Original subtitles

[ music ]

- Alright we gotta get our stories straight!

- Listen! Listen to me!

Let's tell him we were at church.

- ...I'm gonna say, "Mind your business."

In fact, I've got some questions for him.

- Mine's better.

[ tube alert ]

[ all talking at once ]

- When I find out what happened, Schwoz,

I swear to God, I'm gonna take that weapon

you tell me never to touch and I'm gonna--

- deep breaths... don't do that...

- ASSSSSSSSEMBLLLLLLLLE!

- Hi. - Ahh!

I don't suppose any of yooooou know how my Man Truck

ended up at the bottom of the Jandy River?

- Nnnnnnnnnnnnno. - Mind your business.

- Okay. Where you guys been all day?

- Church. - Mind your business.

- I honestly don't know.

- Alright. I'll start with you.

You went to church, huh? - Yep.

- Which one? - Went to three.

- Hmm. Little church hopping? - Lotta' church hopping.

- You sing? - Cuppa' times.

- Which hymns? - "Amazing Grace."

"How Great Thou Art." And a Kanye song.

- O-kay.

How about you?

- Mind your business. - O-kay.

- How about you Dimples? Know anything about my truck

being at the bottom of the river?

- I don't know anything about anything.

- Checks out.

Well... I believe you all.

And now simply to leave the room.

One thing, though...

Uhhhh-Mmmmmmiiiiiika!

Mika? I don't suppose.

Do you know anything about how my truck

ended up at the bottom of the river do you?

Mika? I love that truck more than I love Schwoz.

- Ouch.

- And now it's all wet!

[ Chapa mouths, "Don't..." ]

- It was us!

- Aw, come on! - Nooooo!

- I knew it!

- Okay so you know how fast food always tastes better in a car?

- Of course. - So we ordered some Nacho Ball

from the close one not the nice one and we brought it back

but it didn't taste right so we decided to teleport

inside the Man Truck but it still didn't taste right

so we blasted some music and that seemed to do the trick

- Good call. - and the food was SOOOOO GOOD

and then the song "Proud Mary" came on and the song

talks about rolling on a river

and then we looked up who Tina Turner is

and we found out she's still alive and living in France

and then Miles went "Yes!"

and then we all teleported into the river!

- Well I am very disappointed...

- [ groans ] - About what?

- in Mika.

- What?! - Yes!

- For what? - I told you the truth!

- You did. And that's good.

But you also snitched. And that's bad.

- That makes no sense!

- Lying is a very important part of being a superhero.

That's why half the moms in this town think

Ray Manchester is a fighter pilot.

- That just sounds like you're lying to impress women.

- Exactly.

I need to be able to trust that you can lie.

[ moans ]

- Give her a letter! - No!

- Yeah! - To the "snitch" board!

- Yeah! - Way ahead of you...

MIKA: Come on...

- Oooh. According to this, you've snitched

one, two, three, four times already.

- The ketchup stain I made on the couch... MIKA: But--

- The raccoon fight-club I was running in the basement.

- That was horrib--

- That I import illegal hair products from China

to maintain my luscious locks.

- And that I do the same thing.

- Those were both literally crimes!

- Mika. Last name!

- Macklin! - Mika Macklin.

For snitching a fifth time, you receive...

another letter!

- Ha! You hate to see it.

- Oooh. One more snitch and you get an "E."

- "H." - "H."

- And then... - The shoes of shaaaaaame!

- You have to wear the ugliest shoes known to man

for an entire weeeeeek.

- No! Those are hideous!

They're so plain and white!

- Yeah, then don't snitch. - Okay!

Well... I don't want to be a snitch or anything

but there's a kid looking at us through the glass doors.

- Aiieeeeee!!! - Where'd he come from?

- I don't know. Let's punch first and ask questions later!

CHAPA: Exactly.

- No, no, no, no, no it's my nephew, Zed.

What are you doing here?! You could catch a cold out there,

you don't have your baby beard anymore.

- Baby beard?

- Schwoz's family. Total freaks.

- He brought me a message can, from Mama!

This is either really good news, or really bad.

MAMA SCHWOZ'S VOICE FROM THE CAN: It's really bad!

Schwoz! It's Mama.

I don't want you to worry for me.

- Sick turn coming.

MAMA SCHWOZ: But I'm sick.

- Told ya.

MAMA SCHWOZ: My doctor says I have melty bones.

- [gasps ] Melty bones runs in my family!

MAMA SCHWOZ: Yes, you should get checked.

Please come home to mama.

I need youuuuuu.

Okay how do I hang this thing up?

It's probably this big button that says "hang up."

Ugh, how did I miss it?

- Schwoz, I'm so sorry.

- Yeah I'm sorry too, pal. That you can't go visit her.

