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1
00:02:07,584 --> 00:02:09,959
Babies, hold on.
2
00:02:11,042 --> 00:02:13,167
They're shooting at us.
3
00:02:14,792 --> 00:02:16,959
I can't take them all!
4
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,917
I can't take them all!
5
00:02:24,917 --> 00:02:26,167
Babies.
6
00:02:26,292 --> 00:02:28,626
I didn't make it.
7
00:02:28,959 --> 00:02:30,417
Sweetie.
8
00:05:17,042 --> 00:05:21,709
My name is Al Pereira.
I'm the sharpest private detective,
9
00:05:22,126 --> 00:05:25,667
or as they say in the movies:
"private eye".
10
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,334
Highly private.
11
00:05:27,959 --> 00:05:30,995
The son of a bitch is pretty funny.
12
00:07:51,334 --> 00:07:55,917
I've seen this show a million times.
You make me sick.
13
00:07:57,792 --> 00:07:59,709
See you, bastard!
14
00:11:28,334 --> 00:11:31,126
You're hot, naughty girl.
15
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,792
I was missing out on the party.
16
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:37,834
Very good.
17
00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:46,334
Now you're doing it a lot better.
18
00:14:55,167 --> 00:14:58,001
- Hello.
- What brings you here?
19
00:15:00,376 --> 00:15:02,334
I'm just visiting.
20
00:15:13,417 --> 00:15:15,501
The youth these days!
21
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:21,495
Look at him, he's a sugar daddy.
22
00:15:22,751 --> 00:15:27,251
A sugar daddy
is someone who pays all the bills.
23
00:15:28,334 --> 00:15:31,042
Yes, but you never pay anything.
24
00:15:32,876 --> 00:15:35,334
Let's be serious for a moment.
25
00:15:35,876 --> 00:15:37,209
Why?
26
00:15:38,126 --> 00:15:40,126
Because I say so.
27
00:17:08,709 --> 00:17:11,796
Son of a bitch, you're gonna pay for it.
28
00:17:11,876 --> 00:17:14,042
And then you hit it!
29
00:17:16,376 --> 00:17:19,417
- You gotta give it a slap.
- Me?
30
00:17:21,251 --> 00:17:23,917
Let's start at:
"Son of a bitch."
31
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:27,917
- Do I really slap the camera?
- Yes, whack it.
32
00:17:28,459 --> 00:17:29,870
- Really?
- Yes.
33
00:17:30,292 --> 00:17:32,459
Well, don't break it
34
00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:35,626
but don't let it catch you by surprise.
35
00:17:35,792 --> 00:17:37,376
Action!
36
00:17:42,584 --> 00:17:45,626
Son of a bitch, you're gonna pay for it.
37
00:17:59,959 --> 00:18:05,251
Irene, turn your back to the camera
and stand very close to the mirror.
38
00:18:07,626 --> 00:18:10,209
More to the right.
39
00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:12,501
Over there.
40
00:18:13,751 --> 00:18:16,001
When you're over there
41
00:18:17,001 --> 00:18:20,626
you start moving to the rhythm
of "Blues in the Night".
42
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:27,667
And then you slowly
43
00:18:28,209 --> 00:18:30,501
lift
44
00:18:31,334 --> 00:18:34,251
your dress.
45
00:18:35,167 --> 00:18:37,709
Slowly, very slowly.
46
00:18:38,126 --> 00:18:39,495
Slowly.
47
00:18:45,751 --> 00:18:47,084
Carry on.
48
00:18:53,709 --> 00:18:56,001
Carry on for a little while.
49
00:18:56,376 --> 00:19:01,084
Move your ass slowly and rhythmically
50
00:19:04,709 --> 00:19:08,751
while you're provoking him.
Imagine he's the camera.
51
00:19:14,251 --> 00:19:16,001
That's it, very nice.
52
00:19:17,042 --> 00:19:18,376
Action!
53
00:28:01,501 --> 00:28:03,042
Cut!
54
00:30:20,292 --> 00:30:21,626
Shame on them!
55
00:30:22,959 --> 00:30:27,292
Shame on them,
with their tits and asses.
56
00:31:37,417 --> 00:31:41,584
They're trying to lead us
on the path of doom.
57
00:31:42,417 --> 00:31:45,584
And they succeed, and how they succeed.
58
00:31:46,376 --> 00:31:48,584
But all of this will end.
59
00:31:49,751 --> 00:31:51,754
It will end.
60
00:31:51,834 --> 00:31:56,209
It's too bad
because those asses are really nice.
61
00:31:56,876 --> 00:31:58,292
But it will all end.
62
00:32:43,917 --> 00:32:45,584
Shame on me.
63
00:32:46,667 --> 00:32:50,417
Life has forced Al Pereira to become
64
00:32:51,376 --> 00:32:53,417
a sacristan.
65
00:32:55,751 --> 00:32:58,251
May God confound them.
66
00:32:59,292 --> 00:33:03,667
You are excommunicated,
the three of you.
67
00:33:54,917 --> 00:33:57,584
Politicians aren't what they used to be.
68
00:33:58,167 --> 00:34:02,542
They are the ones
who steal from us, but then...
69
00:34:03,251 --> 00:34:06,792
When you hear about some stories!
Like in Berlusconi's case...
70
00:34:07,126 --> 00:34:08,459
Well...
71
00:34:08,876 --> 00:34:12,209
That's what has destroyed
the Christian morality.
72
00:34:12,792 --> 00:34:17,209
Enough, you shameless women.
Get out! The three of you!
73
00:34:18,292 --> 00:34:22,584
Get lost, the three of you.
