All language subtitles for Frasier S10E19 Some Assembly Required

So, on behalf of myself,

the many volunteers

and especially the team
from KACL...

Whoo!

I'd like to welcome you,

the Grant Family,

to your new Habitat
for Humanity house.

Ronnie, if I may?

When my coworkers

first signed me up
for this project

without my knowledge, I was--
well, I'll say it-- irked.

But I'm glad they did,

because I've had
a chance to learn

the pride that comes
when you build something

with your own two hands.

As carpenter's helper,

I sanded that newel post
out there.

As painter's helper's
assistant,

I stirred the paint for the trim

in the kitchen.

I was also surprised
to learn that

electricians don't have helpers.

It's getting dark.

(chuckling):
Oh, right, of course.

Enjoy your new home.

I know I did.

And if ever these walls
should tumble,

keep an eye out for
my Harvard class ring.

Thank you.

MAN:
It's hard to believe

the house is finally ours.

We cannot thank everyone enough.

Thank you.

Well...
Yay!

Well, are you sure

you took enough credit
for the house?

I took just enough, Roz.

It's not my fault

I'm not licensed
to use a plug-in tool.

Frasier, those guys...

You don't need a...

Never mind.

No problem. Everything okay?

My mom is a me
an, spiteful woman

Maybe we should talk this out
before you put your hands on me.

Daphne and her mom
had a big fight this morning.

Gertrude's been especially
difficult to live with lately.

Yeah, last night

she got the neighbor's cat drunk again.

One of them threw up
in the hot tub.

Well, I told her

we will not tolerate
this inconsiderate
behavior anymore.

If she wants to be part of this household,

she has to get off her lazy bum
and help out around the house.

How did I put it, Niles?

I couldn't hear you--
I was in the panic room.

But you looked very forceful
on the monitor.

Anyhow, she
pinched me keys

and drove
off in a snit.

Niles had to drive me over here.

Why, I'm so mad,
I could break something.

Are you ready, Martin?

Uh, let's give it
a few more minutes.

What is this?

Has Frasier been attempting
the laundry again?

ie's.
No, it's Edd

It's for a safety talk

Eddie and I are giving
at Glenbrook Elementary.

Oh, yeah.
Sounds like fun.

We're replacing
a talking parrot act--

Officer Chirpy and Sergeant Bob.

Dick Chirpy was one
of the finest officers

I ever served with.

It's funny, you know?

With a name like Chirpy,
you'd think he'd be the parrot,

but as I said before,
he wasn't. He was the guy.

The parrot being Bob.

That's fascinating.

Dad, are you sure
you want to do this?

I spoke
at a career day once.

It was a disaster--
all the taunting and yelling.

I haven't been so...

I haven't been so afraid o
third graders since ninth grade.

Well, thanks
for the warning, son,

but Eddie and I will be fine.

Hey, would you like to see
part of the act?

We'd love to.

Oh, great. Take a seat.

Come on, Eddie. Show time!

Okay, Eddie,

what should you do
before you cross a street?

That's right.

Look both ways

How about if a stranger
approaches you?

(barks)

Right again.

Yell and run to someone
you trust.

Ok

What about if you catch on fire?

That's right.

Stop, drop and roll.

What do you think?

I think the kids
are going to love it.

I see Dad's been showing you the act.

Ah. Here we are.

Hmm, darn.

This drawer isn't closing properly.

I think I'd be
tter go get my tools

and have a look at it.

You sure you know
what you're doing?

Niles, please.
I built a house.

I think I can handle
a simple drawer.

You know it's probably the slidey thing.

Or the drawer may
have become warped

If that's the case, then she's going

to need to be plan
ed, sanded and refitted.

Or you could turn
the stapler on its side.

I paid good money...

for an upright
stapler, Niles

(door opens)

MR. GRANT:
Dr. Crane, it's great
to see you.

What are you doing here?

Well, I was in the neighborhood
and I thought I'd stop by

to see how you two
were coming along.

I also wanted to drop
off this little gift for you.

I thought it would be perfect
for the house.

Thank you very much.
Very generous.

