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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:31,198 Everybody fucks everybody. 2 00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,283 It's the nature of the beast. 3 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:39,998 Jesus Christ! 4 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:47,381 Fuck! 5 00:00:57,015 --> 00:01:00,185 I can provide a woman with pretty much anything she wants. 6 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,105 Sausage included. 7 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,746 How you doing, baby? 8 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,123 Fine. 9 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,208 Here's my card. 10 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,881 One of the most important keys to being a scammer 11 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,133 is to try and get their number, 12 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:33,802 and go to their place, if possible. 13 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,221 Homeless guys got it fucking made. Forget about it. 14 00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:42,895 Hi. 15 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:50,819 Shit. 16 00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:57,743 I�ve slept with nine women. 17 00:01:57,910 --> 00:02:00,996 I know, nine women by the time you're twenty-six, 18 00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:03,123 it's almost like being a virgin. 19 00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:05,292 But I like to think I�m just picky. 20 00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:10,047 Thanks. 21 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,549 Where the fuck's my tip? 22 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,760 In your pants, dickhead. You should've took a left. 23 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:15,802 Asshole. 24 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,638 Nice. 25 00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,264 Real nice. 26 00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:22,518 -Fuck off, jerk. -You'd like that, wouldn't you? 27 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:23,894 Give me your number, I�ll call you later. 28 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:27,022 The three of us can make a Brad sandwich. 29 00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:29,608 Don't touch me. 30 00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:32,861 Brad! 31 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,199 Hey, what's going on? 32 00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:38,283 All right, man. How you doing? 33 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,202 What's up, Zeke? 34 00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:41,745 After you. 35 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:45,499 SyncFix by divx.NeKryXe.com 36 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:52,816 So you see... 37 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,444 I got this chick back at my apartment. 38 00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:57,070 She thinks I�m her best friend's brother. 39 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,780 Why the fuck does she think that? 40 00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,324 'Cause I told her I was. 41 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,534 Only way she'd come home with me. 42 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,244 Do you even know her best friend? 43 00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,788 I never know their best friends. 44 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,292 But if they believe I know their best friends, then I�m safe. 45 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,711 -That's genius. -What do you mean, "safe"? 46 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,421 Safe, you know. 47 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,132 She wants something in common before she lets you in. 48 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:20,052 It's like the college connection. 49 00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:21,929 She's comfortable about letting you nail her. 50 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:26,016 She thinks you have a bond because you went to the same school. 51 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,434 All of a sudden, 52 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:28,685 you're safe. 53 00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,313 Fuck this safe bullshit. Did you bone? 54 00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:32,356 Ah, well. 55 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:33,899 Listen, okay? 56 00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:36,276 I was at this club with some guys from work. 57 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,363 Check out those sweet honeys! 58 00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:41,532 That ho' is fly! 59 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,076 Look at those fucking losers. 60 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,285 They are totally checking us out. 61 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,704 Pigs. So desperate. 62 00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:49,957 Bet they're lawyer or Wall Street assholes. 63 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,625 They want lawyer rap. 64 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:55,212 Chicks don't dig lawyer rap, they want Wall Street. 65 00:04:58,674 --> 00:04:59,675 Yeah, pigs. 66 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:00,759 I don't know... 67 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,679 I think that blond one's kind of a hottie. 68 00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:05,264 Yeah, right. 69 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,849 What are you talking about? 70 00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,602 I�m not even sure if they can handle me. 71 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,396 Go get them, tiger. 72 00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,273 You can have him. 73 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,567 Those chicks are all over me, man. 74 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,528 I�m going in. 75 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,740 Brad! Brad! Brad! 76 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:25,158 Hi. 77 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,495 Have we met before? 78 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,247 Excuse me? 79 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:34,084 -I�m sure I�ve met you before. -I don't think so. 80 00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:36,253 Through a friend or something. 81 00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,130 She's not interested, okay? Just go. 82 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,048 What's your name? Maybe it'll come back to me. 83 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,011 I�m really not interested, so... 84 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,471 I�m sorry, you just look like 85 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,557 one of my sister's friends 86 00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:51,268 and I wanted to come over and say hi. Sorry. 87 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,520 Wait a minute. Who's your sister? 88 00:05:59,026 --> 00:05:59,693 Jen. 89 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,821 You're Jen's brother? 90 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,324 I knew I recognized you from those pictures. 91 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:08,076 I haven't seen Jenny since college. 92 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,912 How did you know to say Jen? 93 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,831 Every chick's got a friend named Jen. It�s common. 94 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,250 It�s like Peter. 95 00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:17,628 She didn't ask you your last name? 96 00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:21,590 She wanted me so bad, all she needed was the link. 97 00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:23,675 So then what? 98 00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:26,053 I fed her some more bullshit about Jenny 99 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:29,556 and after twenty minutes she was begging to join me 100 00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:31,391 in the stabbin' cabin. 101 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:37,898 Oh... 102 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,942 a very stylin' place you have. 103 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:43,195 -Not half as stylin' as you. -Really? 104 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:43,946 Yes. 105 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,198 She's all over me. 106 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:50,494 She's so fired up and raring to go. 107 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,829 She's like a fucking gorilla on Ecstasy. 108 00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:08,178 I�m in Brad heaven, 109 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,888 just about to get smoked... 110 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:13,642 when all of a sudden, she started cleaning my tailpipe. 111 00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,396 Man, that's awesome. 112 00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,107 It�s not awesome, it's fucking disgusting. 113 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,442 She tossed your salad. That's right out of a porno film. 114 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,570 Do you realize how much people pay for that? 115 00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,864 That's got to be the best blowjob story yet. 116 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,991 No, moron, you're missing the point. 117 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:32,452 She passed over my dick and went straight for the ass. 118 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:35,414 Why complain? Some people wait their whole lives for a rimmer. 119 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,456 Yeah, well... 120 00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:40,169 you guys know how bad my stomach is, right? 121 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,796 I�m constantly taking sloppy dumps and shit. 122 00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:45,716 That's her problem, not yours. 123 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,343 It became my problem. 124 00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:05,360 Dude, that's disgusting. 125 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:06,445 Yeah, no shit. 126 00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:09,156 You're grossing me out. You tasted your own asshole? 127 00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,366 Not by choice, all right? 128 00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:13,118 Change of subject. Zeke, you're up. 129 00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:15,495 That's sick. I don't know if I can top that. 130 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,248 Try, 'cause shit lips is bugging me out. 131 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:19,166 Fuck you. 132 00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:20,167 All right, chill. 133 00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:22,920 I was at Bell Caf�, writing, 134 00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:30,260 when all of a sudden,... 135 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,095 I see these two fine honeys 136 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,723 all over my wood. 137 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,017 All over it. 138 00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:41,313 I�m trying to work and I realize they're totally focused in on me. 139 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,023 Now way I�m getting anything done. 140 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,608 So I�m thinking, 141 00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,068 "opportunity's knocking". 142 00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:48,862 I don't get it. lf I walked into some beatnik coffee shop 143 00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:52,741 and saw an unemployed dirty freak like you writing in a diary, 144 00:08:52,950 --> 00:08:56,203 I�d stay as far away as possible from that loser. 