Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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(2313 in English) I Look at my body

♪ It's waiting for you

♪ Follow my eyes

I Yes, they're burning you through

♪ Darling, I'll wait for you

I So take me in your arms

I My body's aching now

I Come closer to me

I was more sensual this time. I think it's better.

If you say so.

And how about my figure?

Now that I've cutout bread I look better, don't l?

You look marvellous. But I was just thinking...

What?

You've got the whole show on your shoulders.

If you do Marlene, you won't have time to change.

I have plenty of time before the finale!

Somethings wrong, “lust say so..

No, nothing's wrong. I'm just worried about your health.

You haven't been feeling well.

Soto do the Marlene number seems unwise.

Yes, but, Renato, we need something romantic.

The comedy routines are fine, but people need to dream.

That's what I want to give them: beauty, emotion, sensuality.

If I kill myself in the process, that's just too bad. The show must go on.

- Right. One last time? - No. No more. Sorry.

Look, I have an idea... yes.

- Caramel! - (I music begins)

♪ Darling, just look at me now

♪ I can see you're mine

- ♪ You fie“ “m have with... - Do you mind? That's my stun“.!

I Yes, so many times

- What's all this nonsense? - ♪ Darling, I'm...

Albin.

Listen to me. This has nothing to do with artistic preference.

You're unique, irreplaceable, the star of the show.

- I just wanted to make it easier for you. - Easier?

Yes. 30 that you have time to get your breath back.

Stop!

Boys, hold on a second.

Look at the new star. There she is!

(laughs hysterically) The new Marlene.

And who decided this? Our boss - Renato!

Three cheers for the boss: hip, hip, hooray!

Bravo, darling! Very good. A real mess.

Lots of luck.

He can do the rest of the show, too.

Albin.

Albin, are you listening to me?

Albin, we're past our prime, and there's nothing we can do about it.

There comes a time when one must change,

start playing it for laughs.

It's not a catastrophe. It's just life.

You can't go on being what you have been.

At first you make people dream, then you make people laugh.

I make you laugh?

- No. - It's not true. I don't believe you.

No, I'm not ridiculous.

- I can still arouse desire. - Of course you can. Go to bed.

I'll make you some tea.

You know, Renato, if I'm no longer attractive...

...I'll kill myself.

Lime blossom or verbena?

Is Monsieur awake?

Yes, she's had breakfast and is getting dressed.

Jacob, I've told you a hundred times to say "Monsieur has had breakfast"...

...or "He is getting dressed.“ Got it?

Good morning, my darlings!

- Where are you going like that? - Out.

- Dressed like that? In broad daylight? - You buried me a little too soon, Renato.

I'm going to have a drink at a café, outdoors...

...in front of everyone.

And we'll soon see if I'm still seductive.

Ciao, baby!

(laughs)

Ladies.

- Yes? - A mint cordial.

- Certainly. - With water.

Certainly.

(shots)

- Albin, please. Come home. - (huflk)

- Be reasonable. - No! Go away!

Don't make a scene. Let's go home. Come on.

- Leave me alone! - Be reasonable. Come on.

No. Later.

(sighs)

Lovely day, isn't it?

Would you like something to drink?

What are you doing?

Young man, where are you taking me? What are you doing? Oh!

Drive on. Step on it!

(whistles)

- Where to, lovebirds? - Turn right.

- Where are you taking me? - Left.

I mustn't be back too late. I have a dance class at six.

- Right. - (Albin laughs) Right!

- What did you say your name was? - Stop!

But... but...

Ah!

There you are.

Honestly! You don't seem to know what you want.

- A room. - A room? What are you thinking?

A room!

Renato! Come on, pet, let's go. That'll teach him.

Hi there.

I know you're going to be disappointed, but...

...I didn't come up here for what you think.

I just wanted to make a point to a friend.

Well, the point has been made.

I'll run along now.

Please forgive me if l led you on. That's not at all my style.

I hope we can be good friends.

It was a pleasure to meet you.

And, in the hope of meeting you again...

...please accept my warmest wishes.

- Zaza. - (footsteps)

No, be reasonable!

I have my life, and I'm sure you have yours!

We must be strong! Please!

That's better. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for being so understanding -

you hunk, you.

There. It's better this way.

Believe me, it wouldn't have led anywhere.

And there's also the age difference.

I'm two or three years older than you.

It's not a big difference now, but...

...in ten years...

Give me a smile.

- It's hard for me, too. - (Renato) Albin!

- Aren't you ashamed? - I can explain.

- Do you know what you picked up? - Listen, Renato!

He's in for a hell of a surprise.

Shut up!

Because this “lady" is really a man.

There. You've killed him.

Come on, pet.