Shame on you.
74
00:34:24,501 --> 00:34:27,292
- Al Pereira, you're a fag.
- Fag.
75
00:34:28,334 --> 00:34:32,626
- Ask your mother who the fag is.
- Fag, fag.
76
00:34:34,084 --> 00:34:36,796
The dean of Canterbury
is my first cousin
77
00:34:36,876 --> 00:34:39,501
and I will have
the three of you excommunicated.
78
00:34:39,959 --> 00:34:43,251
- Fag. Queen
- Bye.
79
00:34:47,376 --> 00:34:49,876
Being Al Pereira
80
00:34:50,417 --> 00:34:53,254
means having to fulfil
extremely unfair obligations.
81
00:34:53,334 --> 00:34:58,337
But I will remain firm
in my undying fate as an enforcer
82
00:34:58,417 --> 00:35:03,251
despite all of the whores
in the world that come here.
83
00:35:05,626 --> 00:35:07,417
Let's get 'em.
84
00:35:52,917 --> 00:35:56,542
- Don't move, you son of a bitch!
- Put it down.
85
00:35:56,834 --> 00:35:59,042
I was expecting you at five.
86
00:36:01,334 --> 00:36:04,921
Al, I miss your eyes, your hands...
I miss fucking you!
87
00:36:05,001 --> 00:36:07,212
Me too, baby.
88
00:36:07,292 --> 00:36:11,337
- When will this nightmare be over?
- When the producers decide.
89
00:36:11,417 --> 00:36:14,337
- When does your contract go until?
- I didn't sign anything.
90
00:36:14,417 --> 00:36:19,667
- Really?
- Of course not. I'm Al Pereira...
91
00:36:27,751 --> 00:36:31,501
This is very old, it doesn't work.
92
00:36:32,667 --> 00:36:35,587
It can fire in one direction
or another and never hit you.
93
00:36:35,667 --> 00:36:37,837
You can't kill me with this.
94
00:36:37,917 --> 00:36:40,834
- It's the only one I have.
- So?
95
00:36:41,542 --> 00:36:43,959
Get lost.
96
00:36:44,501 --> 00:36:46,251
Come on.
97
00:36:46,667 --> 00:36:48,167
Come on.
98
00:36:49,209 --> 00:36:54,167
You're disappointing me,
but you have a great ass.
99
00:37:04,959 --> 00:37:07,292
- Hi.
- What's wrong?
100
00:37:08,542 --> 00:37:11,629
I couldn't kill Al Pereira.
101
00:37:11,709 --> 00:37:14,504
Why not?
You only had to shoot him twice.
102
00:37:14,584 --> 00:37:18,459
- Yes, but he's so handsome.
- Come on.
103
00:37:18,876 --> 00:37:22,626
- And the gun was old.
- See, I told you.
104
00:37:23,501 --> 00:37:26,167
Well, don't worry.
We'll try again.
105
00:37:26,459 --> 00:37:28,959
Really? OK.
106
00:37:36,501 --> 00:37:39,584
What would we become
without the union's support?
107
00:37:47,167 --> 00:37:49,251
Shameless fools.
108
00:37:49,584 --> 00:37:51,962
You're evil and stupid.
109
00:37:52,042 --> 00:37:54,087
I will punish you.
110
00:37:54,167 --> 00:37:57,334
No dessert for one month!
111
00:37:57,917 --> 00:37:59,629
You're despicable.
112
00:37:59,709 --> 00:38:02,542
Shame on you.
Shame on you!
113
00:38:03,584 --> 00:38:05,046
Filthy women.
114
00:38:05,126 --> 00:38:06,917
Fucking filthy women.
115
00:38:07,376 --> 00:38:12,501
Whip them 25 times.
Indecent daughters of Satan.
116
00:38:13,667 --> 00:38:16,126
I will punish you very hard.
117
00:38:20,584 --> 00:38:23,546
You have to become the way he is,
118
00:38:23,626 --> 00:38:27,584
your father, the honourable Fu Manchu.
119
00:38:27,959 --> 00:38:31,334
Bigger, more evil, tougher.
120
00:38:31,667 --> 00:38:33,959
You have to become
121
00:38:34,334 --> 00:38:36,917
very evil assassins.
122
00:38:38,251 --> 00:38:40,376
You have to kill
123
00:38:41,042 --> 00:38:44,126
or be killed.
124
00:38:44,542 --> 00:38:46,709
Whores!
125
00:38:52,376 --> 00:38:55,959
I'm going to kill those damn unionists.
126
00:38:57,042 --> 00:38:59,504
Do you remember 'On the Waterfront'?
127
00:38:59,584 --> 00:39:02,501
Not really, I saw it
when I was a little girl.
128
00:39:02,834 --> 00:39:05,546
There was a unionist
who fucked it all up.
129
00:39:05,626 --> 00:39:07,379
- All of it?
- Yes.
130
00:39:07,459 --> 00:39:09,042
Not me.
131
00:39:11,209 --> 00:39:14,126
You're really someone, aren't you?
132
00:39:18,792 --> 00:39:21,292
- Where are you taking me?
- To the bedroom.
133
00:39:26,292 --> 00:39:27,626
Hello.
134
00:39:30,334 --> 00:39:32,837
Are you related to James Bond?
135
00:39:32,917 --> 00:39:34,421
Almost related.
136
00:39:34,501 --> 00:39:37,876
Actually, he's almost related to me.
137
00:39:38,709 --> 00:39:40,084
Yes, right.
138
00:39:40,709 --> 00:39:43,959
Tell us another.
