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Fu Dog: OK,THAT CABLE GOES THERE,THE ANTENNA GOES THERE,
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AH! I CAN NEVER GETTHE MAGIC CHANNELON THIS STUPID THING.
3
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WELL, I'M TRYINGTO DO MY--OW!
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HOMEWORK.
5
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THEY'RE DOIN' A SEGMENTON THE MISS MAGICAL WORLDBEAUTY PAGEANT.
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OK, NOW, PERFECT.DON'T MOVE.
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WHOO WHEE! NOW THERE'SSOME FINE LOOKIN' LASSIES.
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[HOWLS]
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Jake: YOU KNOW,CALL ME OLD SCHOOL.
10
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BUT A FINE LOOKINGLASSIE
11
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SHOULD ONLY HAVEONE HEAD.
12
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YEAH, YEAH.YOU'RE BLOCKIN' MY VIEW.
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BIG WOMEN, BIG DREAMS.
14
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WHO WILL MR. PANDARUSCHOOSE?
15
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ELI! ELI! ELI! ELI!
16
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WAIT. ELI PANDARUS?
17
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YEAH, HE'S SPONSORINGTHE PAGEANT,
18
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HOLDING IT ONHIS PRIVATE ISLAND. OOH.
19
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ELI PANDARUS--LYING,CHEATING EVIL WIZARD.
20
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ALL I KNOW ISTHE GUY WHO ORGANIZED
21
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THE FIRST MAGICALBEAUTY PAGEANT
22
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CAN'T BE ALL BAD.[HOWLS]
23
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THINK AGAIN, GENIUS.
24
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Fu Dog:HEY, THE ORACLE TWINS.
25
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HI. WE HAD A VISIONOF THE PAGEANT.
26
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PANDARUS ISUP TO SOMETHING.
27
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SOMETHING UNSPEAKABLYHORRIBLE.
28
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WHOA, WHOA, OH!
29
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OH, AND JAKE'SGONNA FALL.
30
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AW, MAN.
31
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? HE'S COOL, HE'S HOTLIKE A FROZEN SUN ?
32
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? HE'S YOUNG AND FAST,HE'S THE CHOSEN ONE ?
33
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? PEOPLE,WE'RE NOT BRAGGIN' ?
34
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? HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON ?
35
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? HE'S GONNA STOPHIS ENEMIES ?
36
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? DRAGON TEETH, DRAGON TAIL,BURNIN' DRAGON FIRE ?
37
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? REAL LIVE WIRE ?
38
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? AMERICAN DRAGON ?
39
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DRAGON UP!
40
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? AMERICAN DRAGON ?
41
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OH, OH, OH,WHOA!
42
00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:05,391
? HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON ?
43
00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:06,826
? BREAK IT DOWNWITH THE DRAGON ?
44
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? SKILLS AREGETTIN' FASTER ?
45
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? WITH GRANDPA,THE MASTER ?
46
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? HIS DESTINYWILL WALK UP SHEETS ?
47
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? IT'S SHOWTIME, BABY,FOR THE LEGACY ?
48
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? AMERICAN DRAGON ?
49
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? FROM THE "J"TO THE "A" ?
50
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? TO THE "K"TO THE "E" ?
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? I'M THE MACKDADDY DRAGONOF THE N.Y.C. ?
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YA HEARD!
53
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JAKE! GET BACKTO WORK!
54
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AW, MAN.
55
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FU DOG! HAVE YOUBEEN MESSING WITHTHE ANTENNA AGAIN?
56
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NO. HEH HEH.
57
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OF COURSE NOT.UNH!
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OOH, LOOKAT THOSE HEELS.
59
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SHE'S GONNA HAVEA TOUGH TIME
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LOOK, I CAN FIGURE OUTWHAT PANDARUS IS UP TO.NO SWEAT.
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BUT SINCE YOU GUYSARE HOOKED UP WITHFUTURE ON DEMAND,
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WHY DON'T YOU JUSTSAVE ME THE TROUBLE?
63
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UNH. IT'S NOT THAT EASY.
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WE KNOW SOMETHING BAD'SGONNA HAPPEN.
65
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BUT WE DON'T KNOWWHAT OR HOW.
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IT'S NOT AN EXACT SCIENCE.
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ENOUGH! WE MUST GOTO PANDARUS ISLAND.
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YO, G., HIS ISLANDIS SEALED UP TIGHT,
69
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AND I'M GUESSINGHIS MORTAL ENEMIESAREN'T ON THE GUEST LIST.
