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1
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:31,198
Everybody fucks everybody.
2
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,283
It's the nature of the beast.
3
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:39,998
Jesus Christ!
4
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:47,381
Fuck!
5
00:00:57,015 --> 00:01:00,185
I can provide a woman with
pretty much anything she wants.
6
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,105
Sausage included.
7
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,746
How you doing, baby?
8
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,123
Fine.
9
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,208
Here's my card.
10
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,881
One of the most important keys
to being a scammer
11
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,133
is to try and get their number,
12
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:33,802
and go to their place, if possible.
13
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,221
Homeless guys got it fucking made.
Forget about it.
14
00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:42,895
Hi.
15
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:50,819
Shit.
16
00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:57,743
I�ve slept with nine women.
17
00:01:57,910 --> 00:02:00,996
I know, nine women by the time
you're twenty-six,
18
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:03,123
it's almost like being a virgin.
19
00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:05,292
But I like to think
I�m just picky.
20
00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:10,047
Thanks.
21
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,549
Where the fuck's my tip?
22
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,760
In your pants, dickhead.
You should've took a left.
23
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:15,802
Asshole.
24
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,638
Nice.
25
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,264
Real nice.
26
00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:22,518
-Fuck off, jerk.
-You'd like that, wouldn't you?
27
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:23,894
Give me your number,
I�ll call you later.
28
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:27,022
The three of us can make
a Brad sandwich.
29
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:29,608
Don't touch me.
30
00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:32,861
Brad!
31
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,199
Hey, what's going on?
32
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:38,283
All right, man. How you doing?
33
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,202
What's up, Zeke?
34
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:41,745
After you.
35
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:45,499
SyncFix by divx.NeKryXe.com
36
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:52,816
So you see...
37
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,444
I got this chick
back at my apartment.
38
00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:57,070
She thinks I�m
her best friend's brother.
39
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,780
Why the fuck does she think that?
40
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,324
'Cause I told her I was.
41
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,534
Only way she'd come home with me.
42
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,244
Do you even know her best friend?
43
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,788
I never know their best friends.
44
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,292
But if they believe I know
their best friends, then I�m safe.
45
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,711
-That's genius.
-What do you mean, "safe"?
46
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,421
Safe, you know.
47
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,132
She wants something in common
before she lets you in.
48
00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:20,052
It's like the college connection.
49
00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:21,929
She's comfortable about
letting you nail her.
50
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:26,016
She thinks you have a bond because
you went to the same school.
51
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,434
All of a sudden,
52
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:28,685
you're safe.
53
00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,313
Fuck this safe bullshit.
Did you bone?
54
00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:32,356
Ah, well.
55
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:33,899
Listen, okay?
56
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:36,276
I was at this club
with some guys from work.
57
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,363
Check out those sweet honeys!
58
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:41,532
That ho' is fly!
59
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,076
Look at those fucking losers.
60
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,285
They are totally checking us out.
61
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,704
Pigs. So desperate.
62
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:49,957
Bet they're lawyer
or Wall Street assholes.
63
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,625
They want lawyer rap.
64
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:55,212
Chicks don't dig lawyer rap,
they want Wall Street.
65
00:04:58,674 --> 00:04:59,675
Yeah, pigs.
66
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:00,759
I don't know...
67
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,679
I think that blond one's
kind of a hottie.
68
00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:05,264
Yeah, right.
69
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,849
What are you talking about?
70
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,602
I�m not even sure
if they can handle me.
71
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,396
Go get them, tiger.
72
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,273
You can have him.
73
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,567
Those chicks are all over me, man.
74
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,528
I�m going in.
75
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,740
Brad! Brad! Brad!
76
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:25,158
Hi.
77
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,495
Have we met before?
78
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,247
Excuse me?
79
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:34,084
-I�m sure I�ve met you before.
-I don't think so.
80
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:36,253
Through a friend or something.
81
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,130
She's not interested, okay?
Just go.
82
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,048
What's your name?
Maybe it'll come back to me.
83
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,011
I�m really not interested, so...
84
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,471
I�m sorry, you just look like
85
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,557
one of my sister's friends
86
00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:51,268
and I wanted to come over
and say hi. Sorry.
87
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,520
Wait a minute. Who's your sister?
88
00:05:59,026 --> 00:05:59,693
Jen.
89
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,821
You're Jen's brother?
90
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,324
I knew I recognized you
from those pictures.
91
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:08,076
I haven't seen Jenny
since college.
92
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,912
How did you know to say Jen?
93
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,831
Every chick's got a friend
named Jen. It�s common.
94
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,250
It�s like Peter.
95
00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:17,628
She didn't ask you your last name?
96
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:21,590
She wanted me so bad,
all she needed was the link.
97
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:23,675
So then what?
98
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:26,053
I fed her some more bullshit
about Jenny
99
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:29,556
and after twenty minutes
she was begging to join me
100
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:31,391
in the stabbin' cabin.
101
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:37,898
Oh...
102
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,942
a very stylin' place you have.
103
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:43,195
-Not half as stylin' as you.
-Really?
104
00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:43,946
Yes.
105
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,198
She's all over me.
106
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:50,494
She's so fired up
and raring to go.
107
00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,829
She's like a fucking
gorilla on Ecstasy.
108
00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:08,178
I�m in Brad heaven,
109
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,888
just about to get smoked...
110
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:13,642
when all of a sudden,
she started cleaning my tailpipe.
111
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,396
Man, that's awesome.
112
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,107
It�s not awesome,
it's fucking disgusting.
113
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,442
She tossed your salad.
That's right out of a porno film.
114
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,570
Do you realize how much
people pay for that?
115
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,864
That's got to be the best
blowjob story yet.
116
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,991
No, moron, you're missing the point.
117
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:32,452
She passed over my dick
and went straight for the ass.
118
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:35,414
Why complain? Some people wait
their whole lives for a rimmer.
119
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,456
Yeah, well...
120
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:40,169
you guys know how bad
my stomach is, right?
121
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,796
I�m constantly taking
sloppy dumps and shit.
122
00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:45,716
That's her problem, not yours.
123
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,343
It became my problem.
124
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:05,360
Dude, that's disgusting.
125
00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:06,445
Yeah, no shit.
126
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:09,156
You're grossing me out.
You tasted your own asshole?
127
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,366
Not by choice, all right?
128
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:13,118
Change of subject. Zeke, you're up.
129
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:15,495
That's sick. I don't know
if I can top that.
130
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,248
Try, 'cause shit lips
is bugging me out.
131
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:19,166
Fuck you.
132
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:20,167
All right, chill.
133
00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:22,920
I was at Bell Caf�, writing,
134
00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:30,260
when all of a sudden,...
135
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,095
I see these two fine honeys
136
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,723
all over my wood.
137
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,017
All over it.
138
00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:41,313
I�m trying to work and I realize
they're totally focused in on me.
139
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,023
Now way I�m getting anything done.
140
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,608
So I�m thinking,
141
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,068
"opportunity's knocking".
142
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:48,862
I don't get it. lf I walked into
some beatnik coffee shop
143
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:52,741
and saw an unemployed dirty freak
like you writing in a diary,
144
00:08:52,950 --> 00:08:56,203
I�d stay as far away as possible
from that loser.
145
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:57,955
But that's you, Brad.
146
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:01,667
An ass-kissing, no pun intended,
suit from the upper East Side.
147
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,503
Women look at you and know
what they're getting.
148
00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:07,548
I, on the other hand,
am an East Village enigma.
149
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,174
I secrete mystery.
150
00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,093
Women dig mystery.
151
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:13,720
-That combined with the pheromones.
-The what?
152
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,472
The pheromones.
153
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,725
The electricity I give off to
send the chicks climbing the walls.
154
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,143
They see me,
155
00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:21,353
they smell me,
156
00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:22,729
they fuck me.
157
00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:25,274
Yeah.
158
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,275
Okay, guy.
159
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:30,487
-So, which one did you choose?
-Fuck that, I took them both.
160
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:37,953
-You got both chicks to your crib?
-Damn straight.
161
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,873
These girls were fucking pros.
162
00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:44,126
They did shit I didn't
even know existed.
163
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,296
Like what?
164
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:50,674
You ever hear of an inverted,
165
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:53,510
double teabag slide?
166
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,470
No way.
167
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:58,640
The sex was amazing.
It was like a gift from God.
168
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,267
Are you writing this shit down?
169
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,978
This should be your next screenplay.
170
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,313
How many times did you bone?
171
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,439
A box worth.
172
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,232
Three times?
173
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,902
You know I only buy twelve-packs.
174
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:13,322
-These chicks sound perfect.
-Not exactly perfect.
175
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,117
The next morning,
176
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,869
they stole my TV.
177
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,662
-They what?
-They fucking stole my set.
178
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,165
Do you think that was
their intention from the start?
179
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,459
-Definitely.
-I�m sure of it.
180
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,670
I bet they double team
so they can carry out more shit.
181
00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:31,548
It�s an ingenious operation,
if you think about it.
182
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:34,092
Don't you feel like they fucked you,
they got the better of you?
183
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:37,137
They fucked me all right,
in a way I�ll never forget.
184
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:40,807
It was worth a TV. They come back,
I�ll throw them the toaster.
185
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,185
This is some fucked up shit.
186
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:47,523
Both you guys are crazy.
That never happens to me.
187
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,525
That's 'cause nothing
ever happens to you.
188
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:51,443
Yeah, what, did you score?
189
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,612
Or did you spend another
weekend tugging root?
190
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:57,533
Fuck you, man. I had multiple
ladies on my tip.
191
00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,243
Multiple, my ass.
192
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,786
Better your ass than Brad's.
193
00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:02,037
Funny.
194
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,957
I was at Strokes
195
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,126
with my five knucklehead friends.
196
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:11,755
There were seven fine honeys
at my disposal.
197
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,466
Place was so ripe, I had my pick.
198
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,426
Always talking a big game.
199
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,804
No, seriously, they were all
sitting there waiting.
200
00:11:18,971 --> 00:11:21,181
All I had to do was
go in for the kill.
201
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,015
So?
202
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:23,600
So I did.
203
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:26,770
Her name...
204
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:28,564
was Keri.
205
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:32,276
The flyest girl at the bar.
206
00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:34,778
Dude, you got to stop
whacking it so much.
207
00:11:34,987 --> 00:11:35,654
What?
208
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,448
Making up chick's names
while you're feeding the geese.
209
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:39,366
Fuck you.
210
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,994
She's as real as the
scrambled eggs on that plate.
211
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,745
Last week her name was Nivea,
212
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,455
the week before it was Neutrogena.
213
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,167
Nivea was a nice French girl
I met in the park.
214
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,460
Fuck that. If you didn't score,
just say it.
215
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:52,212
You don't believe me,
I don't give a shit.
216
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,046
Say it.
217
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,757
All I want to know is,
have we found a prospect yet?
218
00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,593
-A prospect?
-For what?
219
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,178
You know, the plan.
220
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:01,054
The triple team some chick plan.
221
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,391
-You still caught up in that shit?
-It'll be fucking great.
222
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,268
The three of us and some hottie,
223
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:09,646
doing high-fives over her back.
The ultimate sexual plateau.
224
00:12:14,193 --> 00:12:15,819
Fuck the plan.
225
00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:18,488
I'm just trying to find
some chick I can relate to.
226
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:19,323
What?
227
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:23,243
-Some girl I actually respect.
-Why can't we find girls like us?
228
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,454
Dude, all girls masturbate.
229
00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:27,247
Fuck you. That's not what I meant.
230
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,790
Why are you always...?
231
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,584
I�m kidding. I understand
what you're saying.
232
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,961
It'd be cool to find a hot chick
233
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,963
that also cared about
the same shit we do.
234
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,925
Some little snappy you don't
want to kick out of bed
235
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,551
-right after you throw your web.
-I hear you.
236
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,262
-Is that too much to ask?
-Good fucking luck.
237
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:44,598
What?
238
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,100
Oh, no.
239
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:51,355
-Who the hell invited him?
-I did. He used to be one of us.
240
00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:53,649
Exactly, he used to be.
Then the asshole got married.
241
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:56,193
When you pass the ring,
you lose the sting.
242
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,320
You might as well chop
your dick off at the altar.
243
00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,703
-Hi.
-Hey, Eric. Have a seat.
244
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,081
Zeke, Brad. What's up?
245
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,041
Same old.
246
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:13,919
What the fuck's that?
247
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,880
My wife says I have
chronic halitosis.
248
00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:21,301
She makes me spray this shit
into my mouth every hour.
249
00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:23,470
Lend it to Brad.
250
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:24,847
Fuck you.
251
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,224
Why?
252
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:28,809
Don't worry about it.
253
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:31,812
So,...
254
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,147
where you guys been?
I haven't seen you in forever.
255
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,275
Dude, you're married.
256
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,193
We no longer have anything in common.
257
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:39,361
Jesus!
258
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:40,612
Well,
259
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,782
-I�m still the same guy.
-No you're not.
260
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,117
You're married. Face it.
261
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,160
You think I don't got stories?
262
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,371
About your wife?
