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WwW.SubYab.CoM
Subtitles ripped by Worst
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SEAGULLS SQUAWKING
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'GF'. Gavin Featherly
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00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:42,238
Much as I hate to say this,
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I'm afraid it looks like
Gavin may have drowned.
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Well, it's all your
fault, Brittas!
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If it hadn't been for you,
Gavin would still be alive!
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00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,509
Ah, there you are Gavin, been
looking for you everywhere!
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00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,996
Well, I'm sorry, I'm just
using Julie's tape recorder.
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00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,951
Staff meeting in
five minutes, please.
11
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,752
Right...
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00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,757
That's rather nice, what is it?
13
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:09,757
It's Tibetan chimes, Mr Brittas.
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00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,189
It's a relaxation tape
that Mrs Brittas lent me.
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00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:15,835
At our last counselling session
she said I needed to relax more.
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00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:18,793
I've... been a bit
depressed recently.
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00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,912
Have you? Oh, dear!
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00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,758
Hang on, there are
two tapes there.
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00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:26,836
Yes, that's because
I'm recording it.
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00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:30,191
You're recording the tape
Mrs Brittas lent you?
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00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,914
Well yes, that way I'll
have a copy of my own.
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00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,793
I cannot believe I'm
hearing this Gavin!
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00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:37,114
What?
24
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,390
A member of my own
staff openly committing
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00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:40,748
a crime on the premises?
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00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:42,393
I'm sorry?
27
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,431
My office please, Gavin.
28
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,918
- Come on, sit down, please.
- Yes, Mr Brittas.
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00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:50,156
Now, what does it
say on that box?
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00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,955
'Unauthorised duplication is a
violation of applicable laws'.
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00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,638
Precisely!
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00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:56,954
Everybody does it, Mr Brittas.
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00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,957
If everyone went
around killing people,
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00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,514
would that make it
any less of a crime?
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00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:02,959
Well, no but...
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00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,036
Now, I want you to do
the only decent thing.
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00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:06,991
- What's that?
- Confess.
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00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,190
What?
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00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:11,038
I want you to write
to this record company
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00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,874
and tell them that you've
made illicit recordings.
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00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,712
You are joking, Mr Brittas?
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00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,515
No, I'm not! I want you to
clear your conscience, Gavin.
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00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:25,677
As my acting senior
deputy manager,
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00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,677
it's up to you to
set an example.
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00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,151
Yes, Mr Brittas.
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00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:35,078
Right, Item Number 28,
the staff weekend away.
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00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:36,997
ALL GROAN
Do we have to go?
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00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,554
Yes, we do, Julie.
As I've said before,
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00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,877
the staff weekend away is an
excellent opportunity for us
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00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,309
to bond together in a
non-working environment.
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00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:46,919
So where are we going
this year, New York?
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00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,792
Paris? Or Rome?
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00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:50,319
Burbage-on-sea!
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00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,955
- Oh, not again!
- We went there last year!
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00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,274
And the year before.
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00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,597
Burbage-on-Sea is
a good, honest...
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00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,358
Boring!
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00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,675
... beautiful English
resort, Julie.
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00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,475
Right, the room arrangements,
I've spoken to Mrs McGinty,
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00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,956
I'm afraid she can only provide
six guest rooms this year.
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00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,594
So Tim, is it possible for
you to share with Gavin?
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00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:17,999
Especially... as he's feeling
a little bit depressed
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00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,678
at the moment, he probably
could do with the company.
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00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,555
Yes, I can grin and
bear it, Mr Brittas.
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00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,956
Good. Right, now we leave
after work on Friday,
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00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,992
which gives you plenty of
time to think about packing,
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00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:34,398
but just in case, I've drawn
up my usual check list...
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00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,830
... there it is, anorak, warm
cardies, spare sink plug...
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00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,678
I'm sorry I'm late, Mr Brittas,
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00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,995
I've been having a bit
of trouble with my lilo.
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00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,997
Sit down please, Colin.
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00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,509
I've got it working again
and as far as I'm aware...
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00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,358
Thank you, Colin.
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00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,472
... it's the only lilo in the
world powered by potatoes!
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00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,797
Sit down please, Colin!
