Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

What's your name?

Um, Rebecca, what's yours?

I don't know.

What are you doing here?

I have no idea.

I vaguely remember asking a question.

What was the question?

Daddy, why am I here?

You want to stay up all night and play.

No Daddy, I don't mean why am I here in my bedroom.

Why am I here in the world.

What am I here for?

Rebecca, you're deep.

Now go to sleep.

You mean you don't know?

Do you?

Yes, I did ask questions like that

when I was a kid. I was deep.

But don't get me wrong.

I'm not that deep.

It really all started

with how most searches for meaning start... with pain.

Lots of pain.

Everything in my body ached.

I was wracked with back pain for years,

but lately the pain had gotten worse.

To top it off, I couldn't sleep at night anymore

and I couldn't figure out why.

I didn't want to take pills.

You're lonely,

you just need to find the right guy, someone said.

You're lonely, you need to find the right guy.

Try acupuncture.

You will feel much better.

Those herbs are for sleep.

You take 30 drops three times a day.

You will probably go through a bottle a week.

How much is each bottle?

Is 85.

Dollars?

Yes, and this one is 90.

And this.

Change your bed, they said.

Is our top of the line, state of the art,

pillow top mattress

with over two and a half feet of memory foam!

Two and a half feet?

I guarantee, you will never, ever

want to rise up from this bed.

Amazing.

With over two and a half feet

of memory foam.

Over two and a half feet of memory foam.

Ah. Ow.

crickets chirping

Nothing helped.

I cannot help you.

Maybe have to learn to be happy with what you have.

11th night of insomnia.

Rebecca, is that you?

Blair Mushkinski, spiritual fanatic

and my best friend's sister from the third grade.

In 10 seconds she'll push some religious book on me.

Blair, hi, I didn't know you came here.

Thank God.

I'm learning The Garden of Emuna book.

Have you read this book?

It is so amazing.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

You look terrible.

What's going on?

If I start talking I'll start crying.

Come sit with me, I'm learning The Garden of Emuna.

The Garden of what?

Emuna, you know, like faith.

It's the Hebrew word for faith.

And you're learning this why?

It's my mother.

She's forcing you.

Oh, God forbid, no,

it's just since she's been reading this book

she's been kind of nice to me.

She smiles a lot and she just seems happy.

Your mother, really?

Sorry to say this, but your mother, happy?

Oh, you know everything she went through in her life.

So how do you explain it?

She read this book, thank God.

So I thought, if it could make her happy.

Look, don't be alone right now, come sit with me.

That's the thing about desperation.

You're so much more open to things.

These are the principles of faith.

Number one, everything good or bad

comes from God.

Number two, it's all for the best

even if we can't see why at the moment.

This is it?

The magical book that made your mother happy?

That's it, it's all for the best?

So all the garbage and suffering we go through

every single day is for the best?

I love you, Blair,

but it's not for me, I'm sorry.

Over-simplified religious propaganda.

It's all for the best.

It's all for the best.

It's all for the best.

12th night of insomnia.

Ah!

I can't take it anymore,

what do you want from me?

Ah!

I'll do anything, help me!

Ahhh!

OK, God, I've tried everything else.

I don't exactly know what I'm doing here, but OK.

It's all from You, it's all for the best.

Ah!

This sleeplessness is from You.

Help me!

These pains from You,

all my loneliness and fears are from You.

It must be for the best, it's from You, right?

Ah!

I'll just have faith.

Ah!

I'll choose to have faith.

Help me.

It's all from You, it's all for the best.

If this is what You want from me right now then

I accept it.

I accept it.

I accept it.

I accept it.

And I felt calm.

That night, for the first time in a long time, I slept.

Excuse me, do you have The Garden of Emuna book?

I can't find it anywhere.

Sorry, Geveret, completely sold out.

Geveret?

It means Mrs. in Hebrew.

It's OK, Rebecca, we'll just use my book.

But I wanted my own copy.

We can order it.

Look, The Garden of Emuna is Rebbe Nachman's teachings,

but you can also read his stories.

