39:13,607
- Stay back! I'll burn you!
- Not getting a real
629
00:39:13,684 --> 00:39:15,921
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.
630
00:39:15,998 --> 00:39:17,969
It is Glen, isn't it?
Daniel.
631
00:39:18,046 --> 00:39:19,336
I'll ask the questions,
Miguel.
632
00:39:19,413 --> 00:39:20,713
Let me talk to the kid.
633
00:39:20,790 --> 00:39:25,495
You stay here with your weird,
secret sex lips.
634
00:39:27,178 --> 00:39:28,968
- You wanna die?
- This kid's adorable.
635
00:39:29,045 --> 00:39:30,521
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.
636
00:39:30,598 --> 00:39:31,849
I'll burn your balls off!
637
00:39:31,926 --> 00:39:34,831
First day.
I'm so nervous!
638
00:39:35,209 --> 00:39:37,125
Did you just say
"hollow points"?
639
00:39:37,202 --> 00:39:38,412
Yeah, probably should've
640
00:39:38,489 --> 00:39:40,529
brought a Super Soaker.
641
00:39:40,861 --> 00:39:42,108
Hi, there!
642
00:39:43,139 --> 00:39:46,338
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!
643
00:39:46,616 --> 00:39:49,413
Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.
644
00:39:50,484 --> 00:39:52,192
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
645
00:39:52,269 --> 00:39:55,381
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.
646
00:39:55,458 --> 00:39:56,962
Okay? Let's just talk!
647
00:39:57,039 --> 00:39:58,463
It's Russell, right?
648
00:39:58,638 --> 00:40:00,684
Firefist.
Firefist.
649
00:40:00,964 --> 00:40:03,181
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
650
00:40:03,258 --> 00:40:05,268
Just the fist, or all the way
up to the elbow?
651
00:40:09,514 --> 00:40:11,904
Definitely all
the way up to the elbow.
652
00:40:11,981 --> 00:40:14,784
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.
653
00:40:15,030 --> 00:40:17,514
You stole that from Robocop!
That's from Robocop!
654
00:40:17,591 --> 00:40:19,284
Just stand down!
655
00:40:19,361 --> 00:40:21,931
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire.
656
00:40:22,008 --> 00:40:23,437
Fire!
657
00:40:23,890 --> 00:40:26,292
Oh, my God! I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!
658
00:40:30,060 --> 00:40:34,141
Oh, shit!
That fucking does it!
659
00:40:34,218 --> 00:40:35,498
Put your hands
behind your knees
660
00:40:35,575 --> 00:40:37,385
and get down
on your head! Now!
661
00:40:37,475 --> 00:40:39,625
Wade!
What was first rule?
662
00:40:39,702 --> 00:40:41,420
Label everything
in the refrigerator!
663
00:40:41,497 --> 00:40:44,222
Do not escalate!
Rules are meant to be broken!
664
00:40:44,299 --> 00:40:45,756
That's the exact opposite
665
00:40:45,833 --> 00:40:47,345
of what they're meant for!
666
00:40:47,995 --> 00:40:49,665
Fuck! Fine!
667
00:40:49,965 --> 00:40:51,526
I'll start from the beginning.
668
00:40:51,658 --> 00:40:54,129
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.
669
00:40:54,206 --> 00:40:56,302
- Trainee!
- Shut it!
670
00:40:56,884 --> 00:40:59,495
Look, I get it.
671
00:41:00,393 --> 00:41:02,229
All right, you're scared.
672
00:41:02,522 --> 00:41:03,565
Alone.
673
00:41:03,861 --> 00:41:04,910
You got no family.
674
00:41:04,987 --> 00:41:06,068
I didn't have
a family, either.
675
00:41:06,145 --> 00:41:07,788
You live in this dump.
Guess what?
676
00:41:07,865 --> 00:41:09,785
I used to live in a shithole
just like it.
677
00:41:10,233 --> 00:41:11,675
But you know something?
678
00:41:11,780 --> 00:41:13,601
A wise woman
once said to me...
679
00:41:13,678 --> 00:41:15,006
"Speak up.
680
00:41:15,122 --> 00:41:17,542
"L can't hear you with that
pity dick in your mouth."
681
00:41:18,094 --> 00:41:20,338
Too much? I went too far.
682
00:41:27,070 --> 00:41:28,720
That was effervescent.
683
00:41:29,060 --> 00:41:31,186
Stay in school, kid.
684
00:41:31,324 --> 00:41:33,300
Or don't. I didn't.
685
00:41:33,390 --> 00:41:34,904
And I'm an X-Man.
686
00:41:34,981 --> 00:41:35,968
Trainee.
687
00:41:36,046 --> 00:41:37,265
Fuck it!
688
00:41:37,343 --> 00:41:39,304
Superhero landing coming up!
689
00:41:42,862 --> 00:41:44,555
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
690
00:41:44,632 --> 00:41:47,201
That is so not practical.
691
00:42:07,256 --> 00:42:09,529
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.
692
00:42:09,606 --> 00:42:10,621
Trainee!
693
00:42:10,699 --> 00:42:11,742
Trainee!
694
00:42:11,820 --> 00:42:13,677
Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
695
00:42:13,754 --> 00:42:17,102
Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
696
00:42:18,769 --> 00:42:20,023
What's that do?
697
00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:21,671
Power-dampening collar.
698
00:42:21,795 --> 00:42:23,169
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.
699
00:42:23,246 --> 00:42:25,930
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
700
00:42:26,007 --> 00:42:28,938
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.
701
00:42:29,015 --> 00:42:30,439
HEADMASTERI Thank you!
702
00:42:32,064 --> 00:42:34,355
That was absolutely thrilling.
703
00:42:34,432 --> 00:42:36,570
True heroism in action.
704
00:42:36,647 --> 00:42:38,489
We are in your debt.
705
00:42:39,071 --> 00:42:40,779
We can take it from here.
706
00:42:40,856 --> 00:42:42,957
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!
707
00:42:43,034 --> 00:42:44,282
Anywhere's better than here.
708
00:42:44,359 --> 00:42:45,501
Believe me, son,
709
00:42:45,578 --> 00:42:47,368
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.
710
00:42:47,445 --> 00:42:49,996
That place makes Hitler's anus
look like Waikiki.
711
00:42:50,073 --> 00:42:51,915
Let's get you inside,
young man.
712
00:42:51,992 --> 00:42:53,884
No, wait, wait. Wait.
713
00:42:53,961 --> 00:42:55,745
You guys stay there.
714
00:43:05,556 --> 00:43:07,393
Those guys hurt you?
715
00:43:08,601 --> 00:43:09,968
Who?
716
00:43:11,968 --> 00:43:14,956
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
717
00:43:15,858 --> 00:43:17,570
Both of 'em?
718
00:43:21,072 --> 00:43:22,747
Oh, fuck it.
719
00:43:22,824 --> 00:43:24,447
Four or five moments!
720
00:43:24,524 --> 00:43:25,632
I'm sorry?
721
00:43:25,710 --> 00:43:28,914
Four or five moments!
722
00:43:29,956 --> 00:43:33,511
That's all it takes
to be a hero.
723
00:43:33,751 --> 00:43:35,963
People think
you wake up a hero...
724
00:43:36,165 --> 00:43:38,001
brush your teeth a hero...
725
00:43:38,382 --> 00:43:41,095
ejaculate into
a soap dispenser a hero.
726
00:43:42,593 --> 00:43:47,128
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
727
00:43:47,682 --> 00:43:49,214
A few moments...
728
00:43:49,523 --> 00:43:52,229
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
729
00:43:55,565 --> 00:43:56,734
No!
730
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:00,650
Stand down!
Hold your fire!
731
00:44:00,727 --> 00:44:03,027
Wade, what did you do?
Colossus, no!
732
00:44:03,104 --> 00:44:06,432
You were right, Wade.
You are not X-Men material.
733
00:44:06,539 --> 00:44:08,790
No shit, Shiny Gandhi!
734
00:44:08,867 --> 00:44:10,381
What was your first clue?
735
00:44:10,458 --> 00:44:13,339
The hollow point
through that fuckhead's face?
736
00:44:13,416 --> 00:44:14,673
That kid was abused!
737
00:44:14,750 --> 00:44:16,754
- You can always tell!
- We have rules!
738
00:44:16,836 --> 00:44:19,590
You are notjudge,
jury or executioner!
739
00:44:19,667 --> 00:44:22,727
Fuck your rules!
I fight for what's right!
740
00:44:22,804 --> 00:44:24,639
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
741
00:44:24,716 --> 00:44:27,909
You let me down
for the last time, Wade.
742
00:44:30,682 --> 00:44:33,016
Okay,
get these guys in the pod.
743
00:44:33,093 --> 00:44:35,397
Take them to the Ice Box.
744
00:44:55,902 --> 00:44:57,101
Hey, baby!
745
00:44:57,919 --> 00:45:00,058
I wonder what gang
I'll be in.
746
00:45:00,249 --> 00:45:01,589
Yeah!
747
00:45:01,756 --> 00:45:04,218
- Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
- Hi.
748
00:45:05,885 --> 00:45:07,268
I've always seen myself as
749
00:45:07,345 --> 00:45:08,931
more of
an East Coast Hufflepuff.
750
00:45:10,222 --> 00:45:13,264
I've made a critical error
on my Airbnb reservation.
751
00:45:13,341 --> 00:45:17,314
This is not what the website
looked like at all.
752
00:45:18,689 --> 00:45:20,406
I love the decor though.
753
00:45:20,483 --> 00:45:22,763
I had no idea
hopeless was a color.
754
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:24,854
Hard left, douchebag.
755
00:45:28,255 --> 00:45:30,019
Please, after you.
756
00:45:31,619 --> 00:45:34,380
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.
757
00:45:34,457 --> 00:45:35,762
We'll sleep well tonight.
758
00:45:35,839 --> 00:45:36,976
Let's get a bagel.
759
00:45:39,654 --> 00:45:42,701
Nighty-night,
W“ anrwving prick!
760
00:46:18,457 --> 00:46:20,713
You're a long way
from your superpowers.
761
00:46:20,790 --> 00:46:22,920
Yeah. Just a touch of cancer.
762
00:46:23,026 --> 00:46:25,299
Not to worry,
we're old friends.
763
00:46:25,376 --> 00:46:26,470
Fuck!
764
00:46:26,632 --> 00:46:28,663
I wanted to be a superhero.
765
00:46:28,843 --> 00:46:30,842
Always wanted
a real super suit.
766
00:46:30,919 --> 00:46:32,394
What happened?
767
00:46:32,471 --> 00:46:35,155
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?
768
00:46:35,481 --> 00:46:36,649
Never.
769
00:46:37,078 --> 00:46:39,082
The industry discriminates.
770
00:46:39,801 --> 00:46:41,554
Fuck superheroes.
771
00:46:41,772 --> 00:46:44,094
The thing that
pisses me off the most...
772
00:46:44,206 --> 00:46:46,251
I never stood up
for myself in there.
773
00:46:47,590 --> 00:46:49,881
My whole life.
774
00:46:50,489 --> 00:46:54,161
I've been waiting for someone
to come and save me.
775
00:46:56,502 --> 00:46:59,673
Nobody's gonna sacrifice
anything for me.
776
00:47:03,733 --> 00:47:06,195
I gotta start taking care
of myself.
777
00:47:07,251 --> 00:47:09,296
I have a mission now.
778
00:47:10,016 --> 00:47:12,618
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
779
00:47:12,742 --> 00:47:14,958
burn the headmaster alive...
780
00:47:15,156 --> 00:47:17,678
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
781
00:47:18,691 --> 00:47:22,152
Aw. That's, like,
my favorite part of the Bible.
782
00:47:22,831 --> 00:47:24,960
I don't have
a sock puppet on me...
783
00:47:25,570 --> 00:47:27,240
but what did he do to you?
784
00:47:27,485 --> 00:47:29,143
Did he taste the rainbow?
785
00:47:29,220 --> 00:47:31,855
I'd whisper it,
but Skittles would sue us.
786
00:47:32,462 --> 00:47:34,441
Fucker hates mutants.
787
00:47:34,664 --> 00:47:36,622
He tried to beat
the genes out of us.
788
00:47:36,699 --> 00:47:39,621
Nothing worse than a "pray
the gay away" type guy.
789
00:47:39,705 --> 00:47:41,535
Sick piece of shit.
790
00:47:42,703 --> 00:47:46,269
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...
791
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,379
and we'll make him our bitch!
792
00:47:52,508 --> 00:47:54,059
What was that?
793
00:47:54,136 --> 00:47:56,307
That is the biggest guy
in here.
794
00:47:56,764 --> 00:47:58,814
Fun fact about the Ice Box...
795
00:47:58,891 --> 00:48:00,728
though no one's ever seen it,
796
00:48:00,805 --> 00:48:03,017
they keep a monster
in the basement.
797
00:48:03,094 --> 00:48:04,737
Right next to a huge,
798
00:48:04,814 --> 00:48:06,746
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.
799
00:48:06,982 --> 00:48:08,289
Look.
800
00:48:08,984 --> 00:48:11,113
I can't protect you.
801
00:48:11,278 --> 00:48:12,485
With this collar on,
802
00:48:12,562 --> 00:48:15,581
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.
803
00:48:15,658 --> 00:48:18,910
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.
804
00:48:19,161 --> 00:48:21,285
Now, if you'll excuse me...
805
00:48:21,362 --> 00:48:24,465
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
806
00:48:24,542 --> 00:48:26,967
I'll start by making us
a shank.
807
00:48:27,044 --> 00:48:29,001
Good listening.
I stole that guard's pen...
808
00:48:29,078 --> 00:48:31,003
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,
809
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:32,463
if you know what I'm saying.
810
00:48:32,540 --> 00:48:35,137
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.
811
00:48:37,012 --> 00:48:39,387
I know it's in there,
I just need to get it out.
812
00:48:39,464 --> 00:48:41,482
Oh, Jesus Christ.
813
00:48:41,559 --> 00:48:44,021
I can hear you
rummaging around in there.
814
00:48:44,228 --> 00:48:46,565
Do they make Purell
for your ears?