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00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,388
Right, spare sink plug...
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Potatoes?
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00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,871
You just stick the
potatoes in like this...
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00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,831
You mean it actually
runs on potatoes?
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00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:06,995
That's right, Gavin!
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00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,509
King Edwards are, generally
speaking, the best.
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00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,949
You can get about seventy
miles to the pound for them!
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00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:15,868
Amazing, Colin! The first
ecologically sound motor boat.
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00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:20,039
Lilo, Linda. I prefer the word
'lilo', it has a gentler sound.
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00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,836
I like to think you
can lie back and relax
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00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,633
as it cruises gently
across the ocean.
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00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,158
That thing is lethal!
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00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,477
It must have been the
Maris Pipers, Mr Brittas!
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00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,274
Right, quick as you can
everyone, please.
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00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:50,674
Timothy!
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00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,712
BRITTAS: Come on!
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00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,876
Carole, what's all this?
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It's my luggage, Mr Brittas!
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00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,430
You're going away for the
weekend, not emigrating!
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00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,471
- Yes, Mr Brittas...
- Right, come on!
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00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,716
Mr Brittas! Can I have a
word please, Mr Brittas?
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00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,751
Not now Gavin, we're
running late as it is.
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00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,678
But this just came in the post,
it's from the record company,
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00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,791
the one who you
told me to write to.
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00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,354
'Dear Mr Featherly, thank
you for your letter.
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00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,598
The duplication of pre-recorded
material without prior consent
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00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:21,235
is strictly prohibited under
the Copyright Act of 1951.
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00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,669
We therefore require the
standard penalty payment... '
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00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:28,715
Yes, it's L10,000, Mr Brittas!
they're suing me for 10 grand!
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00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:31,912
- Oh, dear!
- But what am I gonna do?
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00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,235
You'll just have to
pay it Gavin Featherly!
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00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:35,554
Come on!
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00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,791
Right, straight to bed everyone!
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00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:58,311
Very early start in the morning.
It's Crazy Golf at 8.30!
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00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,478
L10,000! Where on earth
am I gonna find 10 grand?
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00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,958
- We'll have to sell the flat!
- Oh, don't be daft!
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00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,230
I'll have to get a
second job, work nights.
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00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,511
They'll probably drop the
charges, you're small fry.
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00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,596
It's not worth their while
taking you to court.
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00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:16,793
- Court?
- Mmm.
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00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,558
Oh my god!
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00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:20,949
How do you find the defendant?
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Guilty! Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!
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00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,989
ALL: Guilty! Guilty!
Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!
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00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,150
Gavin Featherly, you have
been found guilty
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00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,555
of the most wicked
and heinous crime.
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00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,956
I therefore recommend the
maximum possible sentence.
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That you be taken from here
to a place of incarceration
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00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:44,035
for a minimum of 40 years
psychotherapy with Mrs Brittas.
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00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:48,713
Please... I beg of
you. I'd rather die!
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00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:53,593
I'd rather die!
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00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,950
What did you say?
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Nothing.
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00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:03,073
I'm just... gonna go
out for a... moment.
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00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,431
Get a breath of fresh air...
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... and I may be some time.
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00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,069
WAVES CRASHING
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00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:46,829
MOTOR STARTS NOISILY
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00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,756
BRITTAS: Relax Tim, Gavin
probably just went for a swim.
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00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,438
What, for two days?
136
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,154
Look, I'm sure there's a
perfectly innocent explanation.
137
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,271
Here comes the
coastguard, Mr Brittas.
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00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,719
With Gavin, no doubt.
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00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,272
No luck, Mr Brittas. We've
covered a radius of 30 miles.
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00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,072
All we found was... this.
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00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,759
GAVIN: I may be some time...
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00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,633
I'd rather die, I'd rather
die, I'd rather die!
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00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,039
''I'd rather die.''
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00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,230
Let's not get melodramatic, Tim.
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00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:28,272
No, that's what Gavin
said... oh my god!
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00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,119
Look, don't start jumping
to any stupid conclusions!
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00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,949
Mr Brittas! Come and see what
I've found on the beach!
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00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:43,079
GF... Gavin Featherley.