MRS. GRANT: How lovely
Thank you.

Come in.
Make yourself at home.

Sorry for all the boxes.

Oh, no, please,
don't apologize.

You know,
this is a beautiful print.

Oh, thank you.

Actually, we've been debating about where to hang this.

I was thinking
up on the wall

Uh-huh. Well, that's
an excellent place,

but, however, it comes
to my mind

that actually if you hung it
opposite the front door,

it would be the first thing
your guests see

when they arrive.

What a wonderful idea.

Oh, thank you.

Actually, if you don't mind a little suggestion:

If you put the couch,
say...

like this, you see,
you've got a lovely
conversation area

as well as a clear view

of the television.

You really have a gift
for this.

Oh, gosh, it's hardly a gift

It's a knack, perhaps.

A flair at best.
Wow.

Wait until
we tell people

that our living room
was decorated

by Dr. Frasier Crane.

Oh, please. Hardly decorated.

But you know,
if you'd like to sit down

and sketch out a few ideas
together, I'd be delighted

Seriously?
Sure.

Well, then I insist
that you stay for dinner.

Well, how can I refuse?

Here, let me
take that for you.

You know, I had a lot of time
to think about this space

when I was watching the plaster dry.

I was plaster watcher.

MRS. MOON:
Can I help you?

Mom, what are you
doing here?

Just following orders.

Working myself ill
so I can contribute

to Her Highness's
household coffers.

I'm sure Daphne only meant to suggest

that perhaps you might help out
a little bit more at home.

"Contribute" is the word

she shouted down
from her high horse.

But I'll be glad to "help
out" with the wages I earn

serving strangers
with my arthritic hands.

Now, how may I provide you with excellent service?

Well, what would you recommend?

Not having children.

What does she think
she's doing?

I guess this is just
her childish attempt

to embarrass us.

Working here, she's hoping we'll retreat in humiliation

I stopped being humiliated

after she showed up
in that spring break video.

Hello.

Hey, Dad.

Well, it's been 60 years,

but once again

I am the toast
of the second grade.

Congratulations.

So it went well, then?

Oh, the kids loved it.

When it was over,
they all ran up

and gave me
and Eddie big hugs.

Well, Dad, then you might
just want to consider

having that uniform cleaned.

Kids that age are
always carrying germs.

God knows wh
at you picked up.

Oh, I'm sure any germs
on their hands were jarred loose

by their wild applause.

The principal aske
d us to come back

and have an assembly
for all the fourth graders.

Dad, good luck

It's well known that
of the cruelest grades

ninth is third, seventh is second

and fourth is first.

If you're not going to order

I'll have to ask you
to leave this establishment.

Gert, you working here?

At Daphne's insistence.

The blood is pooling
in my feet,

but at least I'm contributing to the palace's upkeep.

Say, maybe I could sell
some of that blood

and give my daughter
her cut.

Is that a good idea, Daphne?

Should I sell my blood for you?

No, Mom.

You can keep your blood.

Did you hear that, everyone?

My daughter's letting me
keep my blood.

Okay, let's just...

That's nice. Maybe we'll go
have coffee at home.

No tips.

Nice.

(flatly):
Frasier, hi.

What a surprise.

Honey, guess who's here again.

Whoa, four times
in one week.

Hi, Chet.

How do you like
the sconces, huh?

Uh, good, good

I thought
you had plans tonight.

Well, I was just
driving by

and I noticed something
rather alarming.

What is it?

It seems
somebody has put

a cow mailbox at the end
of your driveway.

That's ours. Chet put it
up this morning

If you want,
we'd be happy

to give you back
the one you gave us.

No, no, no, that's not
necessary. It was a gift.

And it was custom-painted
to match the shutters,

exactly the way I pictured it

when this house was no more
than a foundation.

Now, the cow is beautiful,

but is it really the first
impression you want to make?

Remember, a mailbox
is a house's handshake.

We like the cow.

It's cute.

Besides, we're thinking
about replacing the shutters.

Maybe put up some awnings.

And a screen door.

Wouldn't that be cozy?

Gosh, I'm sorry.