- What? - He can't go?

- You monster.

- He already used up all his vacation days

when he just "had" to get his appendix out!

Couldn't wait 'til Thanksgiving.

- But it's his mom. And she's got melty bones.

- Oh. She always does this.

She always calls him home because she's sick

and when he gets there she comes up with fifty reasons

on why he can't leave-- And then I've got no Schwoz

for, like, two maybe one whole day.

- I'm the most heartless one here --

but that's pretty cold, m'dude.

- Okay, you can either go home now,

or for her tasteful memorial service. Your choice.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go

dry my truck out.

- That dude really gives no hecks.

[ sobbing ]

- Schwoz?

- Yeah, Snitch?

- I was gonna say we will do anything

to help you see your mama.

- Yeah yeah we love you, Schwoz. - Help your mom, Schwoz.

- Schwoz, quit huggin' The Snitch and come help me!

- Poor little Schwoz.

- We gotta do something.

- Yeah, but how? She's so far away.

- I'm sure if we put our heads together

we can think of something.

- Oooh. Good idea. - Ahhh.

- Too literal.

- I think it's working! - I doubt it.

CAN VOICE: This can will self-destruct in two seconds.

- Wow that can really doesn't give you--

- Ahh!

- You guys are weak.

- It all just kinda happened.

[ kids all taking at once ]

- Stop talking!

♪ Danger

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Ooooh-ooooh

♪ Danger!

♪ One two three Force!

[ kids in unison ] - Emergency!

- That's just the doorbell. - I know.

- I need you to take my toenail clippings, scatter them

all over town so my enemies can't use them to curse me.

But make sure you save one in case I ever turn--

- Mama?!

- Schwozzie!

SCHWOZ: Oh, mamaaaaaa!

- Who is responsible for this?!

Huh? Hmm?

Mika? You feelin' a little snitchy?

- Oh I think you know that I am.

- I'll tell you who brought her here -- me.

Miles Macklin.

- Ooooh! Ooooh! He snitched on himself!

Give him an "S." - S!

- Doesn't count if you snitch on yourself.

- Who makes up these rules?!

- Look, after a number of unsuccessful attempts

of trying to teleport to Schwoz's home country...

- Eighty-three. - Not important.

I made it there and I brought her and her melty bones

back here so she could see her son.

Because we love Schwoz.

And yeah, she screamed a lot when I grabbed her,

and yeah, she tried to scratch me

with one of her little melty arms,

and where was I goin' with this?

[ Mika mouths, "I don't know." ]

- She's a normal, sweet mom who just wants to see her son.

- Exactly.

- She is rubbing his belly like a dog.

[ Schwoz laughs ]

- Yeah that's a little weird.

- It's a lotta weird. I can't stand that lady.

She's always trying to find ways to body shame me,

or throw food at me--

MAMA SCHWOZ: Raaaaaay! - Mama Schwoz!

- Ohhhh. Have you gained weight?

- [ angry laughs ] I've gained muscle,

actually and that weighs more than fat, so...

- Maybe.

- Well this has all been terribly fun

but I'm having a bad time

and these kids have a lot of work to do

down at superhero school, so...

Mama Schwoz, if you don't mind...

- I don't mind.

- Oh. Hehehe.

[ music ]

- and then when the villian says, "Which arm?"

You'd say, "Dis-arm!"

- Ehhhhhhh...

- What's that? "Ehhhhhh?"

- Well, it's not how I would disarm someone, but...

- Okay, why don't you come on up here and show us how it's done?

- Can't. Bones are meltin'.

- Prrretty well established at this point, sir.

- But if they weren't, I would just kick you in the zipper.

- Pfft. That's never gonna--

- Zipper kick! Ha!

- Oooohhhhhh!!!

- My turn my turn my turn!

- No one's kicking me in the zipper!

And from now on I would thank you

if you stay out of mah business.

- No! Let her teach us more stuff!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

[ Emergency Alarm goes off ]

- Oh, come on!

- Ohhh thank god there's crime.

Alright I'll see everybody upstairs.

Mostly everybody.

[ whispers ] Mostly.

- Kick someone in the zipper for me...

[ hip hop music plays ]

♪ Losin' my mind with my eyes closed ♪

♪ Dance dance drop drop on a low low ♪

♪ Let's get up sweet sweet like cocoa cocoa ♪

♪ - and drop it low...

♪ and bring it high... now side to side... ♪

♪ and then--

- forgot my gum.

- Okay... so you caught me.

- Your bones aren't melty at all.

- No. Question is: What are you gonna do?

You're not gonna tell on me... are ya?

You're not some kind of a snitch... are ya?

- Not yet but I'm one letter away.

- What?

CAPTAIN MAN: Mika!

- Ha!