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00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,395
Much as I hate to say this,
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00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:47,317
I'm afraid it looks like
Gavin may have drowned.
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00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,557
- It all makes sense now.
- What do you mean?
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00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,477
Well he was
depressed, Mr Brittas.
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00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,273
People do stupid things
when they're depressed.
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00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,391
Are you saying Gavin
deliberately drowned himself?
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00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,590
It was that letter from
the record company...
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00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,870
... that was the final straw.
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00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,275
Oh god, he's killed himself...
he's killed himself.
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00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,755
Tim, we have no evidence
to support that.
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00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,950
I'm telling you he's killed
himself and it's all your fault!
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00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,798
You made him write to
that record company,
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00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:12,512
if it hadn't been for
you he'd still be alive!
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00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,676
It's all your fault!
It's all your fault!
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00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:20,398
I've just broken the news to
Gavin's parents over the phone
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00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,193
and needless to say, they
were very distressed.
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00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,470
Especially when you
reversed the charges!
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00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,556
This Centre can not afford long
distance phone calls Julie,
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00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:34,240
especially to Fiji!
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00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,954
They have asked to me to make
the funeral arrangements,
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00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:40,629
it will be Thursday afternoon
2.30 at Whitbury New church.
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00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,512
Did you say funeral, Mr Brittas?
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00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:46,076
As far as Gavin's parents are
concerned, this is a funeral.
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00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,317
You see, it's an essential
part of the grieving process,
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00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,716
to dispose of the body of a
loved one in a ritual manner.
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00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,276
We don't have a
body, Mr Brittas.
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00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:59,598
You know that Carole, I know
that, but Gavin's parents don't.
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00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,792
You mean you've lied to
Gavin's parents, Mr Brittas?
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00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,354
I have learned by
experience Colin,
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00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,597
that sometimes and I
stress only sometimes,
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00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,314
we need
to tell a small untruth
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00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,954
in the service of a higher goal.
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00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:19,119
In this case, to help Gavin's
parents' grieving process.
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00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,071
Does the vicar know
we haven't got a body?
183
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:24,033
Actually Linda, we'll be
taking the service ourselves.
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00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,310
- Us, Mr Brittas?
- That's right, Colin.
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00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,271
It's what Gavin
would have wanted.
186
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:32,598
His friends and colleagues
holding a special service
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00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,837
for him and I'd like us
all to take a little part.
188
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,315
Linda, I'd like you to
lead the service, please.
189
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,317
Me?
190
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,192
Yes, it'll be good for when
you go to theological college.
191
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,993
Gosh, a funeral, me!
192
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,917
I've only ever done my
nephew's Christening.
193
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:50,237
Still, I suppose a funeral
will be more or less the same.
194
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,793
I'd imagine you might have to
change the words a bit, Linda.
195
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,076
Carole, I'd like you to play
something for us.
196
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,270
- Play?
- A hymn or something.
197
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:03,188
Oh, I'm afraid I haven't played
for a long... I'd be delighted!
198
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,034
Well done, Carole!
199
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,151
Colin, I'd like you to make
a contribution, please.
200
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,077
I don't think it would
be right, Mr Brittas.
201
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,474
What do you mean?
202
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,034
Gavin and I never
exactly saw eye to eye.
203
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,720
For me to partake in this
ceremony would be, well,
204
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,512
hypocritical to say the least.
205
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,074
Colin Wetherby, I'm
surprised at you.
206
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,510
I'm sorry Mr Brittas,
it's just the way I feel.
207
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,474
Oh, Carole...
208
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:29,919
Mrs Brittas?
209
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,951
I can't believe it.
210
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,354
I know.
211
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,677
Here one minute, gone the next.
212
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,074
Yes.
213
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:42,113
- He was so kind...
- Please don't...
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00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,549
... considerate.
215
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,557
I mean, he had his off
days like anyone else,
216
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:50,639
but his heart was
in the right place.
217
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,479
I'm gonna miss him, Mrs Brittas.
218
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,511
Me too.
219
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:04,912
He could always tell when
I was feeling a bit low.
220
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:09,511
He'd come over and rub
himself up against me.
221
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:13,354
Really?
222
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,677
Place his wet nose in my lap.
223
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,394
Wet nose?
