Original subtitles

Camera sounds and struggling sounds

Camera lens sound

Camera lens sounds and struggling sounds

Help, help me, oh, no, no, no (garbled)

What makes a work of art a masterpiece?

Who dares to assign finite value to the infinite output of the creative mind?

Beethoven's Fifth Symphony?

Da Vinci's Mona Lisa?

Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey?

Morons!

No, no, no, please. Please, please, no.

No, no, no, please. You don't have to do this...

But of course I do...

Scream and a splatter sound.

(Off screen) Isn't that nice dear?

Christmas music plays throughout

Loud, heavy metal Christmas music plays

(Off screen) Turn the music down.

Can you please turn that down?

Will you turn the music down?

Turn the music down!

Turn the music down!

Are you trying to wake the dead?

Thank you

Why is this faucet leaking?

You know we can't afford a big water bill right now.

I'm just concerned about you dear.

Well, right after the honeymoon and right before the holidays...

You don't have to worry about me babe.

Well, I'm glad to see you confident.

But it's not going to be easy to find a job.

Or a tree for that matter, right before the holidays.

I suppose I could just start working on my master piece instead.

You know what I've always said about that fraud Michelangelo

That's nice dear, but I hope you'll start looking for a job soon...

You know what my grandfather used to say... A man without a job is like a leaky faucet.

Thanks for the call, Naomi, I hope I was able to help.

And I want to inform all our listeners that it's perfectly normal...

To feel stressed out this time of year.

The holidays can be a lot of fun, but they can also...

Bring a lot of baggage along with the cheer.

This is Talk Time, the area's top rated psychology show

Brought to you by the Pizza Dude, he's got the biggest slice on the block.

I'm your host, Doctor Brenda Dobbs and we're coming to you live...

On WKIX, Kicks AM.

We're gonna go back to the phones right after these important messages...

If you need help, remember that I care and I'm always listening.

We're just a quick call away at 1-800-987-WKIX...

That's 1-800-987-9549.

I'm Doctor Brenda and Talk Time will be right back.

Phone ringing...

Phone ringing, then hold music...

Hold music, recorded voice saying "We appreciate your call, please stand by..."

"We appreciate your call, please stand by..."

"We appreciate your call, please stand by..."

Thank you for holding, we appreciate your patience...

how may I direct your call?

Hello, can I speak to Brenda Dobbs, on air, please?

Who?

Brenda Dobbs!

Who?

Brenda Dobbs, the radio psychiatrist!

Oh, Doctor Brenda. I see...

Yes, Brenda Dobbs. Can you please put me through?

It's very important.

I'm sorry sir, but can you please hold? There's another call coming in.

(Hold music resumes...)

(Operator returns) Thank you for holding Christian...

I just need to review a few security questions to verify your account.

How do you know my name? I called you.

I'm not sure what you mean, sir. Am I speaking with Christian?

Yes, this is Christian. Who am I speaking to?

I called you!

This is the Federated Collection Agency, sir.

We need to discuss the options to eliminate your outstanding balances.

I can see that they're very high. Very high indeed.

Can you confirm your address for me please, sir?

What are you talking about?

I called to get on the air with Talk Time at WKIX AM.

I have an important issue to discuss with Brenda Dobbs.

I'm afraid Doctor Brenda isn't available right now, but if you have a moment...

We can discuss the terms of your collection accounts. How does that sound to you sir?

Frankly, it sounds like shit.

I only called to speak with Brenda Dobbs...

And I'm not interested in any bullshit you have to offer.

Do you hear me?

I don't take kindly to these kinds of calls!

I will remind you sir that you called me...

This kind of language isn't necessary.

In fact, it's against our protocols and I'm going to have to...

Report you to my supervisor.

I should warn you that the Federated Collection Agency doesn't...

Take kindly to this kind of behavior.

In the meantime, it's Doctor Brenda and I wish you a good day, sir.

(Background Commercial) The Pizza Dude, he's got the biggest slice on the block!

