All language subtitles for Corner.Gas.Animated.S02E11.Doctors Without Boarders.eng
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:02,812
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
2
00:00:03,789 --> 00:00:06,136
I'm looking for Wanda Dollard.
3
00:00:06,137 --> 00:00:08,484
Now you're looking at one
of the Dollard.
4
00:00:07,519 --> 00:00:09,994
I'm from East Montgomery
University.
5
00:00:10,029 --> 00:00:12,256
Hey!
I took online courses there.
6
00:00:12,291 --> 00:00:14,689
Listen, if this is about the tuition,
7
00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:17,509
I did not know my credit
card was maxed out,
8
00:00:17,511 --> 00:00:19,876
or expired...
or not mine.
9
00:00:19,878 --> 00:00:21,909
I'm here to deliver
your doctorate degree
10
00:00:21,911 --> 00:00:25,065
in Philosophy.
Congratulations!
11
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:28,452
You're now an alumnus
of the Fighting Ostriches.
12
00:00:29,943 --> 00:00:34,234
The school is E.M.U.
but the mascot is an ostrich?
13
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,849
Well, damn.
14
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,975
I'll have to bring that up
at the next meeting.
15
00:00:38,117 --> 00:00:40,446
Question.
Why are you hand-delivering
16
00:00:40,481 --> 00:00:42,629
my diploma for an online degree?
17
00:00:42,669 --> 00:00:45,029
You didn't untick the option
for hand delivery.
18
00:00:45,147 --> 00:00:47,467
That probably shouldn't
be our default.
19
00:00:47,499 --> 00:00:49,928
I'll bring that up
at the next meeting too.
20
00:00:50,019 --> 00:00:53,784
Anyway, now you can say
goodbye to this dead-end job
21
00:00:53,797 --> 00:00:56,108
and embark on a career
in Philosophy.
22
00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:58,053
'Cause that's
where the real money is.
23
00:00:58,245 --> 00:01:00,706
I only took the courses
to up my small-talk game.
24
00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:02,944
Now instead of talking
weather with the farmers,
25
00:01:03,008 --> 00:01:06,149
I can mix it up with a little
"Do we have free will?"
26
00:01:06,245 --> 00:01:08,121
Or "How about
that Nietzsche? Huh?
27
00:01:08,203 --> 00:01:09,876
He could really ruin
a church picnic,
28
00:01:09,878 --> 00:01:12,297
- am I right?"
- I don't teach Philosophy.
29
00:01:12,332 --> 00:01:14,218
I teach Mathematical Probability.
30
00:01:14,318 --> 00:01:18,821
- So why did they send you?
- I drew the short straw.
31
00:01:20,125 --> 00:01:23,342
I've been waiting 20 years
to make that joke!
32
00:01:24,623 --> 00:01:28,258
We're done here. I've got
a 32-hour trip ahead of me.
33
00:01:29,086 --> 00:01:32,786
♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪
34
00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:36,052
♪ Look closer, baby
you're so wrong ♪
35
00:01:36,154 --> 00:01:39,219
2x11 - Doctors Without Borders
36
00:01:42,521 --> 00:01:45,553
Hey, Brent.
You seem chipper today.
37
00:01:45,555 --> 00:01:47,686
I should be chipper.
It's my day off.
38
00:01:47,688 --> 00:01:49,619
Plus, I just had some chips.
39
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,319
- Oh, yass!
- Nice!
40
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:53,586
Hey, watch it!
41
00:01:53,588 --> 00:01:56,553
What's yer prob?
We're grinding a rail.
42
00:01:56,555 --> 00:01:58,352
It's government
property, ya punks.
43
00:01:58,354 --> 00:02:00,852
- Go grind something else.
- Ew.
44
00:02:02,819 --> 00:02:04,719
Wow. You went from
chipper to curmudgeon
45
00:02:04,721 --> 00:02:06,553
pretty quick there, old timer.
46
00:02:06,555 --> 00:02:09,098
- You're Oscar 2.0.
- No, I'm not.
47
00:02:09,135 --> 00:02:12,919
Now, scram, or I'll call the feds!
Okay, that was reminiscent.
48
00:02:12,921 --> 00:02:14,919
Well, I think it's great
that they're skateboarding.
49
00:02:14,921 --> 00:02:17,186
Better than being
on their phones all day.
50
00:02:17,188 --> 00:02:19,286
Listen to The Lace.
She's so cool.
51
00:02:19,288 --> 00:02:21,785
Oh, geez.
Well, I'm not that cool.
52
00:02:21,787 --> 00:02:24,219
Just compared to this dinosaur.
53
00:02:24,221 --> 00:02:27,653
- "Scram! I'm a hundred!"
- Ooh, sick burn!
54
00:02:27,655 --> 00:02:29,252
You're the GOAT, Lace.
55
00:02:29,254 --> 00:02:31,386
Oh, hear that?
I'm a goat.
56
00:02:31,388 --> 00:02:33,019
Why am I a goat?
