Original subtitles

[CHEERING]

AAH!

OHH!

UNH. SURRENDER THE UKRONO HOURGLASS,

AND I PROMISE YOU A QUICK END.

YOU WANT THE UKRONO, HUNTSFOOL...

COME AND GET IT.

[SCREAMS]

IT'S A BASE HIT FOR THE AM DRAG. THE CROWD GOES WILD.

[IMITATES CROWD CHEERING]

YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR ME. I'VE BEEN HUNTING YOUR KIND FOR 20 YEARS.

HOW NICE FOR YOU.

AAH!

GROUND BALL UP THE MIDDLE--

[CHEERING]

NOW WHERE COULD JAKE BE? IS HE STILL STUDYING AT THE LIBRARY?

ACTUALLY, DADDY, HE'S ON A MISSION TO GET--

A MISSION TO GET AN "A" IN ENGLISH.

HA HA. AW, THAT IS MY LITTLE JAKESTER.

ALWAYS GOT BOTH FEET ON THE GROUND.

THE HOURGLASS IS MINE. UHH.

OHH...

HUH? SAY WHAT?

LOOK, JAKE'S ON TV.

LIBRARY MY AUNT FIFI.

UH-HUH. YOU KNOW IT. SAY WHAT?

SAY WHOO-WHOO.

¶ HE'S COOL, HE'S HOT LIKE A FROZEN SUN ¶

¶ HE'S YOUNG AND FAST, HE'S THE CHOSEN ONE ¶

¶ PEOPLE, WE'RE NOT BRAGGIN' ¶

¶ HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ HE'S GONNA STOP HIS ENEMIES WITH HIS DRAGON POWER ¶

¶ DRAGON TEETH, DRAGON TAIL, BURNIN' DRAGON FIRE ¶

¶ A REAL LIVE WIRE ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ HIS SKILLS ARE GETTIN' FASTER ¶

¶ WITH GRANDPA, THE MASTER ¶

¶ HIS DESTINY, WHAT'S UP, G? ¶

¶ IT'S SHOWTIME, BABY, FOR THE LEGACY ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ I'M A DRAGON, AND I'M BRAGGIN' ¶

¶ IT'S MY DESTINY ¶

¶ I'M THE MAGICAL PROTECTOR FROM THE N.Y.C. ¶

¶ YA HEARD? ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

YEOW!

NO TV OR VIDEO GAMES FOR 2 WEEKS?

UH-HUH. YOU LIED TO US, LITTLE MISTER,

AND IN THIS HOUSE, YOU DO THE CRIME, YOU DO THE TIME.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?

IT'S JUST I HAD TO DO MY DUTY.

I MEAN, I'M THE AMERICAN...

UH-HUH. WELL, LET'S HEAR IT, MR. BASEBALL.

YOU'RE THE AMERICAN WHAT?

I'M THE...

THE AMERICAN KID WHO'S GROUNDED.

JAKE.

I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT TONIGHT.

MOM, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OFTEN I'VE TAKEN THE HEAT FROM DAD

ABOUT MAGICAL STUFF HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT?

WELL, IF YOU DIDN'T EAT ALL THE COOKIES, WHO THE HECK DID?

MAGICAL ELVES?

OH, NOW, FOR THE LAST TIME, BEDTIME MEANS BEDTIME.

THE WORLD WON'T END IF YOU'RE IN BED BY 10:00.

ACTUALLY, IT KINDA WILL.

DO YOU HONESTLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE

THAT A DOG ATE YOUR HOMEWORK?

[BELCHES]

IT'S LIKE DAD DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM, WHO WE ARE.

ALL THESE YEARS. DIDN'T YOU EVER WANNA TELL HIM THE TRUTH?

COME WITH ME.

IT WAS THE LAST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL.

JUNE 27TH, 1986.

YOUR DAD AND I HAD BEEN GOING OUT A YEAR,

SO I DECIDED TO WRITE HIM A LETTER AND TELL HIM THE TRUTH.

THE EXISTENCE OF MAGICAL CREATURES, ALL OF IT.

IT'S NOT EVEN OPENED.

I WAS GOING TO SLIP IT INTO HIS LOCKER THAT DAY, BUT I JUST COULDN'T.