224
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:22,798
His big floppy ears
dangling all over the place.
225
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,433
Floppy ears, Gavin?
226
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,113
Gavin? I'm talking
about Winston.
227
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:29,593
Who's Winston?
228
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,711
My pet cocker spaniel.
229
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,873
I found him in his
basket this morning,
230
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:39,356
he'd just passed
away in his sleep.
231
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,829
Oak, mahogany or plastic?
232
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,118
Pardon?
233
00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,719
For the coffin. I've got the
funeral parlour on the line.
234
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,273
They want to know
which sort you want.
235
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,516
Julie, who's paying
for this funeral?
236
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,073
Gavin's parents.
237
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,395
And what did I tell you
about Gavin's parents?
238
00:12:56,520 --> 00:13:00,069
I can't remember, he's an
army colonel or something.
239
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,395
A retired army colonel.
240
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,272
Therefore, they'll be
living off his pension.
241
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:08,029
Therefore, he won't thank
us for spending a fortune.
242
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,310
Let's keep costs down, shall we?
243
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,396
ORGAN MUSIC
244
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,988
What on earth is that?
245
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:24,394
Carole! Turn it down, Carole!
246
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:25,948
Carole!
247
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:29,634
Mr Brittas?
248
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,432
What is that racket, Carole?
249
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:35,872
That racket Mr Brittas
is my laudate Gavinum.
250
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,149
What?
251
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,790
It is my requiem mass
that I've composed
252
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,478
especially for Gavin's funeral.
253
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,238
I thought we agreed
Carole, if I let you
254
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,477
bring this equipment in,
it was to be used sensibly.
255
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:47,828
Yes, Mr Brittas.
256
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,188
Keep it down!
257
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,319
LOUD NOTE
258
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,837
I'm sorry, Mr Brittas.
259
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,711
I got up this morning
and the bed was empty.
260
00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,719
Yes.
261
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,358
I went into the bathroom
262
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,914
and there's his
toothbrush in the cup.
263
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,994
That silly Daffy Duck thing he
used to take into the bath
264
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,712
just lying there on the floor.
265
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:15,113
I really, really miss him.
266
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,511
He would have died anyway.
267
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:22,874
What?
268
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,151
He was seventeen and he'd been
arthritic for a long time.
269
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,554
What are you talking about?
270
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:34,719
What? Oh ... I know, it must
have been awful for you.
271
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:38,515
But you must allow your
feelings, let yourself grieve.
272
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,631
The awful thing is,
it's all my fault!
273
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,478
No, no, it's all my fault!
274
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,875
I should never have
given him those prawns!
275
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:50,477
They were four days
past their sell by date.
276
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:52,834
No, you don't understand.
277
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,838
I was the one who wrote the
letter from the record company.
278
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,713
It was just a practical
joke to teach Gavin a lesson
279
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,751
and stop him being such
a slave to Brittas.
280
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,758
And then he goes and kills
himself all because of me.
281
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:08,634
There, there...
blaming yourself...
282
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,320
... it's just a way
of avoiding pain.
283
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,079
But it's Mr Brittas I'm
putting all the blame on!
284
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,873
Come to think of it,
it was Gordon's fault.
285
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,310
He found those prawns in
the 'Reduced to Clear' bin.
286
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,272
Size? Oh, how the
heck should I know?
287
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,914
Erm, just make it the
cheapest you've got.
288
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,598
Right... bye!
289
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,512
Poor Gavin, 36
years on this planet
290
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,551
and you end up in a Formica box.
291
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:44,350
Still, I don't expect you
care now... wherever you are.
292
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,630
-Oh, merci.
-Cava?
293
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,069
Cava, vous avez sauvet mal vie!
294
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,191
Quell bateau avez-vous eu?
295
00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:00,835
C' est un lilo de
pommes de terres.
296
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,112
Un lilo de pommes de terres?
297
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:05,999
Vous etes pecheurs?
298
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:10,432
Des pecheurs!....eh Michael, il
pense que le pecheurs!
299
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,870
Non mon petit anglais.....
nous sommes des pirates!
300
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:20,230
Pirates... Oh God!
301
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:22,958
HELEN: Gordon,
can I have a word?