- Mika! What's going on?

- Iiii... forgot my gum.

- Why is there music playing?

- I'm so sick!

I'm so definitely, actually sick!

- I was... just getting pumped up.

You know, a little pre-crime dancing.

♪ Drop low and bring it high ♪

♪ and side to side

- That's stupid.

This is a much better pump-up song.

[ country music plays ]

Come on, get in here!

♪ --to the left Flex your muscles to the right ♪

- Now lasso.

♪ Ready for a fight

- Smile.

[ Mika fake laughs ]

- Come on. You gotta own it.

[ music ]

- Gross.

Danger Force ASSEMBLE!

I said DANGER FORCE ASSEMBLE!

- They're not here, stupid.

- Where are they?

- Mama sent them on a mission!

- Mama doesn't get to send them on missions!

Only I get to send them on missions

and I have a very important mission

that I need to send them on right now!

- I'm so sorry. What is your important mission?

- I need them to return this copy of "Addams Family Values."

It's absurdly overdue.

- They'll be back soon. - Where are they?

- I just needed them to pick up a few elderly items.

I would have gone myself, but y'know...

melty bones.

- Look, I'm very honored that you chose to come here

to my Man's Nest to melt all over everything.

- Oooops. 'Gurted you.

[ music ]

- Is that all for Mama Schwoz?

- For a lady with melty bones,

Mama Schwoz sure does have an appetite. Is that weird?

- I don't know don't ask me never question how much

a woman eats or tell her to smile more or--

- Geez. Okay. What's wrong with you?

- I'll tell you what's not wrong with me.

I'm not a snitch. I'll tell you that.

I'll tell you that. I'll tell you--

- Uh, that'll be 239 dollars.

- Y'owch.

Well, it's for a good cause.

- You're paying for that yourself?

- Mama Schwoz has melty bones! It's the least I can do.

- But you've been saving that money for yoga pants.

The good ones.

- She needs it more than me.

I guess I'll just have to continue doin' yoga without pants.

- Noooo!

- Hey, we ready to head back?

I just bet my entire piggy bank

on a horse race for Mama Schwoz.

- She made you bet with your own money?!

- She actually made me borrow some so I could bet more.

If Three Legged Dreamer doesn't win the fourth race

at Swellview Downs, I'm in real trouble.

- Oh god... - Alright. Let's roll.

Mama Schwoz wants to see her new golf clubs, like, yesterday.

And it's today.

So I'm late.

- How's she gonna play golf if she's got melty bones?!

- She told me she just wanted to feel the weight of the clubs

in her hands before her hand bones melt.

- Oh. God bless that woman. - Don't make me cry...

[ Mika groans ]

- You okay?

[ mumbles angrily ]

- Stupid...

[ Mika superscreams ]

[ car alarms sounding ]

- Huh? Why?

[ music ]

[ music ]

- Miles, thank you for teleporting to that gator pond

and getting me this palm frond.

[ Miles laughs ]

- Did you all know that alligators

can climb up palm trees? Because I did not.

BOSE: I did not know that.

- You learn something new every day.

- You know, if she weren't all melty,

I'd pick up that ol' bag up by the hair on her feet

and toss her on outta' here.

But there's no point in wishing,

she's obviously melting away.

- Ahhhhhhhhhbviously...

- I'm mean it's not like she's lying or anything.

- Ehhh.

- Mama Schwoz would like a leeeeetle seep of your purée.

- Of course she would.

[ slurping ]

- Alright, that's enough --

thought we were going to listen to your dang horse race.

- Oooh! Ooo, it starts right now!

ANNOUNCER: here in the fourth race at Swellview Downs,

where everyone's talking about Three-Legged Dreamer...

- Oh! Three-Legged Dreamer! That's my boy!

- I thought I was your boy.

[ horse race bell rings ]

ANNOUNCER: And they're off!

It's Three-Legged Dreamer moving quickly on the outside rail,

Reporting For Booty is making a strong move inside,

but Three-Legged Dreamer is still in the lead...

Three-Legged Dreamer going way out ahead now

and as we round the first turn...

and go into Mika's conscience...

will Mika Be A Snitch, or will she Remain Silent?

Remain Silent is in the lead, but here comes Be A Snitch,

it's neck-and-neck with Tell The Truth,

and Do The Right Thing is making a strong push on the outside...

But here comes Guilty Conscience!

He's followed by Always Tell The Truth,

and Do The Right Thing in third.

But it's Tell The Truth in the lead,

followed by Mika Can't Take It Anymore!

- I can't take it anymore!

ANNOUNCER: But Three-Legged Dreamer is still in the lead.

- Whoa! - Hey!

- Whadja do that for? - We were listenin' to that!

- I'm sorry but you guys need to know something

about Mama Schwoz.