DON'T YOU EVER WONDER WHAT MIGHT'VE HAPPENED, YOU KNOW, IF YOU'D TOLD HIM THE TRUTH?

EVERY DAY. BUT TRUST ME, JAKE,

SOME SECRETS ARE BETTER LEFT SECRET.

AH, YES, THE UKRONO HOURGLASS,

BUILT BY NORDIC ELVES BACK IN 1103 A.D.

YEAH? WELL, THAT HUNK OF JUNK GOT ME GROUNDED FOR 2 WEEKS.

I HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT.

JAKE, THAT JUNK HAS THE POWER TO TRANSCEND THE BOUNDARIES OF TIME.

IF IT FELL INTO THE WRONG HANDS, WHO KNOWS WHAT UNTOLD HORRORS

COULD BE UNLEASHED THROUGHOUT MAGICAL HISTORY.

WHAT ABOUT THE UNTOLD HORRORS OF NO TV FOR 2 WEEKS?

YOUNG DRAGON,

THE CAG-ED LION DOES NOT ROAR BECAUSE IT IS CAG-ED.

IT ROARS BECAUSE--AAH!

THAT'S A NEW ONE.

NO. IT'S MY BACK AGAIN. [SPEAKING CHINESE]

I FELL FROM A LADDER THE DAY WE FIRST OPENED THE SHOP.

TELL ME ABOUT IT. I'M THE ONE YOU FELL ON.

COME ON, KID, WE GOTTA FIND A SAFE PLACE TO STASH THIS THING.

SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS IF SOMEONE WANTED TO USE THIS THINGY

TO GO BACK TO, SAY, JUNE 27TH, 1986,

THEY JUST FLIP THESE LITTLE DOOHICKEYS AROUND,

AND PUNCH IN THE DATE AND TURN IT OVER?

YEAH. IT'S ACTUALLY KINDA COOL THE WAY-- UH-UH, NO WAY.

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. TIME TRAVELING'S A BAD IDEA.

ONE LITTLE CHANGE, AND YOU COULD END UP THRASHING

THE ENTIRE FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME.

OR I CAN CHANGE THINGS FOR THE BETTER.

FU, THERE'S A WHOLE SIDE OF MY FAMILY

THAT MY DAD DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT.

I HAVE THE CHANCE TO CHANGE THAT,

THE CHANCE TO REVERSE THE LAST 20 YEARS

AND REDO EVERYTHING WITHOUT THE LIES, THE SECRETS,

THE BEING GROUNDED EVERY OTHER WEEK.

ACH, I'M SORRY, KID, REALLY, BUT IT'S JUST TOO DANGEROUS.

I'M SORRY, TOO, FU. AHH...

BUT I GOTTA DO WHAT I GOTTA-- NO.

DON'T TURN IT...

UNH. OVER.

I-I THINK IT WORKED.

FU, CHECK IT OUT. IT'S MY SCHOOL.

ALL I GOTTA DO IS MAKE SURE MOM GIVES DAD THAT LETTER,

AND WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE.

UCH, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN SAY TO CHANGE YOUR MIND?

PRETTY MUCH, NO.

UHH, ALL RIGHT, LET'S MAKE IT QUICK.

SO, THIS IS 1986.

THIS IS WHAT I CALL KICKING IT OLD SCHOOL.

THESE FINALS ARE HEINOUS TO THE MAX, FER SURE.

IT'S, LIKE, GAG ME WITH A SPOON.

WOW, NUGGETS MADE OF CHICKENS. THAT IS SO RAD.

Jake: NO WAY.

UH...THOSE ARE MY PARENTS.

SUSAN, I WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH YOU,

SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL.

AHEM.

[BEAT-BOXES]

UH, WHAT THE HECK'S HE DOIN'?

AAH!

[CRASH] OW.

IT'S MY LATEST BREAK-DANCE MOVES, SWEET POTATO.

I CALL IT MY POPALACKIN', ELECTRIC-ZAPPIN',

BUGALOO-SLUGGIN', FLIPTASTIC SHOVEL. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

IT'S TUBULAR, JONATHAN. AND SO ARE YOU.

I'LL SEE YOU AT THE BEACH PARTY TONIGHT.