Pet, are you all right?

Speak to me.

Are you all right, my sweet?

Are you all right?

He's dead.

The police! We've got to call the police, Renato.

No police! We're definitely not calling the police.

Why not?

Listen to me. You call the police and what will they find?

An unmarried couple? Well, that isn't so bad.

A couple where the woman is actually a man?

That could pose a problem.

But where the woman, I repeat, is a man and the man is a corpse?

- Well, that's serious shit! - (wails)

Quiet!

My God!

We've got to get out of here, Renato.

The balcony over the street - which room is it?

- Number 24. - Who's in it?

A fat redhead and a guy of about 25.

- (foot - 0h! steps)

Leave me alone.

Oh!

God, I look awful.

- Albin. - Aagh!

What? What? Hm?

Read this.

- You're crazy waking me up like that. - Read this!

- What? - Take out your earplugs.

Oh, yes. The earplugs.

Read this.

- Your glasses. - Yes. Thank you.

“Double murder in a Nice hotel.“

“A mysterious woman flees, leaving two corpses.“

I wasn't dreaming? It wasn't a nightmare then.

My God. How awful.

Hold on, read the article. Go on, read it.

“It's 1pm at the Hotel des Lys...

...one of those places which rents rooms by the hour.“

We know what that means.

Carry on.

“A couple appears at the reception desk.“

“A man of about 30 with a woman old enough to be his mother.“

Who is he talking about?

“The receptionist describes her as a fa...

...as a fat... a fat redhead...

...of about 60...

...and rather vulgar.“

Well...

I'd like to go back to sleep now.

You'll sleep for 20 years if you carry on like this!

“The woman was wearing a silk trouser suit with a beige floral pattern." Look.

You'll get 20 years for this, and that's if you're lucky!

Look, there's even a Photofit picture!

That's supposed to be me?!

Look at me! I've lost 6lbs. I hardly eat anything!

I'm all skin and bones.

- Jacob! - Oh. Jacob.

- Yes, master? - Could you take a look at the newspaper?

It's on the bed.

Leave it alone.

Go on, look at the photo on the front page.

Oh, mistress!

- Out. - Sorry?

Go back up your coconut tree, you idiot!

20 years!

What's going to happen to us?

No, no! I don't want to hear another word! Your escapades don't interest me.

If you've got yourselves into a mess, that's your problem. I don't want to know.

Just because your son is married to my daughter doesn't make us friends.

We belong to two different worlds.

And you know what I think of yours!

Besides, I'm in the middle of my electoral campaign.

And your presence is a constant menace...

...a constant menace to me!

So, I'm sorry to have to be so harsh, but please leave my office at once!

No. No chocolate.

It's not good for you and it won't solve anything.

That Charrier's a bastard. I wanted to...

I was a fool to ask him. A politician can't dirty his hands with the likes of us.

We'll have to handle it ourselves, Albin.

- Give me a chocolate. - No!

- What are you doing? - Since the police are after a woman...

...the only solution is to make her disappear.

(gasps) Renato.

You must never dress like a woman again. Never.

It's out of the question.

Don't cry. It's not such a tragedy to dress like a man.

The world is full of men dressed like men.

Don't cry. We have no choice.

I can't help it. I'm just so upset.

Don't overdo it, please.

Well, of course you can't understand. It's beyond you.

You know, when I started out I didn't even own a suspender belt.

All I had was a little skirt borrowed from my sister.

I've had to work hard for all this.

But then, what do you care?

No man has worked as hard as me to buy himself dresses.

Not one! I can't believe it.

If you hadn't been so foolish, this wouldn't have happened.

I know, but when you tell a man he can no longer attract other men, well...

...you drive him to despair.

There, see? Look what you've done to me.

- What are you doing with that dress? - We have to burn it.

- But I only wore it once! - It's key evidence.

A part of myself is burning, Renato.

All of my youth...

...is going up in smoke.

Be brave, Albin. Be brave.

It's true.

A page has been turned. All that was graceful, fragile...

...delicate in me...

...has turned to ashes.

I have become a man, Renato.

- Who's going to replace me? - Sorry?

In the show.

Ah, yes, you want us to get someone to replace you. Why?

Listen, Renato, you told me not to dress like a woman any more.

But let me point out that in the show...

...I am rarely dressed like a man.

Shit!

Exactly.

But for the show it doesn't matter.

- Sorry? - In your wig and costume...

...I'm sure no one could recognise you.

- You're afraid of losing business. - Me? That didn't even cross my mind.

Liar!

You'd send me off to war just to save your pennies!

Right. Well, would you rather end up at the Salvation Army...

...or under a bridge like an old tramp?

Imagine what you'll look like then!