815
00:48:51,152 --> 00:48:52,493
And to update you
816
00:48:52,570 --> 00:48:53,985
on the story reported earlier,
817
00:48:54,062 --> 00:48:55,537
after a lengthy standoff
818
00:48:55,614 --> 00:48:58,327
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...
819
00:48:58,404 --> 00:48:59,740
two mutants were arrested
820
00:48:59,817 --> 00:49:01,512
and transported
to the Ice Box...
821
00:49:01,589 --> 00:49:03,488
Entering repair mode.
822
00:49:07,334 --> 00:49:08,791
Several
police cars were destroyed
823
00:49:08,868 --> 00:49:11,433
and the X-Men were called in
to restore order.
824
00:49:32,026 --> 00:49:33,992
Cells seven and nine
825
00:49:34,069 --> 00:49:37,412
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
826
00:49:37,489 --> 00:49:39,030
Cells seven and nine
827
00:49:39,107 --> 00:49:41,995
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
828
00:49:43,537 --> 00:49:44,914
Psst!
829
00:49:47,208 --> 00:49:49,253
Don't do that.
830
00:49:49,627 --> 00:49:52,673
What? Why are you
winking at me?
831
00:49:56,321 --> 00:49:57,779
I got your back.
832
00:49:57,856 --> 00:49:58,957
Oh, my God.
833
00:49:59,034 --> 00:50:00,576
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
834
00:50:00,653 --> 00:50:02,707
Just leave me alone, kid.
835
00:50:03,678 --> 00:50:04,763
Oh, great.
836
00:50:06,310 --> 00:50:08,924
Well, hello there, new fish.
837
00:50:09,110 --> 00:50:11,942
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
838
00:50:12,019 --> 00:50:14,199
I've done some
light catalog work...
839
00:50:14,276 --> 00:50:16,817
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
840
00:50:16,894 --> 00:50:19,238
L was talking to him.
Oh.
841
00:50:19,836 --> 00:50:23,000
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.
842
00:50:23,077 --> 00:50:25,798
Black Tom Cassidy.
White Wade Wilson.
843
00:50:25,875 --> 00:50:29,062
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
844
00:50:29,139 --> 00:50:31,831
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.
845
00:50:31,908 --> 00:50:34,113
You don't look
like much to me.
846
00:50:34,463 --> 00:50:36,889
First rule of the yard,
fuckface...
847
00:50:36,966 --> 00:50:38,910
find the biggest guy
and make him your...
848
00:50:42,846 --> 00:50:45,022
Second biggest guy.
849
00:50:45,099 --> 00:50:47,561
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.
850
00:50:47,638 --> 00:50:51,111
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
851
00:50:51,188 --> 00:50:53,097
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?
852
00:50:54,316 --> 00:50:56,570
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
853
00:50:56,647 --> 00:50:59,384
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!
854
00:50:59,461 --> 00:51:01,816
Zip it. We're not friends.
855
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:04,610
You're about to get
dick-slapped.
856
00:51:05,202 --> 00:51:07,873
(UNMATESSHOUHNG)
857
00:51:16,328 --> 00:51:18,342
I had so much fun!
You were like...
858
00:51:18,419 --> 00:51:20,601
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."
859
00:51:20,678 --> 00:51:22,261
Just let me die in peace.
860
00:51:22,338 --> 00:51:24,393
We make a great team!
861
00:51:24,470 --> 00:51:26,534
Oh, God! We're not a team.
862
00:51:26,611 --> 00:51:31,642
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.
863
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:34,168
We're not partners
or friends.
864
00:51:35,555 --> 00:51:37,820
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
865
00:51:37,897 --> 00:51:39,843
It ends with me
dying of cancer...
866
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:43,558
and you winning the Ice Box
award for softest mouth.
867
00:51:44,992 --> 00:51:46,731
There's only one person
in this world
868
00:51:46,808 --> 00:51:48,738
that I care about,
and she's gone.
869
00:51:50,205 --> 00:51:52,417
You wanna survive?
870
00:51:53,417 --> 00:51:56,707
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...
871
00:51:56,925 --> 00:51:58,975
and make friends with them.
872
00:52:00,182 --> 00:52:01,977
Make friends with someone.
873
00:52:03,026 --> 00:52:04,821
Anyone but me.
874
00:52:05,764 --> 00:52:08,310
Maybe even Black Tim.
875
00:52:08,807 --> 00:52:10,431
Black Evan, I don't know.
876
00:52:10,508 --> 00:52:13,207
All I remember is
he was African-American.
877
00:52:58,594 --> 00:53:00,591
System malfunctioning.
878
00:53:00,668 --> 00:53:03,869
Cells 7,12,14,27.
879
00:53:03,946 --> 00:53:06,237
Back in your cells, you filthy
mutants! Get in there!
880
00:53:06,314 --> 00:53:09,972
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.
881
00:53:11,305 --> 00:53:12,682
Searching.
882
00:53:13,335 --> 00:53:16,551
Cell 04 located.
883
00:53:17,418 --> 00:53:19,347
Door won't open!
884
00:53:19,586 --> 00:53:21,746
On your fucking knees!
885
00:53:58,331 --> 00:54:00,386
That was our cell.
886
00:54:02,004 --> 00:54:04,640
What did I do to piss off
a grumpy old fucker
887
00:54:04,717 --> 00:54:06,754
with a Winter Soldier arm?
888
00:54:14,766 --> 00:54:17,129
Get away from me, kid!
889
00:54:24,418 --> 00:54:26,112
Listen to me! Go!
890
00:54:31,033 --> 00:54:33,012
Hello, Russell.
891
00:55:55,788 --> 00:55:58,042
I don't bargain.
892
00:56:16,202 --> 00:56:17,752
Who are you?
893
00:56:18,016 --> 00:56:19,697
I'm Batman.
894
00:56:30,664 --> 00:56:31,984
Ooh!
895
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:39,488
Oh. That's got some zip.
896
00:56:47,669 --> 00:56:50,867
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.
897
00:56:51,173 --> 00:56:52,379
Talk!
898
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:54,544
What kind of
spineless shit stick
899
00:56:54,621 --> 00:56:56,695
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?
900
00:56:57,262 --> 00:56:58,730
You might wanna start talking!
901
00:56:58,807 --> 00:57:01,586
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!
902
00:57:02,434 --> 00:57:04,145
The name's Cable.
903
00:57:04,478 --> 00:57:07,659
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.
904
00:57:07,814 --> 00:57:09,107
Oh!
905
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:10,861
So, you're from the future.
906
00:57:11,193 --> 00:57:13,128
I have
three questions then.
907
00:57:13,210 --> 00:57:16,575
One, is dubstep still a thing?
908
00:57:16,823 --> 00:57:19,391
Two, do people still homebrew?
909
00:57:19,468 --> 00:57:22,448
And three,
does Dopinder ever find love?
910
00:58:06,123 --> 00:58:07,913
Dubstep's for pussies.
911
00:58:07,990 --> 00:58:09,209
You're so dark!
912
00:58:09,286 --> 00:58:11,969
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
913
00:58:12,129 --> 00:58:13,954
I love dubstep!
914
00:58:39,948 --> 00:58:41,503
Is that a fanny pack?
915
00:58:41,580 --> 00:58:44,591
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.
916
00:58:45,213 --> 00:58:47,161
Something to remember you by.
917
00:58:47,238 --> 00:58:50,882
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
918
00:58:50,959 --> 00:58:54,154
Like the memory
of your fucking fanny pack!
919
00:59:03,194 --> 00:59:05,740
Why are you protecting
the kid?
920
00:59:06,467 --> 00:59:08,911
I don't give a fuck
about him...
921
00:59:09,236 --> 00:59:12,107
and his Are You My Mother?
Complex!
922
00:59:13,884 --> 00:59:15,732
What's this one do?
923
00:59:29,124 --> 00:59:30,790
In every film,
there's a moment
924
00:59:30,867 --> 00:59:33,068
when the hero
hits rock bottom.
925
00:59:33,212 --> 00:59:35,254
In Cool Runnings,
it was when John Candy's
926
00:59:35,331 --> 00:59:36,760
prized bobsled broke.
927
00:59:36,924 --> 00:59:39,714
In Human Centipede,
it was when those people...
928
00:59:39,791 --> 00:59:41,483
signed on to be in that movie.
929
00:59:41,632 --> 00:59:43,599
But in this film, well...
930
00:59:43,887 --> 00:59:45,363
you're looking at it.
931
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:47,693
On your fucking knees, mutant.
932
00:59:50,272 --> 00:59:51,693
Rock...
933
00:59:54,826 --> 00:59:56,732
meet bottom.
934
01:00:06,827 --> 01:00:08,318
I love you, Wade Wilson.
935
01:00:08,395 --> 01:00:09,531
Ness?
936
01:00:10,379 --> 01:00:11,838
Hey, Ness!
937
01:00:12,744 --> 01:00:14,463
Ness, can you let me in?
938
01:00:14,540 --> 01:00:17,209
Please! Please.
939
01:00:19,071 --> 01:00:20,678
Jesus.
940
01:00:22,758 --> 01:00:24,550
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.
941
01:00:24,627 --> 01:00:26,556
I'm at the end of my rope.
942
01:00:29,123 --> 01:00:31,502
Then I joined the X-Men.
943
01:00:31,943 --> 01:00:33,892
I went to prison. I, uh...
944
01:00:37,392 --> 01:00:39,104
ls it the kid?
945
01:00:40,851 --> 01:00:44,095
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
946
01:00:45,073 --> 01:00:46,186
The kid!
947
01:00:59,926 --> 01:01:01,921
That's exactly what she meant.
948
01:01:01,998 --> 01:01:03,052
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.
949
01:01:03,129 --> 01:01:04,837
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.
950
01:01:04,914 --> 01:01:06,814
He's never had anyone, ever.
951
01:01:07,612 --> 01:01:09,053
I need to be selfless.
952
01:01:09,131 --> 01:01:10,892
Yeah, but what does
that mean?
953
01:01:10,969 --> 01:01:14,234
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.
954
01:01:14,311 --> 01:01:15,806
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...
955
01:01:15,889 --> 01:01:18,613
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
956
01:01:18,690 --> 01:01:20,772
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
957
01:01:20,849 --> 01:01:22,437
I literally don't know
what that means.
958
01:01:22,514 --> 01:01:23,609
Jesus Christ.
959
01:01:23,686 --> 01:01:26,452
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...
960
01:01:26,529 --> 01:01:28,196
those muties
are being transferred
961
01:01:28,273 --> 01:01:30,280
to a supermax, 80 miles away.
962
01:01:30,357 --> 01:01:32,169
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.
963
01:01:32,246 --> 01:01:34,124
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?
964
01:01:34,201 --> 01:01:36,272
We're talking about
an armored convoy...
965
01:01:36,349 --> 01:01:39,155
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...
966
01:01:39,232 --> 01:01:41,591
that is looking to turn your
skull into a fuckable ashtray.
967
01:01:41,668 --> 01:01:42,974
You know what we need to do?
968
01:01:43,051 --> 01:01:45,017
We need to build
a fucking team.
969
01:01:45,099 --> 01:01:47,046
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...
970
01:01:47,123 --> 01:01:48,263
and young enough
so they can carry
971
01:01:48,340 --> 01:01:49,575
this franchise 10 to 12 years.
972
01:01:49,652 --> 01:01:51,645
A team of
highly-skilled motherfuckers.
973
01:01:51,722 --> 01:01:54,835
I'm talking about some
Ocean's 14 shit. Rogue Two.
974
01:01:54,912 --> 01:01:57,186
John Wick 3, but with
the original director.
975
01:01:57,263 --> 01:01:58,887
My body is an
instrument of death.
976
01:01:58,964 --> 01:02:00,010
Not now, Dopinder.
977
01:02:00,087 --> 01:02:01,767
I could be of great use.
978
01:02:01,996 --> 01:02:03,754
What's your superpower?
979
01:02:05,236 --> 01:02:06,870
Courage.
That's adorable.
980
01:02:06,947 --> 01:02:08,655
Do you have the courage
to check and see...
981
01:02:08,732 --> 01:02:11,345
if there are enough sanitary
napkins in the dispenser?
982
01:02:11,422 --> 01:02:12,349
Yes, sir.
983
01:02:12,427 --> 01:02:13,492
I'm sorry
you had to see that,
984
01:02:13,569 --> 01:02:15,634
although I'm glad
you heard it.
985
01:02:15,872 --> 01:02:17,989
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.
986
01:02:18,066 --> 01:02:20,191
But we're not paying
medical or dental.
987
01:02:20,271 --> 01:02:22,488
It's time to get back
on Linkedln.
988
01:02:59,040 --> 01:03:00,673
Attention, all inmates!
989
01:03:00,750 --> 01:03:03,530
Transport to Cross Force
Maximum Security
990
01:03:03,607 --> 01:03:05,028
Mutant Containment Facility...
991
01:03:05,105 --> 01:03:06,866
will begin at 0800 hours.
992
01:03:06,943 --> 01:03:09,309
Inspection of your cells
and out processing
993
01:03:09,386 --> 01:03:11,188
will begin at 0600.
994
01:03:19,144 --> 01:03:20,145
Oi.
995
01:03:20,263 --> 01:03:21,685
What the fuck
do you want?
996
01:03:21,762 --> 01:03:23,488
That's my fucking pudding.
997
01:03:23,565 --> 01:03:25,407
Fuck your pudding!
You like pudding?
998
01:03:46,852 --> 01:03:48,154
Hello?
999
01:03:50,046 --> 01:03:52,063
I know you're in there.
1000
01:04:08,088 --> 01:04:10,592
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.
1001
01:04:11,763 --> 01:04:13,948
Lonely at the top, eh?
1002
01:04:14,025 --> 01:04:16,603
They're moving us tomorrow.
1003
01:04:18,438 --> 01:04:20,442
Maybe I can get you
out of here.
1004
01:04:21,537 --> 01:04:24,954
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.
1005
01:04:26,587 --> 01:04:28,549
We need a secret code.
1006
01:04:30,697 --> 01:04:33,534
No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.
1007
01:04:40,808 --> 01:04:42,546
We're a team.
1008
01:04:42,753 --> 01:04:44,980
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.
1009
01:04:45,057 --> 01:04:47,136
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.
