Original subtitles

[grunts]

Hold all my calls.

[giggling]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪

♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ Stroller rolling Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪

♪ Change my diaper, son Where's my bib? ♪

♪ Don't pacify You just got to pay me ♪

-♪ Who's in charge? ♪ -♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪

[thunder crashes]

I can't believe you stole the Emerald of the Thunderbird.

We're international treasure hunters. It's what we do.

[screeches]

He's getting closer. Look out!

[screeches]

[both] Ahh!

[screeches]

-[thunder crashes] -Whoa! What the--?

Who dares disturb the slumber of Zeus?

Dad? What are you doing?

I'm Zeus.

God of thunder?

You guys were in a thunderstorm, right?

Sky stuff is, like, Zeus's whole scene.

It's not really a storm.

We disturbed the mountain nest of the Thunderbird.

Then I shall smite him with my mighty lightning bolt

because I'm Zeus.

Oh, that's, um...

That's really cool,

but the Thunderbird can only be destroyed by the wail of the banshee.

[giggling, screams]

Caw-caw! Skurm, bleh!

-Boom! No more Thunderbird. -[giggling]

[chuckles] Fun.

You don't need Zeus then, obviously.

I've been so busy with the new job,

I guess I'm a little rusty on pretend time.

That's okay.

The baby and I have gotten really good at it by ourselves.

Remember the helicopter demolition derby?

-[giggling] -[imitating helicopter blades, crashes]

[Tim] This is Wing Skypanther for Action-Disaster News.

I'm locked in mortal chopper combat with my Channel Six archnemesis,

Flybaby Gummers.

This only ends one way, Gummers! With--

Space Yeti!

[roaring]

[groans]

Yeah, you know what? You two have it covered.

Are you sure? If you wanna play--

No, no, no. I, uh, have to do dad stuff.

Change some oil, catch up on my reading...

Oh, come on!

It's fine. I'm fine.

My heart is strong. [inhales]

You boys have fun making lifelong memories together.

No. The signs are all there, but that's impossible.

What?

Every corporate instinct inside me is screaming.

I have a dissatisfied customer.

Well, sure.

He wanted to destroy the Thunderbird, but your banshee wail stole his thunder.

[laughs] Get it?

You get it?

Puns are comedy for the feeble-minded and insufferable, but, yes, I get it.

This is bigger than pretend time.

Look.

[Tim chuckles]

Yeah, Dad and I used to hang out all the time before you showed up.

-Exactly! -Exactly what?

Before I showed up.

You and Dad used to be like this, but now we're summertime roommates.

Great for you and me bonding, but... [gasps]

What happened to Dad finger?

"I'm lonely and sad, and I don't get my boys' inside jokes."

That poor finger! How do we make it happy again?

You tell me! You're the precious memories expert.

Okay, hang on.

How did I miss the data?

[clicking, beeping]

[Boss Baby groans]

Baby love trending downward in our own house!

My first job as a professional family baby,

and I'm blowing the performance review.

Templeton, where are my dad bonding ideas?

Bike-riding lessons?

With these stubby legs? I can barely stay up on a trike.

Ha! Matching Halloween costumes.

By October, I could be kicked out on the streets

saying "Goo-goo, gah-gah" for tips.

No! We need to make Dad happy now.

[gasps] Dudes' Weekend!

Yes! Dudes' Weekend...

is a thing I assume you'll explain to me.

Last summer, Dad and I took an awesome camping trip to Lake Turtlemouth.

It was awesome!

We went fishing out on the lake.

We roasted marshmallows, told scary stories,

and threw up because we ate too many marshmallows and scared ourselves.

[both vomiting]

And we spent the night looking up at the stars.

So, fish homicide, story terrorism, vomit, and watching dots in the dark.

Like I said, awesome.

Your happiness levels do look off the charts.

And since happy Dad equals job security for baby,

let the toothy smiles of this photo be our guiding star.

Dudes' Weekend Two: The Sequel.

This time, it's personal... with a baby.

I'll go talk to Dad.

Yes, for Dad! And my own plummeting approval ratings.

Sayonara, sad face.

[ringing, buzzing]

-[beeps] -Talk to me.

Dad?

Oh, hey, Tim.

So, I was kind of thinking, you know that weekend last year

when you and I went camping?

Dudes' Weekend!

Honey, where'd we put the tent?

What's up, sir?

Just got a Code Bink-Bink. Local baby lost his blankie.

-He's throwing a Class Seven tantrum. -[crying]

That poor little blankie, all alone and scared somewhere.

"Somewhere" being the park.

All you have to do is get it back to baby

before the kid ruptures his parents' eardrums.