Everything's going so fast

I, uh, last night
when I drove away from here,

it seemed like we were all
on the same page.

Now it feels like
we're working at cross-purposes.

How do we feel
about the accessories?

They're okay.

Okay? Last night
they were to die for.

That doesn't sound
like something I'd say.

Well, I remember
somebody saying it.

Look, all right, let's
just try to calm down.

Marge, why don't you go serve up

some of that world-famous
apple pie of yours?

We can all sit down
and work this out.

Thanks, Dr. Crane,
you've been a big help,

but I think we can
take it from here.

Well, but surely...

Good night, Dr. Crane.

If you're too sick
to drive yourself here,

you're too sick to give
a safety talk.

I'll be fine.

I just have to get
over this dizziness.

There are you, Mr. Crane.

I was getting nervous.

Listen, I'm afraid
my dad's not feeling well.

I think it would be best
if we canceled the assembly.

Are you kidding?

If I cancel this thing,
we'll have riot on our hands

The teachers are expecting
a free period.

The kids are
looking forward

to seeing the safety show.

Eddie and I aren't
going to let them down.

Okay, if you really think
you can do this.

I can.

as you were
the day I married you.

Okay, I let that go
the first time. Sit down.

We're going to get
him some ice water.

We're going to keep him
off his feet.

e.
Okay, but you'll have to go on in his plac

No, I can't do that.
Yes, you can.

Safety is everyone's concern.

And I can't
guarantee yours if you don't

(overlapping chatter)

Quiet. Quiet, people.

Settle down.

GameBoys off.

Let's give a warm
fourth grade welcome

to Officer Eddie
and... friend.

(scattered applause)

Hello, safety fans.

I'm Citizen-Officer Niles

and this is my partner,
Officer Eddie.

Okay...

Officer Eddie will now show us
how to act

in various dangerous situations.

Say, Officer Eddie, can you show
the kids what to do

before they cross the street?

That's right.
We wait for the signal.

Okay, uh...

Eddie, show the boys and girls
what to do if they're lost

Eddie?

Come here, boy. Hey.

Children, I have
a confession to make.

I'm not a Citizen-Officer.

I, uh, I'm a psychiatric doctor

specializing in marriage
and family counseling.

(children booing)

I know, I know.

The point is...

the point is that my father
is an actual officer

and he'd be here today,
except he got a nasty cold--

probably from some careless
youngsters at his last assembly.

Which brings up
a different

yet no less important
kind of safety--

hygiene.

Oh, geez.

I would like to introduce you
to the first defense

in the war against germs--

Officer Pocket Square.

Okay, okay.

Maybe it's not cool to carey
a handkerchief around anymore...

It's not!

Is influenza cool?

Is scarlet fever cool?

Do you have any idea
how many germs

there are on just one finger?

Yes, that finger, for example.

It's millions!

Or take simple dust.

You know what dust is?

s.
It's the excretion of mite

Little bugs that are eating
your skin right now.

What the hell
is he doing?

He's freaking me out, that's what he's doing.

Oh, Roz, hey,
come and join me.

I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I'm not sure the Grants

are the right family
for our house.

Who?

The Grants-- the people who
moved into the house we built.

You went back there?

Just a few times, to try
to share with them

the principles of decor,
room flow, general livability.

Then they literally showed me the door

Yes, Roz, the very door I hung for them in
the first place.

Take a moment
to digest the irony.

Frasier, what do you expect?

It's their house.

Yes, but I helped

to build it.

Okay, untangling extension cords
and stirring paint

isn't exactly building a house

Oh, I know I didn't do much.

The truth is, I've never really been very handy.

In elementary school,
I made an ashtray for my dad.

It caught fire.

Frasier, you did your part,
but now you have to let go.

That poor family
probably thinks you're

some rich, arrogant guy
who's bossing everyone around.

Oh, Lord.

Maybe I owe them
an apology, Roz.

I mean, the last thing I want Marge and Chet to think of me

is that I'm so
me sort of a snob.

Did I tell you they have
a cow mailbox

at the end of their driveway?

My mom has a cow mailbox.

Well, sure

that's Wisconsin.