He had stories?

Oh, yes, they're very mystical, really esoteric,

so kabbalistic, I barely understand them, but I love them.

My favorite is the one with The Fixer and the King.

Here.

You know he was born in the Ukraine.

Who is?

Rebbe Nachman.

I was there once to visit his grave site.

Completely changed my life.

I know it's all from God and it's all for the best,

but if I have to go on another blind date

I will shoot myself.

That doesn't sound like you,

you're inspiring, not suicidal.

I've reached a point, I'm ready to do anything.

You're still thinking about liposuction?

Uman.

Uman, what is that?

Is that a new surgical technique?

No, the Ukraine, where Rebbe Nachman is buried.

Let's go, what do you say?

What, are you crazy?

What, is she crazy?

Look, you got to be careful about going on these group trips

to tour these remote areas.

My Uncle Daryl went to Uganda on a group trip,

uch, we never saw him again.

Rebecca, I am telling you, people have had real miracles

after going to Uman.

Couldn't you use a miracle right now?

Couldn't we both?

Blair, just get it through your head,

there's nothing on this earth that would ever

make me go to Ukraine.

Ach. Hmm.

Ahhhhhhh!

Oh, no.

So there I was in Uman in July,

over 100 degrees temperature.

We lost our hotel rooms,

had to stay in bunk beds with six to 12 in a room.

One bathroom for 20 women.

Needless to say, it was a miracle we didn't kill each other.

People from all over the world travel here

to the grave site of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov,

whose teachings on faith were the basis

of the book we'd been learning.

This was it?

Rebbe Nachman's grave site?

No bells, no whistles, just desperate people praying to God,

but I felt lost.

I couldn't connect.

You do realize there are

11 other women in this room

besides you?

Did someone move the fan?

Crazy night, huh?

I can be a little sensitive to noise at night.

It's not exactly the Waldorf, is it?

No, it's not the Waldorf.

- But I don't mind it. - You don't?

No. Honestly, I'm at that point in my life

where a smile means more to me

than a goose down feather pillow.

Rebbe Nachman would go out into these fields every day

by himself, for at least an hour a day

and speak to God.

I'd love a goose down feather pillow right now.

Baruch Hashem, I spent a lot of time with your daughter

when she was in Florida.

She's a lovely, lovely girl.

She should find a wonderful boy very soon.

Thank you so much.

It's just nice to be around people.

For me it depends on the people.

You OK to hike in those flimsy shoes?

They're year old Manolo Blahniks.

I was gonna throw them out anyway.

Humph!

I'm a writer.

I spend a lot of time alone.

What kind of writer are you?

I write a health / healing column for Ohm Magazine.

Have you heard of it?

Yeah, I think so.

You've never heard of it, no one has,

but it is the biggest magazine that deals with

the whole mind-body-healing issue.

Well, they were the biggest.

They're downsizing, so they fired me two weeks ago.

That's rough.

How have you been spending your time?

Mostly kvetching.

When I was little,

my mother would see me walk into the kitchen in the morning

and she'd say, "Look it's the kvetcher".

"She's up and she's kvetching."

Well they'll have other names for it,

depression, anxiety, personality disorder, yada, yada, yada.

So why are you here?

Do you have to know why you're here to be here?

Well, it doesn't hurt.

See that woman over there?

She wants to get pregnant.

Marital problems, money problems, yada, yada, yada.

And that's Rebetzen Eliana.

I've heard some interesting stuff about her.

She knows things about you, she's very intuitive.

People go to her all the time with their problems.

Ah! Rebetzen Eliana

I wonder if I could ask you a question.

I'm Brenda, by the way, from New York.

I heard so much about you

and I had this crazy dream last night.

Maybe you could tell me what it means.

I am walking down the aisle wearing this long white dress.

I got to the chuppah

and who turns around but Julio Iglesias.

Anyway, in the beginning,

Julio and I were so happy

but then something changed.

These strange women started showing up at our door.

Well of course, my Yan, looked a little like Julio

but he never cheated on me.