Come on, that's nasty.
263
00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:51,248
You saying we don't do kinky shit?
264
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,667
I�m sure you do, but it's
like your wife, man.
265
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,545
That's got to be a bit sacred.
266
00:13:56,712 --> 00:13:57,379
Yeah.
267
00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:59,840
lf it was a girl we don't know,
268
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:03,427
then that'd be okay.
But your wife? That's sick.
269
00:14:03,594 --> 00:14:04,845
That's where you're wrong.
270
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:08,473
It�s way better because
it's totally uninhibited.
271
00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:11,185
Like last night, we were
having sex in the kitchen,
272
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,271
and I started using
all the utensils.
273
00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:18,025
We got this new juicer
and it's shaped like a carrot.
274
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,903
-I am bent over...
-Save it!
275
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:24,489
We had an entire line
of extra virgin olive oil.
276
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,075
Cut the visuals. We're eating.
277
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:42,716
Eric, did you say you had to
go somewhere this afternoon?
278
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:43,675
Yeah.
279
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:46,345
Dude, you should probably go.
280
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,180
I had to meet my wife
281
00:14:48,347 --> 00:14:50,057
for brunch twenty minutes ago.
282
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:51,600
Brunch? You just fucking ate.
283
00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:54,686
Once you're married, you got to
do a lot of things twice.
284
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:59,858
Appease the little woman,
make her feel you care.
285
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,360
Man, that sucks.
286
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:04,738
Well,...
287
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:06,031
bye.
288
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:07,574
See you, Eric.
289
00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:10,619
Jonathan, I want you to go
back over to that tree.
290
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:11,912
Wait about a minute.
291
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,705
Brad, you come up at the end.
292
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:15,541
You close the deal. You got it?
293
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:17,918
It�s standard. Just don't
save the ugly one for me.
294
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:19,753
Dude, look at them.
295
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:23,257
They're all sitting down.
They could have fat asses.
296
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,967
Come on. They're going to leave.
297
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:26,844
Chill. Are you ready?
298
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:27,594
Yeah.
299
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:28,512
Break.
300
00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:30,848
Women, men, nobody.
301
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,267
Above the knee, they get nasty.
302
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,519
Yeah, like they go down to the...
303
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:38,772
Hey, girls.
304
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,108
How you doing?
305
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:42,276
Good.
306
00:15:43,861 --> 00:15:45,195
Is your name Kelly?
307
00:15:45,863 --> 00:15:47,114
No, Stacey.
308
00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:48,782
Stacey, hi. I�m Zeke.
309
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,367
-Hi.
-Hi.
310
00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:52,035
And your lovely friends?
311
00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:53,620
This is Marie and Bristol.
312
00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:55,414
Marie...
313
00:15:55,998 --> 00:15:57,791
-...and Crystal.
-Bristol.
314
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,003
So...
315
00:16:01,253 --> 00:16:04,339
So, those are interesting pants
you got there.
316
00:16:04,548 --> 00:16:05,632
You like?
317
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:06,675
Stroke it.
318
00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:08,468
Like is not exactly the word.
319
00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:10,929
That's real crocodile leather.
320
00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:14,141
I�m most like Mickey Rourke
in "9 1l2 Weeks".
321
00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:17,352
Let's face it, the man understands
the term "dominant male"
322
00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:18,937
to the nth degree.
323
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:22,274
Not that I see myself as
the controlling freak he was.
324
00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:24,985
You never know. Am I in control?
Am I not?
325
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:27,529
Not that I�m a control freak.
I mean...
326
00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:31,325
Control is very,
very important.
327
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,076
You always must keep the upper hand.
328
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,537
No it's not. Crocodile has scales.
329
00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:37,706
-Oh my God! Zeke!
-Jonathan!
330
00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:40,667
-I thought that was you.
-What are you doing here?
331
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,336
Just walking around.
332
00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:44,296
Jonathan, meet Marie...
333
00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:45,214
Hi.
334
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:48,091
-Kelly and Crystal.
-Hi.
335
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,427
-Stacey.
-Stacey, I�m sorry.
336
00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:51,428
Bristol.
337
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:53,555
How do you guys know Zeke?
338
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,182
We don't.
339
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,310
Maybe Andrew McCarthy in
"St. Elmo's Fire".
340
00:16:58,477 --> 00:17:00,687
He was totally misunderstood
in that film.
341
00:17:00,896 --> 00:17:01,730
Just because...
342
00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:04,816
he had creative,
more intellectual interests,
343
00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:07,069
everybody thought he was gay.
344
00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:08,654
I�m not.
345
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:09,738
I�m not like that.
346
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:13,158
It�s because I�m single
and creative,
347
00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:17,079
and I understand my feminine side
better than the next guy.
348
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,958
He just came over here
and made us feel his leg.
349
00:17:21,375 --> 00:17:24,545
Hey, guys. What are you
doing in the park on Sunday.
350
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:25,462
Brad!
351
00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:28,423
Who are these beautiful mommies?
352
00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:30,592
Brad, this is Marie...
353
00:17:30,843 --> 00:17:31,760
-Marie.
-Stacey...
354
00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:32,636
Pleasure.
355
00:17:32,845 --> 00:17:35,222
-And Crystal.
-Bristol.
356
00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:36,348
Bristol.
357
00:17:36,515 --> 00:17:37,182
Bristol.
358
00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:41,061
I would have to say
Tom Cruise, "Risky Business".
359
00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:43,230
He was stuffing Rebecca DeMornay,
360
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,275
drove a Porsche,
and he ran a clam house.
361
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,359
For Christ's sake!
362
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:50,195
Brad, get off the babysitter.
363
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:54,533
Scamming's not
the most important thing.
364
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,578
It�s just something I�m good at.
365
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:01,206
A good catch?
Yeah, I think I�m a good catch.
366
00:18:01,832 --> 00:18:03,542
I make a shitload of money...
367
00:18:06,003 --> 00:18:07,004
Look at me!
368
00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:35,532
Why is everyone so quiet?
369
00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:38,368
Didn't anyone scam this weekend?
370
00:18:38,619 --> 00:18:39,453
Zeke?
371
00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:43,123
Of course. I just don't
want to talk about it.
372
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,834
What do you mean?
373
00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:48,253
Isn't that the point of
coming here every Sunday?
374
00:18:48,462 --> 00:18:51,632
Maybe I met someone I don't
feel like telling you dicks about.
375
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,801
Just because you talk
about how you porked your wife
376
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:55,802
with a waffle iron,
377
00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:57,804
doesn't mean I gotta tell you shit.
378
00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,431
Excuse me for asking.
379
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:00,974
And it was a juicer.
380
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:03,352
So,...
381
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:05,187
was she hot?
382
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:09,858
I don't care about looks anymore.
I�m over that superficial crap.
383
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:13,403
As long as she's got a great rack
and buns like a champ, I�m happy.
384
00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:14,571
Yeah, she was hot.
385
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,406
-You railed her?
-What?
386
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:18,200
You didn't rail her?
387
00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:21,328
That's probably why you like her
and you're not talking about her.
388
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:25,082
-I didn't say if I railed her.
-Usually means you didn't rail her.
389
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:27,000
-Didn't rail her.
-Definitely didn't rail her.
390
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,002
Listen up, assholes.
391
00:19:30,087 --> 00:19:32,381
It was Thursday night.
I was back at the Bell Caf�,
392
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:33,757
looking for the wonder twins,
393
00:19:33,966 --> 00:19:38,053
when I suddenly I notice this
beautiful woman at another table.
394
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:41,390
Notice she's a woman
and not a hi-dee-hi-dee-ho.
395
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:47,855
What are you reading?
396
00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:49,773
Now this girl was fly.
397
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,316
-She was that fucking hot?
-Yeah.
398
00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:55,988
The capper is, she was reading
Syd Field's screenplay book.
399
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,114
So?
400
00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:58,115
So?
401
00:19:58,282 --> 00:19:59,700
That's like the Bible
for screenwriters.
402
00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:02,244
She's not only hot but got
the same interests as me.
403
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:06,123
Wait, did you say
you fucked her in a field?
404
00:20:06,707 --> 00:20:07,374
Yeah!
405
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:10,586
No, I said she was reading
Syd Field's screenplay book.
406
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:12,504
Who cares?
Did you fuck her?
407
00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:14,840
No, look.
408
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:18,010
Have some fucking respect.
I think I actually like this one.
409
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,430
-I knew it.
-Definitely didn't fuck her.
410
00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:23,515
Did you get her back to your crib?
411
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,225
Of course.
412
00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:28,061
-What are your legs?
-Steel springs.
413
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:31,273
-How fast can you run?
-Fast as a leopard. Gallipoli.
414
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,780
George, George, George, George.
415
00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:40,449
It�s Michael Dorsey.
416
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,326
Your favorite client.
417
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:43,911
"George of the Jungle"?
418
00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:45,454
No.
419
00:20:46,163 --> 00:20:47,080
"Tootsie".
420
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,333
You go.
421
00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,168
What, I amuse you?
422
00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:54,004
That's so easy.
"Good fellas".
423
00:20:57,299 --> 00:20:58,133
Hey, wait.
424
00:20:58,884 --> 00:21:00,594
Can't we just take it slow?
425
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:05,098
We can definitely
take it slow, baby.
426
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,310
She wanted me pretty badly,
427
00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:10,270
but I thought it would be
best to take it slow.
428
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,397
I knew it.
429
00:21:13,190 --> 00:21:16,860
lf he'd nailed her,
then she'd be nothing special.
430
00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:20,030
But since he didn't fuck her,
he cares.
431
00:21:20,239 --> 00:21:22,282
But I never get laid, and I never
care about most of my scams.
432
00:21:22,574 --> 00:21:24,785
You haven't fucked and lost yet.
433
00:21:24,952 --> 00:21:27,412
Once a chick plays you for
nothing more than a dick,
434
00:21:27,621 --> 00:21:30,165
you'll toughen up and be able to
fuck and forget.
435
00:21:30,374 --> 00:21:30,958
Yeah,
436
00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:33,293
a chick's got to tease a dick
in order to be teased.
437
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:36,296
After a dick-tease, you'll be
working with an unteasable dick.
438
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:37,965
Nothing's penetrating that thing.
439
00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:41,468
You got to fall off the bike
in order to get back on.
440
00:21:42,219 --> 00:21:44,263
So I got to be fucked and spit on,
441
00:21:44,429 --> 00:21:46,557
before I can have feelings for
a girl by not fucking her.
442
00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:49,393
Yeah.
443
00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:50,269
Yeah.
444
00:21:50,686 --> 00:21:52,062
I get it now. Thanks.
445
00:21:52,271 --> 00:21:53,522
Dude, you're up.
446
00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:55,482
What are you thinking about?
447
00:21:56,108 --> 00:21:56,942
What's on your mind?
448
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:57,985
Nothing.
449
00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,444
It�s just...
450
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:04,074
I may have met somebody I like
this weekend too.
451
00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:05,159
No!
452
00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:06,285
Dude!
453
00:22:21,675 --> 00:22:23,468
Oh, my God!
454
00:22:24,178 --> 00:22:25,888
Unbelievable!
455
00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:27,890
I think I�m getting a wood.
456
00:22:28,432 --> 00:22:32,352
What is it about two chicks
grinding that turns me on?
457
00:22:32,561 --> 00:22:35,230
This lesbian fad is awesome.
458
00:22:38,567 --> 00:22:40,861
Holy balls!
Will you look at that?
459
00:22:44,990 --> 00:22:45,824
Shit!
460
00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:52,414
Hi.
461
00:22:52,915 --> 00:22:53,749
Hi.
462
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:56,877
This chick was so hot.
463
00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:58,170
She had the whole package.
464
00:22:58,337 --> 00:22:59,338
She had a cock?
465
00:23:01,173 --> 00:23:02,591
Yeah, she had a dick, dude.
466
00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:05,552
Come on.
467
00:23:05,719 --> 00:23:07,846
This is the kind of girl
I�ve been looking for.
468
00:23:08,055 --> 00:23:09,681
And she was digging your shit?
469
00:23:10,599 --> 00:23:12,017
Of course she was.
470
00:23:12,184 --> 00:23:13,352
Did you stuff her?
471
00:23:13,519 --> 00:23:14,603
No, man.
472
00:23:15,187 --> 00:23:16,188
I�m kind of like you, Zeke.
473
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:17,606
I think I really like this girl.
474
00:23:18,649 --> 00:23:22,152
She was more interested in
stocks and bonds and stuff.
475
00:23:22,319 --> 00:23:24,196
Sounds like she was
interested in your wallet.
476
00:23:24,363 --> 00:23:27,950
It wasn't like that at all.
I think she cared about me.
477
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:29,368
That's so great.
478
00:23:29,785 --> 00:23:30,786
All right, so...
479
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:32,287
these are the revenues.
480
00:23:34,248 --> 00:23:35,582
And these are earnings.
481
00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:36,959
Exactly.
482
00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:38,585
That makes sense.
483
00:23:38,794 --> 00:23:41,964
Most chicks I date couldn't
give two shits about what I do.