The buckle on the bumpkin belt.

Hey, you two.

FRASIER:
Oh, hi, Daphe.

A latte, please.

Daphne, here it is.

My first paycheck,
$74.12, post tax.

See, everybody,
I'm helping out

my well-to-do daughter

with my pittance
of a paycheck.

Thanks

I suppose you're going
to ask me to stop working here.

Well, I don't care
if you are embarrassed.

I will contribute to
the household like you told me

even if it kills me.

Sign here.

Right, then...

I'll just work here
till I keel over dead.

Kindly set aside a few pennies
from my pay

for a nice casket.

Already taken care of.

Four rodent hairs

and the head capsule
of an adult grain beetle.

CHILDREN:
Ew!

Chocolate.
Milk.

Meat.
Cookies.

Oh, okay, I heard chocolate.
I'll take chocolate.

Per 100 grams,

the government allows an average
of approximately

60 insect fragments
and the odd rodent hair.

(kids groaning)

But let's say you want
to play it safe.

Maybe drink
a can of fruit juice.

That's healthy... or is it?

Well, sure,

if your idea of healthy

is approximately five fly eggs
and a maggot.

This is your government, people!

PRINCIPAL:
All right...

let's thank Dr.
Crane for coming by today.

But I'm afraid
we're out of time.

CHILDREN:
No!

Stay.
Stay.

Stay.

PRINCIPAL:
Okay, okay, one more

and then we have
to say good-bye.

Well, I can't leave
without mentioning

our friend the hot dog.

Or perhaps it should be called
"hot parasitic cysts,

"insect fragments, general grit

and rodent droppings."

Thank you.

(cheering and applause)

PRINCIPAL:
Thank you,

Dr. Crane, for that
most enlightening talk

And right before lunch

Everyone exit in a single line to the cafeteria, please.

Good job, Niles.

Thanks.

It was touch-and-go there for a while,

but you came through
with flying colors.

Quick thinking making up
that stuff about the hot dogs.

Thanks, Dad, but you know
I didn't make anything up.

I said it was okay
to make up that stuff about hot dogs,

which I love and had
for breakfast.

Yes, well, I guess
I was faster on my
feet than I knew.

Excuse me, sir.

I just wanted to say
you were great up there.

Thank you.

Hey, kid...

Here.

Wow!

Thanks, Citizen-Officer Niles!

Thanks for coming
along with me, Roz.

I'm not sure
they'd open the door

if it was just me.

It's him again.

I-I'm sorry
to disturb you.

You remember Roz?

Hi.

Hello.

Yes, I just
wanted to say

how sorry I am
for my behavior this last week.

I've been intrusive
and controlling.

I lost sight of the fact
that this is your home...

to do with as you will.

And I sincerely wish you all
many years of happiness in it.

Thank you.

You care to come in?

Oh, we'd be honored
to be guests in your home.

Oh, look what you've
done with the place.

MRS. GRANT:
Do you like it?

I think it's great.

What do you think,
Frasier?

Would you like
to take a tour?

Mm-hmm.

MR. GRANT:
We just finished repainting
the den yesterday.

Oh, Frasier,
you've got
to see this.

Oh?

(chuckling):
Oh...

Wow, that's purple!

Thank you again
for the tour.

Your home
is lovely.

We like it.

It's the kind of home
we've always dreamed of.

Yes.

Good night.

Good night.

Frasier, I am
very proud of you.

I did it.

I didn't criticize.

I said nothing judgmental.

I didn't say a single word

about their horrible,
horrible taste.

You were great

I finally did it. I...

This was the ultimate test,
and I passed.

I can finally let go.

Good-bye, house.

I release you.

They're going
to call the police.

Shut up!

It's better this way.

♪♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-calling ♪
♪

♪♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪♪

♪♪ Quite stylish ♪♪

♪♪ And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪♪

♪♪ Well, maybe,
but I got you pegged ♪♪

(laughs)

♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do
♪♪

♪♪ With those tossed salad
s and scrambled eggs ♪♪

♪♪ They'’’re calling again
. ♪♪

Thank you!