At least not that I know of.

What do you think?

- Didn't you see the sign? - What?

You are number 82 aren't you?

Um, yeah.

And you're still standing there because why?

Why?

Why does everyone have the same

idiotic expression on their face?

Sometimes it makes me want to scream.

Do you have any idea where you are?

You did get the invitation.

Come on, come one, put a spring in your step,

Miss I Don't Know Why I'm Here On This Earth,

you're not the only one waiting.

Well, I don't know what you said or what you did,

but apparently you got ahead of the line.

Ahead of all these people.

And look how miserable they are.

But at least they're better than these idiots.

They don't even know anything's wrong.

I have nothing to say.

- Assist, please. - What?

I can't do this without you, Rebecca.

What's wrong with her?

What isn't wrong with her?

- Can it be fixed? - Maybe.

- If you help. - How?

- Tell me the truth. - About what?

Yourself.

What do you want to know?

Why are you here?

You hate computers

but you spend all your days working on them.

You've dreamt your whole life of making films

but instead you color-correct them?

Intellectually, you believe in a benevolent God

but you've never really been able to feel it.

And the people closest to you

have no idea who you are inside.

♪ Is it any wonder ♪

♪ You feel alone all the time? ♪

Who are you?

Are you a surgeon or a psychic?

Come with me.

Eli.

Where are we?

You want to make films, don't you?

Warner Renquist?

The King of Hollywood?

This is great.

You could introduce me

to the head of Warner Renquist Studios?

Wait, shouldn't we knock?

Sh, watch.

Stavros says you're safe from that bean lawsuit

Stavros says we're safe from that bean lawsuit.

Safe from that bean lawsuit.

Stavros... is an

incompetent fool.

Uch, his breath stinks.

Wait, what is this?

I didn't see anyone talking.

Oh, you're hearing his inner thoughts.

I can do that?

With me you can.

Do I have enough in that offshore account

to cover the resort remodel?

Should never have trusted that accountant.

Dinky.

Dinky.

Hi, my name's Dinky and I'm stupid.

Sell that stock.

What are you waiting for?

I have to go to that darned orthopedist for the knee.

He can't sleep either.

Darned knee!

Darned knee!

Darned knee!

Teras, so I know so much about, you know?

The work published and performed.

The composer and pianist, who lives in New York City.

Another cappuccino, Roberto, pronto.

Honey, it's your fifth.

You have your green juices, I have my caffeine.

How do you expect me to function

after not sleeping all night?

I can't stand them.

Who?

Happy people.

What, honey?

I said, I have three islands, seven homes,

thousands of servants, employees.

I frickin' own half of Hollywood

and yet I'm miserable.

And if I'm miserable with all this,

then no one has a right to be happy.

If anybody out there is happier than I am

I will kill them.

I will freakin' kill them.

No one's allowed to have less worries than I do.

What are you smiling about?

I had no idea he was so miserable.

That's it!

Some call him the King of Sadness.

Where is he going?

No one has a right to be happy.

If there's somebody out there who's happier than I am

I will kill them.

I will freakin' kill them.

What's gonna happen to her

when I'm gone?

Is he smiling?

He does seem satisfied.

Who's gonna help me

when I can't walk anymore?

Why is he smiling?

Misery loves company.

I picked Jason up from soccer practice

after waiting an hour and he just glares at me.

Two years ago he worshiped the ground I walked on,

now it's the silent treatment.

Between him and this one I don't sleep anymore.

Why didn't I have kids

when I had the chance?

COMPLAINING MOTHER VOICEOVER: I don't know

how much longer I can keep going.

I'll never get a job.

I hate my job.

I wish I was doing something I love.

Why can't I make a living

doing what I love?

Need a vacation, I'm exhausted.

Just got back from vacation

and I'm exhausted.

What am I gonna do with my life?

What if I end up alone?

He doesn't call, he doesn't call.

Why doesn't he call?

How could I get Jenny to go out with me?

It's OK, soon they'll turn into them.

I don't get it.

How did they?