Welcome back, this is Talk Time on WKIX AM...

That's Kicks AM, brought to you by The Pizza Dude.

He's got the biggest slice on the block...

And I'm Doctor Brenda Dobbs, host of the number one psychiatry show

In the entire tri-state area, for 10 years running.

I'm proud to say that we've helped thousands of people here on Talk Time...

And every single one of them is special...

I shouldn't have to tell you this, but you're all special.

Now let's go back to the phones with another listener that...

Needs some help this holiday season. Hello, this is Doctor Brenda...

I care and I'm always listening. How can I help?

First, let me thank you very much for having me on the air.

I'm a huge fan of yours and listening to you has been such a big help.

Especially this time of year when my job is even more stressful than usual.

I appreciate that. I'm always listening and I'm here to help.

Now, if you don't mind me asking, what do you do?

That's actually what I called about, I'm in collections...

As you can imagine, it's never easy, but...

Around Christmas it's even worse.

I just had a person curse at me for no good reason at all.

I didn't even get to the part where I tell him...

How much he owed or what his options were.

And already with the foul language!

Like I'm a bad person because he can't pay his bills.

I want to thank you for opening up about this kind of behavior.

I don't mean to minimize or depersonalize your situation...

But I need all of our listeners to consider this a teachable moment.

It's always painful when someone tries to cut you down.

But it shouldn't be a surprise. People can be very nasty.

Normally, it's a reflection of their own deficiencies, but whatever the case...

You can't let it get you on the inside.

I can't stress this enough, but the actions of others...

Shouldn't prevent you from realizing your full potential.

In the 70's, they called it actualizing.

(Off screen advertisement) Anxiety? Depression? Paranormal Experiences?

Tune into Talk Time with Doctor Brenda Dobbs, solving problems one listener...

Doorbell rings! And rings again!

The loud, heavy metal Christmas music starts again...

Huh? Must be the best man...

(Off screen) Would you turn that down?

(Off screen) Please turn that down. Turn it down.

(Off screen) Turn the music down!

Turn that down!

Would you turn the damn music down?

Thank you...

Water dripping sounds in the background...

Water dripping continues...

Water dripping continues...

Water dripping from another faucet followed by creepy music...

Water dripping from the other faucet...

And from the other faucet again...

Both faucets at once now...

Now from another room in the house...

The dripping continues...

And yet another faucet...

Now it's running water from off screen...

It was the strangest thing...

I'm too tired for this.

I'd be in much better shape if it wasn't for your fidgeting last night.

Constant fidgeting. I could hardly get any sleep.

Huh? Fidgeting?

You didn't hear anything out of the ordinary last night?

Yes, I heard you fidgeting like crazy.

And I'm not finished lecturing you. You should learn proper manners.

Sorry babe.

It's just that there must be something wrong with the plumbing then.

I was up in the middle of the night and everything was...

Dripping...

Dripping...

Dripping...

We should call a plumber.

Oh, and who's going to pay for this plumber with you out of work?

Nothing fancy, just an ordinary plumber.

The first thing you should do is get an ordinary job.

Have you even had an interview yet?

No, nothing yet, but there was this letter that was very promising.

Well, as my father used to say...

The best way to keep the collection people from dropping off letters...

In the middle of the night is to work for a living.

At least the honeymoon pictures should be here soon.

Oh, and how about my tree?

What am I supposed to say to all the neighbors?

It's starting to get embarrassing.

Everyone knows your out of work. It's written all over your face.

I married a provider.

It's just that if these pictures are any good...

I've got a good mind to start working on my masterpiece again.

Think about it...

They gave Bob Dylan the Nobel Prize for playing electric guitar!

These people don't know dick!

Watch your language! I'll not sit here and take this abuse.

Order whatever ordinary plumber and old fashioned photos you want...

But you'll do none of it with my blessing until you get a job, that's for sure.

And don't keep me awake all night again with your constant fidgeting!

Huh? What constitutes a fidget?

A camera lens clicks off screen...

The camera clicks again...