139
00:39:50,917 --> 00:39:53,046
They are like little girls:
140
00:39:53,126 --> 00:39:55,376
stupid and ridiculous
141
00:39:56,001 --> 00:39:57,959
but cute.
142
00:40:09,751 --> 00:40:12,667
I think he's getting quite horny.
143
00:40:13,501 --> 00:40:14,876
Yes.
144
00:40:19,209 --> 00:40:20,792
Hello, Al.
145
00:40:21,126 --> 00:40:22,459
Come here.
146
00:40:24,126 --> 00:40:26,751
- Come here.
- Come here.
147
00:40:33,834 --> 00:40:36,084
How boring.
148
00:40:40,084 --> 00:40:41,629
Hello.
149
00:40:41,709 --> 00:40:44,126
Come on.
150
00:40:46,417 --> 00:40:49,754
- Antonio, bend down.
- Down?
151
00:40:49,834 --> 00:40:53,876
While we're rehearsing
I'll say: "Antonio!"
152
00:40:54,542 --> 00:40:57,126
Don't look at me and ask:
"What do I do now?"
153
00:40:58,084 --> 00:41:01,004
- As if this was your first movie.
- It's not a rehearsal.
154
00:41:01,084 --> 00:41:03,754
We are supposed to be shooting.
155
00:41:03,834 --> 00:41:06,796
And then you say:
"Bend down now."
156
00:41:06,876 --> 00:41:11,917
And I ask: "Should I
bend down like this or sideways?"
157
00:41:12,251 --> 00:41:15,004
Let's turn off the light and see.
158
00:41:15,084 --> 00:41:17,504
No, you tell me.
159
00:41:17,584 --> 00:41:21,171
You gotta tell me
what I'm gonna do in the next scene.
160
00:41:21,251 --> 00:41:25,084
Say: "And then bend down here."
161
00:41:25,501 --> 00:41:28,837
Just say whatever I'll have to do
162
00:41:28,917 --> 00:41:31,501
and I'll do it.
163
00:41:32,209 --> 00:41:34,004
- Alright?
- Alright.
164
00:41:34,084 --> 00:41:36,837
- It's your call.
- I told you.
165
00:41:36,917 --> 00:41:40,879
Something was missing. I had to tell
him: "He's stiff as a corpse."
166
00:41:40,959 --> 00:41:43,421
- Yes.
- And he shoots us and we die.
167
00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:46,459
I did that randomly.
168
00:41:47,084 --> 00:41:49,087
Yes, but it was fine.
169
00:41:49,167 --> 00:41:51,546
- Yes, but... well.
- Whatever he says.
170
00:41:51,626 --> 00:41:54,542
- Fine, let's go with that.
- Fine.
171
00:41:56,584 --> 00:41:57,959
Look.
172
00:41:59,501 --> 00:42:01,459
Keep on rolling.
173
00:42:02,126 --> 00:42:04,501
He's stiff as a corpse.
174
00:42:14,251 --> 00:42:16,837
The whims of life:
175
00:42:16,917 --> 00:42:21,626
in two seconds,
two bullets kill two whores.
176
00:42:23,792 --> 00:42:26,751
Might God welcome them in his bosom.
177
00:42:27,751 --> 00:42:32,001
Coming up soon:
the latest adventures of...
178
00:42:32,417 --> 00:42:34,084
Al Pereira!
179
00:43:47,167 --> 00:43:51,251
Cool fact:
one son of a bitch less.
180
00:44:21,917 --> 00:44:26,792
- Your husband is a bastard.
- Your husband is a bastard.
181
00:44:31,751 --> 00:44:34,876
Now stand over there, Irene.
Over there.
182
00:44:35,626 --> 00:44:38,792
But while moving your body.
183
00:44:40,709 --> 00:44:46,042
- Al Pereira is mine.
- Al Pereira is mine.
184
00:44:47,376 --> 00:44:50,337
I've never had it like this.
185
00:44:50,417 --> 00:44:53,501
I've never had it like this.
186
00:44:54,876 --> 00:44:59,209
- Such a hard dick.
- Such a hard dick.
187
00:45:00,459 --> 00:45:03,126
And the eastern wind.
188
00:45:03,417 --> 00:45:07,001
And the eastern wind.
189
00:45:07,959 --> 00:45:10,042
And...
190
00:45:10,792 --> 00:45:14,754
- I let one off.
- I let one off.
191
00:45:14,834 --> 00:45:18,626
- Softly.
- Softly.
192
00:45:19,542 --> 00:45:21,917
Turn around.
193
00:45:45,542 --> 00:45:47,709
I am Al Pereira.
194
00:45:54,084 --> 00:45:55,459
Hello.
195
00:45:59,626 --> 00:46:01,751
Pereira, you're a fag.
196
00:46:03,626 --> 00:46:05,001
Feels good!
197
00:46:06,792 --> 00:46:11,334
- You're worthless.
- You can't even lick one.
198
00:46:20,792 --> 00:46:23,751
- Learn from us!
- Look.
199
00:48:32,542 --> 00:48:34,167
Antonio!
200
00:48:56,876 --> 00:49:00,584
I'm smoking
while I'm waiting to fuck a gunman.
201
00:49:02,251 --> 00:49:04,459
How fucked up!
202
00:49:11,126 --> 00:49:14,459
Why am I thinking
about a bastard like Al Pereira?
203
00:49:23,542 --> 00:49:25,584
He's a jerk.
204
00:49:26,334 --> 00:49:28,376
He has no authority.
205
00:49:28,876 --> 00:49:30,626
He has no balls.