Turn into that?

Worries, fears, anxiety, sadness.

Why is he so happy?

He lives alone in a crumbling shack.

What's he so happy about?

!@*#$!@#!

That's it, I'm goin' in!

Hello.

Hello, sir.

Haven't eaten in three days.

Wondering if you could spare some food? I...

Is that herb-crusted beef, with...

scalloped potatoes and...

couscous?

Now that is simply amazing.

You've got the quite the nose on yourself, don't you?

Well, you have to come inside now.

I drink to you, my friend.

May your cupboards be full of couscous,

your mind clear of clutter and your heart,

may your heart be filled with joy.

Thank you, my friend.

Thank you.

Who are you?

So you have a feast like that every night?

Yeah, yeah, I don't go a day without it.

How long you been doin' it?

Ever since I can remember.

But how can you afford all that food every night?

I'm a fixer.

A repairman, you know, I can't really make anything

but, why, I can fix just about anything.

So in the morning, I go out

and I fix things.

Once I've made 40 bucks I buy all the food and drink I need

and I go home.

That's great, that's great.

But tell me, where do you get all your fixing work?

The studio, you know, Renquist Studios?

They've known me since I was a boy.

My father used to work for them.

I'm not on the books or anything,

but I just help out when they need it

and they sort of just pay me on the spot.

- How nice. - Yeah.

That's right, you heard me.

If I hear of anyone giving any work

to any bugger who's not on the payroll,

I will personally grind their bones into dust

while they're sleeping!

Got me?

Sorry Larry, I don't have any work for you today.

Oh, that's OK, Bob.

Not a problem at all.

I'm sorry, Larry, there's nothing.

Are you sure?

There's a broken wheelbarrow right there.

It's supposed to be broken

for the scene.

Oh, OK it's all right.

It's OK, hey, hey, hey.

I'll see ya'.

I feel terrible, Larry, I really do.

I just hope your Dad, may God rest his soul, forgives me,

but we can't hire you anymore.

Oh, Douglas, I've been fixin' stuff for you guys...

- Since you were six. - Yeah.

I know it, Larry,

and you're better than anyone on the payroll.

So then, then, why?

The King said no more non-payroll hires

for fixing jobs.

Huh.

God, I know this is from You.

I know this is for the best.

We're not following him?

I just need to rest a minute.

What just happened?

You need a hand with that?

Dude, you like read my mind.

Honestly never used one of these before.

Well, let me take it off your hands.

I'm sure you've got much more important things to be doing.

Dude, thanks.

Dude, you like saved my life, man.

Honestly, this is worth every peso.

The pleasure's all mine, dude.

Can't wait to see a grown man cry.

Mmm, what smells so good?

Eggplant?

What?

Eggplant Parmesan?

Garlic bread?

Caramel apple crostata for dessert?

Got it, come on in.

Awww.

Ay.

I drink to you, my friend.

May your cupboards always be full of crostata.

Your mind clear of clutter

and your heart filled with joy.

Come here, my brother.

Thank you, thank you.

I drooled on your sweater.

Oh, no, I'll wash it out, it's all right.

It's wine but...

It's funny, he never has any trouble falling asleep here.

Who are you?

So, were you fixing things on the lot again?

Is that how you got the money for the food?

No, no, apparently the big cheese, King of the studio,

he forbade any non-studio hires for repairs yesterday.

So I couldn't find a job, but then I bumped into this guy

trying to cut wood for a film set and I helped him out.

He paid me.

- How wonderful. - Yeah.

Hey dude, more wood for choppin'?

Dude, I wish,

but I got in some serious trouble about manana.

I mean, yesterday.

No more non-studio hires, sorry dude.

I wish I could use ya'.

Oh, no, it's OK,

I understand.

- I - know this is from You.

God, I know that this is for the best.

You don't want to follow him?

Hold on, I'm thirsty.

I don't get it, what's in there,

an amusement park or somethin'?

Ohh.

Ohhh.

Larchmont, what happened?

Ah, I slipped on a banana, Larry.