Easy-peasy. It's a milk run.

-Just call the office when the job's done. -You're not coming with us?

Weekend plans.

The Templeton men are going...

ca... ca... cam... cah...

Cahm-ping?

Am I saying that right?

Camping? Oh, okay, there it is.

Oh, fun!

This one time when I was in daycare,

I busted out and hid for two weeks inside a dead tree trunk filled with bees.

Fun science fact: after you eat enough bees,

they stop trying to sting you

and just accept that you're their new queen.

Why would you tell me that story?

[sighs] I love the outdoors.

Back to business.

When you two get to the park, keep a low profile.

How come Staci gets to be in charge?

Well, Jimbo, I always assumed you were happier in a supporting role.

But I'm good with blankies.

Why can't I have a turn being boss?

[Staci buzzing, yells]

Yeah, it doesn't work for non-bees, Stace.

Darn it!

Code Bink-Bink's about as low stakes as you can get.

-I don't see any harm. -Oh! I will not let you down, Boss.

I know you won't, big guy.

Staci, you cool with this?

Cool as the grave, sir!

There's that company spirit.

Make me proud, team.

Come on, we gotta go.

Already?

Doesn't Dad need to pack the car with camping wares?

Yeah, well...

Hop in, dudes.

So, he liked the idea?

Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Ted? Boys?

Where is everyone?

[sighs] I haven't had this bad boy to myself in ten years.

[chuckles]

-Ah! -[TV turns on]

-[woman] Hi, honey, welcome-- -[man] Clambake!

I think we should climb up the big slide so we can see the whole park. Whee!

Oh, or dig an underground maze and search from below.

We should do everything.

I love being boss!

[yelps]

How am I doing? Great?

[Staci grunting]

-Thank you! -Ugh!

-[woman] Shh! Sweetheart! Shh! -[baby crying]

Mommy's gonna find your blankie, I promise.

I'm sure it's back at home... I hope.

It's right there, stuck on your car!

Uh, that was easy.

She'll probably find it when they get home.

Show's over, mon capitaine.

Show is not over, mon... Staci.

This is my first job in charge, and we are going to do it right.

-Come on! -[huffs]

[seat belt clicks]

[grunting]

-Just leave it, Jimbo. -I don't want it dragging on the ground.

It could get all torn up.

No blankie deserves that.

Jimbo, it's just a blankie.

[sputtering] Just a blankie?

It's a traveling companion, a trusted advisor,

a nap facilitator, a best friend.

I'm the boss today, and we are hand-delivering this blankie

-back to its owner. -[car engine starts]

Crud!

Double crud!

-[tuning station] -[banjo music playing]

Banjo, the official soundtrack of camping.

So, how do we do this?

Stop at the fish and pre-toasted marshmallow vendor for supplies

before we check in at our camping hotel?

Pfft! Have you never been camping before?

Baby... in a business suit.

Look at the picture from last year.

Do you see any fancy stuff?

Dudes' Weekend is about having fun outdoors the old-fashioned way.

You know what else is old-fashioned? Smallpox epidemics.

-History is garbage, Templeton. -[Dad imitating banjo]

It's what the customer wants.

[sighs] Oh!

You don't have to do anything. You're the baby.

We do the camping stuff, you just smile and make those noises grown-ups like.

Good call.

I can trot out some classic baby reactions,

amp up the cute factor to a 9.3.

[Dad] Rocky Peak!

We're really close. Tim, show the baby.

Cute factor, 9.3.

[giggling]

Aww! That's my little man!

Lake Turtlemouth is just around--

-[giggling] -The heck?

-[tires screech] -[all grunt]

What is it?

-Aw! -[gasps]

-[both panting] -[Staci grunts]

[car horns honking]

Jimbo, wait!

-[car horn honks] -No!

Why'd you stop me? I had them!

You were about to run into traffic!

I was following my heart.

Then, buddy, your heart's trying to turn you into a street pancake.

I'm sorry, Staci.

I... I just don't wanna lose another blankie.

Not like before.

You're dying to tell me the story, aren't you?

I left my blankie for just a second, and when I came back...

[sniffling]

I'm too close to this! [sobbing]

We'll get that kid his blankie back, okay?

You just can't follow every instinct that hits your mushy parts.

That's what got us into this mess in the first place.

[gasps] So you're saying maybe that's what gets us out!

That is not at all what I am saying.

Show us the way, blankie.

Let the wind blow us to your home.

You didn't really expect that to--

[both wailing]

[both grunt]

[giggles]

Is... Is Lake Turtlemouth closed?

How do you close a lake?