Her cellphone rings...

I thought I told you never to call me when I'm here.

I don't want to hear another fucking word about your collection agency, OK?

Thunder rumbles in the background...

Sarge, why do I always get the crappy ones?

(Off screen) I'd rather be at the nudie bar myself Hamilton, but it is what it is.

What do we got there?

The odds are 10 to 1 it's a jealous boyfriend.

He calls her. She rebuffs him.

And then he strangles her in broad daylight.

Exactly! Why do I always get the crappy ones?

It says here her name was Brenda Dobbs.

The radio shrink?

Of course not, my wife was just listening to her this morning...

She's an addict. Has to listen everyday.

Something about actualizing herself or some new age shit...

From that stupid show, with all the split screens and other gimmicks.

Never heard of it.

Sarge, what do you make of this?

It says this is from the Federated Collection Agency.

Holy shit!

I changed my mind. This could be a good one after all.

I think we're dealing with a real sick bastard.

Of course, losing your job is one of the things that can make the holidays...

Even more stressful. It can also be embarrassing.

But we're all friends here. This is Doctor Brenda. The number one psychiatrist...

In the world, fuck Doctor Phil!

I really care, and I'm always listening.

I know there are people out there that lost their jobs and need our help.

It seems like the Federated Collection Agency and these other big companies...

Always wait until right before Christmas to lay people off...

Like they want to send you straight into the holidays worried about...

Money and your future.

If you're one of those unfortunate souls, and you need to talk...

The lines are open at 1-800-987-WKIX.

That's 1-800-987-9549.

This is Doctor Brenda on Talk Time...

Brought to you by the Pizza Dude, he's got the biggest slice on the block...

And we're broadcasting to you live from WKIX AM, that's Kicks AM.

We're gonna take a quick break and then go back to the phones.

Strange electrical noises in the background...

This is Doctor Brenda on WKIX AM, that's Kicks AM...

And your listening to Talk Time brought to you by the Pizza Dude...

He's got the biggest slice on the block.

I care and I'm always listening.

We're back from the commercial break on the phone...

With a gentleman that we spoke to just last week.

Unfortunately, things have taken a turn for the worse.

Please tell us what happened.

Thank you, Doctor Brenda.

I called again because I lost my job yesterday.

Apparently, I had too many complaints to my supervisor.

Can you remind the audience what you do for a living again?

Sure thing, Doctor B.

I mentioned this last week because of the stress this time of year.

I am, or I guess I was, a collections agent.

I lost my job because people complain that they didn't pay their own bills.

The world has really gone to shit!

Did they tell you what the complaints were about?

Money, it's always about money.

I don't mean to sound nasty, but the people I was collecting from weren't exactly...

President Trump. I'm sorry, is that OK to say on the air?

President Trump?

Yeah, I heard he threatened to sue some people for just talking about him...

Without his permission, and I can't afford a lawsuit right now.

It's fine, he's a long time listener. Please continue.

Anyway, like I told you last week. When the man cursed at me...

I didn't do anything wrong.

I didn't even get to tell him how much he owed, but my supervisor acted like...

Doorbell rings multiple times...

Doorbell keeps ringing...

That took long enough!

Anyway, listen...

I'm hear about some dripping. A leaky faucet.

What?

It says here The Federated Collection Agency, see?

Something about out of control dripping in the middle of the night.

Dripping?

Yes, it says here, quote, it was the strangest thing...

Ah, that must've been my wife.

That's very nice dear.

Hmm?

I said congratulations, but I gotta come in and check this dripping...

Do you need me to check your plumbing?

It was the strangest thing.

All of the faucets starting dripping in the middle of the night.

Even the toilets were going crazy.

I tried to stop them, but I couldn't shut it off.

They wouldn't stop.

Then there was this letter from the Federated Collection Agency.

Something about some kind of job opportunity.

It's fucking dirty down here.

Since I am in transition and need a new job...

They got me having this wrench, all the God damned time...

It's like they want me to play... Ooh, sorry about that.

