All language subtitles for Bless the Harts s02e05 Pound Pinchers.eng

Mmm.
What do have we here?

Ooh, a fresh construction site.

Time to give
these lunch box Charlies

something to look at while
they're drinking their RC Colas

and eating their moon pies.

It's go time.

Violate me
with your words, boys.

Oh, man, that reminds me.

I got to call my mama
this weekend.

Maybe they didn't see me.

Let me give them another taste.

Oh, I know what this is.
They're afraid of a lawsuit.

I give you my consent.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, look at this cheerleader.

Okay, find
your own way down, then.

# #

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

Don't mind me.

My once hypnotic buns
have lost their magic.

- What now, Mother?
- Used to be construction workers

couldn't take their eyes off me.

I used to be the reason
nothing got built in this town.

They were too distracted.

Aw, come on, Betty.
You look great.

Don't give me
your pity compliments.

I know I've gained
a few wisdom pounds.

But does that make me invisible?
Ugh, I need a drink.

Stealing from a construction site

and now you're gerbling wine?

Brenda. I shook my cans
and my caboose

in front of a girder
full of construction workers

and got nothing.
No catcalls, no wolf whistles.

- No a-roogahs.
- No shake-its? No break-its?

Not even one "Took your mama
that long to make it."

Total silence.

Well, it's all over.

May as well eat this full tray
of monkey bread

and start the process
of fully letting myself go.

No, no, no. Don't pull the pin
on that monkey bread grenade.

You know what I do when I'm
needing a little body tune-up?

- I head to a Pound Pinchers meeting.
- Oh, come on, Brenda.

I don't want to sit
in a circle of fat losers

pining for a candy bar
like it's Jason Momoa.

But don't you get it?
That's a real ego boost.

Nothing makes you feel better
about yourself

than sitting amongst a gaggle
of chunky desperados.

Oh, yeah. I guess I would
look like Claudia Swiffers

compared to those uggos.

But I am gonna hide
this monkey bread from my family

just in case this whole plan
is a bust. Oof.

Doo, doo-doo-doo.

- Hola, Jenny.
- How was your vacation, Louise?

Well, Daniel had to come back
early for a businessman thing.

But it wasn't sad at all, Jenny.

I liked being alone in Mexico
on my tenth anniversary.

Anyways, Jenny,

you know what I noticed
when I was driving myself home

from the airport late last night?

The Waffle House
had a ton of customers,

- and we had no customers.
- Maybe 'cause we were closed?

That's right, y'all.
Look at you, smarty.

So starting next week,
The Last Supper's

gonna be open all night.

- As in 24 hours?
- Yeah, silly.

And you get to be
our new night manager.

Doo, doo-doo-doo.

For the same money.
Doo-doo.

These meetings are
a "what, what" factory.

Compliments for days.

Look at you in those jeans.

Wow-ee, looks like Mary
is down another five pounds.

Go on, show us that hot bod.

Leader lady. Ooh, over here.

- We're ready to strut.
- Oh, right. We have some newcomers.

- Oh, hello.
- Hi.

Okay. Welcome, ladies. Come
on up and step on the scale.

Why don't we just skip
the scale

and get to the complimentary
hoots and hollers?

Oh, you'll get lots of compliments
when you start getting down

- to your healthier weight.
- Huh?

Now why don't you get
some steps in

on the way to the scale?

Oh I'm gonna get my steps in,
later,

when I'm doing the Riverdance
on your face.

It's just such a bad idea.
The Last Supper open late?

You guys are already pushing
the limits on how long

you can keep a piece of
flounder under a heat lamp.

Right? That's why
I told Louise "Hell no."

I mean, the words
were more along the lines

of "Sure, I'll think about it,"
but there was definitely

- a real "hell no" vibe to it.
- Good.

I mean, the night shift
is no place for a lady...

Uh-oh...

Uh...

Wait, what did you just say?

I'm capturing the look...
the look of a man

seconds before
he loses everything.

I'm just saying,
women are a little more

physically vulnerable than men.

Look, Wayne, it's you.

And that poo pile is all
your words and thoughts.

You think ladies
can't be night managers?!

Okay, that is not what I said.

I'm just saying the freaks
come out at night.

Just like that
song by Whodini.

- Mm. Amazing pivot.
- But it's what you meant.

And for the record,
I can handle it.

- My Lord, you're stubborn.
- When?

When have I ever
been stubborn? When?

Jenny, your check engine light
means "check the engine."