206
00:49:32,084 --> 00:49:34,126
But I like him.
207
00:49:36,251 --> 00:49:38,046
Fuck.
208
00:49:38,126 --> 00:49:39,501
Fuck, man.
209
00:49:42,376 --> 00:49:46,959
Look how much time
it took us to get it right.
210
00:49:50,292 --> 00:49:52,212
Well, let's see if we can.
211
00:49:52,292 --> 00:49:54,296
- I'm done.
- Motors!
212
00:49:54,376 --> 00:49:56,167
- Rolling.
- Action!
213
00:49:56,667 --> 00:50:00,209
- Minnesota in spring time...
- How funny.
214
00:50:02,084 --> 00:50:05,254
Minnesota in spring time
is like Ohio in winter.
215
00:50:05,334 --> 00:50:07,796
How is winter in Ohio?
216
00:50:07,876 --> 00:50:11,084
Just like Minnesota in spring.
217
00:50:11,876 --> 00:50:14,417
But a little bit chillier.
218
00:50:22,042 --> 00:50:25,501
- I miss Texas.
- Why do you miss Texas?
219
00:50:26,042 --> 00:50:28,167
I don't know, but I miss Texas.
220
00:50:29,084 --> 00:50:31,754
Everyone misses something, right?
221
00:50:31,834 --> 00:50:34,251
Don't you remember that song?
222
00:50:34,751 --> 00:50:37,421
- Which one?
- I went to Texas...
223
00:50:37,501 --> 00:50:41,087
I went to Texas and I came back.
224
00:50:41,167 --> 00:50:44,542
Deep in the heart of Texas.
225
00:50:45,959 --> 00:50:48,292
- Don't you remember?
- No.
226
00:50:49,917 --> 00:50:53,792
- You really don't know anything.
- Yes.
227
00:50:54,292 --> 00:50:57,709
You don't know a thing about the
culture of your own country.
228
00:50:58,709 --> 00:51:00,084
Exactly.
229
00:51:00,584 --> 00:51:04,084
You're from Texas, right?
230
00:51:04,667 --> 00:51:06,042
Right?
231
00:51:06,376 --> 00:51:10,001
- Yes, but I'm from the north.
- Not from Minnesota or Ohio?
232
00:51:10,292 --> 00:51:12,084
- No.
- No.
233
00:51:15,584 --> 00:51:18,167
I'm from Timbuktu.
234
00:51:19,876 --> 00:51:22,042
I'm from Timbuktu.
235
00:51:22,334 --> 00:51:24,504
- Me too.
- Really?
236
00:51:24,584 --> 00:51:26,587
So who is from Texas?
237
00:51:26,667 --> 00:51:30,126
- The two of you.
- I'm from Timbuktu.
238
00:51:31,417 --> 00:51:36,417
So maybe this man
or the one over there is from Texas.
239
00:51:40,292 --> 00:51:41,334
Cut!
240
00:51:45,501 --> 00:51:48,542
- I miss Texas.
- Why do you miss Texas?
241
00:51:49,084 --> 00:51:51,501
Because I miss it, I don't know.
242
00:51:52,542 --> 00:51:55,126
Don't you remember the song:
243
00:51:56,042 --> 00:51:58,917
I went to Texas and I came back...
244
00:51:59,459 --> 00:52:02,251
Deep in the heart of Texas.
245
00:52:03,459 --> 00:52:06,879
- No.
- It's where Chuck Norris comes from.
246
00:52:06,959 --> 00:52:08,959
Isn't that enough?
247
00:52:12,376 --> 00:52:15,251
Chuck Norris, the manly man.
248
00:52:36,126 --> 00:52:39,126
Going down to the Cat's Fountain.
249
00:52:40,084 --> 00:52:43,584
A young girl and a soldier
went down to the Cat's Fountain.
250
00:52:45,917 --> 00:52:49,709
Ask her what her name is.
Marietta, Marietta.
251
00:52:50,042 --> 00:52:53,792
Ask her what her name is.
Marietta with the bright eyes.
252
00:52:57,042 --> 00:52:59,751
Going down to the Cat's Fountain.
253
00:53:01,209 --> 00:53:04,626
A young girl and a soldier
went down to the Cat's Fountain.
254
00:53:20,876 --> 00:53:24,417
Ask her what her name is.
Marietta, Marietta.
255
00:53:25,084 --> 00:53:28,459
Ask her what her name is.
Marietta with the bright eyes.
256
00:54:57,417 --> 00:55:00,421
- Look, the prince's residence.
- Yes!
257
00:55:00,501 --> 00:55:02,459
- Let's go.
- Come on.
258
00:55:29,626 --> 00:55:34,209
Mrs. Duck told Mr. Duck:
"if you screw me, I'll kill you."
259
00:55:40,376 --> 00:55:44,917
Mrs. Duck told Mr. Duck:
"if you screw me, I'll kill you."
260
00:55:45,209 --> 00:55:49,712
Mrs. Duck told Mr. Duck:
"if you screw me, I'll kill you."
261
00:55:49,792 --> 00:55:51,667
Mrs. Duck told Mr. Duck...
262
00:56:11,876 --> 00:56:16,542
- It's hot here.
- What do you want? Who are you?
263
00:56:17,876 --> 00:56:19,251
Look.
264
00:56:23,751 --> 00:56:26,417
- This isn't good any more.
- Why?
265
00:56:26,792 --> 00:56:28,459
It's not valid.
266
00:56:28,876 --> 00:56:32,459
But isn't this the Hotel Lancaster
City of Las Palmeras?