484
00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:45,467
All they want is a nice dinner
in some trendy restaurant
485
00:23:45,634 --> 00:23:47,511
and a nice hard cock
at the end of the night.
486
00:23:47,719 --> 00:23:49,596
They don't care what's
important to me.
487
00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:53,851
Did she want the hard cock too?
488
00:23:54,935 --> 00:23:56,436
No, man. This one was different.
489
00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:58,480
We totally bonded.
490
00:23:58,689 --> 00:24:01,859
I didn't want to sleep with her.
I could've talked all night.
491
00:24:02,067 --> 00:24:03,610
That sounds like a lot of fun.
492
00:24:03,777 --> 00:24:04,444
So...
493
00:24:04,653 --> 00:24:06,446
you just talked all night?
494
00:24:06,655 --> 00:24:07,406
No.
495
00:24:07,573 --> 00:24:08,407
She smoked me.
496
00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:12,411
But I could've talked all night.
497
00:24:12,661 --> 00:24:13,912
Was she good?
498
00:24:14,788 --> 00:24:16,373
I just told you I didn't fuck her.
499
00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:19,376
No, was she good at smoking pole?
500
00:24:19,585 --> 00:24:21,086
Fucking horny bastard.
501
00:24:21,587 --> 00:24:24,590
She was all right.
She won't win any medals.
502
00:24:24,798 --> 00:24:27,259
So she ain't no Hanna.
503
00:24:27,467 --> 00:24:29,178
Shit!
504
00:24:29,845 --> 00:24:31,722
Wait a second. Who's Hanna?
505
00:24:31,889 --> 00:24:33,599
My God! I almost forgot about her.
506
00:24:33,807 --> 00:24:36,101
You remember Hanna.
Hoover Hanna.
507
00:24:36,310 --> 00:24:39,021
She gave Brad
the five hour blowjob.
508
00:24:39,188 --> 00:24:40,731
Bullshit. No fucking way.
509
00:24:41,023 --> 00:24:43,483
That chick could suck
a taxi driver through immigration.
510
00:24:44,610 --> 00:24:47,571
After three hours, I got so hungry
I called Mr. Pizza.
511
00:24:48,363 --> 00:24:51,783
The dude came into the room
as Hoover was gumming my knob.
512
00:24:51,950 --> 00:24:53,410
She never knew he was there.
513
00:24:53,869 --> 00:24:55,913
How did you last for five hours?
514
00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:59,166
I was so boozed and tabbed up,
515
00:24:59,333 --> 00:25:02,336
maybe 27 bongos on top of that,
now way I was gonna nut.
516
00:25:02,503 --> 00:25:05,756
I was fortunate my wood
didn't go south.
517
00:25:06,256 --> 00:25:08,217
Plus, she reminded me of my sister.
518
00:25:08,425 --> 00:25:09,259
I couldn't get into it.
519
00:25:10,344 --> 00:25:11,512
But enough about me.
520
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,181
It�s time for you to bore us
with another spank fest.
521
00:25:14,348 --> 00:25:16,141
What was her name this week,
Vaselina?
522
00:25:17,476 --> 00:25:19,520
No, this week was different.
523
00:25:20,437 --> 00:25:21,813
I was at the newsstand,
524
00:25:22,022 --> 00:25:24,900
picking up some reading material
for the bathroom,
525
00:25:25,192 --> 00:25:26,443
when out of nowhere...
526
00:25:28,862 --> 00:25:29,863
I�m sorry.
527
00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:34,076
I�ll get it.
528
00:25:34,535 --> 00:25:35,911
No.
529
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:45,754
Are you okay?
530
00:25:46,630 --> 00:25:47,297
Yeah.
531
00:25:50,843 --> 00:25:53,220
You want me to put these
back in your bag for you?
532
00:25:54,137 --> 00:25:55,055
Okay.
533
00:26:07,067 --> 00:26:09,987
We spent the rest of the day
talking over coffee.
534
00:26:10,195 --> 00:26:12,406
That's the most embarrassing shit
I�ve ever heard.
535
00:26:12,573 --> 00:26:13,740
Man, that sucks.
536
00:26:14,074 --> 00:26:15,617
But that's the best part.
537
00:26:15,993 --> 00:26:18,704
She knows I beat off constantly
and she doesn't give a shit.
538
00:26:18,871 --> 00:26:19,538
What?
539
00:26:20,747 --> 00:26:22,624
What's more personal than that?
540
00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:24,459
I mean...
541
00:26:25,127 --> 00:26:26,461
after knowing that,
542
00:26:27,087 --> 00:26:28,589
we could talk about anything.
543
00:26:29,006 --> 00:26:30,883
It�s like there's nothing to hide.
544
00:26:31,049 --> 00:26:32,134
Once a day, that's it?
545
00:26:33,886 --> 00:26:34,553
Yeah.
546
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:35,971
Isn�t that enough?
547
00:26:40,267 --> 00:26:42,895
Once a day is a foundation,
and then...
548
00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:47,357
definitely at night
before I go to sleep.
549
00:26:47,524 --> 00:26:49,318
-It helps me go to sleep.
-Me too.
550
00:26:49,484 --> 00:26:50,152
Really?
551
00:26:50,319 --> 00:26:51,778
-Yes.
-That's so cool.
552
00:26:51,945 --> 00:26:54,406
Except sometimes
I�m too tired to finish.
553
00:26:54,698 --> 00:26:55,699
You know...
554
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,367
I just bore myself.
555
00:27:02,956 --> 00:27:06,043
My ex boyfriend was into...
556
00:27:06,835 --> 00:27:09,046
videotaping me while I...
557
00:27:10,506 --> 00:27:11,423
Really?
558
00:27:12,299 --> 00:27:15,469
And while he was videotaping,
he would also be...
559
00:27:16,178 --> 00:27:17,262
to himself.
560
00:27:18,013 --> 00:27:18,931
Really?
561
00:27:19,348 --> 00:27:21,308
And you would watch?
562
00:27:21,517 --> 00:27:22,267
Yeah.
563
00:27:24,228 --> 00:27:25,229
While he...?
564
00:27:26,438 --> 00:27:28,315
Did you like it?
565
00:27:29,233 --> 00:27:29,983
Yeah.
566
00:27:41,411 --> 00:27:43,455
You are one lucky bastard.
567
00:27:44,414 --> 00:27:46,208
Congratulations, little stroker.
568
00:27:46,416 --> 00:27:48,544
For the first time,
you finally scored big.
569
00:27:48,919 --> 00:27:51,129
He's earning his stripes.
570
00:27:51,463 --> 00:27:53,173
Thanks. It means a lot
coming from you guys.
571
00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:54,675
So did you...?
572
00:27:55,133 --> 00:27:56,134
I didn't fuck her.
573
00:27:56,343 --> 00:27:57,094
But...
574
00:27:57,719 --> 00:27:59,847
I have a date with her this week.
575
00:28:00,097 --> 00:28:01,348
And...
576
00:28:02,432 --> 00:28:04,393
she asked me to bring
the video camera.
577
00:28:04,601 --> 00:28:05,686
Nice!
578
00:28:06,270 --> 00:28:07,771
You know what you got to do?
579
00:28:07,938 --> 00:28:11,608
Show up at her house with
some wine and flowers and shit.
580
00:28:11,817 --> 00:28:13,235
With a video camera.
581
00:28:13,402 --> 00:28:15,529
Of course with a video camera.
582
00:28:15,779 --> 00:28:18,740
-Why are you feeding him bullshit?
-What made you a fucking pro?
583
00:28:18,907 --> 00:28:20,075
I know what I�m talking about.
584
00:28:20,284 --> 00:28:23,036
You get some cheap wine,
like Dunwood.
585
00:28:23,203 --> 00:28:26,540
It�s got a nice label,
so it looks expensive.
586
00:28:26,748 --> 00:28:29,501
You can get it on sale
for like $9.99.
587
00:28:29,918 --> 00:28:30,752
Dunwood...
588
00:28:30,961 --> 00:28:32,337
and some cheap roses,
589
00:28:32,504 --> 00:28:35,424
and you'll be doing
the bone dance in no time.
590
00:28:35,591 --> 00:28:38,260
He should take advice from you.
What do you know about women?
591
00:28:38,427 --> 00:28:39,511
You're married, for chrissakes!
592
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,430
Think I don't know what women want?
593
00:28:42,431 --> 00:28:46,351
Now I�m married, I�m more
sensitive to a woman's needs.
594
00:28:46,685 --> 00:28:48,020
Wait, wait. Dunwood?
595
00:28:48,187 --> 00:28:50,147
The shit works every time.
596
00:28:50,355 --> 00:28:52,983
I�m waiting a week or two
before I call my chick.
597
00:28:53,150 --> 00:28:53,901
You know,...
598
00:28:54,610 --> 00:28:57,487
get her all moist so she's
begging for my love.
599
00:28:57,779 --> 00:29:00,866
lf you like this woman, call her
right away, make her feel special.
600
00:29:01,074 --> 00:29:03,202
Pipe it, toughie.
I don't need your bullshit advice.
601
00:29:03,368 --> 00:29:04,203
Yeah, shut the fuck up.
602
00:29:04,411 --> 00:29:06,538
He's right.
You should call her tonight.
603
00:29:06,705 --> 00:29:08,916
Maybe we could all do something
together this week.
604
00:29:09,124 --> 00:29:10,918
Don't get faggy on me.
605
00:29:11,084 --> 00:29:14,505
I don't want your lame ass
ruining my chances on some clam.
606
00:29:14,713 --> 00:29:15,380
I�m waiting a week.
607
00:29:15,589 --> 00:29:18,759
I�d get the nice guy date
out of the way as soon as possible.
608
00:29:18,967 --> 00:29:20,385
-What?
-The nice guy date?
609
00:29:20,594 --> 00:29:23,388
The filler, to show her
what a nice guy you are.
610
00:29:23,555 --> 00:29:25,182
So she lets you hit it on the next.
611
00:29:25,390 --> 00:29:27,184
How many dates does it take
for you to bone?
612
00:29:27,392 --> 00:29:31,146
lf I don't hit on the first,
which is rare, on the second.
613
00:29:31,355 --> 00:29:34,858
But by rule, if I don't get it
on the third, I never call her.
614
00:29:35,067 --> 00:29:37,819
Definitely not worth the time
after the third.
615
00:29:38,529 --> 00:29:40,405
It always takes me a few months.
616
00:29:45,577 --> 00:29:47,621
Come on, art boy.
Let's see what you got.
617
00:29:47,830 --> 00:29:49,957
Did you bring your notepad?
618
00:29:50,123 --> 00:29:51,834
Going to write down "Brad Dreams"?
619
00:29:52,084 --> 00:29:55,170
"Brad Got Game"?
Trying to get a piece of me?
620
00:29:55,712 --> 00:29:56,797
Pass the ball!
621
00:29:56,964 --> 00:29:58,924
I�m ready. Bring it in!
622
00:30:00,634 --> 00:30:04,137
-Why aren't you paying attention?
-I am paying attention.
623
00:30:34,209 --> 00:30:36,503
Last night, I couldn't
get to sleep...
624
00:30:36,712 --> 00:30:40,048
'cause Loraine was in the bed,
so I snuck down to the den
625
00:30:40,257 --> 00:30:42,718
and ordered some
pay-per-view porn.
626
00:30:42,926 --> 00:30:45,053
Why? It�s terrible.
It�s useless.
627
00:30:45,262 --> 00:30:46,513
They don't show penetration.
628
00:30:46,722 --> 00:30:49,266
I couldn't believe the size
of the breasts on these women.
629
00:30:49,474 --> 00:30:51,185
They were like huge.
630
00:30:51,351 --> 00:30:52,769
They were fake.
631
00:30:53,187 --> 00:30:55,063
Those foam bags aren't real.
Come on.
632
00:30:56,106 --> 00:30:59,860
A lot of pillows, propped up
straight, pointing north.
633
00:31:00,027 --> 00:31:01,737
Never south, always north.
634
00:31:18,837 --> 00:31:21,590
When I come home from the gym
after a few butterflies,
635
00:31:21,757 --> 00:31:23,884
I look in the mirror and go:
636
00:31:24,092 --> 00:31:26,553
"I�ve got a nice rack.
637
00:31:26,762 --> 00:31:28,263
I�d fuck me."
638
00:31:29,681 --> 00:31:32,392
Like that psycho in
"Silence of the Lambs".
639
00:31:32,559 --> 00:31:34,269
Except I didn't do the dick tuck.
640
00:31:37,439 --> 00:31:38,815
I did the dick tuck for Loraine,
641
00:31:38,982 --> 00:31:42,569
to spice up the sex life,
keep the bedroom hot.
642
00:31:42,778 --> 00:31:45,155
You did the tuck for Loraine?
643
00:31:45,364 --> 00:31:47,407
She talked about
bringing home a woman
644
00:31:47,658 --> 00:31:49,159
and threesomes and shit.
645
00:31:49,326 --> 00:31:51,286
Dude, that's awesome.
646
00:32:00,379 --> 00:32:02,172
Oh, master, oh, master.