1010
01:04:48,191 --> 01:04:49,329
Supposedly,
she can rap, too.
1011
01:04:49,406 --> 01:04:50,674
DEADPOOLI Yeah.
1012
01:04:50,751 --> 01:04:51,786
I like that.
1013
01:04:51,863 --> 01:04:53,424
Terrific,
these are all terrific.
1014
01:04:53,501 --> 01:04:54,954
Meet Bedlam.
1015
01:04:55,031 --> 01:04:57,364
Cool name! Superpowers?
1016
01:04:57,441 --> 01:04:59,147
I can distort
electrical fields.
1017
01:05:00,078 --> 01:05:02,327
Including the one
inside your brain...
1018
01:05:02,404 --> 01:05:05,148
causing anxiety, confusion...
1019
01:05:05,298 --> 01:05:06,487
Dam
1020
01:05:07,486 --> 01:05:09,375
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.
1021
01:05:09,452 --> 01:05:10,755
We can use him.
1022
01:05:12,425 --> 01:05:13,806
I'm Zeitgeist.
1023
01:05:13,883 --> 01:05:15,080
Cool. I like it.
1024
01:05:15,157 --> 01:05:16,707
So you have the power
1025
01:05:16,784 --> 01:05:19,803
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?
1026
01:05:19,931 --> 01:05:21,057
No.
1027
01:05:21,141 --> 01:05:22,928
No, I spit acidic vomit.
1028
01:05:23,005 --> 01:05:24,018
Oh.
1029
01:05:24,096 --> 01:05:25,590
- Do you want me to demonstrate?
- No!
1030
01:05:25,667 --> 01:05:26,690
- We'll take your word for it.
- Thank you. Yeah.
1031
01:05:26,767 --> 01:05:29,291
Listen, we've
all eaten at Arby's, okay?
1032
01:05:29,368 --> 01:05:31,903
And this is the Vanisher.
1033
01:05:35,137 --> 01:05:36,308
But...
1034
01:05:37,416 --> 01:05:38,972
Vanisher!
1035
01:05:41,202 --> 01:05:43,460
Nice!
Right?
1036
01:05:44,164 --> 01:05:45,328
He's not here, is he?
1037
01:05:45,405 --> 01:05:47,085
He may be running late.
1038
01:05:48,459 --> 01:05:51,130
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.
1039
01:05:51,337 --> 01:05:52,627
That's good, yeah.
1040
01:05:52,704 --> 01:05:54,722
"Rusty" is terrible.
Toughie.
1041
01:05:54,799 --> 01:05:57,600
So, uh, where are you from?
The planet Mojo World.
1042
01:05:57,677 --> 01:05:59,759
So you're an alien, I guess.
Bad name.
1043
01:05:59,836 --> 01:06:01,469
How does that, uh, help us?
1044
01:06:01,546 --> 01:06:04,357
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
1045
01:06:04,434 --> 01:06:06,410
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people
1046
01:06:06,487 --> 01:06:07,986
that are worse than me
at everything.
1047
01:06:08,063 --> 01:06:09,903
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.
1048
01:06:09,980 --> 01:06:12,322
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.
1049
01:06:12,399 --> 01:06:13,408
Isn't that Canada?
1050
01:06:13,485 --> 01:06:15,866
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!
1051
01:06:16,590 --> 01:06:18,246
Meet...
Domino.
1052
01:06:18,323 --> 01:06:20,444
What's your shtick?
I'm lucky.
1053
01:06:20,684 --> 01:06:21,791
That's not a superpower.
1054
01:06:21,868 --> 01:06:23,142
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1055
01:06:23,219 --> 01:06:24,166
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1056
01:06:24,243 --> 01:06:25,373
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1057
01:06:25,450 --> 01:06:26,524
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1058
01:06:26,601 --> 01:06:27,632
- Yeah, it is.
- Really isn't.
1059
01:06:27,709 --> 01:06:28,885
- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.
1060
01:06:28,962 --> 01:06:29,962
Told you.
1061
01:06:30,043 --> 01:06:31,446
Get out of my head!
1062
01:06:31,523 --> 01:06:33,010
I'm not in your head.
1063
01:06:33,087 --> 01:06:34,585
I'm in an
11-year-old's bedroom.
1064
01:06:34,662 --> 01:06:35,978
Well, if you're so lucky,
1065
01:06:36,055 --> 01:06:37,297
then what are you
doing here with us?
1066
01:06:37,374 --> 01:06:39,524
- I don't know yet.
- What's that supposed to mean?
1067
01:06:39,601 --> 01:06:41,617
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.
1068
01:06:41,694 --> 01:06:43,452
Everything usually
just kind of works out for me.
1069
01:06:43,529 --> 01:06:45,397
Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds.
1070
01:06:46,448 --> 01:06:47,614
I don't know who that is.
1071
01:06:47,691 --> 01:06:48,980
You're hired.
1072
01:06:49,057 --> 01:06:50,111
Lucky me.
1073
01:06:50,189 --> 01:06:51,831
DEADPOOLI I like her!
1074
01:06:52,345 --> 01:06:53,786
And last, but not least...
1075
01:06:53,970 --> 01:06:55,060
Peter.
1076
01:06:56,490 --> 01:06:58,660
Am I getting
catfished here or...?
1077
01:06:58,905 --> 01:07:00,862
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?
1078
01:07:00,939 --> 01:07:02,385
- PETER;
- No.
1079
01:07:02,492 --> 01:07:04,195
I don't have one.
1080
01:07:04,272 --> 01:07:05,617
Um, I just saw the ad.
1081
01:07:05,694 --> 01:07:07,131
No superpowers at all?
1082
01:07:07,208 --> 01:07:11,002
Uh, I have both
Type 1 and 2 Diabetes.
1083
01:07:11,079 --> 01:07:12,108
OW! Oh!
1084
01:07:12,186 --> 01:07:13,551
That's all the diabetes.
1085
01:07:13,628 --> 01:07:15,084
Right?
Yeah, you got 'em all.
1086
01:07:15,161 --> 01:07:17,091
If you find a Type 3,
let us know.
1087
01:07:17,265 --> 01:07:18,383
Yeah.
1088
01:07:18,466 --> 01:07:19,663
You're in.
1089
01:07:19,749 --> 01:07:21,345
Yeah.
Fuck!
1090
01:07:23,660 --> 01:07:25,288
It's fulfilling work.
1091
01:07:30,019 --> 01:07:31,444
Let's go!
1092
01:07:44,951 --> 01:07:48,002
GUARD". This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.
1093
01:07:48,079 --> 01:07:49,592
We are en route.
1094
01:07:56,670 --> 01:07:59,257
Peacetime makes people soft.
1095
01:08:00,397 --> 01:08:02,588
I was born into war.
1096
01:08:03,962 --> 01:08:05,502
Bred into it.
1097
01:08:06,146 --> 01:08:07,279
Okay.
1098
01:08:08,147 --> 01:08:10,728
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?
1099
01:08:12,510 --> 01:08:13,801
These restraints are pretty...
1100
01:08:13,878 --> 01:08:15,661
People think
they understand pain.
1101
01:08:15,738 --> 01:08:17,252
They have no concept of it
1102
01:08:17,329 --> 01:08:19,814
beyond their own
worst experience.
1103
01:08:20,826 --> 01:08:23,720
5 years old. That's what?
1104
01:08:24,069 --> 01:08:25,326
A bee sting.
1105
01:08:25,403 --> 01:08:26,451
Oh, yeah.
1106
01:08:26,534 --> 01:08:29,257
20 years old, shrapnel.
1107
01:08:29,334 --> 01:08:31,838
40 years old, disease.
1108
01:08:32,139 --> 01:08:36,363
Maybe the kind that leaves you
more machine than man.
1109
01:08:36,499 --> 01:08:38,236
Yeah, getting old's
not for sissies.
1110
01:08:38,313 --> 01:08:40,171
That's what my
Grandma Ginny used to...
1111
01:08:40,248 --> 01:08:41,387
I've got a list.
1112
01:08:41,549 --> 01:08:43,719
We're gonna work down it.
1113
01:08:44,397 --> 01:08:45,703
Together.
1114
01:08:46,651 --> 01:08:49,199
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
1115
01:08:49,774 --> 01:08:52,176
Something that was not
meant to bend.
1116
01:08:52,256 --> 01:08:53,306
I'm gonna
stop you right there
1117
01:08:53,383 --> 01:08:54,531
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
1118
01:08:54,608 --> 01:08:55,907
I won't even
make it to one.
1119
01:08:55,984 --> 01:08:57,652
I don't do well with pain,
you know.
1120
01:08:57,729 --> 01:09:00,165
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
1121
01:09:00,242 --> 01:09:02,293
I cried when they
canceled Felicity.
1122
01:09:02,399 --> 01:09:04,749
When I get really scared,
I get nervous erections.
1123
01:09:04,826 --> 01:09:05,853
I have one right now.
1124
01:09:05,930 --> 01:09:07,470
Don't look.
It'll only make it worse.
1125
01:09:07,547 --> 01:09:08,702
I don't want you
to hurt me,
1126
01:09:08,779 --> 01:09:11,199
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
1127
01:09:11,759 --> 01:09:13,596
Except for where they are.
1128
01:09:13,970 --> 01:09:15,716
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound
1129
01:09:15,793 --> 01:09:17,317
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
1130
01:09:17,394 --> 01:09:18,916
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.
1131
01:09:18,993 --> 01:09:21,242
You all know the plan.
Intercept the convoy,
1132
01:09:21,319 --> 01:09:23,480
grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!
1133
01:09:23,557 --> 01:09:25,892
You know what, I wouldn't
fuck with Deadpool either.
1134
01:09:25,969 --> 01:09:28,564
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.
1135
01:09:28,641 --> 01:09:31,318
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
1136
01:09:31,395 --> 01:09:33,934
Watch out for this guy, Cable!
1137
01:09:34,011 --> 01:09:37,152
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.
1138
01:09:37,229 --> 01:09:39,785
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.
1139
01:09:39,862 --> 01:09:42,225
So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...
1140
01:09:43,228 --> 01:09:45,287
there's a wind advisory
in effect.
1141
01:09:56,158 --> 01:09:58,279
A little turbulent up here.
1142
01:10:05,167 --> 01:10:06,962
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...
1143
01:10:07,039 --> 01:10:08,345
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed
1144
01:10:08,422 --> 01:10:10,381
as many people
as melanoma has.
1145
01:10:11,548 --> 01:10:13,033
We're getting close!
1146
01:10:13,110 --> 01:10:14,641
As a former X-Man...
1147
01:10:14,718 --> 01:10:16,602
Trainee.
Thank you, Bedlam.
1148
01:10:16,679 --> 01:10:19,720
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
1149
01:10:19,797 --> 01:10:22,443
in the group's name.
X-Men! Men!
1150
01:10:22,700 --> 01:10:25,608
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
1151
01:10:25,685 --> 01:10:26,966
Gender neutral.
1152
01:10:27,043 --> 01:10:29,740
From now on,
we'll be known as...
1153
01:10:31,651 --> 01:10:32,986
X-Force.
1154
01:10:33,195 --> 01:10:34,705
Isn't that
a little derivative?
1155
01:10:34,782 --> 01:10:37,654
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter!
1156
01:10:38,532 --> 01:10:40,202
That wasn't me.
1157
01:10:46,995 --> 01:10:49,350
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...
1158
01:10:49,427 --> 01:10:51,418
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
1159
01:10:51,495 --> 01:10:52,798
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
1160
01:10:52,875 --> 01:10:54,463
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
1161
01:10:54,540 --> 01:10:55,540
Yeah!
1162
01:10:55,627 --> 01:10:57,383
I can't wait to kill!
1163
01:10:57,460 --> 01:10:59,959
Hey! Hey! Hey!
I just...
1164
01:11:00,101 --> 01:11:02,592
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
1165
01:11:02,742 --> 01:11:05,586
You know,
you guys look amazing!
1166
01:11:05,663 --> 01:11:08,507
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
1167
01:11:08,584 --> 01:11:11,646
This is the family that I've
always dreamed of having and I...
1168
01:11:11,913 --> 01:11:13,580
Ah, Shit.
1169
01:11:14,957 --> 01:11:16,798
I just get a little choked up
sometimes.
1170
01:11:16,875 --> 01:11:18,884
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
1171
01:11:18,961 --> 01:11:20,035
about the high winds?
1172
01:11:20,112 --> 01:11:21,375
- Gary.
- My name's Peter.
1173
01:11:21,452 --> 01:11:23,372
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.
1174
01:11:23,449 --> 01:11:25,045
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
1175
01:11:25,122 --> 01:11:27,181
- Did he just call himself God?
- I think he did.
1176
01:11:27,258 --> 01:11:29,021
- I'd like to go home.
- And I'd like...
1177
01:11:29,121 --> 01:11:31,378
the McRib to be available
year round,
1178
01:11:31,455 --> 01:11:33,329
but sometimes dreams
don't come true.
1179
01:11:33,406 --> 01:11:35,467
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.
1180
01:11:35,544 --> 01:11:36,947
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
1181
01:11:37,024 --> 01:11:38,666
because of a light breeze?
1182
01:11:38,743 --> 01:11:41,050
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!
1183
01:11:41,127 --> 01:11:43,277
I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.
1184
01:11:43,354 --> 01:11:45,431
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.
1185
01:11:45,508 --> 01:11:47,850
Leonard, hit it!
1186
01:11:56,487 --> 01:11:58,740
Go! Go! Go!
1187
01:12:34,233 --> 01:12:35,689
Let's get some!
1188
01:12:35,766 --> 01:12:36,819
Whoo!
1189
01:12:36,902 --> 01:12:38,028
Oh, yeah!
1190
01:12:38,111 --> 01:12:41,271
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!
1191
01:12:41,849 --> 01:12:43,531
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
1192
01:12:43,608 --> 01:12:44,785
Whoa!
1193
01:12:50,040 --> 01:12:52,350
Little off course here.
1194
01:12:54,127 --> 01:12:57,174
Holy mommy fucking shit!
1195
01:12:57,714 --> 01:12:59,213
Ah, there they are.