145 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:57,955 But that's you, Brad. 146 00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:01,667 An ass-kissing, no pun intended, suit from the upper East Side. 147 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,503 Women look at you and know what they're getting. 148 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:07,548 I, on the other hand, am an East Village enigma. 149 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,174 I secrete mystery. 150 00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,093 Women dig mystery. 151 00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:13,720 -That combined with the pheromones. -The what? 152 00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,472 The pheromones. 153 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,725 The electricity I give off to send the chicks climbing the walls. 154 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,143 They see me, 155 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:21,353 they smell me, 156 00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:22,729 they fuck me. 157 00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:25,274 Yeah. 158 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,275 Okay, guy. 159 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:30,487 -So, which one did you choose? -Fuck that, I took them both. 160 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:37,953 -You got both chicks to your crib? -Damn straight. 161 00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,873 These girls were fucking pros. 162 00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:44,126 They did shit I didn't even know existed. 163 00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,296 Like what? 164 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:50,674 You ever hear of an inverted, 165 00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:53,510 double teabag slide? 166 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,470 No way. 167 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:58,640 The sex was amazing. It was like a gift from God. 168 00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,267 Are you writing this shit down? 169 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,978 This should be your next screenplay. 170 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,313 How many times did you bone? 171 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,439 A box worth. 172 00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,232 Three times? 173 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,902 You know I only buy twelve-packs. 174 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:13,322 -These chicks sound perfect. -Not exactly perfect. 175 00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,117 The next morning, 176 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,869 they stole my TV. 177 00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,662 -They what? -They fucking stole my set. 178 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,165 Do you think that was their intention from the start? 179 00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,459 -Definitely. -I�m sure of it. 180 00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,670 I bet they double team so they can carry out more shit. 181 00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:31,548 It�s an ingenious operation, if you think about it. 182 00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:34,092 Don't you feel like they fucked you, they got the better of you? 183 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:37,137 They fucked me all right, in a way I�ll never forget. 184 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:40,807 It was worth a TV. They come back, I�ll throw them the toaster. 185 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,185 This is some fucked up shit. 186 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:47,523 Both you guys are crazy. That never happens to me. 187 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,525 That's 'cause nothing ever happens to you. 188 00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:51,443 Yeah, what, did you score? 189 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,612 Or did you spend another weekend tugging root? 190 00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:57,533 Fuck you, man. I had multiple ladies on my tip. 191 00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,243 Multiple, my ass. 192 00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,786 Better your ass than Brad's. 193 00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:02,037 Funny. 194 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,957 I was at Strokes 195 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,126 with my five knucklehead friends. 196 00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:11,755 There were seven fine honeys at my disposal. 197 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,466 Place was so ripe, I had my pick. 198 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,426 Always talking a big game. 199 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,804 No, seriously, they were all sitting there waiting. 200 00:11:18,971 --> 00:11:21,181 All I had to do was go in for the kill. 201 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,015 So? 202 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:23,600 So I did. 203 00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:26,770 Her name... 204 00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:28,564 was Keri. 205 00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:32,276 The flyest girl at the bar. 206 00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:34,778 Dude, you got to stop whacking it so much. 207 00:11:34,987 --> 00:11:35,654 What? 208 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,448 Making up chick's names while you're feeding the geese. 209 00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:39,366 Fuck you. 210 00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,994 She's as real as the scrambled eggs on that plate. 211 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,745 Last week her name was Nivea, 212 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,455 the week before it was Neutrogena. 213 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,167 Nivea was a nice French girl I met in the park. 214 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,460 Fuck that. If you didn't score, just say it. 215 00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:52,212 You don't believe me, I don't give a shit. 216 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,046 Say it. 217 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,757 All I want to know is, have we found a prospect yet? 218 00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,593 -A prospect? -For what? 219 00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,178 You know, the plan. 220 00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:01,054 The triple team some chick plan. 221 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,391 -You still caught up in that shit? -It'll be fucking great. 222 00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,268 The three of us and some hottie, 223 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:09,646 doing high-fives over her back. The ultimate sexual plateau. 224 00:12:14,193 --> 00:12:15,819 Fuck the plan. 225 00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:18,488 I'm just trying to find some chick I can relate to. 226 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:19,323 What? 227 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:23,243 -Some girl I actually respect. -Why can't we find girls like us? 228 00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,454 Dude, all girls masturbate. 229 00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:27,247 Fuck you. That's not what I meant. 230 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,790 Why are you always...? 231 00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,584 I�m kidding. I understand what you're saying. 232 00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,961 It'd be cool to find a hot chick 233 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,963 that also cared about the same shit we do. 234 00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,925 Some little snappy you don't want to kick out of bed 235 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,551 -right after you throw your web. -I hear you. 236 00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,262 -Is that too much to ask? -Good fucking luck. 237 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:44,598 What? 238 00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,100 Oh, no. 239 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:51,355 -Who the hell invited him? -I did. He used to be one of us. 240 00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:53,649 Exactly, he used to be. Then the asshole got married. 241 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:56,193 When you pass the ring, you lose the sting. 242 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,320 You might as well chop your dick off at the altar. 243 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,703 -Hi. -Hey, Eric. Have a seat. 244 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,081 Zeke, Brad. What's up? 245 00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,041 Same old. 246 00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:13,919 What the fuck's that? 247 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,880 My wife says I have chronic halitosis. 248 00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:21,301 She makes me spray this shit into my mouth every hour. 249 00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:23,470 Lend it to Brad. 250 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:24,847 Fuck you. 251 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,224 Why? 252 00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:28,809 Don't worry about it. 253 00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:31,812 So,... 254 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,147 where you guys been? I haven't seen you in forever. 255 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,275 Dude, you're married. 256 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,193 We no longer have anything in common. 257 00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:39,361 Jesus! 258 00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:40,612 Well, 259 00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,782 -I�m still the same guy. -No you're not. 260 00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,117 You're married. Face it. 261 00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,160 You think I don't got stories? 262 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,371 About your wife? Come on, that's nasty. 263 00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:51,248 You saying we don't do kinky shit? 264 00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,667 I�m sure you do, but it's like your wife, man. 265 00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,545 That's got to be a bit sacred. 266 00:13:56,712 --> 00:13:57,379 Yeah. 267 00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:59,840 lf it was a girl we don't know, 268 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:03,427 then that'd be okay. But your wife? That's sick. 269 00:14:03,594 --> 00:14:04,845 That's where you're wrong. 270 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:08,473 It�s way better because it's totally uninhibited. 271 00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:11,185 Like last night, we were having sex in the kitchen, 272 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,271 and I started using all the utensils. 273 00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:18,025 We got this new juicer and it's shaped like a carrot. 274 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,903 -I am bent over... -Save it! 275 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:24,489 We had an entire line of extra virgin olive oil. 276 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,075 Cut the visuals. We're eating. 277 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:42,716 Eric, did you say you had to go somewhere this afternoon? 278 00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:43,675 Yeah. 279 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:46,345 Dude, you should probably go. 280 00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,180 I had to meet my wife 281 00:14:48,347 --> 00:14:50,057 for brunch twenty minutes ago. 282 00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:51,600 Brunch? You just fucking ate. 283 00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:54,686 Once you're married, you got to do a lot of things twice. 