That's a good one, you slipped on a banana.

I really slipped on a banana.

Oh.

If I don't finish cleaning these stables by end o' day

they're going to fire me.

They already grumbling I too old.

And you know what?

They're right.

Larchmont, you leave this to me.

- Don't you look happy. - What?

You were smiling and dancing in your sleep.

- No I wasn't. - Yes, you were.

You were even singing, it woke me up.

No.

- You were. - Oh, yeah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Hey.

So how's the wood chopping business?

Well, I wouldn't know.

King of Hollywood outlawed outsiders from chopping wood.

If I didn't know better,

I would say the King was out to get me.

That's ridiculous, isn't it?

Of course.

But I bumped into this guy cleaning out stables on set

and I helped him out and he was pretty grateful.

Fantastic.

I don't know how they found out, Larry,

but they found out.

They say if I hire you again I'm finished.

Or my bones probably will be ground into dust.

You know, my ex-son-in-law, don't pay no child support.

I gotta help my little girl, Larry.

I gotta hold on to this job.

God, I know this is from You.

I know that this is for the best.

We're not gonna follow him, are we?

You're a smarty-pants, aren't you?

Meketo mi bon bon.

Son of a *#@!

Don't count that.

You hear me Corporal Sagget?!

Sagget!

We need 200 more soldiers, Pronto!

But sir,

no one's volunteering.

No buts, Sagget.

Just recruits.

Do

you

hear

meeeeee?!!!!!!!

Yes, sir!

Hand me a three wood if you would there, um.

Yes, sir.

Excuse me.

I saw the sign?

That's great.

I mean, you did?

Yeah, Larry Fixer.

Most people just call me the Fixer.

You are still seeking soldiers for temporary service?

You're looking for the short-term option.

Yeah, I hope that's doable.

Don't see why not.

Oh, there is just one thing.

I would need to leave every night.

Sure, we can do that.

Oh, and I would need to be paid every morning.

Is that possible?

Ahhhhh!

I think we can work something out.

Hey.

Who are you?

So I guess work's going OK?

You know, I never thought I'd say this,

but it seems the work at the studio is all finished for me.

No one will hire me.

- No. - Yeah.

What are you gonna do?

It's too bad you can't make your feasts anymore.

Oh, no, I can still do 'em.

Yeah, I saw this sign for soldiers for hire

and as soon as I found out they would pay me every morning,

I signed right up.

What a miracle.

I am so happy for you.

Yes, sir.

No, sir.

Yes, sir.

Understood, sir.

Loud and clear.

Marge, get the Fixer in here, pronto,

Ah. Hmmm. Ummm. Brrr. Ummm.

Can't pay you today, Fixer.

Oh, but we had an agreement

that you would pay me every day.

True, but the Captain just called,

the King decreed that no one gets paid today.

The King, what King?

You know, Renquist.

Oh, Renquist, like the studio Renquist.

What? You didn't know? He runs this army.

Oh, no, I didn't know that.

Anyway, you don't understand, corporal,

I really need that money or else I can't do my little...

Can't what?

Well like... Oh it's not important.

Listen, I just really, really need the money.

Hands are tied, Fixer.

Can't go against the King.

I will pay you tomorrow for two days,

but today it's impossible.

Sorry.

OK.

I know this is for the best.

Ah.

Hey! So how's the new job goin'?

Oh, good now.

It was a little hairy for a second.

The King, he suspended all salaries.

I wasn't sure I was gonna get the money to make a feast.

Well?

Well what?

Well, how did you get the money, damn you?

I mean, I'm just curious.

You!

I pawned my gun.

How much for the gun?

Eh,

$40.

Deal.

Yeah, so when I get paid today,

I'll redeem the gun and put it back.

How much for this?

Two bucks.

No one will know the difference.

Like I said, I can fix anything, I tell ya'.

The King will never know a thing.

That's wonderful.

I have an enemy prisoner.

He killed 20 of our men in cold blood.

The government wants him dead,

but they don't want to do it themselves.

Call that Fixer guy you recruited.