1196
01:12:59,290 --> 01:13:02,687
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches.
1197
01:13:02,845 --> 01:13:04,973
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!
1198
01:13:09,867 --> 01:13:13,997
No! Tripping
motherfucking billies!
1199
01:13:14,189 --> 01:13:17,530
Shatterstar.
Okay, you got this.
1200
01:13:18,026 --> 01:13:19,027
Left!
1201
01:13:19,111 --> 01:13:20,445
Left!
1202
01:13:20,529 --> 01:13:22,820
You'd have to be insane
to take off in this.
1203
01:13:22,897 --> 01:13:25,264
No, stage left, you idiot!
1204
01:13:28,954 --> 01:13:30,536
Well, I guess
we found something
1205
01:13:30,613 --> 01:13:32,127
you're not better at.
1206
01:13:33,411 --> 01:13:34,704
Vanisher.
1207
01:13:35,076 --> 01:13:37,227
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.
1208
01:13:40,090 --> 01:13:41,515
On! Really?
1209
01:13:41,592 --> 01:13:43,456
All right,
we could do this with four.
1210
01:13:43,533 --> 01:13:46,937
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!
1211
01:13:47,014 --> 01:13:49,648
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!
1212
01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:52,437
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1213
01:13:52,514 --> 01:13:54,128
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1214
01:13:54,205 --> 01:13:55,349
Ha, hah!
We did it!
1215
01:13:55,426 --> 01:13:57,083
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!
1216
01:13:57,160 --> 01:13:58,170
X-Force!
1217
01:13:58,413 --> 01:13:59,848
X-Force.
1218
01:14:04,072 --> 01:14:05,949
Oh!
1219
01:14:09,441 --> 01:14:10,442
Peter.
1220
01:14:10,520 --> 01:14:11,753
I got you, buddy!
1221
01:14:11,830 --> 01:14:12,953
You're gonna be fine!
This is not good, man!
1222
01:14:13,030 --> 01:14:15,590
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1223
01:14:15,667 --> 01:14:17,660
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?
1224
01:14:17,737 --> 01:14:20,336
Yeah, we're X-Force.
We're X-Force.
1225
01:14:23,342 --> 01:14:25,195
Oh, my God!
What the fuck?
1226
01:14:25,272 --> 01:14:27,386
Fucking acidic vomit!
1227
01:14:28,972 --> 01:14:31,977
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1228
01:14:34,704 --> 01:14:37,150
Okay,
I'm over the convoy.
1229
01:14:37,227 --> 01:14:39,272
Where did the rest
of the team land?
1230
01:14:39,720 --> 01:14:41,331
Good news and bad news.
1231
01:14:41,408 --> 01:14:44,532
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.
1232
01:14:44,655 --> 01:14:45,745
The good news is,
1233
01:14:45,822 --> 01:14:48,050
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.
1234
01:14:48,127 --> 01:14:50,816
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!
1235
01:14:50,893 --> 01:14:51,883
Peter!
1236
01:14:51,960 --> 01:14:53,752
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.
1237
01:14:53,829 --> 01:14:54,995
But there is
a slight chance
1238
01:14:55,072 --> 01:14:56,413
Vanisher could make it.
1239
01:14:56,490 --> 01:14:58,863
Nope, no chance. He's dead.
1240
01:14:58,940 --> 01:15:00,231
The whole team?
1241
01:15:00,308 --> 01:15:02,168
Only the main ones.
We're still good.
1242
01:15:02,245 --> 01:15:03,430
Fuck, you are dumb.
1243
01:15:03,507 --> 01:15:05,172
Whoever planned this stunt's
1244
01:15:05,249 --> 01:15:07,350
been smoking
a lotjazz cabbage.
1245
01:15:07,427 --> 01:15:08,480
I'll tell you that much.
1246
01:15:08,557 --> 01:15:10,258
That's pretty obvious!
1247
01:15:10,342 --> 01:15:12,225
Looking good, Vanisher.
1248
01:15:21,693 --> 01:15:23,780
They're headed
into the tunnel.
1249
01:15:24,602 --> 01:15:26,102
I'm that kid's only hope,
1250
01:15:26,179 --> 01:15:28,192
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1251
01:15:28,543 --> 01:15:29,755
Whatever.
1252
01:15:29,833 --> 01:15:31,394
We're gonna lose 'em.
I'm dropping in.
1253
01:15:31,471 --> 01:15:34,127
Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.
1254
01:15:34,204 --> 01:15:36,787
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so fucked!
1255
01:15:36,864 --> 01:15:40,045
No, we most certainly
are not fucked.
1256
01:15:42,963 --> 01:15:45,597
Seriously,
I don't get it!
1257
01:15:45,674 --> 01:15:48,345
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?
1258
01:15:50,068 --> 01:15:51,943
It's just
it's hard to picture.
1259
01:15:52,020 --> 01:15:54,283
And certainly
not very cinematic.
1260
01:15:56,938 --> 01:15:58,177
I mean, luck?
1261
01:15:58,254 --> 01:16:01,154
What coked out,
glass pipe-sucking
1262
01:16:01,231 --> 01:16:02,542
freakshow comic book artist...
1263
01:16:02,619 --> 01:16:04,128
came up
with that little chestnut?
1264
01:16:04,205 --> 01:16:06,703
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!
1265
01:16:17,520 --> 01:16:20,575
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.
1266
01:16:20,652 --> 01:16:22,450
It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.
1267
01:16:22,527 --> 01:16:23,550
- Wander the Earth...
- I'm in.
1268
01:16:23,627 --> 01:16:24,706
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1269
01:16:24,783 --> 01:16:25,857
I'm in.
1270
01:16:25,934 --> 01:16:28,156
How in the fuck
are you in already?
1271
01:16:28,239 --> 01:16:29,613
Oh, shit.
1272
01:16:30,074 --> 01:16:31,364
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
1273
01:16:31,441 --> 01:16:32,410
Okay.
1274
01:16:32,493 --> 01:16:35,496
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers
1275
01:16:35,573 --> 01:16:37,533
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.
1276
01:16:37,610 --> 01:16:39,405
I'm coming up on your six.
1277
01:16:48,354 --> 01:16:50,819
That gun is amazing!
1278
01:16:58,501 --> 01:17:00,449
Hey!
Asshole!
1279
01:17:00,526 --> 01:17:02,525
Where is he?
I can't see him.
1280
01:17:02,602 --> 01:17:04,239
He's on top of you.
1281
01:17:04,550 --> 01:17:06,003
He's tearing you open!
1282
01:17:06,080 --> 01:17:08,190
He's going in
through the back!
1283
01:17:08,267 --> 01:17:09,809
Oh, God, he's inside!
1284
01:17:09,886 --> 01:17:12,611
- You hear yourself, right?
- Accidental double en ten dres!
1285
01:17:12,688 --> 01:17:14,750
Russell! Russell Collins!
1286
01:17:14,827 --> 01:17:17,217
Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1287
01:17:21,977 --> 01:17:23,505
No, no, no!
1288
01:17:27,089 --> 01:17:28,215
Shit!
1289
01:17:50,154 --> 01:17:52,283
Two can play that game!
1290
01:17:54,200 --> 01:17:56,318
Got it! No, I don't.
1291
01:17:56,729 --> 01:17:58,043
Showtime, mama!
1292
01:17:58,120 --> 01:17:59,957
Lady Luck, take the wheel.
1293
01:18:37,477 --> 01:18:39,617
I'd ask who you are, but
you'll be dead in a second.
1294
01:18:39,694 --> 01:18:42,207
I'm Domino, and doubtful.
1295
01:18:58,086 --> 01:18:59,933
Hang in there, Doms!
1296
01:19:00,391 --> 01:19:02,660
Oh, this is really hard.
1297
01:19:14,202 --> 01:19:16,363
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.
1298
01:19:19,235 --> 01:19:21,269
You're doing great.
X-Force.
1299
01:19:22,747 --> 01:19:25,105
I guess dubstep never dies.
1300
01:19:29,271 --> 01:19:30,524
Whoo!
1301
01:19:36,969 --> 01:19:40,613
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!
1302
01:19:42,558 --> 01:19:44,511
That's unfortunate.
1303
01:19:46,812 --> 01:19:48,206
We got no brakes!
1304
01:19:48,283 --> 01:19:49,925
Figure it out!
1305
01:19:53,861 --> 01:19:55,824
There's nothing I can't kill.
1306
01:19:58,199 --> 01:20:00,745
Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin
used to say...
1307
01:20:00,822 --> 01:20:03,605
"There's a first time
for everything, son."
1308
01:20:04,885 --> 01:20:07,363
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.
1309
01:20:21,263 --> 01:20:23,519
Those bullets were, like,
super fast.
1310
01:20:23,766 --> 01:20:25,449
Here we go.
1311
01:20:25,546 --> 01:20:28,191
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1312
01:20:28,344 --> 01:20:30,441
Here goes nothing.
1313
01:21:01,428 --> 01:21:03,390
Knock, knock.
1314
01:21:10,181 --> 01:21:11,708
That's my boy.
1315
01:21:17,153 --> 01:21:18,879
Holy...
1316
01:21:28,833 --> 01:21:30,356
I'll be first to admit...
1317
01:21:30,433 --> 01:21:33,070
this did not go
according to plan.
1318
01:21:34,161 --> 01:21:35,626
I'll also be the first
to admit that
1319
01:21:35,703 --> 01:21:37,613
that plan was
written in crayon.
1320
01:21:37,723 --> 01:21:40,766
Looks like Russell found
a new friend. Jelly.
1321
01:21:40,843 --> 01:21:42,714
Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,
1322
01:21:42,791 --> 01:21:45,428
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.
1323
01:21:45,505 --> 01:21:48,690
But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.
1324
01:21:48,767 --> 01:21:49,943
A mood that is
1325
01:21:50,020 --> 01:21:52,422
about to get
significantly worse.
1326
01:22:15,703 --> 01:22:18,394
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.
1327
01:22:20,966 --> 01:22:22,388
Oh.
1328
01:22:24,220 --> 01:22:25,958
Oh, God, that hurt.
1329
01:22:26,180 --> 01:22:28,016
Suck it, Mel Gibson.
1330
01:22:35,075 --> 01:22:36,403
Russell!
1331
01:22:36,927 --> 01:22:39,266
Russ, where are ya?
1332
01:22:42,321 --> 01:22:44,751
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1333
01:22:44,828 --> 01:22:47,995
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God!
1334
01:22:48,072 --> 01:22:49,594
Juggernaut!
1335
01:22:50,579 --> 01:22:52,540
I thought that was you!
1336
01:22:52,642 --> 01:22:55,368
I should've worn
my white pants.
1337
01:22:55,501 --> 01:22:59,340
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.
1338
01:22:59,417 --> 01:23:02,928
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 4M.
1339
01:23:03,005 --> 01:23:04,342
X-Men Unlimited 12.
1340
01:23:04,419 --> 01:23:06,647
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...
1341
01:23:06,724 --> 01:23:08,223
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...
1342
01:23:08,300 --> 01:23:10,621
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1343
01:23:10,698 --> 01:23:12,238
I don't mean right now.
1344
01:23:12,315 --> 01:23:14,371
I'm gonna rip you
in half now.
1345
01:23:14,448 --> 01:23:17,227
That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.
1346
01:23:20,609 --> 01:23:24,971
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.
1347
01:23:25,048 --> 01:23:26,602
I can't feel...
1348
01:23:26,943 --> 01:23:28,829
Oh, no, they're right here.
1349
01:23:29,076 --> 01:23:30,908
Got 'em.
God, Russell.
1350
01:23:30,985 --> 01:23:32,501
I have a mission.
1351
01:23:33,289 --> 01:23:34,838
To get my revenge.
1352
01:23:34,915 --> 01:23:37,488
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.
1353
01:23:37,565 --> 01:23:39,376
You're not the revenge type.
1354
01:23:39,644 --> 01:23:41,022
Take it from a friend.
1355
01:23:41,302 --> 01:23:44,891
Friend? You were sick,
and I protected you.
1356
01:23:45,153 --> 01:23:47,205
You said it yourself.
1357
01:23:47,450 --> 01:23:50,294
"L'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1358
01:23:50,371 --> 01:23:51,507
So I did.
1359
01:23:52,891 --> 01:23:55,183
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1360
01:23:55,266 --> 01:23:58,774
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1361
01:23:59,148 --> 01:24:01,063
"L care about you"?
'Cause goddamn it,
1362
01:24:01,140 --> 01:24:03,111
I care about you, Russell.
1363
01:24:03,527 --> 01:24:05,693
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1364
01:24:05,770 --> 01:24:09,368
Don't you say legs!
I know you're gonna say legs!
1365
01:24:09,445 --> 01:24:12,722
Legs!
Still hurts to hear out loud!
1366
01:24:14,371 --> 01:24:17,439
What is that?
That's not a real rope!
1367
01:24:17,524 --> 01:24:19,920
You get back here, young man!
1368
01:24:20,669 --> 01:24:21,969
Doms!
1369
01:24:22,171 --> 01:24:24,418
Doms, get me
out of here, please.
1370
01:24:24,495 --> 01:24:27,052
Use my arms
as backpack straps.
1371
01:24:29,553 --> 01:24:30,718
I think we may have found
1372
01:24:30,795 --> 01:24:32,724
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1373
01:24:32,931 --> 01:24:34,764
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.
1374
01:24:34,841 --> 01:24:36,250
X-Force.
1375
01:24:49,530 --> 01:24:51,391
No child is hopeless.
1376
01:24:51,468 --> 01:24:54,413
Don't give up on the boy.
How could he just walk away?
1377
01:24:54,953 --> 01:24:57,416
It was the coldness
in his eyes.
1378
01:24:57,664 --> 01:24:59,459
You should've heard it.
1379
01:25:01,246 --> 01:25:03,750
I guess family
really is an F-word.
1380
01:25:04,380 --> 01:25:06,555
Rub my legs, Mama.
1381
01:25:06,632 --> 01:25:08,089
Why would I
rub your legs?
1382
01:25:08,166 --> 01:25:11,050
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1383
01:25:14,264 --> 01:25:15,684
What in the...
1384
01:25:15,849 --> 01:25:18,503
Why is your hand
so tiny again?