57
00:02:33,021 --> 00:02:36,119
Probably has something
to do with chin whiskers.
58
00:02:38,587 --> 00:02:41,852
- It's unconstitutional!
- What, parking tickets?
59
00:02:41,854 --> 00:02:43,352
What's your beef, copper!
60
00:02:43,354 --> 00:02:45,718
You get off on stickin' it
to the little guy!
61
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,119
Why are you kicking up a fuss?
It's not even our car.
62
00:02:49,121 --> 00:02:52,519
- It's not even a car.
- I'm just making a point.
63
00:02:52,521 --> 00:02:55,119
Why do you never
support me, woman?
64
00:02:55,121 --> 00:02:58,152
I do support you.
There was that time I...
65
00:02:58,154 --> 00:03:02,119
Oh. No.
Well, that other time I...
66
00:03:02,121 --> 00:03:05,052
- Huh. I'll be darned.
- See?
67
00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:07,419
Fine. Whatever you
randomly oppose next,
68
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,019
I'll support you 100%.
69
00:03:09,886 --> 00:03:14,252
Why are you writing that
ticket with your left hand?
70
00:03:14,254 --> 00:03:16,219
'Cause I'm... left-handed?
71
00:03:16,221 --> 00:03:19,286
Left-handed!
That's an abomination!
72
00:03:19,288 --> 00:03:21,818
Right, Emma?
Right?
73
00:03:22,421 --> 00:03:27,985
I support you 100%,
and regret this already.
74
00:03:30,719 --> 00:03:34,386
"Doc-toriss...
Phil-o-so... raptor?"
75
00:03:34,388 --> 00:03:36,319
It's my degree, Dorkus idioticus.
76
00:03:36,321 --> 00:03:39,452
- I'm now officially a doctor of...
- You're a doctor?
77
00:03:39,454 --> 00:03:42,419
- Uh, can you look at this rash?
- Not without vomiting.
78
00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:44,519
So you're not a doctor?
79
00:03:44,521 --> 00:03:47,319
I'm different kind of doctor,
a doctor of Philosophy,
80
00:03:47,321 --> 00:03:50,152
but you should definitely
put some balm on your butt.
81
00:03:50,154 --> 00:03:52,518
Butt balm, got it.
Thanks, Dr. Wanda.
82
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,386
That wasn't a medical
diagnosis, just common sense.
83
00:03:55,388 --> 00:03:56,685
But keep up
the "Dr. Wanda" stuff.
84
00:03:56,687 --> 00:03:59,019
A doctor could get used to that.
85
00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:02,386
Hey, "The Lace."
Am I using that right?
86
00:04:02,388 --> 00:04:04,152
"The Lace."
"Lacers."
87
00:04:04,154 --> 00:04:07,352
"The GOAT," apparently.
I answer to all of them.
88
00:04:07,354 --> 00:04:09,319
What can I do for you, old timer?
89
00:04:09,321 --> 00:04:11,352
Can I get a table out on the patio?
90
00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:14,152
- Sure. Why?
- Oh, you know us old folks.
91
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:17,618
Need the Vitamin D
to ward off osteoporosis.
92
00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:19,952
Plus, looks like a lot
going on out there.
93
00:04:19,954 --> 00:04:21,785
There is?
94
00:04:26,020 --> 00:04:26,885
Hey!
95
00:04:27,053 --> 00:04:28,943
- Hey, Lacey!
- Lacers!
96
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:31,386
- Lace-up!
- Oh, what's up, guys?
97
00:04:31,388 --> 00:04:35,152
What brings you here
to the, uh... goat... pen?
98
00:04:35,154 --> 00:04:36,451
You're the only adult in town
99
00:04:36,453 --> 00:04:38,252
who doesn't rag on us
for skateboarding.
100
00:04:38,254 --> 00:04:39,518
So we thought
we'd come hang here.
101
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:43,286
- You're cool, right?
- Yeah, you're cool, right, Lacers?
102
00:04:43,288 --> 00:04:45,685
Cool, groovy, 23 skidoo?
103
00:04:45,687 --> 00:04:47,518
I can't keep up
with you youngsters
104
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,652
and your funky slang
and your gender-fluid apps.
105
00:04:50,654 --> 00:04:55,518
Oh, yeah, uh, absolutely.
Supes cool.
106
00:04:57,187 --> 00:04:58,767
Hey, knock that off!
107
00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:02,186
- What?
- Uh, knock that flower pot off
108
00:05:02,188 --> 00:05:05,385
so there's more room for
you to do your grindboarding.
109
00:05:05,387 --> 00:05:07,912
Didn't the military outlaw that?
110
00:05:09,153 --> 00:05:11,370
Whoa, okay, stop it!
111
00:05:12,253 --> 00:05:17,085
And, uh, come inside for
some fries on the house!
112
00:05:17,087 --> 00:05:19,052
Whoo-hoo!
All right!
113
00:05:19,054 --> 00:05:21,585
- Free fries! Count me in.