It can't be closed. Try the gate.

[grunting]

It's not budging.

Are we in the right place?

I took the right turn at Widow's Gulch.

Or was it a left?

[snaps fingers]

-What's the plan, Templeton? -I don't know.

Maybe Dad can find us another place to camp.

-It's all the same, right? -All the same? [sighs]

Templeton, Templeton.

What's your favorite drive-thru hamburger and French fried potato establishment?

Fatso Phantom's Ghostburger To Go.

Of course it is.

And what would you say if on your next visit

to Mr. Phantom's "restaurant," instead of a juicy burger,

they served you an asparagus-beet salad with lemon vinaigrette?

Ew!

Ew, precisely.

This is the Fatso Phantom Ghostburger.

It's not the finest establishment in town, but it's proven it works

and it's what makes the customer happy.

Anyplace else is just asparagus and beets.

-We are not going asparagus-beet camping. -Darn right we're not.

That stupid fence is going down!

[grunting]

-What are you doing? -Picking the lock.

-You know how to pick locks? -I saw it on TV, so I assumed I could.

[sighs] Uppies.

You know how to pick locks?

[scoffs] Corporate espionage, Templeton.

If you're not going through your coworkers' desks,

you're not corner office material.

Hey, it's open!

[Tim] Just needed a good push.

-The baby helped. -[cooing, giggling]

Aw, I bet he did.

Looks like Lake Turtlemouth is back on.

I love Dudes' Weekend.

Yay! Thanks, blankie!

Thanks for what?

We don't even know if we're going in the right direction.

If you follow your heart, you can't go wrong.

[sirens wailing]

Ooh, police cars!

-[thumps] -[both grunt]

Triple crud!

[birds chirping]

Dudes' Weekend.

Dudes' Weekend.

This has to be mankind's least efficient method of acquiring seafood.

But if it's what the customer wants...

Hey!

[laughs]

Hey, Dad, I think the baby wants to fish, too.

[laughs] That is the cutest thing!

Where's my camera?

-[reel clicking] -Ooh, I think you're getting a nibble.

Fart poop doody, it's alive!

-Say chee-- uh... uh... -[splashes]

Oh. Oh, dear.

Dudes' Weekend!

-[siren wails] -Ten-sixty-four. Ten-sixty-four.

Crime in progress.

Campground trespassing.

[man] Doug, you know we're chasing an actual bank robber back in town.

Darn it to heck! I just said I'm busy!

[sirens wailing]

[evil laugh]

Eat tailpipe, Smokey!

I got a tank full of gas

and enough stolen cash to put my baby through Ohio State...

for one full semester!

We're riding getaway with a bank robber, Jimbo.

The cops are gonna capture her, and then they're gonna find us

and guess who's back in daycare, huh?

[hyperventilating]

What are we gonna do, boss?

I don't know. I just follow my heart.

And my heart says...

[gasps] Ooh! Garden hose!

[Jimbo in spooky voice] Bank robber!

What the--? All right, who's in my bank robbing truck?

I'm the spirit of your childhood blankie.

I need you to go to...

529 Conklin Avenue.

Or else!

Cool, I won't have to go to daycare because we'll be dead.

Trust the process.

[mocking] Oh. Terrifying.

But guess what. I never had a blankie when I was a kid.

What do you think set me on the path of thievery and moral turpitude?

[grunting] Get-- I will--

[gasps] She's got no conscience. My heart lied to me!

I swear to-- Who's really back there?

[Staci] Tiny ghosts, sucker!

-[shouting] -[tires squealing, crashes]

Well, scratch the fish portion of the perfect weekend.

Gotta come back strong with these marshmallow brûlée-kabobs.

How are they coming?

[grunting]

You know how to make a fire with sticks?

I saw it on TV, so I assumed I could.

[grunting] Oh!

What about matches?

Ha! You think I'd bring matches where a baby could get them?

[gasps]

Sorry, boys. No toasted marshmallows.

I better go pitch the tent.

-What? -I'm the beet-asparagus salad.

What?

What's different about this Dudes' Weekend? Me!

It's all going sideways because of the baby, and I'm the baby!

We have to turn this around.

Can you eat marshmallows without toasting?

-Oh! -Not when you're camping.

That's a sin!

The happy photograph, Templeton!

We're losing it all. Fix it, fix it, save me!

We haven't lost all of it.

We just have to get Dad and me and you there,

the perfect viewpoint.

For the perfect photo!

Time to save Dudes' Weekend.

-[car horn honking] -[woman groaning]

[both groaning]

Blankie, I'm so sorry.

I just wanted to get you home.