They want me to play ready golf, bro.

I mean, you're here, it's like it hurts my back.

Still, the problem could be upstairs.

And I'm not really ready to certify your plumbing yet.

I don't know, I think this looks nice, but you got pipes upstairs, right?

With all the, on account of all these problems, I think we go upstairs.

Why such a tight hat, bro, you know what it does?

It takes me a while to do my hair.

So even the hair weighs me down, the hair gets me to 290 some days bro...

Oh, do you play? Check it out, that's nice.

Haha! That's why you got ready golf, you’re like put, put, pass!

Holy moly, that's some fucking processor!

I don't think that's any of your business.

And neither are my golf playing habits.

Welcome back to Talk Time, the number one psychiatry show...

Brought to you by the Pizza Dude, he's got the biggest slice on the block.

This is Doctor Brenda Dobbs, broadcasting from WKIX AM...

That's Kicks AM, and before we got back to the phones...

I wanted to take a brief moment to talk to you about some...

Some very corrosive, dangerous, despicable, deplorable people.

You know who you are, irredeemables...

The kind of people that get this last caller fired.

The kind of people that strangle a girl with a garrote for no reason.

In fact, I'm quite certain that none of this is any of your business.

Geez, I was just trying to make polite conversation, but now that you mention it.

Maybe I should be on my way.

I'll remind you, however, that you called me...

And we still have no idea what's wrong with your pipes.

But why don't you just pay your bill and I'll be happy to leave your business, OK?

I'd like nothing further...

Now if you'll just let me grab my wallet here...

We're gonna get back to the phones in a moment...

The lines are open at 1-800-987-WKIX...

That's 1-800-987-9549.

Brought to you today, as always, by the Pizza Dude, say it with me now...

He's got the biggest slice on the block!

This is Doctor Brenda Dobbs, I care and I'm always listening...

Whether you're a plumber or a golfer or anything in between...

We're here to help.

Thank you for calling in, sir, we've got another long time listener...

First time caller on the phone, can you tell us your name please?

Brenda?

Is this Brenda Dobbs?

This is Doctor Brenda Dobbs. Who do we have on the line?

Oh. My. God.

I can't believe I finally got through. I've been trying for years.

But those bastards from that Federated Whatever You Call It Agency...

Breathes heavily and loudly!

Shhhhhhh!

Can't you see I'm talking to Brenda Dobbs over here?

Please, sir, it's Doctor Dobbs.

It sounds like you have a lot going on in the background, over there.

Try to focus on my voice and tell us your name.

I know this stuff can be very difficult for a first time caller, but remember...

I care and I'm always listening...

This is very, very important.

Excuse me, sir, are you still there?

Please answer me if you can.

I said earlier that everyone could use a little help this time of year, but...

It sounds like you might need a little more than most.

This is very, very embarrassing, Brenda...

Something just came up.

But I promise, you haven't heard the last of me.

Trust me, I'm your biggest fan.

Thank you, but that's Doctor... (dial tone noise...)

I knew it from the second I opened the door, Brandon...

You just couldn't be an ordinary plumber.

My wife doesn't know any ordinary plumbers.

And you're not getting anywhere near my wife!

The think Francis Ford Whatever The Fuck can make a movie?

Wait 'til they get a load of me!

(Off screen) What the fuck? (Sounds of falling and crashing)

What the fuck is wrong with you, mister?

All I said was I was gonna fill your wife's fucking rim holes!

Moaning and sexual sounds, building... (The Wife and the Plumber)

Moaning continues and builds...

Oh, Brandon, Brandon, fill my rim hole! I'm about to certify those pipes.

Aah, shit, whining and screaming in pain...

Why do you insist in lying to me about this plumber?

Why would I lie about something, someone, so stupid?

Actually claiming that an ordinary plumber showed up here out of the blue...

Some, Brendan, or something?

Yes, he had some funny name, like Brenda Dobbs.

And he had a report with him as well.

Said it was the strangest thing.

Don't be ridiculous.