TILL THEN, SUGAR NUM-NUMS.

[GIBBERISH]

[THUD]

I'M OK.

I'M AMAZED HE MADE IT TO ADULTHOOD.

MAN, SO CLOSE.

DONE THE DO, FU. LET'S ROLL.

NOT JUST YET. I KNOW THAT SMELL.

IT'S SLOPPY JOE DAY.

YOU SURE YOUR OLD MAN'S GONNA TAKE THE NEWS OK?

TOTALLY. HE MAY BE KIND OF UPTIGHT SOMETIMES,

BUT DEEP DOWN, MY DAD'S A COOL DUDE.

SUSAN! YOU'RE--YOU'RE A MONSTER?!

JONATHAN, HOW DID YOU EVEN-- I MEAN, I CAN EXPLAIN.

EXPLAIN WHAT? THAT MY GIRLFRIEND

IS A GRODY TO THE MAX FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON?

I TOLD YOU, IT SKIPPED MY GENERATION, BUT MY WHOLE FAMILY--

NO, I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY MORE. WE ARE FINISHED!

¶ LA LA LA LA LA LA LA ¶ I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

¶ LA LA LA LA ¶ [HUMS GIBBERISH]

HE JUST NEEDS A LITTLE SPACE.

I MEAN, IN 20 YEARS, THIS FILE'D BE, LIKE, ANCIENT HISTORY.

RIGHT? GUESS AGAIN, KID.

IF YOUR FOLKS DON'T GET BACK TOGETHER,

YOU'RE GONNA BE ANCIENT HISTORY.

AW, MAN!

THE CLOCK IS RUNNING, KID.

WE GOTTA GET YOUR PARENTS TO KISS AND MAKE UP BEFORE THE SAND RUNS OUT.

WHERE WE GOIN' AGAIN?

TO SEE THE ONE GUY WHO CAN HELP US.

SHEESH, DIDN'T YOU GUYS EVER HAVE CUSTOMERS?

EHH, WE BETTER GO IN THROUGH THE BACK.

LOOK AT THOSE GRAPHICS. TODAY'S TECHNOLOGY IS AMAZING.

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

YEAH, YEAH, I'M COMIN'.

WELL, WELL, WELL. LOOK WHO'S BEEN TIME TRAVELING AGAIN.

NOTE TO SELF-- LAY OFF THE CANNOLIS.

WHAT CAN I SAY? WE NEVER LEARN.

SO, NICE PLACE.

WHO'S THE KID?

WAIT A MINUTE, DON'T TELL ME. I DON'T EVEN WANNA KNOW.

DIDN'T THIS JOKER TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME HE--

I MEAN, I--I MEAN, WE USED THE UKRONO?

SO THIS IS THE ISLAND OF ATLANTIS.

HUH, I WONDER WHAT THIS DOES.

[SCREAMING]

LOOK, THE OLD MAN'S GONNA FREAK IF HE SEES US TOGETHER,

SO WE NEED YOU TO SCRAM FOR A DAY OR SO.

UH-UH, NO WAY. AS AN OFFICIAL ANIMAL GUARDIAN,

IT IS MY MORAL OBLIGATION TO PROTECT THE CONTINUITY-- HERE.

THE BUS TO ATLANTIC CITY LEAVES IN AN HOUR. AVOID THE SHRIMP.

OK, KID, HERE'S THE PLAN. I'LL GO IN AND TELL THE OLD MAN ABOUT THE BREAK-UP.

ONCE HE HEARS HOW HEARTBROKEN YOUR MOM IS,

HE'LL CONVINCE YOUR FOLKS TO GET BACK TOGETHER

AND HISTORY WILL BE RIGHT ON TRACK.

SUSAN AND JONATHAN BROKE UP?

[SPEAKS CHINESE] THANK THE SWEET HEAVENS.

I'VE BEEN PRAYING SHE'D CAST OFF

THAT MEATHEADED MORTAL FOR MONTHS. WHOO-HOO.

NO, YOU GOTTA CONVINCE HER TO GET BACK WITH JONATHAN.

ALL RIGHT, I WILL PERSUADE MY ONLY DAUGHTER

TO DEVOTE HER ENTIRE FUTURE TO THIS RIDICULOUS, NON-MAGICAL MISFIT.