I tried to follow my heart,

but everything just took you farther and farther away.

[sniffles]

I should never have been in charge.

Huh!

529 Conklin Avenue.

[gasps] Blankie, you're home!

But, Staci, how did you know the exact right moment

to make that bank robber crash her truck?

I didn't.

Everything was going doody-side up,

so I just grabbed the blanket and followed my heart.

My twisted black heart. [chuckles]

You did a Jimbo, and it worked!

Learn from the best.

Lead the way, Boss.

[sirens wailing]

[tires screeching]

Freeze! Step out of your car.

[groaning, murmuring]

Are those babies climbing up the side of that house?

[man over radio] Debbie, bank robber. Focus up.

[Dad whistling tune]

Nah, that's not it.

[whistling tune]

[sighs] I used to know this.

It's a classic hiking song.

Ooh, maybe the bass part. [imitating funky bass]

[sighs] Never mind.

Where is that perfect viewpoint?

Is that the trail? No.

Uh, that one!

No, that's a raccoon.

-Dad, do you know where we're going? -Of course!

No.

[sighs] Boys, it's getting late.

We-- We may have to call this off.

No way, Dad!

This is Dudes' Weekend, and dudes never give up,

because we're having too much fun to quit, right?

-[Doug] Wrong! -[Templetons] Ah!

Dudes.

[baby fussing]

[woman] Did we leave Jamie's B-L-A-N-K-I-E at your place yesterday?

No, not "bonkley!" His blankie!

[wailing]

Shush, shush, shush. It's cool, kid. Shh.

Jimbo, it's your rodeo.

[excited cooing]

Hold it close.

You've got to love your blankie as much as your blankie loves you.

[woman] Hang on. He just quieted down.

Oh, let me check on him.

You found it!

Oh, sweetie, I told you it would turn up.

And that's the story of how Jimbo was in charge,

and everyone followed their heart, and it all worked out in the end.

Those are babies up there!

Infinity crud.

Oh, oh, so your climbing babies can be real,

but my tiny ghost is just crazy bank robber talk?

You're such a Debbie.

What kind of dad brings his own kids on a misdemeanor trespass?

[scoffs] What kind of outing is that for a family?

We're not a family, we're dudes!

Tim, shush.

Officer, I'm sorry.

If you'll let my wife come get the kids, I'm prepared to go quietly.

Wait, so otherwise, you were gonna fight me right now?

No, sir!

I'm not letting Johnny Law interfere with a good business plan.

-We're not done here. -What are you gonna do?

On the field team, we call it "doing a Jimbo."

[Dad shouting]

Agitated perp! I need backup!

[Dad groans]

[Tim] Hey!

Pssh. Great parenting.

Wonder where they get that from.

Tim, what--?

Answer: Not the mom.

Extra credit: It's the dad.

-[panting] -What are you doing?

I can't go to jail. I'm too innocent!

Officer Doug doesn't end Dudes' Weekend.

We do, with a happy dad or bust.

-[both shouting] -Dead end!

[gasping]

Boys, you gotta stop.

And not just because... because I'm in terrible shape.

But, Dad, we can't just--

I don't believe it.

Tim, this is it!

The viewpoint!

Whoa, you're right!

[giggling]

Time for one perfect photo?

Let's dude it!

[timer ticking]

Everyone say "Dudes' Weekend!"

-[Dad and Tim] Dudes' Weekend! -[bird screeching]

Ah!

[Dad sobbing] No!

[splashes]

The Thunderbird.

He got his revenge.

Sorry everything went wrong, Dad.

We just wanted to have a fun weekend with you.

You know, so you'd be happy.

[Dad chuckles]

[laughing]

-[Doug shouts] -[Dad grunts]

-[door slams] -[harmonica blues playing]

Harmonica, the official soundtrack of jail.

[keys jingle]

Um, Mr. Templeton, you are, thankfully, not my problem anymore.

-Uh, h-h-hi, hon-- -Nope.

What do we do about them?

Code Bink-Bink too much to handle, Jimbo?

Actually, sir, the blankie was returned, no problem.

Jimbo did great.

Getting arrested was all part of the plan. Right, buddy?

[nervous laugh] Mm-hmm!

Glad to hear it.

Guess you won't need me to pick the lock then.

Boss, don't leave us here.

Brain, not heart, on this one, Jimbo.

You're babies. Just slip between the bars.

Oh, yeah.

Looks good to me.

Good? It looks awesome.

Even better than last year's photo.

-[Dad and Tim] Dudes' Weekend! -[Boss Baby giggles]

[theme song playing]

♪ Boss Baby ♪