- Not for you, Pops,
114
00:05:21,587 --> 00:05:23,219
but I'll give you
the senior's discount.
115
00:05:23,221 --> 00:05:25,885
Burn, but sold.
116
00:05:29,452 --> 00:05:32,286
I want you to feel my bump.
117
00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:35,994
Look, uh, I like you,
Mavis, but, uh...
118
00:05:37,053 --> 00:05:38,818
Squishy. Bumpy.
119
00:05:38,820 --> 00:05:41,019
- We all done here?
- "Squishy"?
120
00:05:41,287 --> 00:05:44,852
I came here for some
medical advice from a doctor.
121
00:05:44,854 --> 00:05:47,418
Who said I was a...
122
00:05:48,786 --> 00:05:51,785
Oh, sorry, Mavis.
I'm not that kind of a doctor.
123
00:05:51,787 --> 00:05:53,952
I knew it.
I mean, you're smart,
124
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,818
but you're not doctor smart.
125
00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:59,219
Hey! I am a doctor,
and I know what that is.
126
00:05:59,221 --> 00:06:00,451
It's called a ganglion.
127
00:06:00,453 --> 00:06:02,952
I want you to treat it,
not name it.
128
00:06:02,954 --> 00:06:06,952
It's a benign irritant...
with a cyst on her wrist.
129
00:06:06,954 --> 00:06:08,219
My cousin had one of those.
130
00:06:08,221 --> 00:06:09,985
You just have to hit it
with something hard.
131
00:06:09,987 --> 00:06:11,852
- Hey-o!
- Oh!
132
00:06:11,854 --> 00:06:14,919
Hey, it's gone!
Oh, thank you, Wanda.
133
00:06:14,921 --> 00:06:16,727
Dr. Wanda.
134
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:22,815
Left-handed police officers.
What's next?
135
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:23,731
Left-handed soccer players?
136
00:06:23,733 --> 00:06:26,566
- Why would that even...
- Good morning.
137
00:06:26,568 --> 00:06:27,798
It most certainly is not!
138
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,665
Your partner is from
H-E-double hockey sticks!
139
00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:33,432
I don't really follow sports.
140
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:36,831
- I'm saying Davis can't be trusted.
- You're telling me.
141
00:06:36,999 --> 00:06:40,032
He took all my cheese strings
and didn't replace them,
142
00:06:40,034 --> 00:06:42,898
or eat them. He just made
little cheddar puppets.
143
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:45,132
I'm sorry to have to
tell you this, Karen.
144
00:06:45,134 --> 00:06:48,065
Brace yourself.
Davis is...
145
00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:48,998
left-handed!
146
00:06:50,233 --> 00:06:52,132
So am I.
147
00:06:52,366 --> 00:06:54,332
You and Davis are both lefties?
148
00:06:54,334 --> 00:06:57,798
- Do you know what that means?
- They excel in the arts?
149
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,551
They need a special can opener?
150
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:02,499
It means that 100% of
the Dog River police force
151
00:07:02,501 --> 00:07:05,098
is left-handed.
Sinister!
152
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:09,165
Sinistra!
That's "left" in Latino.
153
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:13,438
- Is he okay?
- I support him 100%
154
00:07:13,538 --> 00:07:16,198
in his view that lefties are...
What was it again?
155
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,592
- An abomin...
- "An abomination."
156
00:07:19,966 --> 00:07:21,598
So how much for
the cheese strings?
157
00:07:24,892 --> 00:07:27,925
Three more plates of
bottomless free fries.
158
00:07:27,927 --> 00:07:29,891
Can I get some more?
Mine are cold.
159
00:07:29,893 --> 00:07:31,225
Maybe you shouldn't have poured
160
00:07:31,227 --> 00:07:34,754
an entire bottle
of ketchup on them.
161
00:07:36,627 --> 00:07:38,525
My bad!
I meant to hit Zeke.
162
00:07:38,527 --> 00:07:40,758
- Oh!
- My bad.
163
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,225
My old grip's not
what it used to be.
164
00:07:42,227 --> 00:07:44,691
Napkin Fight!
165
00:07:44,693 --> 00:07:46,659
Whoo!
166
00:07:46,661 --> 00:07:47,925
Missed me!
167
00:07:47,927 --> 00:07:50,592
Lookin' a little warm, The Coolest.
168
00:07:50,594 --> 00:07:52,991
I'm just fine, The Oldest.
169
00:07:52,993 --> 00:07:55,724
Can I get a glass of prune
juice while you're in there?
170
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,659
Keeps the train on time.
171
00:07:57,661 --> 00:07:59,325
Ugh! Old people are gross.
172
00:08:01,626 --> 00:08:03,691
This is a left-handed crisis!
173
00:08:03,693 --> 00:08:07,358
First Davis, and now Karen.
It's an epidemic.
174
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,825
Who's next?
We need to rally the righties.
175
00:08:10,827 --> 00:08:12,525
But maybe it's time
to find something new
176
00:08:12,527 --> 00:08:15,625
to be irration...