284 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:59,858 Appease the little woman, make her feel you care. 285 00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,360 Man, that sucks. 286 00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:04,738 Well,... 287 00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:06,031 bye. 288 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:07,574 See you, Eric. 289 00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:10,619 Jonathan, I want you to go back over to that tree. 290 00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:11,912 Wait about a minute. 291 00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,705 Brad, you come up at the end. 292 00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:15,541 You close the deal. You got it? 293 00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:17,918 It�s standard. Just don't save the ugly one for me. 294 00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:19,753 Dude, look at them. 295 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:23,257 They're all sitting down. They could have fat asses. 296 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,967 Come on. They're going to leave. 297 00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:26,844 Chill. Are you ready? 298 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:27,594 Yeah. 299 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:28,512 Break. 300 00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:30,848 Women, men, nobody. 301 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,267 Above the knee, they get nasty. 302 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,519 Yeah, like they go down to the... 303 00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:38,772 Hey, girls. 304 00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,108 How you doing? 305 00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:42,276 Good. 306 00:15:43,861 --> 00:15:45,195 Is your name Kelly? 307 00:15:45,863 --> 00:15:47,114 No, Stacey. 308 00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:48,782 Stacey, hi. I�m Zeke. 309 00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,367 -Hi. -Hi. 310 00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:52,035 And your lovely friends? 311 00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:53,620 This is Marie and Bristol. 312 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:55,414 Marie... 313 00:15:55,998 --> 00:15:57,791 -...and Crystal. -Bristol. 314 00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,003 So... 315 00:16:01,253 --> 00:16:04,339 So, those are interesting pants you got there. 316 00:16:04,548 --> 00:16:05,632 You like? 317 00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:06,675 Stroke it. 318 00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:08,468 Like is not exactly the word. 319 00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:10,929 That's real crocodile leather. 320 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:14,141 I�m most like Mickey Rourke in "9 1l2 Weeks". 321 00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:17,352 Let's face it, the man understands the term "dominant male" 322 00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:18,937 to the nth degree. 323 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:22,274 Not that I see myself as the controlling freak he was. 324 00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:24,985 You never know. Am I in control? Am I not? 325 00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:27,529 Not that I�m a control freak. I mean... 326 00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:31,325 Control is very, very important. 327 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,076 You always must keep the upper hand. 328 00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,537 No it's not. Crocodile has scales. 329 00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:37,706 -Oh my God! Zeke! -Jonathan! 330 00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:40,667 -I thought that was you. -What are you doing here? 331 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,336 Just walking around. 332 00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:44,296 Jonathan, meet Marie... 333 00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:45,214 Hi. 334 00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:48,091 -Kelly and Crystal. -Hi. 335 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,427 -Stacey. -Stacey, I�m sorry. 336 00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:51,428 Bristol. 337 00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:53,555 How do you guys know Zeke? 338 00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,182 We don't. 339 00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,310 Maybe Andrew McCarthy in "St. Elmo's Fire". 340 00:16:58,477 --> 00:17:00,687 He was totally misunderstood in that film. 341 00:17:00,896 --> 00:17:01,730 Just because... 342 00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:04,816 he had creative, more intellectual interests, 343 00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:07,069 everybody thought he was gay. 344 00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:08,654 I�m not. 345 00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:09,738 I�m not like that. 346 00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:13,158 It�s because I�m single and creative, 347 00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:17,079 and I understand my feminine side better than the next guy. 348 00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,958 He just came over here and made us feel his leg. 349 00:17:21,375 --> 00:17:24,545 Hey, guys. What are you doing in the park on Sunday. 350 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:25,462 Brad! 351 00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:28,423 Who are these beautiful mommies? 352 00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:30,592 Brad, this is Marie... 353 00:17:30,843 --> 00:17:31,760 -Marie. -Stacey... 354 00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:32,636 Pleasure. 355 00:17:32,845 --> 00:17:35,222 -And Crystal. -Bristol. 356 00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:36,348 Bristol. 357 00:17:36,515 --> 00:17:37,182 Bristol. 358 00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:41,061 I would have to say Tom Cruise, "Risky Business". 359 00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:43,230 He was stuffing Rebecca DeMornay, 360 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,275 drove a Porsche, and he ran a clam house. 361 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,359 For Christ's sake! 362 00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:50,195 Brad, get off the babysitter. 363 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:54,533 Scamming's not the most important thing. 364 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,578 It�s just something I�m good at. 365 00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:01,206 A good catch? Yeah, I think I�m a good catch. 366 00:18:01,832 --> 00:18:03,542 I make a shitload of money... 367 00:18:06,003 --> 00:18:07,004 Look at me! 368 00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:35,532 Why is everyone so quiet? 369 00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:38,368 Didn't anyone scam this weekend? 370 00:18:38,619 --> 00:18:39,453 Zeke? 371 00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:43,123 Of course. I just don't want to talk about it. 372 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,834 What do you mean? 373 00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:48,253 Isn't that the point of coming here every Sunday? 374 00:18:48,462 --> 00:18:51,632 Maybe I met someone I don't feel like telling you dicks about. 375 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,801 Just because you talk about how you porked your wife 376 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:55,802 with a waffle iron, 377 00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:57,804 doesn't mean I gotta tell you shit. 378 00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,431 Excuse me for asking. 379 00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:00,974 And it was a juicer. 380 00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:03,352 So,... 381 00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:05,187 was she hot? 382 00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:09,858 I don't care about looks anymore. I�m over that superficial crap. 383 00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:13,403 As long as she's got a great rack and buns like a champ, I�m happy. 384 00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:14,571 Yeah, she was hot. 385 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,406 -You railed her? -What? 386 00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:18,200 You didn't rail her? 387 00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:21,328 That's probably why you like her and you're not talking about her. 388 00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:25,082 -I didn't say if I railed her. -Usually means you didn't rail her. 389 00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:27,000 -Didn't rail her. -Definitely didn't rail her. 390 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,002 Listen up, assholes. 391 00:19:30,087 --> 00:19:32,381 It was Thursday night. I was back at the Bell Caf�, 392 00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:33,757 looking for the wonder twins, 393 00:19:33,966 --> 00:19:38,053 when I suddenly I notice this beautiful woman at another table. 394 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:41,390 Notice she's a woman and not a hi-dee-hi-dee-ho. 395 00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:47,855 What are you reading? 396 00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:49,773 Now this girl was fly. 397 00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,316 -She was that fucking hot? -Yeah. 398 00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:55,988 The capper is, she was reading Syd Field's screenplay book. 399 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,114 So? 400 00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:58,115 So? 401 00:19:58,282 --> 00:19:59,700 That's like the Bible for screenwriters. 402 00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:02,244 She's not only hot but got the same interests as me. 403 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:06,123 Wait, did you say you fucked her in a field? 404 00:20:06,707 --> 00:20:07,374 Yeah! 405 00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:10,586 No, I said she was reading Syd Field's screenplay book. 406 00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:12,504 Who cares? Did you fuck her? 407 00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:14,840 No, look. 408 00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:18,010 Have some fucking respect. I think I actually like this one. 409 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,430 -I knew it. -Definitely didn't fuck her. 410 00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:23,515 Did you get her back to your crib? 411 00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,225 Of course. 412 00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:28,061 -What are your legs? -Steel springs. 413 00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:31,273 -How fast can you run? -Fast as a leopard. Gallipoli. 414 00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,780 George, George, George, George. 415 00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:40,449 It�s Michael Dorsey. 416 00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,326 Your favorite client. 417 00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:43,911 "George of the Jungle"? 418 00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:45,454 No. 419 00:20:46,163 --> 00:20:47,080 "Tootsie". 420 00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,333 You go. 421 00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,168 What, I amuse you? 422 00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:54,004 That's so easy. "Good fellas". 423 00:20:57,299 --> 00:20:58,133 Hey, wait. 424 00:20:58,884 --> 00:21:00,594 Can't we just take it slow? 425 00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:05,098 We can definitely take it slow, baby. 426 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,310 She wanted me pretty badly, 427 00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:10,270 but I thought it would be best to take it slow. 428 00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,397 I knew it. 429 00:21:13,190 --> 00:21:16,860 lf he'd nailed her, then she'd be nothing special. 430 00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:20,030 But since he didn't fuck her, he cares. 