REALLY?

NOT! HA HA HA. NOT. NOT. I JUST HEARD THAT TODAY.

VERY HUMOROUS. HA HA HA. HAVE YOU GAINED WEIGHT?

THIS IS LANA, THE LOVE LADY.

JONATHAN FROM FILLMORE HIGH, HOW'S YOUR LOVE LIFE?

TERRIBLE. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE GOING TO THIS HALLEY'S COMET PARTY

TONIGHT AT JONES BEACH,

BUT I JUST FOUND OUT MY GIRLFRIEND IS SOME KIND OF DRAGON.

DRAGON.

DRAGONS PARTYING AT JONES BEACH...

I LOCKED IN THE FREQUENCY.

NEXT CALLER.

GOT IT.

MASTER.

YOUNG APPRENTICE,

WE HAVE INFORMATION ON A POSSIBLE DRAGON GATHERING.

IT IS TIME FOR YOUR FIRST HUNT.

I SHALL SHOW NO MERCY AND SLAY MY FIRST DRAGON.

DUDE, IS HIS VOICE EVER GONNA CHANGE? HA HA HA.

OK, PLAN B--YOUR MOM AND DAD WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO THAT BEACH PARTY.

IF WE CAN GET 'EM THERE AND REUNITE THEIR VA-VA-VOOM, WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS.

I'LL BRING YOUR OLD MAN. YOU HANDLE YOUR MOM.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO--

SUSAN, IT IS FOR THE BEST.

YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITH SOMEONE WHO WALKS FORWARD.

SOMEONE WITH A HAIRSTYLE BEFITTING TO THIS PLANET.

SOMEONE--AAH!

SOMEONE MAGICAL.

YOUNG DRAGON, I AM IN YOUR DEBT.

WHO ARE YOU?

UH, MY NAME IS, UH...

B-BEYONCE TIMBERLAKE.

I'M THE, UH, CANADIAN DRAGON. EH?

BEYONCE TIMBERLAKE? WHAT KIND OF BOGUS NAME IS BEYONCE TIMBERLAKE?

PERHAPS THE NAME OF YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND.

AAH! AAH!

AS IF. DAD, I STILL LOVE JONATHAN.

I UNDERSTAND, MY LOTUS FLOWER.

A BROKEN HEART NEEDS TIME TO HEAL.

WELL, TIME'S UP. [WHISTLES]

JONES BEACH, KEEP THE METER RUNNING,

AND HAVE THEM BACK BY MIDNIGHT.

WHO NEEDS A STUPID BEACH PARTY?

I CAN HAVE PLENTY OF FUN RIGHT HERE.

HOLY HAMMOCKS. I DID IT.

IT TOOK ME 3 YEARS, BUT I FINALLY FINISHED IT.

WHOA. WHAT IN THE...?

YOU GRODY MUTT. GET BACK HERE.

BEYONCE, I'M REALLY SORRY MY DAD PUT YOU UP TO THIS.

IT'S COOL. AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

[ACCENT] IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU AND JONATHAN.

THIS IS HOPELESS. HE ISN'T COMING.

JONATHAN'S NEVER GONNA ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM.

MOM, NO. WAIT.

COME BACK.

I AM NEVER TIME TRAVELING AGAIN.

FU, WE'RE GONNA NEED A PLAN C. MOM BAILED.

WHAT?

KID, TIME'S ALMOST UP.

I...BELIEVE...

THAT'S...MINE.

WHA-WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

HEY, DAD--I MEAN, DUDE, I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW ME,

BUT IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT

YOU AND SUSAN GET BACK TOGETHER. LIVES DEPEND ON IT.

WHO--WHO ARE YOU?

I'M FROM THE FUTURE, AND YOU AND SUSAN ARE MY PARENTS.

YEAH, RIGHT. AND I SUPPOSE THAT'S A MAGICAL TALKING DOG.

YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR. AAH!

SEE? THAT'S YOU AND THAT'S MOM AND THAT'S ME

AND THAT'S YOUR DAUGHTER.

WE'RE A REALLY HAPPY FAMILY,

EXCEPT THAT YOU GROUND ME, A LOT.