Yes, I can already picture you in the gutter.

OK, I'll replace you.

(whistles)

Mama!

What's the matter with you? It's me, idiot!

“Mama" is going to give you a spanking, if you carry on like that.

“4“ dance music)'

(compere) And here she is: the queen of sex appeal, the unforgettable Blue Angel.

The divine Marlene!

(laughter)

Oh, no.

(laughter)

They like it!

Actually, it's not all that bad.

♪ I can see you're mine

♪ I drive you so insane

I With my sweet caress

I Look at my body

♪ It's waiting for you

♪ Follow my eyes

I Yes, they're burning you through

♪ Darling, I wait for you, so...

I My body's aching now

I Come closer to me

Bravo! A real success. That was a great idea of yours.

Behind the pillar I think there's one of the men we saw at the hotel. I'm scared!

You're imagining things. Take a bow. Can't you hear the applause for you?

Oh, yes.

I'm never going to dress up like a woman again!

Look, I'm still shaking. Protect me, Renato!

Renato, I've got to hide! They're going to find me.

I don't want to go to jail!

Renato!

- Don't you think they're a bit feminine? - Feminine?

- They're carpenter's trousers. - But velvet for a man could suggest...

Do you have something more... rugged?

More rugged?

(horn blares)

Poof!

Is that him?

Who? Zaza Napoli? The idea! That guy?

- Who is it? - Sorry?

- Who is it? - It's... Maurice.

- My window cleaner. Hi, Maurice. - Morning!

- How are you, Maurice? - Fine, M. Baldi. Fine.

- Good. How's the family? - Fine.

- Your wife and children? - Fine.

Do you know how many kids he has? Guess.

How many?

- Eight! - Eight!

And his wife is expecting another. Right?

Well, it's not for want of trying.

(giggles effminately) Ouch, that hurts!

Don't just stand there, get to work.

Morning.

Morning.

- Where should I start? Here, there? - Wherever.

- I don't mind. - It's your job.

OK. OK.

So he just disappeared?

Like I told you, last night at dinner we quarrelled. We began to shout.

He threw a plate at me, then all of a sudden...

...he got up and left, slamming the door behind him.

Don't lie to us, M. Baldi.

I'm not lying. If I knew where he was, I'd tell you.

Like I said, we've been having problems. It happens to couples, doesn't it?

Fin own voice) Yes, unfortunately these things do happen...

- Maurice, the windows. - Hey, what am I? A workhorse?

(wails dramatically)

Oh!

I cut myself!

I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding! Look.

- Oh, mistress! - I'm bleeding.

Get out of here. Hurry and get the first-aid kit in the kitchen.

I'm innocent! I swear I didn't do anything.

Don't send me to prison, I beg you, Superintendent!

They're not from the police. They're secret agents.

- Show me where you hurt yourself. - That one.

Excuse us.

Did the guy who took you to the hotel give you anything?

- Like what? - A small capsule.

- A capsule? - He was a foreign agent.

He'd come over to our side.

He was about to give us a microfilm.

My God.

- Show me your hand. - Why? I've five fingers like everyone else.

There's nothing there, you ninny.

You've got to help us, Mougeotte.

Help you? Do what?

Flush them out.

They must think that you have the microfilm.

You've got to put them on your trail.

You're going to dress like a woman again, in the same wig...

...and show yourself around town.

That'II smoke them out.

No. There is no way that Albin will do such a thing. No. No.

Should I call the police?

You can tell them why you were in a hotel room with two corpses.

Life's a funny thing.

For 30 years I've had problems with the police for dressing like a woman.

And when I decide to start dressing like a man...

...the police insist I dress like a woman again.

It's totally absurd.

Hurry. They'll be here any minute.

Renato?

Are cyanide darts very painful?

What an idea! Don't be so silly.

Everything will be fine.

You think so?

I'm positive.

(lift bell)

- Is she ready? - Almost.

- I'm going with him. - That won't be necessary.

There's no way I'm letting him go alone. I'm coming with you.

This could be my last.

- Let's go. - But, M. Mougeotte...

...your hair wasn't like that on the Photofit.

No. This is more of an evening outfit.

- But we want them to recognise you. - Hey! What's he doing? Is he crazy?

Look at what you've done.

So, Broca, you don't like me like this?

M. Broca, where are we going?

A very chic birthday party. All the press will be there.

But this isn't dressy enough!

It's just a little something I got in the sales.

You should have told me. I'd have worn... I don't know.

You look fine like that.

The main thing is that you attract attention.

And we'll see to that.

Happy birthday, M. Manderstam.

M. Charrier.

I shouldn't have come. What kind of cake is it?

- Meringue. - Oh, meringue.