1385
01:25:18,602 --> 01:25:20,121
That's not my hand.
1386
01:25:20,198 --> 01:25:22,821
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!
1387
01:25:22,898 --> 01:25:24,859
That was nice for me.
1388
01:25:24,936 --> 01:25:28,589
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1389
01:25:32,303 --> 01:25:34,348
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?
1390
01:25:34,451 --> 01:25:36,663
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1391
01:25:36,740 --> 01:25:38,358
Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.
1392
01:25:38,435 --> 01:25:40,788
You're just
straight shirt-cocking it,
1393
01:25:40,865 --> 01:25:42,305
toddler-style.
1394
01:25:42,382 --> 01:25:44,254
Oh, yeah.
Full Winnie the Pooh.
1395
01:25:44,331 --> 01:25:46,448
The hell's happening?
Describe it.
1396
01:25:46,525 --> 01:25:47,985
I wouldn't ask him to do that,
if I were you.
1397
01:25:48,062 --> 01:25:49,441
It's like, um...
Here we go.
1398
01:25:49,518 --> 01:25:50,970
It's like he was
giving birth anally,
1399
01:25:51,047 --> 01:25:52,292
but they quit halfway through.
1400
01:25:52,369 --> 01:25:54,798
They got the legs out, and they said,
"You know what, I'm done."
1401
01:25:54,875 --> 01:25:56,001
- Happy?
- It's like he's a
1402
01:25:56,078 --> 01:25:58,107
Muppet from the waist down.
But this time,
1403
01:25:58,221 --> 01:25:59,995
you can see
the Muppet's dick.
1404
01:26:00,072 --> 01:26:01,323
Grover's got a cock
the size of a twig.
1405
01:26:01,400 --> 01:26:02,618
Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.
1406
01:26:02,695 --> 01:26:04,544
I've had three tickets
already.
1407
01:26:05,838 --> 01:26:08,445
No, no, no, DP,
not again!
1408
01:26:08,569 --> 01:26:10,615
This has happened before?
1409
01:26:11,230 --> 01:26:12,662
Jesus! Either vomit or don't.
1410
01:26:12,739 --> 01:26:13,987
The indecision is killing me.
1411
01:26:14,064 --> 01:26:16,218
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?
1412
01:26:17,738 --> 01:26:19,644
Oh. WOW!
1413
01:26:19,829 --> 01:26:21,537
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.
1414
01:26:21,614 --> 01:26:23,465
I'm talking about your face.
1415
01:26:23,542 --> 01:26:25,499
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1416
01:26:25,576 --> 01:26:27,714
Jesus Christ!
Looks like an avocado.
1417
01:26:27,791 --> 01:26:29,664
Your legs, though,
they're cute.
1418
01:26:29,741 --> 01:26:31,718
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1419
01:26:33,093 --> 01:26:34,643
I'm glad everybody dropped by.
1420
01:26:34,720 --> 01:26:37,224
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.
1421
01:26:37,340 --> 01:26:39,036
I'll tell you why I'm here.
1422
01:26:39,141 --> 01:26:41,575
"The Time Traveler's Wife's"
husband“.
1423
01:26:41,652 --> 01:26:42,956
Beat me within
an inch of my life.
1424
01:26:43,033 --> 01:26:44,183
He was torturing me!
1425
01:26:44,260 --> 01:26:47,167
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1426
01:26:47,244 --> 01:26:49,656
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.
1427
01:26:50,034 --> 01:26:51,448
So we can go after him
without me.
1428
01:26:51,525 --> 01:26:52,510
WADE; No!
1429
01:26:52,598 --> 01:26:53,819
I'm doing this alone.
1430
01:26:53,896 --> 01:26:54,913
The Juggernaut
1431
01:26:54,990 --> 01:26:56,388
will kill you all.
Fair enough.
1432
01:26:56,465 --> 01:26:58,143
I just need a couple of
hours to get some legs
1433
01:26:58,220 --> 01:26:59,459
- under me.
- What will you do?
1434
01:26:59,536 --> 01:27:00,910
I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1435
01:27:00,987 --> 01:27:02,212
I ain't letting Cable
get to him,
1436
01:27:02,289 --> 01:27:03,662
even if I have to
teabag him to death.
1437
01:27:03,739 --> 01:27:05,712
It's reallyjust a sip of tea
at this point.
1438
01:27:05,789 --> 01:27:07,716
Zip it, black Black Widow!
I'm flowing.
1439
01:27:07,793 --> 01:27:09,839
The first order of business is
to get me in front of Cable...
1440
01:27:09,916 --> 01:27:11,737
so I can pull all the fucking
blood out of his body...
1441
01:27:11,814 --> 01:27:14,138
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1442
01:27:14,215 --> 01:27:15,839
Then,
I'm gonna take his skin...
1443
01:27:15,916 --> 01:27:19,099
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1444
01:27:20,326 --> 01:27:22,281
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?
1445
01:27:30,734 --> 01:27:32,696
What in the ass?
1446
01:27:32,793 --> 01:27:35,859
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?
1447
01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:38,945
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.
1448
01:27:39,243 --> 01:27:41,997
Ugh. ls that really necessary?
1449
01:27:44,039 --> 01:27:46,833
No. It's his
"Basic: Instinct."
1450
01:27:46,910 --> 01:27:48,484
What can we help you with?
1451
01:27:48,728 --> 01:27:50,606
I'm here to proposition you.
1452
01:27:51,117 --> 01:27:52,897
Oh, oh, oh, oh, boy!
1453
01:27:53,035 --> 01:27:54,519
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?
1454
01:27:54,596 --> 01:27:56,247
Who gets to make
the first joke?
1455
01:27:56,324 --> 01:27:57,409
I think we should all do it
1456
01:27:57,486 --> 01:27:58,800
- at the same time.
- Good call.
1457
01:27:58,877 --> 01:28:00,265
For $45, you get sucky-suck.
1458
01:28:00,342 --> 01:28:02,231
I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1459
01:28:02,308 --> 01:28:03,934
- Fuck!
- The Proposition has a wonderful
1460
01:28:04,011 --> 01:28:05,744
- Guy Pearce performance.
- Wait, wait, wait!
1461
01:28:05,821 --> 01:28:06,943
I wanna do mine over.
1462
01:28:07,020 --> 01:28:09,316
- Give us the line again.
- I need your help!
1463
01:28:09,648 --> 01:28:12,220
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1464
01:28:12,297 --> 01:28:14,952
but you unleashed
the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!
1465
01:28:15,195 --> 01:28:17,327
I can't bring him down alone.
1466
01:28:17,503 --> 01:28:19,241
So here we are.
1467
01:28:20,492 --> 01:28:22,434
We're no longer
accepting applications
1468
01:28:22,511 --> 01:28:23,913
for X-Force, unfortunately.
1469
01:28:23,995 --> 01:28:25,340
Even if we were...
1470
01:28:25,417 --> 01:28:27,307
there's a wind advisory
in effect until at least...
1471
01:28:27,384 --> 01:28:28,629
We don't have a lot of time.
1472
01:28:28,706 --> 01:28:30,174
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1473
01:28:30,251 --> 01:28:31,830
No offense,
but if you know so much...
1474
01:28:31,907 --> 01:28:34,426
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1475
01:28:34,503 --> 01:28:35,916
Or better yet, head back
a little further,
1476
01:28:35,993 --> 01:28:36,928
kill baby Hitler.
1477
01:28:37,005 --> 01:28:38,949
I use a device
to slide through time.
1478
01:28:39,026 --> 01:28:41,536
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.
1479
01:28:41,620 --> 01:28:44,064
I got two charges:
one to get me here,
1480
01:28:44,141 --> 01:28:45,347
one to get me home.
1481
01:28:45,424 --> 01:28:46,476
Well.
1482
01:28:46,560 --> 01:28:48,443
That's just lazy writing.
1483
01:28:48,520 --> 01:28:50,026
Your boy's
gonna kill the headmaster
1484
01:28:50,103 --> 01:28:51,621
of the orphanage tonight.
1485
01:28:51,698 --> 01:28:53,705
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.
1486
01:28:53,782 --> 01:28:56,533
Like 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!
1487
01:28:56,610 --> 01:28:58,370
So he keeps killing...
1488
01:28:58,447 --> 01:29:00,283
and killing, and killing,
1489
01:29:00,360 --> 01:29:01,660
and killing.
1490
01:29:01,737 --> 01:29:05,389
Until one day, he kills
the wrong fucking people.
1491
01:29:07,331 --> 01:29:08,707
My People.
1492
01:29:12,527 --> 01:29:13,653
Relax.
1493
01:29:13,767 --> 01:29:16,561
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1494
01:29:16,698 --> 01:29:18,932
It's a goddamn fanny pack...
1495
01:29:19,009 --> 01:29:21,338
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!
1496
01:29:21,415 --> 01:29:23,366
The difference
is night and day.
1497
01:29:25,140 --> 01:29:27,477
You remind me of my wife.
1498
01:29:27,631 --> 01:29:28,765
I'm sorry.
1499
01:29:28,843 --> 01:29:31,674
- I said, "You remind me of my wife."
- No, I'm sorry that you said that...
1500
01:29:31,751 --> 01:29:34,359
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.
1501
01:29:34,436 --> 01:29:35,897
She always struggled.
1502
01:29:36,610 --> 01:29:38,197
But she was funny...
1503
01:29:38,274 --> 01:29:41,095
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1504
01:29:41,490 --> 01:29:43,910
Something I could
never master.
1505
01:29:44,618 --> 01:29:47,038
It was my fault she died.
1506
01:29:48,455 --> 01:29:51,334
It was my job
to stop people like him.
1507
01:29:52,167 --> 01:29:55,056
I came close a few times.
1508
01:29:58,340 --> 01:30:00,470
He wasn't too happy
about that.
1509
01:30:01,718 --> 01:30:03,247
He was trying to hurt me...
1510
01:30:03,324 --> 01:30:05,751
and he knew exactly
how to do it.
1511
01:30:08,809 --> 01:30:10,882
Blessed are the wicked
1512
01:30:10,959 --> 01:30:13,181
who are healed by my hand.
1513
01:30:15,578 --> 01:30:17,415
He came into my home...
1514
01:30:17,904 --> 01:30:21,048
and took the only thing
that made it a home.
1515
01:30:24,749 --> 01:30:26,790
Sound familiar?
1516
01:30:27,285 --> 01:30:29,290
- I'm sorry.
- Uh-huh.
1517
01:30:29,578 --> 01:30:31,456
No, I'm really sorry.
1518
01:30:32,833 --> 01:30:34,900
But that isn't Russell.
1519
01:30:35,043 --> 01:30:37,153
- It doesn't have to be him.
- If you knew what I knew...
1520
01:30:37,230 --> 01:30:38,970
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1521
01:30:39,047 --> 01:30:40,629
maybe a small
learning disability...
1522
01:30:40,706 --> 01:30:42,015
splash of diabetes...
1523
01:30:42,092 --> 01:30:43,358
but nothing
that can't be fixed.
1524
01:30:43,435 --> 01:30:45,138
- Nothing that...
- If you could go back...
1525
01:30:45,215 --> 01:30:48,058
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?
1526
01:30:48,140 --> 01:30:49,349
No.
1527
01:30:49,498 --> 01:30:51,394
I'd buy them all
a bouquet of hand jobs.
1528
01:30:51,471 --> 01:30:53,359
Of course I fucking would!
1529
01:30:53,729 --> 01:30:56,979
- But I wouldn't kill a kid.
- I'm not asking you to kill a kid!
1530
01:30:57,056 --> 01:30:58,636
I'll kill the kid.
1531
01:30:58,724 --> 01:31:02,077
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1532
01:31:02,154 --> 01:31:04,522
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1533
01:31:04,599 --> 01:31:06,765
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1534
01:31:06,842 --> 01:31:09,431
would want you to do
the right thing, wouldn't she?
1535
01:31:09,870 --> 01:31:12,783
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1536
01:31:13,123 --> 01:31:14,829
Give me a chance to save him.
1537
01:31:14,912 --> 01:31:16,300
What?
You said...
1538
01:31:16,377 --> 01:31:18,380
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1539
01:31:18,457 --> 01:31:20,492
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1540
01:31:20,662 --> 01:31:22,343
promise you'll give me
a chance
1541
01:31:22,420 --> 01:31:24,047
to put him
on a different path.
1542
01:31:24,124 --> 01:31:25,405
Define "chance."
1543
01:31:25,482 --> 01:31:26,989
I don't know.
How long does it take
1544
01:31:27,066 --> 01:31:28,101
to save someone's soul?
1545
01:31:28,178 --> 01:31:29,261
- That's not...
- I'll give you 30 seconds.
1546
01:31:29,338 --> 01:31:31,309
- That, what? No!
- Best I can do.
1547
01:31:31,386 --> 01:31:32,852
Take it or leave it.
1548
01:31:42,827 --> 01:31:44,929
WEASELI
He's doing it!
1549
01:31:45,006 --> 01:31:46,833
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.
1550
01:31:46,910 --> 01:31:48,243
There he goes.
1551
01:31:48,320 --> 01:31:49,708
Jesus Christ!
1552
01:31:49,785 --> 01:31:51,325
Just shirt-cocking it.
1553
01:31:51,402 --> 01:31:52,654
Ugh.
1554
01:31:53,288 --> 01:31:54,845
There you go, little fella.
1555
01:31:55,373 --> 01:31:57,173
Go on, you're doing it!
1556
01:31:57,325 --> 01:32:00,290
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.
1557
01:32:02,172 --> 01:32:03,593
DOMINOI Christ!
1558
01:32:03,670 --> 01:32:05,047
That's disturbing.
1559
01:32:05,124 --> 01:32:06,678
30 seconds.
1560
01:32:11,848 --> 01:32:13,560
- Deal.
- Deal.
1561
01:32:19,773 --> 01:32:22,731
Man, that sucks they didn't
have anything in your size.
1562
01:32:22,808 --> 01:32:24,776
I really wanted to match,
you know?
1563
01:32:24,853 --> 01:32:26,812
Being a menacing team.
1564
01:32:26,889 --> 01:32:28,421
Oh, man, it sucks.