302
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,231
Can't stop now, gotta interview
someone for Gavin's job.
303
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,590
Could you just have a quick
look at these brochures?
304
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,795
What's this? 'Pet Cemeteries'?
305
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,514
There's one just
outside Whitbury,
306
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,791
it's got it's own little church,
you get a proper service
307
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,672
and for an extra hundred pounds
308
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:43,759
Winston could have his own lamp
post in the memorial garden.
309
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,713
My darling, I've got rather more
important things to think about
310
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:47,955
than a pet that's just died.
311
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,389
How can you say that?
312
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:54,149
Winston was a friend,
a member of the family.
313
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,477
Winston was a lovely and
affectionate animal, Helen.
314
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,239
At least he was to
you and the children.
315
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,874
But at the end of the
day, he was only a dog,
316
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,434
if you'll excuse
me, I must get on.
317
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,358
Vous allez en Angleterre?
318
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,550
Non, nous n'allons
pas en Angleterre.
319
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,079
France?
320
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,394
Nie en France.
321
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:20,275
A la Republique
l'Ettienne en Afrique.
322
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,879
Et moi?
323
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,150
Tu j'ai avec non?
324
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:25,713
Non, ce n'est pas possible.
325
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:32,109
Ce pas possible. Chez les
arrive les un homme anglais
326
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,391
vaut beaucoup d' argent
327
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,078
- Mr Brittas!
- Not now, Colin.
328
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,191
I've gotta collect Gavin's
parents from the station,
329
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:40,389
I'm running
late as it is.
330
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,114
Mr Brittas, I just wanted to say
that I've had a bit of a think
331
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,390
and I would like to do
something for Gavin's funeral.
332
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:49,593
Oh, I'm glad you've seen
sense at last, Mr Wetherby.
333
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,597
If it's ok with you, I'd
like to dig the grave.
334
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,073
Dig the grave?
335
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,556
By burying Gavin, it's a bit
like burying the hatchet,
336
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,671
letting bygones be bygones.
337
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,028
Well, I suppose
that's something...
338
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,793
What the flaming
heck's going on?
339
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,151
Helen! What are you doing?
340
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,714
I'm digging a hole, what
does it look like I'm doing?
341
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,910
You can't just dig
up council property!
342
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,712
Well, it was either that
or your vegetable patch
343
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,512
and I didn't think you'd
be very happy about that.
344
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,437
What are you digging
a hole for anyway?
345
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,193
I'm burying Winston.
346
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,229
Will you please take that
animal down to the vet
347
00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:30,237
and let him dispose of it.
348
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,918
- But I...
- Now!
349
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,598
He's a lovely little
fellow, isn't he?
350
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,280
Take him to the vet, honestly!
351
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,119
Why don't I just shove him in
a skip and be done with it?
352
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,992
Why don't you leave it
with me, Mrs Brittas?
353
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,314
What?
354
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,431
I'll make sure Winston
has a lovely send off.
355
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,198
Really?
356
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,151
Er... no, thank you.
357
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,673
Colonel and Mrs Featherly,
please, do come in.
358
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,279
- Take a seat.
- Thank you.
359
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,714
- Julie, coffee, please!
- JULIE: I'm busy.
360
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,796
It's for Gavin's parents.
361
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,911
JULIE: Well, why
didn't you say so?
362
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,713
I'm sorry, I forgot to
ask, how was the flight?
363
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:14,549
Wearying to say the least,
twenty two hours is a long time.
364
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,035
Yes...
365
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,720
Still, there's the
in-flight entertainment!
366
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:21,068
Did they show a movie?
367
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,397
I expect so, my mind
wasn't really on it.
368
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,877
'It's A Wonderful Life'...
it was Gavin's favourite.
369
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,354
Now, now, Enid.
370
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,914
I still can't believe
this has happened...
371
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,998
... and neither can his
brother and sisters.
372
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,839
Brother and sisters?
Gavin never told me.
373
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,992
One brother and two sisters,
scattered all over the world.
374
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:48,874
There's Sally in Tokyo, Alice
in Brussels and Peter in Zambia
375
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,513
and they'll all
be at the funeral.
376
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:55,309
It will be lovely to see Peter,
we haven't seen him in years.