- You can't expect me to get in there! - I certainly can.

Don't worry, miss, you'll still be paid. You can go home.

- Come on. - A meringue! Can you believe it?

It's not even my size!

- Yes it is. - No it isn't.

- Get in. - Take my bag and gloves.

What an adventure!

I can't believe I'm doing this.

(giggles)

(shrieks)

I'm scared now.

Renato, don't leave me!

- Get in. We have to hurry. - All right, all right!

I'll suffocate in there. Oh, my goodness.

- And I'm afraid of the dark. - In you go.

- Besides, I'm a diabetic. - Nobody's asking you to eat it!

Oh, no! I won't get enough air in there.

Hurry up.

(screams) Could we leave the lid off?

No! No!

(muffled cries)

Ladies and gentlemen, if I may I have your attention.

The time has come for us to tell our friend...

...Andrew Manderstam...

...all the nasty things we think about him.

(laughter)

M. Manderstam is that American chap...

...who settled in France some 15 years ago...

...here in this town, for which I am MP.

He has found two ways of attracting attention:

...his generosity...

...and his kindness.

Let's go.

- Are you there, Renato? - Yes, I'm here.

Everything's going to be fine.

Albin, you need to go back on a diet.

That's a nice thing to say in front of the chefs!

(I "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow")

(applause)

Albin, it's Charrier.

- What? - It's Charrier!

Oh, my God! Oh, no!

My son's father-in-law is Charrier, the MP.

We promised never to show our faces in his presence. Albin must stay in the cake!

Shh!

He's in the middle of his campaign. We'll ruin his career!

We can't... No...

My dear Andrew...

...our entire town today wishes you a happy birthday.

Our town wanted to hold an American-style birthday party...

...for its American benefactor.

(I hand holds single note)

There seems to be a slight technical problem.

Usually there's... there's a surprise inside.

It seems our “surprise" didn't hear the orchestra!

The surprise!

Ahem!

My dear Andrew, happy birthday!

(I hand repeats note)

It seems our “surprise" has fallen asleep.

(laughter)

We're ready, miss!

Maybe she can't hear with all that cream.

It's such a rich cake...

...you see.

I've never gone to the rescue of a cake before!

There's no one there!

She's not there.

Aaaaaagh!

(laughter)

(Albin whimpers)

(Jacob sobs) Poor mistress. She's going to die.

She's going to die!

Will you shut up, Jacob?

Jacob, for heaven's sake!

Hello. Sorry, I can't hear a thing.

Could you come over straightaway? 17 rue Boulanger.

It's an emergency, Doctor.

303 Medical.

This way, Doctor.

He's just gone off to sleep. He had a terrible shock yesterday.

He's very sick.

Albin, the doctor's here.

It might be best to take his blood pressure first.

And give him something for his heart.

I'm so afraid he might let himself die.

I'll take care of it.

(sobs)

Stop crying. It's annoying.

Poor mistress. She was so nice.

She's not dead yet. Go and do the shopping. Pain in the neck.

There you are! Well done. You really did a great job!

His photo's in all the papers.

The doctor's with him. I hope he can pull him through, for your sakes.

The microfilm.

The microfilm!

Is that you? Is that you, Renato?

Is that you, sweetness?

(giggles)

(screams)

- What's that? - Nothing. An injection.

Albin hates injections.

The microfilm.

I'll get him back on his feet.

- No, you can't go in. - Let me in, Baldi.

Certainly not. It's our bedroom.

He's with the doctor. Leave him alone, damn it!

You're beginning to annoy me!

Who locked the door? You?

(Albin) Oh, no. Not that.

“When one is president of the Union for Moral Order...

...one tries to play down any ties with La Cage aux Folles."

“By putting a transvestite in M. Manderstam's birthday cake...

...Charrier added indecency to the ridiculous.“

“The voters will pass judgment.“

That, gentleman, is how you condemn a man to death.

This article...

“S the coup de grace..

We'll make the bastard eat his paper!

No, gentlemen, those to blame are not the journalists.

Those to blame...

...are those two people besmirching the Riviera with their filthy nightclub!

That depraved Italian...

...and that Frenchman who brings shame upon his race!

Those two!

They are to blame!

We'll kick their faces in!

We'll teach those queers a thing or two!

Excuse me. Will we get our rug back?

We'll have it cleaned and sent back.

- As usual. - (Albin) I can't take all these corpses.

(doorbell)

303 Medical. I'm Dr Bocquillon.

- Hey, Michaux! - Yes?

- There's going to be another trip. - OK.

You wouldn't have another rug, would you?

No, no more rugs.

Do your dirty work somewhere else.

(Albin) Could you take me home, please?

Sorry?