431 00:21:20,239 --> 00:21:22,282 But I never get laid, and I never care about most of my scams. 432 00:21:22,574 --> 00:21:24,785 You haven't fucked and lost yet. 433 00:21:24,952 --> 00:21:27,412 Once a chick plays you for nothing more than a dick, 434 00:21:27,621 --> 00:21:30,165 you'll toughen up and be able to fuck and forget. 435 00:21:30,374 --> 00:21:30,958 Yeah, 436 00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:33,293 a chick's got to tease a dick in order to be teased. 437 00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:36,296 After a dick-tease, you'll be working with an unteasable dick. 438 00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:37,965 Nothing's penetrating that thing. 439 00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:41,468 You got to fall off the bike in order to get back on. 440 00:21:42,219 --> 00:21:44,263 So I got to be fucked and spit on, 441 00:21:44,429 --> 00:21:46,557 before I can have feelings for a girl by not fucking her. 442 00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:49,393 Yeah. 443 00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:50,269 Yeah. 444 00:21:50,686 --> 00:21:52,062 I get it now. Thanks. 445 00:21:52,271 --> 00:21:53,522 Dude, you're up. 446 00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:55,482 What are you thinking about? 447 00:21:56,108 --> 00:21:56,942 What's on your mind? 448 00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:57,985 Nothing. 449 00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,444 It�s just... 450 00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:04,074 I may have met somebody I like this weekend too. 451 00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:05,159 No! 452 00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:06,285 Dude! 453 00:22:21,675 --> 00:22:23,468 Oh, my God! 454 00:22:24,178 --> 00:22:25,888 Unbelievable! 455 00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:27,890 I think I�m getting a wood. 456 00:22:28,432 --> 00:22:32,352 What is it about two chicks grinding that turns me on? 457 00:22:32,561 --> 00:22:35,230 This lesbian fad is awesome. 458 00:22:38,567 --> 00:22:40,861 Holy balls! Will you look at that? 459 00:22:44,990 --> 00:22:45,824 Shit! 460 00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:52,414 Hi. 461 00:22:52,915 --> 00:22:53,749 Hi. 462 00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:56,877 This chick was so hot. 463 00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:58,170 She had the whole package. 464 00:22:58,337 --> 00:22:59,338 She had a cock? 465 00:23:01,173 --> 00:23:02,591 Yeah, she had a dick, dude. 466 00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:05,552 Come on. 467 00:23:05,719 --> 00:23:07,846 This is the kind of girl I�ve been looking for. 468 00:23:08,055 --> 00:23:09,681 And she was digging your shit? 469 00:23:10,599 --> 00:23:12,017 Of course she was. 470 00:23:12,184 --> 00:23:13,352 Did you stuff her? 471 00:23:13,519 --> 00:23:14,603 No, man. 472 00:23:15,187 --> 00:23:16,188 I�m kind of like you, Zeke. 473 00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:17,606 I think I really like this girl. 474 00:23:18,649 --> 00:23:22,152 She was more interested in stocks and bonds and stuff. 475 00:23:22,319 --> 00:23:24,196 Sounds like she was interested in your wallet. 476 00:23:24,363 --> 00:23:27,950 It wasn't like that at all. I think she cared about me. 477 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:29,368 That's so great. 478 00:23:29,785 --> 00:23:30,786 All right, so... 479 00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:32,287 these are the revenues. 480 00:23:34,248 --> 00:23:35,582 And these are earnings. 481 00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:36,959 Exactly. 482 00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:38,585 That makes sense. 483 00:23:38,794 --> 00:23:41,964 Most chicks I date couldn't give two shits about what I do. 484 00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:45,467 All they want is a nice dinner in some trendy restaurant 485 00:23:45,634 --> 00:23:47,511 and a nice hard cock at the end of the night. 486 00:23:47,719 --> 00:23:49,596 They don't care what's important to me. 487 00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:53,851 Did she want the hard cock too? 488 00:23:54,935 --> 00:23:56,436 No, man. This one was different. 489 00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:58,480 We totally bonded. 490 00:23:58,689 --> 00:24:01,859 I didn't want to sleep with her. I could've talked all night. 491 00:24:02,067 --> 00:24:03,610 That sounds like a lot of fun. 492 00:24:03,777 --> 00:24:04,444 So... 493 00:24:04,653 --> 00:24:06,446 you just talked all night? 494 00:24:06,655 --> 00:24:07,406 No. 495 00:24:07,573 --> 00:24:08,407 She smoked me. 496 00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:12,411 But I could've talked all night. 497 00:24:12,661 --> 00:24:13,912 Was she good? 498 00:24:14,788 --> 00:24:16,373 I just told you I didn't fuck her. 499 00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:19,376 No, was she good at smoking pole? 500 00:24:19,585 --> 00:24:21,086 Fucking horny bastard. 501 00:24:21,587 --> 00:24:24,590 She was all right. She won't win any medals. 502 00:24:24,798 --> 00:24:27,259 So she ain't no Hanna. 503 00:24:27,467 --> 00:24:29,178 Shit! 504 00:24:29,845 --> 00:24:31,722 Wait a second. Who's Hanna? 505 00:24:31,889 --> 00:24:33,599 My God! I almost forgot about her. 506 00:24:33,807 --> 00:24:36,101 You remember Hanna. Hoover Hanna. 507 00:24:36,310 --> 00:24:39,021 She gave Brad the five hour blowjob. 508 00:24:39,188 --> 00:24:40,731 Bullshit. No fucking way. 509 00:24:41,023 --> 00:24:43,483 That chick could suck a taxi driver through immigration. 510 00:24:44,610 --> 00:24:47,571 After three hours, I got so hungry I called Mr. Pizza. 511 00:24:48,363 --> 00:24:51,783 The dude came into the room as Hoover was gumming my knob. 512 00:24:51,950 --> 00:24:53,410 She never knew he was there. 513 00:24:53,869 --> 00:24:55,913 How did you last for five hours? 514 00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:59,166 I was so boozed and tabbed up, 515 00:24:59,333 --> 00:25:02,336 maybe 27 bongos on top of that, now way I was gonna nut. 516 00:25:02,503 --> 00:25:05,756 I was fortunate my wood didn't go south. 517 00:25:06,256 --> 00:25:08,217 Plus, she reminded me of my sister. 518 00:25:08,425 --> 00:25:09,259 I couldn't get into it. 519 00:25:10,344 --> 00:25:11,512 But enough about me. 520 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,181 It�s time for you to bore us with another spank fest. 521 00:25:14,348 --> 00:25:16,141 What was her name this week, Vaselina? 522 00:25:17,476 --> 00:25:19,520 No, this week was different. 523 00:25:20,437 --> 00:25:21,813 I was at the newsstand, 524 00:25:22,022 --> 00:25:24,900 picking up some reading material for the bathroom, 525 00:25:25,192 --> 00:25:26,443 when out of nowhere... 526 00:25:28,862 --> 00:25:29,863 I�m sorry. 527 00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:34,076 I�ll get it. 528 00:25:34,535 --> 00:25:35,911 No. 529 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:45,754 Are you okay? 530 00:25:46,630 --> 00:25:47,297 Yeah. 531 00:25:50,843 --> 00:25:53,220 You want me to put these back in your bag for you? 532 00:25:54,137 --> 00:25:55,055 Okay. 533 00:26:07,067 --> 00:26:09,987 We spent the rest of the day talking over coffee. 534 00:26:10,195 --> 00:26:12,406 That's the most embarrassing shit I�ve ever heard. 535 00:26:12,573 --> 00:26:13,740 Man, that sucks. 536 00:26:14,074 --> 00:26:15,617 But that's the best part. 537 00:26:15,993 --> 00:26:18,704 She knows I beat off constantly and she doesn't give a shit. 538 00:26:18,871 --> 00:26:19,538 What? 539 00:26:20,747 --> 00:26:22,624 What's more personal than that? 540 00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:24,459 I mean... 541 00:26:25,127 --> 00:26:26,461 after knowing that, 542 00:26:27,087 --> 00:26:28,589 we could talk about anything. 543 00:26:29,006 --> 00:26:30,883 It�s like there's nothing to hide. 544 00:26:31,049 --> 00:26:32,134 Once a day, that's it? 545 00:26:33,886 --> 00:26:34,553 Yeah. 546 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:35,971 Isn�t that enough? 547 00:26:40,267 --> 00:26:42,895 Once a day is a foundation, and then... 548 00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:47,357 definitely at night before I go to sleep. 549 00:26:47,524 --> 00:26:49,318 -It helps me go to sleep. -Me too. 550 00:26:49,484 --> 00:26:50,152 Really? 551 00:26:50,319 --> 00:26:51,778 -Yes. -That's so cool. 552 00:26:51,945 --> 00:26:54,406 Except sometimes I�m too tired to finish. 553 00:26:54,698 --> 00:26:55,699 You know... 554 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,367 I just bore myself. 555 00:27:02,956 --> 00:27:06,043 My ex boyfriend was into... 556 00:27:06,835 --> 00:27:09,046 videotaping me while I... 557 00:27:10,506 --> 00:27:11,423 Really? 558 00:27:12,299 --> 00:27:15,469 And while he was videotaping, he would also be... 559 00:27:16,178 --> 00:27:17,262 to himself. 560 00:27:18,013 --> 00:27:18,931 Really? 561 00:27:19,348 --> 00:27:21,308 And you would watch? 562 00:27:21,517 --> 00:27:22,267 Yeah. 563 00:27:24,228 --> 00:27:25,229 While he...? 564 00:27:26,438 --> 00:27:28,315 Did you like it? 565 00:27:29,233 --> 00:27:29,983 Yeah. 566 00:27:41,411 --> 00:27:43,455 You are one lucky bastard. 567 00:27:44,414 --> 00:27:46,208 Congratulations, little stroker. 568 00:27:46,416 --> 00:27:48,544 For the first time, you finally scored big. 569 00:27:48,919 --> 00:27:51,129 He's earning his stripes. 570 00:27:51,463 --> 00:27:53,173 Thanks. It means a lot coming from you guys. 571 00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:54,675 So did you...? 572 00:27:55,133 --> 00:27:56,134 I didn't fuck her. 573 00:27:56,343 --> 00:27:57,094 But... 574 00:27:57,719 --> 00:27:59,847 I have a date with her this week. 575 00:28:00,097 --> 00:28:01,348 And... 576 00:28:02,432 --> 00:28:04,393 she asked me to bring the video camera. 577 00:28:04,601 --> 00:28:05,686 Nice! 578 00:28:06,270 --> 00:28:07,771 You know what you got to do? 579 00:28:07,938 --> 00:28:11,608 Show up at her house with some wine and flowers and shit. 580 00:28:11,817 --> 00:28:13,235 With a video camera. 581 00:28:13,402 --> 00:28:15,529 Of course with a video camera. 582 00:28:15,779 --> 00:28:18,740 -Why are you feeding him bullshit? -What made you a fucking pro? 583 00:28:18,907 --> 00:28:20,075 I know what I�m talking about. 584 00:28:20,284 --> 00:28:23,036 You get some cheap wine, like Dunwood. 585 00:28:23,203 --> 00:28:26,540 It�s got a nice label, so it looks expensive. 586 00:28:26,748 --> 00:28:29,501 You can get it on sale for like $9.99. 587 00:28:29,918 --> 00:28:30,752 Dunwood... 588 00:28:30,961 --> 00:28:32,337 and some cheap roses, 589 00:28:32,504 --> 00:28:35,424 and you'll be doing the bone dance in no time. 590 00:28:35,591 --> 00:28:38,260 He should take advice from you. What do you know about women? 591 00:28:38,427 --> 00:28:39,511 You're married, for chrissakes! 592 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,430 Think I don't know what women want? 593 00:28:42,431 --> 00:28:46,351 Now I�m married, I�m more sensitive to a woman's needs. 594 00:28:46,685 --> 00:28:48,020 Wait, wait. Dunwood? 595 00:28:48,187 --> 00:28:50,147 The shit works every time. 596 00:28:50,355 --> 00:28:52,983 I�m waiting a week or two before I call my chick. 597 00:28:53,150 --> 00:28:53,901 You know,... 598 00:28:54,610 --> 00:28:57,487 get her all moist so she's begging for my love. 599 00:28:57,779 --> 00:29:00,866 lf you like this woman, call her right away, make her feel special. 600 00:29:01,074 --> 00:29:03,202 Pipe it, toughie. I don't need your bullshit advice. 601 00:29:03,368 --> 00:29:04,203 Yeah, shut the fuck up. 602 00:29:04,411 --> 00:29:06,538 He's right. You should call her tonight. 603 00:29:06,705 --> 00:29:08,916 Maybe we could all do something together this week. 604 00:29:09,124 --> 00:29:10,918 Don't get faggy on me. 605 00:29:11,084 --> 00:29:14,505 I don't want your lame ass ruining my chances on some clam. 606 00:29:14,713 --> 00:29:15,380 I�m waiting a week. 607 00:29:15,589 --> 00:29:18,759 I�d get the nice guy date out of the way as soon as possible. 608 00:29:18,967 --> 00:29:20,385 -What? -The nice guy date? 609 00:29:20,594 --> 00:29:23,388 The filler, to show her what a nice guy you are. 610 00:29:23,555 --> 00:29:25,182 So she lets you hit it on the next. 611 00:29:25,390 --> 00:29:27,184 How many dates does it take for you to bone? 612 00:29:27,392 --> 00:29:31,146 lf I don't hit on the first, which is rare, on the second. 613 00:29:31,355 --> 00:29:34,858 But by rule, if I don't get it on the third, I never call her. 614 00:29:35,067 --> 00:29:37,819 Definitely not worth the time after the third. 615 00:29:38,529 --> 00:29:40,405 It always takes me a few months. 616 00:29:45,577 --> 00:29:47,621 Come on, art boy. Let's see what you got. 617 00:29:47,830 --> 00:29:49,957 Did you bring your notepad? 618 00:29:50,123 --> 00:29:51,834 Going to write down "Brad Dreams"? 619 00:29:52,084 --> 00:29:55,170 "Brad Got Game"? Trying to get a piece of me? 620 00:29:55,712 --> 00:29:56,797 Pass the ball! 621 00:29:56,964 --> 00:29:58,924 I�m ready. Bring it in! 622 00:30:00,634 --> 00:30:04,137 -Why aren't you paying attention? -I am paying attention. 623 00:30:34,209 --> 00:30:36,503 Last night, I couldn't get to sleep... 624 00:30:36,712 --> 00:30:40,048 'cause Loraine was in the bed, so I snuck down to the den 625 00:30:40,257 --> 00:30:42,718 and ordered some pay-per-view porn. 626 00:30:42,926 --> 00:30:45,053 Why? It�s terrible. It�s useless. 627 00:30:45,262 --> 00:30:46,513 They don't show penetration. 628 00:30:46,722 --> 00:30:49,266 I couldn't believe the size of the breasts on these women. 629 00:30:49,474 --> 00:30:51,185 They were like huge. 630 00:30:51,351 --> 00:30:52,769 They were fake. 631 00:30:53,187 --> 00:30:55,063 Those foam bags aren't real. Come on. 632 00:30:56,106 --> 00:30:59,860 A lot of pillows, propped up straight, pointing north. 633 00:31:00,027 --> 00:31:01,737 Never south, always north. 634 00:31:18,837 --> 00:31:21,590 When I come home from the gym after a few butterflies, 635 00:31:21,757 --> 00:31:23,884 I look in the mirror and go: 636 00:31:24,092 --> 00:31:26,553 "I�ve got a nice rack. 637 00:31:26,762 --> 00:31:28,263 I�d fuck me." 638 00:31:29,681 --> 00:31:32,392 Like that psycho in "Silence of the Lambs". 639 00:31:32,559 --> 00:31:34,269 Except I didn't do the dick tuck. 640 00:31:37,439 --> 00:31:38,815 I did the dick tuck for Loraine, 641 00:31:38,982 --> 00:31:42,569 to spice up the sex life, keep the bedroom hot. 642 00:31:42,778 --> 00:31:45,155 You did the tuck for Loraine? 643 00:31:45,364 --> 00:31:47,407 She talked about bringing home a woman 644 00:31:47,658 --> 00:31:49,159 and threesomes and shit. 645 00:31:49,326 --> 00:31:51,286 Dude, that's awesome. 646 00:32:00,379 --> 00:32:02,172 Oh, master, oh, master. 647 00:32:05,551 --> 00:32:07,511 She wouldn't let this go 648 00:32:07,678 --> 00:32:11,348 and I realized she had this pseudo lesbian craving. 649 00:32:11,515 --> 00:32:13,809 Are you kidding me? Loraine? 650 00:32:13,976 --> 00:32:15,686 No, she wouldn't let it go. 651 00:32:15,853 --> 00:32:17,980 So instead of bringing back another chick, 652 00:32:18,188 --> 00:32:21,024 sometimes I do the tuck, 653 00:32:21,191 --> 00:32:24,111 talk in a high voice like this, and ask her to touch me. 654 00:32:24,278 --> 00:32:25,195 Touch me. 655 00:32:25,362 --> 00:32:28,031 Touch me. Touch me. 656 00:32:28,198 --> 00:32:29,992 Touch me. 657 00:32:36,081 --> 00:32:37,082 Oh, Brad. 658 00:32:39,084 --> 00:32:40,544 Oh, Brad. 659 00:32:41,670 --> 00:32:44,131 I�ve tried doing the tuck a couple of times, 660 00:32:44,298 --> 00:32:47,092 but it really kind of... 661 00:32:47,259 --> 00:32:48,343 hurts my penis. 662 00:32:48,510 --> 00:32:49,845 Then you're not doing it right. 663 00:32:50,012 --> 00:32:51,430 Is this shit still going on? 664 00:32:51,597 --> 00:32:53,557 You still unstrapping one for Loraine? 665 00:32:53,765 --> 00:32:55,392 That was just a phase. 666 00:32:55,601 --> 00:32:57,311 Now she's in a book group. 667 00:32:57,603 --> 00:33:00,063 -I got to go. -Where you got to go? 668 00:33:00,314 --> 00:33:02,774 I got to make a phone call. Brad, you still have your cell? 669 00:33:02,983 --> 00:33:05,194 -Are you calling your hump? -Of course not. 670 00:33:05,402 --> 00:33:07,613 I just got to make a call. 671 00:33:10,491 --> 00:33:12,284 You fucking cunt. 672 00:33:41,271 --> 00:33:44,024 There are certain words I don't like to use. 673 00:33:45,734 --> 00:33:46,735 I don't like... 674 00:33:47,319 --> 00:33:48,487 masturbation... 675 00:33:50,989 --> 00:33:52,074 or jerking off... 676 00:33:52,699 --> 00:33:53,784 or spanking. 677 00:33:55,077 --> 00:33:57,788 I think those words, they sound vulgar. 678 00:33:57,955 --> 00:33:59,039 "Sturbing" 679 00:33:59,498 --> 00:34:01,208 is the word I use. 680 00:34:01,542 --> 00:34:02,376 "Sturbing". 681 00:34:03,585 --> 00:34:05,212 I�m comfortable with "sturbing". 682 00:34:06,964 --> 00:34:09,842 Hey, hey, hey, hey, Mia, 683 00:34:12,094 --> 00:34:18,016 You're my cup of Tee-ah. 684 00:34:19,476 --> 00:34:21,353 Sometimes I sit on my hand. 685 00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:22,187 You know. 686 00:34:22,354 --> 00:34:23,188 And... 687 00:34:23,605 --> 00:34:27,693 I sit on it for a long time until it falls asleep. 688 00:34:28,235 --> 00:34:28,902 And then, 689 00:34:29,403 --> 00:34:30,487 once it's asleep, 690 00:34:31,071 --> 00:34:32,614 I sturb with it like this, 691 00:34:33,323 --> 00:34:35,701 so it feels like... 692 00:34:36,034 --> 00:34:37,911 somebody else is doing it to me. 693 00:34:38,745 --> 00:34:40,372 I call it "the stranger". 694 00:34:40,581 --> 00:34:41,498 Mia, 695 00:34:43,167 --> 00:34:45,460 we can take a trip... 696 00:34:46,628 --> 00:34:48,172 across the sea. 697 00:34:48,422 --> 00:34:49,089 Yeah. 698 00:34:50,215 --> 00:34:50,883 Yeah. 699 00:35:02,019 --> 00:35:03,979 You look beautiful. 700 00:35:04,146 --> 00:35:05,147 That's no good. 701 00:35:05,856 --> 00:35:06,523 You look... 702 00:35:07,524 --> 00:35:08,525 wonderful. 703 00:35:10,944 --> 00:35:12,488 You look amazing. 704 00:35:15,824 --> 00:35:16,825 What the hell? 705 00:35:17,159 --> 00:35:17,826 Hello? 706 00:35:25,751 --> 00:35:27,878 Amazingly beautiful. 707 00:35:28,587 --> 00:35:30,005 Shit, that's so bad. 708 00:35:33,967 --> 00:35:34,885 You look... 709 00:35:36,762 --> 00:35:38,096 you look stunning. 710 00:35:40,098 --> 00:35:40,849 Mia? 711 00:35:41,975 --> 00:35:42,726 Mia? 712 00:35:44,394 --> 00:35:45,145 Holy shit! 713 00:35:47,898 --> 00:35:49,399 In here! 714 00:35:54,988 --> 00:35:55,823 Stop that! 715 00:35:56,740 --> 00:35:57,658 Get off! 716 00:35:57,866 --> 00:35:58,784 Get off! 717 00:35:59,201 --> 00:36:00,285 Fucking cocksucker! 718 00:36:01,411 --> 00:36:02,913 What the hell's going on here? 719 00:36:07,084 --> 00:36:07,751 Wait! 720 00:36:08,460 --> 00:36:11,129 I�ll kick your ass if you don't tell me why the fuck you're here! 721 00:36:11,296 --> 00:36:13,674 -What is going on? -I have a date with Mia? 722 00:36:16,844 --> 00:36:18,387 Fuck you! I�m dating Mia! 723 00:36:18,637 --> 00:36:20,138 Would you get the hell off me? 724 00:36:20,305 --> 00:36:22,015 You guys all know each other? 725 00:36:22,808 --> 00:36:24,935 You guys have known each other since college. 726 00:36:26,436 --> 00:36:27,813 And you're best friends. 727 00:36:28,105 --> 00:36:28,856 Yeah. 728 00:36:29,273 --> 00:36:30,274 For real? 729 00:36:31,483 --> 00:36:33,193 How is that possible? 730 00:36:33,402 --> 00:36:35,112 It�s New York City. 731 00:36:35,279 --> 00:36:36,738 What are the odds of that? 732 00:36:37,322 --> 00:36:39,533 Apparently pretty high. 733 00:36:40,325 --> 00:36:41,076 Sorry. 734 00:36:42,202 --> 00:36:43,203 I�m sorry too. 735 00:36:45,747 --> 00:36:48,125 I really like you guys, all of you. 736 00:36:50,836 --> 00:36:52,171 What's with the Dunwood? 737 00:36:55,257 --> 00:36:56,008 Anyway,... 738 00:36:56,258 --> 00:36:58,552 in an ideal world, I guess... 739 00:36:59,511 --> 00:37:01,138 I�d want to see all of you, 740 00:37:01,430 --> 00:37:03,891 but I understand it's not possible. 741 00:37:04,099 --> 00:37:04,850 So,... 742 00:37:06,810 --> 00:37:08,604 if you guys want to take off, 743 00:37:08,896 --> 00:37:09,813 I understand. 744 00:37:11,773 --> 00:37:12,524 Okay. 745 00:37:14,485 --> 00:37:16,278 It was fun while it lasted. 746 00:37:25,787 --> 00:37:26,788 -Bye. -Bye, Jonathan. 747 00:37:28,957 --> 00:37:30,334 Come on, Zeke, let's go. 748 00:37:30,542 --> 00:37:31,793 I�m not going anywhere. 749 00:37:33,879 --> 00:37:34,796 What? 750 00:37:35,172 --> 00:37:35,923 I�m staying. 751 00:37:36,924 --> 00:37:37,925 Come on, Zeke. 752 00:37:38,967 --> 00:37:40,844 Fuck that. If you want to go, go. 753 00:37:42,596 --> 00:37:43,972 Come on, man. Don't be a dick. 754 00:37:44,223 --> 00:37:45,474 You don't understand. 755 00:37:46,350 --> 00:37:47,601 I actually like her. 756 00:37:48,393 --> 00:37:49,978 Mia and I have a connection. 757 00:37:56,610 --> 00:37:57,361 Wait. 758 00:37:57,903 --> 00:38:00,030 We have a connection too, right? 759 00:38:04,993 --> 00:38:06,328 I�m staying. 760 00:38:08,163 --> 00:38:08,831 What? 761 00:38:09,081 --> 00:38:09,998 I�m staying. 762 00:38:10,624 --> 00:38:12,835 My God, you got to be kidding me. 763 00:38:18,173 --> 00:38:18,924 Okay. 764 00:38:19,883 --> 00:38:20,634 Okay. 765 00:38:21,051 --> 00:38:22,302 You're connected, 766 00:38:23,178 --> 00:38:24,596 and if you're connected, 767 00:38:26,473 --> 00:38:27,891 I�m connected too. 768 00:38:30,811 --> 00:38:32,521 You sure you're okay with this? 769 00:38:34,273 --> 00:38:34,940 Oh, yeah. 770 00:38:35,107 --> 00:38:36,108 It�s not a problem. 771 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,110 Back off, she's mine! 772 00:38:38,777 --> 00:38:40,821 Both of you have totally fucking dicked me over! 773 00:38:41,155 --> 00:38:42,739 Fuck that. You dicked me. 774 00:38:42,948 --> 00:38:43,615 You know... 775 00:38:43,991 --> 00:38:46,201 I�m the only one that's supposed to be here. 776 00:38:46,410 --> 00:38:48,954 It�s funny both of you decided to surprise her 777 00:38:49,163 --> 00:38:50,873 on the one day that I had a date with her. 778 00:38:51,081 --> 00:38:52,958 And we were going to use the video camera. 779 00:38:54,835 --> 00:38:56,461 I�m not backing off. 780 00:38:56,962 --> 00:38:59,882 lf Mia wants to see all of us, you'll have to deal with it. 781 00:39:00,048 --> 00:39:01,925 Fuck you. 782 00:39:02,342 --> 00:39:04,136 Who gives a shit what you think? 783 00:39:04,303 --> 00:39:05,137 You know what? 784 00:39:05,596 --> 00:39:07,639 I�m really tired of the way you talk to me. 785 00:39:09,474 --> 00:39:10,851 Fuck you, you fucking... 786 00:39:11,435 --> 00:39:12,436 Fuck you. 787 00:39:12,644 --> 00:39:13,896 Easy, easy. Chill. 788 00:39:14,104 --> 00:39:15,814 -I�m going to kick his ass. -What? 789 00:39:15,981 --> 00:39:17,482 Going to kung fu chop me to death? 790 00:39:17,649 --> 00:39:18,400 Hey, chill. 791 00:39:19,776 --> 00:39:21,487 Crane position, Daniel san. 792 00:39:22,946 --> 00:39:24,907 First of all, it's jujitsu, faggot. 793 00:39:25,073 --> 00:39:28,243 Second, I don't need to know shit to kick your lame ass. 794 00:39:28,452 --> 00:39:29,536 I�m so scared. 795 00:39:29,703 --> 00:39:31,580 lf you don't shut up, I�m going to move. 796 00:39:33,957 --> 00:39:34,875 You know what? 797 00:39:35,209 --> 00:39:37,503 Fuck this shit. You're both assholes! 798 00:39:37,753 --> 00:39:38,587 I�m out of here. 799 00:39:42,633 --> 00:39:43,634 Assholes. 800 00:39:44,927 --> 00:39:46,637 Why do you always have to be such a dick? 801 00:39:47,304 --> 00:39:48,138 Asshole. 802 00:39:48,931 --> 00:39:49,848 Dick. 803 00:40:24,299 --> 00:40:26,593 It�s Mia. Please leave a message. 804 00:40:28,637 --> 00:40:29,805 Hello, Mia. 805 00:40:30,055 --> 00:40:31,515 How you doing, sweetie? It�s Brad. 806 00:40:31,682 --> 00:40:34,226 I have two tickets to the Knicks game tonight 807 00:40:34,393 --> 00:40:35,769 if you wanted to go. 808 00:40:40,607 --> 00:40:41,441 What? 809 00:40:49,658 --> 00:40:52,619 Hi, it's Jonathan. How are you? 810 00:40:52,828 --> 00:40:55,372 Just calling to say hey, and see if you maybe... 811 00:40:55,539 --> 00:40:58,458 want to do something later?. 812 00:41:14,224 --> 00:41:17,019 It�s Zeke. Where are you, baby? I want to hangout with you. 813 00:41:17,186 --> 00:41:18,896 We could do something and get close. 814 00:41:19,062 --> 00:41:19,813 Call me. 815 00:41:26,987 --> 00:41:30,073 I like to walk into a place, check out the vibes, the signals 816 00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:33,410 I�m getting on the wood meter, lookaways, that kind of shit. 817 00:41:33,577 --> 00:41:34,328 A lookaway? 818 00:41:34,786 --> 00:41:36,413 That's when a girl looks at you, 819 00:41:36,580 --> 00:41:38,290 and she instantly looks away. 820 00:41:38,457 --> 00:41:40,918 That is a solid green light. 821 00:41:42,002 --> 00:41:42,753 Lookaway. 822 00:41:43,045 --> 00:41:43,879 Lookaway. 823 00:41:44,129 --> 00:41:46,840 Like you hit a home run and you haven't had to pick up a bat. 824 00:41:47,382 --> 00:41:49,843 Like most scammers that I�m aware of, 825 00:41:50,052 --> 00:41:52,721 I�m not that comfortable with other men. 826 00:41:52,971 --> 00:41:55,974 I have a very strong affinity for the society of women. 827 00:41:56,850 --> 00:42:00,354 It�s a matter of time before you get over the Brad/Jonathan thing. 828 00:42:00,521 --> 00:42:02,564 What do you see in those dicks? 829 00:42:02,773 --> 00:42:04,733 I thought they were your friends. 830 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,778 Your friends don't try and get on your girlfriend. 831 00:42:11,031 --> 00:42:12,115 Excuse me. 832 00:42:21,208 --> 00:42:22,042 Mia, 833 00:42:23,252 --> 00:42:25,546 I know we haven't been together for that long, 834 00:42:27,339 --> 00:42:29,132 but I just wanted to tell you... 835 00:42:30,008 --> 00:42:33,262 I haven't had many special relationships with girls. 836 00:42:34,054 --> 00:42:35,055 I mean, women. 837 00:42:37,641 --> 00:42:38,392 And... 838 00:42:39,059 --> 00:42:41,103 it might not seem a big deal to you, 839 00:42:41,603 --> 00:42:42,271 but... 840 00:42:43,856 --> 00:42:47,276 but I feel I can talk to you about just about anything. 841 00:42:48,986 --> 00:42:50,529 It means a lot to me. 842 00:42:50,988 --> 00:42:53,365 I never thought I�d be able to say that. 843 00:42:55,284 --> 00:42:57,494 That's what I love about you, Zeke. 844 00:42:57,744 --> 00:43:02,207 You have this whole cool, 845 00:43:02,374 --> 00:43:03,292 ladies man exterior, 846 00:43:03,584 --> 00:43:05,878 but inside you�re just a big dork. 847 00:43:07,254 --> 00:43:08,255 In a good way. 848 00:43:15,554 --> 00:43:17,347 How do you know me so well? 849 00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:19,975 I just... 850 00:43:20,767 --> 00:43:21,602 ...do. 851 00:43:42,915 --> 00:43:44,249 That was awesome. 852 00:43:44,458 --> 00:43:45,459 Thanks. 853 00:43:45,751 --> 00:43:47,878 Practice makes perfect. 854 00:43:50,631 --> 00:43:51,381 Look, 855 00:43:52,174 --> 00:43:54,218 I know I joke around a lot, 856 00:43:54,551 --> 00:43:55,552 Mia, but... 857 00:43:56,386 --> 00:43:57,471 I want you to know... 858 00:43:57,930 --> 00:43:59,556 I am totally serious 859 00:44:01,308 --> 00:44:02,893 when I say that you are... 860 00:44:03,227 --> 00:44:04,770 the coolest thing 861 00:44:05,062 --> 00:44:06,063 in my life. 862 00:44:09,608 --> 00:44:11,902 I�ve never met anyone like you before. 863 00:44:13,737 --> 00:44:14,905 So what's next? 864 00:44:17,491 --> 00:44:20,160 No, no, I meant with us. 865 00:44:21,912 --> 00:44:22,830 Oh. 866 00:44:23,163 --> 00:44:24,414 I don't know. 867 00:44:24,623 --> 00:44:28,377 I�ve never been in a relationship like this before. 868 00:44:29,044 --> 00:44:30,420 You'll be my little... 869 00:44:30,963 --> 00:44:31,713 student. 870 00:44:33,048 --> 00:44:35,592 And you can spank me when I�m bad. 871 00:44:54,027 --> 00:44:55,112 That was amazing. 872 00:44:59,491 --> 00:45:01,201 I want to show you something. 873 00:45:01,451 --> 00:45:02,119 Okay. 874 00:45:17,009 --> 00:45:18,177 They're great. 875 00:45:26,977 --> 00:45:28,145 These are really... 876 00:45:29,479 --> 00:45:30,731 These are great. 877 00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,443 The guys think I look like a fag in that picture. 878 00:45:34,693 --> 00:45:36,653 What do they know? They're just jealous. 879 00:45:41,325 --> 00:45:43,702 You're really different from them, you know, Jonathan. 880 00:45:44,411 --> 00:45:46,121 Really, you're more genuine. 881 00:45:47,664 --> 00:45:49,875 And these past few weeks with you 882 00:45:50,250 --> 00:45:51,835 have been really special. 883 00:45:54,796 --> 00:45:56,340 The past few weeks 884 00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,051 with me and Zeke and Brad? 885 00:46:00,385 --> 00:46:01,136 No, 886 00:46:02,513 --> 00:46:03,347 dummy. 887 00:46:03,889 --> 00:46:06,016 The past few weeks with you. 888 00:46:12,689 --> 00:46:14,566 I was really confused before, 889 00:46:15,901 --> 00:46:17,611 but I�m not anymore. 890 00:47:38,650 --> 00:47:39,485 Jonathan? 891 00:47:40,903 --> 00:47:41,987 Come on, we're late. 892 00:47:42,905 --> 00:47:44,406 I�ll be right out. 893 00:47:44,615 --> 00:47:45,365 Okay. 894 00:47:54,041 --> 00:47:55,501 Wow. Five speeds. 895 00:48:33,831 --> 00:48:35,541 Honey, come on. We got to go. 896 00:48:39,670 --> 00:48:40,587 Shit. 897 00:48:43,715 --> 00:48:44,466 Shit. 898 00:48:44,675 --> 00:48:45,342 What? 899 00:48:46,468 --> 00:48:47,135 Nothing. 900 00:48:49,263 --> 00:48:50,681 Are you sure you're okay? 901 00:48:51,014 --> 00:48:52,724 I�m fine. Just a second. 902 00:49:14,496 --> 00:49:15,497 Sweetheart, 903 00:49:15,706 --> 00:49:19,209 if you need Pepto, it's in the cabinet above the sink. 904 00:49:25,215 --> 00:49:26,550 Come on, it's not coming out! 905 00:49:26,884 --> 00:49:29,636 Are you sure you're okay? You sound pretty bad. 906 00:49:29,887 --> 00:49:30,470 No. 907 00:49:31,889 --> 00:49:32,639 I�m fine. 908 00:49:32,806 --> 00:49:35,100 -Honey, I�m coming in. -Wait, no! 909 00:49:38,979 --> 00:49:40,939 What are you doing? 910 00:49:41,148 --> 00:49:42,149 I was washing my hair, or my hands. 911 00:49:42,316 --> 00:49:44,610 I was just feeling dirty. We have to go. 912 00:49:44,776 --> 00:49:46,403 -Wait, what is that? -What? 913 00:49:48,614 --> 00:49:49,948 I hear humming. 914 00:49:50,115 --> 00:49:52,576 -I don't hear anything. -Why are you so wet? 915 00:49:52,743 --> 00:49:54,161 You smell like a toilet. 916 00:50:04,630 --> 00:50:06,840 Great to have the boys back together again. 917 00:50:07,716 --> 00:50:10,010 I was starting to miss you guys. 918 00:50:10,177 --> 00:50:11,178 Fuck you. 919 00:50:11,428 --> 00:50:13,555 To think that I actually cared! 920 00:50:14,556 --> 00:50:17,726 Look, guys, can we put everything behind us and move on? 921 00:50:17,935 --> 00:50:20,229 Just forget about all the bullshit? 922 00:50:21,522 --> 00:50:22,606 Okay with me. 923 00:50:23,816 --> 00:50:24,566 Fine. 924 00:50:25,108 --> 00:50:26,360 Good, let's order. 925 00:50:31,114 --> 00:50:31,865 So... 926 00:50:33,659 --> 00:50:36,745 Did anyone read the blow-job article in Cosmo this month? 927 00:50:38,330 --> 00:50:38,997 What? 928 00:50:39,206 --> 00:50:41,083 Why the fuck are you reading Cosmo? 929 00:50:41,250 --> 00:50:43,627 My wife keeps it near the bathtub. 930 00:50:43,961 --> 00:50:46,088 Thank God I am not married. 931 00:50:46,255 --> 00:50:49,925 You don't understand. This magazine is for women. 932 00:50:50,092 --> 00:50:50,843 So... 933 00:50:51,009 --> 00:50:54,763 it has all these tips on how to please your man. 934 00:50:55,764 --> 00:50:57,391 I get it now. 935 00:50:58,058 --> 00:51:00,727 You read this shit so you can learn how to please your man. 936 00:51:00,894 --> 00:51:02,855 That is funny, but no. 937 00:51:03,021 --> 00:51:06,859 What I�m saying is that it's written by women. 938 00:51:07,276 --> 00:51:10,779 It says things like "one out of every three men 939 00:51:10,988 --> 00:51:13,448 has latent homo-erotic fantasies". 940 00:51:19,454 --> 00:51:20,289 What? 941 00:51:20,747 --> 00:51:22,791 Anyway, this article says 942 00:51:22,958 --> 00:51:26,128 that chicks should make their boyfriends 943 00:51:26,295 --> 00:51:29,006 drink apple juice before they give head. 944 00:51:29,173 --> 00:51:30,966 It makes the taste better. 945 00:51:31,175 --> 00:51:32,176 Therefore, 946 00:51:32,342 --> 00:51:36,805 they would want to give more head in the future. 947 00:51:37,806 --> 00:51:39,683 -Really? -That's just bullshit. 948 00:51:40,434 --> 00:51:42,144 Why are you wasting our time with this crap? 949 00:51:42,769 --> 00:51:45,230 It�s better than talking about that whacked ho' Mia. 950 00:51:48,066 --> 00:51:49,318 Oh, man, 951 00:51:49,485 --> 00:51:51,612 she's got you all whipped. 952 00:51:56,533 --> 00:51:57,784 Excuse me! 953 00:51:58,744 --> 00:51:59,828 Yeah, who's whipped? 954 00:52:00,037 --> 00:52:03,624 She's got you muff-spelled, riding your asses into the ground. 955 00:52:03,832 --> 00:52:05,334 What the fuck are you talking about? 956 00:52:05,501 --> 00:52:06,877 What is wrong with this asshole? 957 00:52:07,044 --> 00:52:10,297 Mia's not riding me. She realized who Mr. Right was. 958 00:52:10,547 --> 00:52:11,465 Yeah, me. 959 00:52:11,965 --> 00:52:13,300 That's a good one, Zeke. 960 00:52:13,467 --> 00:52:16,470 Actually, she only wants to see me now, exclusively. 961 00:52:16,803 --> 00:52:18,222 lf you haven't already heard. 962 00:52:18,514 --> 00:52:21,433 I don't know about that. You see, Mia and I are in love. 963 00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:23,143 Dream on, pussy. 964 00:52:23,477 --> 00:52:25,938 Are you both so whacked in the head you don't realize 965 00:52:26,146 --> 00:52:27,397 she thinks you're total losers? 966 00:52:27,606 --> 00:52:28,524 She wants me, 967 00:52:28,732 --> 00:52:29,650 the "Z". 968 00:52:30,692 --> 00:52:31,610 Oh my God, 969 00:52:31,819 --> 00:52:34,905 You talk so much shit, Zeke, you're starting to believe it. 970 00:52:35,072 --> 00:52:36,240 She�s just a girl. 971 00:52:36,406 --> 00:52:39,326 I thought you both knew she didn't want to see you anymore. 972 00:52:39,493 --> 00:52:42,329 -Like she wants to see you. -The only reason I came today, 973 00:52:42,496 --> 00:52:45,999 is I figured you two ignorant dickheads finally backed off. 974 00:52:46,250 --> 00:52:48,210 -Whatever, Zeke. -Don�t whatever me! 975 00:52:48,836 --> 00:52:52,339 There's other people here. Take it outside. 976 00:52:52,506 --> 00:52:55,592 I�ll fucking take it outside, away from you two dicks. 977 00:52:55,926 --> 00:52:59,096 -A bunch of fucking pricks! -She wants me, asshole. 978 00:53:00,430 --> 00:53:02,140 You remember that too, fuck-o. 979 00:53:02,391 --> 00:53:05,561 Should I remind her of that before or after I pull out? 980 00:53:07,437 --> 00:53:08,272 Fuck you! 981 00:53:08,730 --> 00:53:09,815 You little pup! 982 00:53:11,358 --> 00:53:12,192 Dick! 983 00:53:14,027 --> 00:53:16,655 Why don't you go home and snap one off, you toss-off? 984 00:53:16,822 --> 00:53:18,157 Fuck you, too. 985 00:53:19,032 --> 00:53:20,284 Oh, my gosh! 986 00:53:20,742 --> 00:53:21,577 Sorry. 987 00:53:22,411 --> 00:53:23,579 Don't worry. 988 00:53:23,829 --> 00:53:24,913 And besides, 989 00:53:25,164 --> 00:53:26,957 it's not apple juice. 990 00:53:27,207 --> 00:53:28,208 It�s pineapple. 991 00:53:30,377 --> 00:53:31,128 That's it. 992 00:53:31,378 --> 00:53:32,212 Forget it. 993 00:53:50,606 --> 00:53:51,440 Hello. 994 00:53:51,899 --> 00:53:54,443 Hi, my name's Eric... 995 00:53:55,277 --> 00:53:58,280 and I�m a friend of Zeke, Brad and Jonathan's. 996 00:54:00,449 --> 00:54:01,200 Yeah? 997 00:54:02,659 --> 00:54:05,996 Yeah, I just came to talk about... 998 00:54:07,915 --> 00:54:09,958 what you're doing to my friends. 999 00:54:12,586 --> 00:54:15,589 Most of it is none of my business, 1000 00:54:16,673 --> 00:54:20,677 but you're completely messing with their heads. 1001 00:54:22,387 --> 00:54:24,014 And I just want to know 1002 00:54:24,306 --> 00:54:28,143 how it is that you can respect yourself, 1003 00:54:28,644 --> 00:54:29,478 doing,... 1004 00:54:31,188 --> 00:54:33,857 what it is that you do? 1005 00:54:34,024 --> 00:54:35,651 And what exactly is it that I do? 1006 00:54:37,110 --> 00:54:40,864 You're seeing all of my friends at the same time. 1007 00:54:41,406 --> 00:54:43,534 You're fucking all three of them. 1008 00:54:47,037 --> 00:54:48,205 Is this Dunwood? 1009 00:54:48,747 --> 00:54:52,417 First, I don't see how this is any of your business. And second, 1010 00:54:52,626 --> 00:54:54,753 you act like I�m doing this on purpose. 1011 00:54:55,128 --> 00:54:59,258 You think I enjoy putting myself and your friends through this? 1012 00:54:59,466 --> 00:55:02,803 Then why don't you just choose one of them? 1013 00:55:05,639 --> 00:55:07,432 Look, I really... 1014 00:55:08,308 --> 00:55:10,853 I really like your friends. 1015 00:55:11,854 --> 00:55:14,398 Haven't you met a woman who's... 1016 00:55:14,606 --> 00:55:16,316 so special you didn't want to lose her? 1017 00:55:17,276 --> 00:55:18,902 Well, no. I�m married. 1018 00:55:19,778 --> 00:55:21,655 So then you have. 1019 00:55:23,532 --> 00:55:25,659 Oh, yeah. Right, right. 1020 00:55:26,368 --> 00:55:27,286 Yeah. 1021 00:55:27,744 --> 00:55:29,329 Well, so have I. 1022 00:55:29,997 --> 00:55:32,749 Except instead of one person, I met three. 1023 00:55:32,916 --> 00:55:37,004 I�m just asking you to stop seeing them. 1024 00:55:39,173 --> 00:55:40,716 Why do you care so much? 1025 00:55:41,717 --> 00:55:42,718 Because. 1026 00:55:45,554 --> 00:55:46,471 Because why? 1027 00:55:46,972 --> 00:55:48,056 Because. 1028 00:55:51,059 --> 00:55:52,644 You got to understand. 1029 00:55:54,521 --> 00:55:56,899 I�ve been married for two years. 1030 00:55:57,733 --> 00:55:59,693 Two long fucking years. 1031 00:55:59,860 --> 00:56:01,987 I don't know if you know what that's like, 1032 00:56:02,196 --> 00:56:05,157 having to spend every day with the same woman. 1033 00:56:05,782 --> 00:56:08,076 The only thing I look forward to 1034 00:56:08,285 --> 00:56:10,412 is Sunday lunch with the guys. 1035 00:56:10,996 --> 00:56:13,373 And now that you've come along... 1036 00:56:17,711 --> 00:56:19,505 You're ruining me. 1037 00:56:20,380 --> 00:56:23,717 You've taken away the one thing I have to look forward to. 1038 00:56:24,551 --> 00:56:26,512 And now I�m fucked. 1039 00:56:28,430 --> 00:56:31,350 I got no outlets. 1040 00:56:35,479 --> 00:56:36,897 Well, Eric... 1041 00:56:38,148 --> 00:56:38,982 Is it Eric? 1042 00:56:41,485 --> 00:56:42,569 I understand. 1043 00:56:43,695 --> 00:56:44,696 And... 1044 00:56:44,988 --> 00:56:46,615 I will take care of it. 1045 00:56:47,574 --> 00:56:48,492 Okay? 1046 00:57:11,014 --> 00:57:12,975 Just call me anytime, okay? 1047 00:57:48,510 --> 00:57:51,597 Look at that woman's tits. Nice and high. 1048 00:57:52,931 --> 00:57:54,725 There's one for you over there. 1049 00:57:54,892 --> 00:57:56,852 You know a girl like that does squats. 1050 00:58:20,375 --> 00:58:23,045 I find it amazing that men 1051 00:58:23,212 --> 00:58:26,215 go on forever without actually buying toilet paper. 1052 00:58:26,381 --> 00:58:27,633 What do you mean? 1053 00:58:27,799 --> 00:58:30,552 For us, it's like an essential, you know? 1054 00:58:30,719 --> 00:58:32,846 But men, they'll use anything. 1055 00:58:33,055 --> 00:58:34,681 Tissue, paper towels, 1056 00:58:35,974 --> 00:58:37,059 newspaper. 1057 00:58:37,893 --> 00:58:38,727 Sheets. 1058 00:58:40,521 --> 00:58:42,815 Sheets? That's a good one. 1059 00:58:43,065 --> 00:58:43,982 Hey, honey. 1060 00:58:46,693 --> 00:58:48,111 Man, this place sucks. 1061 00:58:48,278 --> 00:58:49,738 They don't have my Rough Riders? 1062 00:58:50,155 --> 00:58:50,823 All right. 1063 00:58:51,615 --> 00:58:52,866 I think this will do. 1064 00:58:55,661 --> 00:58:57,955 Honey, I don't think those are 1065 00:58:58,121 --> 00:58:59,915 the right ones. 1066 00:59:00,916 --> 00:59:01,917 Honey, 1067 00:59:02,292 --> 00:59:03,126 let go. 1068 00:59:04,711 --> 00:59:06,255 Don't you think that 1069 00:59:06,463 --> 00:59:08,006 these would be more comfortable? 1070 00:59:08,215 --> 00:59:08,966 What? 1071 00:59:09,967 --> 00:59:12,427 For me. I meant, more comfortable for me. 1072 00:59:12,594 --> 00:59:14,221 -See? "For her pleasure". -What are you talking about? 1073 00:59:14,429 --> 00:59:15,430 Excuse me. 1074 00:59:23,230 --> 00:59:24,481 What are you looking at? 1075 00:59:27,317 --> 00:59:29,611 Come on, baby. It�s an emotional reaction. 1076 00:59:32,656 --> 00:59:35,117 I didn't expect to see you around for a while. 1077 00:59:35,409 --> 00:59:37,619 To what do I owe the pleasure? 1078 00:59:39,538 --> 00:59:40,289 Well, 1079 00:59:40,539 --> 00:59:43,876 seeing as how you're married, I was wondering... 1080 00:59:45,794 --> 00:59:48,088 What's it like to settle down with a woman? 1081 00:59:48,755 --> 00:59:49,506 I mean, 1082 00:59:50,257 --> 00:59:51,967 does your life stop or what? 1083 00:59:52,759 --> 00:59:53,510 No, no... 1084 00:59:53,719 --> 00:59:57,055 don't get me wrong, I�m not saying I want to do this now. 1085 00:59:57,222 --> 01:00:00,476 I�m interested in your thoughts about living with chicks. 1086 01:00:01,894 --> 01:00:03,145 Wait a second. 1087 01:00:03,353 --> 01:00:05,898 You're not thinking of shacking up with that ho'? 1088 01:00:06,064 --> 01:00:08,275 Don't be a dick. Of course not. 1089 01:00:08,567 --> 01:00:09,818 I�m just... 1090 01:00:10,652 --> 01:00:12,279 you know, curious. 1091 01:00:13,155 --> 01:00:14,072 Well... 1092 01:00:15,407 --> 01:00:19,495 When you decide to live with a chick, everything changes. 1093 01:00:21,914 --> 01:00:23,248 The key to survival... 1094 01:00:23,665 --> 01:00:25,000 is remember one thing. 1095 01:00:25,834 --> 01:00:29,171 That's that your life now belong to someone else. 1096 01:00:30,380 --> 01:00:33,884 You'll notice things about your daily routine that start to change. 1097 01:00:35,219 --> 01:00:38,805 For instance, the toilet seat shit. It is a big one. 1098 01:00:39,014 --> 01:00:42,434 You've got to remember to put that down or you're fucked. 1099 01:00:42,684 --> 01:00:45,312 Loraine almost left me because I forgot that shit. 1100 01:00:46,939 --> 01:00:50,192 And remember to flush. If you leave a floater in there, 1101 01:00:50,359 --> 01:00:51,610 you're a dead man. 1102 01:00:53,946 --> 01:00:55,197 And you got to 1103 01:00:55,447 --> 01:00:57,157 go easy on the gas. 1104 01:00:57,533 --> 01:01:01,036 I used to give Loraine the Dutch oven every night. 1105 01:01:02,162 --> 01:01:04,915 Then she started slipping laxatives into my dinner at night, 1106 01:01:05,082 --> 01:01:06,667 you know, for revenge. 1107 01:01:06,959 --> 01:01:09,878 I almost shit out my colon. 1108 01:01:11,505 --> 01:01:12,589 But I... 1109 01:01:12,881 --> 01:01:15,592 changed my diet after that. 1110 01:01:15,759 --> 01:01:16,844 For Loraine. 1111 01:01:17,302 --> 01:01:19,972 And I actually feel better because of it. 1112 01:01:20,973 --> 01:01:23,809 All in all, living with Loraine... 1113 01:01:23,976 --> 01:01:25,853 sharing everything... 1114 01:01:27,187 --> 01:01:30,274 has got its advantages and disadvantages. 1115 01:01:31,275 --> 01:01:33,235 Is that what you wanted to hear? 1116 01:01:34,444 --> 01:01:35,696 Yeah, man. 1117 01:01:36,238 --> 01:01:36,989 Yeah. 1118 01:01:37,906 --> 01:01:38,907 Thanks a lot. 1119 01:01:43,787 --> 01:01:45,330 We used to have this credo. 1120 01:01:45,497 --> 01:01:46,999 Bros before ho's... 1121 01:01:48,292 --> 01:01:50,002 pals before gals. 1122 01:01:50,627 --> 01:01:53,172 Don't get me wrong. I definitely believe in 1123 01:01:53,964 --> 01:01:55,841 the institution of marriage 1124 01:01:56,049 --> 01:01:57,050 and family. 1125 01:01:58,135 --> 01:01:59,595 It�s just that 1126 01:02:01,096 --> 01:02:02,639 until I find the one, 1127 01:02:03,015 --> 01:02:06,185 nothing's wrong with chalking up as many points as possible. 1128 01:02:06,977 --> 01:02:08,604 When I�m not closing deals, 1129 01:02:09,646 --> 01:02:10,898 I�m closing deals. 1130 01:02:20,407 --> 01:02:22,534 What the fuck's going on here? 1131 01:02:23,660 --> 01:02:25,454 Why are you assholes here? 1132 01:02:26,830 --> 01:02:27,748 Fuck you. 1133 01:02:28,248 --> 01:02:29,249 I was invited. 1134 01:02:29,583 --> 01:02:30,667 Where's Mia? 1135 01:02:31,585 --> 01:02:33,795 -What the hell you doing here? -She asked me to come, 1136 01:02:33,962 --> 01:02:34,796 dick-suck. 1137 01:02:35,047 --> 01:02:36,298 Mia's in the shower. 1138 01:02:36,507 --> 01:02:38,300 What the fuck's going on? 1139 01:02:38,592 --> 01:02:41,303 I don't know, but I think maybe Mia made her choice. 1140 01:02:42,429 --> 01:02:43,889 Then you guys can leave now. 1141 01:02:44,348 --> 01:02:45,682 This is good a time as any 1142 01:02:45,849 --> 01:02:48,852 for you guys to learn how special our relationship is. 1143 01:02:49,061 --> 01:02:50,854 Man, you really are whacked. 1144 01:02:51,188 --> 01:02:52,356 Wait a minute. 1145 01:02:53,023 --> 01:02:54,650 I�m not sure, but... 1146 01:02:54,900 --> 01:02:56,360 it's definitely possible. 1147 01:02:58,278 --> 01:02:58,946 Yes. 1148 01:02:59,112 --> 01:03:03,200 It is a definite possibility. I know why she called us here. 1149 01:03:04,034 --> 01:03:07,037 There's a good chance she called us all here because... 1150 01:03:07,830 --> 01:03:08,497 because... 1151 01:03:08,705 --> 01:03:11,166 because she wants us all to do her. 1152 01:03:11,416 --> 01:03:12,334 Together. 1153 01:03:13,001 --> 01:03:14,336 You know, triple team her. 1154 01:03:14,711 --> 01:03:16,338 She wants the fucking plan! 1155 01:03:16,505 --> 01:03:19,758 -You got to let that shit go. -That is fucking ridiculous. 1156 01:03:19,967 --> 01:03:22,177 It could have been her fantasy right from the start. 1157 01:03:22,344 --> 01:03:24,638 She's been seeing all three of us for a few weeks now. 1158 01:03:24,847 --> 01:03:27,391 If she wanted to choose, she'd have done so long ago. 1159 01:03:27,599 --> 01:03:28,851 She wants the plan. 1160 01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:32,187 She's in the fucking shower right now soaping herself up. 1161 01:03:34,022 --> 01:03:37,359 She's cleaning herself up 'cause she wants us all to bone her. 1162 01:03:37,526 --> 01:03:39,153 Would you have some respect? 1163 01:03:39,319 --> 01:03:40,821 My Mia doesn�t want the plan. 1164 01:03:41,196 --> 01:03:42,906 I know she wants to fuck me, 1165 01:03:43,115 --> 01:03:44,741 -but not you guys. -Your Mia? 1166 01:03:44,950 --> 01:03:45,868 Come on! 1167 01:03:46,285 --> 01:03:46,952 Yeah. 1168 01:03:47,161 --> 01:03:47,995 My... 1169 01:03:48,370 --> 01:03:49,037 Mia. 1170 01:03:49,371 --> 01:03:51,248 Well, guys, believe what you want, 1171 01:03:51,456 --> 01:03:52,708 but I�m boning. 1172 01:03:54,209 --> 01:03:55,627 What the fuck is that? 1173 01:03:56,128 --> 01:03:56,962 That... 1174 01:03:57,296 --> 01:03:59,506 is what keeps the chicks coming back to my man. 1175 01:03:59,715 --> 01:04:02,009 You got some fucked up shit going on. 1176 01:04:02,176 --> 01:04:03,886 At least I got some shit going on. 1177 01:04:05,762 --> 01:04:08,056 What the fuck are you fag boys looking at my dick for anyway? 1178 01:04:09,391 --> 01:04:11,435 Just put your pants back on, okay? 1179 01:04:11,977 --> 01:04:13,395 I have to talk to you guys. 1180 01:04:15,564 --> 01:04:16,565 I�m serious. 1181 01:04:16,982 --> 01:04:18,942 What now? 1182 01:04:24,239 --> 01:04:27,075 I made a decision about something. 1183 01:04:28,368 --> 01:04:31,288 It�s the toughest decision I�ve ever had to make. 1184 01:04:31,455 --> 01:04:33,999 I knew you'd come out eventually. It�s okay. 1185 01:04:34,166 --> 01:04:36,043 Being gay is kind of hip now. 1186 01:04:36,210 --> 01:04:37,836 This is serious. It�s not a joke. 1187 01:04:38,504 --> 01:04:39,421 Just listen. 1188 01:04:41,131 --> 01:04:42,132 I love Mia. 1189 01:04:45,511 --> 01:04:46,845 And Mia loves me. 1190 01:04:49,556 --> 01:04:51,683 And I think I�m going to ask her to marry me. 1191 01:04:51,850 --> 01:04:53,101 Are you kidding me? 1192 01:04:53,852 --> 01:04:56,605 I know this will have some effect on our friendship, 1193 01:04:56,980 --> 01:05:00,484 but if you guys don't understand my feelings for Mia, 1194 01:05:02,736 --> 01:05:04,321 then you're not my real friends. 1195 01:05:05,739 --> 01:05:06,406 Fine. 1196 01:05:06,698 --> 01:05:07,533 Fuck you then. 1197 01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:08,951 My God. 1198 01:05:09,117 --> 01:05:10,577 Mia does not love you. 1199 01:05:10,786 --> 01:05:13,247 Jesus, Jonathan, you're so naive sometimes. 1200 01:05:14,039 --> 01:05:15,123 Yeah, you know what? 1201 01:05:15,499 --> 01:05:16,750 I could use a good laugh. 1202 01:05:16,917 --> 01:05:19,670 Why don't you go in there now and ask her to marry you? 1203 01:05:19,837 --> 01:05:21,421 You fucking loser! 1204 01:05:23,131 --> 01:05:23,966 I�m going to kill you. 1205 01:05:32,516 --> 01:05:34,643 What the hell is going on here? 1206 01:05:35,936 --> 01:05:37,563 What the hell are you doing? 1207 01:05:39,231 --> 01:05:41,275 Put your pants on! 1208 01:05:41,441 --> 01:05:43,318 Are you guys out of your minds? 1209 01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:52,244 I�d say that the one thing... 1210 01:05:52,411 --> 01:05:54,621 that you can never be prepared for, 1211 01:05:55,122 --> 01:05:56,623 with married life, 1212 01:05:57,499 --> 01:05:58,917 is the shopping. 1213 01:05:59,835 --> 01:06:02,504 It all seems to have something to do with shopping. 1214 01:06:02,671 --> 01:06:04,882 There's always shopping to be done, 1215 01:06:05,132 --> 01:06:05,883 somewhere. 1216 01:06:07,134 --> 01:06:07,968 Shopping. 1217 01:06:08,677 --> 01:06:10,721 I�ve gotten into antiqueing, 1218 01:06:10,929 --> 01:06:13,307 but that's 'cause the chicks are usually better looking. 1219 01:06:13,807 --> 01:06:15,184 My specialty... 1220 01:06:16,435 --> 01:06:20,189 when I was hanging out with the guys and scamming, 1221 01:06:20,647 --> 01:06:23,192 was something called "jumping on the grenade". 1222 01:06:23,817 --> 01:06:26,028 That's when you're out with a group of guys and... 1223 01:06:26,195 --> 01:06:27,988 you meet up with a group of women, 1224 01:06:28,447 --> 01:06:30,240 or find a group of women, 1225 01:06:30,407 --> 01:06:33,994 and usually one of them is a little less attractive. 1226 01:06:34,453 --> 01:06:35,704 This is the grenade. 1227 01:06:35,996 --> 01:06:36,663 And... 1228 01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:40,584 it would be my job to jump on the grenade, 1229 01:06:40,792 --> 01:06:41,460 To sort of... 1230 01:06:41,710 --> 01:06:43,837 keep everything flowing for the evening. 1231 01:06:44,254 --> 01:06:45,506 That was my thing. 1232 01:06:47,633 --> 01:06:49,593 And then I married the grenade. 1233 01:06:51,929 --> 01:06:53,388 I pulled her pin. 1234 01:06:59,102 --> 01:07:01,396 She just threw you guys out? 1235 01:07:01,647 --> 01:07:04,983 All because Tarzan over here thought she wanted the plan. 1236 01:07:05,192 --> 01:07:06,193 He got naked. 1237 01:07:07,069 --> 01:07:09,738 How was I supposed to know? All the signs were there. 1238 01:07:10,697 --> 01:07:12,908 And you never even found out what her choice was. 1239 01:07:13,116 --> 01:07:13,784 No. 1240 01:07:14,159 --> 01:07:17,246 Then fag boy freaked out on us and left the place. 1241 01:07:17,412 --> 01:07:19,456 Did you know he's thinking about asking Mia to marry him? 1242 01:07:20,165 --> 01:07:20,833 No! 1243 01:07:20,999 --> 01:07:21,667 Yeah. 1244 01:07:21,834 --> 01:07:23,085 She'll never marry him. 1245 01:07:23,794 --> 01:07:24,628 Right? 1246 01:07:25,045 --> 01:07:26,129 Of course not. 1247 01:07:26,421 --> 01:07:27,256 Of course not. 1248 01:07:27,673 --> 01:07:28,674 Yeah, no way. 1249 01:07:30,175 --> 01:07:32,302 Here comes the princess now. 1250 01:07:34,429 --> 01:07:35,430 Hey, Jonathan. 1251 01:07:35,639 --> 01:07:36,223 Hey, dude. 1252 01:07:38,142 --> 01:07:40,269 I just want you guys to know... 1253 01:07:40,894 --> 01:07:44,314 that I officially do not like you anymore. 1254 01:07:45,941 --> 01:07:49,027 From this moment on, we are no longer friends. 1255 01:07:49,278 --> 01:07:50,988 -Jonathan. -Just stay out of it. 1256 01:07:51,196 --> 01:07:51,864 Okay? 1257 01:07:52,030 --> 01:07:53,824 This is between me and them. 1258 01:07:54,700 --> 01:07:56,660 So I brought some things. 1259 01:07:57,995 --> 01:08:00,122 Here are your karate videos that you lent me. 1260 01:08:00,622 --> 01:08:04,293 Sorry it took me so long to return them, but I was... 1261 01:08:04,501 --> 01:08:05,169 busy. 1262 01:08:06,962 --> 01:08:08,380 You can have it back. 1263 01:08:08,797 --> 01:08:11,967 Every time I use it, I think of you and get upset. 1264 01:08:12,342 --> 01:08:14,136 Dude, could I have that? 1265 01:08:15,554 --> 01:08:17,347 It�s a Boner Toner. 1266 01:08:17,514 --> 01:08:20,601 -Why don't you sit down and relax? -Yeah, come and sit down. 1267 01:08:20,809 --> 01:08:23,020 I ordered you some waffles. 1268 01:08:23,228 --> 01:08:24,813 -And sausage. -Come on, man. 1269 01:08:25,272 --> 01:08:26,106 Have a seat. 1270 01:08:27,691 --> 01:08:29,902 I�m not staying. I have things to do. 1271 01:08:31,236 --> 01:08:33,697 Are you really willing to give up everything we've got? 1272 01:08:34,364 --> 01:08:35,199 For Mia? 1273 01:08:35,657 --> 01:08:36,325 Yeah. 1274 01:08:37,284 --> 01:08:39,077 That's how much she means to me. 1275 01:08:53,383 --> 01:08:54,760 My God! 1276 01:08:56,762 --> 01:08:59,765 -What the fuck...? -What the fuck is this? 1277 01:09:11,527 --> 01:09:12,861 Hey, you guys. 1278 01:09:15,572 --> 01:09:17,282 I know we have a lot to talk about. 1279 01:09:17,741 --> 01:09:19,952 But I�m kind of busy right now. 1280 01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:21,411 Who the fuck are they? 1281 01:09:21,703 --> 01:09:24,790 Guys I met in Italy last summer. They're visiting me for awhile. 1282 01:09:24,998 --> 01:09:27,125 -Visiting? -Yeah. 1283 01:09:27,459 --> 01:09:29,503 But I�ll call you guys later. 1284 01:09:29,670 --> 01:09:30,587 Later in the week. 1285 01:09:30,796 --> 01:09:31,630 Okay? 1286 01:09:32,297 --> 01:09:33,465 But Mia... 1287 01:09:33,882 --> 01:09:35,425 What's going on here? 1288 01:09:36,051 --> 01:09:37,135 I�m sorry. 1289 01:09:37,761 --> 01:09:38,846 I got to go. 1290 01:09:41,974 --> 01:09:44,643 I�m going to kick me some salami motherfucker ass! 1291 01:09:44,810 --> 01:09:46,395 -Calm down. -Fuck you! 1292 01:09:46,562 --> 01:09:49,356 Let it go. They could be her cousins. 1293 01:09:49,523 --> 01:09:52,484 Cousins? Give me a break! She's whacking that meatball! 1294 01:09:52,651 --> 01:09:54,695 Maybe they're very close cousins. 1295 01:09:54,862 --> 01:09:56,196 What? Mia? 1296 01:09:57,156 --> 01:09:58,657 She's letting them grab her ass. 1297 01:09:58,824 --> 01:10:00,701 -Where? -Don�t worry about it, man. 1298 01:10:00,868 --> 01:10:03,871 All three of them are grabbing her ass. What the fuck? 1299 01:10:04,079 --> 01:10:04,746 Mia... 1300 01:10:04,913 --> 01:10:07,374 That was the last time any of us saw or heard from Mia. 1301 01:10:08,083 --> 01:10:09,877 She just kind of vanished. 1302 01:10:10,377 --> 01:10:11,837 I guess I should be angry. 1303 01:10:12,171 --> 01:10:13,964 She could've had the best... 1304 01:10:14,256 --> 01:10:14,923 me. 1305 01:10:24,016 --> 01:10:25,476 As for the group, 1306 01:10:25,684 --> 01:10:26,435 well... 1307 01:10:27,811 --> 01:10:29,771 we tried to get back in the groove. 1308 01:10:30,314 --> 01:10:33,317 I have to take a shit so bad, and there's no bathroom anywhere. 1309 01:10:33,567 --> 01:10:34,818 I can barely hold it in. 1310 01:10:34,985 --> 01:10:37,446 Zeke was back to getting robbed once a week. 1311 01:10:38,822 --> 01:10:40,532 The bastard was watching them. 1312 01:10:42,826 --> 01:10:45,746 Eric was still trying to find creative ways to pork his wife. 1313 01:10:47,122 --> 01:10:51,043 Honey, ready or not, here I come. 1314 01:10:52,794 --> 01:10:55,088 He'd do anything to stay a part of the group. 1315 01:10:55,255 --> 01:10:56,173 And Jonathan... 1316 01:10:56,507 --> 01:10:57,257 well... 1317 01:10:58,467 --> 01:11:00,177 Let's see. 1318 01:11:01,637 --> 01:11:04,014 Who will it be tonight? 1319 01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:05,974 As for me... 1320 01:11:06,350 --> 01:11:07,351 Damn! 1321 01:11:07,851 --> 01:11:10,771 My sister never told me how beautiful you were. 1322 01:11:10,938 --> 01:11:13,315 She's going to get it when she gets in from Colorado. 1323 01:11:13,524 --> 01:11:14,858 Colorado? 1324 01:11:15,150 --> 01:11:17,027 I thought Jen lived in Boston. 1325 01:11:18,195 --> 01:11:19,279 Whatever. 1326 01:11:22,032 --> 01:11:24,243 Soon we faced the inevitable. 1327 01:11:24,910 --> 01:11:27,204 Our little tradition began to disband. 1328 01:11:28,121 --> 01:11:29,456 Till finally, 1329 01:11:30,123 --> 01:11:31,625 it was no more. 1330 01:11:34,962 --> 01:11:36,547 We had never 1331 01:11:36,713 --> 01:11:39,091 let anybody get between us before. 1332 01:11:39,299 --> 01:11:42,219 I guess it took somebody as special as Mia 1333 01:11:42,970 --> 01:11:45,013 to open our eyes 1334 01:11:45,222 --> 01:11:47,432 and make us realize 1335 01:11:47,683 --> 01:11:49,893 that women are a lot more like us, 1336 01:11:50,394 --> 01:11:51,228 well.. 1337 01:11:51,979 --> 01:11:54,189 a lot more like Zeke and Brad, 1338 01:11:54,940 --> 01:11:56,483 than we ever imagined. 1339 01:11:57,234 --> 01:11:58,569 I�m worried about her. 1340 01:11:58,735 --> 01:12:01,989 I know in my heart that she's really hurting inside. 1341 01:12:02,406 --> 01:12:05,826 Brad was never, and I mean never, fully hard. 1342 01:12:06,285 --> 01:12:08,078 Never? Why didn't you bail? 1343 01:12:08,287 --> 01:12:10,330 I really hope 1344 01:12:10,622 --> 01:12:11,874 she's okay. 1345 01:12:12,082 --> 01:12:13,083 It�s a package deal. 1346 01:12:13,292 --> 01:12:14,293 Evidently not. 1347 01:12:16,253 --> 01:12:18,380 So, did he ever get it in? 1348 01:12:19,464 --> 01:12:20,465 Sort of. 1349 01:12:21,049 --> 01:12:22,134 I�d say... 1350 01:12:22,301 --> 01:12:23,552 I kind of felt sorry for the guy. 1351 01:12:24,303 --> 01:12:24,970 I mean, 1352 01:12:25,220 --> 01:12:28,223 it was sad watching him struggle. He'd just kind of, 1353 01:12:28,640 --> 01:12:29,308 I don't know, 1354 01:12:31,185 --> 01:12:34,188 bang it up against me, like fucking "Rain Man". 1355 01:12:35,314 --> 01:12:38,484 I know, it's like fitting a marshmallow in a keyhole. 1356 01:12:39,193 --> 01:12:41,236 -Like playing pool with a string. -Okay? 1357 01:12:41,487 --> 01:12:44,907 How do you get a condom on like that? 1358 01:12:45,073 --> 01:12:48,410 A condom? Guy needs a splint, prop that shit up. 1359 01:12:48,994 --> 01:12:50,454 You know what�s even worse? 1360 01:12:50,621 --> 01:12:51,997 The guy had ass rot. 1361 01:12:54,583 --> 01:12:55,584 We're eating here. 1362 01:12:55,834 --> 01:12:57,085 I�m sorry, but he did. 1363 01:12:57,461 --> 01:12:59,588 Do you know why? They don't know how to wipe. 1364 01:12:59,755 --> 01:13:00,506 It�s true. 1365 01:13:00,672 --> 01:13:02,883 And then there was Zeke. 1366 01:13:03,133 --> 01:13:05,344 Zeke was like downtown art boy. 1367 01:13:05,511 --> 01:13:06,512 You know what I mean? 1368 01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:09,097 The guy was so fucking conceited in bed. 1369 01:13:09,264 --> 01:13:10,682 Right? And the irony is... 1370 01:13:10,849 --> 01:13:13,310 he had the smallest cock 1371 01:13:13,519 --> 01:13:15,062 I have ever seen. 1372 01:13:15,229 --> 01:13:18,106 It was all tip and no shaft. 1373 01:13:18,273 --> 01:13:19,525 I�m serious. 1374 01:13:19,733 --> 01:13:22,653 It was like an acorn resting on his balls there. 1375 01:13:24,154 --> 01:13:27,658 Then to top it off, the guy's a freak in bed. 1376 01:13:28,116 --> 01:13:29,201 He'd be like: 1377 01:13:29,868 --> 01:13:31,662 "Who's your daddy? 1378 01:13:31,870 --> 01:13:34,748 Who's your daddy?" 1379 01:13:36,458 --> 01:13:39,294 I think that was the most he ever asked me about myself. 1380 01:13:39,753 --> 01:13:41,380 And then there was Jonathan. 1381 01:13:42,464 --> 01:13:44,758 He was harmless, Jonathan. 1382 01:13:44,925 --> 01:13:45,592 Yeah. 1383 01:13:45,843 --> 01:13:47,719 I could've hung out with him a little longer. 1384 01:13:48,512 --> 01:13:50,639 Mia, you getting "emo" on us? 1385 01:13:51,181 --> 01:13:53,142 -Please. -What's "emo"? 1386 01:13:53,308 --> 01:13:55,686 Emotions. Occupational hazard. 1387 01:13:55,853 --> 01:13:58,397 No, I just felt kind of bad for him, that's all. 1388 01:13:58,981 --> 01:14:01,608 -Then again, he had it coming. -Of course he had it coming. 1389 01:14:01,817 --> 01:14:02,568 Exactly. 1390 01:14:02,734 --> 01:14:04,945 Fuck this shit. I want details. Did he have a big dick? 1391 01:14:05,445 --> 01:14:06,822 Come on, give it to us. 1392 01:14:07,072 --> 01:14:08,699 Package size. 1393 01:14:09,575 --> 01:14:10,492 Oh my...! 1394 01:14:12,411 --> 01:14:13,328 Come on. 1395 01:14:14,955 --> 01:14:17,583 Holy shit! 1396 01:14:19,001 --> 01:14:21,461 -Oh, baby! -You go, girl! 1397 01:14:22,087 --> 01:14:24,381 Does he have cousins or brothers? 1398 01:14:24,673 --> 01:14:26,383 So is that all of them? 1399 01:14:26,758 --> 01:14:27,426 No. 1400 01:14:27,634 --> 01:14:29,428 Then there was also Eric. 1401 01:14:29,636 --> 01:14:31,513 The pathetic married friend. 1402 01:14:31,680 --> 01:14:34,141 Married, not married, married... 1403 01:14:34,349 --> 01:14:37,102 He comes over to my house, giving me this sob story 1404 01:14:37,269 --> 01:14:40,856 about how it's my fault his friends are abandoning him 1405 01:14:41,023 --> 01:14:43,150 -on their Sunday brunches. -Which it was. 1406 01:14:43,317 --> 01:14:45,360 Of course, but I didn't let him know that. 1407 01:14:45,527 --> 01:14:47,112 So what did you do? 1408 01:14:48,614 --> 01:14:49,531 I blew him. 1409 01:14:49,698 --> 01:14:52,326 Yeah! Who's your daddy now? 1410 01:14:55,662 --> 01:14:56,997 He actually tasted good. 1411 01:14:57,164 --> 01:14:59,291 -His wife probably reads Cosmo. -Yeah. 1412 01:14:59,500 --> 01:15:01,543 Mia, you're a fucking pro. 1413 01:15:01,960 --> 01:15:04,171 Where do you find these guys? 1414 01:15:04,421 --> 01:15:07,299 When I saw them work on those three girls in the park that day, 1415 01:15:07,466 --> 01:15:09,092 I knew they were the ones. 1416 01:15:09,301 --> 01:15:12,221 They had the bloated egos, 1417 01:15:12,387 --> 01:15:15,808 the look, the lines, the whole nine yards. 1418 01:15:16,183 --> 01:15:17,684 Why are men such fucking idiots? 1419 01:15:17,851 --> 01:15:20,479 I figured these guys out in a matter of minutes. 1420 01:15:20,646 --> 01:15:22,105 They were perfect. 1421 01:15:22,272 --> 01:15:25,275 It was awesome watching them scramble in their own game, 1422 01:15:25,484 --> 01:15:27,444 thinking they're God's gift to women. 1423 01:15:27,611 --> 01:15:28,779 They didn't know what hit them. 1424 01:15:28,946 --> 01:15:31,073 The point is that it's fun. 1425 01:15:31,281 --> 01:15:32,449 I mean... 1426 01:15:32,991 --> 01:15:33,826 Yeah, it's fun. 1427 01:15:34,034 --> 01:15:36,328 Guys do it all the time. 1428 01:15:36,495 --> 01:15:39,164 You got to be willing to face the consequences if you scam. 1429 01:15:39,915 --> 01:15:40,749 You know... 1430 01:15:41,041 --> 01:15:43,585 everybody fucks everybody in the end. 1431 01:15:43,836 --> 01:15:45,212 You got to be prepared. 1432 01:15:45,546 --> 01:15:47,422 It�s the nature of the beast. 1433 01:15:47,840 --> 01:15:49,091 Next, please. 1434 01:16:00,227 --> 01:16:02,271 I don't know what you got down here, lady. 1435 01:16:02,521 --> 01:16:04,148 It�s been clogged all week. 1436 01:16:05,357 --> 01:16:07,317 I think I got something here. 1437 01:16:10,946 --> 01:16:12,447 That's where it is. 1438 01:16:12,823 --> 01:16:13,657 Give me that! 1439 01:16:28,547 --> 01:16:30,257 Here comes Papa! 1440 01:17:19,723 --> 01:17:21,058 What the hell...? 1441 01:17:21,642 --> 01:17:24,978 I haven't been able to come all week and that's why. 1442 01:17:33,237 --> 01:17:34,488 What's that smell? 1443 01:17:34,696 --> 01:17:35,531 What? 1444 01:17:39,493 --> 01:17:40,494 Never mind. 1445 01:17:42,246 --> 01:17:45,749 Just put your pants back on. I got to talk to you guys. 1446 01:17:46,500 --> 01:17:47,751 I�m serious. 1447 01:17:48,001 --> 01:17:49,169 What now? 1448 01:17:58,971 --> 01:18:01,098 I don't care what the guys say. 1449 01:18:02,599 --> 01:18:03,267 Anymore. 1450 01:18:03,475 --> 01:18:05,060 They're always... 1451 01:18:05,602 --> 01:18:07,980 giving me shit about Loraine 1452 01:18:08,147 --> 01:18:10,190 and trying to cock block me. 1453 01:18:10,399 --> 01:18:12,860 Cock block is where, let's say, 1454 01:18:13,026 --> 01:18:15,654 you're in a bar and you're trying to hit on a woman 1455 01:18:15,821 --> 01:18:18,699 and she's buying your shit. 1456 01:18:18,949 --> 01:18:20,033 And then... 1457 01:18:20,909 --> 01:18:24,163 one of your asshole friends comes up and they're like: 1458 01:18:24,413 --> 01:18:27,499 "Hey, man. How's the wife?" 1459 01:18:28,417 --> 01:18:30,127 That's an instant cock block. 1460 01:18:30,335 --> 01:18:32,796 You cannot talk your way out of that shit. 1461 01:18:32,963 --> 01:18:36,216 Why are you trying to pickup women in bars if you�re married? 1462 01:18:36,758 --> 01:18:37,676 What? 1463 01:18:37,968 --> 01:18:40,971 I said, why are you trying to pickup women if you�re married? 1464 01:18:42,931 --> 01:18:44,808 I mean, come on... 1465 01:18:46,894 --> 01:18:47,978 I�m a guy. 101158