... passionate about.
177
00:08:15,627 --> 00:08:18,624
The important thing is that
you, you voiced your concern,
178
00:08:18,626 --> 00:08:21,225
and I backed you up,
and now it's over.
179
00:08:21,227 --> 00:08:23,565
- Right?
- Wrong!
180
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:24,791
Left ain't right!
181
00:08:24,793 --> 00:08:26,758
Left ain't right!
182
00:08:31,146 --> 00:08:34,244
Left ain't right!
Left ain't right!
183
00:08:34,246 --> 00:08:36,244
You're not all here
to protest the fact
184
00:08:36,246 --> 00:08:37,745
that we're lefties, are you?
185
00:08:37,747 --> 00:08:38,678
Yes!
186
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:39,845
Just like we've always been,
187
00:08:39,847 --> 00:08:41,644
and you've never
had a problem with it.
188
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:42,644
Yes!
189
00:08:42,646 --> 00:08:44,511
What do you want us to do, quit?
190
00:08:44,513 --> 00:08:46,395
You lefties are so dramatic.
191
00:08:46,396 --> 00:08:48,277
We don't want you to quit.
192
00:08:48,279 --> 00:08:51,611
We simply want you
to become right-handed!
193
00:08:53,613 --> 00:08:54,678
Sounds reasonable.
194
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:56,611
- Does it?
- I don't know.
195
00:08:56,613 --> 00:08:58,845
I just see a bunch
of tax-paying voters
196
00:08:58,847 --> 00:09:00,644
who are upset about something,
197
00:09:00,646 --> 00:09:01,678
so do what they want.
198
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,911
- But that's mob rule.
- Yeah! Mobs rule!
199
00:09:04,913 --> 00:09:06,745
Mobs! Mobs! Mobs!
200
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,544
I guess we're
right-handed now.
201
00:09:11,378 --> 00:09:14,244
What's with the cake?
I can't cure diabetes.
202
00:09:15,479 --> 00:09:17,644
I am aware there is
no cure for diabetes.
203
00:09:17,646 --> 00:09:18,778
I brought you this cake
204
00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:21,411
as "thank you" for
banging my ganglion.
205
00:09:21,413 --> 00:09:22,778
Whoa, when did that happen?
206
00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:25,744
Aw, Mavis. I can't
accept payment for that.
207
00:09:27,412 --> 00:09:28,211
Ow!
208
00:09:28,378 --> 00:09:29,678
You a doctor?
This is doctor cake.
209
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,244
I helped!
I'm kinda your nurse.
210
00:09:32,246 --> 00:09:35,511
Uh, Doctor Wanda,
can you listen to my heart?
211
00:09:35,513 --> 00:09:37,111
I've brought a flan.
212
00:09:37,113 --> 00:09:39,611
Listen, Helen,
I'm not a medical...
213
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:42,778
Is that caramel? Sure, I'll
take a look at your tart.
214
00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:44,695
Uh... heart.
215
00:09:48,847 --> 00:09:51,444
You pea'd your pants!
216
00:09:51,446 --> 00:09:53,845
"Pea" with an "A"!
Good one!
217
00:09:53,847 --> 00:09:56,745
Oh, no, it's
Officer Right Hand
218
00:09:56,747 --> 00:09:58,678
coming in for a drink of coffee.
219
00:09:59,613 --> 00:10:00,977
Ow!
220
00:10:00,979 --> 00:10:04,277
Now it looks like you peed
your pants, with an "E."
221
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,845
Knock off the giggling,
you ninnies!
222
00:10:05,847 --> 00:10:08,478
This right-handed stuff
is serious business.
223
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,511
- Hey, we're trying.
- Not hard enough.
224
00:10:10,513 --> 00:10:12,644
From now on,
I'm following you two around
225
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,511
to make sure you
stay on the path.
226
00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:15,745
The right path.
227
00:10:17,146 --> 00:10:19,244
Hey, Emma,
I was wondering
228
00:10:19,245 --> 00:10:21,578
if I could get your help
with something.
229
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:24,745
- A lot of the local teens are...
- Teens are what?
230
00:10:24,747 --> 00:10:26,344
Is there problem, Goat-chella?
231
00:10:26,346 --> 00:10:27,877
And tell me in words
I can understand.
232
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:29,678
None of your hip street jive.
233
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:34,341
No problem.
Everything is absolutely lit.
234
00:10:34,812 --> 00:10:36,044
Ow!
235
00:10:36,046 --> 00:10:39,177
That's a right-handed door!
Come on, Emma!
236
00:10:39,345 --> 00:10:42,177
We're following these
degenerates around all day.
237
00:10:42,179 --> 00:10:44,877
How about I
support you remotely,
238
00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:47,511
by keeping an eye out
for other lefties in town?
239
00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:49,977
Good thinking, woman!
240
00:10:49,979 --> 00:10:52,277
Don't ever get married.