I'd like you to take me home now.

- But you are at home, my dear. - Mm?

Don't you recognise our living room?

- Take this. - Look at what you've done to him.

If you keep this up, the next rug will be for him.

He has nothing to fear. We'll take care of him.

From now on, we don't leave his side.

We'll protect him discreetly until they show themselves.

Have you got that?

Close surveillance, but discreet.

(sighs)

- You think that's discreet? - Just ignore us. Carry on.

(gunfire-like noise)

(Albin) Ah! Ooh!

- So much for discretion. - It's a reflex.

If you want them to show themselves, you'll have to change your technique.

How about this? Don't move!

No, that's not him at all.

Something else, then. The mauve, perhaps.

- Yes, that'd suit him like a dream. - I'm not wearing that!

- Don't argue, Michaux! - But what will I look like?

- Shut up! - What about the one with the moustache?

- I see him in my kaftan. - He looks like a Turk.

(laughs) A Turk!

And the young man here is like me. He can wear anything.

- Fetching, isn't he? - Not really.

Come on, come on. Come forward.

Stop! Stop! No, no, I'm sorry, but that will never do.

You need to make an effort to be worthy of these clothes.

Pretend you're walking a tightrope. Like this.

- Hmm? - That's right.

You're walking like this. It's horrible.

Listen, you just have to draw an imaginary line...

...a line that separates man from woman.

And all you have to do is walk on it like this.

You have to learn to move as gracefully and lightly...

...as the lovely Albin. Right?

- Thank you, my sweet. - Not at all.

Now, let's see. We'll start with him.

He looks like the most gifted.

Go on, Milan.

That's it. Not bad.

A little lighter. Hold your hands up higher.

I can't. I'm sorry, but I just can't do it.

- Please, Milan. - I can't. This is what a bird would wear!

They are not what a bird would wear.

All the fashionable men are wearing them.

And if we're trying to give you the grace you lack...

...it's for the benefit of this mission, madame.

He's right. We've started and we're going to see it through.

Carry on.

I'm married with two kids. I can't...

It's an order! Don't be stupid. You're up for a promotion.

No long faces.

All together now. Line up with me.

About face.

Forward... march!

Relax your wrist. Let it hang.

And look at the men as they pass.

Oh, isn't he handsome?

- Watch Milan. - He has a flair for it.

- (Milan giggles) - Perhaps a little too much flair.

Good morning, ladies.

- Excuse me. - Poof.

- I said excuse me. - And I said poof!

- Excuse me. - Poof.

What did you say?

Leave it, Renato. Just ignore him. Come on.

Hey, hold on. Where are you going?

He's looking for a fight. Ignore him.

That's enough now!

I'm warning you, there'll be trouble.

These girls are really scaring us. Aren't they, boys?

I advise you to let us pass.

Look how she clenches her little fists. I bet she can really scratch.

- Let us through, please. - With pleasure.

The little thing's nervous.

I'll calm her down.

(Albin screams)

I'm fed up with all this brutality and violence.

- Oh, God. - Everything will be fine. Calm down.

- Everything will be fine. - No, it will never be fine. Never, never.

- What's that? - Get in the car.

Renato...

He has a gun.

Sorry, gentlemen. We thought this was our car.

- Get in. - OK.

- (door shuts) - Get back!

There they go. Straight into the lion's mouth.

Poor darlings.

You have something of interest to us. We're prepared to negotiate.

We'll give you two million francs, not a penny more.

We'll call you tonight to give you instructions.

Very pretty, your posters.

- (Renato) Our posters? - They make you want to see the show.

How sweet of you. If you drop by, I'll make sure you get a good seat.

- Take this. - Sorry?

- Press the red button. - What is it?

- Press it. - Don't.

- Let me do it! - Leave it!

- Let me do it! - I said no.

I'm going to press it! Yes!

(screams)

- There, you see? - What was that?

Just a few dozen grams.

Imagine what 100 grams would do... but this time inside.

- During the show. - (wails)

- Or in your apartment. - No.

We'll call you later...

...for your answer.

- (Broca) I knew this would happen. - To my posters?

You'll go to the rendezvous.

With what? We don't have the microfilm.

But they think you have it.

What's so important about that damn microfilm?

It's a list of their agents operating in France. With it, we destroy their network.

- They'll do anything to get it back. - (phone rings)

Hello.

Tomorrow morning at six, be at the Montcoulèche motorway exit.

Come alone.

If we notice anything suspicious...

...you'll be shot on sight.

It's done.

- Any news? - We've got them!

You'll go to the rendezvous. We'll be behind you.

Right, and we get killed!

We've waited months to catch one alive. I'll question him myself.

Gentlemen, you're in a situation that requires courage...