647
00:32:05,551 --> 00:32:07,511
She wouldn't let this go
648
00:32:07,678 --> 00:32:11,348
and I realized she had this
pseudo lesbian craving.
649
00:32:11,515 --> 00:32:13,809
Are you kidding me? Loraine?
650
00:32:13,976 --> 00:32:15,686
No, she wouldn't let it go.
651
00:32:15,853 --> 00:32:17,980
So instead of bringing back
another chick,
652
00:32:18,188 --> 00:32:21,024
sometimes I do the tuck,
653
00:32:21,191 --> 00:32:24,111
talk in a high voice like this,
and ask her to touch me.
654
00:32:24,278 --> 00:32:25,195
Touch me.
655
00:32:25,362 --> 00:32:28,031
Touch me. Touch me.
656
00:32:28,198 --> 00:32:29,992
Touch me.
657
00:32:36,081 --> 00:32:37,082
Oh, Brad.
658
00:32:39,084 --> 00:32:40,544
Oh, Brad.
659
00:32:41,670 --> 00:32:44,131
I�ve tried doing the tuck
a couple of times,
660
00:32:44,298 --> 00:32:47,092
but it really kind of...
661
00:32:47,259 --> 00:32:48,343
hurts my penis.
662
00:32:48,510 --> 00:32:49,845
Then you're not doing it right.
663
00:32:50,012 --> 00:32:51,430
Is this shit still going on?
664
00:32:51,597 --> 00:32:53,557
You still unstrapping one
for Loraine?
665
00:32:53,765 --> 00:32:55,392
That was just a phase.
666
00:32:55,601 --> 00:32:57,311
Now she's in a book group.
667
00:32:57,603 --> 00:33:00,063
-I got to go.
-Where you got to go?
668
00:33:00,314 --> 00:33:02,774
I got to make a phone call.
Brad, you still have your cell?
669
00:33:02,983 --> 00:33:05,194
-Are you calling your hump?
-Of course not.
670
00:33:05,402 --> 00:33:07,613
I just got to make a call.
671
00:33:10,491 --> 00:33:12,284
You fucking cunt.
672
00:33:41,271 --> 00:33:44,024
There are certain words
I don't like to use.
673
00:33:45,734 --> 00:33:46,735
I don't like...
674
00:33:47,319 --> 00:33:48,487
masturbation...
675
00:33:50,989 --> 00:33:52,074
or jerking off...
676
00:33:52,699 --> 00:33:53,784
or spanking.
677
00:33:55,077 --> 00:33:57,788
I think those words,
they sound vulgar.
678
00:33:57,955 --> 00:33:59,039
"Sturbing"
679
00:33:59,498 --> 00:34:01,208
is the word I use.
680
00:34:01,542 --> 00:34:02,376
"Sturbing".
681
00:34:03,585 --> 00:34:05,212
I�m comfortable with "sturbing".
682
00:34:06,964 --> 00:34:09,842
Hey, hey, hey, hey, Mia,
683
00:34:12,094 --> 00:34:18,016
You're my cup of Tee-ah.
684
00:34:19,476 --> 00:34:21,353
Sometimes I sit on my hand.
685
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:22,187
You know.
686
00:34:22,354 --> 00:34:23,188
And...
687
00:34:23,605 --> 00:34:27,693
I sit on it for a long time
until it falls asleep.
688
00:34:28,235 --> 00:34:28,902
And then,
689
00:34:29,403 --> 00:34:30,487
once it's asleep,
690
00:34:31,071 --> 00:34:32,614
I sturb with it like this,
691
00:34:33,323 --> 00:34:35,701
so it feels like...
692
00:34:36,034 --> 00:34:37,911
somebody else is
doing it to me.
693
00:34:38,745 --> 00:34:40,372
I call it "the stranger".
694
00:34:40,581 --> 00:34:41,498
Mia,
695
00:34:43,167 --> 00:34:45,460
we can take a trip...
696
00:34:46,628 --> 00:34:48,172
across the sea.
697
00:34:48,422 --> 00:34:49,089
Yeah.
698
00:34:50,215 --> 00:34:50,883
Yeah.
699
00:35:02,019 --> 00:35:03,979
You look beautiful.
700
00:35:04,146 --> 00:35:05,147
That's no good.
701
00:35:05,856 --> 00:35:06,523
You look...
702
00:35:07,524 --> 00:35:08,525
wonderful.
703
00:35:10,944 --> 00:35:12,488
You look amazing.
704
00:35:15,824 --> 00:35:16,825
What the hell?
705
00:35:17,159 --> 00:35:17,826
Hello?
706
00:35:25,751 --> 00:35:27,878
Amazingly beautiful.
707
00:35:28,587 --> 00:35:30,005
Shit, that's so bad.
708
00:35:33,967 --> 00:35:34,885
You look...
709
00:35:36,762 --> 00:35:38,096
you look stunning.
710
00:35:40,098 --> 00:35:40,849
Mia?
711
00:35:41,975 --> 00:35:42,726
Mia?
712
00:35:44,394 --> 00:35:45,145
Holy shit!
713
00:35:47,898 --> 00:35:49,399
In here!
714
00:35:54,988 --> 00:35:55,823
Stop that!
715
00:35:56,740 --> 00:35:57,658
Get off!
716
00:35:57,866 --> 00:35:58,784
Get off!
717
00:35:59,201 --> 00:36:00,285
Fucking cocksucker!
718
00:36:01,411 --> 00:36:02,913
What the hell's going on here?
719
00:36:07,084 --> 00:36:07,751
Wait!
720
00:36:08,460 --> 00:36:11,129
I�ll kick your ass if you don't
tell me why the fuck you're here!
721
00:36:11,296 --> 00:36:13,674
-What is going on?
-I have a date with Mia?
722
00:36:16,844 --> 00:36:18,387
Fuck you! I�m dating Mia!
723
00:36:18,637 --> 00:36:20,138
Would you get the hell off me?
724
00:36:20,305 --> 00:36:22,015
You guys all know each other?
725
00:36:22,808 --> 00:36:24,935
You guys have known each other
since college.
726
00:36:26,436 --> 00:36:27,813
And you're best friends.
727
00:36:28,105 --> 00:36:28,856
Yeah.
728
00:36:29,273 --> 00:36:30,274
For real?
729
00:36:31,483 --> 00:36:33,193
How is that possible?
730
00:36:33,402 --> 00:36:35,112
It�s New York City.
731
00:36:35,279 --> 00:36:36,738
What are the odds of that?
732
00:36:37,322 --> 00:36:39,533
Apparently pretty high.
733
00:36:40,325 --> 00:36:41,076
Sorry.
734
00:36:42,202 --> 00:36:43,203
I�m sorry too.
735
00:36:45,747 --> 00:36:48,125
I really like you guys,
all of you.
736
00:36:50,836 --> 00:36:52,171
What's with the Dunwood?
737
00:36:55,257 --> 00:36:56,008
Anyway,...
738
00:36:56,258 --> 00:36:58,552
in an ideal world, I guess...
739
00:36:59,511 --> 00:37:01,138
I�d want to see all of you,
740
00:37:01,430 --> 00:37:03,891
but I understand it's not possible.
741
00:37:04,099 --> 00:37:04,850
So,...
742
00:37:06,810 --> 00:37:08,604
if you guys want to take off,
743
00:37:08,896 --> 00:37:09,813
I understand.
744
00:37:11,773 --> 00:37:12,524
Okay.
745
00:37:14,485 --> 00:37:16,278
It was fun while it lasted.
746
00:37:25,787 --> 00:37:26,788
-Bye.
-Bye, Jonathan.
747
00:37:28,957 --> 00:37:30,334
Come on, Zeke, let's go.
748
00:37:30,542 --> 00:37:31,793
I�m not going anywhere.
749
00:37:33,879 --> 00:37:34,796
What?
750
00:37:35,172 --> 00:37:35,923
I�m staying.
751
00:37:36,924 --> 00:37:37,925
Come on, Zeke.
752
00:37:38,967 --> 00:37:40,844
Fuck that. If you want to go, go.
753
00:37:42,596 --> 00:37:43,972
Come on, man. Don't be a dick.
754
00:37:44,223 --> 00:37:45,474
You don't understand.
755
00:37:46,350 --> 00:37:47,601
I actually like her.
756
00:37:48,393 --> 00:37:49,978
Mia and I have a connection.
757
00:37:56,610 --> 00:37:57,361
Wait.
758
00:37:57,903 --> 00:38:00,030
We have a connection too, right?
759
00:38:04,993 --> 00:38:06,328
I�m staying.
760
00:38:08,163 --> 00:38:08,831
What?
761
00:38:09,081 --> 00:38:09,998
I�m staying.
762
00:38:10,624 --> 00:38:12,835
My God, you got to be kidding me.
763
00:38:18,173 --> 00:38:18,924
Okay.
764
00:38:19,883 --> 00:38:20,634
Okay.
765
00:38:21,051 --> 00:38:22,302
You're connected,
766
00:38:23,178 --> 00:38:24,596
and if you're connected,
767
00:38:26,473 --> 00:38:27,891
I�m connected too.
768
00:38:30,811 --> 00:38:32,521
You sure you're okay with this?
769
00:38:34,273 --> 00:38:34,940
Oh, yeah.
770
00:38:35,107 --> 00:38:36,108
It�s not a problem.
771
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,110
Back off, she's mine!
772
00:38:38,777 --> 00:38:40,821
Both of you have totally
fucking dicked me over!
773
00:38:41,155 --> 00:38:42,739
Fuck that. You dicked me.
774
00:38:42,948 --> 00:38:43,615
You know...
775
00:38:43,991 --> 00:38:46,201
I�m the only one that's
supposed to be here.
776
00:38:46,410 --> 00:38:48,954
It�s funny both of you
decided to surprise her
777
00:38:49,163 --> 00:38:50,873
on the one day that
I had a date with her.
778
00:38:51,081 --> 00:38:52,958
And we were going to
use the video camera.
779
00:38:54,835 --> 00:38:56,461
I�m not backing off.
780
00:38:56,962 --> 00:38:59,882
lf Mia wants to see all of us,
you'll have to deal with it.
781
00:39:00,048 --> 00:39:01,925
Fuck you.
782
00:39:02,342 --> 00:39:04,136
Who gives a shit what you think?
783
00:39:04,303 --> 00:39:05,137
You know what?
784
00:39:05,596 --> 00:39:07,639
I�m really tired of the way
you talk to me.
785
00:39:09,474 --> 00:39:10,851
Fuck you, you fucking...
786
00:39:11,435 --> 00:39:12,436
Fuck you.
787
00:39:12,644 --> 00:39:13,896
Easy, easy. Chill.
788
00:39:14,104 --> 00:39:15,814
-I�m going to kick his ass.
-What?
789
00:39:15,981 --> 00:39:17,482
Going to kung fu chop me to death?
790
00:39:17,649 --> 00:39:18,400
Hey, chill.
791
00:39:19,776 --> 00:39:21,487
Crane position,
Daniel san.
792
00:39:22,946 --> 00:39:24,907
First of all, it's jujitsu, faggot.
793
00:39:25,073 --> 00:39:28,243
Second, I don't need to know shit
to kick your lame ass.
794
00:39:28,452 --> 00:39:29,536
I�m so scared.
795
00:39:29,703 --> 00:39:31,580
lf you don't shut up,
I�m going to move.
796
00:39:33,957 --> 00:39:34,875
You know what?
797
00:39:35,209 --> 00:39:37,503
Fuck this shit.
You're both assholes!
798
00:39:37,753 --> 00:39:38,587
I�m out of here.
799
00:39:42,633 --> 00:39:43,634
Assholes.
800
00:39:44,927 --> 00:39:46,637
Why do you always have to be
such a dick?
801
00:39:47,304 --> 00:39:48,138
Asshole.
802
00:39:48,931 --> 00:39:49,848
Dick.
803
00:40:24,299 --> 00:40:26,593
It�s Mia. Please leave a message.
804
00:40:28,637 --> 00:40:29,805
Hello, Mia.
805
00:40:30,055 --> 00:40:31,515
How you doing, sweetie?
It�s Brad.
806
00:40:31,682 --> 00:40:34,226
I have two tickets to
the Knicks game tonight
807
00:40:34,393 --> 00:40:35,769
if you wanted to go.
808
00:40:40,607 --> 00:40:41,441
What?
809
00:40:49,658 --> 00:40:52,619
Hi, it's Jonathan. How are you?
810
00:40:52,828 --> 00:40:55,372
Just calling to say hey,
and see if you maybe...
811
00:40:55,539 --> 00:40:58,458
want to do something later?.
812
00:41:14,224 --> 00:41:17,019
It�s Zeke. Where are you, baby?
I want to hangout with you.
813
00:41:17,186 --> 00:41:18,896
We could do something and get close.
814
00:41:19,062 --> 00:41:19,813
Call me.
815
00:41:26,987 --> 00:41:30,073
I like to walk into a place,
check out the vibes, the signals
816
00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:33,410
I�m getting on the wood meter,
lookaways, that kind of shit.