267
00:56:33,084 --> 00:56:34,254
No.
268
00:56:34,334 --> 00:56:38,042
It's the Hotel Lancaster City
of Tegucigalpa.
269
00:56:40,334 --> 00:56:41,546
But...
270
00:56:41,626 --> 00:56:45,501
We are fully booked.
All the rooms are taken.
271
00:56:46,542 --> 00:56:48,917
- What can I say?
- What can we do?
272
00:56:49,959 --> 00:56:52,629
- I don't know.
- So your cousin tricked us.
273
00:56:52,709 --> 00:56:57,126
Of course he did! He always does.
He's a trickster!
274
00:56:58,126 --> 00:56:59,501
So...
275
00:57:00,501 --> 00:57:02,667
What options do we have?
276
00:57:04,167 --> 00:57:07,754
I can offer you a small room.
277
00:57:07,834 --> 00:57:10,292
It's more expensive but cosy.
278
00:57:10,751 --> 00:57:14,001
- It's in the other hotel.
- OK.
279
00:57:14,542 --> 00:57:18,209
If you're masochists
you're welcome to stay here.
280
00:57:18,751 --> 00:57:21,209
Fine, so we'll stay here.
281
00:57:21,584 --> 00:57:24,629
Talk to the manager, he's over there.
282
00:57:24,709 --> 00:57:26,501
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
283
00:57:27,709 --> 00:57:29,084
Bye.
284
00:57:33,251 --> 00:57:35,751
I have a bad feeling about those two.
285
00:57:49,501 --> 00:57:52,126
Hello, ladies. How are you?
286
00:57:58,626 --> 00:58:01,126
So we can talk in Spanish.
287
00:58:01,417 --> 00:58:03,459
- That's better.
- A lot easier.
288
00:58:04,334 --> 00:58:08,334
- How can I help you?
- We were told you've a room for us.
289
00:58:08,626 --> 00:58:10,834
Your friend sent us here.
290
00:58:12,001 --> 00:58:13,334
I see.
291
00:58:18,251 --> 00:58:19,626
This is it.
292
00:58:20,417 --> 00:58:22,042
Room 67.
293
00:58:22,584 --> 00:58:26,251
- It's the only one left.
- Perfect, lucky us.
294
00:58:27,751 --> 00:58:30,629
Over there, at the end of the hallway.
295
00:58:30,709 --> 00:58:32,334
Thank you.
296
00:58:32,709 --> 00:58:35,209
- See you later.
- See you later.
297
00:58:37,209 --> 00:58:40,587
- Wait!
- What?
298
00:58:40,667 --> 00:58:43,542
Should I make you a charcoal drawing?
299
00:58:43,876 --> 00:58:45,251
Why?
300
00:58:45,959 --> 00:58:49,709
As a souvenir.
So you remember these islands.
301
00:58:50,334 --> 00:58:53,084
People get themselves
a charcoal drawing.
302
00:58:53,459 --> 00:58:56,376
It's a famous souvenir around here.
303
00:58:56,959 --> 00:59:00,959
Or would you like my boss
to paint you a gouache painting.
304
00:59:01,251 --> 00:59:04,459
- He does great, beautiful ones.
- Gouache?
305
00:59:04,834 --> 00:59:07,087
He's the best gouache painter here.
306
00:59:07,167 --> 00:59:10,921
No thanks. I'm tired
and want to lay down a while.
307
00:59:11,001 --> 00:59:13,167
- Let's go.
- Wait!
308
00:59:13,959 --> 00:59:16,004
- Not this way.
- No?
309
00:59:16,084 --> 00:59:18,796
That's the eastern area.
It's completely booked.
310
00:59:18,876 --> 00:59:20,712
- And room 67?
- This way.
311
00:59:20,792 --> 00:59:24,001
- It's in the western area.
- OK, thanks.
312
00:59:29,209 --> 00:59:31,001
Oh my God.
313
00:59:58,917 --> 01:00:00,542
Wake up!
314
01:00:33,834 --> 01:00:35,209
Come here!
315
01:00:40,751 --> 01:00:42,126
Come here.
316
01:00:48,292 --> 01:00:49,667
Come here!
317
01:00:50,751 --> 01:00:52,126
Come here!
318
01:00:52,876 --> 01:00:54,542
Come here!
319
01:00:55,667 --> 01:00:57,709
I will kill you!
320
01:01:17,626 --> 01:01:20,334
Come over here.
321
01:01:24,292 --> 01:01:26,417
Are you Muslim or stupid?
322
01:01:27,001 --> 01:01:30,834
I'm from here, from Malaga.
I know nothing.
323
01:01:32,626 --> 01:01:34,001
Fuck.
324
01:01:39,792 --> 01:01:42,834
- I was worried about Re�ueles.
- Don't worry.
325
01:01:43,126 --> 01:01:45,171
He's an innocent jerk.
326
01:01:45,251 --> 01:01:48,004
They all are.
What do you know about his wife?
327
01:01:48,084 --> 01:01:52,296
I hardly know her. But I think
she's an old hag and a bitch.
328
01:01:52,376 --> 01:01:55,087
- I don't mean it in an offensive way.
- Yes, right.
329
01:01:55,167 --> 01:01:58,667
If she were to catch you,
she would rip your heart out.
330
01:01:59,709 --> 01:02:01,417
Nice haircut.
331
01:02:01,876 --> 01:02:04,542
I have worn it so many times.
332
01:02:06,209 --> 01:02:08,167
I've got a really long one.
333
01:02:08,459 --> 01:02:10,542
It reaches the ground.