UH-HUH, YEAH. LOOK, WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS,

THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE, OK?

THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS IS A DRAGON,

THERE'S DOG SLOBBER ON MY PUZZLE GAME,

AND I CAN'T GET MY COLLAR TO STAY UP TO SAVE MY LIFE.

SO IF THIS IS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE...

DRAGON UP. NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME?

AAH! [STAMMERS]

COULD THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?

IT JUST DID, DRAGON.

IT'S YOU. THE HUNTSMAN.

DUDE, WHAT'S WITH THE VOICE?

YOU SOUND LIKE AN ACCORDION STUCK IN A WOOD CHIPPER.

NO ONE MAKES FUN OF MY VOICE.

WHOA!

HAH. AT LAST, I SHALL SLAY MY FIRST DRAGON.

AAH!

WHOA-A-A-A! OOF.

GET USED TO HAVING ME WHIP YOU, HUNTSPUNK,

'CAUSE IN ABOUT 20 YEARS, I'M GONNA BE--WAAH!

WHOA!

ENJOY MY DETONATOR, DRAGON. [BEEPING]

NO WAY AM I FETCHING THAT. HUH?

YAAH! TAKE COVER.

SHOW YOURSELF, DRAGON.

[BOTH COUGHING]

OH, NO, DAD!

NO, NO! THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

IT'S BECAUSE OF MY LETTER. DAD, WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM.

THERE, THERE. WE WILL DO OUR BEST.

ALTHOUGH, MY DAUGHTER, THERE ARE STILL PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA.

DADDY!

OK, OK. I WAS JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE.

LOOK, THERE'S GOTTA BE SOME WAY WE CAN FIND HIM.

I DIDN'T WANT TO SHOW YOU THIS, BUT, UH...HA HA HA.

I HAVE BEEN USING AN ENCHANTED COMPASS

TO KEEP TRACK OF JONATHAN ON YOUR DATES.

DADDY, HOW COULD YOU?

MY DARLING, I MAY POSSESS ALL THE MAGIC AND STRENGTH OF A GREAT DRAGON WARRIOR,

BUT I AM ALSO A SINGLE DAD.

FOR THE LAST TIME, IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE,

YOU WILL TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW.

I WILL TELL YOU NOTHING!

VERY WELL.

OHH...

[BEAST ROARS]

AAH! I'LL TELL YA EVERYTHING.

IN THE TENTH GRADE, I FILLED MY TEACHER'S TRUNK WITH 3-BEAN SALAD.

IN THE SEVENTH GRADE, I DROVE OUR LAWNMOWER OVER OUR SISTER'S POOL...

AND IN SIXTH GRADE, I TOOK ALL THE MONEY I MADE FOR THE LESS FORTUNATE

AND SPENT IT AT THE ARCADE!

TELL US THE LOCATION OF THE DRAGONS.

WHY PUT YOURSELF IN HARM'S WAY JUST TO PROTECT SOME HIDEOUS MONSTERS?

SEE? THAT'S YOU AND THAT'S MOM AND THAT'S ME

AND THAT'S YOUR DAUGHTER. WE'RE A REALLY HAPPY FAMILY.

THE ONLY MONSTERS I SEE ARE YOU!

CHECK IT. HE'S DEFENDING US.

HE'S SO BRAVE.

MY DAUGHTER, IF AN ORDINARY HUMAN

IS DESTINED TO BE YOUR TRUE LOVE,

I SUPPOSE YOU COULD DO WORSE.

VERY WELL. LET'S BEGIN.

AAH.

DRAGON UP!

[ALL SCREAM]

THAT'S RIGHT, AM DRAGON--

I MEAN, CAN DRAGS IN THE HIZZOUSE.

LOOKING FOR ME?

GET HIM.

[BEAST ROARS] WHO DARES...?

LOOK OUT, SWEET POTATO!

AAH!

OHH!

SAY GOODBYE, DRAGON.

WHA...?

AAH!

[BEAST ROARS]

OOPS, THAT'S GOTTA HURT WITH THE CLAWING AND PINCHING.

YO, LET'S BLOW THIS CRIB.

[SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

OH, PLEASE TELL ME WE CAUGHT THAT ON THE SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS.

SOMEBODY GO GET THE TAPE.