817
00:41:33,577 --> 00:41:34,328
A lookaway?
818
00:41:34,786 --> 00:41:36,413
That's when a girl looks at you,
819
00:41:36,580 --> 00:41:38,290
and she instantly looks away.
820
00:41:38,457 --> 00:41:40,918
That is a solid green light.
821
00:41:42,002 --> 00:41:42,753
Lookaway.
822
00:41:43,045 --> 00:41:43,879
Lookaway.
823
00:41:44,129 --> 00:41:46,840
Like you hit a home run and
you haven't had to pick up a bat.
824
00:41:47,382 --> 00:41:49,843
Like most scammers
that I�m aware of,
825
00:41:50,052 --> 00:41:52,721
I�m not that comfortable
with other men.
826
00:41:52,971 --> 00:41:55,974
I have a very strong affinity
for the society of women.
827
00:41:56,850 --> 00:42:00,354
It�s a matter of time before you
get over the Brad/Jonathan thing.
828
00:42:00,521 --> 00:42:02,564
What do you see in those dicks?
829
00:42:02,773 --> 00:42:04,733
I thought they were your friends.
830
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,778
Your friends don't try and
get on your girlfriend.
831
00:42:11,031 --> 00:42:12,115
Excuse me.
832
00:42:21,208 --> 00:42:22,042
Mia,
833
00:42:23,252 --> 00:42:25,546
I know we haven't been
together for that long,
834
00:42:27,339 --> 00:42:29,132
but I just wanted to tell you...
835
00:42:30,008 --> 00:42:33,262
I haven't had many special
relationships with girls.
836
00:42:34,054 --> 00:42:35,055
I mean, women.
837
00:42:37,641 --> 00:42:38,392
And...
838
00:42:39,059 --> 00:42:41,103
it might not seem a big deal to you,
839
00:42:41,603 --> 00:42:42,271
but...
840
00:42:43,856 --> 00:42:47,276
but I feel I can talk to you
about just about anything.
841
00:42:48,986 --> 00:42:50,529
It means a lot to me.
842
00:42:50,988 --> 00:42:53,365
I never thought
I�d be able to say that.
843
00:42:55,284 --> 00:42:57,494
That's what I love about you, Zeke.
844
00:42:57,744 --> 00:43:02,207
You have this whole cool,
845
00:43:02,374 --> 00:43:03,292
ladies man exterior,
846
00:43:03,584 --> 00:43:05,878
but inside you�re just a big dork.
847
00:43:07,254 --> 00:43:08,255
In a good way.
848
00:43:15,554 --> 00:43:17,347
How do you know me so well?
849
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:19,975
I just...
850
00:43:20,767 --> 00:43:21,602
...do.
851
00:43:42,915 --> 00:43:44,249
That was awesome.
852
00:43:44,458 --> 00:43:45,459
Thanks.
853
00:43:45,751 --> 00:43:47,878
Practice makes perfect.
854
00:43:50,631 --> 00:43:51,381
Look,
855
00:43:52,174 --> 00:43:54,218
I know I joke around a lot,
856
00:43:54,551 --> 00:43:55,552
Mia, but...
857
00:43:56,386 --> 00:43:57,471
I want you to know...
858
00:43:57,930 --> 00:43:59,556
I am totally serious
859
00:44:01,308 --> 00:44:02,893
when I say that you are...
860
00:44:03,227 --> 00:44:04,770
the coolest thing
861
00:44:05,062 --> 00:44:06,063
in my life.
862
00:44:09,608 --> 00:44:11,902
I�ve never met anyone
like you before.
863
00:44:13,737 --> 00:44:14,905
So what's next?
864
00:44:17,491 --> 00:44:20,160
No, no, I meant with us.
865
00:44:21,912 --> 00:44:22,830
Oh.
866
00:44:23,163 --> 00:44:24,414
I don't know.
867
00:44:24,623 --> 00:44:28,377
I�ve never been in
a relationship like this before.
868
00:44:29,044 --> 00:44:30,420
You'll be my little...
869
00:44:30,963 --> 00:44:31,713
student.
870
00:44:33,048 --> 00:44:35,592
And you can spank me
when I�m bad.
871
00:44:54,027 --> 00:44:55,112
That was amazing.
872
00:44:59,491 --> 00:45:01,201
I want to show you something.
873
00:45:01,451 --> 00:45:02,119
Okay.
874
00:45:17,009 --> 00:45:18,177
They're great.
875
00:45:26,977 --> 00:45:28,145
These are really...
876
00:45:29,479 --> 00:45:30,731
These are great.
877
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,443
The guys think I look like
a fag in that picture.
878
00:45:34,693 --> 00:45:36,653
What do they know?
They're just jealous.
879
00:45:41,325 --> 00:45:43,702
You're really different
from them, you know, Jonathan.
880
00:45:44,411 --> 00:45:46,121
Really, you're more genuine.
881
00:45:47,664 --> 00:45:49,875
And these past few weeks with you
882
00:45:50,250 --> 00:45:51,835
have been really special.
883
00:45:54,796 --> 00:45:56,340
The past few weeks
884
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,051
with me and Zeke and Brad?
885
00:46:00,385 --> 00:46:01,136
No,
886
00:46:02,513 --> 00:46:03,347
dummy.
887
00:46:03,889 --> 00:46:06,016
The past few weeks with you.
888
00:46:12,689 --> 00:46:14,566
I was really confused before,
889
00:46:15,901 --> 00:46:17,611
but I�m not anymore.
890
00:47:38,650 --> 00:47:39,485
Jonathan?
891
00:47:40,903 --> 00:47:41,987
Come on, we're late.
892
00:47:42,905 --> 00:47:44,406
I�ll be right out.
893
00:47:44,615 --> 00:47:45,365
Okay.
894
00:47:54,041 --> 00:47:55,501
Wow. Five speeds.
895
00:48:33,831 --> 00:48:35,541
Honey, come on. We got to go.
896
00:48:39,670 --> 00:48:40,587
Shit.
897
00:48:43,715 --> 00:48:44,466
Shit.
898
00:48:44,675 --> 00:48:45,342
What?
899
00:48:46,468 --> 00:48:47,135
Nothing.
900
00:48:49,263 --> 00:48:50,681
Are you sure you're okay?
901
00:48:51,014 --> 00:48:52,724
I�m fine. Just a second.
902
00:49:14,496 --> 00:49:15,497
Sweetheart,
903
00:49:15,706 --> 00:49:19,209
if you need Pepto, it's in
the cabinet above the sink.
904
00:49:25,215 --> 00:49:26,550
Come on, it's not coming out!
905
00:49:26,884 --> 00:49:29,636
Are you sure you're okay?
You sound pretty bad.
906
00:49:29,887 --> 00:49:30,470
No.
907
00:49:31,889 --> 00:49:32,639
I�m fine.
908
00:49:32,806 --> 00:49:35,100
-Honey, I�m coming in.
-Wait, no!
909
00:49:38,979 --> 00:49:40,939
What are you doing?
910
00:49:41,148 --> 00:49:42,149
I was washing my hair,
or my hands.
911
00:49:42,316 --> 00:49:44,610
I was just feeling dirty.
We have to go.
912
00:49:44,776 --> 00:49:46,403
-Wait, what is that?
-What?
913
00:49:48,614 --> 00:49:49,948
I hear humming.
914
00:49:50,115 --> 00:49:52,576
-I don't hear anything.
-Why are you so wet?
915
00:49:52,743 --> 00:49:54,161
You smell like a toilet.
916
00:50:04,630 --> 00:50:06,840
Great to have the boys
back together again.
917
00:50:07,716 --> 00:50:10,010
I was starting to miss you guys.
918
00:50:10,177 --> 00:50:11,178
Fuck you.
919
00:50:11,428 --> 00:50:13,555
To think that I actually cared!
920
00:50:14,556 --> 00:50:17,726
Look, guys, can we put everything
behind us and move on?
921
00:50:17,935 --> 00:50:20,229
Just forget about
all the bullshit?
922
00:50:21,522 --> 00:50:22,606
Okay with me.
923
00:50:23,816 --> 00:50:24,566
Fine.
924
00:50:25,108 --> 00:50:26,360
Good, let's order.
925
00:50:31,114 --> 00:50:31,865
So...
926
00:50:33,659 --> 00:50:36,745
Did anyone read the blow-job
article in Cosmo this month?
927
00:50:38,330 --> 00:50:38,997
What?
928
00:50:39,206 --> 00:50:41,083
Why the fuck are you reading Cosmo?
929
00:50:41,250 --> 00:50:43,627
My wife keeps it
near the bathtub.
930
00:50:43,961 --> 00:50:46,088
Thank God I am not married.
931
00:50:46,255 --> 00:50:49,925
You don't understand.
This magazine is for women.
932
00:50:50,092 --> 00:50:50,843
So...
933
00:50:51,009 --> 00:50:54,763
it has all these tips
on how to please your man.
934
00:50:55,764 --> 00:50:57,391
I get it now.
935
00:50:58,058 --> 00:51:00,727
You read this shit so you can
learn how to please your man.
936
00:51:00,894 --> 00:51:02,855
That is funny, but no.
937
00:51:03,021 --> 00:51:06,859
What I�m saying is that
it's written by women.
938
00:51:07,276 --> 00:51:10,779
It says things like
"one out of every three men
939
00:51:10,988 --> 00:51:13,448
has latent homo-erotic fantasies".
940
00:51:19,454 --> 00:51:20,289
What?
941
00:51:20,747 --> 00:51:22,791
Anyway, this article says
942
00:51:22,958 --> 00:51:26,128
that chicks should make
their boyfriends
943
00:51:26,295 --> 00:51:29,006
drink apple juice
before they give head.
944
00:51:29,173 --> 00:51:30,966
It makes the taste better.
945
00:51:31,175 --> 00:51:32,176
Therefore,
946
00:51:32,342 --> 00:51:36,805
they would want to give
more head in the future.
947
00:51:37,806 --> 00:51:39,683
-Really?
-That's just bullshit.
948
00:51:40,434 --> 00:51:42,144
Why are you wasting our time
with this crap?
949
00:51:42,769 --> 00:51:45,230
It�s better than talking about
that whacked ho' Mia.
950
00:51:48,066 --> 00:51:49,318
Oh, man,
951
00:51:49,485 --> 00:51:51,612
she's got you all whipped.
952
00:51:56,533 --> 00:51:57,784
Excuse me!
953
00:51:58,744 --> 00:51:59,828
Yeah, who's whipped?
954
00:52:00,037 --> 00:52:03,624
She's got you muff-spelled,
riding your asses into the ground.
955
00:52:03,832 --> 00:52:05,334
What the fuck are you talking about?
956
00:52:05,501 --> 00:52:06,877
What is wrong with this asshole?
957
00:52:07,044 --> 00:52:10,297
Mia's not riding me.
She realized who Mr. Right was.
958
00:52:10,547 --> 00:52:11,465
Yeah, me.
959
00:52:11,965 --> 00:52:13,300
That's a good one, Zeke.
960
00:52:13,467 --> 00:52:16,470
Actually, she only wants to
see me now, exclusively.
961
00:52:16,803 --> 00:52:18,222
lf you haven't already heard.
962
00:52:18,514 --> 00:52:21,433
I don't know about that.
You see, Mia and I are in love.
963
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:23,143
Dream on, pussy.
964
00:52:23,477 --> 00:52:25,938
Are you both so whacked in
the head you don't realize
965
00:52:26,146 --> 00:52:27,397
she thinks you're total losers?
966
00:52:27,606 --> 00:52:28,524
She wants me,
967
00:52:28,732 --> 00:52:29,650
the "Z".
968
00:52:30,692 --> 00:52:31,610
Oh my God,
969
00:52:31,819 --> 00:52:34,905
You talk so much shit, Zeke,
you're starting to believe it.
970
00:52:35,072 --> 00:52:36,240
She�s just a girl.
971
00:52:36,406 --> 00:52:39,326
I thought you both knew she
didn't want to see you anymore.
972
00:52:39,493 --> 00:52:42,329
-Like she wants to see you.
-The only reason I came today,
973
00:52:42,496 --> 00:52:45,999
is I figured you two ignorant
dickheads finally backed off.
974
00:52:46,250 --> 00:52:48,210
-Whatever, Zeke.
-Don�t whatever me!
975
00:52:48,836 --> 00:52:52,339
There's other people here.
Take it outside.
976
00:52:52,506 --> 00:52:55,592
I�ll fucking take it outside,
away from you two dicks.
977
00:52:55,926 --> 00:52:59,096
-A bunch of fucking pricks!
-She wants me, asshole.
978
00:53:00,430 --> 00:53:02,140
You remember that too, fuck-o.
979
00:53:02,391 --> 00:53:05,561
Should I remind her of that
before or after I pull out?
980
00:53:07,437 --> 00:53:08,272
Fuck you!
981
00:53:08,730 --> 00:53:09,815
You little pup!
982
00:53:11,358 --> 00:53:12,192
Dick!
983
00:53:14,027 --> 00:53:16,655
Why don't you go home and
snap one off, you toss-off?