1565
01:32:28,498 --> 01:32:30,619
That was some
cold-ass shit, kid.
1566
01:32:31,826 --> 01:32:34,163
And that is just
the first five steps
1567
01:32:34,240 --> 01:32:36,161
to a prostate-assisted orgasm.
1568
01:32:36,748 --> 01:32:38,247
Where the hell
are we going?
1569
01:32:38,324 --> 01:32:39,581
You said it yourself.
1570
01:32:39,658 --> 01:32:42,584
Nothing can stop the
Juggernaut. We need backup.
1571
01:32:42,661 --> 01:32:45,550
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.
1572
01:32:49,678 --> 01:32:51,514
Can you turn off the music?
1573
01:32:52,443 --> 01:32:54,452
You'll do no such thing.
1574
01:32:54,529 --> 01:32:56,390
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1575
01:32:56,467 --> 01:32:58,109
I'm sorry?
Ap0l0gy accepted.
1576
01:32:58,186 --> 01:33:00,020
This is a side of you
I do not like.
1577
01:33:00,097 --> 01:33:01,061
Let me guess,
1578
01:33:01,138 --> 01:33:03,451
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.
1579
01:33:03,528 --> 01:33:04,770
- What the hell are you...?
- Once again,
1580
01:33:04,847 --> 01:33:06,367
intolerance rears
its ugly head.
1581
01:33:06,444 --> 01:33:07,776
I am so sorry.
It gets better.
1582
01:33:07,853 --> 01:33:09,647
I'm not a fucking racist,
moron!
1583
01:33:09,724 --> 01:33:11,645
That's precisely
what a racist would say.
1584
01:33:11,722 --> 01:33:13,527
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.
1585
01:33:13,604 --> 01:33:14,631
And that's a twist.
1586
01:33:14,708 --> 01:33:16,535
When this is over...
I'm going to fuck you to death
1587
01:33:16,612 --> 01:33:17,988
with your own broken feet.
1588
01:33:18,065 --> 01:33:20,248
And a sexual predator, too.
That's rich.
1589
01:33:20,325 --> 01:33:21,639
I should have
finished college.
1590
01:33:21,716 --> 01:33:23,973
So what exactly do you
do in the future, anyway, huh?
1591
01:33:24,050 --> 01:33:25,262
Some kind of soldier?
1592
01:33:25,339 --> 01:33:27,045
Yeah, something like that.
1593
01:33:27,122 --> 01:33:29,224
I was a soldier.
Special Forces.
1594
01:33:29,301 --> 01:33:32,118
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1595
01:33:32,208 --> 01:33:34,115
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1596
01:33:34,192 --> 01:33:36,942
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.
1597
01:33:37,019 --> 01:33:38,185
Boom!
1598
01:33:38,314 --> 01:33:39,775
Spoiler alert.
1599
01:33:40,957 --> 01:33:42,167
Planets.
1600
01:33:42,255 --> 01:33:43,805
Next time, Uber.
1601
01:33:43,882 --> 01:33:45,385
Here's a spoiler alert.
1602
01:33:46,200 --> 01:33:48,071
You're not a fucking hero.
1603
01:33:48,148 --> 01:33:52,033
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.
1604
01:33:52,198 --> 01:33:53,410
Well, I got news for you.
1605
01:33:53,487 --> 01:33:54,957
My heart
is in the right place.
1606
01:33:55,034 --> 01:33:56,498
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.
1607
01:33:56,575 --> 01:33:58,842
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.
1608
01:33:58,919 --> 01:34:00,746
- We're all going to die.
- Because of you, I'll always know
1609
01:34:00,823 --> 01:34:02,996
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.
1610
01:34:03,073 --> 01:34:05,218
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1611
01:34:05,295 --> 01:34:06,427
God, I wish this were a bus
1612
01:34:06,504 --> 01:34:07,800
where I could pull
the string and get out.
1613
01:34:07,877 --> 01:34:09,480
It's a good thing
Cable's not driving,
1614
01:34:09,557 --> 01:34:10,761
or you'd be in the back.
1615
01:34:10,838 --> 01:34:12,672
- Lam in the back.
- Right here!
1616
01:34:31,154 --> 01:34:33,032
I made mistakes!
1617
01:34:33,281 --> 01:34:34,966
I wanna take them back!
1618
01:34:35,043 --> 01:34:37,917
You trusted me.
I took that trust...
1619
01:34:37,994 --> 01:34:39,493
and turned it
into a glory hole
1620
01:34:39,570 --> 01:34:41,066
in an airport bathroom.
1621
01:34:41,143 --> 01:34:44,207
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1622
01:34:44,417 --> 01:34:47,042
But even you know I'm not
a complete piece of shit.
1623
01:34:47,119 --> 01:34:48,627
I was once an X-Man.
1624
01:34:48,704 --> 01:34:49,836
Trainee!
1625
01:34:54,485 --> 01:34:57,158
You're still using
my Velcro labels. Aw.
1626
01:34:57,235 --> 01:34:58,671
They do stick better
thantape.
1627
01:34:58,748 --> 01:35:00,478
- Hi, Wade!
- Please don't.
1628
01:35:00,555 --> 01:35:03,514
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.
1629
01:35:03,591 --> 01:35:04,611
Right. Quick.
1630
01:35:04,688 --> 01:35:06,806
It's the kid.
Just like you, I let him down.
1631
01:35:06,883 --> 01:35:08,439
And just like me,
he's never had anyone
1632
01:35:08,516 --> 01:35:10,546
sacrifice anything for him... because
the whole world wrote him off
1633
01:35:10,623 --> 01:35:11,817
as a piece of shit
a long time ago.
1634
01:35:11,894 --> 01:35:13,941
Look, he's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!
1635
01:35:14,078 --> 01:35:15,408
The Juggernaut!
1636
01:35:15,485 --> 01:35:17,273
Who's, like, my favorite
Marvel character ever...
1637
01:35:17,350 --> 01:35:19,531
And hi, Yukio! That was really
nice of you to say hi...
1638
01:35:19,608 --> 01:35:20,666
so I'm saying hi back.
1639
01:35:20,743 --> 01:35:22,140
You guys make
a super cute couple.
1640
01:35:22,217 --> 01:35:23,743
Yeah. Where was I?
1641
01:35:23,820 --> 01:35:25,664
Oh, yeah. You should never
meet your heroes...
1642
01:35:25,741 --> 01:35:27,314
because, honestly,
he's a bit of a dick!
1643
01:35:27,391 --> 01:35:29,155
And like a lot of dicks,
he's hard as a rock...
1644
01:35:29,232 --> 01:35:30,624
and causes nothing
but problems!
1645
01:35:30,701 --> 01:35:33,798
Look, you can stop the
Juggernaut. I know you can.
1646
01:35:33,875 --> 01:35:36,777
Do you know what would happen
to me if I helped you?
1647
01:35:36,923 --> 01:35:39,001
I would be disgraced.
1648
01:35:39,078 --> 01:35:41,132
You are a criminal,
a fugitive.
1649
01:35:41,209 --> 01:35:42,712
But worst of all...
1650
01:35:42,789 --> 01:35:44,761
you broke my heart, Wade.
1651
01:35:46,161 --> 01:35:49,056
Then you know what? Your heart's
in the wrong place, big guy.
1652
01:35:50,025 --> 01:35:52,774
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1653
01:35:52,851 --> 01:35:56,332
and fucked up, and not
particularly convenient!
1654
01:35:56,409 --> 01:35:59,429
So stay here
in Chéteau de Virgin...
1655
01:35:59,506 --> 01:36:02,004
while we go get our fuck on!
1656
01:36:04,664 --> 01:36:06,410
You're doing great.
1657
01:36:11,713 --> 01:36:13,345
So you wear
that helmet because
1658
01:36:13,422 --> 01:36:15,047
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1659
01:36:15,124 --> 01:36:18,384
Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.
1660
01:36:18,461 --> 01:36:20,886
- Someone's coming.
- It's Russell, sir.
1661
01:36:20,963 --> 01:36:22,660
And he's not alone.
1662
01:36:23,351 --> 01:36:25,229
Secure the children.
1663
01:36:26,978 --> 01:36:29,565
They will not replace us.
1664
01:36:29,773 --> 01:36:32,277
What do you say
we go fuck some shit up?
1665
01:36:32,609 --> 01:36:36,656
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.
1666
01:36:39,783 --> 01:36:42,412
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.
1667
01:36:42,489 --> 01:36:44,496
Amen, brother.
1668
01:36:50,543 --> 01:36:52,187
Time to make the chimichangas.
1669
01:36:52,264 --> 01:36:54,048
30 seconds.
1670
01:36:54,464 --> 01:36:56,801
I finally know why I'm here.
1671
01:36:57,008 --> 01:36:58,769
I was raised in this place.
1672
01:36:59,010 --> 01:37:01,227
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.
1673
01:37:01,304 --> 01:37:04,147
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1674
01:37:04,224 --> 01:37:05,855
- Shall we?
- This is gonna be fun.
1675
01:37:05,932 --> 01:37:06,907
DEADPOOLI Yeah!
1676
01:37:06,984 --> 01:37:08,311
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...
1677
01:37:08,388 --> 01:37:11,508
what's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?
1678
01:37:11,585 --> 01:37:14,360
It's not dirt. It's the blood
of my dead daughter.
1679
01:37:14,692 --> 01:37:17,280
Are You Bear, God?
It's Me, Margaret.
1680
01:37:17,445 --> 01:37:18,828
Give me some.
1681
01:37:18,905 --> 01:37:20,529
They say
laughter heals anything...
1682
01:37:20,606 --> 01:37:21,769
except, of course, that.
1683
01:37:21,846 --> 01:37:23,440
We should just cue the music.
1684
01:37:48,129 --> 01:37:51,167
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.
1685
01:37:51,980 --> 01:37:53,210
Russell!
1686
01:37:53,359 --> 01:37:55,979
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!
1687
01:37:56,479 --> 01:37:59,010
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?
1688
01:38:01,670 --> 01:38:02,726
That's why!
1689
01:38:02,803 --> 01:38:04,435
Told you this little fucker's
too far gone.
1690
01:38:04,512 --> 01:38:07,385
Zip it, Thanos!
We have a deal and you fuck...
1691
01:38:07,462 --> 01:38:08,653
Hey!
1692
01:38:08,841 --> 01:38:13,181
I'm gonna shove that
cab driver right up your ass.
1693
01:38:13,334 --> 01:38:15,604
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1694
01:38:15,681 --> 01:38:16,654
- You should probably
- I think I'll
1695
01:38:16,731 --> 01:38:18,599
- head back to the car.
- Headback to the car.
1696
01:38:19,832 --> 01:38:22,885
It works best
when you pull the trigger.
1697
01:38:25,305 --> 01:38:26,931
That gun is amazing!
1698
01:38:27,776 --> 01:38:29,209
Say it!
1699
01:38:31,311 --> 01:38:35,244
You... are an abomination!
1700
01:38:41,654 --> 01:38:45,098
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.
1701
01:38:45,175 --> 01:38:48,079
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!
1702
01:38:52,000 --> 01:38:53,326
Gotcha!
1703
01:38:53,720 --> 01:38:55,696
Beat it, midget!
1704
01:38:58,021 --> 01:39:00,870
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!
1705
01:39:00,947 --> 01:39:02,774
Oh, shit fuck!
1706
01:39:16,119 --> 01:39:17,913
Come here, beautiful.
1707
01:39:25,281 --> 01:39:26,570
Whoo!
1708
01:39:35,625 --> 01:39:36,961
Say it!
1709
01:41:00,168 --> 01:41:01,310
You came for me.
1710
01:41:01,387 --> 01:41:02,797
I'm not giving up on you,
1711
01:41:02,874 --> 01:41:04,929
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1712
01:41:05,006 --> 01:41:07,088
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1713
01:41:07,165 --> 01:41:09,433
It's time to fight dirty.
1714
01:41:09,510 --> 01:41:10,925
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1715
01:41:11,002 --> 01:41:13,688
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1716
01:41:13,765 --> 01:41:15,889
That's such
a you thing to say!
1717
01:41:15,966 --> 01:41:17,687
Go get him, tiger!
1718
01:41:17,894 --> 01:41:20,515
Big CGI fight coming up!
1719
01:41:42,835 --> 01:41:43,940
He's doing great.
1720
01:41:44,017 --> 01:41:45,258
Say it!
1721
01:41:49,501 --> 01:41:51,348
- Russell.
- Bingo!
1722
01:41:56,432 --> 01:41:58,138
You see that bus?
1723
01:41:58,233 --> 01:42:00,170
I'm gonna
shove it up your ass.
1724
01:42:02,986 --> 01:42:05,755
That's right!
I'm fighting dirty!
1725
01:42:06,064 --> 01:42:07,086
Oh, great!
1726
01:42:07,164 --> 01:42:08,219
There they are!
Those freaks!
1727
01:42:08,296 --> 01:42:10,434
A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1728
01:42:10,571 --> 01:42:12,450
Can I have
one of those guns?
1729
01:42:12,782 --> 01:42:14,612
No.
That's fine.
1730
01:42:14,689 --> 01:42:16,579
Get off this property,
mutant scum!
1731
01:42:16,656 --> 01:42:18,297
I'm just gonna
use this brick.
1732
01:42:18,374 --> 01:42:19,981
Maximum effort.
1733
01:42:25,503 --> 01:42:27,989
Who says you
can't go home again?
1734
01:42:36,746 --> 01:42:38,164
On!
1735
01:42:45,037 --> 01:42:46,367
Yeah!
1736
01:42:47,608 --> 01:42:48,943
Say it.
1737
01:42:49,318 --> 01:42:52,573
Say what you said
every time you tortured me!
1738
01:42:52,788 --> 01:42:53,912
Say it!
1739
01:42:53,990 --> 01:42:57,827
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
1740
01:42:58,265 --> 01:43:00,102
Blessed are the wicked...
1741
01:43:00,550 --> 01:43:01,970
who are healed...
1742
01:43:02,159 --> 01:43:03,871
b'! my hand.
1743
01:43:21,580 --> 01:43:24,772
You commie motherfucker!
1744
01:43:50,178 --> 01:43:52,698
Oh, my God.