To kill a man?

You have a problem with that?

Yes, sir.

I mean, no, sir.

Anyway, the idiot pawned his gun.

He's carryin' around a fake.

He has the gall to think he could get away with it.

Ha!

Let's see him get himself out of this one.

Roberto!

Get me my cappuccino, pronto.

You summoned me, Mr. Renquist?

Yes, execute that man over there.

He's a vicious criminal.

A terrible, frightening monster of a man.

He's a threat to society and to all of mankind.

Oh, but I've never killed anyone before.

Well, it's a perfect time to start.

Please, you have to get someone else to do it.

I gave you an order, private.

You have a problem following orders?

Is his case really that clear?

I mean what if his case is not clear?

What if he didn't do it?

Maybe he didn't do it?

What if he doesn't deserve to die?

The case against him is certain.

No doubt whatsoever.

Execute him now.

Ohhhhhh,

_Uwaaaahhhhhhhh!

Ohhhhhhhhhh!

Wuaaaahhhhh!

God almighty, never in my entire life

have I killed a person, any person.

If this man is innocent, I mean really and truly innocent,

I'm beggin' ya' God,

you sweet, sweet God,

let my gun not be a gun.

Let it be a harmless and completely useless toy.

Thank you.

Come here, Fixer.

Go in peace, Fixer.

Go in peace.

Thank you so much, thank you so much.

And may I say, you look so familiar.

Hmmm.

- Cut. - That's it?

It's late, you need to sleep.

But I don't get it.

You don't get it?

I don't get it.

You don't get it.

Tell you what,

tomorrow I'll tell you the other version of the story.

There's another version?

Rebetzen Eliana,

my dream continued last night.

Julio Iglesias and I

were having a baby.

There I was

giving birth in Yankee Stadium.

Thousands of people watching me.

Yan and I never had kids, you know,

but I always imagined

that it would be more painful than that.

But of course, it was just a dream.

So that's makes no sense.

Brenda, what are you dong?

What do you mean?

Rebetzen Eliana doesn't speak a word of English.

She only understands Hebrew and French.

How did you end up coming here?

Oh, I heard about it when I was back at home.

I was writing an article

about the power of prayer in healing.

So you found a connection?

Well, in the end, I figured that if the soul is healed

and doing what it needs to be doing,

the body just naturally follows.

How do you heal your soul?

I have no idea.

But they call, Rebbe Nachman the doctor of the soul.

This is just so strange, doctors of souls, fixers, kings,

it can't get any weirder than this.

Ah!

She doesn't look so good.

You think?

You said you had another version of the story.

Ah, yes.

Wow, who's that?

The King.

The real king.

This is his land.

He does seem different.

I have everything.

There can be no one happier than I.

Who can have fewer worries than I have?

Maybe I'll investigate.

Louis, it's been four years, the bakery isn't working.

I'm tired of having nothing to eat.

Who'll take care of me

when I can't walk anymore?

What's gonna happen to her

when I'm gone?

Yeah, but this is just like the other story.

Yes and no, let's just fast forward.

How is he happy?

His home is sunk into the ground.

He has nothing.

He is behaving as if he has everything.

I must find out.

Yes?

Entree, door's quite open.

Consider my home your home from floor to ceiling.

Wow,

thanks.

So it is possible to have nothing

yet be totally happy.

But I wonder, can he keeps this state of happiness

when things are not going his way?

Let me see what happens when I ruin this for him.

The rest of the story is pretty much the same.

So what's the difference?

So tell me, where did you get all this stuff?

Well, I'm a fixer.

What do you think?

Well, this king doesn't seem like a bad king.

If I hire you, I'll be arrested, by king's orders.

He just wants to see what The Fixer is made of.

Can he stay happy when things are not going his way.

Is that it?

No, of all the places the King could be,

he goes out of his way to eat with this guy

and stay in his home.

And why him?

Is it because he's happy no matter what?

Wouldn't you prefer the company of such a person?