241
00:10:56,579 --> 00:10:58,918
Dr. Wanda will see you now.
242
00:10:58,978 --> 00:11:01,810
- I need an oil filter.
- Do you have an appointment?
243
00:11:01,812 --> 00:11:04,644
Hey, Won, let's get
you up on the table.
244
00:11:05,646 --> 00:11:07,777
Hank...
245
00:11:08,812 --> 00:11:11,478
Nurse Hank, can
you get the phone?
246
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,611
Nurses do everything.
247
00:11:13,613 --> 00:11:15,511
Corner Gas General,
Nurse Hank speaking.
248
00:11:15,513 --> 00:11:17,611
Well, that's nothing
to be concerned about.
249
00:11:17,613 --> 00:11:18,910
Can I talk to Wanda for a sec?
250
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,578
The doctor is busy right now.
251
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,311
Are you guys...
playing doctor?
252
00:11:23,313 --> 00:11:25,511
Playing?
I wish.
253
00:11:25,778 --> 00:11:27,810
No, Wanda's really a doctor,
and I'm her nurse.
254
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,877
Please don't bleed on the ham!
255
00:11:29,879 --> 00:11:31,711
Well, I was just
calling to check in,
256
00:11:31,713 --> 00:11:34,244
make sure everything was weird
and didn't make sense.
257
00:11:34,246 --> 00:11:34,877
Carry on.
258
00:11:37,811 --> 00:11:40,511
I owe you...
"bum circle"?
259
00:11:40,513 --> 00:11:46,244
That's not a bum, it's a "3."
3-0. $30.
260
00:11:46,246 --> 00:11:48,377
Ow! Son of a...
261
00:11:55,179 --> 00:11:56,910
I'm drawing a line, Oscar.
262
00:11:56,912 --> 00:11:59,578
Draw it with
your right hand!
263
00:12:03,438 --> 00:12:05,837
- Nurse.
- Doctor.
264
00:12:05,839 --> 00:12:08,305
Did you have the audacity
to take the sliver out
265
00:12:08,306 --> 00:12:10,771
of Michelle's thumb while
I was on a lunch break?
266
00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:12,638
Your whole day is a lunch break.
267
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,803
- Excuse me?
- Yes, I did, and I nailed it.
268
00:12:15,805 --> 00:12:16,937
I even earned a croissant.
269
00:12:16,939 --> 00:12:21,004
Nurses don't get pastries!
Doctors get pastries!
270
00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:22,771
Now, stick to
your medical duties,
271
00:12:22,773 --> 00:12:25,304
and stack that wiper fluid.
272
00:12:25,306 --> 00:12:27,204
Uh-uh-uh...
273
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:30,237
I need you to
get those skateboarders
274
00:12:30,239 --> 00:12:31,638
out of The Ruby.
275
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,604
This whole thing has
gotten out of hand.
276
00:12:33,606 --> 00:12:35,204
Please don't use
the word "hand."
277
00:12:35,206 --> 00:12:37,204
Well, did you ask them
to leave?
278
00:12:37,206 --> 00:12:39,837
I can't.
I need them to think I'm cool.
279
00:12:39,839 --> 00:12:42,221
Plus, there's this whole
back and forth teasing
280
00:12:42,222 --> 00:12:44,604
thing with Brent that
I really need to win.
281
00:12:44,606 --> 00:12:46,058
Have you considered
282
00:12:46,093 --> 00:12:48,170
that we might have
more important things to do
283
00:12:48,172 --> 00:12:50,770
than deal with your guys's
weird flirty stuff?
284
00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:53,937
Flirting?
Grow up. This isn't high school.
285
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:58,337
It's about me looking cool
in front of teenagers.
286
00:12:58,489 --> 00:13:00,887
- Here's the thing, Lacey...
- I prefer "The Lace."
287
00:13:00,889 --> 00:13:03,387
Here's the thing, Lacey.
We can't do anything
288
00:13:03,389 --> 00:13:05,354
unless you make
a formal complaint,
289
00:13:05,356 --> 00:13:07,788
and if you do that,
the kids will find out.
290
00:13:07,790 --> 00:13:11,087
So we can't lend you a hand
to give you the upper hand.
291
00:13:11,089 --> 00:13:13,354
I can't stop saying "hand."
292
00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:17,987
- Ow!
- Let it go, Oscar.
293
00:13:17,989 --> 00:13:19,953
We've been
right-handed all day.
294
00:13:19,955 --> 00:13:21,521
It's not that easy.
295
00:13:21,523 --> 00:13:25,287
There's a scientific process
to abandoning the dark side.
296
00:13:25,289 --> 00:13:27,920
You've barely
made it through Phase One.
297
00:13:27,922 --> 00:13:30,820
- ... of two?
- Of 12!
298
00:13:30,822 --> 00:13:32,820
I don't feel so good.
299
00:13:32,822 --> 00:13:36,521
- Maybe I should go see Dr. Wanda.
- Wanda's a doctor?