I know when
my check engine light

is serious and when it isn't.

Jenny, don't be stubborn. We're
not gonna make it to Charlotte.

I don't even see that.

Guess who made it to Charlotte?

This bitch.

Oh, I just want
to give him one grape.

Lions don't even eat grapes.

Guess who proved lions
like grapes?

This bitch...
Ouch!

Oh, my God, what did she do?

I reminded her she that she is
allergic to cauliflower,

so she ate a tray
of roasted cauliflower.

Guess who just saw God?
This bitch.

Jenny, you have a history
of putting your life in danger

- just to be right.
- No, I don't.

And guess who's taking
the night manager job.

- "This bitch"?
- This bitch.

Aw, you two.
I'm so glad you came back.

The second meeting
is the most important one.

Now let's hop on that scale.
Come on.

Hey, Leigh-Ann, could you just give

my friend Betty here
a couple of golf claps?

She just needs
a little bit of kudos.

- You know, just a kude?
- Please?

Well, hop on that scale,

and let's see if those numbers
are kude-worthy.

Wow, okay. Looks like
we're up three pounds,

which is a lot for one day.

Leigh-Ann, I went home
last meeting with zero claps,

zero back pats
and zero "You go, girls."

You basically pushed me
right into the comforting arms

of a kiddie pool-size tray
of monkey bread

and a rain barrel of full-fat eggnog.

- That's not safe.
- Not even Christmas.

All right, on to better news.

Danica just lost her 15th pound.

Big bravo moment, y'all.

- Big whoop.
- This blows.

15.3... and I put my pre-baby
khakis back on, y'all.

Okay, okay. Bravo, I-I guess.

But let's talk about
those pants.

Honey, those khakis
are far too thick

to get a decent camel toe going.

Yeah, Danica.
Why are you so excited

about squeezing
into a UPS uniform?

Men should be
delivering you their package.

Y'all are so right.

Oh, do me, do me.

Things never once heard in
Larry's bedroom for 500, Alex.

Okay. O-Okay, everybody.

Let's calm down.
Who hasn't weighed in yet?

Weigh in?
I'm looking for a way out.

Just like Larry's husband.

It's true.

It's true.
I mean, we're in therapy.

Screw dropping pounds.

Losing weight will never
feel as good as this.

Oh, Wayne, look at me.

I'm a girl, and I'm running
this restaurant at night.

I'm so scared...

- Aah!
- Aah! Jesus, you snuck up on me.

Are you wearing
a moisturizing sheet mask?

Well, you don't keep
this baby face

for 2,000 years
without a little help.

So, night manager, huh?
You sure you can handle it?

Why does everyone
keep saying that?

Because night people
are a little scary.

Remember that song by Whodini?

? The freaks come out at night ?

? The freaks come out
at night... ?

I can handle the night freaks.

Plus, don't forget
Benny's in the back.

? Oh, Lord ?

? All this self-hating... ?

Benny. Benny!

He's working.

Okay, well, night hours
begin right now.

24 hours, my babies.
Now I can basically live here.

Oh, no, Randy, absolutely not.
No, no, no.

You got to be a paying customer.

I'll have one hushpuppy please.

And now
that I'm a paying customer,

night, night, everybody.

And I should warn you now,
I am a sleep screamer.

Meaning, I have
to scream myself to sleep.

Sir? Uh, we don't
allow dogs here.

Perfect. This is a wolf.

Excuse me, sir?

You can't come
in here without a shirt.

But can I at least do the drugs
I stole from CVS?

No! You got to put a shirt on,
or you are out of here.

? You couldn't find
a good freak anywhere... ?

Boom, say hello to my shirt.

Sir, sir, you cannot drive
your baby motorcycle in here.

It's street legal!

This is not a street. This
is the inside of a restaurant.

Watch this.

Oh, my God, what have I done?

We got us a howl going, babies.

? The freaks come out at night ?

? The freaks come out
at night. ?

Morning. Made
you some breakfast.

- Aah!
- Oh, God! - Mom!

I'm sorry, Wayne.
Sorry, Vi. Hi.

- A little on edge from last night?
- Me? No way.

So stubborn.

I'm not stubborn or on edge.
I'm amped.

Amped up from how much
calm fun I had

with all my new chill friends.

So it was fun and chill?

Oh, yeah. Well,
the night crowd is actually

really sophisticated and cool.

Lot of book clubs. People
come out of art house movies

and having
philosophical discussions.