Yeah, but I have to tell ya'

that's a very hard level to be at,

don't you ever just wake up in a bad mood,

or sometimes a person has real problems,

sickness, poverty, pain.

Are we not supposed to feel anything,

become a society of robots

putting a pretend smile on our face

while actually screaming inside?

This is the part of the story you never saw.

Watch again.

We're going in?

We're going in.

We're going in.

What's he doing?

You said sometimes you just want to scream.

So scream!

Ahhh!

Yell!

Ahhh!

- I can do that? - Of course.

God, help me!

I don't know what to do.

Ah!

What do You want me to do?

I don't know what to do.

Ah!

I need to make a living.

I can't take it anymore.

Ah!

I'm willing to do anything.

Just help me.

A person's screams can carry their prayers

to the highest places.

God, I know this is from You.

And I know this is for the best, just guide me.

A broken heart is very precious.

Help me trust in only You.

Give me faith.

Talk to God every day.

For at least an hour.

Be yourself with Him, tell Him everything.

So that's how

he stayed happy despite everything.

I thought he was super-human or something.

Rebecca!

Rebecca!

I thought you were...

Didn't I have a pulse?

No.

Sorry, was I supposed to check for that?

I think so, yeah.

I woulda checked for that.

What happened to you?

Nothing.

So what made you come here?

Forgive me, super-invasive question.

Of course you're here for the same reason I'm here,

but you shouldn't have any problems.

I mean, look at you.

That's what everyone says.

Barbara, we can't figure it out.

You have everything.

Looks, personality, you dress like a million bucks,

you actually have a million bucks.

Why are you still single?

Nope, no one ever says that to me.

Most people tell me I should smile more and wear makeup.

Someone even mentioned liposuction.

That was a joke, OK?

Yeah, it was hilarious.

I don't know what to say.

I feel as if I have to give them a reason

even when I don't know why.

I've been looking for over seven years.

One day you'll be ecstatic to be on your own

with no husband to drag you down.

Tom was more like another child to me than a real partner.

Brenda, you never said, why did you come?

I have cancer.

So how do you talk to God?

It can be stream of consciousness

or if you want structure you can divide up your conversation

into three parts.

First part,

start with gratitude

for the things that are working in your life.

For the things you're happy about.

Second part,

tell God your problems

as if to a close friend or a therapist.

Tell him everything in your own words.

Ask questions.

Do you need to change something?

To fix something?

And then, the last part.

Ask for help.

Ask for what you want.

Ask, ask for everything

you need and don't hold back.

An idea, thank God

for giving it to you

as if you already had it

even if you don't have it yet.

Everyone, pick a spot

and spend an hour talking to God.

And remember, start with gratitude.

Thank you, God, for my gorgeous eyes.

Thank you, God,

for my new teeth, implants.

Thank you, God, that my eyes look good

with almost any color eye shadow.

That I can now chew hard food.

Thank you, God, for that amazing five course meal

at the Waldorf on Sunday.

Thank you for my new hip.

Thank you, my son smiled at me before I left.

Thank you, God, for my size 26 waist.

I don't need a walker anymore.

Thank you, God, for my new leopard skin shoes

and matching gold sequin belt.

Thank you for

letting me stay in the hospital

longer, 'til they could get me home health aide.

Thank you, I didn't forget my pills.

Oh, and I almost forgot,

thank you for my new Armani bag.

I especially love the golden clasp with a smiley face.

Hah.

Well, I know there's more gratitude stuff

but I kinda need to talk.

Despite everything I have, God.

I'm just not happy.

I'm just not happy.

I'm just not happy.

How could I be happy?

I'm like the six million dollar woman.

Half my body's made of titanium.

My hip, my knee,

my teeth.

How can I be happy?

I'm on six different medications,

they all have 10 different side effects.

I just got fired.

What's next?

And my son hates me.

How can I be happy?

I can't find a man.

All my friends are married

and let's be real, God,

my friends are great, but I was the one

who was supposed to be married first.

I mean, come on, God, look at me.

I just have a question, God.

A simple question.

What was the point?