[ makes clicking sound as if she's talking to a horse ]

- Easy now.

- Mama Schwoz is not sick! She's faking!

[ Chapa, Bose, Miles, and Schwoz gasp ]

- Don't listen to her!

- What are you talking about?

- Her bones aren't melting, I caught her dancing yesterday,

she's getting everyone to do her errands--

and you know what I don't care if you all call me a snitch --

she's faking.

- Mama?

- She's slow-clapping...

- ...that means Mika's right.

- She's faking.

I think.

- Mama?

- Okay, fine I don't have melty bones!

I'm as healthy as a three-legged horse.

- I knew it!

- No, you didn't.

- Yeah, I know.

- And I would have gotten away with it, too,

if it hadn't been for this meddling snitch!

- Don't make this about me -- you were lying the whole time.

- Well I had to!

He never lets my boy come see me.

- I give him one vacation day every ten years!

- That's it. I'm going home.

Schwoz, you're coming with me.

- He's not going anywhere!

- You don't even appreciate him!

- I don't appreci-- I don't appreciate him?!

Schwoz, cover your ears!

I love this man with all of my heart!

And there's a reason I don't give him any days off work.

'Cause I can't live a day without him.

He is my rock. He is my shoulder to cry on.

But if I tell him that I'm afraid he might gain

the self-confidence to leave me for somebody

who might treat him the way he deserves to be treated.

You know like a human.

- Ray. You are a complicated man.

- You're straight up toxic, m'dude.

- Well, what did you say?

- I said you're-- I said you're staying here.

And, if anything, I overpay you.

- If you want my Schwozzie to stay

you have to fight me for him.

RAY: Lady, I don't know if you have melty eyes,

but I am built like a Three-Legged Hors--

- Ha! - Oohhhhhh!!

Sick quip.

- Oh, wow!

- Alright, Granny Devito. It's on!

- Dude, they're fighting over you.

- I know...

- If I had any money left, I'd bet on your mom.

- Ha! - Oohhhhh!

- You want us to stop them?

- Ehhhhhh... not yet.

- Where did she go?!

[ Mama Schwoz hisses ]

- Well how'd she get up there?

- That is terrifying.

- Hee-yahhhh!

[ in unison ] - Ooohh!

[ all shouting at once ]

- Cheater! - You're a cheater!

- Wow!

- Ray. I love you.

- Yes! I win!

Bye bye! Bye bye now!

- But I think it's time for me to go home.

- Ha!

- So what? You're just gonna... you're just gonna leave me?

- It's time. I need to go home and be with my mama.

- Haaa! Go mama, go mama, go mama.

- It's great. Jasper, Charlotte, Henry.

And now you too. It's fine.

- Is this really goodbye?

- Yes. It's like I always say, "Family First."

- Get wrecked, suckers!

- We're miss you, Schwoz.

BOSE: Bye...

- Adiós.

- How are we getting home?

- We'll take the helicopter to my rocket to my space port,

then over to La Cienega where it hits the junior high...

- Do any of you guys know how to make science devices?

- I can learn...

- Do any of you guys know how to scratch my back

just the way I like it?

- You mean like this?

- Ahhh. That's perfect actually.

Schwoz?!

- We thought you were leaving with your mom!

- I did!

- But you're here! - I know!

- I'm so confused! - I just figured it out!

The real Schwoz has been inside of us the whole time.

- No! The Schwoz who just left with my mama was my clone!

- That makes more sense.

- You had a clone? - I used to.

- You mean you picked us over your own mama?

- It's like I always say...

"Family second."

[ kids in unison ] - Awww.

- Nnnnot so fast.

We still have one little thing to take care of first.

Schwoz, pull up the Snitch board.

- What?! - Yes!!!

- Ya' snitched.

- Because she was taking advantage of my friends!

I snitched for you guys!

- And we appreciate that.

- Much appreciated! - You're a good friend.

- But the rules is the rules.

You snitch, you wear the shoes of shame.

- Shame! - For shame!

- Fine! I don't care what you guys think, I did the right thing!

RAY: [ starting to chant ] Shoes of Shame.

[ All chanting at Mika ] Shoes of Shame. Shoes of Shame. Shoes of Shame...

- Y'know what these shoes aren't that bad!

I love how white they are!

[ chanting ] Shoes of Shame. Shoes of Shame...

- I know some really cool dads who wear these exact shoes!

[ chanting ] Shoes of Shame. Shoes of Shame...

[ music ]

♪ Always on the scene in the nick of time ♪

♪ The second I see trouble I know I'll be fine ♪

♪ I'm okay

♪ I'm okaaaay!

♪ Danger

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Ooooh-ooooh

♪ Danger!

♪ One two three Force!