984
00:53:16,822 --> 00:53:18,157
Fuck you, too.
985
00:53:19,032 --> 00:53:20,284
Oh, my gosh!
986
00:53:20,742 --> 00:53:21,577
Sorry.
987
00:53:22,411 --> 00:53:23,579
Don't worry.
988
00:53:23,829 --> 00:53:24,913
And besides,
989
00:53:25,164 --> 00:53:26,957
it's not apple juice.
990
00:53:27,207 --> 00:53:28,208
It�s pineapple.
991
00:53:30,377 --> 00:53:31,128
That's it.
992
00:53:31,378 --> 00:53:32,212
Forget it.
993
00:53:50,606 --> 00:53:51,440
Hello.
994
00:53:51,899 --> 00:53:54,443
Hi, my name's Eric...
995
00:53:55,277 --> 00:53:58,280
and I�m a friend of Zeke,
Brad and Jonathan's.
996
00:54:00,449 --> 00:54:01,200
Yeah?
997
00:54:02,659 --> 00:54:05,996
Yeah, I just came to talk about...
998
00:54:07,915 --> 00:54:09,958
what you're doing to my friends.
999
00:54:12,586 --> 00:54:15,589
Most of it is
none of my business,
1000
00:54:16,673 --> 00:54:20,677
but you're completely
messing with their heads.
1001
00:54:22,387 --> 00:54:24,014
And I just want to know
1002
00:54:24,306 --> 00:54:28,143
how it is that you can
respect yourself,
1003
00:54:28,644 --> 00:54:29,478
doing,...
1004
00:54:31,188 --> 00:54:33,857
what it is that you do?
1005
00:54:34,024 --> 00:54:35,651
And what exactly is it that I do?
1006
00:54:37,110 --> 00:54:40,864
You're seeing all of my friends
at the same time.
1007
00:54:41,406 --> 00:54:43,534
You're fucking all three of them.
1008
00:54:47,037 --> 00:54:48,205
Is this Dunwood?
1009
00:54:48,747 --> 00:54:52,417
First, I don't see how this is
any of your business. And second,
1010
00:54:52,626 --> 00:54:54,753
you act like I�m doing this
on purpose.
1011
00:54:55,128 --> 00:54:59,258
You think I enjoy putting myself
and your friends through this?
1012
00:54:59,466 --> 00:55:02,803
Then why don't you just
choose one of them?
1013
00:55:05,639 --> 00:55:07,432
Look, I really...
1014
00:55:08,308 --> 00:55:10,853
I really like your friends.
1015
00:55:11,854 --> 00:55:14,398
Haven't you met a woman who's...
1016
00:55:14,606 --> 00:55:16,316
so special you didn't
want to lose her?
1017
00:55:17,276 --> 00:55:18,902
Well, no. I�m married.
1018
00:55:19,778 --> 00:55:21,655
So then you have.
1019
00:55:23,532 --> 00:55:25,659
Oh, yeah. Right, right.
1020
00:55:26,368 --> 00:55:27,286
Yeah.
1021
00:55:27,744 --> 00:55:29,329
Well, so have I.
1022
00:55:29,997 --> 00:55:32,749
Except instead of one person,
I met three.
1023
00:55:32,916 --> 00:55:37,004
I�m just asking you
to stop seeing them.
1024
00:55:39,173 --> 00:55:40,716
Why do you care so much?
1025
00:55:41,717 --> 00:55:42,718
Because.
1026
00:55:45,554 --> 00:55:46,471
Because why?
1027
00:55:46,972 --> 00:55:48,056
Because.
1028
00:55:51,059 --> 00:55:52,644
You got to understand.
1029
00:55:54,521 --> 00:55:56,899
I�ve been married for two years.
1030
00:55:57,733 --> 00:55:59,693
Two long fucking years.
1031
00:55:59,860 --> 00:56:01,987
I don't know if you know
what that's like,
1032
00:56:02,196 --> 00:56:05,157
having to spend every day
with the same woman.
1033
00:56:05,782 --> 00:56:08,076
The only thing I look forward to
1034
00:56:08,285 --> 00:56:10,412
is Sunday lunch with the guys.
1035
00:56:10,996 --> 00:56:13,373
And now that you've come along...
1036
00:56:17,711 --> 00:56:19,505
You're ruining me.
1037
00:56:20,380 --> 00:56:23,717
You've taken away the one thing
I have to look forward to.
1038
00:56:24,551 --> 00:56:26,512
And now I�m fucked.
1039
00:56:28,430 --> 00:56:31,350
I got no outlets.
1040
00:56:35,479 --> 00:56:36,897
Well, Eric...
1041
00:56:38,148 --> 00:56:38,982
Is it Eric?
1042
00:56:41,485 --> 00:56:42,569
I understand.
1043
00:56:43,695 --> 00:56:44,696
And...
1044
00:56:44,988 --> 00:56:46,615
I will take care of it.
1045
00:56:47,574 --> 00:56:48,492
Okay?
1046
00:57:11,014 --> 00:57:12,975
Just call me anytime, okay?
1047
00:57:48,510 --> 00:57:51,597
Look at that woman's tits.
Nice and high.
1048
00:57:52,931 --> 00:57:54,725
There's one for you over there.
1049
00:57:54,892 --> 00:57:56,852
You know a girl like that
does squats.
1050
00:58:20,375 --> 00:58:23,045
I find it amazing that men
1051
00:58:23,212 --> 00:58:26,215
go on forever without
actually buying toilet paper.
1052
00:58:26,381 --> 00:58:27,633
What do you mean?
1053
00:58:27,799 --> 00:58:30,552
For us, it's like an essential,
you know?
1054
00:58:30,719 --> 00:58:32,846
But men, they'll use anything.
1055
00:58:33,055 --> 00:58:34,681
Tissue, paper towels,
1056
00:58:35,974 --> 00:58:37,059
newspaper.
1057
00:58:37,893 --> 00:58:38,727
Sheets.
1058
00:58:40,521 --> 00:58:42,815
Sheets? That's a good one.
1059
00:58:43,065 --> 00:58:43,982
Hey, honey.
1060
00:58:46,693 --> 00:58:48,111
Man, this place sucks.
1061
00:58:48,278 --> 00:58:49,738
They don't have my Rough Riders?
1062
00:58:50,155 --> 00:58:50,823
All right.
1063
00:58:51,615 --> 00:58:52,866
I think this will do.
1064
00:58:55,661 --> 00:58:57,955
Honey, I don't think those are
1065
00:58:58,121 --> 00:58:59,915
the right ones.
1066
00:59:00,916 --> 00:59:01,917
Honey,
1067
00:59:02,292 --> 00:59:03,126
let go.
1068
00:59:04,711 --> 00:59:06,255
Don't you think that
1069
00:59:06,463 --> 00:59:08,006
these would be more comfortable?
1070
00:59:08,215 --> 00:59:08,966
What?
1071
00:59:09,967 --> 00:59:12,427
For me. I meant,
more comfortable for me.
1072
00:59:12,594 --> 00:59:14,221
-See? "For her pleasure".
-What are you talking about?
1073
00:59:14,429 --> 00:59:15,430
Excuse me.
1074
00:59:23,230 --> 00:59:24,481
What are you looking at?
1075
00:59:27,317 --> 00:59:29,611
Come on, baby.
It�s an emotional reaction.
1076
00:59:32,656 --> 00:59:35,117
I didn't expect to see you
around for a while.
1077
00:59:35,409 --> 00:59:37,619
To what do I owe the pleasure?
1078
00:59:39,538 --> 00:59:40,289
Well,
1079
00:59:40,539 --> 00:59:43,876
seeing as how you're
married, I was wondering...
1080
00:59:45,794 --> 00:59:48,088
What's it like to
settle down with a woman?
1081
00:59:48,755 --> 00:59:49,506
I mean,
1082
00:59:50,257 --> 00:59:51,967
does your life stop or what?
1083
00:59:52,759 --> 00:59:53,510
No, no...
1084
00:59:53,719 --> 00:59:57,055
don't get me wrong, I�m not
saying I want to do this now.
1085
00:59:57,222 --> 01:00:00,476
I�m interested in your thoughts
about living with chicks.
1086
01:00:01,894 --> 01:00:03,145
Wait a second.
1087
01:00:03,353 --> 01:00:05,898
You're not thinking of
shacking up with that ho'?
1088
01:00:06,064 --> 01:00:08,275
Don't be a dick.
Of course not.
1089
01:00:08,567 --> 01:00:09,818
I�m just...
1090
01:00:10,652 --> 01:00:12,279
you know, curious.
1091
01:00:13,155 --> 01:00:14,072
Well...
1092
01:00:15,407 --> 01:00:19,495
When you decide to live with
a chick, everything changes.
1093
01:00:21,914 --> 01:00:23,248
The key to survival...
1094
01:00:23,665 --> 01:00:25,000
is remember one thing.
1095
01:00:25,834 --> 01:00:29,171
That's that your life now
belong to someone else.
1096
01:00:30,380 --> 01:00:33,884
You'll notice things about your
daily routine that start to change.
1097
01:00:35,219 --> 01:00:38,805
For instance, the toilet seat shit.
It is a big one.
1098
01:00:39,014 --> 01:00:42,434
You've got to remember to
put that down or you're fucked.
1099
01:00:42,684 --> 01:00:45,312
Loraine almost left me
because I forgot that shit.
1100
01:00:46,939 --> 01:00:50,192
And remember to flush.
If you leave a floater in there,
1101
01:00:50,359 --> 01:00:51,610
you're a dead man.
1102
01:00:53,946 --> 01:00:55,197
And you got to
1103
01:00:55,447 --> 01:00:57,157
go easy on the gas.
1104
01:00:57,533 --> 01:01:01,036
I used to give Loraine
the Dutch oven every night.
1105
01:01:02,162 --> 01:01:04,915
Then she started slipping
laxatives into my dinner at night,
1106
01:01:05,082 --> 01:01:06,667
you know, for revenge.
1107
01:01:06,959 --> 01:01:09,878
I almost shit out my colon.
1108
01:01:11,505 --> 01:01:12,589
But I...
1109
01:01:12,881 --> 01:01:15,592
changed my diet after that.
1110
01:01:15,759 --> 01:01:16,844
For Loraine.
1111
01:01:17,302 --> 01:01:19,972
And I actually feel better
because of it.
1112
01:01:20,973 --> 01:01:23,809
All in all, living with Loraine...
1113
01:01:23,976 --> 01:01:25,853
sharing everything...
1114
01:01:27,187 --> 01:01:30,274
has got its advantages
and disadvantages.
1115
01:01:31,275 --> 01:01:33,235
Is that what you wanted to hear?
1116
01:01:34,444 --> 01:01:35,696
Yeah, man.
1117
01:01:36,238 --> 01:01:36,989
Yeah.
1118
01:01:37,906 --> 01:01:38,907
Thanks a lot.
1119
01:01:43,787 --> 01:01:45,330
We used to have this credo.
1120
01:01:45,497 --> 01:01:46,999
Bros before ho's...
1121
01:01:48,292 --> 01:01:50,002
pals before gals.
1122
01:01:50,627 --> 01:01:53,172
Don't get me wrong.
I definitely believe in
1123
01:01:53,964 --> 01:01:55,841
the institution of marriage
1124
01:01:56,049 --> 01:01:57,050
and family.
1125
01:01:58,135 --> 01:01:59,595
It�s just that
1126
01:02:01,096 --> 01:02:02,639
until I find the one,
1127
01:02:03,015 --> 01:02:06,185
nothing's wrong with chalking up
as many points as possible.
1128
01:02:06,977 --> 01:02:08,604
When I�m not closing deals,
1129
01:02:09,646 --> 01:02:10,898
I�m closing deals.
1130
01:02:20,407 --> 01:02:22,534
What the fuck's going on here?
1131
01:02:23,660 --> 01:02:25,454
Why are you assholes here?
1132
01:02:26,830 --> 01:02:27,748
Fuck you.
1133
01:02:28,248 --> 01:02:29,249
I was invited.
1134
01:02:29,583 --> 01:02:30,667
Where's Mia?
1135
01:02:31,585 --> 01:02:33,795
-What the hell you doing here?
-She asked me to come,
1136
01:02:33,962 --> 01:02:34,796
dick-suck.
1137
01:02:35,047 --> 01:02:36,298
Mia's in the shower.
1138
01:02:36,507 --> 01:02:38,300
What the fuck's going on?
1139
01:02:38,592 --> 01:02:41,303
I don't know, but I think
maybe Mia made her choice.
1140
01:02:42,429 --> 01:02:43,889
Then you guys can leave now.
1141
01:02:44,348 --> 01:02:45,682
This is good a time as any
1142
01:02:45,849 --> 01:02:48,852
for you guys to learn how
special our relationship is.
1143
01:02:49,061 --> 01:02:50,854
Man, you really are whacked.
1144
01:02:51,188 --> 01:02:52,356
Wait a minute.
1145
01:02:53,023 --> 01:02:54,650
I�m not sure, but...
1146
01:02:54,900 --> 01:02:56,360
it's definitely possible.