I can't find anyone that I like.

The two marriages, Alan leaving me,

my parents dying, meeting Yan,

then him dying too.

All the guys that like me, all they care about is

money, cars and clothes.

They are so superficial, so arrogant, so full of themselves.

Taking care of everyone.

Just to watch them die.

I don't want that.

I'm not like that.

My meaningless job.

Am I?

Am I like that?

What am I supposed to say?

Thank you that I got fired?

That I'm on speed dial

with a psychiatrist and a psychologist?

I mean, Is it my fault you've given me so much?

OK, I know, I know, I'm not living up to my full potential.

I know I could be doing more with myself, but what?

I mean, right now, all I do is eat, shop,

work out and worry about not being married.

Maybe if I hadn't gotten fired

I wouldn't have the time now to just focus on myself

instead of just writing about it.

Maybe

I should embrace who I am.

Still, how do you expect me to believe in you

when there's so much chaos going on in the world?

Should I embrace who I am?

Can I embrace who I am?

In my mind, with my son and in my work.

Can I embrace myself just the way I am?

If only I could just feel you with me

in the midst of all this chaos.

God, that felt good.

I can't remember the last time someone hugged me like that.

Maybe it's OK to love clothes and fashion.

Maybe I should do something with this.

What do you think, God?

I mean, maybe that's the reason I'm still single.

What was the point?

Because now the doctors are saying it's all over.

And everything just passed like some dull and painful dream

I barely even noticed.

I'm not ready to go yet.

This can't be all there is.

I still haven't figured out who I am,

what I'm supposed to do with my life.

I know I'm 65, but so what?

Until I'm in the ground I'm not giving up.

So the question is, what do you want from me?

Hmm?

Why am I here, huh?

Why am I here?

Why am I here?

Why am I here?

I read this beautiful idea that every

soul comes into this earth with a special song

that only it can sing.

Can a person live their whole life and never sing it

or waste it trying to sing someone else's song?

♪ Is it any wonder ♪

♪ You feel alone all the time? ♪

The world is full of messages.

Trim, lean, abs in just minutes...

Do this and you'll be happy.

Change that and you'll be a success.

Lose weight, be perfect.

Beautiful, handmade jewelry.

Accomplish.

I love you.

I love you.

Make a lot of money and you'll be happy.

But I'm not.

Ah!

Wish I could be happy like that.

Do you really?

Of course, who wouldn't?

- OK. - Huh?

I wish I could be happy like that.

Just think of the scuff marks.

I gotta tell ya' somethin', Fixer.

You're probably the best friend.

Actually, you're the only friend that I have ever had.

But I just don't understand why.

Why all this?

Why do you insist on doing all of this every night?

Why is it so important?

I came here thinking I'd get an answer,

but I still don't know.

Talk to God every day.

For at least an hour.

Be yourself with Him.

Tell Him everything.

But the rest of the time,

the other 23 hours of the day,

a person must enlist all their strength

to be joyful at all times.

It's human nature to be drawn to depression and sadness

because of life's daily events.

Believe me, everyone is filled with suffering.

No matter how it looks on the outside.

That is why you

must force yourself

to be joyous at all times.

To make yourself happy

in any way possible.

Even with silliness

if necessary.

Ah!

How does she look?

Looks good to me.

My life is unfolding.

Whether I'm doing it right or not,

I don't want to waste it.

If I could have faith that You're with me

in every decision, even the seemingly wrong ones,

then maybe my life would be a life of meaning.

She said,

ask for what you want

like

you already have it.

Thank you, God,

for healing me.

Thank you for sending me my soulmate.

Thank you for getting me off all those meds.

Maybe I'm here to find you, in,

in myself,

in others,

in everything around me

then every moment

would be my life's purpose.

Every moment would be my song.

Who are you?

Every breath, every thought,

every word,

every movement,

is that why I'm here?

To find you in it?

Why are we dancing?

Maybe because it makes you happy.

Do you think that maybe being happy is the thing

that makes your prayers heard?

So, do you know why you're here yet?

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