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UNLESS, OF COURSE,HE'S HAVING A MORTALENEMY PARTY.
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WHICH I SERIOUSLY DOUBT,AND IF HE IS, THEN--
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ENOUGH! WE MUST GOTO PANDARUS ISLAND.
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WE ARE NOT ALLOWEDONTO THE ISLAND.
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NOW THERE'S A FACETHAT COULD LAUNCH1,000 SHIPS,
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OR JUST ONE HEADED FORPANDARUS ISLAND. HEH.
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THIS IS WHAT I CALLA MISSION. HOO HOO!
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FU DOG, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOUIN A GNOME'S AGE.
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JAKE, BUDDY,
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YOU REMEMBERV-V-VERONICA.
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UH, I DON'T KNOW.FU, I'M SORRY.
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I JUSTDON'T REMEMBER--
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W-WHOA!
83
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YEAH, THAT RINGS A BELL.
84
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VERONICA WILLENTER THE PAGEANT
85
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AND WE WILL BETRAVELING INCOGNITOAS HER STYLISTS.
86
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HOW ABOUT A LITTLEGAME OF FOOTSIE
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BEFORE WE SAVETHE WORLD? [LAUGHS]
88
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OH, YOU.
89
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:03,876
UGH! THAT GARGOYLEIS WEARING MY DRESS.
90
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:05,812
CAN SOMEONE POWDERMY NOSES?
91
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AMIA, WHERE'S MY TUTU?
92
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I LIKE SAMPLES.
93
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VERONICA AND IWILL CHECK IN.
94
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YOU TWOLEARN THE WAYSOF YOUR ENEMY.
95
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LET'S SEE.4 GUARDS, 2 EXITS...
96
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AND 100 CHANCESFOR LOVE, SWEET LOVE.
97
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[HOWLS, PANTS]
98
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FU, TAKE IT EASY!
99
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GREAT.I'M GONNA GO CHECK OUTMISS BERMUDA TRIANGLE.
100
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AND BUDDY,IF I COME UP MISSIN',
101
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DON'T SENDA SEARCH PARTY.[CACKLES]
102
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SHEILA! GOODTO SEE YA AGAIN.
103
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HEY, HOW ABOUT LATERYOU AND ME
104
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TAKE A LITTLE RIDEAROUND THE RING,
105
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IF YOU KNOWWHAT I MEAN?
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[CACKLES]GIDDY UP!
107
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HUH!
108
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OOH, DOGGY,WE GOT A LIVE ONE HERE.
109
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HEY, THERE, IRIS.LONG TIME NO SEE.
110
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HOW ABOUT MAKIN' MEYOUR PUPIL FOR THE DAY?
111
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GET IT, PUPIL?
112
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[CACKLES]
113
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I SEE YOU,YOU, YOU, AND ME
114
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GETTING TO KNOWEACH OTHER BETTER
115
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OVER A ROMANTICBOWL OF KIBBLE.
116
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THERE'S ENOUGHOF THE FU TO GO AROUND.
117
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THERE YOU ARE.
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YO, FU, YOU CAN'T GO AROUNDTREATIN' WOMEN LIKE THIS.
119
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HEY, THEY'RE THE ONESWHO PUT THEMSELVESON DISPLAY, KID.
120
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I'M JUST ENJOYIN'THE VIEW. [HOWLS, PANTS]
121
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HEY, KARA, WANNA SHAKETHOSE THINGS MY WAY? OW!
122
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YOUR WINGS!I WAS TALKIN' ABOUTYOUR WINGS, NOT THE--
123
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AH, WHAT DO YOU EXPECTFROM A DITZY DAME?
124
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[APPLAUSE]
125
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
126
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MONSTERS AND MAGICIANS,
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WELCOMING YOUTO ELI PANDARUS'
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MISS MAGICAL WORLDBEAUTY PAGEANT,
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WHERE WE'LL FIND OUTONCE AND FOR ALL
130
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WHO IS THE FAIRESTOF THEM ALL.
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HONEY, YOU GOT A LITTLE HAYSTUCK TO YOUR HOOF THERE.
132
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OH, OH, HOW EMBARRASSING.
133
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NOW LET'S SAY HELLOTO OUR JUDGES.
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THE TOOTH FAIRY...
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AH HA HA HA HA HA.
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JACK FROST...
137
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AND OUR THIRDCELEBRITY JUDGE,
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YOU KNOW HIM,YOU LOVE HIM.
139
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HO HO HO. YEAH.SORRY I'M LATE, OK?
140
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THE NORTH WIND WAS BLOWIN' UPA STORM, YOU KNOW?