334
01:02:12,292 --> 01:02:16,501
There is no way Manolito's
could reach the ground.
335
01:02:18,542 --> 01:02:22,584
- So what turns Agripina on?
- Neron of course.
336
01:02:22,876 --> 01:02:25,251
Yes, a very loving mother...
337
01:03:11,084 --> 01:03:12,546
Did you read the Bible?
338
01:03:12,626 --> 01:03:17,251
To me the Bible
is like The Lord of the Rings.
339
01:03:17,751 --> 01:03:19,004
Don't say that.
340
01:03:19,084 --> 01:03:22,251
The Bible is full of morals
341
01:03:23,001 --> 01:03:24,542
and logic.
342
01:03:25,167 --> 01:03:29,212
- So what? What about Agripina?
- She's a bitch.
343
01:03:29,292 --> 01:03:33,421
I'm having an affair with her.
If you bash her I'll kick your ass.
344
01:03:33,501 --> 01:03:36,796
Cool down, I wasn't bashing Agripina.
345
01:03:36,876 --> 01:03:40,001
- Agripina is a fantastic woman.
- Woman?
346
01:03:40,417 --> 01:03:43,671
You know she's a transvestite,
right? I love transvestites.
347
01:03:43,751 --> 01:03:45,834
I thought so.
348
01:03:46,209 --> 01:03:48,004
I really love transvestites, too.
349
01:03:48,084 --> 01:03:51,834
They are funny and fantastic people.
350
01:03:52,251 --> 01:03:55,709
- Naive and healthy.
- Very in vogue right now.
351
01:03:58,126 --> 01:04:00,709
You wanted
the western area? This is it.
352
01:04:01,376 --> 01:04:05,542
- We can get dressed if you prefer.
- This is where you belong.
353
01:04:06,167 --> 01:04:08,796
I don't care if you're dressed or not.
354
01:04:08,876 --> 01:04:10,667
The important thing is...
355
01:04:11,042 --> 01:04:14,212
... that the guests
of the hotel always die.
356
01:04:14,292 --> 01:04:17,501
Just like everyone else.
Everybody dies eventually.
357
01:04:18,084 --> 01:04:21,001
That's why you have to die.
358
01:04:21,292 --> 01:04:24,459
What a harsh way to say it,
don't you think?
359
01:04:24,834 --> 01:04:26,376
Get dressed.
360
01:04:26,667 --> 01:04:31,001
Young ladies,
I can even see your alligators.
361
01:04:37,667 --> 01:04:40,334
Heil Hitler! Follow me.
362
01:04:41,042 --> 01:04:43,292
Do you know Rajoy?
363
01:04:44,292 --> 01:04:49,126
He's the saviour of the fatherland
from the thieves and the wretched.
364
01:04:50,709 --> 01:04:52,171
Rajoy says:
365
01:04:52,251 --> 01:04:55,959
"We have to save our fatherland
from thieves and wretched."
366
01:04:56,876 --> 01:04:59,042
- What is he talking about?
- Follow me.
367
01:04:59,376 --> 01:05:02,542
- Where are we going?
- This room is free.
368
01:05:02,959 --> 01:05:05,417
This room is free.
369
01:05:06,417 --> 01:05:08,584
This room is free.
370
01:05:09,376 --> 01:05:13,292
Rajoy says:
"I will turn the light on."
371
01:05:14,251 --> 01:05:16,626
The light is on.
372
01:05:17,584 --> 01:05:20,376
- Come on in.
- Thank you.
373
01:05:20,709 --> 01:05:24,004
- Do you need anything more?
- We are fine.
374
01:05:24,084 --> 01:05:27,126
Rajoy says:
"You're really hot."
375
01:05:28,167 --> 01:05:30,584
I'm leaving, bye.
376
01:05:31,042 --> 01:05:33,084
Bye, thank you.
377
01:05:33,501 --> 01:05:37,126
Rajoy says:
"Freedom? Bullshit!"
378
01:06:13,292 --> 01:06:17,042
Honestly, your singing is bad.
You really sing awful.
379
01:06:20,292 --> 01:06:24,251
- They gave me three awards on TV.
- Right, three awards.
380
01:06:24,667 --> 01:06:26,626
Well I didn't get any.
381
01:06:28,917 --> 01:06:31,796
And how do you sing?
You sing terrible.
382
01:06:31,876 --> 01:06:34,087
Listen honey, it's not my profession.
383
01:06:34,167 --> 01:06:37,751
- What do you do?
- I'm an inspector for Bankia.
384
01:06:38,417 --> 01:06:43,667
- Well, so you earn a lot of money.
- Not really. If they pay me, I do...
385
01:06:45,167 --> 01:06:47,962
Let's leave those topics to men.
386
01:06:48,042 --> 01:06:51,546
Let's get dressed and go to the pool.
387
01:06:51,626 --> 01:06:53,921
No, not to the pool.
388
01:06:54,001 --> 01:06:57,001
- Let's go to the open sea.
- Yes!
389
01:07:39,292 --> 01:07:42,584
Ol�, the nuns of the Sacromonte.
390
01:07:43,709 --> 01:07:45,084
Yeah.
391
01:07:50,209 --> 01:07:52,084
Mr. Pereira!
392
01:07:52,876 --> 01:07:54,584
Mr. Pereira!
393
01:07:58,001 --> 01:07:59,709
Mr. Pereira!
394
01:08:00,626 --> 01:08:02,167
Mr. Pereira!
395
01:08:08,501 --> 01:08:09,876
Hey, boy!
396
01:08:10,667 --> 01:08:13,292
- Are you talking to me?