...and virility.

Today you have the chance to be real men.

- Ready? - Off you go.

If there's shooting, jump into the bushes.

- What if there aren't any bushes? - Don't argue. Jump, and we'll do the rest.

- It wasn't true, you know. - What wasn't?

That you're less attractive. It wasn't true.

You're just saying that because of what's happened.

No, no. It's the truth.

I swear you haven't got any fatter or older.

You've just become a bigger pain in the neck.

Maybe.

You know, we have been pretty happy together.

Albin.

(honking)

Where are you going? Come back!

They locked the doors, damn it!

Your papers.

Taxi!

Stop!

The border, fast!

There's a car following us. Try to lose it.

. (be - Chips}

Bloody queers!

That car over by Customs.

It's the police.

- Over there? - I just thought I'd tell you.

Do you know what we can do to avoid any problems?

No. No idea.

Hey.

Oh! I can't go on.

It's a medical problem. I can't walk. I have flat feet.

That's how I got my discharge.

Because of flat feet?

Exactly.

You told me it was because you appeared before the board in a skirt.

They still noticed I had flat feet.

When I think how easily we could have gone by boat...

But no, we had to go jogging.

Everyone knows that ports and airports are the first places the police check, idiot!

And you think it's a good idea to hide out at your family's in Italy?

Oh, no, they won't look for us there!

But in Italy, when a man goes into hiding...

...everyone becomes his accomplice. The cops can't do a thing.

Those two queers you picked up this morning.

Where did you take them?

- We've crossed the border, Albin. - We're in Italy? Oh, we're in Italy!

Oh, no!

I forgot my powder. I don't believe it.

I can't go into Italy looking like this. Where did I put my powder?

No, you can't meet my family looking like that.

- Why not? - How am I supposed to introduce you?

- Go away! - As a friend.

Have you looked at yourself?

Once, in my village, the butcher's son had an affair with the blacksmith's son.

- And? - The father killed them with a hammer.

How dreadful!

- Renato! What if we go to Switzerland? - No. You're coming home with me.

(whistle)

I'm uncomfortable in these clothes.

I feel awful.

I feel sad. I feel old.

And to think that just three days ago I was such a hit in The Blue Angel.

Look what's happened to me!

I've aged 50 years in three days.

Don't be silly. You look great.

What are you laughing at?

Nothing. You just look like a real matron.

Thanks(!) That's just what I wanted to hear.

- Can you get me something to drink? - We're only stopping for a minute.

Be nice. If I don't drink something, I'll faint. It's not far.

- OK, I'll go. - You could make a bit of an effort.

There's nothing here. Not even a snack bar.

We're really in the sticks.

Excuse me.

- Don't bother to apologise! - Excuse me!

Renato!

Renato! Agh!

Albin, get off at the next station and wait!

Oh, Renato! My wig!

Stop the train! imitates whistle)

(mutters incoherently)

- Father. - Sisters.

(bell rings)

- Your Reverence. - You scared me! It's about time.

Take this. I've been waiting for ages, but you don't give a damn about me, oh, no.

- Hold this, too. - Quiet. The nuns are looking at you.

- What? - Someone might recognise us.

- Hurry! - Just a second.

Let's go. We mustn't keep your mother waiting. I can't wait to meet her.

The sheet isn't straight. Pull it on your side, you clumsy girl. It's all wrinkled.

And you, don't just stand there. Get the other room ready.

- Why don't they sleep together? - I wasn't told of this marriage.

As far as I'm concerned, they are not married.

(Albin) The change of air will do me good.

It's been ages since I've been in the country.

I'm thrilled about meeting your mother. What should I call her?

Mme Baldi or “Mother"?

Mother.

Renato, my son.

My son.

Madame.

Come in.

Come over here a minute, you.

Ladies.

Why did you keep your marriage a secret?

It's just that it happened on the spur of the moment.

You're looking well.

Why have you come back, Renato?

There are people looking for me.

You've got to hide me, Mother. I'm on the run.

You've got to hide me!

You've done something foolish, haven't you?

Yes.

Renato, did you kill a man?

Yes.

Over a woman?

Well...

Yes.

Over her?

Come!

We'll hide you for as long as we have to. You'll be safe here.

We're used to this sort of thing.

Thank you, Mother. You're very kind.

- Now get to work. - Excuse me?

Get to work!

Here all the women work.

But, Mother...

- Did you hear what your mother said? - Yes. It's not humiliating.

That's how it is here. Go and help with the cooking.

OK, I heard you!

This is unbelievable.

Morning, ladies. Shall I knead this? Excuse me. May I?

Goodness, what a nasty job. Just look at this!

Tell her to wear less perfume...