Did you feel that, too?
1745
01:43:53,007 --> 01:43:55,752
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.
1746
01:43:58,095 --> 01:44:00,628
You got 30 seconds,
you jabbering butt plug!
1747
01:44:00,705 --> 01:44:02,659
Now we're getting it.
1748
01:44:06,395 --> 01:44:08,816
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.
1749
01:44:14,046 --> 01:44:15,217
Orphans.
1750
01:44:16,155 --> 01:44:17,694
Oh, geez.
1751
01:44:18,744 --> 01:44:20,296
It's time
1752
01:44:20,538 --> 01:44:22,794
- to burn for what you've done!
- A child should not be
1753
01:44:22,871 --> 01:44:25,002
burdened with such power!
1754
01:44:32,838 --> 01:44:34,638
Russell! Wait!
1755
01:44:39,929 --> 01:44:41,690
DEADPOOLI Oh!
1756
01:44:48,437 --> 01:44:50,530
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!
1757
01:44:50,607 --> 01:44:52,889
What more do you need to see?
Don't you fucking dare!
1758
01:44:52,966 --> 01:44:54,025
He's just a kid!
1759
01:44:54,102 --> 01:44:56,440
Tick, took. Meter's running!
1760
01:45:08,499 --> 01:45:12,003
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.
1761
01:45:31,744 --> 01:45:34,886
I told you! Leave me alone!
Come on!
1762
01:45:35,109 --> 01:45:36,823
Listen to me!
1763
01:45:59,906 --> 01:46:01,174
That's how we do it
1764
01:46:01,251 --> 01:46:02,847
in Mother Russia.
1765
01:46:04,690 --> 01:46:07,507
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.
1766
01:46:08,495 --> 01:46:12,506
Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.
1767
01:46:13,314 --> 01:46:16,026
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!
1768
01:46:16,144 --> 01:46:18,160
Go home, Wade!
1769
01:46:18,237 --> 01:46:20,155
You're ruining everything!
1770
01:46:25,284 --> 01:46:26,900
I'm getting good at this shit.
1771
01:46:26,977 --> 01:46:28,366
Go, go, go!
1772
01:46:31,207 --> 01:46:33,198
He dies tonight, Wade.
1773
01:46:33,275 --> 01:46:35,296
You can't stop me!
1774
01:46:35,711 --> 01:46:37,788
He even runs
like a fucking pervert.
1775
01:46:37,865 --> 01:46:40,687
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
1776
01:46:41,801 --> 01:46:43,411
There's one bullet left
in that gun.
1777
01:46:43,488 --> 01:46:45,366
Wait, wait, wait!
Please, just give me a second!
1778
01:46:45,443 --> 01:46:46,536
I got this.
1779
01:46:46,613 --> 01:46:49,331
- Oh, ho, hoh! Russell!
- Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1780
01:46:49,408 --> 01:46:51,804
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1781
01:46:51,894 --> 01:46:53,499
That piece of shit...
1782
01:46:53,604 --> 01:46:55,542
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1783
01:46:55,619 --> 01:46:59,179
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.
1784
01:46:59,652 --> 01:47:01,462
But if you kill him, he wins.
1785
01:47:01,539 --> 01:47:04,781
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
1786
01:47:05,408 --> 01:47:07,077
You're just a kid.
1787
01:47:07,451 --> 01:47:09,077
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
1788
01:47:09,245 --> 01:47:10,823
How do you know what I want?
1789
01:47:10,900 --> 01:47:12,609
Because I've been inside you.
1790
01:47:12,832 --> 01:47:14,335
That came out wrong.
1791
01:47:14,750 --> 01:47:16,477
I've been inside your shoes.
1792
01:47:16,554 --> 01:47:18,344
Which is also off-putting.
1793
01:47:18,421 --> 01:47:19,919
It's not a great analogy.
1794
01:47:19,996 --> 01:47:21,550
The point is...
1795
01:47:21,799 --> 01:47:23,382
there are people...
1796
01:47:23,551 --> 01:47:26,560
there are people
in this fucking world...
1797
01:47:26,637 --> 01:47:29,393
besides him,
who will treat you right.
1798
01:47:29,470 --> 01:47:32,227
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.
1799
01:47:37,565 --> 01:47:39,771
I never should've left
you there.
1800
01:47:41,506 --> 01:47:43,787
I never should've left you
in that prison.
1801
01:47:50,661 --> 01:47:52,529
I can't trust you.
1802
01:47:53,515 --> 01:47:56,102
I can't trust anybody!
1803
01:48:05,050 --> 01:48:06,470
Wonderful kid.
1804
01:48:06,667 --> 01:48:08,647
You can't stop me, Wade!
1805
01:48:10,556 --> 01:48:12,459
I got one more idea.
1806
01:48:12,979 --> 01:48:15,675
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.
1807
01:48:15,752 --> 01:48:16,822
Wade, what are you doing?
1808
01:48:16,899 --> 01:48:19,139
All right. This is for
all the marbles, kid!
1809
01:48:19,482 --> 01:48:21,402
You're gonna kill
someone today...
1810
01:48:21,760 --> 01:48:23,213
Blessed are the wicked...
1811
01:48:23,290 --> 01:48:25,197
then it's gotta be me.
1812
01:48:26,148 --> 01:48:28,772
Who are healed by my hand!
1813
01:48:31,118 --> 01:48:32,909
Fuck this!
1814
01:49:34,414 --> 01:49:37,585
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1815
01:49:40,765 --> 01:49:43,942
Oh, that's not good.
1816
01:49:45,403 --> 01:49:47,335
No, sir.
1817
01:49:54,368 --> 01:49:57,498
You sacrificed yourself
for me.
1818
01:49:57,705 --> 01:49:58,831
Yeah.
1819
01:49:58,921 --> 01:50:01,335
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
1820
01:50:03,328 --> 01:50:05,274
I told you
I care about you.
1821
01:50:05,351 --> 01:50:07,216
You're a good kid, Russell.
1822
01:50:08,716 --> 01:50:10,148
Hey.
1823
01:50:10,976 --> 01:50:12,154
The bear.
1824
01:50:12,232 --> 01:50:13,726
It worked.
1825
01:50:20,728 --> 01:50:22,356
Because of you.
1826
01:50:22,433 --> 01:50:25,128
No, Wade, because of you.
1827
01:50:25,566 --> 01:50:27,690
Stop, stop, stop!
1828
01:50:27,767 --> 01:50:28,953
Stop!
1829
01:50:30,029 --> 01:50:32,783
Just let it happen, okay?
1830
01:50:33,032 --> 01:50:36,161
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.
1831
01:50:36,925 --> 01:50:39,206
That riddle
is so fucked up.
1832
01:50:44,001 --> 01:50:46,251
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1833
01:50:46,328 --> 01:50:47,899
Don't be. Don't be.
1834
01:50:47,976 --> 01:50:49,847
I've been trying to make
this happen for a while.
1835
01:50:49,924 --> 01:50:51,923
Please, just don't leave me.
1836
01:50:52,000 --> 01:50:53,311
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
1837
01:50:53,388 --> 01:50:54,965
We are not going anywhere.
1838
01:50:55,042 --> 01:50:57,553
Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.
1839
01:50:57,630 --> 01:50:58,892
Just rest, okay?
1840
01:51:00,267 --> 01:51:01,601
Papa.
1841
01:51:03,562 --> 01:51:05,917
Papa, can you hear me?
1842
01:51:07,914 --> 01:51:14,574
Papa, can you find me
in the... night?
1843
01:51:35,052 --> 01:51:36,296
Before I go...
1844
01:51:36,373 --> 01:51:39,099
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
1845
01:51:39,176 --> 01:51:40,265
Domino.
1846
01:51:40,432 --> 01:51:45,027
I want you to... have
my Adventure Time watch.
1847
01:51:47,258 --> 01:51:50,535
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.
1848
01:51:51,151 --> 01:51:52,532
Thank you.
1849
01:51:53,665 --> 01:51:56,742
Hey, SabHna,
the Teenage Witch.
1850
01:51:56,907 --> 01:51:59,286
I liked you better
with your hair short.
1851
01:51:59,437 --> 01:52:01,012
Think everyone did.
1852
01:52:01,203 --> 01:52:03,684
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade!
1853
01:52:06,060 --> 01:52:07,344
And you...
1854
01:52:07,584 --> 01:52:09,035
Chrome Bone.
1855
01:52:09,628 --> 01:52:12,216
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
1856
01:52:12,589 --> 01:52:14,990
But you've always been
that to me.
1857
01:52:15,141 --> 01:52:16,690
So thank you.
1858
01:52:18,470 --> 01:52:20,265
Say "fuck" for me.
1859
01:52:21,016 --> 01:52:22,147
Just once. Come on,
1860
01:52:22,224 --> 01:52:24,004
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.
1861
01:52:24,081 --> 01:52:27,192
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...
1862
01:52:27,269 --> 01:52:28,196
Fuck.
1863
01:52:28,274 --> 01:52:32,027
Wow! Enjoy hell,
swamp mouth.
1864
01:52:32,942 --> 01:52:35,404
And you, Cable.
1865
01:52:36,165 --> 01:52:40,045
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
1866
01:52:40,492 --> 01:52:43,605
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
1867
01:52:44,163 --> 01:52:45,908
That you'll start
judging people...
1868
01:52:45,985 --> 01:52:47,234
not by the color
of their skin,
1869
01:52:47,311 --> 01:52:49,293
but by the content
of their character.
1870
01:52:49,668 --> 01:52:51,855
- Jesus.
- R-Dog?
1871
01:52:52,463 --> 01:52:54,591
There you are. Hey!
1872
01:52:55,235 --> 01:52:57,131
You're a superhero now, bubba.
1873
01:52:57,208 --> 01:53:00,259
That's why it's high time
that you had a super suit.
1874
01:53:00,336 --> 01:53:01,645
This one is yours.
1875
01:53:01,722 --> 01:53:03,512
You might wanna
get it steam cleaned.
1876
01:53:03,589 --> 01:53:05,040
Especially around the pants.
1877
01:53:05,168 --> 01:53:07,051
And let it out
a little in the waist.
1878
01:53:07,715 --> 01:53:09,000
But, hey.
1879
01:53:09,688 --> 01:53:10,773
Look.
1880
01:53:11,266 --> 01:53:14,176
Family is not an F-word.
1881
01:53:14,443 --> 01:53:15,736
All right?
1882
01:53:15,819 --> 01:53:17,941
There's one out there
for you.
1883
01:53:18,280 --> 01:53:20,363
Just keep looking, okay?
1884
01:53:23,494 --> 01:53:26,566
Guys, for a second there...
1885
01:53:27,227 --> 01:53:29,418
we made a pretty good team.
1886
01:53:44,264 --> 01:53:46,476
Oh, it's so hard to go.
1887
01:53:47,994 --> 01:53:50,581
I just love being around
you guys so much.
1888
01:53:51,230 --> 01:53:52,691
So, so much.
1889
01:53:53,190 --> 01:53:54,454
Mmm.
1890
01:53:54,608 --> 01:53:57,051
No, I can feel it now.
Here it comes, yeah.
1891
01:53:57,486 --> 01:54:01,152
I feel the soul
exiting the husk.
1892
01:54:01,360 --> 01:54:02,579
Yeah.
1893
01:54:04,341 --> 01:54:06,386
Can you see it?
1894
01:54:06,745 --> 01:54:09,285
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?
1895
01:54:10,374 --> 01:54:11,934
There it is.
1896
01:54:17,798 --> 01:54:19,014
Oh, that's the sun.
1897
01:54:19,091 --> 01:54:21,037
Don't stare
directly into that.
1898
01:54:21,181 --> 01:54:23,168
I just have a few final words.
1899
01:54:24,680 --> 01:54:26,266
Woodpecker.
1900
01:54:26,849 --> 01:54:28,496
Gingivitis.
1901
01:54:30,227 --> 01:54:31,813
Codswallop.
1902
01:54:36,105 --> 01:54:38,275
Do You Want to
Build a Snowman?
1903
01:55:52,893 --> 01:55:54,141
Sorry I'm late.
1904
01:55:54,218 --> 01:55:55,740
There was a bunch
1905
01:55:55,817 --> 01:55:56,941
of handicapable children
1906
01:55:57,018 --> 01:55:58,111
- who were stuck in a tree.
- No.
1907
01:55:58,188 --> 01:55:59,198
No.
1908
01:55:59,566 --> 01:56:02,498
- But I did have to help a kid.
- Yeah.
1909
01:56:02,694 --> 01:56:04,615
- He's got a terrible name.
- It's just awful.
1910
01:56:04,692 --> 01:56:06,209
- Ugh.
- I tried to tell him.
1911
01:56:07,999 --> 01:56:09,627
Is this heaven?
1912
01:56:10,355 --> 01:56:11,877
It is now.
1913
01:56:14,957 --> 01:56:17,043
I am so sorry.
1914
01:56:17,668 --> 01:56:19,074
It's okay.
1915
01:56:38,855 --> 01:56:40,942
I missed you so much.
1916
01:56:46,454 --> 01:56:48,333
What is it? What's wrong?
1917
01:56:49,908 --> 01:56:51,620
It's not time.
1918
01:56:52,035 --> 01:56:54,054
What do you mean
it's not time?
1919
01:56:54,131 --> 01:56:55,775
I'm here, I made it.
1920
01:56:55,899 --> 01:56:57,459
- You can't stay.
- No, no, no.
1921
01:56:57,536 --> 01:57:00,275
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
1922
01:57:00,352 --> 01:57:01,493
It's okay.
1923
01:57:01,844 --> 01:57:04,473
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
1924
01:57:05,549 --> 01:57:08,220
- They need you.
- Who?
1925
01:57:10,053 --> 01:57:11,691
Your F-word.
1926
01:57:12,597 --> 01:57:13,852
Why?
1927
01:57:14,017 --> 01:57:15,418
You'll find out.
1928
01:57:15,793 --> 01:57:17,785
It's all right. I'll be here.
1929
01:57:18,854 --> 01:57:21,191
It's pretty fucking
awesome up here.
1930
01:57:21,690 --> 01:57:23,636
I can have anything I want.
1931
01:57:23,758 --> 01:57:25,842
Can every day be
International Women's Day?