141
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DON'T EVENGET ME STARTED ABOUTPARKIN' AROUND THIS PLACE, OK?
142
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AND OUR HOSTWITH THE MOST,
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THE RICHEST MAGICALMAN ON EARTH,
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ELI PANDARUS.
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[APPLAUSE]
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IF YOU'RE ELIMINATEDFROM THE CONTEST,
147
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SO STAY PRETTY,AND YOU'LL STAYIN THE GAME.
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ALL RIGHT, NOW.LET'S MEET OUR CONTESTANTS.
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MISS ATLANTIS.
150
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SHE LIKES WHIRLPOOLS,RAW EEL
151
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AND LEAPS FOR HANDSOMEHUMAN PRINCES.
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RIGHT. MORE HAIR.
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MISS HADES.
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SHE LOVESTHE COLOR RED,
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THE SMELL OF BRIMSTONEAND DEVILED HAM.
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SHE CAN HAVE MY SOULANY DAY.
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Jake: FU, SOME HELP HERE?
158
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Monty: WHO WOULD WANTTO RING HER BELL?
159
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HOW DO I LOOK?
160
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TRUST ME, HONEY,WITH YOUR GAMSAND THOSE HEELS,
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THE OTHER GIRLSDON'T STAND ACHANCE. [HOWLS]
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STEADY. STEADY.POISE.
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CONFIDEN---CE!
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OW!WHAT IS IT?
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WELL, THATNARROWS IT DOWN.
166
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VERONICA.OH, YOU OK, DOLL?CAN YOU GET UP?
167
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YO, G., WHAT AREWE GONNA DO?
168
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DID YOU KNOWIN CHINESE OPERA
169
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:10,663
WOMEN WERE PLAYED BY MEN?
170
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:12,098
THAT'S VERYENLIGHTENING, POPS.
171
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,065
BUT WHAT'S IT GOTTO DO WITH
172
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THE PRICE OF TEAIN CHINA? AAH!
173
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AND NOW, MISS MAGICALNEW YORK CITY!
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[GRUNTS]
175
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[APPLAUSE,CAMERAS CLICK]
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[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]HELLO, BOYS.
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[CAMERA CLICKS]
178
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I'M A 600-YEAR-OLDSHAR-PEI.
179
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I GOT WRINKLESON MY WRINKLES.
180
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I'LL NEVER PULL THIS OFF.
181
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COME ON, FU.JUST GO WITH IT.
182
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YOU'RE NOT THE ONESQUEEZED INTO A SIZE 6.
183
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AND WHAT DOES A DOGHAVE TO DO AROUND HERE
184
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I NEED ALL CONTESTANTSIN THE DRESSING ROOM,PLEASE.
185
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YOU THINK THIS IS EASYPRANCIN' AROUND LIKE SOME--
186
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DID YOU SAYD-D-DRESSING ROOM?
187
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YOU KNOW, ON SECOND THOUGHT,
188
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I THINK I'M JUST THE DOGFOR THIS GAME.
189
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HELLO, GIRLS.FUELLA HAS ARRIVED.
190
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DON'T WORRY, BEAUTIFUL.
191
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I'LL GET YOUTHE BEST MEDICAL ATTENTION
192
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THAT MONEY CAN BUY.
193
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AS LONG ASIT'S OFF THE ISLAND.
194
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HMM. SOMETHING ABOUT YOUSEEMS FAMILIAR.
195
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DO I KNOW YOU?
196
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WHEN YOU TAPEDGOOD MAGICALMORNING NEW YORK.
197
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YOU KNOW, YOU COULDREALLY USE
198
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A GOOD ZIZZING.WHOA!
199
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DON'T FORGETTO CONDITION!
200
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TRIMTHOSE SIDEBURNS!
201
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SKIP A DAYOF SHAMPOOING, AND--
202
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SO WHAT SAY WE GIRLSSTART A SORORITY
203
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AND HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT?WHO'S IN?
204
00:08:32,411 --> 00:08:34,447
OOPS! HEE HEE HEE HEE.
205
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SUSIE, UM, THISIS MY STYLIST, SVEN.
206
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EEK! SPLIT ENDS!
207
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[GASPS] NO!
208
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FU, THIS ISN'T THE TIMEFOR PILLOW FIGHTS.
209
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BITE YOUR TONGUE!
210
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REMEMBER WHATMONTY HALL SAID?
211
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IF YOU'RE ELIMINATEDFROM THE COMPETITION,
212
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YOU MEAN,I ACTUALLY GOTTA TRYAND WIN THIS THING?