...and to learn how to knead the pasta dough.

Yes, Mother.

(laughter and chat)

Come on, let's drink to the good old days.

(I Albin sings from next room)

Yoo-hoo! It's me!

Good evening, gentlemen. Let me introduce myself.

I'm Mme Baldi. How are you all?

Isn't Mother here?

Sorry if I'm a little late, but I wanted to freshen up before dinner.

Did everything go well in the fields? Did you have a good day?

Good.

I'd love a little drop of wine. I'm very thirsty.

Oh!

All right, what happened?

What happened?

My dress, sweetie. My dress.

I'd really like a drop of wine. I'm dying of thirst.

It must be the heat.

I helped make the dinner. Is everything OK?

It's fun to cook every once in a while.

- Come here! - I've never rolled noodles before.

Excuse us. A little secret.

Come here! The women don't sit with the men here. Sit there with the women.

What's got into you, my dear?

Some wine.

That's enough. Thank you.

- Thanks, dear. - Yes, I should think so.

(I women sing)

(I harmonises operatically)

(sighs)

(moans)

Well, well. His Highness is tired?

I certainly am.

Help me off with my shoes.

Take off my shoes.

Tomorrow morning we have to be up at four.

- Oh? - Because you have to prepare lunch...

...for me and all the men working in the field.

For everyone?

Listen, Renato. I want to go back to being a man.

I don't like being a woman in this country.

I don't want to do it any more!

Just look at the state I'm in.

I've had... I've had...

I've had it up to here!

I'm fed up.

- Mme Baldi? - Yes.

- I have a postal order for Renato Baldi. - Renato Baldi is out of the country.

Really?

That's too bad. It's quite a sum.

He hasn't been here for 20 years, and I have no idea where he is.

Oh, well. We'll just keep it then.

But we'll be back.

Thank you, Mme Baldi.

Good morning.

Don't look at me like that.

If Renato saw you, he wouldn't like it at all.

I'm not the only pretty girl on the farm.

Take Laura, for example. She's charming.

Without her moustache, she'd be me 20 years ago.

Oh, I'm no different from the others, believe me.

It's just that I'm a new face.

I want you.

Yes, but... it's wrong.

Very wrong.

You're forgetting Renato. You mustn't say such things to me.

Renato.

Swear to me... Swear you'll never try to see me again.

Swear it!

- What's happening? - They're on our trail. We can't stay here!

Oh!

Luigi, take them to the shepherd's hut and stay with them.

- I'm entrusting them to you. - Very good, Mme Baldi.

You'll be safe with Luigi. He's the best marksman in the mountains.

We'll stop at Luigi's house to get provisions...

...and some men's clothes for your wife.

What?

There are only men, only shepherds, in the mountains. You know that.

Up there a woman would attract attention, especially that one.

You wife must pass for a man, Renato.

- You'll wear this to hide your hair. - My hair?

Let her change. We have to hurry. We've wasted enough time.

I'm not going to dress like a man!

Don't argue. Hurry up and put these clothes on.

But if l do, it'll show!

- What will show? - That I'm a man.

Don't count on it. Come on.

In any case, I'm not going to put a cap over my wig.

You dress like a man, but you're not a man.

You're a woman who is dressed like a man.

- Could you repeat that, please? - Some other time.

And remember to keep your bosom.

You're not a man dressed like a woman. You're a woman disguised as a man.

Is that clear?

I'm a woman...

...disguised as a man.

(door opens)

Right. I'm ready.

Seen from a distance, she could pass.

From a great distance.

Watch yourself, madame.

Call me sir. It'll arouse less suspicion.

Ah! Careful.

- There you go, madame. Can I carry you? - No, I'll be fine.

She's not made of glass.

- But it's a difficult climb for a woman. - Yes, it's not easy.

And here we are. The lookout post.

- It overlooks the whole valley. - Ah!

As long as I'm here with my gun...

...you can sleep in peace.

The shepherd's hut is over there.

- Ladies first. - Excuse me.

Thank you, Luigi. Oh!

It's certainly rustic.

- Madame will sleep here. - Thank you.

And you, over there.

I'll be up at the lookout post.

You'll be well protected, madame.

I'll walk you to the door.

Good night...

- ...little princess. - Good night.

That you have no respect for me is one thing.

But have at least some respect for yourself.

- You're jealous. - Me? Don't be ridiculous.

I just don't want to be shot by that moron.

And whose fault would that be? You've been asking for it.

Look at how you've been treating me since we left France.

Such brutality, it's shocking!

You're ugly, Renato. Do you hear me?

Jealousy has disfigured you.

You're very ugly.

Aaah!

The man that I loved is long gone.

And so is the man that I loved.