- Mr. Pereira.
397
01:08:13,709 --> 01:08:17,459
Here's an anonymous letter
from my father.
398
01:08:20,209 --> 01:08:23,584
- Who is your father?
- My father is the minister.
399
01:08:24,042 --> 01:08:28,584
- The minister of what?
- The minister of gambling and vices.
400
01:08:29,751 --> 01:08:32,417
- Of what?
- Gambling and vices!
401
01:08:33,209 --> 01:08:35,209
So he's Teddy Bolista.
402
01:08:35,542 --> 01:08:37,667
Yes, Teddy Bolista.
403
01:08:38,667 --> 01:08:41,501
If you don't let my son go,
404
01:08:42,167 --> 01:08:44,584
- you will die.
- You'll die!
405
01:08:44,876 --> 01:08:46,962
- Why?
- Because you'll die.
406
01:08:47,042 --> 01:08:48,209
You'll die.
407
01:08:48,626 --> 01:08:51,209
If you don't let me go you'll die.
408
01:08:52,167 --> 01:08:55,004
- And why will I die?
- Because you'll die.
409
01:08:55,084 --> 01:08:56,459
You'll die.
410
01:08:57,459 --> 01:09:00,709
- What are you saying?
- That you'll die!
411
01:09:01,876 --> 01:09:03,459
You'll die!
412
01:09:05,334 --> 01:09:06,876
You'll die!
413
01:09:07,709 --> 01:09:10,292
You're the one who is gonna die, jerk.
414
01:09:12,626 --> 01:09:15,126
- I'll kill you. I'll kill you.
- No! Daddy!
415
01:09:16,042 --> 01:09:19,792
Careful, I'm the president
of the judicial system.
416
01:09:22,834 --> 01:09:25,001
We weren't doing anything.
417
01:09:29,251 --> 01:09:33,167
We were peaceful, daddy.
418
01:09:34,792 --> 01:09:37,334
Now I recognize you.
You're my son!
419
01:09:39,376 --> 01:09:41,921
Oh, my God!
420
01:09:42,001 --> 01:09:43,376
- Daddy!
- He's my son!
421
01:09:43,667 --> 01:09:46,212
- He's my son.
- Daddy!
422
01:09:46,292 --> 01:09:49,712
- It's a shame he's still an imbecile.
- Thanks daddy.
423
01:09:49,792 --> 01:09:52,126
I love you too.
I love you a lot, daddy.
424
01:09:52,542 --> 01:09:56,459
- I love you.
- My son!
425
01:09:57,126 --> 01:09:58,626
I'm your son.
426
01:10:01,126 --> 01:10:03,334
What do you think about Al Pereira?
427
01:10:04,126 --> 01:10:07,087
- Don't bring him up, understood?
- Why?
428
01:10:07,167 --> 01:10:09,421
- He's a good guy.
- A good guy?
429
01:10:09,501 --> 01:10:11,962
He's a son of a bitch
and too mellifluous.
430
01:10:12,042 --> 01:10:14,626
Mellifluous? What's that?
431
01:10:15,292 --> 01:10:18,254
That's when somebody
talks sweet and tricks people.
432
01:10:18,334 --> 01:10:21,501
I never heard that word,
but if you say so.
433
01:10:24,084 --> 01:10:25,459
Oh, yes.
434
01:10:26,792 --> 01:10:29,209
You have great hands.
They almost feel like...
435
01:10:29,626 --> 01:10:31,417
They feel like feet.
436
01:10:31,959 --> 01:10:33,504
Bitch!
437
01:10:33,584 --> 01:10:36,421
Today, February the 23rd.
438
01:10:36,501 --> 01:10:39,084
Is it the 23rd or the 24th?
439
01:10:39,417 --> 01:10:40,751
No.
440
01:10:41,292 --> 01:10:44,879
- February the 23rd.
- The 24th, daddy.
441
01:10:44,959 --> 01:10:46,542
Shut up, son.
442
01:10:48,376 --> 01:10:51,209
February the 24th, two thousand...
443
01:10:52,959 --> 01:10:56,792
That isn't important.
Let's cut to the chase.
444
01:10:57,167 --> 01:10:59,671
I decided to pass on all my goods
445
01:10:59,751 --> 01:11:02,584
to the National Association
of Poor Whores
446
01:11:02,959 --> 01:11:07,209
so they can use them for charitable
works or other good deeds.
447
01:11:12,959 --> 01:11:16,171
By the way, nobody talked
about what will be mine.
448
01:11:16,251 --> 01:11:20,504
Of course, I'll be getting
the biggest piece of the cake.
449
01:11:20,584 --> 01:11:24,167
I'm leaving. I don't want to know
anything about these atrocities.
450
01:11:24,626 --> 01:11:27,834
Which atrocities?
This is a will.
451
01:11:28,417 --> 01:11:32,917
It's bad enough I've died,
but you also want to take it all.
452
01:11:39,042 --> 01:11:42,462
- That's fucking strong!
- This is Orson Welles' tobacco.
453
01:11:42,542 --> 01:11:47,001
- Were you Orson Welles' lover?
- Yes and no.
454
01:11:48,667 --> 01:11:50,296
That means yes, right?
455
01:11:50,376 --> 01:11:54,376
I was eight years old then,
but I killed him.
456
01:12:00,042 --> 01:12:03,542
So what has that damn Al Pereira
got to do with you?
457
01:12:04,126 --> 01:12:06,876
We used to have
458
01:12:07,417 --> 01:12:10,379
a little romance
and three grandchildren.
459
01:12:10,459 --> 01:12:12,546
Grandchildren?