213
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WELL, JUST TRYAND STAY ALIVEIN THE CONTEST
214
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UNTIL WE CANFIGURE OUT
215
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WHAT PANDARUSIS UP TO.
216
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I'M ON IT.YOU CAN TRUST FU.
217
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FROM NOW ON,MY ONE AND ONLY FOCUS
218
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WILL BE STAYIN'IN THE GAME.
219
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NO MORE DISTRACTIONS.
220
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:09,415
FUELLA, CAN YOUZIP UP MY DRESS?
221
00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:11,150
WHAT ARE BESTESTGIRLFRIENDS FOR?
222
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:13,686
[HOWLS]I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.HEE HEE HEE HEE.
223
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:17,490
SORRY. FUELLA'SGOT A DATE WITHBEAUTY BOOT CAMP.
224
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FACELIFT? I THOUGHTYOU MEANT FACE DROP.
225
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:25,798
YEAH, MAN.THESE WRINKLES AREMY CALLING CARD.
226
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I WAS THINKIN'I COULD USE A FEW MOREAROUND THE NECK HERE
227
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LIKE--LIKE THIS. WHOO!CAN'T TOUCH THAT. SSS.
228
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JUST TAKE IT EASY--AAAHHH!
229
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WORK IT. WORK IT.
230
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TURN TO YOUR LEFT,LADIES,
231
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AND TURN TO YOUR RIGHT.
232
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WHOO! WELL, NO PAIN,NO GAIN, RIGHT?
233
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[WOMEN LAUGHING]
234
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OH! EVERYTHING HURTS.
235
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:57,863
TIME FOR A LITTLEDRAGON RECON, YA HEARD?
236
00:09:57,863 --> 00:09:59,332
YES, IT IS TIME.
237
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:00,600
WHOO HOO!COME ON, FU,
238
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,835
LET'S GO PUTTHE PAIN IN PAIN-DARUS.
239
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:05,638
NO CAN DO.APHRODITE MAGAZINE
240
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:07,340
SAYS BEAUTY SLEEPIS ESSENTIAL.
241
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:11,510
I GOT 600 YEARSOF BAGS UNDER MY EYESTO SLEEP OFF.
242
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,149
IT'S GOTTA BEPANDARUS' CRIB.
243
00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:20,286
LOOKS TO ME LIKEIT'S DRAGON TIME.
244
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,121
UNHHAAHH!
245
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,691
IS EVERYTHING READY?
246
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,593
THE SECRET ALTARIS UNDER THE STAGE
247
00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:28,628
JUST LIKE YOU ASKED.
248
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:32,298
THE MOST POWERFULWIZARD IN THE LAND.
249
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,334
GAME SHOW HOSTIN THE LAND. HA HA.
250
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:37,903
DEAL WITH THAT,TREBEK.
251
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:41,574
AAH!AAH! AAH! AAH!
252
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,175
OH!
253
00:10:43,175 --> 00:10:44,677
JAKE! LOOK OUT!
254
00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:48,547
WHOA!
255
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:49,682
HEY!WHAT'S THAT?
256
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:53,552
DON'T WORRYABOUT ME, GRAMPS.
257
00:10:53,552 --> 00:10:54,654
I'M ON TOP OF IT.
258
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:55,888
NOT ALL OF IT!
259
00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:57,690
OVER HERE!
260
00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:00,726
SORRY, DUDES.GOTTA FLY.
261
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,262
WHAT IS THAT DRAGONDOING HERE?
262
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:04,530
WANT ME TO TAKE HIMOUT FOR YA?
263
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:05,531
MONTY'S GOTA BIG BOWL OF PAIN
264
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:09,635
NEVER MIND.I'M ONE NIGHT AWAYFROM ABSOLUTE POWER.
265
00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:11,737
NOTHING, NOT EVENTHE AMERICAN DRAGON
266
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:14,473
IS GOING TO STOP ME.[GLASS BREAKS]
267
00:11:14,473 --> 00:11:16,942
WHOA! OW! OOH!
268
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:18,844
UNH!
269
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,580
FU, WAKE UP, DUDE.
270
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:22,581
[SNORING]I'M THE PRETTIEST.
271
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,750
NO,I'M THE PRETTIEST.
272
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,552
FU! PAGEANT TIME!
273
00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:28,587
AAH! MY EYES!
274
00:11:29,488 --> 00:11:34,627
[GASPS]GIVE A DOG TIME TO GETHIS FACE ON, WOULD YA?