377
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,715
Funny how it takes a tragedy
to bring the family together.
378
00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:59,751
Alright, Enid!
379
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,233
Thank you, Julie.
380
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:02,873
I can't believe how
you snubbed Peter,
381
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,752
just because he
wouldn't go in the army.
382
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,916
The Featherly tradition
has always been...
383
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,076
- Damn your tradition!
- Coffee?
384
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,839
Because of your tradition we
haven't seen him in 15 years!
385
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:15,077
- Black or white?
- Enid, you're being hysterical.
386
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,394
And if Gavin hadn't died,
387
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,397
we probably never would
have seen him again!
388
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,795
- Biccie?
- No, thanks.
389
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,480
Very wise, too much
sugar can kill you!
390
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,198
I took the liberty of
clearing out Gavin's locker,
391
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,515
I thought you might like
some of his things.
392
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,835
That's very kind.
393
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,757
There's his
uniform... his mug...
394
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,759
... and staff duty rosters
going all the way back to 1991 .
395
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,392
Sorry, did I say
something wrong?
396
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,034
Seeing his belongings,
it brings it all back.
397
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,593
KNOCK AT DOOR
Come in!
398
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:54,070
Mr Brittas, I heard Gavin's
parents were here, so I...
399
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,199
... are you OK?
400
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,870
What does it look like, Tim?
401
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:06,233
- Hello, Mrs Featherly.
- Oh... hello.
402
00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:09,669
I'm really, really sorry.
403
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,756
Oh, thank you.
404
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,359
I miss him too.
405
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,199
In fact, there's not a second
goes by I don't think about him.
406
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,073
You and he must have
been great friends.
407
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:24,432
I'm Tim... you must have read
about me in Gavin's letters?
408
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:33,680
Tim? I remember there was a
Colin and a Carole and a Linda.
409
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,836
And a Julie!
410
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,273
We are gathered here today...
411
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,873
- I hate him!
- Who?
412
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,194
Gavin, I hope he rots in hell!
413
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,673
That's a terrible thing to say!
414
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,995
It's meant to be. I've just
been with Gavin's parents
415
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,439
and do you know, they've
never even heard of me.
416
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:49,788
Ten years we've been together
417
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,672
and not once has he
mentioned me in his letters.
418
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,314
He said he'd told them all about
us. Liar, I could kill him!
419
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:59,309
Gavin's gone now and nothing's
going to bring him back.
420
00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:06,759
TELEPHONE RINGS
421
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:13,793
- Hello.
- GAVIN: Tim!
422
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,639
- Gavin?
- Tim, you've gotta help me.
423
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,352
Gavin, is that you?
424
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,232
Look, I haven't
got a lot of time.
425
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:21,588
I'm coming, where are you?
426
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:22,994
On a pirate ship.
427
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:25,588
- On a what?
- I can't explain...
428
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,155
Gavin? Gavin, hello?
429
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,517
My word, Gavin never told us
that this Centre was so big!
430
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,950
Oh, it's big and he did very
well to work his way up
431
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,038
to senior deputy manager, you
should be very proud of him.
432
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,276
Mr Brittas! Mr Brittas! Can I
have a word please, Mr Brittas?
433
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,154
Excuse me.
434
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,238
Tim, I'm taking Colonel and Mrs
Featherly round the Centre.
435
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:48,839
I must speak to you
now, it's very urgent.
436
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,599
- What is it?
- In private, please.
437
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,631
Please, do excuse me.
438
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,278
Now, I don't know how to break
this to Gavin's parents,
439
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,756
but I think we should do
it very, very gently.
440
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,348
- Break what to them?
- Gavin's still alive!
441
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,233
- What?
- He called! I spoke to him!
442
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,392
- Everything alright?
- Fine, thanks!
443
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,636
- Where is he?
- On a pirate ship.
444
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:14,875
On a pirate...
445
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,917
Of course he is, Tim. Was
he flying the Jolly Roger?
446
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,838
Did captain not make
him walk the plank?
447
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:22,472
Oh, you don't
believe me, do you?
448
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,716
Tim, look, you've been
through an awful lot,
449
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,990
I think you should go down to
the restroom, put the kettle on,
450
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:28,917
have a nice cup of tea
and have a nice lie down.