Ordinary plumbers don't talk like that.

And they don't show up with mysterious dossiers...

There's something your not telling me.

Have you been cheating on me?

What?

Is there someone else?

What kind of sick mind could produce such a thought?

My mother warned me about marrying a failure in life.

A job and a Johnson, two things a man needs, she said.

And I married you...

I knew it, it's the plumber!

It was no ordinary plumber that certified our pipes, you lying bitch...

You do have a Johnson, now go out and find a damn job.

It's tough out there, you gotta have patience.

Patient and time are the key.

With a little luck, I'll hear back from that Federated...

Whatever You Call It Agency soon.

Oh, that's nice dear.

Did you have any better luck with the Christmas Tree?

Oh look, another thing you failed me at.

Sarge, this seems to be the address...

Did you know the door was open?

Well how far open is it?

Sarge, I didn't exactly bring a ruler. Should I have brought a ruler?

Maybe you should have.

With all these new agency regulations it's a shit show around here.

They keep jamming me up, so I honestly don't know.

All I know is that something's starting to stink around here.

First, Brenda Dobbs is dead.

Now, an open door with a missing plumber.

An ordinary plumber who all of sudden disappears?

That is unusual...

Sarge, something is definitely stinking up a storm!

Consider this a request for back up.

I'm going in.

Watch yourself, Hamilton.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I heard you mention something earlier...

About Brenda Dobbs being dead.

Such a shame, I was her biggest fan.

Until she sold out to the Federated Whatever You Call It Agency...

Can you believe it?

I know what you mean, I can't stand that Doctor Dobbs either...

Gave my wife the worst advice ever once...

But unfortunately she's not dead yet and that's not why I'm here.

May I ask why you're here?

I'm sorry I didn't come to the door earlier...

But I'm preparing for a very important job interview right now.

My time is very limited...

Keep your hands where I can see them, buddy!

There's a pool of blood here...

Like someone got smashed in the head with a wrench.

Care to explain yourself?

I'm not sure if I'm at liberty to discuss it openly.

But if you must know, I'm interviewing with the Federated Collection Agency.

Look, pal, I don't have any truck for the Agency...

Or as I mentioned, that Doctor Dobbs herself.

I'm here about a plumber.

What would I know about a missing plumber?

Who said the plumber is missing?

You did.

I did?

Yeah, I think you told me at the door.

Exactly!

Except I don't know any ordinary plumbers.

You would have to speak to my wife. She handles all of these matters.

Is your wife at home sir?

If you must insist, we're newlyweds.

And as you said, he was an ordinary plumber.

Brenda-something-or-other, he certified our pipes and that was that.

That's an interesting story, no doubt.

I don't see how it explains all the blood.

This? Oh, that's easy.

I cut myself cooking dinner for my wife.

I'm between jobs, and it's the least I could do.

Seems like a lot of blood for a little cut.

Oh, it wasn't little, I assure you...

Look at that bandage! There was a geyser of blood.

Fortunately, I was able to act quickly and effectively...

I staunched the wound and then raced over the bathroom.

Alas, I dropped the rag by the bannister and that was all she wrote.

No need for back up, Sarge...

Nothing unusual here...

Just an odd cooking accident.

Thank you again, sir. We appreciate the cooperation.

Good luck with the interview as well.

Thank you, detective, if there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to ask.

What do you got in the bag, a dead body?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

See, what did I tell you, it's right here.

I mean, I didn't check for a pulse or anything, but he looks pretty dead to me.

That's a foot, a hand...

Sarge, this can't be a coincidence.

Two bodies in one week has to mean something.

Yeah, especially with the agency involved in that whole Doctor Dobbs business.

The pizza dude has gone missing!

Yeah, I agree with that...

I can't stand that Doctor Dobbs woman, and I hate to say it, but the Pizza Dude sucks.

He's got big slices alright, but they taste like shit.

I disagree with you on that. He made a tasty pie.

But what about that creepy dude with the cooking accident?

The one who said he didn't order that now- deceased ordinary plumber.