Wow, The Last Supper at night

is like being transported
to 1920s Paris.

And why do you have a bunch
of Band-Aids on your arm?

Oh, that? Oh, I just got caught
in a little crossfire

between two rapscallions

named Mista Apocalypse
and Eddie Toilet.

Two nighttime regulars, just
having a friendly little oil fight.

Kind of like a fancy duel.
It's like Hamilton, really.

Eddie Toilet's oil fight
was like Hamilton?

Uh... uh-huh.
Totally random question:

do you think a wolf
could bite through this?

There he is.

Well rested 'cause we know he
wasn't getting busy last night.

Good one, Betty.

Oh. Where are those khakis, girl?

I hope they're hanging
on some trucker's bedpost.

How'd you know?

Can I have a word with you two?

This meeting is not about your
comedy, it's about losing weight.

So could you please just cool it?

- It's really distracting.
- Betty? Brenda?

We got your stage all set up.

Well, sorry, Leigh-Ann,

we got to give the people
what they want.

There's my girl, Chica Seat.

Why is she called Chica Seat?

'Cause when she sits,
it's a cheek a seat.

I don't think I can wait until
the next Pound Pinchers meeting

to get another chuckle fix.

A whole week? Uh-uh.

I'm gonna need me
some giggles before then.

Time to take this show
on the road.

# #

Y'all ever notice how sober
people walk like this?

"Bartender, I'll have
a glass of boring

on the rocks."

And drunk people
are all walking like this.

After-party's at my house.

Give me my car keys. I'm fine.

Attention, original cast of
Cocoon, it's time for some bingo.

B4, as in I hope somebody wins

before this old biddy
kicks the bucket.

Did she just die?

Bingo!

- We killed.
- Literally.

Hey, man, what are
you doing here?

Uh, nothing.
I-I'm just spying on a waitress.

- Me, too.
- Get out of here, freak!

Oh, my Lord,
that girl needs my help

whether she wants it or not.

Okay. Fingernail Guy needs
more salt for his pentagram.

Distraught Woman Wearing Pajamas
wants another order

of her kidnapped son's
favorite pancakes.

Mayo Guy wants more mayo.

Classic Mayo Guy.

And Randy is probably due for
another scream in three, two...

I'm lucid dreaming, baby.

And it's sexual in nature.

Oh, hi, didn't see you come in.

Uh, yeah, I'm just looking

to get a chicken sandwich.

Or maybe a hot dog
or street pretzel. Oh!

This is a fish restaurant.
And what's your name, sir?

Uh, Dwayne... I'm Walking Here.

Your name is
"Dwayne I'm Walking Here"?

Damn it, Wayne.
I can handle this!

Stop trying to be right, Jenny.
You clearly need help.

Did you pierce your ear
for this disguise?

No.

- Oh, God, The pain.
- I don't need your help.

Please let me kick out that guy

who I'm pretty sure
is O.J. Simpson.

What are you talking about?
These are my people.

Hey, Eddie Toilet,
let me get a ride on that thing.

Okay, maybe later.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have a very friendly-looking
customer to attend to.

Table for one?

Oh, I'm not gonna need a table.

I'm just gonna need
all your money.

Okay, lady, this is a holdup.

Oh. Shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh.

Wait. You're shushing a person
pointing a gun at you?

Okay, all right,
I'm gonna get you that money,

but let me tell you
what's going on here.

That man over there
is my boyfriend,

and he thought
this was gonna be dangerous

for me to take this night job.

And I was like,
"What?! No, it's not."

So if he finds out
you're robbing me,

I'm gonna be
on the business end

of a major
"I told you so" situation.

Oh, I hear that.
My old man told me

I was never gonna be able
to do a stick-up

on my own, and here I am.

And where is he?
In the burn unit,

getting skin grafts
'cause I poured a pot

of hot grits on his head. Boom.

Okay, so you... get it.

All right, I'll play along,

but one wrong move,
and you're worm food.

Actually, Worm Food is the one
standing over there

with Mista Apocalypse.

Hi! But, yeah, uh, point taken.

? The freaks come out at night ?

# The freaks come out at night #

? Discos don't open till after dark ?

? And it ain't till 12:00
till the party really starts ?

? And I always had
to be home by 10:00 ?

? Right before the fun
was about to begin ?

? Crowds of people lined up
inside and out ?

? Just one reason...
to rock the house ?

? The freaks come out at night ?

? The freaks
come out at night. ?

How y'all doing?