300
00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:39,637
I'm hearing reports
that you're operating
301
00:13:39,638 --> 00:13:41,487
an unlicensed medical clinic?
302
00:13:41,489 --> 00:13:43,587
- Uh... technically.
- Great.
303
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:44,621
I need a doctor's note
304
00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:46,887
that me and Davis are
now medically right-handed.
305
00:13:46,889 --> 00:13:48,054
Happy to help.
306
00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:53,920
- Whoo!
- Please, no cheering.
307
00:13:53,922 --> 00:13:55,853
Always keen to use
my power for good.
308
00:13:55,855 --> 00:13:58,087
No, you're on StarMyDoc.com,
309
00:13:58,089 --> 00:13:59,721
and you've got
a really high rating.
310
00:13:59,723 --> 00:14:02,120
Really?
Yay me!
311
00:14:02,122 --> 00:14:04,953
I mean, I'm not
that kind of doctor,
312
00:14:04,955 --> 00:14:09,059
but they called it "StarMyDoc."
Pretty vague.
313
00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:11,176
It's really their fault
for not specifying.
314
00:14:11,211 --> 00:14:13,521
So in conclusion, yay me!
315
00:14:19,139 --> 00:14:22,470
Five stars, five stars, five stars.
316
00:14:22,472 --> 00:14:26,004
- These reviews are amazing.
- Sure, I'm good.
317
00:14:26,006 --> 00:14:27,304
Talented, even.
318
00:14:27,306 --> 00:14:29,436
Am I popular?
Clearly.
319
00:14:29,438 --> 00:14:31,170
But these websites
don't actually mean...
320
00:14:31,172 --> 00:14:33,503
One star?
Who gave me one star?
321
00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:36,004
"Doctor Wanda
would rather take lunch
322
00:14:36,006 --> 00:14:38,070
than treat
her patients in need,
323
00:14:38,072 --> 00:14:40,770
but top marks for Nurse Hank!"
Aww...
324
00:14:41,038 --> 00:14:42,937
I'm gonna track down this
@DogRiverMichelle person,
325
00:14:42,939 --> 00:14:45,037
whoever she is,
and give her a piece of my...
326
00:14:45,039 --> 00:14:46,770
Oh!
It's probably Michelle.
327
00:14:52,131 --> 00:14:54,063
If you're here to gloat,
go away.
328
00:14:54,065 --> 00:14:57,563
No gloat, GOAT.
Just soaking up the chaos.
329
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:00,164
Why don't you just
kick them out?
330
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:03,264
Because...
this is the first time in my life
331
00:15:03,266 --> 00:15:05,397
anybody ever thought I was cool.
332
00:15:05,399 --> 00:15:08,330
I'll tell you what's cool.
Being a crusty curmudgeon.
333
00:15:08,332 --> 00:15:09,796
Check this out, home slice.
334
00:15:09,798 --> 00:15:10,696
Hey, Snapchats!
335
00:15:10,698 --> 00:15:13,630
Time for you to
Scramazon-dot-com.
336
00:15:13,632 --> 00:15:15,297
It's not your diner, prune dude.
337
00:15:15,299 --> 00:15:18,667
We only leave if The
Amazing Lace tells us to.
338
00:15:18,702 --> 00:15:21,364
Aww.
They called me "Amazing Lace."
339
00:15:21,366 --> 00:15:22,763
I can't kick them out.
340
00:15:22,765 --> 00:15:24,830
Then maybe you should
just call the cops.
341
00:15:24,832 --> 00:15:27,581
I already did, and they
refused to get me any help.
342
00:15:27,679 --> 00:15:30,730
So... yeah.
This is their fault.
343
00:15:30,732 --> 00:15:31,630
Hey, gang!
344
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:34,496
I love chillin' with you
in my eatin' crib,
345
00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:37,063
but there's a way more
badass place to hang out
346
00:15:37,065 --> 00:15:40,164
and do rails...
the Cop Shop.
347
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:43,830
- Yeah, edgy.
- Ooh, dangerous.
348
00:15:43,832 --> 00:15:45,063
Bangin'!
349
00:15:45,065 --> 00:15:46,463
Sick!
350
00:15:46,465 --> 00:15:49,230
They left, and I'm still cool!
351
00:15:49,232 --> 00:15:53,197
- What does bangin' mean?
- Pretty sure it's somethin' filthy.
352
00:15:53,199 --> 00:15:55,119
Filthy teenagers.
353
00:15:55,165 --> 00:15:57,363
"Dr. Wanda and her magic hands
354
00:15:57,365 --> 00:16:00,264
give her patients top-tier service... "
355
00:16:00,266 --> 00:16:02,897
I don't feel good about
writing false reviews
356
00:16:02,899 --> 00:16:04,363
to boost your ratings.
357
00:16:04,365 --> 00:16:06,130
Do you feel good about
shutting up and typing?
358
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:09,463
- "I give her six stars."
- It only goes up to five.
359
00:16:10,131 --> 00:16:12,930
A-ha!