1147
01:02:58,278 --> 01:02:58,946
Yes.
1148
01:02:59,112 --> 01:03:03,200
It is a definite possibility.
I know why she called us here.
1149
01:03:04,034 --> 01:03:07,037
There's a good chance
she called us all here because...
1150
01:03:07,830 --> 01:03:08,497
because...
1151
01:03:08,705 --> 01:03:11,166
because she wants us all
to do her.
1152
01:03:11,416 --> 01:03:12,334
Together.
1153
01:03:13,001 --> 01:03:14,336
You know, triple team her.
1154
01:03:14,711 --> 01:03:16,338
She wants the fucking plan!
1155
01:03:16,505 --> 01:03:19,758
-You got to let that shit go.
-That is fucking ridiculous.
1156
01:03:19,967 --> 01:03:22,177
It could have been her fantasy
right from the start.
1157
01:03:22,344 --> 01:03:24,638
She's been seeing all three of us
for a few weeks now.
1158
01:03:24,847 --> 01:03:27,391
If she wanted to choose,
she'd have done so long ago.
1159
01:03:27,599 --> 01:03:28,851
She wants the plan.
1160
01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:32,187
She's in the fucking shower
right now soaping herself up.
1161
01:03:34,022 --> 01:03:37,359
She's cleaning herself up 'cause
she wants us all to bone her.
1162
01:03:37,526 --> 01:03:39,153
Would you have some respect?
1163
01:03:39,319 --> 01:03:40,821
My Mia doesn�t want the plan.
1164
01:03:41,196 --> 01:03:42,906
I know she wants to fuck me,
1165
01:03:43,115 --> 01:03:44,741
-but not you guys.
-Your Mia?
1166
01:03:44,950 --> 01:03:45,868
Come on!
1167
01:03:46,285 --> 01:03:46,952
Yeah.
1168
01:03:47,161 --> 01:03:47,995
My...
1169
01:03:48,370 --> 01:03:49,037
Mia.
1170
01:03:49,371 --> 01:03:51,248
Well, guys, believe what you want,
1171
01:03:51,456 --> 01:03:52,708
but I�m boning.
1172
01:03:54,209 --> 01:03:55,627
What the fuck is that?
1173
01:03:56,128 --> 01:03:56,962
That...
1174
01:03:57,296 --> 01:03:59,506
is what keeps the chicks
coming back to my man.
1175
01:03:59,715 --> 01:04:02,009
You got some fucked up shit
going on.
1176
01:04:02,176 --> 01:04:03,886
At least I got some shit going on.
1177
01:04:05,762 --> 01:04:08,056
What the fuck are you fag boys
looking at my dick for anyway?
1178
01:04:09,391 --> 01:04:11,435
Just put your pants
back on, okay?
1179
01:04:11,977 --> 01:04:13,395
I have to talk to you guys.
1180
01:04:15,564 --> 01:04:16,565
I�m serious.
1181
01:04:16,982 --> 01:04:18,942
What now?
1182
01:04:24,239 --> 01:04:27,075
I made a decision about something.
1183
01:04:28,368 --> 01:04:31,288
It�s the toughest decision
I�ve ever had to make.
1184
01:04:31,455 --> 01:04:33,999
I knew you'd come out eventually.
It�s okay.
1185
01:04:34,166 --> 01:04:36,043
Being gay is kind of hip now.
1186
01:04:36,210 --> 01:04:37,836
This is serious. It�s not a joke.
1187
01:04:38,504 --> 01:04:39,421
Just listen.
1188
01:04:41,131 --> 01:04:42,132
I love Mia.
1189
01:04:45,511 --> 01:04:46,845
And Mia loves me.
1190
01:04:49,556 --> 01:04:51,683
And I think I�m going to
ask her to marry me.
1191
01:04:51,850 --> 01:04:53,101
Are you kidding me?
1192
01:04:53,852 --> 01:04:56,605
I know this will have some
effect on our friendship,
1193
01:04:56,980 --> 01:05:00,484
but if you guys don't understand
my feelings for Mia,
1194
01:05:02,736 --> 01:05:04,321
then you're not my real friends.
1195
01:05:05,739 --> 01:05:06,406
Fine.
1196
01:05:06,698 --> 01:05:07,533
Fuck you then.
1197
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:08,951
My God.
1198
01:05:09,117 --> 01:05:10,577
Mia does not love you.
1199
01:05:10,786 --> 01:05:13,247
Jesus, Jonathan,
you're so naive sometimes.
1200
01:05:14,039 --> 01:05:15,123
Yeah, you know what?
1201
01:05:15,499 --> 01:05:16,750
I could use a good laugh.
1202
01:05:16,917 --> 01:05:19,670
Why don't you go in there now
and ask her to marry you?
1203
01:05:19,837 --> 01:05:21,421
You fucking loser!
1204
01:05:23,131 --> 01:05:23,966
I�m going to kill you.
1205
01:05:32,516 --> 01:05:34,643
What the hell is going on here?
1206
01:05:35,936 --> 01:05:37,563
What the hell are you doing?
1207
01:05:39,231 --> 01:05:41,275
Put your pants on!
1208
01:05:41,441 --> 01:05:43,318
Are you guys out of your minds?
1209
01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:52,244
I�d say that the one thing...
1210
01:05:52,411 --> 01:05:54,621
that you can never be
prepared for,
1211
01:05:55,122 --> 01:05:56,623
with married life,
1212
01:05:57,499 --> 01:05:58,917
is the shopping.
1213
01:05:59,835 --> 01:06:02,504
It all seems to have something
to do with shopping.
1214
01:06:02,671 --> 01:06:04,882
There's always shopping to be done,
1215
01:06:05,132 --> 01:06:05,883
somewhere.
1216
01:06:07,134 --> 01:06:07,968
Shopping.
1217
01:06:08,677 --> 01:06:10,721
I�ve gotten into antiqueing,
1218
01:06:10,929 --> 01:06:13,307
but that's 'cause the chicks
are usually better looking.
1219
01:06:13,807 --> 01:06:15,184
My specialty...
1220
01:06:16,435 --> 01:06:20,189
when I was hanging out
with the guys and scamming,
1221
01:06:20,647 --> 01:06:23,192
was something called
"jumping on the grenade".
1222
01:06:23,817 --> 01:06:26,028
That's when you're out with
a group of guys and...
1223
01:06:26,195 --> 01:06:27,988
you meet up with a group of women,
1224
01:06:28,447 --> 01:06:30,240
or find a group of women,
1225
01:06:30,407 --> 01:06:33,994
and usually one of them is
a little less attractive.
1226
01:06:34,453 --> 01:06:35,704
This is the grenade.
1227
01:06:35,996 --> 01:06:36,663
And...
1228
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:40,584
it would be my job
to jump on the grenade,
1229
01:06:40,792 --> 01:06:41,460
To sort of...
1230
01:06:41,710 --> 01:06:43,837
keep everything flowing
for the evening.
1231
01:06:44,254 --> 01:06:45,506
That was my thing.
1232
01:06:47,633 --> 01:06:49,593
And then I married the grenade.
1233
01:06:51,929 --> 01:06:53,388
I pulled her pin.
1234
01:06:59,102 --> 01:07:01,396
She just threw you guys out?
1235
01:07:01,647 --> 01:07:04,983
All because Tarzan over here
thought she wanted the plan.
1236
01:07:05,192 --> 01:07:06,193
He got naked.
1237
01:07:07,069 --> 01:07:09,738
How was I supposed to know?
All the signs were there.
1238
01:07:10,697 --> 01:07:12,908
And you never even found out
what her choice was.
1239
01:07:13,116 --> 01:07:13,784
No.
1240
01:07:14,159 --> 01:07:17,246
Then fag boy freaked out on us
and left the place.
1241
01:07:17,412 --> 01:07:19,456
Did you know he's thinking
about asking Mia to marry him?
1242
01:07:20,165 --> 01:07:20,833
No!
1243
01:07:20,999 --> 01:07:21,667
Yeah.
1244
01:07:21,834 --> 01:07:23,085
She'll never marry him.
1245
01:07:23,794 --> 01:07:24,628
Right?
1246
01:07:25,045 --> 01:07:26,129
Of course not.
1247
01:07:26,421 --> 01:07:27,256
Of course not.
1248
01:07:27,673 --> 01:07:28,674
Yeah, no way.
1249
01:07:30,175 --> 01:07:32,302
Here comes the princess now.
1250
01:07:34,429 --> 01:07:35,430
Hey, Jonathan.
1251
01:07:35,639 --> 01:07:36,223
Hey, dude.
1252
01:07:38,142 --> 01:07:40,269
I just want you guys to know...
1253
01:07:40,894 --> 01:07:44,314
that I officially do not
like you anymore.
1254
01:07:45,941 --> 01:07:49,027
From this moment on,
we are no longer friends.
1255
01:07:49,278 --> 01:07:50,988
-Jonathan.
-Just stay out of it.
1256
01:07:51,196 --> 01:07:51,864
Okay?
1257
01:07:52,030 --> 01:07:53,824
This is between me and them.
1258
01:07:54,700 --> 01:07:56,660
So I brought some things.
1259
01:07:57,995 --> 01:08:00,122
Here are your karate videos
that you lent me.
1260
01:08:00,622 --> 01:08:04,293
Sorry it took me so long
to return them, but I was...
1261
01:08:04,501 --> 01:08:05,169
busy.
1262
01:08:06,962 --> 01:08:08,380
You can have it back.
1263
01:08:08,797 --> 01:08:11,967
Every time I use it,
I think of you and get upset.
1264
01:08:12,342 --> 01:08:14,136
Dude, could I have that?
1265
01:08:15,554 --> 01:08:17,347
It�s a Boner Toner.
1266
01:08:17,514 --> 01:08:20,601
-Why don't you sit down and relax?
-Yeah, come and sit down.
1267
01:08:20,809 --> 01:08:23,020
I ordered you some waffles.
1268
01:08:23,228 --> 01:08:24,813
-And sausage.
-Come on, man.
1269
01:08:25,272 --> 01:08:26,106
Have a seat.
1270
01:08:27,691 --> 01:08:29,902
I�m not staying.
I have things to do.
1271
01:08:31,236 --> 01:08:33,697
Are you really willing to
give up everything we've got?
1272
01:08:34,364 --> 01:08:35,199
For Mia?
1273
01:08:35,657 --> 01:08:36,325
Yeah.
1274
01:08:37,284 --> 01:08:39,077
That's how much she means to me.
1275
01:08:53,383 --> 01:08:54,760
My God!
1276
01:08:56,762 --> 01:08:59,765
-What the fuck...?
-What the fuck is this?
1277
01:09:11,527 --> 01:09:12,861
Hey, you guys.
1278
01:09:15,572 --> 01:09:17,282
I know we have a lot to talk about.
1279
01:09:17,741 --> 01:09:19,952
But I�m kind of busy right now.
1280
01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:21,411
Who the fuck are they?
1281
01:09:21,703 --> 01:09:24,790
Guys I met in Italy last summer.
They're visiting me for awhile.
1282
01:09:24,998 --> 01:09:27,125
-Visiting?
-Yeah.
1283
01:09:27,459 --> 01:09:29,503
But I�ll call you guys later.
1284
01:09:29,670 --> 01:09:30,587
Later in the week.
1285
01:09:30,796 --> 01:09:31,630
Okay?
1286
01:09:32,297 --> 01:09:33,465
But Mia...
1287
01:09:33,882 --> 01:09:35,425
What's going on here?
1288
01:09:36,051 --> 01:09:37,135
I�m sorry.
1289
01:09:37,761 --> 01:09:38,846
I got to go.
1290
01:09:41,974 --> 01:09:44,643
I�m going to kick me some
salami motherfucker ass!
1291
01:09:44,810 --> 01:09:46,395
-Calm down.
-Fuck you!
1292
01:09:46,562 --> 01:09:49,356
Let it go.
They could be her cousins.
1293
01:09:49,523 --> 01:09:52,484
Cousins? Give me a break!
She's whacking that meatball!
1294
01:09:52,651 --> 01:09:54,695
Maybe they're very close cousins.
1295
01:09:54,862 --> 01:09:56,196
What? Mia?
1296
01:09:57,156 --> 01:09:58,657
She's letting them grab her ass.
1297
01:09:58,824 --> 01:10:00,701
-Where?
-Don�t worry about it, man.
1298
01:10:00,868 --> 01:10:03,871
All three of them are
grabbing her ass. What the fuck?
1299
01:10:04,079 --> 01:10:04,746
Mia...
1300
01:10:04,913 --> 01:10:07,374
That was the last time any of us
saw or heard from Mia.
1301
01:10:08,083 --> 01:10:09,877
She just kind of vanished.
1302
01:10:10,377 --> 01:10:11,837
I guess I should be angry.
1303
01:10:12,171 --> 01:10:13,964
She could've had the best...
1304
01:10:14,256 --> 01:10:14,923
me.
1305
01:10:24,016 --> 01:10:25,476
As for the group,
1306
01:10:25,684 --> 01:10:26,435
well...