DUDE, DID YOU HEAR HIM? HE WAS, "SAY GOODBYE, DRAGON,"

AND HE WAS ALL, "NO! HELP ME! IT HURTS! OW!"

OH, STOP.

DRAGONS--I WILL SLAY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM

IF IT TAKES UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

[YELLS; ECHOES]

UH, WHA-WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU TRIPPED OVER A BOOM BOX AND HIT YOUR HEAD.

WHAT ABOUT THE FREAKOS WHO WERE TORTURING ME?

THEY WANTED INFORMATION ABOUT YOU GUYS BEING DRAGONS.

WE HAD THAT FIGHT, REMEMBER?

DRAGONS? DUDE, SOUNDS LIKE

SOMEBODY'S MP3 FILE'S BEEN CORRUPTED.

MY WHAT? SO SUSAN AND I AREN'T REALLY YOUR PARENTS?

PARENTS? OH, JONATHAN, YOU REALLY MUST'VE HIT YOUR HEAD HARD.

UH, KID, WE GOTTA SCRAM.

WELL, I GOTTA GET BACK TO CANADA. GOOD DAY, EH?

MAY YOUR JOURNEY BE SAFE, BEYONCE TIMBERLAKE.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

IF WE CAN EVER RETURN THE FAVOR...

DON'T WORRY, YOU WILL.

SUSAN, LOOK. IT'S HALLEY'S COMET.

I THOUGHT IT WAS PRONOUNCED HALEY?

HALEY. I'VE ALWAYS LIKED THAT NAME.

HEY, G, WHAT'S UP? HOW'S YOUR BACK FEELIN'?

MY BACK? IT'S FINE. WHY DO YOU ASK?

YOU KNOW, YOUR BAD BACK FROM WHEN YOU FELL OFF THE LADDER IN NINETEEN EIGHTY--

KID, IXNAY ON THE ACKBAY, HUH?

OH, RIGHT. 'CAUSE THAT NEVER-- SO YOU NEVER--

FU DOG... [SCOLDS IN CHINESE]

YOU HAVE BEEN TIME TRAVELING AGAIN, HAVEN'T YOU?

LOOK, I PROMISE, I WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER DO THIS KIND OF THING EVER AGAIN.

IS THIS A BAD TIME?

HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH. OH, BOY.

MORNING, DAD. MORNING, MOM. MORNING, HALEY.

WOW, SOMEONE'S AWFULLY CHIPPER THIS MORNING.

WHAT CAN I SAY? I'M HAPPY FOR EVERYTHING WE HAVE HERE,

JUST THE WAY IT IS.

YOU KNOW, YOU AND MOM TOGETHER, ME AND HALEY EXISTING.

THAT KIND OF THING.

JAKE, I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK I LIKE PUNISHING YOU.

IT'S JUST...I CAN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF SEEING YOU HURT.

I KNOW, DAD. ME, TOO.

YOUR MOTHER AND I TALKED ABOUT YOUR GROUNDING, AND, WELL...

WE'VE DECIDED TO LET YOU OFF WITH A WARNING THIS TIME.

HAVE A GOOD DAY, ALL.

THANKS, MOM.

OF COURSE. I JUST HATE SEEING YOU GET PUNISHED

FOR SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T-- WHAT THE...?

TIME TRAVELING? AND ON A SCHOOL NIGHT?

YOU ARE GROUNDED, YOUNG MAN. NO TV.

NO VIDEO GAMES. 2 WEEKS.

AW, MAN!

HEY, KID, CHECK OUT A FEW OF MY TIME-TRAVELING VACATION PHOTOS.

HERE'S ME REINTRODUCING THE CONCEPT OF A TOGA PARTY TO THE ROMANS.

HERE I'M TELLING BETSY ROSS THAT RED, WHITE AND BLUE

WOULD MAKE A PRETTY COLOR COMBINATION.

AND THIS HERE'S MY CONTRIBUTION TO ART HISTORY.

THE MONA LISA?

YEAH, SHE WAS ALL SMILES UNTIL--[BELCHES]

DUDE, THAT'S MESSED UP.

BLAME IT ON THE 2 DOZEN MEATBALLS I ATE FOR BREAKFAST THAT MORNING.