Read it and weep.
360
00:16:13,162 --> 00:16:17,060
What?
Since when is Wanda a doctor?
361
00:16:17,062 --> 00:16:19,626
Since never, that's when.
Ha!
362
00:16:19,628 --> 00:16:22,494
- Do you think he bought it?
- I don't.
363
00:16:22,496 --> 00:16:25,127
This is beyond
the medical realm anyway.
364
00:16:25,129 --> 00:16:26,726
We're on to Phase Two.
365
00:16:26,728 --> 00:16:30,993
- Positive reinforcement with treats?
- No. Public shaming.
366
00:16:30,995 --> 00:16:32,160
With treats?
367
00:16:32,162 --> 00:16:33,626
You're going to
publicly denounce
368
00:16:33,628 --> 00:16:36,260
your left-handedness
as shameful,
369
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:39,693
evil, and a transgression
against humanity.
370
00:16:39,695 --> 00:16:42,360
Ladies and gentlemen,
Karen and Davis!
371
00:16:45,495 --> 00:16:47,360
You can't boot me off the site.
372
00:16:47,362 --> 00:16:51,160
I'm technically a doctor,
and didn't you see my reviews?
373
00:16:51,162 --> 00:16:55,760
I did not write those. I dictated
them while my nurse typed.
374
00:16:55,762 --> 00:16:57,626
And he's not
even technically a nurse,
375
00:16:57,628 --> 00:16:58,760
so he's the one
you should be...
376
00:16:58,932 --> 00:17:01,497
Aw, we got cut off.
377
00:17:01,499 --> 00:17:02,996
Those elitists booted me
off StarMyDoc
378
00:17:02,998 --> 00:17:05,163
just because
I'm not a physician.
379
00:17:05,165 --> 00:17:07,663
- Tell that to my patients.
- Well, there goes my dream
380
00:17:07,764 --> 00:17:09,729
of being the world's first
male nurse.
381
00:17:09,731 --> 00:17:11,263
There's been male nurses
in this country
382
00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:14,430
- since the 1950s.
- Huh, then no big deal.
383
00:17:14,432 --> 00:17:16,297
Let's get this place back to normal
384
00:17:16,299 --> 00:17:18,163
before you lose your actual job.
385
00:17:18,165 --> 00:17:20,564
- Sound good, Wanda?
- Dr. Wanda.
386
00:17:20,566 --> 00:17:22,196
I'm still a doctor of Philosophy.
387
00:17:22,198 --> 00:17:25,663
And to quote Kierkegaard,
"Suck on that, haters."
388
00:17:25,665 --> 00:17:28,297
Come on,
start shaming yourselves.
389
00:17:28,299 --> 00:17:30,570
You're losing the crowd.
390
00:17:31,664 --> 00:17:34,430
Oscar, there's no way
we're doing that.
391
00:17:34,432 --> 00:17:36,629
Yeah, we need
some time to prepare.
392
00:17:36,631 --> 00:17:38,696
Write a speech, workshop it.
393
00:17:41,665 --> 00:17:42,930
Hey, what's going on?
394
00:17:42,932 --> 00:17:45,729
Just a good old-fashioned
left-handed shaming.
395
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,330
What's wrong with
being left-handed?
396
00:17:48,332 --> 00:17:50,896
Yeah, we should celebrate
our differences.
397
00:17:50,898 --> 00:17:53,397
I have a nose ring.
Zeke has red hair.
398
00:17:53,399 --> 00:17:56,563
Yeah, Tina has webbed feet.
You should see her swim.
399
00:17:56,565 --> 00:17:59,030
Being different is what
makes us all great.
400
00:17:59,032 --> 00:18:01,963
You should never be ashamed
of what makes you unique.
401
00:18:04,432 --> 00:18:08,430
- Oscar, are you okay?
- I have something to say,
402
00:18:08,432 --> 00:18:10,463
and this may shock
some of you...
403
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,496
perhaps most of all, my wife.
404
00:18:12,498 --> 00:18:14,563
Is this about you
being born left-handed
405
00:18:14,565 --> 00:18:16,896
and being forced
to change as a child?
406
00:18:16,898 --> 00:18:18,063
Yeah, that.
407
00:18:18,065 --> 00:18:21,130
So when I was a young...
Wait a minute,
408
00:18:21,231 --> 00:18:23,796
how the hell did you know
I was born left-handed?
409
00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:27,163
We've been married for 40 years.
There's been a few clues.
410
00:18:29,497 --> 00:18:32,696
Did I ever tell you
I was born left-handed?
411
00:18:32,698 --> 00:18:35,529
Ugh, not this sob story again.
412
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:36,930
Well, if you knew,
413
00:18:36,932 --> 00:18:40,629
why did you back me up
on this crazy witch-hunt?
414
00:18:40,631 --> 00:18:42,763
Jeez, you're mad when
I don't support you,
415
00:18:42,765 --> 00:18:44,429
you're mad when
I do support you.