275
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:37,596
SO WE GOTTA FIND OUTWHAT PANDARUS IS HIDING
276
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:40,466
HEY,THERE'S A TRAP DOOR,CENTER STAGE.
277
00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:41,934
I GOT MY HEELCAUGHT IN IT YESTERDAY.
278
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:46,605
EH, THE PROBLEM IS,THE WHOLE ARENA'SGUARDED.
279
00:11:46,605 --> 00:11:48,574
THE ONLY TIMEANYONE CAN GET ON STAGE
280
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:52,311
THEN THAT'S WHENWE MAKE OUR MOVE.
281
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,615
UH, FU, SOMETHINGFUNKY WITH YOUR EGGS?
282
00:11:56,615 --> 00:12:00,219
NO. BUT MYUNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPWITH FOOD IS OVER.
283
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:03,656
YOU HEAR THAT, EGGS?I'M BREAKIN' UPWITH YOU,
284
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:08,661
UH, FU, YOU'RE REALLYSTARTIN' TO SCARE ME.
285
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:09,962
[APPLAUSE]WELCOME BACK TO THE FINALS
286
00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:11,931
OF THE MISS MAGICALWORLD BEAUTY PAGEANT.
287
00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:12,965
GIVE IT UP FOR OUR JUDGES.
288
00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:15,367
JACK FROST, TOOTH FAIRY...
289
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:18,637
AND--HELLO, JUDGE NUMBER 3.
290
00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:19,605
HO HO, I TELL YA,
291
00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:22,508
ON THOSE BURPING BETTYDOLLS, YOU KNOW?
292
00:12:22,508 --> 00:12:24,977
TURNS OUT THEY BURPOUT OF THE WRONG END,OK?
293
00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:30,583
WELL, FRANKLY, THEYEXPECT MORE FROM THESANTA NAME, YOU KNOW?
294
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,418
OH, BOY, I TELL YA.
295
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:36,889
LADIES, I JUST WANTEDTO WISH YOU ALL
296
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:38,791
GOOD LUCK TODAYIN THE FINALS.
297
00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:42,762
I'M NOT READY. I NEED TIMETO GET MY GLAM ON.
298
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:48,434
UNH! BRRR!
299
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,702
YOU.ME?
300
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,537
NO, I--I'M JUSTA GIRL.
301
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:56,041
AH. WHAT DO I EXPECTFROM A DITZY DAME?
302
00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:58,978
[GROWLS]DITSY DAME?
303
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:01,580
A PIECE OF MEATWITH NO FEELINGS?
304
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:04,116
IF YOU POKE ME,DO I NOT GIGGLE?
305
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,552
IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'TEVEN SEE THE REAL ME.
306
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:08,654
WHO DOESHE THINK HE IS?
307
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,422
WE GET NO RESPECT.
308
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:11,957
SOME MENARE SUCH DOGS.
309
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,659
YOU SAID IT,GIRLFRIEND.
310
00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:17,930
WELL, I'LL BE.IT'S THE DANCE OFTHE SOUTHERN BELLES.
311
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:20,566
IS IT HOT IN HERE,OR IS IT JUST THEM?
312
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:23,702
AH, UNH!
313
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:25,704
KEEP UP.
314
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:30,476
OH! I SHOULD HAVEMADE HIM SHAVEHIS LEGS.
315
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:37,483
Fu Dog: OK, NOW.
316
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:42,555
ELBOW, ELBOW,WRIST, WRIST, WRIST,AND SMILES.
317
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,723
UNH!
318
00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:47,793
COME, JAKE.WE MUST HURRY.
319
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:49,428
[GROWLS]
320
00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:51,597
NO ARGUMENTS HERE.
321
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:56,902
UNH!
322
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,337
[GRUNTS]
323
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,772
HEE HEE HEE.
324
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,844
HMM. A FORKIN THE ROAD.
325
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,646
[GROWLS]
326
00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:08,614
THIS WAY!
327
00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:11,016
UNH! HURRY!
328
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:12,718
HEH HEH. HEH?
329
00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:15,621
AAH!AAH!WHOA!
330
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:17,656
OH!OH!OH!
331
00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:20,759
HEE HEE HEE HEE.WHOOPS.
332
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:27,433
LOOKS LIKESOME KIND OF ALTAR.
333
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:29,802
AH, THE PROPHECYOF KOOLUBIUS.
334
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,705
"HE WHO WEDS THE FAIRESTCREATURE OF THEM ALL
335
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:33,906
"AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT
336
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,474
"ON THE DAYTHE PLANETS ALIGN
337
00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:38,377
SHALL BECOMETHE MIGHTIEST WIZARDIN THE LAND."