1932
01:57:25,919 --> 01:57:27,364
It is heaven.
1933
01:57:27,441 --> 01:57:28,865
I love you.
1934
01:57:31,158 --> 01:57:34,348
I know.
I love you, too.
1935
01:57:34,596 --> 01:57:36,014
Now, go.
1936
01:57:36,858 --> 01:57:39,070
Go on. Go, get out of here.
1937
01:57:39,833 --> 01:57:41,063
Go.
1938
01:57:44,010 --> 01:57:45,258
Hey!
1939
01:57:47,632 --> 01:57:50,011
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
1940
01:57:50,591 --> 01:57:51,927
Well, come here.
1941
01:58:11,311 --> 01:58:12,836
Don't fuck Elvis.
1942
01:58:12,913 --> 01:58:14,619
- Ooh, too late.
- I'm sorry?
1943
01:58:23,919 --> 01:58:25,630
Time to make the chimichangas.
1944
01:58:25,707 --> 01:58:26,875
- 30 seconds.
- Hey.
1945
01:58:26,952 --> 01:58:28,013
Been meaning
to ask you...
1946
01:58:28,090 --> 01:58:30,578
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
1947
01:58:30,655 --> 01:58:32,178
It's my daughter's teddy bear.
1948
01:58:32,520 --> 01:58:33,966
Her name's Hope.
1949
01:58:34,043 --> 01:58:35,379
DEADPOOLI Well...
1950
01:58:35,972 --> 01:58:37,913
What are you doing?
1951
01:58:37,990 --> 01:58:39,939
Somebody swiped right.
1952
01:58:52,322 --> 01:58:55,427
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1953
01:58:58,036 --> 01:58:59,868
You sacrificed
yourself for me.
1954
01:58:59,945 --> 01:59:01,747
It would seem I...
1955
01:59:03,846 --> 01:59:05,139
Huh?
1956
01:59:05,961 --> 01:59:08,153
Genuine, high-grade lead.
1957
01:59:10,416 --> 01:59:13,300
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!
1958
01:59:13,377 --> 01:59:15,096
You did this for me?
1959
01:59:16,763 --> 01:59:19,476
Wait. You can't go back.
1960
01:59:19,891 --> 01:59:21,253
You used
the last of your fuel.
1961
01:59:21,330 --> 01:59:22,774
What about your girl,
your wife?
1962
01:59:22,851 --> 01:59:26,435
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
1963
01:59:27,908 --> 01:59:30,005
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...
1964
01:59:30,082 --> 01:59:31,377
and make sure the world
1965
01:59:31,454 --> 01:59:33,622
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.
1966
01:59:34,212 --> 01:59:37,035
No. You did it for me.
1967
01:59:37,490 --> 01:59:38,915
No, I didn't.
1968
01:59:38,992 --> 01:59:40,409
- You did.
- I really didn't.
1969
01:59:40,486 --> 01:59:42,493
- Pretty sure you did.
- No, I'm positive I didn't.
1970
01:59:42,570 --> 01:59:44,516
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?
1971
01:59:44,593 --> 01:59:47,190
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
1972
01:59:47,267 --> 01:59:49,677
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
1973
01:59:49,880 --> 01:59:51,081
Say it again.
1974
01:59:51,158 --> 01:59:52,315
- He did it for me.
- Jesus.
1975
01:59:52,392 --> 01:59:54,506
We must get the collar off.
Forget it. It's no use.
1976
01:59:54,583 --> 01:59:56,227
These collars
don't just come off.
1977
01:59:56,304 --> 01:59:57,603
Wade.
1978
01:59:58,013 --> 01:59:59,849
I have an idea.
1979
01:59:59,973 --> 02:00:02,188
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!
1980
02:00:02,265 --> 02:00:04,659
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...
1981
02:00:04,736 --> 02:00:07,811
Oh, God! They do say
the pen is grosser than the sword.
1982
02:00:07,888 --> 02:00:10,178
We need the code.
1983
02:00:10,255 --> 02:00:12,221
Try, uh, seven?
1984
02:00:12,298 --> 02:00:13,917
Settle down,
Captain Lucky.
1985
02:00:13,994 --> 02:00:15,415
It's not gonna be one number.
1986
02:00:15,492 --> 02:00:17,122
Oh, God, that's lazy writing.
1987
02:00:17,720 --> 02:00:19,264
I still got it.
1988
02:00:21,602 --> 02:00:24,263
Put that back
in your prison wallet.
1989
02:00:25,373 --> 02:00:27,257
I don't know how to thank you.
1990
02:00:27,334 --> 02:00:29,146
But I do know how to hug you.
1991
02:00:29,294 --> 02:00:30,545
No.
Yes.
1992
02:00:30,629 --> 02:00:32,169
Here we go. Bring it in.
1993
02:00:32,246 --> 02:00:33,470
Come on.
1994
02:00:33,595 --> 02:00:35,005
Pelvis to pelvis.
1995
02:00:35,141 --> 02:00:36,368
Let's go tip to tip.
1996
02:00:36,445 --> 02:00:38,849
There we go.
The kids call this docking.
1997
02:00:40,430 --> 02:00:41,831
Is there a knife in my dick?
1998
02:00:41,908 --> 02:00:44,399
- There's a knife in your dick.
- I'm just gonna back up now.
1999
02:00:44,476 --> 02:00:46,367
- Yeah, yeah.
- No need to go full Yentl.
2000
02:00:46,444 --> 02:00:48,629
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.
2001
02:00:48,706 --> 02:00:50,782
Let's go home, Russell.
2002
02:00:54,236 --> 02:00:56,307
All you dirty mutants
2003
02:00:56,384 --> 02:00:58,700
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!
2004
02:00:58,777 --> 02:01:01,619
Your souls
are beyond redemption!
2005
02:01:01,696 --> 02:01:03,211
Let's see your soul, perv!
2006
02:01:03,288 --> 02:01:06,088
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
2007
02:01:06,165 --> 02:01:07,359
We're better than him!
2008
02:01:07,436 --> 02:01:09,924
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!
2009
02:01:10,001 --> 02:01:11,516
We'll let karma
take care of him.
2010
02:01:11,593 --> 02:01:15,067
The day of reckoning
is here!
2011
02:01:23,974 --> 02:01:26,149
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
2012
02:01:26,226 --> 02:01:27,345
Whoo!
2013
02:01:27,478 --> 02:01:29,002
Courage, motherfuckers!
2014
02:01:29,079 --> 02:01:30,518
And karma, motherfucker.
2015
02:01:30,595 --> 02:01:32,234
I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.
2016
02:01:32,311 --> 02:01:34,250
I could barely keep
a straight face.
2017
02:01:34,327 --> 02:01:35,722
I want some more.
2018
02:01:35,799 --> 02:01:37,815
I bet you do,
Brown Panther.
2019
02:01:37,892 --> 02:01:41,083
We should leave
before Fuckernaut wakes up.
2020
02:01:41,324 --> 02:01:43,260
Good call.
You guys coming with us?
2021
02:01:43,337 --> 02:01:45,404
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
2022
02:01:45,657 --> 02:01:47,165
Besides, we're X-Men.
2023
02:01:47,242 --> 02:01:49,944
No, you're X-People.
2024
02:01:50,023 --> 02:01:51,253
You're exhausting.
2025
02:01:51,330 --> 02:01:53,400
I see what you did there.
Puns.
2026
02:01:53,477 --> 02:01:54,744
Our door's always open.
2027
02:01:54,821 --> 02:01:56,662
That's kind, but
I'm not ready to date again.
2028
02:01:56,739 --> 02:01:58,098
Let alone two women.
2029
02:01:58,550 --> 02:02:00,090
God, you're a douche.
2030
02:02:00,253 --> 02:02:02,848
- Bye, Wade!
- Bye, Yukio!
2031
02:02:04,874 --> 02:02:05,924
What do you get
2032
02:02:06,001 --> 02:02:07,641
when you take
eight feet of chrome...
2033
02:02:07,718 --> 02:02:08,883
one pinch of courage...
2034
02:02:08,960 --> 02:02:10,414
a cup of good luck...
2035
02:02:10,491 --> 02:02:11,752
a dab of racism...
2036
02:02:11,829 --> 02:02:13,063
a splash of diabetes...
2037
02:02:13,140 --> 02:02:15,512
and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?
2038
02:02:15,689 --> 02:02:18,075
Answer: a family.
2039
02:02:18,423 --> 02:02:21,376
See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.
2040
02:02:21,453 --> 02:02:23,156
If there's anything
you take away today...
2041
02:02:23,233 --> 02:02:26,077
other than the need to Google,
"What the fuck is dubstep?"...
2042
02:02:26,154 --> 02:02:29,207
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.
2043
02:04:25,905 --> 02:04:27,868
How something
so small generates
2044
02:04:27,945 --> 02:04:29,322
enough energy
to reverse time is...
2045
02:04:29,399 --> 02:04:31,668
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
2046
02:04:31,745 --> 02:04:33,611
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.
2047
02:04:33,688 --> 02:04:35,600
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.
2048
02:04:35,677 --> 02:04:36,678
Never heard of him.
2049
02:04:36,755 --> 02:04:38,441
Why do you think
I'm helping him?
2050
02:04:39,169 --> 02:04:41,347
The Lord works
in mysterious ways,
2051
02:04:41,500 --> 02:04:43,925
don't I?
A good day.
2052
02:04:44,497 --> 02:04:45,773
Bye, Wade!
2053
02:04:45,959 --> 02:04:47,613
Bye, Yukio!
2054
02:04:48,303 --> 02:04:50,723
That was probably a bad idea.
2055
02:04:51,065 --> 02:04:52,659
What have we done?
2056
02:05:10,548 --> 02:05:12,958
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
2057
02:05:22,719 --> 02:05:24,606
I'll be right back!
2058
02:05:26,007 --> 02:05:28,761
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!
2059
02:05:28,896 --> 02:05:30,579
Whoo!
2060
02:05:31,709 --> 02:05:32,747
Peter!
2061
02:05:32,825 --> 02:05:37,337
- Whoo! X-Force!
- Walk... away! Just walk away!
2062
02:05:37,811 --> 02:05:39,967
- But we're X-Force!
- Nope! We're not.
2063
02:05:40,044 --> 02:05:41,467
X-Force is just
a marketing tool
2064
02:05:41,544 --> 02:05:42,778
designed by Fox executives...
2065
02:05:42,855 --> 02:05:44,457
to keep Josh Brolin employed.
2066
02:05:44,534 --> 02:05:45,825
It doesn't exist.
2067
02:05:45,902 --> 02:05:49,203
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!
2068
02:05:49,280 --> 02:05:50,966
And I need to feed my cat!
2069
02:05:51,043 --> 02:05:53,578
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
2070
02:05:53,732 --> 02:05:57,501
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?
2071
02:06:05,964 --> 02:06:08,051
Wade, is that you?
2072
02:06:10,219 --> 02:06:11,598
I guess Stryker finally
2073
02:06:11,675 --> 02:06:13,469
figured out
how to shut you up.
2074
02:06:19,477 --> 02:06:22,813
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!
2075
02:06:23,138 --> 02:06:24,980
Just cleaning up
the timelines!
2076
02:06:25,057 --> 02:06:28,785
Look, eventually you're
going to hang up the claws...
2077
02:06:28,862 --> 02:06:31,449
and it's gonna make
a lot of people very sad.
2078
02:06:31,526 --> 02:06:32,490
Huh?
2079
02:06:32,574 --> 02:06:34,533
But one day, your old pal
Wade's gonna ask you...
2080
02:06:34,610 --> 02:06:36,454
to get back
in the saddle again.
2081
02:06:37,150 --> 02:06:39,874
And when he does,
say yes.
2082
02:06:41,211 --> 02:06:43,285
Oh, right.
2083
02:06:43,793 --> 02:06:45,086
Love you!
2084
02:06:47,432 --> 02:06:49,468
Goddamn, that's beautiful.
2085
02:06:56,472 --> 02:06:58,507
You're welcome, Canada.
2086
02:07:10,906 --> 02:07:12,218
Boy howdy.
2087
02:07:13,865 --> 02:07:16,956
Hi. This is a toughie.
2088
02:07:17,101 --> 02:07:18,202
Yeesh.
2089
02:07:18,312 --> 02:07:21,378
Oh, yes. You're already
practicing your salute, huh?
2090
02:07:21,748 --> 02:07:24,623
Yes, you are. Well, we'll
take care of that, won't we?
2091
02:07:24,700 --> 02:07:27,761
Jesus Christ! This is
so much harder than I thought.
2092
02:07:28,312 --> 02:07:29,920
Oh, I'm going to hell.
2093
02:07:29,997 --> 02:07:31,634
That makes two of us.
2094
02:07:31,711 --> 02:07:32,954
You can do this.
2095
02:07:33,125 --> 02:07:36,009
This is crazy. This is crazy.
This is crazy. This is crazy.
2096
02:07:36,086 --> 02:07:37,304
All right.
2097
02:07:44,520 --> 02:07:46,649
Maximum effort.
2098
02:13:24,610 --> 02:13:26,887
That's okay.
Let me see here.
2099
02:13:26,983 --> 02:13:28,274
Oh, God.
2100
02:13:28,489 --> 02:13:30,718
That's why you're
such a little bastard.
2101
02:13:30,795 --> 02:13:32,691
No one's ever changed you.
2102
02:13:32,910 --> 02:13:35,767
Yeah, you got a big, old
stinky in there, don't you?
2103
02:13:35,844 --> 02:13:37,757
God, it smells like
Hitler's anus...
2104
02:13:37,834 --> 02:13:41,091
which... would makes sense,
wouldn't it? Yeah.
2105
02:13:41,168 --> 02:13:42,228
I think we both know
2106
02:13:42,305 --> 02:13:43,679
I don't have
what it takes to do this...
2107
02:13:43,756 --> 02:13:46,275
so, I'm just gonna change
your diaper real quick...
2108
02:13:46,352 --> 02:13:48,084
and then I'm gonna come back
with my friend, Cable.
2109
02:13:48,161 --> 02:13:49,855
He loves killing kids.
149200
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbo-Croatian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Tatar
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof