All language subtitles for Uncle.S02E02_English

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,533 --> 00:00:04,333 (AVE MARIA PLAYING) 2 00:00:13,033 --> 00:00:14,273 This is nice. 3 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:18,230 You're telling me. 4 00:00:18,267 --> 00:00:21,067 I don't think I've been this relaxed since the womb. 5 00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,900 But then, that might have been foetal alcohol syndrome. 6 00:00:23,933 --> 00:00:25,573 (LAUGHS) 7 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:26,670 You're very cute. 8 00:00:26,700 --> 00:00:30,700 As in manly cute? Yeah? As in Chuck Norris cute? 9 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:37,633 The best thing about you is that you know how to keep things casual. 10 00:00:37,667 --> 00:00:40,467 It's so refreshing to find a guy 11 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:42,370 who knows he's not built for relationships. 12 00:00:44,167 --> 00:00:45,697 (MOBILE PHONE RINGS) 13 00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:52,400 Hello? 14 00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:53,730 What? 15 00:01:00,867 --> 00:01:02,127 (DOOR OPENS) 16 00:01:02,167 --> 00:01:03,527 Well? What have you got to say for yourself? 17 00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:05,503 Sorry? 18 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,233 Yeah, you should be. I mean, cheating in a test is one thing, 19 00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:09,427 but getting caught, that is just embarrassing. 20 00:01:09,467 --> 00:01:11,867 Well, I didn't actually cheat. I was pretending. 21 00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:13,770 Pathetically intriguing, I'll bite. 22 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,730 I figured if I got caught cheating, people might think I'm cool. 23 00:01:16,767 --> 00:01:18,527 -People? -Well, a person. 24 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:20,630 Willow. 25 00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:21,627 She's in a dance crew! 26 00:01:21,667 --> 00:01:23,367 Not a chance, mate. You're too uptight. 27 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,400 Uptight? I've opened a chess match using the King's gambit. 28 00:01:26,433 --> 00:01:27,503 Touch the floor. 29 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:32,770 Full palm. 30 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,300 Now, touch your face. 31 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,400 See. It's no problem. I have to go. 32 00:01:43,833 --> 00:01:45,503 Melodie? 33 00:01:45,533 --> 00:01:46,703 I thought I heard music. 34 00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:48,503 Andy, hi. How've you been? 35 00:01:48,533 --> 00:01:50,673 Been good, yeah. I've been on the, uh, 5:2 diet. 36 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:53,270 So I'm surprised you recognised me. You should try it. 37 00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:56,800 Not that you need to... You look fine. 38 00:01:56,833 --> 00:01:57,873 How've you been? 39 00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,070 Yeah, I'm good. Fat, but good. 40 00:02:00,067 --> 00:02:02,067 (CHUCKLES) Yeah. You know about the last time... 41 00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:04,530 Oh, God, no! Forget about it. It's all in the past. 42 00:02:04,567 --> 00:02:07,127 I'm sorry I blew my rape whistle at you. 43 00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:09,227 It was so stupid. I don't have it any more so... 44 00:02:09,267 --> 00:02:11,327 -Oh, really? -Yeah, now I just carry a rape knife. 45 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:15,070 (LAUGHS) 46 00:02:15,933 --> 00:02:17,533 So... Friends? 47 00:02:17,567 --> 00:02:20,297 Yeah... No, I don't know. I mean, how many female friends 48 00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:21,573 do you actually have, Andy? 49 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:22,700 -Um... -(DOOR OPENS) 50 00:02:22,733 --> 00:02:23,833 There you are! 51 00:02:23,867 --> 00:02:25,867 Oh, Ryan! This is Andy. 52 00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:28,530 Andy, this is Ryan, my colleague. 53 00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:29,797 Andy is Errol's uncle. 54 00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,603 Errol's a great kid. Like a little Stephen Hawking. 55 00:02:31,633 --> 00:02:32,873 (IN ELECTRONIC VOICE) It is his voice. 56 00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:34,070 (LAUGHS) 57 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:36,700 I like your T-shirt. 58 00:02:36,733 --> 00:02:38,303 -I'm a massive Costello fan. -(IN NORMAL VOICE) Favourite album? 59 00:02:38,333 --> 00:02:39,833 -This Year's Model. -Favourite collaboration? 60 00:02:39,867 --> 00:02:40,927 Painted from Memory with... 61 00:02:40,967 --> 00:02:42,427 BOTH: Burt Bacharach in '98. 62 00:02:42,467 --> 00:02:44,767 -Maybe I should leave you two alone together? -(DOOR OPENS) 63 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,470 Oh, hey, Errol. What's up, dude? 64 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,630 Oh, hello, Mr Sardson. Just washed my hands. 65 00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:52,397 Brilliant. Um, well, it was great meeting you, Andy. 66 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,070 So how long has Miss Thomas been dating that Ryan clown? 67 00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:01,800 A while. He and Miss Thomas seem good together. 68 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,133 What's that supposed to mean? 69 00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:05,227 Mr Sardson's a good guy. He's a great history teacher. 70 00:03:05,267 --> 00:03:07,567 He just seems like good boyfriend material. 71 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:10,170 -I'm good boyfriend material. -You think "To Let" signs are hilarious 72 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,230 because they almost spell "Toilet"? 73 00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:13,627 Well, they do, don't they! 74 00:03:13,667 --> 00:03:15,927 What's the longest relationship you've ever had? 75 00:03:15,967 --> 00:03:18,367 More of a quality-over-quantity kind of guy. 76 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,230 What quality is that then? Commitment-a-phobia? 77 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,770 ANDY: Okay, so coolness is all about the three S's. 78 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:28,630 Sight, sound and you've got swagger, right? Let's start with sight. 79 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,067 You need to have a cool face. 80 00:03:30,067 --> 00:03:32,767 Like you're sucking on a lemon but you find it slightly amusing. 81 00:03:35,733 --> 00:03:37,373 I mean, you look like you're having a stroke. 82 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,100 Fine, we'll move on to sound. 83 00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:43,203 A cool voice can pretty much make anything sound amazing. Observe. 84 00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:46,673 (IN HUSKY VOICE) I've just had my boiler fixed. 85 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:50,430 (IN HUSKY VOICE) Did you see that episode of Countdown last night? 86 00:03:50,467 --> 00:03:52,267 (IN NORMAL VOICE) Okay, last up is swagger. 87 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,530 Got to walk like you've got a tiny little limp from an old 88 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,827 shrapnel injury but you don't care. 89 00:03:56,867 --> 00:03:58,067 Go on. 90 00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:00,697 I said shrapnel, not cannon ball. 91 00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:02,403 All right, fine if you can't master the three S's, 92 00:04:02,433 --> 00:04:03,503 you've got one more option. 93 00:04:03,533 --> 00:04:04,733 (IN NORMAL VOICE) Buy my way to the top? 94 00:04:04,767 --> 00:04:07,297 Be dangerous. 95 00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:09,233 -Stick those in your pocket. -You want me to steal? 96 00:04:09,267 --> 00:04:12,167 No. Stealing is wrong. I want you to shoplift. 97 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,630 Shoplifting is badass. 98 00:04:15,633 --> 00:04:16,703 Put them in your pocket. 99 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,530 Hello? Are you going to pay for that? 100 00:04:22,567 --> 00:04:23,567 Leg it! 101 00:04:24,733 --> 00:04:27,733 Em... Keep the change. 102 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:31,097 What do you think's cooler? @FeralErrol or @HolyRoly? 103 00:04:31,133 --> 00:04:33,103 How about @Errol69? 104 00:04:33,133 --> 00:04:35,403 I wasn't born in 1969. 105 00:04:35,433 --> 00:04:37,233 Why do you suddenly care about social networking? 106 00:04:37,267 --> 00:04:38,827 'Cause then Willow might notice me. 107 00:04:38,867 --> 00:04:40,897 I mean, at the moment she only talks to me when I do her homework. 108 00:04:40,933 --> 00:04:43,833 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. Cool people don't do other people's homework. 109 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,127 Yeah, but she pays me. And I'm saving up for a microscope. 110 00:04:46,167 --> 00:04:48,967 You know what you need? An account that gets the whole school talking. 111 00:04:49,067 --> 00:04:50,897 People love controversy. 112 00:04:50,933 --> 00:04:53,633 Oh, you mean like who's been putting the recyclable bottles in the ordinary rubbish bin? 113 00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:55,197 I think it's Spencer Bennett. 114 00:04:55,233 --> 00:04:58,473 No. I mean, who's dating who. Student fights, faculty romances. The juice. 115 00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:01,430 You mean gossip? I can't do that. I'll get in trouble. 116 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:04,267 That's why you're going to have a pseudonym. 117 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:05,970 Welcome to... 118 00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:07,167 (KEYBOARD CLACKING) 119 00:05:07,867 --> 00:05:10,327 TripleTrouble69. 120 00:05:10,367 --> 00:05:12,597 How's being anonymous going to prove to Willow that I'm cool? 121 00:05:12,633 --> 00:05:15,373 'Cause you can't have the big reveal until you have the superhero identity. 122 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,600 Nobody gave a toss about Peter Parker before he was Spider-Man. 123 00:05:18,633 --> 00:05:19,933 I can't do it. It's too risky. 124 00:05:19,967 --> 00:05:21,967 -(DOOR OPENS) -(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 125 00:05:22,067 --> 00:05:23,897 -Hi, Mum. -Don't you "Hi, Mum" me. 126 00:05:23,933 --> 00:05:25,833 What were you thinking cheating on a test? 127 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,067 That is so unlike you. 128 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:29,230 You don't know me. Maybe I'm dangerous. 129 00:05:29,267 --> 00:05:31,067 Maybe I'm Spider-Man. 130 00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:32,930 Spider-Man doesn't throw bread out two days before the best by date. 131 00:05:32,967 --> 00:05:34,597 Mould is nothing to be trifled with. 132 00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:37,073 (SIGHS) But how would other parents handle this situation? 133 00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:38,170 Send me to my room? 134 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,970 Go to your room now! And no TV! 135 00:05:40,067 --> 00:05:43,167 But what about University Challenge? It's the semi-finals. 136 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,430 Fine, University Challenge. But that is it! 137 00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:48,727 Do you think I've got commitment-a-phobia? 138 00:05:48,767 --> 00:05:50,097 No. You're just shit at relationships. 139 00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:51,703 I'm the only one here that's in a relationship. 140 00:05:51,733 --> 00:05:54,103 What? With the cougar? I thought it was just a fling. 141 00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:55,633 Has she held your hand in public yet? 142 00:05:55,667 --> 00:05:57,327 -What's that got to do with anything? -I give it a week. 143 00:05:57,367 --> 00:05:59,767 Now, listen to this. Ben wants me to meet his girlfriend, Veronica, 144 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,570 to "Open the channels of communication for Roly's sake." 145 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,300 Why do I need to communicate with a complete stranger about my son? 146 00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:09,103 She didn't squeeze him out of her vagina. She didn't breast feed him for three years. 147 00:06:09,133 --> 00:06:10,503 What would you say to a client? 148 00:06:10,533 --> 00:06:13,973 I would say, "Go into the situation with an open mind 149 00:06:14,067 --> 00:06:15,827 "and leave your baggage with Ben at the door." 150 00:06:15,867 --> 00:06:17,467 Sounds good. 151 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,870 Fuck that. I'm going to sit there quietly and judge the bitch. 152 00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:22,470 Hang on, Errol was breast-fed till he was three? 153 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,867 You better finish that. You're going to need your strength. 154 00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:32,870 What if we don't tonight? You know, we could just talk. 155 00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:36,430 Seriously, eat it up. I need you out the house by 10:30. I have an early start. 156 00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:39,167 Don't you get lonely, in that big house all by yourself? 157 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,900 I have plenty of friends to keep me company, in the short term. 158 00:06:42,933 --> 00:06:47,433 Just curious, what qualities are you looking for in the long term? 159 00:06:47,467 --> 00:06:51,197 Well, a good listener. Funny without trying too hard. 160 00:06:51,233 --> 00:06:54,233 Great taste in music, but not afraid of the cheesy stuff. 161 00:06:54,267 --> 00:06:56,597 Like, he could listen to Wet Wet Wet without being cynical. 162 00:06:56,633 --> 00:07:01,133 He's loyal, caring, well-read and a good role model for kids. 163 00:07:01,933 --> 00:07:04,333 And independently wealthy. 164 00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:05,367 (CHUCKLES) 165 00:07:07,133 --> 00:07:08,903 -What are you doing? -Paying? 166 00:07:08,933 --> 00:07:12,773 (CHUCKLES) Don't be silly. It's not like this was a date. 167 00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:30,073 Tiffany, do you think I'm cool? 168 00:07:30,933 --> 00:07:32,133 Yeah. 169 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,170 -Really? -No. 170 00:07:36,167 --> 00:07:37,327 (LAUGHTER) 171 00:07:40,967 --> 00:07:42,927 (IN HUSKY VOICE) Uh... Hi, Willow. 172 00:07:42,967 --> 00:07:44,097 What's up with your voice? 173 00:07:44,133 --> 00:07:46,073 It's just a cold. How's it hanging? 174 00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:47,767 All good, little man. Have you got the homework? 175 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,530 Sure do, yeah. Uh... A big man. 176 00:07:50,567 --> 00:07:54,067 I added a few extra misspellings to account for your dyslexia. 177 00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:56,327 -How do you know I'm dyslexic? -Your tweets. 178 00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:57,627 Oh, you'll like this joke. 179 00:07:57,667 --> 00:07:59,867 -What do dyslexic zombies eat? -What? 180 00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:01,630 Brians! 181 00:08:01,667 --> 00:08:03,327 Um... Yeah, anyway, um... 182 00:08:03,367 --> 00:08:07,367 I just came to say that my homework services will be coming to an end, 183 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,770 unfortunately, but, um... We can still hang on Twitter. 184 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,130 My handle's @TheFeralErrol. 185 00:08:13,967 --> 00:08:15,567 Don't worry, I won't bite. 186 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:19,370 Tammy just tweeted that Mr Isles is so old he shits fossils! 187 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:20,430 (LAUGHING) 188 00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,067 Tammy is jokes! 189 00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:25,100 Yeah, he's so old that his farts are made of background radiation. 190 00:08:25,133 --> 00:08:26,873 So when he makes a big bang, 191 00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:28,530 it's actually from the Big Bang. 192 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:30,667 (ERROL GIGGLES) 193 00:08:33,433 --> 00:08:34,673 Samantha? 194 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:36,200 Don't let her win. Don't let her win. 195 00:08:36,233 --> 00:08:40,103 Hi, I'm Veronica. It's so good to meet you. 196 00:08:40,133 --> 00:08:42,073 Please, sit down. 197 00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,800 Do you prefer if I call you Sam or Samantha? 198 00:08:44,833 --> 00:08:46,073 Samantha's good. 199 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:47,130 I love your top. 200 00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:48,927 Oh, thanks. Primarni sale. 201 00:08:48,967 --> 00:08:52,067 I love them! They're so cheap. 202 00:08:52,067 --> 00:08:53,227 (VERONICA CHUCKLES) 203 00:08:53,267 --> 00:08:55,297 Oh, God, I don't mean that you're cheap. 204 00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:59,133 I mean, I get all my socks from the Pound Store so I'm in no position to judge. 205 00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:02,767 It's fine. I like my clothes like I like my men. Slightly damaged. 206 00:09:03,767 --> 00:09:05,597 (CHUCKLES) 207 00:09:05,633 --> 00:09:08,703 Ben said you were funny. And you're a therapist, right? 208 00:09:08,733 --> 00:09:10,433 That must be so interesting. 209 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,497 Yeah, I love crazy people. That's why I married Ben! 210 00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:18,403 Look, if my ex asked me to meet his girlfriend, 211 00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:20,373 I don't think I'd be cool with it. 212 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,270 But I just wanted to tell you that I'm not here to 213 00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:26,970 step on your authority or try and get Roly to call me Mum. 214 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,797 I mean, you've done such a great job with him, you don't need my help. 215 00:09:29,833 --> 00:09:32,273 And we don't even have to be friends, if you don't want. 216 00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:35,200 Also if you do, that's fine too. But I just... 217 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:41,700 Just wanted to say hi, really. So... Hi. 218 00:09:41,733 --> 00:09:43,973 How was that? I think I did better in the mirror. 219 00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:45,827 Oh, thank God, you're normal. 220 00:09:45,867 --> 00:09:47,167 MAN: Are you ladies ready to order? 221 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,730 What would you like, Samantha? It's on me. 222 00:09:49,767 --> 00:09:51,227 Oh, please, call me Sam. 223 00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:03,497 (MOBILE PHONE RINGS) 224 00:10:04,433 --> 00:10:06,033 Whatever it is, the answer's no. 225 00:10:06,067 --> 00:10:07,567 What? You're my baby brother, 226 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,070 can't I call you for a casual chat? 227 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:11,600 Fine. How did your coffee go with Ben's future ex? 228 00:10:11,633 --> 00:10:13,973 Great. I've invited them both to a party at mine tomorrow. 229 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,370 Why would you do that? 230 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:18,000 Because Ben asked me to meet her so I would fail. 231 00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:20,203 But now, I'll be his worst nightmare. 232 00:10:20,233 --> 00:10:22,673 I am going to become Veronica's best friend. 233 00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:25,170 I win. So you'll be coming to my party tomorrow? 234 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,030 -I knew it! No way. -Oh, come on! 235 00:10:27,067 --> 00:10:29,597 I need as many people there as possible or I won't look cool. 236 00:10:29,633 --> 00:10:31,233 -You can bring your cougar... -(LINE BEEPS) 237 00:10:31,267 --> 00:10:32,697 Other call. I've got to go. 238 00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:35,003 Hey, sexy. 239 00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:36,073 Uh... Uncle Andy? 240 00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,670 Oh, God, hello. 241 00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:39,430 -What do you want? -I just tweeted. 242 00:10:39,467 --> 00:10:42,127 "Why are the cubes in men's urinals always blue? 243 00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:43,227 "Hashtag sexist?" 244 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:44,967 And that is funny. 245 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,000 Not to mention a biting social commentary. But it got zero retweets! 246 00:10:48,033 --> 00:10:49,533 Even Murray Thomas gets 247 00:10:49,567 --> 00:10:51,567 a couple of favourites when he posts videos of his blind cat farting. 248 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,100 Nobody likes you. What's your point? 249 00:10:53,133 --> 00:10:54,733 I'm ready to be Spider-Man. 250 00:10:55,833 --> 00:10:57,003 (HANGS UP) 251 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:22,670 Do you think it's true? About Mr Sardson cheating on Miss Thomas? 252 00:11:23,967 --> 00:11:25,597 Don't know. Who cares? 253 00:11:25,633 --> 00:11:28,803 Everyone's talking about it. Who do you think TripleTrouble69 is? 254 00:11:28,833 --> 00:11:30,973 I think it's Spencer Bennett. 255 00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:34,927 Well, I don't know. I think maybe this chap might be even cooler than Spencer. 256 00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:36,327 Or dumber. 257 00:11:36,367 --> 00:11:37,527 Look, excuse me. 258 00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:39,297 (GIRLS LAUGHING) 259 00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:42,303 Hi, Willow. What do you think of that, um... TripleTrouble guy? Crazy stuff, right? 260 00:11:42,333 --> 00:11:44,933 Yeah. Whoever wrote all that shiz is a ledge. 261 00:11:44,967 --> 00:11:47,067 Yes, he's definitely a ledge... 262 00:11:48,233 --> 00:11:51,703 Hey, why do you sit with that Tiffany girl? 263 00:11:51,733 --> 00:11:53,573 Ain't she a bit weird? 264 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,070 Oh, here we go. 265 00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:59,600 (CHANTING) 266 00:12:09,133 --> 00:12:12,273 I could have waited in the car if you're just coming up for a book. 267 00:12:12,767 --> 00:12:14,627 Is this a party? 268 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,167 Oh, yeah. I guess it is. 269 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,570 This'll only take a sec. 270 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,800 Ah, I miss living here. 271 00:12:20,833 --> 00:12:22,633 You lived here? 272 00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:24,167 Just loaning it to my sister and her kid until they get back on their feet. 273 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,070 If I'm honest, it was more space than I needed. 274 00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:29,527 And how exactly does an ex-Carpet Brothers employee afford two flats? 275 00:12:29,567 --> 00:12:31,927 Well, I found a toe in a kebab I had a couple of years ago 276 00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:34,097 and I poured all the settlement money into property. 277 00:12:34,133 --> 00:12:35,703 And as for Carpet Brothers, 278 00:12:35,733 --> 00:12:37,733 I was only working that day 'cause I was helping out a mate. 279 00:12:37,767 --> 00:12:38,797 How didn't I know any of this? 280 00:12:38,833 --> 00:12:39,873 You never asked. 281 00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:41,770 -There you are! -Hi, Sam. 282 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,300 Teresa, this is Sam, my sister. 283 00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:45,473 It's a pleasure to meet you. This place is great. 284 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,200 I'm sure that's not how Andy left it. 285 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,427 Uh... Yeah, no, no. 286 00:12:49,467 --> 00:12:51,527 We had to get the old makeover police in. 287 00:12:51,567 --> 00:12:52,667 Do you mind if I use your loo? 288 00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,270 -Yeah, sure, it's just there. -Thank you. 289 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,697 Oh... Fuck me. She's classy. Good luck keeping that one. 290 00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:01,473 Yeah, just make me look like boyfriend material for tonight. 291 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:02,530 Who are these jokers? 292 00:13:02,567 --> 00:13:04,067 I went through my Facebook and I invited 293 00:13:04,067 --> 00:13:06,067 all the coolest people I know to impress Veronica. 294 00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:07,830 -How did you make the cut? -(LAUGHS) 295 00:13:07,867 --> 00:13:08,927 Ow! 296 00:13:08,967 --> 00:13:10,067 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 297 00:13:10,067 --> 00:13:13,597 Hey, Rolio Iglesias. 298 00:13:13,633 --> 00:13:16,433 It worked! TripleTrouble69 has 500 followers. 299 00:13:16,467 --> 00:13:18,267 And Willow's eating out of the palm of my hand. 300 00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,930 I think I might have caused a fight between Mr Sardson and Miss Thomas though. 301 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,827 Should I feel bad about making up fake gossip? 302 00:13:22,867 --> 00:13:24,597 Nah. 303 00:13:24,633 --> 00:13:26,203 Good. Because I'm about to tweet that Mr Hamish, my gym teacher, 304 00:13:26,233 --> 00:13:27,733 has been stealing Tampax from the girls loo. 305 00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:29,627 That should teach him for calling me wheezy. 306 00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:31,567 Nice work. Listen, I've got my girlfriend here. 307 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,970 -And I need you to tell her what a great uncle I am. -Sure, I can lie. 308 00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:36,167 There you are. 309 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,230 Hey, Teresa! This is my nephew, Errol. 310 00:13:39,267 --> 00:13:41,827 Hello, nephew Errol. How come you're not out enjoying the party? 311 00:13:41,867 --> 00:13:44,727 I don't like parties. Tell me, do you play the lottery, Teresa? 312 00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:46,297 Sometimes, when there's a rollover. 313 00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,933 Hmm. Then you'll know the odds of winning are about one in 14 million. 314 00:13:48,967 --> 00:13:52,597 The world population is over seven billion. And Uncle Andy is one in seven billion. 315 00:13:52,633 --> 00:13:55,103 So that's like winning the lottery 500 times. 316 00:13:55,133 --> 00:13:57,073 "It could be you." 317 00:13:57,900 --> 00:13:59,330 Thanks for that, Rain Man. 318 00:13:59,367 --> 00:14:01,227 When I grow up, I want to be just like Uncle Andy. 319 00:14:01,267 --> 00:14:02,627 Whoa. Let's have a listen to this. 320 00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:05,527 I mean, he's loyal, dependable, great with strangers... 321 00:14:05,567 --> 00:14:07,527 Well, sounds like he'd make an excellent Labrador. 322 00:14:07,567 --> 00:14:11,927 Well, not to mention funny and musically talented and free of any communicable diseases. 323 00:14:11,967 --> 00:14:14,297 (GIGGLING) I can't believe it either. 324 00:14:14,333 --> 00:14:16,073 I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for Uncle Andy. 325 00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:17,227 When I took that drugs overdose... 326 00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:18,797 Hey, let's get to the party! 327 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:22,900 Oh, hi, guys! 328 00:14:22,933 --> 00:14:25,273 Ben, Veronica, this is my brother Andy's new friend, Teresa. 329 00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,470 Don't worry, we won't hold it against you. 330 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,070 Nice shirt, Andy. Does it come with a seizure warning? 331 00:14:30,067 --> 00:14:31,327 (LAUGHTER) 332 00:14:31,367 --> 00:14:34,097 What a joker. Come here for a hug, big guy. 333 00:14:34,133 --> 00:14:35,973 (SOFTLY) Just go along with what I say. 334 00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:39,067 So are you still on for that round of golf that you promised me? 335 00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,667 -What? -Since when did you like gol... 336 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,070 Andy's like Tiger Woods. 337 00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,670 What, you mean like he's a sex addict? 338 00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:45,770 (LAUGHTER) 339 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,570 I love your dress. 340 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,430 Oh, thank you. It's the only thing from my first marriage worth keeping. 341 00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:51,927 I didn't know you were divorced? 342 00:14:51,967 --> 00:14:53,067 You never asked. 343 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,530 Well, at least your ex bought you a dress. 344 00:14:54,567 --> 00:14:57,227 For Christmas once, Ben bought me a screwdriver set. 345 00:14:57,267 --> 00:14:58,527 That was to build Roly's cot with. 346 00:14:58,567 --> 00:15:02,627 Shame on you, Ben. Making a pregnant woman build a cot. 347 00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:06,467 Oh! I swear, if you don't put a ring on this one, I will. 348 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:09,700 VERONICA: Can I get that in writing? 349 00:15:09,733 --> 00:15:13,903 Oh, thank you! It's so great to finally meet you, Andy. 350 00:15:13,933 --> 00:15:15,833 Ben has told me so many stories. 351 00:15:15,867 --> 00:15:19,167 My favourite is the one when you got arrested at his stag do 352 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,300 in Barcelona dressed as a condom. 353 00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:23,703 I'm all about family planning. 354 00:15:23,733 --> 00:15:24,933 So what do you do, Teresa? 355 00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:27,927 Oh, it's really quite boring. I'm a parliamentary lawyer. 356 00:15:27,967 --> 00:15:29,267 -ALL: Ooh... -(WHISTLE) 357 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,370 So cool. 358 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:31,870 Yeah. I, um... 359 00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:35,070 I snogged Liam Gallagher once! 360 00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:39,067 Well, I think I'm 99.999% sure that it's... 361 00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:42,297 -Hey, Rolster. -Hi, Roly. 362 00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:45,633 Um... Uncle Andy, I need your help with a music project. 363 00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:46,667 Life of a role model, eh? 364 00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:48,670 -We have a situation. -You're telling me. 365 00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,670 Teresa's a divorced parliamentary lawyer! 366 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,230 And I've still got a He-Man duvet cover. I can't handle this adult shit. 367 00:15:53,267 --> 00:15:55,327 You're just having a low self-esteem attack. You're worth loving. 368 00:15:55,367 --> 00:15:56,597 Just keep telling yourself that. 369 00:15:56,633 --> 00:15:57,603 Okay. I'm worth loving, I'm... 370 00:15:57,633 --> 00:15:59,703 Not now! Willow's just PM'd me. 371 00:15:59,733 --> 00:16:01,133 She says, "You're proper jokes. 372 00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:03,467 "Who are you? X." She put an X. 373 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,770 I'm never going to wash my screen again. Do I tell her it's me? 374 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,530 No. Don't write anything. Just play it cool. 375 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,827 How about, "Wouldn't you like to know, babes?" 376 00:16:09,867 --> 00:16:11,897 Or "Babycakes"? That's a bit more urban. 377 00:16:11,933 --> 00:16:13,603 Babycakes isn't urban, it's weird. 378 00:16:13,633 --> 00:16:15,473 Now. What can I do to impress Teresa? 379 00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:18,430 Well, she's only heard how great you are from family. 380 00:16:18,467 --> 00:16:20,267 So it might mean more to hear it from a friend. 381 00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:23,570 What's up, guys? I thought I heard your voice, Andy. 382 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,070 Is this where the real party's at? Whoop! Whoop! 383 00:16:27,633 --> 00:16:30,303 Thanks for inviting us, by the way. It's very cool of you. 384 00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,333 I thought you were gonna flip when I asked you to meet Veronica. 385 00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:35,097 Why would I flip? She's great. We're adults. 386 00:16:35,133 --> 00:16:36,603 I don't see why we can't all be friends. 387 00:16:36,633 --> 00:16:39,503 I'm so glad you said that. I really wanted your approval. 388 00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:41,203 Especially now, we're moving in together. 389 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,200 Oh, I love Twiglets. You remembered. 390 00:16:46,767 --> 00:16:47,897 We're going. I'm in heat 391 00:16:47,933 --> 00:16:49,703 and I can't take any more small talk. 392 00:16:49,733 --> 00:16:53,973 In a second. But first, I would like to introduce you to my old friend, Bruce. 393 00:16:54,067 --> 00:16:55,497 Well, not that old, really. 394 00:16:55,533 --> 00:16:58,133 Bruce is also divorced. 395 00:16:58,167 --> 00:16:59,367 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 396 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,270 I'm just glad I could be there for him. 397 00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:09,367 Oh, yes, I don't know where I'd be without Andy. He's my rock. 398 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,870 What are friends for? Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on. 399 00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:14,330 Yeah, I'm not really much of a crier. 400 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,097 No, well, he cries like an orphaned seal pup, so... 401 00:17:17,133 --> 00:17:19,103 Bruce! I'm so glad you could make it. 402 00:17:19,133 --> 00:17:22,573 There he is! Bruce. I've been missing you at kids' footy practice. 403 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,770 This is Veronica, my significant other. 404 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,930 Bruce's step-daughter goes to the same school as Roly. 405 00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:28,567 BRUCE: Well, ex step-daughter. 406 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:29,670 Hang in there, mate. 407 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:30,770 We're still in contact. 408 00:17:31,567 --> 00:17:32,827 Sam. These are for you. 409 00:17:32,867 --> 00:17:37,197 Oh, wow! Chocolate. My favourite. 410 00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:38,633 Well, you'd better share some of those. 411 00:17:38,667 --> 00:17:41,597 Oh, you'll have to mud wrestle me for them. 412 00:17:41,633 --> 00:17:43,873 Oh, thank you so much, Bruce, that's so sweet. 413 00:17:43,900 --> 00:17:46,100 Hello... Your stomach is rock hard. 414 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:47,233 Have you been working out? 415 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,627 That's just from all the crying. 416 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,897 I guess I naturally have trouble putting on weight. 417 00:17:50,933 --> 00:17:52,173 Hey, listen, can I get you a drink? 418 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,700 BRUCE: Do you have any cranberry juice? 419 00:17:53,733 --> 00:17:55,503 For you, I've got it all. 420 00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:49,397 And so, I gave them my shoes and I walked home. 421 00:18:49,433 --> 00:18:50,873 (LAUGHS) 422 00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:53,200 What's so funny about being mugged at gunpoint for your shoes? 423 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,173 It is the way he told it, sweetie. 424 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,230 Actually, it was pretty funny. 425 00:18:57,267 --> 00:19:00,827 I guess getting divorced really puts perspective on things. 426 00:19:00,867 --> 00:19:02,227 SAM: Bruce, how's your cranberry? 427 00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:04,367 -Uh... Delicious. -Can I try some, do you mind? 428 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,530 Mmm... Mmm... 429 00:19:08,067 --> 00:19:09,697 (SAM GIGGLES) 430 00:19:14,533 --> 00:19:16,103 I'm going to get some more, wait there. 431 00:19:16,133 --> 00:19:18,273 I'll be right back. 432 00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:20,370 What the fuck is going on with Bruce? 433 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,200 -Nothing. I'm just being friendly. -Even Stevie Wonder can see 434 00:19:22,233 --> 00:19:23,503 that you're cock teasing him. 435 00:19:23,533 --> 00:19:24,573 Fine. So what if I am? 436 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,330 It's nice to get a bit of male attention. 437 00:19:26,367 --> 00:19:29,067 And, um... Ben has asked Veronica to move in with him. 438 00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:30,667 Why do you care? Ben's an arsehole. 439 00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:32,600 Yeah, but he was my arsehole first! 440 00:19:32,633 --> 00:19:34,603 Bruce is a mate. If you're not serious, don't mess with his head. 441 00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:36,233 You're one to talk. You barely speak to him 442 00:19:36,267 --> 00:19:37,527 and you're trying to make Teresa think 443 00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:39,197 you stay up all night painting each other's toenails! 444 00:19:39,233 --> 00:19:41,273 -We might do. You don't know. -(SAM SIGHS) 445 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:44,230 And despite all his suggested anti-prostitution bills, 446 00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:46,767 who do you think spends the most on out-of-town expenses? 447 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,370 (CHUCKLING) 448 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,300 Well, we should get going before MI5 slap a gag order on me. 449 00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:54,273 -Oh, but you just got here. -I know, but I want to get home before my son does. 450 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:55,730 BRUCE: Oh, you have a son. How old? 451 00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:58,297 Not quite old enough to move out, unfortunately. 452 00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:01,433 Andy, will you get my coat? And don't forget your book. 453 00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:03,597 -What book? -Is it a colouring book? 454 00:20:03,633 --> 00:20:05,003 (LAUGHS) 455 00:20:05,033 --> 00:20:08,803 No, uh... Errol's returning my copy of War And Peace to me. 456 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:11,003 I love Russian lit. 457 00:20:11,033 --> 00:20:12,533 Oh, yeah? Who wrote it? 458 00:20:14,233 --> 00:20:15,473 If you don't know that, Ben, 459 00:20:16,667 --> 00:20:17,797 I'm not going to tell you. 460 00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:21,127 She's got an old son. 461 00:20:21,167 --> 00:20:24,397 I can't be with someone that's got an old son. 462 00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:25,673 Why are you dressed like a bell-end? 463 00:20:25,700 --> 00:20:27,730 I've been exchanging messages with Willow and 464 00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:30,267 I'm gonna reveal my identity to her on Skype. I know you told me not to reply, 465 00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,570 but she was just so engaging. I couldn't help myself. 466 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,370 And they say the brain is the greatest love organ. 467 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,070 Well, I've never chaffed my brain. 468 00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:38,470 Listen, relationships are messy. 469 00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:39,800 You can't help who you end up with, 470 00:20:39,833 --> 00:20:42,303 whether it's a pint-sized urban street dancer 471 00:20:42,333 --> 00:20:44,173 or a parliamentary lawyer. 472 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,030 It's all a beautiful mystery. Like prime numbers. 473 00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:49,167 Now, go out there and embrace the new you. 474 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,670 The you that isn't afraid of life's responsibilities but tackles them 475 00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:55,600 head-on like a salmon swimming upstream for mating season. 476 00:20:55,633 --> 00:20:57,103 Don't salmon die after mating? 477 00:20:57,133 --> 00:20:59,173 Well, it's better than being eaten by a grizzly bear. 478 00:21:02,167 --> 00:21:03,497 Everyone, can I have your attention? 479 00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:09,103 I've got something I need to say to you. 480 00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:11,900 This flat isn't mine. 481 00:21:11,933 --> 00:21:14,133 I'm not independently wealthy and I've never read any Theo Tolstoy. 482 00:21:14,167 --> 00:21:16,697 -Leo Tolstoy. -I don't care that you've got an adult son 483 00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,603 and I don't care that you've got a big, important job. 484 00:21:18,633 --> 00:21:22,733 I just want you to know that Andy's ready for a grown-up relationship. 485 00:21:30,467 --> 00:21:34,267 * I feel it in my fingers 486 00:21:34,300 --> 00:21:38,730 * I feel it in my toes 487 00:21:38,767 --> 00:21:41,427 * Love is all around you 488 00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:45,630 Thanks. I don't think I could have survived the chorus. 489 00:21:45,667 --> 00:21:48,597 I'm not an idiot, Andy. I knew you were lying. I am a lawyer. 490 00:21:48,633 --> 00:21:50,273 Well, then, why didn't you say something? 491 00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:52,530 It's been a while since anyone's made the effort and it was sweet. 492 00:21:52,567 --> 00:21:55,497 And, of course, I like when men humiliate themselves. 493 00:21:55,533 --> 00:21:57,073 Well, you get sexier by the minute. 494 00:21:57,100 --> 00:21:59,300 I'm sorry, Andy. I can't do this. 495 00:21:59,333 --> 00:22:01,303 But you held my hand. That means something. 496 00:22:01,333 --> 00:22:03,473 Yes. It means I was trying to get you to leave. 497 00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:09,533 Look. I know we're like chalk and cheese, but why can't we be together? 498 00:22:09,567 --> 00:22:10,667 I'm married. 499 00:22:10,700 --> 00:22:12,100 No. You're divorced. 500 00:22:12,133 --> 00:22:15,173 Yes. From my first husband. I'm still married to my second. 501 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,500 Even if he is away most of the time. 502 00:22:17,533 --> 00:22:18,603 But where's your ring? 503 00:22:25,567 --> 00:22:28,797 Look, I like my life the way it is. It's tidy. 504 00:22:28,833 --> 00:22:31,073 Nobody gets hurt. Usually. 505 00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:32,530 I want a fling, that's it. 506 00:22:32,567 --> 00:22:34,397 If you're looking for something more, you need to look elsewhere. 507 00:22:34,433 --> 00:22:38,733 But if you can handle barn-storming sex with a powerful older woman, 508 00:22:38,767 --> 00:22:44,497 no strings attached and the occasional all-expenses paid meal or trip, then... 509 00:22:44,533 --> 00:22:45,673 I'm your gal. 510 00:22:46,867 --> 00:22:48,097 So what's it going to be? 511 00:22:58,567 --> 00:22:59,467 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 512 00:22:59,500 --> 00:23:01,730 -Sam, you all right? -Yeah, yeah. 513 00:23:01,767 --> 00:23:04,467 I just get a little sad whenever I hear Wet Wet Wet. 514 00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:06,400 God, the '90s sucked! 515 00:23:06,433 --> 00:23:08,973 Are you sure it's nothing that I've said? 516 00:23:09,067 --> 00:23:10,827 I haven't upset you or... 517 00:23:10,867 --> 00:23:12,167 How could you upset me? 518 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,630 You're the nicest fucking person in the world. 519 00:23:14,667 --> 00:23:17,627 I knew it. You do hate me. 520 00:23:17,667 --> 00:23:18,867 No. I don't hate you. 521 00:23:18,900 --> 00:23:24,870 Oh, it's like someone else wearing your old...bra. 522 00:23:24,900 --> 00:23:28,530 I mean, sure, it had some holes in it and the wire, like, 523 00:23:28,567 --> 00:23:30,427 dug into your pits, but it was yours. 524 00:23:30,467 --> 00:23:33,567 And it's really hard to find a good bra. 525 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,170 I just really wanted you to like me. 526 00:23:36,867 --> 00:23:38,527 I thought we could be friends. 527 00:23:38,567 --> 00:23:40,097 Well, you're dating my ex, so that's going to be a bit tricky. 528 00:23:40,133 --> 00:23:42,803 But I can see that Ben is the luckiest man in the world 529 00:23:42,833 --> 00:23:44,803 to have you. Fucking bastard. 530 00:23:47,067 --> 00:23:48,527 Can I ask you something? 531 00:23:48,567 --> 00:23:49,727 Yeah, sure. 532 00:23:49,767 --> 00:23:52,767 You know his left ball, that lump... 533 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:54,130 Oh, yeah, no, it's always been like that. 534 00:23:54,167 --> 00:23:55,427 Oh, phew. 535 00:23:55,467 --> 00:23:56,567 (BOTH LAUGH) 536 00:23:56,600 --> 00:24:00,230 Um, by the way, Ben told me the big news. 537 00:24:00,267 --> 00:24:02,627 -He did? Oh. -Hmm. 538 00:24:02,667 --> 00:24:04,097 I thought we were going to keep it a secret 539 00:24:04,133 --> 00:24:05,503 until the ring was ready. 540 00:24:05,533 --> 00:24:06,733 What? 541 00:24:06,767 --> 00:24:09,227 Yeah, he proposed before having a ring picked out. 542 00:24:09,267 --> 00:24:11,627 I mean, you know how impulsive he can be. 543 00:24:15,433 --> 00:24:16,503 Oh, God. 544 00:24:17,733 --> 00:24:20,233 I am so sorry. 545 00:24:20,267 --> 00:24:22,267 Oh, don't tell him that I told you. 546 00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:23,970 And please don't tell Errol. Because I know 547 00:24:24,067 --> 00:24:25,567 that he wants to break the news to him when the time's right. 548 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,530 Oh, God, now you must definitely hate me. 549 00:24:27,567 --> 00:24:29,227 No. No. 550 00:24:29,267 --> 00:24:31,527 No, I'm freaking pumped! 551 00:24:31,567 --> 00:24:32,967 You really mean that? 552 00:24:33,067 --> 00:24:38,167 Definitely. You are going to make him a very, very happy bra. 553 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,500 So, how is it being back in the workforce? 554 00:24:40,533 --> 00:24:42,203 All right. A little bit tedious. 555 00:24:42,233 --> 00:24:43,603 Well, you know what they say, 556 00:24:43,633 --> 00:24:45,073 "If it was supposed to be fun, they wouldn't call it work!" 557 00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:46,497 (BOTH LAUGH) 558 00:24:46,533 --> 00:24:47,773 Don't fuck Sam. 559 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,230 -Are we ready to go? -Yep. I think we're all sorted here. 560 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,530 Bruce? You coming? 561 00:24:54,567 --> 00:24:57,267 Yes. I'm going to go with them. 562 00:24:57,300 --> 00:24:58,870 Oh, all right, okay. 563 00:24:58,900 --> 00:25:00,430 Bye! 564 00:25:00,467 --> 00:25:01,497 (RINGING TONE) 565 00:25:04,867 --> 00:25:06,627 Uh... Errol? 566 00:25:06,667 --> 00:25:09,697 Yes, Willow. It's me. Now, I know you're thinking, you must be thinking, 567 00:25:09,733 --> 00:25:13,403 "How can TripleTrouble69 and Errol both be the same person, when he's so cool?" 568 00:25:13,433 --> 00:25:16,073 Well, I'll tell you. Because, Willow, I am cool. 569 00:25:16,100 --> 00:25:18,130 You just couldn't see it before. 570 00:25:18,167 --> 00:25:20,627 But now that you know my secret, we can be cool together. 571 00:25:20,667 --> 00:25:22,697 Willow, will you go out with me? 572 00:25:22,733 --> 00:25:26,433 Wow. Errol. You're a crazy little man. 573 00:25:26,467 --> 00:25:30,267 Respect. But I'm sorry, I only go with fit dancers. 574 00:25:30,300 --> 00:25:32,770 I can dance. I've got the moves. 575 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,370 Yeah? Let's see 'em. 576 00:25:36,933 --> 00:25:40,633 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS) 577 00:25:50,167 --> 00:25:51,797 (LAUGHTER) 578 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,570 This will make a great Vine. 579 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,170 Thanks for the lolz, little man. 580 00:26:02,100 --> 00:26:03,500 Thanks for coming. 581 00:26:47,133 --> 00:26:48,373 Can I sit here? 582 00:26:49,633 --> 00:26:51,073 Do what you like. 583 00:26:55,100 --> 00:26:56,730 -Have you seen it? -Yep. 584 00:26:56,767 --> 00:26:57,897 How bad is it? 585 00:26:57,933 --> 00:26:59,073 (PHONE BEEPS) 586 00:26:59,067 --> 00:27:01,067 I am TripleTrouble69. 587 00:27:01,833 --> 00:27:03,333 I've got the moves. 588 00:27:05,700 --> 00:27:06,800 We can be cool together. 589 00:27:09,633 --> 00:27:10,673 Um... Tiff... 590 00:27:11,867 --> 00:27:14,327 I'm sorry that I acted like an idiot. 591 00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:16,870 You're my best friend. And I... 592 00:27:16,900 --> 00:27:18,400 I swear I'll never blank you again. 593 00:27:19,567 --> 00:27:20,627 Okay. 594 00:27:21,500 --> 00:27:22,730 RUBY: Hi, Errol. 595 00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:25,727 I don't care what anyone says. I think your dancing was cute. 596 00:27:25,767 --> 00:27:27,067 Thanks, Ruby. 597 00:27:30,267 --> 00:27:31,927 WOMAN ON PA: Would Errol Meyer report 598 00:27:31,967 --> 00:27:34,067 to the Head Teacher's office, immediately? 599 00:27:34,067 --> 00:27:35,897 ALL: Whoa... 600 00:27:35,933 --> 00:27:38,073 (CHANTING) 601 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,200 So, what's the damage? 602 00:27:45,233 --> 00:27:48,733 Detention for two weeks and an apology to every teacher and student I mentioned. 603 00:27:48,767 --> 00:27:52,127 It's not all bad though, um, Willow and her crew have named a dance move after me. 604 00:27:52,167 --> 00:27:53,967 The TripleTrouble. It's quite cool, actually. 605 00:27:54,067 --> 00:27:57,597 Fact is, cool is like herpes. You've either got it or you haven't. 606 00:27:57,633 --> 00:27:59,273 How's it going with Teresa? 607 00:27:59,300 --> 00:28:02,900 Yeah, great. She totally gets the fact that I'm not a relationship kind of guy. 608 00:28:02,933 --> 00:28:05,933 I mean, she begged, sure, but I stood my ground. 609 00:28:05,967 --> 00:28:08,727 I'm like a lion on the prowl. Always hunting for my next meal. 610 00:28:08,767 --> 00:28:11,167 You know that the female lion does most of the hunting, right? 611 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:12,470 (MOBILE PHONE CHIMES) 612 00:28:14,333 --> 00:28:16,733 Oh, Uncle Andy. Look what I got. 613 00:28:16,767 --> 00:28:18,367 Nice work, TripleTrouble. 614 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:19,430 Hey! 615 00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:21,700 Leg it! 48697

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.