451
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,554
But I'm telling you the truth!
452
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,796
Go!
453
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,797
LOUD FOOTSTEPS
454
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,592
- You okay, buddy?
- Who are you?
455
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,314
Interpol. We've been
after this lot for years.
456
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:49,235
Right, Gavin's parents
are waiting, let's go.
457
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:52,033
TIM: Mr Brittas, I implore
you to call this thing off!
458
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:53,991
Not now Tim, go and get changed!
459
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,315
Mr Brittas, Gavin is still
alive, he is on a pirate ship,
460
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,476
why won't anyone believe me?
461
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:00,752
- I believe you, Tim.
- Oh, do you?
462
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,838
Only, last I heard, he'd
been captured by Vikings!
463
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,595
For god's sake! I'm warning
you, if you don't go out there
464
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:10,312
and tell Gavin's parents,
I'll do it myself!
465
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:11,668
Linda!
466
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:22,873
Are all these people for Gavin?
467
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:26,197
Don't sound so surprised,
Gavin had a lot of friends.
468
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:32,670
Oh, there's Sally and
Alice... and Peter!
469
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,509
- Peter! Oh my god!
- Hello, mum.
470
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,074
- It's so lovely to see you.
- PETER: You, too.
471
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,038
Hello, dad.
472
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:53,270
Hello, Peter... good
to see you my boy.
473
00:24:55,440 --> 00:25:00,309
Sorry to interrupt, but if you'd
like to make your way through.
474
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,435
We'd like to go in
with Gavin if we may?
475
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:11,155
Yes, of course. Can you
get it out now, please?
476
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,073
BRITTAS: Julie, what's going on?
477
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,634
Oh heck! Well, you
said get the cheapest!
478
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,194
Is this some kind of
a joke, Mr Brittas?
479
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,754
- Actually, I can explain.
- You'd better!
480
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,758
- He shrunk in the water.
- What?
481
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,031
Julie! The truth is,
Colonel Featherly...
482
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,958
- We only found part of him.
- Part of him?
483
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,674
He'd been tossed onto
the rocks, you see.
484
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,472
Oh my god!
485
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,636
I hadn't the heart to tell you.
486
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,593
It's alright, I understand.
487
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,153
Home sweet home, eh?
488
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,796
- Yes, thanks for the lift.
- How do you feel?
489
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,638
Just glad to be back really,
that's all, glad to be back.
490
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,398
Funny when I phoned earlier,
there was no reply.
491
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:07,794
Probably all gone to a party.
492
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:10,795
Yes.
493
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:29,959
That's my gift to you Gavin,
rest in peace, my friend.
494
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:37,948
Anyone there?
495
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,870
Help! Help!
496
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:51,479
And now to end our service,
497
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,398
Carole Parkinson will
play her own composition
498
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,033
in tribute to Gavin's memory,
499
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:59,994
entitled, 'Laudate Gavinum'.
500
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,238
LOUD ORGAN MUSIC
501
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,836
LOUD EXPLOSIONS
502
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,152
Lord, bless the soul
of Gavin Featherly,
503
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:27,152
as we return his
body to the earth,
504
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:31,114
dust to dust, ashes to ashes ...
505
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,754
- Gordon?
- Not now, my darling.
506
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,758
HELEN MUMBLES
507
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:38,871
- What?
- The coffin!
508
00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,712
- Oh my god! It's...
- A dog!
509
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:01,796
What the devil's
going on, Brittas?
510
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,957
I wish I knew, Colonel
Featherly. Colin...
511
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,196
I'm sorry Mr Brittas, I just
thought as it was free,
512
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:09,151
it seemed a shame to waste it.
513
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:10,474
What do you mean, 'free'?
514
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,556
Look, I can explain!
515
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:14,352
- You see...
- GAVIN: Hello, Mr Brittas.
516
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:17,397
ALL: Gavin?
517
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,670
Peter, dad, mum, Sally, Alice...
what are you all doing here?
518
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,516
They've all come here
for a funeral, Gavin.
519
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,359
Oh, I'm sorry, anyone I know?
520
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:29,874
TITLE MUSIC
40026
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