416
00:18:44,431 --> 00:18:47,196
- You can't have it both ways.
- Yes, I can.
417
00:18:47,198 --> 00:18:50,297
- You know, I'm bi.
- Ambi, Oscar.
418
00:18:50,299 --> 00:18:52,852
You're ambidextrous.
419
00:18:57,535 --> 00:19:01,233
Thanks for backing us, kids.
We really appreciate it.
420
00:19:01,235 --> 00:19:04,266
No problem, 5-0.
Now it's grind time.
421
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:07,133
- Whoo!
- Yeah! Check it out!
422
00:19:07,135 --> 00:19:10,300
- Whoa...
- No, it's confiscatin' time.
423
00:19:10,302 --> 00:19:13,166
You can't skate here.
It's official police property.
424
00:19:13,168 --> 00:19:15,733
Yeah, and Lacey doesn't
want you skateboarding
425
00:19:15,735 --> 00:19:17,200
at her place either.
426
00:19:17,202 --> 00:19:19,666
What?
No! Lacey said what?
427
00:19:19,668 --> 00:19:22,333
Did she want us
to keep that quiet?
428
00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:25,200
- Not cool, Lacey.
- Amazing Lacey?
429
00:19:25,202 --> 00:19:28,133
- Narc!
- Hey, Lacey's not a dork.
430
00:19:28,135 --> 00:19:30,433
- They said "narc."
- Well, whatever the hip lingo is.
431
00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:33,532
She put up with your
claptrappin' shenanigans...
432
00:19:33,534 --> 00:19:35,233
Jeez, how old am I?
433
00:19:35,235 --> 00:19:38,532
Anyway, my point is,
Lacey's the coolest person I know.
434
00:19:38,534 --> 00:19:40,733
Aw, thanks, Brent.
435
00:19:40,735 --> 00:19:43,733
Old Man Leroy Junior
thinks Lacey's cool.
436
00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:46,006
That makes her
an even bigger dork.
437
00:19:46,008 --> 00:19:47,739
Okay, I'm sure they
said "dork" that time.
438
00:19:47,741 --> 00:19:48,973
I don't care anymore.
439
00:19:48,975 --> 00:19:51,240
I want all of you kids out of here.
440
00:19:51,242 --> 00:19:54,672
You've been rude,
disrespectful, disruptive...
441
00:19:54,674 --> 00:19:55,939
They're already gone.
442
00:19:55,941 --> 00:19:57,473
I know, I just need
to get this off my chest.
443
00:19:57,475 --> 00:19:58,606
And furthermore,
444
00:19:58,608 --> 00:20:02,406
your pants are too baggy,
and get off my lawn!
445
00:20:02,408 --> 00:20:04,739
Whew...
Oh, that felt good.
446
00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:12,955
You're back.
What are the odds?
447
00:20:12,957 --> 00:20:15,055
Get it?
Probability?
448
00:20:15,057 --> 00:20:18,489
- Can I see that for a quick sec?
- Okay, but be careful.
449
00:20:18,491 --> 00:20:20,889
I need that to get
discounts from drug reps.
450
00:20:21,825 --> 00:20:25,623
Hey! That was like the
opposite of careful!
451
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,489
E.M.U. has been notified
452
00:20:27,491 --> 00:20:29,789
that you impersonated
a medical doctor,
453
00:20:29,791 --> 00:20:31,489
started an illegal practice,
454
00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:34,922
and accepted
carbohydrates as payment.
455
00:20:34,924 --> 00:20:36,222
There was also ham.
456
00:20:36,757 --> 00:20:40,756
You, Wanda Dollard,
are no longer a Fighting Emu.
457
00:20:40,758 --> 00:20:43,955
Fighting Emu?
H-Hey, you changed the name!
458
00:20:43,957 --> 00:20:45,955
We did.
That was a great catch.
459
00:20:45,957 --> 00:20:48,189
Anyway, sorry
to revoke your degree,
460
00:20:48,191 --> 00:20:50,922
but it's your own fault
for developing a God complex.
461
00:20:50,924 --> 00:20:54,389
- Does a God complex really exist?
- There you go!
462
00:20:54,391 --> 00:20:58,256
Stick to Philosophy,
and no one gets hurt.
463
00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:02,192
No one gets baked goods, either!
464
00:21:08,530 --> 00:21:09,996
♪ I don't know ♪
465
00:21:09,998 --> 00:21:12,929
♪ The same things you don't know ♪
466
00:21:16,364 --> 00:21:18,363
♪ I don't know ♪
467
00:21:18,365 --> 00:21:21,363
♪ I just... don't know ♪
468
00:21:23,430 --> 00:21:27,363
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ It's a great big place ♪
469
00:21:27,365 --> 00:21:30,795
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪
470
00:21:30,797 --> 00:21:34,729
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ And it's my happy place ♪
471
00:21:34,731 --> 00:21:37,263
♪ I don't know ♪
472
00:21:38,276 --> 00:21:41,316
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
35780
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.