Good!
How y'all doing?

Well, I'll tell ya, honey.

I'm hot, delicious,
and I can get there

in 30 minutes or less.

Brenda Pizza,
I finally perfected my theory

- of snack-a-tivity.
- Oh, what's that, Dr. Pastarelli?

E equals me see pizza!

See you next time.

Hey-oh!

Ladies, I never want
to see you again.

And I've spoken
to the City of Greenpoint,

and you are banned from
every meeting in this building.

- What?
- Why?

These are self-help meetings,
not comedy clubs.

And frankly,
your jokes are better

when they were
a little more off-the-cuff.

- Excuse me?
- Your act is all over the place.

Let me get this straight:
you're a giant piece of pizza,

and you're dressed
like Albert Einstein,

but you're calling yourself
Dr. Pastarelli?

You-you've got too many ideas
going on here.

- I told you!
- Just, please, get out.

Here are your fish and chips

with a side of "collard greens."

Psst!
Mr. Toilet, she's got a gun.

- Oh, snap!
- You gather the others,

and on three, we'll bum-rush her.

Toilet's on it.

One, two...

Everybody on the Toilet!

No!

I'm tired of this game.
This is a robbery!

Okay, yes, it is,
but it's not a big deal

- 'cause I am handling it!
- Whatever it is,

I'm gonna need
what's in your wallets.

And those earrings, too.

Were you seriously trying
to hide a robbery

just to avoid being wrong?

- I just wanted to keep you safe!
- Oh, big male savior.

Ugh. He's one of those types.
Just like my ex.

I'm serious, Beverly.
He is nonstop.

These are so cute.

- Where'd you get these?
- Guess.

- Don't bond with her! She's robbing you!
- I'll bond

with whoever I want to.
Costco.

Shut the fudge.
They got jewelry now?

I'm gonna have to rob them next.
I'll steal something for ya.

- Oh, Bev, that is so sweet.
- Jenny, stop bonding with her.

It's what got us into this mess.

Well, it's about
to get a whole lot messier.

What the...?

Grab the gun!

Hang on, Randy.

I don't want to be accused
of "man-saving."

Jenny, maybe
you should pick up the gun.

With these girl arms?

Jenny, just admit that I was right

about this job being dangerous.

Not until you admit you
backseat-drive me all the time.

Why are you so stubborn?!

Well, maybe I get stubborn
because it sucks

when your own boyfriend
keeps cutting you down

and telling you
you can't handle yourself.

Jenny... I never thought
you couldn't handle yourself!

It's that I couldn't handle it
if anything happened to you.

Ow!

Well, damn it, Wayne,
guess who loves you.

This bitch.

Sounds like a real breakthrough,

but Randy's cramping up.

And if anyone were to walk in
on this with no context,

Randy would look like
the bad guy here.

Aah! Look out!

The mother opossum
is getting the gun!

- Oh, God. No, no, no, no.
- Don't shoot. Don't shoot.

- Don't shoot. Don't shoot.
- Hey, dummies,

everybody, can it.

Okay, everything in my gut is
telling me to kill all y'all.

Just paint the walls!

Do something so gross

that they make a true crime
podcast about me.

But Jenny, I like you,

so I'm just gonna
take my money and get out.

And I want you
to have these back.

No, you keep one,
and I keep one.

Aw, friendship earrings!

What the hell is happening?!

Now put your snoots
on the floor and count to 50.

Uh, uh, uh. Not you,
my little gumby monkey.

You're coming with me.

Looks like somebody just got
a place to sleep.

Oh, sleeping's not
on the menu tonight, shug.

Fear-sex it is, my babies.

Mom, shouldn't you
be getting ready for work?

Oh, Louise cancelled
the whole 24-hour thing

after she found a dog bowl
of loose teeth on her desk.

- Dog teeth or human?
- Good question. It was a mix.

- I love that.
- Oh, gross!

What happened
with Pound Pinchers?

Oh, we got kicked out for
distracting chunk-a-doos

with too many tee-hees.

Damn it, there has got
to be another place in this town

where two women
can flaunt the gifts

that God gave them
to a desperate audience.

Y'all look at this buffet.

Mac and cheese,
biscuits and gravy.

Chicken fried steak?
Heart attack row.

Buffet now, defibu-later.

- Look at big-belly Bud over there.
- Huh?

His belt buckle's over there
going, "I can't hold it!"

I don't know how they're getting
such a great reaction

with their tops on,
but I'll take it.

# #

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

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