338
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:41,113
SO PANDARUS IS GONNA--
339
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:42,882
[GROWLS]
340
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,651
YO, G., WE GOT COMPANY.
341
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,556
Jake: COME ON, OGRES.SHOW US WHAT YOU'VE GOT.
342
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,157
Both: UNH!
343
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,028
UNH!UNH!
344
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:58,030
[BOTH GRUNT]
345
00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:00,099
THIS NET,IT IS SPHYX HAIR.
346
00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:04,737
THE ONLY SUBSTANCETHAT RENDERS A DRAGONABSOLUTELY POWERLESS.
347
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,572
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
348
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,607
I HAVE TO GO MARRYTHE WINNER OF THE PAGEANT.
349
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:11,543
AND BECOME THE MIGHTIESTWIZARD IN ALL THE LAND.
350
00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:14,713
NOT TO MENTIONTHE EVILEST.
351
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:16,615
[LAUGHS]
352
00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:24,456
WHAT THE HECK IS TAKIN'JAKE AND GRANDPA SO LONG?
353
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:27,159
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]AHEM. IT'S--IT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE
354
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:29,662
TO GET RELIABLESTYLISTS THESE DAYS.
355
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:33,699
[SNIFFLES]ALL THESE OUTFITSMAKE ME LOOK HIPPY,
356
00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:37,703
SERIOUSLY, THEY CAN'T STOPTO THINK ABOUT ANYONEBUT THEMSELVES.
357
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:40,572
[CRYING]YOU KNOW WHATI'M SAYIN', SISTER?
358
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:42,841
HEY, THERE, WHAT--WHAT GIVES, IRIS?
359
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:47,613
I--I CAN'T GO ON.I'M JUST NOTPRETTY ENOUGH.
360
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:52,184
I'M ALL...EYEBALL! [CRYING]
361
00:15:52,184 --> 00:15:53,652
WHAT? OH, NO WAY.
362
00:15:53,652 --> 00:15:54,954
YOU'RE BEAUTIFULAND SMART
363
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,989
AND HAVE A GREATSENSE OF HUMOR.
364
00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:59,191
HERE. DRY YOUR EYE.
365
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:01,160
THANKS, FUELLA.
366
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,828
[SNORTS, BLOWS NOSE]
367
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:05,597
OH. YOU'RE A PEACH.
368
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:06,732
[CLAPS]
369
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,834
IT'S TIME FORTHE PERSONALITY CONTEST.
370
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:09,802
FUELLA, YOU'RE UP.
371
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,870
WHAT?I AM NOT READY!
372
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:15,107
HEE HEE HEE.
373
00:16:16,508 --> 00:16:18,610
ARE YOU READY,BEAUTIFUL?
374
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:21,080
HEE HEE HEEHEE HEE. YES.
375
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:25,551
OK, FIRST QUESTIONFROM THAT MASTEROF THE DEEP FREEZE,
376
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:26,618
JACK FROST.
377
00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:28,587
EH. HI.
378
00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:30,556
I'M GONNA KEEPMY QUESTIONS SIMPLE.
379
00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:32,091
WHAT'S YOURFAVORITE SEASON?
380
00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:33,792
UM...
381
00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:36,762
OOH, I LIKE HER.DO YOU LIKE HER?
382
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:39,565
NEXT, A QUARTERFOR HER THOUGHTS.
383
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,166
THAT'S RIGHT. IT'STHE TOOTH FAIRY.
384
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,635
OOH, I LOVETHIS PART.
385
00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:45,838
LET'S SEE THOSEPEARLY WHITES.
386
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:50,109
OH, HI--AAH!
387
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:52,277
[GASPS] UH-UH!
388
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:53,846
[GAGS, BELCHES]
389
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,948
OH, PARDON ME.I AM--[GAGS]
390
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:59,118
I JUST DIDN'T--[GAGS]EXPECT THAT...
391
00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:04,056
[GAGS]COLOR GREEN. OOH!
392
00:17:04,056 --> 00:17:05,758
OH, TOUGH BREAK,FUELLA.
393
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,993
NOW LET'S SEEWHAT THE NEXT JUDGEHAS TO SAY.
394
00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:10,963
YOU ARE DEFINITELYON MY NAUGHTY LIST, OK,
395
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:14,800
AND MY UGLY LIST.YOU SHOULD DONATETHAT BODY TO SCIENCE.
396
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,168
SCIENCE FICTION,YOU KNOW.