You mean children.
460
01:12:12,626 --> 01:12:15,667
He's old,
he only conceives grandchildren.
461
01:12:18,542 --> 01:12:21,712
Mustafa Kemal has made me his sole heir.
462
01:12:21,792 --> 01:12:25,337
I'm leaving! I don't wanna know
anything about this damn will.
463
01:12:25,417 --> 01:12:28,542
- You won't get a single cent.
- So what?
464
01:12:30,126 --> 01:12:33,501
As Al Pereira's favourite child
465
01:12:34,834 --> 01:12:40,001
I demand the accusation to be reviewed.
466
01:12:40,501 --> 01:12:42,667
Review the accusation?
467
01:12:45,542 --> 01:12:49,667
Go and play with your toys
and leave the grown ups alone.
468
01:12:52,542 --> 01:12:57,876
I contest that will
for false prevarication, bribery
469
01:12:58,709 --> 01:13:00,709
and other trivialities.
470
01:13:06,167 --> 01:13:09,129
So who will inherit the money?
471
01:13:09,209 --> 01:13:11,629
I will, of course.
472
01:13:11,709 --> 01:13:15,251
What? What about us?
Hell no, I should hope not.
473
01:13:18,167 --> 01:13:20,462
What the hell is he saying?
474
01:13:20,542 --> 01:13:23,709
And what about us?
That's not fair.
475
01:13:25,084 --> 01:13:26,751
What about us?
476
01:13:27,542 --> 01:13:30,251
I'm the one and only.
477
01:13:30,584 --> 01:13:33,292
The one and only...
478
01:13:41,792 --> 01:13:45,879
You're a darling.
I always knew we would get along.
479
01:13:45,959 --> 01:13:48,209
I wouldn't be so sure, I'm a beast.
480
01:13:48,667 --> 01:13:50,879
That's how I like them.
481
01:13:50,959 --> 01:13:54,584
Enough cuddling!
Let's draw some conclusions.
482
01:13:56,001 --> 01:13:57,879
Conclusions!
483
01:13:57,959 --> 01:13:59,292
Conclusions!
484
01:14:01,209 --> 01:14:04,584
- He's so cute, the fool.
- How cute, look at him.
485
01:14:05,084 --> 01:14:08,126
Conclusions! Conclusions!
486
01:14:08,501 --> 01:14:12,212
- What a son of a bitch.
- I can't take it any longer!
487
01:14:12,292 --> 01:14:15,959
Either you two come to bed with me
or I will die again.
488
01:14:17,167 --> 01:14:19,501
So go on and die.
489
01:14:22,042 --> 01:14:24,834
Conclusions, I want more conclusions!
490
01:14:25,792 --> 01:14:28,292
Conclusions, conclusions.
491
01:14:31,167 --> 01:14:32,626
Action!
492
01:14:43,001 --> 01:14:45,834
This is a story told by an idiot,
493
01:14:46,751 --> 01:14:50,584
full of sound and fury,
494
01:14:51,334 --> 01:14:53,917
signifying nothing.
495
01:14:56,376 --> 01:14:58,459
This is a story
496
01:14:59,334 --> 01:15:01,459
told by an idiot,
497
01:15:03,501 --> 01:15:06,542
full of sound...
498
01:15:14,542 --> 01:15:19,129
This is a story told by an idiot...
499
01:15:19,209 --> 01:15:20,129
Told by...
500
01:15:20,209 --> 01:15:25,087
Told by an idiot, a son of a bitch,
501
01:15:25,167 --> 01:15:28,917
signifying nothing.
502
01:15:30,917 --> 01:15:36,292
- Signifying absolute shit.
- Shit! Absolute shit.
503
01:15:38,126 --> 01:15:42,167
Dance! Come on.
Move, all of you.
504
01:15:44,626 --> 01:15:46,792
You dance, too.
505
01:16:07,667 --> 01:16:09,709
This is a story
506
01:16:10,001 --> 01:16:12,084
told by an idiot,
507
01:16:12,376 --> 01:16:15,584
full of sound and fury,
508
01:16:16,459 --> 01:16:18,962
signifying nothing.
509
01:16:19,042 --> 01:16:20,834
This is a story
510
01:16:21,751 --> 01:16:25,417
told by an idiot,
a dork, a son of a bitch,
511
01:16:26,084 --> 01:16:27,459
full of
512
01:16:27,917 --> 01:16:31,209
sound and fury,
513
01:16:32,501 --> 01:16:35,501
signifying nothing.
514
01:16:36,834 --> 01:16:39,834
- This is the truth.
- Cut!
515
01:16:42,876 --> 01:16:44,251
Shut up.
516
01:16:44,792 --> 01:16:47,167
Shut up at once!
517
01:16:49,334 --> 01:16:52,126
- Should we carry on?
- No. He said cut.
518
01:16:52,417 --> 01:16:55,792
- I said cut, but...
- We were quite into it.
519
01:16:56,084 --> 01:16:59,042
Yes, you were so into the dancing
520
01:16:59,501 --> 01:17:03,667
that I let you go on and thought:
"Shit, I hope they won't get angry."
521
01:17:04,209 --> 01:17:06,709
You can see Paco's whole head.
522
01:17:07,376 --> 01:17:08,751
Well,
523
01:17:09,917 --> 01:17:10,959
that's it.
524
01:20:21,209 --> 01:20:25,671
We've made Al Pereira look like
a complete dickhead,
525
01:20:25,751 --> 01:20:27,917
but it doesn't matter at all.
526
01:20:33,626 --> 01:20:35,834
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