1307
01:10:27,811 --> 01:10:29,771
we tried to get back in the groove.
1308
01:10:30,314 --> 01:10:33,317
I have to take a shit so bad,
and there's no bathroom anywhere.
1309
01:10:33,567 --> 01:10:34,818
I can barely hold it in.
1310
01:10:34,985 --> 01:10:37,446
Zeke was back to
getting robbed once a week.
1311
01:10:38,822 --> 01:10:40,532
The bastard was watching them.
1312
01:10:42,826 --> 01:10:45,746
Eric was still trying to find
creative ways to pork his wife.
1313
01:10:47,122 --> 01:10:51,043
Honey, ready or not,
here I come.
1314
01:10:52,794 --> 01:10:55,088
He'd do anything to stay
a part of the group.
1315
01:10:55,255 --> 01:10:56,173
And Jonathan...
1316
01:10:56,507 --> 01:10:57,257
well...
1317
01:10:58,467 --> 01:11:00,177
Let's see.
1318
01:11:01,637 --> 01:11:04,014
Who will it be tonight?
1319
01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:05,974
As for me...
1320
01:11:06,350 --> 01:11:07,351
Damn!
1321
01:11:07,851 --> 01:11:10,771
My sister never told me
how beautiful you were.
1322
01:11:10,938 --> 01:11:13,315
She's going to get it when
she gets in from Colorado.
1323
01:11:13,524 --> 01:11:14,858
Colorado?
1324
01:11:15,150 --> 01:11:17,027
I thought Jen lived in Boston.
1325
01:11:18,195 --> 01:11:19,279
Whatever.
1326
01:11:22,032 --> 01:11:24,243
Soon we faced the inevitable.
1327
01:11:24,910 --> 01:11:27,204
Our little tradition
began to disband.
1328
01:11:28,121 --> 01:11:29,456
Till finally,
1329
01:11:30,123 --> 01:11:31,625
it was no more.
1330
01:11:34,962 --> 01:11:36,547
We had never
1331
01:11:36,713 --> 01:11:39,091
let anybody get between us before.
1332
01:11:39,299 --> 01:11:42,219
I guess it took somebody
as special as Mia
1333
01:11:42,970 --> 01:11:45,013
to open our eyes
1334
01:11:45,222 --> 01:11:47,432
and make us realize
1335
01:11:47,683 --> 01:11:49,893
that women are
a lot more like us,
1336
01:11:50,394 --> 01:11:51,228
well..
1337
01:11:51,979 --> 01:11:54,189
a lot more like Zeke and Brad,
1338
01:11:54,940 --> 01:11:56,483
than we ever imagined.
1339
01:11:57,234 --> 01:11:58,569
I�m worried about her.
1340
01:11:58,735 --> 01:12:01,989
I know in my heart that
she's really hurting inside.
1341
01:12:02,406 --> 01:12:05,826
Brad was never, and I mean never,
fully hard.
1342
01:12:06,285 --> 01:12:08,078
Never? Why didn't you bail?
1343
01:12:08,287 --> 01:12:10,330
I really hope
1344
01:12:10,622 --> 01:12:11,874
she's okay.
1345
01:12:12,082 --> 01:12:13,083
It�s a package deal.
1346
01:12:13,292 --> 01:12:14,293
Evidently not.
1347
01:12:16,253 --> 01:12:18,380
So, did he ever get it in?
1348
01:12:19,464 --> 01:12:20,465
Sort of.
1349
01:12:21,049 --> 01:12:22,134
I�d say...
1350
01:12:22,301 --> 01:12:23,552
I kind of felt sorry for the guy.
1351
01:12:24,303 --> 01:12:24,970
I mean,
1352
01:12:25,220 --> 01:12:28,223
it was sad watching him struggle.
He'd just kind of,
1353
01:12:28,640 --> 01:12:29,308
I don't know,
1354
01:12:31,185 --> 01:12:34,188
bang it up against me,
like fucking "Rain Man".
1355
01:12:35,314 --> 01:12:38,484
I know, it's like fitting
a marshmallow in a keyhole.
1356
01:12:39,193 --> 01:12:41,236
-Like playing pool with a string.
-Okay?
1357
01:12:41,487 --> 01:12:44,907
How do you get
a condom on like that?
1358
01:12:45,073 --> 01:12:48,410
A condom? Guy needs a splint,
prop that shit up.
1359
01:12:48,994 --> 01:12:50,454
You know what�s even worse?
1360
01:12:50,621 --> 01:12:51,997
The guy had ass rot.
1361
01:12:54,583 --> 01:12:55,584
We're eating here.
1362
01:12:55,834 --> 01:12:57,085
I�m sorry, but he did.
1363
01:12:57,461 --> 01:12:59,588
Do you know why?
They don't know how to wipe.
1364
01:12:59,755 --> 01:13:00,506
It�s true.
1365
01:13:00,672 --> 01:13:02,883
And then there was Zeke.
1366
01:13:03,133 --> 01:13:05,344
Zeke was like downtown art boy.
1367
01:13:05,511 --> 01:13:06,512
You know what I mean?
1368
01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:09,097
The guy was so fucking
conceited in bed.
1369
01:13:09,264 --> 01:13:10,682
Right? And the irony is...
1370
01:13:10,849 --> 01:13:13,310
he had the smallest cock
1371
01:13:13,519 --> 01:13:15,062
I have ever seen.
1372
01:13:15,229 --> 01:13:18,106
It was all tip and no shaft.
1373
01:13:18,273 --> 01:13:19,525
I�m serious.
1374
01:13:19,733 --> 01:13:22,653
It was like an acorn
resting on his balls there.
1375
01:13:24,154 --> 01:13:27,658
Then to top it off,
the guy's a freak in bed.
1376
01:13:28,116 --> 01:13:29,201
He'd be like:
1377
01:13:29,868 --> 01:13:31,662
"Who's your daddy?
1378
01:13:31,870 --> 01:13:34,748
Who's your daddy?"
1379
01:13:36,458 --> 01:13:39,294
I think that was the most he
ever asked me about myself.
1380
01:13:39,753 --> 01:13:41,380
And then there was Jonathan.
1381
01:13:42,464 --> 01:13:44,758
He was harmless, Jonathan.
1382
01:13:44,925 --> 01:13:45,592
Yeah.
1383
01:13:45,843 --> 01:13:47,719
I could've hung out
with him a little longer.
1384
01:13:48,512 --> 01:13:50,639
Mia, you getting "emo" on us?
1385
01:13:51,181 --> 01:13:53,142
-Please.
-What's "emo"?
1386
01:13:53,308 --> 01:13:55,686
Emotions. Occupational hazard.
1387
01:13:55,853 --> 01:13:58,397
No, I just felt kind of
bad for him, that's all.
1388
01:13:58,981 --> 01:14:01,608
-Then again, he had it coming.
-Of course he had it coming.
1389
01:14:01,817 --> 01:14:02,568
Exactly.
1390
01:14:02,734 --> 01:14:04,945
Fuck this shit. I want details.
Did he have a big dick?
1391
01:14:05,445 --> 01:14:06,822
Come on, give it to us.
1392
01:14:07,072 --> 01:14:08,699
Package size.
1393
01:14:09,575 --> 01:14:10,492
Oh my...!
1394
01:14:12,411 --> 01:14:13,328
Come on.
1395
01:14:14,955 --> 01:14:17,583
Holy shit!
1396
01:14:19,001 --> 01:14:21,461
-Oh, baby!
-You go, girl!
1397
01:14:22,087 --> 01:14:24,381
Does he have cousins or brothers?
1398
01:14:24,673 --> 01:14:26,383
So is that all of them?
1399
01:14:26,758 --> 01:14:27,426
No.
1400
01:14:27,634 --> 01:14:29,428
Then there was also Eric.
1401
01:14:29,636 --> 01:14:31,513
The pathetic married friend.
1402
01:14:31,680 --> 01:14:34,141
Married, not married, married...
1403
01:14:34,349 --> 01:14:37,102
He comes over to my house,
giving me this sob story
1404
01:14:37,269 --> 01:14:40,856
about how it's my fault
his friends are abandoning him
1405
01:14:41,023 --> 01:14:43,150
-on their Sunday brunches.
-Which it was.
1406
01:14:43,317 --> 01:14:45,360
Of course, but I didn't
let him know that.
1407
01:14:45,527 --> 01:14:47,112
So what did you do?
1408
01:14:48,614 --> 01:14:49,531
I blew him.
1409
01:14:49,698 --> 01:14:52,326
Yeah! Who's your daddy now?
1410
01:14:55,662 --> 01:14:56,997
He actually tasted good.
1411
01:14:57,164 --> 01:14:59,291
-His wife probably reads Cosmo.
-Yeah.
1412
01:14:59,500 --> 01:15:01,543
Mia, you're a fucking pro.
1413
01:15:01,960 --> 01:15:04,171
Where do you find these guys?
1414
01:15:04,421 --> 01:15:07,299
When I saw them work on those
three girls in the park that day,
1415
01:15:07,466 --> 01:15:09,092
I knew they were the ones.
1416
01:15:09,301 --> 01:15:12,221
They had the bloated egos,
1417
01:15:12,387 --> 01:15:15,808
the look, the lines,
the whole nine yards.
1418
01:15:16,183 --> 01:15:17,684
Why are men such
fucking idiots?
1419
01:15:17,851 --> 01:15:20,479
I figured these guys out
in a matter of minutes.
1420
01:15:20,646 --> 01:15:22,105
They were perfect.
1421
01:15:22,272 --> 01:15:25,275
It was awesome watching them
scramble in their own game,
1422
01:15:25,484 --> 01:15:27,444
thinking they're
God's gift to women.
1423
01:15:27,611 --> 01:15:28,779
They didn't know what hit them.
1424
01:15:28,946 --> 01:15:31,073
The point is that it's fun.
1425
01:15:31,281 --> 01:15:32,449
I mean...
1426
01:15:32,991 --> 01:15:33,826
Yeah, it's fun.
1427
01:15:34,034 --> 01:15:36,328
Guys do it all the time.
1428
01:15:36,495 --> 01:15:39,164
You got to be willing to face
the consequences if you scam.
1429
01:15:39,915 --> 01:15:40,749
You know...
1430
01:15:41,041 --> 01:15:43,585
everybody fucks everybody
in the end.
1431
01:15:43,836 --> 01:15:45,212
You got to be prepared.
1432
01:15:45,546 --> 01:15:47,422
It�s the nature of the beast.
1433
01:15:47,840 --> 01:15:49,091
Next, please.
1434
01:16:00,227 --> 01:16:02,271
I don't know what you got
down here, lady.
1435
01:16:02,521 --> 01:16:04,148
It�s been clogged all week.
1436
01:16:05,357 --> 01:16:07,317
I think I got something here.
1437
01:16:10,946 --> 01:16:12,447
That's where it is.
1438
01:16:12,823 --> 01:16:13,657
Give me that!
1439
01:16:28,547 --> 01:16:30,257
Here comes Papa!
1440
01:17:19,723 --> 01:17:21,058
What the hell...?
1441
01:17:21,642 --> 01:17:24,978
I haven't been able to come
all week and that's why.
1442
01:17:33,237 --> 01:17:34,488
What's that smell?
1443
01:17:34,696 --> 01:17:35,531
What?
1444
01:17:39,493 --> 01:17:40,494
Never mind.
1445
01:17:42,246 --> 01:17:45,749
Just put your pants back on.
I got to talk to you guys.
1446
01:17:46,500 --> 01:17:47,751
I�m serious.
1447
01:17:48,001 --> 01:17:49,169
What now?
1448
01:17:58,971 --> 01:18:01,098
I don't care what the guys say.
1449
01:18:02,599 --> 01:18:03,267
Anymore.
1450
01:18:03,475 --> 01:18:05,060
They're always...
1451
01:18:05,602 --> 01:18:07,980
giving me shit about Loraine
1452
01:18:08,147 --> 01:18:10,190
and trying to cock block me.
1453
01:18:10,399 --> 01:18:12,860
Cock block is where, let's say,
1454
01:18:13,026 --> 01:18:15,654
you're in a bar and you're
trying to hit on a woman
1455
01:18:15,821 --> 01:18:18,699
and she's buying your shit.
1456
01:18:18,949 --> 01:18:20,033
And then...
1457
01:18:20,909 --> 01:18:24,163
one of your asshole friends
comes up and they're like:
1458
01:18:24,413 --> 01:18:27,499
"Hey, man. How's the wife?"
1459
01:18:28,417 --> 01:18:30,127
That's an instant cock block.
1460
01:18:30,335 --> 01:18:32,796
You cannot talk your way
out of that shit.
1461
01:18:32,963 --> 01:18:36,216
Why are you trying to pickup
women in bars if you�re married?
1462
01:18:36,758 --> 01:18:37,676
What?
1463
01:18:37,968 --> 01:18:40,971
I said, why are you trying to
pickup women if you�re married?
1464
01:18:42,931 --> 01:18:44,808
I mean, come on...
1465
01:18:46,894 --> 01:18:47,978
I�m a guy.
101158
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