397
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:18,604
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
398
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:19,805
OOH, FORGET IT!
399
00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:21,073
NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY,
400
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:22,908
I JUST CAN'TLOOK LIKE THE WOMEN
401
00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:26,912
AND MY PERSONALITYIS ABOUT MORE THAN MY TEETH
402
00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:31,183
I LOOK AROUND THIS ROOM,AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE?
403
00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:33,318
I SEE THE SMARTEST,MOST ACCOMPLISHED DAMES
404
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:38,791
DID YOU KNOWJANICE THERE HAS A Ph.D.IN MOLECULAR BIOLOGY?
405
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,727
SHE'S THE ONE WHO DESIGNEDTHE ANCIENT PYRAMIDS,
406
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:44,263
AND BERTHA, WELL,BERTHA'S AS DULL AS A SPOON.
407
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:46,632
BUT SHE BAKESA GREAT COBBLER.
408
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:50,736
AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONEWITH THESE AMAZING WOMEN?
409
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:51,804
PITTED THEM AGAINSTEACH OTHER
410
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,906
AND TREATED THEMLIKE PIECES OF MEAT.
411
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,574
WELL, I'M HERE TO TELL YOU
412
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:59,878
AND ME, I'M ALREADY A WINNERJUST FOR GETTIN' TO KNOW YA.
413
00:17:59,878 --> 00:18:02,781
'CAUSE YOU LADIESARE BEAUTIFUL IN HERE,
414
00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:05,684
AND THAT'S ALLTHAT REALLY MATTERS.
415
00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:08,654
GET THIS SNIVELING NOBODYOFF MY STAGE,
416
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,055
AND CROWNA WINNER, ALREADY!
417
00:18:10,055 --> 00:18:11,090
YOU CAN TAKEYOUR PAGEANT
418
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,325
AND STICK ITIN YOUR EAR, PANDARUS.
419
00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:14,660
YEAH.SEE YA.
420
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:17,596
YEAH. THIS PAGEANTIS WHACK, ANYWAY.
421
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,798
REAL PAGEANTSCREATE OPPORTUNITYFOR WOMEN.
422
00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:23,035
CHANCES TO GIVEMIND NUMBINGSPEECHES
423
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:24,236
ABOUT WORLD PEACE.
424
00:18:24,236 --> 00:18:28,707
THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN PULLTHIS SHAM OF A PAGEANTOUT OF THE MUD
425
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:31,243
IS BY NAMING A REAL WOMANAS THE WINNER.
426
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:33,112
I SAY WE GIVE THE CROWNTO FUELLA
427
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,881
FOR HAVING THE COURAGETO TELL THE TRUTH.
428
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:38,784
Women: FUELLA! FUELLA!
429
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:42,788
FUELLA! FUELLA!
430
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:44,990
OK, THAT'S IT.
431
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:46,625
JUDGES, LET'SGET ON WITH IT.
432
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:47,392
I NEED A WINNER.
433
00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:49,094
IF EVERYONE ELSEHAS WITHDRAWN,
434
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:51,997
I DON'T CARE IF SHE ISA COMPLETE DOG.
435
00:18:51,997 --> 00:18:53,732
WHOO-HOO!FUELLA IT IS.
436
00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:56,235
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,I INTRODUCE TO YOU
437
00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:57,703
THE NEW MISS MAGICAL WORLD,
438
00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:00,639
AND OFFICIALLYTHE FAIREST OF THEM ALL,
439
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:05,110
[WHIMPERS]OH, HELLO. I LOVE YOU ALL.
440
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:06,812
OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
441
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:10,082
OH, I'M GONNA CRY.
442
00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:15,387
? SHE'S THE FAIRESTOF THEM ALL ?
443
00:19:15,387 --> 00:19:17,956
? MISS MAGICAL WORLD ?
444
00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:19,992
[MIC FEEDBACK]OK, THAT'S ENOUGH.
445
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,928
WATCH THE DRESS, BUDDY.IT'S COUTURE.
446
00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:24,663
UH, HEY, WHERE WE GOIN'?
447
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:26,265
WELL, NOW THATTHE PAGEANT IS OVER,
448
00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:28,767
I GUESS I CAN SPILLTHE GOOD NEWS.
449
00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:30,369
WE'RE OFF TO FULFILLAN ANCIENT PROPHECY.
450
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:34,740
NOT ONLY THE MOSTDEVILISHLY HANDSOMEWIZARD IN THE WORLD,
451
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,341
BUT THE MOSTPOWERFUL AS WELL.