You have never looked more ridiculous.

Come on. Hurry up!

- Albin, get back in your trousers at once. - So that you can insult me again?

- What do you intend to do? - Sorry?

With that poor halfwit.

I don't know. I have to think about it.

In any case, it can't go very far.

He has no education. He is a bit uncouth.

And what's more, you're not a woman.

You know, Renato, you're a real killjoy.

(moans)

Are you all right?

Albin?

You do everything to hurt me, Renato!

- You're exaggerating. - Believe me, I'm not exaggerating.

Let me tell you something. I've had... I've had...

(wails)

I've had it up to here with you! There, I've said it.

Now I'm getting the hell out of here! I've had it! Oh!

- Albin! - It's over! Leave me alone!

(wails)

I can't take this any more!

- A little trout for my little princess. - (wailing)

What's wrong? Why are you crying?

Is it that bastard who's made you cry? I'll kill him!

- No! Luigi! - I'll kill him!

I'll kill him!

Renato!

- Good morning. - Renato...

Morning.

Don't scream. Not a word.

The others are out there. Just act natural.

That's fine. Just like that.

You bastard!

- Who's that? - Some nut.

(Albin) Renato!

Come on!

- What about Albin? - Come on!

So the microfilm got to Italy all by itself...

...all the way to the top of a mountain!

I don't give a damn about the microfilm.

I just want to find Albin.

You'd better give a damn. It may be our only way to get him back.

- Why? - If it is the list of their agents...

...we'll know exactly where to find him.

(Albin wails)

Shut him up! I can't stand it.

I can't make him talk and shut up at the same time.

I've had enough of this!

Enough, enough, enough!

- I was giving him a truth serum. - We've given it to him three times.

- But he talked yesterday. - Yeah, right! He admitted he was gay!

30ccs of Pentothal to have him say he's gay!

It's a start, isn't it?

We've already wasted a lot of time. Mougeotte.

- Mm? - Dear Mougeotte...

...tell us where the microfilm is or I'll put a bullet in your head!

I don't know where it is. I don't even know what a microfilm is.

- I don't know! I don't know! - (phone rings)

The phone's ringing.

Yes?

What?

No need to look any further. They have it.

They've arrested Martin and Dupré. Bastards! They'll take the ring apart.

- You sold it to the other side! - Sorry?

You chose the wrong side. Too bad.

No, no, don't kill me! No! I didn't do anything!

(Broca over loudspeaker) The house is surrounded.

You haven't got a chance. Give yourselves up.

Untie him.

- On your feet. - Hold your horses. Goodness me!

Argh!

Where are your manners? Please!

If you try anything on, I'll kill her!

Don't make it worse for yourselves.

Come out with your hands up. We won't hurt you.

Albin, I'm here. Don't worry any more. Your Renato is here.

You'll ruin everything!

Renato, I want to go home!

- Don't worry, I'll take you home... - Shut up, for God's sake!

- Get him out of here! - Don't talk to me in that tone of voice.

OK, don't get so excited. I'll just stay here.

Tie him up!

Listen to me...

The bastards took a shot at me!

Ask for a plane.

- In exchange for what? - For that.

For that thing? Would you exchange a plane for that?

A child, a woman, a priest, yes. But that!

That's right, just pretend I'm not here. I don't mind.

Agh!

You have two minutes to come out, or we'll open fire.

Come and get us, you bastards!

They wouldn't shoot. After all, there's a hostage in here.

- Are you cold? - No, I'm scared.

- 40 seconds. - You can't shoot! Albin's inside.

- Get out of here! - But Albin!

Who does he think he is? 30 seconds.

So I'm not even a hostage. I'm nothing at all.

I'm not the Blue Angel. I'm not a princess.

I'm not even a hostage.

OK, then.

Excuse me.

Where are you going?

I'm going to Renato.

(Broca) Ready up there?

(cocking of firearms)

What's he doing now?

I'm going to Albin.

(I dreamy string orchestra)

Are you all right, Albin?

I'm all right, Renato. And you?

It's so beautiful.

Shit!

(rings)

Yes?

The Secretary of State? Yes, put him through.

Good morning, Minister.

Yes, I'm fine. Fine, thank you, Minister.

Me? Me, Minister?

But why me?

Oh! It's M. Charrier.

Sorry.

Gentlemen...

...your courage has enabled us to eradicate a dangerous spy ring.

The government has asked me to express its thanks and its congratulations.

- Could we take three of you? - Come, come this way. Over here.

- There. How's this? - A little closer.

- Closer? I can't get any closer than this! - Take a seat.

There. Thank you!

Agh!

No pictures, no pictures, no pictures!

Visiontext Subtitles: Natasha Cohn