That dude and the Agency? Didn't I tell you he was clean?

Besides, if anything, he killed the wife.

His wife's dead?

How the hell do I know? I just started this investigation.

But like I told you, he's got nothing to do with this.

I still like Brenda's creepy boyfriend for the whole thing.

Otherwise, it was probably something brewing at the Agency...

Who know what's going on this time of year?

You must get this all the time, but you look exactly like Brenda Dobbs.

Who?

Brenda Dobbs, the radio psychologist.

Oh, Doctor Brenda. Yes, I have heard that before.

Well, it should be very flattering to you.

I was her biggest fan.

Isn't that nice dear.

What?

I said we should probably get down to business.

I'd like nothing more.

I should begin by mentioning that I've always had the utmost respect for...

The work you do here at the Federated Whatever You Call It Agency.

Especially this time of year.

Thank you. It is very rewarding, gratifying even...

But that does bring me to some unfortunate news.

Who?

Well, you know that you ask.

Me?

Yes, you.

It appears that a complaint has already been filed. Preemptively, as it were...

And the employee who filed it has been terminated...

Apparently as a result of your own complaint.

That is highly unusual.

But as I'm sure you can imagine...

It's also a very big problem before you've even been hired.

This leaves us in a bit of pickle, quite frankly.

I've been impressed with your resume and your presentation here today.

Your qualifications are exemplary.

And I believe you can be a top member of the...

Team, maybe even one of the all time greats.

But I'm afraid my hands are completely tied for the time being.

You see we have very strict policies...

About our complaints department. There's a script that needs to be carefully followed.

I apologize for not catching this before we dragged you down here today.

And there is also the matter of some outstanding balances.

The loud Christmas music starts again...

Would you turn that down?

Turn the music down! Are you trying to wake the dead again?

I just wanted to know how your job interview went.

I know how stressful these things can be for you.

Did you see the Christmas tree, babe?

Oh. My. God. I am so proud of you.

It is after Christmas, of course, but think what a jump we'll have on next year.

As my old friend from Denmark used to say, the readiness is all.

That's brilliant, babe. It sounds like Shakespeare.

Of course, he is an overrated bore.

But it's gonna be a whole new life for us...

Now that I'm finally getting the credit that I deserve.

The only negative thing that happened to us today concerns our honeymoon photos.

Here you go sir.

Please, hold a moment.

I need to make sure these were developed in a satisfactory manner.

I made a number of specific requests when I placed the order.

It's not every day that you receive your honeymoon photos.

Oh, it doesn't say anything about that here, but sure.

Not great.

This isn't right.

These are not great.

I should've known that you would fuck this up!

Where the hell is my wife?

Who?

My wife! She isn't in any of these.

Like some amateur developer fucked up my photos!

I'm not sure what you mean, sir. I'm just following the script here.

They give me the package, I deliver it.

They give me photos, and...

I'm sorry that these aren't yours. It says here...

It couldn't have been me, because I'm a good enough photographer for...

For Annie Liebovitz to kiss my ass!

I'm not sure what you mean sir. I just follow the script.

They give me the package. I deliver it.

You have a problem, you have to contact our complaints department.

What if I've already used my lifetime allotment?

Shit!

Pardon my language sir.

I never had that happen before.

You caught me off my script twice in one conversation!

This clipboard says that we can't have people complaining constantly...

But it doesn't tell me what to do next.

This is pretty freaking embarrassing, I gotta say.

Hold on, sir. This might be the situation.

In the event that it's not clearly itemized, inform the customer...

The Federated Collection Agency takes these matters very seriously.

I promise, we'll do the right thing for you sir. I don't understand what happened.

Oh well, then why don't you come inside and we can call customer service together?

I have a few things I'd like to tell them about this script business anyway.

Right this way...

Please, wait here. Make yourself at home. I'm sure it will only take a moment.

Wow, that's a big knife! What do you cut with that thing?

What the fuck are you doing?

Even though I haven't officially started yet, I rewrote their whole...