452
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:41,280
HOW NICE FOR YOU.THERE'S JUST ONE PROBLEM.
453
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,214
[ALL GASP]
454
00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:43,749
LOOK,IT'S THAT JERK
455
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:48,954
THAT'S RIGHT.HOW'S THAT PROPHECYLOOKIN' NOW, PANDARUS?
456
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:51,156
IT'S LOOKING FINE.ALL I NEED TO DO
457
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:52,891
IS MARRY THE FAIRESTOF THEM ALL.
458
00:19:52,891 --> 00:19:57,296
WHICH, ACCORDINGTO YOUR TIARAAND PLAQUE IS YOU.
459
00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,098
TA-TA, EVERYONE.
460
00:20:01,466 --> 00:20:03,368
[ALL GASP]
461
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:06,738
THIS WORKED OUTPERFECTLY.
462
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:09,408
I NEEDED 2 WITNESSESTO OUR BLESSED UNION,
463
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,376
AND VOILA,HERE YOU ARE--
464
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,378
Pandarus:JUST HANGIN' AROUND.
465
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:16,949
PANDARUS IS GONNATAKE THE WINNEROF THE CONTEST
466
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:17,950
AND MAKE HERHIS BRIDE.
467
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,484
UH, YOU'RE LOOKIN'AT HER, KID.
468
00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:21,019
WHAT? YOU WON?
469
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,855
OH, AND THAT'SSO HARD TO BELIEVE?
470
00:20:23,855 --> 00:20:26,491
LET'S GET THISOVER WITH.
471
00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:32,030
WELCOME. WE HAVECHAINED HERE TOGETHER--
472
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:34,733
I--I MEAN,GATHERED HERE TOGETHER...
473
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,735
JUST GET ON WITH IT.
474
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,504
UH, "DEARLY BELOVED."YADA, YADA, YADA...
475
00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:41,773
"GATHERED HERE TODAY."YADA, YADA.
476
00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:42,908
ANYONE HAVEANY OBJECTIONS?
477
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,876
Woman: WE DO!
478
00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:46,044
HEY, GUESSTHEY COULDN'T STAND
479
00:20:46,044 --> 00:20:49,047
TO SEE ME OFF THE MARKET.HOO HOO!
480
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,921
UNH!UNH!
481
00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:58,290
YEAH!
482
00:20:59,524 --> 00:21:04,229
IT'S NO USE.THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM.
483
00:21:04,229 --> 00:21:04,997
GUESS AGAIN.
484
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:09,835
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAAHHH!
485
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:11,770
[GASPS]LOOK OUT!
486
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,272
[OGRES GROANING]
487
00:21:14,406 --> 00:21:16,041
TAKE HIM. TAKE HIM!
488
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:17,309
JUST DON'T HURT ME.
489
00:21:17,309 --> 00:21:21,313
WHOO HOO! NOW THAT'SWHAT I CALL GIRL POWER.
490
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,352
LADIES, I GOTTAHAND IT TO YA.
491
00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:30,222
YOU REALLY SAVED MY TAILIN THE END THERE.
492
00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:33,558
YEAH, WELL, WE'RE STILL MADTHAT YOU LIED TO US.
493
00:21:33,558 --> 00:21:35,527
BUT WE'RE ALSOAWFUL PROUD OF YOU
494
00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:36,528
FOR STANDIN' UPFOR US.
495
00:21:36,528 --> 00:21:38,297
YOU KNOW,I MEANT EVERY WORD.
496
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,365
TRUST ME.I WAS A BETTER DOGAS A WOMAN
497
00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:41,433
THAN I EVER WASAS A DOG.
498
00:21:41,433 --> 00:21:44,436
WOW. FU DOG HASREALLY COME AROUND.
499
00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:46,538
I MUST SAY, I'M GRATEFULTO ALL YOU LADIES.
500
00:21:46,538 --> 00:21:48,540
THIS ENTIRE WEEKENDHAS BEEN A TEST FOR ME--
501
00:21:48,540 --> 00:21:52,577
A TEST WHICHI'M PROUD TO SAY I PASSED.
502
00:21:54,579 --> 00:21:57,282
[HONK HONK]HEY, HANDS OFF THE HONK.
503
00:21:57,282 --> 00:22:00,485
I SAID I PASSED.I DIDN'T SAY I GOT AN "A."
504
00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:02,020
I DIDN'T GETA "B," EITHER,
505
00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:07,125
OR A "C," OR A "D."[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
506
00:22:07,175 --> 00:22:11,725
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