Customer service script. Their approval rating is probably gonna go through the roof.

Isn't that nice dear?

Our pipes are still certified...

Our pictures, fucked up as they may be, are finally developed...

And our future is fully secure thanks to the Federated Whatever You Call It Agency.

What are doing just laying there, dear?

I'm not entirely sure, babe.

But I believe it has something to do with Brenda Dobbs.

Doctor Brenda?

Though this new one with the shiny shoes seems to like me well enough.

Fuck her.

You know, you're right, babe.

This is our house.

The house is doing it for us.

You can hide in there all you like Brenda.

You have to come out sometime.

And the dead make no sound.

My name's not Brenda, asshole.

And I believe she prefers Doctor Brenda Dobbs in any event.

Whatever, you're certainly not going to get the job now.

You're finished with the Federated Collection Agency.

What the hell do you know? You're not even the real Brenda Dobbs.

But maybe I've been thinking about this all wrong.

Like George Lucas after Return of the Jedi.

The movie whose name I dare not speak.

Who?

No one, a failed film maker.

Anyway, what exactly are you planning to do with me, anyway?

Now that you know that I'm not Brenda Dobbs.

And what's with all these shitty pop culture references anyway?

I thought you were a real artist.

At the same time, I understand that seeing it unfold in front of you...

Right there on the screen, especially when its directed at a poor man's version...

Of your favorite radio talk show host, or at least her look alike.

Can be traumatizing.

That's why we're going to the phones for a deep dive into some serious group therapy.

Right after these important messages.

And so I am incredibly pleased, amazingly, spectacularly, wonderfully pleased...

To present my masterpiece to you, the entire world...

The Death of Brenda Dobbs.

It goes without saying that I expect nothing less...

Than beautiful, magical, exceptional reviews from all of you...

From each and every one of you...

For Brenda's sake let there be no...

Kings of England here to shit on Jefferson's Declaration of Independence.

I knew it! My genius is irresistible.

This is on track to be the biggest global event since We Are The World.

And, unlike...

Who'd have thought this freak had the potential to go viral?

He's all over the web and the phone lines are going crazy.

And to think, those Federated Fucks thought they could yank me off the air.

That fucking bitch!

I just can't shake the feeling some of this could be my fault.

I read this guy wrong from the beginning.

Now, here we are...

Kind of makes you think about retirement.

A beach and a drink somewhere.

Hold it together, Hamilton. Nobody could have predicted this freak would go viral.

And it's hard to believe he was ever married.

And apparently he's now at Doctor Brenda's house.

He's at the house?

Yeah, she's on the air complaining about where's the police when you need them...

And whatever happened to law and order and all that other bullshit...

Something about a faulty alarm.

Sarge, I'm at the house.

What house?

Brenda Dobb's house!

Don't do anything stupid, Hamilton. You have to wait for back up.

I can't just sit here and wait...

I've got to stop this sick bastard before he kills anyone else.

God damn it Hamilton! You wait for backup and that's an order!

Do you read me Hamilton?

Do you read me?

(Muffled) Hamilton, Hamilton, do you hear me?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Shh, shh. I'm a cop, I'm a cop. It's OK.

Are you alright?

He's still somewhere in the house...

I'm gonna nail this son of a bitch.

Look out!

Officer?

Mr Officer?

Are you OK?

Screaming!

It truly is a masterpiece...

What the fuck? That can't be it!

That bitch has to die.

I can't have any competition in the form of some strumpet lookalike running around.

And to think, I almost married that fucking guy. What the hell was I thinking?

What the fuck do you mean we were on the air for that?

The sound of police sirens approaching...

Screaming and yelling...

More screaming and yelling...

Screaming...

More screaming...

Still more screaming...

You look like someone...

But I can't remember.

Isn't that nice dear.

(Inaudible)

Thank you for contacting The Federated Collection Agency...

How may I direct your call?

I'd like to report another recently settled account.

Excellent, another satisfied customer?

I'd say extremely...